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Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Multi Speakers – ACTION AND PATIENCE Action Patience – RS 06376.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-multi-speakers-action-and-patience-action-patience-rs-06376.mp3 Duration: 01:21:17
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God grant me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. The anonymity tradition, we've got to kind of stand on a little bit here to be sure that everybody understands. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion.
We need always maintain spiritual anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films. Thus, we respectfully ask that no A.A. speaker, or indeed any A.A. member, be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings. The assurance of anonymity is essential to our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us. Our tradition of anonymity reminds us that A.A. principles come before personalities.
One announcement, there is no coffee allowed in the room, and I asked why, and they said, well, because we're a little reckless and we spill it on the carpet, and the sugar and the color of the coffee leads to come out a little bad color. So, if there is any coffee, why we'd ask that you dispose of it if at all possible. Welcome to Montreal and the International Convention. It's kind of hard to really get loose on this thing because this is about the first one, but it's with pleasure that we're here, and I have to say this not boastfully, but ten years ago in Denver while we hosted the same thing.
Not nearly quite the same numbers, but when we get right down to it, we had all the love and the fellowship that we're feeling here. So, we've got three people to share with us today, and each one of them know how much time they've got, and I ask that they respect that time that we will end at 10.30 promptly. So, our first one is a lady, Marlene B. from Quebec. Good morning, everybody. I'm Marlene and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict.
And I want to tell you that I'm real happy to be here this morning. I was just thrilled when I was asked to speak. I don't have any idea of what I'm going to say. I'm just relying on my higher power to give me the right words. I'll talk a little bit about the action that I took to get here. I'm not going into my past too much, but just to give you an idea of where my life got to. I was living on welfare.
I was taking a course in hairdressing, and in order to just be there, I had my thermos of wine. I was totally dependent on this welfare check and being able to buy my huge gallon of wine, supposedly for the month, and my pills and my drugs. Anyway, I call it my spiritual awakening. One morning, standing at the kitchen sink, it was like I could just see a picture, a clear picture of this dissipated woman and a life that was certainly disgusting in my eyes.
And it was a reality. I thought, this is not a movie. This is the reality of where my life is going. And it scared me. Being an impulsive person, I found a place that day where I could go to get some help, and I packed my bags and took the bus and set off for Ottawa, Ontario, and went to a recovery home. And when I went in, I was frightened. I was going to have to let go of these drugs and the booze that I had held on to for 18 years.
And anyway, I went through the doors, and it was run by an ex-nun. And I don't know, some kind of, the way my mind was working, I thought she must be somebody special, being an ex-nun, you know. And she looked at me and she said, Marlene, I have faith in you. And that made me feel terrific, because nobody had said that they had had faith in me for a very long time. And because she had faith in me, I had faith in what she said, you know, that I could get better.
Anyway, that night I just felt this great feeling of peace, you know,
[00:05:00]
that I was getting help, I was going to get help. The next morning I woke up, and I had read a little pamphlet on partnership the night before. It was left in my room, and because I'm very nosy, I read it. And I thought, oh, this is about a new man-woman type of relationship, you know. And I started reading it, and finally it started, it made a lot of sense, and then I realized that it was talking about God.
And I thought, oh yeah, you know. And then I was still curious, and I kept on reading, and it said to have a relationship with God, you just have to ask Him for help in the morning and thank Him at night. So anyway, I made a decision. I made a decision to go and get help, and in the morning I made a decision that I was going to have a relationship with my higher power, whom I call God. And so I got up in the morning, and I had my cigarette and my coffee, and this was a big thing, and I was going to meet my Maker, but as a child, as a helpless child.
And it was such an exciting thing, it was such an exciting thing, because I just said, God, help me get through this day without my drugs and my alcohol. And I had a little wee tiny bit of faith that He might do it. Anyway, I was asking. So I got through the day, and at the end I got on my knees because I was so excited about it, and I just thanked Him. And each day after that, I wanted to talk to Him a little bit more.
I wanted to get to know Him. And I know this is on action and patience. I'm going to try to assimilate the two, but it will probably throw me off a little bit here. That was the action that I took to get into this program. I started going to meetings, and people were starting to help me to understand my problem. I was starting to realize that I wasn't this horrible, evil person. Well, I had lost all of my self-esteem, and their technique of helping people was through love, and I responded to that.
