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Source: Sharon A – BOX OF CHOCOLATES – 2026-07-02.m4a File: sharon-a-box-of-chocolates-2026-07-02.mp3 Duration: 00:44:19
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Thank You Ramona and before I jump in what time would you like me to stop talking? Probably about nine o'clock tomorrow morning. About five till the hour. That's good. Okay all right I'm gonna make note of that because we're on different hours. I am glad to be here. Thank You Ramona. My name is Sharon and I'm an alcoholic and I get kind of excited because most of you I think are like Central Time there's some East Coast I can tell that there's some pretty far away but is it wrong that I just you guys have an accent and I love listening to it so I was really fun listening to the the meeting before the meeting and it's like I'm looking at where you're from and I get a little excited about that so I am an alcoholic and I have a sobriety date it is February 29th of 1992 so every four years I get a big whopping leap year happy birthday there's a lot of arguments over how much time I have it's all a day at a time but if there's any 229ers out there work we're special in case you know we're kind of special we know who we are so I also have a home group and boy gosh I got so much to say I've got a home group I'm in Depot Bay Oregon and I'll bet you not many people know where that is I'm looking at the screen I got I got sober in Seattle which has you know back in 92 there were like 300 meetings a week and and then I spent almost 30 years in the Bay Area where there I mean if you if you get a resentment you can get like hundreds of resentments on a Monday night and just keep switching Monday night meetings and stuff and I landed four years ago in Depot Bay Oregon population 1571 and that's it and they're shockingly there's one AA group and they are my home group and it's the Depot Bay sicker than most group and when I moved here from the Bay Area my sponsor she's really wise so I've got a sponsor and and I really trust her and before I came to this small town she really let me know that that AA and Depot Bay did not need me to fix it and I don't know why she felt like she had to say that to me but she was right they and I've been here four years they do not need me they haven't even asked me to fix things and maybe tidy up this tradition and and this and that you know they're just fine and I love my home group you know on any given we meet Tuesday Thursday Saturdays and we're small town we are so small town I think I know every AA member in the county and so when we get somebody new we get super excited and the other night we had two new people at the meeting and you know my group my home group may be sicker than most and that's our name but boy when we've got newcomers we spring into action we got the schedules out we got the phone list out we instantly are talking about step one you know we kind of get the wolf pack going here and there and and I just I kind of like to see that we are we are a real AA group and I am alcoholic huh I'm gonna talk about that just a little bit here I grew up shockingly about two hours from where I live now in a little logging town that I was never gonna return to I grew up in a good a good home my mom and dad they didn't drink ever I never saw alcohol I didn't know anything about drinking at least not from my mom and dad and you can probably tell that the thing about me I'm shy I am so shy I am I'm like more than shy I am just there's something wrong with me and there always has been my whole life I've been shy and every year that passed I got you know more and more awkward and weird you know and I like to think of it as an affliction because that sounds like you know I haven't I have a shyness affliction and when I got to high school I had one friend and that was it and I'm a good girl I'm a teacher's daughter I do my homework I'm a straight-a student but I can't talk to you you know I don't I don't want to make eye contact with anybody you know I don't know exactly what's wrong with me but when I was 15 I got invited to go to a drinking party and I didn't know what a drinking party was but but they really wanted me to come or at least I felt like they really I don't know if that's true but I didn't
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want to go I was so scared I was gonna be with girls that I'd known since first
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grade and I was afraid to go to a party with them and they convinced me you know and reluctantly I went to this drinking party and there were there were 10 were all 15 year old girls and I can remember it you know just like it was yesterday they had the bar set up and they had three bottles of champagne out and plastic they were beautiful plastic champagne goblets I don't know what they were and I'm terrified I'm at this champagne party and somebody brought me a glass of champagne and this is what I knew about drinking nothing I thought it was a beverage and when they said would you like a glass of champagne it was like would you like a diet Pepsi and it was like yes I would and I got my first glass of champagne and all the other girls had it and I I took my first sip and I didn't even no facial expression I thought mine was mine had gone bad I thought it was rancid like maybe they'd left it out too long but the other girls were drinking and I thought well I'm just gonna drink it was horrible and I drank my first glass of champagne and I don't remember any big fireworks going off or anything like that but they came around with