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[00:00:00.080 – 00:00:00.400] Morning.

[00:00:00.400 – 00:00:04.399] My name’s Al, and I’m powerless over alcohol.

[00:00:04.399 – 00:00:05.889] Hi, Al.

[00:00:05.889 – 00:00:08.060] Am I coming loud enough, or can you hear all right?

[00:00:08.060 – 00:00:09.150] Yes.

[00:00:09.150 – 00:00:09.660] Okay.

[00:00:09.660 – 00:00:14.720] I was loud when I drank, so I like to be loud now that I have something maybe decent to say, you know?

[00:00:14.720 – 00:00:22.059] I look at all the love in this room, and I look around, and no matter where I go at an AA meeting, you see an awful lot of love.

[00:00:22.059 – 00:00:26.300] And my favorite little poem tells all that in one little short term.

[00:00:26.300 – 00:00:33.520] It says, “True love.” It says, “True love from a maid may never fade, nor the love of a staunch true man.

[00:00:33.520 – 00:00:39.740] The love of a beautiful newborn babe has existed since time began.

[00:00:39.740 – 00:00:49.740] But the greatest love, the love of all loves, even greater than that of a mother, is the tender, infinite, passionate love of one drunken

[00:00:49.740 – 00:00:53.479] bum for another.” Hey.

[00:00:53.479 – 00:00:54.799] Usually, that tells a story.

[00:00:54.799 – 00:01:04.959] If you see in Bill Wilson’s, uh, you know, when they had it on TV, uh, his story, and then they were in Akron, they were in the alley, and one drunken bum

[00:01:04.959 – 00:01:07.120] was trying to give the other one a little of his drink.

[00:01:07.120 – 00:01:08.560] Even then, we shared.

[00:01:08.560 – 00:01:13.019] It’s amazing, you know, the closeness that alcoholics have to each other.

[00:01:13.019 – 00:01:15.099] I’m sitting up here.

[00:01:15.099 – 00:01:16.700] I hope I don’t fall off the stool.

[00:01:16.700 – 00:01:19.939] I, uh, I’m a lazy alcoholic.

[00:01:19.939 – 00:01:24.540] I like to take it, and I do have a little outline because I get carried away, and I forget where I’m at.

[00:01:24.540 – 00:01:26.079] My memory slips.

[00:01:26.079 – 00:01:34.579] I hope my voice don’t go down now because I’ve had two operations on my throat, and, uh, we’ll just play it all by ear and see what happens.

[00:01:34.579 – 00:01:39.780] Uh, I’m looking around today, and I see a lot of people that I know.

[00:01:39.780 – 00:01:49.900] This is my 39th Christmas sober, and I only say that for one reason, that there

[00:01:49.900 – 00:01:54.780] are a lot of people, even here, staying sober for long periods of time, one day at a time.

[00:01:54.780 – 00:01:59.219] So for the new person, they know that it can be done one day at a time.

[00:01:59.219 – 00:02:02.599] There are people here with more time than me, and I feel great about that.

[00:02:02.599 – 00:02:05.900] I don’t like being the oldest and that’s great.

[00:02:05.900 – 00:02:09.038] I see Walt out there and Walter here, and that’s fine.

[00:02:09.038 – 00:02:12.120] And, uh, congratulations to birthday people.

[00:02:12.120 – 00:02:17.240] And I want to congratulate my, uh, buddy, Walter B., who’s got his naval birthday today.

[00:02:17.240 – 00:02:18.479] Yeah.

[00:02:18.479 – 00:02:19.210] Yeah.

[00:02:19.210 – 00:02:26.219] You know, John’s got 18 years on the program, and you reverse that, you got Walter’s birthday.

[00:02:26.219 – 00:02:30.080] And I think that’s great.

[00:02:30.080 – 00:02:33.840] I think it’s marvelous that we’re here and that we’re sober and we’re going along.

[00:02:33.840 – 00:02:35.360] I do, uh…

[00:02:35.360 – 00:02:39.479] it’s just too bad you people couldn’t have heard me when I had three years because I was good.

[00:02:39.479 – 00:02:47.259] You know, I could’ve, I could’ve straightened you guys out in, you know, in a few minutes, and they let me, and, uh, it was okay.

[00:02:47.259 – 00:02:53.500] But, you know, the longer I’m around, the less I seem to know, and the simpler I’ve got to keep this thing.

[00:02:53.500 – 00:02:55.360] And I realize that today.

[00:02:55.360 – 00:02:58.960] All I’ll be doing today is to share my experience with you.

[00:02:58.960 – 00:03:05.259] I’ll be sharing what the program is to me today, because it’s only a now program.

[00:03:05.259 – 00:03:08.219] It’s not what I’ve had or what I think I’m going to have.

[00:03:08.219 – 00:03:14.280] So what I say today, I don’t always know, because I don’t know exactly how I feel till it comes out.

[00:03:14.280 – 00:03:20.139] I turn it over to the higher power, and I ask for help, so if you don’t like the talk, you know who to hell to blame.

[00:03:20.139 – 00:03:21.400] I mean, you know.

[00:03:21.400 – 00:03:23.800] But, uh, there are three kind of talks.

[00:03:23.800 – 00:03:31.180] You know, there’s the one you prepare, then there’s the one you give, then there’s the one you, one you wish you’d given on the way home.

[00:03:31.180 – 00:03:34.680] Elga Brown used to make that statement in Chicago.

[00:03:34.680 – 00:03:36.479] That was his favorite statement, you know.

[00:03:36.479 – 00:03:40.959] He said, “So don’t worry about what you say when you talk because it isn’t that important.

[00:03:40.959 – 00:03:47.719] What’s important is you’re up here doing what you’re supposed to do, and if one thing helps one person, that’s great.

[00:03:47.719 – 00:03:50.860] If not, it keeps me sober.” And that’s what it’s all about.

[00:03:50.860 – 00:03:54.620] I was like the drunk that was on the one-way street when I came in.

[00:03:54.620 – 00:03:58.699] You know, I didn’t know whether I was leaving town or coming in.

[00:03:58.699 – 00:04:00.120] You know?

[00:04:00.120 – 00:04:10.520] I was dri– like the drunk that’s driving down the one-way street the wrong way, and the police officer pulls him over and says, “Where the hell you think you’re going?” He says, “I don’t know, but I must be awful late because everybody’s

[00:04:10.520 – 00:04:13.360] coming back.” Now, that was me.

[00:04:13.360 – 00:04:17.480] That was the way my life was, and that was the way I lived it.

[00:04:17.480 – 00:04:22.579] I really didn’t know what was up in the end of my drinking escapade.

[00:04:22.579 – 00:04:24.879] I wasn’t too sure even who the hell I was.

[00:04:24.879 – 00:04:28.259] And I know I went along, and I, I did the best I could.

[00:04:28.259 – 00:04:29.319] It was terrible.

[00:04:29.319 – 00:04:31.680] I don’t have a fear of alcohol today.

[00:04:31.680 – 00:04:33.620] You see, I have a great respect for it.

[00:04:33.620 – 00:04:38.740] I know exactly what it will do to me, and there’s a big difference.

[00:04:38.740 – 00:04:40.538] Having a fear ain’t going to keep me sober.

[00:04:40.538 – 00:04:42.500] But it’s the aftermath.

[00:04:42.500 – 00:04:45.100] I don’t believe I could sober up again.

[00:04:45.100 – 00:04:47.740] I don’t believe I would make it again.

[00:04:47.740 – 00:04:52.300] So therefore, I hope I can stay here one day at a time.

[00:04:52.300 – 00:05:02.980] You know, if there’s anyone new, like this girl that’s got 30 days or whatever she’s got, I, uh, I always like to say this because I think it’s important.

[00:05:02.980 – 00:05:09.980] It isn’t how much you drank, it isn’t how long you drank, and it isn’t what you drank.

[00:05:09.980 – 00:05:12.720] It’s how it affects you as an individual.

[00:05:12.720 – 00:05:14.860] I owned two bars.

[00:05:14.860 – 00:05:16.540] I’ve seen this day and night.

[00:05:16.540 – 00:05:22.959] I’ve seen people come in, drink two bottles of beer, get just as peony to somebody drinking shots and beer all day.

[00:05:22.959 – 00:05:26.180] So don’t try to compare your drinking.

[00:05:26.180 – 00:05:29.879] It’s how it affects each one of us, and we’ve got to remember that.

[00:05:29.879 – 00:05:31.240] There is no comparison.

[00:05:31.240 – 00:05:32.939] We are all individuals.

[00:05:32.939 – 00:05:34.819] That’s why it’s an individual program.

