Audio
Transcript
Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Unknown Speaker – MEETING FOR THE HEARING IMPAIRED – RS 06330.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-unknown-speaker-meeting-for-the-hearing-impaired-rs-06330.mp3 Duration: 01:24:03
============================================================
I'm Sandy, and I'm an alcoholic. It's really a privilege to be here this morning, and I'm happy to be able to announce that we have a professional interpreter with us today. And she'll be… And she'll be doing both voicing and signing, so if there's anyone here who has reverse interpreting skills, it would be good if you could help spell it off, because it gets pretty tiring after a while trying to do both, so that would be appreciated.
She's reading the schedule here. Could we all join in the serenity prayer and give a moment of silence and gratitude for the A.A. recoveries in the past 50 years, please? Everybody all stand and say the serenity prayer or sign the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film. Thus, we respectfully ask that no A.A. speaker, or indeed any A.A. member, be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us, and our tradition of anonymity reminds us that A.A. principles come before personalities.
I don't have any announcements up here, but tapes of this meeting will be available at the Tate sales booth in the convention center. This meeting is the time allotted is 1130 to 1, so we'll be stopping right at 1 o'clock. There's very few meetings that are held at 1130 to 1, and it's very few meetings that hearing impaired and deaf people get an opportunity to share with one another. I've been really excited about being able to come to the convention and have the opportunity to meet people from all over the world because it's a pretty isolated thing and you don't get to hear other people's experiences very much.
I know sometimes in Winnipeg with the deaf people that I know, I wonder if the same problems and things are happening in other places in the world. So this meeting is really for deaf and hearing impaired people, it's an opportunity to share their experience. So I really encourage anybody who wants to speak, any deaf or hearing impaired person who would like to say something and share, to speak first, and then if there's time after, then we'd like to hear from the hearing people as well.
But this is really for deaf and hearing impaired, and I think it's a real special opportunity to be able to have this meeting. Is there anybody here who would like to start off? Anybody who would like to say anything? Okay. Yeah, just come up on the stage and then everyone will be able to see your signs. Okay. I'm from Thunder Bay, Ontario.
[00:05:00]
I went to the school for the deaf in Ottawa. Pelleville, Ontario for 14 years when I was a small girl. She didn't know to take the medicine. When I started smoking at 18, I was married. I used to smoke. I left them to the smoking. It was a hard life around with problems, It was a hard life around with problems. Sure, fine, that'd be great. Thank you. My mother and father were not deaf. They were both hearing, but they were very good parents to me.
I have one brother in my family who's deaf. My father was a cop. My mother worked for the phone company. My father never drank. But out by the downtown area, I drank with the hearing people. I hung around the deaf people a little bit. I never hung around the deaf people a lot. I wrote to a lot of the hearing people. I wrote letters and wrote back and forth to communicate. I traveled to Toronto, Thunder Bay, Ontario.
Moved on and went. 20 times I moved. It was a frustrating night. I was fed up. I lived in Sudbury, Ontario. I lived with a man 17 years. I didn't know what AA meant at that time. He was an alcoholic. I was mad, very angry, always fought. I was always bossy with him, nagging him, criticizing him all the time. But he was a good man. I didn't know what AA was. So I left him, and I looked for a new place to live.
What do I do now? I thought I'd go to Calgary a bit. I thought I knew God would tell me something. God told me to go to Calgary. I was curious, so I moved to Calgary. It was a pretty place. Drinking, drinking, and drinking. The people drank a lot. They were good people. I smoked, and I did drugs. For five years I did drugs. One night, I was really drunk. And I was dancing. I was very, very drunk. I was over 60, and I used some drugs.
Over 20 drugs. I smoked 20 drugs in one day. So one night, I was at the bar. I was very crazy, very wild.
[00:10:00]
I was very depressed. I was drinking, drinking, drinking more and more. I used to worry about myself. Why am I drinking more and more? Why did I move to Calgary? I looked for work. I was lazy. I liked to stay and drink, not work. One person blamed me for cutting him. I said, oh no, I'm innocent. I never did cut you. No, never did. The court… Yeah, I went to court, and I pleaded not guilty. And the judge said that I had a drinking problem.
I said, I drink. So the judge told her not to drink. And she said she was going to drink. And her interpreter from Calgary looked at me, looked at me and knew I had a problem. And I said, are you fine? I didn't have a problem. I covered up. I drank and drank. My brother, my brother did drug too. My old boyfriend used drugs. One night, by fighting with my old boyfriend, he said, you never work. I pay all the money for you.
And he just laughed. So I was crying. I was sitting down. What do I do now? I'm fed up. I'm fed up with moving all the time. Why? Why do I always move one night? I passed out. And they brought me to the hospital. When I got at the hospital, I was fine. I didn't need any help. One day, one girl fought with me. I fought with the girl who was selling drugs. I gave my brother $20. Her friend stole my brother's money.
