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const vttText = “WEBVTTnn1n00:00:05.750 –> 00:00:06.360nHi, everyone.nn2n00:00:06.360 –> 00:00:08.439nMy name’s Jane, and I’m an alcoholic.nn3n00:00:08.439 –> 00:00:09.349nHi, Jane.nn4n00:00:09.349 –> 00:00:14.599nAnd it is so wonderful to be here amongst so many fabulous women this weekend.nn5n00:00:14.599 –> 00:00:19.260nUm, I wanna, of course, get the niceties out of the way right off the bat.nn6n00:00:19.260 –> 00:00:22.399nI wanted to thank Anne for inviting me.nn7n00:00:22.399 –> 00:00:27.850nUm, I also wanted to thank my sweet Heather for picking me up yesterday, and she’s right.nn8n00:00:27.850 –> 00:00:29.960nYou know, God makes no mistakes.nn9n00:00:29.960 –> 00:00:35.420nWe were meant to get to know each other this weekend, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you even better.nn10n00:00:35.420 –> 00:00:38.100nAnd I wanna thank the committee.nn11n00:00:38.100 –> 00:00:41.380nI know how much work goes into these conventions.nn12n00:00:41.380 –> 00:00:47.859nUm, and again, it, it is all service work, and that’s, that’s what this program’s all about.nn13n00:00:47.859 –> 00:00:52.780nAnd of course, uh, Lee and John, you know, you guys are the best.nn14n00:00:52.780 –> 00:00:59.539nI mean, I’m sure you had fun telling all your friends this weekend that you’re gonna be hanging out with 400 fantabulous women.nn15n00:00:59.539 –> 00:01:04.760nSo, um, and again, I, I love speaker tapes.nn16n00:01:04.760 –> 00:01:12.400nI know early in sobriety when I couldn’t drive, um, you know, I list- made sure that I listened to a speaker tape every day.nn17n00:01:12.400 –> 00:01:14.500nAnd, um, I’ve …nn18n00:01:14.500 –> 00:01:18.530nReally on people’s birthdays and stuff now, ’cause most of my friends are in AA, that’s what I give.nn19n00:01:18.530 –> 00:01:20.010nI give, um, speaker tapes.nn20n00:01:20.010 –> 00:01:22.859nWhat better gift can you give than the gift of somebody’s story?nn21n00:01:22.859 –> 00:01:32.920nSo anyway, I come to you today, um, actually commissioned by Alcoholics Anonymous as a humble servant to just sharenn22n00:01:32.920 –> 00:01:34.000nwith you my story.nn23n00:01:34.000 –> 00:01:38.500nUm, I am from Tallahassee, Florida.nn24n00:01:38.500 –> 00:01:48.859nMy, uh, my home group is Central Group, 909 Central, and, um, I’ve been a, uh, an active member there for 10 years now.nn25n00:01:48.859 –> 00:01:52.840nUh, my sobriety date, however, is September 24th.nn26n00:01:52.840 –> 00:01:54.060nIt’s my anniversary month.nn27n00:01:54.060 –> 00:02:00.599nUh, September 24, 1995, so it’s the big 15, so I’m really excited about that.nn28n00:02:00.599 –> 00:02:06.459nUm, and I also …nn29n00:02:06.459 –> 00:02:07.290nWait, is that right?nn30n00:02:07.290 –> 00:02:08.620n15 or 16?nn31n00:02:08.620 –> 00:02:09.049n16.nn32n00:02:09.049 –> 00:02:10.719nOh my gosh, 16.nn33n00:02:10.719 –> 00:02:11.960nNow, wait a minute.nn34n00:02:11.960 –> 00:02:12.580nI’m sorry.nn35n00:02:12.580 –> 00:02:13.919nIt’s Sep- I’m, I’m nervous.nn36n00:02:13.919 –> 00:02:14.560nExcuse me.nn37n00:02:14.560 –> 00:02:16.409nMy tragedy happened in ’95.nn38n00:02:16.409 –> 00:02:18.199nMy sobriety date is ’96.nn39n00:02:18.199 –> 00:02:21.259nSeptember 24th, 1996, so it is 15.nn40n00:02:21.259 –> 00:02:25.719nAnd I have the, uh, the holes in my medallion to prove it.nn41n00:02:25.719 –> 00:02:29.060nUm, but anyway, um, I …nn42n00:02:29.060 –> 00:02:37.860nYou know, when I’m in groups like this I have to, again, say that I’m, I’m so blessed with, you know, God’s grace.nn43n00:02:37.860 –> 00:02:40.259nThat’s what’s gotten me here thus far.nn44n00:02:40.259 –> 00:02:50.699nUh, the support of, of my wonderful family and friends, the fellowship of this program, sponsorship for sure, and,nn45n00:02:50.699 –> 00:02:53.280num, you know, that’s, that’s just the way we do it.nn46n00:02:53.280 –> 00:02:58.859nAnd I, again, am so fortunate to, to be asked to speak before you today.nn47n00:02:58.859 –> 00:03:01.319nAnd I really don’t consider myself a speaker.nn48n00:03:01.319 –> 00:03:04.979nI have a, I have a story, and I just, you know, get up here and I tell it.nn49n00:03:04.979 –> 00:03:11.460nAnd I’m really nervous, but my sponsor assures me that that means that I’m humble enough to let God in, so.nn50n00:03:11.460 –> 00:03:21.520nSo because I am so nervous, though, I wanna, um, just sort of close my eyes, and I’d ask you to join me in saying the third step prayer, just so everyone can kindnn51n00:03:21.520 –> 00:03:26.759nof center and breathe.nn52n00:03:26.759 –> 00:03:27.580nOh.nn53n00:03:27.580 –> 00:03:36.900nGod, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and to do with me as thou will.nn54n00:03:36.900 –> 00:03:42.199nRelease me of the bondages of self that I may better do thy will.nn55n00:03:42.199 –> 00:03:52.259nTake away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love,nn56n00:03:52.259 –> 00:03:53.560nand thy way of life.nn57n00:03:53.560 –> 00:03:56.219nMay I do thy will always.nn58n00:03:56.219 –> 00:03:57.759nAmen.nn59n00:03:57.759 –> 00:04:03.979nGod, please put the words in my mouth today that somebody in this wonderful audience needs to hear.nn60n00:04:03.979 –> 00:04:12.340nYou know, one of my, uh, favorite spiritual writers just came out with, um, with a book this month, September 1st.nn61n00:04:12.340 –> 00:04:14.419nThe author’s name is Richard Rohr.nn62n00:04:14.419 –> 00:04:19.120nI’m not sure if anybody heard of, has heard of him, but he’s actually a Franciscan priest.nn63n00:04:19.120 –> 00:04:27.100nAnd the name of the book is called this t- the, uh, Breathing Underwater: The Spirituality of the 12 Steps.nn64n00:04:27.100 –> 00:04:30.480nAnd, um, I just thought it was, uh …nn65n00:04:30.480 –> 00:04:37.579nI haven’t gotten the book yet, um, but I do know, I checked out what the, what the title meant, breathing underwater.nn66n00:04:37.579 –> 00:04:38.360nYou know?nn67n00:04:38.360 –> 00:04:40.358nLike, how does that relate to us?nn68n00:04:40.358 –> 00:04:49.699nAnd, um, I, I copied a, uh, I have a copy of the poem, and I wanted to read it to you this morning because I thought, you know, we’re in Cocoa Beach.nn69n00:04:49.699 –> 00:04:55.519nThis poem is, you know, very beachy in tone, and, um, it’s highly symbolic.nn70n00:04:55.519 –> 00:04:58.759nAnd again, because I’m so nervous, I love poetry.nn71n00:04:58.759 –> 00:05:02.579nI thought that this would also help calm me down, but I did wanna share it with you, too.nn72n00:05:02.579 –> 00:05:05.680nSo again, it’s called Breathing Underwater.nn73n00:05:05.680 –> 00:05:11.100nI built my house by the sea.nn74n00:05:11.100 –> 00:05:13.939nNot on the sands, mind you.nn75n00:05:13.939 –> 00:05:16.579nNot on the shifting sand.nn76n00:05:16.579 –> 00:05:23.699nAnd I built it of rock, a strong house by a strong sea.nn77n00:05:23.699 –> 00:05:28.040nAnd we got well acquainted, the sea and I.nn78n00:05:28.040 –> 00:05:30.019nGood neighbors.nn79n00:05:30.019 –> 00:05:33.120nNot that we smoke- spoke much.nn80n00:05:33.120 –> 00:05:43.259nWe met in silences, respectful, keeping our distance, but looking our thoughts across the fencenn81n00:05:43.259 –> 00:05:44.000nof sand.nn82n00:05:44.000 –> 00:05:48.699nAlways the fence of sand our barrier.nn83n00:05:48.699 –> 00:05:52.240nAlways the sand between.nn84n00:05:52.240 –> 00:06:03.100nAnd then one day, and I still don’t know how it happened, the sea came without warning, withoutnn85n00:06:03.100 –> 00:06:04.079nwelcome even.nn86n00:06:04.079 –> 00:06:12.196nNot sudden and swift, but is shifting across the sand like wine.nn87n00:06:12.196 –> 00:06:16.815nLess like the flow of water than the flow of blood.nn88n00:06:16.815 –> 00:06:21.096nSlow, but flowing like an open wound.nn89n00:06:21.096 –> 00:06:28.235nAnd I thought of flight, and I thought of drowning, and I thought of death.nn90n00:06:28.235 –> 00:06:38.255nBut while I thought, the sea crept higher till it reached my door, and I knew thatnn91n00:06:38.255 –> 00:06:42.495nthere was neither flight nor death nor drowning.nn92n00:06:42.495 –> 00:06:52.656nThat when the sea comes calling you, you stop being good neighbors, well-acquainted, friendly from a distantnn93n00:06:52.656 –> 00:06:53.355nneighbors.nn94n00:06:53.355 –> 00:07:01.016nAnd you give your house for a coral castle, and you learn to breathe underwater.nn95n00:07:01.016 –> 00:07:06.175nYou know, that’s what all of us are doing here today.nn96n00:07:06.175 –> 00:07:09.755nEvery single one of us has learned to breathe underwater.nn97n00:07:09.755 –> 00:07:19.776nThis thing called alcoholism came into our lives like a virtual tidal wave, and we’ll never be rid of the threat, you know?nn98n00:07:19.776 –> 00:07:28.995nBut the key is to say, stay screwed in, to stay screwed into a program like this, Alcoholics Anonymous, and continue to breathe underwater.nn99n00:07:28.995 –> 00:07:33.516nYou know, I can’t– All of a sudden, now I feel peace.nn100n00:07:33.516 –> 00:07:38.656nAnd of course, peace begins with a smile, and I feel it all around me right now.nn101n00:07:38.656 –> 00:07:46.235nUm, I can’t help but think about God’s grace, as I’ve already mentioned, and just how cool God’s grace is, you know?nn102n00:07:46.235 –> 00:07:49.415nUm, it has nothing to do with anything that we’ve done.nn103n00:07:49.415 –> 00:07:50.696nWe haven’t earned it.nn104n00:07:50.696 –> 00:07:52.636nYou know, it’s just there.nn105n00:07:52.636 –> 00:07:53.675nIt’s here.nn106n00:07:53.675 –> 00:07:54.815nI feel it.nn107n00:07:54.815 –> 00:07:56.456nI’m sure you feel it too.nn108n00:07:56.456 –> 00:08:06.795nUm, it’s, it’s that really peaceful sense that, um, and an inner realization that we’re already one with God and nothing, nothing can changenn109n00:08:06.795 –> 00:08:07.995nthat.nn110n00:08:07.995 –> 00:08:16.276nAnd, um, oh, every day when I, when I think about that, it just gives me such a sweet assurance and helps me get through each day.nn111n00:08:16.276 –> 00:08:20.295nUm, I