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[00:00:00.120 – 00:00:01.260] My name is Archie Cox.

[00:00:01.260 – 00:00:02.879] I’m an alcoholic.

[00:00:02.879 – 00:00:04.290] Hi.

[00:00:04.290 – 00:00:08.539] Yeah, my, my birthday is August twenty-third, nineteen sixty-seven.

[00:00:08.539 – 00:00:12.439] Uh, and, uh, that is all in a row.

[00:00:12.439 – 00:00:15.419] I want you to know that.

[00:00:15.419 – 00:00:19.820] And, uh, another thing, you know, they start out about what it used to be like.

[00:00:19.820 – 00:00:20.699] Okay.

[00:00:20.699 – 00:00:24.939] My childhood was different than a lot of other people’s.

[00:00:24.939 – 00:00:28.920] Where it was different, it lasted about forty-two years.

[00:00:28.920 – 00:00:34.060] So that’s how long it took me to get here.

[00:00:34.060 – 00:00:44.070] So I know– What, you know, what it used to be like, I don’t like to delve there too much, but I gotta remember that, you know, I am an alcoholic, and

[00:00:44.070 – 00:00:46.000] this program saved my life.

[00:00:46.000 – 00:00:56.000] Because I woke up on my fortieth birthday, and I said to myself, “You know, I gotta be better to myself the next forty

[00:00:56.000 – 00:01:01.579] years than I have been the last forty years,” and I didn’t know how.

[00:01:01.579 – 00:01:05.239] So it took me a while to get to Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:01:05.239 – 00:01:11.140] A-and when I got here, you know, there’s things along the way that, that, like, happened.

[00:01:11.140 – 00:01:14.459] I, I had to prove to people that I wasn’t an alcoholic.

[00:01:14.459 – 00:01:16.560] A lot of people accused me of being an alcoholic.

[00:01:16.560 – 00:01:24.680] And– But I could prove that I wasn’t, because I could stay off of the booze continuously for a whole month.

[00:01:24.680 – 00:01:29.819] And I did that for about six or seven years before I ever got here.

[00:01:29.819 – 00:01:32.959] And al-always in February, I could stay off.

[00:01:32.959 – 00:01:38.299] And the reason I picked February, it’s the shortest month in the year.

[00:01:38.299 – 00:01:44.620] But, but these are kind of scams I used to run on myself.

[00:01:44.620 – 00:01:48.200] But I– You know, I was disillusioned.

[00:01:48.200 – 00:01:55.519] It, it, uh, uh, I was raised with, uh, four, like, four brothers and a sister and a big family, six of us kids.

[00:01:55.519 – 00:01:57.400] And I had five uncles too.

[00:01:57.400 – 00:01:58.680] They were, like, all in a row.

[00:01:58.680 – 00:01:59.879] We were like five brothers.

[00:01:59.879 – 00:02:05.599] And, you know, people say I didn’t wanna come to Alcoholics Anonymous, didn’t wanna be an alcoholic.

[00:02:05.599 – 00:02:12.680] You know, I think I did because my Uncle Boots, he was the second one, and I was the second one in our family.

[00:02:12.680 – 00:02:16.319] And, you know, he got– he wrecked my grandpa’s car more.

[00:02:16.319 – 00:02:18.539] He got in jail more.

[00:02:18.539 – 00:02:19.939] He got in more fights.

[00:02:19.939 – 00:02:22.900] He, he had– I thought he had more fun than anybody.

[00:02:22.900 – 00:02:26.360] And I wa- I wanted to grow up and be just like him, and I did.

[00:02:26.360 – 00:02:29.620] Turned, turned out just like Uncle Boots.

[00:02:29.620 – 00:02:32.620] The only thing, shame was Uncle Boots never found AA.

[00:02:32.620 – 00:02:35.400] He died sixty years old of a heart attack.

[00:02:35.400 – 00:02:40.659] But, you know, those– there’s a lot of things that’ll bring you to AA.

[00:02:40.659 – 00:02:43.419] Like, I never got a DUI.

[00:02:43.419 – 00:02:46.479] I got a fistful of five-oh-twos.

[00:02:46.479 – 00:02:48.180] Yeah.

[00:02:48.180 – 00:02:50.520] They, they were before DUIs.

[00:02:50.520 – 00:02:54.860] But, uh, I got my last one in nineteen fifty-seven.

[00:02:54.860 – 00:02:56.780] That– The– Wait a minute.

[00:02:56.780 – 00:02:58.240] I, I better rephrase that.

[00:02:58.240 – 00:03:03.360] I got the last one that they made stick in nineteen fifty-seven.

[00:03:03.360 – 00:03:08.060] So I ha- I had a caree– I had– I lost businesses.

[00:03:08.060 – 00:03:09.659] I lost wife, this, that.

[00:03:09.659 – 00:03:17.020] I just lost, I guess, all a man could lose and still, you know, semi-function.

[00:03:17.020 – 00:03:23.680] But when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, it, it opened up.

[00:03:23.680 – 00:03:25.120] It opened up a new thing.

[00:03:25.120 – 00:03:35.120] But I had to, I had to do, I had, I had to do some work before I found out really in my, in my, like, in my guts that I

[00:03:35.120 – 00:03:36.159] was an alcoholic.

[00:03:36.159 – 00:03:44.469] And I, I tried when I, when I first came in, you know, and I think a lot of us went through this, is I wonder what, what caused me to be an alcoholic.

[00:03:44.469 – 00:03:46.680] Was it my, my, my dad?

[00:03:46.680 – 00:03:48.800] Well, my dad, I never seen my dad take a drink.

[00:03:48.800 – 00:03:52.819] Uh, was it this, or was it that?

[00:03:52.819 – 00:03:57.460] An incident– You know, in AA you hear a lot of people say, “Well, it was my dad.

[00:03:57.460 – 00:04:00.460] He and my grandma,” but never grandma.

[00:04:00.460 – 00:04:10.539] I haven’t heard anybody say, “It was my grandma’s fault that I’m an alcoholic.” Every other member of the family’s been laid on, but

[00:04:10.539 – 00:04:11.219] not grandma.

[00:04:11.219 – 00:04:18.279] But so anyway, you know, I had to find out something had to be, like, re-revealed to me.

[00:04:18.279 – 00:04:20.680] Like, I’d think I’d run the trip.

[00:04:20.680 – 00:04:21.879] Well, why this?

[00:04:21.879 – 00:04:22.360] Why that?

[00:04:22.360 – 00:04:32.579] And then I remembered, you know, when I used to get thrown in jail, and I’d wake up, there’s a certain tune that the, the jailer’s keys

[00:04:32.579 – 00:04:32.899] make.

[00:04:32.899 – 00:04:33.600] It dingles.

[00:04:33.600 – 00:04:36.740] There’s– I, I bet you if I heard it today, I would recognize it.

[00:04:36.740 – 00:04:38.579] I don’t wanna hear it, but if I did…

[00:04:38.579 – 00:04:41.019] And I think they– maybe they got electric keys now.

[00:04:41.019 – 00:04:41.519] I don’t know.

[00:04:41.519 – 00:04:49.540] But anyway, I could hear those keys, and I knew where I was before I ever opened my eyes, you know?

[00:04:49.540 – 00:04:55.980] And, you know, I never thought, “Well, how many drinks did I have?” or, “What did I do?” My first thought was, “What the hell?

[00:04:55.980 – 00:04:57.040] Who do I call now?

[00:04:57.040 – 00:05:07.120] Who’s not, who’s not pissed at me?” And this is the way I had to do with my– Once I realized in my gut inside that I was an

[00:05:07.120 – 00:05:16.759] alcoholic, I had to use those same things to get into myself to find out what I do now.

[00:05:16.759 – 00:05:18.420] So then I had to work the steps.

[00:05:18.420 – 00:05:21.500] And, see, with my program, that’s the way it works.

[00:05:21.500 – 00:05:26.600] I have to relay this to something that is familiar to me.

[00:05:26.600 – 00:05:28.879] Now, I was raised during the Depression.

[00:05:28.879 – 00:05:30.980] We had a– Like I said, we had a big family.

[00:05:30.980 – 00:05:41.000] Now, if I want to go off and somewheres and goof off and not show up for dinner table, you know that suited everybody just fine, especially all them big brothers I

[00:05:41.000 – 00:05:41.199] got.

[00:05:41.199 – 00:05:42.139] They had long arms.

[00:05:42.139 – 00:05:51.519] And if I went and had business, my mother would, would put me a plate over, and, and I got home, that would be it if I would go to school business.

[00:05:51.519 – 00:05:59.180] But I had to put AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, on the same level of survival.

[00:05:59.180 – 00:06:09.220] I hear today– You know, I hear– One of the saddest things I can hear in an AA meeting is, “I quit going to meetings.” You

[00:06:09.220 – 00:06:09.680] hear that?

[00:06:09.680 – 00:06:12.339] And you know good and well what’s coming next.

[00:06:12.339 – 00:06:16.300] Either they got drunk or they got in some kind of trouble.

[00:06:16.300 – 00:06:18.000] Invariably, it’s happened.

[00:06:18.000 – 00:06:28.839] I have never heard any someone– somebody get up, get in a meeting and say, “You know, I quit going to meetings, and now everything got better.” It

[00:06:28.839 – 00:06:29.920] ain’t how it works.

[00:06:29.920 – 00:06:31.379] So, you know, and not…

[00:06:31.379 – 00:06:33.279] But today, I, I love to go to meetings.

[00:06:33.279 – 00:06:37.589] And when I went up, came to Alcoholics stuff, I had to come to meetings.

[00:06:37.589 – 00:06:43.959] They told me, “Come to every meeting, and don’t drink between times, and come to meetings.” And I did.

[00:06:43.959 – 00:06:47.959] But that’s because I, I felt I was, you know, I was forced to.

[00:06:47.959 – 00:06:54.939] But, and not, not by the judge, but th-those days they didn’t– the judges didn’t send us to meetings.

[00:06:54.939 – 00:06:58.250] But my sponsor says, “You know, come to a lot of meetings.

[00:06:58.250 – 00:07:02.220] Don’t drink be-be-uh, between.” And you know, I had to.

[00:07:02.220 – 00:07:05.959] But today, you know, I have the privilege of going to a lot of meetings.

[00:07:05.959 – 00:07:11.180] My friends are all in Alcoholics Anonymous, or not all of them, but most of them.

