Audio
Transcript
Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Unknown Speaker – WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLDTIMERS WHERE ARE THEY – RS 06321.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-unknown-speaker-what-happened-to-the-oldtimers-where-are-they-rs-06321.mp3 Duration: 01:10:13
============================================================
While we have this moment of silence, the topic tonight, of course, is what happened to the old-timers, where are they, and we know that many of them have gone to the greater roundup. So while we have that moment of silence, let's think about them and remember them in gratitude for what they gave to us. A moment of silence, please. The Serenity Prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
My name is Cease Cargill, and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to welcome everybody to the marathon meeting where love is available 24 hours a day. And I know that everybody's having a great time, and I want to, first of all, take a Step 10, when you're wrong, promptly admit it. Roz called me and asked me to help her with this big deal, and then I get the letter and it says I'm on at 7.30 while the entertainment is on.
And I immediately phoned her because, you see, last year I was chairman of the convention and I thought I was some sort of a hotshot. The year before I was the Friday night speaker. And so this year I'm chairing a meeting while the entertainment is on. And so my opening remarks were going to be, I can take it while you kids will be crying later on. But I said to Roz, I know where the old-timers are, they're probably over at the entertainment.
But I can see a lot of you are here, and I know a lot of you aren't old-timers, but everybody's an old-timer, provided you've been sober today. I'm going to ask Albert from Dallas if he'll read How It Works, please. How It Works. My name's Albert Myers and I'm an alcoholic. By the grace of God and the fellowship of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, people like you and conferences like this, and my pretty Al-Anon wife, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since September the 7th of 1973.
And for that I'm very grateful. I'm also grateful for my sponsor, Johnny H. in the front row. He asked me to say that. How It Works. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.
There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now.
If you've decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help, it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power. That one is God. May you find him now. Half-measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked his protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. One, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Seven, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. Eight, made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
[00:05:00]
Nine, made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Ten, continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Eleven, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. Twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, what an order, I can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas.
A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. B, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. C, that God could and would if he were sought. Thank you. Thank you very much, Albert, and I hope a lot of people listen to that because that's probably the most read bit of literature in Alcoholics Anonymous and the least listened to. When we start to read it, everybody starts thinking about how the flight's going to go on their way home and what they're going to buy tomorrow and what time they're going to the spiritual meeting and how things are going to go tonight.
It's just something and I'm talking from experience. We used to have a fellow in our group who was mute and he was deaf and he would come and he would try to read lips and he would follow from his book and try to follow us as we read how it works. And I often wondered how much he appreciated it so much more than us if he just could find out how this thing works. I wish that everybody would feel like he felt when he was trying to find out so much how it works.
As I said, my name is Cease Corgle. I'm an alcoholic. Because of this beautiful program, because of people like you, because of a loving God as I understand him, I haven't had to have a drink since January the 16th, 1952. And for this I'm very grateful. I didn't just get up on January the 16th and say to myself, by God, I wonder what I should do today. I think I'll join Alcoholics Anonymous. That's not the way it happened at all.
I was in a Catholic hospital and I'm a Protestant and I wasn't happy to be there. And I had a bad check when I went in there and this little Catholic nun wouldn't let me out because I was a Protestant until such time as I paid that check. And I phoned the only person that I knew that my credit was any good with and that was my bootlegger and he came and bailed me out of hospital. It was cold outside and probably had he known what I was going to do, he wouldn't have bailed me out because I've never had to give many businesses that day.
You may wonder why I was in hospital. I was in hospital because at that time I was a poker player and I did an unforgivable thing in a poker game. I got caught cheating. Now it's like Alcoholics Anonymous, it's okay to cheat but don't get caught. And I got caught cheating by a big fella that weighed 275 pounds and he and I had a fight. Or I should say he had a fight. He hit me and I hit the cement floor and I got up and he hit me and I hit the cement floor and we just did that a whole bunch of times.
And finally I stayed there, not because I didn't want to get up, because I couldn't get up. And I went to a hospital, to this Catholic hospital and lay there for five days and I want you to know that I guess nobody in my city knew I was there because nobody came to visit me. Just nobody, not even my family. But on the fifth day the little doctor sat down beside my bed and he said, Cecil, I was in the service with you, you were bad drunk then and he said things haven't improved since you got home.
I think you're an alcoholic and I think you should join Alcoholics Anonymous. And he didn't leave it at that. He went out and sent a couple of members to see me and they came in to see me that night in this big private ward. I had a private room I had with a bad check. And these two guys came in and I knew both of them. I come from a small town, 35,000 people. I knew both of them and they came in and they were all dressed up and I liked the way they looked.
[00:10:01]
And I think it's so important that when we go on a 12-step call that we look good and that we're clean. Because these two people really impressed me. They didn't have to say anything. But I will say that they said something. They talked loud and I thought the whole hospital was listening to them and they were going to find out that I drank. And I would try to change the subject. How are things downtown?
They would say, never mind about downtown. You're up here in the hospital and you're here because you're drunk. And he said there's only one thing going to help you and that's Alcoholics Anonymous. And I knew this guy. He was the sloppiest drunk in probably all of Canada. And that night he had a beautiful brown suit on, silk shirt, a bow tie, and he was clean. His shoes were shined and he looked good.
