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[00:00:01.140 – 00:00:11.840] It is now my pleasure to introduce our speaker for this evening, David

[00:00:11.840 – 00:00:11.940] A.

[00:00:11.940 – 00:00:13.840] from Dallas, Texas.

[00:00:13.840 – 00:00:24.000] Hi, everybody.

[00:00:24.000 – 00:00:24.900] My name is David A.

[00:00:24.900 – 00:00:26.140] and I am an alcoholic.

[00:00:26.140 – 00:00:27.730] Hi, David.

[00:00:27.730 – 00:00:34.380] And only because of God’s grace through the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am sober this day, and for this I am so thankful.

[00:00:34.380 – 00:00:44.640] And first of all, I want to thank your committee for allowing this alcoholic to be here this weekend with you, and the freedom for this alcoholic to share

[00:00:44.640 – 00:00:50.160] this alcoholic with you, and your freedom to share yourselves with this alcoholic.

[00:00:50.160 – 00:00:55.000] The only thing I know about being an alcoholic is how I drink alcohol.

[00:00:55.000 – 00:01:05.200] And when I tell anyone, anyplace, anywhere, in AA or out of AA, that means that I fit every word, every line, every

[00:01:05.200 – 00:01:09.300] paragraph, every page, every chapter in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:01:09.300 – 00:01:14.660] I know no other way to live sober except the principles of AA.

[00:01:14.660 – 00:01:24.840] And since April the 20th of 1967, I have not found any reason whatever to leave Alcoholics Anonymous to find an easier way to live

[00:01:24.840 – 00:01:32.240] sober, a more sociably acceptable way to sober, a more fun way to live sober, nor a more exciting way to live sober.

[00:01:32.240 – 00:01:40.580] Thank God I haven’t had to go to one of those action-reaction courses, concentration movement, related disorders institute.

[00:01:40.580 – 00:01:45.340] When I got to you people, my wife was a related disorder.

[00:01:45.340 – 00:01:49.600] Hang in there till your drawers fall off, baby.

[00:01:49.600 – 00:01:52.380] Sexual dysfunction seminars.

[00:01:52.380 – 00:02:02.420] Well, I’ll tell you, if you get as old as I am and been able to stay sober as long as I have only by the grace, thank God today I do not need a

[00:02:02.420 – 00:02:04.340] sexual dysfunction seminar.

[00:02:04.340 – 00:02:08.039] I need a memory course.

[00:02:08.039 – 00:02:18.160] The only way I know how to make an AA talk, it was read so beautifully a while ago that our stories disclose in a general way what we used

[00:02:18.160 – 00:02:20.040] to be like, what happened, what we’re like now.

[00:02:20.040 – 00:02:30.440] Well, it was on the last Sunday in August of 1950, over forty-two years ago, that a group of fine, sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous

[00:02:30.440 – 00:02:35.680] invited me to the suburban group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Dallas, Texas.

[00:02:35.680 – 00:02:45.180] The Wednesday before that Sunday, I stumbled into one of Dallas’ more affluent barbershops, and I fell in this chair in this manicurist table.

[00:02:45.180 – 00:02:48.640] Now, I was more at myself that morning.

[00:02:48.640 – 00:02:53.340] Now, being more at myself in those days meant that I was drinking, I wasn’t too drunk.

[00:02:53.340 – 00:02:57.420] I could sit in a chair for about 10 minutes without falling out of it.

[00:02:57.420 – 00:03:02.880] I could navigate to and from the men’s room and go out and get me another bottle of whiskey.

[00:03:02.880 – 00:03:10.420] I sat down, this old ugly gal looked at me and she said, “David,” and right there and then I should have known something’s wrong.

[00:03:10.420 – 00:03:12.240] She didn’t call me Doctor.

[00:03:12.240 – 00:03:22.320] She said, “David, I belong to a deal called Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have not had a drink of alcohol in a year.” And I looked at Edith and I said, “You are

[00:03:22.320 – 00:03:23.079] a liar.

[00:03:23.079 – 00:03:26.180] Nobody stays sober a year.

[00:03:26.180 – 00:03:34.280] Maybe a day, two day, at the most three days, but not a year.” She says, “No, I haven’t had a drink in a year.” Now, Edith looked like a drunk ought to look like.

[00:03:34.280 – 00:03:44.360] She had big bug eyes and gaps in her teeth, and God bless her, she’d been hit in the face so many times, and her nose was broken, sort of leaned on the left side

[00:03:44.360 – 00:03:45.240] of her face, you know?

[00:03:45.240 – 00:03:54.040] And this back in the day, 40 gals used to wear pantyhose, used to wear garter belts, you know, to pull their drawers down, hold their socks up.

[00:03:54.040 – 00:03:59.320] And when she was drinking, hers always trailed behind her uniform.

[00:03:59.320 – 00:04:02.620] She’d trip and fall and drop all that manicuring bottle, you know?

[00:04:02.620 – 00:04:07.540] But when Edith told me, and the best way I can describe Edith looks is a drunk.

[00:04:07.540 – 00:04:17.740] In our part of the country, and in your part of the country, if your car is caught out in a hailstorm and it’s pretty badly beaten up, right before you get your insurance check,

[00:04:17.740 – 00:04:22.620] if you have ins-insurance, some wise buzzard said, “Ah, don’t get it fixed.

[00:04:22.620 – 00:04:29.000] Let it sit out in the hot sun for about three or four weeks and let all the dents pop back out.” Huh.

[00:04:29.000 – 00:04:32.080] Her dents never did pop back out, I’ll tell you.

[00:04:32.080 – 00:04:42.460] But when Edith told me she hadn’t had a drink of alcohol in a year, that got my attention because Edith had the reputation of being a mean and nasty

[00:04:42.460 – 00:04:48.039] woman-fighting drunk, and she could outdrink any man, any place, anywhere.

[00:04:48.039 – 00:04:53.860] And she always carried a big black purse, and she had two pints of whiskey in that purse.

[00:04:53.860 – 00:04:56.720] She’d kill you if you got into that purse.

[00:04:56.720 – 00:05:00.980] And when she told me she was sober, that got my attention.

[00:05:00.980 – 00:05:11.180] And I, I noticed she changed because that morning when she started to give me, be-begin to give me my manicure, she was buffing my nails instead of my knuckles

[00:05:11.180 – 00:05:13.580] and my ears and my shoulders like she used to.

[00:05:13.580 – 00:05:19.160] And I looked up at her face, and her lipstick was on her lips and not her eyebrows.

[00:05:19.160 – 00:05:25.080] And I sniffed her, and she didn’t smell halfway between an Avon woman and a whiskey bottle.

[00:05:25.080 – 00:05:32.200] But more important, she did not grab her purse and say, “Now I’ll be back in 10 minutes,” and maybe show up 11 months later.

[00:05:32.200 – 00:05:36.740] But I noticed the real change, and the change was in her eyes.

[00:05:36.740 – 00:05:41.120] In Alcoholics Anonymous, we have two kinds of eyes.

[00:05:41.120 – 00:05:48.260] We have those sad, sick eyes, and then we have those happy, dancing, laughing, sparkling, living, sober eyes.

[00:05:48.260 – 00:05:52.120] Oh, we got another kind of eyes, those glassy eyes, you know.

[00:05:52.120 – 00:05:57.820] They’ll get up behind one of these things, say, “I haven’t had a drink of alcohol,” you know, and then fall over, you know.

[00:05:57.820 – 00:06:04.720] But her eyes were sparkling, and they were jumping, and she looked like she was having a lot of fun living sober.

[00:06:04.720 – 00:06:09.020] And then she turned to another manicurist in the shop by the name of Moena.

[00:06:09.020 – 00:06:19.036] And she says, “Moena is my sponsor, and she has fifteen months sobriety.” Now, back in those days in Alcoholics Anonymous, and when

[00:06:19.036 – 00:06:27.596] I come to Alcoholics Anonymous, any time we mentioned or talked about our sponsors, it was with reverence because we respected our sponsors.

[00:06:27.596 – 00:06:36.496] I respect my sponsor today more than I did when I got here because we literally turned our lives over to the carer as a result of their experience.

[00:06:36.496 – 00:06:46.596] Now, in Alcoholics Anonymous, we’re asked to share our experiences, not our opinions, because we find, as a result of our experiences in Alcoholics Anonymous, that opinions in many,

[00:06:46.596 – 00:06:53.016] many instances have a tendency to make sick people sicker, and in some instances, to physically kill people.

[00:06:53.016 – 00:07:03.036] We, after we’ve given the freedom from the agent that forces us to come to Alcoholics Anonymous, now we have the tremendous freedom to be ourselves as we are and

[00:07:03.036 – 00:07:07.396] to tell the only thing that we know, and that is our own actual experiences.

[00:07:07.396 – 00:07:17.396] And I looked at Moena and I says, “Moena, you’re a bigger liar than Goofy over here.” I says, “Moena, we had a drink, not?” And she says, “No, David, I’ve not had

[00:07:17.396 – 00:07:22.936] a drink of alcohol with you or anyone else or myself in fifteen continuous months.

[00:07:22.936 – 00:07:33.016] Edith has not had a drink of alcohol in twelve continuous months.” Little did I realize that those precious words that fine lady said to me that morning

[00:07:33.016 – 00:07:35.976] would stick with me for many years.

[00:07:35.976 – 00:07:39.456] She talked about continuous sobriety.

[00:07:39.456 – 00:07:44.616] At that time, I had no reason to know that it was one day at a time.

[00:07:44.616 – 00:07:54.796] And then Moena says, “David,” she said, “we have an open meeting this Sunday, and it’s open so the public can come and hear how an alcoholic

[00:07:54.796 – 00:08:00.256] recovers in the AA recovery program and how an alcoholic lives the AA way of life.

[00:08:00.256 – 00:08:10.575] And also to find out as an, those who are not members of AA, what AA is and what AA is not.” And believe it or not, the greatest challenge

[00:08:10.575 – 00:08:20.696] that we have within Alcoholics Anonymous, right this second all over the world, that we’ve got hundreds of thousands of m- of our members who do not know what Alcoholics Anonymous is

[00:08:20.696 – 00:08:20.976] not.

[00:08:20.976 – 00:08:24.316] That we’re not all things for all people.

[00:08:24.316 – 00:08:34.356] The singleness of purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous has made Alcoholics Anonymous the envy of every peer society helping other people

[00:08:34.356 – 00:08:35.576] in this world today.

[00:08:35.576 – 00:08:41.416] This is the reason that we are here because of the singleness of purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:08:41.416 – 00:08:43.036] And I had no reason to know it.

[00:08:43.036 – 00:08:53.056] And then she also said that being it is a tradition of their group, being it’s the last Sunday of the month, they had a sort of little birthday celebration for those who have

[00:08:53.056 – 00:08:54.776] one or more continuous sobriety.

[00:08:54.776 – 00:09:04.816] And she said, she said, “We would like for you and your wife to come to that open meeting and stay afterwards for that birthday party.” And I thought that the only reason

[00:09:04.816 – 00:09:14.836] that people such as you would invite someone such as me to come to one of your AA meetings and stay to one of your AA functions is that you needed to have some good-looking,

[00:09:14.836 – 00:09:20.596] outstanding, and successful professional man come and upgrade you lepers in the community.

[00:09:20.596 – 00:09:23.736] And I’m glad to come help you.

[00:09:23.736 – 00:09:31.476] So I went home, and I told my wife, Grace, and God, she was thrilled because people had long quit asking us to come around.

[00:09:31.476 – 00:09:41.496] My wife used to ask me, “Why we’re not asked to the outdoor barbecues and the dances and the swimming pool parties and the nightclub supper parties and the card party?” I

[00:09:41.496 – 00:09:42.696] said, “It’s you.

[00:09:42.696 – 00:09:52.176] It’s you.” I said, “Every time we’re asked to go out on Saturday night, you start on me on the Monday before, and you start screaming, ‘You’re not going to drink.

