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const vttText = “WEBVTTnn1n00:00:00.300 –> 00:00:00.940nEasy does it.nn2n00:00:00.940 –> 00:00:03.100nSpeaker meeting, San Diego, California.nn3n00:00:03.100 –> 00:00:05.160nThe date is six three 88.nn4n00:00:05.160 –> 00:00:09.519nThe speaker is Jay Stinnett from Hermosa Beach, California.nn5n00:00:09.519 –> 00:00:11.039nSpeaker only tape.nn6n00:00:11.039 –> 00:00:15.500nHermosa Beach.nn7n00:00:15.500 –> 00:00:23.719nI said it Good evening, everyone.nn8n00:00:23.719 –> 00:00:25.460nMy name’s Jay, and I am an alcoholic.nn9n00:00:25.460 –> 00:00:26.699nHi, Jay.nn10n00:00:26.699 –> 00:00:32.500nAnd God is doing for me today what I could not do for myself ’cause I’m not drinking.nn11n00:00:32.500 –> 00:00:33.500nYeah.nn12n00:00:33.500 –> 00:00:43.700nI come from, uh, Hermosa Beach, as somebody has al-already mentioned, and, uh, and we have– my, my home group is the Hermosa Beach Men’s Stag,nn13n00:00:43.700 –> 00:00:50.560nand we have a little saying there that got my attention when I first came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.nn14n00:00:50.560 –> 00:01:01.259nUh, they told me, “Work the steps or die, motherfucker.” And, um, if that’s too complex for the intellectual wing,nn15n00:01:01.259 –> 00:01:01.768nso be it.nn16n00:01:01.768 –> 00:01:03.579nUm, I’m a recovering intellectual also.nn17n00:01:03.579 –> 00:01:11.859nUm, for those of you who are new, um, I’d like to tell you that I don’t usually wear a knot on my neck when I come to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.nn18n00:01:11.859 –> 00:01:21.659nUm, but my sponsor told me that, um, if you’re going to an AA meeting, and you’re gonna participate, he said, “Dress up.nn19n00:01:21.659 –> 00:01:23.299nWear a tie.nn20n00:01:23.299 –> 00:01:33.319nPut on a coat.” He said, “Because there might be somebody there who’s at your first meeting, and who knows what comes out of your mouth, but at least they’ll be ablenn21n00:01:33.319 –> 00:01:40.539nto see that there’s a difference.” And, uh, so you see now that I have a coat and tie and, and, um…nn22n00:01:40.539 –> 00:01:51.680nI’d also like to tell you that, that, that what I will share tonight is what I feel about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, whatnn23n00:01:51.680 –> 00:01:56.319nI personally maybe have distilled from the men and women who had gone before me.nn24n00:01:56.319 –> 00:02:02.299nUm, if you’ve been sober a while, hopefully there will be nothing original in what I say.nn25n00:02:02.299 –> 00:02:05.219nUm, I am not paid to do this.nn26n00:02:05.219 –> 00:02:15.340nUm, I do it only because it is part of being active and involved in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I’m notnn27n00:02:15.340 –> 00:02:25.460nhere because I’m a good guy or because I, I’m anything else, just that I am an alcoholic that came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that, uh,nn28n00:02:25.460 –> 00:02:27.300nwas introduced to this recovery program.nn29n00:02:27.300 –> 00:02:37.520nUh, and, uh, I came to you on the second day of May in 1979, andnn30n00:02:37.520 –> 00:02:47.719nthough I have found it necessary on many occasions to take a drink, I have not, and for that I am eternally grateful, and I owe that onlynn31n00:02:47.719 –> 00:02:50.840nto the experience of the men and women who were here before me.nn32n00:02:50.840 –> 00:03:01.120nUm, I came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous when I was twenty-four years old, and I see a lot of people who are, uh, who got into it early, and,nn33n00:03:01.120 –> 00:03:11.199nuh, I welcome you here, and, and I, uh, and I hope that, uh, that you find here some of the things that, uh, that I’ve been able to find here by following the experience of the men and womennn34n00:03:11.199 –> 00:03:12.039nwho came before me.nn35n00:03:12.039 –> 00:03:22.300nUm, I was born in a town called El Segundo, which is a little piece of Oklahoma which has been transplanted to the South Bay of Los Angelesnn36n00:03:22.300 –> 00:03:26.560nand, uh, that’s as good a reason as any to drink.nn37n00:03:26.560 –> 00:03:36.759nUm, I was born there to, uh, to a mother who was, uh, had absolutely no self-worth, was absolutely besi–nn38n00:03:36.759 –> 00:03:40.939nwho had no self-worth, and a father who was busy drinking.nn39n00:03:40.939 –> 00:03:49.020nUh, middle class home, uh, but it was one of those places where things were kind of exciting.nn40n00:03:49.020 –> 00:03:54.560nUm, when somebody’s hand goes up, you never know if it’s to be patted on the head or to be smacked.nn41n00:03:54.560 –> 00:03:58.199nUm, there was never any continuity of anything.nn42n00:03:58.199 –> 00:04:08.680nUm, I learned to read when I was very young, and reading became a, an escape for me, and,nn43n00:04:08.680 –> 00:04:17.160nuh, uh, I spent a lot of time in books, and I was a quick study, and, uh, school came very, very easy to me.nn44n00:04:17.160 –> 00:04:21.019nUm, I can’t tell you when I had my first drink.nn45n00:04:21.019 –> 00:04:31.060nWhat I can tell you is that, um, I was, uh, brought up in the restaurant business, and, um, by the time I was, say, eleven or twelve, Inn46n00:04:31.060 –> 00:04:35.819nwas actively seeking altered states of consciousness on a daily basis.nn47n00:04:35.819 –> 00:04:45.860nUm, the problem with being a short alcoholic is that it’s tough to get as much alcohol as you need, so you augmentnn48n00:04:45.860 –> 00:04:47.620nit with different substances.nn49n00:04:47.620 –> 00:04:53.660nGlue, gasoline, marijuana um, you know, LSD, whatever, whatever.nn50n00:04:53.660 –> 00:04:55.300nI’m one of the walking wounded of the sixties.nn51n00:04:55.300 –> 00:05:02.759nUm, I was told that there are a hundred and fifty anonymous programs currently.nn52n00:05:02.759 –> 00:05:06.740nUm, there probably has been one added as I speak this evening.nn53n00:05:06.740 –> 00:05:09.399nUm, we’re creative folk.nn54n00:05:09.399 –> 00:05:13.879nAnd, uh, I qualify as an alcoholic.nn55n00:05:13.879 –> 00:05:22.000nUh, the reason that I qualify as an alcoholic is, is that booze did something for me that nothing else did.nn56n00:05:22.000 –> 00:05:27.120nAlcohol, um, made it easier to breathe.nn57n00:05:27.120 –> 00:05:30.000nAlcohol made my step a little lighter.nn58n00:05:30.000 –> 00:05:34.019nUh, alcohol, um, made me feel whole.nn59n00:05:34.019 –> 00:05:36.279nAlcohol made me bulletproof.nn60n00:05:36.279 –> 00:05:46.439nAnd, uh, uh, and I thought that booze was no big deal because there were all these other things that I was doing, and boozenn61n00:05:46.439 –> 00:05:52.209nwas just, eh, you know, it’s what my parents did, and I– Lord knows I wasn’t gonna be like, like, like my father.nn62n00:05:52.209 –> 00:05:59.920nBut what happened is, is that I’m the kinda guy that, that while we were busy doing one thing or another, I’d always say, “Well, we gotta have some wine.nn63n00:05:59.920 –> 00:06:09.980nWe gotta have a little something here or there.” I’d, I– back in, in, in ’65, ’66, I’d stand outside the El Portal Liquor Store, trade guys joints, so they’d go in and get me a halfnn64n00:06:09.980 –> 00:06:10.759npint of vodka.nn65n00:06:10.759 –> 00:06:20.791nAnd, um, I, uh- I was such a smart kid and such a quick study that I never stuck a needle in my arm until I wasnn66n00:06:20.791 –> 00:06:26.172nabout 15, and I went on a run for about a year and a half of sticking needles in my arm on a daily basis.nn67n00:06:26.172 –> 00:06:30.992nUm, but I never stuck a needle in my arm that I didn’t have a drink first.nn68n00:06:30.992 –> 00:06:42.141nAnd, um, what I can tell you is, is that, um, when I came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was so blown away that,nn69n00:06:42.141 –> 00:06:45.031num– And I’d been living on the streets.nn70n00:06:45.031 –> 00:06:50.291nThat alcohol was what I was obsessed with.nn71n00:06:50.291 –> 00:06:58.471nAlcohol was what it was that I needed, and my first 90 days of sobriety, I was real thirsty, you know.nn72n00:06:58.471 –> 00:07:08.552nAnd if you’re here tonight, and you’re thirsty, if you’re here tonight, and every– about every fourth thought I had would be, “I need a drink.” And, uh, then my mind would go, “No,nn73n00:07:08.552 –> 00:07:13.971nwe’re not drinking right now, but, but, but we need a– just a beer because a, a beer isn’t really drinking.nn74n00:07:13.971 –> 00:07:20.071nJust, just something to, to, to help me through.” And my first 90 days, I mean, that’s the way my mind worked.nn75n00:07:20.071 –> 00:07:30.911nAnd the one thing, if you have nothing else for me tonight, I can tell you that if you be alcoholic and you work the steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the obsessionnn76n00:07:30.911 –> 00:07:35.552nto drink will leave, and I didn’t think that that was possible when I came to you.nn77n00:07:35.552 –> 00:07:38.531nI thought that that was something that I’d be with all my life.nn78n00:07:38.531 –> 00:07:45.312nAnd, uh, when the obsession left, uh, it was a, uh, it was a great day in my life.nn79n00:07:45.312 –> 