Listen to Audio Recording

[00:00:00.900 – 00:00:03.620] And the word craving is very, very important. [00:00:03.620 – 00:00:13.720] You know, I hear people today say, "Well, I came to AA, and I craved a drink for four years." No, in the context of the Big Book, that's the wrong use of the word craving. [00:00:13.720 – 00:00:17.680] They might have needed a drink, wanted a drink, desired a drink. [00:00:17.680 – 00:00:23.780] The only way an alcoholic can crave alcohol is to first put it in the body. [00:00:23.780 – 00:00:30.100] Then the physical craving develops, and then we can't stop, and we end up drunk. [00:00:30.100 – 00:00:39.520] So in the recovery section of the book, when you see the word craving, it's always referring to the body, never to the mind. [00:00:39.520 – 00:00:42.440] We'll use the word obsession for the mind.

[00:00:42.440 – 00:00:45.160] The word craving is for the body. [00:00:45.160 – 00:00:55.460] Now, he goes on a little further over on Roman numeral XXVIII, and he talks about five different kinds of drinkers. [00:00:55.460 – 00:01:02.120] Then he drives this idea of the phenomenon of craving home being an allergy one more time. [00:01:02.120 – 00:01:03.520] Let's look at these five drinkers. [00:01:03.520 – 00:01:07.120] He said, "The classification of alcoholics," that's on Roman numeral page 28. [00:01:07.120 – 00:01:16.660] "The classification of alcoholics seems most difficult, and in much detail is outside the scope of this book." He said, "There are, of course, the psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. [00:01:16.660 – 00:01:19.120] We're all familiar with this type.

[00:01:19.120 – 00:01:26.320] They're always going on the wagon for keeps, and they are over-remorseful and make many resolutions but never a decision." And we call that type one. [00:01:26.320 – 00:01:30.380] There is a type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. [00:01:30.380 – 00:01:32.660] He plans various ways of drinking. [00:01:32.660 – 00:01:34.520] He changes his brand or his environment. [00:01:34.520 – 00:01:35.440] That's type two. [00:01:35.440 – 00:01:42.460] There is a type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time, he can take a drink without danger. [00:01:42.460 – 00:01:43.160] Type three.

[00:01:43.160 – 00:01:50.380] There is a manic-depressive type who is perhaps the least understood by his friends and about whom a whole chapter could be written. [00:01:50.380 – 00:01:51.620] That's type four. [00:01:51.620 – 00:01:54.220] And I always thought I was the next one, type five. [00:01:54.220 – 00:02:01.240] He said, "Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect that alcohol has upon them. [00:02:01.240 – 00:02:04.930] They're often able, intelligent, and friendly people." God, I like that. [00:02:04.930 – 00:02:05.540] Wasn't that great? [00:02:05.540 – 00:02:08.460] Any more type fives in the room tonight?

[00:02:08.460 – 00:02:10.100] Yeah, a whole bunch of you. [00:02:10.100 – 00:02:14.740] Now he makes his point one more time. [00:02:14.740 – 00:02:19.960] All these and many others have one symptom in common. [00:02:19.960 – 00:02:24.020] They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. [00:02:24.020 – 00:02:32.440] This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity. [00:02:32.440 – 00:02:37.260] It has never been, by any treatment which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. [00:02:37.260 – 00:02:40.860] The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

[00:02:40.860 – 00:02:49.840] Now, I think what he said is this, that if all we alcoholics in this room tonight should take a drink, God forbid that happen. [00:02:49.840 – 00:02:51.690] Ooh. [00:02:51.690 – 00:02:51.710] Whoo. [00:02:51.710 – 00:02:55.820] But if we did, we would not all react just exactly the same. [00:02:55.820 – 00:03:05.829] In just a little bit, one of us would be crying in our beer, «Oh, boo-hoo-hoo-hoo, the world's not treating me right.» In just a little bit, one of them will be up here on this stage hooping and hollering and [00:03:05.829 – 00:03:08.240] dancing and cutting up and having a hell of a good time. [00:03:08.240 – 00:03:13.280] In just a little bit, there'll be two over in that corner getting in a fight, just sure as anything.

