Audio
Transcript
Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Unknown Speaker – SLOGANS – RS 06335.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-unknown-speaker-slogans-rs-06335.mp3 Duration: 01:29:12
============================================================
The anonymity tradition that most of us are familiar with, for the 112th time I imagine since conference began I will also read this to you. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV and films.
Thus we respectfully ask that no AA speaker or indeed any AA member be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us. And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before AA personality. My purpose in being here this afternoon besides to enjoy the speakers is to open and close this meeting and to share what little needs to be shared.
And certainly I don't need to qualify. I'm sober today because of AA and I think that says it all for me. The program here is made up primarily of several of the slogans and the first speaker for this session is Nancy M. Nancy? I heard that applause for making that real first step up there instead of coming around the side. Hi, my name is Nancy and I'm a grateful and happy recovering alcoholic. And it's really fantastic to be here. I'm just so excited.
The people who are most important to me, my loved ones and the people, new people that I meet, but the people that I got sober with and all, it just seems that they're here with me today and most of them are in this room and it's really, really great. I did see that right before I came up here the gal who told me you never say no in AA. And I said, you know, there's one part of your advice I'd like to change is I look around this room and think I'm not up there.
You know, there should be some times when you should say no. But we're in luck where I'm only allowed to talk for 15 minutes and I have high heels on and I won't last that long. The topics I think we're supposed to be think and live and let live and hope. As you can see that I've worked the first part of hope very well. I never let myself get hungry. About the others, I don't work them quite as well, but I have been trying to follow your directions and stay away from being drunk.
And stay away from being lonely and tired. And if in this program I'm ever lonely, shame on me. That's my fault because there's never a reason to be lonely. And especially if you, like me, have found a new understanding of a higher power that I found in this program, I never have to be lonely. If I want to, I mean, I can choose to sit on a pity pot, you know, and be lonely and feel sorry for myself if I want to.
But then I know that that's my decision. It's not something that I'm stuck with. Before coming to you, I always thought that I was stuck with me. I had to be me. And I remember my favorite song was Is That All There Is. And I asked a friend of mine to buy me a copy of it. And he sat on it on the way over bringing it to my house, you know. That was just kind of the way things were. I was thinking today, you know, and it was today, just about a half an hour ago, about, you know, live and let live.
I had promised myself that I would worry about speaking today at 2 o'clock this morning. But I was too tired to stay up and think about it and worry, so I put it off. But when I was thinking live and let live a little while ago, I think that most of the time I think about, you know, the let live part. But I realized that it became very easy to let other people live their lives once I started really enjoying the living mine.
Because before that, I was only interested, I had a captured audience. I was divorced, had three children at home that I could rule and run and tell them what to do.
[00:05:03]
And one of my children is here with me today, and it's really a blessing, because I don't know what she went through. I can imagine what she went through with my alcoholism, you know. And we still love each other, and that's a miracle. There are a lot of miracles. The reason I'm particularly delighted that she's here today, she was at New Orleans. I was all set to go, and we got the message the day before I went to New Orleans that she was going to be operated on for cancer.
And I waited, and she said, go, Mom, anyway. You know, you've been planning this for five years. I said, well, I can't go until I know that you're all right. So she was being operated on Thursday, and I was to leave Friday morning. And I thought, well, gee, I'll have to go. Even if she's not all right, if I hang around, she'll think that there's something wrong with her, you know. But everything was okay, and I did go.
And then this year that she's here with me, it makes it especially beautiful for me. I don't know how you people felt, you know, like this live and let live, like going through the metro last night, you know. I mean, that was a real miracle, you know, of living. Nobody was shoving or pushing. Everybody was laughing and smiling. And I think that we really made Montreal sit back and watch. You know, I don't know whether it was a present to us that they didn't charge us on that metro, you know, or they were afraid to.
Fifty thousand people coming down there, you know. But it really was an experience. And I love, you know, just saying hello to anybody, anytime, and everybody just, you know, smiles. I had a few people make comments that they wish people would stop smiling and get a little tired after a while, you know. But I know that there were a lot of times when I couldn't smile, when there was nothing to smile about.
And this program has given me something to smile about. Any moment of any day, if I want to put the effort, you know, to it. And in the beginning, it was an effort. There was also a woman here who told me that there was no room for resentment and a heart full of gratitude. And I worked on being grateful. And some days, especially today, it's a picnic, you know. I mean, I got in the habit of looking, of knowing what I have to be grateful for.
But in the beginning, the only thing that I could find that I wasn't grateful for was maybe that I wasn't blind or that I was grateful that I wasn't crippled. It was all negative, and I would have to concentrate on that because I felt so out of it. I felt so much like I was listening to a different drummer. And our slogan, think, you know, what I know now but didn't know then, you know, that my perceptions of reality through the booze and the pills, you know, it really destroyed my ability to think clearly.
And you told me the second step, that that's what that sanity meant. It meant the ability to think clearly. And it's coming, slowly, but as Brother Francis says, I'm in the springtime of senility, you know. And it's difficult to remember, but that's okay. You know, there's always somebody around to ask. I even stopped carrying the program because I can't figure it out. So I just asked somebody where I should be next.
But it's really, you know, it's so great to be here and to share with everybody here. I'm just so happy to be with you and to be sober today. In fact, I said to Madge coming up, I don't know what I'm going to say, but all I have to do is I have to not drink in the next 15 minutes and stand up here and tell everybody I'm happy to be with them. Thank you. Thank you, Nancy. Super. The next presenter for this session is Iris S.