[00:07:11.180 – 00:07:13.699] My family is in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:07:13.699 – 00:07:18.540] Not my brothers and sisters by blood, but my brothers and sisters.

[00:07:18.540 – 00:07:21.000] You know, they’re– My family is in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:07:21.000 – 00:07:27.500] I’ve got, I’ve got people all over that, uh, I know in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:07:27.500 – 00:07:31.339] Matter of fact, I got people I can go and live with and stay for a little while.

[00:07:31.339 – 00:07:34.180] Like, hey, I, I got a friend of mine lives down Mexico.

[00:07:34.180 – 00:07:37.660] I can go down to Baja and stay with him as long as I want.

[00:07:37.660 – 00:07:40.939] Of course, he can come stay with me as long as he wants to too.

[00:07:40.939 – 00:07:42.379] But…

[00:07:42.379 – 00:07:48.379] And it’s just so much that’s been added, which is all taken away.

[00:07:48.379 – 00:07:49.819] And I w– I was getting ready to lose.

[00:07:49.819 – 00:07:57.740] My doctor told me, he says, “If you keep up like you’re going,” and I’ve had– I had the same doctor for forty-five years.

[00:07:57.740 – 00:08:07.899] He says, “Ten, twelve years is about all you got.” So, you know, if you kind of figure up and count on your fingers,

[00:08:07.899 – 00:08:10.579] you know, I’ve cheated him for about thirty-five years.

[00:08:10.579 – 00:08:13.139] So I’ve, I’ve got some extra time.

[00:08:13.139 – 00:08:15.560] And I, I’m gonna– I got more time.

[00:08:15.560 – 00:08:19.259] See, today, I look forward to my meetings.

[00:08:19.259 – 00:08:22.399] And I, I hope that you people can get…

[00:08:22.399 – 00:08:32.419] I, if there’s one thing, one message that I could give people in Alcoholics Anonymous is you got to go to

[00:08:32.419 – 00:08:32.899] meetings.

[00:08:32.899 – 00:08:35.019] Because that’s our…

[00:08:35.019 – 00:08:43.080] If you just go and if you listen, there’ll be things people say, “Well, I quit going to meetings,” and we know what happens to the people that quit going to meetings.

[00:08:43.080 – 00:08:45.600] And I don’t like to see it happen to my friends.

[00:08:45.600 – 00:08:49.480] Even some of the guys I don’t like, I don’t like to see it happen to.

[00:08:49.480 – 00:08:55.159] So, you know, so I, I’m glad everybody’s here.

[00:08:55.159 – 00:08:57.500] Come out and, and, uh, and have fun.

[00:08:57.500 – 00:09:00.740] The-these conferences are good if your first conference.

[00:09:00.740 – 00:09:02.159] Uh, enjoy it.

[00:09:02.159 – 00:09:05.080] Don’t be overwhelmed because this is like on…

[00:09:05.080 – 00:09:08.220] I’ve never been– This is my first time at this conference.

[00:09:08.220 – 00:09:12.039] I’ve been to other conferences, and we got a very small crowd.

[00:09:12.039 – 00:09:19.200] But then, like, tomorrow night, this thing, this room will probably be filled, and there’ll be standing room only in the back there.

[00:09:19.200 – 00:09:20.460] There’ll be a lot of people here.

[00:09:20.460 – 00:09:24.519] It, it’s a good place to come and get in the habit of doing.

[00:09:24.519 – 00:09:27.700] If you get in the habit, it’s these just…

[00:09:27.700 – 00:09:32.860] But I gotta say one more, and I, I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but it’s not very long.

[00:09:32.860 – 00:09:35.059] But I’m not supposed to be up here very long.

[00:09:35.059 – 00:09:44.279] But if there’s one thing I can get over, if you wanna have a good life, is just keep coming back.

[00:09:44.279 – 00:09:45.799] Just keep coming back.

[00:09:45.799 – 00:09:47.139] Thank you for letting me talk.

[00:09:47.139 – 00:09:56.720] That’s my friend Archie.

[00:09:56.720 – 00:10:01.179] I’ve been sober two months longer than him, and I never let him forget it.

[00:10:01.179 – 00:10:07.480] Now we’ll hear from the Polish princess, Denise.

[00:10:07.480 – 00:10:17.340] My name is Denise, and I’m an alcoholic.

[00:10:17.340 – 00:10:18.720] Hi, Denise.

[00:10:18.720 – 00:10:23.279] Yeah, that’s a nice, uh, nickname that I acquired.

[00:10:23.279 – 00:10:26.379] I used to be Saint Denise at one time.

[00:10:26.379 – 00:10:31.279] But, uh, then I got demoted.

[00:10:31.279 – 00:10:36.460] Anyways, uh, uh, I don’t know.

[00:10:36.460 – 00:10:42.690] I’ve been doing this for many years, and, uh, I still get my heart is just beep, beep, beep, beep.

[00:10:42.690 – 00:10:45.379] But anyways, it’s because I think I care.

[00:10:45.379 – 00:10:49.620] I care because I wanna say something that is gonna help somebody.

[00:10:49.620 – 00:10:57.779] You know, uh, my, uh, sobriety date is Fourth of July 1966.

[00:10:57.779 – 00:11:04.600] I, uh, this is my last one, I hope, because I came here a little early.

[00:11:04.600 – 00:11:13.399] I came in s- sixty-one when my, uh, son was one year old, and, uh, I had another one that was, uh, five years old.

[00:11:13.399 – 00:11:17.080] And I figure, you know, uh, uh, uh, “What’s the matter with Denise?

[00:11:17.080 – 00:11:19.049] Why are you drinking so much?

[00:11:19.049 – 00:11:23.779] You know, you have two small children.” I said, “Okay, tomorrow I’ll take them to the park.

[00:11:23.779 – 00:11:29.620] I gotta do all these wonderful things, but today I’m gonna have another drink.” And tomorrow never came.

[00:11:29.620 – 00:11:38.179] It was, uh, you know, when I came here to this program and I heard the word, you know, just for today, I said today didn’t mean anything to me.

[00:11:38.179 – 00:11:41.059] Today I was getting drunk, and tomorrow I was not gonna drink.

[00:11:41.059 – 00:11:42.600] That was my pattern.

[00:11:42.600 – 00:11:49.200] And that was each day I was swearing that I was gonna do all these wonderful things tomorrow, and the tomorrow never came.

[00:11:49.200 – 00:11:54.379] Because meantime, I was, uh, trying to figure out what to do.

[00:11:54.379 – 00:11:57.419] And I came across a magazine, an article.

[00:11:57.419 – 00:12:03.960] It said that, uh, this woman had two children and, uh, uh, was an alcoholic and went to AA.

[00:12:03.960 – 00:12:05.940] I didn’t know anything about AA.

[00:12:05.940 – 00:12:11.399] But, uh, in fact, when I was looking in a phone book for it, uh, I looked under triple A.

[00:12:11.399 – 00:12:17.751] So those days, you know, nobody came out on television, said, “You know, I’m, you know, recovery.

[00:12:17.751 – 00:12:18.912] I’m blah, blah, blah,” whatever.

[00:12:18.912 – 00:12:26.201] Like, we have to– Now, you know, we have all this since Betty Ford, you know, opened up the door to sobriety, I think, for a lot of people.

[00:12:26.201 – 00:12:31.611] So anyways, uh, so I found out, you know, uh, I went to that…

[00:12:31.611 – 00:12:38.331] You know, I’m not gonna go to, to the details how I got to my first meeting because it’s kinda crazy.

[00:12:38.331 – 00:12:44.731] But anyways, so I, when I came to the– Everybody was wonderful, but, you know, I, I was staying away.

[00:12:44.731 – 00:12:48.052] I didn’t want to answer any questions, you know?

[00:12:48.052 – 00:12:49.491] I wanna ask them.

[00:12:49.491 – 00:12:59.692] And they, they, um, s-greeted me, you know, like we do with the newcomers and, and open arms, and they were kind and very nice, and, but they were all forty-five

[00:12:59.692 – 00:13:00.171] and up.

[00:13:00.171 – 00:13:02.371] I said, “What the hell am I doing here?

[00:13:02.371 – 00:13:05.552] I’m too old to be an alcohol– I mean, too young to be an alcoholic.

[00:13:05.552 – 00:13:09.892] These are old people.” You know, and some were, you know, he was mentioning five oh two.

[00:13:09.892 – 00:13:10.751] That’s what I heard.

[00:13:10.751 – 00:13:11.831] They had five oh twos.

[00:13:11.831 – 00:13:15.111] They were in jails, hospitals, and all this stuff, you know.

[00:13:15.111 – 00:13:21.371] Me, little housewife with two little kids, I still have a car, I still have a husband, I still have house.

[00:13:21.371 – 00:13:23.172] You know, w-w– It’s not…

[00:13:23.172 – 00:13:25.451] Yeah, just drink a little bit too much, you know?

[00:13:25.451 – 00:13:28.131] Uh, maybe I’m just a little bit alcoholic.

[00:13:28.131 – 00:13:30.471] Well, they straightened me up about that, you know?

[00:13:30.471 – 00:13:32.991] Just to be like being pregnant, you know?

[00:13:32.991 – 00:13:34.951] Either you are or you’re not.

[00:13:34.951 – 00:13:45.172] And, uh, and one man was just so tired of, of listening to my just say, “No, no, no, I didn’t do this, I didn’t do that,” and then, you know, I just wanted them to say,

[00:13:45.172 – 00:13:46.111] “Go and drink.

[00:13:46.111 – 00:13:49.131] You’re not an alcoholic.” And nobody told me that, you know?

[00:13:49.131 – 00:13:59.091] And, uh, but he, one day he was so upset with me, he says, “If you’re not an alcoholic, what the hell are you doing here?” And I really s– Well, I was really upset.

[00:13:59.091 – 00:14:01.292] I w– didn’t go to a next meeting anymore.

[00:14:01.292 – 00:14:08.371] And I, i-if, if he was there at the meeting next time I went, I just walked out, you know?

[00:14:08.371 – 00:14:10.331] Because he hurt my pride.

[00:14:10.331 – 00:14:17.991] But anyways, um, so this was just a trial, you know, you know, period for me to see.

[00:14:17.991 – 00:14:22.011] I, I stayed dry, but, you know, it was impossible to live with.

