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[00:00:08.480 – 00:00:09.580] Good morning, everyone.

[00:00:09.580 – 00:00:11.400] I’m Bobby, and I am an alcoholic.

[00:00:11.400 – 00:00:13.019] Hi, Bobby.

[00:00:13.019 – 00:00:17.780] Very nervous alcoholic I’ll add.

[00:00:17.780 – 00:00:21.059] I would like to thank the committee for inviting me t-back to talk.

[00:00:21.059 – 00:00:27.440] I was supposed to talk last year and got sick and couldn’t, and, uh, I’m so grateful to be here this morning.

[00:00:27.440 – 00:00:37.539] Um, when I first heard about that I was gonna speak down here, I was talking to my good friend, Shirley, and, uh, I told Shirley, I said, “Uh, how many

[00:00:37.539 – 00:00:39.399] people will be down there?” She told me.

[00:00:39.399 – 00:00:40.700] I said, “Oh, my gosh.

[00:00:40.700 – 00:00:45.340] I don’t, I don’t think I can talk in front of that many people.” She says, “By God, I did it.

[00:00:45.340 – 00:00:56.579] You can do it.” Um, as

[00:00:56.579 – 00:01:07.219] I said, I’m an alcoholic and, uh, my whole family, or everyone in my family is an alcoholic, and everyone in my husband’s family is an alcoholic.

[00:01:07.219 – 00:01:13.319] Uh, it’s, it’s easier for me to tell you about the people who don’t drink, in fact.

[00:01:13.319 – 00:01:23.379] Uh, I can remember when I was a young person, my daddy, uh, talking to me, telling me, uh, he said, “You better watch this stuff.” He says, “It

[00:01:23.379 – 00:01:30.659] seems to run in your family.” And, uh, so long before they ever told us that it was hereditary, I thought it was.

[00:01:30.659 – 00:01:38.420] Um, I remember after I was grown and married, uh, I saw my mother dying with cirrhosis of the liver.

[00:01:38.420 – 00:01:46.079] Uh, Mother was one of those people that, uh, kept her liquor in a little glass in the kitchen, in the cupboard.

[00:01:46.079 – 00:01:47.680] She didn’t sit down with us and have a drink.

[00:01:47.680 – 00:01:57.700] She did all her drinking in there or in the bedroom, and, uh, we had no idea that, that, uh, that she was drinking as, as much as she was until she went in for a

[00:01:57.700 – 00:01:58.579] routine physical.

[00:01:58.579 – 00:02:02.180] The doctor told my daddy that she had extensive liver damage.

[00:02:02.180 – 00:02:12.180] And of course, that got worse and, and, uh, as I say, I, I saw her dying with cirrhosis of the liver and I said, “Boy, that’ll never happen to me.”

[00:02:12.180 – 00:02:22.020] I felt the, the pain and the helpless and hopeless feeling that the family felt, and yet I was completely powerless over my own disease.

[00:02:22.020 – 00:02:23.120] And I, and I did.

[00:02:23.120 – 00:02:25.819] I, I wound up in the very same shape that Mother was in.

[00:02:25.819 – 00:02:35.819] Uh, my husband isn’t here, and, um, and

[00:02:35.819 – 00:02:36.240] I am…

[00:02:36.240 – 00:02:38.879] Well, frankly, I’m just pissed off as hell at him.

[00:02:38.879 – 00:02:49.080] He, he thought, he thought, he thought he’d really hurt

[00:02:49.080 – 00:02:53.939] me and make me mad, and I told him, I said, first I said, “Well, you want me to get home health to come out here and check on you?

[00:02:53.939 – 00:02:57.340] You don’t have to be waited on hand and foot.” That made him a little pissed off.

[00:02:57.340 – 00:03:04.840] And I said, “And I’m going, and I’m gonna have the best time that’s ever been.” Not only that, I’m gonna say everything bad about you I can from this podium.

[00:03:04.840 – 00:03:14.900] Uh, he, he is a recovering alcoholic, too, and, uh, we’ve been married going on thirty-nine

[00:03:14.900 – 00:03:17.280] years, so we went all through alcoholism together.

[00:03:17.280 – 00:03:19.199] We’ve gone all through recovery together.

[00:03:19.199 – 00:03:26.000] Not only that, we’re both only children, and so God must have meant for us to, to be together.

[00:03:26.000 – 00:03:38.379] One of my friends says, says, “Hell fire, you all just deserve each other.” Um, growing

[00:03:38.379 – 00:03:41.280] up, I’ve, I’ve known Jimmy ever since I was just a child.

[00:03:41.280 – 00:03:42.139] We grew up together.

[00:03:42.139 – 00:03:49.479] Um, used to, uh, i-in our area, they used to have, uh, uh, Tom Thumb weddings.

[00:03:49.479 – 00:03:51.379] This is for the little children, you know.

[00:03:51.379 – 00:03:53.500] Uh, they have a mock wedding to make money.

[00:03:53.500 – 00:03:58.259] And, uh, in kindergarten, uh, I was the bride, and he was the groom.

[00:03:58.259 – 00:04:04.840] And then in first and second grade, and I could remember more about that, he was the groom, and I was the bride in that.

[00:04:04.840 – 00:04:09.879] And, uh, God, I hated him, and he hated me, too.

[00:04:09.879 – 00:04:20.060] And so, um, finally after growing up in this small town, I, I was home from college one summer, and he was, too, and, and we was the only young

[00:04:20.060 – 00:04:24.379] people there that, that summer, so we more or less had to date each other.

[00:04:24.379 – 00:04:35.410] And, uh, and, uh, as I say, we, we fought and fussed and carried on, but we found that we had one thing in common, and

[00:04:35.410 – 00:04:36.500] it wasn’t sex.

[00:04:36.500 – 00:04:38.600] It was booze.

[00:04:38.600 – 00:04:48.699] Uh, um, I, I can remember my

[00:04:48.699 – 00:04:49.860] first drink as a child.

[00:04:49.860 – 00:04:59.939] My mother used to hire a man called Cat Ham Dunbar, uh, to come in the spring and, and paint and, and clean things up and, and you couldn’t keep Cat Ham working unless you kept

[00:04:59.939 – 00:05:00.740] him in beer.

[00:05:00.740 – 00:05:09.720] So when he would sit down to drink his lunch, he, he would gi- He would pour me out a little, a little glass of beer.

[00:05:09.720 – 00:05:12.319] God, I loved it.

[00:05:12.319 – 00:05:13.680] Loved it.

[00:05:13.680 – 00:05:16.199] It, uh, oh, it tasted wonderful.

[00:05:16.199 – 00:05:20.779] And, uh, then he’d start to pour me out another one and, oh, oh, I couldn’t wait for that.

[00:05:20.779 – 00:05:21.800] Mother, “Oh, no.

[00:05:21.800 – 00:05:22.220] No, no, no.

[00:05:22.220 – 00:05:24.980] Can’t have two.” Could only have one.

[00:05:24.980 – 00:05:33.740] But of course, growing up, uh, back when I did, uh, nice girls didn’t smoke, and they certainly didn’t drink.

[00:05:33.740 – 00:05:35.980] They did not drink at all.

[00:05:35.980 – 00:05:44.060] And so I didn’t have anything to drink, really, except what I was given at home for medicinal purposes, you know, cramps and stuff like that.

[00:05:44.060 – 00:05:45.160] I had a lot of cramps.

[00:05:45.160 – 00:05:49.339] I loved those hot toddies.

[00:05:49.339 – 00:05:59.480] But after I went away to college, that, that’s when I, uh, drank for the first time and, uh, and I got sick, puked, and,

[00:05:59.480 – 00:06:01.899] you know, threw up and still loved it.

[00:06:01.899 – 00:06:11.569] But, uh, Jimmy and I started running around together and, uh, we, uh- Thank you.

[00:06:11.569 – 00:06:17.649] And so we continued to fuss and fight till we, uh, got married and drank happily ever after.

[00:06:17.649 – 00:06:27.149] Uh, he was, he was a young officer in the Air Force, and, um, I was a very shy girl back then.

[00:06:27.149 – 00:06:34.649] And, and I can remember, uh, um, I just dreaded the social functions of an officer’s wife.

[00:06:34.649 – 00:06:39.410] The coffees, and the teas, and, and I, I would be so nervous that, that I would, would be shaky.

[00:06:39.410 – 00:06:40.750] I couldn’t even hold a cup of coffee.

[00:06:40.750 – 00:06:45.949] But I found that if I had a little drink before I went, you know, that’d smooth things over.

[00:06:45.949 – 00:06:49.629] And, uh, we’d get, we’d get a lot of drinking.

[00:06:49.629 – 00:06:52.149] The, the, the, uh, services are drinking.

