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[00:00:00.860 – 00:00:04.420] As a kid growing up, I had that emotional problem. [00:00:04.420 – 00:00:13.000] And one night, somebody gave me that drink of moonshine whiskey, and immediately those f- problems disappeared. [00:00:13.000 – 00:00:22.820] And that great, exciting, in control feeling came over me, and I was allowed to ask that girl to dance, take her home, and get in the backseat of that '36 Chevrolet. [00:00:22.820 – 00:00:26.300] It answered my problem that night. [00:00:26.300 – 00:00:30.920] My mind immediately recorded what it did for me. [00:00:30.920 – 00:00:40.960] The next time I got into a solution where I didn't feel right, things were not right, my mind said, "If you could find a drink, you'd feel better." And I found a drink of [00:00:40.960 – 00:00:43.700] whiskey and, uh, God, the magic happened a second time.

[00:00:43.700 – 00:00:50.780] In other words, alcohol became the solution to my emotional problems. [00:00:50.780 – 00:00:58.220] Now, if I had been non-alcoholic and that worked for me, that would've been great. [00:00:58.220 – 00:01:02.520] But I also had that physical allergy over there on that side. [00:01:02.520 – 00:01:12.940] And when I had the problem and I used the solution, it, it sure enough made me feel better, but also it triggered the allergy, [00:01:12.940 – 00:01:17.140] and I would drink more than I intended to drink, and I would end up drunk. [00:01:17.140 – 00:01:25.280] And I would repeat that cycle over and over and over and over and over again. [00:01:25.280 – 00:01:35.280] The mind causing me to drink, the allergy causing me to get drunk, the emotions after coming off

[00:01:35.280 – 00:01:41.680] the drunk to feed the mind caused me to drink, and the drink then would trigger the allergy. [00:01:41.680 – 00:01:48.660] And as time went by, it got worse and worse and worse because this is a progressive illness. [00:01:48.660 – 00:01:52.320] The drinking would become harder and harder. [00:01:52.320 – 00:01:54.430] The trouble would become more and more. [00:01:54.430 – 00:01:58.880] The restlessness, irritability, guilt, remorse became more and more. [00:01:58.880 – 00:02:04.520] The emotions became worse and worse to trigger the idea of taking the first drink. [00:02:04.520 – 00:02:08.259] The mind destroying the body and the body destroying the mind.

[00:02:08.259 – 00:02:18.260] Now, somewhere down the line, I said to myself one day, "Charlie, you're gonna have to do something about your drinking." Now, I didn't [00:02:18.260 – 00:02:28.380] say, "You're gonna quit drinking." I said, "You're gonna have to do something about your drinking." So the first thing we alcoholics do to do something about our drinking is we decide [00:02:28.380 – 00:02:30.460] we're gonna control our drinking while drinking. [00:02:30.460 – 00:02:34.500] Tonight, we're just gonna have two beers. [00:02:34.500 – 00:02:35.890] Oh. [00:02:35.890 – 00:02:37.400] We're just gonna have two drinks. [00:02:37.400 – 00:02:42.300] Go to the liquor store and buy a half a pint 'cause nobody can get drunk on a half a pint.

[00:02:42.300 – 00:02:47.860] And I spent three or four or five, six years trying to control my drinking while drinking. [00:02:47.860 – 00:02:51.480] Anybody in here ever try to control your drinking while drinking? [00:02:51.480 – 00:02:52.769] Yeah. [00:02:52.769 – 00:02:57.020] Well, now I can see why that would not work because of the allergy. [00:02:57.020 – 00:03:07.440] Now, after four, five, six years of trying to control my drinking while drinking, I said to myself one day, "Charlie, I don't believe you can drink anymore." Took me a long [00:03:07.440 – 00:03:16.600] time to realize it, but I said, "I don't believe you can drink anymore." So what do we alcoholics do when we finally decide we can't drink anymore? [00:03:16.600 – 00:03:19.940] We trot out the most useful tool we have.

