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[00:00:00.520 – 00:00:01.740] And I forgot my notes.

[00:00:01.740 – 00:00:04.200] I, I, I’m completely lost.

[00:00:04.200 – 00:00:07.400] I I told her I forgot the notes.

[00:00:07.400 – 00:00:09.940] Uh, and I did.

[00:00:09.940 – 00:00:13.060] No, truthfully, I didn’t have any notes.

[00:00:13.060 – 00:00:14.240] I, um…

[00:00:14.240 – 00:00:16.120] Pretty well prepared.

[00:00:16.120 – 00:00:17.820] I prepared for a long time.

[00:00:17.820 – 00:00:20.980] I am Ted the Lacking, and I’m an alcoholic.

[00:00:20.980 – 00:00:24.900] I’m not ashamed to be an alcoholic.

[00:00:24.900 – 00:00:27.700] I’m not grateful to be an alcoholic.

[00:00:27.700 – 00:00:32.160] I’m grateful that’s not a requirement for being alcoholic.

[00:00:32.160 – 00:00:34.120] But to be sober in AA.

[00:00:34.120 – 00:00:43.460] I sometimes I have a hard time getting started, and then I really have a hard time stopping.

[00:00:43.460 – 00:00:44.700] Boy, when I…

[00:00:44.700 – 00:00:49.560] This man making the tape asked me how long was I gonna talk.

[00:00:49.560 – 00:00:51.680] I said, “How long can I?” You know?

[00:00:51.680 – 00:01:03.200] I’m trying not to get into a whole lot of drunk

[00:01:03.200 – 00:01:05.500] story, uh, uh, but I do.

[00:01:05.500 – 00:01:10.240] But how can I tell how I was if I don’t get into some kind of drunk business?

[00:01:10.240 – 00:01:17.380] I don’t want to be like the old lady that’s about 70 years old and went to confession after many, many years.

[00:01:17.380 – 00:01:24.040] And she was telling the priest all about the things she’s done, and he thought she was finished.

[00:01:24.040 – 00:01:33.700] And she said, “No, Father, I got one more thing.” He said, “Well, what is that?” She says, “I want to confess to doctor.” Gee, he fell back.

[00:01:33.700 – 00:01:46.880] He said, “My goodness, at your age?” She said, “Oh, Father, that was many years ago, but I still like to talk about it.” So,

[00:01:46.880 – 00:01:50.200] so I really don’t want to get fascinated by that past, boy.

[00:01:50.200 – 00:01:51.860] I’m, I, uh, I’m telling you.

[00:01:51.860 – 00:02:02.660] I was raised in a small town in Kentucky, and

[00:02:02.660 – 00:02:04.300] there wasn’t any drinking in my family.

[00:02:04.300 – 00:02:07.320] It’s one thing I didn’t come from, a dysfunctional family.

[00:02:07.320 – 00:02:14.700] But I can tell you right now, when I got one of my own, I made it really dysfunctional.

[00:02:14.700 – 00:02:24.700] As bad as I treat them, treated them, buddy, I certainly never did, uh,

[00:02:24.700 – 00:02:25.820] uh, bore them to death.

[00:02:25.820 – 00:02:29.300] They never knew what was gonna happen next.

[00:02:29.300 – 00:02:31.620] And, and, uh, that’s just the way it was.

[00:02:31.620 – 00:02:34.840] Uh, I made it very, very dysfunctional.

[00:02:34.840 – 00:02:43.280] I was born in this little town, and there wasn’t any drinking in my family, and drunks were looked down on.

[00:02:43.280 – 00:02:46.840] And, uh, uh, I was always warned to stay away from these people.

[00:02:46.840 – 00:02:51.680] They do this stuff, and I’d never want you to have that and all that kind of business.

[00:02:51.680 – 00:02:55.380] And I never had a drink of booze until I was out of high school.

[00:02:55.380 – 00:03:03.300] The way things are now, at the, at the late stage of getting into it in the late stages, I know that.

[00:03:03.300 – 00:03:08.340] But that’s the way it was because it was never around, and I was always warned against it.

[00:03:08.340 – 00:03:19.000] But I can remember my last four years of going to school, looking forward to the day when I’d get out of school and get away from home, and I’d be able to

[00:03:19.060 – 00:03:21.420] sample that stuff they told me was so terrible.

[00:03:21.420 – 00:03:26.940] And that’s exactly what I did.

[00:03:26.940 – 00:03:31.620] And I got in trouble from the first drink I ever took.

[00:03:31.620 – 00:03:38.240] My wife and I just celebrated fifteen years of married this past September.

[00:03:38.240 – 00:03:44.980] And when we got married, I was still paying the bank for getting me out of jail from a drunk driving charge.

[00:03:44.980 – 00:03:47.760] So that’s going way, way back.

[00:03:47.760 – 00:03:49.620] That’s going back to the nickel beer days.

[00:03:49.620 – 00:03:52.380] I know there’s a lot of people in here don’t remember nickel beers.

[00:03:52.380 – 00:03:54.320] But there were those days at one time.

[00:03:54.320 – 00:04:02.300] And if you think if you’re a young man and think you’ll quit when you get as old as I am, let me tell you, I wasn’t always this old.

[00:04:02.300 – 00:04:12.320] I got in trouble with booze

[00:04:12.320 – 00:04:17.040] from the start, and I couldn’t wait to try it again.

[00:04:17.040 – 00:04:24.360] So I don’t go into all this business about whether I was born an alcoholic or whether I drank my way into it.

[00:04:24.360 – 00:04:25.020] I don’t care.

[00:04:25.020 – 00:04:25.880] I could care less.

[00:04:25.880 – 00:04:27.300] It really doesn’t matter.

[00:04:27.300 – 00:04:37.320] But I believe today that for fifteen years, I could postpone taking a drink if I had something important to do, at least fifteen,

[00:04:37.320 – 00:04:38.040] maybe twenty.

[00:04:38.040 – 00:04:44.300] But the last fifteen or twenty years, I couldn’t turn down a drink if it presented itself.

[00:04:44.300 – 00:04:47.820] And if it didn’t present itself, I went looking for it.

[00:04:47.820 – 00:04:54.300] It was just that way, and I never had enough from the first drink I ever took.

[00:04:54.300 – 00:04:59.660] I’ve often said I was like a tomcat who made love to a skunk.

[00:04:59.660 – 00:05:01.660] Never had enough, just all he could stand.

[00:05:01.660 – 00:05:09.980] And and that’s the way I was.

[00:05:09.980 – 00:05:17.320] Man, I’ve sat on that bar stool and said, “Gee, I wish I, uh, I wish I could hold some more.

[00:05:17.320 – 00:05:21.580] I wish that bartender would pour one on my head.

[00:05:21.580 – 00:05:26.870] Maybe it would soak in.” You know?

[00:05:26.870 – 00:05:33.120] Never had enough, and I didn’t know that was, that was one of the symptoms of alcoholism until I came into AA.

[00:05:33.120 – 00:05:38.080] I had a lot of the symptoms of alcoholism and denied them all.

[00:05:38.080 – 00:05:42.460] And I drank.

[00:05:42.460 – 00:05:50.440] And I got used to the misery of booze, the misery of alcoholism.

[00:05:50.440 – 00:05:51.400] I got used to it.

[00:05:51.400 – 00:05:59.420] I could go talk all night about the lost jobs and the wrecked cars and the hockshops and the blood banks and all those kind of things.

[00:05:59.420 – 00:06:04.620] But that’s what booze will do.

[00:06:04.620 – 00:06:07.580] I had a love affair with booze from the very start.

[00:06:07.580 – 00:06:14.230] I’ve often said if you could put a fifth in the bed with me, for goodness sakes, we’d have burned up the sheets.

[00:06:14.230 – 00:06:30.070] But

[00:06:30.070 – 00:06:34.330] the lost jobs, the lost opportunities.

[00:06:34.330 – 00:06:39.090] I never had any real good jobs.