a second glass of champagne and I drank that glass maybe a little faster I'm a fast drinker you know and I like to think I started to stand a little taller you know maybe I was taking a breath I could breathe looking around the room you know did I say hello I don't know but they brought me a third glass of champagne and everything changed everything changed I went from being shy and awkward and weird and it turns out I am cute and I'm funny and I have never been cute and funny in my whole life and these girls they're my best friends and they know it too we all know we you know I'm laughing I'm I am making small talk with the people of the world and it's effortless you know and I'm 15 and it's innocent you know we don't even have driver's license we're not nobody's getting DUIs or anything like that you know we were just kind of flying around the basement like little airplanes that is cute you know and I don't know if there's a line we talk about it all the time like this line that gets crossed I don't know if I had a line I really do not know because that night the first night that I ever had you know enough alcohol to feel it I knew so much more about drinking than the other nine girls and I had I knew nothing when I walked into that room but I knew that ten teenage girls and three bottles of champagne I knew that was really poor planning you know like that that is not enough and so the very first time I drink there's not enough you know it's like somebody should have planned better and then the other thing that I knew and I thought all ten of us were gonna do this I'm watching the bottle how did I know to watch the bottle I watched that last bottle of champagne and I saw when it got down to that last like inch and a half and I really did I thought all ten of us I was ready I was in fighting stance we're all gonna make a run for the last I walked right up to it they weren't watching the bottle and I was and I poured myself that last glass of champagne you know and just like in Bill's story I had arrived you know I had a ride I'm cute I'm funny I can breathe I can stand tall you know and and I'm I think I'm alcoholic already I know that I do not have a stopper mechanism when I start drinking I I don't I and I'm I am I am a I don't know if there's any other fast drinkers out there but I don't have a stopper and I drink really really fast and I am NOT cute and funny and I know it because and I'm not in about a month and I'm still 15 I'm going to parties where they're stuck they're telling me to stay put like I'm the girl that's out of her mind drunk and they want me to stay put like I'm gonna hurt myself and can you just stay put in the in the back corner you know I am insanely drunk I am absolutely insanely drunk and I'm angry now that you guys don't know me very well but it turns out I shout obscenities when I get drunk I am just mad and I jump out of cars I whether they're moving or stopped I jump out of cars I'm out of control you know I am the crazy girl where it's I grew up you know outside of Portland Oregon and it's raining and it's like 2 a.m. and I'm that crazy girl in the intersection that they're all trying to get back into the car you know and I'm out in the intersection and I'm yelling obscenities I don't even know why I'm mad I'm just insanely drunk I'm having the time of my life you know but they're chasing me trying to get me back in the car you know and and that's how I drank and I I did this all through high school I couldn't wait to drink again you know we drank on the weekends our parties were
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in the forest we're in a lockdown AC DC you know I just you know and the parties too they changed from champagne to where people are I'm in the middle of a circle and they're we're doing like shots of Bacardi 151 and they're chanting for me you know and people are chanting for me and it's just like this is great and what happened with my drinking is I went you know I couldn't wait to go to the party this is the whole progression of my drinking I could not wait to go to the party and I I went to college and something had switched already in college and I wanted to go to the party and I went to a great drinking school this is in the 80s and we could drink and I picked my school because they drank I really did they had it was just awesome in the dorms they had beer bottles and you could see candles in the bottles and wax dripping down it's like this is my school but when I got there you know they had a huge big welcoming kegger for the freshmen I couldn't go I could not go because I needed a drink if I could just get a drink maybe I could get to the drinking party you know and I don't know what happened but I need a drink now just to go drinking and like I said they drank where I went I got plenty of drinks in I didn't know that you could drink on Mondays when I got to college I didn't know you know the greatest thing to happen to me was coming back from class on a Monday and somebody saying would you like a beer and it's like 12 noon and I'm like well yes I would like a beer you know I'd never done that before we drink we drank in college and you know I I got in with a group that I think drank more than me at that time at least I thought they were drinking more than I did and you know the two things that I did really well in college and and one was chemistry and I majored in chemistry and I just share that because I hate chemistry I don't like it I'm not interested in it it was all I took I took chemistry and I wish somebody had said you know like Sharon if you major in chemistry you know