Thank you. Hi, everyone. My name's Iris, and I'm an alcoholic. You'll have to bear with me. I'm awful scared. This is amazing, actually, because this is the first time I've ever spoken to a crowd.
[00:10:09]
Thank you. My sponsor knows how difficult it is for me because I've been around for about three years now. I do all right when I'm in the group, like just talking, you know, when you're asked to speak in a room. By the way, I wanted to mention that I'm from Winnipeg, Manitoba, and the name of my group is the Golden Slippers. I just wanted to mention that because it is the group that gets you sober, from my experience, anyway.
This is part of my think part, by the way. If I'm really following the program right on there, this is part of think. I'm thinking about what happened. I was a slipper as well. That group was started, actually, by a gentleman who's well-known and who's passed on now. His name is Matt Cheater. He sponsored my sponsor. He started that group because there was a couple of guys in the city of Winnipeg who just couldn't get sober. They were chronic slippers.
They started to have, I think it was called study sessions. They didn't want to call it a group because they didn't want anyone else to come. They held their meeting as early as they could on Sunday morning because they didn't want anyone to come and they wouldn't get up that early. Many of those original people are still with our group. We have about 50 regular members, I guess. We have a number of women that are stable members.
I think that's important. I think that's important. I'm really impressed with this whole deal. This is my first international conference as well. Last night was really… It was Sybil who spoke. She was 44 years sober. She talked about… Well, just that idea of not being admitted at first. It's incredible when you think of the idea that we have come a long way in 50 years. It's quite amazing. It's quite amazing.
The humility that you heard from Sybil when she spoke about… She spoke of herself and the NAA as the fledglings. Fledglings, like. That was an amazing thought. I'd never thought of it as… You know, when you think… When you hear somebody that's 44 years sober, well, they're right at the top. And although you know you're told, that's not… It's your quality that's variety, not the quantity that counts.
And I was also really impressed with the fact that the president wrote such a nice letter. And they shared that. I guess I should talk about a little bit what was on the program there. Talked about HALT. And actually, when I first read that, when I got the letter, I didn't know what that meant. I'd never heard of it. I'd never heard of it in terms of HALT. I'd, of course, been told by my sponsor that…
Of course, I've been told by my sponsor that you shouldn't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
[00:15:09]
And actually, for the first year, I was told that I should just do those things that would get you back to physical, sort of, some physical level of health. Because as I remember it, I was quite confused for a while there. First year, I don't think, I heard someone say last night that they don't start to think until about after a year and a half or so. And that's quite true. I mean, thinking was never really my forte, but I never did anything that, you know, made much sense until after about a year and a half of going to meetings and getting sleep at night and eating properly and hanging around the right people.
And that is really important. I don't think people realize how, like I know for myself, that idea is part of the mentally and bodily difference that I have come to understand about my alcoholism. If I get too tired, I'm a crazy person. And I know that when we start to get well and we go out, like even to our work and that sort of thing, I know that carrying the message is something we do every day.
It's not something you prepare for and sort of do it once every five years, like I've been given this opportunity. I think that we have to try and be an example in our everyday lives. The other thing that I was really impressed too was with Lois Wilson last night. She's still together. She must be in her mid-90s. I think that the other, what was the other part of this program? Oh, yes. I was supposed to talk about living that live.
I can remember a time back a few years when it wasn't easy to live and let live. It wasn't easy to live and it wasn't easy to let live either. I can remember, just actually last year, there was a moment of clarity. We have these moments every once in a while. I remember thinking at work I was wrong about something. I was really surprised about that. You know, you always think in terms of, and that's where I'm coming from with this living that live idea.
I mean, they can do what they want, but if it's not how I see it, they're wrong. But the idea, I think, that that living that live is trying to say to us is that everyone has the right to live and work their program the way that they see they should be doing it and what's best for them and their understanding. And I can remember, I still remember that day I was at work and I actually had that, I was actually wrong about something and I got home and thought about it.
I'd never been wrong in my life before that day. And I start thinking about that sort of thing. It's amazing when you think of it. Just earlier I was over at the other, at the convention center and I heard Clancy talking. Clancy, he was amazing.
[00:20:02]
The thing that I wanted to mention though was that he talked about pockets of enthusiasm. And he is a person that travels a lot and I guess that's how he sort of gets that perception. If you're out amongst, like all over North America, you'd see sort of the bigger picture of what's happening. He said there are a lot of sort of gray places where there's sort of enthusiasm and then the next year you go back and it's all new people.
And he said that's not quite the way it's supposed to be. And that there were these pockets of enthusiasm that he'd find and he said the reason for that was he said the ethic of sponsorship. And that was, I thought, an excellent point. It's amazing when you think of it. I'm sorry, I'm getting off topic here. I'm all over the place. The reason I mentioned that was because my sponsor, we were having breakfast this morning, and she started to talk about the fact that it was amazing, like from our group there were four people that were working, had been chosen to participate in this, four women, in this convention.
And she thought that the reason for that might have been for Mac, his influence on the group for the last 10, 12 years, well, 10 years. He died, I think, two years ago now. And he was just a very well-known figurehead in AA and his influence on the group and his ideas, the sponsorship idea, especially when it came to, and the ladyship idea, of taking care of the ladies in AA. I'm sorry, I'm losing track of what I'm supposed to be talking about here again.
There were a lot of people that, like there were a lot of ladies that were brought to our group in the city because it was well known that there was stable sobriety there. And the ladies had a chance to sober up and carry the message. And, I'm sorry. And I can't imagine how this can be good for me. Thank you. I remember hearing Cliff, he came to our, we have a conference by the way, this is another plug.