[00:06:39.090 – 00:06:45.410] I never stayed with one long enough to build myself up, and that was one of the things that I wanted when I came with the Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:06:45.410 – 00:06:54.229] I said, “Gee, I’d love to stay with a job long enough and get a vacation.” I had my vacation in between jobs, you know.

[00:06:54.229 – 00:06:57.550] And that’s not much of a vacation when you’re broke.

[00:06:57.550 – 00:07:05.750] I was broke a lot of times trying to stay drunk, and that’s hard work.

[00:07:05.750 – 00:07:08.950] We learn to do a lot of things.

[00:07:08.950 – 00:07:11.590] Booze never made me do anything at any of these things.

[00:07:11.590 – 00:07:13.570] I’ve often said that, and that’s my opinion.

[00:07:13.570 – 00:07:21.200] It allowed me to do anything in the world to get a drink and justify it.

[00:07:21.200 – 00:07:23.510] It was okay.

[00:07:23.510 – 00:07:31.890] My wife giving me a couple of dollars to go down to the barbershop and get a haircut when it got down here.

[00:07:31.890 – 00:07:33.770] I had long hair before it was stylish.

[00:07:33.770 – 00:07:35.450] You know?

[00:07:35.450 – 00:07:38.730] “You look terrible.

[00:07:38.730 – 00:07:46.790] Go get that hair cut.” But we learn where to get these freebies, for goodness sakes.

[00:07:46.790 – 00:07:54.770] If you hang around the bars like I did, I knew where to go and get one and use that money for booze, and I did.

[00:07:54.770 – 00:07:57.310] That was at barber school.

[00:07:57.310 – 00:08:00.730] And I justified that.

[00:08:00.730 – 00:08:02.810] I said, “Well, they need somebody to practice on.

[00:08:02.810 – 00:08:06.630] I let them practice on me.” You know, that’s okay.

[00:08:06.630 – 00:08:14.910] And if you give the instructor a quarter, he would kind of look it over and, uh, uh, straighten it up a little bit before you left.

[00:08:14.910 – 00:08:19.049] I wouldn’t even give him that quarter, for goodness sakes.

[00:08:19.049 – 00:08:21.830] I just went out of there after he’d set that bowl on my head.

[00:08:21.830 – 00:08:28.490] And drank up that couple of dollars.

[00:08:28.490 – 00:08:31.430] Always broke.

[00:08:31.430 – 00:08:34.510] It’s hard to stay drunk all day when you’re broke.

[00:08:34.510 – 00:08:36.470] It is.

[00:08:36.470 – 00:08:40.370] And I used to fantasize sitting in those cheap bars.

[00:08:40.370 – 00:08:42.310] I, I said, “Man, I shouldn’t be here.

[00:08:42.310 – 00:08:51.910] I should be down in them Belvedere Hotel or one of them hotel places.” But there I was.

[00:08:51.910 – 00:09:02.040] You know, one of those questions on that 20 questions said, “Did you ever drink with lower companions?” Boy, when I got to Alcoholics

[00:09:02.040 – 00:09:05.760] Anonymous, I was one of the lower companions that people was looking for, for goodness sakes.

[00:09:05.760 – 00:09:07.230] They say yes to it.

[00:09:07.230 – 00:09:13.370] I believe we wear our welcome out everywhere.

[00:09:13.370 – 00:09:14.830] We wear them out in the bars.

[00:09:14.830 – 00:09:18.350] When you’re one of the hangers-on.

[00:09:18.350 – 00:09:23.190] Did the bartender ever say to you, “For goodness sakes, don’t just sit there.

[00:09:23.190 – 00:09:24.010] Buy something”?

[00:09:24.010 – 00:09:29.930] That’s been said to me many, many, many times.

[00:09:29.930 – 00:09:39.270] And I kept on drinking and kept on losing jobs.

[00:09:39.270 – 00:09:43.650] My wife worked two jobs, for goodness sakes, to keep food on the table, and I thought that was okay.

[00:09:43.650 – 00:09:44.950] I justified that, too.

[00:09:44.950 – 00:09:47.910] She’s got me.

[00:09:47.910 – 00:09:50.090] What more does she want, for goodness sakes?

[00:09:50.090 – 00:09:59.630] Never able to do the things that I really wanted to do.

[00:09:59.630 – 00:10:06.190] And let me tell you one thing I had in my favor during all my drinking.

[00:10:06.190 – 00:10:07.730] I always had good intentions.

[00:10:07.730 – 00:10:12.230] I always had good intentions.

[00:10:12.230 – 00:10:15.670] I want to be this.

[00:10:15.670 – 00:10:17.090] I want to do this.

[00:10:17.090 – 00:10:18.990] I want to hold this job.

[00:10:18.990 – 00:10:22.110] I want to take my money home.

[00:10:22.110 – 00:10:23.090] I want to do this.

[00:10:23.090 – 00:10:24.170] Sure, I wanted to.

[00:10:24.170 – 00:10:37.130] I think it’s asinine to say to a practicing alcoholic that’s half drunk, “For goodness sakes, can’t you see what you’re doing to your family?” If

[00:10:37.130 – 00:10:42.150] you’re kind of like I was, you can’t see it because you’re trying to see the family through a bottle, and that’s what I was.

[00:10:42.150 – 00:10:44.670] Oh, they’re okay.

[00:10:44.670 – 00:10:46.770] They’re okay.

[00:10:46.770 – 00:10:53.310] 35 years of drinking and never had enough.

[00:10:53.310 – 00:11:03.230] And when I came to my first AA meeting, of course, my wife said, “You do something, I am,” and I knew what she meant.

[00:11:03.230 – 00:11:04.750] We’re not stupid.

[00:11:04.750 – 00:11:14.510] I say at a lot of meetings that I hate that old phrase we hear, “Keep it simple, stupid,” and I hate it now.

[00:11:14.510 – 00:11:26.100] The only time I use it is up at the podium, say, “I hate it.” I

[00:11:26.100 – 00:11:28.470] think if it’s anything we’re not, it’s stupid.

[00:11:28.470 – 00:11:32.210] I believe we’re the sharpest people God ever created, if you’re like I was.

[00:11:32.210 – 00:11:34.510] I was sharp as a tack when it comes to getting a drink.

[00:11:34.510 – 00:11:39.070] I could con the conners.

[00:11:39.070 – 00:11:43.390] Most of us can.

[00:11:43.390 – 00:11:46.750] Most alcoholics I’ve ever run into, sharp.

[00:11:46.750 – 00:11:50.590] We do crazy things, but we’re not stupid.

[00:11:50.590 – 00:11:57.670] I came to my first AA meeting.

[00:11:57.670 – 00:11:59.390] I mean, when I came, I, I…

[00:11:59.390 – 00:12:03.290] When, when she told me that, “You do something, I am,” I knew she meant it.

[00:12:03.290 – 00:12:06.030] You know, that we, we get that sixth sense.

[00:12:06.030 – 00:12:09.470] I didn’t want to lose my Sober Up place.

[00:12:09.470 – 00:12:16.678] Honest to God, I, I, I knew where I could go and sleep it off and get something to eat.

[00:12:16.678 – 00:12:20.898] My wife never did deny me e- e- to, to sit down there and eat with them.

[00:12:20.898 – 00:12:24.258] She never said, “You didn’t put anything on the table.

[00:12:24.258 – 00:12:30.438] You ain’t taking anything off.” And I’m grateful for that.

[00:12:30.438 – 00:12:39.088] I always had a place to go and freshen up and get ready for the next one, and steal something out of the house for the hopscotch.

[00:12:39.088 – 00:12:46.718] I got to know those people on a name basis, first-name basis.

[00:12:46.718 – 00:12:51.898] And we do those things.

[00:12:51.898 – 00:12:52.818] I said we.

[00:12:52.818 – 00:12:54.118] I actually mean me.

[00:12:54.118 – 00:12:56.438] I’m not talking about everybody in here.

[00:12:56.438 – 00:13:06.098] Everybody don’t do what I did, and you don’t have to do what I did, a- a- anything about it, to be an alcoholic.

[00:13:06.098 – 00:13:15.098] And I came to my first AA meeting with no more desire to stop drinking under my edge than flying to the moon.