also can’t help but think about the miracles that are in this room.nn112n00:08:20.295 –> 00:08:29.375nYou know, it always blows my mind when I look around, I think, you know, probably every single woman in this room should be dead, and we’re not.nn113n00:08:29.375 –> 00:08:30.596nWe’re all alive.nn114n00:08:30.596 –> 00:08:31.696nWe’re all here.nn115n00:08:31.696 –> 00:08:40.176nWe’re all celebrating, and there’s something special about the, the spirit of womanhood that, that takes place at these, um, at these conventions.nn116n00:08:40.176 –> 00:08:50.245nAnd, um, the mir– the true miracle, however, is that every day, every day somewhere in this world, one alcoholic is tellingnn117n00:08:50.245 –> 00:08:52.166ntheir story to another alcoholic.nn118n00:08:52.166 –> 00:09:02.096nUm, quite often our, our dark pasts are our greatest gift, and when we share that with others, oh, what a gift it can be.nn119n00:09:02.096 –> 00:09:04.655nA transformation can occur.nn120n00:09:04.655 –> 00:09:13.796nAnd, um, and every single one of us has that gift, and each of you could be up here behind the podium telling your story.nn121n00:09:13.796 –> 00:09:16.775nIt just so happens that I’m the one that was chosen for today.nn122n00:09:16.775 –> 00:09:19.796nSo let’s begin my story.nn123n00:09:19.796 –> 00:09:23.296nUm, you probably noticed that I’m probably not from Florida.nn124n00:09:23.296 –> 00:09:27.755nUm, even though I live in Tallahassee now, I come via New Jersey.nn125n00:09:27.755 –> 00:09:29.495nUm, woo.nn126n00:09:29.495 –> 00:09:33.035nYou know, y-you can’t– Without a doubt I’m from Jersey.nn127n00:09:33.035 –> 00:09:36.676nYou know, you can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can’t take the Jersey out of the girl.nn128n00:09:36.676 –> 00:09:45.135nAnd, um, I don’t think I have an accent, but, um, apparently words like chocolate and coffee are always dead giveaways.nn129n00:09:45.135 –> 00:09:52.515nBut, um, but anyway, um, I was born on November 20th, 1962.nn130n00:09:52.515 –> 00:09:54.196nI did get that year right.nn131n00:09:54.196 –> 00:10:00.254nSo, um, anyway, and I’m a very happily unmarried woman.nn132n00:10:00.254 –> 00:10:06.076nI’ve never been married, don’t have any kids, um, and I kinda like it that way.nn133n00:10:06.076 –> 00:10:11.176nUm, so anyway, um, I have a wonderful family.nn134n00:10:11.176 –> 00:10:12.655nI’m the oldest girl.nn135n00:10:12.655 –> 00:10:14.336nThere are five of us.nn136n00:10:14.336 –> 00:10:17.936nUm, I’m the second oldest, I should– uh, of, of the five of us.nn137n00:10:17.936 –> 00:10:18.816nI have an older brother.nn138n00:10:18.816 –> 00:10:24.754nAnd, um, I grew up in the most wonderful, loving family.nn139n00:10:24.754 –> 00:10:34.775nYou know, they say that alcoholics come from families that don’t love them enough or families that love them too much, and I definitely came from one of those families that lovednn140n00:10:34.775 –> 00:10:36.515nme so very much.nn141n00:10:36.515 –> 00:10:46.696nUm, I– The blood that courses through my veins is a hundred percent Irish, um, and I think that genetically predisposes me to the diseasenn142n00:10:46.696 –> 00:10:47.635nof alcoholism.nn143n00:10:47.635 –> 00:10:54.196nAnd, um, a- and I grew up in a super-duper Catholic family.nn144n00:10:54.196 –> 00:11:03.535nUm, I, I, you know, I think even before I got out of diapers, I probably knew how to say the Hail Mary, the Our Father, and the Act of Contrition.nn145n00:11:03.535 –> 00:11:09.796nUm, but anyway, I– It was a beautiful way to grow up because w- actually the church was right on our corner.nn146n00:11:09.796 –> 00:11:13.336nSo, um, I used to hang out in the church a lot w- as a kid.nn147n00:11:13.336 –> 00:11:14.816nI was just fascinated by it.nn148n00:11:14.816 –> 00:11:22.875nI used to leave, you know, flowers by the statue of Mary’s feet, and I used to talk to Mary, and, um, I actually still do today.nn149n00:11:22.875 –> 00:11:25.995nUm, but, but it was a, a wonderful upbringing.nn150n00:11:25.995 –> 00:11:28.596nMy dad, I am so proud of my dad.nn151n00:11:28.596 –> 00:11:32.355nMy dad, um, is very much a disciplinarian.nn152n00:11:32.355 –> 00:11:35.316nYou know, growing up it was almost like having a military dad.nn153n00:11:35.316 –> 00:11:45.375nBut he was a coach, um, a track and field coach at, uh, a university in New York, and he actually, back in the day, was favored to be thenn154n00:11:45.375 –> 00:11:47.696nfirst to break the four-minute mile.nn155n00:11:47.696 –> 00:11:52.035nAnd, um, so that just says how focused and disciplined my dad is.nn156n00:11:52.035 –> 00:12:00.255nUm, he didn’t do it, but he still had a very, um, lucrative career in, in track and, um, and subsequently as a coach as well.nn157n00:12:00.255 –> 00:12:02.995nUm, my mom was, you know, the perfect mom.nn158n00:12:02.995 –> 00:12:04.296nShe was a stay-at-home mom.nn159n00:12:04.296 –> 00:12:07.176nShe did everything for her husband and for her kids.nn160n00:12:07.176 –> 00:12:07.995nThat was her life.nn161n00:12:07.995 –> 00:12:10.936nAs a matter of fact, it still is to this day.nn162n00:12:10.936 –> 00:12:18.875nUm, my parents just celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary, and, um, you know, they’re, they’re s-still as happy as happy can be.nn163n00:12:18.875 –> 00:12:24.427nUm, and I, however, was the wild child of the five.nn164n00:12:24.427 –> 00:12:30.347nUm, I, growing up in elementary school, went to a Catholic elementary school.nn165n00:12:30.347 –> 00:12:39.087nUm, I was always mischievous and, you know, gregarious and the, the class clown and, you know, I just loved having a lot of fun.nn166n00:12:39.087 –> 00:12:42.447nAnd, um, a, a lot of people have had…nn167n00:12:42.447 –> 00:12:47.148nYou know, when they hear that I’m Catholic and I’ve went through Catholic elementary school…nn168n00:12:47.148 –> 00:12:49.498nI actually also went to an all-girl Catholic high school.nn169n00:12:49.498 –> 00:12:53.927nYou know, they, sometimes they say they’re, you know, recovering Catholics or whatever.nn170n00:12:53.927 –> 00:12:56.988nI had a great experience, um, in the church.nn171n00:12:56.988 –> 00:13:07.128nUh, and I had wonderful nuns and, and wonderful priests that were, uh, mentors to my brother and s- sister and I, brothers and sisternn172n00:13:07.128 –> 00:13:07.408nand I.nn173n00:13:07.408 –> 00:13:11.368nAnd, um, so anyway, for me, it was a very positive experience.nn174n00:13:11.368 –> 00:13:14.467nUm, I mentioned the high school that I went to.nn175n00:13:14.467 –> 00:13:18.048nIt was, uh, you know, a very small all-girl high school.nn176n00:13:18.048 –> 00:13:26.248nAnd, um, actually, I graduated in ’81, so there were only 81 of us in, in that, uh, particular class.nn177n00:13:26.248 –> 00:13:36.388nAnd, um, one of my, uh, classmates actually was Whitney Houston, who I hope is, is getting the help that she needs,nn178n00:13:36.388 –> 00:13:37.807num, through this program.nn179n00:13:37.807 –> 00:13:48.128nBut, um, anyway, it gave, it gave the girls really an opportunity to really take on leadership roles and to, you know, not be distracted by boys.nn180n00:13:48.128 –> 00:13:52.927nAnd so we’re all really strong, you know, successful women.nn181n00:13:52.927 –> 00:13:58.248nI just went to my 30th reunion, uh, couple years ago and, um, we…nn182n00:13:58.248 –> 00:14:00.528nYou know, everyone had wonderful stories to tell.nn183n00:14:00.528 –> 00:14:09.268nAnd, um, anyway, um, I- the- in high school was the first time that I took a drink.nn184n00:14:09.268 –> 00:14:17.008nI was 14 and, um, I went to the movies with my cousin, who was 18, and I remember she brought a bottle of rum in.nn185n00:14:17.008 –> 00:14:20.307nAnd so she was just kinda dumping it into my Coke.nn186n00:14:20.307 –> 00:14:25.687nAnd to tell you, you know, how long ago that was, it was actually the original Star Wars.nn187n00:14:25.687 –> 00:14:29.846nAnd, uh, and I remember sitting there watching this movie.nn188n00:14:29.846 –> 00:14:31.888nI’d never seen anything like that before.nn189n00:14:31.888 –> 00:14:33.947nLike, I think it was George Lucas, you know?nn190n00:14:33.947 –> 00:14:39.908nAnd I mean, the, you know, the cinematography for that day was so revolutionary.nn191n00:14:39.908 –> 00:14:42.508nBut I remember sitting in my seat like, “Woo!nn192n00:14:42.508 –> 00:14:43.687nWoo!” You know?nn193n00:14:43.687 –> 00:14:53.727nAll these battleships coming right at me and, um, and I think now how appropriate wa- it it was because it really did take me out of this worldnn194n00:14:53.727 –> 00:14:54.868nonto another plane.nn195n00:14:54.868 –> 00:14:56.028nYou know?nn196n00:14:56.028 –> 00:14:59.187nI mean, Star Wars is what started it for me all.nn197n00:14:59.187 –> 00:15:02.207nAnd, um, and it was a super intergalactic experience.nn198n00:15:02.207 –> 00:15:12.488nAnd, um, and I really, um, I really had a great time during it, but then of course afterwards I got sick as a dog, was throwing up in my cousin’s friend’s car.nn199n00:15:12.488 –> 00:15:18.748nYou know, and I was like, “Oh, my God, I’m never doing that again.” And actually, I didn’t till I went away to college.nn200n00:15:18.748 –> 00:15:28.908nAnd I think I have the typical, you know, sheltered girl living in a glass house her whole life and then all of a sudden I went to, uh, college in,nn201n00:15:28.908 –> 00:15:30.587nin Manhattan in New York City.nn202n00:15:30.587 –> 00:15:40.628nAnd, um, it was like letting the, you know, little innocent Catholic schoolgirl go buck wild in the big city, and that’s exactly what Inn203n00:15:40.628 –> 00:15:40.966ndid.nn204n00:15:40.966 –> 00:15:44.447nSo I really didn’t start drinking regularly until I was 18.nn205n00:15:44.447 –> 00:15:47.488nAnd, um, and it wasn’t only drinking.nn206n00:15:47.488 –> 00:15:55.567nUm, all right, this was New York City in the ’80s, so there were other things on the scene at that time that are outside issues.nn207n00:15:55.567 –> 00:15:59.538nUh, the