00:07:47.971nUm, anyway, I had a lot of opportunities.nn80n00:07:47.971 –> 00:07:55.012nI did real well at school even though, um, I was, uh, I was drinking on a daily basis, uh, before I’d go to school.nn81n00:07:55.012 –> 00:07:58.512nThe crowd I ran with, we, uh, knew what nutrition break was for.nn82n00:07:58.512 –> 00:08:03.052nUm- You know, we got lunch, we didn’t eat it.nn83n00:08:03.052 –> 00:08:07.211nUm, you know, and then after school, we, we went o-on about our business.nn84n00:08:07.211 –> 00:08:12.372nUm, when I came to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, they talked a lot about being in the now.nn85n00:08:12.372 –> 00:08:21.031nAnd, um, when I looked back at my life, I’d realized from the time that I’d– that I was about 12 is that I’d never been in the now.nn86n00:08:21.031 –> 00:08:22.732nI’d never been present.nn87n00:08:22.732 –> 00:08:33.751nI was either drinking, thinking about what it was that we were gonna drink and the party that we were gonna have, or I was talking about what it was that we’d done yesterday.nn88n00:08:33.751 –> 00:08:34.692nBut I was never present.nn89n00:08:34.692 –> 00:08:36.032nI was always busy.nn90n00:08:36.032 –> 00:08:46.052nAnd, um, I, uh– after I was traded through about three or four different– three different high schools, um, I ended up at Laguna Beach High, wherenn91n00:08:46.052 –> 00:08:47.412nthey understood people like me.nn92n00:08:47.412 –> 00:08:58.072nAnd, um, I, I was there in, uh, in a time when, like, the rules were off, and, um, we did things like, uh, uh, wenn93n00:08:58.072 –> 00:09:05.091nhad a progressive education club, and we, we got together, and if we could get eight students that wanted a course, they’d teach it to us, you know.nn94n00:09:05.091 –> 00:09:08.231nSo I came up with Man in the Authoritarian Society, you know.nn95n00:09:08.231 –> 00:09:17.532nAnd I– and, and we studied Marcuse and, and read Hegel and smoked joints and, and, and drank wine and- And, you know, read Alan Watts and, you know.nn96n00:09:17.532 –> 00:09:19.272nIt was, it was a wonderful time.nn97n00:09:19.272 –> 00:09:29.471nUm, you know, uh, my wife and I are expecting our first, uh, our first child the end of August, and I, and I sincerely hope that there’s something like the hippienn98n00:09:29.471 –> 00:09:35.292nmovement if this kid gets, you know, is, is actually one of them Is actually my kid, you know.nn99n00:09:35.292 –> 00:09:37.312nUh, although I’ll take a blue Mohawk.nn100n00:09:37.312 –> 00:09:37.841nWhat the heck?nn101n00:09:37.841 –> 00:09:48.251nUm- Uh, I was, uh, I was always working in restaurantsnn102n00:09:48.251 –> 00:09:58.501nand, and, um, when I was, uh, uh, working in, uh, in these, in these places, I’d, I’d, I’d get, uh, friendly with the waitresses,nn103n00:09:58.501 –> 00:10:07.172nyou know, and what they’d do is they’d bring by the drink tray with the drinks that weren’t finished and set it down before they took them back to the bartender to let him wash it.nn104n00:10:07.172 –> 00:10:16.292nAnd I’d, I’d be back washing dishes, and I’d, I’d get the milk canister and pour the different drinks in there and put a couple ice cubes and some Coke on top of it.nn105n00:10:16.292 –> 00:10:20.892nAnd, you know, going to work was great, especially after I’d been introduced to, to amphetamines.nn106n00:10:20.892 –> 00:10:28.131nUm, you know, you can get those dishes real clean and, uh, and, and just drink with impunity.nn107n00:10:28.131 –> 00:10:34.792nUh, I’m also one of these guys who believe that the only reason that God created cocaine was so I could drink more.nn108n00:10:34.792 –> 00:10:39.611nUm, and, uh, that’s all that I have to say about the alkaloid.nn109n00:10:39.611 –> 00:10:49.631nUm, I graduated from high school, had a lot of, uh, different fun, uh, uh, going to school in Idaho, um, skiing, workingnn110n00:10:49.631 –> 00:10:50.871nin Hawaii, tending bar.nn111n00:10:50.871 –> 00:10:52.851nIt was just– It was, it was, it was a great time.nn112n00:10:52.851 –> 00:10:56.692nIt was a great time, and, uh, uh, everything was rolling.nn113n00:10:56.692 –> 00:11:06.751nUh, I fell in with a bunch of other guys who were self-employed entrepreneurs, and, and we’d, we’d gone to, uh, to Idaho to carry the message of peace,nn114n00:11:06.751 –> 00:11:07.491nlove, and drugs.nn115n00:11:07.491 –> 00:11:13.812nAnd, and, uh- And Idaho in 1972 was not ready for a guy like me.nn116n00:11:13.812 –> 00:11:16.552nI mean, it was like- -walking into a wall.nn117n00:11:16.552 –> 00:11:26.652nUm, and I had hair down to here and my mirrored sunglasses on, and I was going door to door telling people about George McGovern, and, uh- They just weren’t, weren’t having muchnn118n00:11:26.652 –> 00:11:26.971nof it.nn119n00:11:26.971 –> 00:11:37.292nUh- Um, the town that I was in, Caldwell, w-was so slow, um, that, uh, when I,nn120n00:11:37.292 –> 00:11:41.951nwhen I was there for a while, it, it occurred to me that I needed to do something to kind of spark things up.nn121n00:11:41.951 –> 00:11:43.672nAnd there was this group at this college.nn122n00:11:43.672 –> 00:11:46.331nIt’s a little Presbyterian college that I ended up in.nn123n00:11:46.331 –> 00:11:56.511nAnd, uh, it was called The Orients, and it was a local fraternity, and it was made up of nothing but linemen off the football team and cowboys becausenn124n00:11:56.511 –> 00:11:58.912nnobody with any brains would have anything to do with these people.nn125n00:11:58.912 –> 00:12:09.052nAnd so I became the token hippie and got to go to places like Star, Idaho, that has, like, population 12, which is a bar and a mailbox and a, and a, and a gasnn126n00:12:09.052 –> 00:12:12.192npump, and, and got to see how the real world is.nn127n00:12:12.192 –> 00:12:17.371nYou know, I mean, I’d always lived here in Disneyland close to the coast no matter what Covina says.nn128n00:12:17.371 –> 00:12:26.347nUm- And, uh But while I was there, something interesting happened.nn129n00:12:26.347 –> 00:12:27.888nI’m, I’m, I’m a freshman in college.nn130n00:12:27.888 –> 00:12:34.788nI’m, I’m, I’m working Tendon Bar, the, this tavern that was right next to the, to the, uh, to the campus.nn131n00:12:34.788 –> 00:12:36.847nUm, I’m having a great time.nn132n00:12:36.847 –> 00:12:45.748nI’ve got the, uh, I got the Latin American Studies department wired, got the girl, got the, you know, everything’s going, and it didn’t fill me up.nn133n00:12:45.748 –> 00:12:50.107nAnd what happened is, is that, uh, it all went away.nn134n00:12:50.107 –> 00:12:57.488nAnd, um, it took me about nine months to get everything back together again.nn135n00:12:57.488 –> 00:13:00.807nAnd then after about six months, it all fell apart.nn136n00:13:00.807 –> 00:13:07.307nAnd, uh, after that, it took me– I, I tried a geographic to Seattle and had a great time in Seattle.nn137n00:13:07.307 –> 00:13:15.628nGot everything going, worked for about a year and a half, and, uh, and still I just lose everything.nn138n00:13:15.628 –> 00:13:24.148nAnd, um, you know, if you’re new here, what I can tell you is, is that, uh, that I got fired from every job that I ever had.nn139n00:13:24.148 –> 00:13:28.488nEvery person that I ever became infinite– intimately, infinitely?nn140n00:13:28.488 –> 00:13:35.067nIntimately involved with, um, uh, asked me to leave.nn141n00:13:35.067 –> 00:13:40.768nUm, I violated the trust of anybody who ever gave me any.nn142n00:13:40.768 –> 00:13:44.508nI stole at every job I ever had.nn143n00:13:44.508 –> 00:13:47.748nI had the utilities turned off on me in every apartment I ever lived in.nn144n00:13:47.748 –> 00:13:51.988nI got kicked out of just about every place I ever left if I didn’t split first.nn145n00:13:51.988 –> 00:13:54.908nAnd that’s not the kinda guy that I was raised to be.nn146n00:13:54.908 –> 00:13:58.847nIt’s not the kind of values that my, my parents tried to impart to me.nn147n00:13:58.847 –> 00:14:04.567nIt’s not the kind of person that I thought about being when we were talking about all this love stuff.nn148n00:14:04.567 –> 00:14:14.587nBut what happened is, is that, um, that I was, uh, I was suffering from an obsession of the mind couplednn149n00:14:14.587 –> 00:14:19.227nwith the allergy of the body, and what happened is, is that I drank away my soul.nn150n00:14:19.227 –> 00:14:23.128nAnd, um, that’s what alcohol did for me.nn151n00:14:23.128 –> 00:14:30.427nIt took me from being a human and stripped away everything that makes human beings human.nn152n00:14:30.427 –> 00:14:39.748nThe ability to be a member of a family, the, uh, ability to work, the ability to be a friend, the ability to contribute anything.nn153n00:14:39.748 –> 00:14:42.827nAll I became was a drinking animal.nn154n00:14:42.827 –> 00:14:53.788nAnd, um, it got to the point where what I was doing was I was sleeping in alleyways in Seattle, sleeping in, uh, uh, uh, laundromats,nn155n00:14:53.788 –> 00:14:55.927nuh, underneath the stairways.nn156n00:14:55.927 –> 00:14:57.807nAnd, uh, there’s a bunch of colleges around here.nn157n00:14:57.807 –> 00:15:08.528nYou know, that’s a great place to get free rooms and