I graduated with honors in chemistry you'll probably go on to be a chemist I wish they had told me that because I really it was just all I took and I did well but the other thing I did really well was a drink and I did and by the time I'm graduating you know from college they they weren't thanking me I you know for my you know I did I honors in chemistry nobody was saying thank you for being with us for four years they were they were kind of I know they were glad to see me go because I they don't like when fire trucks come on campus it turns out they don't like when the paramedics I don't know why they don't like paramedics and ambulances on campus they don't like fires being set in the dorms that's a real bad when they frown upon that they didn't like that I moved into the basement of the chemistry building my senior year to live that one really upset some people I had a cat and I thought it was a great you know situation there was a couch and a fridge and you know the cat could come in and out and bring in little tiny shrew from the field and it was called the data analysis room and and I could drink I could I could drink like I needed to drink and and I woke up in a blackout one night with security shining flashlights on me saying that I was gonna have to leave and you know so I graduated and I am quite a drinker and I went to work in the sciences and all my drinking friends went off their different ways and I'm telling you I can't talk I am I am more shy and I am just I am that you know I don't know I don't know where people learned how to be with other people but I got a job working in a lab you know and I drink every day I am a daily drinker and I'm not a daily drunk I'm often drunk but I drink every day and that's really confusing for someone like me you know because you know I I came from home from work every day I was living with a really nice family and I always bought six 16-ounce Schlitz because I'm a Schlitz girl on the way home from work I walked home and and I would drink them in the evening and sometimes I would just drink two and I thought that I didn't even think about it everybody drinks two 16-ounce Schlitz after work you know and I might fall asleep in front of the television everything's great and then there were times when I would come home and I think tonight I'm just having two I'm gonna fall asleep in front of the television and I drink all six and I never meant for that to happen and somehow I'm drinking down at Captain Billy Bangs and you can tell that nothing good ever happens at Captain Billy Bangs and I'm I'm driving down the street backwards and I'm clipping off mirrors from the cars and you know one time after Captain Billy Bangs you know and
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in the summer, which is a curse for somebody who drinks like me. It's still daylight, and I drank so much, and I know I'm about to black out. I'm just trying to get home in my car, and I'm driving down the street backwards and forwards, and I turned a little too soon, and there was a house, and they were having a big summer barbecue extravaganza. They had a huge wraparound porch, and in my memory, there were like 50 people in that yard, and I turned a little too soon, and I drove right through that front yard, and I hit the fire hydrant, and I remember looking, and there was this one guy in the yard, and he was like, whoa, and I saw him.
He was surprised, and I was like, whoa, whoa, we're all surprised, and I put the car in reverse, and I drove back through the front yard, and I just drove down the street backwards trying to get home, and I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I was going to have two that night, and the thing for me is once I pick up a drink, I can't tell you what's going to happen. All bets are off. All bets are off.
Once I pick up a drink, anything goes. I can think I might have a plan, but really, the drink takes over, and pretty soon, I'm driving through your front yard, and hitting fire hydrants, and there's something wrong with me, and I am not just shy. I am blessed with what I like to call a lot of others. They're my other afflictions, and they're bad for me. I don't even know I'm an alcoholic. At the end of my drinking, I'm a daily drinker a lot.
I'm not a daily drunk. I'm drunk, I don't know, four nights a week. I can't tell you how many. I had stopped eating because I was on the bourbon plan. I'd quit the Schlitz, and I'm drinking bourbon, everyday bourbon. I faint all the time because I'm on the bourbon plan, which makes people really uncomfortable at work, because we'll be talking, and then all of a sudden, boom, I'm down, and it's just I drank through, I destroyed my left kidney at the end of my drink.
I am messed up, but I'm not alcoholic, but I'll tell you, I am a this, I'm a that. I might be one of these, and I know there's something wrong with me, and there's a lot of 12-step programs out there, and I found one that I was pretty sure was a match, and what I want to tell you about it is there were a couple of guys in there that were from AA, and I loved them, and here's the truth. This is the truth.
Their names were Phil and Bob, not Bill and Bob, but they were Phil and Bob. I didn't even know who Bill and Bob were, but I loved Phil and Bob, and there was something about when they would share, I don't know what it was, but I really think I was identifying with the only two alcoholics in that room, and I loved, I would go to that meeting, and I would look in the window just to see if Phil and Bob were there, because I thought if Phil and Bob weren't, I was just going to go home.