The other fellow, I'd been in the service with him. His name was Earl. And Earl got in a little trouble when he came back from the service. He hit a taxi driver in the head and he got sentenced to five years for robbery and violence. But while he was in that prison, he found Alcoholics Anonymous. And a lot of people wonder why. I am interested in Institution AA. That is why. It's because if it hadn't been for Earl, I probably never would have known what Alcoholics Anonymous was all about.
Earl didn't stay sober. Earl fell into the river and drowned. Bill stayed sober and died a few years ago from stroke. That really doesn't matter. I mean, I'm sorry that they're gone. But the big thing is, is that that night, they did what they were supposed to do. They carried the message to a suffering drunk. And I'm really, really grateful. I got out of that hospital and went down, and they had a special meeting, what they called an emergency meeting.
And the whole group arrived. There were 14 in our town at that time, and they all came that Saturday morning at 10 o'clock. And they came in and it was… I mean, I love nice clothes. I still love nice clothes. But today I buy them and pay for them. But that morning, my suit was covered with blood and my shirt was all torn because, you see, I did put up quite a fight with this big fella. And I didn't look too good, and I had a lot of bruises on me.
And they came in with a lot of smart remarks, and, you know, it was the 16th of January, and they're wishing me Happy New Year, and, you know, we got a chair for you and all that. I didn't really appreciate what they were talking about, but I did appreciate one thing, that they wanted to be my friend, and I could see that. And I wanted to be their friend because that's what I was looking for because I was a pretty lonely boy.
After the meeting, they wanted to drive me home, and I said, No, I don't… I'll be okay. I'll get home okay. Because I had a wife, still have the same wife, that she got a little narrow about things when I'd be away four or five days. And I thought, My God, if I take my newfound friends home and she pulls one of those deals again, I'll lose them, and, you know, what'll happen to me? But anyway, a couple of ladies had been up to see her, and they…
There was no Al-Anon at that time in our town. They were just… Sort of they came to mixed meetings. And they'd gone to see her and told her what I was trying to do, and we walked into that house on that 16th of January, 1952, and she kissed me and said, I think everything's going to be okay, hon. That was enough to keep me an alcoholic synonymous, you know, because I had never had a reception like that before when I'd been away.
And that night we went to our first meeting, and it was a beautiful meeting, so everybody thought except me. And they had a social, and they played stupid games. They played… I remember there was a Saturday night just like this, and they played pin the tail on the donkey. You know, my God, I thought, what am I up to here? I was 27 years of age, and there were a bunch of old, old people there. Some of them were 45 and 50.
And I had, my God, what's happening here? And after the social, they had a meeting, and some guy stood up and said he'd been sober a year. And I sat in the back and thought, liar. I knew him, and I knew he was a traveling man. He went out on the road, and I said, well, he probably drinks out there and comes back and tells these donkeys he's been sober. And then I looked around, and I saw that everybody was having a good time except me.
And then two old timers that had been sober 18 months took me in another room. And they said, cease. There are no musts in Alcoholics Anonymous. You heard that tonight, and that's a cliche. Thank God it's gone by the wayside. But they said, tomorrow morning, there's a meeting here at 8 o'clock, and you must be here. And I'm very grateful that they talked to me like that because that's the only language that I understood.
that I understood, and I was there, and you know I've never stopped going, I have never
[00:15:04]
ever stopped going to my meetings, and thank God for the people that told me that, I've never wanted to miss meetings, and I'll tell you why I didn't want to miss meetings, is because that night when I went to my first meeting there was a little guy there who's gone to that great round up now, his name was Bobby Motherwell, and Bobby put his arm around me and he said, Cease, we want you, and we need you, and we love you, and I didn't think anybody wanted me, I didn't think anybody needed me, and my wife had assured me that nobody loved me, so I was so grateful when little Bobby did this to me, my God this is what I'd been looking for in all of those bars and all the places I'd been was just acceptance, and I found it that night in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I got with those people and I stayed sober by pats on the back, I would walk in and they would say, boy you're doing a fine job kid, I'd been sober two days, you know, fine job kid, and I just loved that, and I just had myself a great time, we'd go to deals not nearly as big as this, but we'd go and we'd have four cars probably in the group and all 18 of us would get in there and away we'd go, and go to a small little do somewhere down the road, and the same thing would happen there, they'd say, we hear you're still sober kid, doing a fine job, pats on the back, and that was just beautiful, and then a horrible thing happened, some younger members came in, and they walked right by me, and went and talked to the older members, and the older members walked right by me and talked to the younger members, and all of a sudden I came to probably the worst place you can come to in Alcoholics Anonymous, and that is being, or an honorality, and that's been a middle member, all of a sudden you're standing out there in the middle of the floor and you're just like a hole in a donut, you're nothing, nobody talks to you, they're just, everything's fine, you know, and I gave it some serious consideration of going out and doing what I was doing before, and coming back in and getting all that treatment again, but thank God I didn't have to do that because a fella by the name of Ernie Sear decided that we were going to go as a group and do the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in sequence, and we did that, we did them as a group in sequence, and I'll tell you that was my changing point in Alcoholics Anonymous, and we took that big book called Alcoholics Anonymous, and we're talking tonight about what's happened to the old timers, where are they, well I think that possibly some of them didn't read the big book the way Ernie made us read the big book, he didn't help us, some of them didn't study the big book the way that we had to study it at that time, because we took that chapter, The Doctor's Opinion, and I found out that I was restless, irritable, and discontented, how many people know that?
