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Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Unknown Speaker – IS SOBRIETY ENOUGH – RS 06386.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-unknown-speaker-is-sobriety-enough-rs-06386.mp3 Duration: 01:15:01
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Begin this meeting with a moment of silence and gratitude for the AA recoveries of the past 50 years. And now I'd like to have all of you join in saying the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level.
Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film. Thus, we respectfully ask that no AA speaker or indeed any AA member be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us.
And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities. Tapes of this meeting will be available at the Tape Sales booth in the Convention Center. And because we are starting a little bit late, we are going to add on some time at the end if we need it. I'm an alcoholic. My name is Mary Reynolds, and I'm a member of the Medfield Massachusetts Discovery Group. Hi, Mary.
Hi, everybody. Our topic for today, when I got my loving invitation, I was very interested and pleased because I'm looking forward to hear our speakers who are going to talk today on, Is Sobriety Enough? And with that, I am going to ask Jack from Hawaii to come first. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Aloha. Can't hear you. Aloha. My name is Jack, and I'm a very grateful alcoholic. I'm grateful that I have 13 of those 15 years on this program. I'm grateful that each and one of you are here today to let me share with you. I, too, received a loving invitation several weeks ago, and I spent a little time and a lot of thought, and at this point, I'm not able to come up with a simple yes or no. However, about three weeks ago, I sat down at the typewriter, and the time seemed to be just about right, and a few thoughts came to me, and I put them on a typewriter, and then I had a void.
And one thing or another, I got busy, and I didn't wait until I got to the hotel here on Monday, and I sat down, and I had another moment of, excuse the expression, revelation, and I put a few more words down. They're on the typewritten word, and then I'm probably gonna have to resort to reading them, but in the moment, I'm just gonna kinda like to share with you just my joy of being here. This is a spiritual program for me, as well a very emotional one.
Wherever I seem to go, I seem to run into people that have been part of making my life possible for being here today, and just a few minutes ago, I ran into a person who I saw while I was still in the rehab where I stayed some nine months, and I hadn't seen this person for some period of time, and this, again, was one of those things that you can't put a handle on it, but you see one of us across the street, and our heart beats a little bit, and this to me is kind of part of sobriety, and there's so many things that go into it.
I don't know how I got sober, really, and how the program works. They kept telling me to go to meetings, read the big book, don't drink, go to meetings, read the big book, and get a sponsor, and I did all those things one day at a time, and it's been a beautiful program for me to have come from, actually, it was a, I had been committed because I was suicidal, and it was a psychiatric situation, and I thought I could leave at any time, but I had been committed for an undetermined period of time.
If those in the back of you cannot hear me, I have a rather bad habit as I get involved in these things to let my voice trail off into never-never land, so if you would kindly just raise your hand, and maybe I will see it, and I will try to pick up my voice so you can hear me, and I want to correct our moderator that I'm not going to speak to you today.
[00:04:59]
I'm not proposed to be a speaker.
[00:05:01]
I would like to just share sobriety as a subject as it appears to me, and if you'll bear with me, I'm going to read a few pages here, and hopefully when I get through that maybe I will be able to share a little bit more for myself like the man at the Al Capone the other night that I mentioned that take a little bit of minute, a few minutes to get the adrenaline flowing, and to me it's sort of me getting out of his way, and let him speak through me to you if I can.
So let me just start off, and I will read in what I had put down here for it, and is sobriety enough? My first impression was to follow the advice of Dr. Bob, keep it simple, and answer this question with either a simple yes or no, and sit down. But after a little time and a lot of thought, I came to realize that neither answer would be completely correct, at least in my own mind. As a matter of fact, I've not been able to simplify this question enough to give you a definitive answer even today.
Therefore, I will share with you some of the generalities that I feel contribute to and result in that state of mind we call sobriety. Sobriety is, in my opinion, the direct result of actions and things that we do on a daily basis. This is similar in nature to the belief that happiness and serenity are the byproducts of our each individual inputs. I have been up to this time in my life unable to go out and buy, beg, borrow, or steal a chunk of any of these things.
As a matter of fact, it took me over 30 years of increased drunkenness and frustrations to finally and slowly admit my life had become completely unmanageable. Most all of the input into my life during those years was negative and destructive in nature. And it was only after I came into A and began to work the 12 selves of alcoholics was I able to start putting positive thinking and actions into my life.
We say that alcoholism is progressive and so too is recovery, but very slowly. We hear people say that he or she is sober and dry but doesn't yet know the joys of sobriety. Is there a measurable or recognizable time or event that tells us we have passed from that state of being sober into that joyous state of happy sobriety? I think not. Sobriety does come, but only in his time. I believe that happiness knows no bounds and is limited only by my lack of faith in all things.
The extent and the depth of my faith is directly related to my spiritual state of mind. Doesn't it then make sense to believe that sobriety is nurtured and enhanced by a spiritual condition which encourages unlimited acceptance for his will for us? Let us just for a moment assume that we have arrived at that state of mind where we define the sobriety. Is it static? Can we wrap it up and take it home and live happily evermore?