stuff is you camp out underneath the stairways in the dormitories, and kids will say, “Oh, here,” you know, “come have a little this, a little that.” Um,nn158n00:15:08.528 –> 00:15:09.057nit’s wonderful.nn159n00:15:09.057 –> 00:15:12.618nBut, uh, but, uh, what I was was I was an animal.nn160n00:15:12.618 –> 00:15:18.888nAnd, um, my grandfather was on the PSA plane that went down here in October of ’78.nn161n00:15:18.888 –> 00:15:22.447nI think it was October or August, something like that.nn162n00:15:22.447 –> 00:15:24.028nI can’t, I can’t remember exactly.nn163n00:15:24.028 –> 00:15:31.827nBut, um, I had to go down to the funeral, and, you know, they sent up a ticket to where I could be found.nn164n00:15:31.827 –> 00:15:41.827nAnd, uh, and, um, I don’t know if you’ve been in those situations where you’re just totally bloated and, um, and everything inside of you is screaming how bad it is, and you’re telling everybodynn165n00:15:41.827 –> 00:15:43.628nyou’re fine, you know?nn166n00:15:43.628 –> 00:15:54.427nUm, you know, I’d gotten to the point that December where what I was doing was I was sitting around, uh, my parent, my, my great-grandfather,nn167n00:15:54.427 –> 00:16:00.388nmy mother, my grandmother, my little sister were coming to get me to take me to family Christmas.nn168n00:16:00.388 –> 00:16:06.067nAnd I’m living on, uh, I’m staying in a, in an apartment on Skid Row in Seattle.nn169n00:16:06.067 –> 00:16:08.216nI’m in this bar, and I’m sitting there drinking.nn170n00:16:08.216 –> 00:16:17.607nAnd they come up, and they knock on the door of where it is that I’m living, and I can’t go and be with them.nn171n00:16:17.607 –> 00:16:19.648nI can’t spend time with them.nn172n00:16:19.648 –> 00:16:23.447nI can’t subject them to what it is that I’ve become, you know.nn173n00:16:23.447 –> 00:16:31.687nI know what it’s like to have the people that y- that love you look at you with that mix of pity and disgust.nn174n00:16:31.687 –> 00:16:40.727nI know what it’s like for when people walk down the street, and they see you coming, and they move to the other side of the street ’cause what you do is shuffling.nn175n00:16:40.727 –> 00:16:50.408nUm, I know what it’s like to walk up and down streets looking for change that people’s, uh, uh, have dropped so that you can get a drink.nn176n00:16:50.408 –> 00:16:54.706nAnd, um, and I didn’t know that what I was was an alcoholic.nn177n00:16:54.706 –> 00:16:59.427nI thought what I was was a bad guy getting what I deserved.nn178n00:16:59.427 –> 00:17:08.468nAnd, um, my dad asked me to come down and stay with him, so I did and, uh, moved in with daddy, which was just humiliating.nn179n00:17:08.468 –> 00:17:10.548nAnd, um, I got a car.nn180n00:17:10.548 –> 00:17:20.827nNow, I’d gotten a car– You know, I’d had a lot of different cars before, but I’d been arrested for driving under the influence in, uh, ’75.nn181n00:17:20.827 –> 00:17:27.327nAnd, um, when they told me what the insurance rates were, I just sold the car, you know, and moved downtown and took the buses.nn182n00:17:27.327 –> 00:17:29.508nUh, I didn’t need an automobile.nn183n00:17:29.508 –> 00:17:33.307nUh, but down here you need transportation.nn184n00:17:33.307 –> 00:17:42.847nAnd so, uh, you know, I’m, I’m drinking in the morning as I’m always want to, and I got a job, uh, job working cleaning carpets, and, and it’s, and it’s nice work if you can get it.nn185n00:17:42.847 –> 00:17:52.877nAnd it’s, and it’s great ’cause you can stand around at six o’clock in the bar with the other guys and talk about the lames that you saw today or that you saw yesterday and the lames you’re gonna see today and, uh, andnn186n00:17:52.877 –> 00:17:53.208ndrink.nn187n00:17:53.208 –> 00:17:54.807nAnd one day I got stuck there at the bar.nn188n00:17:54.807 –> 00:18:02.647nYou know, I, I– probably nobody can identify with that, but, uh, uh, and I made it to my eight o’clock appointment at, like, two thirty.nn189n00:18:02.647 –> 00:18:10.807nAnd, uh, well, the NB– uh, the, the, the, the college basketball playoffs or something important was on, you know.nn190n00:18:10.807 –> 00:18:16.067nAnd, um, and what happened is, is that, um, I got bounced from the job I had.nn191n00:18:16.067 –> 00:18:18.607nI took a couple hundred dollars and jumped in the Pinto.nn192n00:18:18.607 –> 00:18:19.867nI’m in Huntington Beach.nn193n00:18:19.867 –> 00:18:26.087nUm, it’s about, I don’t know, by then it was about four o’clock in the afternoon, and, um, I left.nn194n00:18:26.087 –> 00:18:35.208nThat night I was arrested in Vallejo, California, up in the Bay Area, for driving under the influence, and I don’t know much about the drive in between.nn195n00:18:35.208 –> 00:18:39.887nAnd what happened is, is for the next week I was on a, I was on a real binge.nn196n00:18:39.887 –> 00:18:50.228nWhat I was doing was I was stealing alcohol, living in this Pinto, um, stealing gasoline, uh, trying to find somebodynn197n00:18:50.228 –> 00:18:55.667nthat’d, uh, that’d kill me ’cause I wasn’t, I wasn’t man enough to do it myself.nn198n00:18:55.667 –> 00:18:57.508nI ended up going to the La Brea Tarnn199n00:18:57.846 –> 00:19:01.366nof Western culture, uh, San Francisco, California.nn200n00:19:01.366 –> 00:19:11.366nUm, and, uh, what I was looking for, I’d, I’d gotten to the point where reading William Burroughs was the only thing that gave me anything, and I was looking for the Razor Boys to kill me.nn201n00:19:11.366 –> 00:19:18.306nAnd, um, and what happened is, is that, uh, I got arrested one more time, and my, my daddy came and bailed me out.nn202n00:19:18.306 –> 00:19:28.326nI’d been arrested, uh, three times in a nine-week period, and he said, uh, he said, uh, “Do you, uh, do you think you have the disease?”nn203n00:19:28.326 –> 00:19:39.166nAnd I said, “Oh, I, I hear an out here.” And I said, “What, what, what, what are you talking about?” And he said, “Well, I got a guy that I’d like you to meet.” And so, uh,nn204n00:19:39.166 –> 00:19:41.306nI drove from San Francisco down to El Segundo.nn205n00:19:41.306 –> 00:19:47.366nI had about, uh, five or six beers just to get me through, and, um, I met this guy the next morning.nn206n00:19:47.366 –> 00:19:50.646nThis gentleman has had 12 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous.nn207n00:19:50.646 –> 00:20:00.666nHe’s had eight years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, and to the best of my knowledge, in 19– I know that in 1979 he was not a member of, of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I know thatnn208n00:20:00.666 –> 00:20:02.745nhe has not been sober since then.nn209n00:20:02.745 –> 00:20:09.886nBut what happened is, is he took time to come and tell me what had been freely given to him.nn210n00:20:09.886 –> 00:20:16.126nAnd we sat down at this coffee shop, and he told me a lit- bit, little bit about his life, and he told me that he’d had some problems.nn211n00:20:16.126 –> 00:20:26.066nAnd he said, um, he said to me he’d met some people, and they called themselves Alcoholics Anonymous, and they were kind to him.nn212n00:20:26.066 –> 00:20:35.086nAnd they show– they’d showed him a way to live his life without drinking, and, uh, I thought that was too weird.nn213n00:20:35.086 –> 00:20:39.106nAnd so I, I said, “Well, do you think what I need is psychiatric treatment?nn214n00:20:39.106 –> 00:20:49.126nDo you think what I need is, uh, is maybe a hospital, or maybe, maybe what I need’s religion?” And he looked at me and henn215n00:20:49.126 –> 00:20:59.426nsaid, “Trick, um, a hospital program will cost about three grand.” He says, “What I’d like you to do is take the three thousand dollars,nn216n00:20:59.426 –> 00:21:04.866ngo out and drink it all up, and when you’re done, call Alcoholics Anonymous.nn217n00:21:04.866 –> 00:21:14.926nIt’s for fun and for free.” And, um, I have a- absolutely no reason why I left that– talking with that man, and I went tonn218n00:21:14.926 –> 00:21:24.936nmy grandmother’s house, the one relative that I hadn’t burned that badly, and I poured myself a glass full of Davis County Old Kentucky Bourbon, three ice cubes, started to drink it,nn219n00:21:24.936 –> 00:21:28.586nand I called information, and I called the central office of Alcoholics Anonymous in Los Angeles.nn220n00:21:28.586 –> 00:21:34.706nFor those of you who work with the central office here in San Diego, you know I love you.nn221n00:21:34.706 –> 00:21:36.286nGod bless you.nn222n00:21:36.286 –> 00:21:40.306nBecause people like you were there when I called.nn223n00:21:40.306 –> 00:21:50.306nAnd this woman said, uh, “Do you think you’re alcoholic?” And I said, “Well, I don’t know.” And, uh, and she said, uh, “Well, are you drinking now?” And I said, “No.” And, uh,nn224n00:21:50.306 –> 00:21:51.686nshe said, “Well, don’t go anywhere.nn225n00:21:51.686 –> 00:21:56.826nWe’ll have a guy call you within the next 20 minutes.” And, um, a guy by the name of Larry G.nn226n00:21:56.826 –> 00:22:06.946ncalled me up and, uh, and he said, “Are you willing to go to any lengths not to drink?” I was on a roll, so I said, “Yes.” And, um, henn227n00:22:06.946 –> 00:22:17.126nsaid, “Well, we’ve got a noon meeting happening down at the Ilano Club here in Manhattan Beach, and I suggest what you do is you come down.” And so I, I got there fashionably late, about 12:20, and I vibratednn228n00:22:17.126 –> 00:22:19.366ninto this place ’cause I really hadn’t had enough to drink.nn229n00:22:19.366 –> 00:22:29.706nAnd, um, the lady behind the coffee bar said, “You, upstairs.” And I went– So I walked up these 12 steps and intonn230n00:22:29.706 –> 00:22:39.726nthis smoke-filled room, and there’s, there’s th- there’s a bunch of people there, you know, and, um, their eyes are alight, andnn231n00:22:39.726 –> 00:22:42.826ntheir, their skin is kinda cleaned up.nn232n00:22:42.826 –> 00:22:48.206nYou know, I mean, it doesn’t have that beautiful bar tan, you know, when all the capillaries in your cheeks are broken.nn233n00:22:48.206 –> 00:22:53.706nAnd, uh, it was not what I thought Alcoholics Anonymous would be, you know?nn234n00:22:53.706 –> 00:22:57.206nAnd, and, and they’re clean, and, and they, they smell good, you know?nn235n00:22:57.206 –> 00:23:07.636nAnd, um, and I look up and, and, and there’s the, the 12 steps and the 12 traditions on the, on the wall, you know, and I fir- see the first step, and I go, “Oh.” Andnn236n00:23:07.636 –> 00:23:11.766nI see the second and the third step, and I go, “Oh my G- I’ve come to this,” you know?nn237n00:23:11.766 –> 00:23:14.726nI mean, where, where, okay, where are the tambourines?nn238n00:23:14.726 –> 00:23:15.606nYou know.nn239n00:23:15.606 –> 00:23:24.706nAnd, um, everybody in the meeting started talking at me, and I was wondering how they knew to talk at me.nn240n00:23:24.706 –> 00:23:29.926nAnd, um, when I drink, I get busy, okay?nn241n00:23:29.926 –> 00:23:36.166nAnd, uh, and what happens is, is you can tell that I spent a lot of money getting my hair styled, ah, six, eight months ago.nn242n00:23:36.166 –> 00:23:44.666nUm, I get so busy that I don’t brush my teeth ’cause you know when you brush your teeth and you s- you gag on the toothbrush.nn243n00:23:44.666 –> 00:23:48.506nUm, so I got this green patina across my teeth.nn244n00:23:48.506 –> 00:23:51.546nI, I’m too busy to cut my fingernails, so they’re out to about here.nn245n00:23:51.546 –> 00:23:54.566nUm, and I grew a real bad excuse for a beard.nn246n00:23:54.566 –> 00:23:58.266nYou know, I’ve, I’m o- one of these guys that I see a couple guys who can grow beards, you know?nn247n00:23:58.266 –> 00:24:01.126nBut I, I get these patches that don’t grow any hair.nn248n00:24:01.126 –> 00:24:03.766nYou know, it just looks really awful.nn249n00:24:03.766 –> 00:24:08.566nSo when I came to AA, I had, uh, I had a great wardrobe.nn250n00:24:08.566 –> 00:24:15.266nI had a, a pair of Levi’s, uh, a good p- T-shirt and a, and a, and a lousy T-shirt, and a pair of bowling shoes.nn251n00:24:15.266 –> 00:24:25.306nThe reason that I had the bowling shoes was that, um, I’d been so excited one afternoon in Santa Rosa that I’d needed tonn252n00:24:25.306 –> 00:24:26.146ntake a little nap.nn253n00:24:26.146 –> 00:24:32.406nAnd, um, I was n- napping in the alley, and when I woke up, uh, one of my shoes was gone.nn254n00:24:32.406 –> 00:24:38.035nAnd, um, I needed to figure out how to, how to get some shoes, and I hustled a little money together.nn255n00:24:38.035 –> 00:24:44.006nI went in the bowling alley, and I said, uh, you know, “I’d like to bowl a lane, size eight and a half,” and, uh, I left with the shoes.nn256n00:24:44.006 –> 00:24:50.066nAnd, um, so I’m– So this is what I’ve presented to you, okay?nn257n00:24:50.066 –> 00:24:54.626nAnd there’s this– And I’m wondering why people know that I’m the newcomer, you know?nn258n00:24:54.626 –> 00:24:56.006nThey’ve never met me.nn259n00:24:56.006 –> 00:25:06.146nAnd, um, so these people start talking at me, and there was a guy who was a butcher, and he talked about cutting his hand So he could go and get a drink.nn260n00:25:06.146 –> 00:25:15.706nAnd he talked about sitting at a bar being cool, you know, nobody talking to you, just looking in the mirror, and suddenly losing control of his bowels.nn261n00:25:15.706 –> 00:25:26.026nAnd he talked about when his family left, how he heaved that sigh of relief and said, “You know,nn262n00:25:26.026 –> 00:25:28.586nnow I can drink for me.nn263n00:25:28.586 –> 00:25:33.986nNow I can drink the way I want.” And, um, I understood what he was talking about.nn264n00:25:33.986 –> 00:25:39.306nAnd I’d been living in, I’d been living in bars for about six years.nn265n00:25:39.306 –> 00:25:41.906nI’d been in the restaurant business all my life.nn266n00:25:41.906 –> 00:25:50.526nI’d done nothing but associate myself with people that actively drank, and nobody’d ever talked like that to me before.nn267n00:25:50.526 –> 00:26:00.585nAnd he looked right through me, and he said, “You don’t ever have to feel this way again.” And I don’t know why, but I trusted what that man said.nn268n00:26:00.585 –> 00:26:07.326nUm, I’d heard the words and the music of Alcoholics Anonymous.nn269n00:26:07.326 –> 00:26:17.666nOne drunk saying, “You don’t have to live this way anymore.” And, um, that was the start of, of, of a fantastic,nn270n00:26:17.666 –> 00:26:19.466nfantastic journey for me.nn271n00:26:19.466 –> 00:26:27.026nUm, there were, uh, about six guys after the meeting that, uh, took me out, uh, for their favorite sport, newcomer bashing.nn272n00:26:27.026 –> 00:26:37.226nUm, and, uh, what they did is they, uh, they took me down to the beach, and they said things like, uh, “We don’t use any dope here,nn273n00:26:37.226 –> 00:26:39.366nyou know?” And I’m sitting there.nn274n00:26:39.366 –> 00:26:43.686nEvery cell in my body is screaming for a drink, and they’re talking to me about drugs.nn275n00:26:43.686 –> 00:26:45.786nAnd I thought they were being a little rigid.nn276n00:26:45.786 –> 00:26:54.876nAnd they said, “Well, our experience is, not drinking, that if you be alcoholic and you smoke a little non-habit-forming marijuana- …nn277n00:26:54.876 –> 00:27:05.026num, an ice-cold Dos Equis will look a lot better to you.” And they said, “If you do a little of that recreational cocaine, um, that,nn278n00:27:05.026 –> 00:27:15.686nuh, a double Bombay on the rocks with a twist just to take the edge off might be a little bit better, you know, might be a little more attractive.” And they said that, “Our experiencenn279n00:27:15.686 –> 00:27:24.906nnot drinking is that if you use these freeze-dried martinis,” the Valiums, okay- …nn280n00:27:24.906 –> 00:27:35.086n”that sooner or later you’re gonna want a wet one, okay?” And they said, “A lot of people have died drunk becausenn281n00:27:35.086 –> 00:27:45.086nthey came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and they did it their way.” And they said, “People have been able to get times not drinking, but it seemsnn282n00:27:45.086 –> 00:27:55.106nlike they can’t get past about five years without having just a, just a little wine to take the edge off.” And, uh, my sponsor told me that you can, you can smell all thenn283n00:27:55.106 –> 00:27:57.126noriginal thinkers in Alcoholics Anonymous.nn284n00:27:57.126 –> 00:27:58.486nThey smell like port.nn285n00:27:58.486 –> 00:28:03.606nAnd, uh, uh, anybody drink Nitre in here?nn286n00:28:03.606 –> 00:28:04.946nUh, well, okay.nn287n00:28:04.946 –> 00:28:13.386nUm, so anyway, these guys, uh, took me down to this, d-down to the beach and, and worked me over a bit.nn288n00:28:13.386 –> 00:28:23.466nAnd, uh, you know, they, they took me back to another meeting, and, and, uh, I went to a speaker meeting that night, and I, I was absolutely positive that, uh, that, uh, I’d never forgetnn289n00:28:23.466 –> 00:28:24.346nwhat that woman said.nn290n00:28:24.346 –> 00:28:28.126nAnd, you know, I, I couldn’t remember her name or what she looked like or anything.nn291n00:28:28.126 –> 00:28:31.986nUh, and I didn’t drink that night, and I came back the next morning.nn292n00:28:31.986 –> 00:28:39.046nUh, and, um, and that’s the secret is that, that, that we go to meetings, and we don’t drink between the meetings.nn293n00:28:39.046 –> 00:28:49.086nAnd I saw that there were a lot of new people tonight, you know, and, and, and, um, that was– that’s the key is that, uh, the people that I see that go to meeting every day, and they don’tnn294n00:28:49.086 –> 00:28:59.226ndrink between the meetings, and that they dummy up, and they get in line like I had to, um, and they do the things that the people that were here before do, theirnn295n00:28:59.226 –> 00:29:00.206nlives change.nn296n00:29:00.206 –> 00:29:02.686nThere are two groups in Alcoholics Anonymous.nn297n00:29:02.686 –> 00:29:09.146nThere’s the groups that, um, the group that, that works the steps and, and, and gets involved in this thing.nn298n00:29:09.146 –> 00:29:11.346nYou know, it gets their brainwashed.nn299n00:29:11.346 –> 00:29:20.486nAnd, uh, then there’s the other group that, that, that gets to the point in their lives that they come to Alcohol- Turn tape over now.nn300n00:29:20.486 –> 00:29:25.145nThere are two groups in