I was going to hear Phil and Bob talk, and then I got to thinking, maybe they go to AA because they mentioned AA a lot, and so I got out the phone book, and I think I must have called the hotline or something, and they told me that I was in luck and that there was an AA meeting that night. It was a Tuesday at 8 p.m., and I went. I didn't know what the rules were. I didn't care. There was something.
I was messed up. I was suicidal. I was really, there's something wrong with me, and as shy and scared as I am, I went to that AA meeting Tuesday. It started at 8. I like to think I sat in my car until like 7.59 and a half because I don't know how to talk, and I don't want, I can't make eye contact, and the group that I picked to sneak into was called the Solution Group, and it was a big book study, and there were like 110 hardcore, and they were big book something, you know, home group members, and I went down the stairs at like 7.59 and a half, and all I wanted to do was just get to my seat.
That was my whole goal. Can I just get to my seat? And somehow, before I could get to my seat, this woman slipped me a note. Like, how did she know I was coming? She had this note, and it said, I sat down, and it said, would you like a sponsor or a friend? And I don't even know. Maybe she had like 10 of these in her pocket, and she was just waiting for somebody new to come in, but, you know, I just held on to that note, and I sat there during that meeting in Seattle.
You know, they're hardcore where I got sober, and all the meetings are 90 minutes, and we wear it like a badge of honor. We care. You know, 90-minute meetings, and, you know, and I'm just, there's something wrong with me. I am just so messed up, and they would read a paragraph from the first 164 pages, maybe
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a second paragraph, and they would share for 90 minutes on this paragraph, and, you know, this is who I am. I want to die. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm messed up. I'm just so messed up, but I'm thinking, too, they ought to call on me because I could just explain the paragraph, and then maybe we could move on, you know, to the next paragraph. I thought it was a little extreme, but nobody called on me, thank goodness, but after that first meeting, and this is what happened, you know, they circled up into this gigantic circle, and we jiggled and danced and did some things, and when they let go, the room, it exploded in like, you know, like laughter, and people were talking in groups, and, you know, this is in the 90s.
They were washing cups in the back in the kitchen, and brooms were coming out, and they were counting money, and I liked it. You know, in my head, I just stood there holding that piece of paper, watching people, and I think that they were happy. You know, I think they were happy, and that's what I'm staring like, what is this thing, and here comes this woman who slipped me the note, and she said, what do you think, and I said, yes, and I am terrified.
I don't know this woman, and she said, great, and then she said, come to my house on Saturday, and for some reason, I said, okay, and she gave me her address, and I got in the car, and I think, oh, my God, what have I done? I said, what have I done? I don't even have her number. I just have her address, and I think, I got to go to her house on Saturday. I don't know how I'm going to get out of this, and what I didn't know is that she was six months sober, and I like to think on her way home, she was calling her sponsor saying, what have I done?
She's coming to my house on Saturday. She'd never sponsored anyone before, and here comes Saturday, and I'm knocking on her door, and I could have just not gone. There was something already changing in me. I could have just disappeared and never seen her again, but I went to her house, and I knocked on her door, and she opened it, and I said, look, I said, I am not an alcoholic. I said, I'm a this, I'm a that, I'm a couple of those.
I told her about Phil and Bob and the other program that I'd snuck into AA, and I just vomited, and she said the perfect thing to calm me down. She looked at me, and she said, won't you come in? And I walked into her apartment, and she said, would you like to sit down? And I sat down, and she asked me questions about my drinking, and the only questions I had ever been asked about my drinking were if the paramedics once asked me if I always drink this much.
That's not a good question to have paramedics ask. Do you always drink this much? I was paralyzed that afternoon when they were, and they were handsome. I wanted to get up and, you know, I was like 21, maybe 20, and I wanted to get up and talk to the paramedics, but I was paralyzed. They thought I had alcohol poisoning. So I got that one a lot, and then this was a horrible thing that, I don't know if it was a question or not, but somebody once said to me when we were drinking margaritas at Tequila Willie's, and she said, Sharon, can you just try taking a sip whenever I take a sip?