ones that are like this and this .nn208n00:15:59.538 –> 00:16:02.008nAnd, um, and I did a lot of both.nn209n00:16:02.008 –> 00:16:05.528nAnd, um, and again, this is how I feel about it.nn210n00:16:05.528 –> 00:16:07.847nI totally believe in singleness of purpose.nn211n00:16:07.847 –> 00:16:12.567nI mean, without a doubt, alcohol is the love of my life, you know?nn212n00:16:12.567 –> 00:16:22.727nBut, um, but, you know, so- I believe that, um, addiction of any sort is a disease of the brain that translates into abnormalnn213n00:16:22.727 –> 00:16:26.488nbehaviors, and some of us have some crazy abnormal behaviors.nn214n00:16:26.488 –> 00:16:36.488nLike writing bad checks, like, you know, uh, waking up naked on somebody’s front lawn, like, you know, sleeping with somebody who you ordinarily would nevernn215n00:16:36.488 –> 00:16:37.008nsleep with.nn216n00:16:37.008 –> 00:16:42.447nUm, you know, and going to the ATM and getting money out and buying drugs.nn217n00:16:42.447 –> 00:16:51.067nSo, you know, that’s the way that I kind of like to work that part into, into speaking about it, um, when this is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.nn218n00:16:51.067 –> 00:16:55.388nBut, uh, you know, I would be lying by omission if I left that part of it out.nn219n00:16:55.388 –> 00:16:57.847nAnd once again, it was the ’80s, man.nn220n00:16:57.847 –> 00:16:58.947nIt was New York City.nn221n00:16:58.947 –> 00:17:03.408nIt was, you know, Studio 54, The Tunnel, The Limelight.nn222n00:17:03.408 –> 00:17:06.928nI was the quintessential club scene party girl.nn223n00:17:06.928 –> 00:17:08.807nAnd, and I loved it.nn224n00:17:08.807 –> 00:17:10.067nI had the best time.nn225n00:17:10.067 –> 00:17:10.567nYou know?nn226n00:17:10.567 –> 00:17:20.607nIt was crazy times, but, um, you know, I felt, I always felt like I needed to, um, sow my wild oats and get all this crazy stuffnn227n00:17:20.607 –> 00:17:27.728nout of my system so that I could meet a wonderful man, you know, get married and, you know, and have kids and have this wonderful life.nn228n00:17:27.728 –> 00:17:37.407nAnd it was really, I mean, the, the last 10 years of my party- partying were just really getting, trying to get all that stuff out of my system.nn229n00:17:37.407 –> 00:17:43.288nUm, but it started turning problematic, um, you know, in college, without a doubt.nn230n00:17:43.288 –> 00:17:50.127nAnd, um, I remember I made my first, uh, geographic change junior year.nn231n00:17:50.127 –> 00:17:54.167nUm, I was like so t- I was getting really tired of New York City.nn232n00:17:54.167 –> 00:18:03.188nAnd I was like, “I gotta get out of here, man.” And, um, and I had an opportunity to go over and study in France because I was a French major.nn233n00:18:03.188 –> 00:18:04.708nSo I did.nn234n00:18:04.708 –> 00:18:12.847nI, my junior year, I, I spent abroad and, um, you know, I said, “Okay, I’m gonna really get serious about my studies.nn235n00:18:12.847 –> 00:18:16.127nI’m not gonna party.” And, you know, yeah, right.nn236n00:18:16.127 –> 00:18:18.548nGoing over to France, oh, my gosh.nn237n00:18:18.548 –> 00:18:20.407nI mean, it w- it just began.nn238n00:18:20.407 –> 00:18:20.748nIt was…nn239n00:18:20.748 –> 00:18:30.748nI lived with a divorced French woman and her 11-year-old son, and they had a college, French college student living there also who was, you know, tutoring thenn240n00:18:30.748 –> 00:18:32.968nson, and her name was Miriam.nn241n00:18:32.968 –> 00:18:38.728nAnd we went out every single night and tore up the little city of Nantes that we lived in.nn242n00:18:38.728 –> 00:18:46.067nAnd, um, and again, you know, oh, I spoke wonderful French after, you know, a couple of glasses of wine, a couple shots.nn243n00:18:46.067 –> 00:18:50.859nAnd, um, and anyway, again, it was a, it was a really fun experience.nn244n00:18:50.859 –> 00:18:54.700nSo of course, um, you know, actually my…nn245n00:18:54.700 –> 00:18:57.380nI backpacked through Europe after that experience.nn246n00:18:57.380 –> 00:19:07.759nAnd again, you know, every, uh, almost every new step of my life that I was taking on, I had made a resolution and broke it almost immediately.nn247n00:19:07.759 –> 00:19:15.599nLike backpacking through Europe, I was like, “Okay, I only have X amount of dollars, so I’m not gonna spend it on, you know, partying or drinking.” Yeah, right.nn248n00:19:15.599 –> 00:19:25.689nThe first place I went to was Amsterdam, and- And then the rest of the time I had li- I had, like, $200 left after that, and then I went to London and got mynn249n00:19:25.689 –> 00:19:27.160nhair done for 150.nn250n00:19:27.160 –> 00:19:28.039nYou know?nn251n00:19:28.039 –> 00:19:30.980nSo I mean, that showed where my priorities always were.nn252n00:19:30.980 –> 00:19:37.099nBut anyway, um, everywhere I went, I met party people.nn253n00:19:37.099 –> 00:19:39.519nI mean, aren’t we magnets for that?nn254n00:19:39.519 –> 00:19:41.868nI mean, how, how does that work?nn255n00:19:41.868 –> 00:19:43.160nI mean, it, it, it’s…nn256n00:19:43.160 –> 00:19:47.380nReally, there’s some kind of vibration that we give off that says, “Hey, I’m cool to party with.nn257n00:19:47.380 –> 00:19:57.440nLet’s go.” And, um, so anyway, uh, you know, I, I had a wonderful junior year, came back senior year and, um,nn258n00:19:57.440 –> 00:20:00.000nyou know, needless to say, I was off to the races again.nn259n00:20:00.000 –> 00:20:03.319nUm, but I did manage to graduate.nn260n00:20:03.319 –> 00:20:04.019nI always…nn261n00:20:04.019 –> 00:20:08.119nI, I was blessed with, um, uh, with a pretty good deal of intelligence.nn262n00:20:08.119 –> 00:20:14.180nUh, but I, you know, I, I don’t know, I used to just jam during midterms and then again at finals.nn263n00:20:14.180 –> 00:20:22.599nI don’t know how I did it, but I did, and I graduated and I actually majored in French and English, uh, in secondary education.nn264n00:20:22.599 –> 00:20:29.490nSo I taught high school when I got out and I lived in a little city called Hoboken, New Jersey- …nn265n00:20:29.490 –> 00:20:32.599nwhich was really accessible to New York City.nn266n00:20:32.599 –> 00:20:32.920nAll right?nn267n00:20:32.920 –> 00:20:35.380nI wasn’t gonna move into the, you know, boring burbs.nn268n00:20:35.380 –> 00:20:40.660nI stayed with, uh, you know, within arm’s distance of the, uh, of New York City.nn269n00:20:40.660 –> 00:20:42.660nAnd folks, I don’t know.nn270n00:20:42.660 –> 00:20:43.660nI don’t, I don’t wanna, you know-nn271n00:20:44.386 –> 00:20:51.106ngo on about, you know, my, my war stories, but I don’t know how we did that when we were young.nn272n00:20:51.106 –> 00:20:51.846nYou know?nn273n00:20:51.846 –> 00:20:56.626nI mean, I taught high school, and I was partying every night.nn274n00:20:56.626 –> 00:20:58.086nEvery night.nn275n00:20:58.086 –> 00:20:58.846nYou know, the discipline.nn276n00:20:58.846 –> 00:21:01.866nAnd I, I, I have this crazy sick work ethic, too.nn277n00:21:01.866 –> 00:21:03.296nI never missed work.nn278n00:21:03.296 –> 00:21:06.326nAll right, I was late every once in a while, but I never missed.nn279n00:21:06.326 –> 00:21:13.126nIt was like, okay, my dad kind of instilled in us, you know, party hard, you’re gonna play hard, but you gotta do your work, you know?nn280n00:21:13.126 –> 00:21:15.166nUm, and, and I always did that.nn281n00:21:15.166 –> 00:21:15.746nI always …nn282n00:21:15.746 –> 00:21:18.066nI never really shirked from my responsibilities.nn283n00:21:18.066 –> 00:21:22.146nBut again, when I think of how I did it, it’s, it’s like a, that’s a miracle.nn284n00:21:22.146 –> 00:21:31.406nBut, um, but anyway, uh, okay, did that for a couple of years, and again, things started to get really bad.nn285n00:21:31.406 –> 00:21:37.546nLike, every, every value that I set for myself, very slowly but surely I started breaking them.nn286n00:21:37.546 –> 00:21:38.566nYou know?nn287n00:21:38.566 –> 00:21:44.966nUm, a good example would be when I was teaching high school, I was dating a married man who was actually also a teacher.nn288n00:21:44.966 –> 00:21:54.186nI never, never thought I would date a married man, but of course, you know, oh, his marriage sucked, and he wasn’t sleeping with his wife anymore, and they had no kids, you know, and you fall for it.nn289n00:21:54.186 –> 00:21:58.706nBut I still, you know, looking back, I would never have done that if I hadn’t been drinking.nn290n00:21:58.706 –> 00:22:06.246nSo all my morals and all my ethics just, you know, all started going by the wayside, or I started rationalizing them all, you know?nn291n00:22:06.246 –> 00:22:09.466nIt was really, looking back on it, it was really, uh …nn292n00:22:09.466 –> 00:22:12.686nIt was very progressive, too, just like this disease.nn293n00:22:12.686 –> 00:22:22.846nAnd, um, and man, I, I just got tired again, and it was like, “I need another change.” So I, an opportunity arose, andnn294n00:22:22.906 –> 00:22:23.606nI jumped on it.nn295n00:22:23.606 –> 00:22:28.806nAnd, um, I went on my interview, and two weeks later, I was on a plane to Japan.nn296n00:22:28.806 –> 00:22:38.956nAnd, um, I got a job offer to teach over in Japan, and I was like, “Wow, I heard they don’t really have any drugs over in Japan.” And, um, this way,nn297n00:22:38.956 –> 00:22:44.066nyou know, I can work really hard, and, you know, t- I’ll change my whole lifestyle.nn298n00:22:44.066 –> 00:22:45.006nNobody knows me.nn299n00:22:45.006 –> 00:22:52.386nWell, uh, and I got on the plane, and I remember the only Japanese that I knew was, uh, domo arigato, Mr.nn300n00:22:52.386 –> 00:22:53.546nRoboto, you know?nn301n00:22:53.546 –> 00:22:55.566nI think that means thank you.nn302n00:22:55.566 –> 00:23:03.046nBut, um, so I we- I got on the plane, and, you know, wasn’t nervous or anything, just so excited about starting a whole new life.nn303n00:23:03.046 –> 00:23:07.686nAnd, um, you know, folks, you know, just the same old, same old just happened again.nn304n00:23:07.686 –> 00:23:08.506nI got over