[00:09:52.176 – 00:10:02.176] You’re not going to get drunk, are you?'” You wake me up out of a sound sleep five thirty the next morning screaming, “Did you hear what I said?” And you keep it

[00:10:02.176 – 00:10:07.936] up Tuesday, Tuesday night, Wednesday, Wednesday night, Thursday, Thursday night, Friday, Friday night.

[00:10:07.936 – 00:10:16.716] And you know, it’s a miracle that, that society, those who love us, those who hate us, those who do not even care that we exist on this earth.

[00:10:16.716 – 00:10:18.876] It’s a miracle, you know, those people.

[00:10:18.876 – 00:10:23.996] No wonder the more they hollered at us and screamed at us about our drinking, the more we’re going to drink.

[00:10:23.996 – 00:10:32.396] And I said, “And furthermore, woman, when we get to where we’re supposed to get to, before I can even park the car, you’re out of the car.

[00:10:32.396 – 00:10:42.396] You run in, you grab the host and the hostess, and you chase them out the kitchen to the den in the backyard, in the bushes, in the alley, in the garbage, in the neighborhood screaming, ‘Don’t you give

[00:10:42.396 – 00:10:45.736] him a drink.'” Woman, you’re sick.

[00:10:45.736 – 00:10:47.016] That’s what’s wrong with you.

[00:10:47.016 – 00:10:57.056] But through tear-filled eyes, she said, “We’re going to meeting.” And I said, “Yes.” And so I got up five thirty in the morning that Sunday morning to get ready to

[00:10:57.056 – 00:10:59.756] go to the AA meeting five thirty that afternoon.

[00:10:59.756 – 00:11:05.676] Well, now, what does a good self-respectful drinking drunk do when he gets up five thirty on Sunday morning?

[00:11:05.676 – 00:11:07.876] Drinks alcohol, that’s what he does.

[00:11:07.876 – 00:11:09.016] Let’s face it.

[00:11:09.016 – 00:11:10.056] It’s very simple.

[00:11:10.056 – 00:11:13.176] Golfers golf, fishermen fish, drunks drink.

[00:11:13.176 – 00:11:14.376] There’s no big mystery.

[00:11:14.376 – 00:11:18.096] And I start sucking on a brand new bottle of juice.

[00:11:18.096 – 00:11:18.666] You know how it is.

[00:11:18.666 – 00:11:22.236] You take that first drink, that gets your breathing started.

[00:11:22.236 – 00:11:24.876] Then that second drink regulates your breathing.

[00:11:24.876 – 00:11:29.136] Then that third drink goes down to both heels and just sets you there.

[00:11:29.136 – 00:11:32.116] Now you’re ready to do some real drinking, aren’t you?

[00:11:32.116 – 00:11:39.476] And I’m drinking, I’m, uh, looking up at the birds and the bees and the trees, and I’m hearing the neighbors screaming, “Johnny, get dressed.

[00:11:39.476 – 00:11:45.836] We’ll be late for church.” And I said, “All those sick people, they do not know what living really is.

[00:11:45.836 – 00:11:55.876] If they could just learn how to control it and enjoy it like I was doing, that they would find out that right after breathing in and out, alcohol is the second

[00:11:55.876 – 00:11:58.176] greatest gift that God’s given mankind.

[00:11:58.176 – 00:11:59.596] Amen.” Took another drink.

[00:11:59.596 – 00:12:09.976] Drank about half of that fifth of the whiskey and put the other half the fifth in the trunk of my car because I knew that I was going to be required to have another drink of alcohol.

[00:12:09.976 – 00:12:20.104] Maybe a minute later, maybe a half hour later, maybe two hours la- And I’m one of these that firmly believes that if and when an alcoholic comes to

[00:12:20.104 – 00:12:30.124] us, that until and unless that alcoholic is willing to find out what is wrong with that alcoholic, that alcoholic will never find a way how to get right

[00:12:30.124 – 00:12:31.304] with that alcoholic.

[00:12:31.304 – 00:12:35.004] Now, you may want to know how do you find out what can get right with an alcoholic?

[00:12:35.004 – 00:12:38.644] Now, I’m talking about the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:12:38.644 – 00:12:40.324] I ain’t talking BB.

[00:12:40.324 – 00:12:41.484] You know what BB is?

[00:12:41.484 – 00:12:43.384] That ain’t AA, I don’t mind telling you.

[00:12:43.384 – 00:12:46.524] You know how you really find out what can get right with us?

[00:12:46.524 – 00:12:49.224] Step six and seven.

[00:12:49.224 – 00:12:53.804] We either going to let it do it or we ain’t and face the consequences.

[00:12:53.804 – 00:12:57.923] Either way around, we’re going to face the consequences, and I didn’t know that.

[00:12:57.923 – 00:13:06.114] And I, and I went in and I bathed and I shaved and I put on everything rich and nice looking to impress those poor, sick people in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:13:06.114 – 00:13:15.884] Put on a beautiful brand-new tailor-made suit, white-on-white monogram shirt, monogram handkerchief, monogram tie, monogram drawers.

[00:13:15.884 – 00:13:26.144] Put on my diamond ring, my diamond watch, and the trademark of every good self-respectful, high-rolling, drinking drunk, a brand-new pair of custom-made alligator shoes.

[00:13:26.144 – 00:13:29.504] I looked just like a used car salesman.

[00:13:29.504 – 00:13:32.884] Or a dope dealer.

[00:13:32.884 – 00:13:43.344] And at 10:30 in the morning, as out my long Roadmaster Buick honking the horn, and out comes my wife with the rollers in her hair,

[00:13:43.344 – 00:13:53.364] and she has on, it’s that all-your-fault kimono that they just love to live in and dwell in and die in and cry, to where she’d lost a string around the middle and

[00:13:53.364 – 00:13:55.964] it’s pinned together with a big baby diaper pin.

[00:13:55.964 – 00:14:01.164] And she’s pulled all the threading and the padding and the fuzzing and the buttons off the front.

[00:14:01.164 – 00:14:04.724] And the front’s just covered with tear stains and cigarette burns.

[00:14:04.724 – 00:14:11.064] It’s what us drunks in Alcoholics Anonymous lovingly call the Al-Anon designer housecoat.

[00:14:11.064 – 00:14:21.364] And in a beautiful, calm, wifely tone of voice,

[00:14:21.364 – 00:14:30.144] she screams out like a wild banshee, “What do you want, you no-good, sorry drunk?” And meanwhile, all the neighbors had gathered out.

[00:14:30.144 – 00:14:35.124] And her side is lined up over here, and my side is lined up over here.

[00:14:35.124 – 00:14:45.124] And I can still hear the fine ladies in the neighborhood saying, “Isn’t it a shame that such a beautiful and fine lady and the mother of two beautiful little boys married

[00:14:45.124 – 00:14:51.684] to such a sorry, no-good drunk like him?” And my bunch over here hollering out, “Let her have it, David.

[00:14:51.684 – 00:14:58.444] Let her have it.” And that used to be the weekend entertainment in every neighborhood we lived in.

[00:14:58.444 – 00:15:02.644] We moved twenty-four times before we come to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:15:02.644 – 00:15:11.044] Sometimes at midnight, high noon, daybreak, ahead of the sheriff, a few times with the sheriff, behind the sheriff, just kept moving.

[00:15:11.044 – 00:15:20.184] I said, “Let’s go to the meeting.” She said, “Doesn’t get started for seven more hours, you no-good drunk.” And with that, she turned on her heels and went back in the house.

[00:15:20.184 – 00:15:27.224] And that started seven tough hours because here it was Sunday, and I’m sucking on the only bottle of juice that I have.

[00:15:27.224 – 00:15:29.544] Knew I was going to have to have me a drink.

[00:15:29.544 – 00:15:33.604] And I was one of those kind that when I drank, I rolled it all the way.

[00:15:33.604 – 00:15:40.924] And one of the biggest problems I had before I come to Alcoholics Anonymous is they pulled me off my drunks, and I wasn’t through drinking.

[00:15:40.924 – 00:15:47.164] And I’d come in and I’d cry, and I’d pledge, and I’d get on my knees, and I’d do this and that.

[00:15:47.164 – 00:15:55.464] And I’d wait until they tuck some more money or a check in my shirt pocket, and as soon as they turn their back, I would run off to finish the drunk.

[00:15:55.464 – 00:15:58.364] Now, I was a stay-away-from-home kind of drunk.

[00:15:58.364 – 00:15:59.464] Not on purpose.

[00:15:59.464 – 00:16:04.344] I’d get drunk, and I ended up in countries I never knew existed on this earth.

[00:16:04.344 – 00:16:07.964] I ended up with people I never saw before in my life.

[00:16:07.964 – 00:16:13.504] Sometimes with money, sometimes without money, sometimes with clothes on, sometimes the other way.

[00:16:13.504 – 00:16:17.324] They tell me I was gone, one time I was gone eleven months.

[00:16:17.324 – 00:16:18.884] No one knew where I was.

[00:16:18.884 – 00:16:23.904] My mother, my father, my wife, my children, my patients, my enemies, my friends.

[00:16:23.904 – 00:16:25.444] No one knew where I was.

[00:16:25.444 – 00:16:38.284] And I come running in the house with the same clothes I guess I’d been in for about five months, and I asked my wife this brilliant question, “Did anybody call?” And

[00:16:38.284 – 00:16:41.604] that doesn’t make for good marriage relationship, I’ll tell you.

[00:16:41.604 – 00:16:43.024] You know, I’ll tell you.

[00:16:43.024 – 00:16:44.484] So I found me just…

[00:16:44.484 – 00:16:48.104] And I knew that if I called a taxi cab, a bootlegger, I’d blow the deal.

[00:16:48.104 – 00:16:55.924] Because when I got out of the service the first time in forty-seven, the sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous in Dallas, Texas, tried to net me.

[00:16:55.924 – 00:16:58.264] They tried to net me in forty-eight.

[00:16:58.264 – 00:17:00.024] They tried to net me in forty-nine.

[00:17:00.024 – 00:17:02.204] They tried to net me in January of fifty.

[00:17:02.204 – 00:17:06.703] And they thought to set the trap on the last Sunday of August of nineteen fifty.

[00:17:06.703 – 00:17:11.404] So I found just enough to nurse me along, and finally at four thirty, I honked the horn.

[00:17:11.404 – 00:17:12.364] Here she came.

[00:17:12.364 – 00:17:14.604] And off we went to the meeting.

[00:17:14.604 – 00:17:22.704] And I parked the car and I run in, and there must have been about eighty members of Alcoholics Anonymous and their wives and their kids and a poodle or two jumping up and down.

[00:17:22.704 – 00:17:30.604] And it looked like to me that everybody, they were hugging and they were kissing and they were rubbing up against and they were smoking cigarettes and they were la-

[00:17:30.779 – 00:17:41.019] And then scratching, and I stepped back and I looked at those people, and I said, “By gosh, if they’re alcoholic and they’re not drinking alcohol and they’re having that much fun,

[00:17:41.019 – 00:17:51.019] then they have to be on dope.” Then I looked around, I saw all them signs, and I said, “My God, I’m in a kindergarten.” Then I saw but for the grace of God

[00:17:51.019 – 00:17:58.139] and my head ducked, because I knew at that time that I was not living according to dictates of God’s will for a human being.

[00:17:58.139 – 00:18:08.239] And I’m one of these that firmly believes that if and when an alcoholic comes to us, even though many of us come to Alcoholics Anonymous without a full string of lights in our head,

[00:18:08.239 – 00:18:12.659] deep down inside, every one of us know this.

[00:18:12.659 – 00:18:18.439] You see, in Alcoholics Anonymous, we have true believers that are sober.

[00:18:18.439 – 00:18:20.679] That’s God as they understand Him.

