Conversation with BB

Interactive Transcript

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0:00

Moderator Welcome to the Tuesday Night Recovery Speakers History Workshop. Thanks for joining us, and my name is Tim, and tonight is the last Tuesday of March, so it's our night for our conversation with a long timer, and tonight we will have our conversation with Bebe, and Bebe is from, I lost my flyer, but Bebe is filling in for Lee M., who was not able to be here tonight, and we're looking forward to our conversation this evening. We meet here every Tuesday night at the same time, using the same Zoom ID, and next week, April 7th, we will be having a celebration of the 87th anniversary of the Big Book with a presentation led by Drew H. in Atlanta, so please join us again next week for that, and we meet, or this meeting is recorded. All past audio presentations are available at recoveryspeakers.com.

1:02

Moderator We are not affiliated with any 12-step organization, though our focus is the history of AA and other 12-step fellowships. Recoveryspeakers.com is a 501c3 non-profit dedicated to preserving and sharing the audio history of AA and the 12-step movement today and for future generations, and we send a daily email featuring a different speaker talk from our archives, and included in those emails are the recordings of this meeting and flyers for upcoming presentations. If you'd like to subscribe, I will share some information in the chat in a minute, and if you're able to support our work, contributions are appreciated, and I will be sharing the donation link in the chat, and tonight at the end, I believe Penny will be asking for some participation from some people that are on that may know BB and have some really tough-hitting questions for him, so please, if you have questions throughout this evening, please write them down and be ready to ask a few questions at the end, and that is it for me. I am going to go ahead and turn it over to Penny to introduce our Conversation with a Long-Timer. Thanks, Tim.

2:24

Moderator Thanks so much. So, welcome, everybody. So glad to see y'all here this evening. This is our monthly meeting of Conversation with a Long-Timer. Those of you who have been here before know a little bit about the story, but if we have some people here that it's their first time at this meeting.

2:47

Moderator This meeting came about during COVID because I was in a meeting, and we were talking about some of the pioneer women and alcoholics synonymous, and people were asking questions that we couldn't answer because our long-timers that we were talking about were gone, and I'm sitting there thinking, wait a minute, we've got long-timers sitting in our rooms. Let's talk to the long-timers we've got. So, the way I was raised, actually, not just in AA, but in my home, the first person that complains or the first person that comes up with a new idea is the first volunteer. So, I called Mike F. from Recovery Speakers and said, hey, I've got an idea, and I'm willing to do the work, and I didn't know that I was going to set myself up for this ongoing meeting, but it's been so much fun.

3:51

Moderator We do it once a month, always on the last Tuesday of the month, so you can put that on your calendar if you enjoy the format. It is a little bit different than it's not a speaker meeting. We're not having our long-timers come in and just do a talk because we want to know. I'm not as interested in their drinking as I am in their sobriety. 50 plus years sober.

4:22

BB How in the heck do you get through that? I was talking with one of my sponsees today. I mean, how do you get through job stuff and loss of family members and staying sober and all of the stuff that all of us trudge on that path have happened to us while we're trudging that path. So, that's what we talk about. So, Bibi and I are going to have a little conversation.

4:54

BB I may be interrupting him. Please accept that that's the format of the meeting and we'll just move forward with it. Bibi, I'm going to ask you to come in and introduce yourself. I'll ask you to unmute and come in and introduce yourself and give us your name and your sobriety date and your home group. I'm Bibi and I'm an alcoholic named Wilbert F.

5:24

Moderator But, when I came here they said, what's your name? I said, Bibi. And that's what everybody been calling me since. My sobriety date is June the 10th, 1975. And my home group now is New Beginners Group that's in Baltimore, Maryland.

5:42

BB Do you have a sponsor? Yes. And who's your sponsor? Albie. Albie.

5:47

BB Okay, we're going to be getting in touch with you to get Albie's contact information. We're going to put Albie on the hot seat. June 10th, 1975, AA was just turning 40 years old on June 10th. And you're now sober longer than AA was on the planet when you got sober. And so, what was happening that week of June that you thought coming to an AA meeting was a good idea?

6:18

BB Had you heard about it? How did you hear about AA? How did you know to go to AA? How did you get to that first meeting? The guy who ended up being my sponsor was the same guy that I was going to meet with.

6:38

BB The guy who ended up being my sponsor was the same guy I panhandled on my last drunk. And then he, when I was up at Crownsville State, I was in the state hospital, thank God for the institution meetings. And he brought a meeting up there. And when I got out, I was walking down the street one night, and I just happened to walk past the place where he was having a meeting and he invited me in. And I think I was scared to say no to him because he didn't know he'd found me.

7:19

Moderator So, I went on in, sit down, that became my home group. Never found it necessary to pick up a drink after. Oh my, that's an amazing story, BB. That's an amazing story. So, this was in Baltimore?

7:36

BB No, I came in the program in Annapolis, Maryland. Oh, in Annapolis, Maryland. Okay. So, I've been to AA meetings in Annapolis. I used to live on the East Coast.

7:48

BB And was this at the little house? No, it was at, they had a meeting on West Street in Annapolis at the Asbury Church. Okay, okay. So, wow. So, did you know anything about AA before he brought that institution meeting up to you at the state hospital?