In The Doctor's Opinion, that's what it tells you, you get restless, irritable, and discontented, and we went through the steps and I found out how not to be restless, irritable, and discontented, and we came to step 10, 11, and 12, and they told me that for the rest of my life, one day at a time, I had to not rest on my laurels, but I had to do what it told me to do, not in the maintenance steps, but in the growth steps, because I think the maintenance steps, it sounds good, the maintenance steps, but if we were to take this room and just maintain it, it would stay the same, but in the growth, if you want to grow, and I believe you've got to grow or you've got to go, you're going to have a problem, so I call them the growth steps, and each and every day I do step 10, 11, and 12, the way it tells me to do it in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and if I don't do it, you know what happens to me?
I get restless, irritable, and discontented, and I all of a sudden want to do what I used to do, and I know what will happen. I'll be back there and out there, and I don't want to be that way. So I've decided to do what they told me to do, and that's keep the program of Alcoholics Anonymous before me every day, and I was kind of a rebellious chap. I don't know how many of you people are rebellious, but I was kind of rebellious.
I was something like the guy, there was a fellow that had a little Volkswagen operation and he must have been an alcoholic himself. He had the thing, you know, he was a perfectionist, he had a line drawn there, and you drove in and you stopped at that line, and then he came up and he gave you your instructions, and you had told him what you wanted done, and he'd tell you how soon it would be done. But there was one guy that used to come in almost every day, drive over the line, go around to where the little mechanic was working, show him what he was doing wrong, and just
[00:20:00]
frustrate this little guy something awful. And one day this little guy, the guy come driving in, drove over the line, and the little mechanic came out and he drew a circle in the middle of the floor. And this is what can happen to us when we are rebellious, and we do things not worrying about the consequences. And this happens to a lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous, probably in Al-Anon too. And he drew this circle and he said, you stand in this circle until such time as I tell you to get out.
And with that he took a big sledgehammer and he started to beat the guy's car. And he just hammered it, and he just totaled it. And he looked over and the guy was laughing, and this just upset this little mechanic, and he hit it a few more times with his big hammer, and then he said, what kind of an idiot are you? He says, I totaled your car and you have stood there laughing. And he said, yes, but you told me not to step out of this circle, and while you were doing that I stepped out three times.
And I think this sort of happens to rebellious people. They don't care what the consequences are as long as they do what they want to do. And we all know in Alcoholics Anonymous that we can't do that. No matter how self-centered we are, we just have to one day decide to do, if we want what this program has to offer, we have to do what the program tells us to do. Whether we want to or not, or we are going to be, we're going to have our little Volkswagen totaled.
That would be a sad thing. And I just love Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm an enthusiastic member of Alcoholics Anonymous. When we talk about what happened to the old timers, sometimes I don't know. I think that sometimes, and I hate to say this because there's a lot of young people in the room, I think that sometimes you young people run amok. Not saying that unkindly. You see, there's an old cliche around that the youngest member in the room is the most important member.
That is baloney. But I think I'm the most important member in this room. And I believe that when you're a newcomer and you come in, that you deserve that tender loving care, and that it's up to us responsible people and members of Alcoholics Anonymous that we should give it to you. But you should learn something real fast, and that's how to give it back. And remember, I know that we have a guy in our group by the name of Bob.
Bob had a heart attack and DTs at the same time. And Bob can't remember a whole lot, but he's a good member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Bob is always there. In case somebody doesn't make the coffee, Bob is there. In case somebody doesn't set up the chairs, Bob is there. In case somebody doesn't stay to clean up, Bob is there. And do you know what? There's a whole lot of young people that don't even know that Bob is there.
And Bob said to me one night, he said, when are these people going to learn how to do these things? And I said, Bob, maybe you'd better stop doing them and let them start, you know? But I think that sometimes, and I realize what it is, it's our self-centeredness. We don't notice those things. We come into this program and we're sick, and it's real nice to race out for the coffee and the ice cream after the meeting is over, and let the old Bobs clean up.
What the hell? You know? They deserve that. They had heart attacks and DTs at the same time and lost some of their mind. Why shouldn't they clean up? Nothing else for them to do anyway, you know? We've got a job and we're doing okay. Let them do those kind of things. I think that one time, probably when the first hundred people were here, it was kind of important to get a new member. It's no big deal anymore.
They're coming by the busloads. Treatment centers and jails and everything are sending them in for us to sign the cards. And you know, some of the old-timers get sick and tired of signing cards. So they just say, to hell with this, and they go to start another group, but they don't get to start the other group, and they sit at home, and all of a sudden they say they're sober and they get comfortable, and they don't drink, I don't think.
They just stay at home. That is not sad, because I think that it's kind of nice to have some of the old-timers around to give you a little hand when you really need something. I've been a privileged person because so many people have come by my office over the years, and we've had chats, and people come in and apologize and say, we're sorry to bother you. You're not bothering me. My God, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be sober today, and that's the big thing.
I think that you should continue to keep old-timers active somehow.
[00:25:06]
Even if you go by and ask them a question, they appreciate that, because everybody needs to be needed, they need to be wanted, and they need to be loved, whether they're an Alcoholics Anonymous one day or 45 or 50 years, and I believe this. And I certainly hope that tonight, when we go out of here, that we look at somebody. Maybe they'll be down in the dumps, maybe there'll be a new-timer, maybe there'll be a newcomer, it doesn't matter.