[00:13:15.098 – 00:13:19.238] And I didn’t stop drinking.

[00:13:19.238 – 00:13:22.178] I went home drunk from the first AA meeting I ever went to.

[00:13:22.178 – 00:13:31.178] And my wife couldn’t understand it because somebody told her people in AA didn’t drink.

[00:13:31.178 – 00:13:33.278] Don’t know where she got that information.

[00:13:33.278 – 00:13:43.648] But she soon found out it was a little bit different story, that people could go to AA and drink, too, and

[00:13:43.648 – 00:13:45.038] go get sober and drink, too.

[00:13:45.038 – 00:13:47.278] You can go to AA meetings at least I did.

[00:13:47.278 – 00:13:57.438] So she went with me that night, said, “We’ll go together.” I picked

[00:13:57.438 – 00:13:57.797] out the…

[00:13:57.797 – 00:14:00.658] They’d given me a directory at that meeting there where I went to.

[00:14:00.658 – 00:14:03.918] I picked out the one furthest away from home.

[00:14:03.918 – 00:14:07.238] I certainly didn’t want the neighbors to know I was going to the Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:14:07.238 – 00:14:17.478] I didn’t mind them seeing me walk up the street with my pants wet all the way to the shoe top and all that kind of business, and staggering from side to side, but don’t let them know I was that bad.

[00:14:17.478 – 00:14:27.527] She walked

[00:14:27.527 – 00:14:28.598] in a little bit ahead of me.

[00:14:28.598 – 00:14:29.938] We went all the way to Towson.

[00:14:29.938 – 00:14:32.638] That’s about a 10 or 15-mile ride from my house.

[00:14:32.638 – 00:14:34.278] We went over there.

[00:14:34.278 – 00:14:44.338] I said, “Won’t nobody know us in here if we go over there.” And some guy grabbed her and, uh, shook her hand, said, “Welcome,” and

[00:14:44.338 – 00:14:45.738] grabbed me and shook my hand.

[00:14:45.738 – 00:14:47.338] He said, “You got a problem, brother?

[00:14:47.338 – 00:15:07.478] Call me brother.” I said, “Yeah, there she goes.” They

[00:15:07.478 – 00:15:09.418] had a big book man chairing that meeting.

[00:15:09.418 – 00:15:13.258] He was one of these big book fellows that you see around AA meetings a lot.

[00:15:13.258 – 00:15:16.118] I’ve almost gotten to be one myself.

[00:15:16.118 – 00:15:16.478] I…

[00:15:16.478 – 00:15:23.278] And he talked about the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:15:23.278 – 00:15:25.158] I thought he was trying to sell books.

[00:15:25.158 – 00:15:35.178] And he’d raise that thing up and shake it and put it down and hit it and tell all about how his life had changed since he followed the

[00:15:35.178 – 00:15:36.698] directions in this big book.

[00:15:36.698 – 00:15:37.598] Big book.

[00:15:37.598 – 00:15:44.538] And my wife nudged me about halfway through, said, “This is for you.” But I knew it wasn’t for me.

[00:15:44.538 – 00:15:52.838] She never drank in her life, but she was sold on Alcoholics Anonymous from that first meeting she ever went to with me.

[00:15:52.838 – 00:15:53.438] She was…

[00:15:53.438 – 00:15:57.218] She bought the book, you know.

[00:15:57.218 – 00:16:06.458] As hard up as we were for food.

[00:16:06.458 – 00:16:10.298] And I said, “What a way to waste booze money,” you know?

[00:16:10.298 – 00:16:16.038] I said, “Book.” You know, she thought I’d read myself sober.

[00:16:16.038 – 00:16:18.558] She really did.

[00:16:18.558 – 00:16:21.498] But she found out different from that, too.

[00:16:21.498 – 00:16:24.798] I proved that you could read the book and still get drunk.

[00:16:24.798 – 00:16:34.848] It sat there on the shelf for about a couple months, and we kept going to meetings,

[00:16:34.848 – 00:16:35.918] and I kept drinking.

[00:16:35.918 – 00:16:46.018] And she says, “Your problem is you haven’t read the book.” I said, “Well, I’ll read the book.” And I read the book with a book in one hand, a beer

[00:16:46.018 – 00:16:46.637] in the other.

[00:16:46.637 – 00:16:50.757] Gotta have something to turn the pages with.

[00:16:50.757 – 00:16:53.257] Just tipping that beer and change, turning pages.

[00:16:53.257 – 00:16:59.298] And I felt sorry for the guys in the back of that book, all them sad stories.

[00:16:59.298 – 00:17:01.558] But they wasn’t me.

[00:17:01.558 – 00:17:03.697] They wasn’t me.

[00:17:03.697 – 00:17:09.138] I tried desperately to compare myself out instead of in.

[00:17:09.138 – 00:17:15.798] As bad as it was, I refused to believe the truth.

[00:17:15.798 – 00:17:22.358] And I heard the truth at the first meeting I ever went to, and I heard many, many truths.

[00:17:22.358 – 00:17:26.938] Refusing to believe the truth.

[00:17:29.719 – 00:17:30.639] And I kept drinking.

[00:17:30.639 – 00:17:35.739] For almost a year, I came to meetings.

[00:17:35.739 – 00:17:38.539] I didn’t meet my sponsor, the boy that turned out to be my sponsor.

[00:17:38.539 – 00:17:47.639] I was sober about three months and she ran into him at a meeting, and she fell in love with him.

[00:17:47.639 – 00:17:48.819] Seemed like she liked him.

[00:17:48.819 – 00:17:57.999] And when he mentioned to her he didn’t have a car, she said, “Well, we got a car.” We did have a little old piece of car.

[00:17:57.999 – 00:18:00.479] My wife needed something to get between jobs, you know?

[00:18:00.479 – 00:18:07.179] And, and she said, “He’ll take you.” He.

[00:18:07.179 – 00:18:09.899] Did you ever drink enough to get to he and him?

[00:18:09.899 – 00:18:11.479] You drink enough, you will.

[00:18:11.479 – 00:18:12.739] You lose that identity.

[00:18:12.739 – 00:18:21.339] She didn’t say, “My husband will tell you,” she said, “He’ll take you.” And he took her up on it.

[00:18:21.339 – 00:18:24.679] And he started calling.

[00:18:24.679 – 00:18:25.579] He called every night.

[00:18:25.579 – 00:18:26.599] He was a meeting freak.

[00:18:26.599 – 00:18:31.898] You ever meet one of them?

[00:18:31.898 – 00:18:43.279] Man, he’d call every night and all he’d say when you’re on the phone, “I’m ready.” “Well,

[00:18:43.279 – 00:18:47.119] excuse me.” Man, he was using me for a chauffeur.

[00:18:47.119 – 00:18:53.179] And I told her that one night after we’d come back.

[00:18:53.179 – 00:18:56.879] I said, “For goodness sakes, that boy don’t care anything about you or me, either one.

[00:18:56.879 – 00:19:00.319] He only wants a ride.” You know?

[00:19:00.319 – 00:19:03.259] But he kept calling.

[00:19:03.259 – 00:19:05.619] She said, “I don’t care what he wants, you go with him anyway.

[00:19:05.619 – 00:19:07.939] You go get him.” You know?

[00:19:07.939 – 00:19:17.939] And I picked him up night after night after night, sometimes drinking, sometimes waiting till after a meeting to get one on and all that kind of

[00:19:17.939 – 00:19:18.319] business.

[00:19:18.319 – 00:19:25.859] And he had a bad habit of wanting to talk about AA for a long time in front of his house after you took him home.

[00:19:25.859 – 00:19:27.179] You ever get one of them kinds?

[00:19:27.179 – 00:19:31.779] I’m almost that way myself today now.

[00:19:31.779 – 00:19:33.299] He starts preaching loose, I say…

[00:19:33.299 – 00:19:42.279] He’d talk sometimes till the bars closed.

[00:19:42.279 – 00:19:48.279] Excuse me.

