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Source: Steven S – BOX OF CHOCOLATES – 2026-06-11.m4a File: steven-s-box-of-chocolates-2026-06-11.mp3 Duration: 00:46:59
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Thank you, Ramona. Well, it's an honor. It's it's an honor to be asked to do anything in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, this fellowship, you guys, you know, so I have to take a second and look. I have to look at you guys and I have to see through the eyes of love. That way, I can get to my higher power and let my higher power come through me. I could plan this out. I'm glad Ramona called me short time, so I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. You know, I prayed and like I took a few minutes because God's busy. He took a while to get back to me. So then I said, absolutely.
You know, so this is my home group, Box of Chocolates, my home group, and I love this group. We formed this group so that when the groups were going back in person after the COVID pandemic, that those that were left out there had a place to go because there was a lot of groups that went back and they left their members and we're like, well, we couldn't have that. You know, I'm like thinking all about me. It's like we can, I could, we can make this better for them, right? But it was about me. It really was. I wanted to be a hero. I got a lot of issues, y'all. I mean, drinking wasn't, was a big issue and I tell you all the stuff I did under the influence, which was some pretty bad stuff.
I could easily go back and do that even without alcohol because it's about me. Anyway, so I got a sobriety date, April 13th, 2017. So I just passed 9 years and I look back on those 9 years. I cannot believe it. 9 years. You know, it hadn't been hard, but I tell you what it's been. It's been action. I have to keep in the program. I have to keep doing the action and I have to keep praying and when I pray, ask God, please help me be of service.
Please help me be of service. I can't risk. Please keep me from being of harm. I don't want to harm anyone anymore. Boy, I used to though, I'm telling you. So I had my first drink when I was 6 years old and I tell you, I'm going to tell you a little bit and I'm going to kind of be brief on some of the stuff because, you know, there's a lot more to talk about now than it was when I first come in. But I had my first drink when I was 6 years old. We had got a tent for Christmas, me and my brother. It was like one of those joint Christmas presents and we couldn't wait for spring so we could go camping. We were going to be grown up. We were going to get away from the family. We're going to be roughing it out in the wild. Now, this was in my front yard, but to us at 6 years old, this was roughing it, right?
So we went out there and we put up the tent and we didn't make a fire or nothing, but we, you know, we laid out the sleeping bags and all this stuff in the tent. And I mean, it really looked nice. And it was like 5 p.m. and it got dark around 7. So it was like, what do we do now? I don't know. Let's go. Let's let's go camp. We're camping. So got in the tent and I don't know where they come from, but there was two bottles showed up about a little strawberry heel and a bottle of country quencher. And I tell you what, that was my first drunk, my first drink and my first pass out and my first hangover shortly ensued.
But I'm going with this story. So my brother got bored. He didn't pass out. I did. So my brother went inside and then he went to sleep. I was out in that tent by myself and we're talking. I lived in the country. I don't know if you'll notice I got a southern accent because I'm from the south and it was real southerly then. So, well, evidently there were some people that saw this tent up on this hill and decided they wanted it. So they pulled up in their truck and then we had dogs and the dogs were in the house that night because we were camping out. We were roughing it. And these whoever they were come up to steal the tent. They grabbed the tent and started running down the hill with it.
My grandfather heard the dogs barking and he came out, shot a shotgun in the air. They ran off, left the tent there. The tent collapsed. I was still inside the tent, y'all. I mean, I was six years old. I was big as a feather. They probably thought it was just a nice heavy sleeping bag. But when I woke up the next day, that tent was just had fallen over me and I came out of this pass out and I'm sweating and I'm hurting and I'm miserable.
And I was like, oh, what did I do? And then I thought about for a second. I knew what I did. And I also knew at that moment I was going to do it again. I knew right then. So I had a role model through my youth, my brother, my older brother, who is still in active alcoholism. But this is what I did. I do not want to be an alcoholic because I see what it does to people. And I fought that and I fought that and I tried. I was doing controlled drinking for I don't know how many years. It took me a long time to get in the rooms. I didn't get here till I was 50 years old. So there was a lot of controlled drinking out there. Some I'm miserable and I'm going to share it with you. There was a lot of that.