[00:03:13.280 – 00:03:17.080] Look over here, there'll be a couple, one putting the make on the other. [00:03:17.080 – 00:03:18.799] We tend to do that, too, when we drink. [00:03:18.799 – 00:03:21.540] We would do many different things. [00:03:21.540 – 00:03:26.260] But if we're a real alcoholic, there's one thing that every one of us would do. [00:03:26.260 – 00:03:28.700] We would start looking for a second drink. [00:03:28.700 – 00:03:29.990] Yeah. [00:03:29.990 – 00:03:32.060] The phenomenon of craving has taken over now.

[00:03:32.060 – 00:03:42.100] The allergy has manifested itself, and now when we can't stop, we gotta have a third drink and a fourth and a fifth and a sixth and an eighth and a tenth and on and on till we're drunk, sick, and in all [00:03:42.100 – 00:03:42.840] kinds of trouble. [00:03:42.840 – 00:03:49.140] Now, it really doesn't make any difference whether we're born with it or whether we drank ourselves into it. [00:03:49.140 – 00:03:51.280] I was born with it, I'm sure. [00:03:51.280 – 00:03:56.570] First drink I took at age 14, the allergy presented itself that night, and I got drunk. [00:03:56.570 – 00:03:58.740] Every time I drank, I got drunk. [00:03:58.740 – 00:04:00.500] I drank 26 years.

[00:04:00.500 – 00:04:05.060] I don't ever remember taking one drink of anything that had alcohol in it. [00:04:05.060 – 00:04:08.780] It always led to two to three to six to eight to 10 and et cetera. [00:04:08.780 – 00:04:12.640] Some of you, I'm sure, drank with safety for several years. [00:04:12.640 – 00:04:21.100] But somewhere you crossed the line, and the same thing began to happen to you after several years of drinking that happened to me from the very beginning. [00:04:21.100 – 00:04:22.260] But what difference does it make? [00:04:22.260 – 00:04:24.400] The fact is that's the way we are tonight. [00:04:24.400 – 00:04:31.340] I know that's the way we are tonight, too, because if we were not that way tonight, we wouldn't be in this room tonight.

[00:04:31.340 – 00:04:34.780] If you and I could drink without getting drunk, where would we be? [00:04:34.780 – 00:04:36.110] At home. [00:04:36.110 – 00:04:38.020] We'd be out there drinking without getting drunk. [00:04:38.020 – 00:04:39.320] But you see, we can't do that. [00:04:39.320 – 00:04:47.500] That's what we've got in common in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, is we can't drink without getting drunk. [00:04:47.500 – 00:04:53.740] Now, back in the 1930s, this was the doctor's opinion. [00:04:53.740 – 00:04:57.600] In the 1930s, they knew very little about metabolism.

[00:04:57.600 – 00:05:00.539] Today, they know lots about metabolism. [00:05:00.539 – 00:05:09.820] Today, they know that if you put anything in your system, such as a piece of bread or a piece of beefsteak, that the mind and body recognizes what that is. [00:05:09.820 – 00:05:15.660] Certain organs of the body begin to produce some things called enzymes. [00:05:15.660 – 00:05:22.200] They attack that food and begin to break it down and separate it into usable and non-usable items. [00:05:22.200 – 00:05:27.980] What the body can use, such as the proteins, the amino acids, the vitamins, the body will retain. [00:05:27.980 – 00:05:31.780] What it can't use, it will dissipate through the urinary and intestinal tract. [00:05:31.780 – 00:05:33.120] They call that metabolism.

[00:05:33.120 – 00:05:41.160] Today, they have proven that the doctor's opinion is no longer just an opinion. [00:05:41.160 – 00:05:42.660] It's actual truth. [00:05:42.660 – 00:05:50.220] Now, we're going to look at a little picture here for just a minute, and I want to stress that this is not AA information. [00:05:50.220 – 00:05:55.500] AA won't get involved into why we're allergic because that might bring controversy. [00:05:55.500 – 00:06:05.756] But this information presented to us a few years ago by members of the medical profession Is so interesting [00:06:05.756 – 00:06:10.836] and has such depth and meaning for people like us, I think we would be remiss if we didn't look at it. [00:06:10.836 – 00:06:12.916] So let's look at it for just a moment.