We have a winter conference in January every year in Winnipeg. And it's to be about 40, 50 below, sometimes 95 below with the windchill. And we still get a thousand people that show up or more every year. And we had a guy that came in and spoke one time, he's from California, his name was Cliff. And I remember him saying, he cries at grocery store openings, you know. And I could relate to that because, you know, I can be in a card shop and I'll start crying.
People don't understand that. But, and then of course this whole sponsorship idea, you know.
[00:25:02]
You can't imagine, he was also talking about that, that this Cliff guy was really funny. I can't remember his last initial. He, he was talking about when he first came around that he was really a wild man. And his sponsor would say to him that he'd have to sponsor this guy, you know. And he was, he said he'd sponsor this guy named Bob or something. And Bob was a nerd. He said he hated going to pick up Bob.
And he'd go and pick up Bob and he didn't want to go and do it. He'd go and pick him up and take him to the meeting and then he'd feel better. And he could never understand that. And, I don't know, it's really quite amazing. It's an amazing process. And I'm really grateful to be here. I know this was a tremendous opportunity for me. I know you can hear the sincerity in my voice. But I thank you very much.
Thank you, Iris. Some of you in the room might have been at Denver in the 40s. You was talking about Mac Cheater. They had a, he brought a whole contingent down to Denver and gave a three hour workshop just on the Golden Slippers, a super guy. The next presenter this afternoon is Robbie See. Hi, everyone. I'm Robert Chipman. I'm an alcoholic. Hi. Thank you so much, Iris. We needed that. I suppose the first thing I should tell you is that whatever you've got to this point is likely all you're going to get.
But I said I'm an alcoholic. And with the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, next week, this time, I will have 15 years of continuous living without alcohol. And for me, that is nothing short of a miracle. And each one of us, I believe, in this room today are a miracle in our own right. I've been of the belief for a number of years now that really this thing that I describe as living without the use of alcohol, I really think that it is a gift of sobriety.
That we are given for a purpose. And when I looked over the topic for this meeting, and it said, think, halt, live and let live, and I wondered what great words of wisdom that I could bestow upon you in the next hour or so, I realized that I'm still very much in a learning process and I hope that I can be that way for the rest of my life. I don't always find myself in an attitude where I can realize that, but that's really the way it is.
Looking at the word think, I remember being sober for about six months, and by that time there was a chap coming to the meeting And by that time there was a chap coming to the meeting, and he'd been sober about four and a half years, and he talked what I thought was a great talk, and he used fancy words, and I can remember driving home, I used to have to drive about thirty miles from that meeting to get home, it was the closest,
[00:30:21]
and I would be on the way home by myself in the car, thinking, my God, if I could only get what he has. Then there was another chap at that same meeting, Jerry M., he's out in B.C. today, he may be here, I don't know, I expect likely, in some ways, but he was the sort of chap that I had told that any time that he wished to have an argument, to drive up and see me, because every time that he seemed to open his mouth, he was hitting me between the eyes, and I didn't like a thing he had to say.
What happened was, I was about six or seven months sober, and this first chap that I referred to drank, and the fear that came into me was almost, and I say almost, as bad as that I had known just a short six months earlier. Because the thought that went through my mind is, after knowing all of that, he was to go out and drink, what chance had I? And I got so concerned about this, I was really terrified, and I went to the chap that I suppose in many ways he was already my sponsor, although I didn't realize it, and I questioned him about this.
What would happen if I drank again? Would I end up in this situation, that situation? And he gave me what I believe is perhaps the best guidance that I have perhaps received. He said, I'm going to tell you something. He said, you think sobriety, and you never have to worry about what happens drinking, because it is impossible to think about both at the same time. And from that time on I have tried to the very best of my ability to think sobriety. I've never had to really fear going back to drinking. In fact, the few times that I have thought about going back drinking has never scared me.
It's the thought of sobering up that does the job on me. I'm one of those who's in this fellowship today through no effort on my part, and if I was left to some of those that I hear from time to time in meetings, I wouldn't even be here. Because, see, I made no attempt whatsoever to contact Alcoholics Anonymous, I made no phone calls, nothing. The message of AA was brought to me, and I had in no way asked for it. And I must also keep that in mind when the opportunity comes now to try and pass it on.
I was asked if I would want to do something about my drinking. I had been living at that time in a state of hell, fully convinced after many, many failures that it was totally impossible for me to ever be able to be sober. Not that I didn't want to, it was simply that all the ways that I had known of or tried had failed, and I seen myself as a total failure in every aspect of life. When I think of that, I need only think of what the state was in our home at that time.
[00:35:03]
Just weeks earlier, coming home, drunk most times, drinking the rest. The wife in a state of mind, anyway, just as an example, I can remember coming to the door on one occasion and it was locked, and my first thought was smash it down. My second thought was it would cost three quarks to put it back on. And I went to the bedroom window and I started calling in the window. And perhaps the thing that followed demonstrates better than any words that I can use to illustrate the condition at home. I was met in that window with the buchi knife, and I even wished it would be used.
We had two sons at that time. One was three and one was about a year old. One was born on the 4th of July and one was born on the 7th. The three-year-old, most times when I was coming home, would be saying, daddy's drunk again, daddy's been to the liquor store. And I swore at that time that it was his mother that was putting him up to saying these things because nothing could hurt more. Now, I suppose the thing that makes that all important is when I think back some more. Some years, 13 years after the first child was born, our third child was born.