Can we now say that we have it? We have done all our input and we can now relax. The world will now take care of us. We have repaid and paid all our dues to him and society. I have now all I need. Why work on this anymore? Bring me my robe, my slippers that I will sit in my easy chair and I will become a spectator and I will enjoy. Bill W. had this to say, how many of us would presume to declare, well, I'm sober and I'm happy, that what more can I want or do?
I'm fine just the way I am. We know that the price of self-satisfaction is an inevitable backslide punctuated at some point by a very rude awakening. We have to grow or else decay. For us, status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow. Change we must, we cannot stand still. I found these words of wisdom published in the February 1961 issue of the grapevine. Now, ever since I first came into AA, I've been learning a new language or rather new meanings to old words.
There's one very key word in my life, which Bill mentioned in the article that I just quoted from and that is today. The new meaning of this word has and does play a very vital role in my continued search for growth and sobriety. When I first came to AA, it was necessary for me to break down each day into short periods of time, usually separated by the serenity prayer. As time went by, I came to understand and enjoy the serenity of living in the now.
I then begin to set aside short periods of each day,
[00:10:03]
time to visit with my higher power, who I choose to call God. Often these quiet times of spiritual uplift or difficult times just seem to have happened when I needed them, right in the middle of a hectic day or when everything was all messed up. It was just like those parking spaces that are just there when I need them or I'm running late. However, I'm having a little bit of difficulty with the red lights.
I'm not getting enough dreams yet and I guess maybe my signals are crossed up and I'm gonna have to do a little bit more work on that. And I think maybe the word here is patience, another very important word in my life. I came into AA for all the wrong reasons, but nevertheless, I went to work on the big book. I read it from cover to cover and completed the 12 steps all within 30 days and I graduated.
Yes, I graduated, all right. I graduated back to the worst seven days of drunkenness that I had ever experienced. I'm happy to say that those seven days did consist, that was my slip. Over 13 years, it hasn't been necessary for me to take a drink since. On the eighth day, I called for help and it hasn't been necessary for me to drink since. The key word I heard here was time. The man who 12-stepped me at this point said, come to Hinamaku, which was a halfway house, and buy some time.
One of the things I learned that during the nine months, and by the way, that was a 30-day program. It took me 90 days to move on. During the nine months that I was there, I learned that just as alcoholism is progressive, so is sobriety, but very slowly, one day at a time. Recovery has slowly taken me from the depths of insanity back into the light of awareness, awareness of your love for me, so freely given, and which now I can accept from you.
In my opening, I said that I wasn't able to follow Dr. Bob's suggestion, keep it simple, give a simple answer and answer the question, yes or no, is sobriety enough? Bill W. wrote on the subject a great deal, and on many subjects, a great deal, and this short quote of his, which appeared in the 1957 issue of Grapevine, will probably simplify a little bit what I've been trying to say. Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening?
Sobriety is only the bare beginning. It is the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on, and it does go on. We find, as it does go on, we find that bit by bit, we can discard the old life that didn't work for the new life that does work. Regardless of world success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health, or even death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening through the practice of the AA Steps.
Earlier, I mentioned that I wasn't able to come up with chunks and bits of sobriety and happiness. I've learned that I can't give any of these things away. I can, however, share with you, and in so doing, it is possible for all of us to grow. Today is one of those spiritual days in which the sharing and loving has reached new highs for me. However, I've learned that this is a growing program, a program that has revealed many happy surprises, and I'm fully convinced that, for me at least, the best is yet to come.
So for sobriety, as I understand it, right at this moment, it is enough. However, God willing, tomorrow I will start a new day and open a new page on which I will have the opportunity to write a beautiful script. If I but let him guide my hand, one line at a time, from top to bottom. That's all I have written at this point, and I feel that there's so much more that I can share. I'm gonna just sort of ad lib here for a couple more minutes, and then I'm probably gonna sit down and we'll pick up the time on the clock.
Clancy said something the other night at the Alcaton. By the way, I first met Clancy almost 12 years ago, sort of some of those things that sort of, so many people just sort of seem to come and go into your life and sort of add to your life. And I talk about putting together a program, which I guess in essence is my sobriety, that several things that I've added into them. One of them that I liked early on was the mosaics, and this consists of words that are a little phase of thing that you would say.
[00:15:05]
Clancy said one the other night, and he says, you know, really what it's about is one drunk talking to another, and keep on doing it. And we talked about here earlier about complacency, status quo, just sort of, I sit in an easy chair, and Big Book tells us about this, that it is a growing program, and I, early in my sharing my program, I talk about this 30-day book thing, and I usually, when I go to a meeting, I'll take the book, and I'll say I've completed the book, and I put it here, I've graduated.
Now, I have tried in my life to take the ED off of that graduated, and put an ING that's a living, growing, loving program, that it's an ongoing thing, that sobriety to me is sobriety enough. As I say, at this moment, I have all I can handle, but I like to think that sobriety is an ongoing thing, so that it's a yes and a no, it's a yes, it's enough for now, no, I want more, and I want more on a daily basis.