[00:19:48.279 – 00:19:58.339] So I got in the habit of getting me a shorty on

[00:19:58.339 – 00:20:00.299] the way to pick him up and put it under the seat.

[00:20:00.299 – 00:20:04.999] I’d be prepared for him in case he w- he wanted to sit down.

[00:20:04.999 – 00:20:08.719] You say, “Man alive, this boy’s crazy.” You know?

[00:20:08.719 – 00:20:18.879] Then I’d sit at the meeting with that half, hot half pint or shorty, whatever it was, under the seat.

[00:20:18.879 – 00:20:21.759] And you know what I was thinking about during the meeting?

[00:20:21.759 – 00:20:25.539] Is somebody gonna steal that bottle while we in here?

[00:20:25.539 – 00:20:29.399] Maybe I didn’t lock that car.

[00:20:29.399 – 00:20:29.999] You know?

[00:20:29.999 – 00:20:33.619] I’m thinking about that bottle.

[00:20:33.619 – 00:20:35.649] People are standing here talking about not drinking.

[00:20:35.649 – 00:20:37.659] I’m thinking about wait, wait till this meeting’s over.

[00:20:37.659 – 00:20:39.739] Wait till this meeting.

[00:20:39.739 – 00:20:42.379] And then get in front of his house and he’d start talking.

[00:20:42.379 – 00:20:45.598] And I got that hot half under the seat.

[00:20:45.598 – 00:20:49.839] Let me tell you, that’s anxiety.

[00:20:49.839 – 00:21:04.899] I used to say, “If he don’t soon get out of here, I’m gonna drink it right in front of him.” I

[00:21:04.899 – 00:21:05.679] didn’t like him.

[00:21:05.679 – 00:21:08.699] He wasn’t my kind of guy at all.

[00:21:08.699 – 00:21:12.199] One reason he wasn’t my kind of guy, he was sober.

[00:21:12.199 – 00:21:16.658] And I, uh, I used to say, “Gee, I wish I could get him drunk.” It…

[00:21:16.658 – 00:21:24.619] So you don’t have to like the sponsor to get sober.

[00:21:24.619 – 00:21:26.119] I know that.

[00:21:26.119 – 00:21:27.099] I didn’t like him.

[00:21:27.099 – 00:21:34.519] But we went to a lot of meetings together, and he was on 12 step list, too, at that time.

[00:21:34.519 – 00:21:38.159] We, we used to get calls from wet drunks at, uh…

[00:21:38.159 – 00:21:40.619] and, and go get them, pick them up and take them to the meeting.

[00:21:40.619 – 00:21:48.859] And as he was calling the shots, he would tell them where to go and when to go and all this kind of business and, uh, and when to…

[00:21:48.859 – 00:21:51.859] I was going out to pick him up and he’d say, “We got somebody else to pick up.

[00:21:51.859 – 00:21:53.139] He lives over here somewhere.

[00:21:53.139 – 00:21:56.399] Let’s go get him.” New man, newer than you.

[00:21:56.399 – 00:22:02.199] I said, “Yeah?” We would put him in the car and we was trucking on down to the meeting.

[00:22:02.199 – 00:22:05.939] He’d just look at him, you know, talking to him about AA, and I’m chauffeuring him.

[00:22:05.939 – 00:22:31.099] All of a sudden, he’d look at this man and said, “You see this old guy driving us to this meeting?” He’d say, “Yeah.” He’d say, “You keep drinking, you’re gonna be just like him.” Try

[00:22:31.099 – 00:22:34.238] to give you one of the, uh, some of the reasons why I didn’t like the guy.

[00:22:34.238 – 00:22:45.219] He always had a way of te- I, I, I used to tell him, “I don’t think I belong.” He said, “That’s another problem you got.” “A thinking problem.” I

[00:22:45.219 – 00:22:56.199] said, “Well, they got a sign around the room that says think.” He said, “That’s not for you.” “That’s for those people.” I said,

[00:22:56.199 – 00:23:00.219] “Well, I’m no alcoholic.” He said, “Well, get the booze out and then tell me what you are.

[00:23:00.219 – 00:23:06.259] You really don’t know.” He liked to go to, uh, people’s anniversaries, too.

[00:23:06.259 – 00:23:09.199] We were coming home somebody’s…

[00:23:09.199 – 00:23:18.369] I, I, I kind of enjoyed them, too, but even half drunk, I kind of liked to see these people, it, it, it…

[00:23:18.369 – 00:23:21.829] And, uh, we was going home from this boy’s first anniversary.

[00:23:21.829 – 00:23:24.639] I said, “Man, I’d love to get one of those anniversaries.

[00:23:24.639 – 00:23:29.539] Get that cake and all that kind of business.” He said, “Well, try not drinking for a year.

[00:23:29.539 – 00:23:34.519] That’s the way to get them.” I said, “That’s going too far, man.

[00:23:34.519 – 00:23:42.723] Uh, I don’t want one that bad.” Did not want what we had.

[00:23:42.723 – 00:23:45.423] Did not want to…

[00:23:45.423 – 00:23:48.483] I, I wanted a lot of things, but getting sober wasn’t one of them.

[00:23:48.483 – 00:23:52.003] I wanted everything this program had to offer except sobriety.

[00:23:52.003 – 00:23:58.163] They were sitting here at a meeting where they read the promises and say how nice they sound.

[00:23:58.163 – 00:24:01.443] They sounded good to me when I was half drunk.

[00:24:01.443 – 00:24:02.523] They sounded good.

[00:24:02.523 – 00:24:12.243] I said, “Man, if they’d just give me those promises, I’d never drink again.” If they’d just give me that, especially the one about economic insecurity.

[00:24:12.243 – 00:24:18.963] That fear part, I didn’t even hear it, about that fear business.

[00:24:18.963 – 00:24:29.023] I think we hear what we wanna hear, and we, we can s- pick out things in that big book that’ll say it’s okay to keep on

[00:24:29.023 – 00:24:32.823] drinking, if you’re really looking for it.

[00:24:32.823 – 00:24:40.003] Boy was reading about fifth, fifth chapter, how it works.

[00:24:40.003 – 00:24:43.583] They are not at fault.

[00:24:43.583 – 00:24:46.283] Oh, boy, I loved it when I heard him read that.

[00:24:46.283 – 00:24:48.883] We get to that part, they’re not at fault.

[00:24:48.883 – 00:24:52.943] Gee, it’s okay.

[00:24:52.943 – 00:24:54.543] I’m sick.

[00:24:54.543 – 00:25:02.723] Man, I’m going home drunk after a meeting right after dropping that sponsor off at his house and go home drunk.

[00:25:02.723 – 00:25:13.003] My wife meet me at the door and said, “Drunk again,” I said, “So am I, honey.” But

[00:25:13.003 – 00:25:14.163] it’s not my fault.

[00:25:14.163 – 00:25:18.323] They read it out of that book you wrote.

[00:25:18.323 – 00:25:30.883] We hear what we wanna hear, if you’re kind like I was.

[00:25:30.883 – 00:25:35.003] My sponsor once told me, he said, “For goodness sakes, that big book is written in black and white.

[00:25:35.003 – 00:25:38.943] Just read the black part.” Don’t worry about that white part.

[00:25:38.943 – 00:25:41.253] You know?

[00:25:41.253 – 00:25:44.443] I even got to where I was putting stuff in there wasn’t even in there, you know?

[00:25:44.443 – 00:25:48.102] It’s okay to drink.

[00:25:48.102 – 00:25:49.563] I’m an alcoholic.

[00:25:49.563 – 00:25:51.043] That’s what I’m supposed to do.

[00:25:51.043 – 00:25:52.642] Wow.

[00:25:52.642 – 00:25:54.983] Alcoholics are supposed to drink.

[00:25:54.983 – 00:26:06.163] And when I heard a man in a meeting say, “I ain’t drinking today, but the natural thing for me to do is be drunk,” I said, “Gee, there you go.” I

[00:26:06.163 – 00:26:07.143] want to be natural.

[00:26:07.143 – 00:26:08.263] Keep on drinking.