And so now we have a daughter who is five. And when she was three years old, she received for Christmas a little play telephone. And she had great fun putting her finger in the dial and giving it a whirl and talking to her friend. But the thing that really made me feel good inside was when she'd put her finger in the dial and she'd give it a whirl and she'd come along and she'd say, it's for you, daddy, A.A.'s calling.
And that's the difference. And that's really what happened. See, A.A. found me when I didn't want to live. I came and I didn't want to agree with the lot. I trusted no one. I believed in nothing. And you taught me how to do this. You taught me how to trust by placing your trust in me. You taught me how to believe by believing in me. And that early group was so important and they cared and it was a small group and it was like they all were sponsoring me.
There was many things that I couldn't understand, but there was things that I could sense. And I believe that every alcoholic, regardless of how sick, mentally confused or what have you, we become, have that capacity, perhaps not to understand but to sense. And they greeted me that night with love and an open hand and it didn't matter. And they wanted to help and they cared. And that was the beginning.
I felt good. To be treated like that was different. And slowly I come to understand what they were trying to do. They were trying to pass on something that had been given to them.
[00:40:11]
I was never asked to do anything that I know of in Alcoholics Anonymous. I was told. We would be at a meeting and I wouldn't be asked if I was going to the next meeting. I would be told that we're going, we'll meet you at such and such a place. And it wasn't even a case of will you be there. I was expected to be there. And I was there. And from the very first I suppose it was an average of three or four meetings a week. And it hasn't changed. Because for each little thing that I've been given, if we try to pay back just even a little bit, the bill just keeps getting larger.
The understanding that came was that I was to try and live. I learned early that even the serenity prayer, it told me that I needed the serenity to accept the things that I couldn't change. And that was mainly other people. Courage to change the things I could. Myself. Now I've not always been successful in sticking to that. But inside I think as we stay involved and get in AA, this is what happens.
I had no belief and yet through the belief of others and the reading about this fellowship, I came to gain an understanding, not an understanding, but a belief in a God that I can have conscious contact with. It was for a long time that this was very difficult. And I come to realize, or I believe at least today, that the reason that I had such difficulty in doing this was that I was so full of self.
The self-centeredness, the self-pity, and all those thoughts that were directed towards self. And perhaps maybe the thing that began to change that around was the little simple things like going to my meeting early. Doing things that I could do. Like setting up the chairs and getting the meeting hall ready for a meeting. I was mentioned coming from Winnipeg and I'll never forget the night that a chap was visiting our group, Nova Scotia, from Winnipeg.
And I was there setting up the chairs and at that particular time in my life I was concerned about this word anonymity. And this chap, I knew from the way that he was talking, God will fill its place. And that's how I believe. The guides that we are given through the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, and the 12 concepts in Alcoholics Anonymous are the things that I need to try and live by. Because today I feel that there is a purpose. And that we all have a purpose. And that purpose is best, I suppose, summed up in a little verse that I picked up a number of years ago. And it simply says that there is a destiny that makes us brothers.
There is a destiny that makes us brothers. No one walks his way alone. What we put in the lives of others will come back to our own. And that has proven to be true countless
[00:45:06]
times over. This weekend has just been marvelous. It's my third world convention, and they just keep getting better. But the thing that I feel good about as much as anything, remembering back to 1975 in Denver, my sponsor took me to Denver. In 1980 in New Orleans, there had been a chap sober about a year, Eric, and we went to New Orleans together. And I guess we were about the only ones within a 250 mile distance to attend the New Orleans conference.
And yet, I believe there's ten or twelve to this one. And this just to me illustrates so much about this fellowship. If each one of us tried to the very best of our ability to live in such a way that we will make the recovery that is possible in AA an example to others. And that's really all I have the ability to do, is try to the best of my ability to live in such a way that my life becomes an example. It's not always the best, and it would never be the best I expect, but it's the only one that I have. And if I keep one hand in the hand of God and the other in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'll likely be able to, and I believe I'll be able to, continue in this way of life without the use of alcohol. Thank you very much.
Thank you, Robbie. You know, I was just talking about a lot of these people on the podium last night had a lot of sobriety as far as length is concerned. And the podium filled with trusted servants. I think it's very, very important for me to remember that no matter where you are, the highest you can get in this program is sober. We still got some length of time before they kick us out of here, and that gives me 45 minutes to tell my story, and I haven't been born at an early age. I think, though, that there's a lot of sharing and caring that can be done here for a while. This is supposed to be over the slogans, faith, hope, live and let live, one day at a time, easy does it, let go, let God. There are other slogans that one finds beneficial in our day-to-day sobriety. So, I'm going to turn the microphone over. Let's keep this from three to five minutes a piece, no longer than five, three minutes if we can. We'll allow a lot of people to share. The one thing bad about this room is that you can't share where you sit. You get your body up here. Okay? And we can probably line them up here somewhere. If you've got some things you'd like to share in regards to the slogans, feel free, and we'll kind of make a rotating thing out of this for a while.
