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Source: Various S – Staying Sober on Love – RS 17666 – 1990-07-04.mp3 File: various-s-staying-sober-on-love-rs-17666-1990-07-04.mp3 Duration: 01:13:26
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I'd like to call this marathon meeting to order and welcome you all to the 1990 International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous. My name is Tammy and I'm an alcoholic. The AA preamble, Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking.
There are no dues or fees for AA membership. We are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. There may be someone here who is not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level which states our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films. Thus we respectfully ask that no AA speaker or indeed any AA member be identified by full name in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us. And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities. And I'm not nervous. Ok. At this time I have someone who I have chosen to read the Twelve Traditions and she's my friend and my mom, Celeste. Celeste is here. First of all I'd like to extend a warm welcome to all visitors to our beautiful city of Seattle and I hope you're enjoying your stay. Our common welfare should come first.
Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as he may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. An AA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. An AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Alcoholics anonymous should remain forever non-professional but our service centers may employ special workers. AA as such ought never to be organized but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
Alcoholics anonymous has no opinion on outside issues hence the AA name ought never to be drawn into public controversy. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Thank you.
Okay just one quick note here. I was asked to remind you that this is a non-smoking meeting and if you'd like to smoke you can go out into the lobby. Alright at this time I'd like to introduce two of the speakers. Very, very dear friends of mine. Laurel and Mike Ryder. Laurel is my sponsor and a fabulous person and is also a Seattleite. So just a quick
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note at this time I'd like to have you welcome Laurel.
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Hi I'm Laurel and I'm an alcoholic. Wow. The topic of this meeting is staying sober on love and geez you know here we are and we're sober and how can we not feel love today? How can we not feel it when we were sitting in that meeting last night? I'm sitting here and I'm looking out at you and there's so many people out here who are so important to me. People I sponsor are sitting out here. My sponsor is sitting out here. Co-workers and friends. Friends I know and friends I haven't met yet and my heart is so full and I'm truly overwhelmed. You know when I got to this program I didn't get here because I was looking for you to love me and I didn't get here because I loved you. I saw coming to this program as a punishment for no longer being able to handle the amount that I drank and drugged and I envisioned being miserable the rest of my life but doing it sober. And I came into this fellowship angry and scared and not wanting to be one of you and I would sit in a corner and if I could I would hide behind a post and I would fold my arms and glare and hope that nobody came near me and then I would go home and say gee where's all this love that they talk about in this fellowship? And I was so terribly afraid and for me it took a while you know and I say that because if there's any of you who are fairly new to this fellowship and the miracle hasn't happened for you yet stick around it will. I was lonely at first in this fellowship and I was scared and I was hurt as I said and the thing that saved me and the thing that helped me most was I used to hang around a treatment center a lot and I hung around there because I wasn't as afraid of the people there. They had a couple of days of sobriety and I had two weeks of sobriety. They'd have a week of sobriety and I'd have three weeks of sobriety and by having that little bit of an edge on them I wasn't as afraid of them. And so one of the ways I got involved in this program was right from the beginning I started talking to brand new people and I know what they mean today when they say that if we want to keep it we must give it away. Because those people allowed me to be of some help to them I found the love in this fellowship that we talk about.
You know I didn't like me a whole lot when I got here and it's taken a long time to learn to like myself. You know I never liked me before I began drinking you know and that's one of the reasons that drinking works so well for me. But as I worked with you and as those new people with tears in their eyes started to get some hope in their eyes then I began to get some hope. You know this fellowship is truly a miracle. I sit here today and I have you know my best friend and my husband sitting here next to me and you know this program taught me how to love another human being. Taught me how to have a relationship.
You know I got married in this program and two months ago we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary and that could have only happened through this program. You know one of the stories I tell in my own groups is that it took me two years in alcoholics anonymous to learn how to hug my daughter. Two years in this program. I didn't know how to reach out to another person. I didn't know how to put my arms around another person and say I love you. I didn't like it a whole lot when people were hugging me when I first came in. It felt real yucky. We didn't do that in the kind of family I came from. We don't talk about feelings in the kind of family I come from. We don't show emotion and it took me two years in this program to learn how to look that little girl of mine in the face and say I love you. And the beauty of that is that you know she's a gorgeous 21 year old today and we hug each other a lot and we spend a lot of time with each other and we love each other. Fourth of July we were down at the fireworks show and my daughter was with me and my daughter's not a member of this fellowship and she's not a member of any of the other 12-step fellowships but she's kind of edging her way towards us and
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she doesn't drink or drug but she's sure alcoholic and she was awed as we walked along downtown she was awed by the people that we were meeting and they'd stop and they'd talk to us and they'd introduce themselves and tell us where they were from and so she just kind of decided to play along like she was part of the fellowship too and introduce herself and it felt real good. It felt real good. This truly is a program of attraction rather than promotion. You know I have a sister who's sober today and I certainly lay no claim to having helped her get sober but I do believe that my sobriety helped lead her into this program. She lives in Greece and she wanted very, very much to be here for this convention and unfortunately was unable to make it. You know what we share with one another truly does go out. It truly does. Look at us today. Last night they told us 46,000 of us and they were still counting. It's truly a phenomena. I'm just getting real choked up and I'm real glad to be here and thank you all for letting me be here.
