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[00:00:00.140 – 00:00:10.000] Seat next to you, and can have somebody sit next to you, please raise .

[00:00:10.000 – 00:00:10.540] Thank you.

[00:00:10.540 – 00:00:11.270] Hi, everybody.

[00:00:11.270 – 00:00:13.260] My name is David A, and I am an alcoholic.

[00:00:13.260 – 00:00:14.820] And?

[00:00:14.820 – 00:00:20.340] And only because of God’s grace through the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous am I sober this day, and for this, I am so thankful.

[00:00:20.340 – 00:00:30.220] And first of all, I want to thank this group for allowing this alcoholic to be here this evening and to share this alcoholic with you, and you share yourselves with this alcoholic.

[00:00:30.220 – 00:00:35.020] The only thing I know about drinking alcohol is how I drink alcohol.

[00:00:35.020 – 00:00:39.580] And the only thing I know about being an alcoholic is the way I drink alcohol.

[00:00:39.580 – 00:00:49.730] And when I say that and admit that to anything, anybody, anywhere, in a, a or out a, a, that means that I fit every word, every line, every comma, every period, every

[00:00:49.730 – 00:00:53.640] paragraph, every page in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:00:53.640 – 00:00:57.680] And the only way I know how to live sober are the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:00:57.680 – 00:00:59.960] I know no other way to live sober.

[00:00:59.960 – 00:01:10.120] And since April the 20th of 1967, I have not found any reason whatever to leave Alcoholics Anonymous to find an easier way to live sober, a more sociably

[00:01:10.120 – 00:01:15.140] way to live sober, a more fun way to live sober, nor a more exciting way to live sober.

[00:01:15.140 – 00:01:22.520] Thank God I haven’t had to go to one of those action reaction courses, concentration movement, related disorders institute.

[00:01:22.520 – 00:01:26.280] When I got to you people, my wife was a related disorder.

[00:01:26.280 – 00:01:30.320] Hang in there till your drawers fall off, baby.

[00:01:30.320 – 00:01:32.720] Sexual dysfunction seminars.

[00:01:32.720 – 00:01:42.580] I’ll tell you, if you get as old as I am and been able to stay sober as long as I have been able, only by the grace, today, I do not need a sexual dysfunction seminar.

[00:01:42.580 – 00:01:46.360] I need a memory course.

[00:01:46.360 – 00:01:54.320] Our stories just goes in a general way, what we used to be like, what happened, what we’re like now.

[00:01:54.320 – 00:02:04.540] Somewhere along the line on April the 18th, 19th, I really don’t know, 20th of April 1967, I found the handwriting on the floor of the county jail in Dallas, Texas.

[00:02:04.540 – 00:02:12.040] And as I laid there, my entire life flashed before me.

[00:02:12.040 – 00:02:17.420] And I’m laying there, and I’ve been in lots of jails.

[00:02:17.420 – 00:02:21.840] And incidentally, being in jail is not a requirement for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:02:21.840 – 00:02:31.859] And I’m laying there, and I, my whole life, from the time that I can constantly remember being alive, and I was born into one of the finest families that God ever put on

[00:02:31.860 – 00:02:32.340] this earth.

[00:02:32.340 – 00:02:42.360] A mother and father who dedicated their two lives to give to the two sons that were born to that marriage, and I being the oldest, everything that was denied them when they were growing up.

[00:02:42.360 – 00:02:52.520] And if one of the sons is gonna become an alcoholic, I do not know of a better deal, when you’ve got a mother and father that’s willing to go to any and every length to keep you from hurting and to keep

[00:02:52.520 – 00:02:59.300] you from suffering and to keep you from bringing shame and disgrace on the family name, the heritage, the religion, and the whole thing.

[00:02:59.300 – 00:03:02.900] And alcohol has always been in our family.

[00:03:02.900 – 00:03:05.020] It was on the dining room table.

[00:03:05.020 – 00:03:06.269] It was on the sideboards.

[00:03:06.269 – 00:03:07.260] It was in the cabinets.

[00:03:07.260 – 00:03:13.859] And my father came home every night at six o’clock, and right there and then you knew he was not an alcoholic.

[00:03:13.859 – 00:03:23.920] And he’d sit down, and he’d pour exactly one ounce of whiskey, drink it, chase it with water, put the cap on the bottle, and say, “Now, Mama, let’s eat.” And our two youn-

[00:03:23.920 – 00:03:26.180] and when we were youngsters, he’d let us taste it.

[00:03:26.180 – 00:03:27.980] My mother did not drink alcohol.

[00:03:27.980 – 00:03:29.640] And he’d let us taste it.

[00:03:29.640 – 00:03:30.960] My brother could care less.

[00:03:30.960 – 00:03:32.360] He could still care less.

[00:03:32.360 – 00:03:37.980] But I don’t know whether I was different, whether my strainer was busted or whatever it was.

[00:03:37.980 – 00:03:40.800] I drank it, and I, I liked it.

[00:03:40.800 – 00:03:42.900] God, that was better than eating, you know?

[00:03:42.900 – 00:03:53.060] And, and the first drink of alcohol that I could constantly remember, it planted something in my head that said, “David, every chance you’re gonna get, you’re gonna take a drink of alcohol to reproduce

[00:03:53.060 – 00:04:03.620] that initially feeling.” And when I was nine years of age, I disobeyed my mother, and I was severely injured with a bone ailment in those days, very serious, called osteomyelitis.

[00:04:03.620 – 00:04:08.760] And I told my mother a lie, and as long as she believed it, I knew that everything’s gonna be all right.

[00:04:08.760 – 00:04:15.840] And, uh, they put me in a hospital, and they put me in a Cask hospital, and all them little nuns running around there looking like penguins, you know?

[00:04:15.840 – 00:04:19.780] And being the youngest one on the orthopedic ward, I was their pet.

[00:04:19.780 – 00:04:29.800] And I learned a long time ago that, that if you wanted to take a drink, you fake being hurt, and you holler and you scream, “I hurt,” and they bring you those elixirs with alcohol and them other things in it.

[00:04:29.800 – 00:04:34.000] And I got out of there, and I was condemned to be a cripple the rest of my life.

[00:04:34.000 – 00:04:35.780] And I was on crutches.

[00:04:35.780 – 00:04:46.120] And my mother and father, they decided that since I could not play with the rest of the youngsters and, you know, baseball and all the other games that youngsters play, they decided

[00:04:46.120 – 00:04:48.060] they’re gonna make a concert pianist out of me.

[00:04:48.060 – 00:04:50.180] And I didn’t want to be a concert pianist.

[00:04:50.180 – 00:04:53.500] I wanted to play, do all those other things.

[00:04:53.500 – 00:04:58.320] And I’d have to practice on that baby grand piano, and I’d sneak in and I’d drink Daddy’s whiskey.

[00:04:58.320 – 00:05:02.140] And I’d look down at that leg, and that leg was getting better and better and better.

[00:05:02.140 – 00:05:06.540] And finally, I had a boyfriend whose father had a business down on Skid Row.

[00:05:06.540 – 00:05:09.560] Jack said to me, “David, you are so miserable.

[00:05:09.560 – 00:05:11.680] Why don’t you come down there?

[00:05:11.680 – 00:05:19.300] We’ll put you on an old apple crate, and you can count the trucks as they’re being loaded and unloaded,” and off I went.

[00:05:19.300 – 00:05:24.440] And I went down to the first Skid Row, one of three that I was to live on in my lifetime.

[00:05:24.440 – 00:05:30.180] One for over six years, one for over four and a half years, and the last one, 14 months, was the toughest.

[00:05:30.180 – 00:05:40.180] And I’m not gonna stand up here tonight and share life on Skid Row with you, but the Skid Rows that I lived on, they had no day and there was no night, and there was no sun, and there was no moon, and there

[00:05:40.180 – 00:05:44.980] were no stars, and there were no clouds, just total inner and outer blackness and darkness.

[00:05:44.980 – 00:05:49.640] And the way I, best way I can describe that type of an existence, just bodies and feet.

[00:05:49.640 – 00:05:51.240] You don’t care if you live.

[00:05:51.240 – 00:05:52.360] You don’t care if you die.

[00:05:52.360 – 00:05:53.400] You don’t care if you eat.

[00:05:53.400 – 00:05:55.140] You don’t care if you bathe.

[00:05:55.140 – 00:05:56.440] You don’t care if you shave.

[00:05:56.440 – 00:05:57.900] You don’t care if you change clothes.

[00:05:57.900 – 00:06:02.236] You don’t ever care if you see your, your loved ones or not You just don’t care.

[00:06:02.236 – 00:06:04.836] And an alcoholic cannot stay on skid row.

[00:06:04.836 – 00:06:10.376] An alcoholic has got to get off of skid row because an alcoholic will lie about that alcoholic’s drinking.