[00:05:34.819 – 00:05:39.139] We apply the steps as we understand them, and we apply them.

[00:05:39.139 – 00:05:49.379] But one nice thing about being in AA that I love, I have the right to change my mind, which I never had before, because if I said anything

[00:05:49.379 – 00:05:50.800] before, that was it.

[00:05:50.800 – 00:05:52.920] I died even if I was wrong.

[00:05:52.920 – 00:05:55.439] Because you see, I never wanted to be wrong.

[00:05:55.439 – 00:05:56.519] I was Mr.

[00:05:56.519 – 00:05:57.100] Right.

[00:05:57.100 – 00:06:03.189] Now, I don’t know if you people understand that, but that’s the way my life was, and I come in with that kind of an attitude.

[00:06:03.189 – 00:06:09.500] You know, I, uh, we talk about the Easy Does It, and I keep saying this because I enjoy it.

[00:06:09.500 – 00:06:13.918] Uh, you know, we have– some people have it on the back of their cars, and that’s fine.

[00:06:13.918 – 00:06:15.120] I’m not against it.

[00:06:15.120 – 00:06:17.759] I used to have one on the back of my car, a big one.

[00:06:17.759 – 00:06:27.879] Put a new one on one day, and the wife says, “Oh, you put a new sign on, huh?” I says, “Yeah.” She said, uh, “What are you, bragging you’re sober?” I says, “No.” She goes, “What do you got

[00:06:27.879 – 00:06:30.439] the sign in the car for then?” I said, “I don’t know.

[00:06:30.439 – 00:06:31.560] Probably, whatever.

[00:06:31.560 – 00:06:37.480] Let people know, I guess.” She says, “I thought you weren’t supposed to tell other people what to do.” I says, “Well, no.

[00:06:37.480 – 00:06:37.660] Why?

[00:06:37.660 – 00:06:41.459] What are you getting at?” She says, “Why don’t you put the sign on the inside the car?

[00:06:41.459 – 00:06:50.048] That’s the idiot that needs it.” You ever see these people drive their cars with the Easy Does It on back, cutting people off, running around?

[00:06:50.048 – 00:06:53.139] Jesus, don’t put it on if you’re gonna do that.

[00:06:53.139 – 00:06:54.259] Follow directions.

[00:06:54.259 – 00:06:56.079] And I gotta remember that.

[00:06:56.079 – 00:06:58.939] Now, all my boys in Chicago, they got one on the inside, too.

[00:06:58.939 – 00:07:02.399] And I think it’s important because I’m the guy that needs it.

[00:07:02.399 – 00:07:07.959] Much as this program works, as much as this program does for me, it’s one thing that it’s never overcome.

[00:07:07.959 – 00:07:13.319] It’s when I get behind that wheel and I get on the road, I’m all right for I don’t know how long.

[00:07:13.319 – 00:07:15.379] And you know what happens.

[00:07:15.379 – 00:07:20.839] There are people out there, I still say, and I shouldn’t say it, I still think they shouldn’t be driving.

[00:07:20.839 – 00:07:22.399] They’re, they’re, some of them are wild.

[00:07:22.399 – 00:07:23.300] They’re just crazy.

[00:07:23.300 – 00:07:29.620] They, they, they don’t know what evidently they’re doing, and then I lose my cool, and, uh, so I have a hard time with that.

[00:07:29.620 – 00:07:31.600] My story is no different.

[00:07:31.600 – 00:07:32.759] It’s just a drinking story.

[00:07:32.759 – 00:07:35.220] But in Chicago, we have the CIA.

[00:07:35.220 – 00:07:38.139] That’s the Catholic Irish Alcoholics.

[00:07:38.139 – 00:07:42.019] Those are the people that don’t know how to drink, you see.

[00:07:42.019 – 00:07:45.459] I’m Norwegian Lutheran alcoholic, and you know the bottle didn’t know that.

[00:07:45.459 – 00:07:50.279] You see, the bottle don’t give a damn who drinks it.

[00:07:50.279 – 00:07:52.259] I got as goofy as they did.

[00:07:52.259 – 00:07:54.139] I got as screwed up as they did.

[00:07:54.139 – 00:08:03.480] So what I’m trying to tell you, you know, don’t think because we are a certain type of person that it matters, since the bottle doesn’t know it.

[00:08:03.480 – 00:08:05.740] When we drink, we’re done.

[00:08:05.740 – 00:08:09.740] At least I’m done, and therefore, you must always remember that.

[00:08:09.740 – 00:08:18.360] My home life had a lot of drinking in it, and I only mention that for one reason, not to discourage or disgrace anyone.

[00:08:18.360 – 00:08:22.300] I mention that because I even made home brew, and I remember how rotten it tastes.

[00:08:22.300 – 00:08:23.759] You know, we had wine we made.

[00:08:23.759 – 00:08:24.459] I remember that.

[00:08:24.459 – 00:08:25.620] Geez, that stuff’s horrible.

[00:08:25.620 – 00:08:27.839] They’d cut alcohol and put coloring in it.

[00:08:27.839 – 00:08:35.740] You know, I said, “Geez, that’s horrible.” Then I’d watch these guys, their family and that, and they’d get in fights, and they’d swear at each other, and they said they’re having a good time.

[00:08:35.740 – 00:08:38.460] And, uh, but these people never stayed drunk.

[00:08:38.460 – 00:08:40.600] They’d go to work, you know?

[00:08:40.600 – 00:08:45.399] But I seen all the heartaches, and I remember the kids saying, “Here comes your drunken dad home,” and all this kind of stuff.

[00:08:45.399 – 00:08:51.820] So I possibly shouldn’t have drank ’cause I said, “I’m never gonna get that way.” I’m sure a lot of people have had it.

[00:08:51.820 – 00:08:53.350] Now, my folks weren’t alcoholics.

[00:08:53.350 – 00:08:58.820] They, when they drank, their problem with them, they never felt bad, never were sorry, never were ashamed.

[00:08:58.820 – 00:09:04.559] So when I started drinking and I got in the turmoil of where I had to run to bed and so forth, I couldn’t understand.

[00:09:04.559 – 00:09:14.639] I remember my dad telling me, he says, “My God, you drink more at night while you’re sleeping than I drink during the day.” You know, that’s the condition I had gotten into,

[00:09:14.639 – 00:09:15.759] and it was pretty sad.

[00:09:15.759 – 00:09:17.419] But let’s go back.

[00:09:17.419 – 00:09:20.080] In nineteen forty-six, I went into business again.

[00:09:20.080 – 00:09:22.600] I had been in business before, different kinds.

[00:09:22.600 – 00:09:31.500] But after the World War, the business you should go into then when you’re a potential alcoholic is to open a cocktail lounge or a saloon or whatever, and that’s what I did.

[00:09:31.500 – 00:09:34.220] And I had a partner, and I went into the business.

[00:09:34.220 – 00:09:36.159] I got married that year in forty-six.

[00:09:36.159 – 00:09:37.000] I was about twenty-eight.

[00:09:37.000 – 00:09:39.759] I started drinking whiskey ’cause I guess it went down faster.

[00:09:39.759 – 00:09:47.279] And, uh, you know, I started getting in a little trouble, uh, those strange things that happen to you, not remembering things and all that kind of stuff.

[00:09:47.279 – 00:09:51.120] And, uh, you know, I do all kinds of different things.

[00:09:51.120 – 00:09:54.500] And, uh, I was running for mayor of my neighborhood.

[00:09:54.500 – 00:10:00.840] Now, you– those of you who are a little older understand that those days, the tavern owners went out and bought everybody a drink.

[00:10:00.840 – 00:10:03.039] Walk in a place like this and say, “Give them all a drink.

[00:10:03.039 – 00:10:05.799] Big shots.” You know, and that’s the way we lived our life.

[00:10:05.799 – 00:10:11.240] And then I lost it because my partner outsmarted me in one of my drinking esca-escapades.

[00:10:11.240 – 00:10:13.340] So I went ahead and bought another one.

[00:10:13.340 – 00:10:15.419] Two blocks down, I set this one up right.

[00:10:15.419 – 00:10:18.139] With low lights ’cause I like that life.

[00:10:18.139 – 00:10:21.318] I love the atmosphere of being in a cocktail lounge.

[00:10:21.318 – 00:10:26.600] And I had the low lights, and, uh, I had two twenty– three twenty sixteen girls.

[00:10:26.600 – 00:10:28.019] That’s what they shake for dice.

[00:10:28.019 – 00:10:32.240] And I had two bar maids, and I had two girl piano players and waitresses.

[00:10:32.240 – 00:10:37.159] I didn’t know what the hell my problem was when I come in AA, booze or broads, but they go together, I understand.