But why don't you put your arm around their shoulder and say, we want you and we need you and we love you, because that's what Alcoholics Anonymous is all about. It's a God-sharing business, and we've learned to share, so let's just keep on sharing. And I know that there's many, many people here tonight that are going to probably, I hope, go away from this meeting with a new attitude towards the old-timers, because I don't think the old-timers just decided one day that they were going to leave the group.
I think somebody, it says, you know, there's another cliché going around, that the first person up this morning is the oldest member of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's fine, until some old-timer about four o'clock in the afternoon does something wrong, and some of the newcomers look at him and they say, look at that old fuzzy, you know, been in AA for 32 years or 38 years, look what he's doing. Doesn't matter whether he got up at four in the afternoon or two in the morning.
You know, then they say, how long has he been in? And I think there's a lot of those clichés that we just perhaps should forget about. And let's go back to reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't see any of those clichés in this. This is the book that I love to go by. I've said enough. I've got a fellow here that's been dry so long he's a fire hazard, and he keeps coming by, and every time I go anywhere I see him.
Charlie from Florida, will you come up, please? My name is Charles Lindenwood. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, family. You know how to get to being an old-timer, don't you? Don't drink and don't die. I was brought to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1940. I didn't exactly join the AA. I was just kicked out of everything else. And I kept recovering. And every time I recovered, while there was no need of me going back, I was well.
And I did this for a long time. I did that for almost five years. But on May 15, 1945, I didn't have any more to drink after that. And the reason was simple. You see, this is alcoholism. I thought it was alcohol-wasm. And on page 33 in this book right here, it says, Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. And that's true. You know, it says in the second step, Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
You can't be restored if you ain't never left it. And by your own admission, your life has become unmanageable. And if your life is unmanageable or was unmanageable, you couldn't handle your affairs. And that's the definition for insanity. So fellow nuts, I want you to- This is an honest program. And that worried me. I remember when I came to AA. There were just a few of us.
[00:30:02]
about everybody wasn't there. And one day I got concerned about this, and I asked one of these holy men, been sober about 18 months, I said, Ain't we gossiping? He said, Boy, let me tell you something, in AA we do not gossip. This is constructive criticism. I didn't know the difference in gossiping and constructive criticism, and I kept on gossiping. And it got so it worried me. And I asked God to help me do something about that, and he did.
He got me where I can't remember nobody's name. Well, if you can't remember nobody's name, you can't gossip about old whatchacallit. But Alcoholics Anonymous contacted me. I was in the State Hospital for Nervous Diseases in Little Rock, Arkansas, and they didn't have no alcoholism ward. It was mixed nuts. And don't raise your hand now, but those of you who have been in one of these institutions know what I'm talking about.
And you know that you deal with psychiatrists, weird folks. And sometimes we wonder, how come they get paid for being nuttier than we are? And you know, I figured that out. You know, if you're married to somebody for a long time, you get to look like them. You get to act like them. You watch the same TV movies and you go to the same church. You have the same friends and all that. And who do psychiatrists associate with?
You know, this is a simple program for complicated people. But anyway, I got to the point where they wouldn't let me in the house in the front door. They let me in the house. Is that it? Huh? I can't even introduce myself in one minute. Well, anyway, they did send me to a psychiatrist, and he was weird. And he asked me silly questions, you know, like, did I ever have DTs? I said I had them when I first come out, you know, when they first come out.
But anyway, I'm going to quit now, and I hate to, because there's a whole lot of folks here who may not have heard my story. Charlie was known as the Arkansas traveler when I first came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'll tell you, sometimes you haven't got somebody to tell a bunch of lies at a conference And he'll come along, and he's a great guy, and sober a long time. This is what I like to say when they say, what happened to the old timers?
It's good to look out there and see Charlie, and no matter where I go, I see Charlie, and that's a great thing. We have another old timer in the crowd. I saw him come in. I'm going to ask him to come up, and I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't tell you. You've got five minutes. That's all you have. And George is worse than you. I don't know how to help. He's going to do it in five minutes.
[00:35:00]
I'm going to ask him to come up, and I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't tell you. You've got five minutes. That's all you have. He's going to do it in five minutes, but George from Arizona, would you come up here, please? He was one of the first trustees in Alcoholics Anonymous, and he's a past trustee, and he asked me, what do you do with past trustees? And I say, you clear away the records of the past.
My name is George Grimson. I'm an alcoholic. You know, this thing is like, I feel like a mosquito in a nudist camp. I know my job is to know where to start. I took my first drink when I was 17. When I sobered up, I was 35. I never was a controlled drinker. I'm not interested in controlled drinking. I just drink. I can hardly explain to somebody who is a non-alcoholic what an alcoholic feels like. You know, it's like the doctor was delivering Oley's eighth child, and he said to Oley, when you feel like propagating, you better figure out how you're going to support these children.
Oley says, I'll tell you, when I feel like propagating, I feel like I can support the whole state of Minnesota. You know, I don't mind talking too much, but I was in Akron. I used to go to Akron, Ohio, a lot after I got sober, or dry, I guess. And Bill Wilson was talking, and he got in the Kenmore group in Akron, and he got off the podium, and we had a new guy with us, been sober about or dry about four weeks, I guess.