You bet. Okay. Good evening, friends. I'm Bill, a drunk and a drug addict, and I'm happy to be here. The topic,
[00:50:07]
it just drew me in because it said, hawk, listen, I think, and live and let live. And for me, it's like, in America, I don't know about your railroad signs here, but in America, we have something like this, you know, a railroad sign says, stop, look, and listen. And for me, that's what this is saying to me. Stop for a minute and look back where you came from. But I didn't do it alone. Without you, I couldn't have did it. And God, you know, I see you smiling, and the gift you give is for me, God, through you and my higher power. Live and let live. That was hard for me. Very hard. Difficult. Because, you know, God grant me grace, pleasure, joy, and happiness through you. To be 22 years old, you know, here, without you, I couldn't have did that. And when I came, I couldn't understand what did you want with me, me being among you? What did I have to offer you? I had nothing but time. And just another meeting over there, I heard a lady tell my story, my life, and she was a lady. It blew my mind. It did. Because she found this way of life in jail, so did I. And I had nothing but time. You know, I had 8 to 15, plus one day to my natural life. And it had not been for God and you marvelous people, I don't know if I would be out of jail or still in jail. Dead. But you taught me one thing. I don't have to let anyone today live my life for me. If I listen to learn and learn to listen, that's what you taught me. And live and let live, period. To be a human being. To love. And I didn't know how to do that. But you told me to look in the mirror. And don't put the blame on anybody else. And God knows I put the blame on everybody here.
Everybody, because you made me drunk. You put me in jail. You kept me in jail. As I began to listen, as you said, to learn, I put the blame here, with that person I lived with all those years. And you said, come along with us. If you need a hand to be a human being, with a smile, he is mine. And I said, live with it and let live. I said, I wanted to share with you this one. I was lucky enough to share. I was in Massachusetts and I'm grateful I'm able to share this one here. My name is Bill W. too, but I'm not the real one, you know. Yeah. But just to show you the loving, the caring, and understanding, I said, I need a hand. And the sister grabbed one arm and the brother grabbed the other. Thanks for letting me share that with you.
Thank you, Bill. My name is Ron and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, everybody. I'm grateful to the program to have choices for another day. It's really great to be here in Montreal. I'm sure I'll never forget this experience as long as I live. And speaking of experiences, something happened to me a couple of weeks ago, back to this last week. It's probably the second most important thing that's happened to me since I've been in the program. And I would like to take a minute to share it. It's helped me a lot. Perhaps it'll help somebody else. I guess I probably should go back just a little bit. Four years ago this weekend, I came into the program at AA. I was only in for six weeks. I thought I was working the program. I went to a meeting every day. I got a sponsor and so forth and so on. But I went away on vacation with a friend I was with, and we decided that I'd done pretty well. I hadn't had
[00:55:00]
a drink in six weeks. I could be a social drinker. So I did that by going to the package store, getting a half gallon of vodka, a six pack of 16 ounce buds, and heading for the motel. And I socially drank for three more years. And thanks to God, and I mean that sincerely, God got me back in this program a year and a couple of months ago. And I did 90 and 90 four times in a row. And I was in a pink cloud for that first year in the program. Things were really going great for me. Things were getting better every day. And you know, I said many times with people like you that the power of this program is unlimited and that there are miracles in these rooms. And I believe that. Well, I get into my second year of sobriety and I had a new job. I also was involved in a new relationship and the combination of a new job. And I asked this woman to marry me and she said yes. And a short time afterwards, she had second thoughts and gave me the ring back. And this was a difficult thing for me to handle.
But you know, I always said, as I just mentioned, that I always felt the power of this program was unlimited and that I would be able to handle it. But I couldn't. And I thought I was using live and let live. I thought I was using let go. I thought I was recognizing and accepting the fact that I was powerless over people, places and things. But it just wasn't working. And I realized that if something didn't happen, that my life was going to become unmanageable.
The first and most important surrender I ever made, of course, was when I surrendered to the fact that I was powerless over alcohol in my life to become unmanageable. And that was a very difficult thing for me to do because I drank every single day for 25 years. I knew I was an alcoholic for a long time before I came in this wonderful fellowship, but I would never admit that my life was unmanageable. Well, I finally did make that surrender. Now I find myself, you know, as I just described in my second year in the program, and things were getting about as screwed up for me as they were back when I was drinking. It wasn't that bad, but it was plenty bad enough.
So I did a lot of sharing and caring. I tried to work the program. I talked with friends. I talked with other people for hours. And I still was uptight. I didn't seem to get anywhere. And finally this young person said to me, Ron, you have to surrender. I said, what do you mean? I surrendered a long time ago. She said, no, no, you have to surrender again. You have to surrender. You have to surrender to the fact that you are powerless, powerless over people, places and things. And I guess I really didn't want to hear that, but I thought about it and it finally, it finally sunk in. And once I admitted to myself that I truly was powerless over people, places and things, then things started to get better again. And I got back on the pink cloud.
So, you know, the program, the program has been great for me. I haven't been around that long. I'm sure that there's lots of other experiences and significant things that'll happen to me in the future. I do love the program. I know I'm going to keep coming and as long as I don't drink and go to meetings, don't drink one day at a time, I'm sure things will continue to get better. I love you all. It's great to be here.
Thank you, Ron. Marianne? Hi, my name is Marianne and I'm an alcoholic. It's really nice to be here. This particular topic, that gentleman was just saying, I, Wednesday I had the same situation. I broke off an engagement with someone that I dearly love. Three and a half years so I fell in love with an active alcoholic and I've been going crazy for two more years since. And right before I left, I really didn't know what to do. I hadn't planned to come here. And I called my mother and I don't know, I was a sneaky drinker. And so my first year sobriety, they fought me to the heavens.
They thought that I was escaping from my life and that I was using it as an excuse. My second year sobriety, they saw some changes and started thinking that maybe I was an alcoholic. My third year sobriety, they really started supporting me because they saw how my brother's lives were going downhill. Because I saw how my brother's lives were going downhill and that I was starting to recover. And now in the middle of my fourth, I called her up with complete despair on Wednesday and told her I did not know what I was going to do.