there.nn305n00:23:08.506 –> 00:23:18.266nI started hanging out with a bunch of crazy Brits, Australians, New Zealanders, Canadians, and let me tell you, those Japanese men sure know how to drink.nn306n00:23:18.266 –> 00:23:19.806nAnd I worked in, um …nn307n00:23:19.806 –> 00:23:29.866nI worked for, uh, Time Life Educational Services, so what I had to do is I had to move into the, um, training center for, like, a monthnn308n00:23:29.866 –> 00:23:38.426nat a time and work with Japanese businessmen who were being shipped overseas to be managers over here for Toyota, Mitsubishi, Honda.nn309n00:23:38.426 –> 00:23:41.266nAnd, you know, these Japanese men were, like, you know, scared.nn310n00:23:41.266 –> 00:23:51.386nThey heard that they had to take this, you know, move into a training center and, and speak only English for a month before they were shipped out, and then they saw their teacher be-bop intonn311n00:23:51.386 –> 00:23:53.626nthe room, and they were like, “Yeah!” You know?nn312n00:23:53.626 –> 00:24:00.426n”She likes to party, too.” So we had to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner together, and every night we drank.nn313n00:24:00.426 –> 00:24:02.166nAnd we had so much fun.nn314n00:24:02.166 –> 00:24:04.046nSo much fun.nn315n00:24:04.046 –> 00:24:07.266nAnd I even learned how to speak some really good drunken Japanese.nn316n00:24:07.266 –> 00:24:15.846nSo, um, anyway, uh, but again, you know, looking at it, things just got worse and worse and worse.nn317n00:24:15.846 –> 00:24:24.946nAnd when I was over there, my drinking was definitely daily, and, um, it’s funny because one of my, one of my closest friends in, um …nn318n00:24:24.946 –> 00:24:26.056nShe lives in London now.nn319n00:24:26.056 –> 00:24:28.986nI actually just went to visit her this past summer.nn320n00:24:28.986 –> 00:24:38.946nBut, um, uh, several years after the fact, she ripped out a page of her diary and sent it to me, and it said, “My friend Jane decided to cut back on her drinking.nn321n00:24:38.946 –> 00:24:48.986nThat means she didn’t drink for lunch on Wednesday.” I was like, “Was I that bad?” But I was, and I knewnn322n00:24:48.986 –> 00:24:49.246nit.nn323n00:24:49.246 –> 00:24:53.506nAnd, um, and anyway, yeah, you know, blah, blah, blah.nn324n00:24:53.506 –> 00:25:02.606nIt just went on and on and on, but the drinking got worse and worse and worse, and finally, after three years, I was like, the same thing, “I’m tired.nn325n00:25:02.606 –> 00:25:03.606nI gotta get out of here.nn326n00:25:03.606 –> 00:25:13.686nI need to, you know, change again.” So back to, you know, New Jersey, New York, I moved, and, um, and things just got progressively worse and worse and worse, and bynn327n00:25:13.686 –> 00:25:17.766nthis time, I was in, I was about 30.nn328n00:25:17.766 –> 00:25:22.046nAnd, you know, drinking just isn’t cute anymore when you’re 30, you know?nn329n00:25:22.046 –> 00:25:25.626nAnd, um, and I got my first DUI.nn330n00:25:25.626 –> 00:25:34.066nAnd, uh, I had a friend of mine who was working at a restaurant down in the Florida Keys, and he said, “Hey, why don’t you come down here?nn331n00:25:34.066 –> 00:25:35.886nYou can waitress.” I was like, “Okay, that’s it.nn332n00:25:35.886 –> 00:25:39.186nI’m gonna go down to the Florida Keys and get sober.nn333n00:25:39.186 –> 00:25:47.026nI’ll dri- I’ll get sober.” So that’s what I did, only I didn’t get sober.nn334n00:25:47.026 –> 00:25:52.666nAnd, um, oh, my gosh, I, I mean, things just got really bad down there.nn335n00:25:52.666 –> 00:25:56.246nUm, by this time, my family had totally …nn336n00:25:56.246 –> 00:26:01.006nI mean, I come from that same, that Joy was talking about, the tough love, you know, Irish Catholic family.nn337n00:26:01.006 –> 00:26:03.886nBy this time, my family had said, “You know what?nn338n00:26:03.886 –> 00:26:05.266nWe can’t take this anymore.nn339n00:26:05.266 –> 00:26:11.926nYou’re…” Especially when I, they heard I got the DUI, it was just like, “You know, you gotta get yourself together, otherwi- we can’t take this anymore.nn340n00:26:11.926 –> 00:26:19.406nWe can’t watch you, you know, destroy your life the way that you’re doing it.” So I, you know, and like Joy, I was like, “You know what?nn341n00:26:19.406 –> 00:26:20.446nThe hell with my family.nn342n00:26:20.446 –> 00:26:22.526nThese people in the bars are my family.nn343n00:26:22.526 –> 00:26:23.546nThey’re the ones that love me.nn344n00:26:23.546 –> 00:26:25.046nThey accept me unconditionally.nn345n00:26:25.046 –> 00:26:34.486nThey know how fun I am and what a good person I am.” So, um, a l- a lot of that happened down in the Keys, but, um, you know, the, the drug use got worse down there.nn346n00:26:34.486 –> 00:26:37.526nI did drugs that I never thought I would ever do.nn347n00:26:37.526 –> 00:26:40.346nAnd, um, I got down to about 90 pounds.nn348n00:26:40.346 –> 00:26:44.866nAnd, um, I mean, I would just kinda hit this, and I would turn black and blue.nn349n00:26:44.866 –> 00:26:47.616nAnd, um, it was pretty pathetic.nn350n00:26:47.616 –> 00:26:51.806nI, um, I got down to, you know, almost being homeless.nn351n00:26:51.806 –> 00:26:56.686nIf it weren’t for my cousin saving me in For- up in Fort Lauderdale, I definitely would’ve been homeless.nn352n00:26:56.686 –> 00:27:04.350nAnd, um, and what happened down in the Keys was that Incomprehensible demoralization that we talk about.nn353n00:27:04.350 –> 00:27:10.570nI don’t have to get specific, um, but you know, looking for love in all the wrong places.nn354n00:27:10.570 –> 00:27:15.710nYou know, um, looking for anything to, to fill that hole.nn355n00:27:15.710 –> 00:27:18.350nWow, that didn’t sound too good.nn356n00:27:18.350 –> 00:27:19.790nI’ve had plenty.nn357n00:27:19.790 –> 00:27:30.090nUh, but but anyway,nn358n00:27:30.090 –> 00:27:36.630nyou know, things got really bad, really quick and, um, that same cousin, you know, kind of…nn359n00:27:36.630 –> 00:27:40.099nI just called her and I said, “Betty, I know I’m gonna die.nn360n00:27:40.099 –> 00:27:41.870nI’ve– I, I know I’m gonna die.nn361n00:27:41.870 –> 00:27:43.810nI’ve had like some little glimmer of light.nn362n00:27:43.810 –> 00:27:49.279nWould you please help me?” So anyway, I, um, I started to get my life back together.nn363n00:27:49.279 –> 00:27:53.270nShe did take me in and fed me and, you know, I got, I, uh…nn364n00:27:53.270 –> 00:27:57.770nBut by this time I still hadn’t been, you know, g- even thought about going to any kind of meetings.nn365n00:27:57.770 –> 00:27:59.130nI thought I could do it all on my own.nn366n00:27:59.130 –> 00:28:05.150nAnd, um, and by this time my family wasn’t even talking to me at all.nn367n00:28:05.150 –> 00:28:09.270nSo, um, anyway, I met a wonderful guy.nn368n00:28:09.270 –> 00:28:10.530nHis name was Max.nn369n00:28:10.530 –> 00:28:16.150nUm, I got a job in Fort Lauderdale, and how I met him was he was, uh, we had so much in common.nn370n00:28:16.150 –> 00:28:26.170nHe was, um, living in Austria at the time, but he was coming into the States once a month to, um, to investigatenn371n00:28:26.170 –> 00:28:30.750nthings for his adventure tour, um, travel company that he was putting together.nn372n00:28:30.750 –> 00:28:40.790nSo he was doing like extreme adventure tours over in, um, in Austria and in Europe, like, you know, things like glacier climbing and bicycling through Francenn373n00:28:40.790 –> 00:28:41.810nand, and all that.nn374n00:28:41.810 –> 00:28:47.170nSo he actually– I met him through the company that I was working for, which was a travel company.nn375n00:28:47.170 –> 00:28:49.670nAnd, um, gosh, he was great.nn376n00:28:49.670 –> 00:28:51.130nHe was really, um…nn377n00:28:51.130 –> 00:28:56.090nHe loved to travel and loved to do, you know, crazy things.nn378n00:28:56.090 –> 00:28:59.010nLike I think our second date we went skydiving together.nn379n00:28:59.010 –> 00:29:09.090nAnd, um, and he wanted to go down to, um, check out some, uh, motor sports stuff, uh, water sports, motor water sports down in the Keys.nn380n00:29:09.090 –> 00:29:17.550nSo anyway, we, um, we decided to go down and I, you know, I told him, I was like, “Well, okay, you know, that, that’ll be cool.nn381n00:29:17.550 –> 00:29:24.930nI have a friend that we can stay with in Marathon.” So m- as soon as we hit the Florida Keys, boom, first tiki bar we hit.nn382n00:29:24.930 –> 00:29:26.970nWe went in and had a bunch of drinks.nn383n00:29:26.970 –> 00:29:31.350nAnd we did that, you know, as we progressed down to where we were staying in Marathon.nn384n00:29:31.350 –> 00:29:41.350nAnd, um, and that night we went down to the old Seven Mile Bridge, um, and because people told us that, you know,nn385n00:29:41.350 –> 00:29:44.790nthere, y- it was a really cool, um, scenic overview point.nn386n00:29:44.790 –> 00:29:54.810nSo, you know, we went down and we watched the sunset, and then we went out and, you know, continued partying and, uh, a friend of mine’s band was playing at a bar that night, so we went andnn387n00:29:54.810 –> 00:29:55.710nhung out at the bar.nn388n00:29:55.710 –> 00:30:05.550nAnd I had the great i-idea of after, uh, the bar, let’s go– After we hang out at the bar, let’s go back to that scenic overview point and let’s watch the sun come up.nn389n00:30:05.550 –> 00:30:15.570nSo off we went and, um, I was driving and the– What– It was the old Seven Mile Bridge that they hadnn390n00:30:15.570 –> 00:30:18.850njust blown up for that movie, True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger.nn391n00:30:18.850 –> 00:30:28.880nAnd there was this big sign that said, um, “Authorized vehicles only.” And I was like, “Oh, well, vehicles, you know, we can go downnn392n00:30:28.880 –> 00:30:38.619nthere.” So we, we went on and, um, we just were proceeding and it was like, I remember saying to myself, “Wow, what the heck is this?nn393n00:30:38.619 –> 00:30:40.610nIt’s just like a regular bridge road.nn394n00:30:40.610 –> 00:30:51.530nI wonder where it leads to.” And