And she walked over to the, her friend walked over to her brother, and her brother gave the girl $20 for the drugs. I was mad. Why did you give the girl $20? I walked over and grabbed the girl. What for? Why are you selling my brother drugs? I gave my brother the $20, not you. I was mad at that girl. I took her. I gave her a knife. I broke her glass. I broke her glass and the table, and I cut the girl.
I cut myself. And I grabbed the girl by the head. And the girl fell on the ground. She almost died. I had a big bump on my arm. And I have bumps on my legs and my arms. And I was laying down really screwed up. My face was really gray. I just thought I wanted to die. So the doctor said we were close to dying. They had IVs going into me, and I didn't know that I was in the hospital for three days. My interpreter came and looked at me.
She asked me if I wanted help. And I walked like that. I had not mentally retarded, but my mind went there. I was walking like that. The doctor told me to walk like that. Walks Like That, So One Week, My Friend Told Me, You Won't Compete, The Way You Appeared,
[00:15:22]
I Swallowed Pills, My Friend, My Friend Told Me To Spit Out The Pills Instead of Swallowing Them, So I Said What, I Just Kept On Swallowing Them, I Still Enjoyed The Pills, My Friend Told Me, He Said, No, Don't Swallow The Pills, Spit Them Out, He's Thinking, My Mind, It's Really Hard to Make My Mind Work Right, No, You Are Beautiful, I Want You to, I Don't Want You to Go to the Crazy Hospital, I Want to Help You, I Stopped, I Stopped My Mind, I Turned Down To Seeing That Person, What They Were Saying About Spitting Out The Pills, The Nurse Gave Me The Pills, Then I Took It, And I Stuck It Down There, And I Took The Water, And I Spit Out The Pills, And I Kept On Doing That, My Mind Started Getting Clear, I Started Feeling My Arms Going Down, Then My Interpreter Took Me To Room For Five Days, I Got A Little Bit Better, I Didn't Heal Yet, But I Got A Little Bit Better, So I Moved To North Village, North Delta Treatment, It's A Treatment Center For Women, A Group Home For Women, They Stopped Using Drugs, And Stopped Drinking, I Was Scared, I Ran In, I Was Scared, They Were Saying, She Didn't Understand About AIDS, They Were Good People, They Helped The Patients A Lot, The Doctors Not, But The Counselors Were Good, The Therapists Had Problems, They Were Recovering Alcoholics, So I Took The Book And Everything, And I Kept Looking At It, And The Healing People Helped Me, And I Was Crying, I Wanted To Leave, I Wanted To Go Back To Drugs, But I Struggled With The Book, And I Was Laughing At Them, They Were Telling Me To Pray To God, And I Was Laughing At Them, Get Out Of Here, You Know, What Is All That Stuff For These Books, They're Too Hard For Me, I'm Deaf, I Can't Read That, I Talked To My Dad, My God, I Need God Help Me Please, What Do I Do, What Do I Do I'm Deaf, So One Hour I Just Left, And Then Finally I Started Looking At The Book, And I Started Learning For 28 Days, It Was Really Wonderful, I Passed Step 1, 2, 12, And I Finished Them, And I Felt Different Than Before, Before My Hair Was Falling Out, Before I Had Gastritis, 200, 217 Days, And Now I Don't Need Gastritis, I Can Read Okay, I Do Stuff Nice, My Skin Looks Different, I'm So Very Happy To Grow Up To Where People Are Doing Jesus, There Is A Statue Of Jesus On The Cross, It Was Beautiful,
[00:20:16]
I Was Drinking Every Day Then, And I Just Looked At It, And I Tortured It, These Things, So I Had Enough To Do Some Praying, You Know, And I Was Drinking My Beer, Praying At The Cross, I Was Tired, And I Was Sitting There Drinking, And I Pulled It Off The Wall, And Stepped On It, It Said, Why God Give Me Death, Why Did God Make Me Deaf, You Hurt Me, Not Fair, They Are All Hearing People, Why Make Me Deaf, You Tricked, Why Am I Deaf, Now I'm Seeing, I'm In A Rage, I Thank God Very Much For Giving Me The Ability To Walk, And I Can See, And I Can Do Stuff, And I Can Drive, I'm Sorry, I Hurt God, But I Do Believe God Works Hard To Help Me, To Help Me Through The A.A. Program, So I Thank God, Really I'm Very Happy One Thing, I Was Drunk, And I Went To The Ball To Dance, And I Was Really Drunk, And I Was Just Being Lazy, So I Unhooked It, And Pulled It Out, And I Was Waving It Around, And I Threw It, And It Was Dirty, It Was Too Small, It Was Too Tight, So I Wanted It Off, So I Took It Off, And I Was Bouncing Around, And I Threw It, One Man Caught It, He Didn't Remember, I Didn't Remember That, The Next Day, I Went To That Ball, And I'm Sitting Down Dancing, Talking To My Friend, And Somebody Tapped Me On The Shoulder, And I Turned Around To Say Hi, And He Had The Bag For Me, And I Said Oh Wow, Thank You, And I Gave Him A Hug, And People Were Looking At Me, Let Me See What's In That Bag, Oh, Okay, So I Opened It, And I Was Surprised, My Brother Was In That Bag, Right?
