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Source: Polly P – From Jacksonville, Florida – Date Unknown.mp3 File: polly-p-from-jacksonville-florida-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:55:27
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The Anonymity Statement. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films. Thus, we respectfully ask that no A.A. speaker or indeed any A.A. member be identified by full name in published or broadcast reports of our meetings.
The assurance of anonymity is essential to our effort to help other problem drinkers who may share our recovery program with us and our tradition of personal anonymity reminds us that A.A. principles comes before personalities. Okay, so I'll get down to the introduction of the speaker. The lady that we asked to speak tonight came from Jacksonville, Florida and I just met her briefly just right now.
I've heard real good things about her from a lot of the people that walked up to me. I heard that she spoke at Founders Day and she has a really good message and I also think that she brought the sunshine with her. And with that, I'll give you Polly. Hi everybody, my name is Polly P. and I'm an alcoholic. By God's grace and a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't had a drink since April the 11th of 1977.
So, I cannot even think of a better way to celebrate my 37 years of sobriety today than speaking at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am so grateful to be here. Absolutely so grateful to be here. And what's amazing is I love the people I'm with. I'm looking over there at Tom and Bo and Shirley and I see Ralph. I was just with Ralph a few weeks ago and we got to hang out together. And Paul, I don't see Paul.
I don't see him hanging around. Dawn is here and Lorna. I don't see Lorna. But this is like, hey Paul. I am just so excited to be with these people. This is, I'm really grateful today. I'm really grateful. I just look at my life today and my son came out to Jacksonville to be there for me to celebrate my birthday. Now he's still in Jacksonville and I'm here. So what's really funny is he spoke at noon today at a meeting in Jacksonville.
So I got all these things on Facebook that James is saying. I spoke today on my mother's birthday in Jacksonville but she left for Erie. So, you know. So just think, I'm just so grateful to Alcoholics Anonymous, to a God I found here and to the life I have today. It is just absolutely beyond description. And I guess the only thing I can say is just where did the time go? Where did the time go? I just can't believe that this, you know, one day at a time you stand here and you have 37 years of sobriety.
And I'm a really, really bad drunk. I'm a bad drunk. And I'm going to talk about that. And I'm going to talk about that. But I want to thank Wayne. Wayne has been absolutely the most attentive person in the world. He asked me to speak here some time ago, I think maybe a couple of years ago, when he asked. And, I mean, he came. I spoke at the Cleveland, at the Hot Freeway Breakfast and he was there and you guys came out to that.
And, I mean, he calls and he's been so attentive, even called from the hospital. So thank you, Wayne. Thanks for the invite, for allowing me to be here. And thanks for being so attentive. That's just been absolutely wonderful. And Diane, thanks for the ride from the airport. That was fabulous. Thank you. I love my life today. I absolutely love my life. And because I love my life so much, today I am busier in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous than I have ever been.
I sponsor more women than I've ever sponsored. I'm into more service than I've ever been into. And there's a really, really good reason for that. And that is I love my life. I like what I'm getting. And I learned a long time ago when I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, if you like what you're getting, keep doing what you're doing.
[00:05:01]
And I love the life that I have in Alcoholics Anonymous today. I'm living, breathing proof that you can be a real alcoholic, as described in the doctor's opinion, and not come from alcoholic parents. I do not come from the disease of alcoholism. Now, I've heard, take an alcoholic's family tree, give it a shake, and an alcoholic will fall out. Now, if that's true, that would be my grandfather. Now, my recollection, and, you know, you cannot trust an alcoholic's recollection.
It's, you know, who knows what their recollection is, how much truth there is to it. But according to my recollection, my grandfather just drank. And he was the only one in our family who drank. So if he was an alcoholic, I certainly don't remember him being an alcoholic of my type. But I know that he did drink. Now, I have a theory, and I'll never be able to prove this theory, because my daddy's been dead a long time.
He died when he was 60 years old. He was a very young man. But I have a theory that had my dad taken a drink of alcohol, he would have been an alcoholic, because I can tell you he was restless, irritable, and discontent. And my dad had a rage that would just, just one of those hair-trigger rages. And I understand it because I had that same rage. And I just, you know, in my family, my mom would say, now, Polly, just be nice, we don't want daddy to have one of his fits.
And what would happen is, is he would just, he would have this rage. And I understood that rage, because I had that same rage. From a very little girl, I had that same rage. And my mother and dad were two abused children, had a very, very hard life. And just like an alcoholic and an al-anon, they found each other. And what happened is, is they had two opposite reactions to that. My mother was just very closed into herself, didn't say much, just, you know, just one of these people who just, in my opinion, she was just too nice.