[00:05:16]
I will share a story. It wasn't all bad. My drinking. So I had the privilege of going up to New York for the General Service Conference as a plus one and was hanging out with the plus ones. We did a lot of stuff with these these people. They were like us. So anyway, they talked about something and it came to me. I remembered me and Annette going to a Mardi Gras ball. Right. And. Yeah, first time I've included a similar story because it just came back to me, but it's something to show that it wasn't all bad. So we went to this Mardi Gras ball and it was all decked out and I was wearing the tuxedo with the with the tails.
Man, we're looking good. We went to the Mardi Gras ball. We got bored. I mean, we drank. We would go in the wrong way so we could get drinks faster. Listen to a little music. And then we decided, well, we got to do something else. We're busy. Right. So we left that and we went down to Dolphin Street and there was a hot dog vendor. And it was like eleven thirty or twelve. I don't know exactly. It was late. And Annette, you know, was like, this guy probably wants to go home. Let's get a hot dog. Well, we ended up buying all the man's hot dog so he could go home. So we're walking around with like four big bundles of hot dogs. Right. And then we walk on down the road and we're drinking and we're we're eating hot dogs. Right.
And we walk past this ear piercing place. And at this particular time, I wanted to get my tongue pierced. So we walked in and there was a lady there and she met us and she smelled the hot dogs and she said, what can I do for you? I said, well, I just wanted to find out about getting my tongue pierced. She says, I'll do it for you for nothing. If you'll share some of those hot dogs with us, we got a lot of share. I mean, you want a dozen. And we had a lot of hot dogs about kids a lot. So anyway, she says, OK, well, I'll pierce your tongue for you. No cost. You share those hot dogs with me.
But I got to tell you, I've run out of the normal size stud. All I've got is the oversized stud. And I said, I don't care. Just put that thing in there. We'll be good to go. And she did. So now. Here's the fallout of that. This wasn't a normal size stud. OK, it was really, really big. In fact, I wanted to show everybody I stick my tongue out, but I had to turn it sideways to get it out and then I couldn't get it back in.
So I'd have to use my hand. Then I ended up this thing was so long I had a bruise in the top of my mouth where it was just just sticking up into my nose almost. And then if I tried to push it down, it started to bruise the bottom of my mouth. I know you're thinking, what's this got to do with alcoholism? Let me tell you, this was the good times. Right. We laughed about that so many times. Right. But it didn't stay like that. Right. It didn't stay like that. And it got really dark for for us.
And that's been married for a good many years at this point. Well, when it got really bad, we had been married for quite a while. And I tell you what, I I wanted to drink, but I didn't want to drink. And I think I kept drinking. I kept controlling. And then every once in a while, I would just let my hair down. I'm not going to control it. I'm going to go out. And I mean, every time something happened, I always found trouble or trouble found me.
I the things I did, I can't blame on alcohol. Right. I can't even tell you why I'm alcoholic. I just am. Right. I don't I don't try to say it was because my upbringing was so miserable. I don't know. I know I always felt uncomfortable. Me being me. I wanted to be something else and I never could achieve that. So when I drank, I was whatever I choose to be this day, that chameleon. But it got dark. It really got dark. And I guess it started the darkness really started to come over me.
I mean, there was a lot of stuff that happened during my youth and everything. I ended up going. I don't know. I called a policeman, a pig, and he took me to jail as a youth. That doesn't sound like no fun. And it wasn't. And then I was put on double secret probation or something. I don't even know what they did. So but I ended up finding some travel money and those travel certificates people used to buy when they went.
[00:10:03]
So if you stole their money, you couldn't use it. But I ended up turning it in. So they let me off this probation thing. So I was free to to do the stuff that I wanted to do again. I joined the military. Right. And I was running. This was my running stage. All I wanted to do was get away from where I was. And I didn't really associate it with the alcoholism, but I knew I was miserable. That's what I was miserable.
And this was my way out. And I hear the stories where, you know, change of location. But I was always there. I was there. And I continued to drink. And I had my 21st birthday getting out of boot camp. And on the bus, we stopped at a little convenience store. Well, I ran in. I can legally buy beer now. And I did. I drank that beer. They wouldn't let it on the bus. It was military bus, but I drank it before we got back on the bus.