It Was Cheap, Why Did I Have To Kiss That Guy Cheap, You Know, That Was My Brother, Then I Go Into A Hotel, I'm Really Drunk, Another Time, I'm Really Drunk, I Go To The Bathroom, And I Get, I'm Sitting On The Toilet, One Man, I Was Standing There In The Bathroom, You Know, On The Urinal, Leaning Against The Wall, And I Saw The Urinal, And I Was Wondering What It Was, I Was Saying, I Thought It Maybe A Orphan Female, And I Looked Over, And I Said Hey, To The Man, And The Man Turned Around, And The Man Was Surprised, And He Looked, And I Realized, I Looked At The Urinal, I Didn't Know What It Was, So I Just Walked Out, Then I Looked At It Again, I Thought It Looked Really Crazy, What Was It, You Know, I Couldn't Figure Out, You Know, I Was Trying To Figure Out What It Was, I Was Looking At The Toilet, And I Just Embarrassed It, I Was Drunk, I Opened The Door, And I, And People Were Sitting There, Scorching Up Me, And They Were Telling That It Was,
[00:25:01]
I Was Looking, And I Realized It Was The Man's Bathroom, I Went To The Man's Bathroom, And The Man Was Wearing A Brunch, And He Come Over And Talked To Me, I, I Didn't Remember, No Way, No, So One Night, I Went Out To A Banquet, And I Had Fog Eyes Off To, They Were Beautiful, And I Dressed Up Really Nice, And I Had My Fog Eyes Off To Them, And We Finished The Banquet, One Man Asked Me, Do You Want To Dance, And I Said Sure, So We Started Dancing, So I Really Danced Like That, To The Man, And I, I Started Dancing, The Guy Came Out Like That, I'm Still Dancing, And The Man, The Man Pulled Me Up, And I Just Brushed It Back Off, I Thought, The Man Tried To Tell Me About My Eye Loss, So I Thought It Was Just My Hair, So I Tried To Brush It Back, The Man Still Tried To Explain To Me What's Going On About My Eye, So I Just Lifted It Up And Threw It, And I Still Had One Eye Loss Left On The Other Side, I Lifted That Up And Threw It, And Somebody Tapped Me On The Shoulder, And Tapped A Brick In The Hand, And I, I, My Eye Loss Was Indescribable, I Stopped Dancing Now, Now I Am In A Race, And I Didn't Think In The Past, It's Wonderful And It's Funny, I Remember What Happened When I Danced, It Was A Lot Of Fun, I Enjoyed It A Lot, But It Was Really Sick, It Was Not Funny, I Know People Enjoy Drinking And Having A Good Time, But It's Sick, Now I Am In The AA Race, I Look Back Now And It Seems Funny, But Now It's Different, I Am In The AA Race, It's Really Beautiful, More Peaceful, No More Problems, I Thank God For Giving Me The AA Race, I Am Really Very Happy To Come Here To Montreal For The Convention, First Time, I Was Really Nervous When I First Got Here, Four Months, I Am Still Just Four Months, But I Was Really Nervous Coming Here To Montreal, I Felt Like Going Drinking, I Talked With My Friend, I Said I Don't Like Too Many People Here At The Convention, There Is Too Much Coffee, I Am Fed Up With The Coffee, I Want To Drink One Or Two, My Friend Told Me, No, We Talked, We Talked For Two Hours, And I Cried, I Do Not Like The Convention, There Are Too Many People, I Am Too Nervous, But I Saw Many People In AA, And Oh My God, Thank God, I Feel Wonderful Now, I Am Really Happy I Am Not Drinking, I See People Here At The AA Convention, It's Wonderful, God Loves All Of Us, From Our Hearts To Open, Both Hearing And Deaf People, Both hearing and deaf people, and blind people, and everybody in the world, I love them.
[00:30:02]
I'm really happy, I'm happy to talk to all of you people, and I know I'm deaf. The deaf and the hearing people in the AA program are the same. Hearing people think deaf are not the same, but yes they are. Deaf are the same as hearing. They have the same problems. Hearing people think deaf people don't have a problem. Deaf have a lot of problems. Deaf people have a hard time saying that I don't understand.