all of a sudden we went around this little curve, and I went crashing right intonn395n00:30:51.530 –> 00:30:52.770nthis barrier.nn396n00:30:52.770 –> 00:31:02.890nAnd I remember it was like, like lightning bolts of pain jolted through mynn397n00:31:02.890 –> 00:31:03.390nbody.nn398n00:31:03.390 –> 00:31:06.750nAnd I remember going, “Oh my God!nn399n00:31:06.750 –> 00:31:08.050nWhere did that come from?nn400n00:31:08.050 –> 00:31:08.830nOh my God!nn401n00:31:08.830 –> 00:31:10.630nThat thing just came out of nowhere.nn402n00:31:10.630 –> 00:31:11.270nOh my God!nn403n00:31:11.270 –> 00:31:12.800nI am in such pain right now.nn404n00:31:12.800 –> 00:31:21.070nWhat happened?” And I looked over at Max, and it just looked like he was sleeping.nn405n00:31:21.070 –> 00:31:31.210nAnd it didn’t take me long to realize that he wasn’t breathing and that he wasnn406n00:31:31.210 –> 00:31:31.710ndead.nn407n00:31:31.710 –> 00:31:39.150nOh.nn408n00:31:39.150 –> 00:31:46.630nI still can’t believe it happened.nn409n00:31:46.630 –> 00:31:55.470nI’ve been told this story like fifty times at least, and I, you know, it still just blows me away when I say it out loud.nn410n00:31:55.470 –> 00:31:56.930nI just can’t believe it happened.nn411n00:31:56.930 –> 00:32:07.490nAndnn412n00:32:07.490 –> 00:32:13.750nthen I just remember waiting for the angels, you know, to come and, and please take me with you too.nn413n00:32:13.750 –> 00:32:23.270nAnd um, and I remember, you know, thinking it was really wild because, um, I couldn’t move my whole left side.nn414n00:32:23.270 –> 00:32:33.300nI remember I put my f- my hand down to my ankle and I lifted my hand up and it was just covered with blood and my, I felt the bones in my ankle and, um, and, uh, and everynn415n00:32:33.300 –> 00:32:43.310nbreath that I took was a conscious effort because my lungs had been punctured by my ribs and I was just breathing like like,nn416n00:32:43.310 –> 00:32:46.290nand I knew if I passed out that I was gonna die.nn417n00:32:46.290 –> 00:32:48.740nAnd I thought of my family.nn418n00:32:48.740 –> 00:32:58.410nI thought of my mother, my father, my, my sister and my brothers and I was like, “Oh my God, I can’t do this to them.” And you know, of course I thought about his family too.nn419n00:32:58.410 –> 00:33:04.490nAnd how everyone’s gonna think I’m like the biggest piece of crap.nn420n00:33:04.490 –> 00:33:08.310nA drunk driver who killed someone.nn421n00:33:08.310 –> 00:33:18.810nAnd then all of a sudden I remember seeing those blue lights, you know, and I was like, “Oh, my God.” Andnn422n00:33:18.810 –> 00:33:24.660nI re- I thought the police officer was gonna treat me like crap, too, and he was just so wonderful and loving.nn423n00:33:24.660 –> 00:33:26.480nAnd he was like, “Hang in there.nn424n00:33:26.480 –> 00:33:29.560nHelp is on the way.” And I, you know …nn425n00:33:29.560 –> 00:33:31.680nAnd he was just stroking my hair.nn426n00:33:31.680 –> 00:33:35.860nAnd they had to get the Jaws of Life to come and cut me out of the car.nn427n00:33:35.860 –> 00:33:42.900nAnd, and then later on, um, incidentally, I met this police officer ’cause he really saved my life.nn428n00:33:42.900 –> 00:33:53.290nAnd he told me that the whole experience transformed his life, too, because he said he was just proceeding down the regular, the new Seven Mile Bridge, and he said something,nn429n00:33:53.290 –> 00:34:02.000nsomething, some spirit, something came over him, and he literally backed his car up and went down the old path.nn430n00:34:02.000 –> 00:34:06.820nSo I mean, there’s so many miracles, but that’s definitely one of them.nn431n00:34:06.820 –> 00:34:15.080nAnd there’s so many miracles that I wish, you know, from that point on, that I wish I could stand here and tell you about, but they’re just too numerous.nn432n00:34:15.080 –> 00:34:18.540nSo anyway, I’m gonna stop crying now.nn433n00:34:18.540 –> 00:34:26.400nAnd, um, I was, I was heliported to, um, the University of Miami Hospital.nn434n00:34:26.400 –> 00:34:31.860nAnd my dad and one of my brothers got on the plane, you know, with the shirts on their back, and came down.nn435n00:34:31.860 –> 00:34:36.360nAnd, you know, it was like my whole family just kind of gathered around me again.nn436n00:34:36.360 –> 00:34:44.460nAnd, um, I broke my neck at C1, C2, which is, um, the same fracture that Christopher Reeve sustained.nn437n00:34:44.460 –> 00:34:50.260nSo when I tell you I’m a miracle standing here before you, I am not joking.nn438n00:34:50.260 –> 00:34:59.580nI mean, truly, like, a, a third of the people who sustain that fracture are killed instantly, a third are paralyzed, and a third are brain damaged, ’cause it’s right under the brain stem.nn439n00:34:59.580 –> 00:35:10.720nEvery doctor that saw my chart was like, “Oh my God, you are a miracle, and you have a reason to be here.” Sonn440n00:35:10.720 –> 00:35:17.900nthe biggest challenge that I had to, uh, subsequently have had to face is, you know, why am I here?nn441n00:35:17.900 –> 00:35:24.800nAnd that’s really what got me to, you know, get my life together, because I really do feel like God left me here for a purpose.nn442n00:35:24.800 –> 00:35:27.400nWhatever that purpose is, I’m open to it.nn443n00:35:27.400 –> 00:35:27.980nShow me.nn444n00:35:27.980 –> 00:35:33.940nSo anyway, um, the hospitalization is where I …nn445n00:35:33.940 –> 00:35:39.740nThe hos- During my hospitalization stay is where I had, um, my first spiritual awakenings.nn446n00:35:39.740 –> 00:35:49.760nAnd, um, it was really, quite honestly, it was seeing the elderly people that were in the rehab center with me who had just gotten hip replacements or knee replacements that were,nn447n00:35:49.760 –> 00:35:55.400nlike, in their 80s, fighting and smiling and, and still s- saying, “I’m not giving up.nn448n00:35:55.400 –> 00:35:56.400nLife isn’t over.nn449n00:35:56.400 –> 00:35:57.240nI’m gonna …nn450n00:35:57.240 –> 00:35:58.720nYou know, I still got plenty of good years.nn451n00:35:58.720 –> 00:36:08.100nI’m gonna do this.” Or seeing the children that had bald heads that were, you know, undergoing cancer treatments, and just smiling and laughing and having fun.nn452n00:36:08.100 –> 00:36:12.640nOr the paraplegics, the quadriplegics, that, the same thing.nn453n00:36:12.640 –> 00:36:19.300nYou know, they, they all reached out to me and, you know, assured me that, you know, wonderful things were gonna happen in my life.nn454n00:36:19.300 –> 00:36:20.560nAnd I almost felt guilty.nn455n00:36:20.560 –> 00:36:27.360nI felt, like, survivor’s guilt at some time because my, what happened to me was self-imposed, you know?nn456n00:36:27.360 –> 00:36:34.860nBut anyway, um, and then I knew, you know, the legal stuff was, was, uh, lurking.nn457n00:36:34.860 –> 00:36:41.020nAnd I won’t go through that whole process, but I had to go through physical rehabilitation for a year.nn458n00:36:41.020 –> 00:36:47.560nAnd, um, the last six months, um, w- I h- I had to go …nn459n00:36:47.560 –> 00:36:57.700nThe judge, um, allowed me to stay out of jail so that I could go through my physical therapy, and the only time I was allowed to leave the house was to go to an AA meetingnn460n00:36:57.700 –> 00:36:59.200nor to go to physical therapy.nn461n00:36:59.200 –> 00:37:06.500nAnd, um, let me tell you, the, that group saved my life because I knew …nn462n00:37:06.500 –> 00:37:16.560nYou know, I was dealing with the dark- darkest, deepest hours of, of, of my life, knowing that, A, you know, I, I killed somebody because of my drinking and driving,nn463n00:37:16.560 –> 00:37:21.540nand B, I knew I was going to prison for probably at least 15 years.nn464n00:37:21.540 –> 00:37:27.960nUm, I, I skipped through this part of my story, but I did have two other DUIs, so I had three DUIs.nn465n00:37:27.960 –> 00:37:31.269nAnd, um, you know, you’d think I would’ve learned.nn466n00:37:31.269 –> 00:37:33.340nUm, but we don’t.nn467n00:37:33.340 –> 00:37:36.760nUm, well, some of us do, but I didn’t.nn468n00:37:36.760 –> 00:37:39.399nNobody could tell me anything.nn469n00:37:39.399 –> 00:37:48.520nAnd, um, so anyway, um, I, uh, this group, uh, that I went to in St.nn470n00:37:48.520 –> 00:37:51.760nPete Beach, um, sa- really did save my life.nn471n00:37:51.760 –> 00:37:54.960nAnd, um, I went to the 7:00 AM meeting every morning.nn472n00:37:54.960 –> 00:38:04.960nAnd, uh, you know, people told me things like, “There but for the grace of God go I.” You know, “Oh, my gosh, Jane, you know, that could’ve sonn473n00:38:04.960 –> 00:38:07.060neasily happened to me so many times.nn474n00:38:07.060 –> 00:38:13.900nI used to drive in blackouts with my kids in the car.” Like, for some reason, hearing things like that made me feel a little better, you know?nn475n00:38:13.900 –> 00:38:19.520nLike, it wasn’t, I wasn’t o- I wasn’t totally alone and doing crazy, sick-ass shit, you know?nn476n00:38:19.520 –> 00:38:22.680nI mean, I, uh, other people were doing the same crazy stuff.nn477n00:38:22.680 –> 00:38:31.660nAnd, um, and oh, they just, they took me in and held me and loved me, even when I d- uh, you know, I didn’t have a shred of love for myself.nn478n00:38:31.660 –> 00:38:37.160nAnd, you know, you guys know when that, the miracles start to happen, when you open up to it, you know?nn479n00:38:37.160 –> 00:38:41.899nWhen the student’s ready, the teacher will appear, and that’s what that group was for me.nn480n00:38:41.899 –> 00:38:49.500nUm, fast-forward, I got sentenced to five years in prison, followed by 10 years of probation.nn481n00:38:49.500 –> 00:38:55.000nUm, prison, uh, was necessary for me.nn482n00:38:55.000 –> 00:39:05.960nUm, I look back now and I’m grateful for getting that five years in prison because I really had a lot of time to do, do major introspection,nn483n00:39:05.960 –> 00:39:15.720num, and to really, you know, start taking seriously self-help, uh, books, es- and, um, taking the big book right into my heart and soul.nn484n00:39:15.720 –> 00:39:18.560nI had