[00:06:10.376 – 00:06:13.016] That alcoholic will not share that alcoholic’s bottle.

[00:06:13.016 – 00:06:18.556] And I’ll tell you right now, if you do not share your bottle on the row, you’re not long for this earth.

[00:06:18.556 – 00:06:19.556] I don’t mind telling you.

[00:06:19.556 – 00:06:23.556] And I went down there, and the first day I was down there, I started drinking.

[00:06:23.556 – 00:06:30.456] F- fell in with 11 blacks and me, and I started drinking bay rum and wine, and that was the standard fare.

[00:06:30.456 – 00:06:40.456] And later on, as I grew older physically, I’d get more money in my pocket, I’d go, go from that bay rum and that wine to that good stuff, and come back now from that good stuff down to Gypsy Rose

[00:06:40.456 – 00:06:42.756] and Thunderbird, and it didn’t make a difference.

[00:06:42.756 – 00:06:44.576] I don’t know about anybody in here.

[00:06:44.576 – 00:06:47.016] I wasn’t drinking it because of the price of it.

[00:06:47.016 – 00:06:49.036] I wasn’t drinking it because of the smell of it.

[00:06:49.036 – 00:06:51.896] I wasn’t drinking it because it makes you better this or worse that.

[00:06:51.896 – 00:07:01.896] I was drinking it because I liked what it did to me and with me and for me when it got in and down and through me, and I liked what it allowed me to do to you or against you when it got in and down and

[00:07:01.896 – 00:07:02.316] through me.

[00:07:02.316 – 00:07:04.895] And I learned a lot of things down on skid row.

[00:07:04.895 – 00:07:09.496] Never get your back up against the wall and didn’t have a back window or door you can jump out of.

[00:07:09.496 – 00:07:13.156] If you smoke or anything, keep both hands free so you can hit and run.

[00:07:13.156 – 00:07:15.276] I’ve always been five foot six.

[00:07:15.276 – 00:07:17.016] I was born five foot six.

[00:07:17.016 – 00:07:20.996] And I’d drink that juice, and I’d be seven foot tall.

[00:07:20.996 – 00:07:23.716] I’ve had hundreds of fights, never one-on-one.

[00:07:23.716 – 00:07:27.236] My nose has been where my navel is.

[00:07:27.236 – 00:07:28.706] My navel’s been where my right ear is.

[00:07:28.706 – 00:07:32.616] I’ve been all rearranged when I was 14, 15, 16 years of age.

[00:07:32.616 – 00:07:40.296] But when I went down on skid row and I started drinking that bay rum and wine, my whole perspective in life changed right there and then.

[00:07:40.296 – 00:07:43.776] No longer was I interested in 14th century history.

[00:07:43.776 – 00:07:50.596] No longer was I interested whether George Washington threw a silver dollar across the Potomac or 101 out here.

[00:07:50.596 – 00:07:52.036] It didn’t make a bit of difference.

[00:07:52.036 – 00:07:53.736] I wanted to be down there.

[00:07:53.736 – 00:07:58.376] I was the only one at that age down there with all them bums and all those winos.

[00:07:58.376 – 00:08:00.696] And you were down there, there was no discipline.

[00:08:00.696 – 00:08:07.676] No one told you to brush your teeth and wash behind your ears, and all those good things, and you gotta eat this, and you gotta eat that.

[00:08:07.676 – 00:08:10.635] Total undiscipline, and that is a…

[00:08:10.635 – 00:08:12.536] That’s paradise for an alcoholic.

[00:08:12.536 – 00:08:15.016] You can do what any devil you want to do.

[00:08:15.016 – 00:08:22.836] And so when I was 14, 15, 16 years of age, I ran off and joined Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

[00:08:22.836 – 00:08:33.036] Now, in those days, the Ringling show was the finest show and the largest under canvas in the entire world, and would have been a thrill for a youngster to go with the circus, with all the animals

[00:08:33.036 – 00:08:34.676] and the clowns and the Wild West show.

[00:08:34.676 – 00:08:38.176] And Tom Mix, he ran the Wild West show and his trick horse, Tony.

[00:08:38.176 – 00:08:45.976] I was with him when they brought Gargantua the gorilla, and he and John Ringling North had the only two air-conditioned sleeping quarters.

[00:08:45.976 – 00:08:48.176] And I tried to get in there with Gargantua.

[00:08:48.176 – 00:08:49.196] That was a mistake.

[00:08:49.196 – 00:08:51.096] I won’t ever do that again, I’ll tell you right.

[00:08:51.096 – 00:08:53.836] And, and when you’re drunk, you’ll try anything, you know?

[00:08:53.836 – 00:09:02.156] And I’ll tell you, I drank with the most delightful drunks that God ever put on this earth, and that’s in the circus, and that’s the midgets.

[00:09:02.156 – 00:09:06.395] That’s the only bunch that I ever drank with that I was taller than them.

[00:09:06.395 – 00:09:11.176] And those midgets fight and raise nine kinds of cane.

[00:09:11.176 – 00:09:15.456] And, and, and I’ll tell you, they were all enamored with the huge fat lady in the circus.

[00:09:15.456 – 00:09:20.496] You know, the one who weighed 450, 500 pounds, and they’d look at her with lust in their eyes.

[00:09:20.496 – 00:09:25.216] And they tried to figure out where it was.

[00:09:25.216 – 00:09:31.916] And then they’d get drunk and hold a convention with me to try to figure out how they can get to it, you know.

[00:09:31.916 – 00:09:33.136] It all was something else.

[00:09:33.136 – 00:09:35.476] And, and my mother and father…

[00:09:35.476 – 00:09:38.436] But my perspective changed again when I was with the circus.

[00:09:38.436 – 00:09:46.216] I not only wanted to be a, a wine-drinking bum, but I wanted to be tattooed from the top of my head down to my toes, and my mother…

[00:09:46.216 – 00:09:48.196] And wander the world, you know, as a freak.

[00:09:48.196 – 00:09:53.776] And my mother and father found me with private detectives, and, and, and they, and they would bring me back.

[00:09:53.776 – 00:09:57.816] But you see, my body would be in school, but my head was already out there.

[00:09:57.816 – 00:10:01.696] I had already tasted what alcohol would do to and with and for me.

[00:10:01.696 – 00:10:04.096] I also tasted the life of the nomad.

[00:10:04.096 – 00:10:10.956] I also tasted the life of no discipline, and that was beginning to set me up for Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:10:10.956 – 00:10:13.336] I did not know it, know that at that time.

[00:10:13.336 – 00:10:23.796] And finally, I went on to Southern Methodist University, and World War II was coming on, and if you were going to professional school and you were half hot, you’d get an exam- exemption

[00:10:23.796 – 00:10:25.556] till after you got out of professional school.

[00:10:25.556 – 00:10:35.076] And I went on into professional school, and into my f- first year in professional school, I flunked out because I was still living down on skid row and trying to go to school.

[00:10:35.076 – 00:10:41.096] And I went home, and I told my mother, and I told my mother a lie.

[00:10:41.096 – 00:10:43.956] She said, “What happened?” I said, “Well, the professors don’t like me.

[00:10:43.956 – 00:10:52.836] They don’t like our kind.” And she said, “They cannot do that to my boy.” And when I heard that, I knew I was gonna be back in school within three days.

[00:10:52.836 – 00:10:59.036] She turned to my father and said, “Get my boy back in school.” And two days later, I was back in school.

[00:10:59.036 – 00:11:04.576] And then I got, did the most dangerous thing that an alcoholic could do.

[00:11:04.576 – 00:11:06.636] I got to start thinking.

[00:11:06.636 – 00:11:10.456] And it’s dangerous for our kind to think, drunk, sober, or dead.

[00:11:10.456 – 00:11:20.616] And so I got to thinking, “Well, if I got married, then I’d have the responsibility of being a husband, and I wouldn’t drink as much, and may- my grades would get better.”

[00:11:20.616 – 00:11:28.976] So I met this wonderful gal, and we decided to get married, but I said, “Now look, woman, if we’re gonna get married, we’re gonna have to get married under certain conditions.

[00:11:28.976 – 00:11:32.236] Your parents are gonna have to pay half the living expenses.

[00:11:32.236 – 00:11:34.976] My parents gonna have to pay the half the living expenses.

[00:11:34.976 – 00:11:39.516] You go to work, and I’ll go to school.” And we were married under those conditions.

[00:11:39.516 – 00:11:42.096] Her parents paid half the living expenses.

[00:11:42.096 – 00:11:44.036] My parents paid half the living expenses.

[00:11:44.036 – 00:11:49.056] She went to work in a department store, and I went back to school, and that’s paradise for an alcoholic.

[00:11:49.056 – 00:11:50.116] You don’t have to do nothing.

[00:11:50.116 – 00:11:53.996] And I drank more, but by hook or crook, I graduated.

