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Source: DICOBE-00430 – John D – ATTITUDES.mp3 File: dicobe-00430-john-d-attitudes.mp3 Duration: 00:36:25
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way one day and he got lost so he saw a farmer over in the field plowing the ground and he called over to him he said hey what is the name of this road farmer says I don't know well he says what direction am I traveling in farmer says I don't know well he said what's the next town farmer says I don't know the guy said my goodness man you're dumb yeah the farmer says but I'm not lost you know if I were to take a long trip the first thing that I would ascertain is the route to take to reach my destination now if we carry that over into the AA program and if we are setting out to reach both sobriety and serenity perhaps it were well to know the proper roads to take to reach those two phases of living and that we call attitudes now in AA we find three different classes of members we find first the 100% spiritual AA they are the ones who have taken the 12 steps literally they have worked the 12 steps for themselves and as a result they have gotten out of AA the primary purpose for which it was intended they have gotten serenity and security and stability sad to say there aren't too many of those in AA there's another class who have a completely material attitude they are the no spiritual God and gals you know they say I gotta be practical you know and I'm in here for what I get out of it materially and if they don't get their job back or their family back they get loaded with self-pity there aren't too many of those kind either in AA thank goodness and then there's another type which I call the half-and-half the individual members who some of the time they operate in life from a purely spiritual motive and then there are other times when they operate from a material motive the vast bulk of a's fall into that class even as you and I now it is often difficult to ascertain the proper attitude so I'm going to simply give to you first some of the wrong attitudes that I have noticed in the past 14 years and I have picked up from various members and in various groups throughout the country you can take them for what they're worth and then I will try to end each classification which what I in my opinion however it is only my opinion what in my opinion I believe to be the correct attitude now first we have the attitude toward the 12 steps and here the first wrong attitude we find is the first and 12 step man you've seen such a person he said that's all I need first step and the 12 step that's all I got to have to stay sober course he doesn't get too much happiness he might stay sober but I think eventually he becomes to realize that this is a 12 step program and not a two-step program the next fellow is the no spiritual angle man now we have analyzed him above if he stays in that class he doesn't stay sober too long and when he slips he seldom returns then next we have the careless man oh he's looked over the 12 steps he don't know too much about them he often stays sober is seldom happy and sometimes quite often he slips and then we have the rationalizing man he has been told that he must place a a first in his life so everything else is secondary wife home family job is secondary it comes
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first so the wife says something about staying home for an evening oh I gotta it comes first and as a result we have thousands of AA widows all over the country you're welcome ladies now what is the correct attitude toward the 12 steps the correct attitude is the one who has the conviction that all of the 12 steps are necessary for sobriety and happiness and who tries to the best of his ability to learn more about them all and who honestly endeavors to practice them all in all of his affairs such a man or a woman does not slip and he's happy and he's secure then the next attitude is the attitude toward God and prayer and first we have the atheist the no God guy and gal you know we have one of those here and there they tell a story that was one in one of the groups one time and quite a few of the others had tried to convince this fellow that there was a God and they didn't get anywhere so one evening after the meeting they were talking to this fellow and they said now look has been there ever been a time in your life when you were so desperate that you just in sheer desperation ask God to help he said no sir he's women yes there was he said come to think of it one time I was on a hunting expedition up in Canada and while we were out hunting it began to snow it snowed so hard that I became lost from my companions and it got so cold that I had to keep walking to keep from freezing to death and he says then it was just in sheer desperation that I asked God to get me out of it the other guys looked at him one of them said well he got you out of it Indy the guy said no sir if an Indian guide hadn't come along at that time I'd have froze to death and then we have the agnostic he doesn't deny God sometimes he thinks there might be a God sometimes he thinks there might not he needs help and he needs encouragement he needs understanding not condemnation then we have the on occasion man he prays once in a while and he depends on God once in a while and in between times something happens mm-hmm he does take a little drink because he's on his own then we have the giver-upper he prays and prays in the beginning and then he gives it up it's like the guy who when I was first ordained called me in the middle of the night he's so quick father come baby's dying so I came quick baby was dying so I saw the child was very ill and I baptized it as we do in our religion and then I told the father now if the child should happen to get well you should bring him to church for the supplying of the ceremonies which is also a rule of our church well a week passed two weeks passed three weeks passed one day I passed his home and there was the little kid out in front playing around as healthy as you and I so I stopped his dad and I said say hey Tony how come you didn't bring the baby to church for the ceremonies and Tony said father baby's well now we don't need God and so the guy gets on the program or the gal gets on the program it gets sober family straightened out job don't need God now baby well now baby sober then we have the prayer mechanic he prays day and night thousands of novenas you know he prays month most of the time though with his lips and his heart is far from it he likes to be a sort of a known prayer he wants everybody to know that he prays and amazingly with all this prayer I should say in spite of this prayer he often slips because his prayer was only from his lips and then we have the