[00:14:22.011 – 00:14:26.152] I remember my husband one time says, “What the hell is the matter with you?

[00:14:26.152 – 00:14:34.052] You know, why are you so nervous and screaming and yelling?” And, and, and I said, uh, “Well, because I haven’t been drinking.

[00:14:34.052 – 00:14:36.971] Didn’t you notice?” I said, “Well, yeah, I noticed.

[00:14:36.971 – 00:14:46.392] You’re crazy.” Said, “Why don’t you have a drink and leave me alone?” So now I have a permission of my husband, okay?

[00:14:46.392 – 00:14:48.152] So now I’m drinking again.

[00:14:48.152 – 00:14:50.971] But again, the same thing happens, you know?

[00:14:50.971 – 00:14:52.292] I’m not going to meetings.

[00:14:52.292 – 00:14:53.871] I’m not having a sponsor.

[00:14:53.871 – 00:14:55.192] I’m not reading the big book.

[00:14:55.192 – 00:14:58.371] I’m not doing anything that is suggested for a newcomer.

[00:14:58.371 – 00:15:00.772] I was gonna figure out my own program.

[00:15:00.772 – 00:15:03.932] Well, you know, needless to say, it doesn’t work.

[00:15:03.932 – 00:15:06.111] Because I tried really hard.

[00:15:06.111 – 00:15:08.131] I mean, you know, we’re smart people.

[00:15:08.131 – 00:15:12.772] You know, we– If there was a way of figuring out, we would’ve figured out a long time ago.

[00:15:12.772 – 00:15:20.032] But here we are, and here I am, you know, after forty-five years, I still haven’t found out anything that w-will replace.

[00:15:20.032 – 00:15:21.091] But why would I?

[00:15:21.091 – 00:15:24.792] I have a life that I had never, never imagined.

[00:15:24.792 – 00:15:34.851] You know, you know, when, when we say, you know, this is, you know, my, my worst day in sobriety is, is better than, than

[00:15:34.851 – 00:15:36.631] my best day when I was drinking.

[00:15:36.631 – 00:15:41.072] Because when I was drinking, it was a nightmare, even though I thought I had a lot of fun.

[00:15:41.072 – 00:15:42.831] Sure, I had a lot of fun at the beginning.

[00:15:42.831 – 00:15:53.152] You know, when I was, uh, you know, uh, uh, celebrating or going, you know, with people to a restaurant or whatever, and we had drinks

[00:15:53.152 – 00:15:54.672] or at parties or a wedding.

[00:15:54.672 – 00:15:57.192] Yeah, but then during the week, I didn’t drink.

[00:15:57.192 – 00:15:59.711] And I thought I was just a fun girl.

[00:15:59.711 – 00:16:09.751] Well, later on, when, when I started drinking in front of the television set and with a jug of wine next to me, and then looking at it and say, “Who

[00:16:09.751 – 00:16:14.831] the hell drank my wine?” You know, because I was just sipping, sipping, sipping, you know?

[00:16:14.831 – 00:16:24.032] I never, uh, I, I said one time, I said, “I don’t, I don’t think I ever had a blackout.” Well, of course, I don’t remember if I had a blackout.

[00:16:24.032 – 00:16:34.111] So, uh, anyways, uh, finally, when I came back to this program, when we moved to Danville, I came back really willing to be

[00:16:34.111 – 00:16:37.772] listening and, and, and willing to, to d– work the program.

[00:16:37.772 – 00:16:43.631] And since then, it’s just a happy, you know, journey like we were promised.

[00:16:43.631 – 00:16:53.711] You know, when I get to the subject of gratitude, you know, I, I get very, very emotional because my idea of good life and wonderful things, you know,

[00:16:53.711 – 00:16:55.572] was just having plenty of booze.

[00:16:55.572 – 00:17:05.672] When I went to the liquor store, and there was– they were all lined up nice, and I bought a bottle, I said, “Good, that’s one less.” I thought I would kinda outdrink that liquor

[00:17:05.672 – 00:17:06.152] store, you know?

[00:17:06.152 – 00:17:09.412] And then next day I went there, it’s, it’s full again.

[00:17:09.412 – 00:17:13.372] You know, uh, so I knew that I cannot win this battle.

[00:17:13.372 – 00:17:18.991] And, you know, little by little, we know we’re not convinced one day and say, you know, “It’s a beautiful day.

[00:17:18.991 – 00:17:20.511] I think I’ll go to AA,” you know?

[00:17:20.511 – 00:17:22.751] No, we’re– we have to suffer.

[00:17:22.751 – 00:17:24.192] We have to pay the price.

[00:17:24.192 – 00:17:34.692] We’re– I’ve heard it said that this is the most, you know, uh, expensive dues for any club, and then once you join, it’s free, you

[00:17:34.692 – 00:17:34.852] know?

[00:17:34.852 – 00:17:40.951] Because, uh, uh, the, the dues, the initiation fee is very, very expensive.

[00:17:40.951 – 00:17:49.271] It, it’s a lot of, a lot of, uh, not only money, but heartache and, and misery.

[00:17:49.271 – 00:17:52.192] And not only ours, but the people around us.

[00:17:52.192 – 00:18:01.271] You know, I didn’t come here because– First time that I c– I, I thought I made a big sacrifice, you know, for my children, for my husband.

[00:18:01.271 – 00:18:04.852] And that was the pretext, you know, that I came here.

[00:18:04.852 – 00:18:08.531] Never realized that I have to start with me first, you know?

[00:18:08.531 – 00:18:10.991] And then the second time I came for myself.

[00:18:10.991 – 00:18:18.152] And the woman that took me to my first meeting, she said she had twelve years of sobriety.

[00:18:18.152 – 00:18:19.892] I said, “She’s just lying.

[00:18:19.892 – 00:18:22.031] She’s trying to, you know, impress me.

[00:18:22.031 – 00:18:24.152] Nobody has twelve years,” you know?

[00:18:24.152 – 00:18:30.132] Well, here I am, you know, after all that journey, and I, I, I believe that it’s possible.

[00:18:30.132 – 00:18:34.711] But like it was said by a previous speaker, we gotta work this program, you know?

[00:18:34.711 – 00:18:35.751] It doesn’t come easy.

[00:18:35.751 – 00:18:39.791] But I, for me, right now, I don’t work the program.

[00:18:39.791 – 00:18:40.872] Program works me.

[00:18:40.872 – 00:18:44.311] You know, I go like this energizing bunny.

[00:18:44.311 – 00:18:53.271] You know, I get up in the morning, I say my, my prayers to God, thank Him for the good night, and ask Him for, you know, for guidance through the day.

[00:18:53.271 – 00:19:00.711] And the day goes on, no matter what happens, you know, at evening, I say, “Thank you, God,” and He get me sleep in peace.

[00:19:00.711 – 00:19:03.172] And this is how I work this program.

[00:19:03.172 – 00:19:13.332] You know, I go to a lot of meetings, even though I’ve been, you know, here for a while, because I f– I need to t-tell the young people how wonderful the life is

[00:19:13.332 – 00:19:14.372] without alcohol.

[00:19:14.372 – 00:19:19.491] Besides, they have to see that the program works, not only for one year, two years, and five years.

[00:19:19.491 – 00:19:24.932] It works for as long as you want it, you know, as long as you keep coming back, you know?

[00:19:24.932 – 00:19:27.852] This is w– this is the only game in town.

[00:19:27.852 – 00:19:29.531] Like I said, we’re smart people.

[00:19:29.531 – 00:19:35.392] We could have figured out something, you know, if it was anything else, uh, and a other solution.

[00:19:35.392 – 00:19:36.991] But why would I wanna do it?

[00:19:36.991 – 00:19:39.332] I have everything I’ve ever dreamed.

[00:19:39.332 – 00:19:43.372] You know, my, my dreams of when I was drinking was material dreams.

[00:19:43.372 – 00:19:50.311] You know, some things, you know, uh, those things you see on television or in movies, whatever.

[00:19:50.311 – 00:19:52.372] Now I have a very simple life.

[00:19:52.372 – 00:19:53.832] I live, live in Rossmoor.

[00:19:53.832 – 00:19:55.192] I have a roof over my head.

[00:19:55.192 – 00:19:57.251] I have food, my refrigerator is packed.

[00:19:57.251 – 00:20:00.872] You know, in fa– I, I’m trying to lose weight, you know?

[00:20:00.872 – 00:20:04.811] And, you know, I, I got my meetings.

[00:20:04.811 – 00:20:08.261] I have tons and tons of friends and people that love-

[00:20:08.422 – 00:20:09.422] Me, and I love them.

[00:20:09.422 – 00:20:11.022] I sponsor people.

[00:20:11.022 – 00:20:13.062] I’m, um, everywhere.

[00:20:13.062 – 00:20:16.542] You know, it’s, it’s like something is pulling me to go out to a meeting.

[00:20:16.542 – 00:20:20.562] Sometime, you know, it says, “Oh, I j- I don’t think I feel so good today.

[00:20:20.562 – 00:20:28.132] Maybe I should stay home,” and something says, “Go.” So I put my clothes on and go, you know.

[00:20:28.132 – 00:20:35.222] And like I said, I just keep going and going because I know this is a, a supply of my, for my disease.

[00:20:35.222 – 00:20:42.942] Just like I, you know, have other problem, physical problems, doctor gave me medication that I have to take the rest of my life.

[00:20:42.942 – 00:20:47.362] Well, this is my medication for my disease, the rest of my life with these meetings.

[00:20:47.362 – 00:20:49.562] But, you know, what a reward, you know?

[00:20:49.562 – 00:20:51.422] This is not a hard pill to swallow.

[00:20:51.422 – 00:20:53.822] It is a very, very easy way.

[00:20:53.822 – 00:20:58.972] Besides, the more I give, the more I receive, and that’s how this program works, you know?

[00:20:58.972 – 00:21:01.722] So I like to keep it very simple.

[00:21:01.722 – 00:21:06.942] You know, I love meetings when there’s a newcomer, and we go stick to the basics.

[00:21:06.942 – 00:21:08.462] You know, recently I was…

[00:21:08.462 – 00:21:17.402] Today I was talking to a friend of mine, and I said that she says she was watching something, and it was tr- had this word, word HALT.

[00:21:17.402 – 00:21:26.002] I said, “Yes, it’s for don’t get too hungry, too angry, lonely, or tired.” You know, th-things like that remind me of how what we used to.