8:08

BB No, no, I thought it was the Salvation Army. Ah, and so, how were you feeling? Did you think, did you know you had a problem with alcohol and you needed some help? Or was this just how your life was going? Well, they sharpened me up and took me in the crown, but I knew I had a problem.

8:33

BB I just didn't know, and I wasn't the first one and everybody almost in my family did that. So, I didn't know it was anything you could do about it. Okay. So, sitting in that first meeting, so you've been to the meeting, he brought AA up to the institution where you were, and now you're walking down the street and here's this meeting that you go in, he invites you in. And so, what are you thinking about Alcoholics Anonymous?

9:09

Moderator You're sitting there in those early days and you're listening to these people talk about AA, and were they talking about the big book and talking about the steps when you were new? I don't know what they were talking about. First time I came, I thought I was going to have to beat one of them tamarins on the corner. I thought it was Salvation. Because a couple of days before AA came to the mental institute, Salvation Army came in there, and I just didn't want my boys to see me on the corner beating tamarins.

9:52

BB You know, when I came to my first meeting, I thought they were going to give me some orange pajamas and send me to the airport because I had the same thought. I had no clue of what AA was like. So, when you first started coming to meetings, then how long did it take before you figured out that you're not going to have to go beat a tambourine on the corner? And that this program is going to change your life? Well, I felt pretty good in the beginning because I always wanted to be in a gang.

10:34

BB And so, I thought the meeting I was going to was my gang. So, when somebody invited me to another meeting, I told them, no, I belong to the gang up the street. You know, so I wouldn't go to other meetings for a while. Okay. So, how long did it take for you to get into the steps and to start working the steps, reading the book, doing that kind of stuff in the program?

11:06

BB Did they do that? You know, when I got sober, it's not the same way it is today, where there's the focus on the big book and stuff. What was it like for you when you first got here and introduction to the program? Well, you know the story in the book, The Vicious Cycle? Well, my sponsor's sponsor was Jim Burwell's nephew.

11:33

BB So, I was just a couple generations from the beginning of the program. So, in those days, Jim, his name was Jim, he was named after Jim Burwell. He had a station wagon. So, none of us had a driver's license. So, we piled up in that station wagon almost every night, you know.

11:56

Moderator So, actually, I learned most of the big book from them. Okay. You know, they talk about the meeting before the meeting, the meeting after the meeting, and we would sit, we would talk, go on, and then after the meeting, a lot of times, we would sit out there for an hour or two hours just talking about the program, about the, you know, and just listening. When I finally started reading the books, I was amazed of how much I knew that I had learned just by listening to them, you know. Yeah.

12:36

BB And then I'd be like, that's where they got that from and stuff, because I was wondering where they was getting all these sayings from and stuff, you know. I kept thinking they're so profound. How do they think of this stuff? And then I find out it's in a book. Yeah, yeah.

12:59

Moderator Well, I couldn't let the boys see me carrying no big book and no 12 and 12 up and down the street. So, that was in a brown paper bag when I went to meetings and stuff, you know, because a lot of times I had to come past the corner to go to a meeting. Mm-hmm. So, you were part of those original groups of shut up and get in the car. We're going to a meeting.

13:32

BB They called us, well, they called that group the Dirty Dozen. The Dirty Dozen. So, you're living in Annapolis, and so where are you guys driving to meetings? Are you staying just in that Annapolis area? Are you going a little farther afield into Maryland?

13:51

BB We did a lot of, in Annapolis, we did a lot of retreats. Okay. We would do three or four retreats a year. Okay. And I traveled to D.C., and if you know, according to, with the book, that Burwell and them came out of a place called Cumberstone.

14:12

BB That's down in Owensville. And so, where they're buried, Fitzmayer and Burwell at that little church that looked like a Christmas card. That's where we held meetings every Wednesdays and Fridays. Mm-hmm. That's amazing.

14:27

BB So, you were just right in that history right from the very beginning. I didn't know about that until about 15, 20 years later. So, how did you get into the steps? When did you, did you have a sponsor that first took you through the steps, or did they have you read the book and then do the steps? Were you doing the steps with the guys as you're going back and forth?

14:58

BB Well, back in those days, I was even now, but we had step meetings, big book meetings, you know, discussion meetings. And on Wednesday night, we actually had, we would go to the health department. There was a little German psychiatrist that was the head of the St. Elizabeth Hospital psychiatric place, and he dealt with wet brains. So, he started a meeting for alcoholics, but it was like free, we could get free group session and one-on-one, one-to-one counseling from the psychiatrist.

15:32

BB He would give us free stuff. And so, every Wednesday was our group meeting at the clinic, our clinic meeting, and that was voluntary, you know, it wasn't ordered, it was voluntary. So, we did that every, most of the dirty dozen came out of that clinic. Okay. So, what kind of service commitments were you doing in your group?

15:58

BB What kind of service did your sponsor have you doing to reach out to other alcoholics or making coffee or those kinds of things? Well, the dirty dozen came up because in some areas, like a lot of people didn't want to go. A lot of people didn't want to go to get people out of junkyards and dumpsters and shooting galleries and all of this stuff. So, they asked my sponsor to come up with a list of people who was willing to go. And he said, he said, I've got just the right people.

16:39

BB And he picked all of us, it was like 12 of us, and he called us the dirty dozen. So, you're going on 12-step calls. So, you know, a lot of people that are in the program, that come into the program after, after we came in, after the 80s into the 90s. And so, some of those folks have never had the opportunity to go on a 12-step call. Do you have any stories about a 12-step call that is really memorable for you?

