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Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Multi Speakers – SELF SUPPORTING Self Supporting – RS 06356.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-multi-speakers-self-supporting-self-supporting-rs-06356.mp3 Duration: 01:26:10
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Hi, friends. My name is Harold Stevens, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Harold. And I'm from the beautiful British Columbia Yukon area, salmon capital of the world and land of the midnight sun. And I feel good about where I'm from today. And is James here from North Dakota, I think it is. South Dakota. James, from South Dakota. Well, maybe you'll come along a little bit later. Here is the procedure. At this time, we would ask to have a moment of silence to remember the people who have gone before us.
Maybe we reflect on Bill and Bob. And maybe a bit about our job for the future of carrying the message to the people that are still waiting to get in our super program. We have that moment of silence now, please. Thank you. Thank you. And the serenity of prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you. And we have here Kim Patrick from British Columbia. And she's going to, we're co-hosting the meeting. And Jane, you're from New York, no, California. And James from New York. I'm lost as usual. And I'm going to turn it over to Kim now to carry on. Hi everyone, I'm Kim Patrick and I'm an alcoholic. Now I too am from God's country, the BC Yukon area, where the sun shines and the flowers bloom and it's wonderful.
To be back in Montreal, I did most of my research here in Montreal towards the end of my drinking. And it's nice to be back and see it through clear eyes. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.
Thus we respectfully ask that no AA speaker, or indeed any AA member, be identified by full name or photographed in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us. And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities. And it says also here that this meeting, as along with all meetings, will be taped.
In our area, I'm one that always talks about never say no to an AA request. I'm one that tries to encourage people, as my sponsor encouraged me to become a part of. Harold's one that believes in participation and he cornered me one day and asked me to co-chair this meeting with him. I thought I was just going to come here and relax and do my own thing and sit by the pool and that kind of thing. Take in the meetings I wish to take in.
But I'm very excited to be here and happy that he asked me to participate with him. It's wonderful to be a part of anything but to be a part of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm looking forward, when he told me what the topic was, somebody just ran up here from Alberta before and asked me if I was the physical, mental, or spiritual part. And I said probably the emotional. And it's with great pleasure that I introduce our first speaker, Jean H. from California.
Thank you. My name is Jean Lenore Ishan Hain and I'm an alcoholic. Hi Jean! And I'm very glad to be here. The personal aspects of being self-supporting, physically, mentally, and spiritually. You know, the week that I received my loving invitation from Vinnie M. to be here and to participate in this was a week that I lost my job after four and a half years. Now, only in Alcoholics Anonymous can this kind of thing happen, right?
You can lose your job and then talk on being self-supporting. I'm a member of the Oxnard Mother Group and that's the best group in all of the United States and Canada and the whole world. And the second best group is the Oxnard Women's Group on Thursday nights. And I mention these two groups because for the last eight weeks they have been putting up with me. They're both round table discussion groups and we have been talking about this topic on and off for eight weeks.
[00:05:00]
And they were awfully glad to see me leave for Montreal. And somebody asked if they'd get credit so I'm giving them credit now. We did talk about this for about eight weeks and I was hoping it would trigger something within me that I could talk about today and it didn't work. And last Saturday I did what I usually do or what I did when I was newly sober. I went to the library and I looked up some very basic things like self and supporting and that kind of did it.
And by last Saturday night I had taken a walk along the ocean. It was a very hot night and I gave this speech along the ocean. It was a two hour walk, I want you to know. And folks, I was magnificent. You gave me a standing ovation when I was through. And I don't know what the hell I said. So last night I had a talk with God after being a total nervous wreck and I said I would let go of trying to be anything.
But just do my thing if you'll put the words in my mouth and I'm asking you to do that now. You know, I was in Montreal once before and that was in 1973. And I was with my then husband who was here for a convention. Not AA, it was an American Psychological Association convention. And I was doing my thing. And he moved me to two hotels in town and finally to another hotel outside of town where he left me.
And they had a cocktail lounge and I carried on there and I'm trying to get back to that motel to make some amends. But I just have to share this right off to tell you what it is to stand here right now after that time. I love Montreal, I didn't see it before, I'm seeing it now. Now to the subject. What I found out at the library in looking this up, Random House says something about self-supporting, meaning supplying one's own needs without any outside help.
Well, I'm not self-supporting. In no way am I self-supporting physically, nor mentally, nor spiritually. I am totally dependent upon every one of you, upon my higher power, the steps of this program, and the fellowship. I'm totally dependent upon you. And I like it that way. I grew up in Chicago and I grew up at a time when little girls were not taught to become self-supporting. And yet I always had a job.
I was a babysitter, I loved earning money. And I always associated being self-supporting with earning money. Because I felt that made me free. And allowed me to make my own choices and my own decisions on things. So I always had a job through high school. And when I was seven years old I decided what I was going to do. And that was to become the greatest actress in the world and the greatest performer.
Later I was going to establish a world theater, all that kind of stuff. But also at age seven I discovered food. And I began eating and shoveling it in. And as a little girl I thought I was very free and independent. And very self-supporting. The food continued. When I was sixteen I had my first drink. And I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I told my closest friend the day after, my first drink was a drunk.
It was a drunk. And I told my closest friend that I had discovered something wonderful. And what that was, was not to drink but to get drunk. And I proceeded to show her because she said, oh not you Jean. And I said, oh yes, it's a wonderful thing. I could get drunk. And the years continued and I thought that I was very self-supporting. Because by the time I was out of college I was paying my own bills.
Sometimes. I did go back to father for help from time to time. But as long as I paid my bills I felt I was being self-supporting. And there were also diet pills that were getting progressively worse. Because after all I was eating so much and the only way I could control it was diet pills. So, benzidrine, amphetamine and dexedrine. And that was my thing and it was to go on for twenty-eight years. And I always thought I was self-supporting.
I became totally dependent upon my husband. As a child would become dependent. I was dependent prior to that on people, places and things. And I always thought I was self-supporting. Because I paid my own bills. By the time I got into this program, my husband had left and we had no children. And all I had was a little dog and the dog was named Henry. And Henry the dog I felt was taking care of me. Because he would lick my tears when I would cry.
I did a lot of crying. I drank and I cried. And I cried and I drank. And the self-pity just oozed. And it was so sick. And I thought it was marvelous that little Henry the black cockapoo would get out of his little wicker basket and come down to wherever I was, jump next to me and lick my tears. I thought that, you know, really was marvelous. And then after I got in the program, somebody said, well, maybe he liked salt water.
I don't know whether he liked salt water or not. But anyway.
[00:10:00]
The day I called for help. And by this time I was drinking just around the clock, about a quart and a half a day. Didn't matter whether it was day or night. I felt I was periodic to the end. But the periods in between as I was later to piece, you know, things together. I realized that the periods in between were like, oh, a couple days really to sober up. And then I'd go off and do my thing again. And then a day came and I was getting ready to celebrate the bicentennial.
