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Source: 1990 Seattle International Convention – Unknown Speaker – VICTORY IN DEFEAT – RS 17651.mp3 File: 1990-seattle-international-convention-unknown-speaker-victory-in-defeat-rs-17651.mp3 Duration: 00:44:15
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The bulls heard these cowboys talking and they said well we're gonna have to get a new bull and get some new blood into our herd and the old bull had been around there for a number of years he said well I said I've been here five years and I fancied up to a lot of cows and he says I'm not sharing them with no new bull and the second bull said well I said I've only been here three years and I fancied up to about 25 cows he says and I'm not sharing any of those cows with no new bull the young bull was there and he said well I just been here just six eight ten months he says and I fancied up to three of those cows he says and and I'm not sure any of those cows with no new bull but it wasn't long in comes this big semi and he backs up to the chute and out walks this great big bull and immediately the old bull he says I've changed my mind I'm going to share some of the cows and the second bull says yeah I says I might have fancied up to 25 of those cows and but he says I'm going to share some of those cows too and the young bull he never did anything he just run out in the middle of the corral and he started pawing and scratching and snorting and just carrying on and those old bull says what's the matter with you you crazy you're sure not going to fight him are you and he says hell no he says I'm just going to show him I'm not a cow so the first one this afternoon that volunteered to talk about whatever he may want to talk about I'm sure somewhere along the line he'll he'll figure out this victory and defeat and and that's Frank from Illinois thank you and good afternoon my name is Frank Burroughs I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic hi everybody and I'm from Chicago Illinois area 19 hi how are you our topic for this panel is victory and defeat and first I gotta tell you a little bit about my defeat my defeat in alcoholism that I choose to have as a disease that somewhere along the line it got into my life I got into my blood in that but today it's a lot different than when I first came around but when I first came around my drinking it started out when I was a very young age and I felt that you know all this stuff was going to be a good good thing for me a couple drinks now and then wouldn't hurt anybody while I was in high school in that and high school wasn't too bad in that but as I grew up and got into a little more serious things in my life after I graduated from high school in that and I came to a go to school to be an apprentice in that and I needed to talk I needed to talk to other people and I choose to talk to older people and the older people that I talked to were people that were there were drinkers and they hung around in taverns and that and I was just a I was a minor I was 18 19 years old and so I decided that I would hang around these older people in that and as I grew up grew into this crowd of drinking and that it wasn't a constant drunk or anything like that in the beginning but it was just it was one of those things of maybe having a few beers during the day maybe a few beers on the weekends but gradually this thing this progression that I had it finally caught up to me but as it as my life became a little more unmanageable and I got married and we had a couple children and my first wife she passed away in that and I thought God had a big you know a resentment against me he was trying to get even with me in that and I had all these things in my mind and I drank because of them too as I put on in my life and that I I got my first wife passed away I remarried again and after I remarried again the drinking was still there but I progressed a little bit more because after a while at work I worked I'm electrician by trade and as I worked I met other people that drank like I drank and I thought everybody drank like I drank I drank morning noon and night a lot of times I started to drink in the morning and every time I picked up a drink in this progression of my disease I I was defeated I felt that I could lick this thing little by little if I didn't drink this I would be okay if I didn't drink that I'd be okay but eventually I got drunk every time I picked up a drink after a while it became a drink drink drunk and this is
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what happened to Frank with my drinking I would wake up in the morning I would
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have the shakes I would feel sick I would pick up a drink on the way to work or maybe if I had some bottle stashed in the house along the line I I would have a drink to make myself feel better I had a lot of bottles stashed around my house my wife used to find them my children used to find them too and they used to take them and throw them away or do something with them I don't know what they were trying to tell me something didn't want me to drink when I would go back out and I would pick up a drink pick up a drink again I would go out and buy another bottle and all these things every time I did this I kept on knocking myself down and down and finally I became just a slave to alcohol and the only thing that mattered to me was alcohol and my job I needed my job for my support for my alcoholism I just it just became an obsession with me that I needed to drink and a person and that I worked with he approached me one day and asked me if I was going to a meeting he said you know Frank he says he used to be a nice guy he says