[00:00:00.420 – 00:00:05.700] When I was about, uh, age nine, I drank some kerosene.

[00:00:05.700 – 00:00:09.580] Age ten, nineteen forty-one, the Jack Alexander story came out.

[00:00:09.580 – 00:00:12.539] I was ten years old, and, uh, I read about it.

[00:00:12.539 – 00:00:15.359] I read it a few– a couple times at least.

[00:00:15.359 – 00:00:23.899] My father was an alcoholic, and I wished he’d go with these people because I wanted him to go with them and, you know, maybe something could change.

[00:00:23.899 – 00:00:25.460] He didn’t.

[00:00:25.460 – 00:00:33.159] Uh, age twelve, I wanted to go outside the house and drink, and, uh, I had too much, um, parental controls.

[00:00:33.159 – 00:00:38.840] Age fifteen to sixteen, I started going out, you know, drinking a little beer down by the railroad tracks.

[00:00:38.840 – 00:00:45.439] Age seventeen, I got away, uh, to a resort, and I just took to alcohol like a duck takes to water.

[00:00:45.439 – 00:00:54.500] I really, um, maybe not consciously, but at least I soon was beginning to turn my will and life over to the care of alcohol.

[00:00:54.500 – 00:00:55.179] I loved it.

[00:00:55.179 – 00:00:56.079] I really did.

[00:00:56.079 – 00:00:56.920] I just, uh…

[00:00:56.920 – 00:01:07.180] every bit of it, uh, a-a-any element that was connected to it and the, uh, ef-effects and everything else, and, and I’d get through the, uh, hangovers and all that because,

[00:01:07.180 – 00:01:12.299] uh, uh, I was, you know, I was just able to, uh…

[00:01:12.299 – 00:01:15.000] I couldn’t get up for work, but, uh, all that stuff.

[00:01:15.000 – 00:01:23.618] Anyway, um, at the age of eighteen, my mother sent me to a psychiatrist because of my drinking.

[00:01:23.618 – 00:01:30.219] And at the age of eighteen, I was also sent to my first AA meeting, and that was in nineteen fifty.

[00:01:30.219 – 00:01:39.099] And I went, and, uh, I thought they’re a nice bunch of people, and maybe someday I’d come back and play checkers with them because they were really good.

[00:01:39.099 – 00:01:49.299] And one fellow said, “Isn’t it good he’s coming in now be- because the, uh, traditions are coming out.” So anyway, John, uh, came back, the guy that gave me a ride, came back next week and, um,

[00:01:49.299 – 00:01:54.939] said, “He’d take me back to the meeting.” I said, “No, I’d be able to handle it myself.” And I, I went right back out drinking.

[00:01:54.939 – 00:02:05.120] And then about, uh, oh, uh, maybe ten or eleven years after that, I went to Alcoholics Anonymous, uh, because I wanted more control,

[00:02:05.120 – 00:02:06.939] especially in the marriage.

[00:02:06.939 – 00:02:10.159] Uh, I managed to stay sober four and a half months.

[00:02:10.159 – 00:02:11.759] My wife marked it on a calendar.

[00:02:11.759 – 00:02:13.819] I went back out drinking.

[00:02:13.819 – 00:02:19.240] And later on, about seven years after that, a guy named Roy helped me to get back to meetings.

[00:02:19.240 – 00:02:26.120] He said he was an alcoholic, and I said, “I understand.” He says, “I go to meetings,” and I said, “I’d like to go.” And I followed him around.

[00:02:26.120 – 00:02:28.340] Uh, he was like a man’s man.

[00:02:28.340 – 00:02:31.259] He was like a father that, uh, you know, to me.

[00:02:31.259 – 00:02:37.879] And, uh, I, I said I’d never drink, and I put down the date August eleventh.

[00:02:37.879 – 00:02:39.400] I said I’d never drink again.

[00:02:39.400 – 00:02:43.879] I, I put down the date August eleven, nineteen sixty-six, and I was drunk by Christmas.

[00:02:43.879 – 00:02:46.259] I came back into AA.

[00:02:46.259 – 00:02:47.280] I fell back in.

[00:02:47.280 – 00:02:47.900] I got through St.

[00:02:47.900 – 00:02:48.599] Paddy’s Day.

[00:02:48.599 – 00:02:49.860] I’m always drunk on St.

[00:02:49.860 – 00:02:50.620] Paddy’s Day.

[00:02:50.620 – 00:02:54.479] And, uh, this year I didn’t, and I got– Ten days after St.

[00:02:54.479 – 00:02:56.400] Paddy’s Day, I told my wife I’m going to a meeting.

[00:02:56.400 – 00:03:00.319] Once I got my foot out the door, I headed right to the bar.

[00:03:00.319 – 00:03:05.199] I had a beer, and then I had another beer, and I really can’t tell you how much I drank.

[00:03:05.199 – 00:03:07.180] I know I scratched up the car that…

[00:03:07.180 – 00:03:08.479] I came back to AA.

[00:03:08.479 – 00:03:13.960] These times I went out because of guilt and remorse and all the other reasons we go out.

[00:03:13.960 – 00:03:17.340] Uh, but, uh, a hundred excuses, but there’s no reason to go out.

[00:03:17.340 – 00:03:24.840] Anyway, I came back into, uh, I was ba-back into AA in two and a half months, and I had to drink, and I didn’t know what to do.

[00:03:24.840 – 00:03:27.340] And what I did was this.

[00:03:27.340 – 00:03:29.840] I, I just kept going to meetings finding out what to do.

[00:03:29.840 – 00:03:39.860] A guy named Marty from the Bottom of the Barrel group says, “If you have to pick up a drink, if you really have to pick up a drink, postpone your decision for twenty-four

[00:03:39.860 – 00:03:50.039] hours.” Next morning, I got up, and I said, “God, probably tomorrow I’ll pick up a drink, but just for today, help me stay away from that one drink of alcohol.” And I’ve been asking God every

[00:03:50.039 – 00:03:51.049] day since then.

[00:03:51.049 – 00:03:55.319] You know, it’s, it’s a simple thing to help me to stay away from a drink of alcohol.

[00:03:55.319 – 00:04:02.979] I used to say, “Keep me away from a drink of alcohol,” but that’s really putting too much on God, and I have to be a little part of the action myself.

[00:04:02.979 – 00:04:07.639] So, uh, I haven’t had a, uh, drink since, uh…

[00:04:07.639 – 00:04:09.219] and it’s been good.

[00:04:09.219 – 00:04:13.000] The, uh, marital situation, I solved that with twin beds.

[00:04:13.000 – 00:04:20.709] One in Miami and one in, uh, Florida .

[00:04:20.709 – 00:04:23.339] Uh, anyway.

[00:04:23.339 – 00:04:34.019] No, that was a, a sad thing, and that was built on dishonesty, and it’s all– It was, it was– I had just never been af- uh, completely honest with my wife, and it was really a, a, a

[00:04:34.019 – 00:04:35.639] horrible, uh, blow to her.

[00:04:35.639 – 00:04:39.300] Uh, she’s a wonderful woman, and, uh, we still, uh…

[00:04:39.300 – 00:04:44.399] Uh, I, I saw her recently as a matter of fact, and she’s, she’s just a great, uh, lady.

[00:04:44.399 – 00:04:54.420] Uh, but, uh, I was able to come down to Florida, and I was able to, uh, get active in a f– I got active in a group, helped to found a group,

[00:04:54.420 – 00:04:56.399] and it, it was wonderful.

[00:04:56.399 – 00:05:02.800] I was talking to the, uh, pastor of the church and, uh, explaining about Alcoholics Anonymous and, uh, Bill Wilson.

[00:05:02.800 – 00:05:03.850] He says, “I know Bill Wilson.

[00:05:03.850 – 00:05:04.800] He comes down every winter.

[00:05:04.800 – 00:05:07.160] We have, uh, conversations together.

[00:05:07.160 – 00:05:16.560] He’s a, you know, great, great, uh, person.” And so, uh, anyway, um, for me, uh, what happened was this.

[00:05:16.560 – 00:05:20.639] That, uh, I went to the group, and I didn’t think I could get sober.

[00:05:20.639 – 00:05:24.339] I really didn’t because I had tried or sort of half-tried, whatever.

[00:05:24.339 – 00:05:26.819] But they said believe what we believe.

[00:05:26.819 – 00:05:37.189] Joe Max says, “Look for the little bit of good in the bad and forget about the little bit of bad in the good.” Hughie says, “A trouble shared is a trouble cut in half.” I had all those, uh, fears, and I built up all the barriers,

[00:05:37.189 – 00:05:39.620] but eventually those were able to come down.

[00:05:39.620 – 00:05:41.319] Uh, I love AA.

[00:05:41.319 – 00:05:45.060] I love the, uh, conventions and everything, uh, that has to do with it.

[00:05:45.060 – 00:05:46.420] I love the meetings.

[00:05:46.420 – 00:05:49.439] If you get to a lot of meetings, it’s easy.

[00:05:49.439 – 00:05:51.399] If you get to a few meetings, it’s hard.

[00:05:51.399 – 00:05:53.600] If you get to no meetings, it’s impossible.

[00:05:53.600 – 00:05:56.439] And I’m so grateful that I’m, uh, sober.

[00:05:56.439 – 00:05:59.199] Uh, I’ve had a, uh…

[00:05:59.199 – 00:06:02.139] Even in the last two years, there’s growth.

[00:06:02.139 – 00:06:02.540] You know?

[00:06:02.540 – 00:06:13.139] And sometimes it’s small, minuscule or whatever, but I’ve– I had a heavy defect and, uh- I get kind of back a little bit to the church of my, uh, youth and, uh,

[00:06:13.139 – 00:06:17.079] a little bit more anyway, and, uh, got help in the area of the defect.

[00:06:17.079 – 00:06:19.319] And, and, and outside– I mean, we can go outside.

[00:06:19.319 – 00:06:22.300] Of course, Alcohol synonymous has a singleness of purpose.

[00:06:22.300 – 00:06:23.819] We’re here for alcohol, and that’s it.

[00:06:23.819 – 00:06:27.399] But if an individual wants to do, uh, other things, that’s fine.

[00:06:27.399 – 00:06:31.459] And so I, I got, uh, help, uh, to go s-some other meetings.

[00:06:31.459 – 00:06:36.240] Uh, but anyway, um, I like the story about the professor and the paradox.

[00:06:36.240 – 00:06:44.339] He said, uh, “We surrender to win, we suffer to get well, we die to live, and we give it away to keep it.” And I heard a story about a guy.

[00:06:44.339 – 00:06:47.500] He came home, and he told his wife, he says, “You know, when I was drinking, I was a Dr.

[00:06:47.500 – 00:06:48.259] Jekyll and Mr.

[00:06:48.259 – 00:06:50.300] Hyde.” She said, “I know.

[00:06:50.300 – 00:06:52.699] They sewed up the wrong one.” You know?

[00:06:52.699 – 00:06:56.540] Anyway, it’s been good.

[00:06:56.540 – 00:07:03.199] Uh, one, uh, last thing, uh, because I, uh, I have much more experience behind me.

[00:07:03.199 – 00:07:10.339] But the kid– A little boy came home to his father, and he says, uh, “Dad, uh, w-will you play with me and talk with me?” And the father says, “I’m busy.

[00:07:10.339 – 00:07:11.060] I’m reading the paper.

[00:07:11.060 – 00:07:14.319] Here, I’ll give you a jigsaw puzzle of the world.

[00:07:14.319 – 00:07:22.819] When you put that together, bring it back to me, and we’ll talk.” And the kid came back in just a, a sh-very short time, and he said, “How did you do that?

[00:07:22.819 – 00:07:32.959] How did you put it together so quick?” The boy said, “Well, on the back of the jigsaw puzzle, there was a picture of a man’s head, and once I got the man’s head together, the world was all right.”

[00:07:32.959 – 00:07:34.139] Thank you.

[00:07:34.139 – 00:07:41.079] Thank you, Matthew.

[00:07:41.079 – 00:07:43.040] Let’s see.

[00:07:43.040 – 00:07:46.319] Next we have Tommy C.

[00:07:46.319 – 00:07:47.540] Tommy D.C.

[00:07:47.540 – 00:07:57.259] You’re on, Tom.

[00:07:57.259 – 00:07:57.600] Thank you.

[00:07:57.600 – 00:07:59.040] How many minutes?

[00:07:59.040 – 00:08:00.180] Five.

[00:08:00.180 – 00:08:02.339] Five minutes, okay.

[00:08:02.339 – 00:08:02.860] Hi, everybody.

[00:08:02.860 – 00:08:04.500] My name is Tommy Morrow, and I’m an alcoholic.

[00:08:04.500 – 00:08:06.470] Hi, Tommy.

[00:08:06.470 – 00:08:08.259] And I’m a member of the Monday Night Speakers Group in St.

[00:08:08.259 – 00:08:09.199] Petersburg, Florida.

[00:08:09.199 – 00:08:17.139] We all know about a drunk-a-log, so I’m gonna tell you, uh, what happened to me at my first AA meeting.

[00:08:17.139 – 00:08:21.000] I came to Alcoholics Anonymous when I– at the age of twenty-three.

[00:08:21.000 – 00:08:23.000] I was too young to be an alcoholic.

[00:08:23.000 – 00:08:26.699] I was getting married in three months– six months.

[00:08:26.699 – 00:08:27.959] Three months, six months.

[00:08:27.959 – 00:08:30.379] I still don’t– I’ll never get that story straight.