And it seems to help to me, and as a matter of fact, I mentioned taking the quiet times and serenity, starting each day, like I say, with a blank page, and asking for his guidance, and I sometimes call it, filing my flight plan, and asking for wisdom to know his will for that day, and of course at the end of the day, when you quiet time and say, hey dad, thanks for this day, because you got me through this, and I would not have been able to do it by myself.
Now I had one other thing, talking about sobriety, that has helped me in those detracting things from my life, and I like to say that if every day was a sunny day, we'd live in a desert, so there are thorns along the way, we do have resentments, I haven't figured out yet how to walk on water. So, you know, it seemed to work for me, and again, it's one of those mosaics that we put together, our program, which to me is sobriety, is that when I quiet times at night, and I say, hey look dad, in my subconscious, and I know the subconscious thing is a crazy thing, because ever so often, a thought just sort of seems to come up, and I think he pushes a button, because he knows that's the time he wants me to handle it.
At the same time, I try and, you know, I work the 12 steps, and work these things, and try to rid myself of the negative thinking and the resentments, I can't seem to do them all on a conscious basis, so I reach to the subconscious, and I say, dad, if it be thy will, this night while I sleep, would you please remove some of these things that are bothering me, and I don't know what they are, and sometimes it seems to help, because I know, I'm so grateful now that most of the time, when I wake up in the morning, most of the time, I wake up with all cylinders going. I'm a morning person. Matter of fact, at the end, I was a round-the-clock person. There was no beginning and end in my time, because the last 30 years was around-the-clock drinking. There was no beginning and end. It all ran together.
But then after a period of time, I was able to go to bed and stay in bed. After two years, I finally realized I went to bed and stayed all night. But asking for his help to me is the only way that I have found, and I just go back one little bit further. Part of my sobriety, as I understand, went back before I got sober. I have always been, I started in my early life being conscious of the Church and so forth, and I realized that in my most drunken side, in spite of myself, he chose to keep me alive when I did not choose to be here, walking in blackouts in London and various airplanes, flying airplanes and wrecking the middle of the night, suicidal and so forth. These were still all his plans for me.
If he could love me in my most bitter time, I'm convinced that he loves me more today because of you and because of alcoholism and alcohol anonymous. I'm getting kind of emotional, but I just have so much love for all of you. I had one little thought here, and if I can remember what it was, yes. There's a man in our group that was very helpful to me for a long time, and he's used this closing, and I'm going to steal it from him today. It didn't seem to fit, and I guess the time is right now.
I mean, he closes this way, and I'm going to use it because he says that, I love you, and I know that you love me. God bless each and every one of you. Mahalo. Nui loa. Our next speaker who will share with us this afternoon is Sylvia A. from Nova Scotia.
[00:20:05]
Good afternoon, my AA friends and my Al-Anon friends and Al-Ateem friends and friends of our AA and Al-Anon. My name is Sylvia A., and I am an alcoholic, and I belong to the mutual group in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and I'm very nervous. So many people mentioned that when they received their sharing, their invitation to share, their loving invitation to share, some people said they prepared speeches, etc.
I promptly replied and promptly put the letter away, and I lost it temporarily. I knew I'd find it just before I left Halifax, and I did, and I don't have anything prepared per se. It comes from the heart. I know I shouldn't be nervous because I'm among friends, but I think when the day comes that I'm not nervous, I better take a better look at Sylvia. I do feel that, for me, sobriety is not enough. When I came through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous in the fall of 1971 in a small, steel city of Sydney, Nova Scotia, that's Cape Breton.
I was a very sick, frightened individual, but I expected to see many women at the meetings. I saw two women, and that made me more afraid, and I had all those fears, I guess that we all have the feelings of fear. In the beginning, I felt extremely inferior until I found out that we had one common problem, and I learned to identify with you people. Then I became more comfortable, but I came only for sobriety.
I just wanted to learn from you people how to stop drinking, but as the years went on, each 24 hours, each day, I learned that I had to change, and I had to alter my attitudes. I was told that. It wasn't suggested to me. An old boy from Sydney, I can break his anonymity because he's deceased, Charlie Burchill, he said, do you think you're the Messiah, the second coming of Christ? You better get in here, little girl, and change your attitudes and come for yourself.
I guess from that day on, I learned that I wanted more than sobriety, and if I wanted more than sobriety, which is to me contented sobriety, not every day, I had to work for it, and I wasn't too willing to work in the beginning. I wanted everything instantly, and it didn't come like that, but you people showed me how, and as the time went on, I became willing to learn, and I realized that I had to be there for myself, but not without going out and doing a little research for a day and a half.
You see, I wasn't completely convinced that I was an alcoholic. I was in the program about three months, and I decided to do the research. Thank God, for the grace of God, I came back within two days, and they welcomed me, and that's when I started to look for more than sobriety, because I wanted a better way of life. I told my children that I would change. It took a long time for them to believe me, because we were blessed with six children, and my oldest child, who was in her early teens, seemed to take care of the younger ones when I was drinking.
When I say it took a long time for me to prove to her that I wasn't going to drink again, that's when I had to start to change.