So we're talking about a lot of beer in just a few minutes. So by the time I got to my first command, I walked in there drunk. And he says, well, I want to welcome you aboard. And I said something like, yes, sir. Master chief, chief, chief, chief. And anyway, he says, we might have an issue. We're going to see how this goes. And I think nothing out of it. I mean, I was I was I was good in the in the service. I did what I was supposed to do, but I was always drinking. I was crazy. I was known as the crazy one because I always did crazy stuff when I drank and I drank a lot.
So there was a lot of crazy going on. And I got out of the military. Well, actually, I had a car accident on leave in the military, messed up my leg pretty bad and served another year. I couldn't do my original job. And then they discharged me. So I got out into the real world and life continued. You know, I was I was I loved the military. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. I thought this was my career, you know, but I did go to college and I got me a new beginning. Right. So I drank in college a lot and I hated college. It was just no fun. I mean, I saw people walking around that was happy and I didn't have what they had.
And I was miserable and I drank a lot, drank, drank, drank, did some stuff that I'm not very proud of. I graduated college. I met my wife during this time also, you know, but I graduated from college and I failed. I had one class to do to graduate. Right. It was offered once a year. I took this class. I was organic chemistry. It was really a hard class, but it's harder when you're drinking. And I tell you, I was drinking, but I read in there. I don't know if you remember that fat about ginkgo biloba, you know, helping you retain stuff. Well, I was in chemistry. Right. So I took we had a ginkgo biloba tree right outside and I went and picked a whole bunch of those and tried them out in the chemistry of it, crushed them up, made a powder, took it.
And I said, man, this class is going to be simple. I failed that class. That class, I had to wait a whole year to take that class again, and I'll never forget. So I was doing the best I could. I really I didn't have any backing to support this class because the rest of the classes were easy. But I continued what I was doing, drinking and stuff. And I remember I went in there. I had a forty eight on one test. That was my highest grade, a forty eight. I celebrated. I didn't think it was possible to make a good grade. And he did round up. But for him to round up and give me a passing grade.
That little B plus student needed to be ashamed of herself. There's no way he could round me up that high. So I went to him. I said, look, I've already taken this class twice and this is the only class I need before I graduate. And he says, are you going to work in chemistry? I said, heck no, man. I like chemistry. I'll never work in that. Yeah. Hint, hint. There was some chemistry functions out there later on. That's an outside issue. We're not going to talk about that here. But anyway, so he did pass me and I did get my degree in marine biology.
Never worked in it. Not one day, but it opened up the door. So I got other stuff. And then I started my 15 year career. It would have been longer than that if I hadn't got under the influence and told my boss exactly what was wrong with him. And there was nothing wrong with me. And he should get out there and do a little bit of work. Me, and he should get out there and do a little bit of work so that he can see what it's like for the working class.
[00:15:02]
Anyway, it didn't go well and I ended up losing that job. It kept going. I mean, it kept, it got worse and it got darker. There was things. My mom got cancer and I think this is when stuff really started to materialize in my alcoholism. I mean, I was so unhappy and I remember she made the statement, why are you always mad? I didn't know it then. It was probably because I ain't got a drink, but I know that now, but I didn't know it then.
I was very unhappy with life in general and my face showed it and I would say something like, I ain't mad, what do you mean? You know, it's just where I was at. But it got dark right after she passed. She was my go-to. I could walk in there and I had this fake smile from ear to ear and I'll say, hey, mom, here we go. What's wrong, baby? What's wrong? She just knew me, right? And I'd be like, nothing's wrong.
You know, it just, it was all wrong. Everything was wrong. So this is when it started to get dark for me. It's when I started to, there was infidelity. I started having an affair with my wife and this was at the 15 year mark. I just wasn't thinking straight. I mean, I had all these morals. I really did. I detested that kind of behavior and I'm doing this behavior. I'm living that. And then the guilt and shame for doing what I was so brought up to not do, and I'm doing it, it started to eat at me.
Well, then that cycle started. The only way I could relieve that shame and guilt was to drink some more. And then when I drank some more, I did more stuff that I wasn't very fond of. And then I was like, well, I can't believe I did that. So very slowly and all this stuff, I became scared of people. I didn't want people to see me. I knew they knew what I was doing, but if I didn't see them, I guess I didn't care.