And my dad was very, very angry. And I know so much more today, and I'm so grateful to this program. Because I tell you, I was 36 years old when I got to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I did not appreciate my parents. I absolutely did not appreciate my parents. But this program let me see with a new pair of glasses, as Chuck likes, the book Chuck read, the book Chuck wrote. I got to see with a new pair of glasses.
I was raised a very strict religion. I was raised Southern Baptist. Now, I come from Florida now, so people in Florida know what Southern Baptist is. Most people don't have a clue. But it's a very, very fundamentalist religion. And I was raised in that religion. And one of the things that they preached in that religion is thou shalt not drink. And I'll tell you, my parents didn't. They didn't drink.
And what happened for me is, is that I was sitting in these congregations, or I'd be at some revival that they take you to, you know, where they're screaming and dipping you and doing all this stuff. And for me, God was the scariest person on, was just so scary. And these preachers would get up behind the podium, and they'd start yelling, and their faces were all red, and their veins were sticking out, and they were screaming things like, if you've fought it, you've done it.
Well, I'm telling you, at nine years old, I was thinking a lot. So, I mean, I just knew that there was no way that God was, you know, there was, I was just, by the time I took my first drink, and by the time I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I just knew that there was no way that God would have anything to do with me. And the way I feel today is what it says on page 29 in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
When I leave here today, I hope tonight, rather, I hope you can tell from my story and my experience that I have formed a relationship with God, because that's the deal. I have been led to a God who is loving, who cares for me, who is absolutely amazing, absolutely amazing.
[00:10:03]
And I am so grateful for the life I have. And what is even, I never would have believed I would say this, because I certainly didn't feel like it when all the stuff was happening. But I have an AA sponsor who is just an amazing woman. And I've watched my AA sponsor walk through all kinds of adversity. And right now, she's battling really hard with cancer. And I watch her, and I watch her never, ever give up faith.
She's been diagnosed terminal. There's nothing they can do for her. She says, we don't listen to that. We're just doing God chemo. That's Dottie. And I just am so grateful that I've had those kind of people put in my life. But when it's my turn in the barrel, everybody gets their turn in the barrel. And it's been my turn in the barrel. Dottie was always saying, honey, this is just an opportunity to grow.
You're going to grow through this, and you're going to have a better relationship with God. That's all that's going to happen. It looks really bad now, but just wait. Just wait. God is still on his throne. He is still in charge, and it's going to be great. And that has been my experience for the past 37 years. That has been my experience. These parents that I had absolutely loved me to pieces. I didn't really understand all that.
And not only did they love me to pieces, but I'm an only child. So not only did I have all of that, I had all of their attention. And my parents worked and sacrificed to give me everything any little girl would ever want to have. Dancing lessons, gymnastic lessons, anything any little girl would want to have. And all I could think about when I was a little girl is when I was a little girl, I'm 73 years old, and mothers did not work when I was a little girl.
Most mothers did not work. They stayed home. My mother was a nurse. She worked. And all I could think about is why does my mother work and other people's mothers don't work? My dad had a ninth grade education. He worked hard. And they gave me all these things and sacrificed. But, you see, I didn't know that I was suffering from this spiritual malady. I didn't know that I was selfish and self-centered.
I didn't know that I had emotions to the extreme. I didn't know all of that. And all I could see was the things they didn't have. My dad wasn't educated. I'm not educated. You know, just see all that stuff. And I got sober in treatment. And I understand that it's not any different than it was when I got sober 37 years ago. And that is everybody gets in group and everybody talks about their childhood and all this stuff.
And all these people were talking about all these horrible things that had happened to little boys and little girls. And I thought, well, none of that's happened to me. I don't see why you're an alcoholic, but why am I an alcoholic? And I just didn't get it. And I just came with such a hole in my soul. I had no idea what precious, precious parents I had. And one of the things that I want to say is that I pray that there's ñ I'm sure there's ñ who's in here under a year sober?
Fantastic. Well, one of the things I'd like to say is I hope you get a sponsor and I hope you work the steps immediately. Get with it and study the book for a lifetime. And I am so grateful that I had that kind of sponsorship because my dad died when I was a year sober. And what I'm grateful for is I had the opportunity to make amends to him and he had the opportunity to see me sober for one year. And I'm grateful for that because what I ñ and the gift that my parents gave me, I didn't even understand for many years later.