[00:18:20.679 – 00:18:24.199] We have agnostics that are sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:18:24.199 – 00:18:26.379] That says God as they understand Him.

[00:18:26.379 – 00:18:29.339] We have atheists that are sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:18:29.339 – 00:18:30.829] That’s God as they understand Him.

[00:18:30.829 – 00:18:35.578] And if you don’t un- And if you don’t understand God, that’s how you understand Him.

[00:18:35.578 – 00:18:37.619] Now, wiggle out of that one, I’ll tell you.

[00:18:37.619 – 00:18:47.639] If there is a principle that we never hear or seldom hear discussed in Alcoholics Anonymous, we get s- carried away with

[00:18:47.639 – 00:18:48.859] this illness that we got.

[00:18:48.859 – 00:18:52.979] You know, that blaming everything and everybody, you know, you know.

[00:18:52.979 – 00:18:56.579] In AA today, we hear a lot of things, you know, you know.

[00:18:56.579 – 00:19:04.239] I’m an adult child of an alcoholic dog, cat, snake, kangaroo, gorilla, mynah bird, zebra, blue bottle, you know.

[00:19:04.239 – 00:19:09.079] I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you right up front, I’m an adult spouse of an Al-Anon.

[00:19:09.079 – 00:19:19.079] Because you see, eh, if

[00:19:19.079 – 00:19:25.079] there’s a principle, because, you know, we, th- that we don’t talk about, every one of us are born a human being first.

[00:19:25.079 – 00:19:35.159] And when we’re given the most precious gift that a human being will ever receive, and that is life, and we begin to breathe in and out, right there and then

[00:19:35.159 – 00:19:39.479] is the creation, the formation, and the development of selfishness and self-centeredness.

[00:19:39.479 – 00:19:49.619] And from this selfishness and self-centeredness stems all those defects of character, those defects that made our lives unmanageable, resentment, selfishness, dishonesty,

[00:19:49.619 – 00:19:55.899] and fear, and not wanting to tell another human being what is really churning with- inside of us, inside of us.

[00:19:55.899 – 00:20:04.059] Because you see, Alcoholics Anonymous does something that formalized, organized religion has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:04.059 – 00:20:06.839] Medicine has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:06.839 – 00:20:10.159] Psychiatry has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:10.159 – 00:20:13.639] Government agencies has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:13.639 – 00:20:17.519] Treatment modalities has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:17.519 – 00:20:21.319] Human willpower has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:21.319 – 00:20:24.619] Hypnosis has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:24.619 – 00:20:28.259] Acupuncture has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:28.259 – 00:20:31.679] Horoscopes has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:20:31.679 – 00:20:35.179] Biorhythm charts has not, is not, will ever be able…

[00:20:35.179 – 00:20:45.459] Because Alcoholics Anonymous reaches down in the innermost depths of a human being, this fine, most precious thing that comes with each and every one of us at birth,

[00:20:45.459 – 00:20:55.739] that after we get physically sober from the agent that forces us to come here, that beautiful, fine, silent thing that says, “Thank you, little alcoholic, for not taking a drink of alcohol

[00:20:55.739 – 00:20:56.119] today.

[00:20:56.119 – 00:21:01.938] Thank you, little alcoholic, for finding a way to have a reasonably good night’s sleep.

[00:21:01.938 – 00:21:12.099] But more important, thank you, little alcoholic, for finding a group of people who love you no matter what you have done or what you are doing or what you ever

[00:21:12.099 – 00:21:18.419] will do.” And this is where the great power of our society lies, one drunk talking to another.

[00:21:18.419 – 00:21:20.719] And I had many, many years to go before this.

[00:21:20.719 – 00:21:24.919] And then they blew a whistle or they hollered or did something, everybody went in the meeting.

[00:21:24.919 – 00:21:27.359] And I went and I sat on the back row.

[00:21:27.359 – 00:21:32.039] I wanted to look those crazy people over to see what kind of help I could afford to give.

[00:21:32.039 – 00:21:38.799] And the first talker got up there was a woman, and that’s the liest, cheating-est person I’d ever been around in my life.

[00:21:38.799 – 00:21:44.819] And that woman had nerve enough to say that she was an alcoholic and she was sober, sane, in her right mind.

[00:21:44.819 – 00:21:55.049] And I jumped up and I screamed out, “You are a liar.” And somebody said, “Shut up.” You know how a drunk answers

[00:21:55.049 – 00:21:55.849] you when you tell him, “Shut up”?

[00:21:55.849 – 00:22:00.299] “Make me.” Well, they had enough in there to make me, you know.

[00:22:00.299 – 00:22:00.879] Yeah.

[00:22:00.879 – 00:22:06.719] And little did I realize that that’s one of the principles in the processes of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:22:06.719 – 00:22:12.599] And later on when I come to Alcoholics Anonymous, in, in our group, we still bring a lot of wet ones to their, to their first AA meeting.

[00:22:12.599 – 00:22:19.439] And if you want to perk your group up, you bring a wet, sloppy, falling-down drunk to his first AA meeting.

[00:22:19.439 – 00:22:23.039] God almighty, does it perk the group up.

[00:22:23.039 – 00:22:24.619] We got a live one.

[00:22:24.619 – 00:22:28.039] And we used to bring them in, still do in our group, put them on the front row.

[00:22:28.039 – 00:22:29.479] That’s hopeless row, you know.

[00:22:29.479 – 00:22:35.399] And then we get two drunks to sit on either side of them so they can’t jump sideways.

[00:22:35.399 – 00:22:41.119] Then we get one to sit behind them, you know, and so in case they fall back, they won’t hit their head on the floor.

[00:22:41.119 – 00:22:48.939] Then we get the biggest, fattest drunk and turn his chair around and let him sit facing that drunk so he can’t jump out.

[00:22:48.939 – 00:22:50.919] Then we find out who’s talking tonight.

[00:22:50.919 – 00:22:53.279] Oh, oh, no, they’re too religious.

[00:22:53.279 – 00:22:54.379] We got a wet drunk.

[00:22:54.379 – 00:23:04.619] Let’s get a drunk up here to tell about th- one of them barn-burning drinking stories, you know, where they drink for about 40 years and shoot the police and the cat and the dog

[00:23:04.619 – 00:23:11.199] and all this other thing, and then they wake up one morning and fi- found out they had a little problem with alcohol, you know.

[00:23:11.199 – 00:23:16.899] And so they, and, and, and whoever did, we, nobody minds you switch speakers.

[00:23:16.899 – 00:23:17.989] It, it didn’t matter.

[00:23:17.989 – 00:23:19.199] We got a wet one.

[00:23:19.199 – 00:23:25.539] And so he’d get up there and start talking, getting that drunk story, and that wet drunk would say, “Well, you don’t know nothing about drinking.

[00:23:25.539 – 00:23:27.959] Let me get up.” And somebody say, “Shut up,” you know.

[00:23:27.959 – 00:23:33.299] And somebody way back in the back would say, “You can’t talk to that brother drunk like that.

[00:23:33.299 – 00:23:43.319] That’s one of God’s kids.” Somebody said, “Who said that?” “I said that.” “How long you been sober?” “Thirty days.” “Shut up,” you know.

[00:23:43.319 – 00:23:50.847] Nowadays in Alcoholics Anonymous, not all of them thirty-day wonders, but, you know, a lot of them, you can’t talk to them that way.

[00:23:50.847 – 00:23:52.967] They look at, “Don’t you talk to me that way.

[00:23:52.967 – 00:23:55.407] I’m going back and tell my counselor,” you know.

[00:23:55.407 – 00:24:05.547] And so I’m sitting on that back row, and that crazy woman up there t…

[00:24:05.547 – 00:24:07.287] And she got to talking about it.

[00:24:07.287 – 00:24:08.987] She got to talking about Jesus.

[00:24:08.987 – 00:24:12.667] She got to talking about this, and I said, “My God, what a hell of a trick.

[00:24:12.667 – 00:24:14.467] They got me here to convert me.

[00:24:14.467 – 00:24:22.327] And if this is what you were, I needed to drink real bad.” Because I violated a very serious code in my drinking and my living.

[00:24:22.327 – 00:24:29.747] Because I started drinking with, working with, getting drunk with, fighting with, cheating with the Black and the white winos which was in Skid Row.

[00:24:29.747 – 00:24:33.667] It’s Skid Row today, and I guess it’ll always be Skid Row in Dallas, Texas.

[00:24:33.667 – 00:24:39.687] And I’ve lived on three Skid Rows in my lifetime, one for over six years and one for over four and a half years.

[00:24:39.687 – 00:24:42.887] But the last one for fourteen months was the toughest.

[00:24:42.887 – 00:24:46.367] I’m not gonna stand up here tonight and share life on Skid Row with you.

[00:24:46.367 – 00:24:56.767] But the Skid Rows I lived on, there was no day and there was no night, and there was no sun, and there was no moon, and there were no stars, and there were no clouds, and there were no seconds,

[00:24:56.767 – 00:25:00.027] minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.

[00:25:00.027 – 00:25:02.907] Just inner and outer blackness and darkness.

[00:25:02.907 – 00:25:07.307] And the best way I can describe that kind of an existence, just bodies and feet.

[00:25:07.307 – 00:25:10.407] You don’t care if you live, you don’t care if you die.

[00:25:10.407 – 00:25:13.067] You don’t care if you eat, you don’t care if you don’t eat.

[00:25:13.067 – 00:25:16.387] You don’t care if you change clothes, you don’t care if you change clothes.

[00:25:16.387 – 00:25:19.247] You don’t care if you bathe, you don’t care if you don’t bathe.

[00:25:19.247 – 00:25:22.387] You don’t care if you see your loved ones, you don’t care if you see them.

[00:25:22.387 – 00:25:24.867] You just don’t care.

[00:25:24.867 – 00:25:27.027] And an alcoholic cannot stay on Skid Row.

[00:25:27.027 – 00:25:32.627] An alcoholic has got to get off of Skid Row because an alcoholic will lie about that alcoholic’s drinking.

[00:25:32.627 – 00:25:35.667] That alcoholic will hide that alcoholic’s bottle.

[00:25:35.667 – 00:25:42.087] And I’ll tell you right now, if you are on Skid Row, and you’re hiding your bottle, you’re not long for this earth.

[00:25:42.087 – 00:25:43.187] I don’t mind telling you.

[00:25:43.187 – 00:25:50.667] And I did not have to be down there because I came from one of the finest families that God ever put on this earth.

[00:25:50.667 – 00:26:00.747] A mother and father who dedicated their two lives to give to the two sons that were born of that marriage, and I being the oldest, everything that was denied them when they

[00:26:00.747 – 00:26:01.327] were growing up.

[00:26:01.327 – 00:26:05.507] And if one of the sons is gonna become an alcoholic, I do not know of a better deal.

[00:26:05.507 – 00:26:16.547] When you got a mother and father that’s willing to go to any and every length to keep you from hurting and to keep you from suffering and to keep you from facing shame

[00:26:16.547 – 00:26:23.087] and disgrace and bringing shame and disgrace on the family name and the family heritage and the family religion.

[00:26:23.087 – 00:26:24.047] You betcha.

[00:26:24.047 – 00:26:34.047] And after I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, and fourteen and a half years before I got sober at Alcoholics Anonymous, my mother and father, in a religion they were born in, lived in, died

[00:26:34.047 – 00:26:35.327] in, and very devout.

[00:26:35.327 – 00:26:40.567] They lit the candles of the dead and said the prayers of the dead for seven consecutive days.

[00:26:40.567 – 00:26:45.507] And on the eighth day, they blew out that candle and said the final prayer of death.

[00:26:45.507 – 00:26:52.327] And as far as they were concerned, no longer did they have a son alive on this earth in their mind.

[00:26:52.327 – 00:26:53.427] I was dead.