[00:08:30.379 – 00:08:31.879] Been here a long time.

[00:08:31.879 – 00:08:33.519] I was gonna get married.

[00:08:33.519 – 00:08:39.039] My wife-to-be said, “Go to AA or else.” Her and I went to our first AA meeting.

[00:08:39.039 – 00:08:40.879] She was twenty-two, and I was twenty-three.

[00:08:40.879 – 00:08:44.700] I walked in, and all I saw was people who look like me today.

[00:08:44.700 – 00:08:51.620] And I said, “Oh, I’ll be out of here in, in, in two days.

[00:08:51.620 – 00:08:54.580] I’m too young to be here.

[00:08:54.580 – 00:08:57.259] Uh, these people are forty, fifty, sixty years old.

[00:08:57.259 – 00:09:04.419] My life is over.” Uh, they asked me if I was an alcoholic that night.

[00:09:04.419 – 00:09:14.889] I said, “Absolutely not.” You know, the most important question that was ever asked to me, or one of them anyways, in Alcoholics Anonymous was,

[00:09:14.889 – 00:09:20.120] “Do you like what happens to you when you drink?” I hate what happens to me when I drink.

[00:09:20.120 – 00:09:26.220] And that allowed me– That statement there allowed me to come back to another meeting that I didn’t wanna go to.

[00:09:26.220 – 00:09:30.879] Um, uh, I got sober eight miles north of Boston in Melrose, Massachusetts.

[00:09:30.879 – 00:09:36.759] I went to churches that were in the cellar– the basements of the cellar.

[00:09:36.759 – 00:09:38.220] Uh, I hated AA.

[00:09:38.220 – 00:09:46.779] I was scared to death of stopping drinking because I had gone into the horrors and DTs, uh, before, and I was scared to death that that would happen to me.

[00:09:46.779 – 00:09:54.200] The guy says, “Can you come back to another meeting tomorrow without drinking?” I says, “I don’t think so.” I was honest.

[00:09:54.200 – 00:10:01.480] I think the honest I, uh, I was at any time in my first eight or nine years in AA was, “Do you like what happens to you when you drink?” I hate it.

[00:10:01.480 – 00:10:03.539] That was as honest as I could get.

[00:10:03.539 – 00:10:13.668] So I said, “No, I can’t go to another meeting.” Uh, and my wife-to-be said, “He’ll be there.” I told them that I was, uh, getting

[00:10:13.668 – 00:10:14.039] married.

[00:10:14.039 – 00:10:15.740] I had to do a lot of things before I get married.

[00:10:15.740 – 00:10:21.879] She said, “He’ll be there.” So I went to– I had a terrible attitude in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:10:21.879 – 00:10:26.480] I had no idea what AA was, but I needed to really change my attitude real quick.

[00:10:26.480 – 00:10:30.240] I had enough trouble to get here at age twenty-three, eighteen, fifteen, fourteen.

[00:10:30.240 – 00:10:36.539] Uh, I speak in front of a lot of young people today, and I tell them that they’re looking at their future.

[00:10:36.539 – 00:10:38.940] Now that’s me.

[00:10:38.940 – 00:10:44.379] I’m looking– You’re looking at your future because I was just like you when I got here.

[00:10:44.379 – 00:10:47.259] And I can’t believe how young they look.

[00:10:47.259 – 00:10:57.539] Uh, at the end of thirty days– I went to AA for thirty days in a row, and I had a sponsor.

[00:10:57.539 – 00:11:00.700] At the end of three days in AA, I had a sponsor, I had a group.

[00:11:00.700 – 00:11:06.480] And I woke up one night after thirty days of being sober in AA.

[00:11:06.480 – 00:11:12.299] I had this horrible dream, and I was scared to death that AA wouldn’t work for me.

[00:11:12.299 – 00:11:22.179] Because of you people and Alcoholics Anonymous, I tried to get sober all my life long before I got to AA.

[00:11:22.179 – 00:11:24.899] I tried everything to get sober, and I couldn’t get sober.

[00:11:24.899 – 00:11:28.600] And I came in here, and you guys gave me hope.

[00:11:28.600 – 00:11:30.240] I got hope at my first AA meeting.

[00:11:30.240 – 00:11:39.899] The problem with that was that I had a head full of booze, a belly full of booze, looking a way to get out of here because I didn’t know what I was gonna do with the rest of my life.

[00:11:39.899 – 00:11:45.460] I’m sure happy you were here when I got here.

[00:11:45.460 – 00:11:50.899] So at the end of thirty days, I became willing to do whatever my sponsor told me.

[00:11:50.899 – 00:11:52.940] You know what that means?

[00:11:52.940 – 00:11:55.419] I’m a halfway measure kinda guy.

[00:11:55.419 – 00:11:59.039] I do the half– first half of the first step.

[00:11:59.039 – 00:12:02.500] I’m powerless over alcohol.

[00:12:02.500 – 00:12:03.200] I don’t drink.

[00:12:03.200 – 00:12:05.460] No matter what happens to me, I don’t drink.

[00:12:05.460 – 00:12:11.960] And I bring this body as it is everywhere I go, and I don’t drink, and I don’t like what’s happened to me.

[00:12:11.960 – 00:12:19.008] My biggest problem, how was I gonna go to my bachelor party and not drink?

[00:12:19.008 – 00:12:24.227] My sponsor told me– By the way, I have the same sponsor that I came to AA with.

[00:12:24.227 – 00:12:27.187] The day I got into AA, I have the same sponsor.

[00:12:27.187 – 00:12:28.988] His name is Arthur K.

[00:12:28.988 – 00:12:31.488] He makes coffee at Longboat Key on Tuesday nights.

[00:12:31.488 – 00:12:33.207] He’s sober forty-six, seven years.

[00:12:33.207 – 00:12:34.648] Same guy.

[00:12:34.648 – 00:12:41.048] Saw me when I got here, saw me when I got married, saw me when the kids grew up, saw me when I got divorced.

[00:12:41.048 – 00:12:47.707] I’ve been through everything possible I could be, uh, in AA with your help to not drink.

[00:12:47.707 – 00:12:49.048] It’s about not drinking.

[00:12:49.048 – 00:12:50.067] It’s about me growing up.

[00:12:50.067 – 00:12:52.988] You know, Bill Wilson talks about emotional sobriety.

[00:12:52.988 – 00:12:59.508] He talked about emotional sobriety in nineteen fifty-six, and I’m just getting to that point, you know?

[00:12:59.508 – 00:13:01.548] I mean, I don’t like me when I’m sober.

[00:13:01.548 – 00:13:04.067] I don’t like my behavior.

[00:13:04.067 – 00:13:12.827] And I finally had to take a look at what was happening in my life and become willing to do whatever my sponsor told me to do because I wanted to drink.

[00:13:12.827 – 00:13:13.947] I don’t really wanna drink.

[00:13:13.947 – 00:13:16.508] I showed up at AA.

[00:13:16.508 – 00:13:23.738] He told me, “You can drink– When you show up at AA, and you talk to somebody after the meeting, and tell them you wanna drink, then you can go drink.” That happened to me several times.

[00:13:23.738 – 00:13:24.967] I went home and got down on my knees.

[00:13:24.967 – 00:13:26.408] I was able to have a day of sobriety.

[00:13:26.408 – 00:13:29.807] It’s all about the things I hear at AA that I don’t think I hear.

[00:13:29.807 – 00:13:32.288] I changed that attitude.

[00:13:32.288 – 00:13:39.207] I got back into my, my program the way AA teaches it.

[00:13:39.207 – 00:13:44.227] The fellowship works great in AA, but sooner or later, I better have a program.

[00:13:44.227 – 00:13:52.148] And sooner or later, I better have a power greater than myself who will be there when the stuff hits the fan, and I wanna drink.

[00:13:52.148 – 00:13:54.748] And I have that power.

[00:13:54.748 – 00:14:03.847] Uh, I had a lot of trouble with my ego because I blamed– I ne– said I never have a problem with God, but I blame God for giving me free will.

[00:14:03.847 – 00:14:05.268] I’m a manipulative guy.

[00:14:05.268 – 00:14:09.807] God gave me free will, and it’s His fault that I act this way sober in AA.

[00:14:09.807 – 00:14:16.087] I had more trouble in AA sober than I ever had drinking because of my inability to grow up.

[00:14:16.087 – 00:14:26.528] And at the end of fifteen years in AA, I had to get a divorce because my beautiful wife and I could no longer tolerate my behavior,

[00:14:26.528 – 00:14:30.927] or we just– w- she went one way, and I went the other way, and it was a tough thing.

[00:14:30.927 – 00:14:41.148] You know, and at that time, I finally realized that I need to turn my life, not a big deal, but turning my will over to God and do the best I can

[00:14:41.148 – 00:14:44.288] and try to be one of God’s kids and not hurt one of God’s kids.

[00:14:44.288 – 00:14:48.268] I’m a big guy up today about giving, uh, free rides to people.

[00:14:48.268 – 00:14:53.417] People gave me a lot of free rides when I thought, when I thought, uh, when I hurt their feelings.

[00:14:53.417 – 00:14:54.697] They let me go, give me a free ride.

[00:14:54.697 – 00:14:56.868] I need to give a f- few more free rides around here.

[00:14:56.868 – 00:15:00.307] I need to forgive people who I think hurt me.

[00:15:00.307 – 00:15:10.648] I still brought into AA a perception of a little kid, and he gets to be still a little kid when he’s growing up in AA forty-five years, fifty years old.

[00:15:10.648 – 00:15:12.607] You know?

[00:15:12.607 – 00:15:14.368] And, uh, my– I’ve changed.

[00:15:14.368 – 00:15:16.587] I work on my program every day.

[00:15:16.587 – 00:15:20.528] It’s not a hard thing for me to do because you taught me how to do that.

[00:15:20.528 – 00:15:22.847] I believe in sponsorship.

[00:15:22.847 – 00:15:27.768] I believe in, in, uh, b– I, I sponsor a lot of people, but you know what?

[00:15:27.768 – 00:15:36.488] I tell them from my experience what happens, and I let them have their own road because if I have expectations of their behavior, I’m in a lot of trouble.

[00:15:36.488 – 00:15:38.518] I’m gonna stop in a minute.

[00:15:38.518 – 00:15:40.727] I just wanna tell you that I did meet, meet Bill Wilson.

[00:15:40.727 – 00:15:43.807] It was a unbelievable experience.

[00:15:43.807 – 00:15:48.488] Uh, we were going down to meet him, and, uh, I’m a control freak.

[00:15:48.488 – 00:15:53.707] I told my wife, “Make sure everything is done before I get home ’cause we’re going down and have a wonderful weekend.” I got home.

[00:15:53.707 – 00:15:54.427] Nothing was done.

[00:15:54.427 – 00:15:57.807] She asked me to kick– she asked me to vacuum the floor.

[00:15:57.807 – 00:16:02.807] I kicked that vacuum cleaner all over the house and went down to New York with a toe this big.

[00:16:02.807 – 00:16:04.687] My wife was in Al-Anon.

[00:16:04.687 – 00:16:06.508] She told everybody what happened to me.

[00:16:06.508 – 00:16:16.748] I had met Bill Wilson that afternoon, and I said, “What happened here?” My sponsor said, “Bill Wilson just come in.” Now,

[00:16:16.748 – 00:16:20.488] th- that picture up there of Lois and Bill, that’s just how they both looked.

[00:16:20.488 – 00:16:21.327] I met both of them.

[00:16:21.327 – 00:16:23.207] That’s exactly how they looked.

[00:16:23.207 – 00:16:29.408] And, uh, the nice words that he said to me, “Kid,” he says– He signed my big book, Ever Bill.

[00:16:29.408 – 00:16:36.846] And he said to me, “Kid, keep coming, and you’ll be okay.” I drank because I wasn’t okay.

[00:16:36.846 – 00:16:38.587] I came to AA.

[00:16:38.587 – 00:16:41.888] You guys fixed me, and I’m okay today.

[00:16:41.888 – 00:16:45.748] I’m the guy that I wanted to be when I grew up.

[00:16:45.748 – 00:16:52.447] I came here with three percent of being honest, and today I’m a lot further ahead of that.

[00:16:52.447 – 00:17:02.467] I believe today that I create my own problems, and I created enough of

[00:17:02.467 – 00:17:02.567] them.

[00:17:02.567 – 00:17:12.768] And I said one day, “Why don’t I try to create some good stuff?” And today, I can tell you my, my life is ninety-s- seven percent positive opposed to being ninety-seven

[00:17:12.768 – 00:17:14.387] percent negative.

[00:17:14.387 – 00:17:25.038] And I owe it all to people that came before me and especially the new people in Alcoholics Anonymous who show me what it was like to come into here and say,

[00:17:25.038 – 00:17:29.367] “I’m too young to be an alcoholic.” I love what you’ve given me.

[00:17:29.367 – 00:17:30.028] Thanks a lot.

[00:17:30.028 – 00:17:35.998] Thank you.

[00:17:35.998 – 00:17:36.448] Thank you, Tommy.

[00:17:36.448 – 00:17:38.038] That was great.

[00:17:38.038 – 00:17:43.028] Forgot to mention Tommy’s sobriety date was eleven seven of sixty-six.

[00:17:43.028 – 00:17:47.788] Sixty-four.

[00:17:47.788 – 00:17:48.718] Sixty-four?

[00:17:48.718 – 00:17:48.718] Sixty-four.

[00:17:48.718 – 00:17:49.468] Excuse me.