[01:00:01]
That I just was dying inside and I could not live any longer. And I was tired of hiding and I could not go to the family reunion this Fourth of July weekend because I was sick. I told her why and thank God she said to me, Mariana, I could tell you to come with us and hang in there and that he was going to get sober, but I know the disease too well and I'm going to tell you to go to Canada and learn some more about your AA.
She said, because it's your whole life and no drunk is going to ruin it for you. And I had to stop. I had to think and I had to live and come to Canada and let him do his thing. And so I came here and we drove all night long. I'm a singer. When I get tired, I lose my voice. I've been laying on the floor. I open in the show this next week and I don't know, maybe I'll mouth the words. But I was laying there and listening to the speakers and the Fourth of July, I made the mistake of calling this person out, telling him that I was having a good time and he was in his lonely despair because he had nothing to wear and he was going out to get drunk.
So I hung up the phone. I said, well, go get drunk. I've never been in this place in my life. And thank God I hung up the phone and I sat down and I just fell apart. And there was a woman who was making a phone call that was 10 years sober. She came and she sat beside me and I cried my heart and soul out to this woman. And she said that she needed to be needed. And she told me a whole lot of things that I needed to hear.
She gave me this little panic button that she's had for 10 years of sobriety. And when you push the button, it says, hug me. So when she pinned it on me, I pushed the button and she gave me a hug that meant the world to me. And I've just the rest of my life, just turning it over a day at a time, you know, because I'm here in Canada because I'm an alcoholic that wants to stay sober. And I want to live, you know, that old life is dead and gone.
And I want to live. And the way to do it is to stay in the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous and share honestly where I'm at. Thank you. Thank you, Marianne. Bob? My name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic. And I just wanted to say something about the easy does it slogan. I got sober in Michigan and about eight months later, really didn't care, didn't care to live. And found out that I wasn't doing it easily, that I wasn't working this program.
And, you know, it's a tremendous thing here for me today. Because I'm feeling, I'm feeling a lot of spirituality or trying to get in touch or closer contact with that higher power that has made this miracle out of me. And I'm so thankful and grateful for the chance to be here and to be free. I really am glad to be here. Thank you very much. Thank you, Bob. Nothing like being free, baby. Mary? I'm totally anonymous.
My name is Mary on this side and Connie on the other. Actually, that's the way my drinking was. I was Mary on one side and whoever I could find on the other. I want to welcome all you wonderful people to Canada.
[01:05:02]
You know, everyone has said here that there are powerless. And I found no help anywhere until I did have the surrender. Surrender at depth. Surrender of mind, body and spirit. When I totally let go, no other way to go but the first step that was presented to me. The first power that came into my life were the members of Alcoholics Anonymous. I found no answers to my life until I stopped fighting me and I let go of all the old ideas.
Now, I had all the ideas of Alcoholics Anonymous because I'm what you call a double winner. And I knew all the answers from the other side, but I didn't know it from this side. And I looked at the bottom of that bottle and it looked as though the answers to my desire for peace and serenity and to life and for strength and courage for me to keep going. When I couldn't find in that, it was either the bottle or relationships.
And I picked up all the wrong relationships. The relationships and the bottle went together. And I didn't make a wise decision on either one. And when I made the decision that I was going to allow this other power, whatever it was, whatever it was to lead me moment by moment, half a day by half a day, in all aspects of my life, there was no fighting needed. There was no path that was blocked if it was right for me.
When I just kind of took one step at a time, the right way for me was made clear. And it was so much easier to let go and let this God of my understanding work through me. And when I let him go, I learned to look at the God within you. And I realized that the God within you speaks to you in the language you understand. And he speaks to me in the language that I understand. It's a language of love and caring.
It's a language of hope, of strength through the dark days, of belief in the good. I don't believe that God created a bad individual. I don't think he sees. I think we see it. But I think what he sees to the heart of each and every individual, especially the alcoholic, he sees the soul searching for a perfection for themselves. And we're entitled. We're entitled to the better path, to the better way.
But what do we see as our way? What do we see as the better path for ourselves? When you're hoeing a garden, what's the first thing you do? You get rid of the weeds and the barriers and all those things that keep you from seeing the true garden. Let go and let God give me another power and take away my powerlessness. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Mary. Frank? Hi, my name is Frank Fazzacaroli, and I am an alcoholic.
So nice to be here. Everything I'm going to say didn't come from me originally. I learned it in this program. I heard the words halt, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. And I kind of know what those mean because those are pretty natural phenomenons for most alcoholics, I understand, going to one extreme or the other. I heard someone in a meeting in San Diego one time talk about halt, and he used the acronym in another way.
The H stood for honesty, and the A stood for attitude, the L for loving, and the T for tolerant. And I guess whenever I'm the spiritual action, that whenever I'm upset, there's something wrong with me, for some reason I go down that list. Well, I'm not hungry, I'm not angry, well, I'm kind of lonely. Tired, well, I can handle most of those things by going out and doing what I need, getting what I need.
But the other part that I just mentioned, those four other parts, all have to do with an attitude that I have to develop for me.
[01:10:07]
If I'm not 100% honest with me, I feel the pain. If I'm not willing to work at a positive attitude in my life for me, who is? I always used to complain about my father, and bitching, and moaning, that I never, you know, no one ever understood me or anything. But I never gave any love to anyone. I was never the first one to walk up to someone and give them a hug, or tell them I could appreciate that, or I feel the same way.