[00:06:12.916 – 00:06:17.295] In the center of that picture, there's nine people there that drink safely. [00:06:17.295 – 00:06:19.556] They are at ease with alcohol. [00:06:19.556 – 00:06:29.796] They take a drink or two, the mind and body senses it, the enzyme production starts, and the enzyme that attacks the alcohol breaks it down into acetaldehyde, [00:06:29.796 – 00:06:34.776] then to diacetic acid, then to acetone. [00:06:34.776 – 00:06:40.795] In the final stages, it becomes a simple carbohydrate made up of water, sugar, and carbon dioxide. [00:06:40.795 – 00:06:45.576] The water will be dissipated through the urinary intestinal tract. [00:06:45.576 – 00:06:51.136] The sugar is calories, energy, empty calories.

[00:06:51.136 – 00:06:55.416] None of the amino acids, none of the vitamins, but a form of energy. [00:06:55.416 – 00:07:00.396] The body will burn them and store the excess to be as fat to be used at a later date. [00:07:00.396 – 00:07:04.036] The carbon dioxide will be dissipated through the lungs. [00:07:04.036 – 00:07:09.816] In the normal social drinker, this takes place at the rate of approximately one ounce per hour. [00:07:09.816 – 00:07:14.456] Now, I know it'll vary with different people, but the average is one ounce per hour. [00:07:14.456 – 00:07:18.476] And if they don't drink more than an ounce per hour, they can't get drunk. [00:07:18.476 – 00:07:24.236] Their body metabolizes it and burns it up and gets rid of it at that rate.

[00:07:24.236 – 00:07:30.896] Very seldom do you see a social drinker drinking more than an ounce per hour. [00:07:30.896 – 00:07:39.116] If you're with one of them and they're drinking more than an ounce per hour, you better get out of the way- -because they're going to puke on you after a while. [00:07:39.116 – 00:07:44.776] They'll either go to sleep or they'll puke on you, one of the two every time. [00:07:44.776 – 00:07:51.836] The left-hand side is the one who does not drink safely or is at dis-ease with alcohol. [00:07:51.836 – 00:07:56.956] And if you want to use the word disease, that's all it means, something that separates you from the norm. [00:07:56.956 – 00:08:00.896] We alcoholics put it in our body, the same thing happens. [00:08:00.896 – 00:08:08.736] The enzymes attack the alcohol, break it down to acetaldehyde, then to diacetic acid, then to acetone.

[00:08:08.736 – 00:08:18.736] It seems as though in our bodies, the enzymes necessary to complete the metabolism, breaking it ta– breaking it down [00:08:18.736 – 00:08:27.616] from acetone to the simple carbohydrate, are not there in the same qualities and/or quantities as they are in the body of the non- non-alcoholic. [00:08:27.616 – 00:08:32.756] Therefore, it stays in our body for a longer period of time as acetone. [00:08:32.756 – 00:08:43.436] It is proven today that acetone ingested into the human system that remains there for an appreciable period of time will produce an actual physical [00:08:43.436 – 00:08:45.156] craving for more of the same. [00:08:45.156 – 00:08:50.416] The non-alcoholic's body, it goes through that stage so rapidly the craving never occurs. [00:08:50.416 – 00:08:56.996] In our body, it stays there long enough, the craving develops, and that demands a second drink.

[00:08:56.996 – 00:09:03.536] Now just think, you got most of the acetone from the first, now you put that in from the second. [00:09:03.536 – 00:09:07.016] The acetone level goes up. [00:09:07.016 – 00:09:11.596] And if the acetone's what causes the craving, then the craving becomes harder with the second drink. [00:09:11.596 – 00:09:13.716] Now you put in the third. [00:09:13.716 – 00:09:20.476] You got most of the first, nearly all the second, now you put in the acetone from the third, and the craving goes up. [00:09:20.476 – 00:09:22.516] And that demands a fourth. [00:09:22.516 – 00:09:31.556] You got most of the first, nearly all the second, that from the third, now you put in the acetone from the fourth, and as the acetone level increases, the craving becomes harder.