[00:03:19.940 – 00:03:25.200] We put it right there, and it's called willpower. [00:03:25.200 – 00:03:30.360] And we say, "Sic 'em, will." We're through with that drinking. [00:03:30.360 – 00:03:32.540] We'll never take another drink as long as we live. [00:03:32.540 – 00:03:43.260] Now, believe me, you people that are non, that are non-alcoholic, when we say we're going to quit drinking, [00:03:43.260 – 00:03:45.580] that is exactly what we intend to do. [00:03:45.580 – 00:03:49.660] You see, we are strong-will people. [00:03:49.660 – 00:03:59.800] We can use our willpower to handle all other problems, and we assume that we can use willpower here, and we really intend

[00:03:59.800 – 00:04:00.640] to quit drinking. [00:04:00.640 – 00:04:07.780] Now, as the days went by, I haven't done anything about my emotions, by the way. [00:04:07.780 – 00:04:08.859] I would just quit drinking. [00:04:08.859 – 00:04:14.030] And as the days go by, these emotions begin to build up. [00:04:14.030 – 00:04:23.440] The fear, the guilt, the remorse, the shame, the worry, the depression becomes worse and worse. [00:04:23.440 – 00:04:26.720] Now, it's not the big things in life that kill us. [00:04:26.720 – 00:04:33.220] It's the things that all people have to go through on a daily basis in life.

[00:04:33.220 – 00:04:37.160] It's getting up every damn morning and going to work. [00:04:37.160 – 00:04:40.120] It's a bitching wife. [00:04:40.120 – 00:04:43.320] It's a griping husband. [00:04:43.320 – 00:04:45.720] It's screaming kids. [00:04:45.720 – 00:04:48.040] It's burnt bacon. [00:04:48.040 – 00:04:51.380] It's broken shoestrings. [00:04:51.380 – 00:04:53.200] It's flat tires.

[00:04:53.200 – 00:04:59.060] All the things that everybody has to go through, and these emotions start building up. [00:04:59.060 – 00:05:09.420] Now, after a while, the mind says, "A drink would make you feel better." But remember, I put willpower in here, [00:05:09.420 – 00:05:12.100] and willpower said, "No, siree, we're not gonna drink. [00:05:12.100 – 00:05:15.840] We've quit." And that day we don't drink. [00:05:15.840 – 00:05:26.540] The next day, the emotions are still here, and they're building up a little higher and a little higher and a little higher, and it said, "God, a drink would make me feel good." And [00:05:26.540 – 00:05:28.700] the mind said, "No, siree, we've quit drinking. [00:05:28.700 – 00:05:38.880] We ain't never gonna drink again." The next day, the emotions are still here, and they're building up a little higher and a little higher, and the mind begins to say, "Well, hell, you've been sober

[00:05:38.880 – 00:05:43.080] 90 days." You've proven you're not an alcoholic. [00:05:43.080 – 00:05:45.840] One drink wouldn't hurt anybody. [00:05:45.840 – 00:05:48.580] And the mind said, "No, we're not gonna do that. [00:05:48.580 – 00:05:49.600] We've quit drinking. [00:05:49.600 – 00:05:59.800] Hell, we've sworn off we'll never take another drink." The next day, the emotions are still here, and they're building up higher and higher, and the mind said, "By golly, anybody who's been sober 92 days [00:05:59.800 – 00:06:10.196] owes themself a drink." And we begin to think about that great, exciting, in-control feeling that comes with one or two drinks. [00:06:10.196 – 00:06:13.766] We begin to think about the sense of ease and comfort, as Dr.