Thanks Laura. Mike are you ready? You're on. Welcome Mike. My name's Michael and I'm a recovering alcoholic and here come the waterworks. I like Laura had a real hard time loving myself when I first came to this program. I didn't like me enough that I had attempted suicide the night before I found Alcoholics Anonymous and thank God that it didn't work. At some of my very first meetings I was at a place called Northwest Treatment Center up in the north end of the Ballard District of Seattle and those people told me why don't you let us love you until you can learn to love yourself and I thought you don't know who you're talking to. If you really knew me you wouldn't say that to me because I'm really not a lovable person and they loved me anyway and I was 40 years old when I got to this program and I had never known what real love was until I came through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. They loved me not because I was alcoholic, not because I was trying to get well, just because I was just another one of God's kids and they just kept telling me to keep coming back and I did that. I still do that today.
My step mom asked me a lot, you still going to meetings? Yeah. How come? Because I like the way I am today mom. You know today I can truly say that yeah I do love me and I can look myself eyeball to eyeball in the mirror and say Michael I love you and I really care about what happens to you and I don't giggle and I don't grin and I don't turn my face away anymore and you people taught me that. That's not something that I just got from osmosis, you gave me that, you showed me how to do that. I found one thing in this program that the more I'm able to do that to myself the more I'm able to do that to you and by doing that to you when the new person comes in and I walk up and give them a hug they know that they're welcomed and that's what happened to me when I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Some guy came up and gave me a hug and I thought I'd found the wrong place. I was a little bit worried this guy but this guy was pretty good size so I didn't want to argue with him you know and he said come on in sailor and go on over and sit down and have a cup of coffee and so I did and I want to preface my drinking career just a touch because I was the town drunk of a place called Hadlock, Washington.
Anybody that knows where Hadlock, Washington is knows that it's not a very big place. Hadlock, Washington. He knows that it's not a very big place, so being the town drunk
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is not a real good claim to fame, you know? But that was me, and I was not very trustworthy, you know? If you set your cigarette down on the bar, I'd probably pick it up and smoke it. I mean, I didn't go for the change or anything, I went for anything. And so at six months sober, a gentleman named Cal walked up to me in my home group meeting in Hadlock and he said, are you going to Alaska fishing this year? And I said, no. And he said, well here then, you take this. And he handed me the sign-in sheet and all the, how it works and all the books that went with it, and this bag full of money. It was almost $200 in there.
That was more money than I'd had in my pocket in six months. And it was really a shot to me because this guy, you know, he knew who I was, he knew where I came from, but the other thing he showed me was trust, you know? And I said, I don't know what to do with this. And he said, you just keep coming back, sailor. Just keep coming back. These people here will show you what to do with this, you know? That was 11 years ago, you know? Today I got $200 in my pocket, you know? And I'm not worrying about it. You know, I too want to welcome everybody to Seattle. I hope you're having as much fun as I'm having because I'm having more fun than should be allowed, but it's okay, you know? We started out last Sunday and we worked Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I think. I don't remember.
The love that I've seen in this city from last night, the guy said that poem about it ends, you know, the unquenchable love of one drunk for another, man. If you don't feel it by walking up and down the streets in this city, you're dead, you know? I mean, it's incredible. I've been getting hugs. I've got a button on my hat that says real men hug each other, you know? And we've been having a good time walking around giving people hugs and you can usually tell the new people that are here, you know, because you walk up and hug them and it's kind of like hugging a telephone pole. You stay in front of me, sucker, don't get behind me. But it's all right, you know, because that's how I learned, you know? That's how I was when I got my first hug, you know? And so I don't have a whole lot more to say either except one thing and that's something that you've taught me to say and that's I love you. Thank you.
Thanks, Laurel and Mike. Okay, at this time, we're opening up to the meeting, we're opening up the meeting. Okay, and what's your name? Okay, we'd like to hear, this is a group conscience here at this table, we'd like to hear from Harriet. Hi, I'm Harriet and I'm an alcoholic. I'm bawling again. You know, oh, I don't know I've known these two for a while and I've watched them grow and I've watched the love grow and there's no doubt about it, there's so much love in here that there's a lady named Gert Behanna a long time ago had a record out that God isn't dead was the name of it and I was privileged to hear her talk the first year I was in the program in 62. She said there's so much, thank you, she said there's so much love in this room that you can warm your hands at it. Well, I'm just about going crazy at this thing, you know?