[00:26:08.263 – 00:26:15.243] Anything to goodness sakes to say it was okay to keep on drinking.

[00:26:15.243 – 00:26:17.343] I’m sick.

[00:26:17.343 – 00:26:22.543] Oh, I would, like, almost wore that out, and I almost wore it out when I, after I wasn’t drinking for a while, too.

[00:26:22.543 – 00:26:30.843] I used to tell my wife, she wouldn’t treat me like I thought she ought to even, uh, uh, uh, even if I wasn’t drinking.

[00:26:30.843 – 00:26:33.703] I said, “Hon, you better be good to me.

[00:26:33.703 – 00:26:39.723] I’m sick.” I could go off like a keg of dynamite, you know, just like a…

[00:26:39.723 – 00:26:46.443] I didn’t mind saying I was sick.

[00:26:46.443 – 00:26:48.663] Ain’t your life unmanageable?

[00:26:48.663 – 00:26:49.063] Yeah.

[00:26:49.063 – 00:26:50.943] Sure is.

[00:26:50.943 – 00:26:53.723] I didn’t care.

[00:26:53.723 – 00:26:55.583] I went, uh, uh, what manage?

[00:26:55.583 – 00:26:59.023] For goodness sake, as long as I could drink, I didn’t care about that managing business.

[00:26:59.023 – 00:27:00.463] That’s just a title anyway.

[00:27:00.463 – 00:27:01.803] Didn’t matter to me.

[00:27:01.803 – 00:27:07.483] I had the worst drunk I ever had after being around these rooms for nine to 10 months.

[00:27:07.483 – 00:27:12.203] Things happened to me after being around here for nine to 10 months that hadn’t happened before.

[00:27:12.203 – 00:27:17.883] I had a lost weekend and never had that before.

[00:27:17.883 – 00:27:21.683] In 35 years of drinking, I was never drunk three days.

[00:27:21.683 – 00:27:23.843] Never.

[00:27:23.843 – 00:27:30.043] That’s not a requirement to be here, to be all, go on prolonged drunks.

[00:27:30.043 – 00:27:37.433] I’ve been drunk three times in one day many, many times, but I never put three days.

[00:27:37.433 – 00:27:39.142] I never had that lost weekend.

[00:27:39.142 – 00:27:45.043] And I had that lost weekend right after the sobriety show in Baldwin.

[00:27:45.043 – 00:27:47.463] I was sober when I went to the sobriety show, too.

[00:27:47.463 – 00:27:48.163] I wasn’t drinking.

[00:27:48.163 – 00:27:49.923] I enjoyed that sobriety show.

[00:27:49.923 – 00:27:55.783] And I said, “Boy, I gotta come back next year,” but I couldn’t stay sober for next year, you know?

[00:27:55.783 – 00:28:00.663] But in between times, I’m gonna drink for a while, and then we’ll get well next time.

[00:28:00.663 – 00:28:04.283] So I know the activities will not get us sober.

[00:28:04.283 – 00:28:05.443] They won’t keep us sober.

[00:28:05.443 – 00:28:07.283] I know that today.

[00:28:07.283 – 00:28:13.743] I did not have that one requirement necessary to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:28:13.743 – 00:28:16.963] That was that desire to stop drinking.

[00:28:16.963 – 00:28:24.623] The greatest gift that God gave me, and I wanted to stay sober a year to prove I didn’t belong in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:28:24.623 – 00:28:30.043] I thought if I could just make it a year, then I’d be all right.

[00:28:30.043 – 00:28:36.363] And I was willing to fight booze for a year, and I did fight it for almost a year.

[00:28:36.363 – 00:28:38.063] I was a complete booze fighter.

[00:28:38.063 – 00:28:42.203] I ran to a lot of meetings.

[00:28:42.203 – 00:28:44.743] I went to meetings every night, and I was scared to miss a meeting.

[00:28:44.743 – 00:28:46.303] I was afraid I might get drunk tomorrow.

[00:28:46.303 – 00:28:55.683] That was all I had going for me, was the meeting and fighting booze and wanting to drink.

[00:28:55.683 – 00:28:59.903] I used to sit at meeting and hear barroom music while the meeting going on.

[00:28:59.903 – 00:29:05.613] Pinball machines going, the cards going, and the jukebox and all that kind of business.

[00:29:05.613 – 00:29:12.743] I was sitting at the meeting, but boy, I had much rather been somewhere else.

[00:29:12.743 – 00:29:16.623] I thought these people were the deadest people in the world.

[00:29:16.623 – 00:29:21.783] Who in the world can enjoy themselves eating donut and drinking coffee?

[00:29:21.783 – 00:29:25.443] They don’t know how to live.

[00:29:25.443 – 00:29:29.243] And I didn’t know how to live, either.

[00:29:29.243 – 00:29:39.263] For a good 10 months, I came to these rooms and was fighting and running and

[00:29:39.263 – 00:29:41.783] running scared, trying to get that year.

[00:29:41.783 – 00:29:45.527] And I prayed during that year, too.

[00:29:45.527 – 00:29:47.787] But you know what I did?

[00:29:47.787 – 00:29:57.907] “God, don’t let me drink today.” And then I was thinking in back of my head right after I said that, I said, “But after a year, I’ll handle

[00:29:57.907 – 00:30:06.567] it.” I asked him to help me a many day when I was trying to shake one off.

[00:30:06.567 – 00:30:12.927] But what I wanted him to do was help me get a drink, not help me to stop drinking.

[00:30:12.927 – 00:30:22.947] That’s why I believe till today that the greatest gift was given to me was that gift of

[00:30:22.947 – 00:30:23.547] willingness.

[00:30:23.547 – 00:30:26.127] Do something.

[00:30:26.127 – 00:30:26.816] Do something.

[00:30:26.816 – 00:30:29.427] And that’s all I did, was go to meeting.

[00:30:29.427 – 00:30:33.027] And I stayed sober long enough to find out I liked being sober.

[00:30:33.027 – 00:30:37.867] I was thankful for a wh- long before I was grateful.

[00:30:37.867 – 00:30:39.627] I was thankful for every day.

[00:30:39.627 – 00:30:49.707] Even though I’d fought booze all day and wanted to drink so bad I could almost taste it, I was always thankful that next morning I hadn’t got drunk

[00:30:49.707 – 00:30:50.507] last night.

[00:30:50.507 – 00:30:52.687] I’d made one more day.

[00:30:52.687 – 00:30:57.727] I used to mark them off on the calendar just as I was ready to go to bed.

[00:30:57.727 – 00:31:02.007] And as I was scratching it on there, I was mad.

[00:31:02.007 – 00:31:05.107] Another wasted day without a drink.

[00:31:05.107 – 00:31:12.126] Refusing to give myself to this simple program.

[00:31:12.126 – 00:31:22.387] The book tells us that the most miserable person in the world is a person that’s not drinking and looking for the day when he’ll be able to drink again.

[00:31:22.387 – 00:31:29.207] I wanted to stop getting drunk, not to stop drinking.

[00:31:29.207 – 00:31:32.827] Wanted a lot of things.

[00:31:32.827 – 00:31:38.587] I think it’s very, very important to give the change or chance to happen.

[00:31:38.587 – 00:31:41.207] Give time, time.

[00:31:41.207 – 00:31:52.426] That’s the, I greatly sad said, I…

[00:31:52.426 – 00:31:57.517] That’s why I’ve, I’ve got no problem with a man that said, “I’m fighting booze.” Fight it.

[00:31:57.517 – 00:31:58.877] Fight it.

[00:31:58.877 – 00:32:02.007] Do whatever you have to to stay away from one drink one day at a time.

[00:32:02.007 – 00:32:04.367] I preach sometimes.

[00:32:04.367 – 00:32:06.547] I can’t help it.

[00:32:06.547 – 00:32:08.026] I get to preaching.

[00:32:08.026 – 00:32:13.246] I think everybody’s just as hard-headed as I was.

[00:32:13.246 – 00:32:21.147] I ask God to help me to let me help him help somebody sometimes, and then I’ll tell him how to, who to send.