[00:25:12]
I kept saying, Ann Marie, I will change. I'm not the person I used to be. I'm trying to change my way of life. I never abused my children physically, but mentally they suffered. So I think it was coming on to about eight months of my sobriety, and I got the courage and I asked Ann Marie if she resented me anymore, and she said the most beautiful words to me. She said, Mommy, when you drank, I hated you, but now I love you so much, it's just as if you never drank. So to me, that is one of the greatest fringe benefits, one of the greatest fringe benefits I received, because I know I did hurt her, and she missed quite a bit in her teenage years.
However, I find it difficult to express what I have in my heart in a short time, because I have so much gratitude for the way you people are teaching me how to change. When I say I'm grateful, I do say it from the heart, but for those of you who know me, I think you will agree that I do show it. I believe that we have to show how to be grateful. Action. And you'd think very little of me if someone called me next week and asked me to do a 12-step call and I didn't do it. That's not being grateful.
I feel gratitude in action is my way of showing what you people have done for me, and that's why I'm able to enjoy contented sobriety. Sobriety alone, at this time in my life, is not just enough. I like to be contented with my sobriety, and if I'm contented with my sobriety, I can show my true feelings. And I think my emotions, and I think in particular to my children, and one of the strongest emotions, my opinion, is love. You people have showed me how to truly show love, and you showed me how to love myself.
And if I don't love myself, I can't transmit the love to my family and to the ones around me. Because you see, I hurt the ones I loved so much when I drank, and of course the ones who loved me too. Even though then I didn't know it because I felt so inferior. I had so many defects of character that I wasn't able to get it all together. It took me a long time. I say I'm a slow learner, and I am, but I don't feel that inferior anymore, because I can accept if I feel inferior. Maybe I am inferior in a certain aspect, but I can accept myself as I am, and you people accept me for what I am.
You don't care what I did yesterday, what I'm doing today, what I do tomorrow, as long as I maintain my sobriety, and I can only do that with your help. When we talk about emotions, I have to mention something that's very important to me. It's important in my recovery, is depression. I don't know if anyone can attest to this, but I feel the greatest pain of all is the pain of depression. Through trying to work through you people and the help you've given me, I've been able to go through a depression, come out of it learning.
Depression, come out of it, learning how to cope with other people and help them when they're going through depression.
[00:30:02]
Because I think that's something some alcoholics are prone to. My opinion, of course. Anything I say is my opinion. And I do work on the steps. I ask God for help in the morning. I try the best of my ability to practice the Twelve Steps. And I also find the Twelve Traditions extremely important in my daily living, in coping. I'll just go back a little bit. I don't want to take up too much more time.
I'll go back a little bit. I don't need to go into a drunk log. That's what I feel. We all know how to drink. I knew how to drink. You people knew how to drink. So I'm not going to tell you how to drink. But there are certain times in my life when I have to remember when. Remember back there. But most important of all to me is to, I'll never forget the last time I drank. Some people say their last drunk.
Well, maybe it was my last drunk. But it was the last time I drank. And I never want to go through that hell again. Some people say they were in a blackout. I wish I had been. But through you people, I have learned that if I remember where I came from, maybe I won't go back out there again. And I learned so much from the new people. I just love the new people and I love working with the new people.
But I mentioned the traditions. The traditions are extremely important for me to cope with my daily living. I was just a little over a year sober when I had to be hospitalized. And my husband of 21 years drank heavily. And at 7 in the morning or 7.20 in the morning in the hospital room, the priest came in and told me that my husband had died suddenly of a heart attack the night before. Thank God I had this program and you people.
I don't know what I would have done without it. Because for a few moments I was angry at God and I didn't really care about sobriety. I was angry because God left me with this burden of trying to bring up six young children. But within half an hour, my hospital room was filled with AA people and they gave me the strength to go on. And I've been doing it ever since. A day at a time, they're helping me, I'm helping them.
And I have to go back to the traditions because I'm a very service-minded person. I mention service. I only mention it because it's so important to all of us. I started from, we'll say, the bottom. When I was in Sydney, I asked to go to a service meeting and they said, No, no, no, no, no, no. That's for the men. That was way back then. But when I got to Halifax a couple of years later, I went anyway.
And I was never really elected to anything. But I was an alternate GSR and a GSR and a DCM. But I was always an alternate and something happened to the GSR. And I was an alternate DCM and something happened to the DCM, you know? And I just happened to be there at the right time at the right place maybe, I don't know. And then I got into the area level. Area secretary, treasurer. And now I am an alternate delegate and I hope nothing happens to the alternate this time.
Anyway, I just mention this because service has done so much for me. Service has been so instrumental in my sobriety. Service has done much more for me than I have ever done for service. And for that I'm so grateful. And it enriches my sobriety. And when I say enriches it, I truly mean it. And I don't think I should speak much longer because we have another wonderful speaker coming.
[00:35:05]
But I do have to mention something that helped me in my sobriety. Is the 12 steps, I found them so difficult in the beginning. I mention this for the newcomers because it was mentioned to me. I didn't understand. I just didn't understand the 12 steps. I took them, I did them, but I didn't understand them. And this old boy said to me, he said, Well, just think truth, unselfishness, purity, and love.