I don't know. I decide out of mind. It was so many things I did. I hurt my family. I will tell you that out of that affair, and this was something that I still live every day. Out of that affair came a little boy. And I love that little boy to death. It wasn't his fault. He didn't get a choice in the matter. I had a little boy and I try to be the best father that little guy can be. But I know every time he walks in this house, my wife has to relive that every time.
And I know it's hard for her because she loves me. She didn't leave when I was doing all this stuff when it got so dark and I was acting so crazy and I was doing all this stuff. She didn't leave. She stayed there. She prayed that one day I'll be ready. And I'm telling you, I hurt everybody. God just hurt people. It seemed like every decision I made was, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but it never turned out that way.
So when I got to the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't wanna make a decision. I did not. But let's get to the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, right? That was what it was like. I'm gonna tell you what happened. So what happened was I knew I was gonna die from this, right? And I wanted to go ahead and die, but I wanted to die on my terms. That's kind of like it was. I know you're gonna take me out, but I wanna be, I was trying to run the show on everything.
I had a moment of clarity. I mean, I had tried not to drink a lot of times during this stuff, and I'd got on some other stuff that really pushed me over the edge, and that's an outside issue. We ain't gonna talk about that either. But I'm telling you, I was at 49. I was just about to have my birthday, and there was a moment of clarity. About the death thing, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to stop.
I was drinking against my will. I was doing things against my will. I did not wanna do, and I couldn't do anything about it because it had me. And I knew I was gonna die. I kind of welcomed death. If I was gonna go out this way, please come on and take me, right? I'm ready. But in that moment, I came in to Annette, who was praying for this, and said, I need help. I can't do this anymore. I'd come to, I don't know, that clarity was that I'm not gonna die.
I'm gonna live in this forever. This is where I'm gonna be. I didn't want any more of it.
[00:20:00]
I was so miserable. But I did get into a treatment center. Got 28 days. I got a beautiful big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I stole a pen, and I also stole one of their coffee cups, and I still need to go make amends for that, but I still got that coffee cup. I tried to use it. She said, well, I wasn't in the program yet. Right, yeah, that's true, but I still gotta make things right. But I did. That's a beautiful coffee cup.
And that pen, listen. This is the kind of person I was. I was writing with that pen for a year, right? And it ran out of ink. So I called them up. I said, this pen ran out of ink, and they sent me another one. How about that? That's the kind of deal I worked. But anyway, so I went to the rehab, and when I got there, they gave me a big book. They told me to go to AA. They told me to get a sponsor, and they told me to get a home group.
And then they let me out. And I'm telling you, the day they left me out, I don't know if y'all remember what it was like when you first came in, but it's like you're numb. You're numb for so long, right? And then all of a sudden, your emotions start working again. And that's what it was like for me. My emotions started to work in the day I got out. And I'm telling you, I was boohooing and crying. I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know how to act. I was just, I was lost. And this is the day they let me out, you know? It's a good thing I had a good support system because I knew what, I know based on the old me how to make that, how to feel better. And I would have took that route. But I had Annette who had been in the program. She came in in 2008. She drove me and drove me and drove me back from North Alabama. She drove me right straight to a AA event.
And I walked in there. I put on my I'm macho man, brave thing. I was scared to death, y'all. But I didn't want nobody to know I was full of fear, right? Cause I'm still living in that facade. And I walked up there and I found this person. I said, they told me to get a sponsor and I'm here to get one, right? And she said, why don't you talk to that guy? He sponsors a lot of people. And I did. And he said, well, certainly.
And he walked me through the steps. I'll tell you what, he walked me through them and I was check mark, check mark, and I'm getting this thing. I'm gonna graduate in no time. It's kind of what it was like. At this time, I didn't know I was an alcoholic. After all that, I did not know because those outside issues is what really, thank God for those outside issues. I may not made it in the room for another 15 or 20 years if it hadn't been for those.