well now you're starting to be a little goofy in that act goofy you're like drinking in the morning I said well how do you know I said well I go by the tavern in the morning and your cars parked there so I just go in there for coffee and a roll he says oh come on yeah yeah I know better than that this guy he was a recovering alcoholic and I I said well you know you had a problem I said I really don't have a problem I said you lost jobs you you lost your family you cracked up cars and that and he said I know he says but I had a problem with that alcohol he says I started out just like you're starting on maybe just come with to a meeting with me so I came to a meeting with this man and one of the groups that I went to was Kensington it was one of the first meetings I went to and I went there and I listened and I seen some of my other brothers there and I thought geez these guys really did have a problem because they they lost a lot of things in that alcohol we're talking about defeat defeated them you know but to me I could still I could still handle this and I went back out there again and I tried to handle it again and it knocked me down again I had another defeat in my life again with the alcohol and I came back again and it took me a couple of times I had enough pain when I first came back into this program that I I said you know I got to do something about this and finally one day I sat down and I call up a friend of mine and he said why don't you do something about your drinking and I said that's what I'm calling you about and I said I'm about half drunk now and he said let's try to sober up and we'll go to a meeting and they took me to a meeting and that was after three times I came around this program and I did go through exactly what a lot of those people said you know they talked about yets and I had those yets you're eligible too and I didn't think anything about those things I compared I didn't identify and I had my car accidents I had my my sickness I had my morning drinking and then I had my problems at at home I had problems at work and then I problems with myself I couldn't stand myself in the morning I just couldn't wonder why I couldn't handle this alcohol why did I always every time I drank I got boom I got knocked down again it was like you know it's like like they say in the big book you know the guys keep going in front of their bus all the time and he gets defeated he gets knocked on his butt all the time so I have to remember that every day and when I came into this program the greatest thing was that I was powerless over alcohol you know my life had become unmanageable and to me I thought well how's this gonna help what's gonna help what's gonna do do this for me and I picked up a sponsors like they said to do we already talked about tools of recovery the earlier program heard this afternoon and you know that was I had to use a lot of those tools to that they talked about to recover and have some victory in my life today because I feel that through the 12 steps of this program that I did have a victory over my biggest defeat in my life a little amber shot glass of alcohol or a little gin or vodka or a beer or something like that it defeated me every time I picked it up it just knocked me right on my butt like I said and I needed to have these these things happen to me or else I probably maybe it still be out there if I didn't accept the fact that I'm an alcoholic and that I needed to work the 12 steps of this program to to have a victorious life today yesterday was a victorious day today is okay too it's a victory over my biggest defeat of alcoholism I've been knocked on my butt by people and I played a lot of sports and stuff like that and I got knocked down and we were defeated in games and stuff like that but I think my biggest defeat was it was in alcoholism and only through the 12 steps of this program you know like it says I had to come around I had to find a higher power I had to find a power greater than myself and I was today I choose to call that power God and only my sponsors the people in the program you people have helped me you know help me with my with the higher power and I seen the belief and the faith and the trust that you people had and I our power and I thought I could have that too and my thinking started to change a little bit and that was another little victory for me that people could change
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and I could accept people have some humility in my life that I could be okay today and I had to learn that you know in the third step prayer they talk about you know the victory in there it you know it says I offer myself to the to be with me and do as they will relieve me to bond to self I better do they will take away my difficulties a victory over them with their witness to those that I would help and love in the victory over them to me today is from my believing is in the third seven is a victory over myself and over my alcoholism over my character defects by taking a fourth step in a fifth step this is a victory over me I had to find out what was making Frank tick I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me when I when I drank I why am I drinking I had a problem and I drank because of a lot of fears a lot of resentments a lot of different things I didn't realize I had all these things in my life but today all these character defects that I have through a fourth step in a fifth step and accepting God in my life and putting God into my life that I today it's this program has given me a victory to live by something I can say hey you know today it's a good day in there and I've run along the line to where I heard people say you know that the victory over myself