Hearing people don't understand sign language. Deaf people try to talk with hearing people. They can write back and forth and communicate. I'm getting dizzy from looking at that. Hearing people don't seem to understand deaf people. When I talk with hearing people, I can write with their hands and show them what I'm saying. Hearing people sometimes look at it and just give it back. I am deaf. Why don't you talk to me?
I write a lot so you can write back and write more. I'm not dumb. If I drive, I can't hear. Hearing people cannot drive. Hearing people tell me I'm dumb. I told him he was dumb. Hearing and deaf people have the same problems. I'm happy today. It's beautiful here. I know that hearing people love deaf people. I love hearing deaf people. It is beautiful. I am proud that I sign. You are proud. Deaf sign language.
I'm not proud that I use beautiful sign language. Deaf people are not proud. You are proud. Thank you. I'm happy. I'm proud that you are proud that you use sign language. Hearing people, they can talk. I'm deaf and I use sign language to talk. Hearing people, I love you. Hearing people love sign language. Thank you. I love you. Hi. Thank you. Hi. One man, he is here from Calgary. He has been here for seven years.
He helped me. Before, I didn't like him. I don't need your help. Get out of here. But now I'm in there too. I really like my friend from Calgary. I would like my friend from Calgary to please come up here. He helps me a lot with my problems. Thank you. Thank you, Paul. I'm happy you came here. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Okay, we have another 50 minutes.
[00:35:00]
There's a lot of people here. We're trying to get as many people to have the opportunity to speak as possible. It's really exciting to have people from different places. Art, would you like to say something? I want to know if anybody here is reading this. Is anyone here reading this? Okay. Are you reading this? My name is Art, and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. I'm wondering about this 50th International Convention.
Maybe it's the first time that they hire an interpreter for the deaf alcoholics. Probably. Because I heard that one man who went to Florida in 1970, he himself was deaf. He was really frustrated. He didn't understand what they were talking about. I'm really concerned to write the GSO and everybody for hiring, and also the volunteer interpreters for helping. It's improved a little bit, but we need more improvement.
We need more than one workshop, because the deaf want to go to different workshops. In Montreux, here at the convention, the deaf want to go to more workshops. I want to go to another workshop for an interpreter, but they don't have an interpreter. I don't like to be limited to what workshop I can go to. I want to be able to go to all the workshops if I want to. That's important for us to learn. So I like to go to the workshops and talk about the history of homosexual men and women.
I wanted to go to that workshop. I wanted to learn about myself, but they didn't have an interpreter. So I was lucky to meet a woman who knows how to sign a little bit, basic sign language. So I'd like to go to another workshop, but I can't go because they don't have any interpreter. It's not fair for us. So I hope five years later we will have more interpreters for us. So I'm really pleased to meet all the deaf here from all over America, all over North America.
I really thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Art. Jean from Albany, New York. Would you like to come up now, please? Good morning, everyone. Can you hear me back there some that can? Okay. I spoke yesterday. I am an alcoholic. And I will be in this program next month, but for the grace of God and AA and you people, 18 years. Thank you. I am slowly going deaf. I do wear a hearing aid. And today I can tell you my alcoholic story.
I told yesterday, Art, a great deal about my hearing. I started to lose that little by little with a mastoid operation as a child. And I worked around machinery quite a bit. Excuse me. I came into the program through Al-Anon.
[00:40:00]
Both my first husband and I drank quite a bit. But I didn't know what to do with him, so I got introduced to that program. And though I wanted to learn more about alcoholism, I kept going to meetings and through the Al-Anon. And then one day I went to an AA meeting because of this interest. And then, lo and behold, I met the woman that spoke, which is now my sponsor and has been since the day I came into the program.
The one thing that kept me in the program was that they told me that time that this is a three-fold disease. Physical, emotional, and spiritual. With me, I was in pretty good physical shape, but what went with me was my mind. I spent almost two years in a mental hospital at different periods of my life. So consequently, through this, I went to many meetings. And because of the way I drank, it hit me sometimes at 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock in the morning, the emotional part of my illness.
And then I joined a thing with, well, hello for loners. And I wrote and wrote. Now, my drinking, I didn't get along with my father, and those were the things of the emotions that caused me a great deal of trouble. I had a husband that drank. I had a father that I didn't get along with, and he didn't understand. It was high expectations. My drinking, I sold from the bars. I would more or less start off.
I never wanted to get in trouble. I never got in trouble with the police or anything of that nature. I wanted to drink and proceeded to do so. I either drank from the top drawer or I drank from the bottom drawer. It depended upon the way I was feeling. I didn't have too much money at the time. I never lost a job and never got arrested. But consequently, the things that I had done, if you basically, it never cost me where I would end up having to go to bed with a guy.
But if you were drinking, and I was drinking, and we were going to have a swing in time. As this progressed, I got married at 18. My drinking took me to the fact that I always wanted to be part of the boys. I worked with engineers, so I've had that kind of a male background. As a youngster, I could never get along with women because I thought they were a threat to me. When I was drinking, the fact that I thought I might meet some girl or in a party and she might be prettier than I.