And I tried to practice those. And later on I found that they were all intermingled in the 12 steps of our beautiful program. So I just wanted to mention that to the newcomers. And in closing, I never ever had an original thought in my life. But I did, I heard this little poem at one time. And I liked it so much that I'd like to share it with you today. I don't trust my memory, so I jotted it down.
My God is no stranger. He's friendly and gay. He never asks me to weep when I pray. I feel that I meet him so often each day. In the faces of people I meet on the way. He's the stirs in heaven. He's a rose in a vase. He's a leaf on a tree. He's a smile on a face. He's winter, he's summer, he's autumn and spring. In short, God is every real wonderful thing. I wish that I'd meet him much more than I do.
And I would if there were more people like you. God bless you all. Thank you. Our third speaker who will share with us today is Gene B. from Oklahoma. Gene. Hi, y'all. I'm Gene, and I'm an alcoholic, a real alcoholic from Oklahoma. And I don't know if even if I can talk. I've got my heart hitting right in here someplace. But it sure is nice to see you all. I was filled with gratitude and apprehension when I got that loving invitation.
I felt first real proud, and then I felt real inadequate. And my wife told me the same thing that I've told people I sponsor. She said, you're just going to talk to a bunch of friends. This meeting may last a while. I'm not too good at talking to the whole crowd, but I'll talk to any one of you one at a time. In case nobody recognized me in the conference before, I'll put this hat on and you might.
I'll take it off and talk a while. I'm a member of the Britton Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. It meets at the Village Methodist Church in Britton Road in Oklahoma City. Eight o'clock on Tuesday nights. Britton Group of Alcoholics Anonymous, the best group in Oklahoma and quite possibly the world. And if you don't think your group is, stay and change yourself. Don't get another group messed up. I have to borrow something from the Texans.
They taught me this. They said that if you don't remember your last drink, you maybe ain't had it. And through the grace of God, and because of a deal called AA, it works for me one day at a time, and the help of people like you all in this fellowship, I haven't had a drink today or since November 22, 1972, and for that I'm real grateful.
[00:40:06]
You know, Texas lies outside of Oklahoma. Most Texans can out-lie any Oklahoman, anybody. You know, it's real great to come to Montreal and celebrate 50 years of AA, be a part of it, and see Lois, Bill's wife, and all the other people. And all the people from different parts of the world. And it's really, really thrilling. I was in Denver during that one, and I missed New Orleans, but from the time that I missed New Orleans until I got here, I started making the plans to be here.
You know, these conferences are times for meeting old friends and making new ones and remembrance and celebrations and whatnot. I think about a lot of things from my past, the people that helped me when I first came in. I remember my first drink of whiskey. My mother gave it to me. I had a toothache. She poured me out a little jigger, and she said, Hold that on that tooth and spit it out. I held it on that tooth a while and swallowed it.
She said, Give me that one. She poured me another one. She said, Now hold this on your tooth and spit that one out. And I held it on my tooth a while and I swallowed that one. And a little while later I got sick, caught hell, and every time I drank whiskey from that day to the last, I got sick and got in trouble. Never did learn, though. I remember, you know, most of all, I remember a lot of my drinking because we have to remember the past.
We don't dwell upon it, but we don't shut the door on it either. But we have to remember where we came from to look back to see how far we've come. But, you know, I remember my first AA meeting. I don't think I'll ever forget that because, you know, I have to give you a little metal picture first. I was red-eyed and red-faced and unshaven, shook a lot, didn't have on any clean clothes. I smelt, and I wasn't nearly as good-looking as I am now.
I walked into this AA meeting, and they said they was glad to see me. And I thought, well, you don't know me yet. But they got me a cup of coffee, and they told me to sit down. And I sat down in the back row, and I sat on my hands, kind of rocking, shaking. And the guy at the podium, his name was Otis, and he had seven or eight years sobriety at that time. He said that he was glad that there was a skirt around this podium, that nobody could see him shaking.
And I'm sitting back there rocking, wondering, when does the shaking stop? He's been sober standing there. You know, I wanted everything you people had. I just didn't want to quit drinking to get it. I wanted that peace of mind and that serenity you had. And I wanted nice clothes and new cars. And I stuck around in the AA for three months, stayed sober three months. And, man, that's the longest I've been sober in my whole adult life.
Anyway, one day, how the hell did I earn the beer? You know, I just want to have one beer. You know how that is. And I got started again. And I was back on that relearning process I had to go through. But I wouldn't drink on Wednesday nights because I went to Kelly Club, AA on Wednesday night. You don't drink when you go to AA. So the minute that meeting was over, I was drunk again. And there's a fellow there that, he says, you know, I thought I had a fool.
But there's a fellow there that says, you know, I can smell booze on a guy even when he's had it yesterday. Malbooth and a guy, even when he's had it yesterday, Leroy remembers me when I came in,
[00:45:02]
I was like that, but you know it got to the point in my life when I was completely hopeless and completely helpless, and I remembered what people said when I was at their meetings, and I was in the Mays County Jail, and I looked around and there wasn't nobody paying attention to me, and I got on my knees and I said, God help me. I went to bed and I woke up and I didn't have to have a drink, and I knew deep down inside of my T-shirt that it was going to be all right as long as I went to AA.