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I had my alarm set this morning at 7.30 for 7.30 and going to let myself get some sleep. I woke up at 6.30 and I thought, oh, what the hell, you know, I'm going. And I took my car, I got pretty smart last night, I heard somebody, instead of paying all this terrible parking down here, I drove down to the Kingdome, someone was there by court date this morning and I'm the first car parked in the Kingdome. I probably won't be the first one out, you know, but I'm there, my car's there, I know where it is. I just remembered when I used to go to the hockey games on Sunday night and get smashed, you know, and come out and wonder where in the heck my car was. Couldn't find it, what the heck, go get some more booze, you know. Love is something, Michael talked about hugging. I would never let anybody touch me. You're sitting on the barstool next to me and touch me, off you went. And I too didn't know what love was. I've heard it here at a couple other meetings. There's a lot of difference between love and lust. Today I know how to love and I learned it here in Alcoholics Anonymous. I remember my little girls, they were 11 and 12 when I got sober, and I started letting them kiss me where they wanted to kiss me, on the mouth. Apparently, when they came to kiss me, I turned my cheek, and I realized it was so they wouldn't smell my breath. And now I can kiss head on, and I'm ready. Line up after the meeting. I hug a lot, I touch a lot, and I love a lot, and I've learned it all here. Thank you.
How about Bob P. from New Jersey? Come on up. Thank you. Hi everyone, my name is Bob Porch, I am an alcoholic. I'm not really visiting here today. Approximately 25 years ago, I was a resident of this area, of sorts. I came to Seattle at that occasion, part of what you folks describe as a geographical cure, was having a lot of problems and I thought maybe this would be a solution. The way it worked out was, as I recall, there's a road that runs along the water down the sound south of here. There used to be a green plywood box, about five by five by five, that was open on one side, and a newspaper company used to store bundles of newspaper in there.
And that's where I lived. And things didn't work out the way I thought they were going to work out when I was here. So I decided maybe I'd change locations again, geographical cure, and I hopped a southbound freight, jumped in an open boxcar, and the railroad parked it on a siding. Those are some of my first recollections of powerlessness and unmanageability. They're being kind of jogged back here this occasion. You know, it just kept going on.
It got crazy. I was an alcoholic as a teenager. I was an alcoholic from the first drink. As the progression of the disease went on, however, I can say that things never got worse. The same horrible things just kept happening over and over and over, and I got worse. I went to my first AA meeting at 23 and I found out all I needed to know about AA. That was in August of 1973. I found out you prayed and you didn't drink, and that was enough to keep
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me away for another eight years. I got what is known as kind of hardened in the process of the first drink to the last one that I had. I have a friend of mine who, when I was two years sober, said to me, I'm so grateful to those people in Alcoholics Anonymous for providing you with that operation. And I gave her a strange look. I said, Operation? She said, yeah, of course, the one where they took the pump out of your chest and gave you a heart. That didn't happen accidentally. I was one of those, quote, tough guys, and I found out there are no tough guys. The tough guys are still out there. But when I started coming to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was still carrying a gun. I had done a lot of things I wasn't proud of, and I wasn't real thrilled with myself. And the Department of Coincidence Control arranged, not far from me, the opening of a rehab for young people, 14, 15, and 16. Somehow I got involved in the middle of starting an AA group out there.
They kind of melded that exterior and taught me how to love. A bunch of little street urchins, hard and tough on the outside. But all of my experience as an alcoholic had taught me what I was seeing really wasn't toughness. It was just hurt and pain. And for the first time in my life, I became important someplace to someone, and I had a little home. Somebody was actually happy when Bob showed up. Things didn't always get good for me since I've been sober. I've been through bankruptcy. I had my house taken. My fiance was in a very bad accident a year ago. Spent two and a half months in the hospital and nearly died. I've been through some unpleasant things, but the love of this fellowship has carried me when I would not have stayed sober just for myself. If I hadn't been part of something bigger and more important, I know I would have been drunk. And the topic today of staying sober on love for this drunk is very appropriate. And if nobody's told you today, Bob loves you. Thank you.
Thanks, Bob. Andy Jay from New York City. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Andy, and I'm a grateful alcoholic. One day at a time, I don't pick that first one up, I'm in good shape. May not look it, but I am. My group is the Commuter Special. Like I hear people say, they're proud. I'm proud of that one. If you ever come to New York, just look for the group that's close to the Empire State Building. We're only about two blocks away, and that's a good landmark.
I know you talk about love. I didn't know love. I come out of the Depression on the West Side. I call myself a dead-end kid even today, and was fighting all my life. I lost my mother when I was very young. Went into the Marine Corps, World War II. Come out, joined the Carnival, drinking all the time. General Corps, Marshal in the Marine Corps. And never, wasn't a booze. It was just the way I lived. I was, you know, got married, have six children, three and a half in the program today, through the grace of God and the love of the program.