[00:09:31.556 – 00:09:34.936] At midnight, we're laying out in the parking lot. [00:09:34.936 – 00:09:38.796] They run over us and broken our leg. [00:09:38.796 – 00:09:48.965] And they come running up to us and say, "Can we help you?" And we say, "My God, yes, give me another drink." You see, we're craving it harder at midnight after thirty drinks [00:09:48.965 – 00:09:51.506] than we were at six in the evening after two drinks. [00:09:51.506 – 00:09:54.576] That explains to me why I never got enough. [00:09:54.576 – 00:09:55.996] Hell, I drank twenty-six years. [00:09:55.996 – 00:09:58.156] I never did get all the alcohol I wanted.

[00:09:58.156 – 00:10:04.776] I got a hell of a lot more than I needed, more than I could stand, but I never got all I wanted. [00:10:04.776 – 00:10:12.796] 'Cause the more you drink, the higher the craving, the higher the craving, the more you want, the more you want, and you just– it's just endless. [00:10:12.796 – 00:10:19.376] Now, if this never got any worse, we could probably learn to live with this situation. [00:10:19.376 – 00:10:26.896] But we know not only do we have an illness, we have a progressive illness that always gets worse and never better. [00:10:26.896 – 00:10:35.816] Today, we know that as we drink, the more we drink, the longer we drink, the more tissue we destroy. [00:10:35.816 – 00:10:38.576] Alcohol is a destroyer of human tissue. [00:10:38.576 – 00:10:48.516] And the more tissue we destroy, it seems as though that it acts upon two organs of the body first, which are the liver and the pancreas.

[00:10:48.516 – 00:10:58.216] Now, today, we know that the organs of the body that produce the enzymes necessary to metabolize alcohol are the liver and the pancreas. [00:10:58.216 – 00:11:04.336] And as we drink and as we damage them, the enzyme production becomes less and less. [00:11:04.336 – 00:11:11.396] The craving becomes harder and harder, with the resultant drinking becoming worse and worse. [00:11:11.396 – 00:11:17.256] We know also that the body begins to shut down on the production of everything as we get older. [00:11:17.256 – 00:11:20.736] Now, I wish that were not true, but believe me, it is. [00:11:20.736 – 00:11:22.356] I'm experiencing lots of that. [00:11:22.356 – 00:11:30.736] If I should take a drink today after twenty-some-odd years of sobriety, I wouldn't start where I left off twenty-some-odd years ago.

[00:11:30.736 – 00:11:38.096] The craving would be harder, the drinking would be harder, and the resultant trouble would be harder due to the aging factor. [00:11:38.096 – 00:11:48.116] So not only do we have a physical illness, we have a progressive physical illness due to two factors, damage to the body and also due to the aging [00:11:48.116 – 00:11:48.736] factor. [00:11:48.736 – 00:11:56.636] Now that I see that, I can accept the fact that I can no longer successfully drink alcohol. [00:11:56.636 – 00:12:05.216] Until I could see this, I w- knew there had to be a way I could drink without getting drunk, and I damn near killed me trying to find it. [00:12:05.216 – 00:12:11.256] But now that I can see this, I can accept the fact that I can no longer safely drink alcohol. [00:12:11.256 – 00:12:21.456] Now, if that's all that was wrong with me, and if that's all that was wrong with you, we would pass the hat, get up and go home-

[00:12:21.456 – 00:12:24.216] -and never have to go to another AA meeting. [00:12:24.216 – 00:12:27.216] But you see, that's just half of my problem. [00:12:28.541 – 00:12:31.221] The other half is right up here in my head. [00:12:31.221 – 00:12:35.421] If I never took the first drink, this allergy couldn't hurt me. [00:12:35.421 – 00:12:40.021] I have a friend who is allergic to all things fish. [00:12:40.021 – 00:12:43.201] Every time he eats fish, his throat swells up. [00:12:43.201 – 00:12:44.741] He almost chokes to death.