I could always identify with a story of the ugly duckling. But never remembering that this duckling grew up to be a beautiful black swan. So consequently, I tell you bits and pieces here, trying to get it together. As time went on, and my drinking progressed, and the feelings of the emotions, the loneliness, because I was a loner. In a sense, I liked to be around people, but I never thought that I fitted in.
I thought I was some kind of a freak. Never had much girlfriends when I was little. I had a dad that when he came home from work, anybody that was around, if I did have a friend, they had to get out before 3 o'clock in the afternoon. My drinking basically, I think a lot of this starts when I was little and all the emotions of not feeling like I was accepted, not feeling that I was wanted. And I can remember this much about the time back here.
Going to my father and saying, why can't I have a brother or sister? Why? What's wrong? And I don't know what emotion this man was feeling. But I recognized that part of the loneliness then. And I brought it up with me where I am. So consequently, I can remember one time. So, consequently, I can remember one time being very drunk at the house in this first marriage, and when it got progressionally worse that he was doing his drinking and I was doing mine, I picked up a butcher knife and basically, I remember I said I wanted to be part of the boys, and I think I would have, if I, I got so mad at him one time because the marriage was drinking and the whole thing was a mess.
[00:45:20]
I went down and I tried to join Marine Corps. He was an ex-Marine, and I said, simplified Alice, but I couldn't join for the simple reason they said I was married, and in the different parts of my life in this marriage, when it got worse, and we separated as far as we were still married, but our drinking patterns went different ways, and I picked up a butcher knife and I tried to stab myself, not cut my wrist.
Hi, John, would you like to say anything? My name is John, I'm an alcoholic. It's really good to be here. I'm usually not an emotional person, but I hope you can understand that it feels good. Thank you. We have a lady here. My name is Candy, and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict, and I'm happy to be here, and I wanted to share with you that I have a lot of deaf friends and deaf family back in Des Moines, Iowa, from where I'm from, and it feels so good to see all you deaf people here and reaching out to this program.
So many of my friends back in Iowa are afraid to come into our AA meetings because they feel afraid to communicate with the hearing people, and it hurts me. I love you all, and I would very much like to see more deaf people come into AA. My dream is that I get to see more interpreters come into AA to help the deaf, and somehow set up finances for interpreters to help the deaf. There are so many of you out in the world reaching and looking for help. It just gives my heart such joy to see you here and work in this program.
I can sign a little bit, and if any of you need an interpreter to go to a meeting that fits into my schedule, I will try to help interpret for you. I don't do it well, but if you can be patient with me, we can get along and be friends. This is great. You know, when I came up to Montreal, I said, I hope there's a deaf interpreter up here. I hope there's deaf people in this program, and my prayer was answered.
There's deaf people here working this program, and there's interpreters here helping them hear other people be in their ears, and that is so great. It's just wonderful. I hope that it spreads throughout all the lands, because there's lots of deaf people who need help. What's neat is I see so many of the deaf people here, and you have come to learn to accept your being deaf, and you've come a long way. I'm glad to be here. Thank you very much.
[00:50:00]
Well, a lot of people. I noticed you had your hand up before. My name is George. I'm an alcoholic and a member of the Santa Hope group, the deaf AA group in Cambridge, Mass. I've only been deaf about 10 years, and I talk about communication problems. I have communication problems. I don't know very much sign language. I'm still learning. I use my deafness as an excuse to be able to drink, and I try.
I also had problems when I was drinking. I was in a hospital a lot, and I was in jail a lot. I also thought I was a go-go boy when I got drunk, and I took off all my clothes. It didn't matter where I was or anything, but it's true. I use my deafness as an excuse. I thought I had a right to drink. I remember the first AA meeting I went to, and all these people were talking about higher power. I didn't want to have anything to do with AA, because I was so far gone in my mental thinking that it didn't faze on me what I was doing.
But I knew I had to do something about my drinking. I tried to control my drinking. I'd give my liquor away, only to bring it back the next day. It was really bad. I tried to give up drinking, and I still didn't want to give up using drugs, smoking pot. I loved smoking pot. It was really groovy. It was my social life, because everybody liked to drink, and everybody liked to smoke pot. I thought I was doing really great, but I was making such a mess of my life. The last time I was in the hospital, I was really, really frightened, really scared. They had to strap me down.
That's when I realized that there definitely had to be an answer, and I had a chance to enter the program, because a counselor from work told me that she thought that I was having a problem with alcohol and drugs again. And I said, no. So I entered the program, and I stayed in the program. I was frightened the first day or two. I wanted to run away. But the people there helped me. Maria is one of those people. She was my house mother. She's a fantastic lady. I love her. Stand up, Maria. Stand up and take a bow.