And the half of one is my oldest daughter. She got a look at the rest of us, and she says, if you's all got it, I got it. So she don't drink no more. She ain't had any yet. But as it goes, love to me in the program is service. You know, what are you doing for yourself and more important, what are you doing for the next person that's coming in? You got your handout. You're making that coffee. Them hugs and everything are great, but you got to support your own group. You know, I don't want to get on a bandwagon here.
And I have ten grandchildren today. I have ten grandchildren today, and I'm looking at pictures of my, when my wife was alive, I'm looking, and I couldn't remember birthdays, or anniversaries, or graduations, or nothing.
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Now I blow the whistle with them ten grandchildren, we're down in the ice cream parlor. I'm the main man, I got the, you know, and I keep it simple stupid for myself, you know, I got, my birthday is September 16th, 1970, you know, one day at a time, you know. And I know my wife was passing away, we were married 38 years, and I was in and out of the house like a yo-yo, drunk and sober, it didn't matter.
She says, I'm better off drunk a lot of times than I was sober, especially when I got sober, and I didn't know where all that money was going that I was giving her. But anyway, she passed away in about three months, she's in the hospital there, and whatever I needed in the program, and she said one afternoon there, she says to me, give me a hug. And I said, this is Andy, baby, this is the guy you hit with the skillet, you know, she hit me one night while I was drunk, and almost bled to death, my daughter got me to the hospital, but she says, I know who you are, you bum. So I gave her the hug, and that's what I needed, I needed that forgiveness offer for breaking the chops for 35 years, running, you know, just cheating the family out of everything, you know, lock, stock, and barrel of booze on me, you know.
I love, I love, but I love that juice first, and it didn't matter if it was Flashman, Bacardi, rubbing alcohol, torpedo juice, perfume, anything that had alcohol, it went down, you know. But I know that my oldest daughter's getting married one time, I put the wrath of God on her, so when I was out of the house again, I was sober, and I asked my wife, you know, my oldest daughter said, let daddy come sit in the kitchen, so I'm sitting in the kitchen there, and all the girls are running around, you know, getting dressed, and I brought the rolls and the buns and the coffee, and I'm sitting there with my puss on, you know.
I don't know whether to get out, you know, everything is, what's new to me today, everything is new. I've been drunk all my life, I've had a few with me to have a shit attitude, excuse my French, and so she says, come on upstairs with me. Well, what's wrong, daddy? I said, nothing, I'm just, you know, she said, come on upstairs, you know, she ain't got no decency this year, I ran around in the bloomers and the bra, you know, so it was nothing new to me, you know, and so I'm up there, and she grabbed my hand and she said, I forgive you, you know, let it go, daddy, just let it go.
And one at a time, it happened. But I'm in service, and we have a fellow in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, says, if you don't give it, you don't get it. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Sandy. Dolores from Mississauga. My name's Dolores, and I'm an alcoholic. We couldn't decide where to go today, and so we came here, and when Tammy asked me if I'd like to share, my husband started crying, because the topic is so very, very dear to us, that's why we decided to come to this particular marathon meeting.
Staying sober on love. I moved out here from Pennsylvania 10 years ago, and that was a geographical change for me. I've moved 35 times in my life, and I'm 50 years old, and so that gives some indication. I was not an army brat, you know, and my family has never left their hometown and their house, so all the moving was my moving. And I moved out here because I had two daughters that I had left 10 years before in their father's care, and they loved me enough to say, mom, you know, you weren't, you know, they didn't say it, you weren't around, but that's the way I felt, but why don't you move out here where we can be together. And I was between husbands and couldn't see any reason why not. My family and I were estranged, and that I had back east, and so I packed up my bag and sold everything and came out here.
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And in the alcoholic way I had, I gave everything away, you know, people have sales and get a lot of money, and I just gave everything away. And managed to catch the plane at the very last minute, which was my typical thing, and anyway, came out here because of the love of my daughters. And I went to work for this little company that I met my husband at, and he had been two months sober, just brand new sober, and he walks into the office with this big grin on his face and this bushy curly hair, you know, and got his hair cut twice a year, and whether he needed it or not.
And several layers of clothes, and just was, you know, I never met anybody like that. And I just, you know, so when he started asking me out and was sober on top of it and going to AA, I mean, all the weird things led to more weird things. But anyway, I did go out with him, and I pretended real hard not to drink in front of him. I mean, it was, you know, like I'd leave my wine, you know, of course I knew I was going home, so that was okay.