[00:12:44.741 – 00:12:47.001] But that's not his problem. [00:12:47.001 – 00:12:52.201] The fact that he's allergic to fish is beside the point because if he don't eat fish, that can't happen to him. [00:12:52.201 – 00:12:56.221] But he got something up here in his head that isn't right when it comes to fish. [00:12:56.221 – 00:13:00.581] A switch doesn't close or a light bulb doesn't come on or something. [00:13:00.581 – 00:13:02.621] He's three french fries short of a Happy Meal. [00:13:02.621 – 00:13:03.000] Yeah. [00:13:03.000 – 00:13:12.741] From time to time, his mind tells him that it's okay to eat fish, and he'll eat the fish.

[00:13:12.741 – 00:13:14.501] His throat swells up. [00:13:14.501 – 00:13:16.701] He ends up in the hospital every time. [00:13:16.701 – 00:13:22.021] And I'll bet it always starts like this, "Well, I haven't had any fish in 90 days. [00:13:22.021 – 00:13:29.381] Surely I could have one piece of fish." Or he says, "It's that s- orange, it's that orange roughy I've been eating. [00:13:29.381 – 00:13:36.201] If I'd eaten nothing but halibut, it'd be okay." Or he might even say, "It's them damn people I've been eating fish with. [00:13:36.201 – 00:13:42.041] If I just change my crowd." Whatever the reason, his mind gives him permission to do so. [00:13:42.041 – 00:13:45.001] Now, I'm the same way when it comes to alcohol.

[00:13:45.001 – 00:13:53.541] Left on my own resources, from time to time, my mind tells me it's okay to drink alcohol. [00:13:53.541 – 00:13:56.661] Then I take the drink, and then the allergy takes over. [00:13:56.661 – 00:14:01.021] So the real problem centers in my mind rather than my body. [00:14:01.021 – 00:14:04.721] Let's look at the mind for just a few minutes, and then we'll be through for the night. [00:14:04.721 – 00:14:09.031] Charlie said the doctor said, "There has never been by any treatment which we are familiar permanently eradicated. [00:14:09.031 – 00:14:19.101] The only relief we have to suggest is the entire abstinence." In other words, if we have an allergy to alcohol and we crave more when we drink, he suggests we don't drink, and that's the end [00:14:19.101 – 00:14:19.581] of that.

[00:14:19.581 – 00:14:26.681] So now we're going to talk about the most dangerous part of the illness, and the most dangerous part of the illness of alcoholism is when we're not drinking. [00:14:26.681 – 00:14:29.771] You know why it's the most dangerous part of the illness? [00:14:29.771 – 00:14:33.691] Because we're thinking- -about drinking. [00:14:33.691 – 00:14:40.701] So let's move back now to the Roman numeral page 26, and we're going to start talking about the mind, twofold illness. [00:14:40.701 – 00:14:43.661] We talked about the physical allergy in great detail. [00:14:43.661 – 00:14:46.261] Now we're going to talk about the obsession of the mind. [00:14:46.261 – 00:14:50.341] It's in bottom p- page, uh, Roman numeral page 26.

[00:14:50.341 – 00:14:58.001] It says, "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol." Now, many alcoholics are highly offended when you say that. [00:14:58.001 – 00:15:04.991] They say, "No, that's not the reason I drink." They say, "The reason I drink is 'cause I love the taste of alcohol." Mm-hmm. [00:15:04.991 – 00:15:08.061] I wouldn't argue with them whether they do or not. [00:15:08.061 – 00:15:10.401] I love the taste of cold beer. [00:15:10.401 – 00:15:13.401] I always have, all my life, as far back as I can remember. [00:15:13.401 – 00:15:17.001] I also love the taste of cold mountain spring water. [00:15:17.001 – 00:15:17.351] Mm-hmm.