[00:11:53.996 – 00:11:57.296] Then the United States Navy made a tremendous mistake.

[00:11:57.296 – 00:12:00.096] They, they declared me an officer and a gentleman.

[00:12:00.096 – 00:12:03.456] And I sallied forth in the service with my blue suit.

[00:12:03.456 – 00:12:06.748] And I didn’t get into too much trouble the first time.

[00:12:06.748 – 00:12:07.608] Oh, I’d missed ship.

[00:12:07.608 – 00:12:12.868] Ah, you’ve never lived until you’ve been drunk and you’ve fallen off the fantail of a battleship.

[00:12:12.868 – 00:12:16.268] And it’s in dry dock.

[00:12:16.268 – 00:12:23.388] I’ve fallen off the same battleship, the New Jersey, twice.

[00:12:23.388 – 00:12:27.408] Once in dry dock in Bremerton, and once off Inchon, you know.

[00:12:27.408 – 00:12:34.208] And I finally come back to Dallas and started a dental practice, and I was making more money than you’re allowed to make.

[00:12:34.208 – 00:12:39.408] And I’d put the money in my right hand pocket, steal it with my left hand, and stay drunk, you know.

[00:12:39.408 – 00:12:49.508] And it was on the last Sunday in August of 1950, which this August will be 42 years ago, a group of fine, sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous invited

[00:12:49.508 – 00:12:53.148] me to come to an open AA meeting at the Suburban Group in Dallas.

[00:12:53.148 – 00:13:00.848] And the Wednesday before that Sunday, I stumbled into one of Dallas’ more affluent barber shops, and I fell in this chair at this manicurist table.

[00:13:00.848 – 00:13:05.728] Now, I wasn’t too drunk, or I could sit in the chair for about 10 minutes without falling out of it.

[00:13:05.728 – 00:13:09.928] I could navigate to and from the men’s room, go out and get me another bottle of whiskey.

[00:13:09.928 – 00:13:16.308] I sat down, and this ugly gal looked at me and she said, “David,” and right there and then I should have known something’s wrong.

[00:13:16.308 – 00:13:17.368] She didn’t call me Doctor.

[00:13:17.368 – 00:13:27.368] She said, “David, I belong to a deal called Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have not had a drink of alcohol in a year.” And I looked at Edith and I said, “You are a

[00:13:27.368 – 00:13:32.428] liar.” Nobody stays sober a year.

[00:13:32.428 – 00:13:36.528] Maybe a day, maybe t- uh, three days under duress, but no, not a year.

[00:13:36.528 – 00:13:41.788] She said, “No, no, I haven’t had a drink in a year.” Now, Edith looked like a drunk ought to look like, you know?

[00:13:41.788 – 00:13:44.908] Sort of female-looking Perry, you know.

[00:13:44.908 – 00:13:48.388] Woo!

[00:13:48.388 – 00:13:51.728] Her face wasn’t real pretty.

[00:13:51.728 – 00:13:53.248] It looked like a truck had run over it.

[00:13:53.248 – 00:13:56.688] Then backed over it to see it’d done a good job.

[00:13:56.688 – 00:14:04.288] She had big bug eyes and gaps in her teeth, and God bless her, her nose had been broken so many times, just sort of leaned on the left side of her face.

[00:14:04.288 – 00:14:08.348] Now, this is back in the days before the gals used to wear pantyhose.

[00:14:08.348 – 00:14:12.328] They used to wear garter belts, you know, to pull their drawers down, hold their socks up.

[00:14:12.328 – 00:14:17.628] And when she was drinking, hers always trailed behind her uniform.

[00:14:17.628 – 00:14:22.428] She’d trip and fall and drop all them manicuring bottles, and you could always tell when Edith was drunk.

[00:14:22.428 – 00:14:24.908] The seams was in the front, and the front was in the back.

[00:14:24.908 – 00:14:34.968] Now, the best way I can describe Edith’s looks as a drunk, in our part of the country, and in lots of parts of the country, if your car is caught out in a hailstorm and it’s pretty

[00:14:34.968 – 00:14:42.488] badly beaten up, right when you get your insurance check, if you have insurance, some wise buzzard says, “Ah, don’t get it fixed.

[00:14:42.488 – 00:14:50.808] Let it sit out in the hot sun for about three or four weeks, and all the dents will pop back out.” Ha, her dents never popped back out, I’ll tell you.

[00:14:50.808 – 00:14:52.108] But she’s a great gal.

[00:14:52.108 – 00:15:02.228] But when Edith told me she hadn’t had a drink in a year, that got my attention, because Edith had the reputation of being an incorrigible, mean, nasty, fighting woman drunk.

[00:15:02.228 – 00:15:06.948] And she was a pint drinker, carried a big black purse, had two pints of whiskey in the purse.

[00:15:06.948 – 00:15:08.908] She’d kill you if you got in that purse.

[00:15:08.908 – 00:15:10.308] And here she was.

[00:15:10.308 – 00:15:12.228] And I, and I noticed she’d changed.

[00:15:12.228 – 00:15:16.568] I looked up at her face, and her lipstick was on her lips and not her eyebrows.

[00:15:16.568 – 00:15:23.568] And I sniffed her, and she didn’t smell like a half-between Avon woman and a whiskey bottle.

[00:15:23.568 – 00:15:25.408] And I noticed she’d changed.

[00:15:25.408 – 00:15:28.228] The morning she gave me my manicure, it was amazing.

[00:15:28.228 – 00:15:32.548] She was buffing my nails instead of my knuckles, and my ears, and my shoulders.

[00:15:32.548 – 00:15:33.468] Yeah.

[00:15:33.468 – 00:15:35.188] And God, she looked good.

[00:15:35.188 – 00:15:39.148] But I noticed a real change, and the change was in her eyes.

[00:15:39.148 – 00:15:40.418] In Alcoholics A-

[00:15:40.764 – 00:15:42.764] Anonymous, we have two kinds of I’s.

[00:15:42.764 – 00:15:49.674] We have those sad, sick I’s, and then we have those happy, dancing, laughing, sparkling, living, sober I’s.

[00:15:49.674 – 00:15:51.214] And then we have another kind of I’s.

[00:15:51.214 – 00:15:56.134] Oh, you know, they’ll get up behind one of these things, “I haven’t had a drink of alcohol, you know,” and then fall over.

[00:15:56.134 – 00:16:03.794] But her eyes were sparkling, and they were jumping, and they were laughing, and she looked like she was having a lot of fun living sober.

[00:16:03.794 – 00:16:14.024] And then she turned to her, another manicurist in the shop by the name of Moena, and she says, “Moena here is my sponsor, and she has 15 months sober in Alcoholics

[00:16:14.024 – 00:16:24.274] Anonymous.” And in those days in Alcoholics Anonymous, and when I come to Alcoholics Anonymous, any time we mentioned to or talked about our sponsors, it was with reverence because

[00:16:24.274 – 00:16:33.834] we respected our sponsors, because we literally turned our lives over to their care and direction as a result of their experiences and not their opinions.

[00:16:33.834 – 00:16:43.994] And in AA, we’re asked to share our experiences and not our opinions because we find as a result of our experiences in Alcoholics Anonymous that opinions, in many, many instances, have a tendency to make sick

[00:16:43.994 – 00:16:47.654] people sicker and, in some instances, to physically kill people.

[00:16:47.654 – 00:16:57.694] And then Moena, I looked at Moena and I said, “Hey, you’re, y- you’re goofier than this one over here.” I said, “Moena, we had a drink, not?” She says, “No, David,

[00:16:57.694 – 00:17:02.934] I’ve not had a drink of alcohol with you or anyone else or myself in 15 continuous months.

[00:17:02.934 – 00:17:13.014] Edith has not had a drink of alcohol in 12 continuous months.” Little did I realize those precious words that that fine lady said to me that morning

[00:17:13.014 – 00:17:16.254] would stick with me for many, many more years of drinking.

[00:17:16.254 – 00:17:19.614] She talked about continuous sobriety.

[00:17:19.614 – 00:17:22.114] I did not know it was one day at a time.

[00:17:22.114 – 00:17:23.064] I certainly didn’t.

[00:17:23.064 – 00:17:28.454] And so she says, “And by the way, David, we have an open meeting this Sunday.

[00:17:28.454 – 00:17:37.754] It’s open so that the public can come in here and see how an alcoholic recovers in the AA, uh, recovery program and how an alcoholic lives the AA way of life.

[00:17:37.754 – 00:17:44.674] And the only participants on that program, being that it is an AA group, will only be sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:17:44.674 – 00:17:54.974] And then afterwards, although we do not give any awards or honors or medals for our sobriety, but afterwards, the group has a sort of little birthday anniversary party for those who have one or more years of continuous

[00:17:54.974 – 00:17:55.494] sobriety.