a sponsor on the outside.nn485n00:39:18.560 –> 00:39:28.728nUm, for those of you who, uh, do prison minist- or prison ministry with AA God bless you because let me tell you something, I livednn486n00:39:28.728 –> 00:39:29.688nfor those meetings.nn487n00:39:29.688 –> 00:39:33.728nI lived for the outside women coming in and bringing the, the meetings into prison.nn488n00:39:33.728 –> 00:39:35.808nIt meant the world to me.nn489n00:39:35.808 –> 00:39:38.488nUm, I looked forward to those every week.nn490n00:39:38.488 –> 00:39:40.208nIt was my sustenance.nn491n00:39:40.208 –> 00:39:42.968nUm, I looked at these women and I was like, “Look at them.nn492n00:39:42.968 –> 00:39:50.908nThey are so happy.” It is possible to, you know, be happy and have fun and smile without, you know, drinking in life.nn493n00:39:50.908 –> 00:39:52.508nYou can have fun sober.nn494n00:39:52.508 –> 00:39:54.108nLike, that’s what they stood for to me.nn495n00:39:54.108 –> 00:39:59.508nAnd they also stood for, you know, people who have hit rock bottoms but built their way back up.nn496n00:39:59.508 –> 00:40:02.428nThat, that just modeled so much for me.nn497n00:40:02.428 –> 00:40:04.748nSo anyway, if, if you…nn498n00:40:04.748 –> 00:40:11.288nOr for those of you who might be thinking about doing AA prison stuff, um, maybe this might be the impetus that you needed.nn499n00:40:11.288 –> 00:40:19.848nUm, and, and, um, I also, once again, had two wonderful priests when I was in prison.nn500n00:40:19.848 –> 00:40:25.808nThe first one, I remember it was like I was two years into my sentence and it was Easter week.nn501n00:40:25.808 –> 00:40:29.908nAnd, um, and man, I just couldn’t…nn502n00:40:29.908 –> 00:40:33.088nI, I, I was like a shell of the woman that I once had been.nn503n00:40:33.088 –> 00:40:35.388nI was just kinda going through the motions.nn504n00:40:35.388 –> 00:40:40.608nAnd I remember I went to confession again, and I said the same, you know, the same thing.nn505n00:40:40.608 –> 00:40:44.248nLike, y- you know, uh, “Father, I killed somebody.nn506n00:40:44.248 –> 00:40:54.488nI mean, somebody is no longer on the planet Earth because of me and my irresponsibility and making bad choices.” And I remember I looked up and his face was red, and he had tearsnn507n00:40:54.488 –> 00:40:55.688nstreaming down his face.nn508n00:40:55.688 –> 00:40:59.168nAnd when he looked up, he was really pissed.nn509n00:40:59.168 –> 00:41:00.168nHe was angry.nn510n00:41:00.168 –> 00:41:03.048nHe looked at me like, “You know what, Jane?nn511n00:41:03.048 –> 00:41:13.048nIf I could, I would pick you up by your collar right now and throw you up against that wall and pretty much smack you silly because I am sick and tired of hearing younn512n00:41:13.048 –> 00:41:17.088nsay the same confession month after month after month.nn513n00:41:17.088 –> 00:41:27.088nAnd you caught me on a bad day, but I’m really gonna tell you how it is.” He’s like, “If you think that you’re too good to accept God’s forgiveness, thennn514n00:41:27.088 –> 00:41:27.458ndon’t come back.”nn515n00:41:27.643 –> 00:41:28.233nto me again.nn516n00:41:28.233 –> 00:41:29.962nGod has forgiven you.nn517n00:41:29.962 –> 00:41:34.053nHe’s taken that sin, and He’s thrown it out there into that sea of forgiveness.nn518n00:41:34.053 –> 00:41:39.073nI’ve been patient with you as you worked through your self-forgiveness thing, but I am sick of it.nn519n00:41:39.073 –> 00:41:46.253nYou have got to let that go, and, you know, if you’re gonna call yourself a Christian, it’s your responsibility to accept God’s forgiveness.nn520n00:41:46.253 –> 00:41:47.313nIt’s as simple as that.nn521n00:41:47.313 –> 00:41:52.693nSo don’t come back to me with that same confession anymore, and Happy Easter, you know, whatever.nn522n00:41:52.693 –> 00:41:57.333nSo, so anyway, I remember …nn523n00:41:57.333 –> 00:41:59.063nAnd, and he looked like Jesus, too.nn524n00:41:59.063 –> 00:42:03.413nHe had a beard, and he was a- And I remember, like, “Oh my God,” you know?nn525n00:42:03.413 –> 00:42:06.013nAnd that was a, that was a turning point for me.nn526n00:42:06.013 –> 00:42:08.133nThat was a huge turning point for me.nn527n00:42:08.133 –> 00:42:13.143nI mean, it really, it really hit me deep in my heart, and, and I did take it on.nn528n00:42:13.143 –> 00:42:20.153nAnd, um, and I know that that was the day that I did accept self- I, I did forgive myself, and I knew that I had to move forward.nn529n00:42:20.153 –> 00:42:28.853nUm, the other wonderful priest was, um, I got transferred to another prison, and his name is Father Dennis, and he actually did time.nn530n00:42:28.853 –> 00:42:36.213nUm, he, he went to a rehab in the, uh, at, at the guest house where, um, Father Martin went and all that.nn531n00:42:36.213 –> 00:42:38.493nAnd, um, and I remember at mass one…nn532n00:42:38.493 –> 00:42:39.853nAnd he was from New Jersey, too.nn533n00:42:39.853 –> 00:42:49.933nAnd I was at mass, uh, one Sunday, and after mass, this really cool priest said, “By the way, ladies, I wanna tell you, um, I’m also an alcoholic in recovery,nn534n00:42:49.933 –> 00:42:59.263nand I listen to Fifth Steps.” And I was like, “Whoa.” So I, of course, went right up to him and signed up, and I was like, “I mean, how cool is this?nn535n00:42:59.263 –> 00:43:02.593nI get confession and the Fifth Step all out of the way in one shot.nn536n00:43:02.593 –> 00:43:07.543nKilling two birds with one stone.” So we sat down, and I, I’ll never forget.nn537n00:43:07.543 –> 00:43:09.853nI prepared for that Fifth Step for months.nn538n00:43:09.853 –> 00:43:11.753nI mean, I got everything down.nn539n00:43:11.753 –> 00:43:14.793nThat poor priest had to listen to so much crap that day.nn540n00:43:14.793 –> 00:43:19.413nBut because I was in prison, again, I had time to, to do that.nn541n00:43:19.413 –> 00:43:23.093nI, uh, you know, I knitted, and I did my f- you know, fourth step.nn542n00:43:23.093 –> 00:43:30.853nAnd, um, so I basically had a, a wonderful experience, and to this day I don’t think I forgot anything.nn543n00:43:30.853 –> 00:43:34.493nAnd, um, oh, the liberation that I felt after that.nn544n00:43:34.493 –> 00:43:36.792nAnd a- and again, that was another turning point for me.nn545n00:43:36.792 –> 00:43:43.193nUm, so, and, and folks, I have to tell you, I met the most wonderful women in prison.nn546n00:43:43.193 –> 00:43:50.723nYou know, I remember before I went to prison, I went out on a date with this guy, you know, like maybe a year or two before I went to prison.nn547n00:43:50.723 –> 00:43:56.433nAnd I remember over dinner he told me that he had done time in prison, and I was like, “Ugh,” you know?nn548n00:43:56.433 –> 00:43:57.293n”Oh my God.nn549n00:43:57.293 –> 00:44:00.733nI’m not going out with this guy again.” And I never did, you know?nn550n00:44:00.733 –> 00:44:02.573nI mean, how judgmental was that?nn551n00:44:02.573 –> 00:44:09.593nBut I seriously am here to tell you that some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met in my life are in prison.nn552n00:44:09.593 –> 00:44:15.473nAnd when you think of it, most of us probably could have done time in prison if you haven’t, you know?nn553n00:44:15.473 –> 00:44:20.353nAnd, um, I, I don’t know.nn554n00:44:20.353 –> 00:44:23.233nI, I just have a, I have a really special place in my heart.nn555n00:44:23.233 –> 00:44:29.173nBut when I was in prison, I also made another important decision, and that was: What am I gonna do with my life when I get out?nn556n00:44:29.173 –> 00:44:36.253nAnd, um, what I decided to do was to dedicate the rest of my life to love and service.nn557n00:44:36.253 –> 00:44:37.783nAnd, um, if…nn558n00:44:37.783 –> 00:44:41.103nI mean, that’s my definition for what life should be all about, love and service.nn559n00:44:41.103 –> 00:44:46.513nSo I got out of prison after five years, and I ended up in Tallahassee, Florida.nn560n00:44:46.513 –> 00:44:51.433nAnd, um, because that’s where they sent me on a work release program.nn561n00:44:51.433 –> 00:44:57.313nAnd, um, so I got out, and I tried to go back and get my teaching certification.nn562n00:44:57.313 –> 00:45:02.493nAnd I remember that, um, you know, the, the Department of Education is right there in Florida.nn563n00:45:02.493 –> 00:45:07.313nI made it up to the top, talked to the top guy, and he was like, “You will never teach again.nn564n00:45:07.313 –> 00:45:08.753nYou have a felony charge.nn565n00:45:08.753 –> 00:45:10.353nIt’s considered a violent crime.nn566n00:45:10.353 –> 00:45:19.403nYou know, I’m sorry, but you’re never gonna teach again, so, you know, you might wanna start looking for another career.” So I decided, well, I’m in Tallahassee.nn567n00:45:19.403 –> 00:45:20.953nFlorida State University’s here.nn568n00:45:20.953 –> 00:45:26.753nI might as well go back to college and, and get a, a whole new degree and start a whole new profession.nn569n00:45:26.753 –> 00:45:28.943nSo I went into, um, social work.nn570n00:45:28.943 –> 00:45:39.253nAnd, um, I went into the master’s program, but it took almost, um, it took two years to even get acceptednn571n00:45:39.253 –> 00:45:45.333ninto the program because even Florida State, because of my felony charge, kept saying no to accepting me as a student.nn572n00:45:45.333 –> 00:45:50.203nBut I wasn’t taking no for an answer, and, um, I just kept going and going.nn573n00:45:50.203 –> 00:45:52.293nI never, ever hid anything.nn574n00:45:52.293 –> 00:45:55.773nI was always straightforward and forthright about what happened to me.nn575n00:45:55.773 –> 00:46:05.773nUm, I, when I got out, I started out, um, working at a Marriott as a housekeeper and worked my way up to the front desk, andnn576n00:46:05.773 –> 00:46:11.593nI was making $7 an hour, and, um, and it was the best job in the world for me.nn577n00:46:11.593 –> 00:46:20.353nI mean, oh, it was, it was a great transition getting into people again, and, and oh, I’m so grateful that I had that job.nn578n00:46:20.353 –> 00:46:28.583nAnd, um, and I, I kept that