I did not even understand the enormity of the gift they had given me. But there's a beautiful woman and she lived in Texas. She lived in Lake Whitney, Texas. And her name was Marcy White and she was an Al-Anon lady. And she used to talk about the blessing. And she used to talk about the blessing, and she says, most of us, you know, get the blessing
[00:15:03]
when we come to Alcoholics Anonymous, and that is, is that we know we're loved, and that we're given love, but some of us get it as a child, and you see, I had been given that blessing, and I didn't really know it. My parents loved me so much, and they told me all the time, but you know, if you're suffering from a disease called alcoholism, which is a disease of the self, whatever they're doing is never enough.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that if we're suffering from a spiritual malady, nothing is enough. You can't love me enough, you can't give me enough, and you can't do enough. There simply isn't enough for a person like me. So no matter how much they told me, how much they did for me, I absolutely couldn't see it or appreciate it, but by God's grace, I was given the gift of sobriety, and I knew.
I'm so grateful for that, and I know the enormity of being able to have been given the blessing, and always had had it. When I was 18 years old, I married an Air Force officer, and I just knew I'd met, you know, my knight on shining armor, and we were going to sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Well, I had married this man, and he was going to be gone for years at a time, and I was going to have to learn to be responsible for myself, and I didn't know how to do that.
I was one of these people that, you know, I wanted you to figure out what I wanted, and then if you didn't do what I thought you ought to do, I didn't think you loved me. You know, I'm one of these kind of people, you know, in Texas, we puff up. I don't know. I'm from Texas, and we puff up, and these people will say, well, you know, how do you feel, or what do you want, nothing. But if you don't figure out what's going to make me happy and do it, then I just figure you don't love me.
Now, that's the height of self-centeredness, the height of self-centeredness, and that was the kind of person I was. And now I've married this man, and he's going to be gone, and he's going to be gone for years at a time, and I'm going to have to learn to be responsible for myself, and I don't have a clue how to do that. I'm going to tell you my first drink. I think it's so amazing that most alcoholics, I don't say everybody does, but most alcoholics can remember their first drink.
You know, I didn't know I was going to have to remember my first drink on April 11, 2014. I had no idea that that was going to be of any importance at all, but I remember when it happened. I remember that drink. And what happened is, is I had been invited, I got an invitation in the mail from the base commander's wife, and this invitation had a big red mandatory stamped on it, and it was a coffee, and it was when I was expected to attend this coffee.
Now, I am one of these people, I love Alcoholics Anonymous. When I come into Alcoholics Anonymous, it's my people. But ordinarily, I'm really shy, really unsure of myself, all of that. Well, of course, I'm totally and completely self-centered, so that's how I am. So what happened is, is I knew that all these women were going to be sophisticated and educated and all of this stuff, and here I am, I'm uneducated.
I know that, you know, I just know that I'm going to be so less than them. And I just go to this, I go to this coffee, and I'm absolutely terrified. And the space commander's wife gets up behind a podium, just like I am, and all of us little second lieutenant's wives are sitting around the table, just like you guys are, and she begins to tell us what we're going to do to enhance our husband's career.
How we're going to attend the right dinner parties, how we're going to have the right dinner parties, we will always wear the appropriate attire, the right length gloves, all the things that we're going to do as an officer's wife. And I am absolutely mortified. I have no idea what I have just signed up for. And so what happens is, and we're supposed to attend all these functions that the officer's wives club has, you know, everything, you're supposed to be in attendance, kind of like AA.
They say show up, you know, for your meetings, and we were expected to show up.
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And so what happens is, a couple of weeks later, is they have an officer's wives luncheon, and I attend that luncheon. And I go into this luncheon, and on a long table like this, they have this fountain, and it has stuff coming out of it. It's a big fountain, and it has, you know, this liquid coming out of it. And it has all these glasses lined up. And these ladies are picking up a glass and putting it under the fountain.
I pick up a glass, and I put it under the fountain. Now my first drink of alcohol was really a wussy drink, but it wasn't even champagne. It was sherry. And I put my glass up under there, and I took a sip of that, and I can still remember how it felt. Oh, my God. It was just so warm. I didn't even realize it didn't taste good. It was just so warm, and it just felt so good. And I had a few that day, maybe a couple, not much.
And I mean, nothing happened like, all of a sudden, I didn't feel like Rita Hayworth, you know, and I didn't have that kind of a change. But what happened is, is I just had this easiness, this easiness that came over me. I just felt like I could take a breath. I just felt like I hadn't taken a deep breath in 18 years, and I just felt like I could just breathe. And I didn't understand what happened to me that day.