I wouldn't have to worry about my drink, and I knew I'd get out of jail, hell, it just takes time and money. Well, I got myself back to where I lived and I got me a sponsor, and it really upset me, but that's all right. I still got God, and I'll get me another sponsor here in a little while. But you know, we got a good topic, is sobriety enough? And our other speakers covered it real well, and I'm like Jack, I didn't know how to answer that when I got that letter.
Really, I didn't even come here for sobriety, I came first to get people off my back. But you know, that's all they offered me. I thought probably if AA had a finance department and employment service and transportation people and marriage counselors and all those things that I probably could quit drinking, but they didn't do any of that for me. They just, you know, my sponsors, they'd just ask God for help and go to meetings and keep from taking that first drink.
You know, I didn't know it was so damn simple that it was impossible to get drunk if you don't have that first drink. I never thought of that before. I always figured it was some other one down the line. You know, I've received so much more than sobriety. I've received a lot of beautiful gifts from God, and it came through you people. One of the gifts I got, I want to mention this before I go too much further, is I met my wife and I married her in AA, and I want her to stand up because we're celebrating our fourth anniversary up here.
Applause That wasn't boy meets girl on AA campus either. We were friends long before we became lovers. And, you know, but the gifts that I have received, Sylvia brought out a lot about service work, and I received a lot of gifts in that. You know, you put in just a little bit and you get a whole bunch back. My group was great for service work. One of the people from my group, Pat, came by, and at that time I lived in another place besides Oklahoma City, and he'd come by and pick me up and take me to Oklahoma City, and I didn't know what we was going to.
He just said, I'll be by in 10, 15 minutes. Be ready. And he'd take me down there, and there'd be some service meeting that we was going to, and I didn't even have to be there. And I got elected to this and that and the other thing, and it turns right out of it, and I still go and don't have to be there, but I still go because that's where I meet my old friends. That's where I meet new people. That's where I keep informed on what's going on in our area.
And I had great teachers in this, teachers like Leroy and Pat and Day and Woody, and a few of these people from Oklahoma that were real involved in service work. These are some of the gifts that was given to me. You know, a few years ago, about five years ago to be exact, I had to leave a wife, divorce her, and go on to become a human being that God wanted me to be.
[00:50:02]
And it was a hard decision to do, and I tried hard to save it, but it just didn't work. But like I said, I received another gift in its place. God doesn't shut one door without opening another. You know, I'll tell you one of the most, one of the best gifts I think that God gives me right now is working with other people. To see new people come in, shaking, red face and red eyes like I was, and to watch them change their entire lives.
And eventually the shakes go away and the natural color comes back into their face, and the serenity comes back into their eyes, and you can see the grace of God working in them. You know, that's a real important part of my sobriety, is watching other people grow. And I've had this opportunity to do that by staying active and staying in my group. My sponsor told me one other thing, too. I always remember everything I talk about, I got from my sponsor or from somebody else, of course.
But he says, Gene, he says, you're going to belong to this group. He says, you're going to meet, this group meets on Tuesday nights. He says, there's only three reasons why you shouldn't be at your home group, be responsible to your home group. And I said, what's the three reasons? I wanted to know if I had a way out. He says, perhaps on that night you've been asked to talk at some other AA meeting and you're responsible for it.
I talked before, he says, that would be all right. Or he says, they put you in the hospital and they won't let you out. I said, sometime during the past week you died. That was my three reasons. Tuesday night came, I'd go to a meeting. You know, I'm going to cut it off here, too, because I'm really kind of overwhelmed by all the people in this room. Most people I ever talked to was at Kelly Club and I was scared then.
My mouth is getting like cotton. But, you know, I want to, talking about is sobriety enough and talking about the gifts of sobriety, I want to end it with a story that I heard from my sponsor again about this old boy that died and went to heaven. God was showing him all around heaven. They come onto a huge auditorium type of place and they opened the doors and it was just full of beautifully wrapped gifts, various sizes and colors and ribbons and whatnot.
And the fellow says, what are these gifts, who are they for? St. Peter said, these are the gifts that God wanted to give you, but you never asked. Thank you all. If nobody's told you they love you, I do so now. I love each and every one of you. Wow. I'm pretty overwhelmed by what I've heard this afternoon. I would just like to kind of recapitulate what our speakers, our sharers have said about is sobriety enough.
Jack says neither yes or no completely. He didn't know. He seemed to equate sobriety with spirituality. And he said, do we ever really have it? I liked what he said when he talked about sobriety being the first gift of the first awakening and the fact that as we keep coming, we are growing in sobriety as we are reawakening. I kind of felt like Sylvia when I got my living invitation. My answer was sobriety is not enough.
When I came into the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't even know what sobriety meant.