[00:10:37.159 – 00:10:39.440] And that’s what happened.

[00:10:39.440 – 00:10:41.480] So, you know, I started drinking more.

[00:10:41.480 – 00:10:44.720] I started getting goofier, and I started trying to drink different ways.

[00:10:44.720 – 00:10:50.740] And I only mention this because sometimes, you know, people think they’re the only ones.

[00:10:50.740 – 00:10:55.059] But I can remember people coming in drinking whiskey over ice and never getting drunk.

[00:10:55.059 – 00:10:56.580] I’d try that, I’d get drunk.

[00:10:56.580 – 00:11:01.399] Somebody said you had to line your stomach, so I’d drink whiskey and buttermilk, and I tried drinking that.

[00:11:01.399 – 00:11:02.220] I’d get drunk.

[00:11:02.220 – 00:11:05.000] Somebody says, “You gotta eat.” I put raw eggs in beer.

[00:11:05.000 – 00:11:07.519] You drink it, and you get drunk, you know?

[00:11:07.519 – 00:11:09.379] I, I made a big decision.

[00:11:09.379 – 00:11:10.330] I gave up smoking.

[00:11:10.330 – 00:11:11.159] Can you believe that?

[00:11:11.159 – 00:11:14.690] I figured it might be too rich with the, you know, with the whiskey.

[00:11:14.690 – 00:11:21.919] And the, and the doctor told me, he says, “You’re a little crazy, you know that?” I says, “Well, no.” He says, “You gotta stop drinking.” I said, “I can’t in my business.

[00:11:21.919 – 00:11:24.100] How the hell do you serve these customers sober?

[00:11:24.100 – 00:11:29.259] You know, how do you enjoy yourself without birthday parties and wedding, all the stuff going on?

[00:11:29.259 – 00:11:30.139] You gotta join them.

[00:11:30.139 – 00:11:36.360] You gotta be part of them.” He says, “Forget it.” He says, “You shouldn’t drink.” And anyway, he would take and put me on.

[00:11:36.360 – 00:11:46.379] He said, “I’m gonna slow you down.” He says, “You take a little shot with bitters in it one hour, and then you take this little phenobarbital the next hour.” And he says, “You do this for one day and then cut down

[00:11:46.379 – 00:11:48.720] the next until you finally get off it.” Ha.

[00:11:48.720 – 00:11:51.500] I did that, and hell, I didn’t even have to drink much.

[00:11:51.500 – 00:11:53.139] I was goofier than a bedbug, you know?

[00:11:53.139 – 00:11:55.759] So I dropped that crap, and that didn’t work.

[00:11:55.759 – 00:12:00.000] So anyway, no matter what I tried, it didn’t work, and of course, you know what happened.

[00:12:00.000 – 00:12:02.110] I ended up being out of business.

[00:12:02.110 – 00:12:04.769] I could tell you stories you wouldn’t believe in the tavern business.

[00:12:04.769 – 00:12:06.580] Pardon me.

[00:12:06.580 – 00:12:16.658] But as I went ahead, and I went ahead and, and, uh, and tried to finish off my life, I guess- By that time, you know, I had realized,

[00:12:16.658 – 00:12:20.107] and you realize, how powerful, cunning, and baffling alcohol is.

[00:12:20.107 – 00:12:21.227] We hear it.

[00:12:21.227 – 00:12:31.227] Now, I can remember crawling from the back room in my bar because I couldn’t make it home, which was two blocks away, and I had to work the next day for the day

[00:12:31.227 – 00:12:32.827] bartenders were on.

[00:12:32.827 – 00:12:34.307] So I literally crawl.

[00:12:34.307 – 00:12:35.028] I’m young yet.

[00:12:35.028 – 00:12:40.607] I get all that stuff, and I start putting it down, throwing up and putting it down till it stayed down, and then I felt good.

[00:12:40.607 – 00:12:45.927] You know, seven o’clock in the morning, I opened the doors for all you people coming in that didn’t know how to drink.

[00:12:45.927 – 00:12:47.727] At least that’s the way I thought life was.

[00:12:47.727 – 00:12:50.307] One guy comes in, he’s like this, you know, shaking.

[00:12:50.307 – 00:12:51.628] Of course, I’m steady by now.

[00:12:51.628 – 00:12:52.207] What the hell?

[00:12:52.207 – 00:12:57.227] So I says, “Well, give me a double shot.” He says, “I’m sick.” And I looked at him, and I poured him a water glass.

[00:12:57.227 – 00:12:58.538] I’m helping him drink it down.

[00:12:58.538 – 00:13:00.658] I says, “You know, fella, you ought to give up drinking.

[00:13:00.658 – 00:13:02.888] It’s getting you.” Huh?

[00:13:02.888 – 00:13:05.538] Always know what the other guy’s doing.

[00:13:05.538 – 00:13:08.278] Always understand what the other guy’s doing.

[00:13:08.278 – 00:13:12.707] It’s no different than I remember making a 12-step call on a guy.

[00:13:12.707 – 00:13:20.067] He used to come down the street by the 12 step house, his pants open, all wet, falling down, shirt hanging out, throwing up and whatever.

[00:13:20.067 – 00:13:22.947] And, you know, everybody knew he was a drunk, right?

[00:13:22.947 – 00:13:24.427] We get ahold of him.

[00:13:24.427 – 00:13:26.368] We put him in for three days, dry him out.

[00:13:26.368 – 00:13:28.707] We pick him up, and where are we gonna go?

[00:13:28.707 – 00:13:30.048] Over to the 12 step house.

[00:13:30.048 – 00:13:31.447] He said, “I can’t go there.

[00:13:31.447 – 00:13:36.947] What will the neighbors think?” We’re sober, and we’re worrying what the neighbors will think.

[00:13:36.947 – 00:13:38.898] When we’re drunk, who gave a damn?

[00:13:38.898 – 00:13:46.427] Isn’t that — I’m trying to show you how screwed up we really were, how mixed up we were in our thinking.

[00:13:46.427 – 00:13:49.908] It’s amazing when you look back at how our life was.

[00:13:49.908 – 00:13:56.467] So when I got into, um, I got to the point where I was gonna build my life up.

[00:13:56.467 – 00:13:58.908] Now, you understand I had lost my taverns.

[00:13:58.908 – 00:14:01.508] I drank myself out of them.

[00:14:01.508 – 00:14:03.847] The bar maids were marrying new mink coats.

[00:14:03.847 – 00:14:05.687] The bartenders were driving new cars.

[00:14:05.687 – 00:14:08.727] I wasn’t doing too good, so I went out of business is what happened.

[00:14:08.727 – 00:14:09.947] I don’t blame them.

[00:14:09.947 – 00:14:10.868] I deserved it.

[00:14:10.868 – 00:14:15.648] Anyway, now I’m gonna build up my life, so I get a job as a milkman.

[00:14:15.648 – 00:14:17.648] Now, this is a true story.

[00:14:17.648 – 00:14:21.727] I only tell this to remind myself today where I really come from.

[00:14:21.727 – 00:14:22.447] Usually, I don’t.

[00:14:22.447 – 00:14:24.567] And this story goes like this.

[00:14:24.567 – 00:14:26.087] I got this job as a milkman.

[00:14:26.087 – 00:14:30.748] Instead of going to bed at five in the morning, I’m getting up at five in the morning, right?

[00:14:30.748 – 00:14:37.668] And I’m filling little medicine bottles full of whiskey, so I have something to nip on till the bars open, you see.

[00:14:37.668 – 00:14:41.787] And I happened to get a route that had 23 taverns on it.

[00:14:41.787 – 00:14:42.567] Isn’t that nice?

[00:14:42.567 – 00:14:45.427] Some wholesale, some factories.

[00:14:45.427 – 00:14:47.447] What a wonderful deal that was.

[00:14:47.447 – 00:14:49.508] And the whole thing was only four blocks square.

[00:14:49.508 – 00:14:58.607] So anyway, I get into the truck, and I, I make it, you know, and I’m trying to make a living, trying to build my life up, and I’m nipping this whiskey because I’m shaking to death.

[00:14:58.607 – 00:15:08.087] And, um, I go in, and I trade buttermilk for whiskey, cottage cheese for whiskey, you know, with the, uh, the bartenders and that because I knew a lot of them.

[00:15:08.087 – 00:15:10.518] And, uh, pretty soon it’s getting too expensive.

[00:15:10.518 – 00:15:11.467] I can’t afford this.

[00:15:11.467 – 00:15:13.327] You know, I gotta make up for that money.

[00:15:13.327 – 00:15:17.048] And one guy says, “Look, Al.” He says, “I’ve got a deal for you.