Just Henry and myself. People had all gone by then. There were no friends. I had a friend who lived out of town and we would talk from time to time. I'd do things like call operators in Washington, D.C. or different places. And think up a name and ask them to tell me their phone number. And then I'd say, how's the weather up there? Some stupid thing. I was also by then hearing voices. And I didn't let the voices intimidate me.
I would scream back at them. And I'd tell them off. I was very independent. I felt I can do it myself. And I thought of myself as being somebody that could do it themselves. I could stop drinking any time I wanted to. I just didn't want to. And then July 3rd of 1976 came along. And I decided I was going to celebrate. But I didn't plan to drink. But I ended up buying three bottles and that set me off.
And that drink lasted until July 10th of 1976. And that means that next Thursday, if I don't take a drink, and I don't think I will today, it'll be nine years. And that kind of blows my mind. But you know, I didn't do it. It really was God. I celebrated that bicentennial. I vaguely remember some of the fireworks. And by the time I came to, I had that moment of clarity that we've heard so much about and most of us have had it.
And I had that on July 10th. And that clarity allowed me to see my life as it really was. I saw the reality of my life. And what I did was to scream at God. And I said, if you're there, and if you help people, as I've heard all my life that you do, then you help me, but you help me now. And nothing happened. So I called AA. The day after my first meeting, and at that first meeting I heard the steps read.
I heard the steps read as I hear them read today. That was the first miracle. And I sat, the way I remember it, was sitting up all night with a little brochure, literature on my lap, and reading the steps and trying to comprehend and understand the steps. And it was rather difficult. But I realized that this was some secret that you had. This was, you know, the great answer, the great mystery. And so I wanted to understand.
And then I was all confused with God's way, the AA way. I heard things about prayer, getting down on your knees, all this kind of stuff. Now this may not have much to do with self-supporting, but I think it does. I've got to tell you. Oh, first of all, when I called for help that Saturday night on July 10th, what I did, and I don't know why I said this, but I did. I said to the person who answered the phone when I called the AA number, I said, I want help and I need help.
I need help and I want help. And to this day I think those two things were another gift that I had received. Because up until then, I may have known I needed help, but I sure as hell didn't want help. And that was a surrender. I didn't understand it. But when I took, when I had that moment of clarity, which was my reality, seeing life as it really was, that's when I was able to take my first step towards being self-supporting, I believe, because I was taking the first step towards being responsible for my own actions.
And in any case, the next day I was trying to get ready to take Henry the dog out. And I had, as I say, I had heard about prayer and so on, and what I did was I thought, okay, I'm going to try this one more time. I, who had screamed at God the night before, or two nights before, and I got down on my knees, and as I did, I said, I haven't liked you very much lately, God. And that was like a kind of dam inside of me opening.
And it seemed like it was okay because I was being honest, probably for the first time I was really being honest. And I said, what is your way? What is this AA way, your way? What is it? And at that very moment, right on cue, Henry the dog walked into the room and he sat in a corner. And what happened was I looked at Henry and I said, what's Henry? Henry's a dog. What's dog? Dog is God spelled backwards.
What's Henry? Henry's all love. Everybody says so. And then I heard the words, follow the dog, follow the dog. So I quick got up and I followed Henry. And now I thought Henry was going to lead me to where my ex-husband was going to be, saying, Jean, I've been waiting for you to get sober and now everything's okay and we'll sail off in the sunset or something. Didn't happen. Henry led me, Henry led me to a field and I stood at the edge of this field.
And I stood at the edge of this field.
[00:15:00]
This field is all built up today, but then it wasn't. And there were all kinds of things like tumbleweed, dirt, whatever. And Henry had a ball. He just romped. He did what he was supposed to do, lifted his leg, whatever. He smelled a lot. He just frolicked. And as I watched him, the thought hit me that, my God, this dog doesn't want anything else. He is accepting exactly what's there, and he's using everything what's there, and he's enjoying everything that's there.
And I had this strange feeling that he was doing something I had never done, because I had been a more person. I always wanted things more. I knew they would be better down the street or up the block or next door or whenever, that you had it better than I had it. But Henry was using everything that was there. And as I watched him, I looked over to my left, and there was the ocean and the tides and everything pulling.
And as I looked on the right, there were the mountains. And I looked at the sky overhead, and everything seemed to just kind of blend in and flow together. And I realized at that point that I was the one who had never, never ever flowed with things. I had always been that jarring note. I had been the one that was out of sync. Not the world, not people, and not places. I have not had a drink since the day before that first meeting.
And I got right into the steps. By the grace of God, that was another miracle. I love the steps. I'm a step person. I began working them, and pretty poorly at first, of course. And then what happened? We had an old-timer in my home group. His name was T.C. T.C. died just recently. He was an old butcher from Oklahoma. And T.C. was an old-timer, and he was a very wise old man. I called him Santa Claus.
Others called him other things, but I called him Santa Claus. And T.C. would take a newcomer, and you'd be on his list. And he would be calling you a lot, and then he'd get you to do different things. And T.C. was the one that got me to move, clean the proverbial ashtrays, to do things like, for me, what he set up were rides. I would take people for rides. And all I would have to do, because I was a pretty sick newcomer, was to get in the car, set the car, just drive down the street, stop.
Somebody would get in my car. We'd continue on. Someone else would get in. And, you know, that's the way it would go. And T.C. would direct all this. But he got me into the program. I was all obsessed with the steps. And he says, wait, wait, you know. I said, I can't wait. One time he yelled at me. He said, what's the damn hurry all about? And I said, I've got to get well. I've got to get well. But he got me into service.
He got me doing these things and thinking about the other person, thinking about the newcomer. And I began taking responsibility for my own actions, slowly, very slowly. I began seeing my dependencies. And I've got to tell you something. I'll tell you how sick I was. I was thinking of this just the other day. I was so dependent on other things and so on that I don't know how or why, but sober, newly sober.
One day I sat down and I listened to the radio with a legal pad on my lap because I thought there was a particular radio program that was going to give me information, some kind of weird information that was all part of AA. And I sat there and it was a crazy radio program with a crazy disc jockey on it. And he was very funny. But that's where my head was. That's where I came from. Believe me. I also had problems with the television set when I was still drinking.
I thought it was a two-way thing and that everybody was watching me or there was somebody watching me. And whenever I would get undressed or dressed, I would put a blanket over the television set in the bedroom. I really did. I really did. Well, anyway, I continued on in service and a lot of things happened. How am I on time? Okay, I got five minutes. I continued on in service and today I'm the area treasurer for our area.