And Bill come down, and he talked to us, and he said, you know, I don't think I did such a good job. And the new guy says, that's all right, Bill, you did the best you could. You know, and I'm glad I knew what my gift, did what my gift when I got it. I think I was like the guy that, he bought his mother a minor bird, and he called her later and asked her, how was the minor, how was the gift, Ma? She said, it was delicious.
He said, Ma, talk five languages. I paid $5,000 for that bird. She said, why didn't it say something? And there was nothing funny when I come in here, really. The fact is that I, you know, everything was pretty, I used to love to drink. The thing was that I fell in love with, I blacked out the first time, I fell in love with booze, you know. But I didn't know at the time that I had opened Pandora's box that I had turned my life and will over to alcohol.
I didn't know that, you know. But it was a good friend, but it was a hard master, because it beat hell out of me, I'll tell you what it did to me. You know, if someone had done to me with booze, I would have killed them. But I used to go around worrying about why I'm an alcoholic, and I used to, I had a lot of religion, and I thought about the sins of the Father that visited down to the third and fourth generation.
I was paying for the whole stinking mess, you know. But I'll talk about AA. I got into, I went to Akron in the beginning after I got sober, and incidentally I called AA in February the 10th. I got into the first meeting the 25th in 1950. It took a little while to show up. When I called them, them years they used to come over and tell you about the program, give you the big book, and let you think about it.
Then they asked you to go to a meeting, but they thought I must have thought I was pretty bad. I think that when he saw me, I think he said, gee, they don't bury their dead in this town, they let them walk around or something, you know. I weighed 90 pounds full of wine storage. I've been on muskadoodle for, I don't know, how the hell long. I spent six years on Skid Row, the boulevard of broken dreams, you know.
It's a street of homeless men. Some are homeless than others, you know. But they called, I mean, this guy told me about AA. I wasn't too receptive to this knucklehead when he came. He looked like a processor is what he looked like when he came over, you know. But anyway, they asked me to go to a meeting the first time, but somebody asked me to go to any place. They told me a lot of places to go right now, too, you know.
I went to this meeting, and I got in the meeting, and they all talked. They talked about how they drank and all this kind of stuff. It was all men. We had very few women. There weren't many women. They talked about patience and tolerance.
[00:40:02]
When it came to me, the guy said, we usually don't ask you to say anything, but what would you like to say? I said, this is great, but how do you stay sober? He said, well, we ask a higher power to help us. I said, you mean God? He said, yeah. Do you want to call him that? I said, I've asked him many times. I didn't get no help. He said, we don't make bargains. I've got a big deal here. You do this for me, and I'll do that for you.
Some guy spoke up and said, do you believe in God? I said, yeah. He said, well, so does the devil. What good is it to him? But I learned how to stay sober. Somebody said they didn't know how to learn to stay sober. I said, ask for help. So what I did, I had a big decision to make. What the hell was I going to do? I went home, and the morning came, and I had a big decision to make. I had a big decision to make.
I got down on my knees, and I said, God, please keep me sober, and I haven't had a drink since. I didn't know anything about AA. All I know, you didn't drink, and you asked a higher power for help. They said, bend your knees before you bend your elbow. We'll furnish the body, and we'll furnish the brains. We'll think for you. See? That's the way it goes. I just want to say one thing, though. Just going to meetings, sitting in the meetings doesn't make me an AA.
Or going to church and sitting in the pew doesn't make me a Christian. Or sitting in the hen house doesn't make me a hen. There are twelve steps, and these are the steps we took. So we took them as a result. And the last thing is, I, like Cecil and some of the others, giving of yourself in AA. I was teed up. I was doing this and doing that and everything else, and I thought, why the hell do I have to do all this stuff?
Why don't some of them others do it? And I used to read the Bible a little bit, and I come to a passage in there when I was in this frame of mind, and it says, Don't tire of well-doing unless you faint and fail to reap your reward. I knew what I had to do, and I've been trying to do it, lose myself in Alcoholics Anonymous to find myself. And I'm not one drink away from a drunk as I'm one think away from a drink.
Thank you. Well, you'll find out what has happened to him. He's been coming around and going to those meetings, it seems, and everything's all right. And he also mentioned his big book. That's kind of nice. But I think that, you know, the previous chairman was talking about change and afraid of change, and I think a lot of us are that way, you know, where we're afraid of becoming too good too fast.
We're afraid that when we come to that sixth step that we're going to become Saints or something. Don't you worry about that. Thirty-three years I've been here, and I've never met a Saint yet, not even an Al-Anon. Talking about people being afraid of change, you know, a lot of us just don't want to change. There was this little gal, and her daughter said to me, she said, why do you cut the end off the ham?
And she said, I don't know, but my mother's here. I'll ask her. So her mother was there, and she said, well, why did you cut the end off the ham before you cooked it? She said, I don't know, but my mother's here, too. I'll ask her. She used to do that. So she asked her, and she said, well, I don't know. She said, but the great, great, great grandmother is here, and I'll ask her. She said, Grandma, why did you cut the end off the ham before you cooked it?
She said, because I had a small roaster. Sometimes we just keep doing these things, you know, because somebody else did them. We had a little gal that, when I first went to Vancouver, British Columbia one time, she just was around a little while and very rebellious, blonde. And Mac and I used to talk to her a lot, and she ended up as a delegate. I saw her at the delegates' meeting today, and I know she's here tonight.