Alcoholics Anonymous.nn301n00:29:25.145 –> 00:29:31.626nThere’s the groups that, um, the group that, that works the steps and, and, and gets involved in this thing.nn302n00:29:31.626 –> 00:29:33.726nYou know, it gets their brainwashed.nn303n00:29:33.726 –> 00:29:39.926nAnd, uh, then there’s the other group that, that, that gets to the point in their lives that they come to Alcoholics Anonymous.nn304n00:29:39.926 –> 00:29:45.086nYou know, if you’re new, I’m sorry that you’ve reached a point in your life where you had to come to AA.nn305n00:29:45.086 –> 00:29:47.946nI mean, that’s the most pathetic thing that ever happened to me.nn306n00:29:47.946 –> 00:29:53.846nAnd, uh, but they reach a point in their lives where they come to AA, and yet they won’t get involved with it.nn307n00:29:53.846 –> 00:29:56.566nThey’ll just hang out on the side, you know.nn308n00:29:56.566 –> 00:30:01.906nAnd, uh, for me, this has been a program of action.nn309n00:30:01.906 –> 00:30:04.186nUm, I came in on a Wednesday.nn310n00:30:04.186 –> 00:30:10.126nOn Friday, we had a dance at the old Llano Club in, in Manhattan Beach, and I put on my good T-shirt.nn311n00:30:10.126 –> 00:30:19.465nAnd, um, and I walked in the door, and, um, I saw these women, and they looked like the women that w– that are here tonight, you know.nn312n00:30:19.465 –> 00:30:28.486nTheir eyes were shining, dressed nice, and they’re, they’re– You know, in one of these AA dances, you know, where when you go to your first couple, I mean, this sounds so bad.nn313n00:30:28.486 –> 00:30:31.146nThe lights are awful, and the rooms are terrible, you know.nn314n00:30:31.146 –> 00:30:35.186nBut they’re sitting there, and they’re shaking their hips and snapping their fingers, and they’re smiling, you know.nn315n00:30:35.186 –> 00:30:38.886nThe, uh, uh, there’s a lady who was probably here that night.nn316n00:30:38.886 –> 00:30:49.426nUh, uh, and, uh, and I looked, and I thought, “My God, I’m never gonna get laid again.” And I turned around, andnn317n00:30:49.426 –> 00:30:49.926nI left.nn318n00:30:49.926 –> 00:30:59.786nAnd, um, now this is coming from a guy who for the past year and a half, women are for companionship drinking, okay?nn319n00:30:59.786 –> 00:31:05.646nAnd all of a sudden, I’m barely without a drink, and I’m worried that I’m never gonna get laid again in my life.nn320n00:31:05.646 –> 00:31:15.776nSo I go, and I get in my car, and I start driving towards the Stickenstein in El Segundo to this little sleazeball tavern where I know that I can find somebody- That understands me.nn321n00:31:15.776 –> 00:31:19.316nHere I am, an alcoholic, not drinking.nn322n00:31:19.316 –> 00:31:24.716nMy feelings are going absolutely crazy, and I’m going to a bar to find people that can understand me.nn323n00:31:24.716 –> 00:31:31.756nAnd what happened is, is that while I’m driving along, the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous happened for me.nn324n00:31:31.756 –> 00:31:37.956nI got about six blocks away, and this little voice in my mind said, “This is not a good idea.nn325n00:31:37.956 –> 00:31:43.416nTurn the car back around and go back there.” And I did.nn326n00:31:43.416 –> 00:31:45.296nOkay?nn327n00:31:45.296 –> 00:31:48.776nThat’s the miracle, is that I listened to it, and I did.nn328n00:31:48.776 –> 00:31:49.776nOkay?nn329n00:31:49.776 –> 00:31:55.296nAnd I went back and, and the guy who’d answered the phone first was standing at the door taking the tickets.nn330n00:31:55.296 –> 00:31:56.896nThe guy was dressed.nn331n00:31:56.896 –> 00:32:04.796nHe had on a leather coat, and I sunk my long fingernails into his leather coat, and he jumped back like he’d found a leech on him or something.nn332n00:32:04.796 –> 00:32:13.556nAnd he said, um, you know, he’s, he’s looking at me and, and I said, “Talk program to me, please.” Okay?nn333n00:32:13.556 –> 00:32:23.556nWhat I have to tell you, especially those people that raised their hand about being in their first year, is that in the nine years and change that I have been not drinkingnn334n00:32:23.556 –> 00:32:30.436none day at a time, there have been about six occasions where other than by myself, I was absolutely nothing.nn335n00:32:30.436 –> 00:32:40.556nAnd what I had to do was I had to walk up to a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them for help, not stand by the door and waitnn336n00:32:40.556 –> 00:32:43.456nfor them to recognize me.nn337n00:32:43.456 –> 00:32:50.496nNot putting on something nice, so maybe they’d comment on what I was wearing so that I might be able to start a conversation.nn338n00:32:50.496 –> 00:32:58.316nI was told that what I’d have to do is reach my hand out because we don’t know newcomers why you’re here.nn339n00:32:58.316 –> 00:33:00.716nYou can be here for your therapist.nn340n00:33:00.716 –> 00:33:02.576nYou can be here for your family.nn341n00:33:02.576 –> 00:33:04.456nYou can be here for your dog.nn342n00:33:04.456 –> 00:33:05.816nYou can be here for your job.nn343n00:33:05.816 –> 00:33:09.296nWe don’t care except if you want help.nn344n00:33:09.296 –> 00:33:14.176nAnd if you want help, then we’ll go to any lengths to help you not drink.nn345n00:33:14.176 –> 00:33:19.516nSo what I’ve had to do is I’ve had to ask people for help.nn346n00:33:19.516 –> 00:33:29.566nAnd so I asked this guy for help, and, and, and he sat me down and, uh, and he got a copy of the book out, and he started talking to me about the book and, andnn347n00:33:29.566 –> 00:33:30.196nthis and that.nn348n00:33:30.196 –> 00:33:39.996nAnd, um, I– uh, he calmed me down enough and, and he got me a copy of the book ’cause, you know, I’d been too hip to get a book for, you know, a day and a half.nn349n00:33:39.996 –> 00:33:49.256nAnd, um, and I went home to my grandmother’s house, and I’m, uh, I wasn’t sleeping much in those days.nn350n00:33:49.256 –> 00:33:56.456nUm, if you’re, uh, if you’re new, um, warm milk and honey and hot baths helped a lot.nn351n00:33:56.456 –> 00:34:04.516nUm, but they still didn’t get me asleep and, um, but they got me calmed down enough that I could read a little bit.nn352n00:34:04.516 –> 00:34:14.556nAnd, um, I’m reading, uh, I get to the, the chapter to the agno– you know, to, to we agnostics, and, uh, I get to the important question in there where itnn353n00:34:14.556 –> 00:34:24.596nsays, um, “Who am I to say there’s no God?” And, uh, what I did is I got out of my bed, and I got down on my knees, andnn354n00:34:24.596 –> 00:34:29.156nI asked something that I’d seen in an LSD trip, God, as I understood God.nn355n00:34:29.156 –> 00:34:39.496nUm, to, uh, to please help menn356n00:34:39.496 –> 00:34:40.376nto stay sober.nn357n00:34:40.376 –> 00:34:47.096nAnd my prayer was simply that, um, I wanna do this thing.nn358n00:34:47.096 –> 00:34:50.676nAnd you know and I know that I’ve never done anything in my life.nn359n00:34:50.676 –> 00:34:54.476nI’ve never completely given myself to anything.nn360n00:34:54.476 –> 00:34:57.736nAnd, um, I’ve always failed.nn361n00:34:57.736 –> 00:35:06.716nOr if, or if I’ve gone to start something, um, I always keep a little back, you know, just in case it doesn’t work.nn362n00:35:06.716 –> 00:35:16.356nAnd, um, and I said, if you– I’d been to enough meetings that I knew that these people drank like I drank, and they weren’t drinking anymore.nn363n00:35:16.356 –> 00:35:19.176nAnd I said, “I’ll do whatever these guys tell me.nn364n00:35:19.176 –> 00:35:25.156nJust give me the strength to go along.” And, um, I’ve kept my end of the bargain.nn365n00:35:25.156 –> 00:35:28.036nI’ve done what the guys told me.nn366n00:35:28.036 –> 00:35:32.136nAnd, um, and this power has kept its bargain, its end of the bargain.nn367n00:35:32.136 –> 00:35:38.496nAnd, uh, God, as I understand God, has changed a lot over, over the years.nn368n00:35:38.496 –> 00:35:45.216nBut, uh, where I always find God is in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.nn369n00:35:45.216 –> 00:35:47.256nI don’t get it when I’m up here.nn370n00:35:47.256 –> 00:35:48.356nOkay?nn371n00:35:48.356 –> 00:35:59.406nBut when I’m sitting in my home group, when I’m sitting, when I’m, when I’m one of the group, and what’s happening is, is that the truth is being told in a meeting, andnn372n00:35:59.406 –> 00:36:09.636nthe concern is there, um, there’s a, there’s a power, there’s a feeling, and I, I find it in, in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymousnn373n00:36:09.636 –> 00:36:13.036nwhere-wherever I go, and that’s God as I understand God.nn374n00:36:13.036 –> 00:36:14.096nI find it there.nn375n00:36:14.096 –> 00:36:19.736nAnd, um, you know, they say use the group, and I use that power, and I still use that power.nn376n00:36:19.736 –> 00:36:21.695nThat’s, uh, you know, I do a lot of other things.nn377n00:36:21.695 –> 00:36:25.896nI, uh, but, uh, that’s a, that’s another point.nn378n00:36:25.896 –> 00:36:30.876nUm, but I always can find God as I understand God in my home group every Monday night.nn379n00:36:30.876 –> 00:36:41.056nAnd, um, so what happened is, is that I started off on this process, you know, and the next day