I always, always wanted them to love me, you know. I didn't realize that I had to give that out, and that's coming around today. My family and I, we get along so well. Tolerance, you know, that's something that I think goes along with the live and the let live. I don't necessarily think acceptance means approval. Sometimes I don't have to approve of your actions, but I can love you unconditionally.
And I still have the choice to comment on how I feel. I don't have to change anyone. I'd rather be right than happy. I mean, I'd rather be happy than right. And one more thing I'd like to say. I've heard the slogan, keep it simple, stupid. I'm sorry, I don't call myself stupid. I use a lot of affirmations in my life, and I like myself too much to call myself stupid. I just keep it simple, and I don't create stupidity in my life, because I am here to grow.
Thank you. Thank you, Frank. There's another old saying that goes around along your line. You know, I have to love everybody, but I don't have to like all the bastards. And there's a great deal of difference in those two. John. Hello, everybody. I'm John. I'm a recovering alcoholic. It's really good being here at this convention. I didn't expect to speak here, but it's like an added bonus to me. I'd just like to mention a few things and a few topics, a few slogans that I've heard over the years, which have helped me, and maybe I can help somebody else.
And even if I can't, I always help myself by speaking. One of the things that has been very powerful to me is the concept one day at a time, because really, when you really think about it, that's all we have in this fellowship, and that's all we have on earth. So many years I tried to live my whole life in the future, in the past. I never lived for today only. And I've been able to put that in my life, and my life is very good today.
It's not great a lot of times, but a lot of times it is. Another slogan is keep it simple. I used to complicate this fellowship when I first come around. I tried to figure out things. When they took a collection of my group, I always paid attention to how much money we were collecting. This is when I first came into AA, and I used to see we got a lot of money. I used to say to my guy next to me, who was very new, I said, you know, we ought to think about putting this money into CDs and investing in it, and we can make a real profit and make an organization.
We'll all be wealthy and happy and all this other stuff. That's how I used to think when I first came into AA. So I try to keep things very simple. And the bottom line for me and for everybody else is don't drink and go to meetings. And God love everybody, and I love everybody in AA. Thank you. Thank you, John. Will? My name is Bill, and I'm an alcoholic. One of the things that I heard at one of the first meetings I went to is we are the chosen few.
And it took me a long time to understand that, and to understand and accept that this is an illness, and that sobriety is a gift, a gift that we have a choice of either accepting or giving back to God. And if we give it back, he'll give it to somebody else. I went to a meeting one night. I had my daughter in a car, and I just stopped in. I got a cup of coffee, and I went home. I was tired. About 10 o'clock, the phone rang, and the fellow, he says, Bill, are you all right?
I said, yeah. He said, well, you didn't stay for the meeting. I said, that's right. He said, you sure you're okay? I said, yeah, you always told me, take what you like and leave the rest. He told me, take what you like and leave the rest. You know, some of the things, when I first came here, I didn't know how to apply them. I really didn't, and I didn't ask questions. I would call one fellow, and this was one slogan he never had on the wall,
[01:15:01]
and it was, do you have to do it today? You know, how important is it? I was ignorant about what the disease of alcoholism was. I'm still very ignorant on it. You know, I've got a lot of ideas and theories and all that, but that's my mind playing a lot of games with me. I didn't understand what insanity was all about. I didn't have an idea of what was really going on. I look back today, and for a long time, four or five months, the members of my group would throw a grapevine down to me at the start of the meeting so I could read the Serenity Prayer.
When I got to AA, my doctor said I would not see winter, and that will be, in five weeks, it will be seven years that I've been in AA. AA has been a miracle for me. I'm a walking miracle, and easy does it has always been the one slogan that I have worked on very hard to the point where a lot of people call me lazy. But I have gone through a lot in sobriety. I feel sorry for myself at times because most people, many people in our area, lost everything drinking.
I lost it in sobriety. But I haven't had to pick up a drink, and that's something that I didn't know from the time I've been 16 of how to handle emotional pain without picking up a drink or something else to get me through the moment. I'm just glad to be here. Sometimes I have a hard time believing in God. Liz asked me, she said, Bill, do you want to go for a sandwich? We were over at the convention center.
I had no idea I was going to be up here. I was sitting on the floor and I was getting tired, so I come up here. It's one of the things that I'm willing now to get up in front of a bunch of people and not feel full of shame, look at the floor all the time. I'm getting a little higher anyway as far as my eyes. But it always seems like my eyes have been right in my stomach because that's where all my pain was, that's where all my secrets were, and that void that I've been trying to fill all my life.
I thank you everybody for being here. Thank you, Bill. Bob, or John, excuse me. Hi, my name's John and I'm an alcoholic. This is a sort of a funny experience standing up here. The slogan that I'm hanging on to is let go, let God right now. Because the lady that I'm here with and I were over at the Picasso exhibit and we came back, she said, let's go to a meeting. And I said, eh. Then she opened the book and the meeting that was going, the chairperson was from Kansas.
Well, I was raised in Kansas. And the first speaker was from New Jersey and I live in New Jersey now. So I said, oh, maybe that's meant for us. So we showed up here. And I'll just tell you how I got here, not standing here but how I got to this convention. Three weeks ago I happened to have a date, sort of a blind date with this young lady. I'm in the process of getting a divorce. It's going to happen Tuesday.
The good Lord willing and the creek don't rise. And it's a lady that I married six months ago now who's an active alcoholic and I had to get out of that real quickly. So it was going to be a bad weekend. I'd made plans for this weekend to be with my children from my first marriage and my first wife decided that wasn't a good idea, which didn't make it a real good weekend coming up. I was kind of wondering what I was going to do and I went out with this young lady last weekend and she said, I've got a spare ticket to Montreal, plane tickets paid for, the hotel rooms paid for, why don't you come along?