[00:26:53.427 – 00:26:57.487] And that was the greatest thing they could have done for them about me.

[00:26:57.487 – 00:26:58.847] That was total release.

[00:26:58.847 – 00:27:09.187] And after I got sober, and I sat, and I wrote my four-step inventory, and I found out how we grow spiritually in Alcoholics Anonymous, that resentment is the number one offender.

[00:27:09.187 – 00:27:12.827] It destroys more alcoholics than anything, any-anything else.

[00:27:12.827 – 00:27:21.227] And I sat, and then I wrote how I resented and I literally hated my mother and father be- because in the manner in which they treated me as opposite to my brother.

[00:27:21.227 – 00:27:31.287] And then I stopped and realized that up until the time my mother and father prayed me dead, for me, not you, but for me, they were the worst parents I could have ever

[00:27:31.287 – 00:27:34.267] possibly have had because they never allowed me to fall.

[00:27:34.267 – 00:27:36.657] They broke every fall.

[00:27:36.657 – 00:27:42.767] And yet I could not fault them because they were doing the best they knew how.

[00:27:42.767 – 00:27:52.267] And thank God they did that for their sanity and for the relief that no longer could I go to them and cry and whine and beg, and I’ll never do it again.

[00:27:52.267 – 00:27:55.107] And that’s what I was doing going through life, chipping away people.

[00:27:55.107 – 00:28:05.187] They were trying to help me, doing the best they knew how, and yet I’d blame them and everything else in this society for the dilemma that was I am within and I didn’t know the reason until

[00:28:05.187 – 00:28:06.847] I came to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:28:06.847 – 00:28:17.187] I had no reason to know because I was doing the only thing I knew what to do, and that’s drink, drink, drink, drink,

[00:28:17.187 – 00:28:19.227] and everything that went along it.

[00:28:19.227 – 00:28:20.967] Because the first drink of alcohol…

[00:28:20.967 – 00:28:26.327] And, and I started drinking Bay Rum and wine down on Skid Row as a youngster, ten and a half years of age.

[00:28:26.327 – 00:28:36.347] And later on, as I grew older, physically get more money, I could go from that Bay Rum and that wine to that good stuff and never miss a lick and come back down from that good stuff to Gypsy Rose and

[00:28:36.347 – 00:28:37.827] Thunderbird and never miss a lick.

[00:28:37.827 – 00:28:40.087] I don’t know about anybody in here.

[00:28:40.087 – 00:28:43.427] I was not drinking it because it was socially acceptable.

[00:28:43.427 – 00:28:47.367] I wasn’t drinking it because it was the proper thing or improper thing to do.

[00:28:47.367 – 00:28:50.947] I wasn’t drinking it because it made you a better this or worse that.

[00:28:50.947 – 00:29:01.107] I was drinking it because I liked what it did to me and with me and for me when it got in and down and through me, and I liked what it allowed me to do to you or against

[00:29:01.107 – 00:29:02.867] you when it got in and down and through me.

[00:29:02.867 – 00:29:07.747] And little did I realize that the first drink of alcohol I took, it affected my head.

[00:29:07.747 – 00:29:17.867] That says, “David, every chance you’re gonna get, you’re gonna take a drink of alcohol to reproduce that initial effect,” and it darn near killed me.

[00:29:17.867 – 00:29:20.907] And I learned a lot of things down on Skid Row.

[00:29:20.907 – 00:29:22.647] Never get your back up against a wall.

[00:29:22.647 – 00:29:24.866] Didn’t have a backdoor or window you could jump out.

[00:29:24.866 – 00:29:29.727] If you have smoke or ate anything, keep both hands free so you can hit and run.

[00:29:29.727 – 00:29:31.767] I’ve always been five foot six.

[00:29:31.767 – 00:29:33.687] I was born five foot six.

[00:29:33.687 – 00:29:37.467] And I’d drink that juice, and I’d be seven foot tall.

[00:29:37.467 – 00:29:41.007] I’ve had hundreds of fights, never won a one.

[00:29:41.007 – 00:29:44.327] My nose has been where my navel is.

[00:29:44.327 – 00:29:46.027] My navel’s been where my right ear…

[00:29:46.027 – 00:29:47.447] I’ve been all rearranged.

[00:29:47.447 – 00:29:54.123] When I was 14, 15, 16, 17 years of age, I run off and joined Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

[00:29:54.123 – 00:30:00.123] Now, back in those days, the Ringling show was the finest and largest under canvas in the entire world.

[00:30:00.123 – 00:30:10.143] It would’ve been a thrill for a youngster to go to the circus with all the wild animals, and the clowns, you know, and the aerialists, and Tom Mix, and he, he had the Wild West show and his

[00:30:10.143 – 00:30:11.123] trick horse pony.

[00:30:11.123 – 00:30:21.263] And I’ll tell you, I learned the most beautiful concoction to drink in the circus that’s ever been devised by man, called Green Lizard Circus Style, a tremendous drink.

[00:30:21.263 – 00:30:25.563] Elixir of sodium bromide and Lucky Tiger Hair Tonic.

[00:30:25.563 – 00:30:33.283] Now, I used to drink that stuff, and I’d see Bambi and those animals in Technicolor long before Walt Disney ever put them up there.

[00:30:33.283 – 00:30:43.343] And while I was in the circus, I drank with the most delightful drunks that I have ever drunk in my life, and it’s the only bunch of drunks that

[00:30:43.343 – 00:30:46.043] I was taller than them, and that was the midgets.

[00:30:46.043 – 00:30:47.903] I used to drink with all the midgets.

[00:30:47.903 – 00:30:49.703] Now, I’m gonna tell you about those midgets now.

[00:30:49.703 – 00:30:55.423] Uh, you get you an alcoholic midget, and we had about 30 of them, and they are absolutely wild.

[00:30:55.423 – 00:30:58.263] First of all, they are tremendous athletes.

[00:30:58.263 – 00:30:59.883] The police couldn’t get them.

[00:30:59.883 – 00:31:01.602] It’s just like getting a greased pig.

[00:31:01.602 – 00:31:03.523] They’d end up in treetops.

[00:31:03.523 – 00:31:05.743] They’d end up in cellars and everything else.

[00:31:05.743 – 00:31:15.623] And, and, and it’s a funny thing about the midgets, they were infatuated and in love with the fat, fat lady in the circus, the one that weighed 450, 600 pounds.

[00:31:15.623 – 00:31:20.883] And they’d get drunk, and they’d run all over, you know, and they’d try to figure out where it was.

[00:31:20.883 – 00:31:30.943] And then we’d get over in the corner and have a convention to figure out how to get to it, you know.

[00:31:30.943 – 00:31:38.243] And every ti- every town we were in, fire trucks were running, and we ran John Ringling north drunk.

[00:31:38.243 – 00:31:48.283] And he, and he looked at me, and was the words that I was to hear from the time of, “What are we gonna do with you?” None of them ever said

[00:31:48.283 – 00:31:58.263] to me, until I got Alcoholics Anonymous, “We have something that will help you.” Everybody else says, “What are we gonna do about you?

[00:31:58.263 – 00:32:05.163] What are you gonna do about your drinking?” No one said that until I come to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:32:05.163 – 00:32:06.643] “We have a way.

[00:32:06.643 – 00:32:10.863] We have a way.” And thank God you do, I’ll tell you.

[00:32:10.863 – 00:32:13.622] And for God’s sakes, don’t louse it up.

[00:32:13.622 – 00:32:16.763] We’re here as a result of it.

[00:32:16.763 – 00:32:19.043] None of us invented AA.

[00:32:19.043 – 00:32:26.113] This is God’s deal, and He’s given it to us a gift, and we’ll keep it as long as God wants it, until God calls you home.

[00:32:26.113 – 00:32:29.263] We ain’t going no place anyway, so you just might as well stay.

[00:32:29.263 – 00:32:31.823] This whole business you’re hollering about, keep coming back.

[00:32:31.823 – 00:32:33.383] Well, why don’t you just stay?

[00:32:33.383 – 00:32:40.463] Yeah.

[00:32:40.463 – 00:32:47.443] And my family would find me, and they’d put me back in school.

[00:32:47.443 – 00:32:50.603] But you see, when I went down to Skid Row on my…

[00:32:50.603 – 00:32:53.283] started meant my whole perspective in life changed.

[00:32:53.283 – 00:32:56.723] No longer was I interested in 14th century history.

[00:32:56.723 – 00:33:05.323] No long, no longer was I interested i- in, in whether George Washington threw a silver dollar across the Delaware or the Bay Bridge.

[00:33:05.323 – 00:33:09.323] I was down with a bunch of adults.

[00:33:09.323 – 00:33:19.363] I was just a kid, drinking that bay rum and wine, chewing tobacco, smoking cigars, carrying a big banana knife.

[00:33:19.363 – 00:33:25.063] When it was laid out, it was 12 inches long, with one of them claw hammers, macho, you know.

[00:33:25.063 – 00:33:31.703] And I wanted to be a, a wino, and I wanted to be a bum.

[00:33:31.703 – 00:33:41.843] And then when I went to the circus, I not only wanted to be a wino and a bum, but I wanted to be tattooed from the top of my head down to my toes on both sides

[00:33:41.843 – 00:33:43.723] and wander the world as a freak.

[00:33:43.723 – 00:33:50.603] And they’d put me back in school, but you see, I had tasted something that the youngsters my age in school had not.

[00:33:50.603 – 00:33:56.143] I’d been out there where there was violence, and I was out there where there was death, and I was out there on Skid Row.

[00:33:56.143 – 00:33:58.463] They didn’t care whether you lived or whether you cared you die.

[00:33:58.463 – 00:34:02.463] And I didn’t want to be, and I wanted to wander with them, and I wanted to go.

[00:34:02.463 – 00:34:06.603] But m- my folks had all the money, and they’d get me out of all the trouble, you know.

[00:34:06.603 – 00:34:13.883] And so finally, I graduated high school, you know, and, and then I went to Southern Methodist University, and I graduated from there.

[00:34:13.883 – 00:34:22.183] And then World War II was coming along, and if you had hot and going to professional school, they’d give you an exemption till you finish professional school.

[00:34:22.183 – 00:34:27.803] At the end of my first year in professional school, I flunked out because of my drinking.

[00:34:27.803 – 00:34:30.203] And I had to go home and tell my mama.

[00:34:30.203 – 00:34:40.003] And my mama is four foot eleve- was four foot 11 and a half, and she had a backhanded slap with her right and her left hand that was faster than any rattlesnake you’ve ever seen.

[00:34:40.003 – 00:34:45.123] And I come home and told my mama, and she said, “What happened?” Got back in school.

[00:34:45.123 – 00:34:46.893] And then, I, I, I…

[00:34:46.893 – 00:34:49.283] and then I went back in school, still drinking.

[00:34:49.283 – 00:34:58.723] And then I d- I began to do the most dangerous thing that an alcoholic can do, drunk, sober, or dead, and that’s I began to think.

[00:34:58.723 – 00:35:01.353] And I began to-

[00:35:01.478 – 00:35:11.518] Think, “Well, if I got married, then I’d be a husband, and I’d have some responsibilities, and I wouldn’t drink so much.” And I’d met this wonderful gal, and

[00:35:11.518 – 00:35:20.838] we decided we’d go and go get married, but I said, “Grace, now we’re gonna have to get married on some conditions.” She said, “What’s that?” I said, “Your parents are gonna have to pay half our living expenses.

[00:35:20.838 – 00:35:23.878] My parents are gonna have to pay half our living expenses.

[00:35:23.878 – 00:35:29.298] You can go to work, and I’ll go back to school.” And we were married under those conditions.

[00:35:29.298 – 00:35:31.478] Her parents paid half our living expenses.

[00:35:31.478 – 00:35:33.958] My parents paid half our living expenses.

[00:35:33.958 – 00:35:40.278] She went to work in a department store, and I went back to school, and that’s paradise for an alcoholic.