[00:06:52.149 – 00:06:54.149] You know, that’s what they do.

[00:06:54.149 – 00:06:54.829] They just drink.

[00:06:54.829 – 00:06:56.350] I think more than they fight.

[00:06:56.350 – 00:07:06.050] Uh, but, uh, I began to notice that, uh, I drank no matter what, you know.

[00:07:06.050 – 00:07:08.649] Uh, uh, we always kept it around in the house.

[00:07:08.649 – 00:07:11.908] And if I felt good or felt bad, I, I drank.

[00:07:11.908 – 00:07:16.089] And didn’t think too much of it.

[00:07:16.089 – 00:07:18.670] We, we wanted children very badly.

[00:07:18.670 – 00:07:22.329] You know, everybo- everybody else had children, so I, I wanted one, too.

[00:07:22.329 – 00:07:29.930] And, uh, so, uh, we both went to doctors, and, uh, he took, uh, shots because he had a low sperm count.

[00:07:29.930 – 00:07:34.689] So we finally had a little girl, and, uh, and this was just the answer to my prayers.

[00:07:34.689 – 00:07:41.189] And, uh, I can see now where, uh, I took that child and sort of went into a world of my own.

[00:07:41.189 – 00:07:47.629] And I cut everything out that was unpleasant, like Jim and his drinking.

[00:07:47.629 – 00:07:54.410] Uh, we were, uh, we were sent to Minot, North Dakota.

[00:07:54.410 – 00:07:58.329] And, uh, God, you had to drink up there just to exist.

[00:07:58.329 – 00:08:08.329] But, um, Jim was, uh, gone a great deal of the time, uh, on alert and flying and all that hero

[00:08:08.329 – 00:08:08.769] stuff.

[00:08:08.769 – 00:08:17.410] And, uh, when he was off, uh, we’d spend our time drinking, and we had some good times drinking.

[00:08:17.410 – 00:08:29.178] I remember being at a restaurant one night, and, um, a fellow sitting down with us talking, and he says, “Yeah,” he says, “this girl I’m dating is in AA.” And

[00:08:29.178 – 00:08:29.930] we said, “Yeah.

[00:08:29.930 – 00:08:38.269] Is that right?” He says, “Gosh,” he says, “that’s the darndest bunch I’ve ever seen.” He said, “Why, one of them can call the other in the middle of the night, the other two rush, rush right over there,” you know.

[00:08:38.269 – 00:08:49.330] And I thought, “Hmm, maybe that’s what Jim needs.” But,

[00:08:49.330 – 00:08:53.210] uh, I continued to drink more.

[00:08:53.210 – 00:09:00.029] Um, unpleasant things began to happen to me, and of course, I couldn’t, I couldn’t handle anything.

[00:09:00.029 – 00:09:02.610] I was so immature, so self-centered.

[00:09:02.610 – 00:09:11.210] Uh, my mother, who had lived through the cirrhosis, uh, by God’s grace, uh, had a cerebral hemorrhage.

[00:09:11.210 – 00:09:17.669] And, uh, I had to go home to see that her mother was left a vegetable.

[00:09:17.669 – 00:09:20.110] It was a real sad.

[00:09:20.110 – 00:09:27.840] So, uh, while I was gone, uh, of course, I did a whole lot of drinking then.

[00:09:27.840 – 00:09:31.730] I mean, you know, your mother is shaped like that, how could you help but drink?

[00:09:31.730 – 00:09:34.090] I had, I had a good excuse for every drink.

[00:09:34.090 – 00:09:35.090] I took him fast.

[00:09:35.090 – 00:09:44.830] But, uh, when I finally went back up to North Dakota, um, I was in a carpool with, um, several other people driving.

[00:09:44.830 – 00:09:50.950] We found out that, that their daughter had a speech imp– she had speech impai- impediments due to a hearing loss.

[00:09:50.950 – 00:09:53.870] And so we took her to, to speech therapy.

[00:09:53.870 – 00:09:58.169] It was 15 miles through snow and blowing wi- wind and all that bit.

[00:09:58.169 – 00:10:00.809] And I was in a carpool for Beth, and I was…

[00:10:00.809 – 00:10:03.029] In the afternoon, I took a bunch to kindergarten.

[00:10:03.029 – 00:10:13.070] And I found that I was so nervous when I got up in the morning, uh, from drinking I’d done the night before, worrying about

[00:10:13.070 – 00:10:20.250] my mother and everything, that, uh, I’d have to have a drink to get those kids and get ’em into town.

[00:10:20.250 – 00:10:28.749] And then when I got back, uh, I, I was the only mother that wasn’t pregnant or hadn’t just had a child, so I got a lot of driving to do.

[00:10:28.749 – 00:10:33.470] Then I had to have another drink in order to get ’em to kindergarten.

[00:10:33.470 – 00:10:39.950] And then while I was waiting for kindergarten to get over in the afternoon, I had, I’d drink, you know, a bottle of wine.

[00:10:39.950 – 00:10:50.029] So, uh, by the, by the time we left Minot, uh, I was in, I was in very bad shape.

[00:10:50.029 – 00:10:51.409] I was a very sick young woman.

[00:10:51.409 – 00:10:58.129] We went down to Columbus, Mississippi, and hell, it was so hot down there, you had to drink.

[00:10:58.129 – 00:11:02.690] And the mosquitoes were terrible, so I had to drink a lot of gin and tonic.

[00:11:02.690 – 00:11:09.929] When I got down there, um, uh, it, it really got bad.

[00:11:09.929 – 00:11:12.350] The alcoholism really began to progress.

[00:11:12.350 – 00:11:15.309] In fact, after I got sober, I had…

[00:11:15.309 – 00:11:19.279] I sat down one day, and I was trying to figure out where I was and where …

[00:11:19.279 – 00:11:21.710] when I left there and got here and everything.

[00:11:21.710 – 00:11:26.889] But when I was in, uh, Mississippi, I, I was in a blackout practically the whole time.

[00:11:26.889 – 00:11:28.470] It, it was, it was very bad.

[00:11:28.470 – 00:11:30.909] I’d either hide my liquor.

[00:11:30.909 – 00:11:34.110] Uh, I think, I think that’s part of the disease.

[00:11:34.110 – 00:11:37.710] Uh, you know, we had our liquor.

[00:11:37.710 – 00:11:38.750] That was Jim and mine.

[00:11:38.750 – 00:11:40.649] And then I had my liquor hidden.

[00:11:40.649 – 00:11:48.610] And, uh, he, uh, he happened to have to go on this trip out to Colorado.

[00:11:48.610 – 00:11:54.090] And so, uh, when he left, I moved my liquor with our liquor, and I could drink like I wanted to.

[00:11:54.090 – 00:11:57.750] And I mean, I, I was drinking so bad then that, uh…

[00:11:57.750 – 00:11:59.990] Can you hear me there?

[00:11:59.990 – 00:12:00.710] I guess so.

[00:12:00.710 – 00:12:10.789] I was drinking, uh, I was drinking so bad then that, uh, um, I remember on Halloween, I’d had this precious Halloween costume made

[00:12:10.789 – 00:12:11.789] for Beth.

[00:12:11.789 – 00:12:13.100] And, and I was so scared.

[00:12:13.100 – 00:12:21.620] I thought, “Have a life stay sober long enough, you know, for, for her to come home and go to trick-or-treat,” because by 3:00 or 4:00, I was pretty well out of it.

[00:12:21.620 – 00:12:25.652] Oh, she tells this.

[00:12:25.652 – 00:12:26.461] I think it’s funny.

[00:12:26.461 – 00:12:28.721] I, I, I was really worried about how…

[00:12:28.721 – 00:12:36.251] Oh, we, we bus the children into town to, to school, and I was so worried about how I would get her on the bus and get her to school, you know.

[00:12:36.251 – 00:12:42.851] So, uh, uh, I was usually passed out by 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon, so I was up bright and early in the morning, you know.

[00:12:42.851 – 00:12:46.001] So, uh, she said I woke her up one morning.

[00:12:46.001 – 00:12:48.322] It was dark as it could be, and I said, “Get up, get up.

[00:12:48.322 – 00:12:58.412] Gotta get ready for the bus.” She says, “Mama,” says, “it’s, it’s not time.” I said, “Beth, get up.” So I got her all dressed, fed her breakfast, took her over to where we were supposed to meet

[00:12:58.412 – 00:12:58.721] the bus.

[00:12:58.721 – 00:13:01.101] And so we got over there, and of course there wasn’t a bus one.

[00:13:01.101 – 00:13:11.101] She said I got out and cussed and carried on, and hot back in the car, drove home as

[00:13:11.101 – 00:13:12.081] fast as we could.