She helped me understand myself, and then I joined the same hope group in Cambridge, and the people there helped me an awful lot since over two years. I grew up an alcoholic. I'll tell you, I thought there was nothing like drinking and driving, but finally I realized that there was a different way. I'm here, and I love it here, and I think everybody's great. I thank you. Thanks. This is a little bit late, but we never know if we're going to have to use it or not. In case of a fire, the staircases marked with the word Sorte, that's spelled S-O-R-T-I-E, are located at the end of the corridors outside of each conference hall.
Okay, I see there's a lot of people who have things to say. Out of all these people, those who are deaf or have a hearing impairment, could you leave your hands up and I'll get to you first? Over here? We'll try and get to as many people as possible, because it's interesting to hear so many different comments and things.
[00:55:09]
My name is Joe, and I'm an alcoholic, and I'm a member of the Sign of Hope group, where George belongs also. I have approximately about 30% of my hearing left. I have lost it over a period of years also. Same as George. And I haven't had a drink of alcohol for over 22 years. That don't mean a damn thing. I only have one regret of this convention, that the young lady that spoke to us a few minutes ago, the whole damn convention didn't see it.
Because there isn't anything I like better than to see young people come into the program, get active, and carry the message. And she really carried the message to us. Because I happen to, as I say, I'm losing my hearing, and I picked up sign language through a tragic affair about three years ago, a little over three years ago. And the Sign of Hope group in Cambridge is an AA meeting, where we go to any extreme to convey the message. And we have been successful for a couple of years, as you'll notice George is here with us.
And Marie and John and Art attends our meetings as often as possible, Marie also from the Cape. But at our convention in Massachusetts statewide last year, last fall, we had a party of approximately 30 hearing impaired people there. And we really had a hard time, because every time they put us on the bulletin, and they put that hearing impaired, you scared the hearing people away. I would like to see all the workshops have the interpreter, so that the hearing people wouldn't get scared away. We want the hearing people.
I personally do not get the 100% message at AA meetings. There are some people that come in with beards and mustaches and all covered up and everything else, I can't see their mouth. And then you get an unfortunate chair lady, like we have here, who hasn't grown up yet, this way, and she puts her mouth right behind the microphone, and I can't see her lips. And she happens to have that voice tone that I am deaf at. I am tone deaf in areas.
But there is many people, like me, going to AA meetings, that will not tell you, take your hands away from your face, I have to see you in order to get your message. I have been sober in this program over 22 years. I can no longer hear everything that you say, but one thing is, I really love what I see and where it's coming from. For that I shall forever be grateful, especially here this morning, listening to the young lady. God love you all.
Alright, we'll go with Paul, and then this lady here in the second row, and then you'll be after her, okay? And you'll be after her, okay? We'll do it in that order. That'll make things more simple, I think. My name's Paul. I'm an alcoholic.
[01:00:06]
I'm glad to be an alcoholic because the AA really helped me a lot. I can see that right now. Well, I first came to the AA back in 1975, and I'm fighting death, too, and I was watching the people. I came to the AA in 1970. I came to the AA in 1975. I was watching all the AA people talking about AA programs, and they were talking about God and everything, so I said, what's the AA got to do with talking about God?
So I said, okay, I stay in the AA, so I'm listening to people who are talking about programs, step-by-step, and I have a hard time understanding what everybody was talking about in the AA. Because some people got low voice, some people got quiet voice, so I said, I can't make it, so I'm going to stick it in the AA, and I'm going to teach you how to work out. But when I find out what they're talking about, some people can go back to drinking for a beer, so to drink, it'll feel good, but I'll be hoping I can go to drinking, but it didn't work out.
I was staying sober for six months, and then I went back out drinking. I was thinking about, oh, maybe I can go for two or three drinks, but I did, but it didn't work out. I had a lot of trouble in those two days, so I don't know what happened. So one day, I got in a lot of trouble in 1976 with the police, my son and me and all this. I was in jail for sexual murder. In 1976, I had to make up my mind to stay sober, because I got no choice, because I don't want to go to jail, but I have a hard time understanding with the AA people.
So, in the hospital, they were talking about, would you like to take antibiotics? It can go in your stomach, and you can stay sober for 18 months or longer. So I was thinking, maybe I can take that, this way I can stay out of trouble, because I was on predation for three years. So, 1976, I mean, pardon me, 1977, I started sober on October 17, 1977, and I was staying sober, which is in Winnipeg, Maricopa.
Then I stayed sober for one year in Maricopa, and I made a decision to move to Calgary, Alberta, just to get away from the people that I used to drink with. And I got involved with a lot of people in the AA, and keep going, and saw a lot of beautiful people that I'd like to be a son with. And I realized that AA really works, because after a couple of years, I can see my mind get lost better. It's not the same as what it was, but I still can remember what I used to be like.
