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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – 3rd Annual Woodstock Session 10003 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: polly-p-3rd-annual-woodstock-step-12-and-practicing-principles-in-all-affairs-aa-date-unknown-archive-10003.mp3 Duration: 00:40:00
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My name is Polly P and I'm an alcoholic. By God's grace in a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't had a drink since April the 11th of 1977 and for that I am eternally grateful. I have a home group and that's the West Connette group in Jacksonville, Florida. I have a sponsor and my sponsor has a sponsor. And these are the things that I need to be a member in good standing of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I'm here to tell you what keeps me sober is what you've heard all weekend and that's the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and applying them to my life. And I want to thank Ann for inviting me. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. The basket in the room is absolutely adorable. I loved my crab. Thank you so much. And Martha, thank you so much for the plane arrangements. They were wonderful. And Caitlin for being my hostess and a marvelous lunch yesterday and for my Patty. And Patty came from Philadelphia and picked me up and we've had a fabulous time this weekend just being able to share woman to woman. So it's been really neat. And I love my life today. I absolutely love the life that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me.
And I think one of the greatest things that I get to do in Alcoholics Anonymous is I loved what Sharon said last night. She says we stop breaking hearts and we start healing people and helping people. And that's what I get to do today. And I get to talk about the Twelfth Step and I love the Twelfth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous. I love it. And there's two parts I believe to that step and that's having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps that I am supposed to help other alcoholics and to practice these principles and all my affairs. Now I will tell you what's easier to do is to help other alcoholics than to practice these principles and all my affairs. And one of the things that brought to mind was something that Howard was talking about the difference in. I used to drive an LA freeway for 10 years. I drove from Cypress, California, which is in Orange County, to El Segundo, California. Now that's not a long distance. I think it was about 22 or 23 miles, something like that. Something that ought to take about 20 minutes, 20-30 minutes at the most. And that was an hour and a half commute each way every day. Now there's a lot of people on that LA freeway. And one of the things that I did get to, you know, they're beeping. And another thing that happens in LA that'll scare the bejesus out of you are motorcycles come down the middle of the traffic, right?
They're just splitting lanes right down the middle of it. And all of a sudden you hear this motorcycle in the back of you. And here it comes. I mean, it's just crazy. And people are impatient. And they don't like to be on that freeway. And one of the things that I used to know, used to do, is that I would get impatient too. And people would get impatient with me. And I want to flip them off. But what I learned was, was something that Howard talked about, is if you just smile, you know, and all of a sudden they, you know, they're getting, then they're waving too. And it's amazing. It's contagious. It's absolutely contagious. And one of the things that I have, that I'm grateful for, there's a, that I'm really, really grateful for is some of the things that I was taught as a kid. And I was brought, I was brought up in Texas. And I was brought up by parents who absolutely told me there was never an excuse for rudeness. And I really have, I try to take that in today. Because what I know is a lot what Howard was talking about, is that when I treat other people badly, I feel badly. It does not make me feel better. It seems like it would, especially if they've treated me unjustly. Now, it's not that I will not say anything, because I will, if I feel like something is wrong. But what I try to do is to do it kindly. Now, does that always work? No. And one of the things, a little episode I'll tell you about, is
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that, in fact, this happened, one happened on Friday, and this happened some time ago. But one of them was, Dave and I were going to Akron. This is about 17 or 18 years ago. And we were going to Akron. I was going to get to speak in Akron. And I was like so excited, I could barely stand it. Well, we fly from LA to Chicago, and weather has us down in Chicago. And I'm supposed to be in Akron that night. And I'm just all upset, because we're, you know, now we're going to be, we're going to have to be in Chicago overnight, and hopefully weather's going to let us get out on Friday, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm going crazy at the ticket counter. I have to be in Akron. And, you know, all of this kind of stuff. And my husband, who's a very calm man, and nothing like me, and Dave is a very calm gentleman, and he puts his hand on my shoulder, and he says, Polly, this is the only person on the planet who's trying to help us, and you're insulting her. And, you know, I instantly saw that, and I made amends promptly. But I wasn't practicing these principles in all my affairs. Now, if that lady was suffering from alcoholism, and making a decision as whether or not to go to AA the next morning, and wanted to see an example of AA, I wouldn't it. That's not what I was.