[00:06:13.766 – 00:06:15.156] Silkworth talks about here. [00:06:15.156 – 00:06:25.236] And as we begin to think about what alcohol's gonna do for us, it begins to push out the idea of what it does to us, and we begin to forget [00:06:25.236 – 00:06:26.056] the jailhouse. [00:06:26.056 – 00:06:29.476] We begin to forget, we forget the last car wreck. [00:06:29.476 – 00:06:39.076] We forget the divorce courts and the hospitalization, and the mind begins to key in on one thing and one thing only: what it's gonna do for us. [00:06:39.076 – 00:06:45.196] Then when the desire to drink comes, willpower is no longer there. [00:06:45.196 – 00:06:51.696] Because you see, the only time willpower is there is when the mind sees something wrong with what it wants to do.

[00:06:51.696 – 00:06:56.616] And just before we drink, we don't see anything wrong with drinking. [00:06:56.616 – 00:06:57.665] Mm-hmm. [00:06:57.665 – 00:07:00.056] Willpower becomes nonexistent. [00:07:00.056 – 00:07:00.976] We take the drink. [00:07:00.976 – 00:07:03.136] We trigger the allergy. [00:07:03.136 – 00:07:05.276] We go through the well-known stages of a spree. [00:07:05.276 – 00:07:09.535] We emerge remorseful with a firm resolution not to do this again.

[00:07:09.535 – 00:07:10.456] That's all. [00:07:10.456 – 00:07:14.596] And we repeat that cycle over and over and over. [00:07:14.596 – 00:07:19.896] The mind, the body, destroying the body over here. [00:07:19.896 – 00:07:23.876] The mind over here causing us to drink more and more. [00:07:23.876 – 00:07:34.536] And if you can't safely drink because of the body, and if you can't quit because of the mind, then you've become absolutely powerless over alcohol, [00:07:34.536 – 00:07:35.556] and that's our problem. [00:07:35.556 – 00:07:41.716] Now, if you're gonna, if you're gonna solve a problem, you gotta be able to attack it somewhere.

[00:07:41.716 – 00:07:45.076] I can't attack it over here. [00:07:45.076 – 00:07:47.136] Can't do nothing about that. [00:07:47.136 – 00:07:49.816] Maybe I can attack it over here. [00:07:49.816 – 00:07:57.776] If I could find a way to live where I could be sober and not be restless, irritable, and discontented. [00:07:57.776 – 00:08:03.876] If I could find a way to live where I could be sober and not be filled with shame, fear, guilt, and remorse. [00:08:03.876 – 00:08:11.716] Just maybe I could find a way to live where I could have peace of mind, serenity, and happiness. [00:08:11.716 – 00:08:20.376] Maybe I could find a way to live where I could be sober and have that great sense of ease and comfort that come at once by taking a couple of drinks.

[00:08:20.376 – 00:08:30.736] Maybe I could find a way to live where I don't need to take a drink in order to make me feel better, and that's called recovery. [00:08:30.736 – 00:08:40.896] As we use our program, as we go through the steps, these kind of feelings down here begin to disappear, and [00:08:40.896 – 00:08:45.756] they begin to be replaced with peace of mind, serenity, and happiness. [00:08:45.756 – 00:08:55.976] And under those conditions, our emotions do not build up to the level that suggests we take a drink to feel better because we already [00:08:55.976 – 00:08:56.556] feel better. [00:08:56.556 – 00:09:01.376] That's what the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous do for us. [00:09:01.376 – 00:09:05.016] Fellowship alone will not bring that about.

[00:09:05.016 – 00:09:07.016] The program will. [00:09:07.016 – 00:09:10.236] Let's read the very next statement in the big book. [00:09:10.236 – 00:09:20.276] And it says, "On the other hand, and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand, once the psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so [00:09:20.276 – 00:09:30.296] many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple [00:09:30.296 – 00:09:35.296] rules." And as Charlie said, those few simple rules are the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. [00:09:35.296 – 00:09:45.356] And our book says that in the Twelve and Twelve, if practiced as a way of life, will accept– will expel the obsession to drink and make the person happily and usefully whole, and that [00:09:45.356 – 00:09:46.536] is called recovery.

[00:09:46.536 – 00:09:49.976] And that's exactly what the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is all about.