And I've been hoping, hoping, praying, praying to set up a group for the deaf people and all that, because I want to get involved with the deaf people for AA, because I want to open it up between hearing people and deaf people. I keep a lot to come. I want to set up AA for the deaf people, and I couldn't find no way to find them. I got it going. I just started to get AA going about last February. And so far, we got, I would say, three, four months sober. I mean, four months for the deaf people in Calgary.
But I'm trying to help a lot of deaf people. But how do I help the deaf people? I just walk into the horse shed, keep my eyes open, look after all the deaf people with drinking problems, and they ask me who you are. And I tell them, Paul, I'm deaf. And I tell him, he says, oh yeah, I know you. You used to live there. You used to be a drunk.
[01:05:05]
Where were you? Were you in jail somewhere? I say, no, I go to AA. Oh, what's the AA all about? Oh, it's like the staffing, how you keep yourself sober and all this stuff. And I can't live at times. But I don't want to put too many people in AA. So, finally, I'm glad that so far we got, I'd say, maybe five deaf people in the program in Calgary. But they're in and out, in and out. But that's okay. Give her hope.
That's all you have to do. And I'm really grateful to be sober because I don't have to shit my pants when I'm drunk. And one time I had a blackout one morning. I come home about three o'clock in the morning. And my brother, I was living with my brother's place. And he got mad at me at five o'clock in the morning. He said, oh, you're drunk. You can't go to work. But I have to go to work because it's my payday.
So, my brother said to me, you better clean up the floor. You poofed all over. I poofed all over the floor. But this is my first time I had a blackout that I can remember. So, I'm cleaning up the floor. And I put it in the bag. And I left it in the kitchen, in the closet. And my brother said, Ross, time to go to work. He told me, take the bag with you. I thought, it's my lunch. So, I get on the bus.
It was 50 below cold outside. And I'm standing waiting for the bus and cold. But my bag's a little bit wet. I thought it was prickly inside because I like prickles. So, I get on the bus. And I sit down. And everybody's looking at me in the back. I said, what's going on with myself? Maybe I got alcoholism. Thank you. What? I don't know what happened to me. So, I said, what's going on? So, I get to work.
Nobody's all… Everybody's looking at me at work. They said, oh, you're pretty stiff-minded. I said, yeah. Why are you coming to work? I said, because it's payday. What do you think? So, I left my bag there. I don't know nothing about my bag. So, at lunchtime, the coffee break, I was looking at, I'm going to have my lunch. I open the bag. I look inside the bag. I said, oh, my God. I'm not going to eat my lunch.
Forget it. So, I put it in the garbage. And I hurt myself so bad. Oh, my God. I said, what's happened to me? So, I go off to work. I was so mad that it's no payday. They said come back Monday to pay. I said, everything don't work out. So, I got home. My brother was looking at me. I gave him a dirty look. And he said, what are you looking at me about? I said, you make my lunch all right. He said, oh, I guess you're lucky.
Now you know yourself. I said, you know what, pa? You're an alcoholic. Oh, my God. I argued with my older brother. But I realized I do a lot of mistakes in my life. You know, my first trouble I had with the policeman one time, I was eight years old. That's the first time I had trouble with the police. What it was, my mother had a birdhouse in the house on the wall. And every time it says 5 o'clock or 4 o'clock, it come out.
Right? Make a noise. So, I look at it. I don't know what that's for. So, somehow, I went to the corner store. When I walked down the street, I see a fire alarm box on the telephone pole. So, I was looking at it. I said, oh, maybe that's the alarm clock. But it's not. So, I put it back. And I didn't know what thing about the bird would come out. But it didn't work out. It just come off. The alarm. So, I went inside the store.
I come out. I don't know. There's a fire truck and everything there. I get a little bit upset and cry. So, the policeman said, you did it? I said, yes, I did it. So, he take me home. He told my mother everything that was happening and everything else. So, I stand back. I was thinking about what the police said to me. He said, don't do it again, Paul. If you do that again, you go to jail for two years.
[01:10:01]
So, I got really upset. So, I'm not going to do that. But somehow, one month ago later, the house got on fire. And a whole bunch of guys told me, go put out a fire alarm. I said, you forget it. I'm going to jail for two years. But I didn't know what happened. So, I'm just a little bit tied up now. That's all I'd like to say. Thank you. Thanks, Paul. Next time I'm on the bus in Winnipeg and I smell something, I'll wonder a little more whether it's Polish sausage or Kuba's are just what it is.
There was a lady at the back who was wanting to… She will come back. Okay. You were going to say something next? I hope I'm tall enough for everyone. Can you hear me back there? I grew up in a deaf home. So, I have 39, almost 40 years experience with sign language. And an equal amount of time with great interest and love for the deaf. When I came into the program, I did not know that my skill in the sign language would be any help to anyone.