Because I wasn't practicing these principles in all my affairs. What happened on Friday is I got here, and I was trying to talk with the desk clerk about, you know, what happens when you come, and how they're supposed to do with my credit card, because I'm on the master with them, and they didn't seem to want to listen to me, you know, and I couldn't get them to understand. And so, you know, that this is not what was going to, you know, this is not what's supposed to happen, and that meals were, and that, and that never got fixed, all the way up until this morning. But it doesn't matter. But what happened was, is that I don't mind saying things to someone, but I had to ask Patty. I said, did I say that? You know, tell me how I sounded, because sometimes when I'm trying to make a point, and I want to express what's going on, but I don't want to be rude. And I asked her, how did I handle that? Because sometimes I'm just not sure how I handle, you know, those kinds of situations. And, but what happened was, she said, you did fine, because sometimes I don't know. Because what's happening is, while I'm talking to this person, and I'm sure that you've had this, like I did with the ticket counter, that the attendant, or what, you know, the person at the ticket counter, and another person who's really trying to help me, and trying to get me checked in. But what's happening is, they're not understanding what I'm saying, and I'm getting this feeling inside. You know, it's getting a little jazzy inside of me. But what I'm trying to do, is I'm trying to act differently than I feel. And I wonder if it's coming across that way. You know, am I being polite, and all of that? Am I practicing? Am I talking to this person, so that when he thinks of AA, even though I'm stating what I need, am I being kind about it? And I think those are things of practicing these principles in all my affairs. When I first came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I was somebody who was not an example of this program. I was having affairs in AA. I was, you know, I was just obsessed about people loving me, and feeling good about myself, because I had no self esteem, and I wanted you to give me self esteem. And so I was looking to feel good through sex and relationships, and all I was doing is making myself feel better, feel worse. Because what I was doing, and trying to make myself feel better, I was feeling worse. And I was not a good example of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was not a program of attraction. I was not practicing these principles in all my affairs. Today, it is very important that I practice. Now today, today, today really doesn't matter. I'm 72 years old, I'm old, okay. So, but I wasn't always old.
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And I used to have long red hair, and then I had long blonde hair, and I was about 20 pounds skinnier, and you know, and I looked okay. In fact, sometimes I didn't think I looked okay then. I don't know if any of you felt like that. And then I'll go back, and I'll look at a picture, and I'll go, oh my God, I mean, she looks good. But when I was there, I didn't think I looked good. So, you know, these are the realities that you come back to. It's like, I look at her, and I'm like, where did she go? But that was then. So, but I was still doing this. I was still traveling. And, but what I've always tried to do when I got married was be an example of a married, sober woman. And that when I was out and at conferences and stuff, to behave in that way. Now today, I love being 72, because I can just, I can just hug on Ralph, and I can hug on Bob, and I can hug, and nope, and I can hug on Lee, and none of these guys are going to take me serious, because I'm an old lady, okay? So it's fabulous. I don't have to worry about that anymore.
So, and I can still practice these principles in all my affairs. So, I think it's important that I behave in a certain way. And, and I can give you so many examples, but I can tell you the one that touches me the most, because I, I have heard since I got sober that we may be the only big book that anybody ever reads. Because we, I can tell you that when I came to AA, it wasn't, I started to turn around, all the steps are always on the wall in a meeting. It wasn't those steps on the wall that made any difference, and it certainly wasn't this big book that had my attraction. What had my attraction was the fellowship, was you guys, was you guys. So, what I am grateful for is I got sober in Texas, and just about the only people who were really misbehaving in meetings was me, but instead of, you know, the other, instead of a bunch of men hitting on me.
But today, when I start working with a woman, I try to give her a sense of dignity and, and, and hold, you know, have a responsibility for yourself as a sober woman. You know, we don't have to behave like that, you know, now that we're sober. Now, I didn't behave like that when I was drinking. You know, that, that's, you know, one of the things I was just, you know, a passed out woman trying to, you know, neglecting and abusing my children because I couldn't get up off the sofa to take care of them. I wasn't a party girl, so I didn't, you know, a lot of people in AA say I come to AA like most people go to cocktail parties, because I love, you know, I love people, and I love, I just love the fellowship of AA. But what happens is, is I think it's a responsibility, and one of the things is that men learn to be responsible and respectful of women, and women do the same, and I love that. I love that we can learn to do that, because that, most of the time, is not our behavior before coming to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, so we get to practice these principles in all our affairs, and I think that's really the thing I, that's what I need to do. I need to be a good employee. I need to be a good wife. I need to be an example. I want to be an example that being married in AA is great. I love being married to another member of this fellowship. I absolutely love it, and, and I love that, that we have this life together, and I love that we get to do the things that we get to do, and that, and that both of us understand AA, and that, you know, that if we're traveling in different way, in different places, or doing things, we trust, love, and respect each other, and I, and this, that's part of the practicing these principles in all my affairs. One of the things is, before AA, I would be one of these people that would be screaming and hollering, either at my husband or my children having these outrageous, rageful fits, the phone would ring and I would go hello.