17:14

BB Yeah. My boy Joe, Joe from West Virginia, country boy from up in the mountains. Joe would get drunk, call me about two or three o'clock in the morning, of course, you know, after the bars closed and stuff. And he had a special place he would go. And I'd go, then he'd call me, I'd go pick him up.

17:41

Moderator Joe only had one leg. So, then when I picked him up, he would want me to get him a drink, but I would take him detox. So, this time, I was so tired, because he called me like three o'clock in the morning, I said, Joe, we're going to go home and sleep, and we'll go to the detox in the morning. You know, and we had been around, we've been knowing each other. So, Joe decided he wasn't, he wasn't going, he had met, I guess I went and went to sleep.

18:22

BB I left him on the sofa. When I came out, he had wet the sofa, took all his clothes on, took his leg off and stuff. And he told me he wasn't going nowhere until I get him a pint of V.O. A pint. I can see if he said, give me a little taste.

18:46

BB You know, we give people a little taste when they want, you know, to get them to go, you know, we get them a minute or something to nurse them along. He wanted, he ain't moving until he get a pint. So, I took his leg and throwed it out in the parking lot, you know, and told him, you can go get your liquor and get your leg and stuff and get out of my house, you know, and stuff. And he ended up going to detox, you know, and stuff like that. He let me take him detox, you know, and stuff.

19:29

BB I told him, you crawl out there and get that leg. And then after a while, he came to meet and stuff for a while and told me how crazy I was. And so, about five or six years later, I get a Christmas card from him. And he said, B.B., I got five years today. And I thought, well, he let me know you had five years sober.

19:59

Moderator And sometimes it takes what it takes, you know. But he's, last I heard, he was sober. Isn't that just amazing? Because he went back to West Virginia. Oh, the stories like that are just, you know, when we have the opportunity to be of service and all we are is just carrying that message that was carried to us.

20:24

BB Yeah, yeah. So, do you get to do 12-step calls at all anymore today or? Well, because I've had a couple of health issues. I don't go like I used to, you know. I mean, I don't go down on Benning Road up in them apartments or I don't go in them dumpsters no more, you know.

20:50

Moderator One time, I got a woman out in the woods. They told me, go get this woman out in the woods. And I swear, here, here, here, here, here, it was spinning around, you know, and stuff like that. you know, and she was cussing me, and I was taking her to detox, and she said, I'm going to kill both of us, you know, and try to grab the steering wheel and stuff, you know. And so I don't go as, I'm not as tough as I used to be, you know.

21:29

Moderator I would find myself in some weird places sometimes, you know. It paid off in the long run, you know, because I stayed sober, you know. But sometimes they tell you take somebody with you, you know, and sometimes you need a few people with you, you know. So when you first came in, the guy that brought the meeting up to the institution was your sponsor. Did you at some point change sponsors?

22:00

BB Did you get a new sponsor? And how did you go through that? Well, just, he passed away a few years ago. Him and I was together for 47 years or something. Oh, wow.

22:14

BB So I had been longer with him than anybody on the face of the earth, including my mother and father. My mother died when she was like 50-something years old. So I had been with him longer than anybody on the face of the earth. You know, we knew each other. He knew some of my deeper secrets, you know, and stuff like that, you know, those things that I said I was going to take to the grave.

22:47

BB But, you know, he didn't like calling people a pigeon. And the way we traveled in those days, I didn't know what a, we never called each other sponsor or sponsee or nothing like that, you know. I had never heard the words. When I finally heard it, I was like, what is a sponsor? What are they talking about?

23:12

BB Because we were just all friends and we just traveled like that, you know. And he hated the word, somebody calling somebody a pigeon and stuff like that, you know. So we just became friends. Then one day I just asked him, well, you know, I didn't want to sound like I was real stupid, but I was like, what? The world is a sponsor.

23:40

BB And, you know, because it was him and another guy, because Jim M sponsored both of them. So if I wasn't with my sponsor, I was with the other guy, Jim M. We all was, you know, we just traveled in a circle like that, you know. So I was with one of them. So that was a big loss when he passed away.

24:07

BB My sponsor passed away. She'd been my sponsor for about 30 years. And she passed away just a couple years ago. And that's a big loss. How did you walk through that?

24:20

Moderator Well, slowly, one thing, you know, but it hurt, you know, and I still think about him. Miss May is on here tonight and she was his sweetheart, you know. And so when I see her, I can't help but think about him, you know. But I know now when you're coming along with those giants, you know, by the time they're about ready to go, like I'm ready to go now, you know, I had heart attacks and strokes and all kinds of stuff. I got a little bit of everything but being pregnant.

25:01

BB So I think about when they started getting older and those guys that, when I came in, I was 22 years old. And the rest of those guys were 39, 40 years old. So when I started realizing they was getting old, because I was like the new kid on the block, you know what I'm saying? I was just like their baby brother. So I couldn't do no wrong, you know, and stuff like that.

25:33

Moderator And they just covered, you know, they just took care of me, you know. And I was just spoiled and loved it, you know. But then after a while, I realized that I had to stop playing games, that the old timers were going away. And before I realized, I had 25 or 30 years, I was starting to become them old times, you know what I'm saying? And I had to start taking it serious and realize that newer people were watching me, you know.