But after a few months, we ended up living together, and of course my, you know, eyebrows were raised, my daughter thought, oh no, here she goes again, you know. And he managed to stay sober this whole time, and I struggled through Elanon, did not understand at all what the concept was. I didn't know it was for me that I was supposed to be doing this. And I heard stories, and I realized that my continuous drinking, you know, I didn't start drinking until I was 19. I was married at 17, or 16, had my first child at 17, but never really drank until I was 19.
And alcoholically, right from the start, I loved it. But then, I mean, I couldn't do anything without a drink in my hand. I got dressed in the morning, I, whatever. So this control was real hard for me. But after we were together, I found that I didn't have to control myself anymore. I just figured he should know who I am. And we got married after two years. A miracle. I don't know why this man married me. I mean, it just was beyond my concept. But a year after that, I did get sober. And I've been around, you know, for seven and a half years. And I've got a daughter that's now on the program. They love me. They think I'm weird and crazy, but that's okay.
I didn't understand the concept of keep coming back until you can love yourself, or we'll love you until you love, I mean, that was like, what are they talking about, you know? Hugs, you know, I could give somebody a hug, but, you know, that's okay, but just don't get too close to me as far as talking to me was concerned, or sharing at meetings, or whatever. I didn't want anybody to know who I was.
I lived for years and worked with people that didn't even know I had two daughters that lived at the other end of the country. So how could I let somebody know who I was? It hasn't been easy. I know this is a program of alcoholism, but I had other addictions and did not want to give those up and had an intervention done. It'll be three years ago this August. And so I am now clean and clear of everything, alcohol and drugs.
I have a new birthday, so I'll be three years old, God willing, in August, the middle of August. I had a lot of anger for a long, long time, which I didn't realize I had. My father, I thought my whole family drank, they were alcoholics. I had one aunt that was an alcoholic, and I think my grandfather was. But they have no idea. I don't hide what I am, or what I do, or that I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, because I feel that this is where I got the love, this is where I got my sobriety, and it's just a miracle.
I've been looking since Monday. We've been so excited. I'm from Issaquah, Washington, which is about 17 miles out east. And we've been coming in town all week, and it's just been like I've been on one high. But I've been looking for somebody from Erie, PA for the longest time, and I haven't come across anybody, except somebody had signed somebody's vest, said Erie, PA. That's my hometown. And I talked to the fellow this morning, and he called me. I left a message at his motel.
Somehow we got connected with each other and shared addresses. But it's so special to find somebody, I don't know, just all over the world, that you can come across and find somebody that was raised in your own backyard. It's really neat. That's all I have to share.
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This whole fellowship is love. I could go on and on and on. My home group is the Issaquah Women Thursday night, and sometimes I'm there regularly every week, and I'll go months where I'm not there, but that is my home group. And they say, where are you, Dolores, when I'm not there. So anyway, thank you all very much. Let's hear from JoJ from Fort Worth, Texas. Well, good morning, folks. My name's JoAnn, and I'm an alcoholic. February the 4th, 1984, my life came to an end, as I had known it before. My husband hit me. He was drunk, and I was sober, but I hadn't been sober for very long, because alcohol was our life.
Everything we did was centered around alcohol. We had had lots of fights, but he'd never hit me. And I think that that night, that angel on my shoulder caused him to hit me, because that's when I said, that's it, boys, I've had it. I cannot go through this anymore. You out. I got on my knees, and I asked God to kill me, because I didn't have the guts to do it myself, but I wanted to die. And so sure enough, he did. He killed that old JoAnn, because about eight years before, a friend of ours who is in this program had been to visit us, and he had something that I wanted.
He had a calmness and a serenity, and he was happy, and he didn't have to drink to be that way. And I wanted what that man had, but I didn't know it then. But the seed was planted, and that's why it's so important for us to walk the walk. You know, it's good to talk the talk, but if we can walk the walk and be an example to other people, maybe one little thing we say to someone we never even saw before can make a change in their life. And that's what happened to me.
About three months before that happened, I had looked up the number for Alcoholics Anonymous in Tyler, Texas, because that's where I got sober. And I had written it in a book in red ink, because I thought someday this is going to have to be read in a hurry and in an emergency, so I put it in red. Well, that night after I got off my knees asking God to kill me, my telephone book was open on those red lines, so I called. And I got hold of this woman who talked to me for almost four hours on the telephone, but the first thing she said to me is, I love you, and it's going to be okay.
I went to my first meeting the next day, and I was so scared and so ashamed, and I sat there and all I did was cry, because I couldn't do anything else. I shook. I had really bad flu. Any of y'all ever had the flu? I had it for two months after I got in this program. Just couldn't seem to shake that flu. I had never known her face-to-face, but I knew her immediately when she walked up to me. She put her arms around me and she said, I love you. No one had ever said to me, I love you, in that way, and I understood it.