So I studied her. I was like, okay, when is our next sip going to be? You know, it was the worst drinking ever. It's like, are we taking a sip now? No, we're not taking a sip yet. You know, and so I don't like those kind of questions, but she must have asked me different kind of things because she got really excited about my answers, and I just, when you want to die, I really did. I was so suicidal, and I was just answering honestly, and she got out the big book, and I can tell there's people here who like that book.
She got out the big book, and we read some things probably from more about alcoholism, maybe a little bit of the doctor's opinion, and I knew when I left her house, I knew about the phenomenon of craving. I knew. I think I had it that night at my first champagne party. When I drink alcohol, I need more. I get thirsty. I get a desert thirst, like some people like to say, and when I'm not drinking, I'm thinking about it.
You know, I am doomed to drink again. Somebody like me, I am so messed up without a drink. I know that I'm doomed to drink again, and I left her house, and I went back the next Tuesday to that very same group, and I had a sponsor. We were reading from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I believed I was alcoholic. I got to raise my hand and say, my name's Sharon. I'm an alcoholic. All in that first week, and I just think I got lucky in this deal, and then that group, the solution group, they told me that they were going to be my home group, and I didn't know what a home group was, but I thought they ought to ask me if I would like them
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to be my home group, and instead, they just said, no, we are your home group, and then they told me that I was going to go and wash cups in the kitchen after the meeting, and again, I thought, they don't ask me, and they're not asking me do I want to. They're just kind of, they took over, and it turns out I needed that. I needed them to just take over, and you know, I'm so shy that I can't, you know, I'm kind of, I'm peeking out of the kitchen.
I'm washing cups, you know, which is perfect, you know, and every now and then, I could pop out and say hello to somebody, like, hello, run back in the kitchen, and then I might come out again, and somebody would say, how are you tonight, and I would say, I'm doing good, how about you, run back in the kitchen, you know, and I just, I learned how to make small talk with these people because I could sneak back into the kitchen, and you know, that woman, my first sponsor with six months sobriety, she started taking me through the steps, through the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which was awesome.
I didn't know that's what we were doing, you know, I just, I was in such a fog, but I really believed that she knew what she was doing, and so we just started taking the steps, and what I'd like to tell you is that I stayed sober, and we took the steps, and life was great, and it's not my story. I drank a few more times. It took me three years to get a year, and so if there's anybody out there who's got, who can break that record, just, you know, it took me three years to get that first year, and you know, and I drank a couple of times, and I never thought I was going to make it back.
It was awful. In fact, if we had four hours where I could, it was horrible out there, and when I made it back that last time, my sponsor, she was still there, like, she was waiting for me or something. She had two years sober now instead of six months, and she wasn't as nice. I always noticed that. She wasn't as nice as she was the first time, and, but you know, she just said, you know, are you, how about now?
Are you ready to take all 12 steps? And when I came back that last time, I didn't care what she said. You know, I wasn't, it's just like, lay it on me. She could have said anything. I was going to do it, and I took all 12 steps with that same woman, and I had a spiritual awakening, just like it says. You know, I had a spiritual awakening, and you know, life has been different ever since, and I'd like to tell you, you know, that she stayed sober too, you know, and she didn't, and I share that just because, you know, she was 25 years sober when she drank again, and her husband was 25 years sober, and maybe they were like the pillars of the group, and they both drank again at 25, and it's really important to me because I am not one to say that I got this.
I got this, but I can tell you that I've always done the same things. Like, I've got a home group. I've got a commitment. In fact, tonight, I got my new commitment. We rotated. I'm going there with gusto, you know, and I set up for a hybrid meeting. I'm going to set up the Zoom. I'm a jack of all trades. What do you need? And I'm really excited about it, you know, and if I don't go tonight, they want to know where I am, you know, and my husband, he's a member of that group too, you know, and they're good.
If I'm not there, they're going to ask him, Jim, we're sharing tonight, and then the worst part is this. If I stayed home for some reason, Jim comes back, he goes, well, you missed it, and I'm like, what did I miss? And he goes, oh, it was awesome. You know, it was, and I don't want to miss it. I love AA. I love my home group. You know, I have a sponsor who I'm current with. She knows the big things, and I'm telling you, there are big things that have gone on in my life.