Because you see, I was such a person that was addicted to approval, but I would treat
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you respectfully and good, but I wouldn't treat my children and family that way. And today I want to practice these principles in all my affairs with my family as well as with you. So I am grateful. Do I always do this? No. I am a human being and I'm really human. So I don't always do what I want to do and I don't always behave in a way that I want to behave, but what I can do is if I get off the track, and when I had done my reflection of my Eleventh Step on Friday night, I just, you know, I really needed, I needed somebody to help me.
How did I, did I behave in a respectful way when I was trying to explain this? And Patty said yes. And what I did was I just said, you know, I just said okay and I'll tell you how I finally did it and ceased fighting any and everything. I said okay, that's fine. I pulled out my credit card, gave it to him and then afterwards I found Ann because she's the boss and it was never my place to talk with him anyway.
So I stopped and found, and just did what he wanted and then found Ann and then she took care of it in a nanosecond, I mean because she's the boss. So that's how it should have worked and I should have never opened my mouth in the first place. So that's, you know, so I could see where I had been wrong. So this is that part of the step. Now I'm going to go to the part I like best and that's to help other alcoholics.
Okay, we're going to carry this message to other alcoholics and that is the part of this program that is the most exciting for me. Now I love to come and travel and do this. I don't know if I exactly like to do this, but I like to come and travel because I get to meet all of you. This scares me still. This is still scary for me and I'm sure it's because my ego still is addicted to approval and I'm so scared that I'm going to screw up, have a brain fart, and can't remember something or something.
And so this still scares me. But there is a part of this program that is so passionate to me that sometimes I just, it's my life's blood. It is absolutely my life's blood and that is being able to work with other women in this fellowship. It is absolutely my passion. I love it. Now I'm very blessed because I didn't come to AA and have to learn to like women. So that was not something that happened for me.
I've always loved women. I've always loved women. And I have pictures of a little girl and I've always got my best girlfriend and given her a kiss. I always loved, you know, my girlfriends when I was growing up. I became a military wife when I was 18 years old. And my husband was never present for any of the two children we had or the three miscarriages I had. He was never present for that. But the women who were there were present.
And it was no different for me than for them. Our families weren't there and we took care of each other. And I loved women. We helped each other raise our children. We helped each other. And what happened for me, it felt like, is that when I got sober, I just went from one lifestyle to another. And when I came into AA, I saw that kind of camaraderie. And in the military, we were people who normally would not mix.
There were people from everywhere, especially the wives, because the men would travel all over the world and they would bring back wives of all kinds of nationalities. And it was fabulous. I have a cookbook right to this day that I still use. And it was put out in 1964. And it's an officer's wife's cookbook.
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And believe me, there's recipes in there from all over the world, because there were women from all over the world, because GIs had married these women and brought them in. So it was a beautiful life. And I got to come be this life in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I didn't understand what AA was about. I absolutely didn't. And when I got sober, when I first got sober, when I first came into Alcoholics Anonymous, I came into a detox center in Euless, Texas.
And my first introduction to AA was not with a lot of women. In fact, I was in this detox center with 11 men and me, my absolute perfect odds. I loved it. And I chose one of the poor little sick things. And we walked off into happy destiny for 58 days. And then I was 12-stepped by the director of that treatment center out of a motel in Euless, Texas, and brought back into that treatment center. And what happened is that at that point, a lot of things had happened in that motel, and I just had reached that place of incomprehensible demoralization.
And I knew that I could not stay sober. I couldn't live inside my own skin sober. That's why I love Clancy so much when he talks, because he talks about what it's like to be sober. And I knew sobriety wasn't going to work for me, because sober I knew what I'd done to my children. And that was the thing that I really couldn't live with, was what I had done to my children, because I'm a child abuser.
And I had abused my children tremendously. In fact, they're 52 and 50, and they still show the scars from that. I mean, both of them do really well, but I often see how that still reflects in their lives. And probably only a mom could see that, but I see that. And so there was that, and my parents, and my husband. I mean, I just was not a person who ever saw myself being who I became. I just couldn't face who I became.
So I tried to take my own life. And that got the attention of the authorities. I ended up being court committed to treatment, and I stayed in treatment for six weeks. I came back into Alcoholics Anonymous, and I asked the man who had 12-stepped me out of that motel to be my sponsor. And what happened was, so my first encounter with sponsorship was not a woman. But what happened is, is I believe God gives us exactly what we need.