[00:17:49.468 – 00:17:50.407] Well, let’s correct that.

[00:17:50.407 – 00:17:51.988] It says sixty-six here.

[00:17:51.988 – 00:17:53.587] Sixty-four, I’m sorry.

[00:17:53.587 – 00:17:55.028] That’s a big difference.

[00:17:55.028 – 00:17:56.467] Absolutely.

[00:17:56.467 – 00:17:59.788] Okay, next up is Rick D.

[00:17:59.788 – 00:18:03.847] Is Rick D here with us today?

[00:18:03.847 – 00:18:04.907] No.

[00:18:04.907 – 00:18:05.607] Okay.

[00:18:05.607 – 00:18:07.627] Let’s see.

[00:18:07.627 – 00:18:08.548] All right.

[00:18:08.548 – 00:18:10.298] He’s probably up here.

[00:18:10.298 – 00:18:11.248] Rick here?

[00:18:11.248 – 00:18:14.758] Rick.

[00:18:14.758 – 00:18:14.777] He’s up there.

[00:18:14.777 – 00:18:16.708] He wants you to beg him.

[00:18:16.708 – 00:18:23.307] All right.

[00:18:23.307 – 00:18:25.258] I’m sorry.

[00:18:25.258 – 00:18:25.258] I just lived here.

[00:18:25.258 – 00:18:25.708] That’s okay.

[00:18:25.708 – 00:18:27.048] You’re here.

[00:18:27.048 – 00:18:27.688] That’s what counts.

[00:18:27.688 – 00:18:32.587] That’s right.

[00:18:32.587 – 00:18:37.928] Rick, I’m gonna let you give your own sobriety date, so I’m sure I’m right about that.

[00:18:37.928 – 00:18:43.998] Ten six sixty-six, yeah.

[00:18:43.998 – 00:18:45.107] I’d like to introduce Rick D.

[00:18:45.107 – 00:18:51.307] Hi.

[00:18:51.307 – 00:18:51.768] Hi, everybody.

[00:18:51.768 – 00:18:54.708] My name is Rick, and I’m a very grateful alcoholic.

[00:18:54.708 – 00:19:05.127] And I, and I always say grateful, uh, because, uh, had I not been an alcoholic, I would never have found Alcoholics

[00:19:05.127 – 00:19:08.448] Anonymous and the wonderful twelve steps that are here.

[00:19:08.448 – 00:19:16.867] I remember when I first came in, we used to have a– I, I got sober on, uh, October sixth, nineteen sixty-six in Connecticut.

[00:19:16.867 – 00:19:25.347] And we used to go to, um, the convention at Moose Lodge in, uh, Moose, Connecticut.

[00:19:25.347 – 00:19:25.928] Is it Moose?

[00:19:25.928 – 00:19:27.508] Something like that.

[00:19:27.508 – 00:19:28.498] Any- Moorish.

[00:19:28.498 – 00:19:28.667] Huh?

[00:19:28.667 – 00:19:29.907] Moorish.

[00:19:29.907 – 00:19:29.938] Moorish.

[00:19:29.938 – 00:19:30.208] Thank you.

[00:19:30.208 – 00:19:30.708] Moorish.

[00:19:30.708 – 00:19:40.708] And, um, and, and I remember I used to see the speakers come up here, and I say, “One day I wanna be one of those guys, and, uh, and I wanna be one

[00:19:40.708 – 00:19:44.248] of those circuit speakers,” ’cause I had this big, incredible ego.

[00:19:44.394 – 00:19:44.754] The time.

[00:19:44.754 – 00:19:47.614] And now that I’m here, I don’t know what the hell to say.

[00:19:47.614 – 00:19:51.214] 40 years later, I don’t know what the hell to say.

[00:19:51.214 – 00:20:01.314] Uh, I just, um, I think people that came before me were, um, were, um, were very graphic about

[00:20:01.314 – 00:20:08.714] it because it’s, it, you know, uh, my– to me, sobriety is a, um, a process, not an outcome.

[00:20:08.714 – 00:20:11.114] And in that process, a lot of things happen.

[00:20:11.114 – 00:20:21.254] And I think that in my early sobriety, uh, a lot of my, my, my sobriety was like some people’s drinking stories.

[00:20:21.254 – 00:20:22.814] I’m really screwed up that bad.

[00:20:22.814 – 00:20:25.654] I’ve done a whole lot of different things that I shouldn’t have done.

[00:20:25.654 – 00:20:36.254] I mean, I heard things when I first came in like, you know, “Well, if you’re, if you’re a crook when you came in and you get sober, you’d be a better crook.”

[00:20:36.254 – 00:20:36.994] And I believed it.

[00:20:36.994 – 00:20:38.234] Okay?

[00:20:38.234 – 00:20:44.133] And so it took me time to really, um, uh, really get this, this program.

[00:20:44.133 – 00:20:48.874] Uh, a-and rigorous honesty was very, very important, uh, for me to get.

[00:20:48.874 – 00:20:53.414] It was– Uh, and when I first came in, I was a meat cutter, and we worked in independent market.

[00:20:53.414 – 00:20:58.214] And in, in the independent markets, you used to have you earn your, earn your salary on a scale.

[00:20:58.214 – 00:21:08.254] And so I remember if you came in and, and I put a roast beef on the scale and it was like four fifty, I’d

[00:21:08.254 – 00:21:11.474] say six fifty, and I’d wrap it, and then I’d feel guilty.

[00:21:11.474 – 00:21:17.634] And if you came in after that person and the roast beef was four fifty, I’d say two fifty and I’d wrap it.

[00:21:17.634 – 00:21:21.954] So I could try, try to balance this out in my head and try to get to this rigorous honesty piece.

[00:21:21.954 – 00:21:26.474] It was really, really a, a challenge for me to get rigorous honest.

[00:21:26.474 – 00:21:32.654] Uh, I, I– W-When I started getting sober, I, I was, I was terrorized.

[00:21:32.654 – 00:21:42.874] Uh, one of my preceding things that happened before I came into Alcoholics Anonymous was I had, um, drank enough to go into the DTs and

[00:21:42.874 – 00:21:43.614] hallucinating.

[00:21:43.614 – 00:21:53.634] And, uh, 1966, there was this, a guy named Speck that killed these nurses in Chicago, and, and I thought he had come into my body and was commanding me

[00:21:53.634 – 00:21:54.664] to kill my family.

[00:21:54.664 – 00:21:57.974] And I actually picked up a knife as they were walking up the stairs.

[00:21:57.974 – 00:22:06.314] And, um, a friend of mine who was there said, “Rick, what are you doing?” And I said what I, what I, what I just told you.

[00:22:06.314 – 00:22:08.754] And he grabbed me and pulled me out, and we went out the front door.

[00:22:08.754 – 00:22:15.934] And when I came back– We, we stayed out for a while, and I came back and I decided, well, you know what?

[00:22:15.934 – 00:22:24.414] I, uh, I was drinking a lot and, um, and I was smoking a little pot and so maybe, maybe I, I won’t smoke pot anymore.

[00:22:24.414 – 00:22:24.994] Okay.

[00:22:24.994 – 00:22:32.694] And so, um, I came home from work one time and I had just about two, three, four beers maybe.

[00:22:32.694 – 00:22:40.873] Came home and, um, the family was going to bed and I started to get this feeling again, and I got really, really afraid.

[00:22:40.873 – 00:22:51.054] I really got frightened and terrorized that like, um, that somewhere between asleep and awake, uh, I might actually, you know, commit

[00:22:51.054 – 00:22:51.634] this act.

[00:22:51.634 – 00:23:01.734] And, um, and, and what made me know that was that I had gotten up in the middle of the night sometimes in a mocha state after I’d been drinking all

[00:23:01.734 – 00:23:07.434] night and, um, and actually went and peed in the corner of the room thinking I was in the bathroom.

[00:23:07.434 – 00:23:11.254] And so I knew that there was a possibility I would not have control.

[00:23:11.254 – 00:23:14.744] And so I left the house and I walked, and I walked, and I walked, and I walked.

[00:23:14.744 – 00:23:24.994] And I came back and my, um, my then wife, uh, Joni, w– used to go to a psychiatric, uh, group at the, at the, uh, Bridgeport

[00:23:24.994 – 00:23:25.494] Hospital.

[00:23:25.494 – 00:23:35.194] And so I asked if I can go up with her because I– One time I had been there and I remember this guy that was there, his name was Al, and he had talked about he was in AA.

[00:23:35.194 – 00:23:45.514] And so, um, I went up and I, I didn’t talk to the psychiatrist, I just went up to him and said, “Al, what’s the story with AA?” You

[00:23:45.514 – 00:23:50.374] know, it’s, uh– And, and I– He had someone call me the next day and I went to my first AA meeting.

[00:23:50.374 – 00:23:55.694] And one of the things I learned early in my sobriety, um…

[00:23:55.694 – 00:24:06.114] Well, q-quite a few things, but one of the things that, that, that was significant about me going to Al when I went up to the hospital was, was that there was a seed planted.

[00:24:06.114 – 00:24:08.534] There was a, a seed planted.

[00:24:08.534 – 00:24:11.194] I had not even paid attention to it.

[00:24:11.194 – 00:24:16.874] It had no significance to me until the time came and it had significance.

[00:24:16.874 – 00:24:22.513] And I remembered Al said something about AA, and I went to AA, and I asked him about it.

[00:24:22.513 – 00:24:32.914] The other thing that was significant was, in those days, w-was that when Marty, who was– became my sponsor, picked me up,

[00:24:32.914 – 00:24:35.854] he had six people in the car, okay?

[00:24:35.854 – 00:24:43.294] And, um, well, I, I tried to go down and impress him, and at that time, they didn’t have all these fancy colognes, but they had Canoe.

[00:24:43.294 – 00:24:45.574] And I doused myself with Canoe.

[00:24:45.574 – 00:24:50.874] And I think I choked everybody out in the car because it was winter and everybody was opening up the windows.

[00:24:50.874 – 00:24:51.914] You know?

[00:24:51.914 – 00:25:01.914] And so– But what I learned very, very importantly was that there was a meeting on the way to the meeting, there was a meeting at the meeting, and

[00:25:01.914 – 00:25:03.754] then there was a meeting on the way back from the meeting.

[00:25:03.754 – 00:25:09.394] And it was the meeting on the way back from the meeting that made sense to me, okay?

[00:25:09.394 – 00:25:13.454] The r- the ride up, I was critical of everybody in the car.

[00:25:13.454 – 00:25:16.794] At the meeting, I was like embarrassed to be there.

[00:25:16.794 – 00:25:22.254] And on the way back, there were clarifying questions and clarifying answers that were happening.

[00:25:22.254 – 00:25:28.074] And so, uh, I became, um, an AA superstar after a while.

[00:25:28.074 – 00:25:36.674] I, I’d, I’d speak all over the place and I was very much into speaking, not to give a message, but to let you know who I was, you know?

[00:25:36.674 – 00:25:45.354] And so I had this incredible ego on one side and this other part of me that felt like, like, like crap.

[00:25:45.354 – 00:25:48.012] You know, so I, I, I was polarized.

[00:25:48.012 – 00:25:52.202] I didn’t have any, any normal feeling, and it took me many, many, many years to get that.

[00:25:52.202 – 00:26:02.342] Um, one of the things that’s very, very important about going to Alcoholics Anonymous and going to meetings is that that’s the only place that I can really get a perspective

[00:26:02.342 – 00:26:03.022] on where I’m at.

[00:26:03.022 – 00:26:10.342] I can see where I was, where I’m at, and where I can be with or without a drink.

[00:26:10.342 – 00:26:13.662] It’s the one place to get the perspective.

[00:26:13.662 – 00:26:20.102] Uh, and there were times in my sobriety that I had spaces that I didn’t go to a lot of meetings, okay?

[00:26:20.102 – 00:26:30.142] Um, and, um, and I don’t know, but I’ve had some serious, serious miracles that I’m not gonna, uh, get into right now that happened, um, despite

[00:26:30.142 – 00:26:36.942] myself, despite who I was, despite my ego, despite, despite, despite the kind of person I was.

[00:26:36.942 – 00:26:43.202] Um, God still had mercy on me and, and had some miracles perform in my life.

[00:26:43.202 – 00:26:53.202] Um, I’d, I’d like to just say that, uh, I came in to A- Alcoholics Anonymous and, um,

[00:26:53.202 – 00:26:57.942] I had barely a GED and, um, I went to school.

[00:26:57.942 – 00:26:59.702] I went into the helping professions.

[00:26:59.702 – 00:27:09.762] I, I took a– made a conscious decision on the 12-step that I wanna carry these principles in all my affairs, and so I chose my profession in the helping profession

[00:27:09.762 – 00:27:15.562] and went to school and have a doctorate degree now and I’m, and I’m a professor at, at an institution.

[00:27:15.562 – 00:27:16.722] And you know what?

[00:27:16.722 – 00:27:18.942] That’s not really what’s important.

[00:27:18.942 – 00:27:26.362] What’s really, really important is that I, uh, that I can come to Alcoholics Anonymous and I, and I can work with somebody else.

[00:27:26.362 – 00:27:27.322] That gives me joy.

[00:27:27.322 – 00:27:30.002] That I can, that I can pick up the chairs at a meeting.

[00:27:30.002 – 00:27:33.662] That, that if I have to clean off tables, that I can clean off tables.

[00:27:33.662 – 00:27:36.042] That has more meaning to me than anything else.