[00:32:21.147 – 00:32:21.967] You know?

[00:32:21.967 – 00:32:23.947] Send me a easy one.

[00:32:23.947 – 00:32:28.667] Don’t send me a hard head like I was.

[00:32:28.667 – 00:32:31.227] Send me one of them easy ones, somebody that’s ready.

[00:32:31.227 – 00:32:34.907] Somebody all I gotta do is put him in the car and take him to a meeting.

[00:32:34.907 – 00:32:39.747] I’ve learned to accept them as they come now.

[00:32:39.747 – 00:32:41.397] You know?

[00:32:41.397 – 00:32:41.767] Whatever.

[00:32:41.767 – 00:32:46.267] God, help me to help somebody.

[00:32:46.267 – 00:32:54.467] And I was taking people to meetings, and that helped me stay sober during them first 10 months, because I had this little old car.

[00:32:54.467 – 00:33:03.947] And a many day it kept me from taking a drink because I didn’t want this new guy to smell booze on my breath when I went there to pick him up.

[00:33:03.947 – 00:33:08.307] So I’m a great believer in helping others.

[00:33:08.307 – 00:33:12.347] Works, as the book says, when everything else seems to fail.

[00:33:12.347 – 00:33:15.847] I was taking people to get the message before I got the message.

[00:33:15.847 – 00:33:22.707] I don’t think you gotta wait till you get through the 12 step in order to help other alcoholics.

[00:33:22.707 – 00:33:25.746] I believe a person with one week can help a person with one day.

[00:33:25.746 – 00:33:30.087] I give my opinions a lot of time.

[00:33:30.087 – 00:33:32.547] Then they okay.

[00:33:32.547 – 00:33:37.867] I’m so grateful to be sober.

[00:33:37.867 – 00:33:44.307] I had a daughter that never, always called me he and him.

[00:33:44.307 – 00:33:47.027] I was sober five years.

[00:33:47.027 – 00:33:55.147] She was living in North Carolina at the time, and she sent me a card from North Carolina for my fifth anniversary.

[00:33:55.147 – 00:34:07.187] And she said on it, “Daddy, you’re the greatest.” I

[00:34:07.187 – 00:34:09.347] went in to show my wife, Francis.

[00:34:09.347 – 00:34:10.367] She’s here.

[00:34:10.367 – 00:34:14.887] I didn’t care about that card.

[00:34:14.887 – 00:34:24.887] I said, “Look, she called me Daddy.” Anybody that hadn’t drank long enough to be he and him around the house don’t know what I’m talking about when I said y- when they

[00:34:24.887 – 00:34:28.967] change that, y- you start calling you what you’re supposed to.

[00:34:28.967 – 00:34:33.207] I got grandchildren that never saw me drunk.

[00:34:33.207 – 00:34:39.227] And my daughter never tells them what kind of bum I used to be.

[00:34:39.227 – 00:34:42.507] And I’m grateful for that.

[00:34:42.507 – 00:34:44.207] I’m grateful for so many things.

[00:34:44.207 – 00:34:50.647] I’m grateful when I wake up and go to the bathroom, for goodness sakes.

[00:34:50.647 – 00:34:55.217] Francis-

[00:34:55.362 – 00:35:00.882] Knew all about water beds long before they had ever invented them, I tell you that.

[00:35:00.882 – 00:35:10.522] Get out of here and go to the bedroom, for goodness sake.

[00:35:10.522 – 00:35:17.102] I’m grateful to be sober.

[00:35:17.102 – 00:35:20.202] I’m grateful I kept coming back.

[00:35:20.202 – 00:35:21.382] Gee.

[00:35:21.382 – 00:35:23.682] People used to tell me to keep coming back.

[00:35:23.682 – 00:35:31.162] I said, “Man, if you knew me,” I’m thinking, “You wouldn’t tell me to come back.” I was the kind of guy that would steal the collection basket.

[00:35:31.162 – 00:35:34.402] Course, I never did do it.

[00:35:34.402 – 00:35:36.682] I don’t think, but, but I would have.

[00:35:36.682 – 00:35:37.942] I’ve been that hard up.

[00:35:37.942 – 00:35:40.782] Really.

[00:35:40.782 – 00:35:48.382] Francis used to give me a half a dollar to drop in the basket when I was going over there, but I never dropped that half a dollar in the basket.

[00:35:48.382 – 00:35:51.042] I was opening it when I went to the bar when the meeting was over.

[00:35:51.042 – 00:35:57.562] I still go to a lot of meetings.

[00:35:57.562 – 00:36:04.342] I’ve often said we can talk to one another today instead of at one another.

[00:36:04.342 – 00:36:06.322] I’m so gr…

[00:36:06.322 – 00:36:07.522] I’m grateful for that.

[00:36:07.522 – 00:36:15.822] There’s many, many things that’s happened to me since I’ve been sober.

[00:36:15.822 – 00:36:18.602] I’m not, every day ain’t jumping up and down.

[00:36:18.602 – 00:36:28.782] But let me tell you, when I think of them drunk days, boy, every day I’m tiptoeing through the tulips when all I gotta do is remember when.

[00:36:28.782 – 00:36:35.422] We got a son that passed away here a couple months ago.

[00:36:35.422 – 00:36:38.902] He was staying at Rosewood State Hospital.

[00:36:38.902 – 00:36:40.422] Been there about 20 years.

[00:36:40.422 – 00:36:50.042] And I never felt such a deep sense of gratitude as I did when I was riding out there with her that morning.

[00:36:50.042 – 00:36:53.542] I was taking her out when we got the call that he had passed away in his sleep.

[00:36:53.542 – 00:37:03.582] And she looked over at me and says, “Thank God you’re not drinking.” And I could almost bust

[00:37:03.582 – 00:37:04.721] the buttons off my shirt.

[00:37:04.721 – 00:37:05.862] I felt so proud.

[00:37:05.862 – 00:37:12.922] Let me tell you, the things that happen in sobriety.

[00:37:12.922 – 00:37:16.942] I’m a great believer in the two Bs: be sober and be available.

[00:37:16.942 – 00:37:20.022] I can be available today.

[00:37:20.022 – 00:37:24.682] I can always do…

[00:37:24.682 – 00:37:27.662] I can do the things today that I used to dream about doing.

[00:37:27.662 – 00:37:34.222] We don’t have a whole lot, don’t need a whole lot.

[00:37:34.222 – 00:37:39.761] But we have each other.

[00:37:39.761 – 00:37:44.802] I’ve got AA.

[00:37:44.802 – 00:37:47.942] She got Al-Anon.

[00:37:47.942 – 00:37:49.882] Thank God for Al-Anon, too.

[00:37:49.882 – 00:37:53.922] I run with, great booster of Al-Anon also.

[00:37:53.922 – 00:37:56.362] I’ve never been to a meeting.

[00:37:56.362 – 00:37:59.262] Heard some good Al-Anon speakers at places I did.

[00:37:59.262 – 00:38:05.522] I’ve always thought if I do good in AA, I’d rather, uh, I, I got my hands full, buddy.

[00:38:05.522 – 00:38:10.022] I don’t need to be jumping around from listening to that and emotions and all that kind of business.

[00:38:10.022 – 00:38:20.291] The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have changed my life, and I fully accepted the first step of Alcoholics

[00:38:20.291 – 00:38:23.142] Anonymous when I was sober 10 months.

[00:38:23.142 – 00:38:25.482] And I was sober.

[00:38:25.482 – 00:38:29.102] I wasn’t just dry.

[00:38:29.102 – 00:38:36.201] That’s another phrase I don’t like, too, that dry business.

[00:38:36.201 – 00:38:37.882] I was able to make a decision.

[00:38:37.882 – 00:38:48.582] If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, then

[00:38:48.582 – 00:38:50.142] you’re ready to take certain steps.

[00:38:50.142 – 00:38:56.262] I don’t think the best counselor ever lived can teach anybody AA.

[00:38:56.262 – 00:39:00.041] I’m not putting counselors down.

[00:39:00.041 – 00:39:02.042] I just don’t think anybody can teach us AA.