I got a sponsor and, uh, and he was busy taking his,nn380n00:36:41.056 –> 00:36:46.856nuh, four-year cake, and he was a cake whore, and, uh, he had good visibility.nn381n00:36:46.856 –> 00:36:53.846nHe was in all the meetings taking birthday cakes and, uh, and, uh, congratulations to, uh, to the guy who took the four-year cake.nn382n00:36:53.846 –> 00:36:56.796nUm, Russ, right?nn383n00:36:56.796 –> 00:36:57.096nYeah.nn384n00:36:57.096 –> 00:36:58.116nFabulous.nn385n00:36:58.116 –> 00:36:59.136nFabulous.nn386n00:36:59.136 –> 00:37:03.936nUm, and what we did is that we went along this thing.nn387n00:37:03.936 –> 00:37:12.016nI wrote my first inventory when I had twenty-two days sober, and, uh, I wrote it the way that it was in the book, and I wrote it because I was afraid that I was gonna drink.nn388n00:37:12.016 –> 00:37:15.856nI was scared to death that what I was gonna do was I was gonna drink.nn389n00:37:15.856 –> 00:37:24.916nAnd, um, what, uh, what I found is that, um, that you cannot work these steps too quickly, but it’s necessary to work them in order.nn390n00:37:24.916 –> 00:37:33.476nAnd, um, uh, I started out making my amends real, real early because I was scared to death that I was gonna drink.nn391n00:37:33.476 –> 00:37:39.856nAnd, um, what we did a lot when I was getting sober is, you know, we got this twitch of newcomers together, you know?nn392n00:37:39.856 –> 00:37:44.176nEvery time you get about eight, ten newcomers together, you can see the, the twitches going on.nn393n00:37:44.176 –> 00:37:49.576nSo there was this twitch of newcomers, and what we did is we got sober together, you know?nn394n00:37:49.576 –> 00:37:55.046nI can tell you that tonight, of the nine, six are still sober.nn395n00:37:55.973 –> 00:37:57.633nBecause we all did the same things.nn396n00:37:57.633 –> 00:38:05.673nThe other three, they got, they got good ideas, you know, and they, they went off and– But, you know, they got sober, and they stayed in for five years or so.nn397n00:38:05.673 –> 00:38:12.313nAnd, um, those of us who dummied up and got in line, we’ve been able to, uh, to maintain sobriety.nn398n00:38:12.313 –> 00:38:15.253nAnd the Solano Club that I got sober in was wild.nn399n00:38:15.253 –> 00:38:20.613nI mean, there were a lot of young folk, and you could never tell who was sleeping with whom and what and this and that.nn400n00:38:20.613 –> 00:38:22.533nAnd, and it was, it was incredible.nn401n00:38:22.533 –> 00:38:32.693nUm, I went back to work when I had ninety days sober in the restaurant business, you know, and, uh, uh, and I went back to work ten in bar, and, and my sponsor said, “It’s just likenn402n00:38:32.693 –> 00:38:34.213nworking in a gun store.nn403n00:38:34.213 –> 00:38:44.263nWhat you do is you don’t pick the gun up, load it, stick it in your mouth, pull the trigger a day at a time.” And, um, that’s the way I feel about the people who say, “Oh, it crept into mynn404n00:38:44.263 –> 00:38:45.313nhand, honest,” you know.nn405n00:38:45.313 –> 00:38:49.233nUm, uh, relapsing, bullshit.nn406n00:38:49.233 –> 00:38:56.673nUm, in Alcoholics Anonymous, we don’t drink one day at a time no matter what, you know.nn407n00:38:56.673 –> 00:39:07.573nUm, this whole thing got founded because a guy was so desperate that he made ten phone calls, and the last lady he called said, “Well, we’ll have to do something tomorrow,”nn408n00:39:07.573 –> 00:39:07.793nyou know.nn409n00:39:07.793 –> 00:39:17.513nAnd if Bill would have gone into that bar that looked so good and not waited until tomorrow to meet Bob Smith, we probably wouldn’t be here this evening.nn410n00:39:17.513 –> 00:39:24.893nBecause all the money that the medical profession has pumped into this thing has still not come up with anything better than what’s in the doctor’s opinion.nn411n00:39:24.893 –> 00:39:30.113nUm, we, uh– Just a slight opinion, uh, on my part.nn412n00:39:30.113 –> 00:39:36.973nUm, my first AA love affair was, was fabulous.nn413n00:39:36.973 –> 00:39:45.933nUm, you know, this gal– Uh, uh, I was tending bar, and this woman w- came in, you know, and we, we got involved, and, uh, she decided that she was– wanted to get sober.nn414n00:39:45.933 –> 00:39:47.453nOkay, so we get sober, you know.nn415n00:39:47.453 –> 00:39:53.913nAnd, and, uh, I had about eight months, you know, and we’re, we’re in the meetings together, you know, and doing all that.nn416n00:39:53.913 –> 00:39:58.053nAnd she left me for another woman.nn417n00:39:58.053 –> 00:40:08.093nAnd that was rough enough on my ego, but she brought the gal to the meetings that I’d introducednn418n00:40:08.093 –> 00:40:08.492nher to.nn419n00:40:08.492 –> 00:40:15.033nSo what happened is, is that I got in that great thing about finding out how large Alcoholics Anonymous is.nn420n00:40:15.033 –> 00:40:21.613nI met a woman who got sober in Santa Monica, you know, and, and what happened is, is that I went to meetings around, you know.nn421n00:40:21.613 –> 00:40:24.813nIf her car was out in front of the meeting, I was not going in there, you know.nn422n00:40:24.813 –> 00:40:29.153nBut I didn’t drink, you know, and I went to other meetings.nn423n00:40:29.153 –> 00:40:39.173nAnd, um, uh, my, my, my, my belief is nowadays thatnn424n00:40:39.173 –> 00:40:43.013nthe reason that, uh, that God created women is so that men would learn to pray honestly.nn425n00:40:43.013 –> 00:40:49.013nAnd, um, I’ve got another story about that I’ll tell you in a couple of minutes.nn426n00:40:49.013 –> 00:40:57.453nUm, when I was, um, when I was a year sober, I started running around with this waitress.nn427n00:40:57.453 –> 00:40:59.913nAs I told you, a waitress gave me my first amphetamine.nn428n00:40:59.913 –> 00:41:02.793nI always knew I was gonna marry a waitress.nn429n00:41:02.793 –> 00:41:12.873nAnd I, I met this gal who was, who was working at, uh, this, uh, this hotel bar that I was in, and we started running around together, and, um, we got marriednn430n00:41:12.873 –> 00:41:13.983nmy second year of sobriety.nn431n00:41:13.983 –> 00:41:20.373nThat f- uh, just after my first birthday, I got fired from this great job for stealing.nn432n00:41:20.373 –> 00:41:24.373nAnd I wasn’t stealing at this job.nn433n00:41:24.373 –> 00:41:31.233nI mean, like, I wasn’t stealing at th– I mean, me not stealing at a job is a big deal.nn434n00:41:31.233 –> 00:41:35.793nAnd getting fired for it was, was, was something else.nn435n00:41:35.793 –> 00:41:37.973nAnd what it– Well, anyway.nn436n00:41:37.973 –> 00:41:48.113nThe, the interesting thing is that I came back to the club sniveling, and the guys said, “No.” He said, “Did you, did you ever have a job where you didn’t steal before?” And I said, “Well, no.” And they said, “Well, maybe you’re just getting your comeuppancenn437n00:41:48.113 –> 00:41:53.293nnow.” You know, and, uh, I had about a ninety-day period there where I didn’t work.nn438n00:41:53.293 –> 00:42:00.413nAnd the reason that I didn’t work is that I was looking for a job every day, but I knew what it was that I wanted to do.nn439n00:42:00.413 –> 00:42:05.053nI wasn’t willing to go to any lengths to, uh, to be self-supporting through my own contributions.nn440n00:42:05.053 –> 00:42:10.893nAnyway, we– I married this gal, and, and we had, uh, we, we s- we, we had a fun time.nn441n00:42:10.893 –> 00:42:11.873nWe moved down to the beach.nn442n00:42:11.873 –> 00:42:14.693nEverything’s going fine, and then I said something to her about her Valium use.nn443n00:42:14.693 –> 00:42:18.853nAnd, uh, she started to get a little angrier.nn444n00:42:18.853 –> 00:42:26.993nAnd, uh, over the next four years, I’m getting, uh, more and more active and involved in Alcoholics Anonymous.nn445n00:42:26.993 –> 00:42:29.773nUm, you know, I became a general service representative.nn446n00:42:29.773 –> 00:42:35.003nUh, and for those of you who are involved in general service, uh, you know, I, I, I love you.nn447n00:42:35.003 –> 00:42:40.513nAnd, uh, the ability to withstand tedious, uh, business meetings is amazing.nn448n00:42:40.513 –> 00:42:50.703nBut the thing is, is that I met people that have been sober a long, long time that have done that stuff and, uh, and, uh, people that love AA through action,nn449n00:42:50.703 –> 00:42:53.673nnot through just mouthing the words and then going home.nn450n00:42:53.673 –> 00:43:03.933nUm, anyway, w- I started, uh– My wife and I, we, we were, uh, we were starting to have some problems.nn451n00:43:03.933 –> 00:43:09.793nAnd, and, you know, I did things like I went off on retreats with the guys, and, and, uh, she just kept getting angrier and angrier.nn452n00:43:09.793 –> 00:43:14.733nAnd, uh, I didn’t realize that what it was was that, um, that she’d started to control her drinking.nn453n00:43:14.733 –> 00:43:18.213nShe wasn’t drinking the way that, that, uh, that she wanted to.nn454n00:43:18.213 –> 00:43:20.873nYou know, when we were dating, I’d see her drink a half glass of wine.nn455n00:43:20.873 –> 00:43:21.573nYou know, I’d go, “What?nn456n00:43:21.573 –> 00:43:22.983nNot an alcoholic,” you know?nn457n00:43:22.983 –> 00:43:27.953nAnd, um, you know, I