But anyway, they got me to my lowest. And I'll tell you, I didn't know. I thought that was my problem, right? But I remember I went to a closed meeting. I said, listen, I know this is closed meeting y'all, but I need to meet. I need to meet and I'm an addict and I need to meet. Will you mind if I sit in? And she asked me a couple of questions. She says, well, do you have a problem with drinking? I says, I like to drink.
And she says, have you ever missed school or missed work or anything like that? And I said, well, yes, a lot. And she says, okay, you just keep coming back, honey. You can stay in here. You just keep coming back till you figure it out. I didn't know what she meant. And it took me a while. I was driving down the road one day and I think I was working on my fourth step. I was going through the, I was just checking off the boxes and I don't know what happened.
We were stopped at a red light and I don't know what happened, but I said, I remember the words came out of my mouth. I can't drink no more. Because I'm an alcoholic. And I broke down. I started to cry. I snotted everywhere and everything. It was like, I'm an alcoholic. That's what it is. But I didn't know. I thought it was something else, but it took a lot to get there. It took a lot of that. So the sponsor I had, he had kids in Dominican Republic or somewhere.
So he went there. He left me on the fourth step and went there for a month. I just finished my fourth step. I'm crazier than a soup sandwich, y'all. I'm nuts. I just wrote all that stuff down. I'm ready to give it to somebody, right? I didn't have nobody to give it to. And I'm like, I was, all this stuff was right on the surface and I didn't know how to deal with life yet. I hadn't got that far, right?
I was just doing what it said. And I was in a meeting.
[00:25:03]
I mean, it was a beautiful day. It was one of the best meetings I've ever been to. I mean, it's not a cloud in the sky and that's the best way to describe. I went to that meeting. I sat down in my regular end of the chair in the middle of AA because they told me to get them in the middle of AA when I went in there. So I found where this chair went around this table. It was in the middle. I always sat there because I wanted to be in the middle of AA.
And I shared. It went around the room and I shared. And then it hit me. I don't know what it was, but I wanted a drink. And I remember thinking, oh, no. This is not going to work for me. This is not going to work for me. I knew it. I knew this was going to work. That's what I was telling myself. And I was like, it don't matter. I want to drink. And I had a little sweat beads forming on my head. I remember that.
Well, we couldn't hardly breathe. There was so much anxiety. The meeting went on. They said the prayer and I ran out of the room. I was the first one out the door. And I guess I was going to get a drink. I don't know. But I looked at across the parking lot and there was a 17 year old and he was looking up at the top of a tree. And he says, hey, Steve, what's wrong? I said, Steve, man, I want a drink.
I can't stand it. I got to have a drink. And he says, calm down, buddy. Calm down. I said, no, you don't get it. I got to have a drink and I can't have one. I don't know what to do. This program's not going to work for me. I'm that different. It's not going to work. And he's calm down, calm down. Come here. Come here. So he pulled me over. We sat down on the bench. He opened up the big book and he says, what does that say?
So I read it. Right. And he said, what does that mean to you? And I said, what do you mean? What does it mean? He says, we'll read it again. So I started to calm down. And then about 20 minutes later, he says, so do you still want to drink? And it was gone. I did not want to drink anymore. And I saw how this program works, how we do this together more than anything. And he he heard my first step in my fifth step.
He did my fifth step with me. He walked me through the rest of the book and then he left for college and he was gone. So I got I've been through two sponsors now. Right. So I got a third sponsor. Right. And we went through the 12 and 12 and then he moved. So I got a full sponsor who's on here tonight that abandoned me. But he walked me through the steps again. And this was different. He walked me through the way it was written in the book.
We went through the steps. And if it says, get on your knees and pray, we prayed. If it said, right, we wrote. If it said whatever it said, that's what we did. Word for word out of the big book. And my life changed. I had my second spiritual experience working with him. And then he moved. Ha ha. But I took his sponsor when he moved. How about that? So. So I've been through five sponsors and I still got my sponsor today and.
He knows he's my sponsor. Well, I don't know if he knows or not. He is getting older. He forgets stuff. But I tell people he's my sponsor and I remind him I have called him out and said, don't forget you're my sponsor. And he would say, oh, oh, yeah, stuff like that. I don't know if he's teasing or what, but anyway. So what it's like now? I tried to get through that first stuff really fast so I could get through what it's get to what it's like now.