I reactivated a district two and a half years ago and there's a couple people sitting down here that were loyal GSRs and by golly, we struggled. And I was pretty dictatorial. And I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot. That district is doing very well right now because the new DCM is sitting back and letting everybody do their own thing. And that's okay, but we kept it together and we worked and we did some things and we brought service and we reactivated it.
I want to tell you this. I took a walk last Saturday night, as I told you before. And during that walk, I had tried to find the spot where I had been with Henry the dog. I have to make this point first. I feel that today I am self-supporting because I contribute through my own contributions. It may not be money. I went broke after three years, sober. I had to face feelings of suicide. I had even been dependent upon my feelings of suicide by saying and thinking, I can always kill myself.
That was always an option. And I had to release that and abandon myself to God as I understand God and as the big book talks about, either that or get drunk or kill myself. And I had to face that. So all these dependencies have slowly been going. But I took this walk Saturday night,
[00:20:01]
as I told you, and I was trying to find that spot where I had stood that day with Henry the dog. And Henry the dog, by the way, died last February as I was on my way to PRASA, which is our Pacific Regional Aid Service Assembly. And I don't wish him back, but I'm trying to say goodbye to him. I'm slowly doing that. I just had to tell you about him. He was so very important to me. And in my head one day, God gave me a gift, a gift of laughter, which I had been crying myself to sleep over.
And then one day I began laughing because something was said at a meeting and all of a sudden I began thinking, Henry the dog, he's pure Al-Anon, I mean that in the best way, and he's going to be secretary of the Bitches and Bastards, that's the mother group of Oxnard. And so Henry, he became secretary of the Bitches and Bastards, up in my head, up in my head. And they have a free round the field smell discussion group every day and it's wonderful.
And we laugh a lot in Oxnard. But I couldn't find that spot last Saturday night where I had stood that day. And I wanted to know inside of me, hadn't I changed? It was night time and before it had been day time and I was walking out Wainimi Pier, which goes out into the water and there were all kinds of people around. There were people fishing, elderly, children running around, lovers. And as I walked down there, I kept thinking, I was walking towards the spot I had stood and this time the waves were behind me and it was a gorgeous night, gorgeous.
And I was feeling things and I thought, heaven, you know, what's different? And I couldn't find anything and I thought, haven't I grown at all? There must be something different today. I am self-supporting. I contribute a lot to my community to the things I do and I believe that is self-supporting besides putting the dollars in the basket. And I couldn't find anything that was different until all of a sudden I realized and I'm a very nervous person and I'm very hyper and that's okay, maybe I'll change, maybe I won't.
But I realized how quiet it was that night, last Saturday night, how very quiet with all these people around and I thought the quietness was in me and what I was experiencing was that peace which passes all understanding. That's another gift that comes, maybe it's not always here, but I've had it and I thank all of you for it. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Jean. That was absolutely beautiful and what I kept hearing, I don't know what you kept hearing, I kept hearing Jean talking about the freedom that we achieve by becoming self-supporting mentally, physically and spiritually and the freedom from self.
Again, I'm going to ask, is James M. from South Dakota anywhere in the room? If so, would he please come forward? Who also received a loving invitation from the General Service Office. I was thinking when I was sitting there being in Montreal again and Jean identified, and I don't know about the men alcoholics, but I know most of us women always wanted to be actresses and of course with the help of alcohol we became that, but we also always wanted to be ladies and I was married, living here to a professional man that was making my dreams come true and always wanted to be the lady and the right wife and he was out with his, down in Quebec City with his top boss one day and when they came back he said, I know where my wife is with a couple of gals.
You may not know it, but in Montreal in the 60s it was very difficult for women to find a place to drink unaccompanied by men and most places were for men only, bars, etc. But if you were like me you found a place and I did and as he walked in these other two gals and I were entertaining the troops at the Kit Kat smoking cigars and doing the can-can dance and he said, no they're not here and they left and that was a Saturday night and I could, to be honest with you I couldn't tell you whether I got up blurry street and got home or not but I do know that I attended as this man's wife a banquet on the Monday dressed in the latest with the nails done and the false eyelashes on and I drank my martinis that I didn't like that I could sip and I was a totally different person and he kept saying, haven't I met you somewhere before?
And I convinced him that we had never met that I was probably home knitting or crocheting that night and you know what alcohol allowed us to do or allowed me to do to be whatever I had to be at any given time and when the need for things was there I could put on that front and I could sip those martinis and not make a fool of myself. It gives me great pleasure now to introduce James G. from New York.
[00:25:09]
Good afternoon everyone. My name is James Garnett. I have no anonymity. I broke it on my first drink. I'm supposed to talk on self-supporting which I've only been doing for four years. I drank for 40 years and I didn't know anything about self-supporting. Come day, go day. But I found this program. It's a beautiful program and it gave me a new way of life. As a matter of fact I wake up smiling every morning because I drank for 40 years.
That's a long time. And I've only been sober four years. And in the four years that I've been sober I have enjoyed life more than I have the whole 40 and without a drink. Self-supporting physically, mentally, and spiritually. When I was drinking I thought I was supporting myself. When I could anything or get all of it. It was my hand. I made it. I did it. Physically, I was a wreck and didn't know it.
Spiritually, I believed. That's all. I never associated myself with any church or nothing like that. But today it's different. I have love today for people. Of course, maybe I have an odd way of expressing myself because I come the hard-knock way. And I've still got a lot of rough edges that I have to get rid of. And I'm gradually doing that. But I care. I care. Because if I didn't care I wouldn't be here today.
And this is the first time that I've been to a world convention. And I never expect that I had to say anything. I thought I'd just go and enjoy myself. Somehow I got tricked. I think I know where I come from. But I'm glad. I mean, it's a pleasure. Now, as I said, I'm not much of a speaker because I never had the opportunity to speak to people civilly. All my speaking was in the bar or in the corner or in the alley where you know how we talk out there.
So any mistakes today please forgive me because I'm still learning and I have a long ways to go. But today I'm doing something that I never did before. I'm working steady. And I am married. I have a nice home. And I attend my meetings every night. And I'm going to be truthfully with you. I thought it was going to be a bore going to a meeting every night. But when you stop drinking you change as you cry.
And when I change and cry I don't have nowhere to go but to a meeting. So since I had to play it that way I began to like it. And now I wouldn't take anything for it because I'm retired and I have a lot of free time. And my wife and I we do a lot of traveling different places different meetings different conventions different this, different that. And I meet a lot of people and that's all I could do now because what else could I do at 65 years old.
So I enjoy myself that way. But it wasn't always like that. I was born and raised I was born in Tennessee but I was raised up in Gary, Indiana. A stone throughout Chicago where all the crooks was. So I had to be a crook. And I was going to better myself so when I left there I went to New York City. And so that's where it began. I was in New York 20 years drinking and doing everything anywhere I could get a drink.