And like everyone else, I had been the telephone. Everyone else. I had been the telephone pole when a woman tried to touch me. I did not know how to relate with women because they were the competition. I thought I knew what
[00:45:05]
love was. I had four husbands. My God, didn't I know what love was? That's the old four-letter word called lust. I didn't have a hard time finding that kind of love, but I'd never really known the other kind. I came from a Southern Baptist family, and they were what I thought religious. After I got sober, I found out they were spiritual, and there's a great huge difference. They loved me, but I was not ready to accept that because all my life I felt different. As a little bitty kid, I always had to live in a fantasy world. The real world was not what I wanted it to be, and so I made up my own stories, and I did that in adulthood too. When I found alcohol at age 16, that really made my life great because I could go anywhere and be anybody I wanted to, and I was always rich and beautiful because that's what I wanted to be in my mind, rich and beautiful. I made up stories that would make other people think how great I was, all the time hating that person that lived on the inside and stuffing her back in. The Joanne I became all those years of drinking was someone I hated very much, and he did not know what love was. Well, I walked into my first AA meeting, and I felt like I was at home.
I'm like all the rest of you, I'm sure. I didn't want to be an alcoholic, and I'll tell you, I wasn't glad. A lot of people in the meetings were saying, I'm so glad I'm an alcoholic, and I said to this one girl one day, well, I'm damn sure not glad I'm an alcoholic, but I'm glad I'm in this room. But you know what? A year later, I stood on the podium at my birthday night and said, I'm glad I'm an alcoholic. And I can say that today in front of all you people from around the world, and I never thought in my wildest dreams of imagination that I would be glad. If I weren't an alcoholic, I would not know what love is. I can walk out there and hug anybody, man or woman, and it's a hug of love, not a hug of lust for the men, or not a hug of, oh, you're so cute for the women, because I wanted the women to like me. I just didn't want them to get in my way, you know. And I'd walk in a room or anywhere, and I'd pick out the best looking man in the room, and I'd head for him, and honey, when I left, he was on my arm, or I was on his. That's no kind of life. And I say to the young people that are coming in here, thank God you're here. Thank God you don't have to walk down that road I walked down. I was what I suppose they call a high-bottom drunk, because I never ended up sleeping in front of, see, I thought drunks ended up sleeping in front of the Salvation Army, and I never did that. I thought drunks walked around with wine bottles in paper sacks, and I never did that.
I drank in some really high-class bars, so I was a high-class drunk, I guess, but I was just like those people on the inside. It's just that I haven't gotten there yet. If I pick up that first drink tomorrow, and forget how much y'all love me, and forget how much I love me today, I might be there. I might be sleeping in front of the Salvation Army, but today I'm not. And today I've got people that love me everywhere, and I can pick up the telephone and talk to anybody all over the world that's in this fellowship, and they love me not because I have money, I have a good job, because I'm beautiful, because I'll have a drink with them. They love me because of who I am. I'm an alcoholic, and they know me. You can walk in a room of people who are not in this organization, and pick out the one that is. Isn't it strange how we know each other immediately? At work one day, I don't mind telling people I'm in this program, because I certainly didn't mind it if they knew I was
[00:50:04]
falling off bar stools, so why shouldn't I be glad they know I'm not doing that anymore? And then I'm happy with me. That's hard for me to say, because I didn't know how to love me. And I got in this program, and you people loved me into loving myself. And you taught me what it is. To get inside and know the real Joanne. And folks, this is the real Joanne. This isn't the one that was out there making up stories. I've got six and a half years in this program. This is my first international convention, and I pray God it won't be my last. And I thank you, and I love you for listening to me. I thank the old-timers for being here when I walked through the door the first time, and I thank the newcomers for being here for me, because I can look at you today and say, I was there, but you're going to be here. Thank you. God bless all of you.
How about Marvin R. from Michigan? Hi, I'm Marvin Reese, and I'm from a little town called Mount Pleasant, Michigan. It's about 30 miles from a town where Madonna said, a smelly little town in the middle of Michigan. Ours isn't quite that bad. Damn, this feels good to see all you people. I got to Montreal more or less by accident. It was a nice afternoon, and I only live about four or five hundred miles from there, and I ride a motorcycle, so I had no place to go, so I went to Montreal. And I had such a time there, I just could not wait until I got back to this place. And I'm already looking for bumper stickers that says San Diego 95.
And I know I'm going to be there, because it says that it takes as long to get sober as you drank. I drank for 36 years. I got into the program at 50. That guaranteed me I'm going to be 86 years old. I too had an interesting sojourn through this thing on lust and love and all the rest of this sort of stuff. Not being extremely smart, I spent, I don't know if my current wife is in here, and the reason I call her current wife, this is the third time I married her.