I didn't know that day that I took that drink of alcohol. And in the doctor's opinion, it talks about that feeling of ease and comfort. And I began to learn about how I could at once get that feeling of ease and comfort with another drink. And I drank alcohol. And what happened was, is I learned to drink all kinds of stuff. I mean, I thought it was all good. It all first starts out, you know, with the sweet drinks that are really fun and cute.
And boy, I'll tell you what, it just finally ends up straight-up vodka martinis. It's just, you know, forget all the other stuff. And then, you know, it's forget the glass and how the progression goes. But what happened was, is that it would give me that feeling. I could be in social situations that used to terrify me. And I could be in these social situations, and I could take a drink of alcohol, and it seemed like I could nod in the right places and laugh in the right places.
And it didn't bother me if I said words wrong. And everybody who knows me knows I get close enough that you know what I'm talking about, but I'll always tweak it the wrong way. And you know, and I would always do this, and I would always feel so stupid. And but, you know, that didn't seem to matter when I had a drink of alcohol. And alcohol worked for me. I'm talking about 1962. I now have two sons.
And my oldest son is up two and a half years old. My youngest son is six months old. And we get stationed in a place called Loring Air Force Base, Maine. Now I'm in Ohio. So you guys have a good idea what it's like to be in northern Maine. I mean, we get issued these parkas, you know, that you can barely see through because, you know, they got, you know, big heavy gloves and all this stuff because it's so cold there.
And I have these two little boys, and I don't have a clue what to do with these two little boys. I don't have Parenting 101, and I can't send these little boys out to play. And these two little boys are driving me crazy. And I end up, I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown every 20 minutes. I am a maniac. And I end up going to an Air Force doctor, and he says, take these. And from 1962 until 1977, when I entered the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I took Librium and Valium and Seconal and Nemetol and drank alcohol.
And I'm here to tell you, if you take those kind of drugs and drink alcohol, you're not an active alcoholic. I just say, I did my dying on my living room sofa. I just laid there and watched soap operas and listened to Joan Baez sing the blues.
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And I love to tell that because it is basically that, and you guys, you know, you guys laugh about it. But there's a huge tragedy to all of it, an absolutely huge tragedy. And the tragedy is, is I am an alcoholic mom. And I am a woman who never, ever should have been allowed to keep her children. And I am so grateful that in my sobriety, I have had strong sponsorship. And when I did my first fifth step with my sponsor, he looked at me, my first sponsor was a man.
He had been a Monsignor priest. I believe that God gives you exactly what you need when we come to this program. And I know, I hear men sponsor men and women sponsor women, but I didn't know those rules when I came here. And this man was, he had saved my life. He had 12 step, he had rescued me really out of a motel in Euless, Texas. He had rescued me. And he, I just, I had such a love for him. And he had been a priest, he had been a captain in the Navy, and he had been an only child.
And I think that God gives us exactly what we need. Because I was certain that what was wrong with me was the Baptist Church, I'm an only child, and the United States Air Force. I was certainly, those were the things that were wrong with me. And I'm so grateful for him. And when I finished my fifth step with him, Frank looked at me and he said, Polly, you are a child abuser. And I am a woman who abused her children.
And what I am the most grateful for today is that the forgiveness of my sons in this, for what has happened. But I know that it has to do with because of the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's been a wonderful, wonderful experience. And he looked at me and he said, Polly, you're going to go make amends to these boys. And I didn't know how I was going to do that. How do you do that? How do you make amends?
And one of the reasons that I just had such a hard time, I just couldn't stay sober, was because I couldn't stand who I was. I couldn't stand the mother that I was, the woman I had become. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand those little faces. I had a son who was an athlete and I had a son who was a musician. And I would say, I'll be at your game, I'll be at your concert. And what would happen is I would take a drink of alcohol and I wouldn't make it.
And then these little faces would stand at the end of the sofa saying, Mom, you promised, you promised. And what I would do is scream back at them. Well, you know, can't you see I'm sick? You know, don't you know I'm sick? I'd have been there if I could. And just make it their fault that I didn't show up. Make it what, it was just not being able to put my children to bed, not being able to get them up in the morning for school.
Kids, 9 and 11 years old, setting an alarm clock, getting themselves up for school because their mother is not capable. And there's no other parent there, their father is gone. The disease of alcoholism, this is a family disease. And in the family afterwards, it says anyone who lives with a practicing alcoholic is affected by the disease of alcoholism. And my children have been affected by the disease of alcoholism.