Down on the bar for a while up in Washington for a while up and down up and down up and down nothing steady. That's when That's when I was physically wrecked because half the time I slept in the bed and half the time I slept under the house.
[00:30:03]
But my mentality was good. Nobody could tell me I was crazy because that's the way everybody in New York lived. And so spiritually, as I said before, I've always believed it was a power greater than I was, and I chose to call God because since I couldn't see him, I figured I could get away with a lot. And that's what kept me going because this program, I can only say that of all the things I did in my life, this is the smartest move I ever made.
Because alcohol preserved me for 40 years. This program let me live to now. And I don't know, I believe it's changes a person has to go through in life. I believe I had to go down like I did to get to where I'm at now with a little mentality. Because I believe if I'd have started off smart, I'd be like the rest of them dead. Smart people don't live too long. So maybe I went the best route, who knows? We'll never know. And I'm very pleased to be here like I said before because I meet so many different people.
I've met, right today I've met people from my home, I've never seen them before. From Gary, I've met them from Chicago, I've met them from all over. And it makes me feel good because I never knew anything about AA. I thought AA, that they just left off of A. I thought it was triple A, where the A left off. But that's my mentality, that's the way I think. That's the way I was thinking. I didn't know no other way. And I never lived another way. And I'll show you how my luck runs.
I was running so bad until I met the president of AA. And she said, you're going to stop drinking, you're going to A. I didn't know what she was talking about. I said, what's this woman talking about, AA? And I started going to the meetings. I didn't want to stop drinking, but I was going to keep her, keep what I got. But it got to me. And I thank her a lot now, but not to her face. Because I don't want to make her no bigger than what she is.
But I really appreciate what she did for me. And I don't know, I'm not choked up, but this whole thing hit me too soon. You know, when they wanted me to speak, they just started me with a group. Because, you know, you're nuts in a group. And then moved me up. But to talk to… But to speak to the world, I've never did it. I've seen people here from Australia, from everywhere. And I'm proud to be able to speak to them.
They'll go back home and say they met another nut out of New York. But I like being the nut that I am today. The way I was before, I could have been a dead nut. But this program came through for me, with me, and at the right time, because I don't think I would be up here today. Of course, I can't say how long my lifespan is, but I don't believe I would because the life I was living, I know I wasn't because… See, when I was drinking, I could get away with anything because everybody was drunk. Everybody had no money. But today, they're offering you fast. I know in New York they're offering you fast.
And if I'd have been drinking today with the stuff I was doing yesterday, I'd have been off a long time ago. So through the grace of God and this program, I see what could have been that's not. Because I can't talk, but I just feel good. And I thought the only way I'd get this kind of feeling was with something to drink. But it is a beautiful feeling. And I know this is the longest 20 minutes in the world. How many minutes?
[00:35:04]
See, I got eight minutes. That's just about half of it. But you want to hear me talk, wait till I get out of here. But you know when me, me, every night I reflect on aspects of my life. And it really scares me. At times I run across chapters in my life that makes me sweat because I can't believe that I'm still alive. And I pray every night and I want to know why. I know I'm not supposed to question my God, but I want to know why that I was given this wonderful opportunity.
And I be trying to think of why. And it's happening to me every day, but I don't see it yet. Number one, I'm sober. That's the greatest thing, but so many other good things happen to me every day. He won't let me work hard. You see that I get an easy job every time I get a job. So maybe that's one of my gifts. I'm not a healthy person, but I'm still living. So that could be one of the gifts. I have received quite a few gifts. I can't put my hand on them, but I can feel them and I can see the reaction of them every day. And now if I, like I said, this is the longest time. That's why I never volunteer. That's why I have to get tricked.
Because I can run my mouth all day and all night out in the streets. But when I have to say something, I don't freeze up because I'm too stupid, like I said, not to be afraid. But I just don't know what to say. But I must be saying something to everybody smiling. I used to open my mouth and they'd throw bottles at me. I must be doing all right. I must be doing all right. Is that Canadian time or American time?
Newfoundland time. And so, oh, I might be here the next week. Well, I don't know. It looks like I got to renege because I haven't said anything and couldn't say enough of that. But with all seriousness, I'm going to say once again, I am very pleased to be here today. I never thought that, not a world convention, I didn't think I'd be in an AA meeting. And through the grace of God and the help of people like you in this room, I was led to one. And I've only got four years of sobriety. I know that's nothing, but it's a long time to me.
Because I'm 65 years old and I never got sober until I was 61. So I had a gift then and didn't know it because I went to a lot of my friends' funerals and I seen a lot of them die. But I just said, well, maybe he didn't eat when he was bigger. I tried to eat all the time. I didn't know that alcohol could kill you in another way. The only way I thought it'd kill you is if you don't eat. And I used to eat and get so full that I couldn't drink much. And I'd get mad about that, you know.
So I wanted to cut down my eating and put more to drink in, but I was scared to do that because I didn't want to die. But I didn't know I was killing myself with the alcohol period. That I didn't know. I thought that everything would be all right if I eat. But like I said before, I had to go through many changes before I got sense enough to know that that wasn't the way. I was looking at the schedule and it says physically, mentally, and spiritually.
[00:40:08]
I said, Lord, why'd they give me that? Because physically, I'm feeling back up pretty good, but I got a long ways to go with that mental problem. And I said, well, maybe if I talk about it, somebody might meet me after the meeting and give me a few ideas. Spiritually, I can handle that pretty good because, as I said before, my God, whom I choose to call God, I can't rap with him. I mean, you know, he can't rap to me. And I believed, as I always did, I don't believe it now that I could hide from him, you know.
But then you people told me I couldn't hide. You just messed my life up all the way. But it's a good mess up because I was ignorant. I was ignorant to the fact. I didn't know that what you do in the dark would come to the light. I thought it stayed in the dark. And you taught me that. Oh, you taught me a lot of things. You know, you AAP people is real smart because I was the smartest guy in the world and you taught me something. And so, but you didn't tell me nothing wrong. Everything you told me has been good to me. And I will appreciate that as long as I live.
And if there's any time left, I think I have to give it to the next one because I am really through this time. And I love you all and I hope you have a good time at this convention. If it's your first one like mine, I know you will. I missed the dance because the time I got in, all you could do was stand and look at each other. So I want to wish you all a good time on the rest of your visit here and God bless you and thank you.
Thank you, James. You said you didn't think you said anything, but you certainly showed an awful lot of love. Again, I'm going to ask is there is James M. from South Dakota here? Well, then we're just going to do it like we do it in British Columbia. We're going to have a call up meeting and we're going to ask each person that either gets a point out because I can only see so far. You noticed I shoved the vanity down and put my glasses on, but I can only see a couple of rows. And we're going to just ask you to participate for the last half hour for a few minutes and share with us and feel all that love.