[00:17:55.494 – 00:18:05.674] And we would like for you and your wife to come to that open meeting and stay afterwards for that birthday party.” And I thought that the only reason that people such as you would invite someone such

[00:18:05.674 – 00:18:15.754] as me to come to one of your AA meetings and stay at one of your AA functions is that you needed to have some good-looking, outstanding, and successful professional man come and upgrade you

[00:18:15.754 – 00:18:17.354] lepers in the community.

[00:18:17.354 – 00:18:20.114] And I’m glad to come help you.

[00:18:20.114 – 00:18:20.894] So I told my…

[00:18:20.894 – 00:18:21.934] Come home and told my wife.

[00:18:21.934 – 00:18:25.474] God, she was thrilled because people had long since quit asking us to come around.

[00:18:25.474 – 00:18:35.634] She would say, “Why in the world we’re not asked to the outdoor barbecues, square dances, round dances, nightclub supper parties, swimming

[00:18:35.634 – 00:18:37.654] pool parties?” I said, “It’s you.

[00:18:37.654 – 00:18:44.414] It’s you.” I said, “Every time we’re asked to go out to one of them parties, you start on me the Monday before.

[00:18:44.414 – 00:18:46.714] You start on me and say, ‘You’re not going to drink.

[00:18:46.714 – 00:18:56.934] You’re not going to get drunk, are you?’ Waking me up out of sound sleep 5:30 next morning, screaming, ‘Did you hear what I said?'” “And you keep it up Tuesday, Tuesday night, Wednesday,

[00:18:56.934 – 00:19:05.294] Wednesday night, Thursday, Thursday night, Friday, Friday night.” And what a tremendous price society’s had to pay, is paying, I guess will always pay.

[00:19:05.294 – 00:19:15.494] Those who love us, those who hate us, those who do not even care that we exist on this earth, what a tremendous price those people are paying to find out that the more you scream

[00:19:15.494 – 00:19:17.974] at our kind about our drinking, the more we’re going to drink.

[00:19:17.974 – 00:19:24.794] And I said, “And furthermore, when we get to where we’re supposed to get to, before I even park the car, you’re out of the car.

[00:19:24.794 – 00:19:26.994] You run in, you grab the host, the hostess.

[00:19:26.994 – 00:19:35.914] You chase them out of the kitchen, through the den, in the backyard, in the alley, in the bushes, in the garbage, in the neighborhood, screaming, ‘Don’t you give him a drink.’ Woman, you’re sick.

[00:19:35.914 – 00:19:45.934] That’s what’s wrong with you.” But through tear-filled eyes, she said, “We’re going to a meeting,” and I said, “Yes.” And so that Sunday morning, I got up at 5:30 in the morning to

[00:19:45.934 – 00:19:49.194] get ready to go to an AA meeting 5:30 that afternoon.

[00:19:49.194 – 00:19:54.654] Well, now, what does a good, successful drinking drunk do when he gets up 5:30 on Sunday morning?

[00:19:54.654 – 00:19:56.314] Drinks alcohol, that’s what he does.

[00:19:56.314 – 00:19:57.594] It’s very simple.

[00:19:57.594 – 00:20:00.893] Golfers golf, fishermen fish, drunks drink.

[00:20:00.893 – 00:20:01.674] There’s no mystery.

[00:20:01.674 – 00:20:04.654] And I started sucking on a brand-new bottle of juice.

[00:20:04.654 – 00:20:05.354] You know how that is.

[00:20:05.354 – 00:20:06.954] That gets your breathing started.

[00:20:06.954 – 00:20:09.874] Then that second drink regulates your breathing.

[00:20:09.874 – 00:20:13.434] Then that third drink goes down both hills, just sets you there.

[00:20:13.434 – 00:20:16.114] Now you’re ready to do some real drinking, aren’t you?

[00:20:16.114 – 00:20:22.434] And I’m drinking, and I’m looking up at the birds and the trees, and I’m hearing the neighbors screaming, “Johnny, get dressed.

[00:20:22.434 – 00:20:25.654] We’ll be late for church.” And I said, “Oh, those sick people.

[00:20:25.654 – 00:20:27.834] They don’t know what living really is.

[00:20:27.834 – 00:20:38.194] If they could just learn how to control it and enjoy it like I was doing, that they would find out that right after breathing in and out, alcohol is the greatest gift that God’s given mankind.

[00:20:38.194 – 00:20:39.854] Amen.” Took another drink.

[00:20:39.854 – 00:20:43.314] Put the rest of that fifth, and I drank about a half of that fifth.

[00:20:43.314 – 00:20:53.314] Put the other fifth in the trunk of my car because I knew that I was going to be required to have another drink of alcohol, not knowing whether it’d be an hour or whether it’d be 10 minutes or when it was,

[00:20:53.314 – 00:20:55.614] not knowing until I come to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:20:55.614 – 00:21:05.634] And I’m one of these that firmly believes that if and when an alcoholic comes to us, that until and unless that alcoholic is willing to find out what’s wrong with that

[00:21:05.634 – 00:21:10.214] alcoholic, that alcoholic will never be able to find out what can get right with that alcoholic.

[00:21:10.214 – 00:21:17.654] And I went in, and I bathed, and I shaved, and I put on everything rich and nice-looking to impress those poor, sick people in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:21:17.654 – 00:21:27.214] Put on a beautiful brand-new tailor-made suit, white on my, white-on-white monogrammed shirt, monogrammed handkerchief, monogrammed tie, monogrammed drawers.

[00:21:27.214 – 00:21:36.634] Put on my diamond ring, my diamond watch, and the trademark of every good, self-respectful, high-rolling, drinking drunk, a brand-new pair of custom-made alligator shoes.

[00:21:36.634 – 00:21:39.154] I looked just like a used car salesman.

[00:21:39.154 – 00:21:42.194] Or a dope dealer.

[00:21:42.194 – 00:21:47.994] And at 10:30 in the morning, I’m out in my long Roadmaster Buick honking the horn.

[00:21:47.994 – 00:21:55.844] And out comes my wife with the rollers in her hair, and she has on, it’s that all-your-fault kimono that they just love to live in- …

[00:21:55.844 – 00:22:01.334] and dwell in, and die in, and cry in, where she lost a string around the middle.

[00:22:01.334 – 00:22:04.134] It’s pinned together with a big baby diaper pin.

[00:22:04.134 – 00:22:09.384] And she’s pulled all the threading, and the patent, and the fuzzing, and the buttons off the front.

[00:22:09.384 – 00:22:12.714] And the front’s covered with tear stains and cigarette burns.

[00:22:12.714 – 00:22:18.154] It’s what us drunks in Alcoholics Anonymous lovingly call the Al-Anon designer house coat.

[00:22:18.154 – 00:22:23.134] God bless them, I’ll tell you.

[00:22:23.134 – 00:22:33.174] And through tear, at, in a beautiful, in, in, in a beautiful, finely voice, I said, “Let’s go to the meeting.” Meanwhile, all the neighbors are gathered

[00:22:33.174 – 00:22:37.834] out, and her side is lined up over here, and my side is lined up over here.

[00:22:37.834 – 00:22:42.294] And I can still hear the fine ladies of the neighborhood saying, “Isn’t it a shame?

[00:22:42.294 – 00:22:52.574] Such a fine and beautiful lady, and the mother of two beautiful little boys, married to such a sorry, no good drunk like him.” And my buds over here hollering out, “Let

[00:22:52.574 – 00:22:53.514] her have it, David.

[00:22:53.514 – 00:22:59.194] Let her have it.” And that used to be the weekend entertainment in every neighborhood we lived in.

[00:22:59.194 – 00:23:03.374] We moved 24 times before we come to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:23:03.374 – 00:23:08.384] Midnight, high noon, daybreak, ahead of the sheriff sometimes, behind him, just kept moving.

[00:23:08.384 – 00:23:15.874] I said, “Let’s go to the meeting.” She said, “That doesn’t get started for several hours, you no good drunk.” And with that, she turned on her heels and went in the house.

[00:23:15.874 – 00:23:21.714] That started seven tough hours, because here it was Sunday, and I’m sucking on the only bottle of juice I got.

[00:23:21.714 – 00:23:26.594] And I was, and I knew, and, and, and I knew that if I continued to drink, I’d blow the deal.

[00:23:26.594 – 00:23:28.394] Now, I was a stay-away-from-home kind of drunk.

[00:23:28.394 – 00:23:29.134] Not on purpose.

[00:23:29.134 – 00:23:33.514] I’d get drunk, and I’d end up in countries I never knew existed on this earth.

[00:23:33.514 – 00:23:36.714] I ended up with people I never saw before in my life.

[00:23:36.714 – 00:23:39.674] Sometimes with clothes on, sometimes the other way.

[00:23:39.674 – 00:23:41.894] Sometimes with money, sometimes without.