[00:13:12.081 – 00:13:16.182] I think it was about 5:00 when I took her back.

[00:13:16.182 – 00:13:23.802] Uh, uh, so I, I, I was in wonderful shape then there.

[00:13:23.802 – 00:13:28.662] That, that, that’s when I quit eating altogether, uh, and just drinking.

[00:13:28.662 – 00:13:33.001] Uh, I began to have a lot of physical problems.

[00:13:33.001 – 00:13:37.131] Gastritis, I think it was called.

[00:13:37.131 – 00:13:47.182] Uh, while Jim was on this big trip to Colorado, and I had my liquor with our liquor, and I was drinking like a lawyer too, I had a

[00:13:47.182 – 00:13:49.902] real bad case of gastritis.

[00:13:49.902 – 00:13:58.721] And so a friend of mine took me over to the dispensary, and, uh, they wanted to put me in the hospital.

[00:13:58.721 – 00:14:00.442] And I said, “Oh no, I can’t go to the hospital.

[00:14:00.442 – 00:14:03.322] I have a child at home.” Liquor was at home too.

[00:14:03.322 – 00:14:11.182] So when I got home, I can remember I was shaking so bad that I, I, I, I had a straw in my…

[00:14:11.182 – 00:14:13.861] I think, I think I was drinking rum and something.

[00:14:13.861 – 00:14:17.341] That, that was soothing to my stomach, I thought.

[00:14:17.341 – 00:14:22.501] But I was, I was drinking that stuff with a straw, and I remember I went in to throw up again.

[00:14:22.501 – 00:14:24.522] When I did, there was blood everywhere.

[00:14:24.522 – 00:14:29.841] And, uh, this was the first Mercy Flight the Air Force gave me.

[00:14:29.841 – 00:14:33.841] They flew me down to Biloxi, Mississippi to save my life.

[00:14:33.841 – 00:14:40.542] Uh, also, this was my first experience with hallucinating and DTs.

[00:14:40.542 – 00:14:42.961] I thought that…

[00:14:42.961 – 00:14:43.971] Now, the only friends…

[00:14:43.971 – 00:14:55.182] I had gotten down to the point that the only friends I had was the Negro domestic help that, that worked there on the base, and those women would come over to my house in the afternoon.

[00:14:55.182 – 00:14:57.402] And if I was sober enough, I’d take them home.

[00:14:57.402 – 00:15:06.581] Now, a couple of times, they’d say, “Stop calling me a cab.” I thought, “Those ungrateful people,” you know.

[00:15:06.581 – 00:15:12.942] But anyway, I thought one of them had died.

[00:15:12.942 – 00:15:19.142] And with all my connections and everything, uh, uh, she lived in another state.

[00:15:19.142 – 00:15:22.042] We were taking the body home for burial.

[00:15:22.042 – 00:15:23.951] And, uh, I, I remember out…

[00:15:23.951 – 00:15:25.022] we were in this airplane.

[00:15:25.022 – 00:15:29.022] The casket was right there by me, and we were singing all these Negro spirituals.

[00:15:29.022 – 00:15:30.642] And, and I was in the plane.

[00:15:30.642 – 00:15:33.182] You know, they were flying me to Biloxi, Mississippi.

[00:15:33.182 – 00:15:37.761] Uh, they did not think I would live.

[00:15:37.761 – 00:15:40.461] Um, I had acute pancreatitis.

[00:15:40.461 – 00:15:44.341] Uh, I don’t know how long they kept me down there, but I thought…

[00:15:44.341 – 00:15:47.142] all I could think of the whole time was, “When can I get out and have a drink?

[00:15:47.142 – 00:15:57.261] When can I have out, get out and have a drink?” Uh, poor old Jim, they called him home from Colorado, and, and, uh, here’s this husband rushing to the bedside of

[00:15:57.261 – 00:15:58.121] his dying wife.

[00:15:58.121 – 00:16:02.701] He gets drunk as he, when he gets into Biloxi, and they put him in jail.

[00:16:02.701 – 00:16:08.081] We finally got out, and he came over…

[00:16:08.081 – 00:16:09.111] He, he, he tells this.

[00:16:09.111 – 00:16:10.522] He came over to the hospital and walked in.

[00:16:10.522 – 00:16:12.922] Here I am there, you know, tubes going everywhere.

[00:16:12.922 – 00:16:17.861] And, uh, anyway, he could see that, that I was trying to ask for something.

[00:16:17.861 – 00:16:21.062] And he got down closer, and he says, “What is it you want, honey?

[00:16:21.062 – 00:16:31.241] What is it?” And I said, “Get me a drink.” Uh, when

[00:16:31.241 – 00:16:39.162] I, when I left the hospital there, they told me, um, “Now, don’t you go home and start cooking with wine.” You know, that was…

[00:16:39.162 – 00:16:41.860] In other words, don’t start home, don’t go home and start boozing.

[00:16:41.860 – 00:16:44.902] Really, they didn’t know that much about alcoholism back then.

[00:16:44.902 – 00:16:46.022] They just didn’t know.

[00:16:46.022 – 00:16:51.241] And they told me I was borderline diabetic, which is like being borderline pregnant.

[00:16:51.241 – 00:16:53.282] I mean, you, you are or you ain’t.

[00:16:53.282 – 00:17:02.542] Uh, so I remember when I got home, uh, it was, it was all I could do to make it to noon.

[00:17:02.542 – 00:17:05.781] And Jim would come home for lunch, and I’d fix us iced tea.

[00:17:05.781 – 00:17:08.692] And that, my iced tea had vodka in it.

[00:17:08.692 – 00:17:15.652] Uh, I kept going in to, to the doctor for checkups.

[00:17:15.652 – 00:17:18.922] And I re- I went in one day, and, uh, I was about half drunk when I got in there.

[00:17:18.922 – 00:17:21.791] But this new doctor, a young doctor, had come in.

[00:17:21.791 – 00:17:25.561] And he took the time to read my medical records and everything.

[00:17:25.561 – 00:17:29.922] He said, uh, “You have any children?” And I said, I said, “Yes, I do.

[00:17:29.922 – 00:17:39.001] I have a little girl.” He says, “She’s not gonna have a mother by the time she’s 10 years old if you continue drinking like you are.” Now, this is the first time a doctor had really confronted me.

[00:17:39.001 – 00:17:42.422] This made me madder than hell.

[00:17:42.422 – 00:17:44.862] But, well, to talk to me like that.

[00:17:44.862 – 00:17:47.182] I said, “Well, what in the hell you expect me to do?

[00:17:47.182 – 00:17:57.261] Join Alcoholics Anonymous?” He said, “Whatever helps.” He said, uh, he

[00:17:57.261 – 00:18:03.721] said, “I know one thing.” He said, “If you continue drinking like you are,” he said, “you will be dead.” God, I was pissed off.

[00:18:03.721 – 00:18:07.561] So I went home, and I mean, I got completely drunk.

[00:18:07.561 – 00:18:09.221] I looked…

[00:18:09.221 – 00:18:11.102] I got the phone book out and looked in it.

[00:18:11.102 – 00:18:13.442] AA was listed right there.

[00:18:13.442 – 00:18:23.461] And, uh, instead of calling AA, I called long distance to, uh, New Orleans to,

[00:18:23.461 – 00:18:24.932] to a friend of mine that lived down there.

[00:18:24.932 – 00:18:29.557] She was a registered nurse and, and, uh, they had lived next to us up in North Dakota.

[00:18:29.557 – 00:18:38.778] And I told her how sorry Jim was, and how, what a lush he was, and how he had mistreated me, and how, how pitiful I was.

[00:18:38.778 – 00:18:41.757] And I was dying a-and all this stuff.

[00:18:41.757 – 00:18:48.617] And I said, “When I die,” I said, “I don’t want that son of a bitch to have Beth.” I said, “I want you to have her.” So she promised me she’d take care of her.

[00:18:48.617 – 00:18:55.877] That, that was a wonderful person down there.

[00:18:55.877 – 00:18:57.857] I ha- I had liquor hid all over the house.

[00:18:57.857 – 00:19:00.666] I, and, uh, I had hidded out, I had hided outside.

[00:19:00.666 – 00:19:03.498] We had a laundry room outside, and I’d hide it out there in the laundry room.

[00:19:03.498 – 00:19:07.157] When Jim would get mad at me, he’d throw me out and lock the door, lock me out.

[00:19:07.157 – 00:19:10.317] Well, I didn’t, I didn’t care.

[00:19:10.317 – 00:19:15.718] Hell, I went to the laundry room and drank all night.

[00:19:15.718 – 00:19:25.518] Anyway, they, they decided they were gonna send us, uh, to Okinawa, and I could not go over with him currently.