And not being all that well, even though I've been sober for a good number of 24s, I didn't have any idea what she was talking about. I figured she was going on vacation in Montreal and I wasn't quite that willing to get that involved that quickly. So I said I didn't think so. So Monday she called her sponsor and said, I've got the plane ticket and the room was reserved in the name of the man that she had a long-term relationship with who had happened to die a couple of months ago.
And she, for this long, hadn't given the tickets up because she was sure that the Lord would give them to somebody who needed them.
[01:20:02]
But on Monday she called her sponsor and said, okay, I've got a spare ticket and a spare hotel room, why don't you see, there are people waiting for it, so why don't you see what you can do with it? Well, what she didn't know was Monday I was sitting around the office and got word that I wasn't working Friday anyway, that the office was closed. I work as a consultant, so I don't know when I'm working and when I'm not.
One reason that I turned down the weekend in Montreal was because I needed the money for the day's work. Well, I wasn't going to get it anyway, so I called her answering machine and said, hey, if the offer's still on, why don't you, I'll take you up on it as long as everything's okay. She gets home from work Monday night and gets the recording and realizes now she has a problem because she's given the room and the ticket away, she thinks.
She calls her sponsor and her sponsor says, don't worry about it, I haven't given it away yet, so I'm here. And it wasn't me that got me here because it was a pure impulse that I called her answering machine and said let's go, not knowing. She called me, I had a late meeting Monday night, a late business meeting Monday night. I got home and there was this long message on my answering machine, and New York and New Jersey people communicate through answering machines, and there was this long message on my answering machine that said, good, I'm glad you're coming along, there are meetings all the time and you'll get a lot of good program.
I said, what's she talking about? I still didn't know. So, it was not until Tuesday that I found out that what I'd signed myself up for was four days of AA. So, let go and let God, and he does strange and wonderful things. Thank you. Is there anyone else? We've got time. Oh, excuse me. Come right ahead. Come on. Carol? Hello everybody. My name is Carol. I am an alcoholic. And I live in Imperial Beach, California, and in case some of you have never heard of Imperial Beach, California, it's right down by the border.
I can see Tijuana from my living room window. And we have some pretty neat meetings down there, just like you do in New York and Canada and everywhere that you hold your meetings. And today I just feel an attitude of gratitude, grateful to be sober and grateful to be here, and for the first time I can say that the wreckage of my past, which lasted for a good 25 years and strewn itself over 3,000 miles, is worth it.
It's worth it because that's what it took to get me into this program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And today I'm learning to live and let live. That means I'm learning how to live my life, and I'm learning how to live my life by listening to people on the program share how they live their lives and what they do. And the peace that comes from these meetings has permitted me to fill up that hole in my stomach, that hole that kept me running, has now become a blessing of peace.
And those things that I talked about when I sat in a bar, like I was going to do this and that when I retired, today I'm doing those things. Today I play in an orchestra. I was going to do that when I retired. And there's other good things happening. And where I used to go, I've learned that half measures avail me nothing because I tried to keep some of those half measures. And where I used to leave a situation and go for somewhere else, I've stayed where I am since I got sober.
I have a few marriages behind me, and I've stayed in this last one because I wanted to learn how to live so that if I make choices, I make them from a point of sobriety and peace rather than from a point of crisis. And it isn't that I live in peace every day because crisis is kind of fun when you're used to it. So when things get too peaceful, you know. But I'm really grateful to be able to speak at this time and to be here.
Thank you very much. Thank you, Carol.
[01:25:00]
We've got time for one more. Gene? Hi, everyone. My name is Gene, and I am an alcoholic. I just witnessed something about 20 minutes ago, and so don't bother me. I thought I'd have to get up here and share it with all of you. But out in front of the building, there was an accident, and this cab driver hooked the front fender of another car as he's trying to pull in. And he stopped the car when he noticed it connected, and he must have thought for a moment because then he put the car in gear and he drove ahead again to unhook it.
But there were two ladies out there. They needed a cab, and he opened the door up for them to get in his car. And these ladies pointed at the car he just hit, and you could see their mouths go and just imagine what they were saying. That's nothing. I know how it feels for me to get into a cab when the driver just hit another car. I'm not a very sharing person. I always keep everything to myself. And for things like this not to bother me, I think I ought to call the cops or something, get the cops here and have them look at this car.
But it's none of my damn business. I let that man live his life, and I live my life. I don't want no one living my life for me, and I can't live nobody else's life. And I'm really grateful today to be here in Montreal, Canada. I would not have been here if something like the gentleman spoke ahead of me. It would not have been for a friend of mine that I had met in AA. He had the desire to come to Canada, and he sort of talked me into it.
I haven't told you where I'm from yet. I'm from the state of Wisconsin. And for some reason I feel it's a grace of God that this friend of mine, that I am here in Canada today at this 50th anniversary of the AA program. I'm also glad that I'm really grateful to Dr. Bob and Bill W. for starting what they did 50 years ago. When I needed this program, it was here for me. Those two guys did not have the tools to work for it that I have had.
The big book, The Alcoholics and Homeless, they started everything from scratch. And when I came at the stadium last night with all those people there, and even at this convention, they let all these people all around the world, they can live just one day at a time without taking a drink, but then so can I. And I'm really grateful that you gave me the chance to share this with you. And that's all I have to say. Thank you.
Thank you, Gene. Let's close this meeting in the usual manner.