[00:15:17.048 – 00:15:21.327] We overbought wine.” Now, he says, “I’ve got a lot of it, and it’s good stuff.

[00:15:21.327 – 00:15:28.427] Buck a gallon to you.” He says, “You’re better off with it.” Now, I don’t know if you people ever got on a wine binge.

[00:15:28.427 – 00:15:32.268] I don’t know if you ever become a wino, but if you didn’t, you really missed the boat.

[00:15:32.268 – 00:15:38.768] Because let me tell you, there’s nothing like becoming a wino because you don’t focus anymore.

[00:15:38.768 – 00:15:40.168] You don’t get drunk.

[00:15:40.168 – 00:15:41.148] You don’t stay sober.

[00:15:41.148 – 00:15:47.347] You, you’re like a, a zombie walking around in a vacuum and twilight zone, and that’s what happened.

[00:15:47.347 – 00:15:48.988] And that’s what happened to me.

[00:15:48.988 – 00:15:52.278] And I got on the truck one day, and I says, “I can’t take it.

[00:15:52.278 – 00:15:54.908] I’m gonna kill myself.” And I meant it.

[00:15:54.908 – 00:15:55.837] I was sick.

[00:15:55.837 – 00:16:00.268] And I got in a truck, and we had no doors on that truck.

[00:16:00.268 – 00:16:07.467] And in, in Chicago, we got what we call intersections of three main streets on the North Side.

[00:16:07.467 – 00:16:13.727] On a Saturday morning, about seven o’clock, I close my eyes and drive right through an intersection, right?

[00:16:13.727 – 00:16:15.508] And nothing happened.

[00:16:15.508 – 00:16:20.788] Not even a policeman come after me, and I defy you to go there and try to do that.

[00:16:20.788 – 00:16:30.506] And I got panicky, and I drove down another two miles, and there’s another one just like it, and I went right through it, eyes closed, through the red light.

[00:16:30.506 – 00:16:32.327] Nobody hit me.

[00:16:32.327 – 00:16:33.408] Nobody did nothing.

[00:16:33.408 – 00:16:40.408] And I got so panicky, I drove straight out west, and I signed myself, the milk, and the milk truck into the nuthouse.

[00:16:40.408 – 00:16:42.827] That was a true story.

[00:16:42.827 – 00:16:48.008] You gotta remember now, this is before alcoholism was a disease.

[00:16:48.008 – 00:16:51.927] The nuthouses wanted nothing to do with you.

[00:16:51.927 – 00:16:56.427] Nobody wanted, the churches, nobody wanted nothing to do with you.

[00:16:56.427 – 00:16:58.947] You were a real leper.

[00:16:58.947 – 00:17:02.807] Even the nuts in the nuthouse wanted nothing to do with you.

[00:17:02.807 – 00:17:05.607] You just didn’t fit nowhere.

[00:17:05.607 – 00:17:08.347] And they didn’t know what to do with me.

[00:17:08.347 – 00:17:16.008] And it happened to be the head dietician was a neighbor and a friend of mine, so she was the one that signed to get me in.

[00:17:16.008 – 00:17:24.407] They put me in a wardrobe, you know, in just your, your paper slippers, and you have, uh, some kind of cloth around you, and that was it.

[00:17:24.407 – 00:17:30.748] Now, I understand that dairy had a hell of a time getting their milk and milk out because, you know, they had to sign out for it.

[00:17:30.748 – 00:17:33.127] And they weren’t very happy with that situation.

[00:17:33.127 – 00:17:36.307] But getting to the point is I went in DTs.

[00:17:36.307 – 00:17:38.867] I went into what they call a death ward.

[00:17:38.867 – 00:17:42.847] I went into hydro, and nobody came to see me.

[00:17:42.847 – 00:17:43.798] Nobody.

[00:17:43.798 – 00:17:45.307] Not a soul.

[00:17:45.307 – 00:17:48.988] That’s how far down I had gotten.

[00:17:48.988 – 00:17:50.067] Nobody cared.

[00:17:50.067 – 00:17:50.897] I didn’t care.

[00:17:50.897 – 00:17:52.627] Neither did anyone else.

[00:17:52.627 – 00:17:54.728] And I must remember that.

[00:17:54.728 – 00:17:57.028] But that wasn’t enough.

[00:17:57.028 – 00:18:00.708] Some way, somehow, I pulled through it.

[00:18:00.708 – 00:18:05.268] And after a period of time, I signed myself out.

[00:18:05.268 – 00:18:14.758] And after I had gotten out, I’d met a woman that was the second woman in AA in Chicago, and she was a social worker, and she came to my house.

[00:18:14.758 – 00:18:20.268] And she said, introduced herself, and she said, “Do you think you have a drinking problem?” I says, “Me?

[00:18:20.268 – 00:18:21.028] Are you kidding?

[00:18:21.028 – 00:18:23.907] I’ll never drink again.” Have we ever said that?

[00:18:23.907 – 00:18:26.228] No way, not after what I’ve been through.

[00:18:26.228 – 00:18:28.288] I will never touch that stuff.

[00:18:28.288 – 00:18:38.327] She thought that was fine, but she also knew my temperament, and she said, “Look,” she said, “I’m an alcoholic.” She said, “I go to AA.” I said, “Gee, that’s

[00:18:38.327 – 00:18:38.928] wonderful.

[00:18:38.928 – 00:18:46.807] I mean, uh, it’s too bad that you’re an alcoholic, whatever that is, but you should go to whatever helps you.” I didn’t know, you see.

[00:18:46.807 – 00:18:48.748] And I says, “Good for you,” you know.

[00:18:48.748 – 00:18:55.428] And she says, “In case you wanna help and you need help,” she says, “you call me,” and she gave me her phone.

[00:18:55.428 – 00:18:57.407] All right, make it short.

[00:18:57.407 – 00:18:59.347] I go back and get my job at the dairy.

[00:18:59.347 – 00:19:03.028] The union wanted nothing to do with it, so you must have known what a cock and bull story I told them.

[00:19:03.028 – 00:19:03.968] I get on there.

[00:19:03.968 – 00:19:05.097] I’m on there 30 days.

[00:19:05.097 – 00:19:06.208] I got somebody with me.

[00:19:06.208 – 00:19:09.788] I’m driving around, and finally they let me free.

[00:19:09.788 – 00:19:12.928] Now, by this time, my stomach has settled down.

[00:19:12.928 – 00:19:17.208] I’ve got a couple paychecks in the pocket, and I’m not shaking no more.

[00:19:17.208 – 00:19:20.788] Now, it’s time to take and control things.

[00:19:20.788 – 00:19:25.248] I don’t know if you people ever did this, but I laid the map out for drinking.

[00:19:25.248 – 00:19:28.147] One beer after I get through work.

[00:19:28.147 – 00:19:31.008] Go to a place you don’t know nobody.

[00:19:31.008 – 00:19:35.147] Don’t get involved, and then go home and eat, right?

[00:19:35.147 – 00:19:35.847] Sure.

[00:19:35.847 – 00:19:38.067] That’s exactly what I did.

[00:19:38.067 – 00:19:39.488] Yeah.

[00:19:39.488 – 00:19:49.627] I walked right into a strange tavern, and I says, “Give me a bottle of Schlitz.” Poured it slow, drank it, and I says, “Now, that’s the way you do it,” and I went home.

[00:19:49.627 – 00:19:51.288] Amazing.

[00:19:51.288 – 00:19:57.087] That went on for, uh, two, three days, and that one bottle of beer gave me a chill in the stomach.

[00:19:57.087 – 00:19:59.548] You know what you do when you get a cramp in the stomach.

[00:19:59.548 – 00:20:01.667] You take a little blackberry brandy, right?

[00:20:01.667 – 00:20:05.807] Well, I did, and I was like the man on the diving board.

[00:20:05.807 – 00:20:07.768] Right back into the binge.

[00:20:07.768 – 00:20:12.728] It wasn’t my worst one, but it was the one that brought me to AA.

[00:20:12.728 – 00:20:18.748] It was the one that something happened that scared the hell out of me, and I’ll tell you what happened.

[00:20:18.748 – 00:20:23.988] I had plenty of booze, and I was trying to take and stop from shaking.

[00:20:23.988 – 00:20:29.508] I thought I was gonna go crazy, and I would grab a bottle and drink it down, and nothing happened.

[00:20:29.508 – 00:20:32.448] And I’d grab another one, and nothing happened.

[00:20:32.448 – 00:20:35.928] The bottle had failed me, and I couldn’t believe it.