Kim from Vancouver. You out there, someone? Hi, everyone. I'm Kim Patrick, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Kim. And I'm honored to be here as an Alzheimer. Diane just told me, do you notice the Alzheimer's telltale? As an old-timer, Diane just told me, do you notice the old-timers tell jokes? I'm not at that stage yet. I sobered up November the 24th, 1972, in Vancouver.
[00:45:05]
…until I went back to Vancouver. And I got here like anyone else did, or like many of us do. I got here through the non-alcoholic, my mother, who picked up some pamphlets because of public information that was at a booth at a convention she was attending. And she asked me to read them when I destroyed her weekend for her. That was when she found out I was drinking in the morning, you know, the beer with the egg in it to get me going.
That meant I was getting my protein and I could function. And I eventually picked up a letter to a woman alcoholic. And as a result of that pamphlet, I called something I didn't know I was calling, but that I knew would give me the motivation to live. And as Sees told you when he met me, I was three months sober and I was rebellious. I didn't believe in God. I didn't think your jokes were so funny because I kept hearing them over and over again.
I sat at the back of the room and I took loving appraisals. And all I wanted to know was whether you had the latest hairstyle, whether your clothes matched, and what you did for a living. I was not interested and I did not identify. But somebody, one of our old-timers out there, said to me, You're new, eh? And I said, That's right. He said, Try it for 90 days, you dumb blonde, and if you don't like it, you can have your misery back.
I got angry and decided to prove to him that I could stay sober for 90 days. And I did a lot of things wanting to drink, to not take that drink. And as a result, I came to understand I had the illness of alcoholism. And because of people like Sees and Max Cheater, who took the time to spend time with me and allow me to rebel, and allow me to tear AA apart and rewrite the big book and do all those things that we do when we're new, when we're striving to find out who we are.
I came to love Alcoholics Anonymous. And as a result of coming to want to be sober and to live sober, I did what I was told. I found a sponsor. I joined a group. And I went through the service structure of Alcoholics Anonymous. And for that, I'll always be grateful. I rotated out in September. And people used to say to me, What are you going to do? You've been so active in Alcoholics Anonymous. And Mac told me that serving as delegate was no big deal.
It was just a privilege I earned to give back to the fellowship. And he told me I must always be willing to do what I was asked if I wanted to keep what was given to me so freely. And that's why I'm here. And that's why I try to do what I'm asked to do in Alcoholics Anonymous, no matter what it is. And in September, when I rotated out, I told those people that I was going to go back to my group. I didn't have to go back because I never left it.
Mac told me that too. If you don't leave your group, you don't have to rotate back to anything. But I was going to have the opportunity to spend time with some gals that I hadn't had that chance to do. And I was looking forward to going back to school. But instead, God had different plans for me. He put me in the hospital. I had never been in the hospital before in my entire life, and I was terrified.
But you taught me how to reach out, and I reached out to a gal that I was close to and asked her to go with me. And she was there when they took all that blood, and she was there when a man called an oncologist sat on my bed and told me they were going to give me chemotherapy that night and that I might have cancer. I broke down and cried, and he flew off the bed. She said, What can I do for my friend Kim?
And he said, Just hug her and love her. And that night, if you want to know what the power of Alcoholics Anonymous is, because I found out that that God that I didn't believe in came through you, that's the people in Alcoholics Anonymous that were there to love me. They were there letting me know to accept the things I can't change. And I heard Albert say in Prince Albert this year, I found out what I did when I was in that hospital.
When I reached out to a God of my understanding, I took step three in depth. Because they were there just loving me when I had no idea. I was operated on on a Thursday, and that gal was back there again, and she said to me, Kim, leave your body on the table for the doctors and take a walk with God. And I told her I was going on a pink blanket. And again, you were all around me giving me your love and prayers.
And I woke up on Friday morning, and I knew that God and I were one. And I knew that I was kept here for a reason, and it didn't matter what it was. And you know that I'm off the treadmill of life. You see, I figured because I was almost sober 12 years that I should have more in my life, many material things. I should have a job. I should probably own a home. And I didn't have much to show for my sobriety.
And I found out I had everything to show, that I learned once again that I could stay sober under all conditions. And if I was willing to let go and let God and let you, I could come through anything, anything that was given to me. I finished all my treatments, and that's why I was able to be here. And I want you to know as a result of your power, I was not sick once. The only thing that happened to me was I had to go to physiotherapy for my arm, and I lost all my hair, and that's kind of amazing because I wore wigs and hairpieces for years.
And I let my hair grow out, and then I lose it all again, and I'm back in it all again. But that's no big deal. They tell me that I'm going to have Farrah Fawcett hair when it all grows in. It's getting kind of late in life, but that's okay. But I just want to thank all of you for giving someone like me
[00:50:06]
the privilege of learning how to live. You see, before I found Alcoholics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous found me, I didn't know. And I want to thank all the old-timers, those that were here before me, for showing me the example that if I stayed sober one day at a time and applied these principles in my life and was always willing to give back, I would always have everything I need, and I would receive more love than I would be able to ever comprehend.