[00:15:17.351 – 00:15:20.761] I never did sit down and drink a case of cold mountain spring water. [00:15:20.761 – 00:15:30.761] You see, that beer did something for me that that spring [00:15:30.761 – 00:15:31.501] water didn't do. [00:15:31.501 – 00:15:37.461] All my life as a kid growing up, I was on the outside of the crowd looking in. [00:15:37.461 – 00:15:38.451] Mm-hmm. [00:15:38.451 – 00:15:41.061] Always wanted to be a part of and knew I could not be. [00:15:41.061 – 00:15:45.421] Always knew that whatever I said, whatever I did, it would be the wrong thing.

[00:15:45.421 – 00:15:47.421] People would laugh, and I would be embarrassed. [00:15:47.421 – 00:15:50.321] You ladies, I couldn't even get around you. [00:15:50.321 – 00:15:53.341] If I got around you, I was just absolutely, completely tongue-tied. [00:15:53.341 – 00:15:54.501] You scared me to death. [00:15:54.501 – 00:15:59.231] One night, somebody gave me a drink of moonshine whiskey- Mm-hmm … [00:15:59.231 – 00:16:05.881] and all those fears disappeared, and I was allowed to ask a girl to dance with me for the first time in my life. [00:16:05.881 – 00:16:10.081] I was allowed to take her home from the dance for the first time in my life.

[00:16:10.081 – 00:16:19.181] We got in the back seat of a '36 Chevrolet, and I was allowed to do some things I'd been wanting to do for a long, long time. [00:16:19.181 – 00:16:23.241] I loved what alcohol did to me, for me. [00:16:23.241 – 00:16:24.801] Not to me, but for me. [00:16:24.801 – 00:16:31.021] Now, if it gave me a slightly tipsy, out of control, beginnings of a nauseous feeling, I wouldn't love that. [00:16:31.021 – 00:16:40.421] But you see, it gives me that great, exciting, in-control feeling and allows me to function in a manner I'd never been able to function before. [00:16:40.421 – 00:16:45.201] Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. [00:16:45.201 – 00:16:48.701] I think that we can all pretty well identify with that effect in the beginning.

[00:16:48.701 – 00:16:52.071] I certainly had that same effect and drank it for the same reasons. [00:16:52.071 – 00:16:55.121] But we know that alcoholism is a progressive illness, too. [00:16:55.121 – 00:16:56.311] It gets worse over time. [00:16:56.311 – 00:17:06.521] And after a while, I began to do some of those things that Charlie talked about, and I began to drink more and more and more, and I began to wake up some mornings with a little guilt, shame, and remorse as a result [00:17:06.521 – 00:17:14.481] of things that I was doing while drinking, and that brought on more drinking, and I had to drink to get rid of those feelings, so another effect by which I drank. [00:17:14.481 – 00:17:23.621] And as the years and time went by and the trouble that I had in my life went by, in the end, I drank for the sickest effect of all, which is total oblivion. [00:17:23.621 – 00:17:26.621] And there's only one thing wrong with oblivion, though, isn't there?

[00:17:26.621 – 00:17:27.861] You wake up. [00:17:27.861 – 00:17:30.501] Then you gotta start doing it again. [00:17:30.501 – 00:17:34.920] So there are many, many effects by which we drink, and it progressively gets worse. [00:17:34.920 – 00:17:42.761] He said, "The sensation is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, they can, after a time, differentiate the true from the false. [00:17:42.761 – 00:17:52.461] To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one," and I couldn't recognize the true from the false because my alcoholic life had become normal to me. [00:17:52.461 – 00:17:56.181] Everywhere I went, alcohol was involved. [00:17:56.181 – 00:18:01.281] Every bar that I went to, they drank like that the way I did in that bar, or I didn't go to those bars.