I'm going to ask my good friend who also comes from God's country, the BC Yukon area, lives on the island there where all the fishing is, Flo. Oh, my God. Hi, everybody. My name is Flo and I'm an alcoholic. See, I just watched somebody else get up here a little while ago and shake at another meeting and I sat back there and watched and felt real comfortable and here I am. I came from a family of five girls and what you would term kind of a normal family, parental family, and the five of us grew up kind of weird.
Every one of us with an emotional problem of some kind. I'm the only one out of the five that is alcoholic and I'm the only one with this program. So mentally, I came to this program very unstable. I came to it suicidal and stayed that way for about a year after I was in the program. I was sober around a year and I heard a newscast on the radio in my car one day and it was announcing somebody's accident.
They had been killed and I thought that lucky bugger, you know, because I was really hurting. I don't know how self-supporting mentally. When I came into the program, I did a great deal of reading the AA literature and supportive literature, trying to straighten out my thinking.
[00:45:07]
I came to the program totally spiritually bankrupt, really empty, very dead. And I did a lot of reading to find some kind of spiritual understanding or some kind of spiritual concept or some kind of spiritual feeling. And I'd often listen to people in an AA meeting and they'd be talking about their higher power or how their life had changed through a spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening. And, you know, whatever their concept of a higher power was, that was going to be mine because it worked for them.
So I went through a lot of concepts of a higher power. I had kind of an Eastern one for a while, Eastern philosophy. And I went through a period where God was just nothing. It was kind of a void. And I got into an awful lot of problems. And I saw Christians who were praising the Lord and they were happy as could be and that was what I was going to be. And I tried everything kind of secondhand and nothing really worked. And I went through a lot of debate and a lot of doubt. And I think probably a lot of anger, you know, like it was working for other people and it wasn't working for me.
So somewhere along in my sobriety I had to come to that point of searching for a higher power for myself and experiencing it and allowing it to actualize. I was at a meeting this morning and I heard a lady say that she discovered her higher power was within, not somewhere else, not in a book like I tried to find. And, you know, I really identified with her. I had to find that higher power within myself.
I think first of all I kind of identified it in myself when I came to AA meetings because I could feel better. You know, I came in and I'd be angry or I'd be nervous, which is putting it mildly. I used to come into AA meetings panic stricken. I used to be sick to my stomach. I was so scared. And, you know, after the meeting had progressed for a little while I began to calm down and I left that meeting feeling better. And so that was a feeling within me and I began to kind of absorb that from AA meetings.
I've come to a point in my sobriety where the simpler I keep my concept of a higher power, the happier I am and the fuller my life is, the closer I feel to a higher power. We celebrated the 50th anniversary in the Comox Valley out in the West Coast. There were about 50 people there and we had a cake. We had each one of us went up and lit a candle and put the candle in the cake. We darkened the lights and we had a moment of silence in memory of Bill and Dr. Bob.
And, you know, the feeling in that room was something that I could not describe to you, but it was my higher power. And getting here and taking a look at those name tags, you know, like people from all over the world, from probably every continent. And I sat out in that square by the convention centre last night and I sensed that feeling of peace and goodwill and safety. You know, I mentioned after, if you went to a convention of 50,000 people other than AA, how safe would you feel meeting strangers and taking off here and taking off there with them, you know?
That's my higher power working in my life. So, I keep it really simple and it seems to grow within me that way. I came to the program also spiritually, or physically, not in good shape. My nerves were so bad. And when I say that I went to meetings and was panic stricken and was sick to my stomach, that was true. I had a meeting Tuesday night and Tuesday morning I got up and I had an anxiety attack. And Tuesday afternoon I had diarrhea. I sat in the bathroom for about two hours.
And I got to my meeting and the first place I went was to the bathroom where I would pray to not fall apart and not disintegrate because that's what I felt like.
[00:50:04]
And I don't know how long I'd been in the program and if I was asked to speak at a meeting I shook. You know, I just shook. And that was not from withdrawal, it was just from probably a non-spiritual life. And that was the physical result of a non-spiritual life. My time up? You know, when we go to meetings in the Comox Valley and Harold chairs, he tells you, we have a trap door under your feet and when you've spoken 20 minutes, zoom, you're gone.
Anyway, physically this morning I kind of reverted when I was called up here because I sure began to shake, but I don't feel so bad now and I'm really grateful to be asked to speak. Thank you, Kim. Thank you for my surprise. Thank you, Mr. Briden. Thanks, Flo. When I had the opportunity and privilege to serve as delegate, Harold was the chairman of our area at that time and the gal that went to New York with me, we hunted around. He's one that likes those trap doors and I know California is big on the lights and the flashing and so we found him a special tool he could have so that we would shut up in time.
Especially, I don't know about your area committee meetings, but our area meetings can get into a little hassle sometimes like World War III and everybody wants to have their voice spoken and so we bought them back a whistle, which we bought in Bloomingdale's. I'm going to ask, there's a gentleman here and his name is Lenny. I can read that far. He has just, to me, been enjoying every single person that has come up here and I'd like him to come up and share with us.
Hi, everyone. My name is Lenny. I'm an alcoholic. Place blows me away. I see what you mean, Jim. Wow, talking to the world out there. Well, I don't know, how much time do I have to get up here and get nervous? Ten minutes. I'm from Providence, Rhode Island, a member of another way group, Smithfield, Rhode Island, and I've been in the program a little over two years and this place just blows me away.
I've never seen so many people, so many happy faces. To talk about the topics up here, to be self-supporting or independent or whatever, in those three areas, when I got here I was totally dependent on alcohol. I drank for 23 years and the only thing I could do in my life was drink. In the past two years, through the help of everyone in the program and my higher power and some wonderful friends that have helped me, I've managed to put some pieces together in those areas of my life where I was totally bankrupt before.
I have a shirt on, coincidentally, that comes from the Ocean State Young People's Conference, which I attended a few weeks ago. That was kind of a milestone, I think, in my sobriety because getting involved with the young people and seeing how free and happy they were kind of broke down an awful lot of walls emotionally for me and was a stepping stone in my sobriety. When I started drinking, the only thing I really wanted was to be free, totally free.
Absolutely, I wanted no strings, just leave me, damn it all alone. The only one I'm hurting is myself and I went along those lines for a long time. Then I heard something earlier in AA when they said something about if you cut the string on a kite, the kite isn't free, it's lost. I identified with that right away. I got a lot of strings today, strings to my sobriety through the program, like I said.
I don't know, there's so much to do up here. It just blows me away. This Young People's Conference taught me something else too. I got eight hours sleep last night. How many people here got eight hours sleep? Wow, alright. Young People's Conference, I ended up getting four hours sleep for the whole weekend. I swore I wouldn't do that when I came up here. Maybe I'm getting a little better. I'm involved in the program to the point where I do a meeting a day, every single day.