knew nothing about periodics.nn458n00:43:27.953 –> 00:43:29.513nI knew nothing about social drinkers.nn459n00:43:29.513 –> 00:43:33.853nI knew– And, and what happened is, is that, uh, things just got real, real tough.nn460n00:43:33.853 –> 00:43:43.993nAnd, um, uh, and I knew that she was g- It got to the point where I knew she was gonna ask the question, “Is it gonna be me or these meetings?” And, um,nn461n00:43:43.993 –> 00:43:53.913nwhat I did is that, uh, that I went off on retreat, and, um, uh, and I just went up there, and it was the first time I admitted how much I hurt.nn462n00:43:53.913 –> 00:44:01.533nAnd, um, uh, I got down in this chapel, and I turned my will and my wife over to the care of God as I understood God.nn463n00:44:01.533 –> 00:44:05.209nAnd, um- And an interesting thing happened.nn464n00:44:05.209 –> 00:44:07.769nSix weeks later, she went to an Al-Anon meeting.nn465n00:44:07.769 –> 00:44:17.949nAnd, um, uh, eight weeks after that, she was angry and angry and angry at the Al-Anon meetings ’cause she couldn’t identify with anybody,nn466n00:44:17.949 –> 00:44:21.869nand then she’d hear somebody and identify with them, and they were a drunk who was at an Al-Anon meeting.nn467n00:44:21.869 –> 00:44:30.849nAnd, um, so she finally asked a guy, “Do you think I should maybe try an AA meeting?” You know, and I mean, what would you do if somebody said y- to that to you?nn468n00:44:30.849 –> 00:44:41.529nYou know, I said, “Yeah, uh, try to– try it.” And, um, and she stood up in a meeting two nights later, you know, and, um, and she hasn’t had a drink since,nn469n00:44:41.529 –> 00:44:43.689nand it’s been, uh, it’s been three years.nn470n00:44:43.689 –> 00:44:49.809nAnd, um, I have seen the program of Alcoholics Anonymous work in her life the same way that it worked in mine.nn471n00:44:49.809 –> 00:44:52.209nYou know, she got a step Nazi for a sponsor.nn472n00:44:52.209 –> 00:44:53.689nShe worked the steps.nn473n00:44:53.689 –> 00:44:55.449nShe got involved in service.nn474n00:44:55.449 –> 00:45:05.849nYou know, um, she was mopping, she was mopping floors, cleaning ashtrays, doing the same things, and I got to meet this whole– They call themselves the Class of ’85.nn475n00:45:05.849 –> 00:45:06.849nYou know?nn476n00:45:06.849 –> 00:45:11.969nBut this, this whole group of people that were getting sober, you know, and we, we did the same things, man.nn477n00:45:11.969 –> 00:45:21.969nYou know, we went to coffee every night, you know, and they was– uh, we sat around and took all the old-timers’ inventories and, and, you know, did you know, and, and talked about how, how, how they’dnn478n00:45:21.969 –> 00:45:24.029nwrite the book if, if it was up to them, you know?nn479n00:45:24.029 –> 00:45:27.329nBut they all got sponsors, and they all worked the steps, and they’re all sober.nn480n00:45:27.329 –> 00:45:31.649nYou know, a couple of them have fallen out, but, you know, the fifteen or twenty of them, they’ve all stayed.nn481n00:45:31.649 –> 00:45:34.909nI’ve seen the program of Alcoholics work at a real gut level.nn482n00:45:34.909 –> 00:45:38.429nYou know, that first thirty days was just incredibly long.nn483n00:45:38.429 –> 00:45:41.709nYou know, I never knew thirty days could be that long again.nn484n00:45:41.709 –> 00:45:51.769nUm, uh, when she got sober, we picked out three people: my youngest sister, an ex-neighbor of ours, and her best friend when shenn485n00:45:51.769 –> 00:45:52.689nwas growing up as a kid.nn486n00:45:52.689 –> 00:46:01.189nAnd what we did is, is that we prayed for those people at the end of every Alcoholics Anonymous mem– meeting that we attended, and we were in a meeting every day.nn487n00:46:01.189 –> 00:46:05.569nAnd, um, I can tell you tonight that all three of those people are not drinking.nn488n00:46:05.569 –> 00:46:07.429nTwo of them are going to meetings.nn489n00:46:07.429 –> 00:46:13.249nAnd, um, it’s not because we ran a- at them, you know, and sang AA hymns and picketed their house, you know?nn490n00:46:13.249 –> 00:46:19.909nIt’s the power, it’s the power of, of asking this power to help drunks.nn491n00:46:19.909 –> 00:46:29.929nI was at a meeting once, and I heard this gentleman from Arizona say that the way that they used to end AA meetings was that they would get around after the meeting wasnn492n00:46:29.929 –> 00:46:35.829ndone, and they would try to pray people back in because they didn’t know why it was that folks were drinking.nn493n00:46:35.829 –> 00:46:43.829nUm, she and I, uh, in three weeks are gonna be, uh, out at the same place, the same retreat house.nn494n00:46:43.829 –> 00:46:54.109nWe’re now captains of a, of a, of a retreat for married couples, and, uh, we got a friend who’s going to, uh, to say, uh, let us say our wedding vows together again,nn495n00:46:54.109 –> 00:46:56.069nuh, so she can do it sober.nn496n00:46:56.069 –> 00:46:58.569nAnd that was her idea, you know?nn497n00:46:58.569 –> 00:47:08.509nAnd, um, you know, I can’t tell you, uh– I could, I could go on for, for, for hours and tell you about all the neat things that have happened in my life and the jobs and the thises and the thats.nn498n00:47:08.509 –> 00:47:10.869nBut, you know, you’re just gonna have to get your own.nn499n00:47:10.869 –> 00:47:20.449nUm, if you be alcoholic, all you have to do is reach your hand out and ask another alcoholic to help you please.nn500n00:47:20.449 –> 00:47:29.569nAnd if you’re willing to do that and to walk this way with us that have, that have followed the people that were here before us, just dummy up and get in line.nn501n00:47:29.569 –> 00:47:38.569nI guarantee you that your life will transform because every alcoholic that I see that works the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, their lives change.nn502n00:47:38.569 –> 00:47:39.349nThank you.nn503n00:47:39.349 –> 00:47:49.109nThe beginning of the meeting, cakes, et cetera, follows immediately.nn504n00:47:49.109 –> 00:47:49.749nThank you.nn505n00:47:49.749 –> 00:47:52.909nWelcome to the Easy Does It speakers meeting.nn506n00:47:52.909 –> 00:47:53.709nI’m an alcoholic.nn507n00:47:53.709 –> 00:47:54.749nMy name’s Dave Addington.nn508n00:47:54.749 –> 00:47:56.479nHi, Dave.nn509n00:47:56.479 –> 00:47:58.569nAre there any other alcoholics in the room tonight?nn510n00:47:58.569 –> 00:48:00.469nAll right.nn511n00:48:00.469 –> 00:48:01.369nHow about Al-Anon?nn512n00:48:01.369 –> 00:48:02.749nWelcome.nn513n00:48:02.749 –> 00:48:10.529nTonight, our leader is Angie.nn514n00:48:10.529 –> 00:48:11.579nAll right, Angie.nn515n00:48:11.579 –> 00:48:17.269nHi, my name is Angie, and I’m alcoholic.nn516n00:48:17.269 –> 00:48:18.839nHi, Angie.nn517n00:48:18.839 –> 00:48:28.649nAlcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of mem– men and women who share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other that may solve their common problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.nn518n00:48:28.649 –> 00:48:33.129nThe only requirement for membership is a des- a desire to stop drinking.nn519n00:48:33.129 –> 00:48:36.409nThere are no dues or fees for AA membership.nn520n00:48:36.409 –> 00:48:38.909nWe are self-supporting through our own contributions.nn521n00:48:38.909 –> 00:48:43.909nAA is allied with any select domination politics, organization, and institution.nn522n00:48:43.909 –> 00:48:50.669nDoes not, uh, wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorse nor oppose any causes.nn523n00:48:50.669 –> 00:48:54.809nOther primary purpose is to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety.nn524n00:48:54.809 –> 00:49:01.589nSo that we may be– get better ac- acquainted, are there any newcomers with less than thirty days sobriety here tonight?nn525n00:49:01.589 –> 00:49:04.949nIf you would, would you please stand starting at the right side of the room?nn526n00:49:04.949 –> 00:49:06.809nMy name’s Fred, and I’m an alcoholic.nn527n00:49:06.809 –> 00:49:07.608nHi, Fred.nn528n00:49:07.608 –> 00:49:09.829nMy name’s Ron.nn529n00:49:09.829 –> 00:49:10.949nI’m an alcoholic.nn530n00:49:10.949 –> 00:49:11.969nHi, Ron.nn531n00:49:11.969 –> 00:49:14.139nMy name’s Mike, and I’m an alcoholic.nn532n00:49:14.139 –> 00:49:14.749nHi, Mike.nn533n00:49:14.749 –> 00:49:17.049nMy name’s Al.nn534n00:49:17.049 –> 00:49:19.199nI’m an alcoholic.nn535n00:49:19.199 –> 00:49:19.439nHi, Al.nn536n00:49:19.439 –> 00:49:19.769nBill.nn537n00:49:19.769 –> 00:49:22.969nI’m an alcoholic.nn538n00:49:22.969 –> 00:49:23.219nHi, Bill.nn539n00:49:23.219 –> 00:49:25.829nI’m Anita, and I’m an alcoholic.nn540n00:49:25.829 –> 00:49:26.299nHi, Anita.nn541n00:49:26.299 –> 00:49:27.949nMy name’s Laura.nn542n00:49:27.949 –> 00:49:29.049nI’m an alcoholic.nn543n00:49:29.049 –> 00:49:30.029nHi, Laura.nn544n00:49:30.029 –> 00:49:31.079nI’m Todd.nn545n00:49:31.079 –> 00:49:31.728nI’m an alcoholic.nn546n00:49:31.728 –> 00:49:32.669nHi, Todd.nn547n00:49:32.669 –> 00:49:35.269nMike.nn548n00:49:35.269 –> 00:49:39.079nI’m an alcoholic.nn549n00:49:39.079 –> 00:49:39.479nHi, Mike.nn550n00:49:39.479 –> 00:49:39.539nErin.nn551n00:49:39.539 –> 00:49:43.609nI’m an