[00:18:01.281 – 00:18:05.141] That's what I was doing down there at the Zebra Lounge, you know? [00:18:05.141 – 00:18:15.281] You know, and, uh, one time, I remember I, I woke up one morning and had a, a clear thought, and I lo- looked over at my wife, Phyllis, and I said, "Phyllis, [00:18:15.281 – 00:18:19.801] do you realize that most people don't drink like we do?" And you know what she said? [00:18:19.801 – 00:18:21.101] I don't talk this way. [00:18:21.101 – 00:18:22.161] This is what she said. [00:18:22.161 – 00:18:25.121] She said, "Bullshit." That's just what she said. [00:18:25.121 – 00:18:28.781] Everybody we know drinks just like we do.

[00:18:28.781 – 00:18:33.481] You know, I thought, "Well, that's true." So my alcoholic life had become normal. [00:18:33.481 – 00:18:38.921] The abnormal had become normal, and I couldn't hardly tell the truth from the false in that light. [00:18:38.921 – 00:18:47.801] Now he begins to describe how people like us feel whenever we're sober in forced periods of sobriety. [00:18:47.801 – 00:18:55.221] He said, "To them, they're alcoholic," oh, excuse me, "They are restless, irritable, and discontented." Put a few little words in there, too. [00:18:55.221 – 00:18:57.041] Says we're full of guilt, shame, and remorse. [00:18:57.041 – 00:19:02.671] And remember, you know, when we first got sober and we were new, they said if we didn't drink, we were gonna feel better? [00:19:02.671 – 00:19:04.921] Well, you're gonna feel better all right.

[00:19:04.921 – 00:19:06.781] You're gonna feel resentment better. [00:19:06.781 – 00:19:08.081] You're gonna feel anger better. [00:19:08.081 – 00:19:09.861] You're gonna feel a lot of things better. [00:19:09.861 – 00:19:19.421] Running around, feeling lousy as hell, wanting to feel better, knowing only one way to feel better. [00:19:19.421 – 00:19:24.601] We begin to think about what one or two drinks will do for us. [00:19:24.601 – 00:19:28.301] We don't think about what 20 drinks will do or 30. [00:19:28.301 – 00:19:31.661] We think about what one or two will do for us.

[00:19:31.661 – 00:19:41.721] He said, "Unless they can again experience a sense and ease of comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks, drinks which they see others taking with impunity," and impunity simply [00:19:41.721 – 00:19:45.321] means that those people are drinking and seemingly they don't have any problems. [00:19:45.321 – 00:19:51.961] "And after they have succumbed to desire again, as so many do-" After we've finally given in and taken a couple of drinks "… [00:19:51.961 – 00:20:02.041] and then the phenomenal craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again." And how many times have I done [00:20:02.041 – 00:20:02.241] that? [00:20:02.241 – 00:20:03.531] How many times have you done that? [00:20:03.531 – 00:20:10.981] Come off of one of those big drunks and long extended period drunks and promise them and yourself and anybody that will listen, "I'll never do it again.

[00:20:10.981 – 00:20:11.501] I'm through. [00:20:11.501 – 00:20:17.721] I promise you, I'm through." And those of you who have made those promises, you know that we were sincere and we meant that. [00:20:17.721 – 00:20:28.001] He said, "This is repeated over and over and over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change, there's very little hope for his recovery." [00:20:28.001 – 00:20:29.741] See, he quit talking about the body now. [00:20:29.741 – 00:20:32.341] He's talking about the psychic change, the mind. [00:20:32.341 – 00:20:39.701] Later on in our book, the, the, the psychic change is gonna be described as a spiritual experience, a spiritual awakening, a personality change. [00:20:39.701 – 00:20:42.101] All four words meaning the same thing.

[00:20:42.101 – 00:20:45.081] A psychic change, there's very little hope for his recovery. [00:20:45.081 – 00:20:48.421] So the change is gonna have to become here in the mind. [00:20:48.421 – 00:20:52.081] Let's look at this picture up here again for just a moment. [00:20:52.081 – 00:21:01.761] Over here on this side, we can see that because of the allergy, we can no longer safely drink alcohol. [00:21:01.761 – 00:21:07.941] But as we said before, that's not gonna bother us if we don't take the first drink. [00:21:07.941 – 00:21:12.581] So apparently the problem is gonna be over on this side. [00:21:12.581 – 00:21:22.701] The real problem centers in the mind telling us we can drink rather than in the body that