[00:23:41.894 – 00:23:45.194] I was gone one time, they tell me, 11 months.

[00:23:45.194 – 00:23:46.534] I don’t know.

[00:23:46.534 – 00:23:59.254] And I come running in the house with the same clothes I guess I had been in for about five and a half months, and I asked my wife this brilliant question, “Did anybody call?” And

[00:23:59.254 – 00:24:02.294] that does not make for good marriage relationships, I’ll tell you.

[00:24:02.294 – 00:24:04.614] So I knew I didn’t want to blow the deal.

[00:24:04.614 – 00:24:06.974] So I found just enough to nurse me along.

[00:24:06.974 – 00:24:08.294] 4:30, I honked the horn.

[00:24:08.294 – 00:24:09.034] Here she came.

[00:24:09.034 – 00:24:10.474] We went out to this group.

[00:24:10.474 – 00:24:11.474] We walked in.

[00:24:11.474 – 00:24:17.114] It looked like there’s about 80 members of Alcoholics Anonymous, and their wives, and kids, and a poodle or two jumping up and down.

[00:24:17.114 – 00:24:23.574] And looked like to me, they’re all smoking cigarettes, and hugging, and scratching, and rubbing up against, and kissing, and hollering, and screaming.

[00:24:23.574 – 00:24:33.614] And I stepped back there, and I looked at those crazy people, and I said, “By gosh, if they’re alcoholic, and they’re having that much fun, and they’re not drinking alcohol, then they have to be

[00:24:33.614 – 00:24:43.854] on dope.” Then I looked around at all them signs in the AA group, and I said, “My God, I’m in a kindergarten.” And then I saw, but for the grace of God, my head duck, because

[00:24:43.854 – 00:24:48.294] I knew at that time I was not living according to the dictates of God’s will for a human being.

[00:24:48.294 – 00:24:58.334] And I’m one of these that firmly believes that if and when an alcoholic comes to us, after they get physically comfortable from the agent that forces us to come to AA,

[00:24:58.334 – 00:25:01.754] deep down inside, every one of us know this.

[00:25:01.754 – 00:25:09.514] If there is a principle we never hear discussed, if we do, very seldom, that every one of us are born human beings first.

[00:25:09.514 – 00:25:19.934] And when we’re born and given the most precious gift of life, and that is to be able to breathe in and out, right there and then is the creation, the formation,

[00:25:19.934 – 00:25:22.994] and development of selfishness and self-centeredness.

[00:25:22.994 – 00:25:33.034] And from selfishness and self-centeredness stems all those defects of character, those defects that we refuse to recognize as moral, those defects that made our

[00:25:33.034 – 00:25:36.934] lives unmanageable, resentment, substance, dishonesty, and fear.

[00:25:36.934 – 00:25:47.073] And you pour alcohol in a human being like this one, that doesn’t like discipline, that doesn’t like anything but his own stinking self,

[00:25:47.074 – 00:25:55.034] and you have got the beginnings of a mag- When I was drinking, I tried to drown my defects of character, but the son of a guns learned how to swim.

[00:25:55.034 – 00:25:57.994] And they darn near killed me, you know.

[00:25:57.994 – 00:26:05.434] And so, yeah, uh, because you see, Alcoholics Anonymous does something that formalized, organized religion has not, is not, will ever be able to do.

[00:26:05.434 – 00:26:08.434] Medicine has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:08.434 – 00:26:11.214] Psychiatry has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:11.214 – 00:26:14.234] Government agencies has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:14.234 – 00:26:17.874] Human willpower has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:17.874 – 00:26:20.854] Treatment modalities has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:20.854 – 00:26:23.934] Acupuncture has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:23.934 – 00:26:26.954] Hypnosis has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:26.954 – 00:26:30.654] Biorhythm charts has not, is not, will ever be able to do it.

[00:26:30.654 – 00:26:33.374] Witch doctors has not, is not, be able to do it.

[00:26:33.374 – 00:26:40.534] Because Alcoholics Anonymous reaches down in the innermost depths of a human being, this most precious thing that comes with each and every one of us birth.

[00:26:40.534 – 00:26:47.074] And all we do when we get here is to renew that contact, but it’s the scars in between.

[00:26:47.074 – 00:26:48.194] I didn’t know that.

[00:26:48.194 – 00:26:51.854] Then they blew a whistle or something, and I went to the meeting, sat on the back row.

[00:26:51.854 – 00:26:55.294] Looked them sick people over, see what kind of help I could afford to give them.

[00:26:55.294 – 00:27:05.344] And the first, first woman that got up to talk, lying-est, cheating-est woman I’d ever been around in my life, and she had nerve enough to stand up in 80 people and say she was sober, sane, in her

[00:27:05.344 – 00:27:08.234] right mind, and had not had a drink of alcohol in a year.

[00:27:08.234 – 00:27:17.354] And I jumped up, and I screamed out, “You are a liar.” And somebody said, “Shut up.” And I said, “Make me.” They had enough in there to make me.

[00:27:17.354 – 00:27:23.414] And she started talking about her Jesus, and about her Christ, and all this and all that.

[00:27:23.414 – 00:27:26.814] And I said to myself, “What a heck of a trick to pull on a Jew.

[00:27:26.814 – 00:27:35.474] They invited me to an AA meeting supposedly, but they’re there to convert me.” And by God, if that’s what you were, I needed a drink real bad.

[00:27:35.474 – 00:27:40.574] Now, I’m asked all the time all over this world, how come there are not any more Jews in Alcoholics Anonymous than what there is?

[00:27:40.574 – 00:27:42.014] Well, you see, it’s very simple.

[00:27:42.014 – 00:27:47.754] The way people have their noses fixed and their names changed, you don’t know who you’re sitting next to in an AA meeting.

[00:27:47.754 – 00:27:54.146] But my mind closed and I didn’t hear a darn thing that was said in that meeting, and it darn near killed me.

[00:27:54.146 – 00:27:59.446] And after that meeting was over with, and everybody goes, you know, the birthday, the ice cream, and the cake, and all that.

[00:27:59.446 – 00:27:59.886] Not me.

[00:27:59.886 – 00:28:03.426] I ran out to my car, and I got that half fifth whiskey.

[00:28:03.426 – 00:28:07.666] Now, I don’t know about anybody in here, I drank that half fifth down in two swallows.

[00:28:07.666 – 00:28:09.446] Now, that’s the way I drank alcohol.

[00:28:09.446 – 00:28:14.146] I never put it in a brandy glass, and run around and sniff it for four hours.

[00:28:14.146 – 00:28:19.006] And burn candles, and listen to Lawrence Welk.

[00:28:19.006 – 00:28:29.006] I never put an inch in, uh, whiskey in a glass, nine ice cubes, nine and a half inches of soda water, and a straw, and a fruit, and a cherry, and a half a Christmas tree on

[00:28:29.006 – 00:28:29.646] top of it.

[00:28:29.646 – 00:28:32.066] And suck on it for about three hours.

[00:28:32.066 – 00:28:33.466] To me, that’s sick drinking.

[00:28:33.466 – 00:28:38.786] I drank it to drop her down in that hole, where it’d do the most good, and then put another one.

[00:28:38.786 – 00:28:40.986] Let me tell you what happened when I drank that half fifth.

[00:28:40.986 – 00:28:42.426] My hair laid back down.

[00:28:42.426 – 00:28:44.626] My drawers got loose.

[00:28:44.626 – 00:28:47.366] My toes went back in those alligator shoes.

[00:28:47.366 – 00:28:53.706] I ran up the steps, got a hold of the oldest sober member of the group, got to arguing and b- batting about the quality of their fellowship.

[00:28:53.706 – 00:28:56.326] And then he said something to me, and I hit him.

[00:28:56.326 – 00:29:01.526] Now, when I was drinking, I was bad to hit people, taller than me, shorter than me, fatter than me, skinnier than me.

[00:29:01.526 – 00:29:03.746] And two of his AA babies joined in.

[00:29:03.746 – 00:29:05.026] We started fighting.

[00:29:05.026 – 00:29:08.606] And as far as I was concerned, that fight was a lot better than that AA meeting.

[00:29:08.606 – 00:29:11.266] And then they did an unfair thing.

[00:29:11.266 – 00:29:17.126] They ran in two more drunks about the size of outside linebackers on any professional football team.

[00:29:17.126 – 00:29:21.506] And finally, four of them picked me up bodily, and threw me right out of that AA group.

[00:29:21.506 – 00:29:31.506] As I’m flying through the air, one of them said to me, “We don’t need your kind here.” And the other said, “And furthermore, you are too young to be an alcoholic.” And that’s exactly

[00:29:31.506 – 00:29:32.806] what I wanted to hear.

[00:29:32.806 – 00:29:40.826] And the next 17 years, everything that could possibly happen to a human being happened to this human being.