[00:20:35.928 – 00:20:42.468] And I screamed out either, “God, take me,” or, “Help me, don’t leave me here.” And I hadn’t talked to God since I was a kid.

[00:20:42.468 – 00:20:49.887] And I remembered this woman, and I crawled to the phone and called her, and I can only tell you what she told me.

[00:20:49.887 – 00:20:57.127] She, you know, she told me, “We said we’d be out there.” And I was so elated that I passed out, so they couldn’t get in.

[00:20:57.127 – 00:20:58.528] I sat there all night.

[00:20:58.528 – 00:21:00.008] I called her in the morning.

[00:21:00.008 – 00:21:06.327] She says, “Al, will you crawl to the door and open it so we can get ahold of you?” And that was how I got started.

[00:21:06.327 – 00:21:09.407] Man came out there, and I never wanna forget.

[00:21:09.407 – 00:21:11.748] A man took time off to come out and get me.

[00:21:11.748 – 00:21:21.748] This man come out, left work, and looked at me, and he said, “Will you go into a little place and dry out for three days?” I said, “I’ll do anything you tell me.

[00:21:21.748 – 00:21:24.867] Anything.” He helped me to get dressed.

[00:21:24.867 – 00:21:27.347] He drove me over to the old Washingtonian.

[00:21:27.347 – 00:21:29.508] That was a little drying out place.

[00:21:29.508 – 00:21:34.678] And the AAs had a connection there, that if you got in there, you could stay in there for three da-

[00:21:34.878 – 00:21:38.238] Five days for $90 to dry out.

[00:21:38.238 – 00:21:43.778] All they gave you is a pill full of pyralate, pink ladies, and a shot in the butt, and that was what you got.

[00:21:43.778 – 00:21:46.698] And, you know, that’s about all they knew what to do with you anyway.

[00:21:46.698 – 00:21:52.038] They had a nurse, three hundred pounds, that sat on you in case you got crazy, but otherwise, it was tiny, they called it.

[00:21:52.038 – 00:21:56.838] Anyway, I’m there, and I’m sitting there.

[00:21:56.838 – 00:21:59.258] And I, I– they couldn’t put me out.

[00:21:59.258 – 00:22:00.398] I had too much booze in me.

[00:22:00.398 – 00:22:03.378] But they didn’t– I was numb, okay?

[00:22:03.378 – 00:22:05.598] Now, I’m in this place.

[00:22:05.598 – 00:22:11.518] A man comes to see me who’s given by this other fella who then became my sponsor.

[00:22:11.518 – 00:22:15.658] This man came to see me, and he had left work.

[00:22:15.658 – 00:22:18.968] So I hope I’m never too busy to go on a 12 step call.

[00:22:18.968 – 00:22:21.498] Of course, we don’t get them today like we used to.

[00:22:21.498 – 00:22:26.418] But anyway, getting there, I’ll never forget how I felt.

[00:22:26.418 – 00:22:36.518] And if I was to sit and tell you people today, if I was to tell you what keeps me from going back to taking a drink, it’s how I felt at that

[00:22:36.518 – 00:22:41.378] moment of my life, how I felt when this man started talking to me.

[00:22:41.378 – 00:22:44.758] And I can only remember, so I don’t forget it, I’ve got it all down.

[00:22:44.758 – 00:22:47.778] I was sick, and I was lost, you bet.

[00:22:47.778 – 00:22:49.898] That feeling we know.

[00:22:49.898 – 00:22:51.208] I was hopeless.

[00:22:51.208 – 00:22:52.258] There just was no hope.

[00:22:52.258 – 00:22:55.378] I didn’t think I could ever stay sober.

[00:22:55.378 – 00:22:56.618] I was helpless.

[00:22:56.618 – 00:22:57.718] I crawled like an animal.

[00:22:57.718 – 00:22:59.698] I was full of hate.

[00:22:59.698 – 00:23:01.418] I hated you and everybody else.

[00:23:01.418 – 00:23:02.238] I hated me.

[00:23:02.238 – 00:23:04.078] I didn’t trust a soul.

[00:23:04.078 – 00:23:07.198] I was lonely, rejected by everyone.

[00:23:07.198 – 00:23:08.398] I didn’t want me.

[00:23:08.398 – 00:23:16.018] And then I had all those good things, like the guilts and the fears and the shame and the shakes that we all have.

[00:23:16.018 – 00:23:20.678] Now, I can have that back thirty-nine years more.

[00:23:20.678 – 00:23:21.398] You gotta be kidding.

[00:23:21.398 – 00:23:22.418] I couldn’t stand it then.

[00:23:22.418 – 00:23:23.858] What the hell would I do with it now?

[00:23:23.858 – 00:23:28.658] But I can have that back, and I couldn’t take that then.

[00:23:28.658 – 00:23:38.878] And I was told by this man, after he started telling me his story, he says, “You know, Al,” he

[00:23:38.878 – 00:23:40.778] said, “you’re no different than anyone else.

[00:23:40.778 – 00:23:45.878] You’re not unique.” And this man was as rotten as I was.

[00:23:45.878 – 00:23:48.798] This man did the things that I had done.

[00:23:48.798 – 00:23:51.778] When I talked to him, he understood me.

[00:23:51.778 – 00:23:52.678] I couldn’t believe it.

[00:23:52.678 – 00:23:54.077] Nobody understood me for years.

[00:23:54.077 – 00:23:55.418] I didn’t understand me.

[00:23:55.418 – 00:23:56.538] I couldn’t believe myself.

[00:23:56.538 – 00:23:59.918] I couldn’t trust my own actions, and he did.

[00:23:59.918 – 00:24:01.938] He listened to me.

[00:24:01.938 – 00:24:04.018] And he says, “I will tell you what.

[00:24:04.018 – 00:24:11.838] I will help you, I will guide you, and I will think for you till you can do it for yourself.” That was the shape I was in.

[00:24:11.838 – 00:24:20.918] I was in there five days, and the fifth day, I’m ready to come out, and I’m shaking worse than when I went in.

[00:24:20.918 – 00:24:22.238] That’s the way it usually was.

[00:24:22.238 – 00:24:29.138] One AA under this arm, one AA under this arm, and out you go into the world to face life.

[00:24:29.138 – 00:24:34.778] And they took me to a Sunday morning breakfast, and I’ll never forget it.

[00:24:34.778 – 00:24:38.318] I can still see it, 150 people in there, minimum.

[00:24:38.318 – 00:24:40.518] Everybody is dressed.

[00:24:40.518 – 00:24:41.998] It’s in a September morning.

[00:24:41.998 – 00:24:43.418] The shiny sun’s out.

[00:24:43.418 – 00:24:44.898] Everybody’s dressed.

[00:24:44.898 – 00:24:47.678] They have coffee cups those days, you know, with saucers.

[00:24:47.678 – 00:24:50.578] And of course, they can tell who the new people are.

[00:24:50.578 – 00:24:54.718] You know, like me, the coffee’s shaking so bad, they took my saucer away.

[00:24:54.718 – 00:24:56.958] I was making too much noise, you know?

[00:24:56.958 – 00:25:00.338] So anyway, I was hanging on to it with two hands.

[00:25:00.338 – 00:25:01.578] And they said, “Don’t pick it up.

[00:25:01.578 – 00:25:06.738] Go down to it and drink it,” like they did the food, you know, till you can handle it.

[00:25:06.738 – 00:25:09.618] These people looked at me, and they were smiling.

[00:25:09.618 – 00:25:14.858] I took one look at them, and I said, “What the hell do these guys know about drinking?” You know?

[00:25:14.858 – 00:25:17.298] I don’t see anything so damn funny.

[00:25:17.298 – 00:25:20.298] If they had my problems, they wouldn’t laugh.

[00:25:20.298 – 00:25:21.838] You see, that’s how I came in.

[00:25:21.838 – 00:25:23.438] I didn’t know.

[00:25:23.438 – 00:25:33.818] And the idiot up there is telling stories and laughing and jokes, and I said, “This is crazy.” Until the guy next to me says, “I know what you’re thinking.” And

[00:25:33.818 – 00:25:34.458] he told me.

[00:25:34.458 – 00:25:36.898] He says, “You’re in the right place.

[00:25:36.898 – 00:25:46.898] You didn’t get in here because you ate too much ice cream.” He says, “You’re in here because God wants you in here, and you’re gonna stay here, and you’re gonna

[00:25:46.898 – 00:25:47.898] get what we want.

[00:25:47.898 – 00:25:51.478] Only you didn’t get this way overnight, and it’s gonna take time.

[00:25:51.478 – 00:25:53.318] It’s gonna take time.

[00:25:53.318 – 00:25:57.138] But we will help you as long as you want help.