just conquering me is better than conquering anything else the victory they talk about in the spirituality part of this program that is is great for me the victory in material things well that's okay too but I can't have material things unless I have sobriety unless I have the spirituality in this program that I listen to these people and I do something about my thinking in that before I always drank because of my thinking I always drank because something bothered me people places and things bothered me so I needed to have this program in my life today and you know I'm very grateful that I have this program because it's taught me to live the right way and the victory today is like I say is over my defeat is a great feeling because I know with a higher power in my life that I have a victory today I don't have to go back out there and pick up that drink again and I don't have to have stinking thinking again and go on a dry drunk because I my sponsors have told me that you know you need to put this program to work the action part you know I need action in my life I need that third step I need the rest of the steps in there I came in this program just to get get sober I didn't know what I had to do to stay sober and I found I had to do a lot of work I had to get off my button that nobody handed me anything they say okay here is the place where you get it at you go to meetings and you make telephone calls you call your sponsor you start to work this program and use it and by by doing this and by asking for that help and by you know I'm getting into the program and that I've gotten myself into the you know I took 12 steps in and that's my recovery and that they talk about you know the unity in that and it's a 12 traditions in it all these things are things that I didn't want to do to stay sober but today I need to do these things to stay sober I've got myself involved in in service work and I needed that to to give of myself I never want to give of myself unless I got something back somebody had to pay me back or something I get get something back one way or another but by giving it to me that's that feeling is a victory over myself too that I can do these things unselfishly to give to help other people that I get back a lot in gratitude that I just don't say well you know I'm not gonna sit back I'm going to AA and that's it and I'm gonna go to meetings and that's it and you know a lot of times people talk about being bored in meetings and stuff like that but I don't think I've ever been bored at a meeting because I always participate and I listen to what these people have to say I've learned to listen for a long time and I still listen I've been around as programs going on I have 16 years coming in the 12th of this this month and I appreciate everything that I've gotten out of this program was rough at the beginning it's still rough at times but every time that I I think about you know what it was like and what had happened compared to what it's like today I say man thank God it you know I had that chance and one chance in a million that I could stop drinking and I could learn about this program and I had the people at these tables to make me a victorious person and I always got to remember where it came from and thank you very much for being here thank you Frank do any of you have any bill W's Do any of you have any Bill W's out here? One, alright. I think it's always kind of
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neat you know most every group or something has a Bill W. Like now me I get to walk around with the initials AA because that's my first name and middle initials AA and the the funny thing about it is I was born in in April of 1939 when the Blue Book was written too only it was to be a while before I discovered this wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous. A little grief and heartache in between times. Like Frank there I haven't found necessary to take a drink of alcohol since I think it's August 28th of 1974 so he's just a little bit ahead of me. We both have just real close to 16 years sobriety. The next speaker I'd like to introduce is George. So would you give him a round of applause?
Good afternoon my name's George and I'm an alcoholic and I'm really glad to be here. My sobriety date is November 1st 1981. My home group is the East Winton Serenity Group in Rochester New York. I belong to the area 47 central New York which takes in Rochester Buffalo or not Buffalo for God's sake Rochester Syracuse Binghamton and all that. 25 years ago I I was I was going to make a speech I was an up-and-coming businessman and I was you know the night before was pretty tough and everything and I was supposed to be the second speaker and just as we sat down we're going to start the chairman looked over me and he said you're first we're switching and right at that point everything was at such a fine plane when I was drinking that the whole thing went under and I said after that thing I did a terrible job and every I knew it because everybody came up afterwards and said nice job you know so I I figured I'd never do something like that again and then I got lucky and got in Alcoholics Anonymous and they taught me to be able to do this and not get too concerned about it. Victory and defeat I I had two or three bottoms I guess I'll call them for lack of better word and I think the first one happened probably after I've been drinking for 15 years or so. I started I didn't start really drinking until I went into service after high school I had blackouts right away and they they were some weird ones you know I I people would tell me how do you feel this morning I said good but I wasn't remembering last night and they were all concerned because