[00:21:26.002 – 00:21:27.802] We used to s-say a lot of these.

[00:21:27.802 – 00:21:29.722] Think, think, think, first things first.

[00:21:29.722 – 00:21:31.902] By the way, think, think, think is for the sponsor.

[00:21:31.902 – 00:21:36.562] Uh, easy does it, one day at a time.

[00:21:36.562 – 00:21:39.622] All these slogans are very, very important, you know?

[00:21:39.622 – 00:21:45.202] And, and it’s just that first drink that’s gonna get you, and not the l- you know, and the third or fourth.

[00:21:45.202 – 00:21:48.822] I w– when I heard that first drink, I s- I never got drunk on the first drink.

[00:21:48.822 – 00:21:50.982] And, but then I, I understand.

[00:21:50.982 – 00:21:55.402] If I, if I take that first drink, it just sparks this fire.

[00:21:55.402 – 00:21:58.342] It just like that, and you h- there we go again.

[00:21:58.342 – 00:22:00.462] And then it, then nothing matters.

[00:22:00.462 – 00:22:01.922] Family doesn’t matter.

[00:22:01.922 – 00:22:03.642] You know, people don’t matter.

[00:22:03.642 – 00:22:05.742] Nothing matter, and we lose everything.

[00:22:05.742 – 00:22:15.802] So, uh, I, I thank God that I escaped from this tr- you know, horrible, horrible life that was waiting for me, that I came here just in

[00:22:15.802 – 00:22:19.702] time, that I, I wasn’t too young for this program, you know?

[00:22:19.702 – 00:22:23.122] I was too old to be already in my disease.

[00:22:23.122 – 00:22:27.582] So here I am, and, and I love you, and thank you for listening.

[00:22:27.582 – 00:22:37.242] Squeeze in here real quick.

[00:22:37.242 – 00:22:41.222] Oh, that’s what that’s for.

[00:22:41.222 – 00:22:45.482] So for when I counted my money, you put it on my finger.

[00:22:45.482 – 00:22:47.982] Joni, would you like to talk next?

[00:22:47.982 – 00:22:48.312] Sure.

[00:22:48.312 – 00:22:49.822] You want me to?

[00:22:49.822 – 00:22:50.402] Yes.

[00:22:50.402 – 00:22:55.852] I’m the short one.

[00:22:55.852 – 00:22:57.422] I have to bring this down.

[00:22:57.422 – 00:22:59.122] Hi, everyone.

[00:22:59.122 – 00:23:00.622] I’m Joan, an alcoholic.

[00:23:00.622 – 00:23:01.192] Hi, Joan.

[00:23:01.192 – 00:23:11.042] And I’m very happy to be here today, and I thank you, Bill, for giving me an opportunity to express my gratitude for Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:23:11.042 – 00:23:19.762] Um, I, you know, I’m just trying to think how I can say it all fast in 10 minutes, but I can’t.

[00:23:19.762 – 00:23:23.522] But I will give you a little bit about myself.

[00:23:23.522 – 00:23:34.982] Um, I was, uh, born in New York, lived in the East Coast, and, um, um, I came to California in ’67, and

[00:23:34.982 – 00:23:36.562] that was my last year of drinking.

[00:23:36.562 – 00:23:38.022] California did me in.

[00:23:38.022 – 00:23:47.402] Um, I got sober July 29th, 1968, and, uh, I was like Denise.

[00:23:47.402 – 00:23:57.442] I thought I was too young, and I thought, well, you know, maybe if I was like 50 or 60 I could stay sober, never knowing I was

[00:23:57.442 – 00:24:01.902] someday gonna be past that and staying sober.

[00:24:01.902 – 00:24:11.622] But, um, through this wonderful program, and the steps, and the grace of God, I never had to take another drink from my first meeting.

[00:24:11.622 – 00:24:21.862] I had called Alcoholics Anonymous a year before that because, uh, my drinking was getting really bad, and,

[00:24:21.862 – 00:24:28.402] um, you know, I had a lot of blackout drinking, and I’d had that from the start.

[00:24:28.402 – 00:24:32.142] From 18, I had blackout drinking all along.

[00:24:32.142 – 00:24:41.642] And, um, my husband, uh, I married at 21, and, um, we had a, our baby at…

[00:24:41.642 – 00:24:45.022] I was still 21, but it was 10 months.

[00:24:45.022 – 00:24:49.561] And my father was counting the months, believe me.

[00:24:49.561 – 00:24:59.802] Anyway, um, a, a lot of my drinking, you know, we drank together, and he was a heavy drinker, but he was not an alcoholic,

[00:24:59.802 – 00:25:07.342] and he did not understand nor believe that I couldn’t remember what I did the night before, you know?

[00:25:07.342 – 00:25:17.022] And there were lots of fights and lots of problems, and, um, you know, I started off just like weekend drinking and having a lot of fun.

[00:25:17.022 – 00:25:22.002] But to me, you know, I never felt good until I had a couple of drinks.

[00:25:22.002 – 00:25:29.222] Then it was like I was relaxed and everything around me was okay.

[00:25:29.222 – 00:25:39.302] Uh, but before that, you know, in the Big Book where it says we’re restless, irritable, and discontent, well, I didn’t know that,

[00:25:39.302 – 00:25:43.282] but that’s what I was, and depressed a lot, too.

[00:25:43.282 – 00:25:47.142] I, I didn’t know that either till I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:25:47.142 – 00:25:54.162] But anyway, um, um, I called Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:25:54.162 – 00:26:02.682] Well, my drinking went, you know, from weekend drinking, um, I always took a morning drink because it kept me together.

[00:26:02.682 – 00:26:07.402] And I didn’t think anything was wrong with that, you know?

[00:26:07.402 – 00:26:11.382] I grew up in a home, um, where there was drinking, alcoholic home.

[00:26:11.382 – 00:26:17.782] And, um, I always saw them taking a little nip in the morning to get straightened out, you know?

[00:26:17.782 – 00:26:21.402] And I thought that was okay, hair of the dog, you know?

[00:26:21.402 – 00:26:31.502] So anyway, um, my drinking, um, you know, I did a lot of the things I said I’d never do, like I would

[00:26:31.502 – 00:26:33.362] n- never was going to drink alone.

[00:26:33.362 – 00:26:35.502] Well, I did drink alone.

[00:26:35.502 – 00:26:42.942] And, um, I became very sneaky and lied, you know, about my drinking.

[00:26:42.942 – 00:26:49.262] And, um, always I would say, “Well, I just had one or two,” you know?

[00:26:49.262 – 00:26:54.862] God only knows how many I had, you know, but I always tried to stick to that story.

[00:26:54.862 – 00:26:58.902] But I don’t think it, anyone believed it anyway.

[00:26:58.902 – 00:27:09.762] But the only, uh, people who really talked to me a- about my drinking was my father, who was a rip-roaring alcoholic, and,

[00:27:09.762 – 00:27:14.802] um, my husband, and no one else really said anything to me.

[00:27:14.802 – 00:27:21.802] And, you know, the– I’m sure they didn’t wanna take their life in their hands, uh, confronting me, you know?

[00:27:21.802 – 00:27:30.762] Anyway, um, I was very incensed when my father talked to me about my drinking, because they caught me one night.

[00:27:30.762 – 00:27:32.462] They came to visit.

[00:27:32.462 – 00:27:35.702] I was still in the East, and they came down to see the kids.

[00:27:35.702 – 00:27:42.442] You know, my two little boys, and my husband was away, and they came down, and I was drinking.

[00:27:42.442 – 00:27:46.442] And, um, he talked to me about my drinking.

[00:27:46.442 – 00:27:49.022] Oh, not me.

[00:27:49.022 – 00:27:53.122] Just, just one, you know, this was nothing, you know?

[00:27:53.122 – 00:27:59.762] And, you know, I could not even consider, even think of giving up drinking.

[00:27:59.762 – 00:28:01.322] There was no way.

[00:28:01.322 – 00:28:07.742] To me, it was the only time I ever felt good until I got bad, you know, which I did.

[00:28:07.742 – 00:28:09.922] My, I had personality change.

[00:28:09.922 – 00:28:20.422] And, um, as my drinking went on, um, you know, I would get obnoxious and fight and argue, and they’d

[00:28:20.422 – 00:28:23.542] ask my husband to take me home, take me out of the bar.

[00:28:23.542 – 00:28:29.002] Get, you know, “Get her out of here ’cause she’s starting fights.” And I mean, it wouldn’t matter.

[00:28:29.002 – 00:28:32.582] It w- could be the way you looked or something you said, you know.

[00:28:32.582 – 00:28:34.242] I would react to that.

[00:28:34.242 – 00:28:41.842] And, you know, I would be so ashamed the next day because that’s not how I was supposed to behave.

[00:28:41.842 – 00:28:43.342] You know, I wanted to be a lady.

[00:28:43.342 – 00:28:45.322] I didn’t wanna be like that.

[00:28:45.322 – 00:28:55.422] And, um, anyway, um, just quickly, my, my ending years of drinking,

[00:28:55.422 – 00:29:05.782] I started withdrawing more and more into my home, pulling down the shades, you know, drinking alone.

[00:29:05.782 – 00:29:11.122] And, um, I had terrible guilts and remorse because of my children.

[00:29:11.122 – 00:29:19.942] I had these two little boys who I loved, and I was not being a good mother, and I knew it.

[00:29:19.942 – 00:29:27.822] And, um, my husband, you know, he traveled and worked, and, um, our marriage was not good.

[00:29:27.822 – 00:29:33.302] And there were problems there and problems at school with my children.

[00:29:33.302 – 00:29:40.462] And of course, there’s never anything wrong at home when they would call me and ask, “Is there some problem at home?

[00:29:40.462 – 00:29:49.662] Ken seems to be having problems here at school.” Or, “Oh, no, everything’s fine.” You know, I just lied and was in such denial.

[00:29:49.662 – 00:29:58.722] But anyway, um, that last year out here was just really bad, and I, I, I went really fast at, with my drinking.

[00:29:58.722 – 00:30:01.302] But I still consider myself a periodic.

[00:30:01.302 – 00:30:04.292] I, I’m not a daily drinker.

[00:30:04.292 – 00:30:05.202] I’m a periodic.