alcoholic.nn552n00:49:43.609 –> 00:49:43.779nHi, Erin.nn553n00:49:43.779 –> 00:49:43.799nMy name’s Donny.nn554n00:49:43.799 –> 00:49:43.799nI’m an alcoholic.nn555n00:49:43.799 –> 00:49:43.899nHi, Al.nn556n00:49:43.899 –> 00:49:44.389nHi, Maria.nn557n00:49:44.389 –> 00:49:44.399nI’m an alcoholic.nn558n00:49:44.399 –> 00:49:45.459nHi, Maria.nn559n00:49:45.459 –> 00:49:46.229nI’m Big Bill.nn560n00:49:46.229 –> 00:49:46.909nWe made that.nn561n00:49:46.909 –> 00:49:48.589nHi, Big Bill.nn562n00:49:48.589 –> 00:49:51.629nI’m Robby.nn563n00:49:51.629 –> 00:49:53.109nI’m an alcoholic.nn564n00:49:53.109 –> 00:49:54.249nHi, Robby.nn565n00:49:54.249 –> 00:49:55.419nRobby.nn566n00:49:55.419 –> 00:49:59.939nI’m Al.nn567n00:49:59.939 –> 00:50:02.449nI’m an alcoholic.nn568n00:50:02.449 –> 00:50:02.799nHi, Al.nn569n00:50:02.799 –> 00:50:03.249nI’m Ron.nn570n00:50:03.249 –> 00:50:04.759nI’m an alcoholic.nn571n00:50:04.759 –> 00:50:04.779nHi, Ron.nn572n00:50:04.779 –> 00:50:05.249nIs that it?nn573n00:50:05.249 –> 00:50:06.349nAny others?nn574n00:50:06.349 –> 00:50:07.149nWelcome.nn575n00:50:07.149 –> 00:50:16.729nAre there any people from the Greater San Diego area, outside the Greater San Diego area here tonight?nn576n00:50:16.729 –> 00:50:18.749nPlease stand.nn577n00:50:18.749 –> 00:50:24.749nMy name is Manuel, and I’m from Stockton, California.nn578n00:50:24.749 –> 00:50:25.379nHi, Manuel.nn579n00:50:25.379 –> 00:50:25.489nHi, Manuel.nn580n00:50:25.489 –> 00:50:29.849nI’m Sharon.nn581n00:50:29.849 –> 00:50:30.729nI’m an alcoholic.nn582n00:50:30.729 –> 00:50:32.369nHi.nn583n00:50:32.369 –> 00:50:32.669nHi, Sharon.nn584n00:50:32.669 –> 00:50:34.089nHi, fellow seekers.nn585n00:50:34.089 –> 00:50:38.449nMy name is Gary, and I’m an alcoholic from the sobriety capital of the world, Covina, California.nn586n00:50:38.449 –> 00:50:41.849nWelcome.nn587n00:50:41.849 –> 00:50:42.289nWhoo!nn588n00:50:42.289 –> 00:50:44.569nHi, Gary.nn589n00:50:44.569 –> 00:50:47.969nGo ahead.nn590n00:50:47.969 –> 00:50:52.869nHi, I’m Matt.nn591n00:50:52.869 –> 00:50:54.079nI’m an alcoholic here to celebrate.nn592n00:50:54.079 –> 00:50:54.079nHi, Matt.nn593n00:50:54.079 –> 00:50:54.809nIs there any others?nn594n00:50:54.809 –> 00:50:56.449nWelcome.nn595n00:50:56.449 –> 00:51:05.089nI have asked April to read a portion of chapter five on how it works.nn596n00:51:05.089 –> 00:51:06.889nAll right, April.nn597n00:51:06.889 –> 00:51:11.329nI’m April, and I’m an alcoholic.nn598n00:51:11.329 –> 00:51:12.489nHi, April.nn599n00:51:12.489 –> 00:51:13.229nHow it works.nn600n00:51:13.229 –> 00:51:17.609nRarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.nn601n00:51:17.609 –> 00:51:23.969nThose who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.nn602n00:51:23.969 –> 00:51:28.889nUsually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.nn603n00:51:28.889 –> 00:51:30.849nThere are such unfortunates.nn604n00:51:30.849 –> 00:51:32.249nThey are not at fault.nn605n00:51:32.249 –> 00:51:33.949nThey seem to have been born that way.nn606n00:51:33.949 –> 00:51:40.069nThey are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty.nn607n00:51:40.069 –> 00:51:42.349nTheir chances are less than average.nn608n00:51:42.349 –> 00:51:51.448nThere are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.nn609n00:51:51.448 –> 00:51:56.849nOur stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.nn610n00:51:56.849 –> 00:52:04.269nIf you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.nn611n00:52:04.269 –> 00:52:06.389nAt some of these, we balked.nn612n00:52:06.389 –> 00:52:10.409nWe thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not.nn613n00:52:10.409 –> 00:52:15.449nWith all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.nn614n00:52:15.449 –> 00:52:21.868nSome of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.nn615n00:52:21.868 –> 00:52:26.209nRemember that we deal with alcohol: cunning, baffling, powerful.nn616n00:52:26.209 –> 00:52:28.909nWithout help, it is too much for us.nn617n00:52:28.909 –> 00:52:31.149nBut there is one who has all power.nn618n00:52:31.149 –> 00:52:32.629nThat one is God.nn619n00:52:32.629 –> 00:52:34.049nMay you find Him now.nn620n00:52:34.049 –> 00:52:36.709nHalf measures availed us nothing.nn621n00:52:36.709 –> 00:52:38.529nWe stood at the turning point.nn622n00:52:38.529 –> 00:52:41.989nWe asked His protection and care with complete abandon.nn623n00:52:41.989 –> 00:52:46.629nHere are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.nn624n00:52:46.629 –> 00:52:52.349nOne, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.nn625n00:52:52.349 –> 00:52:57.489nTwo, came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.nn626n00:52:57.489 –> 00:53:03.809nThree, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.nn627n00:53:03.809 –> 00:53:08.529nFour, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.nn628n00:53:08.529 –> 00:53:15.069nFive, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.nn629n00:53:15.069 –> 00:53:20.149nSix, were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.nn630n00:53:20.149 –> 00:53:24.109nSeven, humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.nn631n00:53:24.109 –> 00:53:30.129nEight, made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.nn632n00:53:30.129 –> 00:53:37.929nNine, made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.nn633n00:53:37.929 –> 00:53:43.499nTen, continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.nn634n00:53:43.499 –> 00:53:53.589nEleven, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for usnn635n00:53:53.589 –> 00:53:54.969nand the power to carry that out.nn636n00:53:54.969 –> 00:54:05.269nTwelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.nn637n00:54:05.269 –> 00:54:08.149nMany of us exclaimed, “What an order.nn638n00:54:08.149 –> 00:54:11.049nI can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged.nn639n00:54:11.049 –> 00:54:17.169nNo one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect– perfect adherence to these principles.nn640n00:54:17.169 –> 00:54:18.609nWe are not saints.nn641n00:54:18.609 –> 00:54:22.149nThe point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.nn642n00:54:22.149 –> 00:54:25.889nThe principles we have set down are guides to progress.nn643n00:54:25.889 –> 00:54:29.869nWe claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.nn644n00:54:29.869 –> 00:54:40.449nOur description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: A,nn645n00:54:40.449 –> 00:54:50.769nthat we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives; B, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism; and C, that God could and would if He were sought.nn646n00:54:50.769 –> 00:54:55.109nThanks, April.nn647n00:54:55.109 –> 00:55:03.809nOkay, um, now, uh, we, uh– at Easy Does It, we celebrate, um, continuous sobriety.nn648n00:55:03.809 –> 00:55:07.689nUm, today we have a ninety-day token to Mark from Jeff.nn649n00:55:07.689 –> 00:55:17.669nI’m an alcoholic.nn650n00:55:17.669 –> 00:55:18.489nMy name’s Jeff.nn651n00:55:18.489 –> 00:55:19.239nHi, Jeff.nn652n00:55:19.239 –> 00:55:25.849nI, uh, met Mark about two to three weeks ago.nn653n00:55:25.849 –> 00:55:34.029nAnd, uh, it was interesting the comment he had concerning his other sponsor.nn654n00:55:34.029 –> 00:55:44.259nAnd, uh, you know, he says he’s sick and tired of having someone, you know, put him off andnn655n00:55:44.259 –> 00:55:54.289nsaying, “Well, you’re in the right place, and that’s just where it’s at with you, or that’s where you’re supposed to be.” Um, he asked me if Inn656n00:55:54.289 –> 00:55:56.089nwould do the steps with him.nn657n00:55:56.089 –> 00:56:05.029nAnd Mark has that willingness that I haven’t seen in a lot of new people who come into the program.nn658n00:56:05.029 –> 00:56:09.629nUm, you know, he’s an intellectual.nn659n00:56:09.629 –> 00:56:15.049nHe has to have all the answers for, for all these things that we do here.nn660n00:56:15.049 –> 00:56:24.929nAnd, uh, but he’s taken the suggestions that I’ve offered, and he’s put one foot in front of the other, and he’s showing up.nn661n00:56:24.929 –> 00:56:29.069nUm, and he’s willing to do these things.nn662n00:56:29.069 –> 00:56:31.609nHe’s willing to take these steps and to start living them.nn663n00:56:31.609 –> 00:56:34.909nYou know, at ninety days sobriety, it amazes me.nn664n00:56:34.909 –> 00:56:42.969nUm, I wasn’t that way when I came here, so it’s kind of a shock to see mo– see someone who’s willing to do this.nn665n00:56:42.969 –> 00:56:48.189nAnd I’m happy to give you your ninety-day token, even though we don’t have one.nn666n00:56:48.189 –> 00:56:49.749nCongratulations.nn”;

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activeElement = el;
} else {
el.classList.remove("active");
}
}

if (activeElement) {
const containerRect = container.getBoundingClientRect();
const elRect = activeElement.getBoundingClientRect();

if (elRect.top containerRect.bottom) {
container.scrollTo({
top: activeElement.offsetTop – container.offsetTop – containerRect.height / 2 + elRect.height / 2,
behavior: “smooth”
});
}
}
});
});