That son I told you that spoke today in Jacksonville, that son today has 30 years of sobriety. And I get to hear him speak from time to time in Alcoholics Anonymous. And he'll do this because he likes to get a laugh and he'll say, I have heard my mother speak hundreds of times and I have yet to heard her say anything even close to as bad as it really was. We talk here in a general way, you know. But what happens is we can laugh about this stuff today.
We can laugh about it because we have been given the gift of forgiveness. The gift of forgiveness. I listen to James talk and he talks about a little boy. These things I don't remember because those are things I would, you know, it happened but I don't remember it. And he gets up in the morning because his mother cannot get him up in the morning. She's not making him a nice lunch to carry to school.
He either makes his own lunch or he buys lunch. And he gets up in the morning and his mother, he goes to the kitchen, his mother is passed out with a drink spilled.
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bowl, gets the milk, puts it all together, makes sure he puts it all back because God forbid he leave anything out because then his mother would have a screaming fit. And he steps back over me, sits down and eats his breakfast and feels nothing. That's the disease of alcoholism. And today I have the love and the respect of my two sons because of a program called Alcoholics Anonymous. I would not give, I mean, that gift is such a gift, such a gift that I get to experience that kind of love and respect today. And all of that goes to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am so grateful for the gift of forgiveness because I am a woman who should never have ever been able to keep her children.
And because I did what you said do, I have that kind of love and respect today. He said, Polly, you're going to go to those boys and you're going to make amends. And I didn't know how do you do that? How do you go to these boys and tell them you're sorry that you've robbed their childhood, taken away their safety, they're not safe with you? How do you tell children? How do you make amends for stuff like that? Well, one of the things that I do and I do it today with the women I sponsor, he had me write that amends out on a little three by five card. And he says, because when you knew an amends that is so emotionally steeped, sometimes you can't get it all out. So I wrote it out. And I had that amends and I had another one. Because after I read that amends and told them the things that I needed to say, I asked them if they had anything to say to me. Well, when I got sober, my sons were 14 and 16 years old. And I'll tell you, they had a lot to say that day. These were two very, very angry young men or young boys. They were so angry.
And they had a lot to say that day. And another card, it said that I was to say, just like almost like a mantra, was I am so sorry that that happened to you. And I will spend the rest of my life being the very best mom I can be. And that's what I've had the opportunity to do today. My oldest son is not an Alcoholics Anonymous. So sometimes it's a little more challenging. He's not really crazy about AA. He feels like I lived in Southern California and so did he for a lot of years. And he felt like that I did too much in Alcoholics Anonymous.
So he doesn't feel the same way that my youngest son does, who is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. But you know, it's really fabulous that we have come to a place that we have come to. And the really beautiful thing is, is I used to think Russ had a lot of differences. And thanks to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I embrace his differences today. And he's absolutely amazing. And once I stopped needing him to be like me and be in Alcoholics Anonymous or be in Al-Anon, doing it my way, and I started embracing him for who he is, it's amazing, amazing how we change our mind. Amazing how we change our mind and have some acceptance for people who may not be doing things our way. It's absolutely fabulous. I'm going to tell you how I got to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I ended up having a car wreck in Irving, Texas. And I'm a blackout drinker, so I had this car wreck. I got out of my car.
I went and went to a phone booth and called the police. And what happened is, is here come the police with my husband. And I'm taken to the Irving police station. And I got to see that look on the non-alcoholic's face that just doesn't understand why we do the things we do. And this man looked at my husband and he says, why don't you just take her home and sober her up? And on the way home, my husband said, Polly, there's a treatment center and it's not far from our house and I wish you would go. And I entered that treatment center for the first time. And I loved it. I went into this treatment center and, you know, one of the things that happened is I did not even know another alcoholic when I came to AA. There is nobody I know in the Air Force that is alcoholic or there's nobody I know that's in AA. I don't know anybody that needs to be in AA. I did not know another alcoholic. And I'm telling you, I went into that treatment center and we were sitting
[00:35:01]
up to three or four o'clock in the morning. And these people were telling all of these drunk stories. And, oh, my God, I was just like, oh, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe all the things you guys did. I just absolutely couldn't believe it. And I didn't even say the F word when I got here. I'm really good at it now, but I didn't say it then. I didn't even say it. I mean, it was just like, oh, my God, this is unbelievable. And while I was in that treatment center, it was a seven-day detox. Now, this was no fancy jitter joint. It was a seven-day county detox. So, I mean, I'm listening to some really low bottom, low bottom people that have been living on the streets, that have been doing, I've been to jail, all of this stuff. And I'm telling you, I am entertained. And so what happens is as I had one of those jitter house romances, you know, where sick falls in love with sick and you walk off into happy destiny. Well, we walked off into happy destiny for 58 days.