[00:35:40.278 – 00:35:43.458] Somebody feeds you, somebody clothes you, somebody gives you money.

[00:35:43.458 – 00:35:44.698] You don’t have to do nothing.

[00:35:44.698 – 00:35:46.178] Absolutely nothing.

[00:35:46.178 – 00:35:52.898] And then by hook or crook, I graduated, and then the United States Navy made a tremendous mistake.

[00:35:52.898 – 00:35:56.358] They declared me an officer and a gentleman.

[00:35:56.358 – 00:36:01.138] And I sallied forth in the service, and the first time it wasn’t too bad.

[00:36:01.138 – 00:36:02.098] I was on carrier.

[00:36:02.098 – 00:36:04.038] Oh, I’d, I’d get drunk.

[00:36:04.038 – 00:36:05.558] I’d miss ship every now and then.

[00:36:05.558 – 00:36:13.258] You don’t know what it is to be extremely drunk and unsteady of balance, and you fall off the fan tail of a battleship.

[00:36:13.258 – 00:36:16.378] And it’s in dry dock.

[00:36:16.378 – 00:36:24.718] I’ve fallen off the New Jersey twice, once at Bremerton in dry dock and once off Inchon.

[00:36:24.718 – 00:36:26.797] That’s an experience you must not miss.

[00:36:26.797 – 00:36:33.058] And, oh, and I got back out of the service, and I w- came back to Dallas, and I opened up my first dental practice.

[00:36:33.058 – 00:36:39.358] And I start making more money than there’s money, absolutely more money than there’s money.

[00:36:39.358 – 00:36:45.938] And I put the money in my right hand pocket, steal it with my left hand, go stay drunk, you know, and wander the world.

[00:36:45.938 – 00:36:49.498] And it was during that stage that they asked me to come to that meeting.

[00:36:49.498 – 00:36:59.678] And to go back to that meeting, and so here I was, and every time I, I wanted to go out to my trunk of my car to go get me a drink of alcohol, it looked like 80 people

[00:36:59.678 – 00:37:10.358] stood up, turned around, and looked at me and said, “Shut up and sit here and listen.” And I hated every member of Alcoholics Anonymous at that meeting and the horse and wagons that brought them cross-country.

[00:37:10.358 – 00:37:16.757] And as soon as that meeting was over with and everybody went to the birthday party and had ice cream and…

[00:37:16.757 – 00:37:17.698] Not me.

[00:37:17.698 – 00:37:22.478] I ran out to the trunk of my car, and I went, and I got that half a fifth of whiskey.

[00:37:22.478 – 00:37:24.718] I don’t know about anybody in here.

[00:37:24.718 – 00:37:28.438] I drank that fif- half fifth down in two swallows.

[00:37:28.438 – 00:37:30.178] Now, that’s the way I drank alcohol.

[00:37:30.178 – 00:37:40.178] I never put it in a brandy glass and run around and sniff it for about four hours, you know, and burn candles and incense and listen to Lawrence Welk, you

[00:37:40.178 – 00:37:40.398] know?

[00:37:40.398 – 00:37:50.418] I never put an inch in a glass, nine ice cubes, ten inches of soda water, and a straw and a fruit and a cherry, and a half a Christmas tree on top of it and suck

[00:37:50.418 – 00:37:51.738] on it for about three hours.

[00:37:51.738 – 00:37:53.698] To me, that’s sick drinking.

[00:37:53.698 – 00:38:03.418] You know how it is when you want a drink of alcohol so bad, and you take that drink, and it runs down your Adam’s apple, and it gets in your chest well and starts pulsating like hours.

[00:38:03.418 – 00:38:07.778] And then it runs down to your navel and runs around your navel about nine or ten times.

[00:38:07.778 – 00:38:12.558] And then it starts down your right and your left leg, heading for them toenails on each foot.

[00:38:12.558 – 00:38:22.558] And it makes a U-turn and comes back up, you know, and it gets halfway between the ankle and the knee, and the head says, “I wonder if it’ll make her all the way

[00:38:22.558 – 00:38:23.238] up.

[00:38:23.238 – 00:38:31.698] I better drop another one down to meet it.” And so the key is when you’re drinking is to have one going down and one coming up.

[00:38:31.698 – 00:38:42.018] Now, until one has experienced that sensation and that feeling, we’ll never be able to understand

[00:38:42.018 – 00:38:46.938] what we are talking about, and that’s one drunk talking to another.

[00:38:46.938 – 00:38:50.578] But let me tell you what happened to me when I drank that half fifth of whiskey.

[00:38:50.578 – 00:38:52.278] My hair laid back down.

[00:38:52.278 – 00:38:55.478] My toes went back in those alligator shoes.

[00:38:55.478 – 00:39:01.378] I ran up the steps, and the oldest sober member of the group said something to me, and I hit him.

[00:39:01.378 – 00:39:07.758] And when I was drinking, I was bad to hit people, taller than me, shorter than me, fatter than me, skinnier than me.

[00:39:07.758 – 00:39:10.178] And two of his AA babies joined in.

[00:39:10.178 – 00:39:11.338] We started a fight.

[00:39:11.338 – 00:39:17.838] And as f- far as I was concerned, that fight was a lot better than that AA meeting, I don’t mind telling you.

[00:39:17.838 – 00:39:21.818] And I was just whipping the dickens out of them two little wimps.

[00:39:21.818 – 00:39:25.678] And then they did, and then they did an unfair thing.

[00:39:25.678 – 00:39:33.058] They ran in two more sober members of AA about the size of linebackers on any professional football team.

[00:39:33.058 – 00:39:40.378] And finally, four of them picked me up bodily, two on each side, and opened the door and threw me right out of that AA group.

[00:39:40.378 – 00:39:50.778] As I’m flying through the air, one of them said, “We do not need your kind here.” And another one said, “And furthermore, you are too young to be an alcoholic.”

[00:39:50.778 – 00:39:53.738] And God, was I glad to hear that.

[00:39:53.738 – 00:40:03.898] And I stood on that grass that Sunday evening with my fists clenched, screaming and hollering and cursing to anybody that listened to me that I would

[00:40:03.898 – 00:40:10.178] never come back to this Christ soul-saving organization as long as I live, that I was not an alcoholic.

[00:40:10.178 – 00:40:11.888] I was too young to be an alcoholic.

[00:40:11.888 – 00:40:19.878] But the next seventeen years, everything that could possibly happen to a human being happened to this human being.

[00:40:19.878 – 00:40:30.018] And the only three things never did happen to me, getting ready to get on a drunk, on a drunk, coming off a drunk right to this very second, is I never did willfully

[00:40:30.018 – 00:40:34.958] murder another human being, fall in love with another man, or die drunk.

[00:40:34.958 – 00:40:37.098] Other than that, it all happened.

[00:40:37.098 – 00:40:41.838] Of course, I guess blackouts don’t count, you know.

[00:40:41.838 – 00:40:42.878] I really don’t know.

[00:40:42.878 – 00:40:48.418] We don’t want anybody leaving an AA meeting with resentments, you know?

[00:40:48.418 – 00:40:48.798] Yeah.

[00:40:48.798 – 00:40:59.038] And I was recalled back into the service, and I went back as a naval dental officer with a combat marine division, and I got into more trouble than there is trouble.

[00:40:59.038 – 00:41:03.078] And all of a sudden, I found myself in a maximum prison.

[00:41:03.078 – 00:41:06.578] It only had room for a hundred and thirty-eight.

[00:41:06.578 – 00:41:16.602] With a leg iron locked around my right leg and a chain weld to the leg iron, the other end of the chain weld is still caught, and st- and the steel, the legs of the

[00:41:16.602 – 00:41:23.482] steel caught immersed in concrete, and there are armed gorillas around me twenty-four hours a day daring me to move.

[00:41:23.482 – 00:41:30.782] And the word was, when you arrive there, you would never see the outside world again.

[00:41:30.782 – 00:41:36.802] And I saw how some of them left with sheets from the top of their head down to their toes.

[00:41:36.802 – 00:41:43.162] And I hated society, and I didn’t know how I got there and the reason till after I got there.

[00:41:43.162 – 00:41:50.742] And you talk when you’re thousands of miles away from your mama and your papa.

[00:41:50.742 – 00:42:00.702] You talk about lonesomeness, and you talk about loneliness, and you talk about despair, and you talk about inner and outer blackness and darkness.

[00:42:00.702 – 00:42:03.142] And we were treated like animals.

[00:42:03.142 – 00:42:06.142] You ate with your fingers.

[00:42:06.142 – 00:42:08.422] You screamed, and you hollered.

[00:42:08.422 – 00:42:12.242] Resentment is a terrible thing.

[00:42:12.242 – 00:42:16.602] It’ll keep you going for a while, but it will warp the mind.

[00:42:16.602 – 00:42:23.562] And I got out it by, in a very devious manner, and frankly, it’s none of your business.

[00:42:23.562 – 00:42:26.882] But let me put it, put it this way.

[00:42:26.882 – 00:42:33.902] Some fine people took their lives as a result of their involvement with me, and those were the first amends that I had to make.

[00:42:33.902 – 00:42:35.502] I used my father’s good name.

[00:42:35.502 – 00:42:41.422] I used everybody that he could, and I literally escaped.

[00:42:41.422 – 00:42:46.162] That place, that place is a horrible place, a horrible place.

[00:42:46.162 – 00:42:55.502] I come out of the hole, I weighed a hundred and twelve pounds, hating society, everything and everybody, as a result of me, not you or anybody else.

[00:42:55.502 – 00:43:00.302] But I didn’t know that until after I looked at David, after I come to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:43:00.302 – 00:43:09.922] And I talked my wives into taking me back, and we decided to move, and we moved out to the panhandle of West Texas to raise our two little boys in a Christian environment.

[00:43:09.922 – 00:43:16.062] I don’t know how many of y’all have ever lived in a small town of thirty-five hundred that lives in a Christian environment.

[00:43:16.062 – 00:43:18.782] That’s a town that votes dry and drinks wet.

[00:43:18.782 – 00:43:28.782] And I was drinking every day, and I got up to where I weighed two hundred and forty-five pounds, and my blood pressure was so high that every time my pulse would beat, my hair would stand

[00:43:28.782 – 00:43:30.702] straight up and pump like a oil well.

[00:43:30.702 – 00:43:40.842] Had a fat doctor friend, lived in the town nearby, went over to go to see him, and he looks at me and he said, “By God, David, you’re sick.” And he runs a cuff around my arm,

[00:43:40.842 – 00:43:45.222] he runs the pressure up, and he says, “My God, David, it’s a miracle you’re alive.

[00:43:45.222 – 00:43:55.182] Your blood pressure’s so high.” And then he said, “The reason your blood pressure’s so high is because you’re so fat.” And then he said, “The reason you’re so fat is because you eat so much,” and that was a lie.

[00:43:55.182 – 00:43:57.542] The reason I was that way, I was bloated.

[00:43:57.542 – 00:44:07.582] And he said, “I’m gonna have to give you some help, and you don’t have any guts, and you don’t have any willpower.” And he wrote me a prescription for sixty of the most beautiful capsules I’ve

[00:44:07.582 – 00:44:10.002] ever seen in my life called Nembutals.

[00:44:10.002 – 00:44:20.002] And he says, “Take them as directed.” And I said, “Doctor, is it all right if I drink a few beers while I’m taking those beauties?” He says, “I, I do not believe

[00:44:20.002 – 00:44:23.082] it will hurt you.” He never should have told me that.

[00:44:23.082 – 00:44:26.242] So I went home, and I had the prescription filled.

[00:44:26.242 – 00:44:28.222] I went home to lose weight and stay drunk.

[00:44:28.222 – 00:44:32.262] Well, every drunk knows if one’s good, two’s better, three’s terrific.

[00:44:32.262 – 00:44:33.492] So I just took three of them.