There's a place in Providence, Rhode Island called Day at a Time, which is near and dear to my heart. They have meetings at 8, 10, 12, 2, and 4, five days a week. For the first year of my sobriety, it was necessary for me. I had to do three meetings a day there, and then go do a night meeting.
[00:55:01]
It's taught me gradually to come out of myself a little bit. I'm trying to think of something funny to say, but there's just nothing coming to me. It's great to be here. So many topics and so many places to go, and it's just out of sight. I'm 40 years old, and I drank for 23 years, like I said. That makes me about 17 emotionally. I didn't believe that until I got up here and started looking at all these pretty girls.
I'm beginning to realize that I'm right where I belong. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. But that's okay. I can take myself a little lightly today, and that's good. That's a gift the program gave me. It's not that damn important. If I don't drink and go to meetings, and my sponsor told me that a thousand times. I had moved out of my house. Four children. I have four sons. My oldest is going to be 20, the 12th of this month.
I missed their entire lives growing up. I look back at it now, when my oldest boy graduated from high school two years ago, just about the time I was getting sober, it dawned on me as I watched him go down to get his diploma, that I didn't remember this kid's birthdays, his confirmations, his baptisms, or anything. The same for his four brothers. Alcohol wiped that whole part of my mind right away.
Same for his three brothers. I got that freedom that I was looking for. I had no more family. I had nothing but the booze. I was lost. I was like a ship without a rudder. I was sick and suffering. I believe I got here one day before I died. I'll tell you, I'm looking forward to just enjoying my life now, and doing it the AA way. I identify with the last gal that spoke. I've been into this Eastern philosophy kick, and reading all these books, and everything else.
It's all in the steps for me. When I first got sober, I'd been in psychotherapy for two years, and that gentleman that I see today was the one that was instrumental in getting me to AA. He told me, I remember coming back, I was about six or seven weeks sober, and I had found it, this thing I was looking for my whole life, this salvation. I was working in New Hampshire, and my boss was a Mormon, and he wanted me to become a Mormon, and I was sure that I had found the thing that I wanted to be.
I came back, and I sat down, and I told my psychologist, that's it, I found the answer, I'm going to be happy for the rest of my life, and I explained it to him, and he said, it's a good thing the Moonies didn't catch you first. He said, they'd have shaved your head, and you'd be out there selling flowers. And that's just where I was at, totally a basket case. But today, I've got the steps of the program, I've got all you wonderful people, and I'm not alone, I'm not alone, and it's wonderful, and thank you so much for helping me with my sobriety.
Thanks, Lenny, I was just seeing that excitement in your eyes. Lenny was talking about how can you be funny when you're up here. I have a great sense of humor, and I really enjoy it, and I remember the first time I was ever asked to speak out of my home locale. My God, you would have thought I was coming to the International at Montreal or New York or something, and stayed awake at night and planned to talk, and ended up going, and they forgot the little Alateen gal.
For some reason, I came in an atheist, but I always end up speaking Sunday morning, and I haven't figured that out yet. And so my attention went to her, and that was okay, but the one thing I wanted to be, too, was funny. You know, these speakers, they get out and crack these jokes, and put it in with their stories, and I was asked to participate out of my area again, and I bought a joke book. And I would practice, and I would practice in front of the mirror, because I noticed they all had proper stances, you know, they fell right, and I'd get in my car and drive to work, and I couldn't remember the joke.
So I finally came to the realization that I was asked to share, because I was asked to share me, and somehow when I get behind the hear or share, I become very serious about my recovery. And I'll leave my humor to share my laughter of you. Another person whose vibes have been coming up to me is the blonde lady here in the third row, in the white blouse on. Hi, my name is Mary. And if anybody's got any questions, ask them to the people in the first row.
And I have two baby brothers. And so, if you're sitting next to a little boy and holding his neck, you could have a chat with him. a little kid's handiwork. And we'd start to hear both sides, all of us would be annoyed. You know, mid-get together, all of us joking, Thank you very much, it was fun.
[01:00:08]
I'm from Wisconsin, land of cheese. Land of cheese and wine, alright? I can really relate to a lot of what people were saying here. I was at the convention center last night, and I'm number 73,000. And I was just amazed that there were people from Finland, and Germany, and Nova Scotia, and New York, and we all got along so well. I mean, 90% of us have never seen each other before, and we were hugging, and we were kissing, and we were kissing.
Oh, I didn't want to leave. And I met this fellow last night, and it was like I've never had four years of recovery. And I really had to stop, and I'm going to be honest with you, until this fellow from New York talked about living in the dark, and never being seen in the light, that's what I was planning on doing last night. And I figured I'm far away from home, and who's going to know it? Who's going to know what I do with this cute guy from Finland?
And this morning when I woke up and the sun was shining, I would have had to live with that. And that's my recovery. I still have those primitive urges, but I don't have to be so compulsive. Maybe I'll see him tonight. And the wonderful thing about it is if I do see him tonight, he's going to remember me tomorrow. I came into this program and I was totally bankrupt. I thought I was self-sufficient, I thought I was self-reliant, and that was my front for being totally bankrupt.
I was physically, morally, and spiritually dead. My goal in life was to be a Hell's Angel. That was it. Everything I did in life was to get to the Hell's Angels, and you've got to be pretty low down to get into those ranks. There may be former Hell's Angels here or whatever, but you've got to be bankrupt. And I set out to be the most bankrupt person I've ever met. I wouldn't have even talked to me. I was that bad. I was a bad chick.
It really amazes me that after four years of recovery I can walk the streets in a pair of pink pants, when all that was important to me four years ago was a black leather jacket and going a week without a bath. I was raised Roman Catholic and I was taught that whatever I did, God was going to get me on Judgment Day. And so I told him when I was very young, probably about seven or eight years old, well, guy, if you're going to get me, I'm going to make it worthwhile.
And I proceeded to do so. And I found out four years ago about love and that he wasn't going to get me. And that no matter what I had ever done, no matter what I was ever going to do, even if I would never change, that my higher power would love me more than he's ever loved anybody else. And you can take that all home with you for yourself. And so I was able to forgive myself for a lot of things I had ever done. And that's where the peace came. That's where the serenity came.
And self-sufficiency for me is just a simple statement of I am responsible. I am responsible for my own recovery. I am responsible for getting to meetings. I am responsible for sharing the message. I am responsible for loving you. I am responsible for taking love. And that's where I get it from. And I think this is just great. I love you all. Thank you. Thanks, Mary. I'm glad it's a Finlander you went for. I'm part Fin, part French. Finlanders are fun-loving, drinking people. And you brought me back to when I was at the International in New Orleans, married at the time.