And what happened for me is the man that would become my first sponsor absolutely rescued me and he rescued me out of a motel in Euless, Texas, and brought me back into that treatment center. And I'd been beaten up and numerous sundry other things, and he brought me back into that detox center. And I reached that place in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that talks about pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization because now I know what the problem is. The problem is sobriety. I love to hear Clancy talk when he talks about what it feels like not to drink, what it feels like. And not drinking, sitting in that treatment center. I know what kind of mother I am. I know what kind of daughter I am. My dad is already in the hospital going through cancer treatment. He's already been in several times.
And I'm running around causing all this havoc. And he's really sick. And I know what kind of wife I am. And I can't live with what happened in that motel. I cannot live with that. I just know that there's absolutely no way I can stay sober. Sobriety is the problem because sober I know who and what I am. And I can't face it. So what happened for me is I stayed in that hospital for seven days. And when that seven days was up, I left that treatment center. I got a bottle of scotch. I got a bottle of Valium. And I checked into a motel.
I don't believe that there's anybody in this room that doesn't have an angel in your life. Someone who leads us to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I had an angel in my life. And this lady worked with me. She knew nothing about the disease of alcoholism. She just loved me. And she said that that day something came over her. And she started driving around until she found my car parked outside this motel. And I hadn't shut the door all the way. It was just kind of closed. And she pushed the door open. And on April the 8th, she called 911. She found me laying there. She called 911. And on April the 8th of 1977, I was pronounced dead on arrival in a hospital in Bedford, Texas. By God's grace and divine intervention, I stand here tonight. It is by God's grace. And I know today that the gift of sobriety, the gift of sobriety is absolutely a divine gift. We come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I remember a beautiful man by the name of Clint Hodges.
And he used to say, we come into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and I drink no matter what. I drink when my kids have a ball game. I drink no matter what. We come in here and we sit down in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And what happens is it's just lifted. It's just lifted. But what happens is, is that I've got to have a plan of action to keep it stay lifted. I've got to work these steps. I've got to come to these meetings. I've got to be of service. I've got to form a relationship with God. And it's got to be my God. And it's not that scary God that I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous with. It can't be that scary God that I'm afraid to go to for help. And what happens is that's so sad is most alcoholics lay that gift on the chair and walk out the door. I am so grateful for
[00:40:04]
the gift of sobriety. The absolute gift of sobriety. There's a writing that one of our members wrote. I'm not sure who. I used to know a lot of the people who wrote in the Daily Reflection. But one of the things he says is that sobriety is God's gift to me. What I do with my sobriety is my gift back to God. And I'll tell you, I have a beautiful gift. And there is not anything I would not do for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
There is absolutely nothing I would not do. And sometimes I think I'm too tired. I can't do this. But you know what? God always gives you what you need. Absolutely always gives you what you need, no matter what. I'm so grateful for the gift, the free, absolute gift of sobriety that God has so graciously handed to me. What happened for me is that in 1977, not a bit different than it is in 2014, when you try to commit suicide or try to take your own life or whatever you want to call it, it gets the attention of the authorities.
And what happened was is I was put on one of those little 72-hour holds and I was carted off to a psychiatric hospital in Dallas, Texas, which was enough time for my husband to obtain a court order from a Fort Worth judge that I was a detriment to myself and others and I was court committed to treatment. By God's grace and a program called Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm sober today and I get to celebrate 37 years of sobriety in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am so grateful. And you know, I don't do a lot different today than I did when I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I study the big book. I also love the 12 and 12. I love all our literature. I love the language of the heart. I love A.A. Comes of Age. I love our literature. I absolutely love our literature. I don't do a lot different than I did then. I did this morning what I do every morning. I got up this morning and I have a few non-A.A. approved things I read and I read some approved A.A. things and I just give God the first part of my day. I'm retired today so I get to give him a little more time than I used to. I used to get up at 4.30 in the morning and I'd be out of my house by 6 because I lived in Orange County and I worked in L.A. and I got to drive an L.A. freeway and I'm really glad I took time every morning because I'm not sure how I'd made that L.A. freeway every day. But I am grateful. You know, I don't do anything that's really deep. I'm not sitting in the lotus position Zazen. I'm not doing any of that.