[00:25:57.138 – 00:26:03.798] And you will get this thing because we’re gonna see that you get it.” I never forgot that.

[00:26:03.798 – 00:26:06.338] They cared, and they meant it.

[00:26:06.338 – 00:26:10.908] In those days, it was clannish because you couldn’t go out.

[00:26:10.908 – 00:26:12.498] It was still not a disease.

[00:26:12.498 – 00:26:15.197] The Twelve and Twelve wasn’t written yet.

[00:26:15.197 – 00:26:18.098] And you had to remember that it was kind of spooky.

[00:26:18.098 – 00:26:20.578] If your boss found out you’re an AA, you got fired.

[00:26:20.578 – 00:26:23.038] Those were the days things were really rough.

[00:26:23.038 – 00:26:26.838] And so we had to do it, but we were close.

[00:26:26.838 – 00:26:28.818] We were real close.

[00:26:28.818 – 00:26:38.338] And as we went along and we started, you know, I was taught some basics, and I’m sure you were taught, too, the same thing.

[00:26:38.338 – 00:26:41.998] And I keep remembering what some of these basics always are.

[00:26:41.998 – 00:26:47.968] And some of the basics I was taught was you go to meetings, you don’t drink, and you pay attention.

[00:26:47.968 – 00:26:52.618] You keep everything simple to where you can handle it.

[00:26:52.618 – 00:26:55.238] You know your limits.

[00:26:55.238 – 00:26:59.318] They say you get a home group, and you belong there, and you make your meeting there.

[00:26:59.318 – 00:27:01.178] You go to any, many meetings as you want.

[00:27:01.178 – 00:27:06.378] You don’t take that first drink on a twenty-four-hour basis.

[00:27:06.378 – 00:27:11.038] Now, they used to tell me if you don’t drink, you can’t get drunk, and it didn’t mean a thing.

[00:27:11.038 – 00:27:16.318] But when they told me if you don’t take that first drink, you’ll never have to sober up again, I paid attention.

[00:27:16.318 – 00:27:20.838] I never looked at it that way, and that’s the way I’ve got to look at it.

[00:27:20.838 – 00:27:22.998] Just think, I’ll never have to sober up again.

[00:27:22.998 – 00:27:24.858] What a wonderful feeling that is.

[00:27:24.858 – 00:27:26.138] This is Sunday morning.

[00:27:26.138 – 00:27:28.418] Do you remember what Sunday mornings used to be like?

[00:27:28.418 – 00:27:33.218] We are sitting here eating eggs, looking eggs in the eye, talking and laughing.

[00:27:33.218 – 00:27:35.698] What a revolting development, right?

[00:27:35.698 – 00:27:40.278] And here I am talking about not drinking, and, and you’re listening yet.

[00:27:40.278 – 00:27:41.898] Can you believe this?

[00:27:41.898 – 00:27:43.658] And we’re even mentioning God.

[00:27:43.658 – 00:27:46.266] Holy smokes, what’s happened to us?

[00:27:46.266 – 00:27:48.586] You know, it’s amazing.

[00:27:48.586 – 00:27:50.406] You talk about miracles.

[00:27:50.406 – 00:27:57.886] It’s an unbelievable s-fellowship and what has happened to us, and it’s important we keep it that way.

[00:27:57.886 – 00:28:00.026] Why am I talking about the basics?

[00:28:00.026 – 00:28:04.786] There’s a couple quick things I’d like to take and talk about that’s very important to me.

[00:28:04.786 – 00:28:08.386] One thing is I see this happening quite often.

[00:28:08.386 – 00:28:10.206] We are losing people.

[00:28:10.206 – 00:28:12.606] Now, don’t get afraid when I tell you this.

[00:28:12.606 – 00:28:13.446] I’m explaining.

[00:28:13.446 – 00:28:17.186] This particularly in Chicago, and I imagine it’s all over.

[00:28:17.186 – 00:28:18.766] Where I– In Phoenix, too, I know.

[00:28:18.766 – 00:28:21.755] Five, 10, 15 years, 20, it don’t matter.

[00:28:21.755 – 00:28:23.086] We’re losing them.

[00:28:23.086 – 00:28:23.935] What happens?

[00:28:23.935 – 00:28:30.166] They’re going along fine, then all of a sudden, after 10 years, let’s say, they get a problem.

[00:28:30.166 – 00:28:32.866] Maybe it’s a personal problem.

[00:28:32.866 – 00:28:38.706] Now, they’re not gonna tell no one, ’cause what kind of program do you think I got, right?

[00:28:38.706 – 00:28:40.266] They don’t share it.

[00:28:40.266 – 00:28:41.826] And what happens?

[00:28:41.826 – 00:28:47.706] They go to meetings, and they don’t hear a damn thing at the meeting because they’re looking at their problem.

[00:28:47.706 – 00:28:50.386] And if that wasn’t a good meeting, I get nothing out of it.

[00:28:50.386 – 00:28:58.246] At least share that problem with an individual on a one-to-one, and when you go to the meeting, leave it on the outside.

[00:28:58.246 – 00:29:03.306] Go into that meeting and listen to everyone in that meeting, what they’ve got to say.

[00:29:03.306 – 00:29:07.806] You might pick up something that can help you, that can relieve you.

[00:29:07.806 – 00:29:10.886] And then when you go out, pick up the problem.

[00:29:10.886 – 00:29:12.386] If it ain’t there, I’ll get you a new one.

[00:29:12.386 – 00:29:15.986] But it’ll be there, you see?

[00:29:15.986 – 00:29:17.966] But you got off it for an hour.

[00:29:17.966 – 00:29:20.166] You realize what that means to you?

[00:29:20.166 – 00:29:23.766] For God’s sakes, don’t mess it up.

[00:29:23.766 – 00:29:28.086] Because you see, there is no seniority in AA.

[00:29:28.086 – 00:29:28.766] None.

[00:29:28.766 – 00:29:30.566] There is no seniority.

[00:29:30.566 – 00:29:32.786] It’s a day at a time.

[00:29:32.786 – 00:29:35.586] I only got my program now.

[00:29:35.586 – 00:29:39.046] I don’t know how I’m gonna react to the situation till it happens.

[00:29:39.046 – 00:29:44.046] So for heaven’s sakes, because we got a little time, don’t think we got anything.

[00:29:44.046 – 00:29:46.266] Don’t forget we’re new yet.

[00:29:46.266 – 00:29:52.726] And when you get a problem, and it gets to be to where you can’t handle it, you do one thing.

[00:29:52.726 – 00:29:57.306] You go back to the basics, back to your sobriety, and you have lost nothing.

[00:29:57.306 – 00:29:59.266] Don’t ever forget that.

[00:29:59.266 – 00:30:00.386] I went through this.

[00:30:00.386 – 00:30:02.526] I didn’t drink, but I went through it.

[00:30:02.526 – 00:30:06.466] So for heaven’s sakes, when things get rough, drop back to the basics.

[00:30:06.466 – 00:30:10.146] Do nothing but stay sober, and you’ll be all right.

[00:30:10.146 – 00:30:14.006] And this is very important in our life that we do these things.

[00:30:14.006 – 00:30:18.846] And we get to the spiritual part of the program, you know?

[00:30:18.846 – 00:30:20.066] There’s no spiritual part.

[00:30:20.066 – 00:30:22.326] The whole damn program’s spiritual, believe me.

[00:30:22.326 – 00:30:27.106] The day I took the first step and swallowed it was an awakening I could never believe.

[00:30:27.106 – 00:30:30.546] That I would admit I’m powerless over alcohol?

[00:30:30.546 – 00:30:31.686] You gotta be kidding.

[00:30:31.686 – 00:30:35.966] Something helped me to do that, be it you people or God or what.

[00:30:35.966 – 00:30:37.626] But I wouldn’t do it.

[00:30:37.626 – 00:30:39.066] I’m too damn stubborn.

[00:30:39.066 – 00:30:42.466] I’m too damn un-mean to do something like that.

[00:30:42.466 – 00:30:43.806] I’m never wrong.

[00:30:43.806 – 00:30:48.846] So there’s where my awakening started, immediately in the first step.

[00:30:48.846 – 00:30:59.286] You see anyone sitting in this room today, be it new or anyone else, that’s fighting this program, that’s fighting going to meetings, that’s fighting God, that’s fighting anything about this program,

[00:30:59.286 – 00:31:03.046] has not swallowed the first step in its entirety, I’ll guarantee you.

[00:31:03.046 – 00:31:12.186] Go back and swallow it to its entirety, and you’ll be willing to do what you have to do, not to drink, but to have your life managed, too.