[00:21:22.701 – 00:21:24.281] ensures that we can't drink. [00:21:24.281 – 00:21:29.961] What the doctor told us then, and they tell us today, there's nothing that can be done for that. [00:21:29.961 – 00:21:39.281] So the only possible means of recovery would be to find a way to live where our mind don't tell us it's okay to drink. [00:21:39.281 – 00:21:43.141] And we're dealing here with our emotions. [00:21:43.141 – 00:21:45.961] We're dealing here with the way we think. [00:21:45.961 – 00:21:50.821] We're dealing here with the way that we feel whenever we're sober. [00:21:50.821 – 00:21:54.901] We are very, very complex human beings.

[00:21:54.901 – 00:22:01.541] Not only are we complex physically, but we also are complex mentally, too. [00:22:01.541 – 00:22:05.401] And all people experience emotions. [00:22:05.401 – 00:22:16.381] All people experience from time to time anger, resentment, fear, worry, depression, [00:22:16.381 – 00:22:21.881] excitement, elation, guilt, remorse. [00:22:21.881 – 00:22:24.581] These are all emotions that all human beings have. [00:22:24.581 – 00:22:34.581] Now, somewhere back in our lifetime, as we begin to experience those emotions as we grow up, we start [00:22:34.581 – 00:22:36.161] seeking a solution to them.

[00:22:36.161 – 00:22:41.321] And like me, when I was that kid growing up, I was just an emotional basket case. [00:22:41.321 – 00:22:44.581] Couldn't hardly function in normal society. [00:22:44.581 – 00:22:54.681] Always scared to death, always worried, always angry, always doing things that I shouldn't do and feeling the guilt and the remorse associated with that. [00:22:54.681 – 00:22:59.900] Now, I used to think only that we only, only we alcoholics did that. [00:22:59.900 – 00:23:02.321] But I found out today that that's normal. [00:23:02.321 – 00:23:06.241] As kids grow up, everybody experiences these kind of feelings. [00:23:06.241 – 00:23:11.881] And they start looking for an answer and, and many people find it in many different ways.

[00:23:11.881 – 00:23:21.921] Some people find that when they don't feel good emotionally, that they can go out here and start working, and the excess work seems to make them [00:23:21.921 – 00:23:22.561] feel better. [00:23:22.561 – 00:23:30.501] Some people find that when they're emotionally fouled up, they can eat certain foods, and that seems to make them feel better. [00:23:30.501 – 00:23:40.561] Some people find that when they're emotionally disturbed, that, that if they can just get really involved deeper and deeper into sexuality, that makes them [00:23:40.561 – 00:23:42.601] feel better. [00:23:42.601 – 00:23:49.181] And some people find that there's establishments like this building- … [00:23:49.181 – 00:23:53.141] that if you're emotionally disturbed, you can do a little gambling, and that makes you feel better.

[00:23:53.141 – 00:23:58.521] Now, it doesn't make any difference what you find that makes you feel better. [00:23:58.521 – 00:24:04.741] When you find a solution to that emotional problem, your mind has a memory bank. [00:24:04.741 – 00:24:14.841] It im- immediately records the solution, and the reason it does that is the next time you have that emotional problem, you don't [00:24:14.841 – 00:24:16.581] have to go looking for a solution. [00:24:16.581 – 00:24:18.981] Your mind feeds it back to you. [00:24:18.981 – 00:24:26.341] Well, a little gambling made me feel better, or that food made me feel better, or that work made me feel better, whatever. [00:24:26.341 – 00:24:31.781] Now, that's called mental addiction, and everybody has that.

[00:24:31.781 – 00:24:36.361] You know, we become mentally addicted to certain types of automobiles. [00:24:36.361 – 00:24:40.421] We become mentally addicted to our hairdressers. [00:24:40.421 – 00:24:45.741] We become mentally addicted to certain dishwater products that we use. [00:24:45.741 – 00:24:53.241] It's so, you know, we've got a problem, we find the answer, the mind records it, feeds it back to us the next time we have the problem.