[00:44:33.492 – 00:44:36.742] Drank some whiskey, didn’t feel like I was losing any weight.

[00:44:36.742 – 00:44:41.962] Took three more of them, drank some more whiskey, ran into the bathroom, turned sideways in the mirror.

[00:44:41.962 – 00:44:43.362] Didn’t look like I was losing any weight.

[00:44:43.362 – 00:44:47.622] Come out and took a handful of them, drank some more whiskey.

[00:44:47.622 – 00:44:55.162] You know, our, our co-founder, Bill, wrote some very prophetic lines when he says, you know, “When a drunk is drinking, it’s time out of mind.

[00:44:55.162 – 00:45:02.502] Time passes so slow.” And the only sad thing I found about Alcoholics Anonymous, that time passes so fast sober.

[00:45:02.502 – 00:45:03.802] Where does it go?

[00:45:03.802 – 00:45:13.202] And I finally took all the pills and drank all the whiskey, and the next thing I knew, I was out in my backyard, and I was picking peaches off of rose bushes.

[00:45:13.202 – 00:45:14.342] I don’t mind telling you.

[00:45:14.342 – 00:45:20.782] And they tell me I ran around that little town for two days talking in the unknown tongue.

[00:45:20.782 – 00:45:30.062] And being one of two Jewish families in five counties around, they gathered everybody in to see and hear the miracle.

[00:45:30.062 – 00:45:33.522] ‘Cause word had spread like wildfire.

[00:45:33.522 – 00:45:35.922] The Jew had caught the Holy Ghost.

[00:45:35.922 – 00:45:42.562] And when I come to and realized what happened, I said, “My God, those pills are messing up my drinking,” you know?

[00:45:42.562 – 00:45:44.862] Oh, I’d been to the psychiatrist.

[00:45:44.862 – 00:45:48.052] All the questions he asked me, my wife used to ask me for nothing.

[00:45:48.052 – 00:45:50.892] District attorneys used to ask me the same question.

[00:45:50.892 – 00:45:56.002] Sheriffs, enemies, girlfriends, a-anybody for nothing, the same thing.

[00:45:56.002 – 00:45:58.362] And we f– But it was in that little town.

[00:45:58.362 – 00:46:03.222] If I don’t tell this story, I won’t, won’t be able to leave, uh, San Jose.

[00:46:03.222 – 00:46:07.892] I don’t tell it very much, but I made a promise.

[00:46:07.892 – 00:46:17.902] It was in this town that the entire picture of active alcoholism, how it not only affects the alcoholic, but those who we love the most, who love us the most.

[00:46:17.902 – 00:46:25.562] The richest and the most powerful man in the whole area died, and I was asked to be one of the pallbearers.

[00:46:25.562 – 00:46:27.242] And you know, that’s an honor to be a pallbearer.

[00:46:27.242 – 00:46:33.862] And it was one of those cold, rainy days in, in the panhandle of West Texas, uh, not quite cold enough to sleep.

[00:46:33.862 – 00:46:37.312] And I’m home, and I’m getting all juiced up to be a pallbearer.

[00:46:37.312 – 00:46:39.642] Every button I button, I take a drink.

[00:46:39.642 – 00:46:41.382] Put on my right boot, take a drink.

[00:46:41.382 – 00:46:43.062] Put on my left boot, take a drink.

[00:46:43.062 – 00:46:44.582] Tie my tie, take a drink.

[00:46:44.582 – 00:46:51.282] And I take what’s left of that bottle, and I throw it underneath the front seat of that old station wagon, and off I go to church house.

[00:46:51.282 – 00:46:54.302] And I don’t know how many of y’all live in a small country town.

[00:46:54.302 – 00:46:55.662] They don’t build a basement.

[00:46:55.662 – 00:46:56.872] The basement’s the ground floor.

[00:46:56.872 – 00:46:59.142] They just build a church right above it.

[00:46:59.142 – 00:47:04.002] And it’s one of those kind where to climb up those steps is like climbing up Pikes Peak.

[00:47:04.002 – 00:47:10.862] And you open up them big oak doors and them curved pews, and to get down on the front row, that’s like skiing down Pike Peak.

[00:47:10.862 – 00:47:14.062] And all I’m doing is I’m thinking about taking a drink.

[00:47:14.062 – 00:47:24.278] And, and, and, and when the host preacher opens up their services and, and I knew who all the eulogizers were, and after the last eulogizer,

[00:47:24.278 – 00:47:25.998] I was going to get me a drink.

[00:47:25.998 – 00:47:27.758] But by God, they, they tricked me.

[00:47:27.758 – 00:47:31.537] They had augmented the choir, and then the choir had to sing.

[00:47:31.537 – 00:47:38.578] And they started singing every hymnal, every hymn in the Methodist hymnal and half out of the Baptist hymnal.

[00:47:38.578 – 00:47:48.838] “Wandering Child, Please Come Home,” “We’re Going to Meet at Down by the River at the Foot of the Cross,” and “Jesus Loves You,” you know, and “Bringing in the Sheaves”

[00:47:48.838 – 00:47:53.078] and “Old Ninety-Nine” and “Amazing Grace,” and I hate that hymn.

[00:47:53.078 – 00:47:59.978] Because I’m married to a gal and her name is Grace, and she ain’t amazing, I don’t mind telling you.

[00:47:59.978 – 00:48:10.018] And finally, they get through, and you know, the pallbearers got to wheel the deceased up the hill while the congregation, you know, uh, uh, uh, walks by and looks

[00:48:10.018 – 00:48:14.038] at them, and then the congregation goes and files down on the steps on either side.

[00:48:14.038 – 00:48:19.338] And I knew I could not hold the northeast corner of that coffin up without a drink.

[00:48:19.338 – 00:48:29.398] And so as one of the funeral home assistants come by and nailed him, and I said, “Take my place.” And I scooted out the side door, and I got in that old station wagon, and I got about

[00:48:29.398 – 00:48:35.658] three blocks from the church, and I reached under that seat, and I pulled that sack down like a banana, and I took me a drink.

[00:48:35.658 – 00:48:37.138] And oh, God, I smoothed out.

[00:48:37.138 – 00:48:39.418] And I took another one, and I smoothed a little more.

[00:48:39.418 – 00:48:42.158] And I took a third and a fourth and a fifth and a sixth.

[00:48:42.158 – 00:48:52.378] And thank God I had enough sanity not to try to crawl back in the, in the, in the car with the rest of the pallbearers drunk or,

[00:48:52.378 – 00:48:55.258] or try to drive in a funeral procession ten miles an hour drunk.

[00:48:55.258 – 00:49:01.238] So I said, “Well, I’ll circle the town and meet them out at the cemetery.” Well, the cemetery is about five miles out of town.

[00:49:01.238 – 00:49:09.638] So I start driving, and I’m drinking, and I turned on my radio, and I love country western music more than anything else in the world.

[00:49:09.638 – 00:49:19.698] And my, and my favorite radio station in those days was Del Rio, Texas, where they sold Bibles and crosses and chains and rejuvenation powders and potions

[00:49:19.698 – 00:49:21.578] and lotions, post office box.

[00:49:21.578 – 00:49:23.578] And they sold everything in the world, you know.

[00:49:23.578 – 00:49:25.458] Get your Kewpie doll of Jesus.

[00:49:25.458 – 00:49:27.778] You can love him, you can hug him, you can kiss him.

[00:49:27.778 – 00:49:32.898] He’s with you three hundred and sixty-five days out of the year, and he glows in the dark, you know.

[00:49:32.898 – 00:49:37.858] And I, and they play those fine country western tunes, you know.

[00:49:37.858 – 00:49:40.158] Don’t wink them bloodshot eyes at me.

[00:49:40.158 – 00:49:44.418] And here’s one that’s good for eleven months of drinking and fourteen months of crying.

[00:49:44.418 – 00:49:47.578] Only God made honky-tonk angels, you know.

[00:49:47.578 – 00:49:51.398] And I’m singing, and I’m, and I get out to the cemetery, and I’m the only one there.

[00:49:51.398 – 00:49:55.718] So I take a couple of honks on that juice, and I slide up that wet hill.

[00:49:55.718 – 00:50:04.998] And the false grass had been laid and chairs over it and the tent, and the grave had been dug, and, uh, stanchions at either end and the sling for the coffin.

[00:50:04.998 – 00:50:09.158] Being a good, smart-nosed drunk, I got to see all the arrangements are proper.

[00:50:09.158 – 00:50:15.818] I see a chair or two out of line, get up behind the lectern, make about a minute or two eulogy, and nobody shows up.

[00:50:15.818 – 00:50:20.998] So I slide down the hill, and I go down, take me about eight more honks on that juice.

[00:50:20.998 – 00:50:30.517] And by this time, I’m unsteady of balance, and I’m coming up that hill, well, you know, just like a car out of line, toes up, heels back, and leaning.

[00:50:30.517 – 00:50:33.738] And I wasn’t seeing double, I was seeing quadruple.

[00:50:33.738 – 00:50:37.558] And I saw four whole rows of chairs that are out of line.

[00:50:37.558 – 00:50:43.878] And if there’s one thing a drinking drunk doesn’t want, he doesn’t want anybody to know we’ve been around and messed it up.

[00:50:43.878 – 00:50:46.018] And I got to change those chairs.

[00:50:46.018 – 00:50:51.058] So I aim for those chairs that are not out of line, and I’m extremely drunk.

[00:50:51.058 – 00:50:55.898] And that outdoor in, that, that grass, that false grass is just slicker than you know what.

[00:50:55.898 – 00:51:06.118] And one of the toes of my boots hits the seam of that thing, and the next thing you know, I’m sliding, and the next thing you know, I’m grabbing two chairs, and the next thing I know, me and two chairs,

[00:51:06.118 – 00:51:08.698] we’re down in the bottom of that hole down there.

[00:51:08.698 – 00:51:18.258] Now, I’m going to tell you, when you’re extremely drunk and you’re flat on your back and you can’t get up, now that is a feeling you must not miss.

[00:51:18.258 – 00:51:26.938] And here comes the host minister, and here comes the pallbearers with the deceased, and here comes my wife.

[00:51:26.938 – 00:51:31.587] Now, the son of the deceased, a non-alcoholic…

[00:51:31.587 – 00:51:34.337] Now, when I say non-alcoholic, I don’t mean Al-Anon.

[00:51:34.337 – 00:51:36.798] Uh-uh, they’re a breed of their own, thank God.

[00:51:36.798 – 00:51:46.798] This non-alcoholic hears all that scratching and squealing down the bottom of that hole, and he sticks his long turkey neck down there, and he sees me, and he asks

[00:51:46.798 – 00:51:54.638] me this stupid question, “What are you doing down there?” And I gave him a drinking drunk’s best shot.

[00:51:54.638 – 00:52:02.038] “I’m trying to get out, that’s what I’m doing.” And they haul me out, and I’m drunk, and I’m muddy, and I’m wet.

[00:52:02.038 – 00:52:06.958] And every eye is looking at me as they finish, finish the final rites of that wonderful man.

[00:52:06.958 – 00:52:16.998] Now, if that should happen to a social drinker, whatever that is, chances are they’re so ashamed and so embarrassed, they’ll

[00:52:16.998 – 00:52:18.438] stop drinking the rest of their life.

[00:52:18.438 – 00:52:19.998] But not me, I’m an alcoholic.

[00:52:19.998 – 00:52:22.278] You know what’s going through my mind?

[00:52:22.278 – 00:52:28.018] I could show you the looks in the eyes of the people who I love the most, who love me.

[00:52:28.018 – 00:52:31.968] I could see the utter disbelief, the embarrassment, the shame-

[00:52:32.177 – 00:52:33.897] Name the degradation.