job for the whole time during graduate school, and, um, so what I would do…nn579n00:46:28.583 –> 00:46:33.473nAnd I lost my license for life with no chance of a hardship license ever.nn580n00:46:33.473 –> 00:46:43.473nSo I had to, uh, get up every morning at 6:00, be at the front desk of the hotel at 7:00, so I rode my bike several miles to get to that front desk bynn581n00:46:43.473 –> 00:46:44.023n7:00.nn582n00:46:44.023 –> 00:46:53.632nI worked until 3:00, and then I rode my bike s- another several, several miles down to the Florida State campus, and I would get home at 10:00 at night.nn583n00:46:53.632 –> 00:47:00.693nAnd that’s when I would do my homework, and I’d get up and do the next thing the next day, and I did that for two years straight.nn584n00:47:00.693 –> 00:47:02.413nJust like with my partying.nn585n00:47:02.413 –> 00:47:03.343nI don’t know how I did that.nn586n00:47:03.343 –> 00:47:11.413nI look back on it now, and I’m like, “I don’t know how I did that.” But it was like I was in such a rush to rebuild my life and, and to get started.nn587n00:47:11.413 –> 00:47:21.453nAnd, um, and I also, uh, and I’m saying this because, uh, there might be some newcomers who are maybe feeling a little resentful towards the system if you’re on probation or anythingnn588n00:47:21.453 –> 00:47:26.593nright now, but I also, this is what my judge gave me for probation.nn589n00:47:26.593 –> 00:47:33.233nI had to go to an AA meeting every day for 10 years.nn590n00:47:33.233 –> 00:47:38.085nAnd I had to get my papers signed for 10 years.nn591n00:47:38.085 –> 00:47:43.305nNow, after five year– I was like, “Oh my God.” I mean, how am I gonna do that?nn592n00:47:43.305 –> 00:47:44.195nI don’t drive.nn593n00:47:44.195 –> 00:47:45.745nI’m trying to rebuild my life here.nn594n00:47:45.745 –> 00:47:49.805nI’m working full time, I’m going to grad school full time, and I gotta squeeze in an AA meeting?nn595n00:47:49.805 –> 00:47:52.265nBut they had them down on campus, too.nn596n00:47:52.265 –> 00:47:57.725nOr one of my friends from 909 would come pick me up and take me to the lunch meeting.nn597n00:47:57.725 –> 00:48:04.425nAnd I did it, and I never missed a meeting because let me tell you something, I was not going back to prison.nn598n00:48:04.425 –> 00:48:12.605nAnd, um, anyway, after five years, the judge– uh, I went before the judge again, and she lightened it to five days a week.nn599n00:48:12.605 –> 00:48:16.185nSo for the last five years of prison, I had to go to five a week.nn600n00:48:16.185 –> 00:48:17.565nBut I would’ve gone anyway.nn601n00:48:17.565 –> 00:48:20.085nBut it would’ve been cool to at least have the choice, you know?nn602n00:48:20.085 –> 00:48:25.745nBut, but anyway, um, I thank her for that today, you know, because I c- became entrenched in the program.nn603n00:48:25.745 –> 00:48:32.025nI was able to help so many people, and so many people were able to help me, and that’s the way this program works.nn604n00:48:32.025 –> 00:48:42.065nUm, sometimes, you know, uh, sometimes life is hard and, um, one of my favorite prayers was given to me bynn605n00:48:42.065 –> 00:48:46.465na wonderful nun in the program, Sister Maurice, who I love going to her.nn606n00:48:46.465 –> 00:48:47.415nIsn’t she the best?nn607n00:48:47.415 –> 00:48:56.385nSo I went on a retreat with her last year, and she gave me this prayer because, um, I told her that w- you know, the biggest stumbling block that I have are my resentments.nn608n00:48:56.385 –> 00:48:58.065nAnd again, I think that’s because I’m Irish.nn609n00:48:58.065 –> 00:49:01.405nI just have some, you know, r- I have problems with resentments.nn610n00:49:01.405 –> 00:49:03.865nAnd Sister Maurice gave me this prayer that I love.nn611n00:49:03.865 –> 00:49:14.135nYou know, she of course tells me, you know, uh, the way that she refers to something is called this precious, life-sustaining, life-givingnn612n00:49:14.135 –> 00:49:15.785ngift called sobriety.nn613n00:49:15.785 –> 00:49:22.105nI love that, and that’s what you have to, that’s what we all have to work on every day and be grateful for every day.nn614n00:49:22.105 –> 00:49:24.805nBut here’s the prayer for resentment that she gave me.nn615n00:49:24.805 –> 00:49:26.625nFor prayer for freedom for resentment.nn616n00:49:26.625 –> 00:49:30.085nYou know, because we all know that that’s one of our biggest problems.nn617n00:49:30.085 –> 00:49:35.525nUm, great expectations lead to great disappointments, as we all l- have learned the hard way.nn618n00:49:35.525 –> 00:49:39.985nAnd, um, expectations are indeed premeditated resentments.nn619n00:49:39.985 –> 00:49:43.584nSo working on acceptance is, is so hard for me.nn620n00:49:43.584 –> 00:49:52.745nUm, God, help me to look with soft eyes upon all who are part of my days.nn621n00:49:52.745 –> 00:49:56.874nBreak through the barriers of my scrutinizing views.nn622n00:49:56.874 –> 00:50:03.725nTransform my inner landscape into a peaceful place of acceptance.nn623n00:50:03.725 –> 00:50:08.065nPull back my projections and criticisms.nn624n00:50:08.065 –> 00:50:19.005nReplace my mean measurements and my biased expectations with an openness that allows others just to be.nn625n00:50:19.005 –> 00:50:24.925nCleanse me of everything that clouds my perceptions and blocks the sunlight of your spirit.nn626n00:50:24.925 –> 00:50:27.365nI love that.nn627n00:50:27.365 –> 00:50:28.885nI love that.nn628n00:50:28.885 –> 00:50:38.885nUm, you know, and I also wanted to just share how w- with each of us, you know, I, I often think if this didn’t happen to me, what would my lifenn629n00:50:38.885 –> 00:50:39.265nbe like?nn630n00:50:39.265 –> 00:50:41.125nI’m sure many of you think the same way.nn631n00:50:41.125 –> 00:50:46.205nBut until the pain gets strong enough, let’s face it, none of us are un- are ever gonna change.nn632n00:50:46.205 –> 00:50:54.565nUm, I definitely today prefer, prepare, um, prefer to just look at the past, not to stare at it.nn633n00:50:54.565 –> 00:50:57.145nI share my story whenever I’m asked to.nn634n00:50:57.145 –> 00:51:01.765nUm, I try not to put a question mark where God’s put a period.nn635n00:51:01.765 –> 00:51:11.785nUm, and I know, I know, I know that it’s never too late to become the person that God really meantnn636n00:51:11.785 –> 00:51:14.005nfor us to be, you know?nn637n00:51:14.005 –> 00:51:24.315nAnd oh, my, um, I– My sponsor always tells me, too, to not close the meeting withoutnn638n00:51:24.315 –> 00:51:28.325ntalking about, um, you know, my life today.nn639n00:51:28.325 –> 00:51:36.385nUh, the big book says, you know, talk about the three categories, your relationships, your employment, and your family.nn640n00:51:36.385 –> 00:51:42.005nWell, um, my relationship right now, I have the most wonderful man in my life.nn641n00:51:42.005 –> 00:51:44.425nOh, he is, he’s the best.nn642n00:51:44.425 –> 00:51:49.485nUh, his name’s Patrick, and, um, he puts, he also puts God first.nn643n00:51:49.485 –> 00:51:58.325nUm, he’s also in the program and, um, you know, once again, like I gave up on my Cinderella dream years ago.nn644n00:51:58.325 –> 00:52:00.405nI was perfectly fine by myself.nn645n00:52:00.405 –> 00:52:01.185nI was cool.nn646n00:52:01.185 –> 00:52:03.465nI was, you know, okay being single.nn647n00:52:03.465 –> 00:52:11.385nI liked dating, you know, but I, I never thought that I would meet somebody, um, you know, at the age of 48 that co- that is my soulmate.nn648n00:52:11.385 –> 00:52:15.965nAnd, um, you know, he’s, he’s a, a wonderful encourager.nn649n00:52:15.965 –> 00:52:18.764nI know that he’s praying for me right now at this very moment.nn650n00:52:18.764 –> 00:52:21.165nAnd, um, he loves life.nn651n00:52:21.165 –> 00:52:24.685nHe’s a man that just loves life, and he’s so wonderful to be around.nn652n00:52:24.685 –> 00:52:30.285nAs far as my family goes, um, it’s, everything’s been repaired.nn653n00:52:30.285 –> 00:52:34.825nUm, my, my relationship with my mom and dad has never been better.nn654n00:52:34.825 –> 00:52:38.425nUm, my brothers and sister are my best friends.nn655n00:52:38.425 –> 00:52:42.545nUm, as far as my employment goes, get this, okay.nn656n00:52:42.545 –> 00:52:43.965nSo I got out of college.nn657n00:52:43.965 –> 00:52:54.125nI started working as a social worker in detox and in the crisis intervention units in the local community mental health hospital in Tallahassee,nn658n00:52:54.125 –> 00:52:59.425nand I worked my way up to that, to being the supervisor of social services after five years.nn659n00:52:59.425 –> 00:53:07.145nAnd then Florida State University asked me to start teaching a class every Monday night.nn660n00:53:07.145 –> 00:53:11.725nSo, so, so I started teaching.nn661n00:53:11.725 –> 00:53:13.745nAnd guess what class I taught every Monday night?nn662n00:53:13.745 –> 00:53:15.125nChemical dependency.nn663n00:53:15.125 –> 00:53:18.585nNo class trips, though.nn664n00:53:18.585 –> 00:53:24.745nBut, um- And then, um, my, this was really cool.nn665n00:53:24.745 –> 00:53:28.324nMy nephew, Jack, who I’m so proud of, he’s, he’s in Houston.nn666n00:53:28.324 –> 00:53:29.455nHe’s 17 now.nn667n00:53:29.455 –> 00:53:32.265nHe went into a rehab when he was 14.nn668n00:53:32.265 –> 00:53:33.785nThey start young today, don’t they?nn669n00:53:33.785 –> 00:53:39.905nAnd, um, he, uh, he, he now goes to a sober high school in, um, in Houston.nn670n00:53:39.905 –> 00:53:49.329nYeah, there’s only five of them, and he graduates next year, and then he’s eligible for a scholarship to UT where he’ll be living in a sober dorm.nn671n00:53:49.329 –> 00:53:50.599nHow cool is that?nn672n00:53:50.599 –> 00:54:00.629nBut anyway, this– So, um, Jack was going through, it was like after l- you know, w- all this just started happening and my brother was like, “What’s going…” Inn673n00:54:00.629 –> 00:54:02.179nmean, he was like a deer in headlights.nn674n00:54:02.179 –> 00:54:06.409nHe knew about addiction and all that and alcoholism from me, but when it happens to your own