And he took me through the steps quickly. And he says, I'm taking you through the steps quickly because the goal is for you to work with another alcoholic. That's how we stay sober here. We stay sober by working with another alcoholic. That's how, I mean, if that hadn't happened, then if Bill hadn't gone to Bob, then none of us would be here. And he used to tell me about working with another alcoholic.
He says, you know, they don't have to call you. You can call them. They're newcomers. Right from the get-go, he said that. And the reason he said that was, is that Bill didn't wait for Bob to call. Bill went to Bob because Bill wanted to stay sober. And he says, the magic here is, is you helping somebody else is going to keep you sober. And so it was drilled into me. Get into service. The minute you get into, you know, and I, that was what I was taught.
Get into service. And your job is going to be, get these steps done quickly and study this book for a lifetime. But what we need you to do is get through the steps. He said, I promise you, it will not be the only time you ever do it. This is a lifetime. This is something you're going to do for a lifetime. So I'm grateful that I had that kind. So of course, you know how AAs are. We are full of doctors without medical license.
We're full of lawyers without, you know, we're all full of all this knowledge and stuff that people tell us. That's AA. We always know things that we're, you know, that we're not trained for. And so people in AA would tell me, you need a woman sponsor. And so being, feeling shamed about that and feeling like I was doing something wrong,
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I got a woman sponsor. And I really liked her. She was a lot of fun. She looked like she was really doing the program. And so when I was a year sober, her and I and two other ladies decided we were going to go to Acapulco and for a few days. And lo and behold, my sponsor got drunk in Acapulco. And what happened was is that just, you know, hacked me all off. And so I go back to Frank. I said, see, I should have never got that woman sponsor.
And because look what happened. And he says, well, I think what God's trying to show you is that your reliance will always have to be on him and not that sponsor. Always the reliance will be on God. And so then I got that. Shortly after that, a lady asked me to sponsor her. And I was about two or three months sober and maybe two months. I know I was really new. And so if you want to know when you can start sponsoring, just stay a step ahead.
That's all you have to do. Just stay a step ahead. So this lady asked me to sponsor her. Oh my God, I was so happy to have this lady. And oh, I was, you know, getting down and we're going to do the steps. And you're going to, you know, start your immense. We're going to do all this just like Frank had done with me. And you're going to study the book for a lifetime because the main object is for you to be able to help somebody else.
Because the magic in Alcoholics Anonymous is one alcoholic helping another alcoholic. And then what happened is she didn't show up. And she didn't show up. And I would call her and call her and call her. And she didn't show up. And there was this other male friend that I really liked. And he said, I'm really, really, really concerned about her. And I said, me too. He says, well, I've been trying to call her too and she doesn't answer.
And I was really concerned about her a few nights ago at the meeting. And of course, I'm new. I didn't even know to be concerned about her. And he was, had more sobriety and he was really, really concerned about her. And he said, I think we need to go to her house. And what happened is, is we ended up breaking into her house. Well, he jittied up a window and boosted me up into it and I climbed in it.
And we found her dead. And that was very early in my sobriety. And what happened then was, is Frank made it clear to me that I could never keep anybody sober. That that was not what I could do. But that I could carry this message that I was the messenger and that I was to carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. And what people do with it is their business. And those two lessons, I am so grateful I got early in sobriety.
And even though it was devastating to me, because I didn't understand why God would let somebody come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and then they would kill themselves. And Frank pointed it out to me, Polly, you were able to come into AA and you tried to do it. You just didn't succeed. So I was grateful for these two lessons. So what I learned was, is that all these women that I work with have a higher power and it's not me.
And what happens is, is that maybe on a dark day I can help direct them back to their higher power because that's what they are. And Patty was with me last night as I was doing that with a young woman who told me that she was going to take her life. And I said, I pray you don't do that. I pray that it doesn't, that you won't do that. And what happens is, is thank God this morning she didn't do that.
And I'm grateful for that because, but what happened is, is that it helped me last night do a lot about what Howard was talking and it helped me say my prayers and be mindful of somebody else besides myself. Which is, you know, because I was concerned about her. I was very concerned. And these are the gifts, and these are the things that I've learned along the way. Well, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, on page 89, at the beginning of the chapter, and I absolutely love this.
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Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity. drinking as intense, intensive, intensive, not just a little bit, intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our 12th suggestion. Carry this message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can. And I think that's what, that we get to help people. We used to be people who broke other people's hearts and today we get to mend hearts and help people. That's what we get to do today.