[00:55:00]
And I equated sobriety with people who, I call them old sober sides. They didn't smoke and they didn't drink and they didn't laugh and they didn't play cards and I didn't want to have anything to do with them. And as I kept coming, I have begun to realize what sobriety is. I heard a speaker this morning who defined it and he said sobriety is recovery. I better use the exact quote. He said sobriety is recovery in every department of your life.
And I want it. I want it all. I'm very greedy. I want sobriety. I want it in every department of my life. I liked what Sylvia had to say about the fact that sobriety for her came through service because I felt the same way. She talked about gratitude being action. I can't get up here and talk about how grateful I am if I'm not willing to walk the talk. And then Gene talked about the gifts of sobriety and he also mentioned service.
And I think from what Gene said, I have a feeling that for him the greatest gift of sobriety is the people that God puts into our lives. I know that we started a little bit late and I don't see any microphones here, but we are a little bit ahead of time. I don't know if there's anybody who would like to have something to say, if they have the answer or if they do want to share what they feel about sobriety being enough.
Is there anybody who would like to speak? We don't have a mic, but we do have time. Yes. Hi, my name is Kevin. I'm an alcoholic. I have a lot of nerves. I'm getting nervous. Give me a minute and I will get real nervous. No, I'm really not nervous. Is sobriety enough? When I first came to AA, after I was extremely happy and on a pink cloud for a while, I started feeling like, wow, I go to work. Oh, I had a job now.
And I go to a meeting and then I go to sleep. And I go to work, go to meet. And I raised my hand and I asked her, I said, is this all there is? And as time goes on, what I find for myself is that it comes from the inside is where it gets better, where the sobriety changes for me. When I first came into AA, I was ecstatically happy that I found out I wasn't nuts and that drinking was causing all of the feelings, the terrible feelings I had about myself, because I had terrible feelings.
I was the worst person that walked the earth. And as time goes on, I'm finding out that sobriety is from the inside out experience for me. And sometimes I say, you know, I go to meet. I'm an actor, okay. It's one of the things I've wanted to do for some time. I did it when I was drinking and I've done some acting and I go to school since I stopped. And sometimes I say to myself, you know, I'm going to meetings and I'm sponsoring people and I belong to a group.
Is that enough? I want to do this and I want to do that. Well, without sobriety, I can't even get up in the morning. So sobriety has to be very, very important because without my sobriety… Very important, because without my sobriety, there is no anything else, you know, sobriety has to come first for me, and I have to remember that, that all of the other things that happen
[01:00:02]
in my life are attributed to my sobriety, and attributed to how hard I work at staying sober, and there are things I want out of life, like becoming a working actor, or, well, that's, say, one thing, or making more money, or getting a better car, or getting this, or getting that, that all come from my sobriety only, without my sobriety, when I first came to the program, all I wanted to do was not drink, that's it, that's all I wanted to do, and since then, I found myself in, and I'm sure many of us have, complaining about certain things going on in our life, like my boss was giving me a pain in the neck, and my friend didn't do what I thought he should, and my girlfriend doesn't live as sober as I do, you know, I just got rude awakening a little while ago, Kevin, and yeah, all of a sudden, I've become very smart, you know, I know exactly what should be done, and how it should be done, you know, and that's where I start forgetting, you know, my sobriety, I start becoming the writer of the big book, like I did when I had less than 90 days, I walked around, I went to visit my parents, and I always had literature in the big book with me, and I told them all how to live, and that happens to me, I've been in the program over six years now, and every once in a while, that happens to me again, you know, because when I first come to program, I would walk into my parents' house, and my mother would lock herself in the bedroom, and my father would fall asleep watching the ballgame, and I would sit there with the big book, you know, wondering why they don't listen to me, because I know everything now, because I found the answer to everybody's problems in life, you know, my uncle didn't want to see me, because he was in the program, he wanted to wait till after I had 90 days, and I calmed down, and I didn't understand why people looked at me like I was crazy, you know, and sometimes I get back to that too, you know, I try to run people's lives and stuff, and I think I know better than somebody else knows for themselves, and yes, sobriety is most important, because it has to be enough for me, I have to be sober first, then I can do the other things in life that I want to do, sobriety is first, because I asked somebody, I said, so is this it? They said, if you're lucky.
I'll end with that, and thank you very much. When Kevin got up to the mic, he said something about, I've got a lot of nerve, I think, and I think it's sobriety that gives us the courage to do things like this, which we never would have done before. My name is Hugh, I'm an alcoholic. I'm from Bloomfield, New Jersey. I'm a member of, I belong to two groups, but I'm really a member of the West Essex Midnight Group, which meets in Cedar Grove, New Jersey.
Many members of my group left, and that gave me the courage to come up here. We have a fellow at our group, I listened to him speak, and I know that when I was new, there weren't many ideas in my head, and I kind of internalized many of the things that he said, many of the ideas that he had, and I really kind of put him on a little pedestal, and I wondered where he got the ideas that he did, and he had been at a number of conventions, as it turns out, and many of the things that I have heard him say, he's sober about ten years or so, I've heard here over the last three days.