So if you're new and you're here just wondering what it's all about, I'm here to tell you no matter what happens to you, if you reach out to those in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you're a good member of your group, if you share with your sponsor and become a sponsor, and you're willing to give back what was given to you so freely, you too can stay sober under all conditions. And I wish to thank you all for your sobriety because without it I wouldn't have mine.
Thank you. Applause Thank you very much, Kim. And I was very privileged to be close to Kim when she was going through all of the problems when she was sick, but she used to cheer me up instead of me cheering her up when I'd phone her. And it's just great to hear her talk tonight and to know what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for her. I can remember one time when Kim was very new in Alcoholics Anonymous and we were over in Victoria, British Columbia on a breakfast meeting and they just weren't getting things organized the way they do in Vancouver.
And Kim was sober just a little while and she got mad. She bought a whole cup of coffee, a whole pot of coffee she bought it, and the lady across from her wanted her to share some of her coffee. Kim just told her, don't buy her own damn coffee, she said. And I had to speak on the traditions that morning. But walking in unity, hand in hand. And she was sitting in the front row. Hey, hey, that's not for me, I can talk as long as I want.
Applause When you're an experienced chairman you know how to get those laughs. Laughter We have a guy that's been driving me around for a few days and I've been freeloading on him and I know that he knows what old timers are and he's been doing a good job. He's been looking after us this week. Otto from Dallas, where are you? You drove us down here. Applause I'm Otto Kinchin and I'm an alcoholic. Hi everybody.
And because this program works in my life one day at a time, I haven't had a drink of anything containing alcohol or a mood-changing chemical since the 22nd of June, 1968. Applause You know, Cease is talking about what happened to the old timers. And I have a little idea, I believe, of what might have happened to some of them. I will say before I start in with that that I'm, you know, I'm thrilled to know a lot of old timers.
When Charlie got up here tonight, Charlie was at a conference in Little Rock or Hot Springs, Arkansas, 16 years ago. I haven't seen Charlie in a long time. It's good to see him. George, I met George out in Arizona a number of years ago. I've spent an awful lot of time with Cease and a lot of other old timers and Alcoholics Anonymous, and they've saved my life. And, God, I'm grateful for them. And I love to hang out with them.
It's really been a joy to drive Cease around this week. He goes to sleep and I get lost and we just had a hell of a time. Laughter You know, due to a lot of things that happened in my life in my 16th year of sobriety, I moved into a town where A.A. wasn't like it was where I was at. And I have been exposed to intensive, active A.A. I moved into this town and there were 13 meetings a week. I made all 13 of them the first week and didn't like any of the meetings.
And for the next three weeks I sat at home. And I snapped after three weeks.
[00:55:01]
And I realized that I was in a serious spot. No one knew where I was supposed to be. I was not committed to any meeting. Nobody missed me and I could stay at home. And I got scared to death. I went back to the 13 meetings. I picked three of them that I liked the best. I committed to go to those three meetings. And I let people know where I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be there. And my life got better.
And I believe, based on what little experience that I've had in Alcoholics Anonymous, that some people, after they get sober, fall into either apathy or complacency. And we just don't see them anymore. And God, I'm grateful for the people that have been very close to me in my life that called me during this period of time that I was off down in McAllister, Oklahoma, and they motivated me to do something in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I started early on hanging out with the winners and the old-timers in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have fallen back on everything that I've been taught my first year in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous this last year. And it has saved my life. I'm delighted that you called on me, Cease, and thank you all very much. Thank you. Thank you, Otto. When I was your trusted servant in a general service office, we had a lady there that the first couple times I met her, I didn't know what she was talking about.
I was serving on the general service board, and she said she belonged to the board. And I just couldn't get what she was talking about. She's from Massachusetts or somewhere. And I saw her in here tonight. Margaret C., are you here somewhere? Over here. Yeah. My name is Margaret Carlson, and I am an alcoholic. Hi, everyone. I want to tell you I am so full of emotion here. This weekend has just, you know, we're having a much better time here than they're having out at that stadium, I'm telling you.
This weekend has just built up for me to the point where I am just, you know, I don't know about you, but I'm just about to burst. And even the laughter that I, this beautiful laughter that we've heard here tonight, you know, has brought me almost so close to tears. It's just the tears of joy, tears that are so different from the tears that I knew before I came into this beautiful fellowship. Before my sponsor reached out his hand to me, outside of the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, and began to give away his sobriety to me because he knew that he shouldn't be anonymous at the private level.
And because he reached out his hand that night, I have been in this fellowship without the need to take a drink since February 2, 1959. And I want to tell you that is absolutely unbelievable to me because I had been affected by alcohol from the time that I was a little baby. My mother and father were both alcoholics. I had affected the life of a little girl to the point where a little girl had been taken away from alcoholic parents, and I almost destroyed her.
And I was a big zero when I came into this program, but you people loved me and had faith in me and gave me the hope that I could stay sober one day at a time. And I want to tell you where the old-timers are as far as I'm concerned and where this old-timer is, is that I'm back to the basics. I am back to the basics because that's where it's at. To the basics, because that's where it's at. I want to tell you, when you were patting me on the back and, you know, and telling me, Margaret, every day, you know, you're doing so well and this is what you have for dinner
[01:00:04]
and you vacuum the rug and you don't need a drink, I didn't need to worry so much about living today. But I want to tell you that living can sometimes get tough, as all of us know, as we say sober in this program, because life has its ups and downs, and more and more, and the older I get, the more I know that I've got to get back to basics and that's where I am today. But I've been thinking this weekend of that sponsor, that beautiful sponsor of mine, who was so perfect for me.