[01:05:16]
But the relationship was going a little wonky. I had married a recovered alcoholic who decided he needed to work on his story a little bit more. And I was having a difficult time with it. And I, too, was in New Orleans and thought, hmm, some pretty neat-looking fellas were inviting me out for dinner. And I thought, I'm so many miles away from home, like, who would know? And the gals I was sharing the room with came up to the room, and I was busy throwing the big book, and as Bill sees it, and whatever else I had against the wall. And they asked me what was wrong. And I was upset because my consciousness, I could feel. And I had to follow it. And I thought that was a pretty dirty deal when I was in this city of love and sin and drunkenness. And I was sober. And I couldn't do anything about it.
But that's what Alcoholics Anonymous does for us. It allows, at least for me, it has allowed me to live in reality and to live by the standards that I set for myself. And I need not set them for you. It's a young man right here in the third row who's got a package of DeMaurier cigarettes in his pocket. I'd like to come up and share. Lord, thy God, today I watch at the break of the day. Hi, I'm Michael. I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. And I am, I'm nervous. Is there an ashtray for me?
We don't smoke. Non-smoking area. I'm taking a resentment at the rate of, no. Thank you. I knew this lady was looking at me. She got me. She got me. I'm an alcoholic and I'm a drug addict. And I'm from New York. I'm Irish, Italian, French, Norwegian, not Finn, so I don't win. You know what I'm saying? Jeez. I drank, my first drink was probably when I was about eight years old. And I loved it, you know. And it happened with my grandmother, really. She's like, she's 83 now and still finds a way to the refrigerator.
She's Italian, too. And for all of you who know about Italians, which I am, there was this wine called Fury de California, the shit, you know, with the sediment at the bottom, that she drank a lot of it. And I liked that a lot, you know. And I won't go into like the whole drunk-a-log again. What are we about today? All right. Spiritually, mentally, physically. And, you know, I've gotten through, I'm trying to get through the self-willingness part of this thing, you know, and turning it over to God. I've been sober about 17 months now. And I don't think I'd trade my worst day in sobriety for, you know, my best drunk, my best high. That's really what it's all about for me today.
So much of it is just turning it over, you know, just turning it over to God. A couple of weeks back in New York, there was another celebration for the 50th anniversary. I'm quivering, I'm shaking, I'm going crazy. And it was at a cathedral, St. John the Divine. That's probably like the largest cathedral in the world. It was incomplete. It's never been finished, but it's being finished now. And there were about 2,500 sober drunks there, you know. And I walked in there, and I realized for the first time that I don't have to be alone anymore. And being here, I realized that again. You know, I've been trouncing around the streets, getting lost. I need help, folks. I need help.
Goddamn people should have put it all in the same place, I mean, really. But the thing is, you know, the thing is, I realized today, walking in the streets, that there are people my age, I'm 26 years old, walking around lost just like me, you know. And, you know, I'm a little wet behind the ears yet, as far as this thing is concerned, you know. And I could just think like 20 years from now, one day at a time, I'll be lost somewhere else, and I'll run into the same people that will be lost in the street, you know. And I'm in the right place, you know. And again, so much of it is just turning it over, not willing my own will.
And that's, you know, that's spiritually, mentally, and physically, that's, you know, treating myself good. You know, I've got to sleep, I've got to eat, I've got to stay out of my own way. And, you know, pardon the profanity, but, you know, I could stand knee-deep in my own shit. And I don't have to, you know. Maybe I'm only ankle-deep right now. The truth is, I don't have to do that anymore. And I don't have to worry about tomorrow. In fact, I don't even have to worry about today, because God's going to take care of me. And, you know, when I first walked into the rooms, the rooms were God. And I was raised Roman Catholic and all that, and I said prayers. I never felt them, you know. And it's just as recently where I've been able to feel things.
[01:10:11]
In fact, I've never had so many warm feelings inside of me. You know, you know that thing where you get that hot flash running up and down your spine? Well, that's all that's been happening with me. And it's happening at the rate of like 24 times, 25 times a day. I'm not counting obsessive-compulsive, I am not. But these are the things I'm feeling today. You know, and with the grace of God, I can love. And I can feel love, and yeah, I get angry, you know. But I can talk about it, and I can share it. I got to share something funny. This is kind of funny. About a week ago, I'm walking in the subway, you know, in New York. And this little Japanese man is doing a piece for the Daily News on billboard posters in the subways.
So me being, you know, wanting to feel like the center of attention, naturally, I said, yes, sure, take a picture of me. He asked me. So here I am standing with the attaché in hand before this sign. Very lovely woman standing, you know, sitting by the ocean with her boyfriend, and she's sketching. Very beautiful people, young people. And I stood there. He reeled off a half a dozen shots. I gave him my card, said, send me copies. I realized a half hour later that it was a Gordon's Gin ad. This really happened, you know. That's okay, because, you know, I didn't realize it. I really didn't realize it. And I don't want to drink, and I don't want a drug today.
You know, I just, I meant what I said about help. I need help to get around this city, folks. And for those of you who would be willing to extend your hand after what I'd be willing to follow, I'm not thin. I'm running over. Wait, what was that? Honestly, I want to thank all the people here. I want to thank everybody for my sobriety, you know. The truth is, I was miserable, and for a long, long time. And I masked it, you know. I dressed nice. I looked nice. I said the right things. And now I'm loosened up, and now I'm as vulgar as ever, you know.
But that's okay, you know. I don't have to hide. And yeah, you know, all the secrets. I'm only as sick as my secrets. And now I can share my secrets, you know, not with everyone, only in these rooms, thank God. And that's okay today. I want to be sober today. I just want to live, and I don't have to be alone anymore. And I always thought that it was people that made me miserable, you know, were people. It was people, but it was me, because I was always in constant search of it, looking for it, you know, wherever it was. And I'm finding out that it is right here. It's inside of me, and inside of these rooms. I have a sponsor, and with my sponsor, it's a love and a hate thing, if you understand that concept. He and I, like, don't see each other for periods of time, and I hate him, and then when I see him, I love him, you know.
One minute. And, but the thing is, you know, he, the thing in this program is, you know, to take the suggestions. I beat the hell out of myself in my first year of sobriety. I did everything I wasn't supposed to do. Took a relationship on, worked like three jobs. I was really living, you know, living out an alcoholic fantasy. Promiscuous, all, you know, ridiculous stuff. And, you know, I had to go through that, and I finally realized that I don't have to do that, you know. It's really inside of me.
And finally, you know, for the first time in 17 months, this morning, I got on my knees to God. And I got on my knees when I was a kid, but it never meant anything, you know. And this morning I did, and it's all because of what's happening here. It's all because of what's happening inside of me, and I'm terribly grateful to be sober today, and I thank you all for my sobriety. You don't have to be Finn to share, but is there any Finlanders in the audience? Is there anyone sitting here that is not from USA or Canada? Would you come and share with us, please?