[01:05:04]
I heard a fellow talk when he was new, come from Fair Oaks Hospital in Summit, New Jersey, and he said that some people put AA in their life, and other people put their life into AA, and I like to think that what I did, I don't know whether I had very much choice, that I put my life, what was left of it, into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I used to, when I was new, I was very quiet, I was listening, I was very afraid, I was very nervous, I was very nervous, and then I got very talkative, and I was kind of a know-it-all around, I guess, two years or so, and I found out that I was angry, and frustrated, and resentful, and just recently, I guess, I've come to the fact that, it's come to my mind that I really don't know very much about AA, and how fortunate that I am to be here.
I'm sober, I could tell you about, I feel newly sober, but I'm sober about four and a half years, and I feel very fortunate for that. I think, looking back, the one thing that I have done right is go to meetings every night, and I feel very grateful that I have been able to do that. I'm in an area where there are a lot of meetings, and I have really made it a point to go to a meeting every night, if possible.
Sometimes I have to lay up one night and rest up, but to get out and stay close to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We have, down in New Jersey, the suggestions, join a group, get a sponsor, make 90 meetings in 90 days, get active. John often says, he's, I don't think he's here now, but something I heard tonight, activity, that's how you show gratitude, that talk is cheap, if you're willing to make coffee and be at your group.
I picked up on what you know about Up in Heaven, the room with the gifts, and it kind of brought me back to what I heard last night at the stadium, that you come to AA, and you don't know what you want, and that if you stay close to this program, and you put AA first, you'll get what you need, the fellow said, and I'm paraphrasing him here, and that after a while, you find out that what you need is what, in the long run, you really wanted.
I know that I am spiritually sick, and that fact, that my attitudes are bad, is brought home to me as I stay close to the program. It's a challenge. I want to tell you the reason I'm here. I'm a GSR, and I wasn't one of those GSRs. That got me. I was asked to be GSR. It was too far away. I went to the meeting one night. I didn't like it. I got a resentment, but I'm still in the Eastern Directory, and I get the information in the mail, and I got the information for this convention in November, and I really was having a tough time, and I didn't even have the money, I think, to send away, and I didn't do it.
You know, a fellow who helped me a great deal when I came around, he's back from Florida, came back to our group, and I saw how much I missed him, and I go and sit next to him, and these guys now, I have enough self-confidence now that I can spend some time with people that have twice as much time as I do. I used to hang around with new people. They just made me nuts. And this fellow suggested two weeks ago that I come up here, and I decided that that's what I should do.
I didn't really want to come up, but I did come up here. I think really I've talked enough. I'm very grateful to be here tonight. It's very important for me to be a part of this convention and to feel part of AA and to do what I need to do. I want to thank you. I apologize for not answering the topic.
[01:10:00]
I want to thank you for allowing me to share, panelists, and wish you all a happy 24th. We'll have just one more speaker, and then we'll close the meeting. Come on. Thank you. Hi, I'm Helen. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Helen. And I'm from Kingston. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. I'm from Kingston, Pennsylvania and have three years in the program.
I did want to come to this meeting because this is sobriety enough. I was an alcoholic long before I drank for 25 years or else 21 years because I actually drank for four very heavily. And being the alcoholic or being as sick as I was for the 24 years prior to drinking, I want to make sure that doesn't happen to me again. I don't want to continue to be the sick person I was for 21 more years even without the drink.
You see, by coming in here and just getting dry, it just wouldn't have worked for me. Actually, my sickness was more, I think, my alcohol drinking. I came from an alcoholic background. My alcoholic drinking was the way I reached out for help for the sickness that I had for the 21 years before. And I don't want that to happen. So that's why I had to come into this meeting today. I have to get more than that.
And it's going to take me a long time. You know, like so many people say, I thought I had it all together. I thought I had so much of it together in three years. I found out, you know, that it goes back and forth. Listening to these people today and with the years of sobriety that is up at this table, I'm hoping that maybe someday it won't go back and forth as often, but it does. But the reason I had to get to this convention, and I have to say this because I've been saying it for the last year, for the last two years.
No woman alive tells their age, but I have to. And this is what I've been saying all around my community and why I had to get to this convention. I came along in May of 1935. And God saw me and he said, oh my God, this one's going to be an alcoholic. So in June of 1935, he brought AA into being. So I say we came in together because he knew I was coming along. So the most important thing is I don't think I'm going to make another 50.
But after what I've seen here at my first convention, I know AA is going to make another 50. Thank you. Applause How many of you had the answer to the question before you walked in the door? If some of you came in here and you said sobriety is enough, then you keep coming and you pass on what you have to the newcomers so that they can grow in sobriety. And if sobriety, if your answer was sobriety isn't enough, keep coming and get it more and more and more until your cup runneth over.
I want to thank our speaker sharers today, Sylvia and Gene and Jack. I want to thank all of you for being here so that they could share with you. This morning, again, I heard at a meeting, you know, he said thank God for AA. And then he added, and thank AA for God. And that really, you know, sometimes I'd like to get up at a meeting and say hooray for God. That's the way I feel about it because, you know, sobriety has given me a new conception of God.
A New Conception of God, as I'm sure it has for a lot of you. We are going to close this meeting in the usual manner, with the Lord's Prayer. Would you all please stand?