[00:29:40.826 – 00:29:47.486] And the only three things never did happen to me, getting ready to get on a drunk, on a drunk, coming off a drunk, right to this very second.

[00:29:47.486 – 00:29:53.366] I never did willfully murder another human being, fall in love with another man, or die drunk.

[00:29:53.366 – 00:29:55.086] Other than that, it all happened.

[00:29:55.086 – 00:30:00.446] I guess, of course, blackouts don’t count.

[00:30:00.446 – 00:30:01.346] I really don’t know.

[00:30:01.346 – 00:30:10.666] I recall back in the service, and I went with a combat marine division, and I got into more trouble than there’s trouble.

[00:30:10.666 – 00:30:15.046] I ended up in a maximum security prison, only had room for 138.

[00:30:15.046 – 00:30:20.446] I was chained, and, and the word was, when you got there, you never would leave.

[00:30:20.446 – 00:30:26.486] And I saw how some of them left with sheets from the top of their head down to their toes, and I hated society.

[00:30:26.486 – 00:30:29.246] And I got out of there by hook or crook, by lying.

[00:30:29.246 – 00:30:32.946] I used my father’s good name, and it caused a lot of problems.

[00:30:32.946 – 00:30:37.406] Some fine people took their lives as a result of their involvement with me, and I had to make those amends.

[00:30:37.406 – 00:30:40.706] They were the first amends that I had to make if I was ever going to sleep sober.

[00:30:40.706 – 00:30:45.226] I talked my wife into taking me back, and we decided to move.

[00:30:45.226 – 00:30:50.486] We decided to move out to the panhandle of West Texas and raise our two boys in a Christian environment.

[00:30:50.486 – 00:30:56.706] Now, I don’t know how many of y’all ever lived in a town of 3,500 people that lived in a Christian environment.

[00:30:56.706 – 00:31:02.466] That’s a town that votes dry and drinks wet, and the two most popular people in the town is the undertaker and the bootlegger.

[00:31:02.466 – 00:31:12.546] And I was drinking every day, and I got up to where I weighed 250 pounds, and my blood pressure was so high that every time my pulse would beat, my hair would stand straight up, pump

[00:31:12.546 – 00:31:13.286] like a oil well.

[00:31:13.286 – 00:31:16.546] Had a fat doctor friend in the next town go to seeing.

[00:31:16.546 – 00:31:18.346] He said, “My God, you look sick.

[00:31:18.346 – 00:31:19.226] You’re fat.

[00:31:19.226 – 00:31:21.236] You eat too much.” And, and I wasn’t fat

[00:31:21.447 – 00:31:22.127] reason I was bloated.

[00:31:22.127 – 00:31:30.887] And he said, “You don’t have any guts or willpower, and I’m off to give you some help.” And he wrote me a prescription for 60 of the most beautiful capsules I’ve ever seen in my life.

[00:31:30.887 – 00:31:32.507] Called them Neodon.

[00:31:32.507 – 00:31:40.767] And he, I, I said, “Doctor, is it all right if I drink a couple of beers when I take these things?” He said, “I don’t believe it’ll hurt you.” He never should have told me that.

[00:31:40.767 – 00:31:43.607] So I went home to lose weight and stay drunk.

[00:31:43.607 – 00:31:45.247] Well, I looked at the prescription.

[00:31:45.247 – 00:31:47.327] It says take one three times a day after meals.

[00:31:47.327 – 00:31:48.527] Well, who eats when you drink?

[00:31:48.527 – 00:31:52.807] And every good self-respectful drunk knows if one’s good, two’s better, three’s terrific.

[00:31:52.807 – 00:31:55.147] So I just took three of them, drank some whiskey.

[00:31:55.147 – 00:31:56.767] Didn’t feel like I was losing any weight.

[00:31:56.767 – 00:32:00.507] Come back and took three more of them, drank some more whiskey.

[00:32:00.507 – 00:32:02.767] Went into the bathroom, turned sideways in the mirror.

[00:32:02.767 – 00:32:03.947] Didn’t look like I was losing any weight.

[00:32:03.947 – 00:32:07.137] Come back out and took a handful of them.

[00:32:07.137 – 00:32:07.827] Drank some more whiskey.

[00:32:07.827 – 00:32:09.817] Looked like my scummu- stomach’s getting bigger.

[00:32:09.817 – 00:32:19.207] Finally, I took all the pills and drank all the whiskey, and the next thing I knew, I was out in my backyard, and I was picking peaches off of rose bushes.

[00:32:19.207 – 00:32:21.667] I don’t mind telling you.

[00:32:21.667 – 00:32:32.187] And they tell me I ran around that little town of 3,500 people two days talking in unknown tongues.

[00:32:32.187 – 00:32:41.567] And being one of two Jewish families in five counties around, the word spread like wildfire.

[00:32:41.567 – 00:32:43.467] The Jew had caught the Holy Ghost.

[00:32:43.467 – 00:32:53.587] And when I come to and realized what happened, I said, “My God, those pills are messing up my drinking.” Oh, I’d been to the psychiatrist and all the questions

[00:32:53.587 – 00:32:54.067] he asked me.

[00:32:54.067 – 00:32:55.597] My wife used to ask me nothing.

[00:32:55.597 – 00:32:57.727] My girlfriends used to ask me for nothing.

[00:32:57.727 – 00:32:59.257] The sheriff used to ask me for nothing.

[00:32:59.257 – 00:33:01.167] Judges had finally had to move me.

[00:33:01.167 – 00:33:04.187] But in that little town, and I promised Diane I’d tell it.

[00:33:04.187 – 00:33:06.267] I don’t tell this story very often.

[00:33:06.267 – 00:33:12.407] In that little town, the entire picture of alcoholism, and I was exactly the product of it.

[00:33:12.407 – 00:33:18.527] The richest and the most influential man in town died, and I was a friend of the family.

[00:33:18.527 – 00:33:20.347] They asked me to be a pallbearer, and that’s an honor.

[00:33:20.347 – 00:33:28.227] Well, it was a cold, rainy day, not quite cold enough to sleep, and I’m home getting dressed and getting juiced up to be a pallbearer.

[00:33:28.227 – 00:33:29.956] Every button, a button, I take a drink.

[00:33:29.956 – 00:33:31.507] Put on the right boot, take a drink.

[00:33:31.507 – 00:33:33.027] Put on the left boot, take a drink.

[00:33:33.027 – 00:33:36.336] And I put what was left of that bottle underneath that old station wagon.

[00:33:36.336 – 00:33:37.387] Off I go to church house.

[00:33:37.387 – 00:33:41.087] Now, I don’t know how many of y’all lived in a small old-fashioned country town.

[00:33:41.087 – 00:33:42.247] They never dug a basement.

[00:33:42.247 – 00:33:43.567] The basement was the ground floor.

[00:33:43.567 – 00:33:45.087] They just build the church right over it.

[00:33:45.087 – 00:33:48.467] And when you climb up the steps, it’s like climbing up Pikes Peak.

[00:33:48.467 – 00:33:56.027] And you open up them big oak doors, and they got all them curved pews, and it’s going like going down skiing down Pikes Peak down at the front row.

[00:33:56.027 – 00:33:57.787] That’s pallbearers row.

[00:33:57.787 – 00:34:00.257] And all I’m thinking about is taking a drink of whiskey.

[00:34:00.257 – 00:34:08.987] And when the host minister opened up, and then I knew who all the eulogizers were, and all I was thinking about is taking a drink of alcohol.

[00:34:08.987 – 00:34:10.367] Now, that is not sanity.

[00:34:10.367 – 00:34:15.987] And when the last eulogizer got through, I said, “I’m gonna take me a drink.” But no, they tricked me.

[00:34:15.987 – 00:34:19.727] They had augmented the choir, and the choir started to sing.

[00:34:19.727 – 00:34:25.587] And I believe they sang every hymnal in the Methodist hymnal and half out of the Baptist hymnal.

[00:34:25.587 – 00:34:28.587] “Wandering child, please come home,” you know.

[00:34:28.587 – 00:34:36.387] “We’ll all gather down the river at the foot of the cross,” and “Jesus loves you,” and “Bringing in the sheaves,” and “Amazing Grace”.

[00:34:36.387 – 00:34:37.747] And I hate that hymn.

[00:34:37.747 – 00:34:43.587] Because I’m married to a gal and her name is Grace, and she ain’t amazing.

[00:34:43.587 – 00:34:44.447] I don’t mind telling you.

[00:34:44.447 – 00:34:51.727] Finally, they get through, and the pallbearers got to wheel the deceased up while the congregation files by and takes a look.

[00:34:51.727 – 00:34:54.487] Then they line up on the steps leading to the hearse.

[00:34:54.487 – 00:34:58.507] And I knew I could not hold the northeast corner of that coffin up without a drink.