the last thing I had done after getting on the bandstand and telling the band it was lousy and all that was trying to jump out a second story window to get the guys in the next barracks and I used to just look at those things and say what I drink last night I guess we had some tequila and I would never drink that again and started out that way and it and for that period that that first defeat that I had that first bottom came at a time when I had I had switched jobs because I had got drunk and I didn't like what was going on and and I'd gotten unhappy in a job after six or eight years and my drinking it just progressed to the point where my family was really upset with me my children I wasn't being a good father and that and then things started happening all at once I had been working for 18 years and doing pretty good and I gotten my myself to the point where they said we are resigning because we don't want you anymore so I'd really progress I that was just my drinking and I my my boss had found me I had reported not I hadn't reported in for work and he found me in a bar I was drinking in and so we had a talk and he said what would you do and I said well if I was you I'd ask for the resignation and he did and and of course I never expected him to do that so the next thing I did was I signed myself into a detox the next day and I hope that that would take care of things
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and it didn't it came the next day and they made me sign papers so then what did I do I had to figure out what to do this was a real problem so I I got out of this thing and I drank a little bit thinking about it and then my wife told me that she had fired me too and now things were getting really serious and so then I asked my bartender who I'd been with for several years what he thought I might do in this situation and and since it was January and the snow was deep he said there's only one thing to do and and and I might say he probably knew I was running out of money and he said I'd go to Florida and get a job down in Florida so that was that was the first one that was the that was the first geographical cure that I took and I went down I went down to Florida and I found a great thing down there sunshine and the and I had a nice old Cadillac with a bent fender and I got a job and they were very nice to me they knew that I had been drinking and three months later they said it looks like you've got everything under control like you said and I said certainly and they said good we're sending you out of town on jobs and that did me in again because I went out of town and I was just like a little sneak I I got drunk again so that started another thing and so I progressed in another three years from having started out and being a hot shot manager I thought to the point when I left Florida I was washing cars for drink money and so that that started another one the last bottom came a few years later I had ended up in Atlantic City and I got a job in a hotel a few months before the casinos came in and I I found out that the the financial people running the casino were from my old accounting outfit I used to work for and somehow my resume got up to him which I planted and they called around and found out that I had been good at one point I guess and so they had a talk with me and they said they'd like me to work for him if I was ok and I said certainly I'm ok you know I've got this problem under control and of course I was working for minimum wage down in the basement at that point a timekeeping job and they said fine we'll advance you some money so you get some clothes to clean up and and you you can do some work for us and I worked very hard at that and I stayed I stayed I didn't drink for a while and what happened was I got in the wrong environment and I thought I can control my drinking for the last time I went down and defeat I did have some fun while I was doing it I I got drunk and dance with Don Rickles on the stage one time Pia Zadora tried to get me to sing with her one time you know so there was some fun if you call it that always the next morning it didn't seem like fun I that just started the whole thing I would come into work I would work overtime because I I wanted to drink and they were nice enough to me in those early casino days when things weren't under quite good control to give me a little red credit card type thing that let me go in any restaurant or any bar and eat or drink for nothing I thought so too and I took advantage of it and I it's terrible you know I thought it was fun at that time but my god I would end up I would drink until I couldn't drink anymore and then I couldn't get home because I was too drunk and so I'd go into a hotel room which I could get for nothing and I'd sleep and I couldn't answer wake-up calls and the security guards would come up and open the door to see if I was alive and you know all this went on and and after a while they did the same thing that everybody else seemed to be doing to me they said thanks but no thanks you know get out and so so I ended up there and I I was a nasty nasty person and I was an angry person and that was the end of the feats because after that I found Alcoholics Anonymous