[00:19:25.518 – 00:19:30.837] Uh, and so we decided for me to go home and stay with, uh, with my daddy.

[00:19:30.837 – 00:19:39.057] And of course, Mother had died and, uh, by then, and, and Daddy had remarried a young woman, uh, a nurse who had been with Mother, uh, when Mother died.

[00:19:39.057 – 00:19:44.857] And, uh, this young woman wasn’t very much older than me, and I despised her.

[00:19:44.857 – 00:19:49.178] I resented and hated her so much.

[00:19:49.178 – 00:19:54.117] So anyway, I got home living with Daddy and, and, uh, Maddie was her name.

[00:19:54.117 – 00:19:58.417] And, uh, th- then I began, I began to carry my liquor with me everywhere I went.

[00:19:58.417 – 00:20:02.238] I, I don’t know why I didn’t ever get me a flask, but I had me a fruit jar.

[00:20:02.238 – 00:20:10.837] And I, I carried my, my liquor with me in a fruit jar, and before I’d go into Kroger’s or the store, you know, I’d just have me a big drink.

[00:20:10.837 – 00:20:14.458] Work, whip through there right quick and come out and have another big drink.

[00:20:14.458 – 00:20:20.357] Uh, I, I was really in, in bad shape.

[00:20:20.357 – 00:20:25.077] And, and, uh, Daddy w- and, uh, poor Maddie, they, they were worried about me.

[00:20:25.077 – 00:20:35.728] So Daddy said to me, he said, uh, said, “I know a man who had a real bad drinking problem, and

[00:20:35.728 – 00:20:44.448] he found a way to, to, uh, to drink and, uh, to not drink and be happy.” And you know, that clicked.

[00:20:44.448 – 00:20:46.817] Not drink and be happy.

[00:20:46.817 – 00:20:51.577] He said, “Would you talk to him?” And this man was Jim Carson.

[00:20:51.577 – 00:20:53.057] I had known him all my life.

[00:20:53.057 – 00:20:55.557] He was one of the men who started the AA group.

[00:20:55.557 – 00:21:00.217] And I said, “Yeah, I’ll talk to Jim.” So this is when you first came to visit me.

[00:21:00.217 – 00:21:09.617] Uh, Jim Carson and Ralph Tulloch, two men who started that group, uh, came, came to visit me and brought, brought your literature.

[00:21:09.617 – 00:21:14.458] And did you know that literature had alcoholic written on it?

[00:21:14.458 – 00:21:15.577] Oh.

[00:21:15.577 – 00:21:22.417] I thought, “God, what are they bringing that here for me to read?” Ugh.

[00:21:22.417 – 00:21:26.387] Well, my daddy read it, and I, I didn’t realize it at the time, but he needed it as bad as I.

[00:21:26.387 – 00:21:33.478] But, uh, anyway, uh, they told me that, uh, they would come and pick me up for a meeting.

[00:21:33.478 – 00:21:38.357] And, uh, and, uh, Ralph would come, and they’d pick me up with Jim.

[00:21:38.357 – 00:21:40.438] I was always too drunk to go, though.

[00:21:40.438 – 00:21:44.258] But, uh, Ralph gave me his Big Book to read.

[00:21:44.258 – 00:21:48.978] And so I’d get in bed there at night with a great big drink, reading that Big Book.

[00:21:48.978 – 00:21:56.327] And of course, the only thing I could read and understand were the stories, and I, I thought they were tremendous.

[00:21:56.327 – 00:21:57.198] I loved it.

[00:21:57.198 – 00:22:10.048] I thought, “Gosh, I didn’t know they published stuff like that.” And I thought, “Shoot, if they need to, to, you know, do another one, I can give them a pretty good story myself.” Of

[00:22:10.048 – 00:22:12.938] course, I, uh, needless to say, I wasn’t ready for AA.

[00:22:12.938 – 00:22:19.397] And so, uh, anyway, Daddy and, and, and Maddie started talking to me about going down to Madison.

[00:22:19.397 – 00:22:25.238] Uh, several doctors’ wives had told me to go down to Madison for problems they had had.

[00:22:25.238 – 00:22:33.038] And I thought, “Well, if it’s good enough for them, it might be good enough for me.” And, uh, Maddie had even been down there for her nerves and all this stuff.

[00:22:33.038 – 00:22:37.978] And, and, uh, and I thought, “Oh, I’m not an alcoholic.

[00:22:37.978 – 00:22:39.428] I couldn’t be an alcoholic.

[00:22:39.428 – 00:22:42.738] I am, I am just on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

[00:22:42.738 – 00:22:46.778] And, and that Jim and his drinking, he’s just about driving me crazy.

[00:22:46.778 – 00:22:55.438] And I, I do need a psychiatrist, I do.” And so I said, “Yes, I’d go.” So I, I packed me a fifth of, of, uh, bourbon, and packed me a fifth of gin.

[00:22:55.438 – 00:23:05.498] I thought, “Well, I’ll be down there for about three to four days.” And I thought, “Shit, they surely gotta give you a lot of dope, too.” So with the dope and all that much liquor,

[00:23:05.498 – 00:23:06.478] I’d be okay.

[00:23:06.478 – 00:23:10.788] So I, of course, I was drunk when I went down, down there and signed myself in.

[00:23:10.788 – 00:23:13.317] And you know, they took my liquor away from me.

[00:23:13.317 – 00:23:17.498] They even took my perfume and everything.

[00:23:17.498 – 00:23:21.438] Took me back there and locked me up with crazy people.

[00:23:21.438 – 00:23:28.978] Started giving me those IVs to sober me up right quick, and then they gave me this test to take.

[00:23:28.978 – 00:23:38.557] Said, um, “When you get the newspaper, which section do you read first?” Society, the funny papers or what.

[00:23:38.557 – 00:23:42.738] “And, uh, do you enjoy holding women’s hands?” and a bunch of crap like that.

[00:23:42.738 – 00:23:52.738] So my, my psychiatrist came back in and he said, “Well,” he said, “you passed.” I said, “Oh, good.” He says, “Yes,” he said, “you’re paranoid, schizophrenic, and

[00:23:52.738 – 00:24:02.917] manic-depressive.” I said, “Well, that’s normal these days.” He said, “No,

[00:24:02.917 – 00:24:09.557] that’s not normal.” Said, “What you need is…” I think it was nine weeks of shock therapy.

[00:24:09.557 – 00:24:13.478] And I sobered up, folks.

[00:24:13.478 – 00:24:23.758] And, and I said, I said, “Doctor,” I said, “you take those shock treatments, and you just place them right up there in the proper place of your anatomy,

[00:24:23.758 – 00:24:29.978] ’cause I ain’t taking these shock treatments.” Of course, he called Daddy right away to come and get me, and Daddy wouldn’t come.

[00:24:29.978 – 00:24:33.657] He left me down there for two weeks, and all I could think of was, “Oh, God.

[00:24:33.657 – 00:24:37.597] If only I could get out and get a drink.” Now, they were giving me paraldehyde.

[00:24:37.597 – 00:24:39.038] Have you ever had any paraldehyde?

[00:24:39.038 – 00:24:40.778] It’s a real old drug.

[00:24:40.778 – 00:24:45.938] And, and, and I guess if someone opened the door on me or walked in, I, I could smell it all the way up here.

[00:24:45.938 – 00:24:52.837] I know when they first brought it in to me and said I had to drink that, I said, “You’re kidding.” Oh, it was horrible.

[00:24:52.837 – 00:24:55.738] They said, “Well, it’s apple juice, orange juice.” But anyway, I…

[00:24:55.738 – 00:24:56.636] they made me drink it.

[00:24:56.636 – 00:24:58.218] Hell, it was good.

[00:24:58.218 – 00:25:07.857] I looked forward to, to my paraldehyde.

[00:25:07.857 – 00:25:15.538] Anyway, when I got home, I was told that I was under household arrest.

[00:25:15.538 – 00:25:22.178] And Daddy had told all my friends and had told them that, “Bobbie’s dying.

[00:25:22.178 – 00:25:23.097] Let’s try this labor.

[00:25:23.097 – 00:25:33.336] Don’t let her have any liquor.” Called the bootleggers, my buddies, and told them, said, “If you try to bring her any liquor down here,” he said, “I will shoot you.”

[00:25:33.336 – 00:25:34.718] And he would have.

[00:25:34.718 – 00:25:36.117] And they, they believed him, too.

[00:25:36.117 – 00:25:39.958] I mean, I was, gah, I was in terrible shape.

[00:25:39.958 – 00:25:43.807] And then, of course, he worked and, and, and my little-

[00:25:44.346 – 00:25:50.326] stepmother worked too, and they hired a woman to stay with me and watch me when, while they were gone.