26:08

BB I had to get real real. So one thing my sponsor did before he passed away, he gave me, he told, he gave me two jobs. He said he wanted me to go back and study the big book again. And he wanted me to do that back to basics program in a meeting, you know, to help people learn the steps and stuff like that. And that really took me to another spiritual level, you know.

26:40

BB And at first, I thought he was doing it to punish me, you know. You know, man, why are you making me go back and read the big book? Are you the lost your mind and stuff like that? He said, no, I just like the way you explain things. Wow, that's great.

27:02

BB I thought he was punishing me or something. Well, we're going to count on Miss May to have some questions for you when we get to that part of the meeting, but we're not there yet. So, so when you, so if the way you were walking through it, so as new guys were coming in, they just became a part of your group, and you all kind of work together then? Yes. Yeah, people that now, you know, they became like the second generation of the dirty dozen, you know what I'm saying?

27:43

Moderator But still, I don't call nobody no pigeons, and I try to be a friend. You know, like my sponsor did me, he was my friend, you know. He never raised his voice at me. And the thing about my sponsor, you know, like having a lot of time in the program, you could walk around with your nose up in the air, you know, and think you'd arrived or you're somebody, you know. But he wore his sobriety so lightly.

28:17

BB You know, he was so humble with it. You would, you wouldn't know he had 50 or 60 years in the program, you know, the way, because he would just walk and talk with a newcomer and stuff like that, just on that level. You know, anybody that know him, you know, he just, he was just a humble guy, you know. He didn't try to put on airs or nothing like that. He would sit down with you and eat a chicken wing in a minute, you know, and stuff, and didn't need, you know, didn't need anything, you know, you know what I'm saying?

29:03

BB Yes. You know, because I realize now that that's what they was talking about in the 10th step, when they say, don't rest on your laurels, you know, don't rest, I can't rest on this 50 years, you know. I gotta go till midnight tonight, you know. If I make it to midnight tonight, then I can say I got another day. See, we still got a couple of hours till midnight.

29:34

Moderator You can get drunk, and I'm kind of seeing times I get drunk two or three times in a couple of hours, you know. Yeah. Did you struggle at all with finding a higher power, or with the spiritual aspect of the program, versus what, did it sound like it was religious to you? How did, how was it when they started talking about God and a higher power for you in those steps? I came in, I had always believed in God, and even out drinking, I'd come home and pull out Bibles and stuff and read them and stuff like that.

30:17

BB That's a good, but I would always believe in God. When I was 17 years old and I came home, me and my buddy was out swimming and diving off. We used to dive off the Eastport Bridge in Annapolis, and the Sudbury Bridge, and stuff like that. And we used to dive off those bridges, and he drowned. And I never forgave God for that.

30:45

BB So, when I came in the program, it wasn't that I didn't believe in God. I hated God. And when y'all would say the Lord's Prayer, I thought y'all was a bunch of wimps, and I wouldn't do it. I'd sit there with my fist ball, and it took a lot. And I had my spiritual awakening one night, and I asked God to reveal himself to me.

31:16

Moderator If he's real, you got to reveal yourself to me, and he did. I had one of those out-of-body experiences, where I could look down and see myself, and God had his arms around me, and told me I didn't have to worry about a thing, that I was going to be okay. And ever since then, that's how I look at the walking. I was all the time, I was angry with my best friend. Wow, that's a beautiful story.

31:51

BB That's a beautiful story. Earlier, you mentioned about going to retreats and conferences with these guys that you're hanging out with. So, what were those like in those days? I know that when I lived on the East Coast, I used to go over to Sessions-by-the-Sea. I used to sail into Annapolis and go to some meetings at the Little House in Annapolis.

32:18

Moderator The Little Red House. So, what were those retreats and conferences like over there in the Washington, D.C. area at that time in Maryland? Well, in the D.C. area, we would go down to Loyola around Thanksgiving time with Bob Marley and all those guys.

32:38

BB Not Bob Marley. What is his name? Marlow or whatever his name was. Hal Marley. Yes.

32:44

Moderator Hal Marley. Yeah, so we went, they had held the retreats down at Loyola and up here, I mean, up here near Baltimore and Annapolis, Dick Reynolds and them held the retreat over at Manresa with the priests over at Manresa. And so, that's where they would give us, take us through the steps spiritually, you know, and stuff and have meditations and stuff. Sessions was one thing, but Sessions was more like, let's have some fun and, you know, good meetings and good food and all that. But meditations were like, sometimes they had a couple meditations, but most of the time, I went to the men's retreat.

33:31

Moderator You know what I'm saying? And like four or five times a day, you would have a meditation and then go back and think about it, you know. Yeah. So, you knew Hal Marley and did you know Ed Chandler and Sandy B? And Frankie Lynch and his wife.

33:51

Moderator Yeah. Yeah. Good people. I met Lois one time. Oh, did you?

33:56

Moderator Tell us about that. Well, she came down to the Red House, you know, in the summer, you know, Bill and Lois, they used to come down to Annapolis on vacation for a couple of weeks because they would come down to Comberstone with Fitz Mayo. With Fitz. And Jim Burwell. So, they would stay with them down in Annapolis sometimes.