That gets to be the job today and I'm so grateful because I was a heartbreak to people who loved me. Of course before I got into AA I was so self-centered I didn't see that but today I realize and one of the things that Frank used to tell me and it's not in the book but it is in the book and he says, Polly, you are responsible and accountable to the people who love you. I need to treat them respectfully and to be kind and loving to them. This is what I need to do to people who love me and I never did that before. It seemed like the people who loved me were the people I treated the worst and today these are the people that are the most important people for me to treat the best. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill and one of the things that I've learned along the way in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and is that is when you say to an alcoholic, I understand, they know you understand.
We just know that. We just know that and because we always know that if I have a woman who comes to me and they've had something happen that I haven't had happen and I don't understand what's going on with them, I never say I do because you know I don't. I may have a lot of compassion, I may have a lot of feelings and concerns but I don't understand. The good news I feel like that I'm blessed with is I'm a little triage machine and one of the things that I'm really good at is I'll hear and Patty is an example of that and this happened a long time ago. It was right after I started sponsoring Patty and when it is not my experience but I love you and I care about you and I find somebody who has your experience, I'm going to put you together and I called up Patty one day and she was going through a really a huge trauma in her life which is why a friend had sent her to me to start with and she was going through this trauma. It was not my experience but I cared about her and I kept trying to tell her a truth she didn't want to hear from me. I kept saying something and she didn't believe me and she didn't want to believe me because those are that's how we are. We don't want to believe. I said you can't, I said Patty here is a number and you're to call this lady because she has your experience and you need to hear what she has to say and so Patty called her and Patty heard what she had to say but you could not hear that from me. She could not hear that from me because it wasn't my experience and I understand that today but I feel so blessed with the life that I get to have today and the women that I get to have in my life because I get to have these experiences of being able to when I can't help, I seem to always know somebody who can, who can help somebody that has had this experience.
I am a person who has severe depression and I still have it today. It has not gone away. I have found tools in which to deal with it and I found the first tool. I had been doing this stuff in AA but I had you know a deeper understanding. I love what you were talking about and I believe Bill's language of the heart is a deeper understanding as well as the 12 and 12 and I love the 12 and 12. If you get sober in Texas it's like you, you do the 12 and 12 and we a step meeting in
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Texas is you go do the steps for a month at some group and the book you use is the 12 and 12. Let me promise you if you want to learn the steps and you got to go give the steps you'll learn the steps. It's amazing how that happens you know if especially if you got my ego and need the approval that I need you're going to study hard to do to get that done and so a deeper understanding and what I learned in the language of the heart was that Bill had this depression up until he was 24 years sober. I think he had it until the day he died. He learned to manage it better and that was to get rid of all kinds of faulty dependencies and probably one of the the always the faulty dependency that I had the biggest one was what you thought of me. The other one was how I looked.
Was I skinny enough? Was I all of this stuff about you know just all of this self selfish self-centered behavior and all of these faulty dependencies and what has happened for me today is me being able to work with other women in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and knowing that I am just the messenger and that what they do is between them and God. Now do I always if something horrible happens do I always feel like that because if you're going to sponsor people and work with people other things are going to happen and it may not be that they die from alcoholism but they die from other stuff because that's happened a lot and you know it's are some really horrible things are going to happen to people you sponsor and you don't understand it.
I sponsor a woman who's lost two children sober in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and you know that's like whoo stuff like that's hard to get hard to understand and it's every it's every parent's worst nightmare and she did it twice and uh but what we do is we we do what we can to love and care for them and bring them through that and to be there for them and to know that I am not their higher power I'm the messenger and I'm going to do everything I can to lead them to their higher power that no matter how angry they are right now at the God of their understanding it's going to be the God of their understanding that's going to bring them through this and uh and what happens as a result and what I've learned by reading pass it on and multiple books about Bill W because it I always identified with his depression I sort of identified with Dr. Bob's way more than I did Bill but I understand I got Bill's depression and I'd read everything I could that working with other alcoholics was the thing that made him feel useful so today I don't know what my sponsor what I do for my sponsors I'm I'm I'm sure God I feel God uses me I feel you I'm useful I feel that so I know God's using me but nothing to what they do for me because what they do for me is they keep me out of depression that's what that's my antidote for depression is working with another alcoholic and and I can tell you that Friday night I probably would have slept two or three hours Friday night and I've kind of had a cold but that's not unusual for me I was really exhausted if you don't sleep you know you kind of have that fuzzy brain and all that but the minute we got up started drinking coffee and started coming down here to this room I was fired I was fired you light the fire in my belly you light it you absolutely light it and I started to feel better and it all started and then the speakers started speaking and I started to get fuller and fuller and fuller and that's what I