[00:25:50.326 – 00:25:56.965] I had a keeper, and if I went anywhere, if I went to the beauty shop or anywhere, my keeper went with me.

[00:25:56.965 – 00:26:06.986] So anyway, about this time, uh, the boys told Daddy, uh, said to May, they said, “Look, Doll, what you’re doing is, is

[00:26:06.986 – 00:26:09.566] terrible.” Said, “You’re taking alcohol out of her life.

[00:26:09.566 – 00:26:20.426] She’s got this big void, and, and until you, she can get some AA and fill that void,” said, “I better have a drink once a day anyway.” So,

[00:26:20.426 – 00:26:22.166] bless their hearts, I said…

[00:26:22.166 – 00:26:24.486] Daddy let me have one drink a day.

[00:26:24.486 – 00:26:26.426] I mean, a great big deal or two.

[00:26:26.426 – 00:26:41.106] But he told me, he said, “Now, if you’ll go to those meetings,” he says, “I’ll give you two.” So,

[00:26:41.106 – 00:26:51.286] uh, so I, I ran in there and got on the phone, said, “Where’s the next meeting?” Uh, uh,

[00:26:51.286 – 00:27:01.226] I can remember going to my first meeting and, and, uh, they started handing out those chips to stay sober.

[00:27:01.226 – 00:27:05.646] I thought, “By God, this is, this is the damnedest thing I’ve ever heard of.

[00:27:05.646 – 00:27:16.326] How, how corny,” you know, “handing out chips to stay sober.” So I thought, “Well, I’ll take one.” They said, “No, you don’t need one yet.” Oh,

[00:27:16.326 – 00:27:26.466] so anyway, Da- Daddy was a little upset because of course I was hounding him night and day for more drinks and more liquor and doing everything I could to get the bootleggers.

[00:27:26.466 – 00:27:31.405] And hell, hiding in the grass down there trying to get the bootleggers to come, you know, throw the bottle to me.

[00:27:31.405 – 00:27:34.366] I had all kinds of schemes worked out.

[00:27:34.366 – 00:27:38.706] So anyway, Da- Daddy seen that we were getting nowhere.

[00:27:38.706 – 00:27:41.046] I wouldn’t go down there and let them shock it out of me.

[00:27:41.046 – 00:27:44.366] And, uh, so he, he went to the Red Cross.

[00:27:44.366 – 00:27:54.545] Had the Red Cross notify my husband in, uh, in his commanding officer in Okinawa that his wife was dying, and he needed to come home on emergency leave.

[00:27:54.545 – 00:27:57.006] So they sent him home on emergency leave.

[00:27:57.006 – 00:28:02.726] And I can remember at that time we had the, uh, flight service in, into Crossville.

[00:28:02.726 – 00:28:05.366] And so I, I can remember going out there to meet Jim.

[00:28:05.366 – 00:28:06.986] My keeper met me out there.

[00:28:06.986 – 00:28:17.446] And, uh, when Jim got off that plane and started walking up there, I, I looked at him and I couldn’t see, you know, this is my child’s father, you know, and

[00:28:17.446 – 00:28:19.066] mar- man I’ve been married to and I love.

[00:28:19.066 – 00:28:22.486] No, all I could see, he was like a big fifth of Jim Beam.

[00:28:22.486 – 00:28:30.866] He thought what they were, what Daddy was doing to me was terrible.

[00:28:30.866 – 00:28:37.926] Also, uh, Daddy wanted him to take me back down to my psychiatrist there.

[00:28:37.926 – 00:28:45.646] And if Jim could sign those papers, you know, so they could commit me, and they could give me the, the shock treatments, you know, if they shock it out of me.

[00:28:45.646 – 00:28:50.766] So anyway, we were going down there and we’d got so drunk before we left.

[00:28:50.766 – 00:28:53.066] Jim says, “Well, I’m too drunk to drive.

[00:28:53.066 – 00:28:59.606] You’re gonna have to drive.” So I managed to drive to this little town about, about 26 miles from Crossville, and I said, “Now I’m too drunk.

[00:28:59.606 – 00:29:02.946] You’re gonna have to drive.” And that was the last I remembered.

[00:29:02.946 – 00:29:06.126] I don’t know where we stayed, don’t know what we did.

[00:29:06.126 – 00:29:09.106] Uh, obviously, we didn’t go out and talk to my psychiatrist.

[00:29:09.106 – 00:29:19.106] I, I can remember coming to there a little bit and I thought, “Jim, we’re gonna have to get back because of that.” And so, uh, we did get back, and I came

[00:29:19.106 – 00:29:26.406] out of that blackout, and I was standing in the dining room at my daddy’s house, and Mattie was having a graduation party for her oldest son.

[00:29:26.406 – 00:29:31.986] And I was standing there by the table in, in the, uh, out in the yard.

[00:29:31.986 – 00:29:37.086] There were some beautiful peony plants, and she had those, and then made a, an arrangement for the table.

[00:29:37.086 – 00:29:42.446] And I was talking about how tacky it looked, you know, and how I could have done it so much better.

[00:29:42.446 – 00:29:46.326] I made a real head of the party.

[00:29:46.326 – 00:29:54.506] Don’t think I didn’t have a lot of amends to make to that poor woman.

[00:29:54.506 – 00:29:57.586] Well, anyway, we decided what we were gonna do.

[00:29:57.586 – 00:30:02.726] We, we were gonna take money out of savings and, um, pay for me to go on over to Okinawa.

[00:30:02.726 – 00:30:09.886] So, uh, how I ever got over to Okinawa I will never know with this little girl.

[00:30:09.886 – 00:30:11.446] I, I was so drunk.

[00:30:11.446 – 00:30:13.286] We had to stop in, in Tokyo.

[00:30:13.286 – 00:30:19.506] A- and I was so drunk I thought, “How will I, I get off this damn plane?” We had, we were gonna spend the night there in the hotel even.

[00:30:19.506 – 00:30:25.646] And I thought, “God, I can’t hardly walk.” So I got off and I, I grabbed this one boy and, and I said, uh…

[00:30:25.646 – 00:30:35.806] He says, “I speak English.” I said, “Oh, boy, good.” And he, he looked at me, says, “So you need wheelchair?” I

[00:30:35.806 – 00:30:45.876] thought, “Hell yes.” They, they, they grabbed my hand with that speech impediment and said, “Mama said, ‘That’s little Bess.

[00:30:45.876 – 00:30:50.026] That’s little Bess.'” So I staggered around the room.

[00:30:50.026 – 00:30:53.626] Anyway, I, I made it over to Okinawa.

[00:30:53.626 – 00:30:59.986] And, uh, what I became, uh…

[00:30:59.986 – 00:31:03.636] I guess it, it was about 10 months.

[00:31:03.636 – 00:31:05.606] We, it, I was there 10 or 11 months.

[00:31:05.606 – 00:31:10.126] I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s just hard to describe.

[00:31:10.126 – 00:31:13.866] Of course, it’s necessary for me to remember this.

[00:31:13.866 – 00:31:24.006] Uh, of course, when I got there and went to the liquor store the first time, I walked in and here was Hibby’s Gin,

[00:31:24.006 – 00:31:25.026] 85 cents.

[00:31:25.026 – 00:31:28.046] Uh, yeah.

[00:31:28.046 – 00:31:31.326] Crown Royal, a dollar and a quarter.

[00:31:31.326 – 00:31:39.246] I thought, “My God, I’ve died and gone to heaven.” I couldn’t load up enough to get out.

[00:31:39.246 – 00:31:43.886] Of course, it got, got to the point I got in such bad shape I couldn’t even get in and out of the liquor store.

[00:31:43.886 – 00:31:48.606] But I got to the point where I was, I was weighing, um, 90 pounds.

[00:31:48.606 – 00:31:54.662] Um- I was staggering around there.

[00:31:54.662 – 00:31:59.482] Uh, I, I had lost control of my bladder and urine was running down my legs.

[00:31:59.482 – 00:32:00.402] It looked like Dr.

[00:32:00.402 – 00:32:00.922] Pepper.

[00:32:00.922 – 00:32:11.262] Um, I looked in the mirror and, and of course I was just yellow as a gourd, and I thought, “God, I look just like Mother.” And,

[00:32:11.262 – 00:32:16.482] uh, you know, I, I, I, I got to the point where I couldn’t live and I, yet I couldn’t die.

[00:32:16.482 – 00:32:26.622] And, uh, Jim was going down to Taipei one weekend and, uh, leave me alone there with Beth and, and, and I was really afraid that I would die while he was gone

[00:32:26.622 – 00:32:28.682] and, and she would be there alone with me.