[00:27:36.042 – 00:27:39.002] I’ve seen, I’ve seen AA gurus around here.

[00:27:39.002 – 00:27:44.162] I’ve seen people with sobriety and having all these people following them and, and crap like that.

[00:27:44.162 – 00:27:45.982] And, and you know what?

[00:27:45.982 – 00:27:52.842] It’s, it’s, it’s really about, about humility and, um, and, and, and working at it.

[00:27:52.842 – 00:28:00.422] I, I– Someone once told me, “If you gotta tell people you have humility, you don’t got it.” And, and and I’m working at it, and I work at it every day.

[00:28:00.422 – 00:28:03.862] And, and for that, I’m a very grateful alcoholic.

[00:28:03.862 – 00:28:04.282] Thank you.

[00:28:04.282 – 00:28:13.722] Thank you, Don.

[00:28:13.722 – 00:28:19.222] This is a humble situation for me being up here, I’ll tell you that.

[00:28:19.222 – 00:28:20.682] All this sobriety.

[00:28:20.682 – 00:28:21.022] Wow.

[00:28:21.022 – 00:28:23.042] I am impressed.

[00:28:23.042 – 00:28:27.822] We have next, we’re into the class of ’64.

[00:28:27.822 – 00:28:30.142] Tommy M.

[00:28:30.142 – 00:28:31.651] Uh, I just spoke.

[00:28:31.651 – 00:28:31.942] Thanks.

[00:28:31.942 – 00:28:33.042] Tommy M just spoke.

[00:28:33.042 – 00:28:33.642] Whoops.

[00:28:33.642 – 00:28:35.782] We’ll get there yet.

[00:28:35.782 – 00:28:37.802] We aren’t organized, but we’re trying.

[00:28:37.802 – 00:28:39.162] Okay.

[00:28:39.162 – 00:28:40.162] Thank you, Tommy.

[00:28:40.162 – 00:28:42.082] It was good.

[00:28:42.082 – 00:28:43.522] I’m just, uh, nameless here.

[00:28:43.522 – 00:28:49.142] Okay, let’s go with, um…

[00:28:49.142 – 00:28:51.022] We moved you ahead.

[00:28:51.022 – 00:28:52.522] That’s why we get you out of order there.

[00:28:52.522 – 00:28:55.442] Next.

[00:28:55.442 – 00:28:57.822] Next, next, next.

[00:28:57.822 – 00:29:00.062] Uh, uh, okay.

[00:29:00.062 – 00:29:00.882] All right.

[00:29:00.882 – 00:29:01.822] Sixty-four.

[00:29:01.822 – 00:29:02.822] No, that’s happened.

[00:29:02.822 – 00:29:06.162] Sixty-five, sixty-six.

[00:29:06.162 – 00:29:10.922] I had trouble with mathematics, so drank a lot.

[00:29:10.922 – 00:29:11.762] That’s why I drink.

[00:29:11.762 – 00:29:16.022] Sixty-six is gone.

[00:29:16.022 – 00:29:18.402] Diane H.

[00:29:18.402 – 00:29:21.462] Diane H.

[00:29:21.462 – 00:29:22.182] Is she here?

[00:29:22.182 – 00:29:22.802] Yeah.

[00:29:22.802 – 00:29:23.442] She’s right here.

[00:29:23.442 – 00:29:25.862] 1958.

[00:29:25.862 – 00:29:26.652] 1958.

[00:29:26.652 – 00:29:27.722] 1958.

[00:29:27.722 – 00:29:30.622] Good afternoon.

[00:29:30.622 – 00:29:31.902] My name is Diana Hobby.

[00:29:31.902 – 00:29:32.942] I’m an alcoholic.

[00:29:32.942 – 00:29:34.052] Hi.

[00:29:34.052 – 00:29:37.422] My sobriety date is October 31st, 1958.

[00:29:37.422 – 00:29:39.282] That’s 49– 48 years.

[00:29:39.282 – 00:29:44.392] Whoo hoo.

[00:29:44.392 – 00:29:48.182] My home group is, uh, Riverside Group in Tampa, Florida.

[00:29:48.182 – 00:29:56.482] You know, I, I wondered this morning when I came up, or this afternoon when I came up and sat down up here, what in the world I was gonna say.

[00:29:56.482 – 00:30:01.302] And you know, I remember what it was like when I first came to AA.

[00:30:01.302 – 00:30:06.061] In fact, when I first came to my first AA meeting, I came as a non-alcoholic.

[00:30:06.061 – 00:30:16.262] I can remember hearing people say that there was nothing worse than a woman drunk, sloppy, and I didn’t

[00:30:16.262 – 00:30:17.182] fit that picture.

[00:30:17.182 – 00:30:19.422] And so I had a hard time with that.

[00:30:19.422 – 00:30:22.392] It was like I was calling myself a tramp or something or other.

[00:30:22.392 – 00:30:27.002] And I had a hard time even saying I’m an alcoholic in the mirror.

[00:30:27.002 – 00:30:37.482] And, um, anyway, I could say that my life was unmanageable, the first part of, um, our first step,

[00:30:37.482 – 00:30:40.222] and I worried about this for a long, long time.

[00:30:40.222 – 00:30:46.602] And I thought that I w– And then I came down to the conclusion that I must be an alco– And nobody would tell me.

[00:30:46.602 – 00:30:52.362] I used to try to manipulate things, so somebody would tell me I was an alcoholic, and nobody would tell me.

[00:30:52.362 – 00:30:55.562] And, uh, oh, bless their hearts.

[00:30:55.562 – 00:30:58.602] Anyway, I had to make the decision for myself.

[00:30:58.602 – 00:31:08.702] And I came to the conclusion that no non-alcoholic, which is what I classified myself as, would not spend as much time wondering whether they were or they

[00:31:08.702 – 00:31:09.922] weren’t, so I must be one.

[00:31:09.922 – 00:31:11.622] You know, I come in the back door.

[00:31:11.622 – 00:31:16.462] Let me tell you my state of mind when I sat in my first meeting.

[00:31:16.462 – 00:31:18.102] I was very confused.

[00:31:18.102 – 00:31:20.262] I didn’t know where I was at.

[00:31:20.262 – 00:31:22.542] I, I was one of a– I was a runner.

[00:31:22.542 – 00:31:31.702] And I, I can even remember way, way back throwing a, a pin at the map and saying, “This is where I’m gonna find happiness.” Isn’t that a sick feeling?

[00:31:31.702 – 00:31:34.602] It’s as bad as looking in the mirrors at the bar.

[00:31:34.602 – 00:31:41.842] I drank out most of the time and wondering, “Just what’s wrong with me, and how can this be fixed?” Never really getting the answer.

[00:31:41.842 – 00:31:46.702] Anyway, I, uh, this happened to be up in Anchorage, Alaska.

[00:31:46.702 – 00:31:49.002] You couldn’t run far enough away.

[00:31:49.002 – 00:31:51.262] I got in Anchorage, Alaska.

[00:31:51.262 – 00:31:54.282] I went there for a six weeks visit, and I stayed for nine years.

[00:31:54.282 – 00:31:56.642] Now, what did they do in Alaska?

[00:31:56.642 – 00:31:58.282] They drank, you know.

[00:31:58.282 – 00:32:01.202] The bars never closed when I went up there.

[00:32:01.202 – 00:32:04.602] There was never any problem with getting a drink or anything.

[00:32:04.602 – 00:32:06.421] Oh, they did close on Election Day.

[00:32:06.421 – 00:32:07.522] I think they did that.

[00:32:07.522 – 00:32:11.382] But there weren’t too many Election Days because it was still a territory.

[00:32:11.382 – 00:32:15.002] And jeez, I hate to date myself.

[00:32:15.002 – 00:32:18.442] I voted for statehood.

[00:32:18.442 – 00:32:20.362] How many here have voted for statehood?

[00:32:20.362 – 00:32:26.292] One of my unique, one of my unique things I can say.

[00:32:26.292 – 00:32:32.362] But anyway, uh, I, I wanted to talk about what happened at my first AA meeting.

[00:32:32.362 – 00:32:33.902] You know, it was the way…

[00:32:33.902 – 00:32:38.242] I went in as a non-alcoholic, but I was greeted with love and compassion.

[00:32:38.242 – 00:32:40.102] What a wonderful thing.

[00:32:40.102 – 00:32:41.562] They shook my hand.

[00:32:41.562 – 00:32:48.122] They weren’t looking to the door to see who else was coming in or who was there, and I felt, I felt good.

[00:32:48.122 – 00:32:52.082] I had that warm, fuzzy feeling w- that I get in lots of AA meetings.

[00:32:52.082 – 00:32:54.322] I eventually went to…

[00:32:54.322 – 00:32:55.092] I hated women.

[00:32:55.092 – 00:32:56.542] I hated women.

[00:32:56.542 – 00:32:57.852] I didn’t trust them.

[00:32:57.852 – 00:33:01.262] They always looked like they had everything together, and I was falling apart.

[00:33:01.262 – 00:33:05.622] So I went to a closed woman’s meeting up there in a house.

[00:33:05.622 – 00:33:11.342] That’s how we used– the women used to meet, and I think I made the seventh woman in that house in Anchorage, Alaska.

[00:33:11.342 – 00:33:21.382] And after I had practiced in my house saying I was Diana, an alcoholic, in the mirror with nobody else there, um, I said– when it came around to

[00:33:21.382 – 00:33:23.682] me, I introduced myself as an alcoholic.

[00:33:23.682 – 00:33:33.822] Now, when we had a meeting in Anchorage, Alaska, at that time downtown at the Loussac-Seine Library, there might be 80 people there, alcoholics

[00:33:33.822 – 00:33:34.982] and non-alcoholics.

[00:33:34.982 – 00:33:40.202] And there was about four or maybe five meetings a week.

[00:33:40.202 – 00:33:41.342] That’s all there was.

[00:33:41.342 – 00:33:45.602] One of those meetings was a closed woman’s, and the other was a closed men’s meeting.

[00:33:45.602 – 00:33:48.382] So, you know, that’s …

[00:33:48.382 – 00:33:50.622] We are so blessed today, aren’t we?

[00:33:50.622 – 00:33:56.882] We have all these meetings in, in such a short area that we can get to, so we are blessed in our fellowship.

[00:33:56.882 – 00:34:02.782] Anyway, uh, when I introduced myself at that woman’s meeting, it was a great thing.

[00:34:02.782 – 00:34:12.802] You know, I can say all the time that I, I’m an alcoholic, but unless I start accepting it within my heart and my head,

[00:34:12.802 – 00:34:14.401] it means nothing.

[00:34:14.401 – 00:34:17.742] I started, I think, a little on the acceptance of that.

[00:34:17.742 – 00:34:22.822] I, um, I met this man who took me to my first AA meeting.

[00:34:22.822 – 00:34:24.382] I married him.

[00:34:24.382 – 00:34:34.462] So, you know, when I sponsor somebody, I have to waive the r-right on that, “Don’t get in a relationship the first year.” What helped me stay

[00:34:34.462 – 00:34:37.502] sober at first, you know, we– they read chapter five at every meeting.

[00:34:37.502 – 00:34:44.401] And always that thing that stuck out for me, those that don’t make it don’t have the capacity to be honest with themselves.

[00:34:44.401 – 00:34:47.562] And I didn’t want anyone to say, “There goes Diana.

[00:34:47.562 – 00:34:55.702] She doesn’t have the capacity to be honest with herself.” Isn’t that sort of– But that was a real good thing for me because it helped keep me sober.

[00:34:55.702 – 00:34:58.502] Now, what have I done in my sobriety?

[00:34:58.502 – 00:35:05.762] I got, uh– I did select a woman to be my sponsor, and, uh, she was a tough one.

[00:35:05.762 – 00:35:09.742] She was the one that would always tell me something at the meeting that would make me very furious.

[00:35:09.742 – 00:35:19.742] And, uh, anyway, I took– I did my fourth step, and I took my fifth step with Millie, and then she asked me if I’d speak at a meeting, and I said, “No, I will

[00:35:19.742 – 00:35:23.332] not.” And, uh, I said, “I’ll mop your floors.

[00:35:23.332 – 00:35:24.272] I’ll keep your books.

[00:35:24.272 – 00:35:34.282] I’ll do anything, but please don’t ask me to speak to a group of people.” Then she said, “Did you ever stop to think if you weren’t thinking so much of yourself and thinking of that one person that might hear

[00:35:34.282 – 00:35:39.682] something you have to say would be helped?” Oh, she always said those nasty things to me.

[00:35:39.682 – 00:35:45.882] So anyway, I got, uh, I got active in service right away.

[00:35:45.882 – 00:35:51.442] We did not have the wonder of styrofoam cups when I came into the program.

[00:35:51.442 – 00:35:54.782] We had china cups, and I washed cups.

[00:35:54.782 – 00:35:57.622] I got to the washing cup detail.

[00:35:57.622 – 00:35:59.502] And you know what we would say?

[00:35:59.502 – 00:36:02.842] We would talk to each o– I could always talk at the kitchen sink.

[00:36:02.842 – 00:36:10.542] And we would talk about it, and I can remember hearing, “You know, you’d think somebody else would come in and do some of this now and then.” Just…

[00:36:10.542 – 00:36:16.882] Well, those that get involved, those get, uh, seem to have a happy sobriety.

[00:36:16.882 – 00:36:21.562] Uh, I have been very active in service in several different areas.

[00:36:21.562 – 00:36:23.462] I have lived in, uh…

[00:36:23.462 – 00:36:28.382] I had to leave my home group, which was very hard, and went to Georgia.