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and and that that was the start of my victory Alcoholics Anonymous did everything for me I got I even at that point I was 50 years old and I was a dead drunk and and you know no money no nothing and I had to be forced into AA and and that happened through getting DWI's and having to go to an AA meeting once a week for a year to get my license back wasn't that nice so I I went and I was I was one of the fortunate ones I was apparently ready to have some victory and the first meeting I went to there was a guy that was going to get up at the table and he was going to speak a little and they were going to have a discussion meeting and I listened around and I heard this guy was from Philadelphia and we're over in Atlantic City and so I knew what he was I knew he was a paid professional that was coming in to teach these drunks to know how to drink and everything and he told my story or he told enough of it that I identified and from that first time on I I thought my god this is this is fantastic I there is some hope for me and that hope became a reality a couple months later when I actually stopped drinking I had a I was just fortunate in in Alcoholics Anonymous in learning to be sober and learning the steps and and the other things that come along I I had a lot of trouble with things they put they put me in beginners meetings to start out and I was able to get into the simple concepts like honesty they talked about honesty and I was one of these people that said oh I never stole anything and they started talking about being honest with yourself and I just clutched up I couldn't I didn't know what to do with that I had to learn that I had a sponsor who never remembers what he did is I don't remember what I do these days but we had a discussion on on on relationships in that thing with the suggestion that perhaps we should not have any new relationships that might get us emotionally upset for a year and I never figured out that that whole discussion we had and I went to my sponsor and I said what's that about and he said hey that doesn't apply to you it doesn't apply to me what do you mean it doesn't apply to you and he looked at me and he said I don't know of anybody in this whole world who would want to have a relationship with you now you talk about ego deflation so so I said you know I gotta go well fast and and I started doing these things and one night I couldn't sleep so I read the the big book and I came back to him and I said I know the program now and do that and he again came back and he said look he said take it easy and get get well learn these 12 steps and maybe in six years I'll ask you to come on a 12 step call with me and I said to myself that sucker I'll show him I'll do it in five years and that got me started on the journey to to have some victory in this thing I got into the steps and I I I worried about the third turning my will my life over I made the decision but I couldn't figure out if I really had and after I'd been in a program a couple years I had a fairly serious operation part of my lung taken out and when I went in there I wasn't scared I was able to say hey I can turn this over to my higher power and and what happens happens and it worked out just fine and at that point I believed I had turned my will my life over to the care of God as I understood him and things happened to me like that in doing the steps when I took the fourth and step that wasn't so bad the fifth was very difficult for me because I was a loner I was a by myself but when I did did take that fifth step there was a load lifted off me and and after that I somehow can't keep my mouth shut it's been a big change when I made amends I was able to to make an amend to a daughter who at one time I used to miss all the birthday parties and things and she she threw her mother
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to me and ask if they couldn't celebrate her birthday where I drank, and it was a restaurant in there, and I said, yeah, I guess so, you know, and it got down to that point, and about twenty minutes before they were to arrive at that restaurant, I said, uh-uh, I can't make it, I can't take this, and I took off, and they came in that restaurant, and I was not there, and, you know, how could they feel? They had to feel real lousy, and, you know, I didn't want to be that type of person, but that's the type of person I was when I was drinking. I had to have my booze and I couldn't face up to certain things. Well, this program let me make amends, and I have four children, and I didn't take care of them then, but now we can all love each other, have grandchildren, and it's all terrific. Another victory, you know, from all that defeat, and I owe that all to this program. It's really fantastic.
And finally, you know, my sponsor got me into service work. He let me go to an intergroup meeting a few times, and I moved up from South Jersey up to North Jersey at the time, and I probably shouldn't say where it was, and a guy, a GSR came back from a meeting, and am I running over? Came back from a meeting, and he said, we just had a meeting, and we were instructed not to send any money to GSO in New York, because they're just going to use it for their drunks in the street, not send any back, and I thought to myself, something's wrong there, and maybe I ought to find out, and so I did get involved in service and became a GSR, and when I moved to Rochester, I kept my involvement in service, and that has been an important part of my victory, my recovery in doing that. It has really gotten me involved, and I probably wouldn't be in Seattle if I hadn't gotten involved in that third part of our triangle, which I feel is very important. I am active in my area, and I do love it, and you know, all of this is just tremendous to be able to have your life turn around completely, and just feel so good, and feel that I finally can be part of society again. Now, before I leave, I do have to tell you that after I did all this stuff, I talked to an old-timer in Rochester, and I said, you know, I told him what I thought about victory and defeat, and he said, no, you're all wrong. He said, like anything else, you're complicating it.