I mean, there's so much of my story. I can't tell you because there's not enough time. I mean, there's that that section and more will be disclosed. It is not revealed, disclosed. I get to see what it looks like again from a different angle. And I mean, it's I can just be have a conversation and it's like, there it is. It's like, oh, it's disclosed because I can handle it now. And maybe I got the tools down to ask for help on how to correct this issue.
Happens all the time, but I don't sit there and dwell on it. I talk about it with someone. Right. I try to fix it if I can. I pray about it. I do the deal. So what it's like now? So I'm going to go back to when this group started. We started this group to help people. Right. There was a profound change in me. I used to go to the meeting so I could stay sober. Right. And it was the 12 steps that that helped me get sober and helps me today stay sober.
The meeting was a substitute for the alcohol. Right. But I had to have more than that because. But I had to have more than that because I was going to drink again. And so it showed itself to
[00:30:00]
me in that meeting when it was a beautiful day, right? That if I didn't have something else, I was going to die of this disease. There's no way around it. So I came in. I worked the steps and my life started to get better. Wow, my life started to get better. I've got the best life possible. I didn't know it. It's not about money. It's not about objects. The freedom that this program has given me is indescribable.
I can't put it in words, the feeling I get just looking at you guys, right? I see the miracles that happened in your lives because I know you came in, you worked the steps, you applied them in your life, you continue to work 10, 11 and 12 and your life has changed. And when I look at you guys, I don't see drunk alcoholics. I can't even picture what that looks like for you people, right? I see people that have recovered, people that are no longer hopeless. I see, I see love.
I see bright stars and bright lights around you all, right? And this didn't happen overnight. It took some, it took some work, right? I had to look at myself, right? I had to get to that point and work in those steps. It was that profound change happened when I wanted to be of service. It turned out like I got to go make coffee was what it was when I got here. But somewhere along as I get to go make coffee and I get to be there for these newcomers that come in the room, there's something happened. I still do it today. The getting ready part is that I don't want to, but I sure can't wait to get there, right? It's an amazing journey. I just never thought that it could be like this. I remember when I hit one year, I remember saying, man, this is, this is, it's unbelievable. My life, it's unbelievable. And there was an old timer in there. He says, oh, it gets better. And I was like, no, it can't. There's no way possible.
It can get better. This is the best ever. I had to go back and make amends to him because I was kind of naughty with him, telling him it couldn't get better. At two years, it was better, right? And it continues to get better. The more I work this program, the more I apply these principles in my life, the more I hang out with you guys, the more I go through the issues of your life and make them a part of my life. Then we get to do this together and the camaraderie and the smiles and the unity and the happiness. I love to see the smiles, right? And I see you guys, right? And I know in the back of my mind that it wasn't always smiles for you either.
There was, there were some dark times in all of your lives or you wouldn't be here. If you could have fixed it yourself, you probably wouldn't be here. Right? So I know you went through the struggles and the suffering probably the same way I did. Well, I don't know what to do. I don't, I don't have an answer for this. I can't stop. I'm drinking against my will. And today I get to go at all this stuff and be a part of all these lives. And, and I get, I get to, I get to, and it's an amazing feeling. So when Ramona asked me, like I said, it's such an honor to be asked to do anything in Alcoholics Anonymous. So we got, so the pandemic happened and we started doing this hybrid stuff and this COVID and we got to carry hybrid to our area, right? We do that.
We're online coordinators. I didn't get out of service. I was treating accessibility for, for area when the, the pandemic hit and there was no treatment. What am I supposed to do? There was a whole bunch of accessibility issues that was trying to get this, this message to these people that couldn't go to meetings. And that's what it turned into. It was online. And there was so many people I reached out trying to help them learn how to get online so they could get the support and what they needed. And it was a beautiful thing, right?