34:22

BB And so, every now and then, after Bill died, Bill's dead, and in 1978, I met her in 1978, she would pass through, you know, and just stop to see some of the old friends and stuff. Because I did a lot of meetings down in Southern Maryland, you know, down going toward, you know, toward D.C., down that way, you know, and up in D.C., down in Bowie, you know. I'm trying to think of some of the people, you know. You said y'all had, what I told you the other day, I actually did, who I actually did, you know, in Brown, wasn't it? Oh, Victor.

35:08

BB Victor Brown. Yeah, yeah. I got pictures of me and him together, and him being with the other guy I was talking about that helped sponsor me. But also, Jim Elm helped sponsor me, too, because I traveled with him a lot, you know, because he got me in service work. Yeah.

35:30

BB I was over on the Virginia side of the district, so you were on the Maryland side. Yeah, okay. I got over there, but I came in from the Bayside, because I usually sailed into those places. Yeah, yes, well, that's why I actually did, you know, Dave. Dave Breasted traveled with Victor Brown, and they did a lot of sailboating and stuff together.

35:57

Moderator Yeah, when I first met him, because he was the first guy, Dave, that carried me around the meetings, and he used to wear those gray boat pants and those blue jackets with the white turtleneck, thick turtleneck sweaters and boat yacht shoes and stuff. And I told him, man, you gotta either start learning how to dress or you can't be hanging with me, you know, because I was wearing capes and stuff in them days. Yeah, I wasn't that fancy. I was mostly in jeans and cutoffs in those days. So, what kind of service commitments did you have in the time you've been?

36:42

Moderator Now, let's talk about, so, you know, a lot of times, we talk about our sobriety, and there's tough things that all of us walk through when we're sober, and just real life stuff. So, how do you deal with that? You said you've had some health issues, you've had some losses, you lost your parents in sobriety. How do you walk through those things and stick close to the program and fall back on the experience of others or ask for help? How do you even ask for help in those situations?

37:23

BB Well, first of all, thank God that we have a primary issue, a primary purpose, a primary issue. When we come in the room, now, you can think of everything you want, but they tell us to throw everything out the window. You can come here, we're not affiliated with anything. We don't be arguing about a whole, because when you come in the room, I don't care where you're coming from, Yale or jail, or Park Avenue or Park Bend, or anywhere in between, when you bend down your head to come in that door, you're a drunk or alcoholic. We got one thing in kind, you know.

38:10

BB In page 31 in the book, we're not going to go through a whole bunch of, I don't want to go through a whole bunch of book stuff, but on page 31, it says alcoholics of our kind, and that's the problem, because a lot of people don't want to say, like you say on page 21, the real alcoholic. A lot of people don't want to be the real alcoholic. We come in cross-addicted, we come in addicted to crosses, we come in all kinds of stuff, you know. But, you know, I'm an addict, I'm polysolar, whatever, but my kind, they tell us, is of a kind. We of a kind.

38:59

BB What that mean is, we, just like humankind, we of a kind, you know. There's nothing, you know, you got the heavy drinker, you got the light drinker, all them people, they're not our kind, you know. And if you're a real alcoholic like me, that dude, that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, that guy that goes to bed at night, out his mind, and the first one up in the morning looking for a drink, you would think he would, him, well, he gonna sleep, the books say, he gonna sleep the clock around.

39:39

BB That's the guy that's up first thing in the morning, heading to the liquor store, you know, trying to get a drink. And that's the alcoholic of my kind, the real alcoholic, that real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you know. And it says us on page 31, alcoholics of our kind.

40:02

BB Not everybody wants to be our kind, and that's when it comes a problem. But what the first step says is, we admit it. You know, I used to be mad at y'all because when y'all would do the steps, I thought y'all was talking about me. But y'all didn't say nothing about me, y'all said we. Y'all was talking about yourself, but I was thinking you was talking about me, you know.

40:35

BB We turned out, you know, we made a decision, you understand what I'm saying? Y'all did, I hadn't done crap, but I was getting mad because I thought y'all was talking about me, you know. And the thing is, you know, y'all didn't start talking about me, you said, now if you want what we had, because I didn't have crap, you know. But in the first step, that's my hitching post. Whenever something go wrong in my life, my hitching post is the first step.

41:14

BB I'm an alcoholic, I got to remember my life unmanageable. So when people not, I feel people not treating me right, when I feel things on my job not going right, when I feel things in my family ain't right, when I feel like things in the community ain't right, you know, even in church when I feel it ain't right, the first thing I better look at is the fact that I'm an alcoholic and my life's unmanageable. Is that being threatened? You know, because I got to remember that, because I can be off, you know, I can be off and not know I'm off because the books say I'm delusional. And not only that, I got a lot of self-deception in me.

42:10

BB I could be walking around with holes in the back of my pants and my hindpots for hanging out and stuff. And I'll be looking at y'all, what's your problem? You know, what you looking at? What's your problem? You know, like there's nothing wrong with me.

42:31

BB And I need to come, that's why I got to keep coming back. It's because I got a built-in forgetter. My sponsor taught me that I got this tape recorder that every now and then goes on erase, you know. So every now and then I got to come back. So y'all got to tell me, get back on the skateboard, you fell off.

42:59

BB Because if I don't... if you don't tell me, I don't know because I can I can get comfortable off. Stop going to a meeting for a while. It gets comfortable. I don't miss you.