Yeah, my name's Wayne, and I'm from New Zealand. And I'm also nervous. But it's really great to be here. And when I come into the program, I was also very, you know, spiritually, mentally and physically bankrupt. It was, I had lost
[01:15:10]
everything, you know. I was married. I had a house. And, you know, I had two lovely children. And I lost them all because I didn't know how to love. I just kind of like built up a war between the people that I loved the most, really deep down, but I could never show it. So I drank and I took drugs and I like closed myself off from the people that I loved and I cared about. And I lived a very reckless life, you know. I don't think there's nothing that I can think of that I haven't done. The only thing I haven't done, I don't think, is, you know, shot anybody or killed, murdered anybody. I haven't done that. But, you know, that could have been a yet. But I got, I did a lot of geographicals and moved around and, you know, things are going to be better in this place. But none of it worked, you know, because I was still taking me with me. I was still living 24 hours a day with me. And I felt the same, you know, it doesn't matter where I was. I moved to Australia and thought, oh, it's going to be great, you know. I'll do things different over there. I'll do it on my own will. I'll better manage better. But I never did, you know. Things just got worse, because I was relying on my own self-reliance. I had no faith. I'd lost all faith. And it was a miracle that I had met a person and I was at the right time to meet that person. I was, I couldn't have cared that particular day if I had lived or died, you know. I was just, I really didn't care anymore. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. So, I met this, I met this person who is an AA. And for the first time he started talking about himself. But I thought, hell, this guy, he really knows these things about me, you know. Where did he learn all this stuff about me, you know? And I only met him. I thought, hell, how does he know all these things about me? And then he said, I got talking and I was honest with that man.
And I told him how I felt. For the first time in my life, I could, I related to somebody there that, that I knew that was like me, you know. Had the same feelings, felt the same way, had the same emotional problems, went through the same things, did the same stuff. And I thought, like, wow, you know. But then I learned about AA and I went to some meetings. And one day at a time, I kept going to meetings. And I started learning about me, you know. For the first time, I was learning all this stuff about me through youth people, you know. Because I did some traveling and the people, the people in different parts of the world are just doing the same things in different places, you know. They're still taking drugs and alcohol and they're doing everything to excess compulsively. So, and it's really great to be here. This is, I heard, you know, it's a milestone for my sobriety to be at a World Convention. When I see, like, two people got together, you know, and I'm walking around and somebody mentioned, like, this 70,000, I don't know, possibly, I don't know. How many's here? You know, like, wow, this is a lot, you know, from two people. And it works. You know, that's the miracle of it.
It works. And it's just great to be a part of this great fellowship. And just to see some smiling faces. But anyway, I won't go on any longer. So thank you very much. Thank you and welcome to Canada. I was told just before we came here by the, our Western Regional Trustee that the registration went over 50,000 last night and people were still coming in. So I'm sure this evening at the park, with the flag ceremony, we'll find out how many are here
[01:20:01]
caring and sharing. I would like to ask Anne, the delegate from California, and I'm not sure which part, if she would come up and share a few minutes with us. Hi, I'm Anne Garrity and I'm an alcoholic. I just zipped up my purse and thought that we were all through and I wouldn't have to be called upon and say anything. Because what I said was, I'm Jean's service sponsor. And when Jean got her loving invitation and she came to me and she said, this is my topic and self-supporting. And I said, I'm glad it's you and not me.
I like what she said about self-supporting through your own contributions. And that's exactly, you get out of this program exactly what you put into it and you have a choice. You can do absolutely nothing and you'll get absolutely nothing but a dry drunk for the rest of your life. Or you can start acting as if, that you're appreciating what we have to give you today and what there is available in this program and there you are. And that's what happened to me.
I didn't like Alcoholics Anonymous when I got here. I didn't like it when I stayed. I only stayed because it was the only way I could stay sober. After I went out and tried it a few extra times, just to be sure. And when I finally decided that I would sit in those seats and listen to the idiots as long as I had to, finally it started to work. And pretty soon I was one of the idiots and now I've had enough years in the program, everybody has to listen to me, you know. I have my seat in my group, you know, how that is. I have my coffee cup. And since I've been delegate, I don't get there all the time. I went there a couple weeks ago and somebody else was sitting in my seat. And they didn't even know who I was. And they didn't even care. I went up, drove 600 miles up to speak at Ridgecrest to tell them how great I was. I got up there and I was introduced to Friday night meeting as a delegate. And everybody looked blank. Finally one brave soul said who in the hell is a delegate and what does she do? I said the delegate drives 600 miles to tell you what a delegate is. Physically I'm better than I was. I had a sneaking suspicion that I was dying of tuberculosis because I woke up every night in a cold sweat. Weighed 180 pounds and hadn't had a cough in five years. Reason I hadn't had a cough in five years, I was addicted to terpenhydrate and codeine along with my wine. Poured it together, made a nice mixed drink. I woke up in the morning stiff and I thought I had arthritis. I went to the doctor. I didn't tell him I went to bed every night stiff. Never tell a doctor anything. You're paying a doctor enough let him tell you what's wrong with you. The way they charge these days is terrible. I never got drunk in Montreal, I'm sorry about that. Had a little trouble over across the line in Malone, wherever that is for Montreal, but I think it's just down the road a piece, isn't it? Anyway, I'm surprised how well I am physically. I'm not going to tell you how old I am. I can't believe all these people standing up here telling you how old they are. Says in a general way what we used to be like. I will admit that when I got here I wasn't entitled of the young people's meetings, they kicked me out immediately. I'm glad to share the most fabulous, fabulous week of your life. It was for me and this is my third international convention and every time I get a tightness in my chest and you know first time I thought it was emotions, the second time I thought it was spiritual and now I think I'm having an attack, a heart attack. I don't know whether to sit down and kiss somebody or whether to take a nitro. I understand there's no fins here anyway so what's I don't know about this guy, but if there are any old fins I'm available.
I think our mental, spiritual and physical self-support is laughter that comes through others. It gives us the opportunity and the privilege to be not only supportive to Alcoholics Anonymous, I don't know about you, but I know that I get to work on time today and I know when I take a day off I need not lie anymore. I can say I need Thursday off because I'm going to an international convention of Alcoholics Anonymous in Montreal and my boss said to me, my god I think you party
[01:25:04]
more sober than you ever did drink it and that's true. At least I remember that I'm going to be in Montreal and I'm going back to Vancouver. When I lived here I was in New York many times and I don't really remember it. People used to come up and visit me that had met me in New York and I would have to invite them to my home. I could never say I'll meet you at a club or a restaurant because I couldn't remember who they are. I'd like to thank Harold for asking me to share this meeting with him. It's always a great privilege to participate. I would like to thank James and Jean for being here and sharing with us. South Dakota just missed out I guess and I'd like to thank all of you who I asked to come up and participate. It was just great. It is indeed the language of the heart and I ask if we all close this meeting in unity with the Lord's Prayer.