son.nn675n00:54:06.409 –> 00:54:16.909nSo my one brother and I, uh, flew out to Houston just to be supportive, and all of a sudden we’re having coffee at the table, at the breakfast table, and my phone rang,nn676n00:54:16.909 –> 00:54:22.869nand it was the dean of the College of Social Work wanting to know if I would accept a full-time pos- faculty position.nn677n00:54:22.869 –> 00:54:30.249nSo right now I’m working as a full-time faculty member.nn678n00:54:30.249 –> 00:54:32.059nUm, not last year…nn679n00:54:32.059 –> 00:54:38.209nAnd I’m saying this because I’m not boasting, I just want newcomers to, to hear what can– the miracles of the program.nn680n00:54:38.209 –> 00:54:47.309nBut, um, at, at a springtime convocation, not this past year, the one before, um, I got awarded Professor of the Year.nn681n00:54:47.309 –> 00:54:57.599nAnd, um, and also the Big Bend National Association of Social Workers nominated me for social work– uh, awarded me, I was nominated and then awarded, um, Socialnn682n00:54:57.599 –> 00:54:58.469nWorker of the Year.nn683n00:54:58.469 –> 00:55:01.989nSo, you know, I mean, it’s just…nn684n00:55:01.989 –> 00:55:05.329nIf you told me– And ten years ago I was sitting on a prison bunk.nn685n00:55:05.329 –> 00:55:06.549nI mean, what?nn686n00:55:06.549 –> 00:55:07.249nYou know?nn687n00:55:07.249 –> 00:55:16.209nBut it just shows that if you just keep taking one step at a time and keep doing the next right thing, wonderful things are gonna keep happening to you.nn688n00:55:16.209 –> 00:55:18.069nDon’t ever give up.nn689n00:55:18.069 –> 00:55:20.009nDon’t ever take no for an answer.nn690n00:55:20.009 –> 00:55:30.049nUm, you know, carrying the principles and, and incorporating these principles into your life, everybodynn691n00:55:30.049 –> 00:55:30.549nsees it.nn692n00:55:30.549 –> 00:55:31.589nEverybody knows it.nn693n00:55:31.589 –> 00:55:32.389nIt’s visceral.nn694n00:55:32.389 –> 00:55:42.389nUm, always, always remember that, that this higher power who to me is such a mystery, you know, that’s my favorite word fornn695n00:55:42.389 –> 00:55:43.709nmy higher power is mystery.nn696n00:55:43.709 –> 00:55:45.249nI don’t wanna know all about it.nn697n00:55:45.249 –> 00:55:48.889nI just know that it’s wonderful and beautiful and it’s this lovely mystery.nn698n00:55:48.889 –> 00:55:55.029nUm, I know that I can rely on my higher power for anything.nn699n00:55:55.029 –> 00:56:02.969nUm, I, I also wanted to share this because, um, it’s really heavy on my heart right now, and I’m gonna start to cry.nn700n00:56:02.969 –> 00:56:13.329nSo I was going into my class on Thursday night, and I, I went for a mammogram last week, got biopsied, and I just got diagnosednn701n00:56:13.329 –> 00:56:15.489nwith breast cancer on Thursday.nn702n00:56:15.489 –> 00:56:25.589nAnd I was like, I’m still in shock, you know, like I’m saying, “Oh my God, I have breast cancer.” And, um, you know, I’m crying now, but I’m r-nn703n00:56:25.589 –> 00:56:26.969nreally, believe me, I’m okay.nn704n00:56:26.969 –> 00:56:33.409nUm, I cried when I got the news and then I cried because mo- mostly I cried because I had to tell my mother and father, you know?nn705n00:56:33.409 –> 00:56:41.269nBut, um, but it’s early, you know, early detection and, you know, and I, I know everything’s gonna be all right.nn706n00:56:41.269 –> 00:56:51.409nAnd it’s so wonderful because I don’t even know your name, but this wonderful woman, uh, sitting in the front row, I sat next to her last night when I was listening to Joy, and I was cold and,nn707n00:56:51.409 –> 00:57:01.449num, because I didn’t bring a sweater, and she had this lovely, beautiful white sweater that, um, she just looked at me with these loving eyes and she says, “Do you wanna borrownn708n00:57:01.449 –> 00:57:02.049nmy sweater?nn709n00:57:02.049 –> 00:57:12.269nIt’s beautiful and it’s white and it’s soft and it’s, and it’s like when you put it on, it’s gonna be like God wrapping His arms around you and God’snn710n00:57:12.269 –> 00:57:22.649ngrace is gonna be in it.” And I just looked at her and, you know, and I just held her hand and I was just like, “I just found out I have breast cancer.” And she was like, “Oh.”nn711n00:57:22.649 –> 00:57:32.709nAnd then she just gave me a, she gave me this really beautiful reassuring hug and she said, “Well, I want you to wear this all weekend and it’s, you know, like the purity of God’s light is innn712n00:57:32.709 –> 00:57:42.789nthis sweater and it’s gonna be wrapped around you.” And I said, “And I know everything’s gonna be all right.” And she looked me dead in the eyes and she goes, “No, everything isnn713n00:57:42.789 –> 00:57:47.429nall right.” And I needed that so bad.nn714n00:57:47.429 –> 00:57:49.529nI needed that so bad.nn715n00:57:49.529 –> 00:57:51.389nSo thank you.nn716n00:57:51.389 –> 00:57:53.269nI was like, what an angel.nn717n00:57:53.269 –> 00:57:54.349nShe’s like an angel.nn718n00:57:54.349 –> 00:58:01.109nBut, um, but anyway, I al- also my sponsor always wants me to c- to close with something from the big book.nn719n00:58:01.109 –> 00:58:03.229nUm, let’s see.nn720n00:58:03.229 –> 00:58:04.889nWhich one?nn721n00:58:04.889 –> 00:58:14.409nOkay, and this is so appropriate because I can actually say in a couple of weeks the fifteen years thing, okay?nn722n00:58:14.409 –> 00:58:18.869nThe last fifteen– It’s on page two seventy-six, the big book.nn723n00:58:18.869 –> 00:58:21.709nYou probably all know it, but gosh, I love this.nn724n00:58:21.709 –> 00:58:26.469nThe last fifteen years of my life have been rich and meaningful.nn725n00:58:26.469 –> 00:58:31.639nI have had my share of problems, heartaches, and disappointments.nn726n00:58:31.639 –> 00:58:33.249nThat is life.nn727n00:58:33.249 –> 00:58:40.909nBut also I have known a great deal of joy and a peace that is the handmaiden of an inner freedom.nn728n00:58:40.909 –> 00:58:50.949nI have a wealth of friends and, with my AA friends, an unusual quality of fellowship, fornn729n00:58:50.989 –> 00:58:53.629nto these people I am truly related.nn730n00:58:53.629 –> 00:59:04.049nFirst, through mutual pain and despair, and later through mutual objectives and newfoundnn731n00:59:04.049 –> 00:59:05.109nfaith and hope.nn732n00:59:05.109 –> 00:59:15.949nAnd as the years go by, working together, sharing our experiences with one another, and also sharing a mutual trust, understanding,nn733n00:59:15.949 –> 00:59:24.389nand love without strings, without obligation, we acquire relationships that are unique and priceless.nn734n00:59:24.389 –> 00:59:33.369nThere is no more aloneness with that awful ache so deep in every alcoholic that nothing before could ever reach it.nn735n00:59:33.369 –> 00:59:38.069nThat ache is gone and never need return again.nn736n00:59:38.069 –> 00:59:44.509nNow there is a sense of belonging, of being wanted and needed and loved.nn737n00:59:44.509 –> 00:59:50.829nIn return for a bottle and a hangover, we have been given the keys to the kingdom.nn738n00:59:50.829 –> 00:59:52.089nYou know?nn739n00:59:52.089 –> 00:59:56.769nAnd, um, and I do– And I also love this.nn740n00:59:56.769 –> 01:00:07.129nI don’t know where I got it from, but, um, you know, if we follow these principles, the book promises us that we’re gonna experience hope instead of desperation, faithnn741n01:00:07.129 –> 01:00:17.649ninstead of despair, courage instead of fear, peace of mind, not confusion, self-respect instead of self-contempt,nn742n01:00:17.649 –> 01:00:28.249nself-confidence instead of helplessness, gaining the respect of others instead of gaining their pity and their contempt, havingnn743n01:00:28.249 –> 01:00:36.349na clean conscience, I love that one, instead of guilt, and having real friendships instead of loneliness.nn744n01:00:36.349 –> 01:00:39.699nYou know, and I love butterflies, and I, I…nn745n01:00:39.699 –> 01:00:49.729nYou know, like, my favorite, my favorite recent one is, you know, like, where– what be- what use is the beau- what use are the beautiful wings ofnn746n01:00:49.729 –> 01:00:53.849na butterfly if we’re just gonna remain– if the butterfly’s just gonna remain grounded?nn747n01:00:53.849 –> 01:00:57.149nYou know, and I feel like that’s what all of us are here doing this weekend.nn748n01:00:57.149 –> 01:01:07.169nWe’re all sort of, you know, flapping our butterfly wings, being beautiful women, you know, flying around and kissing this one and kissing that one and sharing the love and, you know, andnn749n01:01:07.169 –> 01:01:08.049nfeeling the freedom.nn750n01:01:08.049 –> 01:01:13.629nAnd I also love that the name of this is A New Life Has Been Given Us.nn751n01:01:13.629 –> 01:01:16.489nThat’s the name of this convention, and how true is that?nn752n01:01:16.489 –> 01:01:26.629nYou know, and to close, I just wanna once again, um, you know, ask you for my prayers because I actually– or ask you for your prayers f- because I actually go through all this ca- breastnn753n01:01:26.629 –> 01:01:27.829ncancer junk this week.nn754n01:01:27.829 –> 01:01:32.829nI have my MRI on Monday and my, uh, appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday.nn755n01:01:32.829 –> 01:01:39.429nAnd, you know, like Joy was saying, you know, there’s plenty of times where we say, “Oh my God, I can’t go to this convention.” It’s like, “Hell, no.nn756n01:01:39.429 –> 01:01:48.469nThat’s where I need to be.” I need to be surrounded by the love and the hugs and the, you know, my angels, like the one I had last night, um, at this convention.nn757n01:01:48.469 –> 01:01:54.708nSo, you know, there’s a, there’s a wonderful divine plan that God has.nn758n01:01:54.708 –> 01:02:00.629nWe just have to always remain open and willing to, to carry out what God wants us to do.nn759n01:02:00.629 –> 01:02:05.549nWith that, I thank you all, and I wish you a, the, a beautiful rest of your weekend.nn760n01:02:05.549 –> 01:02:06.409nGod bless you.nn761n01:02:06.409 –> 01:02:11.199nThanks.nn”;

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