[00:36:28.382 – 00:36:37.542] And in Georgia, started a meeting, which incidentally is still going in that town because my husband and I were through there, oh gosh, I guess it’s been about eight or nine years ago.

[00:36:37.542 – 00:36:39.642] But at that time, it was still going.

[00:36:39.642 – 00:36:47.402] And then we went to Europe and started another group in Europe, a French-speaking group, and what a, what a wonderful joy.

[00:36:47.402 – 00:36:57.482] I’ve also s- had the– served as a loner and communicated with people all over the world, out on a ship, down in South Africa, and we would tell

[00:36:57.482 – 00:37:00.042] a little of our story, and they’d tell a little of the story.

[00:37:00.042 – 00:37:10.062] And the group we started in, uh, or was working with in, in, uh, France that we lived at, I wrote to general service in New York and

[00:37:10.062 – 00:37:13.802] asked for the literature, and they sent us the literature in French.

[00:37:13.802 – 00:37:22.002] And Guy, who was the Frenchman, would read the first portion of chapter five in French and tell a little of his story, and we’d read it.

[00:37:22.002 – 00:37:24.082] My s- husband was also in the program.

[00:37:24.082 – 00:37:26.902] We’d read it in English and tell a little of ours.

[00:37:26.902 – 00:37:29.362] And, uh, indeed, as Bill said, it’s the language of the heart.

[00:37:29.362 – 00:37:31.562] I knew what he was talking about.

[00:37:31.562 – 00:37:39.302] Now, I took French in school, and when I got to France, I started speaking, and my husband said I spoke my own language.

[00:37:39.302 – 00:37:40.442] He couldn’t understand it.

[00:37:40.442 – 00:37:44.042] But I was waving my hands, and I was working this thing just wonderful.

[00:37:44.042 – 00:37:47.822] But I was doing the best I could, and that’s all we ever have to do.

[00:37:47.822 – 00:37:49.842] It’s all we ever have to do.

[00:37:49.842 – 00:37:53.702] I have tried to remain very active in AA.

[00:37:53.702 – 00:37:54.602] I go to meetings.

[00:37:54.602 – 00:37:56.422] I sponsor people.

[00:37:56.422 – 00:37:58.382] I have a sponsor.

[00:37:58.382 – 00:38:01.302] Aren’t we blessed?

[00:38:01.302 – 00:38:02.962] Aren’t we blessed?

[00:38:02.962 – 00:38:09.242] Any place I have gone in this world and had to live there and be new, I never was alone.

[00:38:09.242 – 00:38:17.682] Even though I was a loner and classified as one and corresponded with other people all over the world, I did not feel like I was alone.

[00:38:17.682 – 00:38:24.962] Even though my husband took my inventory and I took his, I could always sit down and write a letter to somebody else.

[00:38:24.962 – 00:38:35.042] Anyway, um, how do you tell how we trudge through the, we trudge through the program, as it says, and we are

[00:38:35.042 – 00:38:37.422] able to establish a little bit of sobriety?

[00:38:37.422 – 00:38:40.662] I have always felt that I have another drunk coming.

[00:38:40.662 – 00:38:45.481] But I’ve also, along with that, have always felt that I don’t have another recovery.

[00:38:45.481 – 00:38:50.242] Our alcoholism is a progressive disease, whether we are drinking or not.

[00:38:50.242 – 00:38:55.282] And you know, sometimes if I think of that, it scares the tar out of me, really, to tell you the truth.

[00:38:55.282 – 00:38:58.742] It means that I need to stick along– stick with AA.

[00:38:58.742 – 00:39:05.302] I need to stick with the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous and do the best I can, and that’s what I try to do.

[00:39:05.302 – 00:39:06.382] And I God love you.

[00:39:06.382 – 00:39:07.742] You know, we are so fortunate.

[00:39:07.742 – 00:39:08.852] We have friends.

[00:39:08.852 – 00:39:12.981] We never have to feel alone again anywhere in this world, and thank you.

[00:39:12.981 – 00:39:20.682] Thank you, Diana.

[00:39:20.682 – 00:39:23.202] So we have two Tommys.

[00:39:23.202 – 00:39:24.682] One has spoken, and one hasn’t.

[00:39:24.682 – 00:39:26.742] We have a Tommy M.

[00:39:26.742 – 00:39:28.242] and a Tommy C.

[00:39:30.653 – 00:39:31.193] Tommy M.?

[00:39:31.193 – 00:39:32.613] Is he here?

[00:39:32.613 – 00:39:33.903] He just spoke.

[00:39:33.903 – 00:39:34.553] He’s already spoke.

[00:39:34.553 – 00:39:35.013] Tommy C.

[00:39:35.013 – 00:39:35.933] hasn’t spoken.

[00:39:35.933 – 00:39:37.373] Has he spoken?

[00:39:37.373 – 00:39:39.053] There he goes.

[00:39:39.053 – 00:39:42.833] We’re, we’re so anonymous.

[00:39:42.833 – 00:39:44.573] We– I don’t, I don’t wanna give last names here.

[00:39:44.573 – 00:39:46.173] Here we come.

[00:39:46.173 – 00:39:48.753] Tommy C.

[00:39:48.753 – 00:39:54.753] Let’s hear it for Tommy C.

[00:39:54.753 – 00:40:04.733] Eleven seven of sixty-six.

[00:40:04.733 – 00:40:06.502] Thank you.

[00:40:06.502 – 00:40:06.933] Thank you.

[00:40:06.933 – 00:40:15.353] Uh, my name is Tommy D.

[00:40:15.353 – 00:40:16.313] I’m a definite alcoholic.

[00:40:16.313 – 00:40:17.923] Hi, Tommy.

[00:40:17.923 – 00:40:27.953] And, uh, uh, the guy that spoke earlier, uh, Rick, is

[00:40:27.953 – 00:40:29.073] the guy that got me in the program.

[00:40:29.073 – 00:40:35.113] And, uh, I, I love to speak.

[00:40:35.113 – 00:40:36.373] Is that, uh, I got a big mouth.

[00:40:36.373 – 00:40:37.453] I got a big ego.

[00:40:37.453 – 00:40:44.283] Is that, uh, and, uh, uh, I was, uh, twenty, uh, six years old when I came into AA.

[00:40:44.283 – 00:40:51.253] I drank for a p-a period of, uh, uh, uh, eight years, eight or nine years.

[00:40:51.253 – 00:41:00.173] The reason I say I got a big ego and big, a big mouth is that, uh, it’s, it’s, it’s hard for me to get the words right this second, uh, because I was so moved by my friend Rick.

[00:41:00.173 – 00:41:10.273] Uh, but anyways, that, uh, I, I come from New York City, and, uh, and, uh, I swore I would never

[00:41:10.273 – 00:41:10.573] drink.

[00:41:10.573 – 00:41:15.943] I watched my old man go down the tubes from drinking, and, uh, and I saw what it did to him.

[00:41:15.943 – 00:41:23.393] And at fifty-three years old, he died a chronic alcoholic, and that was in nineteen sixty-seven, and I was sober about a year.

[00:41:23.393 – 00:41:28.313] And I was, uh, I was so proud to be in AA.

[00:41:28.313 – 00:41:32.973] I was so grateful that I went to New York City to see him in the hospital.

[00:41:32.973 – 00:41:35.913] He was all yellow and tubes in him, and I said, “Pop, I’m in AA.

[00:41:35.913 – 00:41:38.853] I’m in AA, Pop.” I said, “I’m doing good, man.

[00:41:38.853 – 00:41:42.513] I’m doing good.” And he says, “Go downstairs and get me a half pint.

[00:41:42.513 – 00:41:51.933] Can you go downstairs and get me a half pint?” And me being the super-duper guy that I was in AA, I says, “Well, no, I’m not gonna get no half pint.” I must have told that story to a thousand people.

[00:41:51.933 – 00:41:58.793] And my sister told me a few years ago when she was fourteen years old, she went downstairs and got somebody to buy him a half pint.

[00:41:58.793 – 00:42:00.233] She said he was dying anyway.

[00:42:00.233 – 00:42:05.373] And, uh, this is a sneaky, insidious disease.

[00:42:05.373 – 00:42:10.693] Is that, uh, I, uh, I was so on fire for AA.

[00:42:10.693 – 00:42:20.733] Is that, uh, I, uh, uh, you know, that I was so grateful that, uh– In the beginning, I wanted to drink so bad,

[00:42:20.733 – 00:42:25.193] but as time went on, is that, uh, I, I felt so proud to be in AA.

[00:42:25.193 – 00:42:29.373] Is that, uh– And I s– And like my friend Rick, we spoke all over the place.

[00:42:29.373 – 00:42:30.453] I mean, all over the place.

[00:42:30.453 – 00:42:33.693] Long Island and Massachusetts, all over the damn place.

[00:42:33.693 – 00:42:35.433] And, uh, and we had a ball.

[00:42:35.433 – 00:42:36.593] We, we had a ball.

[00:42:36.593 – 00:42:41.133] We ran and ran and ran trying to catch this thing sobriety, and it was right in front of us all the time.

[00:42:41.133 – 00:42:50.593] Uh, and, uh, and I w– I was sober– You know, the, the, the thing that one of the speakers said here, the, the other Tommy, he said that we don’t have to drink no matter what.

[00:42:50.593 – 00:42:59.213] Is that, uh– And, you know, one of the first things I heard in AA that I never heard before in my life is the guy that grabbed my hand at the door when I came to the first meeting.

[00:42:59.213 – 00:43:02.843] He says, “Tommy, we don’t have to drink.” I said, “We don’t have to drink?” “No, Tommy.

[00:43:02.843 – 00:43:08.673] No matter what happens, we don’t have to drink.” And a-as time went on, is that that proved true to me.

[00:43:08.673 – 00:43:14.413] Is that, uh, I mean, I, uh, I was married for twelve years to my first wife.

[00:43:14.413 – 00:43:16.193] I, I went through an ugly divorce.

[00:43:16.193 – 00:43:26.213] Is that, uh, I got custody of three children, and for the next seven years, I raised three children, uh, with God’s help and, uh, and, and the help of a lot

[00:43:26.213 – 00:43:27.213] of good women in AA.

[00:43:27.213 – 00:43:31.173] And, uh, I had to learn a lot of things, but I never stopped going to meetings.

[00:43:31.173 – 00:43:38.733] Is that, uh, in nineteen eighty-six, I married a wonderful woman in AA, and, uh, many times we’ve been up and down.

[00:43:38.733 – 00:43:42.133] But I, I, I learned from people in the program.

[00:43:42.133 – 00:43:45.253] They says two, two things: You don’t drink, and you don’t run.

[00:43:45.253 – 00:43:49.833] You fight it out, you hack it out, and things come out for the best.

[00:43:49.833 – 00:43:58.173] Is that, uh, uh, last year, is that, uh– A couple years ago, my, my mother passed away.

[00:43:58.173 – 00:44:00.113] My mother died a horrible death of cancer.

[00:44:00.113 – 00:44:03.133] And, uh, you know, I didn’t drink.

[00:44:03.133 – 00:44:06.713] Is that, uh, you know– And, and the thing that I re– It’s not– It wasn’t about me anyway.

[00:44:06.713 – 00:44:07.493] It was about her.

[00:44:07.493 – 00:44:17.633] And, uh, she, she died in New York City, and, uh, my sisters couldn’t believe that, uh, from Connecticut came down all these guys from my group up in Connecticut.

[00:44:17.633 – 00:44:19.193] There must have been twenty guys at least.

[00:44:19.193 – 00:44:28.533] And, uh, every– All these guys in AA, they’re over in the corner laughing and joking and, and patting each other on the back and patting me on the back.

[00:44:28.533 – 00:44:34.993] And, uh, my sister said, “I, I can’t believe.” She’s– You know, my sister told me one time, “You know, Tommy,” she said, “you’re so smart.

[00:44:34.993 – 00:44:38.883] You know, you’re so– You’re, you’re, you’re so spiritual.” I says, “Oh, I’m nothing.

[00:44:38.883 – 00:44:39.613] I’m nothing.

[00:44:39.613 – 00:44:43.453] You– If only you could meet my friends.” And she met them.

[00:44:43.453 – 00:44:51.233] Is that, uh– I, uh– In, in the past four years, we moved down to Florida.

[00:44:51.233 – 00:44:55.413] Is that I was a meat cutter all my life up in Connecticut, and I had a, I had a good job.

[00:44:55.413 – 00:45:00.353] And, uh, I retired down here, and, uh, it was quite a transition.

[00:45:00.353 – 00:45:02.833] Is that, uh, nobody knew me down here.

[00:45:02.833 – 00:45:06.593] Nobody cared who I was down here, in AA and outside of AA.

[00:45:06.593 – 00:45:12.693] Is that, uh– And so I had to turn around and, and s- and start going to meetings all over again and, and make friends.

[00:45:12.693 – 00:45:16.233] Is that, uh, get a home group, get a sponsor.

[00:45:16.233 – 00:45:19.912] Is that, uh– And recommit myself to the program.

[00:45:19.912 – 00:45:27.253] Is that, uh, I go to a meeting at least three times a week at six thirty in the morning, and it’s just three of us that go there most of the time.

[00:45:27.253 – 00:45:29.453] And it’s just a powerful, powerful meeting.

[00:45:29.453 – 00:45:39.569] Is that, uh- Last year is that, uh, a few years back is that my, my brother Eddie is that, uh, uh, bunch of years ago is that, uh, he, he went to a couple AA

[00:45:39.569 – 00:45:41.869] meetings and, uh, it was not for him.