She knows about them, you know, and she helps me to, I called her one time with something really big not long ago. It was big, and I know it was huge, and I'm talking to her, and this is what my sponsor said to me that fixed me instantly. She said, Sharon, that's really silly. I said, are you sure? And she said, yeah, she's laughing. She goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure, and I hung up. Okay, and I never thought about it again.
I need somebody who can do that to me. I just thought, well, she thinks it's silly, and I started laughing at myself. You know, I've still got a sponsor. I sponsor women. You know, there's a new woman coming to the meeting tonight, and she was there on Tuesday, and I, this is what I do. I'm not part of the wolf pack, as I call it, when we get a newcomer, but I do little tricks, and my trick is I remember her name, and I know her name because I made note, and so tonight, this is my whole plan of attack.
I'm just going to say hi, and I'm going to call her by name. I mean, I can't wait to do that. There's so, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I'm going to go, and I'm going to call this newcomer by name and welcome her. I want to do that tonight, you know, and I've got women that I get to sponsor, and, you know, and I do, you know, I've been sober for 34 years, and I've done all sorts of different things in AA, and I can tell there's a lot of folks, just from listening to the And I can tell there's a lot of folks, just from listening to the meeting before the meeting, there are a lot of folks here too that have, I've had commitments that I didn't understand,
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I had commitments where I thought, whoa, look at me. I did. The great thing for me is the minute I start doing, look at me, I say something that it just, and I deflate. So I've got this, the deflate mechanism that's in me. If I get too boosted up, I get, you know, it's just a matter of time and I will say or do something and it's like, oh my gosh. So I'm grateful for that. And, you know, I've had some pretty big things happen. I moved from the Bay Area to Oregon about four and a half years ago. My mom got sick. I went 30 years of sobriety without much happening. Just life, like a box of chocolates. I don't know, maybe it changed, but about four and a half years ago, five years ago, my mom got sick and she had been healthy her entire life.
And I mean more than healthy. She's like 86 and 87, 88, walking four to six miles a day. I can't keep up with her eating, just healthy. And, you know, and my dad, he's not so healthy and, you know, but my mom started to get sick and she died. And I did not see that coming. And it, you know, and I got to be with her that, you know, I was making a lot of trips to Oregon. You know, I finally realized that that was going to be the ending. I don't know how to talk about it. It's four years ago. I still don't know how to talk about it. But, you know, I was there with her the last few weeks and I was just trying to be the good daughter that you guys taught me to be.
And my mom, we had her in the living room and we'd set it up with a hospital bed and she was pretty conscious and stuff. And she was doing something one day with her fingernails. And I, I'm not a girly girl, but I said this to my mom. I said, mom, would you like a manicure? And my mom said, yes. Now I don't know much about a manicure, but I'm old enough to know the Paul Molliff commercials where, where you put your hands in the pledge soap. So I said, hold on mom. And so I went into the kitchen and I got out a little bowl and I put Dawn's soap in it. And I got out some different, you know, equipment that I thought I might need. And I stirred it up and made the water warm. And I came in and I, and I, and I gave my mom the worst manicure of her life. And, but I did it with gusto and enthusiasm. And this is my mom. When it was over, she looked at me and she meant it. She goes, oh, you should have done this for a living. And I'm just like, no, no, I shouldn't.
And I'm not a good nurse. It's hard for anybody that's done this. You know, I, I got my mom ready for bed one night and it was hard. I'm just, it's hard work and I'm not good at it. And I just, I did my best and, and I got her all in bed and finally, you know, the pillows where they're supposed to be. And my mom said, you should have been a nurse. And no, you know, but that's, my mom was my greatest cheerleader, you know, and, and I got to be a really good daughter to her when she passed and the whole family was there and my dad was there. And, you know, I share this because my dad was not healthy. He was supposed to go first. Don't you know the plan? And so now I've got this dad who's 88 and my husband and I are in California. My dad's in Oregon. And I talked to my husband and we talked to my dad. I said, dad, do you think you would like some help from Jim and I? And for the first time, my dad said yes. And what that looked like is I retired from my teaching job at Cal State. My husband retired. We sold our home in California. My dad sold his home in Oregon city and we all moved to Depot Bay, Oregon, which is 10 minutes from my sister. So the whole family could be together. It sounds good, doesn't it? It sounds good.