And I didn't know how important accessibility was because treatment always took the front seat of this, right? And anyway, we're still doing that. We, at district, I'm the secretary and I never forget. So during elections, I remember saying, I'm willing and able to do anything, but I really don't want to be secretary. So I'm the district 23 secretary and I'm loving it. It was like, I never, you know, if you're willing and able, you just say, okay, and do it, right? And I kind of enjoy it now, but I was like, and I kind of enjoy it now, but I was like so much dread. I've been secretary a lot in my, since I got here. But this one is like, wow, this is all right. I get to keep people informed. It didn't show up at district, right? They have questions. They'll send me something. I'll send them a minute or whatever. It's good stuff. Anyway, the best part of it all is,
[00:35:01]
is being with you guys, right? So when I get to area, it's not about me and most of the people that show up area, it's not about them. We go in there and we try to decide what's the best course of action to take for the people that ain't here yet, right? Just trying to be helpful, right? We don't know what we need, but our thought is for that newcomer that may or may not be here yet, right? That's where we focus our attention on. How can we better carry the message, right? And at area, we're just trying to help the districts and the groups carry that message. Our main purpose of the area is to elect the delegate and then inform him of what we want.
We want you to do this while you're up there and God bless him. I tell you, like I said, we were the plus ones at the general service conference. I remember our delegate was in the room with us and I'd come in and I'd say, did you break AA again? Did you break it? And he said, well, maybe. Then at the end of the conference, the only thing I asked him was, do you feel like y'all did the right thing? And his reply was, no, I don't feel like y'all did and his reply was, yes, I'm proud to be a part of this conference that we did. We talked, we discussed, we debated, we looked both sides every which possible way. We were capable of looking at things and we made the decisions that we thought we were best for AA as a whole.
There's so much going on in my life and let me tell you what I'm doing right now, every day, day to day, right? When I got X probably problem drinker, when I got that, I thought, I guess I thought somewhere I didn't have to drink again because I got this far, but, you know, studying and working and listening because I can listen now. I found out I've heard y'all stories. I listened and I know if I don't continue on in this process, I'm going to drink again. I have no choice. That's what the disease is. If I don't have this program of recovery in my life, I am going to drink again. I can convince myself that I'm not an alcoholic and one drink won't hurt me, but I heard you guys. I listened. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic and I know that now and I don't want to die of that. I mean, I want it to be something cool, you know, like if I'm going to die, let it be something like I was bitten half by an alligator or something. That's something like this that I didn't have to die for. There's hope, man. There's hope out there. It's right here. It's not hard. I heard people, man, I struggled.
I'm so proud of my sobriety day. You know, I love my sobriety day because that's the day I walked into this world, right? But other than that, I sometimes forget that I'm in a year and then I hear me in it like this year. I was nine. I was like, I'll be talking to myself. I'll be like, yeah, nine years seems like yesterday. No big deal. And then nobody wishes me happy, sober birthday. I'll be like, what's wrong with these people?
So that's the stuff I work on a day. That's the stuff I work on a day, knowing that that ego of mine is still there and it's still doing its thing. And I want so much to be a fly on the wall without any say in it, but listen and watch. And I tell you something. So I've got to share this because it's weighing heavy on my heart. Our strongest asset is our unity. And that's what troubles me the most to see us divide ourselves over something that we don't agree with. And look, we got to have us and us is all of us.
That's what makes us. And that unity, I see how important it is. When we get divided, we're half strength. And then if we keep dividing, we're not going to get there. We're half strength. And then if we keep dividing from that, we're going to be quarter strength and it keeps going down. And I tell you what, me coming in the rooms, right? I couldn't do it by myself, but me plus you is a power greater than me. And that's how I, that's how I got sober, right? I found a power greater than myself. And that's all I needed, right? I had to start
[00:40:02]
somewhere. And I remember when I was going through that second step and my sponsor said, do you believe, or are you willing to believe that there's a power greater than you that that can expel the problem? I can't remember the wording. My mind's going anyway. But anyway, y'all get to drift, right? To get rid of the alcoholism. And I say, yeah, but he goes, we don't do butts in Alcoholics Anonymous. There's nothing that matters after butts. So you said, yes. Are you standing by that? And he kept going in the program, right? But here was the butt.