I just roll out of bed, say some prayers and ask God to direct my day and my thinking, my actions and my thinking and I just carry on and do a few readings and just carry on with my day and I'm so grateful that I've got to stay sober this long. When I came to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was not a poster child for A.A. What happened for me is I just was so empty and I just had, I love, I heard someone one time and I stole it from them, can't remember who, I can't give them credit for it because I can't remember, but they talked about a hole in their soul and that's what I had, a hole in my soul.
So what I did in Alcoholics Anonymous for the first three years is I hit a bottom in this program behind relationships and sex. I just knew that if you just loved me enough, I just wanted you to pay attention to me, I just wanted you to love me enough and if you do that, then I'd feel better. But see, I didn't get it. I didn't get it. I didn't understand and Frank would tell me, Polly, you've got to heal from the inside out. And what would happen is I just knew if you'd tell me enough, you'd just love me enough, I could feel that love. But one of the things that I know today is I don't always, I don't always feel that love. But what I do is if I talk to another woman in Alcoholics Anonymous or another man, I just, if I have that opportunity, I begin to feel that. I begin to feel that.
And when the women I sponsor call me, I feel what Bill talks about in his story. I feel useful. Talks About in His Story, I Feel Useful, I Feel a Sense of Usefulness, I Feel Wonderful When I Can Talk to My AA Sponsor, When I Get to Walk in Here Tonight and See Friends, I
[00:45:04]
Get to Feel that Feeling that We Get to Have, Now a Lot of Times Just Walking Through My Day I Don't Feel That, But You Know What Just as Soon as I Get to Make that Contact, As Soon as I Make that Contact, I Get that Feeling Again, I Get that Spiritual Connection With Another Alcoholic, With Another Person, Whatever, I Get to Have that Connection. When I was 3 1⁄2 Years Sober, I Married Another Member of this Fellowship and One of the Things is I Just Got to Marry the Man of My Dreams and Dave and I had been Friends for 3 Years, I Met Dave when I was 6 Months Sober and Dave and I were Never Inappropriate Together, but He Sponsored a Lot of People I'd Been Inappropriate With, so He Knew, He Knew More About Me than He Needed to, but What Dave Said to Me when I was 3 1⁄2 Years Sober is He Said, Polly I'm in Love with You and I Don't Want to Have an Affair with You, I Want to Marry You and Things Like That Shouldn't Happen to Women Like Me and This Past October, Dave and I Celebrated 33 Years of Marriage and I Tell You That's, We Talk About Great Events Will Come to Pass, That's the Great Fact, That's a Fact, If We Just Stay Spiritually Fit, You Know in the Big Book Tells Us, We Get a Daily Reprieve, Contingent on the Maintenance, Says I Got to Do Something on the Maintenance of My Spiritual Condition, If I Stay Spiritually Fit, That Great Events Will Come to Pass, That's the Great Fact for Us All and That's What God Says, You Know, Just Stay Close to Me, Just Stay Close to Me and Perform My Works Well and All We Do, How Do We Perform Our Works Well, We Grab a Newcomer and We Take Them Through the Book and We Give Them the Steps or Maybe We Talk to a Friend Who's Ill, Whatever, We Help Another Alcoholic, We Get to Do These Things and Alcoholics Anonymous and We Get to Have that Magic that Comes with the Gift of Sobriety, with the Gift of Sobriety, Dave and I've Had, I Mean, Life's Been in Session for the Past 33 Years, Life's Been in Session, I Love It When Bo and Shirley Are Here, Because They Talk About Mike, Well Dave's Son Mike, Mike, Our Mike Died Too, Our Mike Died of Lung Cancer, He Was 42 Years Old, You Know, You Lose a Child Here, But What Happens is People Are Here and They Rally Around You, That's What They Do, That's What Happens in the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, We've Watched Our Kids Come in These Rooms, The Other, You Know, Alcohol and Drugs and Get Sober and Right Now, Our Daughter's Even Sober, Dave's Daughter and That's Not Always True and on January the 3rd, I Watched My Son James Celebrate 30 Years in Alcoholics Anonymous, I Mean, What a Great Event That's Come to Pass, Dave and I've Gone Through Bankruptcy, We've Gone Through Foreclosure, Now We Did All This in 1993 and I Never in a Million Years Knew that, You Know, Come About 2009, 2010 and the Economy in the United States is Going to Go in the Toilet Again and What Happened is Dave and I were Living in Southern California and the Bottom Fell Out of Aerospace and Dave Lost His Job and I Mean, It Was a Tough Time, Dave Ended Up, He Didn't Work in His Field Again for 2 Years, He Worked 2 Minimum Wage Jobs, That's How We Got Through Those 2 Years, Because We Didn't Have a Long Time of Unemployment, I Think We Got Like 6 Weeks, But What Happened is, See All These Experiences, The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Says that Our Past is Our Greatest Asset and I've Been Able to Help People that I Sponsor, People that I Love in Alcoholics Anonymous Walk Through Bankruptcy and Foreclosure in This Time and I'd Say, You Know, There's Life After, You Know, I Can Remember, I Was So Embarrassed, Dave and I Were 16 and 17 Years Sober and I Used to, Frank Honeycutt, The Man, He Was, I Had 2 Franks and the Frank who was my Sponsor was Sponsored by Frank Honeycutt and I Got to Meet Frank Honeycutt in Southern California, Finest Man I've Ever Known and I Went to Frank One Day and, You Know, and Dottie and I Didn't Want to Talk Anymore, I Didn't Want to Stand Behind the Podium Because, You Know, I Didn't Want to Tell People What Was Happening, You