I'm going to get it right. There is a way to get it right. I married her in the 70s, and then I married again. No, I married her in the 50s, I don't know, in the 50s, in the 70s, and now in the 90s. And there were some other stops in between there, but thank God you don't have to be smart to be an AA, or I sure wouldn't have made it. He's talking about, you know, you get hugging people, you see these signs, and you hug, you give somebody a hug. You see this sign, you give somebody a hug.
I think in a couple of weeks of therapy, that lady at the fish market would get over it. She didn't have the right color sign, but she looked friendly. A little surprised though. And I do want to thank, and I've gone around town and thanked so many of these people with the white hats and green jackets for somehow the transition from, I'm retiring from my second career, and so I'm going to soon be a homeless, unemployed, what's the third one? Oh, orphan.
I get damn little sympathy for any of that, but that's the way I am. I bought me a fifth wheel, got a new wife, got a new truck. What the hell? I can't possibly get in any more trouble than I have been in over the years, and I'm going to be sober doing it. I like the guy who sent his daughter out to be a lawyer. Damn, that was a good idea. I have four kids, none of them are lawyers. When I first got here, I was trying to be inconspicuous like so many of you, because I didn't want anybody to tell me they loved me. I knew they were a little bit religious, because the first meeting I went to, they took up a collection, and I have a dollar, so that pissed
[00:55:04]
me off. And the next meeting I went to, I had a dollar, and they said, no, until you attend 90 days, you can't give a dollar. Why didn't they make up their minds? So that time, I just kept a dollar, just in case I dropped in on a meeting and somebody wanted one. But I remember the first time that a lady came up to me and said, would you like a hug? And when I slowed down, I still was panicky, because I couldn't understand, what the hell? Why can't I get a hug from a lady?
So I had to do some serious thinking. Obviously it worked, because I've had nothing but women sponsors since. Every one of them wants to raise me up, and Christ, I'm big enough to affect the tides. Anyway, I'm not going to be up here too long. I'm in love, I'm happy, I mean with you people, well, her too. But the things that have occurred in my heart and in my life, I wish I had the time to tell you about them.
In fact, I was one of the group of 12, we started an Al-Anon club, and I'm a group of one, that they were thinking of remodeling, modernizing the club. They're behind the speaker's platform to put a trap door with a seven minute alarm on it. Seven minutes and sucker opens up, Marv shuts up. Because I get talking about the things that AA can do to a life, to every single day of a life. I can't hardly stand me. I've had cancer, and that's no big deal, everybody gets that.
I'm diabetic, and that's no big deal, everybody gets that. But dammit, I'm a recovering alcoholic, and not everybody gets that. I had a problem with God until I realized that I'm a special person. I'm the star of my own little tiny stage, in yours I'm scenery, but in mine I'm the star. And God wanted to know this star, and he had no other way of getting me to listen except making me into an alcoholic. So yes, I'm grateful that I'm an alcoholic.
I have a God that works all the time. I have a quick, instant phone number, 1-800-GOD. Boom, he's there. And when I really don't want to call him, by the time I mentally dial the 1, the 800, I'm ready to talk to him. I have a little card in my pocket that says, talk to God. He's easier than most people. And there are a lot of days, that's true. I had a sponsor, I have a sponsor, that all these years, every time I go to her with some sort of a sad tale, she always says, why do you let them do that to you?
I didn't let them, they did it on their own. She said, what they did is their business. The way you're acting is your business. And that used to bug me, but I understand. I carry her around in my heart now too. So anyway, I'm a friend of God, friend of Bill W., and honest to God, I'm a friend of you people. That's the second flag ceremony I have seen, and I don't know if I could stand another one. I couldn't stand two in two days. And I'm an alcoholic, where if one is good, two is better.
You know, the old joke about going into a place where it says, all you can drink for a dollar, and you lay down two bucks. So anyway, I am huggable, and for you people with little short arms, start anywhere and work your way around. Let's go to the next one. Let's hear from Ralph H. from Alaska. Good morning friends. My name is Ralph H., and I'm an alcoholic. The program of recovery
[01:00:04]
starts within your own love for your own self. That was not teachable because I came from an assortment of relatives that were still out there doing the things I did not think I would appropriately take a drink. Being a young child, being rejected by your own family is a tough road to hoe. But in order to change and make the changes and become teachable, I come from a small village in Alaska, and all they did was drink, family life. So in that, in those terms, I was a babysitter, I was a housekeeper, and I was a judge and jury. Those things no longer in my life, because I made the decision, made the commitment to take a look at Ralph for what he was doing and what's happened to him.