[00:31:12.186 – 00:31:15.006] You see, I can’t manage my life sober.

[00:31:15.006 – 00:31:24.666] The 12 steps of the AA program not only teaches me how to stay sober, but teach me how to live with my sobriety.

[00:31:24.666 – 00:31:30.726] AA has not only saved my life, but now it makes my life worth saving.

[00:31:30.726 – 00:31:31.886] Can you believe this?

[00:31:31.886 – 00:31:33.906] That your life is worth saving?

[00:31:33.906 – 00:31:35.726] Us, who were nobody?

[00:31:35.726 – 00:31:38.286] Isn’t that amazing?

[00:31:38.286 – 00:31:44.906] This is what AA can really do for us if we give it the chance, and therefore, we cannot afford to let it go.

[00:31:44.906 – 00:31:46.826] I went to my sponsor.

[00:31:46.826 – 00:31:47.326] I said, “Good.

[00:31:47.326 – 00:31:53.586] How do you stay away from the first drink?” All I hear you people say, “Don’t take the first drink.” Nobody’s ever told me how to stay away from it.

[00:31:53.586 – 00:32:01.086] He says, “Believe in God?” I said, “I don’t know.” He said, “Well, I believe in God, or a higher power whom I call God.” I says, “Fine.

[00:32:01.086 – 00:32:11.106] If you’d have told me to run around the block, I would have done it.” He said, “You do what I do till you can do it for yourself.” I said, “Okay.” He says, “I go to bed at night, and I make, tell God that

[00:32:11.106 – 00:32:14.806] I’m thankful for the last 24 hours of so-being sober.

[00:32:14.806 – 00:32:15.426] Nothing else.

[00:32:15.426 – 00:32:19.326] That’s all I come in AA for, not to get a wife, job, money, for just sober.

[00:32:19.326 – 00:32:29.336] The rest you work for.” And he says, “Then I make a commitment I won’t drink for the next 24 hours.” And he says, “I’ll wait till the 24 hours are over, and then I won’t talk to God and

[00:32:29.336 – 00:32:31.926] drink.” We know it’s a gimmick, but I didn’t.

[00:32:31.926 – 00:32:33.886] I was listening.

[00:32:33.886 – 00:32:37.246] And what I did was follow just what he told me.

[00:32:37.246 – 00:32:38.876] In the morning, I get up.

[00:32:38.876 – 00:32:41.966] He said, “I have a quiet time to ask God to help me get through the day.

[00:32:41.966 – 00:32:51.966] In your case,” he says, “what you do is have a quiet time and ask God to help you keep your mouth shut so you don’t get in no trouble.” I says, “Thank you.” And he says, “In

[00:32:51.966 – 00:32:54.406] your case, we’re gonna add a little something to this.

[00:32:54.406 – 00:32:57.286] We don’t change the program.

[00:32:57.286 – 00:33:06.126] But when you admit you’re powerless over alcohol at night,” and he says, “that’s what you do, ’cause that’s what the first step says, and you take the first step every day.

[00:33:06.126 – 00:33:13.626] And when you admit you’re powerless over alcohol,” he says, “you add to it that being sober today is the most important thing in my life.

[00:33:13.626 – 00:33:18.446] And anything that’s gonna interfere with it, goes.

[00:33:18.446 – 00:33:25.806] And when you do that, you’ll have a foundation.” It’s that simple.

[00:33:25.806 – 00:33:27.446] Not that easy.

[00:33:27.446 – 00:33:34.646] I went home that night and ready– I was too weary to go to bed, so I put a comb and brush in my pillow so I wouldn’t forget, right?

[00:33:34.646 – 00:33:35.325] Okay.

[00:33:35.325 – 00:33:40.326] Ready to go to bed, I says, “Oh God, I gotta talk to this higher power now.” I hadn’t done this yet, see?

[00:33:40.326 – 00:33:44.846] And I looked up, and I says, “I don’t know who the hell you are, but you’re doing a good job with my sponsor.

[00:33:44.846 – 00:33:48.686] You’ll do.” But I tried, and I did try.

[00:33:48.686 – 00:33:51.654] And then I remembered something he told me.

[00:33:51.654 – 00:33:53.294] “No wrote prayers, Al.

[00:33:53.294 – 00:33:54.954] You talk to him like you talk to me.

[00:33:54.954 – 00:33:59.314] If I understand you, he understands you.” The greatest thing he ever told me.

[00:33:59.314 – 00:34:00.474] The greatest thing.

[00:34:00.474 – 00:34:00.874] Why?

[00:34:00.874 – 00:34:07.254] Because I have a friend that I can talk to, and I’m glad you don’t hear some of our conversations.

[00:34:07.254 – 00:34:08.734] I bawl him out.

[00:34:08.734 – 00:34:09.304] I love him.

[00:34:09.304 – 00:34:09.854] I hate him.

[00:34:09.854 – 00:34:11.074] I do the whole ballgame.

[00:34:11.074 – 00:34:19.094] I’ve had a lot of problems and deaths and sickness, and I talk to him exactly how I feel, and it works.

[00:34:19.094 – 00:34:25.114] And I tied my shoestrings together, so in the morning when I got up, what?

[00:34:25.114 – 00:34:27.894] Oh, yeah, I got to talk to the higher power.

[00:34:27.894 – 00:34:28.714] And what happened?

[00:34:28.714 – 00:34:30.814] I learned the habit of prayer.

[00:34:30.814 – 00:34:33.314] What a wonderful habit to learn.

[00:34:33.314 – 00:34:37.674] And through the habit of prayer, the power of prayer took over.

[00:34:37.674 – 00:34:39.144] I seen things happening.

[00:34:39.144 – 00:34:45.854] I was called from work one day, and I had a paralyzed mother at that time, and my sister was still living.

[00:34:45.854 – 00:34:48.174] And my mother got sick.

[00:34:48.174 – 00:34:49.614] I got her in the hospital.

[00:34:49.614 – 00:34:51.574] She was already in the operating room.

[00:34:51.574 – 00:34:52.734] I got to the hospital.

[00:34:52.734 – 00:34:54.394] My sister was sitting there hysterical.

[00:34:54.394 – 00:34:55.734] Couldn’t talk to her.

[00:34:55.734 – 00:35:05.994] I went over to the nurse, said, “What’s going on?” She said, “We don’t know if she’s going to live or not.” I went into the corner, and I did what you people told me, something I’ll never forget.

[00:35:05.994 – 00:35:11.114] I had my cry time, you bet, but all of a sudden something happened.

[00:35:11.114 – 00:35:12.534] Wait a minute.

[00:35:12.534 – 00:35:14.794] God knows what he want to do.

[00:35:14.794 – 00:35:15.934] He knows what he wants.

[00:35:15.934 – 00:35:18.074] I don’t.

[00:35:18.074 – 00:35:22.554] He knows what I want, but it’s what he wants.

[00:35:22.554 – 00:35:27.914] And I asked God to give me the strength and courage to go along what will be.

[00:35:27.914 – 00:35:30.914] Complete surrender.

[00:35:30.914 – 00:35:33.974] And it made a difference.

[00:35:33.974 – 00:35:39.594] It made a big difference because when we surrender in AA, we win.

[00:35:39.594 – 00:35:44.394] And I quit fighting that situation.

[00:35:44.394 – 00:35:46.994] Now, I don’t do this with everything.

[00:35:46.994 – 00:35:52.874] I still have my life to live, but it’s very important that I do that.

[00:35:52.874 – 00:35:55.954] It’s very important that this comes to me.

[00:35:55.954 – 00:36:05.954] And, you know, as we go along and we talk about many things in AA and we talk about gratitude and we talk about all these different things, you

[00:36:05.954 – 00:36:09.854] know, the right attitude is gratitude and something like that.

[00:36:09.854 – 00:36:18.194] And you probably heard that old story, I tell it many times, about the, the young petite girl that married this big football player, and they’re on their honeymoon.

[00:36:18.194 – 00:36:21.474] And as I’ve said, so I’ll say it again.

[00:36:21.474 – 00:36:22.794] And they’re getting married.

[00:36:22.794 – 00:36:25.254] They’re in their recep- in their honeymoon suite.

[00:36:25.254 – 00:36:29.494] And he changes his clothes, puts his pajamas on, gives her his pants.

[00:36:29.494 – 00:36:31.014] She tries to put them on.

[00:36:31.014 – 00:36:41.034] She said, “They’re too big for me.” He says, “You remember who’s the head of this household.” She says, “Fine.” She goes in and changes, puts her little night on, comes

[00:36:41.034 – 00:36:44.534] back out and hands him her little panties, and he tries to get into them.