He was a janitor and I was a snob. And I want to tell you that he helped me every single day to get to meetings, to learn how to do the things I needed to do to live sober, but I stayed the snob. I was so wrapped up in a cocoon of self that it took me an extra long time to begin to know that there was somebody else in the room besides myself. And for each one of us, that begins to happen at a different time.
And for me it happened when I had been sober, I hate to tell you how long, a year and a half, two years, when I snubbed my sponsor when I met him on the street one day. And that was the day that the cocoon that I had of self around me began to crack open and the love that you people had shown to me began to get inside, inside so that I could care about somebody else. And then the other person I've been thinking about this weekend is Bill Wilson.
Because again, it took me so long to know about service in AA and to want to give back this beautiful gift that had been given to me. And I thought a lot and I thought last night of the Miami International Convention. And the slogan at that convention was unity or the theme of the convention was unity and CEASE was there. And I will never forget that night or that morning rather on Sunday morning as we were in the auditorium and all of us were just hoping and praying that Bill would be brought from the hospital to be with us.
We had heard that he might be brought there to the auditorium so that we might see him. We all knew he was desperately ill. And we sat in that auditorium and hanging over the stage was a banner with one word on it and that word was unity. And all of a sudden from the side of the stage a wheelchair was pushed in and Bill was in that chair and he had an oxygen tank beside him and they helped him up out of the chair and he stood up at that podium and he was a tall man and he stood up so tall and straight with every ounce of effort that it took of him.
And I want to tell you that all of us in that whole auditorium recognized the gift that we had been given. The gift that we had been given by those who came before us. And for me, this alcoholic, I stood there as we all applauded and tears are streaming out of our eyes and I looked at that word unity and it blurred into one with Bill Wilson. And it was at that moment in time when I really came to know what a gift we had been given and what unity in AA was all about and how important it was and is that you and I pass on what our founders have left for us and that we work to preserve it and keep it the same so it will be here for all who will need it in future generations.
Thank you. Thank you very much Margaret. She's just a beautiful lady, I'll tell you. You get to know her real better.
[01:05:01]
Otto mentioned up here that he talked about you know, the ignorance and complacency or apathy, whatever you want to call it. If anything can destroy Alcoholics Anonymous, I believe that is it. Ignorance of what we belong to and complete downright apathy. And I asked Clancy one time what he thought of that. He said he didn't know and he didn't give a damn. Without arrogance he said that. Folks, we've just had a great meeting and I want to tell you that I am probably one of the most grateful members of Alcoholics Anonymous here tonight.
I can remember being in Long Beach, California in 1960 and Bill standing up there and telling us let's be friends with our friends. But he didn't tell me who the friends were. Then I went on to Toronto and he said when anyone reaches out for help anywhere I want the hand of AA to always be there and for this I am responsible. But he didn't tell me where they were going to reach from or where they were coming from.
And I went on to Miami and he talked about unity and I was on the stage that night and it was just beautiful. Then we went on to Denver and it said let it begin with me. And I'm trying to figure out what all the things were. Let it begin with me. Let what begin with me? And I realized that maybe if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing in Alcoholics Anonymous and everybody else was doing that well, things would get better.
And then we went to New Orleans and there it said that we had the joy of living. And I realized that if I did all of these things that I'd been taught by going to international conferences that I could find the joy of living. And here I'm privileged tonight to be celebrating the 50th anniversary in Montreal. I would like to say to all of the people from all over the world that are here tonight welcome to Canada.
We really need you and we're glad you came. Thank you. And I know that you're going to have a good time. I was privileged to be at Chuck C.'s memorial dinner and I was privileged to speak at that dinner or not dinner, his memorial service. And I told a story there about the great actor that was asked to say the 23rd Psalm. And he went home and he rehearsed it. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He played it on a tape recorder and he did everything that a great actor would do so that he'd do it absolutely perfect. The Sunday before he was supposed to say the 23rd Psalm he went to church and he heard his minister friend say the 23rd Psalm. And finally the great night arrived and he stood up in front of this great audience and he said the 23rd Psalm. And he said it like any great actor could say it.
And he received a standing ovation and he went back once again to the microphone and he asked the people to sit down. And he said, I have a favor to ask you. I have a minister friend in the audience and I would like him to come up here and say the 23rd Psalm. And his minister friend came up and said the 23rd Psalm the way it's supposed to be said. From the heart, not from the mouth. And when it was all over there was no standing ovation.
There was a lot of feeling in a lot of people's hearts. A lot of tears in a lot of people's eyes. And once again the great actor went to the microphone. And he said, you see the difference between my friend and I, my minister friend and I is that I know the sheep but he knows the shepherd. And I think in Alcoholics Anonymous we are so privileged because we get to know the sheep and we can take them to the shepherd because we've got to know the shepherd.
I want to thank everybody for being here. I want to thank the speakers for doing just such a tremendous job. I want to thank you the audience for being such a tremendous audience because you listened and you made it easy for everybody that was up here. Last but not least I want to thank God for giving me one more beautiful day to allow me to be of service to the fellowship that I love so much. Would you please help me close this meeting with the Lord's Prayer.
Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation
[01:10:02]
but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.