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after-prayer he prays only at night after the day's done that always reminds me of the fellow or the gal who goes to the market in the morning without any money in his pocket he's not gonna buy much groceries that's for sure and so when we start off the day without turning it over to Almighty God but we're on our own and anything could happen it usually does now the correct attitude I think is the man who has the conviction that there is a God in his own way that he is all-powerful that he loves us infinitely pursuant to this he is also convinced that daily prayer is necessary for permanent sobriety and that dependence on God throughout the day is necessary for permanent happiness and then we have the attitude toward sex and first we have the sex substitutor in order to justify his irregularities he maintains with his self-deceit that he has to substitute one passion for another so he quit drinking so he has to have something in his place I had one of these come to me one time wasn't the person themselves it was the young lady whom this person had sponsored and she happened to be a Catholic so she came to me she was a little bit worried because her sponsor was trying to convince her that she owed it to him why was it the Lord said it would be better that a millstone be tied about their necks and they be drowned in the depths of the sea unquote then we have the impossibilist and he goes around with a few so-called psychoanalysts saying sexual abstinence is impossible well partly that's true but he didn't finish the sentence these people should say sex abstinence is impossible without the grace of God humanly speaking yes but the grace of God is all-powerful nothing is impossible with God curse the same fellow he soon carries that same rationalization to his sobriety that's impossible to so he does then you have the next guy he's the you have to have companionship list he's picked up somewhere in a the idea that an alcoholic should not be alone too much so he has to have a companion course has to be the opposite sex then we have the sympathizer he's always feeling sorry for the newcomer especially if it's women and he figures that he is one of the best little sympathizers in all the world and he has a thorough knowledge of women how to get him he does she does they do drink again then we have the mr. fix-it he's the self-appointed marriage counselor he figures that every family that comes into a needs counseling and he's the guy to do it of course if the wife is the member needs the counseling isn't long though because before he's fixing something else a little drink for himself then we have the downright chiseler oh the thing about this guy he's got a little honesty about himself he is a unfortunate sometimes to retain sobriety over a period of years I've seen many such cases of course what he has done is killed his conscience what is kept him sober is his pride and he slips he's lost his last thing upon which he can depend and they never return Never Return. Then we have the club chic, or sheba. And there's usually one who shows
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up in every AA club on occasion, and many times in every AA group. They are the ones who give AA such a black eye to our good non-alcoholic friends on the outside. And oftentimes, the pity of it, a family is broken up. Others are hurt. But then, of course, comes the binges on both sides of the story. Then we have the storyteller. There is always one of these in every group. He has a morbid hobby of telling dirty stories. He can never speak, he can never talk to others unless he injects a very lewd story. He is a frequent slipper, but doesn't seem to have sufficient intelligence upon which to ever build permanent sobriety and happiness. Then we have the Platonite, you know. And he will tell you, well, it's just platonic. You know what one fellow defines platonic love as? That period of time that exists between the first meeting and the first kiss. That will sink in in a minute. Now, what is the correct attitude? The correct attitude is the knowledge and conviction that God is the author of sex, and therefore that it is something good in itself. When used in accordance with God's will, man becomes co-creator with Almighty God in the procreation of the human race. Self-control outside of marriage is possible only with the grace of God, and this must be sought day in and day out. Willful abuse of God's law in this regard, without exception, makes permanent sobriety impossible. Then the attitude toward the past.
And first we have the insincere fellow. His sorrow about the past is very much surface. He is sorry for the past because he's been hurt. He's loaded with self-pity. It is the self-sorrow of Judas, and usually ends in the same way, either actually or by the bottle. Then we have the guilt-complexist. He's the fellow, you know, who's all disturbed about the past. Oh, Father, you don't know why I did. Yes, I do. We put a limit on the mercy of God when we should realize that the greater the sinner, the greater the mercy. And the more we have done, the greater a hold do we have on God and His mercy. Scrupulosity is a by-product of a guilt-complex, and the solution is trust in God and action in the present.
Then we have the other's word-of-blamers. They blame their drinking and their troubles on their family backgrounds, or something they did as children, you know. That's a wonderful excuse. He blames them for everything that happened to him. Of course they do not stay sober, and they have little, if any, happiness in life. Then we have the dreamer. He permits himself too frequently to sit and dream of all the wonderful times he had drinking.