[00:32:28.682 – 00:32:35.482] So I decided I would go into the dispensary and see if they could give me something to settle my stomach so maybe I could eat something.

[00:32:35.482 – 00:32:38.242] Hell, I never ate, and if I did eat it, you know, I threw it up.

[00:32:38.242 – 00:32:48.382] So, uh, this woman that lived at the foot of the hill from us, uh, took

[00:32:48.382 – 00:32:49.142] me out there.

[00:32:49.142 – 00:32:59.181] And, uh, when I got out there, this military doctor, didn’t take him long to decide

[00:32:59.182 – 00:33:01.042] I needed to stay.

[00:33:01.042 – 00:33:05.702] He says, “How much you drunk?” I said, “That’s the dumbest question.

[00:33:05.702 – 00:33:10.922] You know it’s either, you know, two beers or a pint, pint, pint.” I said, “Well,” I said, “I’ve…

[00:33:10.922 – 00:33:12.482] I’m, I, I’m not sure,” you know?

[00:33:12.482 – 00:33:18.542] Anyway, he s- he told me I was, I was gonna have to stay.

[00:33:18.542 – 00:33:22.702] He says, “You’re an alcoholic.” God, I hated him.

[00:33:22.702 – 00:33:23.461] Mm.

[00:33:23.461 – 00:33:27.042] We walked out there in the waiting room and I…

[00:33:27.042 – 00:33:30.642] it seemed like he was on a, you know, one of these systems.

[00:33:30.642 – 00:33:40.822] He says, said to this woman who was with me, there’s little Beth, says, “She’s an alcoholic and, and we’re gonna have to hospitalize her.”

[00:33:40.822 – 00:33:47.512] Beth started crying and I thought, “Oh, I’m gonna kill that dear old Beth.” But anyway, they brought me in the hospital there.

[00:33:47.512 – 00:33:49.782] And I think maybe a little bit determination…

[00:33:49.782 – 00:33:52.542] My dislike for him turned into determination.

[00:33:52.542 – 00:33:57.622] But, um, they had decided they were gonna send me back to the United States.

[00:33:57.622 – 00:34:01.602] I had gotten well enough that I, I could get up in a wheelchair.

[00:34:01.602 – 00:34:11.842] Uh, th- this was my last experience with DTs, so, uh, I got my m- well, m- I got my records, medical records when we got out of the Air Force,

[00:34:11.842 – 00:34:14.822] and they were described as florid DTs.

[00:34:14.822 – 00:34:16.602] It must have been dandy.

[00:34:16.602 – 00:34:26.182] But I can remember laying there and they had this clock on the wall, and it was a cuckoo clock in the hospital.

[00:34:26.182 – 00:34:34.482] And I told them, I said, “That’s just the darnedest clock I ever saw.” And of course they, they agree with you when you’re like that.

[00:34:34.482 – 00:34:41.182] And all at once it, it would, it would cuckoo and, and instead of this bird coming out, Jim’s head came out.

[00:34:41.182 – 00:34:52.822] As

[00:34:52.822 – 00:34:54.522] I say, I, well, I should have died again.

[00:34:54.522 – 00:35:02.022] Uh, if I’d been Catholic, they would give me last rites, but, uh, uh, evidently God had some work for me to do.

[00:35:02.022 – 00:35:10.962] Uh, anyway, I got well enough that, that I could get up in a wheelchair and they could wheel me around in a wheelchair, and they were gonna send me back to the United States.

[00:35:10.962 – 00:35:17.162] And I said, “Well, I’m not going unless I can take my daughter, my little girl.” So Jim and, and Beth came out to see me.

[00:35:17.162 – 00:35:21.002] This was on a Saturday, and, uh, we were supposed to be leaving on Monday.

[00:35:21.002 – 00:35:23.102] And, uh, we’d had a good time talking.

[00:35:23.102 – 00:35:25.382] They wheeled me around and got me a milkshake.

[00:35:25.382 – 00:35:26.522] I could drink a milkshake.

[00:35:26.522 – 00:35:35.422] And, uh, so when they left, they said, “We’ll be back tomorrow.” So Sunday came, and I waited all day long, and they didn’t come.

[00:35:35.422 – 00:35:44.802] And so late that afternoon, two women and Beth came into my room there.

[00:35:44.802 – 00:35:46.942] And I said, “What are you doing, Beth?

[00:35:46.942 – 00:35:49.262] I didn’t think you could bring children back here,” you know.

[00:35:49.262 – 00:36:00.302] And they said, uh, they said, “Bobby, we brought, brought Beth to come here to plead with you to try to save yourself.” Uh, evidently, uh,

[00:36:00.302 – 00:36:05.622] Jim had stopped on the way home, and he’d really gotten drunk, bad drunk, had a wreck.

[00:36:05.622 – 00:36:10.681] And, uh, uh, I think that AP had to take him home.

[00:36:10.681 – 00:36:18.542] And, and, uh, of course Beth had g- gotten up that morning and, and, uh, Jim was, Jim was really in bad shape then too.

[00:36:18.542 – 00:36:20.801] Uh, not as bad physically as me.

[00:36:20.801 – 00:36:24.602] And, uh, she had put on her red velveteen Christmas dress.

[00:36:24.602 – 00:36:28.862] And this was in, it was in, uh, May or it was in March.

[00:36:28.862 – 00:36:31.662] And, and it was pretty warm then in Okinawa.

[00:36:31.662 – 00:36:35.022] And she put on white leotards and white shoes.

[00:36:35.022 – 00:36:45.222] And, uh, anyway, she went down to the foot of the hill to the woman who took me to, uh, to, to the hospital to begin with

[00:36:45.222 – 00:36:47.722] and, and asked if she could have some breakfast.

[00:36:47.722 – 00:36:48.562] She was hungry.

[00:36:48.562 – 00:36:51.182] So, uh, they were…

[00:36:51.182 – 00:37:00.322] they explained all this to me and, and, uh, I looked at that little girl and, and, uh, she, she had white hair, white hair.

[00:37:00.322 – 00:37:03.642] And of course it was uncombed.

[00:37:03.642 – 00:37:10.442] It was real long and uncombed, and her face was dirty and, uh, and you could see where she’d been crying.

[00:37:10.442 – 00:37:14.902] And, uh, she had mud all over those white leotards, that old red clay over there.

[00:37:14.902 – 00:37:26.342] And her eyes, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll never forget her eyes, that, you know, wanting

[00:37:26.342 – 00:37:28.882] a mother and some security so bad.

[00:37:28.882 – 00:37:36.762] And I think then I cried out to a God I did not understand for help.

[00:37:36.762 – 00:37:40.002] And you know He works real slow.

[00:37:40.002 – 00:37:43.361] But I think that’s when the miracles began.

[00:37:43.361 – 00:37:50.542] They told me, uh, said, uh, “You’re not gonna be able to, to go back with Beth,” you know.

[00:37:50.542 – 00:37:57.102] And I said, “What?” And, and I managed to get up and walk to the phone and I called Jim’s commanding officer.

[00:37:57.102 – 00:38:07.140] And, uh, he said, “Bobby, honey,” he says, “you’re not able to take care of yourself, so there’s no way you can take care of Beth.” He said, “But I promise you, when you’re well enough, I’ll send

[00:38:07.140 – 00:38:16.350] her to you.” But he says, “I’ll make sure that Jim’s there to to go back with you, though.” That’s what I needed.

[00:38:16.350 – 00:38:21.270] Poor old thing, he had to sober up enough to get on that plane.

[00:38:21.270 – 00:38:28.290] But anyway, they flew me back from, from Okinawa with wounding, or w- from the wounding and dying from Vietnam.

[00:38:28.290 – 00:38:31.070] I was in a hospital out in California.

[00:38:31.070 – 00:38:36.270] That’s when they gave me those inkblots to look at, you know, and all that crap.

[00:38:36.270 – 00:38:41.850] And of course, AA was never mentioned, never mentioned at all.

[00:38:41.850 – 00:38:45.730] In fact, um, Ralph told…

[00:38:45.730 – 00:38:51.370] A- and here’s where I found out about it, and they had called out there to see about AA, someone that couldn’t come talk to me.

[00:38:51.370 – 00:38:54.450] And, uh, God, I’m running out of time.

[00:38:54.450 – 00:39:03.690] Uh, so anyway, uh, they told me I was going home to, uh, be with my family and my friends if they still love me.

[00:39:03.690 – 00:39:07.550] And they sent me home, and I was supposed to go to, into a walk-in psychiatric clinic.

[00:39:07.550 – 00:39:10.470] And, uh, of course, I didn’t make that.