[00:34:58.507 – 00:35:02.247] So when one of the funeral home assistants came by, I nailed him.

[00:35:02.247 – 00:35:04.107] And I says, “I, I’m sick.

[00:35:04.107 – 00:35:11.347] Take my place.” And I run out the side door, and I get in that old station wagon and get about three blocks from the church, and I reach under there and get that bottle.

[00:35:11.347 – 00:35:12.527] You know, it’s in a paper sack.

[00:35:12.527 – 00:35:14.167] You peel it down like a banana.

[00:35:14.167 – 00:35:16.367] And God, I took a drink, and I began to feel better.

[00:35:16.367 – 00:35:18.926] Took another drink, took another drink, took another drink.

[00:35:18.926 – 00:35:28.487] And thank God I had sanity enough at that time not to try to crawl in with the pallbearers drunk or try to drive in a funeral procession 10 miles an hour drinking.

[00:35:28.487 – 00:35:38.487] So I said, “Well, I’ll circle the town and meet them at the cemetery.” Cemetery’s five miles from town, so I started driving, trying to gauge my speed, drinking with one bottle, and

[00:35:38.487 – 00:35:39.687] I turn on my radio.

[00:35:39.687 – 00:35:50.087] And I love country western music, and my favorite radio station in those days was Del Rio, Texas, where they sold Bibles and crosses and chains and rejuvenation

[00:35:50.087 – 00:35:51.747] powders and potions and lotions.

[00:35:51.747 – 00:35:53.647] And they sold everything in the world.

[00:35:53.647 – 00:35:55.407] Get your Cupid doll of Jesus.

[00:35:55.407 – 00:35:56.147] You can love him.

[00:35:56.147 – 00:35:56.987] You can hug him.

[00:35:56.987 – 00:35:57.707] You can kiss him.

[00:35:57.707 – 00:36:02.747] He’s with you 365 days out of the year, and he glows in the dark, you know.

[00:36:02.747 – 00:36:07.347] Oh, and they play some of the finest country western tunes.

[00:36:07.347 – 00:36:09.467] Don’t wink them bloodshot eyes at me.

[00:36:09.467 – 00:36:19.467] And I don’t know how many in here are old enough to remember the finest drinking song and crying song that God ever made or, or composed, and that is God Made Honky

[00:36:19.467 – 00:36:20.227] Tonk Angels.

[00:36:20.227 – 00:36:21.847] God Almighty, what a thing that…

[00:36:21.847 – 00:36:23.607] And I’m drinking, and I’m singing.

[00:36:23.607 – 00:36:24.677] I get out to the cemetery.

[00:36:24.677 – 00:36:25.747] I’m the only one there.

[00:36:25.747 – 00:36:32.227] So I, I climb up that old wet hill, and the false grass had been laid, you know, and chairs over the false grave.

[00:36:32.227 – 00:36:36.427] And a tent, and a grave had been dug with a stanchion over to eat in and a sling for the coffin.

[00:36:36.427 – 00:36:40.287] Being a real good, smart-nosed drunk, I got to see all the arrangements are proper.

[00:36:40.287 – 00:36:42.707] See a chair or two out of line, straighten that.

[00:36:42.707 – 00:36:45.527] Get up behind the lectern, make about a two-minute eulogy.

[00:36:45.527 – 00:36:46.607] Nobody shows up.

[00:36:46.607 – 00:36:51.827] So I slide down the hill, take about eight more honks of that juice, and by this time, I am drunk.

[00:36:51.827 – 00:36:56.747] And I’m coming back up the hill, and I’m not only seeing double, I’m seeing quadruple.

[00:36:56.747 – 00:37:00.027] And I see four whole rows of chairs that are out of line.

[00:37:00.027 – 00:37:05.667] And if there’s anything a drunk doesn’t want, he doesn’t want anybody to know he’s been around and messed up something.

[00:37:05.667 – 00:37:09.927] And I got to change those chairs and arrange them, chairs that ain’t there, you know.

[00:37:09.927 – 00:37:19.507] And I don’t know if you’ve been extremely unsteady of balance, and you aim for chairs that are not there, and you tangle with that false grass that’s extremely wet.

[00:37:19.507 – 00:37:21.187] It’s like indoor-outdoor carpet.

[00:37:21.187 – 00:37:23.347] And when it gets wet, it’s slicker than you know what.

[00:37:23.347 – 00:37:25.847] And I’m aiming for those chairs that ain’t there.

[00:37:25.847 – 00:37:27.587] And the next thing you know, I’m sliding.

[00:37:27.587 – 00:37:30.167] And the next thing you know, I managed to grab two chairs.

[00:37:30.167 – 00:37:34.267] And the next thing you know, me and them two chairs, we’re down in the bottom of that hole down there.

[00:37:34.267 – 00:37:44.883] And I’ll tell you, when you are drunk, and you’re flat on your back and you can’t get up, and here comes the postmaster, and here comes the pallbearers

[00:37:44.883 – 00:37:47.623] with the deceased, and here comes my wife.

[00:37:47.623 – 00:37:57.983] Now, the son of the deceased, a non-alcoholic, you know, non-alcoholic, he hears all that scratching

[00:37:57.983 – 00:38:09.383] and squealing down at the bottom of the hole, and he sticks his long neck, n- a long turkey neck down there, and he asks me this brilliant question, “What are you doing down there?” And

[00:38:09.383 – 00:38:19.403] I gave him a drinking drunk’s best shot, “I’m trying to get out, that’s what I’m doing.” And I’m there, and I’m wet, and I’m muddy while every eye is looking at

[00:38:19.403 – 00:38:21.543] me while they finish the rites of that fine man.

[00:38:21.543 – 00:38:28.243] Now, if that should happen to a social drinker, he’s so embarrassed and ashamed, he’ll stop drinking the rest of his life.

[00:38:28.243 – 00:38:30.773] But not me, I’m an alcoholic, an active one.

[00:38:30.773 – 00:38:32.283] You know what’s going through my mind?

[00:38:32.283 – 00:38:39.703] I could see the looks in the eyes of the people who love me and who I love, and who I love so much.

[00:38:39.703 – 00:38:41.803] I could see the embarrassment.

[00:38:41.803 – 00:38:43.223] I could see the shame.

[00:38:43.223 – 00:38:45.183] I could see the disgrace.

[00:38:45.183 – 00:38:47.603] I could see the utter bewilderment.

[00:38:47.603 – 00:38:49.443] I could see the befuddlement.

[00:38:49.443 – 00:38:59.823] But I also saw a look in those eyes that every alcoholic, with no exception, has seen whilst drinking, and many times, unfortunately,

[00:38:59.823 – 00:39:00.743] after we get sober.

[00:39:00.743 – 00:39:09.723] Although those eyes do not say these words, those eyes look these words, and those words are, “Oh, no.

[00:39:09.723 – 00:39:20.623] Not again.” And I said, “Get these services over with so I can go out and take a drink of alcohol to

[00:39:20.623 – 00:39:29.083] remove from my innermost consciousness the looks in the eyes of people who I love the most, who love me the most.” And when those services were over with, I didn’t go out and take a drink.

[00:39:29.083 – 00:39:33.503] I got a box of alcohol, and I did not come back to that town for three months.

[00:39:33.503 – 00:39:41.323] But the ridicule and the shame that my wife and those two little boys had to endure was almost too much for their sanity.

[00:39:41.323 – 00:39:47.823] We had to move away from that town, move back to Dallas, start all over again with a wonderful opportunity of I’m taking me with me.

[00:39:47.823 – 00:39:56.483] And it wasn’t long before I was down on that last skid row, sleeping in them 55 cent a night hotel rooms with your shoes tied around your neck, emptying wine bottles.

[00:39:56.483 – 00:39:58.603] I had no desire to live.

[00:39:58.603 – 00:40:08.943] As it describes this in the introduction, uh, of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the first printing, we’re 100 of men who have recovered from a seemingly

[00:40:08.943 – 00:40:10.643] hopeless state of mind and body.

[00:40:10.643 – 00:40:12.693] But to me, it was real, and I had no…

[00:40:12.693 – 00:40:17.283] My mother and father had totally prayed me dead 14 and a half years before I got sober.

[00:40:17.283 – 00:40:19.363] I had no wife.

[00:40:19.363 – 00:40:20.263] I had no children.

[00:40:20.263 – 00:40:21.803] I was incapable of working.

[00:40:21.803 – 00:40:25.123] And here I am laying on the jail floor.

[00:40:25.123 – 00:40:27.823] My whole life flashed before me.

[00:40:27.823 – 00:40:37.923] I’m almost 47 years old, and I couldn’t stay sober, and I couldn’t stay drunk, and I couldn’t kill myself, and I couldn’t stay alive, and me didn’t want me as me was, but me was going

[00:40:37.923 – 00:40:39.943] with me every place me went.