43:15

Moderator I like being isolated, but that's not me. That's the ism. That's the thing. So is there anything that I haven't any question that anything that you really enjoy talking about when you share a meeting stories that you like to tell that I haven't given you the opportunity to share this evening anything that's happened in your recovery that has just been a milestone for you or something some touchstone of recovery that's an important thing for you to share when you share in a meeting. I was when I was in a late you know because it changes you know you know I got 50 years or over 50 years going on 51 years of being sober that ain't counting drunk time you know and stuff I got some drunk time too so I couldn't tell you my story just like that's why they say we tell it in a general way we don't have to get picky but the last thing I would like to say if I had to tell you something the moral arc of the universe is long Martin Luther King said that Barack Obama said that but that's not where it comes from it comes from a little New England a guy back in 1850 named Theodore Parker he was a minister and he said the moral of the of arc of the universe is long you know he say but if but it'll always he believed it would always bend toward good you know but it takes us to bend it you know he believed that it's going to turn out good you know and that's what I like I was laying in the I've never been in that much pain in my life I don't remember I came home with the stroke and then I walked to the top of the steps and flipped off the top of the steps bones sticking out and all kinds of stuff so they took me back to the hospital everything everything hurt it's everything hurt on me you know I ain't never been up the hair on my head felt like it hurt and I ain't had none you know so I laid up in there in the dark and they rolled me over they tucked the pillows on me because they behind me so I wouldn't so I'd lay on my side because half of my throat it got paralyzed and if I had swallowed any juice saliva they think they was afraid I was gonna get pneumonia and I couldn't move anything and laying up in that dark I really didn't want to live like that I almost was hoping wishing I had died you know when I found out I don't know how long I'm gonna have to live like this that was a terrible feeling so I asked God you know if he if he could if he wanted to take me I'd go but if if I gotta stay here and live like this you know I'm gonna need you to take over this body and stuff because I can't I can't handle this I need you and like the next morning I saw my foot move you know and I know God just still with me and I just you know and all I got to do is stay in this process I just trust you know sometimes it ain't easy it's not easy when you see the police locking up your children and it's not easy when you got your hand on one of them handles carrying your mother to the graveyard and that's the best that's the best thing you ever had your life it's not easy you know I just thank God you know I just I stay in the process sometimes I get so mad that I've been mad with feel like you're gonna lose your mind but if you stay in the process I believe that it'll come out for you good I just believe that you know and it hurts sometimes you know it ain't easy sometimes when people treat you mean and stuff like it but and y'all done taught me that I gotta walk around with a code of love and tolerance you know and I really want to tell them just how I feel you know but y'all tell me I gotta show love and tolerance sometimes they take a little restraint you know sometimes sometimes I fail you know sometimes I fail you know but God knows I ain't cuss nobody out in a long time I raised my voice a little bit you know and I raised my voice a few weeks ago and came home and couldn't sleep had a nightmare just for raising my voice and I used to come home and I'd be mad because I think of something else I should have told you you know so things change I change not things but I change the world is the world you know but thank God for the change I'm not what I used to be if you don't like me now you should have met me when yeah well you know BB I am so glad you were willing to come over and do this what I'd like to do now is I'll take us off of spotlight and um and I'm going to ask the folks in the room that if they've got some thanks thanks Tim I'm going to ask the folks in the room that if you've got some questions for BB about being 50 plus years sober something you'd like him to to talk about if you just raise your digital hand and Keisha I see you got your hand up you want to come in and ask BB a question oh let me there you go thank you my name is Keisha I'm a recovering alcoholic grateful to come tonight I don't know who sent me this but it was wonderful to hear you BB and one of the things that shouted at me is what you said that I'm an old timer now and I have 39 years of sobriety and I stayed in the rooms and I am so grateful here's my question to you because you talk so much about turning to a higher power how has your sobriety impacted your family well a lot of times when I I'm gonna tell you something I always thought I was the black sheep as a matter of fact I kind of knew I would but um when I um when my mother passed my sisters and brothers look and I'm not the oldest and they look to me because it's been a while ago they look to me to kind of make the decisions for the family and a lot of times now um they when we could have some have something they'll ask me to pray and stuff like that you know that they they know the difference in me you know um I'm I'm just not that way anymore you know I don't look like what I've been through so the young songwriters say you know I look at when I'm in the meetings now I look around at the people in the meetings and and I know people that go my own room and stuff people that know me know I say this all the time the folks look so good and stuff that you just don't look like what you've been through you know when I hear this people's story and stuff it's like it's amazing you know it's amazing you know I mean we done done some stuff you know turn over cars get shot go to jail and run over our own self you know and stuff and we look good man I'm telling you and you know I was with somebody told me the other day man you know so-and-so just told me he 89 going on or 79 going on 80 a fellow friend of mine just told me that the other day because a lot of us don't even look at our age and stuff you know amen marty would you like to come in and ask bb a question yes uh thank you for your uh being the interviewer too did a good job bb uh by the grace marty by the grace of a loving god this fellowship i'm sober too also like the woman before me april i have 39 years i just a short go ahead a short question liz rogers regular name were you friendly with it did you know her in baltimore maryland liz rogers liz rogers i wouldn't know nobody about rogers okay all right that that was really it like oh yeah all right i'm gonna let that go thanks marty