[00:39:10.470 – 00:39:11.830] I got drunk again.

[00:39:11.830 – 00:39:21.900] But anyway, all this time, Ralph and, and, uh, and Jim Carson had been talking to Daddy to send me over to Jamestown, or to send me down to this place in Georgia where a doctor and his wife were

[00:39:21.900 – 00:39:23.230] treating people down there.

[00:39:23.230 – 00:39:30.550] Or there was a doctor over at Jamestown who had gone down there to them, and he was treating people over in the Jamestown Hospital.

[00:39:30.550 – 00:39:38.370] So Daddy took me over to Jamestown, and I can remember going over there that I, I, I had lost everything I love.

[00:39:38.370 – 00:39:45.270] I c- felt completely, you know, no hope or just nothing, devoid of any emotions.

[00:39:45.270 – 00:39:46.710] And when I got over there, Dr.

[00:39:46.710 – 00:39:53.110] Jack talked to me, and he told me about himself, what had happened, what he was like now.

[00:39:53.110 – 00:39:58.950] And for the first time, I felt some hope that I might be able to live sober and be happy, too.

[00:39:58.950 – 00:40:07.430] And I stayed in the hospital there for, for three weeks, and, uh, when I got out, I, I started going to AA.

[00:40:07.430 – 00:40:12.670] And, uh, poor old Jim, they, they finally sent him home with Beth.

[00:40:12.670 – 00:40:21.690] And I thought, “Boy, if there’s anybody needs this program worse than me, it’s Jim.” So he didn’t want to go to Jamestown, though.

[00:40:21.690 – 00:40:23.250] He thought AA was fine.

[00:40:23.250 – 00:40:27.110] It was one for those that need it, but hell, he didn’t need that.

[00:40:27.110 – 00:40:34.350] Then we got real drunk and real sick a- and, and, and ran out of liquor, and I happened to have had a pint hidden all that time.

[00:40:34.350 – 00:40:38.170] So I, I told him that I’d give him a drink if he’d go to Jamestown.

[00:40:38.170 – 00:40:40.430] So he said, yeah, he’d go.

[00:40:40.430 – 00:40:47.110] So I took him over to Jamestown, and I thought, “Boy, he’s gonna love Jack, and he’s gonna love AA.

[00:40:47.110 – 00:40:51.850] We’re gonna live happily ever after.” He hated Jack.

[00:40:51.850 – 00:40:57.830] He hated AA, and got him a taxi to bring him home all the way from Jamestown to Crossville.

[00:40:57.830 – 00:41:03.459] Well, he was sent over to North Carolina, a- and, uh, I went over there to live with him.

[00:41:03.459 – 00:41:09.030] I’d, I’d been sober s- six months, and, uh, he was going into the final stages of alcoholism.

[00:41:09.030 – 00:41:15.770] And needless to say, after I got over there, uh, I, I, I couldn’t, I couldn’t live with a practicing alcoholic and stay sober.

[00:41:15.770 – 00:41:18.590] Uh, no way.

[00:41:18.590 – 00:41:26.690] Uh, I got drunk again, again, and I went to another one of those insane asylums.

[00:41:26.690 – 00:41:32.910] At that one, they treated me as if I had a, a shortage of liver in my system.

[00:41:32.910 – 00:41:41.350] And they were giving me 50 milligrams of liver every four hours, and I was just, you know, chugging around then not knowing who I was.

[00:41:41.350 – 00:41:48.790] They sent me home with this humongous bottle and two, two typewritten pages telling me how to take this stuff and sort of withdraw myself.

[00:41:48.790 – 00:41:50.590] Well, I couldn’t even read the paper.

[00:41:50.590 – 00:42:02.390] And so I, you know, took them till I ran out, and I threw the bottle away, and I said, “Shoot, I’m gonna drink anyway.” So, uh, finally,

[00:42:02.390 – 00:42:06.850] I, I, um, I did take, take my last drink.

[00:42:06.850 – 00:42:10.990] Uh, Jimmy had gotten out of the Air Force and, and, uh, and, uh…

[00:42:10.990 – 00:42:12.470] I mean, I, I had had it.

[00:42:12.470 – 00:42:13.510] I had had it.

[00:42:13.510 – 00:42:17.210] I, I was, I was willing to go to any length.

[00:42:17.210 – 00:42:18.590] And I went back over to Dr.

[00:42:18.590 – 00:42:21.190] Jack again, and I pray that’s for the last time.

[00:42:21.190 – 00:42:23.310] That was in June of 1971.

[00:42:23.310 – 00:42:28.450] And, um, uh, sobered me up and got out of the…

[00:42:28.450 – 00:42:29.720] you know what I mean?

[00:42:29.720 – 00:42:33.990] So I was living with my mother, or my daddy, and he was living with his mother.

[00:42:33.990 – 00:42:36.850] They were j- a short distance apart.

[00:42:36.850 – 00:42:43.910] And anyway, he, uh, he got drunk and fell and broke his arm, no, broke his leg again.

[00:42:43.910 – 00:42:50.050] He, he had broken it once, and he re-broke it again, and got him in the hospital and sobered him up anyway.

[00:42:50.050 – 00:42:54.410] And so we decided that we’d try to live together and, and, uh, so we got…

[00:42:54.410 – 00:42:55.910] m- moved their furniture back in.

[00:42:55.910 – 00:42:57.090] Then we were in AA.

[00:42:57.090 – 00:42:58.870] Everything’s going real good.

[00:42:58.870 – 00:43:05.650] And, uh, uh, this terrible bug was going around, and you just coughed yourself to death with it.

[00:43:05.650 – 00:43:08.590] This was when NyQuil first came out.

[00:43:08.590 – 00:43:11.270] And of course, I didn’t…

[00:43:11.270 – 00:43:13.090] I, I’d, I hadn’t been sober very long.

[00:43:13.090 – 00:43:17.530] I didn’t have no sense to know that you could stay pretty well lit with stuff you could get over the counter.

[00:43:17.530 – 00:43:24.069] But anyway, uh, Beth had this bad cough, and I thought, “Well, I’ll get her some of this new stuff.” So I got her some NyQuil.

[00:43:24.069 – 00:43:26.850] Well, Jim and I got the cough, too.

[00:43:26.850 – 00:43:30.130] So, uh, I, I looked at it.

[00:43:30.130 – 00:43:36.470] We were, we were getting ready to take some, and I said, “Golly.” I said, “This stuff’s 25% alcohol.

[00:43:36.470 – 00:43:46.470] That’s 50 proof.” I said, “We can’t take this stuff, Jim.” He said, “Bob, God Almighty, as much as we drink, you think a little bit

[00:43:46.470 – 00:43:48.670] of that’s hurt us?” And he just took in a big gulp.

[00:43:48.670 – 00:43:53.090] I, I, I took me a gulp, too.

[00:43:53.090 – 00:43:54.610] Oh, I didn’t take any more.

[00:43:54.610 – 00:43:55.140] I went to Dr.

[00:43:55.140 – 00:43:57.110] Joe, and he gave me some medicine.

[00:43:57.110 – 00:44:05.866] But anyway, uh- Jim would go in there at night, and he would, uh, turn the electric blanket on, and he had this awful odor, this mediciney odor.

[00:44:05.866 – 00:44:09.046] And I began to look at him, and his lips were green.

[00:44:09.046 – 00:44:13.386] A-and his tongue was green.

[00:44:13.386 – 00:44:16.866] His teeth were green.

[00:44:16.866 – 00:44:27.026] And, he came in one night, and he poured him, you know, one of those little bottles, and went in there and sat down to read the paper,

[00:44:27.026 – 00:44:28.626] and had his little drink there by him.

[00:44:28.626 – 00:44:31.066] He was sipping on it.

[00:44:31.066 – 00:44:33.306] And they said…

[00:44:33.306 – 00:44:34.626] They started crying.

[00:44:34.626 – 00:44:44.706] Bess says, “Mama, he’s, he’s drinking that like he drank liquor.” And I went over and I said, “Jim, don’t you think you might be abusing this NyQuil a little bit?” He said, “Oh,

[00:44:44.706 – 00:44:45.786] for God’s sakes.

[00:44:45.786 – 00:44:56.166] This stuff has helped me so much.” He, he, he coughed, and he says, “Here, it, it loosens all that old stuff up.” And he said, “And I can sleep so good.” And I went, “Uh…”

[00:44:56.166 – 00:45:04.966] Re-remember, we deal with alcohol.

[00:45:04.966 – 00:45:07.486] Cunning, baffling, and powerful.

[00:45:07.486 – 00:45:10.146] So it wasn’t long till he was dead drunk.