My dad lived for two years with us. This was his office that I'm in right now. I always think he can hear me. I want to say something about my dad. I didn't know him the way that I, I learned to know him. He, he was in grief. He had a lot of pain. He was struggling and sometimes he was mean. And I didn't know that side of my dad. And I am telling you this because I needed all 12 steps and I am, I needed my prayer and meditation. My sponsor is very big about, you know, about asking only for knowledge of God's will for us. And who is the us in my life? It's my dad and my husband and I, you know it was just, it was, you know, boy, thank goodness for step 10.
And also thank goodness for hearing aids because my dad, when we first got here, didn't have hearing aids and he missed half of what I said. And sometimes I would say the most horrible thing, snappy to my dad, and he didn't hear it. And I, and I'm like, oh, thank you, God. Thank you,
[00:35:00]
God. He didn't hear it. But when he got hearing aids, I had to be careful. And, you know, really, really be careful with my tongue, restraint of tongue. And, you know, and we had some pretty big blow ups and, and, and we had a huge one, maybe a few months before he passed. And I just share that because when it was over, my dad and I sat in this very room, and he made amends and I made amends. And it was one of the most precious things to me in my sobriety was his heartfelt amends and explaining things and, and me gotten to, you know, I got to do it with him. You know, parents are strange. Every time I tried to make amends to my dad in the past, you know, I had about 20 seconds before he'd asked me, how's the weather down there? Because he just he couldn't take the emotional stuff. How's the weather? Is it raining? But we really did. We had a really great talk. And, you know, and again, when my dad passed, I was a good daughter. You know, I was a good daughter and I know it and it's really important to me. And, you know, the night that he passed, he really didn't like that he couldn't take care of himself. And, you know, and my husband and I, we had this whole, you know, I knew something was strange, because he was he was talking a lot to nobody. And he was sitting in the office and I came in, I said, Dad, what's going on?
And he goes, I got to sell this stock right away. And this is the night he died. And I said, well, Dad, I said, it's dark out. And I said, I don't think the stock market's open. And he said, Oh, OK, OK. And we got him ready for bed. And these were his last words. And I know I'm not supposed to use profanity, so I'm not going to. But my last words from my dad, we were getting him in bed and he looked at me and this is my dad's last words. He said, I hate this expletive nighttime routine.
That's what he said. And we I looked at him. My husband was there and we smiled and I and I just said, but Dad, we've gotten pretty good at it, haven't we? And my dad said, yeah. And, you know, and about like 1230 that night, you know, I'm checking on my dad constantly and I came into the bedroom and my dad was in this full blown conversation about the last two years. And I got to listen to it. And this is the truth. He's talking about where we live and the walks he goes on. And he loved our cat, Cricket the cat. And he's laughing and he's he's telling somebody all about this last two years of his life. And I'm sitting there. I don't want to interrupt it, but I'm just whatever it was, it was good. It was good. And my dad died a few hours later and I got to thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I got to be who I would have wanted to be, you know, and it's just and I'm grateful for that. And it's how I got to this little tiny town, you know, where where sometimes I feel like it's Alcoholics Anonymous in the 1950s.
I do like we have and it's been it's hard sometimes because, you know, I come from big city, you know, my home group in San Jose was 400 people on a Saturday night, you know, sometimes more. And to come to, you know, Little Depot Bay, it's been fantastic. If you're getting ready, if you're in a small town or you're thinking about moving, I don't think you have to be afraid. People warned me. It's like, be careful, you know, and and these people are like family to me at my home group.