I got to a point in that life of being what I just mentioned. I got sick and tired of doing those things, so I took a drink. Today I reverse that reaction. The love that's felt within the fellowship surmounts the ability that you have the privilege and the honor to do the things that is required. One, remember, it's mentioned time and time again, that step one is the only one I have to remember. The only requirement is a desire to stay sober and to share the message of the fellowship to the suffering alcoholic. I had not had a sponsor, but I have several. I work with a lot of individuals today. Why is that? Because I accept my alcoholism. I accept that I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. For you individuals that are here for your first term at any given situation, give it a little bit of time because it does come, and you'll know the little bit of freedom. You'll gain that open mind, peace, and you'll be glad to say, I have a little bit of serenity. When I made the decision, it was in 68. Crucial holidays, everybody knows, Christmas and New Year's. New Year's is a crucial one for me, but it's not crucial now because that is my sobriety date. And I didn't become teachable until I ran into a good friend of mine. He's now deceased. A lot of you might know him.
He's been a delegate from Alaska. He was a manager of an Alano club in Alaska, and I refer to him as Papa Joe. That man has taught the ins and outs of working the steps, utilizing the tools, because that's what we have here. The ability to understand what these tools are. When I look at them and when I hear the repetition, there's 12, 12, 12. Add that up, and you've got 36 good, strong, firm suggestions. Thank you.
[01:05:29]
Is there anyone who has a burning desire to share? Come on up. Hi, I'm Stephanie, and I'm an alcoholic. I just really love being here, and that's why I wanted to come up and say a little something. Love is the answer, but what's the question? That really means a lot to me, and this program has really showed me love, and being here is really a power of love. I had a few things that I really wanted to say, and of course you get up here and you lose it all, but I identified with a lot of what was said.
When I first came in the program and people would say that they were a grateful alcoholic, I wanted to just throw up. I just couldn't see how people could say that, and after about two years, I got it. Today I am a grateful alcoholic, and I'm really grateful to be here. One of my favorite sayings is that coincidences are God's way of staying anonymous, and God has really been here for me through this convention. It's my first big one, and I hope to be here for the next one. I just celebrated five years, and the next one I'll have ten years.
The reason I bring that up, too, is I drank and used for ten years. I remember when I first came in the program, my mom just said, just try for a year. It is one day at a time, and my goal is to be sober as long as I've used. Just one day at a time, we can accomplish whatever we want. In this program, my dreams have come true. The other thing I want to say about love is unconditional love. That's what I got here, and just like everybody said, they told me, we'll love you until you can love yourself.
It worked. In my relationship that I have now, there's a lot of love. What I've learned through trial and error is that, for me, a good relationship is that I can love him, and he can love me, and it would be 50-50. The love is just equal, and it makes the whole relationship worth trying, worth living, and worth loving. I read something in a magazine, and I've been sharing it a lot, and I really love it. It's so nice to be able to say love, because I couldn't say that for a long time.
This magazine said that the way you can know a good relationship or depend on this good relationship is when you're having a disagreement, you can still hold hands. When we get in a little disagreement, he'll just say, let me have your hand, and we just get through it. One of the guys said last night, all you have to do is just touch, just like that, and everything can go away, and you can work out what the problem was. I didn't have love in my family, but I didn't have hugs, and no one told me they loved me.
Maybe that's why I like to hug a lot now, because I didn't have it when I was growing up. I'm a good hugger.
[01:10:08]
So much has happened to me here that I've got 50 different little stories that are really special, and I'd love to share them, but I'm not going to. One I'd just like to share, because it's really special, and I don't know if she's here or not. You have to reach out, and if you just sit back in the corner, you're not going to feel the love, and I learned that through experience, too. But anyway, when I got here, I wasn't feeling real good. I mean, I was, I was real glad to be here, but I was real tired and carrying my suitcase for five miles, it felt like.
And I ran into a friend, and he hugged me, and I hugged him, and he said, you look like you're going to cry. And I said, you know what, I am. And I just bawled out, and I felt real good. And last night, I was sitting down, and this girl came up to me, and she looked like me, and she hugged me, and she started crying. You know, and I said, that's just what I did, you know, when I got here, and that's what we have to do. And, you know, I think I really, she, you know, she said it, you know, you know, a guy came up and, you know, wanted to hug her, and he said, no, she gave me what I needed, you know, and it made me feel that, you know, what I did when this guy and I let it out, you know, was okay, you know.
And so whatever we do, whatever we've done, we've all been there, you know, and that's what makes us all a bond, that we all, we all are a part of what's going on here, you know, and it's great, you know, and love is the answer. Thank you. That's all we have time for, huh? Okay, this meeting is coming to a close, and I'd like to thank Stephanie, Marvin, Andy, Ralph, Bob, Dolores, Joe, my mom for reading, and my speakers, Laurel and Mike. Let's give them all a big hand.
We need to clear the hall quickly because there's going to be another marathon meeting starting in approximately 15 minutes, and we'll close the meeting in the usual manner with the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Keep coming back. It works. Go hug somebody. That concludes our program. Thanks for listening.