[00:39:02.042 – 00:39:05.142] I think we learn AA.

[00:39:05.142 – 00:39:10.002] We don’t like to be taught anyway, for goodness sakes, if you’re like I was.

[00:39:10.002 – 00:39:17.162] And I’m grateful I had the kind of sponsor that allowed me to work at my own pace.

[00:39:17.162 – 00:39:27.202] And when I had decided I wanted

[00:39:27.202 – 00:39:34.282] what we have, then I started doing something about the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[00:39:34.282 – 00:39:39.862] And the steps had made me feel good about me.

[00:39:39.862 – 00:39:47.182] Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

[00:39:47.182 – 00:39:51.262] And I think it would be…

[00:39:51.262 – 00:39:53.582] I think I’ve been restored to sanity.

[00:39:53.582 – 00:39:59.902] It didn’t happen just when I came to believe God could restore me to sanity, I’ll tell you that.

[00:39:59.902 – 00:40:02.142] The book don’t say it happens then, either.

[00:40:02.142 – 00:40:06.622] I talk about the Big Book a lot.

[00:40:06.622 – 00:40:14.182] The Big Book says that happens after the ninth step, if you read, if you know what I’m telling you exactly right.

[00:40:14.182 – 00:40:17.582] By now, sanity has returned.

[00:40:17.582 – 00:40:22.182] Why shouldn’t we be happy?

[00:40:22.182 – 00:40:25.642] We have recovered.

[00:40:25.642 – 00:40:32.982] I’m one that believes we recover in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, too, because the Big Book says it.

[00:40:32.982 – 00:40:35.482] That’s why I believe it.

[00:40:35.482 – 00:40:41.042] We have recovered and have been given the power to help others.

[00:40:41.042 – 00:40:45.182] Strong language, but true.

[00:40:45.182 – 00:40:49.711] We’re not a glum lot.

[00:40:49.711 – 00:40:58.522] Absolutely insist on enjoying life, and boy, I enjoy life to the fullest.

[00:40:58.522 – 00:41:00.162] I do.

[00:41:00.162 – 00:41:06.606] But if I said I’d have everything happen just like I want it all the time, well, no, it don’t.

[00:41:06.606 – 00:41:12.386] But I believe that God will do the impossible if we do the possible.

[00:41:12.386 – 00:41:16.946] I believe that.

[00:41:16.946 – 00:41:24.646] I’m sober tonight, today, whatever, through some of my own effort, through the grace of God, and some of my own effort.

[00:41:24.646 – 00:41:27.966] And no free lunches.

[00:41:27.966 – 00:41:33.046] I had to come to realize that, that those things happen.

[00:41:33.046 – 00:41:42.046] I go to a lot of meetings, but I’m so grateful I’m not running scared anymore.

[00:41:42.046 – 00:41:43.946] Not scared.

[00:41:43.946 – 00:41:56.786] Somebody asked me w- when, before this meeting, “Are you nervous?” I said, “Yeah, but thank God I ain’t scared.” You know?

[00:41:56.786 – 00:41:57.426] And I’m not.

[00:41:57.426 – 00:42:01.026] I’m not scared.

[00:42:01.026 – 00:42:06.886] I used to sit at meetings, for goodness sake, so afraid I’d be called on.

[00:42:06.886 – 00:42:14.386] Anybody ever call on you in meetings and know who you were, just point their finger at you, “How about you?” Boy, oh boy, I used to hate that.

[00:42:14.386 – 00:42:21.846] I was sober 10 months before I did anything but give my name and pass, and I’d already been 10 months drinking.

[00:42:21.846 – 00:42:28.946] I know tonight, today, it’s okay to pass.

[00:42:28.946 – 00:42:51.046] I said that at a meeting once, and somebody in the back hollered up here at the podium and says, “Why don’t you try it sometime?” Last

[00:42:51.046 – 00:43:01.226] time I talked to a good crowd like this, somebody sitting on the, sitting way in the back there hollered up and said, “I can’t hear you.” Guy sitting here on the front said, “You can’t

[00:43:01.226 – 00:43:13.746] hear him?” Says, “I can, and I’ll trade seats with you.” I

[00:43:13.746 – 00:43:14.766] do ramble sometimes.

[00:43:14.766 – 00:43:16.326] I get fascinated by my own voice.

[00:43:16.326 – 00:43:16.916] You ever say that?

[00:43:16.916 – 00:43:17.506] You ever get that?

[00:43:17.506 – 00:43:23.346] Think everybody else wants to hear you as much as you want to hear yourself?

[00:43:23.346 – 00:43:28.866] I don’t drink.

[00:43:28.866 – 00:43:32.526] I can say, “No thanks, I’ve had enough,” and not feel guilty.

[00:43:32.526 – 00:43:36.146] I used to give every kind of excuse in the world.

[00:43:36.146 – 00:43:38.485] I got a ulcer, I got this, and I got that.

[00:43:38.485 – 00:43:45.985] But I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous I don’t have to give any excuses to anybody.

[00:43:45.985 – 00:43:51.066] No thanks, I’ve had enough.

[00:43:51.066 – 00:43:54.986] And if they ask me the second time, I say, “Why do you want to know?

[00:43:54.986 – 00:44:01.686] That’ll stop them.” And if it don’t, tell them you don’t drink when you’re sober.

[00:44:01.686 – 00:44:03.765] That’ll stop them real quick.

[00:44:03.765 – 00:44:13.216] I don’t have any…

[00:44:13.216 – 00:44:17.766] And I don’t like anybody to speak for me.

[00:44:17.766 – 00:44:19.396] My daughter will do that once in a while.

[00:44:19.396 – 00:44:22.226] We go out somewhere together, me and the three of us.

[00:44:22.226 – 00:44:26.466] And they come around, “Do you want any?” “No, he don’t want any.” She’ll be speaking for me.

[00:44:26.466 – 00:44:27.386] “He don’t want anything.

[00:44:27.386 – 00:44:28.366] He don’t want anything.

[00:44:28.366 – 00:44:37.426] He can’t drink.” I said, “I’ll tell her, honey.” “You don’t, don’t speak for me.” And I don’t like people speaking for me.

[00:44:37.426 – 00:44:40.366] I can say, “No thanks, I had enough,” boy.

[00:44:40.366 – 00:44:43.706] Because I’m enjoying being sober.

[00:44:43.706 – 00:44:50.026] I think that’s the only way to go get sober is don’t drink.

[00:44:50.026 – 00:44:58.186] Took me a long time to get that through this thick head, but now I know it.

[00:44:58.186 – 00:44:59.966] I stay sober.

[00:44:59.966 – 00:45:00.626] I got sober.

[00:45:00.626 – 00:45:01.346] I’m not drinking.

[00:45:01.346 – 00:45:06.646] I stay sober by not drinking and trying to practice these principles in all my affairs.

[00:45:06.646 – 00:45:09.706] And that’s the hardest part of the whole 12 steps for this alcoholic.

[00:45:09.706 – 00:45:16.206] I stray.

[00:45:16.206 – 00:45:19.226] I make, make mistakes, but thank God I’m not one.

[00:45:19.226 – 00:45:23.446] Sure, I make mistakes.

[00:45:23.446 – 00:45:24.236] I say things.

[00:45:24.236 – 00:45:26.896] Gee, do you ever say something and say, “Ah, gee, I wish I hadn’t said that”?

[00:45:26.896 – 00:45:29.166] I do on occasion.

[00:45:29.166 – 00:45:40.706] I remember telling Francis a few, well, a few years back now, I had put on a new roll of toilet paper, which

[00:45:40.706 – 00:45:45.306] was something I, I never did do those kind of things before .

[00:45:45.306 – 00:45:47.326] I put out trash and them kind of things.

[00:45:47.326 – 00:45:48.796] And I always said, “Did you notice?

[00:45:48.796 – 00:45:53.106] You notice how I put that roll of toilet paper on for you?” You know?

[00:45:53.106 – 00:45:56.106] I knew I shouldn’t have said that.