[00:36:44.534 – 00:36:53.774] He says, “I can’t get into your pants.” She says, “You won’t neither till you change your attitude.” But you’ll see, attitude is important.

[00:36:53.774 – 00:36:54.934] All right.

[00:36:54.934 – 00:36:57.614] Why am I talking about this?

[00:36:57.614 – 00:37:01.934] I’m going to say something that we’re having trouble in Chicago, and I don’t want this to rub anybody the wrong way.

[00:37:01.934 – 00:37:04.114] I’m just talking about now how I feel.

[00:37:04.114 – 00:37:05.454] I think it’s important.

[00:37:05.454 – 00:37:07.194] Then I will close.

[00:37:07.194 – 00:37:15.674] I have talked about this many times, and I– it’s something that’s bothering me, and it’s something I’ve got to take and keep airing out.

[00:37:15.674 – 00:37:18.194] We talk about people.

[00:37:18.194 – 00:37:21.554] We talk about how grateful we are for AA, how wonderful it is.

[00:37:21.554 – 00:37:23.054] It has saved my life.

[00:37:23.054 – 00:37:25.994] And, oh, it’s a family and everything else.

[00:37:25.994 – 00:37:28.394] But then AA is not worth saving, is it?

[00:37:28.394 – 00:37:31.074] Isn’t that amazing?

[00:37:31.074 – 00:37:33.514] Now, why do I say this?

[00:37:33.514 – 00:37:37.474] Years back, we had a movement called the Washingtonian movement.

[00:37:37.474 – 00:37:46.674] They had hundreds of thousands of members that were staying sober back in the 1860s, and then they become a catchall for everything.

[00:37:46.674 – 00:37:51.434] They thought they would fan out into other fields, and they went right down the tube.

[00:37:51.434 – 00:37:58.554] AA is founded on one principle: to help the alcoholic that still suffers.

[00:37:58.554 – 00:38:01.894] I don’t care who comes to my meeting.

[00:38:01.894 – 00:38:10.654] As long as they have a drinking problem, I don’t care what else they have, as long as they don’t come to my meeting and want to try to change it.

[00:38:10.654 – 00:38:13.394] And that’s what they do.

[00:38:13.394 – 00:38:18.894] What has happened in Chicago, they even tried to change the name, and we fought that.

[00:38:18.894 – 00:38:21.214] They wanted to change the name to Addicts Anonymous.

[00:38:21.214 – 00:38:27.274] There’s a big counseling company, and they have counselors, and they’re well-known.

[00:38:27.274 – 00:38:37.674] And she wrote an article, and she’s a non-alcoholic, and she says, “I am concerned what’s going to happen to AA.” She says, “Everybody

[00:38:37.674 – 00:38:40.154] thinks people coming in today are dual addicted.

[00:38:40.154 – 00:38:41.534] That is not true.

[00:38:41.534 – 00:38:50.874] People coming in are just alcoholics, and I send them to an AA meeting, and what happens?

[00:38:50.874 – 00:39:00.974] They come back and say, ‘It’s not for me.’ Well, all they’re talking about is dope.” Now, you understand nothing can happen to

[00:39:00.974 – 00:39:04.114] AA unless we allow it to happen.

[00:39:04.114 – 00:39:05.974] Get that straight.

[00:39:05.974 – 00:39:06.974] Nothing.

[00:39:06.974 – 00:39:12.074] They say, “Oh, don’t talk to the new guy too rough because he’ll get upset.” Screw him.

[00:39:12.074 – 00:39:14.874] Let him go out and get drunk until he’s ready to change.

[00:39:14.874 – 00:39:17.874] You know what I mean?

[00:39:17.874 – 00:39:19.214] Quit playing the game.

[00:39:19.214 – 00:39:24.514] And if people want to come in, well, fine, but concentrate on what we do best.

[00:39:24.514 – 00:39:27.514] If I got a toothache, I don’t go to an AA meeting.

[00:39:27.514 – 00:39:30.324] Or I break my leg, I don’t go to an AA meeting.

[00:39:30.324 – 00:39:31.354] I go to the doctor.

[00:39:31.354 – 00:39:35.014] Now, if I got a drinking problem, I come to AA.

[00:39:35.014 – 00:39:39.614] If I have another problem, I go wherever it’s necessary, whatever the other problem is.

[00:39:39.614 – 00:39:48.514] But I’ll guarantee you this: I have worked with many people because I am founder of the 12 Step House in Chicago, and I’ve worked with many people.

[00:39:48.514 – 00:39:53.374] We get these people in, and I get young groups, and they sit here, and they’re dual addictive, some of them.

[00:39:53.374 – 00:39:59.102] And they say, “Yeah, well, you don’t understand.” I say, “No, you don’t understand.” They don’t think I understand.

[00:39:59.102 – 00:40:02.382] What their real problem is, they don’t understand that I understand.

[00:40:02.382 – 00:40:03.562] You see?

[00:40:03.562 – 00:40:05.122] That’s the problem.

[00:40:05.122 – 00:40:06.182] Okay?

[00:40:06.182 – 00:40:16.562] I tell them, “Look, if you will follow the AA principles and you go exactly what it tells us, one of the things you’re told is

[00:40:16.562 – 00:40:20.262] anything that interferes with you staying sober, you do something about.

[00:40:20.262 – 00:40:23.842] If drugs interfere with you staying sober, they go, right?

[00:40:23.842 – 00:40:25.322] It’s that simple.

[00:40:25.322 – 00:40:27.502] Not that easy, but that simple.

[00:40:27.502 – 00:40:29.342] So it will cover it.

[00:40:29.342 – 00:40:34.042] But for heaven’s sakes, we got people here, and this is what we deal with.

[00:40:34.042 – 00:40:35.262] You know?

[00:40:35.262 – 00:40:41.062] You don’t go to a brain surg– get your brains, uh, cut out by a dentist or something.

[00:40:41.062 – 00:40:42.332] You know, you go to a brain surgeon.

[00:40:42.332 – 00:40:43.642] Well, it’s the same thing here.

[00:40:43.642 – 00:40:53.602] And why I’m saying that, wouldn’t it be a shame if we don’t think enough of AA and we don’t think enough to care about it to protect it and to speak up?

[00:40:53.602 – 00:40:55.962] Everybody should speak up and have their right.

[00:40:55.962 – 00:40:56.902] We’re not trying to hurt.

[00:40:56.902 – 00:40:57.902] We’re trying to protect.

[00:40:57.902 – 00:41:03.082] There might not be no AA for our children or grandchildren because we didn’t care.

[00:41:03.082 – 00:41:04.302] Did you ever think of that?

[00:41:04.302 – 00:41:06.922] What a horrible thought that would be.

[00:41:06.922 – 00:41:10.682] Remember, it’s our life.

[00:41:10.682 – 00:41:18.642] Being nice is okay, but being fair is what counts, and we aren’t being fair when we don’t protect AA.

[00:41:18.642 – 00:41:20.782] AA is not infallible.

[00:41:20.782 – 00:41:22.222] It can’t protect itself.

[00:41:22.222 – 00:41:25.662] It’s God-given for us to take care of.

[00:41:25.662 – 00:41:32.202] And I only mention this because, not again, but I just don’t want them coming in changing things.

[00:41:32.202 – 00:41:33.082] I’ve gone to meetings.

[00:41:33.082 – 00:41:34.362] I can’t explain them.

[00:41:34.362 – 00:41:35.142] They’re circuses.

[00:41:35.142 – 00:41:36.942] Talk about anything you want.

[00:41:36.942 – 00:41:37.522] That’s fine.

[00:41:37.522 – 00:41:38.622] That’s not an AA meeting.

[00:41:38.622 – 00:41:40.782] That should be called a general meeting, whatever it is.

[00:41:40.782 – 00:41:46.202] Very important, ’cause the new guy coming in, we lose them because they get scared.

[00:41:46.202 – 00:41:48.122] They don’t think they belong.

[00:41:48.122 – 00:41:52.342] And I’m gonna close now with this little thing that I have on the end.

[00:41:52.342 – 00:41:57.602] I found it years ago, and I love it, and it’s my feeling towards you people.

[00:41:57.602 – 00:42:03.802] The joys of sobriety are many and great.

[00:42:03.802 – 00:42:10.222] But take one– and, oh, but take one drink, and many hearts you’ll break.

[00:42:10.222 – 00:42:15.902] The heartaches, the hangovers, the remorse, and pain, I’m sure we don’t want to experience again.

[00:42:15.902 – 00:42:22.462] So in all sincerity, I say to you, friend, may your life of sobriety never end.

[00:42:22.462 – 00:42:23.442] Thank you.

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