[00:45:10.146 – 00:45:19.826] And, uh, so he went to the boys in AA, uh, told me, “Keep him drunk, and we’ll get, we’ll get him down to Cumberland Heights,” which was in Nashville.

[00:45:19.826 – 00:45:20.386] Well, we did.

[00:45:20.386 – 00:45:24.606] We got him down there, and sobered him up, and, and he came back.

[00:45:24.606 – 00:45:30.406] And, uh, I was beginning to have, um, a lot of physical problems.

[00:45:30.406 – 00:45:37.406] And, uh, vomiting in the morning, a lot of stuff like that.

[00:45:37.406 – 00:45:39.666] Uh, uh, signs of pregnancy.

[00:45:39.666 – 00:45:48.966] And, uh, I thought, “God, I couldn’t be pregnant.” You know, I thought I was, what, 38, 37, I think.

[00:45:48.966 – 00:45:53.906] And, uh, so it just kept getting worse and worse.

[00:45:53.906 – 00:45:57.866] And, and Jim says, “Well, I’m gonna take you over to Dr.

[00:45:57.866 – 00:45:58.276] Jackson’s.

[00:45:58.276 – 00:46:06.586] He knows you physically better than anyone.” Of course, when I’d left Jamestown, Jack told me my liver wasn’t even fit for fish bait, but I’ve since told everybody that.

[00:46:06.586 – 00:46:10.646] But anyway, took me over there.

[00:46:10.646 – 00:46:13.246] What I thought I had, I thought I had cancer.

[00:46:13.246 – 00:46:20.006] I thought, “I’ve got a damn tumor, and I have sobered up to die with cancer.” So I got over there and told Jack I had this tumor.

[00:46:20.006 – 00:46:22.106] And so anyway, he examined me.

[00:46:22.106 – 00:46:32.865] He said, “Yes, honey, you do have a tumor, a nine-month tumor.” Of course, he did liver function tests to see even if I, my liver

[00:46:32.866 – 00:46:34.926] improved enough that I could even make it through pregnancy.

[00:46:34.926 – 00:46:45.096] And he told me, he says, “Well, I don’t know what you’re doing.” He said, “But keep doing it.” He said, “Your liver’s functioning fine.” So my tumor is a, a 21-year-old young man these

[00:46:45.096 – 00:46:45.506] days.

[00:46:45.506 – 00:46:50.266] Uh, Steve, Steve was raised in AA.

[00:46:50.266 – 00:46:52.166] He thought his name was Steve K.

[00:46:52.166 – 00:46:53.546] for so long he…

[00:46:53.546 – 00:47:00.046] When, when he went to school, he didn’t realize he had the other, another name.

[00:47:00.046 – 00:47:02.106] But, uh…

[00:47:02.106 – 00:47:12.286] A little over three years ago, right before his 18th birthday, we took him

[00:47:12.286 – 00:47:15.106] for treatment for alcoholism and drug addiction.

[00:47:15.106 – 00:47:19.186] I, I was never so devastated in all my life.

[00:47:19.186 – 00:47:22.866] And, uh, I had started working as a counselor in the field.

[00:47:22.866 – 00:47:27.646] Of course, I was trained to see signs and symptoms, but you know what this disease does to families.

[00:47:27.646 – 00:47:29.626] I, I mean, I couldn’t see it in my own child.

[00:47:29.626 – 00:47:31.766] I could not see it in him.

[00:47:31.766 – 00:47:37.806] I’d found marijuana, I’d found liquor, and I thought, “Well, nah, that’s, he’s done tried.

[00:47:37.806 – 00:47:42.646] All these kids do.” He was running around with a bunch of kids that one of them had been to treatment.

[00:47:42.646 – 00:47:45.066] You know, all the signs were there.

[00:47:45.066 – 00:47:49.006] So anyway, he had to ask me for help.

[00:47:49.006 – 00:47:53.106] And then I had to try to convince his daddy that he needed help.

[00:47:53.106 – 00:47:58.226] And, uh, then I, uh, I had to convince Jim we had to go to Family Week.

[00:47:58.226 – 00:47:59.986] Well, he didn’t need to go to Family Week.

[00:47:59.986 – 00:48:01.486] Why, God, he’d been in Al-Anon.

[00:48:01.486 – 00:48:04.646] He, in fact, he went to Al-Anon, I’d say, for three, three or four years, I think.

[00:48:04.646 – 00:48:09.046] Uh, he knew all that, and blah, blah, blah, and knew everything, in fact.

[00:48:09.046 – 00:48:09.606] And, uh…

[00:48:09.606 – 00:48:16.946] So, so I had to call this friend of ours who he, he really valued her opinion and everything.

[00:48:16.946 – 00:48:22.686] She told us, said, “Get your ass down there.” Well, we did, and of course, it was wonderful.

[00:48:22.686 – 00:48:24.386] And, uh, uh, when…

[00:48:24.386 – 00:48:34.486] Uh, the first day, Steve had to read his drug list to us, and I thought, “Well, he’s drinking a little booze, a beer mostly probably, and smoking a little dope.” He started reading that drug list, and he hadn’t

[00:48:34.486 – 00:48:35.605] missed a thing.

[00:48:35.605 – 00:48:38.666] Even, even those mushrooms, those psychedelic things.

[00:48:38.666 – 00:48:40.656] He, he, he’d had everything.

[00:48:40.656 – 00:48:50.746] I was sitting there, and I thought, I saw these big black splotches, and I thought, “Well, I’m gonna, I’m gonna faint for sure.” But, uh, he has been

[00:48:50.746 – 00:48:52.046] sober and clean since then.

[00:48:52.046 – 00:48:59.006] And it, it has, it, it has been beautiful to see God work through his life, to see him grow up.

[00:48:59.006 – 00:49:01.466] He, he was failing everything in high school.

[00:49:01.466 – 00:49:03.046] He had to repeat his senior year.

[00:49:03.046 – 00:49:06.266] Uh, a- a- after he sobered up, he was on the honor roll.

[00:49:06.266 – 00:49:10.166] He is going to college now, working with my husband.

[00:49:10.166 – 00:49:14.006] Uh, and they do appraisals, real estate appraisals.

[00:49:14.006 – 00:49:16.366] And, uh, he’s on the dean’s list.

[00:49:16.366 – 00:49:19.746] And, uh, it’s, it’s just, you know, it’s just unbelievable.

[00:49:19.746 – 00:49:25.206] And, you know, I’d always wanted a son I, I thought so I’d have somebody to dance with ’cause he wouldn’t ever dance.

[00:49:25.206 – 00:49:29.946] But now I have a son that, that we can go to AA meetings together, and it’s real cool.

[00:49:29.946 – 00:49:33.266] Um, our daughter is, uh…

[00:49:33.266 – 00:49:40.246] In fact, she is so well-adjusted that I can’t believe she’s ours.

[00:49:40.246 – 00:49:44.306] Must, must have been those, all those sober years.

[00:49:44.306 – 00:49:48.626] Uh, she, uh, she has two little daughters, two little girls.

[00:49:48.626 – 00:49:52.166] Uh, and, uh, there ain’t nothing like being a grandmother, I found out.

[00:49:52.166 – 00:49:53.146] It’s the best.

[00:49:53.146 – 00:49:55.026] That, that makes growing old worthwhile.

[00:49:55.026 – 00:50:03.126] Um, e- e- this, AA has given me so much, so much.

[00:50:03.126 – 00:50:09.006] There’s no way I co- I could, you know, even begin to repay what it’s given to me.

[00:50:09.006 – 00:50:18.706] Um, like I say, I, I, I work as a counselor now, uh, with adults, and I, I enjoy it a great deal.

[00:50:18.706 – 00:50:23.366] Um, I’m doing what I feel God wants me to do.

[00:50:23.366 – 00:50:25.426] I’m not making any money, that’s for sure.

[00:50:25.426 – 00:50:28.706] But, but I, I love doing that.

[00:50:28.706 – 00:50:35.506] Um, and, uh, and Jim and I, like I said, we’ve been married almost 39 years.

[00:50:35.506 – 00:50:39.906] He, uh, he can’t go to meetings anymore because he has emphysema so bad.

[00:50:39.906 – 00:50:45.366] And, and w- and we have smoke in, at home and at JRA meetings, and you can hardly breathe in there.

[00:50:45.366 – 00:50:51.906] Um, it’s, uh, been a beautiful way of life.

[00:50:51.906 – 00:50:55.046] It’s a beautiful way of life.

[00:50:55.046 – 00:50:57.846] And I’ve, I’ve, I thank you for that.

[00:50:57.846 – 00:51:06.446] I thank you for loving me when no one else did, and for, for helping me to learn to love myself so I could love you.

[00:51:06.446 – 00:51:08.186] Thank you very much.

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