[00:45:41.869 – 00:45:45.009] And last year at 53 years old, he died a chronic alcoholic.

[00:45:45.009 – 00:45:49.448] And, uh, you know, so I, I say this is a, a sneaky disease.

[00:45:49.448 – 00:45:59.509] I– There was– There’s a guy up in my area that, uh, has been around AA for a long, long time and, uh, and I found out that, uh, he, he told me, uh,

[00:45:59.509 – 00:46:03.249] is that he’s, he’s been drinking for a year and a half, is that, uh, nipping.

[00:46:03.249 – 00:46:09.489] And, uh, you know, I, I, I told him, I says, “You can’t nip your way into this program,” is that, uh…

[00:46:09.489 – 00:46:19.489] So, so the, so the answer for me is a couple of things, is that, one, every single morning I get up in the morning, and I hit my knees, and I ask God to help me not to forget for one second what I am, a chronic alcoholic

[00:46:19.489 – 00:46:20.189] saved by grace.

[00:46:20.189 – 00:46:29.549] I say a prayer for a lot of alcoholics, and at the top of the list is my daughter, is that, uh, I got a daughter that’s a bipolar cocaine addict.

[00:46:29.549 – 00:46:31.449] I don’t know if she’s an alcoholic, but she’s got problems.

[00:46:31.449 – 00:46:34.089] And, uh, and I haven’t seen her for a year and a half.

[00:46:34.089 – 00:46:37.529] And, uh, and why– And every single day I put her in God’s hands.

[00:46:37.529 – 00:46:42.889] That’s all I can do, is I got a son up in Burlington, Vermont, is that he’s a drug addict and alcoholic.

[00:46:42.889 – 00:46:46.769] And, uh, right now I think he’s on a mar-marijuana maintenance program.

[00:46:46.769 – 00:46:56.829] He seems to be doing good, is that, uh but, uh, but I, uh, but I could never, ever be, uh, you know, pay back AA,

[00:46:56.829 – 00:47:06.829] is like my friend said is that, uh, a lot of times I, I go to meetings and, uh, they said, “We need some help in the kitchen, cleaning up the kitchen.” I, I don’t, I don’t– I just get up and I go in

[00:47:06.829 – 00:47:07.139] the kitchen.

[00:47:07.139 – 00:47:08.069] I start cleaning up.

[00:47:08.069 – 00:47:18.249] And I can’t tell you that, uh, how annoyed I get is that when these people that have been sitting on their butt come into the kitchen, “Well, Tommy, thank you very much for doing that.” I says, “Don’t ever thank

[00:47:18.249 – 00:47:19.189] me for cleaning up a kitchen.

[00:47:19.189 – 00:47:29.049] Don’t ever thank me.” That’s, that’s my– that’s pay, that’s paying back AA, is that I got, I got a sponsor in Connecticut who’s got 50 years of sobriety, and you can always find him in the kitchen.

[00:47:29.049 – 00:47:35.729] You can either find him in the kitchen or picking up some little baby who’s crying so the wi– the, the, the mother can turn around and get some sobriety.

[00:47:35.729 – 00:47:39.459] It’s a, it’s a tremendous gift, and I, I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.

[00:47:39.459 – 00:47:39.889] Thank you.

[00:47:39.889 – 00:47:50.609] Thank

[00:47:50.609 – 00:47:51.229] you, Tommy.

[00:47:51.229 – 00:47:55.969] Next, we have Betty L.

[00:47:55.969 – 00:47:58.929] Betty L.

[00:47:58.929 – 00:47:59.369] right here.

[00:47:59.369 – 00:48:03.449] Thank you very much.

[00:48:03.449 – 00:48:06.289] Hi, everybody.

[00:48:06.289 – 00:48:06.889] I’m Betty.

[00:48:06.889 – 00:48:08.289] I’m an alcoholic.

[00:48:08.289 – 00:48:09.519] Hi, Betty.

[00:48:09.519 – 00:48:18.449] I’m a member of the Sebastian Freedom Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, and they are here, a few of them to- uh, this afternoon.

[00:48:18.449 – 00:48:21.969] Um, two of them brought me up here.

[00:48:21.969 – 00:48:26.389] I’ve gotten on in years, and I’ve learned something new in AA.

[00:48:26.389 – 00:48:29.549] I’ve learned how to accept help.

[00:48:29.549 – 00:48:32.369] Sometimes I need it, you know?

[00:48:32.369 – 00:48:37.049] A different kind of help that I came– than I came here to get.

[00:48:37.049 – 00:48:43.229] Like you, I have enjoyed every minute of this conference.

[00:48:43.229 – 00:48:47.869] Uh, the speakers have been absolutely marvelous.

[00:48:47.869 – 00:48:57.329] This morning I listened to Mildred talk about spirituality in AA, and I have thought a lot about it.

[00:48:57.329 – 00:49:07.469] I said, “Maybe I’ll talk about some spiritual experience I,” says, “I have had in AA.” And I’ve had so

[00:49:07.469 – 00:49:11.529] many, I couldn’t tell you them all, but I’ll tell you a few.

[00:49:11.529 – 00:49:19.989] I got here on April 26, 1963, and that’s 44 years ago.

[00:49:19.989 – 00:49:25.889] Um I got here…

[00:49:25.889 – 00:49:28.469] Honestly, I drank my way in.

[00:49:28.469 – 00:49:34.169] I woke up in strange places with strange people.

[00:49:34.169 – 00:49:41.129] The worst of which was one morning I woke up with a gentleman who didn’t speak English.

[00:49:41.129 – 00:49:47.029] I had a hard time getting out of there, figuring out where I was, you know?

[00:49:47.029 – 00:49:51.269] And things like that kept happening to me.

[00:49:51.269 – 00:50:01.209] And in 1962, uh, I, I got a job I shouldn’t have gotten.

[00:50:01.209 – 00:50:06.609] Uh, I went, uh, for the interview half in the bag.

[00:50:06.609 – 00:50:16.349] The guy kept me waiting an hour, and I think I got the job because he was just ashamed of keeping me waiting.

[00:50:16.349 – 00:50:20.049] And, uh, I met the receptionist.

[00:50:20.049 – 00:50:21.969] I sat with her for an hour.

[00:50:21.969 – 00:50:31.969] What I did not know was that that woman was two months sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, and her husband had joined with

[00:50:31.969 – 00:50:32.429] her.

[00:50:32.429 – 00:50:42.469] She went home and said to the husband, “Boy, we hired one today.” And I would call in drunk, and she would

[00:50:42.469 – 00:50:43.169] cover for me.

[00:50:43.169 – 00:50:48.649] Make me hang up so that I didn’t talk to the boss and tell lies for me.

[00:50:48.649 – 00:50:50.329] She was good at it, you know?

[00:50:50.329 – 00:50:52.949] And I, I didn’t know what was going on.

[00:50:52.949 – 00:50:59.769] Well, to make a long story short, she took me to my first meeting in Manhasset, Long Island.

[00:50:59.769 – 00:51:03.149] And I started going to meetings there.

[00:51:03.149 – 00:51:10.489] And I, and I joined in Huntington where I was living, and, uh, I loved it.

[00:51:10.489 – 00:51:11.529] I really liked it.

[00:51:11.529 – 00:51:12.389] I was sober.

[00:51:12.389 – 00:51:16.369] I know it was less than a month.

[00:51:16.369 – 00:51:22.009] They had given me on that job this envelope full of money.

[00:51:22.009 – 00:51:30.849] I had to run a raffle on payday, and then it was called the Employee Benefit Fund, this money.

[00:51:30.849 – 00:51:40.017] Well, you can imagine the employee that was getting the most benefit from this envelope So I’m sober three weeks.

[00:51:40.017 – 00:51:50.057] Let’s say it’s three weeks, and they come to me and they say that the, uh, employee committee thought that money belonged in a bank.

[00:51:50.057 – 00:51:54.177] Somebody was getting suspicious of me, and they thought it…

[00:51:54.177 – 00:51:55.857] And would I turn it over?

[00:51:55.857 – 00:52:02.857] And I got suddenly sick, and I was out sick for a couple of days, you know, trying to figure the problem out.

[00:52:02.857 – 00:52:12.957] I– At least I brought the books up to date, and I figured out that I owed it forty dol- forty-five dollars, and I made

[00:52:12.957 – 00:52:13.917] a few calls.

[00:52:13.917 – 00:52:20.477] Nobody would give me a dime, uh, in A-April of 1963.

[00:52:20.477 – 00:52:22.117] Nobody.

[00:52:22.117 – 00:52:32.137] And I didn’t know what I was gonna do, but something inside of me said, “Try and stay with this AA.” I got

[00:52:32.137 – 00:52:37.357] in that car, and why I know it was less than a month, I drove to Jones Beach.

[00:52:37.357 – 00:52:41.037] Gas was thirty-three cents a gallon at the time.

[00:52:41.037 – 00:52:46.017] And I, I, I, I looked at the water, and it was…

[00:52:46.017 – 00:52:48.137] I didn’t have to pay to get in.

[00:52:48.137 – 00:52:52.317] They opened Jones Beach on Memorial Day weekend.

[00:52:52.317 – 00:52:54.577] That’s how I know it was less than a month.

[00:52:54.577 – 00:53:00.297] And I prayed and I said, “God, please do something for me.

[00:53:00.297 – 00:53:04.137] Tell me how I can solve this problem.

[00:53:04.137 – 00:53:09.297] I don’t know what to do, but I know I, I wanna stay with those people.

[00:53:09.297 – 00:53:13.097] Please help me.” And a peace came over me.

[00:53:13.097 – 00:53:17.377] The– You know, the angst of being in a jam like that?

[00:53:17.377 – 00:53:21.117] Because if I lost that job, I was out of the apartment.

[00:53:21.117 – 00:53:22.577] I was sleeping in the car.

[00:53:22.577 – 00:53:24.557] I was paying the rent by the week.

[00:53:24.557 – 00:53:27.417] I couldn’t put a month’s rent to-together, you know?

[00:53:27.417 – 00:53:32.797] But this peace came, and I turned around and I drove back to Huntington.

[00:53:32.797 – 00:53:34.657] I went up to my apartment.

[00:53:34.657 – 00:53:40.757] It was a Monday, uh, a Thursday, a Thursday, and I knew I had to go back to work the next day.

[00:53:40.757 – 00:53:44.877] And came a knock on my door, and this girl…

[00:53:44.877 – 00:53:48.496] I didn’t have a phone, so people just came around and knocked.

[00:53:48.496 – 00:53:51.317] It was about the bill that I didn’t have the phone.

[00:53:51.317 – 00:53:52.617] She came up.

[00:53:52.617 – 00:53:54.277] She had met me at a meeting.

[00:53:54.277 – 00:53:58.557] She said, “I thought you might like to go into Manhasset with me.

[00:53:58.557 – 00:54:08.557] I, I, I know you’d like to do that, and, uh, I’ll take you to Howard Johnson’s for dinner.” And I said, “Yes, that would be nice.” I didn’t tell her

[00:54:08.557 – 00:54:10.077] any of my problems.

[00:54:10.077 – 00:54:20.097] She got up and she w- said, “Can I use the bathroom before we go?” I said, “Sure.” And she said, “I wanna give you something.” And she

[00:54:20.097 – 00:54:22.717] reached in her bag and she handed me an envelope.

[00:54:22.717 – 00:54:32.357] She said, “I got a raise at my job today, and I got forty-five dollars more, or I got this much more.” She handed me an envelope.

[00:54:32.357 – 00:54:42.397] Uh, “Than I got the last payday, and I decided to make believe that I didn’t get it till next payday and give it to you

[00:54:42.397 – 00:54:42.937] today.

[00:54:42.937 – 00:54:44.577] I know you need something.

[00:54:44.577 – 00:54:49.497] I don’t know what it was.” And there was forty-five dollars in that envelope.

[00:54:49.497 – 00:54:58.817] It’s hard for me to tell that story without crying, but God was smart.

[00:54:58.817 – 00:55:03.916] He did not give me fifty dollars, because you know what I would’ve done.

[00:55:03.916 – 00:55:10.037] And I went back to work, and I’ve often said I never looked back.

[00:55:10.037 – 00:55:12.657] I mean, God said, “Here you go, Karen.

[00:55:12.657 – 00:55:22.257] Y-you can stay with it.” My– I didn’t get everything I wanted in AA, but I got a life beyond my wildest dreams.

[00:55:22.257 – 00:55:32.437] One of the things that happened to me along the way was through some, uh, somebody I drank with in New York City, uh, I, I got with

[00:55:32.437 – 00:55:40.997] them and they introduced me to a n- woman named Mary Ellen, who was Spanish-speaking, and she worked at GSO.

[00:55:40.997 – 00:55:48.137] And some– This was, like, seven, eight years into my sobriety.

[00:55:48.137 – 00:55:58.177] And the– To make a long story short, I got to work there for eighteen years, and I went to AA m- AA meetings and conventions like this

[00:55:58.177 – 00:56:03.117] all over the United States and Canada, England, Ireland, Mexico.

[00:56:03.117 – 00:56:13.157] A, a, a life beyond your wildest dreams, being used by a higher power in a way that I, I really did

[00:56:13.157 – 00:56:16.017] well and, uh, I was very happy with.

[00:56:16.017 – 00:56:20.277] And I had many, many wonderful things happen.