miss may i'm gonna ask you to unmute and come in and ask our friend bb a question oh my goodness bb what a blessing what a blessing you know there is a song that is resonate with me today bb and that is when i think of the dirty dozen this song says who's gonna tell them who's gonna tell them that's what i think of the dirty dozen and the question i have for you as you knew i knew your sponsor very well very well and how did you respond the first time your sponsor said to you i'll tell you what and reach out your i tell you what we're gonna do and reached out his hand for you and prayed with you uh let me tell you you know how me and t was um um that guy had a way of um i don't know he had a way he was sit with you and talk with you and you'd be he had me laughing and you'd be feeling all good and you go home about two weeks later you say he was talking about me you know what i'm saying he had a way of doing it you didn't know it you know he had a way but you know but when he said come on let us pray and stuff like that there was a seriousness about him you know when he get like that you know but still you know miss may out of 40 some years and all you know i told him i made him i made him a good sponsor he's uh he's been to jail he's been to the nut house he's been all through things with me you know i took him through everything a sponsor could to go through you know sitting in the courtroom and all that stuff you know and um you know but he never i've never felt i've never even felt like he looked down on me i never even felt that he just he was so bright he so light you know that stuff um it was just sheer you know and and you know and that's what i look for in people you know he always looked for the good in folk you know and so he could make friends with anybody you know just miss me uh uh sis jerry we're going to ask you to uh turn on your video we are going to ask people to turn on their videos before we invite you to unmute would you like to come in and and ask bb a question yes i'm first of all i want to say thank you penny for bringing bb on and thank you bb for being willing and able you know this program is so good god does for us what we couldn't do for ourselves getting us into these rooms and hearing you tonight you know you know it's like i was back there in 77 when when god tried to get me in here and through the grace of god he laid me down in icu in 81 and uh and put me in you guys hands right in the hospital and i've been here ever since and uh august the 8th this year i continue to live and don't die i'll be 45 come on you know what a blatant blessing and i felt your pain i i felt the suffering you know as we get older we we're aging in sobriety going through physical you know retirement this come up that come up with the kids so i felt your truths and i you know and i'm just so appreciate a recovery history tweaker anyway since the the pandemic i've been on here off and on and you a real treat tonight sharing your your your truths and experience with us because i definitely can relate and my question is how many people have you sponsored or are you still sponsoring uh people and thank you so much god bless you yes i do um i think it's a honor when you get to be friends because i know my people i tell them we we're going to sponsor each other you know i don't get too sober where i can't nobody tell me nothing you know and stuff like all you have to do is follow me around you'd be wondering he got 50 years you know and stuff like that you know because i still need some work you know um but yeah i got some folk on here now i work with but you know what i thought about today that touched my heart see i came in real young 22 i was kind of young they got real young now i went to a young people who meet them when the young people meet now the young he was 39 and i went to um one young spoke at a young people meet not too long ago and and they were so little they could sit in them little chairs with their legs folded and they i was looking down there looking at me like i was a dinosaur or something you know and stuff you know you know and i think about all the guys that i travel with you know they gone even the the ones a lot of the one i had about three or four passed away right in the road you know and um you become friends you know you become friends with those people and if you don't and i would have to tell you i'm i'm inhuman if i say i didn't feel something i know some people that were years older i don't feel i don't know how you do that don't don't care about people you know i mean my heart you know get tired up because i like people you know program teach me to love now i don't like everything you do don't get me wrong you know i get i roll my eyes at you and everything else too you know but i love people you know and whether i like you or not one thing i love you can't stop me from loving you if i see you need i'm gonna try to help you thank you thank you do best i can uh jaded sky you want to come in and ask bb a question yes linda grateful alcoholic i'm from baltimore i'm from over east but i live over west and um if you know from baltimore that's how we say it but you hear me i'm from and i am just so grateful to hear you speak i just my first time sharing locally was at the chip house and i just wanted to know if you know about the chip house and like any history about the chip house and i just an 857 club um i just the chip house is like the oldest off the street um take a bed um aa still going every day they have a meeting at seven o'clock so um i just wanted to know if you knew like what any history or experience there because i'm so proud of it yeah chip house used to always have um um what we um on christmas and new year's they would have the um alcoholic farms and i can remember spending the night at the chip house you know falling asleep and waking up we still talking and stuff like that i was up there i was on my way up there one night and it's snowstorm and i saw this red monocot on a tote on a tote bag of a tow truck now stay with me and i'm like that car looks for me i said that's my i said i think my brother's car but that can't be his car he in dc you know and stuff like that it was his car he had come up there got dropped and wrecked his car and i passed him i was on my way to the chip house and i passed him out there in the snow you know that's a story but that's how i can remember that about the chip house and stuff like that yeah he wrecked this car they got dropped wrecked this car while i was on my way to the chip house to one of them alcoholic farm on new year's day yeah yeah that's a great story okay i don't know your name but galaxy would you like to come in and ask uh ask bb a question can you unmute there you go okay my name is tina and i'm definitely an alcoholic yes you did yeah we got the same anniversary date yes yes yeah yeah so i said i had somebody sent it to me so i had to get out here how you doing young lady i am so grateful you ain't still chasing all them minutes i am so grateful I'm 55 and you're 50.