[00:45:56.106 – 00:46:05.186] Man, she jumped at me like a cat out of a bag.

[00:46:05.186 – 00:46:07.386] Said, “Let me tell you something.

[00:46:07.386 – 00:46:09.066] I’ve been changing for 50 years.

[00:46:09.066 – 00:46:19.146] Ain’t nobody ever thanked me.” I said, “Gee, I wish I hadn’t said that.”

[00:46:19.146 – 00:46:28.586] Wasn’t necessary, you know?

[00:46:28.586 – 00:46:33.026] But we will.

[00:46:33.026 – 00:46:37.586] And it’s hard to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[00:46:37.586 – 00:46:44.966] It’s hard for this guy at times, but it gets easier as you go along.

[00:46:44.966 – 00:46:55.026] I believe winners do what they have to do, losers do what they want to do, and I did a lot of things I didn’t want to do.

[00:46:55.026 – 00:47:00.786] The first time I picked a guy up and took him to a meeting, my sponsor wanted me to pick him up.

[00:47:00.786 – 00:47:04.730] I hadn’t had a drink for about six months.

[00:47:04.730 – 00:47:08.810] He said, “Go over and get this guy.” I says, “I don’t know what to say to him.” He said, “Don’t say anything.

[00:47:08.810 – 00:47:18.830] You might mess it up.” He said, “Put him

[00:47:18.830 – 00:47:20.230] in the car and bring him here.

[00:47:20.230 – 00:47:21.190] We’ll handle it.

[00:47:21.190 – 00:47:24.070] You, that’s your job.

[00:47:24.070 – 00:47:24.780] Go get him.

[00:47:24.780 – 00:47:25.630] That’s all.

[00:47:25.630 – 00:47:35.590] Don’t say nothing.” And he also says, “It’ll make you feel good.” And when he said that, I was ready to go.

[00:47:35.590 – 00:47:41.590] It’d make you feel good, and I wanted to feel good.

[00:47:41.590 – 00:47:44.630] And I like to feel good today.

[00:47:44.630 – 00:47:46.230] I love it.

[00:47:46.230 – 00:47:47.450] I love it.

[00:47:47.450 – 00:47:49.990] Love being sober.

[00:47:49.990 – 00:47:59.690] I forgot to, when I f- first started off, yeah, I forgot to thank this committee for asking me to come over, for giving me this opportunity to be here.

[00:47:59.690 – 00:48:05.990] I look at every time I’m at the chair of a meeting as a golden, golden opportunity, and I do.

[00:48:05.990 – 00:48:15.130] It ain’t nice to ask God to help you to help somebody and then turn the telephone off so he can’t touch you.

[00:48:15.130 – 00:48:16.150] Is it?

[00:48:16.150 – 00:48:21.110] Or when somebody’s in a group, don’t try to turn it off.

[00:48:21.110 – 00:48:27.790] Be sober and be available.

[00:48:27.790 – 00:48:30.050] Be sober and be available.

[00:48:30.050 – 00:48:39.350] I hope everybody has as good a time as this, uh, at this get-together as I plan on having, you know?

[00:48:39.350 – 00:48:44.230] And I want to thank everybody for listening to me here today.

[00:48:44.230 – 00:48:51.510] Charlie told me if I didn’t quit talking when I was supposed to, he had a hook man back here to pull me off of here.

[00:48:51.510 – 00:48:56.650] So around the Baltimore area, they call me Windy.

[00:48:56.650 – 00:48:59.729] A lot of groups call and they say, “Save Windy for last,” you know?

[00:48:59.729 – 00:49:01.670] Or wrap it up.

[00:49:01.670 – 00:49:02.790] We got a couple of minutes.

[00:49:02.790 – 00:49:03.449] Wrap it up.

[00:49:03.449 – 00:49:14.070] You

[00:49:14.070 – 00:49:14.140] know?

[00:49:14.140 – 00:49:15.110] And I can wrap it up.

[00:49:15.110 – 00:49:16.750] I can wrap it up.

[00:49:16.750 – 00:49:18.090] But every time…

[00:49:18.090 – 00:49:23.330] Let me tell you, if you go to a lot of meetings, you’ll never in this world run out of something to talk about if you go to a lot of meetings.

[00:49:23.330 – 00:49:26.970] Feel great.

[00:49:26.970 – 00:49:29.270] Well, I’m sober.

[00:49:29.270 – 00:49:36.330] You ever ask anybody that’s been, they ain’t had a drink for a while how they are and they say, “Well, I’m sober.” So sad.

[00:49:36.330 – 00:49:52.770] I, I, I sometimes want to ask them, “Does it hurt?” When

[00:49:52.770 – 00:50:01.049] you give, when you give yourself, yourself to this simple program, you can be happy, joyous, and free.

[00:50:01.049 – 00:50:10.510] When you give yourself to this simple program, simple program, boy, oh, boy.

[00:50:10.510 – 00:50:12.570] And I don’t want to mess it up.

[00:50:12.570 – 00:50:14.190] I like to keep it simple.

[00:50:14.190 – 00:50:15.950] Make it fun.

[00:50:15.950 – 00:50:17.510] Make it fun.

[00:50:17.510 – 00:50:19.610] And it can be fun.

[00:50:19.610 – 00:50:23.630] Being sober is the greatest thing in the world.

[00:50:23.630 – 00:50:33.630] I often tell Go- God, “For goodness’ sakes, I sure do thank you for all the blessings that have come my way, especially for the blessing of

[00:50:33.630 – 00:50:43.870] just being sober.” Anybody that comes close to missing that old thing as I did don’t know what I’m really talking about, but, uh, uh,

[00:50:43.870 – 00:50:45.150] these first-nighters don’t.

[00:50:45.150 – 00:50:46.330] I, I know that.

[00:50:46.330 – 00:50:47.720] God bless them.

[00:50:47.720 – 00:50:48.650] I used to hate them.

[00:50:48.650 – 00:50:55.400] I used to hate to hear somebody, see somebody come in, look like they caught on right away.

[00:50:55.400 – 00:50:56.130] I’d say, “Watch him.

[00:50:56.130 – 00:51:06.370] He’ll go.” But now I’m so thankful to see somebody

[00:51:06.370 – 00:51:09.429] come in and, and, and, uh, what I call ready.

[00:51:09.429 – 00:51:16.370] I used to go to the bars looking for friends and wind up drunk.

[00:51:16.370 – 00:51:19.769] I came to AA drunk and wind up with friends.

[00:51:19.769 – 00:51:23.709] That’s a 180-degree turn.

[00:51:23.709 – 00:51:24.820] And that’s something.

[00:51:24.820 – 00:51:25.990] Keep coming back.

[00:51:25.990 – 00:51:26.570] You’ll get it.

[00:51:26.570 – 00:51:27.670] You’ll get it.

[00:51:27.670 – 00:51:32.310] So I did keep coming back, and I still keep coming back.

[00:51:32.310 – 00:51:37.190] I rarely let a night go by without going to a meeting.

[00:51:37.190 – 00:51:42.950] Well, I’m retired now, you know, and I just go.

[00:51:42.950 – 00:51:49.820] Frances sometimes say, “For goodness’ sake, go to a meeting so I can get something done.” You know?

[00:51:49.820 – 00:51:52.690] “Ain’t you got a meeting about this time of day?” You know?

[00:51:52.690 – 00:51:58.570] Of course, I do get on her nerves sometimes, hanging around, hanging.

[00:51:58.570 – 00:52:01.750] I won’t do nothing.

[00:52:01.750 – 00:52:03.430] I just want her to sit down and talk.

[00:52:03.430 – 00:52:04.670] But so far, it’s helping.

[00:52:04.670 – 00:52:06.310] I, I don’t do too much here.

[00:52:06.310 – 00:52:10.090] But she accepts me, and I’m grateful.

[00:52:10.090 – 00:52:17.650] Again, I want to thank the committee for having me, and I want to thank you for that nice introduction.

[00:52:17.650 – 00:52:19.470] And keep coming back.

[00:52:19.470 – 00:52:20.590] Thanks.

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