[00:30:05.202 – 00:30:14.242] And, um, you know, I could get myself going and think it’s, “Oh, it– I’m, I’m doing better now,” and then, you know, I’d start drinking again.

[00:30:14.242 – 00:30:16.602] I couldn’t stay away, away from it.

[00:30:16.602 – 00:30:22.942] And, um, you know, when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I couldn’t live with it or without it anymore.

[00:30:22.942 – 00:30:27.062] And it’s a terrible place for us to be when we get there.

[00:30:27.062 – 00:30:34.842] And, um, you know, I did not, um, have 502s or DUIs yet.

[00:30:34.842 – 00:30:36.102] I haven’t had any.

[00:30:36.102 – 00:30:38.802] I could have had them, but I didn’t get caught.

[00:30:38.802 – 00:30:48.402] And, uh, and you know, when I was younger and drinking, uh, in the East, you know, they’d just have you go home.

[00:30:48.402 – 00:30:54.302] Th- they didn’t put you away, and it was just different than it is today when you’re drinking.

[00:30:54.302 – 00:31:04.302] I mean, my husband cracked his car up, up a pole his bachelor party, and, um, the

[00:31:04.302 – 00:31:06.002] policemen didn’t– they didn’t do anything to him.

[00:31:06.002 – 00:31:09.882] They just put him in the car and brought him over to my sister’s house where I was.

[00:31:09.882 – 00:31:11.882] You know, it was different.

[00:31:11.882 – 00:31:13.322] It’s not like today.

[00:31:13.322 – 00:31:14.722] They slam you in jail.

[00:31:14.722 – 00:31:19.482] But anyway, um, I wanna just tell you quickly how the message of Alcoholics…

[00:31:19.482 – 00:31:22.942] And I called Alcoholics Anonymous, like I said, in ’67.

[00:31:22.942 – 00:31:29.642] I read all the literature, and I thought, “You know, um, I have a place to live.

[00:31:29.642 – 00:31:31.362] I have my husband.

[00:31:31.362 – 00:31:32.202] I have my children.

[00:31:32.202 – 00:31:33.662] I haven’t lost everything.

[00:31:33.662 – 00:31:37.582] I’m not like you people.” You know?

[00:31:37.582 – 00:31:39.622] I, I just couldn’t see it.

[00:31:39.622 – 00:31:44.782] And, um, in my mind, you know, I had to really be, like, on skid row.

[00:31:44.782 – 00:31:53.062] You know, this was in ’67 when we didn’t know that much about alcoholism then, and it was a real moral issue to me.

[00:31:53.062 – 00:31:56.862] And, uh, the shame and the guilt was terrible.

[00:31:56.862 – 00:32:02.802] And, um, I went home for a visit after a year I was out here.

[00:32:02.802 – 00:32:10.202] And, um, I didn’t tell you I have three– I had three brothers, and my sister and I, there were five of us.

[00:32:10.202 – 00:32:12.142] Dad was an alcoholic.

[00:32:12.142 – 00:32:15.902] My older brother was an alcoholic.

[00:32:15.902 – 00:32:20.878] My other brother was now, all three brothers are alcoholic, and I am.

[00:32:20.878 – 00:32:24.698] My sister is the only one who’s in Al-Anon.

[00:32:24.698 – 00:32:25.658] God love her.

[00:32:25.658 – 00:32:29.238] Um, she’s a wonderful sister, too.

[00:32:29.238 – 00:32:39.378] Anyway, um, my oldest brother, Jack, talked to me at my mother’s house while I was drinking and told me how he was sober

[00:32:39.378 – 00:32:48.998] in Alcoholics Anonymous for a year, and my first reaction was, “Well, thank God.” “You are such an alcoholic, Jack.

[00:32:48.998 – 00:32:59.038] You know, you’re such a jerk , and, and he had six children, you know, and I used to get so mad at him when I was young, growing up, and he was 10 years older

[00:32:59.038 – 00:33:04.898] than me and, and, and for his little, uh, my nieces and nephews, I love them so much.

[00:33:04.898 – 00:33:10.058] And anyway, um, but he was different.

[00:33:10.058 – 00:33:12.498] There was a difference about him.

[00:33:12.498 – 00:33:22.597] He was, he was so kind that day to, that time to my children, and so loving, and I was feeling so

[00:33:22.597 – 00:33:24.858] guilty and bad, you know?

[00:33:24.858 – 00:33:34.978] And, uh, what I know today, I didn’t know then, what I saw in him was a spiritual awakening in action,

[00:33:34.978 – 00:33:36.397] and I didn’t know about that.

[00:33:36.397 – 00:33:44.618] Uh, anyway, I, I came back out to California, and I drank for another month, and it got really bad.

[00:33:44.618 – 00:33:49.658] I, I could’ve got in a lot of trouble, um, but I didn’t.

[00:33:49.658 – 00:33:53.558] And, um, I called Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:33:53.558 – 00:33:57.758] I thought, “I’ll just…” You know, we get that moment of clarity.

[00:33:57.758 – 00:34:08.018] I was in my kitchen at the table, just in misery, dying, and I thought, “Maybe, maybe, maybe Alcoholics

[00:34:08.018 – 00:34:12.578] Anonymous.” So I called, and I said, “I want to come to a meeting.

[00:34:12.578 – 00:34:14.198] No, I don’t wanna talk to anybody.

[00:34:14.198 – 00:34:24.158] I’m not telling anybody what I’m doing.” I didn’t know anything, really, how we shared, shared our truth and our life.

[00:34:24.158 – 00:34:34.858] And so, um, I did go to the meeting, and a lovely couple came out and met me, took me inside, and, um,

[00:34:34.858 – 00:34:36.218] they called me the next day.

[00:34:36.218 – 00:34:38.138] I didn’t call anybody.

[00:34:38.138 – 00:34:41.437] And, uh, they started taking me to meetings.

[00:34:41.437 – 00:34:51.838] And they brought me a bottle in a brown paper bag, and it was Karo syrup and grapefruit juice, and that’s what they told me to drink to go through my withdrawals

[00:34:51.838 – 00:34:53.918] at home, and that’s how I did it.

[00:34:53.918 – 00:35:03.958] And, um, oh, it was awful, and I had this little darling dog, Fluffy, and I would cry and cry at

[00:35:03.958 – 00:35:04.818] night, you know?

[00:35:04.818 – 00:35:11.918] And just, not, just trying to get sober and to stay sober, and that little dog would just love me so much.

[00:35:11.918 – 00:35:14.818] She was my sobriety dog, you know?

[00:35:14.818 – 00:35:20.498] Anyway, uh, I got a sponsor.

[00:35:20.498 – 00:35:22.878] I did what, what was suggested.

[00:35:22.878 – 00:35:28.778] Uh, there were not many young people, uh, you know, in, at my age.

[00:35:28.778 – 00:35:30.958] Uh, there weren’t a lot of women.

[00:35:30.958 – 00:35:38.738] And I had learned here that it wasn’t a moral issue because I was not living up to my morals.

[00:35:38.738 – 00:35:43.378] We all have our own set of morals, and I was not living up to mine.

[00:35:43.378 – 00:35:48.078] And so, um, I got sober in Southern California.

[00:35:48.078 – 00:35:55.078] I was three years sober there, and I moved up here, which I thought was horrible at the time.

[00:35:55.078 – 00:36:03.758] You know, I had my sponsor and all my friends and my safety in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, and I didn’t know if I could find that up here.

[00:36:03.758 – 00:36:08.058] But we can find it anywhere in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:36:08.058 – 00:36:15.458] As long as we have meetings and the big book and, and people, um, we can be safe anywhere.

[00:36:15.458 – 00:36:21.438] And the very first meeting I went to here was in San Ramon, and it was at St.

[00:36:21.438 – 00:36:24.717] Philip’s Church, and they were all men.

[00:36:24.717 – 00:36:28.298] And I thought, “Oh, God, I came to a stag meeting,” you know?

[00:36:28.298 – 00:36:38.078] And Bill was there, and I asked, I said, “Is this a stag meeting?” And they said, “No, come on in.” And I, I met Bill Mason.

[00:36:38.078 – 00:36:40.598] First time I met him was at my first meeting here.

[00:36:40.598 – 00:36:44.718] And we have seen our kids grow together.

[00:36:44.718 – 00:36:46.718] They went to school together.

[00:36:46.718 – 00:36:50.398] He’s seen his daughters come into sobriety.

[00:36:50.398 – 00:36:54.058] I’ve seen my one son come into sobriety.

[00:36:54.058 – 00:37:02.818] He has, uh, 15 years sobriety, which is wonderful, which I’m very grateful for, and he’s a wonderful son.

[00:37:02.818 – 00:37:09.838] Uh, I, you know, I, I lost my husband three years ago, and it w- it was a terrible time for me.

[00:37:09.838 – 00:37:13.598] I have friends here who walked through it with me and helped me.

[00:37:13.598 – 00:37:21.398] Um, and a sponsee who just helped me so much at that time, and she was a new sponsee.

[00:37:21.398 – 00:37:24.938] And, uh, she was there for me.

[00:37:24.938 – 00:37:28.798] And, uh, I, I’m losing my thought.

[00:37:28.798 – 00:37:39.058] Anyway, I guess I was a few months without my husband, and I was feeling kind of abandoned by my sons.

[00:37:39.058 – 00:37:40.358] You know, sons are different.

[00:37:40.358 – 00:37:41.538] They’re not like daughters.

[00:37:41.538 – 00:37:44.198] You know, guys are guys.

[00:37:44.198 – 00:37:45.298] They’re not the same.

[00:37:45.298 – 00:37:47.678] Um, no offense.

[00:37:47.678 – 00:37:50.578] I, I love all of you, but they’re different.

[00:37:50.578 – 00:37:51.558] You know, they, they don’t…

[00:37:51.558 – 00:38:01.618] So anyway, my son came over one night, and, um, I’m not a big crier, and, um, I started to cry,

[00:38:01.618 – 00:38:04.218] and I told him, you know, how I felt.

[00:38:04.218 – 00:38:06.818] And that’s not my norm.

[00:38:06.818 – 00:38:12.438] It’s not easy for me to tell you how I really feel, when I’m really vulnerable, you know?

[00:38:12.438 – 00:38:21.638] And I was able to do that with him, and that, that just opened up such a door for he and I.

[00:38:21.638 – 00:38:24.958] He’s, he’s just always there if I need him.