[00:52:33.897 – 00:52:44.057] But I saw another look in that eye, a look that every alcoholic has seen in the eyes of those who love us or those who we love, and sometimes not

[00:52:44.057 – 00:52:45.717] only drunk, but sober.

[00:52:45.717 – 00:52:55.797] Although that look doesn’t say these words, that look looks these words, and that look is, “Oh, no, not again.”

[00:52:55.797 – 00:53:06.057] And I said, “Get these services over with so I can obliterate from my innermost consciousness the looks in the eyes of the people who I love the most, who love me the most.”

[00:53:06.057 – 00:53:10.197] And when those services were over with, I didn’t go out and take me a drink of alcohol.

[00:53:10.197 – 00:53:15.357] I went out and got me a, a box of alcohol, and I didn’t come back for three and a half months.

[00:53:15.357 – 00:53:22.937] But the ridicule and the shame that my wife and those two sons had to endure was almost too much for their sanity.

[00:53:22.937 – 00:53:28.387] And we had to leave that town, and we moved back to Dallas with a wonderful opportunity, and I started again.

[00:53:28.387 – 00:53:31.277] But I’m taking me with me.

[00:53:31.277 – 00:53:41.417] It wasn’t long before I was down on that last cr- skid row, sleeping in them fifty-five cent a night hotel rooms with your shoes

[00:53:41.417 – 00:53:42.477] tied around your neck.

[00:53:42.477 – 00:53:45.697] I went home once the last month I drank.

[00:53:45.697 – 00:53:47.837] Last eleven months, rather, I drank.

[00:53:47.837 – 00:53:57.857] I walked in, my wife looked at me, and she says, “Do you have to drink and do the things that you’re doing?” And I told Grace the only truth, and the only truthful thing I told her

[00:53:57.857 – 00:53:59.277] ever since we’d been married.

[00:53:59.277 – 00:54:02.917] I said, “Grace, why don’t you find another man that’ll marry you?

[00:54:02.917 – 00:54:09.937] You’re such a fine lady, that’ll be a good husband to you and a good father to those two little boys.

[00:54:09.937 – 00:54:12.437] I cannot function as a son.

[00:54:12.437 – 00:54:14.017] I cannot function as a husband.

[00:54:14.017 – 00:54:15.857] I cannot function as a father.

[00:54:15.857 – 00:54:18.597] I cannot function as a professional man.

[00:54:18.597 – 00:54:19.937] I don’t want to live anymore.

[00:54:19.937 – 00:54:21.817] I can’t get sober.

[00:54:21.817 – 00:54:29.657] I’m going to die drunk.” And I grabbed my wine bottle, and I went back out and tried to proceed to kill myself.

[00:54:29.657 – 00:54:39.837] And somewhere along the line on April the tw- eighteenth, nineteenth, twentieth, sixty-seven, I really don’t know, I found the handwriting on the floor of the county jail in Dallas,

[00:54:39.837 – 00:54:40.377] Texas.

[00:54:40.377 – 00:54:47.177] Now, I’ve been in lots of jails, and incidentally, being in jail is not a requirement for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:54:47.177 – 00:54:56.176] But this time I run out of everything and everybody, and I got down to me to where I couldn’t stay sober, and I couldn’t stay drunk, and I couldn’t kill myself, and I couldn’t stay alive.

[00:54:56.176 – 00:55:00.577] And I didn’t want me as me was, but me is going with me every place me went.

[00:55:00.577 – 00:55:04.077] And I screamed out on that jail floor.

[00:55:04.077 – 00:55:06.037] I didn’t even put a condition on it.

[00:55:06.037 – 00:55:16.077] I just simply said, “God, help me.” And I know right this very second there’s not only a God for me then, there’s is right this second because I’m

[00:55:16.077 – 00:55:19.237] still here, and I haven’t had a drink of alcohol.

[00:55:19.237 – 00:55:29.396] And I said, “If I ever get out of this jail, I’m going to look up those people in Alcoholics Anonymous.” After I said, “God, help me,” with no conditions,

[00:55:29.397 – 00:55:36.497] and it got down to that link, God and this fine thing under there, something deep in me said, “Alcoholics Anonymous, continuous sobriety.

[00:55:36.497 – 00:55:46.637] Continuous sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous.” And how I got by that old sheriff, I don’t know, because the next to the last time I was in his jail, he told me, he said, “Boy,

[00:55:46.637 – 00:55:56.777] if you ever show up in my jail again for drinking and drunk and doing the things that you do, I’ll have you put away to where you’ll never bother another human being, bird, tree, dog, or rock.

[00:55:56.777 – 00:55:59.677] Do you understand?” And I heard him so well.

[00:55:59.677 – 00:56:09.836] I left him, went right down, went to the whiskey store, got me a d- another bottle of muscadine and got out in the park with the rest of the winos and pigeons and grins, said I beat him again.

[00:56:09.836 – 00:56:12.377] How I got by him, I don’t know.

[00:56:12.377 – 00:56:15.397] When I got out, I started looking for the people in AA.

[00:56:15.397 – 00:56:23.297] I found out the gal, Edith, who asked me to come to her first AA birthday, she passed away, but she was continuously sober when she passed away.

[00:56:23.297 – 00:56:26.517] Her sponsor, Molina, had moved to West Texas.

[00:56:26.517 – 00:56:30.217] After I was sober nine months, Molina came back to Dallas.

[00:56:30.217 – 00:56:33.017] She was secretary of our group, and she went back to manicuring.

[00:56:33.017 – 00:56:36.897] And I used to see Molina every Wednesday morning as my manicurist.

[00:56:36.897 – 00:56:40.177] And in March of nineteen eighty-six, Molina passed away.

[00:56:40.177 – 00:56:45.717] And if she would have lived two more months, she would have been thirty-seven continuous years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:56:45.717 – 00:56:48.957] The only one that I knew at that meeting was a man.

[00:56:48.957 – 00:56:51.317] He was sober eight years.

[00:56:51.317 – 00:56:52.897] He went back to drinking.

[00:56:52.897 – 00:56:54.377] He drank for eight years.

[00:56:54.377 – 00:56:59.597] And this past May, he celebrated his twenty-seventh continuous sobriety this stretch.

[00:56:59.597 – 00:57:01.297] And I called him up.

[00:57:01.297 – 00:57:02.337] He is my sponsor.

[00:57:02.337 – 00:57:04.577] I’ve only had one sponsor.

[00:57:04.577 – 00:57:07.737] And I called him up, and he wanted to know who it was for.

[00:57:07.737 – 00:57:11.997] And I said, “It’s for me.” He said, “Well, we have a meeting tomorrow night.

[00:57:11.997 – 00:57:21.677] Let’s just go and get it over with, and don’t you take a drink of alcohol today, and call me in the morning at seven thirty.” And boom, he hung up, and that’s all he told me.

[00:57:21.677 – 00:57:27.937] And after thirty-seven and a half years of giving it the best shot, it was cold turkey.

[00:57:27.937 – 00:57:31.757] Well, it’s more like frozen buzzard if you want to know the truth, man.

[00:57:31.757 – 00:57:34.037] I started walking and shaking out a drunk.

[00:57:34.037 – 00:57:41.457] When I come to the next morning, I was sober, and I have a belly full of tranquilizers and a prescription for five hundred more.

[00:57:41.457 – 00:57:50.757] And I called him at seven thirty, “Are you drinking?” I says, “No, sir.” He says, “Don’t you take a drink of alcohol today and call me at three thirty this afternoon.” Boom, and he hung up.

[00:57:50.757 – 00:57:52.537] Started that walking and that shaking.

[00:57:52.537 – 00:57:54.477] Three thirty, I called him up.

[00:57:54.477 – 00:58:04.737] He said, “Are you drinking?” I says, “No, sir.” He said, “Do you really want to come to an AA meeting?” I said, “More than anything else in the world.” He said, “Do you want me to come get you?” And being about

[00:58:04.737 – 00:58:10.517] as humble as Saddam Hussein, I said, “I’ll get there under my own steam.” And he told me where to go.

[00:58:10.517 – 00:58:12.017] And boom, he hung up.

[00:58:12.017 – 00:58:13.577] Well, I was in a terrible predicament.

[00:58:13.577 – 00:58:16.717] All the clothes I owned in the world I had on.

[00:58:16.717 – 00:58:26.717] Had an old pair of thermal underwear, an old pair of flannel pants with all of my pos- possessions in my pocket, an old gray sweater with the elbows out the elbows,

[00:58:26.717 – 00:58:29.257] no socks, but I still hadn’t quite lost everything yet.

[00:58:29.257 – 00:58:32.017] Had a pair of beat up old alligator shoes.

[00:58:32.017 – 00:58:38.977] And the only money I had was thirty cents, and that was all that left from the last blood I’d sold to blood bank to buy wine.

[00:58:38.977 – 00:58:43.941] And when you come to AA in that shape, one is not doing well, I’ll tell you.

[00:58:43.941 – 00:58:46.801] Well, I couldn’t go to AA looking like that.

[00:58:46.801 – 00:58:48.581] I am a professional man.

[00:58:48.581 – 00:58:53.141] And I heard my wife had thrown out all my clothes, so I called her up.

[00:58:53.141 – 00:59:03.221] She said, “Who is it?” I said, “Me.” She said, “What does me want?” I says, “Grace, do you happen to have one of my old suits?” And she said,

[00:59:03.221 – 00:59:10.741] “Yes, I have one, and it is to bury you in.” And that’s before she even come to Al-Anon.

[00:59:10.741 – 00:59:15.441] And then I asked that woman the most foolish question I ever asked her in my life.

[00:59:15.441 – 00:59:23.901] I said, “Do you mind if I borrow it for a little while?” “I’m going to an AA meeting.” She said, “Another one of your lies,” and hung up.

[00:59:23.901 – 00:59:26.241] And that she allowed me to come back in her house.

[00:59:26.241 – 00:59:28.651] And that suit’s a story in itself.

[00:59:28.651 – 00:59:35.661] Now, there wasn’t instant joy and jumping up and down and sugarplums and cookies when I walked in and told them I was going to AA.

[00:59:35.661 – 00:59:36.160] Uh-uh.

[00:59:36.160 – 00:59:41.901] Everything I walked by, looked at, touched, inhaled, breathed on, she’d run behind me and spray.

[00:59:41.901 – 00:59:51.301] And I put on that old suit, I bid she and the young’un goodbye, got into a Mustang that the bank was looking to repossess it, but it couldn’t recognize.

[00:59:51.301 – 00:59:52.461] It looked like an accordion.

[00:59:52.461 – 00:59:54.341] And off I went to the meeting.

[00:59:54.341 – 00:59:55.921] And I walked in.

[00:59:55.921 – 00:59:59.760] It looked like the same people that were there 17 years earlier.

[00:59:59.760 – 01:00:14.301] And one of them old hermits come up to me, and he bent over and he grinned from ear to ear, and he said, “We knew you’d be back.” And

[01:00:14.301 – 01:00:16.801] now I’m gonna tell you about the greatest AA talk I’ve ever heard.

[01:00:16.801 – 01:00:20.041] In AA, we don’t have any speakers.

[01:00:20.041 – 01:00:21.451] Nah, we’re just a bunch of talkers.

[01:00:21.451 – 01:00:26.221] Ours is a language of the heart, and thank God it’s not the language of the gutter.

[01:00:26.221 – 01:00:28.841] There’s an older member there.

[01:00:28.841 – 01:00:30.341] He greets all the new people.

[01:00:30.341 – 01:00:31.421] He stuck his hand out.

[01:00:31.421 – 01:00:32.221] His was dry.

[01:00:32.221 – 01:00:33.101] Mine was wet.

[01:00:33.101 – 01:00:35.241] Mine slipped away, and I had to grab it again.

[01:00:35.241 – 01:00:37.581] And here it comes, the greatest AA talk I’ve ever heard.

[01:00:37.581 – 01:00:40.701] And if your group hadn’t told it to you, you’ve been jaded.