64:56

BB I'm man we we drink a lot of coffee together in 4021. Amen. Amen. So I am so grateful and I have to do the same thing you were doing on the 18th. Didn't I?

65:11

BB Okay. But we didn't have it like this when I come in. We didn't babysit people when I came in. We didn't do that. They make you get on your own and teach you how to live.

65:28

BB And I love that. Teach you how to live. And I'm so grateful. And my name is Tina, but I don't know where that that come up. But they call me Miss Tina.

65:42

BB So I am grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Good to see you. I think this shut up because this program is so great.

65:52

BB Well, Miss Tina, we're really glad you were here. Thank you for coming. And I'm going to get your contact information from BB and maybe we'll get to do this with you. Butchie is that Butchie D. OK, it didn't let me in at first.

66:12

BB My name is Butchie and I'm an alcoholic. And I've been knowing this rotten man for 40 some years. Real quick, before I ask the question, I'm going to have him die laughing. I was going to ask the question about Picnic Street, but I'm not going to mess you up with that. But the counselor, June 15th of 1983.

66:38

BB That's when I came in this program. About 28 days later, about three weeks later, they called this man up and told him I'm sending him. I'm sending a man up there to you. I want you to look out for him. And he never told me this about four or five years later.

67:01

BB He said, man, Miss Joby Hill told me that to keep an eye on you. It made me a dirty dozen. And I thank God for these guys. These guys saved my life. And I'm almost touching myself because this man has been my friend.

67:20

BB I've been knowing him. I asked him to be a sponsor. Rob, I called him up one night. My sponsor got drunk. The guy who sponsored me for about three, four years, he got drunk.

67:35

BB And I was looking around for to get a sponsor. I was too ashamed to go to him. So I called him up on the phone. I said, B.B., you're my sponsor. And that's that.

67:51

BB And I hung up on him. And he's been my sponsor ever since. But more than a sponsor, he's been my friend. My wife had Alzheimer's, the beginning stage of Alzheimer's. I came over his house and I was hurt.

68:09

BB I said, man, I'm hurting, man. He said, you're supposed to be hurting. You're sober. And that was it. And then he kicked me out.

68:21

BB I said, man, he said nothing else. But this man, if you call him, I don't care how sick he is. He's going to show up. He's going to show up. And that's what we have to do.

68:38

BB All these guys, the next people that you see, there's a part of this man here. We go out and help people. If you call me from California and I'm going to find a way to get there. That's what we do because we love this program. We don't teach it.

69:01

BB I don't know where this new stuff come from. They didn't tell me. I was one of the guys who went to the crazy house on Wednesday night to talk to the psychiatrist. And I'm going to close with this. I went to him.

69:21

Moderator Here's the question I'm asking. I went to him. I said, I talked to the psychiatrist and he said, well, how much money did you have in your pocket? I said, I had a little bit of money. He said, go back to him and talk to me next time when you ain't got no money.

69:45

Moderator That's the question I ask you. Why do you keep asking me these questions and don't give me no answer? Well, a lot of times I got that from my spot. You have to figure it out. On my 40th anniversary, he gave me a chip in a bag, so I never looked at it.

70:09

BB And I just put it in my pocket, walking around with that bag in my pocket. About three weeks later, I want to see my chip. I looked at it. It was an Al-Anon chip. Thank you.

70:24

BB Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for being here. And now this is going to be the last one for this evening. But thank you, everybody, for participating. Robert, do you want to come in and do you have a question for me?

70:43

BB Yes. My name is Robert T. I'm a great from becoming an alcoholic. I just found out at the going to the back to basic thing that Rob sent you there. I was always.

70:58

Moderator Why are we always over here? We learned a lot. You know, I've I've learned that since since Rob died, I asked you to be my sponsor. But one thing about him was this. When his grandson got killed, he asked 30 dozens to come to Maryland, Baltimore.

71:18

Moderator That's the first time I met you. And from that day to this day, you know, we've been rolling together, doing a lot of positive things. And I love how you say by you being someone that your family looks up to when tragedy happens, you know, and that comes by attraction rather than promotion. Just keep what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing, brother.

71:47

BB Thanks for letting me hang out with you. Thanks, man. Thanks for sharing. Yeah. Penny, let me say this before I go.

71:56

BB Because, you know, real quick, you know. When the family would have something like Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Because of the way I was, they would send my plate out in the alleys. They would send somebody to find me in one of the alleys because they didn't want me to come to the house, you know. And I would eat my Thanksgiving dinner in the cold somewhere by myself unless I was with one of the boys putting some money together for something, you know.

72:32

BB So it's a big difference, you know. They get mad with me now if I don't come when they have something, you know, and stuff. My sister, she wanted me to have, was a little upset because I didn't have dinner with her son, you know. She wanted me to go out with her for dinner, you know. Them people used to be the ones that turn the shades down and turn out the light.

73:05

Moderator And you hear them say, shh, act like we're not home, you know. Thank you, Penny. Good to see you, Sherry. You know, I want to thank you all. Before I turn this back over to Tim, I want to thank you all for being here this evening.

73:25

BB And B.B., thank you so much for being willing to try something just a little bit different. And I hope you had fun with it. I know that a lot of people here enjoyed hearing you share. And so I'm going to invite you all to unmute and come in and thank B.B. for sharing with us this evening.

73:51

BB And then we'll close it up. Thank you, B.B. Thank you. Thank you, B.B. Thank you so much.

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