[00:38:24.958 – 00:38:28.438] Not too much, you know, it’s, but it’s wonderful.

[00:38:28.438 – 00:38:36.398] And he, he thanked me so much, that, he was so great that he thanked me for being able to tell him that.

[00:38:36.398 – 00:38:44.698] And as he was leaving that night, and I was closing the door, he came out and he said, “Now, remember, Mom, I’m a guy.

[00:38:44.698 – 00:38:51.298] You have to tell me.” So I learned you have to tell, you know?

[00:38:51.298 – 00:38:52.338] They don’t know.

[00:38:52.338 – 00:39:00.318] Anyway, um, I see Bill out of the corner of my eye, checking, so I guess I’m, I’m probably near finished.

[00:39:00.318 – 00:39:10.778] But if you’re new or on the fence or whatever, just please keep coming back because you are in for

[00:39:10.778 – 00:39:13.198] a life that you just cannot believe.

[00:39:13.198 – 00:39:15.998] And, and I don’t mean everything’s good all the time.

[00:39:15.998 – 00:39:21.078] You know, I had a lot of growing to do, and I still do.

[00:39:21.078 – 00:39:24.318] And, um, it’s okay, and it’s good.

[00:39:24.318 – 00:39:34.418] And I’m, I’m not only c– live in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, I c- live out in the world today,

[00:39:34.418 – 00:39:39.018] too, and I did that slowly and gradually through this program.

[00:39:39.018 – 00:39:45.498] And I, like Denise, I live in Rossmoor, where I never thought I’d live, ’cause that was for all the old people.

[00:39:45.498 – 00:39:48.198] But I’m there, and I love it.

[00:39:48.198 – 00:39:55.298] I’ve learned to play golf there, and I play cards a- and with a group of women.

[00:39:55.298 – 00:39:57.498] I play with the nine-hole women group.

[00:39:57.498 – 00:40:07.758] And my husband, when he was living, and I’d be going out on a Thursday to do this, and I’d say, “Well, Ken, would you just mind maybe throwing the laundry in or put…”

[00:40:07.758 – 00:40:08.998] And he’d say, “Wait a minute.

[00:40:08.998 – 00:40:10.758] Something’s wrong with this picture.

[00:40:10.758 – 00:40:16.418] You’re going out to golf and play cards, and I’m staying home and doing laundry.”

[00:40:17.189 – 00:40:24.889] Yeah, I said, “Yeah.” We had– we really had a good, good relationship, and it was because of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:40:24.889 – 00:40:33.009] It took me a year in sobriety for my husband to say to me, “It’s so nice to come home.

[00:40:33.009 – 00:40:36.029] Y-you’re the same.

[00:40:36.029 – 00:40:46.169] You’re– It– You know, I never knew what was– what it was gonna be like before, and, you know, I thank you for that, and I thank Alcoholics Anonymous.” Keep coming

[00:40:46.169 – 00:40:46.629] back.

[00:40:46.629 – 00:40:48.109] It’s a spiritual program.

[00:40:48.109 – 00:40:49.469] God loves us.

[00:40:49.469 – 00:40:53.089] We take that Third Step, He takes us serious.

[00:40:53.089 – 00:40:54.709] Thank you so much.

[00:40:54.709 – 00:41:00.388] Thanks, Joan.

[00:41:00.388 – 00:41:09.449] She’s my old friend from, from the Hayward Fellowship, and we had a blast, didn’t we, Bobby?

[00:41:09.449 – 00:41:12.248] Sure did.

[00:41:12.248 – 00:41:13.049] Thank you, Bill.

[00:41:13.049 – 00:41:19.249] Good afternoon, everybody.

[00:41:19.249 – 00:41:20.748] My name is Bob Tellus.

[00:41:20.748 – 00:41:21.689] I’m an alcoholic.

[00:41:21.689 – 00:41:22.879] Hi, Bob.

[00:41:22.879 – 00:41:22.949] Hi.

[00:41:22.949 – 00:41:30.749] Uh, you know, I was kind of observing this panel here, and I’m the newcomer.

[00:41:30.749 – 00:41:32.389] Okay?

[00:41:32.389 – 00:41:34.029] I’m the newcomer here.

[00:41:34.029 – 00:41:40.429] Uh, so I was sitting here thinking, “Well, you know, should I go pee?

[00:41:40.429 – 00:41:49.689] ‘Cause I, you know, I don’t know if I can stand up here and have to be wiggling around, or am I gonna pee my pants?” So I, I finally said to myself, “Well, what the hell?

[00:41:49.689 – 00:41:50.489] You’re the newcomer.

[00:41:50.489 – 00:41:57.889] You can act out, man.” “They’re gonna tell you to keep coming back.” So I went off and, and had to go to the bathroom.

[00:41:57.889 – 00:42:04.969] Uh, I’ve never seen anybody do that from– after, you know, once they get up here, so.

[00:42:04.969 – 00:42:13.829] Anyway, my sobriety date is February seventh, nineteen seventy-one, so I’m forty-one years sober this last February.

[00:42:13.829 – 00:42:23.029] I met this man here at the Hayward Club when I was probably a couple of months sober, and we’ve been friends ever since.

[00:42:23.029 – 00:42:33.169] That man down there, Happy Jack, who doesn’t remember me at all, I’m sure, I did my, uh, Fifth Step with, uh, when I was about seven years sober.

[00:42:33.169 – 00:42:38.909] I don’t recommend that to anybody, but I was about seven years sober when I did my Fifth Step with him.

[00:42:38.909 – 00:42:41.669] I’ll never forget coming back over.

[00:42:41.669 – 00:42:46.269] I was living in Hayward, and I think he lives out here in Livermore, Pleasant, in some place.

[00:42:46.269 – 00:42:52.569] And I was coming over the hill back into Hayward, and I was literally flying.

[00:42:52.569 – 00:42:56.449] I mean, I was just so elated, feeling so good.

[00:42:56.449 – 00:43:03.189] You know, these people had been telling me to do my Fourth and Fifth Step, and, you know, I’m a knucklehead, you know?

[00:43:03.189 – 00:43:07.469] I don’t, uh, I don’t follow directions too easily, you know?

[00:43:07.469 – 00:43:13.869] Anyway, I’m here as, uh– You know, I was– grew up in an alcoholic family.

[00:43:13.869 – 00:43:15.969] Both parents were alcoholic.

[00:43:15.969 – 00:43:25.789] Uh, they, you know, a lot of domestic violence, Mexican family, uh, lot of violence, a lot of, you know, crazy stuff going on.

[00:43:25.789 – 00:43:30.189] And so I always grew– I grew up kind of like looking over my shoulder, you know?

[00:43:30.189 – 00:43:33.209] What’s, what’s going on now, or what’s happening, you know?

[00:43:33.209 – 00:43:35.029] Kinda hypervigilant.

[00:43:35.029 – 00:43:41.049] And what I’ve discovered is that animals live forever hypervigilant, okay?

[00:43:41.049 – 00:43:43.849] Not humans, animals do.

[00:43:43.849 – 00:43:50.529] But, uh, when I drank, that hypervigilance went away, you know?

[00:43:50.529 – 00:43:51.929] I wasn’t scared anymore.

[00:43:51.929 – 00:43:55.809] Uh, I could, uh, socialize with people.

[00:43:55.809 – 00:43:58.049] I could ask women to dance.

[00:43:58.049 – 00:44:01.609] I could, I could do a lot of things when I was drinking, okay?

[00:44:01.609 – 00:44:11.709] Now, I’m also one of these people that, uh, from the moment I started drinking, which was about twelve, thirteen years old, I was, you know,

[00:44:11.709 – 00:44:13.669] I was– always drank to get drunk.

[00:44:13.669 – 00:44:15.249] I was always in trouble.

[00:44:15.249 – 00:44:17.769] I was always, you know, throwing up.

[00:44:17.769 – 00:44:19.249] I was always passing out.

[00:44:19.249 – 00:44:23.789] I was always– Later on, I started to black out and stuff like that.

[00:44:23.789 – 00:44:27.129] So it was never really, like, pleasurable drinking, you know?

[00:44:27.129 – 00:44:32.549] I never sat around and– You know, I never contemplated whether I was alcoholic or not.

[00:44:32.549 – 00:44:42.569] Never– I mean, I never– Uh, you know, one of the things I used to contemplate was that I didn’t understand my behavior anymore towards the end of my drinking, and

[00:44:42.569 – 00:44:44.309] I used to think that I was going crazy.

[00:44:44.309 – 00:44:48.949] And I used to say to myself, “Well, you know, Bob, crazy people don’t think they’re crazy, man.

[00:44:48.949 – 00:44:59.229] As long as you continue to think you’re crazy, you’re probably not crazy.” I mean, I ran with that for many, many years, you know, trying to– telling myself

[00:44:59.229 – 00:45:00.089] I wasn’t crazy.

[00:45:00.089 – 00:45:02.529] But I didn’t really understand my behavior anymore.

[00:45:02.529 – 00:45:12.589] I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing, why I ended up in situations, why I was getting fired from jobs, why I was wrecking cars, why I was

[00:45:12.589 – 00:45:22.609] constantly groveling to the DMV to keep my driver’s license, or why I was constantly, uh, on probation of some kind or, you know,

[00:45:22.609 – 00:45:28.049] paying restitution to the courts for people that I had harmed or, you know.

[00:45:28.049 – 00:45:30.469] I mean, I was constantly in, in trouble.

[00:45:30.469 – 00:45:37.519] And, uh, so in nineteen– in, in February of nineteen seventy-one, I went to see a Catholic priest.

[00:45:37.519 – 00:45:43.009] Now, you know, we’re– In my family, they tell us we’re Catholic, but nobody really goes to church.

[00:45:43.009 – 00:45:48.269] You know, maybe, maybe once in a while somebody will go on Christmas Eve or something, you know?

[00:45:48.269 – 00:45:51.409] But we’re not that kind of a religious family, okay?

[00:45:51.409 – 00:45:53.489] So, but I had no idea.

[00:45:53.489 – 00:45:58.649] Somebody up here mentioned that, you know, there wasn’t a whole lot of information back then, all right?

[00:45:58.649 – 00:46:01.969] About alcoholism or alcoholics or…

[00:46:01.969 – 00:46:03.549] And I was thirty years old.