[01:00:40.701 – 01:00:44.641] That fine member looked at me and he said, “Welcome.

[01:00:44.641 – 01:00:46.321] Come in.

[01:00:46.321 – 01:00:50.400] Sit down and have a cup of coffee, and let’s talk about it.

[01:00:50.400 – 01:00:56.921] We understand exactly how you feel.” That is the greatest AA talk I’ve ever heard in my life.

[01:00:56.921 – 01:01:06.021] And you know, we’re normally people who would not mix, but there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, an understanding that’s indescribably wonderful.

[01:01:06.021 – 01:01:16.261] When I got to you people, little I realized that my wife and two sons would ever be under one roof again, because that marriage had no right

[01:01:16.261 – 01:01:16.781] to be.

[01:01:16.781 – 01:01:19.901] It had been written off by everything and everybody.

[01:01:19.901 – 01:01:30.001] But only because of God’s grace through the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, and only because of God’s grace through the miracle of Al-Anon in Grace’s life, that beautiful and wonderful

[01:01:30.001 – 01:01:39.041] lady, this past June the 10th, which is also A’s birthday, and, uh, Grace and I celebrated 49 years, and that’s pretty good for a drunk.

[01:01:39.041 – 01:01:49.121] Although I was not there for many, many

[01:01:49.121 – 01:01:49.381] years.

[01:01:49.381 – 01:01:59.701] Now, I’m not gonna stand up here and tell you ’cause I’m in AA and Grace is in Al-Anon that our marriage is absolutely beautiful and wonderful, that the butterflies are, you know, they’re trampled,

[01:01:59.701 – 01:02:02.441] and the bluebirds are hugging and kissing and cooing.

[01:02:02.441 – 01:02:03.341] Heck, no.

[01:02:03.341 – 01:02:05.821] We have a few short rounds every now and then.

[01:02:05.821 – 01:02:08.321] We have a few long rounds every now and then.

[01:02:08.321 – 01:02:12.161] That’s what you call clearing the air, communicating.

[01:02:12.161 – 01:02:21.901] And the best way I can describe our marriage today, it’s built on solid, constructive imperfection, because it’s by our imperfections that we grow.

[01:02:21.901 – 01:02:24.161] And anyway, I go to six, seven AA meetings a week.

[01:02:24.161 – 01:02:26.101] Grace goes to five Al-Anon meetings a week.

[01:02:26.101 – 01:02:30.521] We don’t see each other enough to have all that nitpicking, arguing, fighting, fussing.

[01:02:30.521 – 01:02:36.741] Our two sons are grown today, and they are tremendous, and I didn’t have a thing to do with it.

[01:02:36.741 – 01:02:43.301] Their mother is responsible for it, because their mother was their mother, their mother was their father, their mother was their Santa Claus.

[01:02:43.301 – 01:02:45.141] Their mother took them to the Little League.

[01:02:45.141 – 01:02:46.521] I, I, I wanted to.

[01:02:46.521 – 01:02:54.681] One time they sent me to, to a town 80 miles away from that little town with them to get some white shoelaces, you know, for little league baseball shoes.

[01:02:54.681 – 01:02:57.781] I come back with the shoelaces, but they’re playing football.

[01:02:57.781 – 01:02:59.581] And I didn’t want to be that way.

[01:02:59.581 – 01:03:01.321] I didn’t want to be that way.

[01:03:01.321 – 01:03:05.541] And one of them was gonna kill me because what I was doing to the only link to sanity they have.

[01:03:05.541 – 01:03:08.481] And today, they are tremendous young men.

[01:03:08.481 – 01:03:14.201] And thank God they are, and married to two of the most beautiful gals that you ever seen.

[01:03:14.201 – 01:03:23.381] And I have got two of the most beautiful grandchildren, we have, rather, two of the most beautiful grandgirls that you have ever seen in your life.

[01:03:23.381 – 01:03:25.341] Ever seen in your life.

[01:03:25.341 – 01:03:34.741] And I have to tell this side story, and, and it may take a few minutes longer, but I, I will visit them a couple years, uh, up, and they live in Arlington, Virginia.

[01:03:34.741 – 01:03:41.081] And, uh, uh, I don’t know, for some reason or other, uh, someone had given me a tape that I’d made someplace, somewhere.

[01:03:41.081 – 01:03:44.561] And I don’t know, uh, unloading the hanging bag, I left the tape.

[01:03:44.561 – 01:03:47.781] And I didn’t know it, and I didn’t even really miss it or anything.

[01:03:47.781 – 01:03:57.841] And my daughter-in-law called, and she says, “You’ll never would believe it.” Our oldest grandbaby, when she was eight years old, seven years

[01:03:57.841 – 01:04:01.141] old, she had a slumber party in the basement den.

[01:04:01.141 – 01:04:08.221] And sh- Anita said that she could hear all this noise and laughing and giggling and oh my goodness.

[01:04:08.221 – 01:04:16.821] And so she tiptoes down the stairs, and Abigail had found this tape, and she was playing my story for all these little girls.

[01:04:16.821 – 01:04:21.431] And, and, and Anita turned on the light.

[01:04:21.431 – 01:04:31.461] “What are you doing?” And Abigail says, “Mama, did you know that Grandpa’s been in the joint?” And so when I went back

[01:04:31.461 – 01:04:38.161] for the next trip, uh, they insisted that I go to their school, and I sat with all the first and the second graders.

[01:04:38.161 – 01:04:47.701] And, and I had to sit on the floor with about 75 or 8 of them and tell them all these stories that I’m telling y’all right now, with their eyes as big as saucers, you know.

[01:04:47.701 – 01:04:49.621] And every year, it’s a ritual.

[01:04:49.621 – 01:04:59.681] “Grandpa, are you gonna go talk to the class?” And as a result Last year, I gave them, although they don’t qualify for it yet, uh, the message to the teenager,

[01:04:59.681 – 01:05:09.881] and their teachers have taken it and gotten teenagers, and they’re putting down preschool and early school, and they look and they read those things about alcohol and what can happen

[01:05:09.881 – 01:05:10.821] to them, you see.

[01:05:10.821 – 01:05:21.181] And I don’t care if the General Service Conference

[01:05:21.181 – 01:05:22.861] approves it or doesn’t approve it.

[01:05:22.861 – 01:05:26.881] You see, that is what our literature is for.

[01:05:26.881 – 01:05:32.141] It is to carry the message, ungarbled, ungarbled.

[01:05:32.141 – 01:05:40.601] When I got to you people, I had to go tell the regulatory agency that regulates my profession to make a living.

[01:05:40.601 – 01:05:45.261] And I had to go down and tell them the truth, the things that I had done.

[01:05:45.261 – 01:05:47.061] They already knew it.

[01:05:47.061 – 01:05:48.241] They wanted to hear it from me.

[01:05:48.241 – 01:05:50.221] They wanted to hear it from me.

[01:05:50.221 – 01:05:55.061] And I’ll tell you right now, drunks, promises kill drunks.

[01:05:55.061 – 01:05:57.591] My sponsor said, “Go down there and tell them.

[01:05:57.591 – 01:06:00.841] Promise them you’ll never do it again.” I just told them what I did.

[01:06:00.841 – 01:06:07.781] And they said, “Well, we’re going to let you go back to work,” because I never did abuse my DEA number.

[01:06:07.781 – 01:06:10.261] I would not get drunk, and I’d leave my office.

[01:06:10.261 – 01:06:16.481] “And we’re going to let you go back to work.” They kept me down there a week, and I’ve been back ever since.

[01:06:16.481 – 01:06:19.840] And y’all have only heard the nicer parts of my story.

[01:06:19.840 – 01:06:25.901] And I’ve been asked by a lot, a lot of members of AA, “You’ve been locked up.

[01:06:25.901 – 01:06:26.721] You’ve been gone.

[01:06:26.721 – 01:06:36.741] How’d you ever get through school?” Well, I, I was my class valedictorian in high school, and I finished second of a class of four

[01:06:36.741 – 01:06:43.101] hundred and fifty at Southern Methodist University, and I’m a graduate of Baylor University of College of Dentistry.

[01:06:43.101 – 01:06:46.681] And they say, “How you do it?” Real simple.

[01:06:46.681 – 01:06:47.821] You cheat.

[01:06:47.821 – 01:06:57.421] It doesn’t take our kind long to find another human being who will do for us what we cannot possibly do for ourselves.

[01:06:57.421 – 01:07:07.481] And y’all have been so wonderful, and I’m going to leave you with something s- many of, some, quite a few of

[01:07:07.481 – 01:07:08.081] you have heard it.

[01:07:08.081 – 01:07:18.181] But I, I’m hoping that our General Service Conference sees fit one of these days to get, make it as a service piece and give it to every member of Alcoholics Anonymous free

[01:07:18.181 – 01:07:21.141] and give it to all the alcoholics that are to come.

[01:07:21.141 – 01:07:29.081] And it, what it is, it’s a reprint of a portion of a letter that was written to our co-founder, Bill, on December the 30th, 1946.

[01:07:29.081 – 01:07:39.361] And this letter was written to Bill by a non-alcoholic, a non-alcoholic whose family name is perhaps the most family, famous family name that the world has ever known

[01:07:39.361 – 01:07:46.461] in regards to energy and oil and banking and real estate and fellowships and, and grants.

[01:07:46.461 – 01:07:57.361] A non-alcoholic who loved AA more than life itself, and there are many of us who believe it had not been for that non-alcoholic and his non-alcoholic friends

[01:07:57.361 – 01:07:58.501] that Bill and, and Dr.

[01:07:58.501 – 01:08:00.161] Bob never would have gone on.

[01:08:00.161 – 01:08:03.600] Our big book never would have been printed.

[01:08:03.600 – 01:08:04.861] Where would we be today?

[01:08:04.861 – 01:08:08.161] And the letter was written to Bill by John D.

[01:08:08.161 – 01:08:09.101] Rockefeller Jr.

[01:08:09.101 – 01:08:19.201] And the first part of the letter is thanking him for a, it was, what it was, is a World War II copy of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous where they had to cut the size

[01:08:19.201 – 01:08:22.281] down due to paper shortage, but they never dropped anything out.

[01:08:22.281 – 01:08:32.641] And the first part of the letter is thanking him for the book and the inscription on the flyleaf, but this is part of the letter I want to leave you to Bill, quote, “It must be of great satisfaction

[01:08:32.641 – 01:08:41.621] for you to realize that the helping hand that you extended to a needy brother many years ago has resulted in the widespread extension of that brotherly act.

[01:08:41.621 – 01:08:50.661] The regenerating power of the spirit of that helping hand has been the means by which countless lives have been saved that otherwise would have been wrecked.

[01:08:50.661 – 01:09:00.741] May God continue to bless you and use you ever increasingly as His chosen instrument in the rebuilding of broken lives.” Every one of us in AA

[01:09:00.741 – 01:09:07.301] in this meeting and all over the world, we are here because of the extension of that friendly hand of Bill to Dr.

[01:09:07.301 – 01:09:09.181] Bob, and here we are today.

[01:09:09.181 – 01:09:19.261] The regenerating power of the spirit to live in this life of reality and to be sober and a way to live to practice these principles in

[01:09:19.261 – 01:09:20.361] all of our affairs.

[01:09:20.361 – 01:09:30.401] And, and, and if there is a prayer, if there’s a hope, if there is a desire that I have for each and every one of us, may we continue to let God bless us and

[01:09:30.401 – 01:09:35.661] use us ever increasingly as His chosen instrument in the rebuilding of broken lives.

[01:09:35.661 – 01:09:38.041] And how will God continue to do this?

[01:09:38.041 – 01:09:42.061] And that is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to, to sobriety.

[01:09:42.061 – 01:09:43.701] God bless each and every one of you.

[01:09:43.701 – 01:09:45.001] Thank you, and I love you so much.

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