He said, victory and defeat, he said, bring the feet to the meeting, and you'll be okay. Thank you. Thank you, George. I guess I failed to mention that I'm from the state of South Dakota, the Wayfield, and I think we need to stand up, all of us from South Dakota, because we have 132 groups in the whole state, and everybody from South Dakota, stand up. Now, we've got a pretty good group just here at this little meeting back right through here, and we have a very active service structure in our state, and I'm just real glad that they all came to help share this meeting. Last but not least, is the pretty little gal that we have here, and everybody that has your programs, you need to change something in there. Please scratch out the M on there, and put B, because Sherry is celebrating her honeymoon at Seattle at the International, so would you welcome Sherry from Oklahoma.
Good afternoon, everyone. I am Sherry Burns, and I'm a very grateful recovering alcoholic, and that was the first time I've been able to use my new name in an AA meeting. I didn't mess it up, but that truly is a miracle in itself, the fact that I'm here, let alone being married, because my victory and defeat took me quite a while to understand the defeat part. I had to, matter of fact, when I got my letter, I went to the dictionary to look up the definition of victory and defeat, so I wouldn't be thinking on the wrong subjects, and some of us are sicker than others. Defeat is destruction, destroy, the loss of a contest, and I thought, boy, can I relate to that, because for years I went through that, the defeat that alcoholism put in my life. I didn't set out to be an alcoholic, but it happened.
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I started out as just a normal little girl, and doing all the right things, but I'll tell you, this disease called alcoholism is so subtle, cunning, baffling, and powerful, that it got its grips on me, and I was doing things that I never intended to do, because I always thought that I would grow up and be this proper lady, and I heard a woman talk in a meeting today how she always had to have her drink out of a stem glass, and I could relate to that, because I felt that if I drank out of a stem glass, then I truly could be a lady.
Forget the fact that I'd spill it all over myself, and pass out, and do those kinds of things, I still felt like I could still be a lady if I drank out of a stem glass, and that didn't work either. My alcoholism took 16 years of my life, and it robbed me of my family that I loved very much, and sometimes when I start talking about these things, it still makes me teary-eyed, because even after seven years of sobriety, it's still kind of painful for me, but it did those things, and I didn't want it to. I didn't know what was happening to me, and I didn't know that I was in a defeat process. I didn't know that I was going to have to lose to win. I didn't know that I was going to have to learn how to give away in order to receive. I didn't know any of these things, and when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous is when I learned all of them. The defeat process, as I said, robbed me of my family that I loved very much. It robbed me of my self-esteem. It robbed me of honesty, integrity, and of my moral standards, and today, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have regained those things, and those things didn't happen overnight. That happened gradually through recovery, and it happened. It started with the first step, and I want to say right now, because this is so important for me to remember every day, and that is that God gets the glory for what has happened in my life in the past seven years. I get the benefits.
I get all the material things, the goodies, the hugs from people, but the glory goes to God, because I couldn't do this on my own. I hear people say, well, I did this, and I did that. Well, I can't do anything anymore. My best thinking gets me in a lot of trouble. I was thinking about the other defeats that I've had. Even in sobriety, I've had lots of defeats. When I get involved and I try to do things on my own, thinking I know best, then I'm in for another defeat, and it's always after the defeats that the victory comes, the victory through God, because it's when I have to give up and give it over to Him, and the biggest thing is I have to lose to win, and it's that way in everything that I do in my life. You know, I mentioned this marriage over a year ago. My husband, I love to say that word, husband. It sounds so nice. See, I was single. Yes, he is. Dennis, will you stand up, please, honey? This is my new husband.