Did you hear I said butt there? Well, see, that's how I roll. That butt was actually, I had a power and it didn't save me from being an alcoholic, right? I don't know the whole story, but I thank God every day that I'm an alcoholic, that I get to come to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and learn how to live and learn how to apply the lives, the principles to my life that gives me a life worth living and worth sharing. I can't imagine what my life would be right now if it wasn't for my alcoholism, right? That sounds weird, don't it? All the stigma and everything that goes with alcoholism, I'm happy to listen free. I got love in my life. It is the most amazing thing ever. I get to do stuff, right? That I probably never would have gotten to do, said a word gotten, never would have got to do had I not been an alcoholic, right? I love walking people through the steps. Right now I don't have a sponsor, they retired or whatever they did, but a sponsor, I'm sorry, I might have said sponsor. I don't have a sponsor right now, but I have walked people through the steps and I watched the miracle happen in their life.
I've watched the eyes. I don't know, it was someone else. Even being that close to somebody, I saw something change in them and I was in awe over it. It was nothing I did. I can't take credit for them. I can't take credit for them getting sober. I can't take credit for them getting drunk. I just walk them through the steps the way I was walked through and I watched, I got to see it firsthand. They shared with me stuff and it brought me back to what it was like when I was there.
And then I got to watch them and then I watched them disappear. I don't know where they are now, but the miracle that happened was profound and it touched my heart and I want to do it. So, I was told if you need a sponsor, pray for it, right? And God will send you a whole bunch, right? Well, I'm kind of still like, hey God, I want to help. Can you send me one sponsor? He don't ever work that way. He's like, well, you got stipulations. Do you really want to help?
Then maybe you should take a look at your seventh step. And so, there's still a lot of work to do in here. I'm not, I'm a mess y'all, but I get to see more of who I am, who I was, and what's possible. I see what's possible through you guys and I keep working on that. I get to live a life, man. I'm alive. I love, I don't know. It was all about me. I couldn't love. I tell you I love you, but I mainly did that so that you would love me. That's where I was when I got here, but now I don't care if you love me or not. I still love you, right? And by the way, that's my higher power today is love. I get, and I got so much. I got so much. It's incredible.
So, I'm gonna wrap it up here so y'all can go get some lunch. I still got eight minutes and I could fill it up, but I don't have to, right? Thank you for Ramona for asking. I'm sure it was all over the place. It was fun. I got to be with my peeps. I love you guys so much and Vivian, you're welcome because I know if I hadn't done it, she would have jumped all over you and said, Vivian, will you share again? So, you're welcome. I do love you guys. I really do. I love to be around a bunch of alcoholics and it don't matter if they're still drunk or what. I feel so comfortable around you guys. I mean, we are the same, right? I cannot believe the life I've been given and it's all because of you.
The Life I've Been Given, and It's All Because of You and God, and I Put God First, I Put the Fellowship Second, and I Put My Wife Third, and It's Gotta Be That Way, You're a Third Place, But, If I Don't Have the Program, I Don't Have Recovery, and If I Don't Have God, I Don't Have the Program, So, Anyway, I Love You Guys, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, and I'm Not Holly, I'm Steven, and I am an Alcoholic,
[00:45:20]
Thank You, Steven, Thank You Very Much for Joining Us Tonight, Steven, That Was Awesome, Well, You Never Know What You're Gonna Get, and You'll Just Have to Keep Coming Back, Because Next Week, We Won't Have Holly, But We Will Have Lovie from Bermuda, So, Come and Check This Out, Okay, If You Like This Meeting, Please Do As Bill Wilson Always Said, Pass It On, You Can Help Others Right From Your Phone, or Your Computer, and Tell Them About This Special Meeting, Just Like What Steven Was Talking About, and Everyone Is Invited to Hang Out With Us Afterwards in the Meeting, After the Meeting on the Back Porch, Because We Have to Keep Steven on the Back Porch, You Know, That's Where We're Going to Go, Now, Alright, Steven, Would You Please, Do You Have Any Closing Comments, and Would You Take Us Out with a Prayer of Your Choice, Please, Sir, Yes, I Got Closing Comments, I Always Got Comments, I Love You Guys, That's My Closing Comment, I Think I Already Said That, But I'm Gonna Say It Again, Just In Case You Weren't Paying Attention, and Let's Close Out with the Serenity Prayer, I Like That Prayer, God, Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The Things I Can, and The Wisdom To Know The Difference, Thank You, Steven, There He Is, Good Job, Good Job, Thank You, Steven, Thank You, Steven, Great Job,