And I'll just end with this story. When I got here, you know, I got a home group right away. We started going to lots and lots of meetings right away. And I just felt like I needed I needed a newcomer. I really was excited to get get me a newcomer. I wanted somebody that I could sit at the kitchen table and, you know, but there's not a lot of them in Depot Bay. But I was at a meeting one night and this woman, she had like four years sober and I started talking and we clipped and and I asked her where her home group was and she told me and I went. So I went to the meeting Wednesday night and she was there and she goes, can I talk to you after the meeting? And I'm like, yes, you can. And after the meeting, she was talking to me about sponsorship and she was really, you know, she was wondering if what I thought about it. And I'm like, you know, yeah, call me tomorrow. We'll talk, you know, and I gave her my number. And on the way home, I'm thinking, oh, my God, this is going to be great because I live at the ocean. And I thought, we'll use that bench. We'll pray and meditate. Maybe we'll do a fifth step above the cliffs. And, you know, we've got this kitchen table and I'll make the coffee. And she didn't call. She did not call me the next day. And I had to wait a week. And it's Wednesday and I go back and there she is. And she's, hey, Sharon. Okay. She goes, I'd like to talk to you after the meeting some more about sponsorship. And I'm like, yes, okay, it's going to happen. And the meeting ends and we go out there and she goes, yeah, I'm really, you know, I need a sponsor and I'd really like to talk with you more. And I'm like, great, call me tomorrow. And she's like, I will. And I'm on the right way home. And I'm thinking, we got this big room now. We're going to have tradition studies. Maybe we'll
[00:40:03]
study the concepts in there and it's going to grow and we'll have. She didn't call me. She did not call me. And I'm thinking it's me. I'm thinking, okay, I got to tone this down. I'm too enthusiastic. I'm too, I'm turning it off. I got to, I'm going to pull back. You know, I'm just, so I went Wednesday night and she's there at the meeting and she's like, hey, Sharon. And I'm like, hey, hey, how are you doing? You know, and she goes, can I talk to you after the meeting? If you want, sure. You know, I'm toning it because I don't want to come on too strong.
And she goes, I'd really, really like to talk to you more about sponsorship. And I'm like, you got my number? You know, I know she has my number and she goes, yeah. And I said, well, why don't you give me a call? I didn't even say call tomorrow. I was like, give me a call. You know, she called me the next day and that Friday she's sitting at my kitchen table and I got the coffee pot on and we got the big books out, you know, and we're knee to knee and we are in it.
And, um, and everything changed. You know, I, I was a part of life again at last. It's just, you know, it's just, um, I need that. Sometimes I wish I didn't. Sometimes I call my sponsor and I say, I want to get rid of half of them, half of the sponsees. I'm not going to say which half, because it's like, I'm getting rid of half of them. Um, but they saved my life, you know, and they keep it alive for me. And I need that because, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to slip away. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to whittle things down because I don't know what works. I just know that those things that I've always, I know it does work. I know those things that I've said now, you know, get a home group, get a sponsor, get a commitment, you know, take all 12 steps, you know, be involved, you know, carry the message. There's something in there and I'm not going to get rid of any piece and, you know, and have a spiritual awakening.
You know, I always feel bad. I want to talk, you know, for the next hour about God, but get one. It worked for me. You know, those 12 steps led me to something that's led me to you guys and kept me here and kept me going. And it's the greatest thing, you know, that made me the good daughter with your help. And, you know, those 12 steps and finding a God of my own understanding. I feel like I didn't do God justice now, but hopefully you can tell that that's a really big part of this program for me, too. And I feel like God's gently saying, Sharon, you're about done.
So I am going to end. And thanks, Ramona, for being such a good host and having me tonight. And it was really fun hanging out with you guys. Thank you, Sharon. That was great. Thank you so much for joining us tonight where you never know what you're going to get. You will just have to keep coming back. And surely we hope to see you next Thursday where our special guest is Lil' J. And she's been joining us to get to know us. So that's wonderful. If you like this meeting, please do, as Bill Wilson said, pass it on. You can help others right from your phone or computer and tell them about this special meeting. Everyone is welcome to hang out with us afterwards in the meeting, after the meeting on the back porch. And, Sharon, would you mind, if you have any closing remarks, share those with us and or and then take us out with a prayer of your choice, whatever, whatever, you know, it's about to top this. We never know what we're going to get. I've got a wicked sense of humor.
So I was thinking, what could I pick that would people would be? Oh, we didn't mean that. That's my wicked sense of humor. I just enjoy being with you guys. It's really fun to get to know you. And I'm going to go ahead and and we will close with the serenity prayer. If you want to join me, I won't feel so lonely. God, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
The difference. Thanks, Sharon. Thanks for having me, you guys. Thank you, Sharon. That was beautiful, Sharon. Absolutely beautiful.