When my husband walked out, not this husband. He hasn't walked out on me, but my husband, the one I had before, he lived, we were married for ten years, and during those ten years, I was an act of alcoholism, and the day he walked out the door, he said, I don't understand this. He said, if you love me, why can't you quit? Neither one of us understood that I was suffering from a progressive illness called alcoholism, and the thing that's happened since then is that I did give up. I surrendered completely, as I have to do in all the steps and in everything in my life today. I have to surrender before things are going to get better, but I didn't understand that at the time, and I was talking to my new husband at dinner the other night about the things that have happened just in the past year, and this is victory and defeat again, because I had to drink for three more years after that husband left, and that was very, very painful, because I never meant for that to happen. I meant to be a loving and kind wife and mother, and I turned out to be not that at all, exactly the opposite, but those relationships, too, have been healed through this program, but the thing that we were talking about the other night at dinner was that a little bit over a year ago, I had been single for 10 years, 11 years, and it sometimes gets very lonely out there, and that was another defeat in my life. It was something I couldn't do anything about. I tried, and what my tries did got me into a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, and it hurt other people, because I tried to do it, and again, I had to admit the defeat and just hand it over and say, God, it's your thing. You know, if you want me single, that's fine with me, but you're going to have to help me live with it and to accept the fact that that's the way it's going to be from now on, and I guess that's what I felt God wanted from me, because I went out and bought a new car so I could travel alone and, you know, traveling back and forth to conferences and be safe, and I was just having a ball.
I just absolutely loved it, and the next month is when Dennis came into my life, and I thought,
[00:40:02]
you know, that's so ironic, because I had to give up one more time before something could happen in my life, and that's the way it's been in all my sobriety. I've been involved in a lot of service work, and some of the things I've been involved in, it's been sharing different things, and I would try and organize it the way I think it should run, and it just seems to get my stomach all in a knot, and then it's when I give up, and I say, okay, God, that's it. You do it, and things just run so smoothly, and they turn out beautifully.
It's just like the wedding. I start getting there, and I wanted it all done my way. I was going to take control, and things were going to turn out beautifully, but the day the wedding came, and I wasn't nervous, and everyone asked me why, and I said, well, because everyone has their little jobs, and if they do their job, everything will be fine, and that's what happened. We had a beautiful, beautiful wedding with a lot of AA friends, and some of them, unfortunately, couldn't make it because they were here, but you know the love of the fellowship extended from Seattle. I had a couple calls on the morning of the wedding wishing us well. There are friends here today that couldn't make it, but we get to see them here. It's really a neat journey, but again, it's when I give up, and I admit defeat and get into acceptance that I can experience the victory, and I've had a lot of victories in Alcoholics Anonymous. I've had a lot of defeats, but the victories are so sweet, and it's because I know that my God loves me today, that he has restored all these things in my life, my self-respect, my dignity, and most of all, relationships with people, my family. That ex-husband no longer hates me. As a matter of fact, he came over and cleaned the blinds the week before the wedding. That's true. And my stepson who hated me has been able to tell me he loves me, and those are the victories, and each and every one of us here today or this weekend are witnessing a victory every time we see a sober alcoholic walking down the street, and I know that the city of Seattle is just in awe of what is happening, because I'm in awe, and I'm a member, you know? But it's not every conference that goes to a city and takes over that city and introduces themselves to the people in the city, and we do it by showing them our name and laughing and smiling and extending our hand and keeping their city intact instead of destroying it. That's victory for us. As a whole, we speak well of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm very proud to be a member of it, and I try and show that in everything that I say and do or try. Sometimes I kind of mess up, but I am very proud to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm very honored to be up here today, and I thank you. I hope you all enjoy the conference, and if you get nothing else from this, please take my love home with you. Thank you.
I really think them guys just went through that so fast. We're clear early. I suppose I could tell you maybe just to weigh a little bit about my drinking career. The people from South Dakota, they probably heard that. They'd probably get up and leave. But she said, Sherry said that we're proud to be members of Alcoholics Anonymous. To me, it's a life-saving thing, this thing of Alcoholics Anonymous. I do cherish it, and I do want it to be here for the grandkids that are growing up today, because I'm sure that there's some of those that, if the odds are right, they'll be knocking on our door sometime. I believe possibly that we'll call this meeting to a close, and I'd like to have you give Sherry B., and George, and Frank all another round of applause, and…
That concludes our program. Thanks for listening.