And finally, one of these dreams come into reality. But lo and behold, it's no longer a dream. It's a nightmare. Then we have the bragger, still loaded with pride. He's the fellow or she's the gal who gets up before the meeting. He says, Now, take me for example. I'm a real alcoholic. I drank a fifth of liquor every day for forty years. Not like you guys and gals. You know, the first week I was in AA, a fellow from out of town was at the meeting. He was invited to speak, and he was one of these kind of people. And he
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said, Now, take me for example. He says, I drank a quart of liquor every day for forty years. It scared the daylights out of me. I was only thirty-nine years old. The correct attitude is the man who has the conviction that he has been responsible for most of his past and that he can, with God's help, make up for it. And that presuming true sorrow, God has forgiven all of the past. That in AA, one's past is to be brought up only for the purpose of helping oneself or others. He leaves all the rest to an infinite merciful God. He lives today, twenty-four hours at a time, so as never again to return to his former way of living. And he never does. He's happy, and he's permanently sober.
Then the attitude toward sponsorship. And first we have the one-call-that's-all guy. He makes a twelve-step call, and he says, Hello, how are you? I'm John from AA. Come to the meeting sometime. That's it. And he wonders why none of them ever show up. He wonders why he can never sponsor anybody and stays sober, because he's too lazy or too tight to give time to the new guy or gal. He forgets, as it tells us in the big AA book, we do these things with a conscious effort in order to discipline ourselves into habits of unselfishness and love. Whereas this guy remains selfish. In fact, he won't even share the next bottle he buys.
Then we have the zealot. He's the new guy who comes to AA, and he thinks it's so wonderful. So with vim, vigor, and vitality, he sets out to sober up the world. To the jails, to the asylums, to the hospital he goes, day in and day out. He searches out Skid Row. He goes to the taverns and the courts. He tries to bring them all into AA. Well, he's learning. Many new men and women go through that phase. It doesn't hurt them. It's good training in the realization that AA is actually only an opportunity for me to stay sober and improve my own sobriety so that I can give it to someone who asks.
Then we have the 100% expector. He makes a couple calls, and they both stay drunk. And he gets loaded with self-pity. He says, what's the matter with me? Maybe my AA, my alcohol, I'm no good myself. Give me a drink. Then on the opposite end of the stick, we have the Mr. Big Shot sponsor. He happens to sponsor a few fellows, and they all stay sober. Then he starts going around. Nicest, biggest little sponsor in the group. Look, eight fellows, all sober. And I sponsored them all. Then he goes home and looks in the mirror. Then he admires that Big Shot sponsor.
Then he invites the guy in the mirror out for a drink. Then we have the pill guy or gal. Behold, the self-appointed MD. He always has a pocket full of pills. He goes on a 12-step call, and he says, here, take one of these. Make you feel better. He has no idea how many other guys did that or how many more will follow him. You know, it has happened many times. One guy goes on a call. He says, here, take this. Make you sleep. Pretty soon, another guy comes on the same, calls on the same fellow.
Here, take this. Make you sleep. Half a dozen call on him. The guy dies. Then we have the hospitalizer. He's the one that rushes everyone to the hospital. Why? He's too lazy to do anything else. Then we have the de-hospitalizer. He doesn't believe anybody should go to the hospital. He says, look at me. I shook it out. So a lot of guys
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shake it out. The heart gives way, and they die. We do not realize, or those people do not realize, that the judgment of the physical condition of a man soaked in alcohol is not the AA's judgment, but the doctor's judgment, a competent doctor, and then to follow his opinion in the matter. We are not doctors. Then we have the go-by-yourself-a-booker. He's a very selfish individual. And no matter who he sponsors, how poor the guy might be, he's a go-by-yourself-a-book. We wonder if perhaps the factory isn't responsible for so many in AA who have never read the AA book.
Their name is Legion. Then we have the what-am-I-to-say-er. He says, well, I've gone 12-step code. I'm a tell-it-all guy. I ain't had no learning. I ain't had no education. Well, you don't need education. The big AA book says, tell them what happened to you. You know that backwards. That's all we're supposed to tell the fellow or the gal that we call on. Tell them what happened to you. Then we have the amateur. He's a little bit different from the pill guy. He doesn't administer pills, just advice on medicine, psychiatry, and religion, and all in a dogmatic term.