[00:56:20.277 – 00:56:30.457] I was given the responsibility in 1980 of coordinating the New Orleans convention, and that’s a big– I mean, I’m in awe

[00:56:30.457 – 00:56:32.637] of the people who put this together.

[00:56:32.637 – 00:56:33.637] It’s not easy.

[00:56:33.637 – 00:56:34.757] It’s not easy.

[00:56:34.757 – 00:56:38.337] We were down in New Orleans on an advance trip.

[00:56:38.337 – 00:56:40.317] We’d had some problems.

[00:56:40.317 – 00:56:41.517] We were working hard.

[00:56:41.517 – 00:56:46.057] We had a meet with the, uh, host committee at night.

[00:56:46.057 – 00:56:56.577] And, uh, I got off the elevator, and a guy from Shreveport, uh, the delegate, came up to me and said, “I know you’ve had a bad day,

[00:56:56.577 – 00:56:59.017] but I got a girl from Shreveport.

[00:56:59.017 – 00:57:06.237] I have promised her for two months that I would introduce her to you.” And he didn’t say more than that.

[00:57:06.237 – 00:57:12.977] He said, “Please, uh, cooperate with me on this.” The girl came up to me.

[00:57:12.977 – 00:57:23.237] She threw her arms around me, and she, she said, “You are very little.” She said, “I woke up in a treatment center a little more than a year ago.

[00:57:23.237 – 00:57:33.477] It was the twelfth time I was there.” She said, “When I came to, they were playing your tape on,

[00:57:33.477 – 00:57:42.577] uh, in a meeting.” And she said, “I identified with what you said,” and she told me what it was that I said.

[00:57:42.577 – 00:57:49.317] I had never said that before that particular talk that I taped before when I gave a talk.

[00:57:49.317 – 00:57:51.757] She said, “That did it for me.

[00:57:51.757 – 00:57:54.677] I’ve never had another drink for a year.

[00:57:54.677 – 00:58:03.137] I play that tape every single day in my car.” And, uh, that was my second one.

[00:58:03.137 – 00:58:13.287] I retired from there, and I, through Tom I, I worked in a prison in North Carolina in the, uh,

[00:58:13.287 – 00:58:14.657] uh, DART program.

[00:58:14.657 – 00:58:18.657] And when I had a group in there, I ran it.

[00:58:18.657 – 00:58:21.437] Let me tell you, I didn’t get that sober.

[00:58:21.437 – 00:58:22.737] I was in charge.

[00:58:22.737 – 00:58:30.217] One week, we, uh, got three new guys in the group off the bus that came in every week.

[00:58:30.217 – 00:58:35.337] When I returned to the office, I said to my boss, “Thanks a lot.

[00:58:35.337 – 00:58:45.557] You gave me two badasses and a retard.” He said, “Go back to the group

[00:58:45.557 – 00:58:51.977] or quit.” I went back to the group the next day, and the retard was missing.

[00:58:51.977 – 00:59:01.977] I said, “Does anybody know where he is?” And one of the badasses raised his hand, said, “I see him down by the weights acting crazy.” I said,

[00:59:01.977 – 00:59:09.157] “You think you could find him?” Now, I would never let a guy out of the group like that, not me, but God was speaking.

[00:59:09.157 – 00:59:12.757] He said, “I find him.” I said, “You’ll come back, won’t you?”

[00:59:14.672 – 00:59:18.832] He said, “I’ll be back, but I find him.” And he did, and he brought him back.

[00:59:18.832 – 00:59:20.952] And you know what happened?

[00:59:20.952 – 00:59:31.172] He m- put himself in charge of that confused, challenged young man, and he followed him

[00:59:31.172 – 00:59:31.832] everywhere.

[00:59:31.832 – 00:59:33.912] He helped him with the assignments.

[00:59:33.912 – 00:59:36.112] He couldn’t write and couldn’t read.

[00:59:36.112 – 00:59:39.052] He, he interpreted it.

[00:59:39.052 – 00:59:48.652] If I used a four-syllable word, he would say to me, “Miss Betty, how many times do I have to tell you you can’t use words like that?

[00:59:48.652 – 00:59:56.272] They don’t understand it.” And I would say, “Do you understand it?” And he would say, “Yes.” I’d say, “You explain it to them,” you know.

[00:59:56.272 – 01:00:03.572] And, a- a- my B- Bible group would say I anoin- anointed him, you know?

[01:00:03.572 – 01:00:13.672] But my point is this: if you stay sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, anyone, whether you’re new, you’re around a while, or

[01:00:13.672 – 01:00:20.912] you’re an old-timer, God will use you, and that’s the greatest gift that AA has for any of us.

[01:00:20.912 – 01:00:22.052] Thank you very much.

[01:00:22.052 – 01:00:25.252] That’s great.

[01:00:25.252 – 01:00:26.592] Thank you, Betty.

[01:00:26.592 – 01:00:33.812] Hey, folks, we’re gonna run a little bit over, but if anybody’s earned that right, I think these folks have.

[01:00:33.812 – 01:00:35.512] Let’s hear it for them.

[01:00:35.512 – 01:00:39.792] I’m impressed, that’s for sure.

[01:00:39.792 – 01:00:42.612] Next, we have Ray F.

[01:00:42.612 – 01:00:46.212] Ray F.

[01:00:46.212 – 01:00:48.312] Is Ray with us?

[01:00:48.312 – 01:00:56.052] Ray F.

[01:00:56.052 – 01:01:02.212] Okay.

[01:01:02.212 – 01:01:03.702] I think Ray’s here.

[01:01:03.702 – 01:01:04.192] Ray is not here.

[01:01:04.192 – 01:01:08.092] We’re going to now go to Katie P.

[01:01:08.092 – 01:01:12.452] And Katie’s sobriety date, I got a couple of these out of lines.

[01:01:12.452 – 01:01:14.252] I, I hope I don’t have too many resentence.

[01:01:14.252 – 01:01:16.332] I know I got this lady out of order.

[01:01:16.332 – 01:01:26.432] But in any event, it’s a long time for all these long-timers, and Katie Parker has the distinction of being sober since nine/twenty-one

[01:01:26.432 – 01:01:27.792] of ’49.

[01:01:27.792 – 01:01:29.812] Whoa.

[01:01:29.812 – 01:01:31.732] I’ll bring it up to her.

[01:01:31.732 – 01:01:40.391] Yeah, she wants you.

[01:01:40.391 – 01:01:41.652] Okay.

[01:01:41.652 – 01:01:47.092] Up.

[01:01:47.092 – 01:01:47.992] All right.

[01:01:47.992 – 01:01:50.252] Well, that wasn’t on.

[01:01:50.252 – 01:01:50.652] Lay it on the table.

[01:01:50.652 – 01:01:53.812] Should she hold it?

[01:01:53.812 – 01:01:54.892] Yeah.

[01:01:54.892 – 01:01:54.942] Get over here.

[01:01:54.942 – 01:01:55.772] Just put it over there.

[01:01:55.772 – 01:01:57.272] Just put it on the…

[01:01:57.272 – 01:01:58.262] How about here?

[01:01:58.262 – 01:01:58.902] Is that all right?

[01:01:58.902 – 01:01:59.852] I think that’ll be good.

[01:01:59.852 – 01:02:02.931] All right.

[01:02:02.931 – 01:02:03.992] Try to speak, see.

[01:02:03.992 – 01:02:05.692] Can you hear me?

[01:02:05.692 – 01:02:06.652] Yeah.

[01:02:06.652 – 01:02:07.892] You’re on, Katie.

[01:02:07.892 – 01:02:09.921] Okay.

[01:02:09.921 – 01:02:12.352] My name’s Katie, and I am an alcoholic.

[01:02:12.352 – 01:02:14.022] Katie.

[01:02:14.022 – 01:02:18.192] And I belong to the 605 group of Satellite Beach, Florida.

[01:02:18.192 – 01:02:28.332] Um, I came into the program, uh, very young also, just like Tom, and I was

[01:02:28.332 – 01:02:30.772] twenty-one when I came in.

[01:02:30.772 – 01:02:42.292] And the only reason I went in was because I was gonna lose my job, I was gonna lose my home, my mother was gonna throw me out of the house, and

[01:02:42.292 – 01:02:45.372] all f- dire things were going to happen to me.

[01:02:45.372 – 01:02:55.432] So I had heard in a beer joint about this guy that used to come in every evening and order a Coke, and he’d

[01:02:55.432 – 01:02:57.372] stand at the bar and drink the Coke.

[01:02:57.372 – 01:03:07.662] And I watched him for quite some time, and finally, I asked somebody, I said, “Why does that guy come over here and drink a Coke?” He owned a restaurant,

[01:03:07.662 – 01:03:13.932] and I know he had plenty of Cokes at his restaurant, but he always came over to the beer joint.

[01:03:13.932 – 01:03:24.132] And this guy told me, he says, “Well, he used to be a terrible alcoholic, but he joined Alcoholics Anonymous and doesn’t drink

[01:03:24.132 – 01:03:31.891] anymore.” Well, now, for that to happen, I must have been about eighteen or nineteen years old when I heard that.

[01:03:31.891 – 01:03:41.892] For some reason, that stuck in my mind, and when I, I– my drinking got bad enough that I was going to lose things, I

[01:03:41.892 – 01:03:51.912] told my mother, I said, “You know, Mom, if, if you contact AA, I’ll go.” And I thought to myself, “Well,

[01:03:51.912 – 01:03:54.632] I’m pretty safe in that,” because she was a teetotaler.

[01:03:54.632 – 01:03:59.092] She didn’t know anything about alcohol or drugs, although she married one.

[01:03:59.092 – 01:04:06.832] Um, like Scott said yesterday, my father was also a CIA, Catholic, Irish, alcoholic.

[01:04:06.832 – 01:04:11.632] And my mother was a teetotaler, but she stuck with him.

[01:04:11.632 – 01:04:22.632] And I thought, “My mom won’t know anything about AA, so she can’t– She– There’s no way in the world she could contact them.” And

[01:04:22.632 – 01:04:24.152] I thought I was pretty safe.

[01:04:24.152 – 01:04:34.372] And I came home from work one evening and she said, “Katie, don’t go out tonight because a lady from AA is coming to see you.” I almost

[01:04:34.372 – 01:04:35.212] dropped my teeth.

[01:04:35.212 – 01:04:38.572] I couldn’t believe that she had actually found it.

[01:04:38.572 – 01:04:46.852] So I don’t know what I expected, you know, a drunk coming in to see me to talk to me about drinking.

[01:04:46.852 – 01:04:55.152] And, um, when this lady walked in my door, she was so beautiful.

[01:04:55.152 – 01:05:05.352] She was about sixty-five years old, white hair done beautifully, had expensive clothes on, and her shoes probably

[01:05:05.352 – 01:05:07.452] cost my month’s salary, you know.

[01:05:07.452 – 01:05:17.584] And I thought, “This old lady’s probably had one too many, um, co-” Is that okay?

[01:05:17.584 – 01:05:22.684] Uh, she probably had one too many sherries at her bridge club or something, you know?

[01:05:22.684 – 01:05:32.964] I didn’t believe this woman could ever be falling down drunk like I was, not remembering where I was, waking up places that I didn’t know where I was,

[01:05:32.964 – 01:05:36.784] just doing terrible, terrible things.

[01:05:36.784 – 01:05:39.904] Irresponsibility was my middle name.

[01:05:39.904 – 01:05:49.944] So I listened to her, and she told me things that I felt in her s- a little bit of her

[01:05:49.944 – 01:05:59.984] story, and I thought to myself, “My mother told her what to say.” She couldn’t possibly know that I felt the same

[01:05:59.984 – 01:06:00.284] way.

[01:06:00.284 – 01:06:02.863] My mother is the culprit.

[01:06:02.863 – 01:06:08.664] Well, I found out later that we all have the same pattern.

[01:06:08.664 – 01:06:12.184] We all do the same things, most of us.

[01:06:12.184 – 01:06:15.274] I won’t include everybody in that .

[01:06:15.274 – 01:06:25.384] But it’s, uh, a disease that tells you you don’t have a disease, and it’s so baffling and cunning that no

[01:06:25.384 – 01:06:28.644] one can understand another alcoholic.

[01:06:28.644 – 01:06:33.244] My mother knew nothing what was going on in my head.

[01:06:33.244 – 01:06:37.663] If she did, she’d have probably hit me over the head with something.

[01:06:37.663 – 01:06:39.224] But it was…

[01:06:39.224 – 01:06:45.044] I was so alone, and whiskey did everything for me that I couldn’t do for myself.

[01:06:45.044 – 01:06:47.444] I’m quite tall.

[01:06:47.444 – 01:06:48.544] I’m six foot tall.

[01:06:48.544 – 01:06:55.544] And in high school, I always wanted to be the five foot two blonde, blue-eyed cheerleader.

[01:06:55.544 – 01:07:05.624] And when I drank, I immediately became that five foot two blonde, blue-eyed cheerleader, complete with pom-poms.

[01:07:05.624 – 01:07:08.484] And I thought it was wonderful.

[01:07:08.484 – 01:07:10.644] I’d found the answer to everything.

[01:07:10.644 – 01:07:12.464] But, you know, I didn’t stop there.

[01:07:12.464 – 01:07:19.964] It just kept building and building and worse and worse, and I didn’t think s- nothing else can, can happen to me.

[01:07:19.964 – 01:07:21.324] Everything’s happened to me.