But it has been. When my husband became NAA, shortly after that, we met a deaf from detox in the hospital. And I began to be friends with him and his wife and going to many, many meetings. It was very, very hard, but I did it. He did not become good sober until two years ago, but he thanked me very much for trying back then, seven years ago. If anyone wants the interpreter for the rest of his day, or whatever he wants, I would be much happy to be of help to anyone.
I hate to have to say it, but it's ten to one. So, there's this woman at the back, and then after her, Art. Do you need to ask your question now? Okay, Art will just ask the question here. Okay. I wonder if they have any Al-Anon groups for deaf people, but she said no, we don't have. Oh, okay. And then after this lady, I'm sure we're going to have to close it up. We're getting close to one o'clock.
Are you tired, Andy? You know you need to get away with war. I worked for her. Long time. She's very nervous. My name is Lisette. I am an alcoholic. I have been in the program for three years, but really, I stopped myself for three years without help from AA. Because that time… AA, because at that time there was no interpreters. Oh, the hearing people, yeah. I took the book
[01:15:04]
myself, and I read it, and I started to understand, but, but then I said, I could stop to drink. No. I had to stop myself three years ago, when I read about the program. The Twelve Steps, and Twelve Traditions, for three years, with French people, not with English people, only French, and when I was in the program for AA, I found it. The most thing for me was, God helped me a lot with the program. I drank, the first experience, my, my experience is almost exactly the same. The eyelashes, not that one, not that one.
But I had a lot of the other same problems. The dancing, getting mad at people. One of the things I would like to tell you, but, I learned that there are times, one day at a time, One day at a time. It's very important for us. You must, you must think, always, do not drink today. Do not think about tomorrow. Do not think about yesterday. No. Today. Twenty-four hours. It's very important for me, in the program for AA. And pray a lot, that you will have problems that are the same problems as mine. I'm proud.
Now I drink nothing. I'm surprised. Some French people have problems. In my center, I have about six French people, alcoholics. Six of them, that are deaf. Only French deaf. It was hard. They didn't understand. Why should we pray? Why to God? Why? They were mad at God. Now, there are six people. They didn't come here because they came to talk, give information. It's hard to find interpreters to translate to French. It's very hard.
Myself, I'm French. I can sign language in English and talk. Most friends are English, because my husband is English. That's why I can help a lot to the French. I'd like to be involved in the program for AA. I want that. It's not easy, but we both have the same problems, drinking. That's why I say, I'm so happy to work with God and with other people and give pride to come here together. It's very, very glad. Thank you for coming here and together with all of us. I am sure that I am an alcoholic. Thank you very much.
[01:20:18]
Well, this time has sure gone by quickly. It would be easy to just keep going until 6 o'clock tonight, but I think the people coming in for the next meeting would be upset. One thing that has been clear and I've been hearing very clearly throughout the whole meeting is that we're alcoholics first, and whether a person's deaf or hard of hearing or hearing, we all have the same feelings and problems.
I've been thinking about, over the years, I've been trying to find out more about what was happening in the world with deaf groups and people coming up, and it seems to be sort of the same as reading in the big book in A Comes of Age of how there'd be twos and threes and little groups of people springing up all over the world. I really think this next five years in A is going to be something really exciting, and it's going to be something to see what's going to be happening at the next convention in five years to come.
Originally, Barbara was supposed to be chairing this meeting, and unfortunately for her, but very fortunately for me, she wasn't able to make it. I think that there's so many things that we could be doing working together to get services and things set up. Like Art and other people were saying, have all the workshops interpreted and that, but I believe that God sends us other alcoholics, but it's general service that sends us the interpreters.
So we have to make them aware of what it is that's needed and how we can get this going because we have the know-how. I think it's just communication and let them know what it is that we need. A lot of people, too, had mentioned that they're willing to volunteer and interpret, and that's great to know that we have so many people who are willing to help out. I'm happy to be able to say that we have an interpreter hired for the rest of the conference, so that's good news.
I'm trying to just read over. I've been making little notes here. One thing that I wanted to ask, sort of on a personal note, is out in Winnipeg we only have one deaf member, and unfortunately she wasn't able to make it. So if anybody here would be willing to leave their address so that she'd be able to write to you, that would really be appreciated. It's kind of, one thing is sort of feeling alone out, you know, when there's so many things going on.
But I know with this area it's still very small, but I see it the same way as AA for hearing people, the way that it's developing and its rapid growth. Remember just not even that long ago it seemed like there was one here and one here. Now there's two here and two and threes and threes and little groups. This has really been a privilege for me to chair this workshop. And I hope to see you all in this room filled up in 1990.
Would you, well I'd like to thank all the people who participated and everybody for coming. And would you please help me close with the Lord's Prayer.