We believe that it's very important that every member of AA should realize that medical problems are for doctors, psychiatric problems are for psychiatrists, and religious problems are for the clergy, not for AA. The lay AA, and I use the term lay in contradistinction to a doctor, or psychiatrist, or clergyman, the lay member of Alcoholics Anonymous are not competent in such matters. And much, much harm has been caused by your amateur who has dispensed all this advice, free for nothing, but the worst advice in the world.
Then we have the graduate. He's the elder statesman, you know, the old timer. And all he goes to meetings just because the young fellows can ask his advice, you know. He doesn't go on 12-step calls anymore. He said, leave that to the young ones. They need experience. The old-time crutch soon begins to hover in the background. And before long, he reaches for it, the bottle again. Then we have the spoiler. He's the opposite of the one-call-that's-all guy. He goes and holds their hands, you know, and puts an ice pack on their head and stays day and night and talks to them or even sings them songs if they want. He's just substituting for an overindulgent mother or wife or husband. And he wonders why his babies don't stay sober.
They love it. You know, I'm convinced that there are many more A.A.'s hurt from too much pampering than there are from too much neglect. Now, the correct attitude towards sponsorship is we cannot keep that which has been given to us unless we in turn freely give it to all who ask without exception. All of our 12-step activities should be accompanied by sincere charity, a deep humility, and a deep prayer for prudent guidance.
Such are the really successful sponsors, even though they may have never kept one prospect sober, for the actual success depends on God. They, in fact, have succeeded because they have stayed sober, and that's the purpose of all sponsorship. Then we have the act of giving, the act of giving, the act of giving, the act of giving,
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or bring all these under one classification, the Jealous Johns. And under that classification we shall bring in the knifers and the slingshot artists, the libelers, the criticizers, the tail-bearers, the self-appointed elders, and many, many other shades of classification. The one term includes them all, the Jealous Johns, John D. by name, and goaded on in their diabolical pursuits by a venomous jealousy of the success of others. The object of their black art is every member of AA who either by circumstance or otherwise has become active either locally or even on a broader scale. Perhaps the less we say about them the better, because jealousy is an insidious thing. Experience has accentuated, however, one fact, they seldom stay sober for very long. On the other hand, the victims of their tirade can have a lot of encouragement and have a lot of serenity from the conviction that they can stay sober no matter what anyone says about what anything they do. And they can keep in mind that old axiom in AA, if you want to get talked about, just do something. You will. Now the correct attitude I think should be the member who is grateful that God has placed among our membership many, many talented, active persons through whom we are able to share with many, many others the benefits of AA as we have it today. And finally, we have the attitude toward alcohol. And first we have the dry drunkard. He is dry in how he hates it. He's decided that he's an alcoholic, but be damned if he's going to like it. He stays tottering on that first step, and pretty soon he falls backwards with a bottle. Then we have the prohibitionist. This is the dry drunkard that not only hates his own enforced dryness, but he thinks everybody else should be that way. So he won't let his wife drink, or his friends, or his family, or anything else. He tries to dry up everybody because he has to stay dry. But it isn't long before he and his old love meet once again. The bottle and he and a tavern makes three.
Then we have the prude. He's the individual who has developed an abnormal fear of liquor. Don't go around! Take it away from me! He hates the stuff. He doesn't mind his own sobriety. He likes to be sober. He realizes he's an alcoholic, but he's developed this abnormal fear so he doesn't want to get near liquor. He doesn't want to even hear it mentioned. He has not evidently read in the Big AA book, quote, one should not fight anything nor anybody, unquote. Easy does it. Then we have the man of indecision. This party is convinced he's an alcoholic sometimes, and sometimes he's convinced he's not. And most of the times he's saying to himself, well maybe I am and maybe I'm not. And he soon finds out that he is. You know, there's no such thing as a little alcoholic.
Evidently some of you have heard the other story. We either are or we aren't. The correct attitude, I think, should be the one who is convinced once and for all that he is powerless over alcohol, and therefore sincerely practices all of the twelve steps to the best of his ability as a means of attaining both sobriety and serenity. Such a one stops fighting anything or anybody.
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He stays sober and he stays happy. He has realized in his own self the meaning of the phrase, the expulsion of a compulsion by a higher power. His complete humility has enabled God to expel his former compulsion to drink, and as a result God has found plenty of room to fill this personality with himself. And in turn he has given him peace of mind, peace of heart, sobriety and serenity. And so we have it. Within this earthly temple there's a crowd. From much corroding care I would forever be free if once and for all I could just determine which is me. And you want to know something? I think I have. May God bless you all.