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Know, If You're Filing Bankruptcy and They're Foreclosing on Your House, People Are Going to Wonder What Step You're Working and I Didn't Want to, You Know, I Didn't, I Didn't Want Those Things Happening to, You Know, I Didn't Want to Talk About Those Things and I Said, Frank, What Will People Think of Me? He Says, It's None of Your Business What People Think of You, What People Think of You, But Your Very Life Depends on What You Think of Them and Dottie Would Say, You Know, Polly, You Have to Share Your Experience, Strength and Hope.
You're Having This Opportunity, If You Want, That Was Her, This Was an Opportunity, This Is Opportunity for Growth and You Have to Share that Growth and What Happened is, is because of that situation, a lot of things would become that we could face that would be on down the road. I would have a grandson who was born deaf and I could not understand why God did that. What Happened? I mean, I sponsor these women, they have these kids, they don't even want the kids and their kids are born perfect and our baby's born deaf.
Well, you know, I had no idea the gift that Ryan would be, absolutely no idea the gift that Ryan would be and because he was born deaf when Kelly was pregnant with the second child, they, you know, they did a test on her and found out that she needed to go to bed rest for the rest of her pregnancy, but if it hadn't have been for Ryan being deaf, they'd never run the test because they had had a child that had had some, you know, considered something wrong with him when he was born.
I want to tell you about Ryan today. Next month he'll be 21 years old. He is a junior at Rochester Institute of Technology. He is becoming a civil engineer. He has been to Europe with two other deaf kids for three weeks. He has been to Puerto Rico with five other deaf kids for about two weeks. He's been to all the parks in the north like Glacier and Yellowstone and all of this with a couple more deaf kids.
I'm here to tell you that Ryan is handicapped in no way. And his parents are members of Alcoholics Anonymous and they've been relieved of the bondage itself. So when it came to Ryan, it never cost too much, it never took too much. They were there for him. And this is just an absolutely amazing man. And then the really good news is, is because we all wanted to be able to talk to Ryan, so our whole family learned to sign.
And you know, there's a lot of deaf people in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I've had the opportunity to carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous to some deaf women. The miracle of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Right now my son is the chairman of the special needs committee in Chicago. And he has got them signing in so many meetings at Alcoholics Anonymous. And there are so many deaf people that are just coming out of the woodwork in Chicago and going to meetings where they have interpreters.
It is just amazing. And I come from Southern California and there's a whole enormous deaf community down in Northridge that has a whole lot of meetings that are signed. It's amazing. We have a lot of deaf people that are alcoholic. Just because they're deaf doesn't mean they're not going to be alcoholic too. So it is amazing. I have five grandchildren. These grandchildren have never seen me drink. I am an absolutely fun grandma.
I am a roller coaster riding grandma. I am so grateful for the gift of sobriety. I am so grateful that I get to share my sobriety with you. I am so grateful that God has given me the women that I get to sponsor. I don't know. I'm a person that's like Bill Wilson. I've suffered with a lot of depression. And I found the antidote for depression. Go work with another alcoholic. It's amazing what happens when you're not thinking about yourself that happens when we have depression.
And I learned that from Bill Wilson in a letter that he wrote, Our Next Frontier, Emotional Sobriety in the Language of the Heart. And I don't have a clue what I do for these women. But they give me the opportunity to let me sponsor them. And because of that, they call me on the phone.
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And they give me something to do. They give me an opportunity to work with them. I am so grateful that I have got the gift of sobriety. God bless you.