[01:07:21.324 – 01:07:25.124] But when I told my mom I’d go to AA…

[01:07:25.124 – 01:07:33.484] So I did, I told, uh, this lady, I said, “Yeah, I’ll go with you.” She said, “Well, I’ll pick you up.” And I said, “Fine,” because I didn’t have a car.

[01:07:33.484 – 01:07:35.304] Didn’t know how to drive.

[01:07:35.304 – 01:07:37.784] Thank God I didn’t know how to drive.

[01:07:37.784 – 01:07:41.104] I’d have probably killed somebody or myself or whatever.

[01:07:41.104 – 01:07:45.684] But God’s always looked out for me, and He made sure I didn’t know how to drive.

[01:07:45.684 – 01:07:51.744] Well, I got to the meeting, and here were all these old people.

[01:07:51.744 – 01:07:53.324] They were…

[01:07:53.324 – 01:07:59.204] Uh, remember, I was 21, and these people were in their 60s and 70s and 80s, you know?

[01:07:59.204 – 01:08:04.284] And I thought, “My God, when I get that old, I’ll quit, too.” What’s left, you know?

[01:08:04.284 – 01:08:07.404] You’d almost have to, to get that old .

[01:08:07.404 – 01:08:17.604] So when they were in a group to me, and, you know, I said I was a new person

[01:08:17.604 – 01:08:27.604] and everything, these old-timers, you know, with 50 or 60 days would come up to me and say, “You’re too young to be an

[01:08:27.604 – 01:08:28.344] alcoholic.

[01:08:28.344 – 01:08:29.764] You can’t be an alcoholic.

[01:08:29.764 – 01:08:39.684] I’ve spilled more than you drank.” I said, “Well, if you hadn’t spilled so much, maybe you’d have gotten here sooner, too.” But it was a joke, you know?

[01:08:39.684 – 01:08:47.364] They, they treated me like a little mascot, pat me on the head and so forth, and no one took me serious.

[01:08:47.364 – 01:08:53.444] And when I had about 30 days sober, I felt so darn good, you know?

[01:08:53.444 – 01:08:56.264] I thought, “Well, now I can handle it, you know?

[01:08:56.264 – 01:08:56.884] I know how…

[01:08:56.884 – 01:08:58.144] I know what to do now.

[01:08:58.144 – 01:09:03.504] I’ll only drink beer.” Well, I only drank beer.

[01:09:03.504 – 01:09:04.864] I only drank wine.

[01:09:04.864 – 01:09:07.344] I only drank anything I could get ahold of.

[01:09:07.344 – 01:09:17.344] And when, um, I started drinking in high school, and this was when World War II was on, and they told me

[01:09:17.344 – 01:09:20.364] that, uh, liquor was rationed.

[01:09:20.364 – 01:09:24.304] You had to have a liquor book, and you had to be 21 in order to get one.

[01:09:24.304 – 01:09:30.164] Well, I was only 17 or 18, and I didn’t have a liquor book.

[01:09:30.164 – 01:09:40.444] So I had to go buy everything that wasn’t rationed, and this was like a King Corn, Cotton Picker,

[01:09:40.444 – 01:09:42.424] guaranteed to be 30 days old.

[01:09:42.424 – 01:09:47.684] And it didn’t make any difference to me because I didn’t care about the taste.

[01:09:47.684 – 01:09:49.844] I never liked any whiskey.

[01:09:49.844 – 01:09:54.044] I’ve never had a drink that I really enjoyed drinking.

[01:09:54.044 – 01:09:56.704] I drank for the effect.

[01:09:56.704 – 01:09:58.444] It gave me that euphoria.

[01:09:58.444 – 01:10:08.024] It gave me the ability to be somebody that I always wanted to be, and I did crazy things.

[01:10:08.024 – 01:10:09.564] I was the class clown.

[01:10:09.564 – 01:10:10.044] I was…

[01:10:10.044 – 01:10:17.984] you know, tried to, to make myself fit in, and I could only do that with alcohol.

[01:10:17.984 – 01:10:27.984] Well, one day, um, when I was working, I had gone down to the liquor store, and

[01:10:27.984 – 01:10:32.184] the only thing they had that wasn’t rationed was apricot brandy.

[01:10:32.184 – 01:10:36.844] And I was sn- uh, sipping drinks out of it, you know?

[01:10:36.844 – 01:10:43.724] I’d go to the restroom, take a big swig, and I could get through the day that way, the afternoon.

[01:10:43.724 – 01:10:53.304] But then I noticed above me were all these fruit flies, you know, just little gnats that get on peaches and apricots and all that.

[01:10:53.304 – 01:10:57.364] And they were all above my head, just buzzing around.

[01:10:57.364 – 01:11:06.624] And I’d try to blow them away, like that, and of course the apricot brandy went right up with them .

[01:11:06.624 – 01:11:12.444] It was embarrassing because I was the only one that had the fruit flies around me .

[01:11:12.444 – 01:11:15.764] I did a lot of foolish things like that.

[01:11:15.764 – 01:11:17.444] I always took my bottle to work.

[01:11:17.444 – 01:11:25.372] I was never without a bottle because I had to have it to To be able to do what I had to do.

[01:11:25.372 – 01:11:31.411] I’d go down at noon and get a bottle, and, and I’d– it’d be gone by the time I got off from work.

[01:11:31.411 – 01:11:34.812] And it was, um, a rat race.

[01:11:34.812 – 01:11:37.052] Was driving myself crazy.

[01:11:37.052 – 01:11:47.252] But that w– after I was sober thirty days and I, I tried to drink socially, but it never

[01:11:47.252 – 01:11:52.552] happened because when I took the first drink, the first drink took me.

[01:11:52.552 – 01:11:59.652] I w– I couldn’t manage anything that was after that drink.

[01:11:59.652 – 01:12:07.472] I couldn’t assure you that I was gonna drink only three drinks, because I knew I would drink until the bottle was gone.

[01:12:07.472 – 01:12:14.412] Um, I never did learn the niceties of social drinking.

[01:12:14.412 – 01:12:16.192] I didn’t have any social drinking.

[01:12:16.192 – 01:12:19.332] It was all alcoholic drinking from the very beginning.

[01:12:19.332 – 01:12:24.192] So that lasted about three years.

[01:12:24.192 – 01:12:31.912] I was in and out of AA, bouncing back and forth, and just couldn’t get sober, and I thought, there’s something they’re not telling me.

[01:12:31.912 – 01:12:34.452] These other people are staying sober.

[01:12:34.452 – 01:12:36.672] They’re not telling me something.

[01:12:36.672 – 01:12:46.692] So I kept going back and get to feeling a little bit good, and I’d start over again, and I was in and out like a rubber

[01:12:46.692 – 01:12:47.092] ball.

[01:12:47.092 – 01:12:52.512] Well, when I finally got fired from my job…

[01:12:52.512 – 01:12:55.592] And they did everything to help me.

[01:12:55.592 – 01:12:56.852] They truly did.

[01:12:56.852 – 01:13:01.082] But there were no hospitals where you could take alcoholics.

[01:13:01.082 – 01:13:11.132] If you wanted to dry out, you could sign yourself into the insane asylum, and they would dry you out, but you were in there with all the nuts, too, you

[01:13:11.132 – 01:13:11.412] know.

[01:13:11.412 – 01:13:13.672] And I wasn’t sure I didn’t belong there.

[01:13:13.672 – 01:13:20.652] But it was, uh, a terrible time for a woman to be an alcoholic.

[01:13:20.652 – 01:13:22.792] They were looked down on.

[01:13:22.792 – 01:13:31.752] A man could sober up and, and put on a clean shirt and go out, and everybody just thought he was wonderful.

[01:13:31.752 – 01:13:33.172] Isn’t that marvelous?

[01:13:33.172 – 01:13:36.132] John’s quit drinking, and he’s doing so good.

[01:13:36.132 – 01:13:46.212] But you let a du– a woman do the same thing at that time, it was like nobody would ever

[01:13:46.212 – 01:13:49.772] believe that she was an all right person after that.

[01:13:49.772 – 01:13:52.332] They gave her no credit at all.

[01:13:52.332 – 01:13:57.652] And it was very hard, and I was glad that it was anonymous.

[01:13:57.652 – 01:14:00.252] But of course, everybody knew I was a drunk.

[01:14:00.252 – 01:14:02.312] Why wouldn’t I want them to know I was sober?

[01:14:02.312 – 01:14:08.612] But I had such a spiritual experience on my last drunk.

[01:14:08.612 – 01:14:18.952] I was so sick, and I was out of money, I was out of everything, and I was in this little residential hotel, and I had

[01:14:18.952 – 01:14:19.772] no friends.

[01:14:19.772 – 01:14:29.792] None of the AAs, they were through with me, you know, because they wanted to work with somebody that really wanted it, that wanted to stay sober, and I couldn’t

[01:14:29.792 – 01:14:30.431] do that.

[01:14:30.431 – 01:14:35.052] So they– uh, I couldn’t call on any of them.

[01:14:35.052 – 01:14:40.752] Uh, my family would have nothing to do with me because I was a drunk.

[01:14:40.752 – 01:14:42.232] I was just like my father.

[01:14:42.232 – 01:14:48.912] And the only person that was left was the God that I had learned about in AA.

[01:14:48.912 – 01:14:59.391] I’d heard everybody talk about what a loving, forgiving God He is, and the God I was raised with, Catholic,

[01:14:59.391 – 01:15:02.252] was a God of vengeance.

[01:15:02.252 – 01:15:07.772] Every time I would do something, one of those nuns would say, “You’re going to hell.

[01:15:07.772 – 01:15:12.012] God’s gonna get you for that.” And I believed them.

[01:15:12.012 – 01:15:17.792] You know, this was back in the days when you believed everything a priest or a, a nun had to say.

[01:15:17.792 – 01:15:21.792] And I certainly learned it from that.

[01:15:21.792 – 01:15:26.292] But it was, um, a dog-eat-dog existence.

[01:15:26.292 – 01:15:36.332] But when I had that feeling that God was up there and that He had come to me because I asked Him

[01:15:36.332 – 01:15:44.152] just three words, “Please help me.” And I was so desperate, and I was so sick.

[01:15:44.152 – 01:15:48.132] I didn’t think anything could save me.

[01:15:48.132 – 01:15:53.132] But I felt this peace that Betty was talking about.

[01:15:53.132 – 01:16:03.132] I felt that come over me, and I knew for the first tim- time in my life that there was a loving God and

[01:16:03.132 – 01:16:04.052] that He would help me.

[01:16:04.052 – 01:16:08.192] All I had to do was listen.

[01:16:08.192 – 01:16:15.232] And I had this wonderful feeling come over me that I’ll never forget.

[01:16:15.232 – 01:16:22.752] I still carry that feeling with me today that no matter what happens, I’m gonna be okay.

[01:16:22.752 – 01:16:30.612] As long as I live by the AA principles, I’ll be okay.

[01:16:30.612 – 01:16:38.432] You know, I, I’ve been through so many things in sobriety, almost fifty-eight years.

[01:16:38.432 – 01:16:42.672] Next year, I’ll– next month, I’ll have fifty-eight years of sobriety behind me.

[01:16:42.672 – 01:16:43.652] Yay.

[01:16:43.652 – 01:16:45.572] Of course, I came in when I was four.

[01:16:45.572 – 01:16:55.712] But it was such a wonderful feeling, and that

[01:16:55.712 – 01:17:05.712] convinced me that all I had to do was depend on Him, let Him do everything, because my best thinking got me where I

[01:17:05.712 – 01:17:06.532] was, you know.

[01:17:06.532 – 01:17:10.232] And my life has been wonderful.

[01:17:10.232 – 01:17:12.272] Of course, I’ve had tragedies.

[01:17:12.272 – 01:17:15.412] Everybody has tragedies in their lives.

[01:17:15.412 – 01:17:17.432] I lost two husbands to cancer.

[01:17:17.432 – 01:17:25.932] I had three little children, four, six, and seven, that I had to raise by myself.

[01:17:25.932 – 01:17:32.852] My husband passed away with cancer, and he was such a wonderful AA member.

[01:17:32.852 – 01:17:42.852] I was, I was just astounded the, the things that he did and the way he talked and the way he

[01:17:42.852 – 01:17:43.892] treated people.

[01:17:43.892 – 01:17:46.192] He was always for the underdog.

[01:17:46.192 – 01:17:47.512] Maybe that’s the reason he picked me.

[01:17:47.512 – 01:17:48.232] I don’t know.

[01:17:48.232 – 01:17:57.432] But I just thought the moon rose– or the sun rose and set in his image.

[01:17:57.432 – 01:18:01.412] He was just a wonderful, wonderful person.

[01:18:01.412 – 01:18:07.372] And we had the three little girls, and they had never seen me drink.

[01:18:07.372 – 01:18:16.432] Of course, they’re older now, and I’ve got great-grandchildren, and you know, they’ve never seen me drink either.

[01:18:16.432 – 01:18:22.532] But it didn’t make the difference because the disease still hit my family.

[01:18:22.532 – 01:18:32.672] And two of my daughters, the oldest one was, um, an alcoholic and a drug addict, and my

[01:18:32.672 – 01:18:36.432] youngest daughter was a heroin addict.

[01:18:36.432 – 01:18:46.492] And my middle daughter’s the only one that hasn’t had a problem, but I’ll say yet, ’cause you never know when it’s gonna hit

[01:18:46.492 – 01:18:46.812] you.

[01:18:46.812 – 01:18:56.772] But it was, uh, such, um, a wonderful world that I lived in, and then to have him taken away from me…

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