[00:46:03.549 – 00:46:05.729] I was just a young punk kid, you know?

[00:46:05.729 – 00:46:12.649] And the last thing on my mind, like I said a moment ago, I never sat around thinking, “Well, am I alcoholic?

[00:46:12.649 – 00:46:14.989] Am I doing this?” Or, you know, whatever.

[00:46:14.989 – 00:46:18.329] I– It, it– That, that was the furthest thing from me.

[00:46:18.329 – 00:46:23.749] If you’d have asked me, “What’s an alcoholic?” I’d have told you the little skid row bum, you know, laying in the gutter.

[00:46:23.749 – 00:46:26.489] The homeless people that we ca– we have today, okay?

[00:46:26.489 – 00:46:31.889] With the bottle in their back pocket and don’t work anymore, unshaven, unclean.

[00:46:31.889 – 00:46:33.789] That’s what I thought an alcoholic was.

[00:46:33.789 – 00:46:35.949] And so– And that wasn’t me.

[00:46:35.949 – 00:46:37.053] That wasn’t me.

[00:46:37.053 – 00:46:41.393] I had four children, I had a house, I had a couple of cars, I had a wife.

[00:46:41.393 – 00:46:46.913] I, you know, I didn’t have a job anymore, but I had some things going, you know.

[00:46:46.913 – 00:46:50.173] So I didn’t, I didn’t believe that I was alcoholic.

[00:46:50.173 – 00:47:00.212] And so when this– I went to see this Catholic priest this February 7th, uh, and it was a Monday morning, and it was actually– the weather was like

[00:47:00.213 – 00:47:07.733] it is out here, kinda rainy and overcasty and ugly and, and where I was emotionally, it was even worse, you know.

[00:47:07.733 – 00:47:14.473] And I walked into– I went to– I knocked on this, this, his office door, the rectory door, I guess.

[00:47:14.473 – 00:47:16.893] And, and he was getting– It was early.

[00:47:16.893 – 00:47:20.913] It was like seven in the morning, and he was getting ready to go do a mass that morning.

[00:47:20.913 – 00:47:25.933] And I told him, “I gotta talk to you,” you know, and I guess I looked a little frantic or something.

[00:47:25.933 – 00:47:35.973] And he said to me, “Why don’t you go to the back of the church, and after the, after I do this church service, this mass or whatever, I’ll, I’ll, uh, I’ll talk

[00:47:35.973 – 00:47:44.573] to you.” And I remember sitting in the back of the church, way back there, and crying and, you know, just, just– I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

[00:47:44.573 – 00:47:49.293] I didn’t know wh-why I was behaving the way I was and why I was doing what I was doing.

[00:47:49.293 – 00:47:56.673] And the chur– the mass went on, and I think there was maybe ten or fifteen older ladies that were in this mass.

[00:47:56.673 – 00:47:58.253] And he finished up.

[00:47:58.253 – 00:48:03.853] We went back into his office, a-and we talked from about eight o’clock to eleven that morning.

[00:48:03.853 – 00:48:08.633] And his damn conclusion was that the church isn’t set up for your kind of problems.

[00:48:08.633 – 00:48:13.173] There’s a group of people called Alcoholics Anonymous that can possibly help you.

[00:48:13.173 – 00:48:19.233] And I thought to myself, “This son of a bitch thinks I’m an alcoholic.” You know?

[00:48:19.233 – 00:48:21.153] I mean, I was taken back by that.

[00:48:21.153 – 00:48:22.793] I mean, it wasn’t like…

[00:48:22.793 – 00:48:28.953] So I said– He says, “Well, maybe we should find you a meeting.” I said, “Well, Father, you know what?

[00:48:28.953 – 00:48:38.953] I’ll w- I’ll go home, and I’ll, I’ll give them a call.” And he says, “Why don’t we call them now?” And he called, and he dialed the number, and he put me in touch

[00:48:38.953 – 00:48:43.073] with somebody at the AA Fellowship there in Hayward.

[00:48:43.073 – 00:48:50.873] And I said to that person, “Yeah, I could go to a noon meeting.” And as I mentioned, it was about eleven AM, and I went to my first meeting.

[00:48:50.873 – 00:48:55.173] And I circled the q– you know, the block right there in Hayward.

[00:48:55.173 – 00:48:56.453] I went around the block.

[00:48:56.453 – 00:49:00.613] It was like I said, a cold, drizzly, ugly morning.

[00:49:00.613 – 00:49:10.693] And I circled the block a number of times, and so I finally went in ’cause I had told the priest that I was gonna go in, and I had already said

[00:49:10.693 – 00:49:13.333] to this guy on the phone that I would be there.

[00:49:13.333 – 00:49:17.093] And I went in there, and there was maybe twenty-five people.

[00:49:17.093 – 00:49:18.812] I don’t know, twenty, twenty-five people.

[00:49:18.812 – 00:49:22.373] And I don’t know if any of you are familiar with the old Hayward Club.

[00:49:22.373 – 00:49:23.193] I know Bill was.

[00:49:23.193 – 00:49:28.173] But the damn– You know, I thought it was yellow for the longest time, painted yellow.

[00:49:28.173 – 00:49:33.333] What it was is the nicotine- -was just kinda like running down the walls, you know?

[00:49:33.333 – 00:49:35.273] That’s really what it, what it was.

[00:49:35.273 – 00:49:36.613] They smoked back then.

[00:49:36.613 – 00:49:44.393] And so I went into this first meeting and, you know, sat down and, and they started the meeting, and they asked for newcomers.

[00:49:44.393 – 00:49:47.113] And I didn’t– You know, I don’t remember raising my hand.

[00:49:47.113 – 00:49:49.653] I know I didn’t say that I was an alcoholic.

[00:49:49.653 – 00:49:51.813] I was Bob, and I was just there to listen.

[00:49:51.813 – 00:49:57.313] And somebody mentioned up here there was only two women in that meeting.

[00:49:57.313 – 00:50:02.473] The other thing that I noticed, being a Latino, I noticed that there was no Latinos in there.

[00:50:02.473 – 00:50:04.313] There was no African Americans in there.

[00:50:04.313 – 00:50:05.953] There was no Asians in there.

[00:50:05.953 – 00:50:12.693] This is w- old, white, old men that were in there- -and two old ladies, okay, that were white.

[00:50:12.693 – 00:50:20.372] And, and I looked around and, you know, it — I don’t know what I thought.

[00:50:20.372 – 00:50:22.913] I just sat down and, and listened.

[00:50:22.913 – 00:50:25.373] I really didn’t have any other place to go anyway.

[00:50:25.373 – 00:50:27.673] So I sat down, and I listened to what was…

[00:50:27.673 – 00:50:30.993] And then one of these old gals is– was expounding.

[00:50:30.993 – 00:50:34.213] She was sitting across the, the, the window.

[00:50:34.213 – 00:50:36.313] You could see outdoors, you know.

[00:50:36.313 – 00:50:46.753] And she was sitting across from the window, and she was expounding on how beautiful and wonderful and great the day was and how she felt wonderful and this and that.

[00:50:46.753 – 00:50:50.613] And, and I’m thinking, I’m looking outside, and you know, I’m not feeling very good.

[00:50:50.613 – 00:50:54.453] And I’m thinking, “This lady is absolutely stark raving mad,” you know?

[00:50:54.453 – 00:51:03.153] I don’t- “What the hell is she talking about?” And then the next– little, little bit later on, everybody spoke back then.

[00:51:03.153 – 00:51:05.153] Everybody said something, you know.

[00:51:05.153 – 00:51:13.253] And some old gentleman, I don’t know if he was an old-timer, sober a long time, but he was an old gentleman, okay?

[00:51:13.253 – 00:51:23.273] Uh, he said in his talk, he said, “I’ve never been to jail sober.” And I

[00:51:23.273 – 00:51:33.413] left– I remember leaving that meeting thinking to myself, “You know, these people are so goddamn old, they gotta stop drinking.” You know, this isn’t– This is not really

[00:51:33.413 – 00:51:34.453] for me, okay?

[00:51:34.453 – 00:51:35.593] I left the meeting.

[00:51:35.593 – 00:51:36.533] I got in my car.

[00:51:36.533 – 00:51:39.853] I don’t remember talking to too many people at all.

[00:51:39.853 – 00:51:41.913] I– And I was on my way home.

[00:51:41.913 – 00:51:51.233] I, I left there, and I had– I absolutely had no plans to come back to another meeting, and I had been invited to come back to the, a meeting that evening.

[00:51:51.233 – 00:51:55.973] And, and I– That was not, that was not what I was gonna do.

[00:51:55.973 – 00:52:06.073] And, uh, I came– You know, I, I started to think about, you know, like many times when we leave meetings, when somebody

[00:52:06.073 – 00:52:10.053] says something that pertains to us, it kinda pisses us off.

[00:52:10.053 – 00:52:14.893] You know, it just becomes a little thorn in the side, you know, somebody said something.

[00:52:14.893 – 00:52:25.593] Uh, I started to think about me going to jail, and this old gentleman said, “I’ve never been to jail sober.” And basically,

[00:52:25.593 – 00:52:26.713] that’s the bottom line.

[00:52:26.713 – 00:52:29.373] I’ve never been to jail sober, you know?

[00:52:29.373 – 00:52:33.833] And I had been asking myself, “Why do I do these things?

[00:52:33.833 – 00:52:36.473] Why do I end up in these situations?

[00:52:36.473 – 00:52:46.653] How do I get…” You know, I mean, just completely, you know, baffled by it, uh- Our book talks about , you know, this,

[00:52:46.653 – 00:52:49.753] this incomprehensible demoralization.

[00:52:49.753 – 00:52:59.753] What magnificent words because even though they weren’t in my vocabulary at the time, they definitely, they definitely, uh, pinpoint what

[00:52:59.753 – 00:53:00.873] was going on with me.

[00:53:00.873 – 00:53:10.883] Um, and so I started to reminisce about my own drinking, and thank God I came back to another meeting because of that, what

[00:53:10.883 – 00:53:11.773] that gentleman said.

[00:53:11.773 – 00:53:14.373] I’ve never been to jail sober, you know?

[00:53:14.373 – 00:53:24.453] And that’s all I really heard at that meeting, so I kinda like to think that was a little angel that, uh, appeared there for me and, and, and the idea

[00:53:24.453 – 00:53:29.493] that a Catholic priest would tell me the church isn’t set up for your kind of problem, I mean, that’s kinda like…

[00:53:29.493 – 00:53:31.972] That’s kind of interesting, right?