[00:40:39.943 – 00:40:43.463] And I screamed out on that jail floor for the first time honestly.

[00:40:43.463 – 00:40:45.403] I did not even say please.

[00:40:45.403 – 00:40:46.823] I didn’t put any condition on it.

[00:40:46.823 – 00:40:56.943] I said, “God, help me.” And I know right this very second that there not only was a God for me then as there right there is right this very second because I’m still here,

[00:40:56.943 – 00:41:01.883] and I’ve not had a drink of alcohol, and that was on April the 20th, 1967.

[00:41:01.883 – 00:41:12.103] And I said, “If I ever get out of here, I’m gonna look up those people in Alcoholics Anonymous,” because the minute I got me out of the way with any condition and asked God for total

[00:41:12.103 – 00:41:16.943] help, deep inside me kept coming, “Continued sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:41:16.943 – 00:41:18.723] Continued sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:41:18.723 – 00:41:23.703] Continued sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous.” Folks, Alcoholics Anonymous will mess up your drinking.

[00:41:23.703 – 00:41:25.723] Now, don’t ever kid yourself it won’t.

[00:41:25.723 – 00:41:28.223] Because why?

[00:41:28.223 – 00:41:29.763] It wants us to keep alive.

[00:41:29.763 – 00:41:38.163] It touches that fine thing down there that after we get sober says, “Thank you, little alcoholic, for not taking a drink of alcohol today.

[00:41:38.163 – 00:41:42.763] Thank you, little alcoholic, for having a way to have a reasonably good night’s sleep.

[00:41:42.763 – 00:41:53.183] But more important, thank you, little alcoholic, for finding a group of people who love you no matter what you have done, what you are doing, or what you ever will do.” I found those people in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:41:53.183 – 00:41:59.603] And I went to my meeting, and I walked in, and it looked like the same people that were there 17 years earlier.

[00:41:59.603 – 00:42:11.883] And one of them wise buzzards that got sober when Coolidge was president, he walked up to me, and he looked at me, and he grinned, and he said, “We knew you’d be back.” When

[00:42:11.883 – 00:42:21.483] I got to you people, little did I realize that my wife and two sons would ever be under one roof again because that marriage had been written off by everything and everybody, and it had no right to be.

[00:42:21.483 – 00:42:31.663] But only because of God’s grace through the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, and only because of God’s grace through the miracle of Al-Anon in Grace’s life, that beautiful and wonderful lady, last June

[00:42:31.663 – 00:42:35.503] the 10th, we celebrated 48 years, and that’s pretty good for a drunk.

[00:42:35.503 – 00:42:43.163] Although I was not there for many, many years.

[00:42:43.163 – 00:42:53.223] Now, I’m not gonna stand up here and tell you, because I’m in AA and my wife in Al-Anon, that our marriage is just absolutely perfect, that the butterflies are tranquil, the bluebirds are hugging and kissing and

[00:42:53.223 – 00:42:53.583] cooing.

[00:42:53.583 – 00:42:54.403] Heck no.

[00:42:54.403 – 00:42:56.803] We have a few short rounds every now and then.

[00:42:56.803 – 00:42:59.163] We have a few long rounds every now and then.

[00:42:59.163 – 00:43:02.103] That’s what you call clearing the air, communicating.

[00:43:02.103 – 00:43:05.503] all that nitpicking arguing.

[00:43:05.503 – 00:43:13.003] Our two sons are grown today, and they are tremendously successful, and I didn’t have a darn thing to do with it.

[00:43:13.003 – 00:43:18.123] The oldest one, he was 15 years of age, was gonna kill me for what he was doing to their mother.

[00:43:18.123 – 00:43:20.643] If I could’ve gotten out of that chair, I’d have killed him.

[00:43:20.643 – 00:43:24.743] Because, you see, their mother was the only link to their sanity.

[00:43:24.743 – 00:43:26.303] Their mother was their Santa Claus.

[00:43:26.303 – 00:43:27.543] Their mother took them to Italy.

[00:43:27.543 – 00:43:28.503] I wanted to.

[00:43:28.503 – 00:43:30.823] I’d get drunk, wouldn’t come home.

[00:43:30.823 – 00:43:38.203] And today, we are not only the best of friends, but more important, we have a tremendous father and son relationship.

[00:43:38.203 – 00:43:45.033] When I got sober, I had to go to the regulatory agency that licensed my profession to make a living, and I had to go down and tell them the truth.

[00:43:45.033 – 00:43:47.059] Promises kill drunks.

[00:43:47.059 – 00:43:51.778] I had to tell them what I did, not promise I’ll never do it again.

[00:43:51.778 – 00:43:58.959] They kept me down there a week, and they said, “Well, we’re gonna let you go back to work, but we’re gonna be checking up on you,” and I’ve been there ever since.

[00:43:58.959 – 00:44:02.419] Now, y’all have heard only the nicer parts of my story.

[00:44:02.419 – 00:44:07.119] And I’m asked by many people, “You’ve been locked up.

[00:44:07.119 – 00:44:08.039] You’ve been gone.

[00:44:08.039 – 00:44:13.459] How did you ever get through school?” Well, I was my class valedictorian in high school.

[00:44:13.459 – 00:44:18.439] I finished second of a class of 450 at Southern Methodist University.

[00:44:18.439 – 00:44:21.119] I’m a graduate of Baylor University College of Dentistry.

[00:44:21.119 – 00:44:23.279] And they say, “How’d you do it?” Real simple.

[00:44:23.279 – 00:44:24.179] You cheat.

[00:44:24.179 – 00:44:33.839] It does not take our kind long to find another human being who will do for us what we cannot possibly do for ourselves.

[00:44:33.839 – 00:44:39.169] Whoo.

[00:44:39.169 – 00:44:47.999] Y’all have been so kind, and I know y’all want to celebrate, you know, and everybody tell you how great you are in AA and all this, and this is wonderful, but I want to leave you with something.

[00:44:47.999 – 00:44:57.119] I pray one of these days that our conference will make it into a service piece and give it to every member of Alcoholics that’s here and those who are to come.

[00:44:57.119 – 00:45:07.179] And it’ll be a copy of a letter that was written to our co-founder Bill on December the 30th of 1946, and a letter that was written by a non-alcoholic who loved AA more than life

[00:45:07.179 – 00:45:17.459] itself, a non-alcoholic whose family name is perhaps the most famous name that the world has ever known as far as banking and finance and energy and foundations

[00:45:17.459 – 00:45:18.179] and grants.

[00:45:18.179 – 00:45:24.499] And if it hadn’t been for that non-alcoholic and his non-alcoholic friends, our Big Book never have been written.

[00:45:24.499 – 00:45:26.229] We got our name from the Big Book.

[00:45:26.229 – 00:45:26.579] Dr.

[00:45:26.579 – 00:45:28.659] Bob and Bill probably wouldn’t have gone on.

[00:45:28.659 – 00:45:38.699] And the letter is thanking Bill for a wartime, World War II wartime printing of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, where they had to cut the size down due to the paper shortage,

[00:45:38.699 – 00:45:39.699] never dropped out a word.

[00:45:39.699 – 00:45:46.919] The first part of the letter is thanking Bill for the book and the ins- and the inscription on the flyleaf, but this is the part I want to leave with you.

[00:45:46.919 – 00:45:57.199] Quote to Bill, “It must be of great satisfaction for you to realize that the helping hand that you extended to a needy brother many years ago has resulted in the widespread extension

[00:45:57.199 – 00:45:58.319] of that brotherly act.

[00:45:58.319 – 00:46:07.579] The regenerating of the power of the Spirit of that friendly hand has been the means by which countless lives have been saved that otherwise would have been wrecked.

[00:46:07.579 – 00:46:17.599] May God continue to bless you and use you ever increasingly as His chosen instrument in the rebuilding of broken lives.” Every one of us in this meeting right

[00:46:17.599 – 00:46:23.559] now, everyone in Alcoholics Anonymous right now, we’re the result of the extension of that friendly hand from Bill to Dr.

[00:46:23.559 – 00:46:25.359] Bob to Bill Dee, and here we are.

[00:46:25.359 – 00:46:30.419] It has been the regenerating power of the Spirit to live in the world of reality.

[00:46:30.419 – 00:46:40.859] If there is a prayer, if there’s a hope, if there’s a desire I have for each and every one of us, may we continue to let God bless us and use us ever increasingly

[00:46:40.859 – 00:46:44.019] as His chosen instrument in the rebuilding of broken lives.

[00:46:44.019 – 00:46:46.259] And how will God continue to do this?

[00:46:46.259 – 00:46:49.879] And that is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

[00:46:49.879 – 00:46:50.959] God bless each and every one.

[00:46:50.959 – 00:46:51.759] Thank you, and I love you.

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