[00:53:31.972 – 00:53:36.813] I mean, I, I thought those Catholics were in there to kinda get you, you know?

[00:53:36.813 – 00:53:40.013] But he, he probably thought, “You know what?

[00:53:40.013 – 00:53:45.993] Like, uh, this, this guy’s gonna need more help than the church can give him,” and he was right.

[00:53:45.993 – 00:53:46.853] He was right.

[00:53:46.853 – 00:53:49.953] But that was the beginning of this journey.

[00:53:49.953 – 00:53:51.733] I went back to the second meeting.

[00:53:51.733 – 00:54:01.053] I also ran across a guy that I knew that I thought was a skid row bum, and he had been sober about three or four years, a guy named Al Charbonneau.

[00:54:01.053 – 00:54:05.633] And, uh, and he looked magnificent.

[00:54:05.633 – 00:54:15.693] I could hardly– I couldn’t believe it was the same guy that I knew from the Teamster Union Hall, who I used to see him– I used to see him

[00:54:15.693 – 00:54:21.793] peed all over himself laying against the w- the, the, the, the building, you know?

[00:54:21.793 – 00:54:26.713] And I mean, he’d get there early and start drinking and, you know.

[00:54:26.713 – 00:54:30.033] And, and here he was sober, you know?

[00:54:30.033 – 00:54:32.673] Uh, so I started…

[00:54:32.673 – 00:54:39.893] That, that was the beginning and, and he said to me, “I’m gonna be your sponsor.” I didn’t have to ask him, you know?

[00:54:39.893 – 00:54:44.253] He says, “I’m gonna be your sponsor.” And I didn’t know what the hell that meant.

[00:54:44.253 – 00:54:45.693] But, uh…

[00:54:45.693 – 00:54:49.233] So I’ve been sober now 41 years.

[00:54:49.233 – 00:54:52.233] This was not my plan, you know?

[00:54:52.233 – 00:54:53.133] Not at all.

[00:54:53.133 – 00:54:56.853] Not to be here, especially at a long-timers meeting.

[00:54:56.853 – 00:54:57.752] Holy shit.

[00:54:57.752 – 00:54:58.733] You know?

[00:54:58.733 – 00:55:01.453] I’m getting to be an old-timer now.

[00:55:01.453 – 00:55:05.553] Uh, so I know I don’t have much time here.

[00:55:05.553 – 00:55:15.633] So, you know, if you’re new, um, I’m not gonna tell you it’s, it’s a lot easier than drinking, but goddammit, it’s hard.

[00:55:15.633 – 00:55:16.953] It’s hard.

[00:55:16.953 – 00:55:20.873] If you’re a knucklehead like me, it’s gonna be hard, okay?

[00:55:20.873 – 00:55:24.693] If you’re gonna wanna do it, yeah, you’re gonna listen to your sponsors.

[00:55:24.693 – 00:55:26.013] You’re gonna listen to people.

[00:55:26.013 – 00:55:30.193] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you’re gonna do it your own way, okay?

[00:55:30.193 – 00:55:33.353] And the name of the game is don’t drink and use.

[00:55:33.353 – 00:55:34.313] That’s the name of the game.

[00:55:34.313 – 00:55:37.373] If– No matter what you’re gonna get ready to do.

[00:55:37.373 – 00:55:44.653] Somebody told me years ago, “Don’t do anything you can’t talk to somebody about , okay?” So I’ve always kept that in mind.

[00:55:44.653 – 00:55:48.293] Can I, can I talk to somebody about this?

[00:55:48.293 – 00:55:53.293] And at the end– If I can answer myself, “Yeah,” well, then I might go ahead and do it, you know?

[00:55:53.293 – 00:55:57.753] Regardless of what circumstances or the consequences are.

[00:55:57.753 – 00:56:00.393] As long as I don’t drink and use.

[00:56:00.393 – 00:56:06.193] And I’ve had many more addictions than just alcoholism, I’ll tell you, since I’ve been here.

[00:56:06.193 – 00:56:10.453] Those beautiful young ladies on the street, many years of that stuff.

[00:56:10.453 – 00:56:16.393] There’s been a lot, a lot of stuff that I’ve had to overcome in my addiction and my alcoholism.

[00:56:16.393 – 00:56:26.453] And, uh, I am, I am, you know, I am– I mean, grateful doesn’t even seem to describe what I feel

[00:56:26.453 – 00:56:27.513] for this program.

[00:56:27.513 – 00:56:29.973] I mean, I love being sober.

[00:56:29.973 – 00:56:32.093] It took me about 20 years to say that.

[00:56:32.093 – 00:56:34.933] I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:56:34.933 – 00:56:38.033] Took me another 20 years to say that, you know?

[00:56:38.033 – 00:56:42.793] Um, so I’m glad to be sober.

[00:56:42.793 – 00:56:43.773] I’m glad to be here.

[00:56:43.773 – 00:56:47.913] I’m, I’m, I’m especially glad to see my friend Bill Mason.

[00:56:47.913 – 00:56:49.053] We go back a long way.

[00:56:49.053 – 00:56:53.373] Bill introduced me to working out in the gym, okay?

[00:56:53.373 – 00:56:54.473] Took me to my first…

[00:56:54.473 – 00:56:57.713] You know, I wanted to go to the gym all buffed and ready to go, you know?

[00:56:57.713 – 00:57:00.133] He just says, “Come on, come on.

[00:57:00.133 – 00:57:07.593] We’re gonna go work out.” And we– He was working out in a gym in San Lorenzo and, um, you remember that?

[00:57:07.593 – 00:57:08.633] Oh, yeah.

[00:57:08.633 – 00:57:08.983] Yeah.

[00:57:08.983 – 00:57:11.573] We w– I worked out there many times.

[00:57:11.573 – 00:57:15.573] I remember one night I’ll just– I’ll share this, and I’ll cut it out, okay?

[00:57:15.573 – 00:57:19.113] I remember one night I got caught when I was a couple of years sober.

[00:57:19.113 – 00:57:26.533] I was, uh– Some young lady was winking and blinking at me over in a corner in, in MacArthur Boulevard in Oakland.

[00:57:26.533 – 00:57:36.573] And so I, you know, turn around, and I go back, and I stop my car and, and, you know, “What’s the deal

[00:57:36.573 – 00:57:38.953] here?” Anyway, it turns out she’s a police officer.

[00:57:38.953 – 00:57:45.273] It was on a Tuesday night, and we worked out on a Tuesday night.

[00:57:45.273 – 00:57:55.613] I remember walking into that gym, going for this guy, and, and looking at him and saying, “I gotta talk to you.” He said,

[00:57:55.613 – 00:57:56.713] “Okay, okay, okay.

[00:57:56.713 – 00:58:05.633] Let’s…” So we went outside, and we talked forever, and I remember him telling me, he says, “Well, we didn’t tell you you couldn’t have sex, you know?

[00:58:05.633 – 00:58:10.413] You just can’t drink.” Anyway, that was- That’s been, uh…

[00:58:10.413 – 00:58:16.613] So there’s been a lot of, there’s been a lot of progress for me in this program.

[00:58:16.613 – 00:58:18.753] A lot of progress.

[00:58:18.753 – 00:58:23.913] So anyway, thank you so much for having me here.

[00:58:23.913 – 00:58:24.833] It’s been a pleasure.

[00:58:24.833 – 00:58:25.473] Thank you.

[00:58:25.473 – 00:58:32.913] Yeah, that, uh…

[00:58:32.913 – 00:58:37.492] I think he, he got it knocked down to spitting on a sidewalk or something.

[00:58:37.492 – 00:58:39.813] Different time.

[00:58:39.813 – 00:58:49.853] But we knew an awful lot of people, and there was a guy, uh, he’s gone now, Pat Henry, was down there, and, uh, we really got a lot of favors done at the courts

[00:58:49.853 – 00:58:50.633] in Oakland.

[00:58:50.633 – 00:58:52.693] So we really, you know…

[00:58:52.693 – 00:58:56.673] And, uh, so anyway, there’s a lot of things went, uh, went on.

[00:58:56.673 – 00:58:58.373] It was a good time.

[00:58:58.373 – 00:59:08.573] You know, those of us who make it in Alcoholics Anonymous, make it to Alcoholics Anonymous, are the most fortunate people in the world ’cause

[00:59:08.573 – 00:59:17.233] we all know if you’re active in the program or just living, we know people that go out and never do make it or they just turn it down or whatever it is.

[00:59:17.233 – 00:59:23.193] And I know this, uh, and this is from, God, 44 years ago in Los Angeles.

[00:59:23.193 – 00:59:27.233] Guy said, “Everybody knows what it takes to get here.

[00:59:27.233 – 00:59:30.613] It takes what it takes, and that’s what it takes.

[00:59:30.613 – 00:59:40.693] But once you get here, you gotta learn what it takes to stay here.” And that’s the purpose of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the meeting, the friendships,

[00:59:40.693 – 00:59:41.793] the sponsorship.

[00:59:41.793 – 00:59:45.293] Uh, anyway, I’ve also have had a really good time.

[00:59:45.293 – 00:59:45.993] Hope you have.

[00:59:45.993 – 00:59:48.313] Daughter Mary’s here.

[00:59:48.313 – 00:59:52.253] Daughter Mary came up with, uh, a line I’d never heard before.

[00:59:52.253 – 00:59:59.193] She said her, her alcoholism, her brain wants her dead, but it’ll settle for drunk.

[00:59:59.193 – 01:00:05.073] If it can settle without me, it can settle without her.

[01:00:05.073 – 01:00:07.553] Anyway, where are we at now?

[01:00:07.553 – 01:00:08.733] We gotta close, I’m sure.

[01:00:08.733 – 01:00:11.733] Oh.

[01:00:11.733 – 01:00:12.743] Pass the basket.

[01:00:12.743 – 01:00:13.193] Oh, yes.

[01:00:13.193 – 01:00:14.193] Seventh tradition.

[01:00:14.193 – 01:00:17.173] So pass the baskets, guys.

[01:00:17.173 – 01:00:23.933] And don’t go in there like you got fish hooks in one pocket and razor blades in the other.

[01:00:23.933 – 01:00:24.393] Come on.

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