I really wanted to be loved. And I started to feel it, and I started going to meetings, and I don't know, a lot of things made me laugh. I thought people were kind of funny, and the whole thing was just… I didn't understand it totally. I probably never will. But I was intrigued, and I can truthfully say that I never went to a meeting that I didn't enjoy. I never had a problem going to meetings. I always liked them.
Anyway, I got home from this recovery home, and, you know, that was sort of, as they call it, the acid test. Now I had to find little things that were just going to keep me patient in growing into a new person. And the action that I took for that, I had to find different little things that worked for me, and as a child, I grew up in the country. So where I was living, there was a nice park, and I'd go for a walk in the park every day.
That was just something that I had to do. I would force myself to go there and look at the nature and come out feeling very good. Not really terrific at that time, but, you know, I'd be feeling better, and my thinking was starting to change and the thoughts of beauty into it. And I had times where, you know, my moods were up and down, and I would pray about that. I would call other members, and I just had to have patience that it was going to get better.
And it has. It really has. And I had to be patient about the slow, the way that the Lord, my higher power, was going to lead me into a new life, how he was going to give me a new life, because I had no life at that point. And so I was doing these little walks in the woods, and I started taking a one-hour course a day in secretarial refresher,
[00:10:01]
and that was just enough for me, because it exposed me to other people, and I was able to take that for one hour a day, and I got interested in it, and I tried to do well. And then I became impatient, because I wanted a job right afterwards, you know. And I had to pray about that, and I asked for patience, and I asked for guidance. I had all kinds of resumes. But, you know, God is good, because I have a young boy, he's ten, and I really needed to spend time with him.
And anyway, the summer passed. I had a beautiful summer with him, and the first time that I could remember really spending a summer with my son. And at the end of August, I got a job, a job that was just right for me. And just all the ways my higher power had of planning a new life for me, and even today I truly believe that he's got better things in store for me all the time, you know. Sometimes I feel that he opens a door, and he's taking me down a passageway, and sometimes I don't want to go, you know, because I don't know what's going on there.
And I just try to hang on to his hand and trust, and I know when I come out the other side, I'm going to be a little more refined. And I'm glad he does that. I'm glad he does that. You know, that's why I came into this program. I want to be a better person. Sometimes I bulk a little bit, you know, when he tries to change me, but I usually go through with it. A stage of my sobriety that I'm at now is where I felt with all these character defects that I have, you know, I have problems with self-pity and remorse and false pride and jealousy and envy and anger and the whole works, but to a much lesser degree these days.
But I still have them, and I still try to control them and feel that it's my responsibility to get rid of them. And it finally dawned on me not too long ago that I can let go of those just like I did the booze and the drugs, you know, and he'll take them away from me if I sit quietly long enough, if I'm patient long enough, that he'll take them away from me as he sees fit. I got married. It was two years after I was in the program, and that was a wonderful happening for me because when I came into the program, I thought, that's it, you know, my life is finished.
I felt about 90 years old, and I really felt that my brain was finished, you know. I didn't think I'd ever be able to work again or what would I work as, you know. And so today I have a wonderful husband who's a gift from God. I know that in my heart today. We're growing together. I'm learning about marriage, which is a wonderful experience. Also, I've been guided through different jobs, but now I have one that I'm very pleased with.
I love the people that I'm working with. It's a joy to go in there. I'm not watching the clock to see, you know, when it's going to be over. Every day that I'm in there, I thank God for that job, and it's something that I never thought I'd be able to do before. I didn't speak… How am I doing? Okay. I didn't speak to my mother for years unless I was totally inebriated. That was the only way I was able to speak to her.
My mother took custody of my son when he was nine years old, and I had a very, very big resentment towards her. Today I can hold her in my arms and tell her I love her and that she was a good mother and that there's no blame, you know. And I can thank her. And I can thank her for the way that she looked after my children while I was drinking.
[00:15:04]
I have a great love for my father, too. You know, before I think the relationship had just kind of died. Well, because I was dead. And today I can love my father and appreciate him. I can tell him. I'm appreciating other people, too. You know, I feel very comfortable in this room. I feel comfortable because I know I could speak to any one of you people and that we would have something in common, and that's for sure, that we would be able to speak at a heart level.
And this is what I always wanted, you know. I think that's why I enjoy going to meetings because I was a club person. I liked to go out and whatnot. I liked people. And, you know, going to meetings, I can see friends and laugh and have compassion for other people and maybe help somebody and maybe get help myself. And I think it's a God-given program. It's a real gift. It's a real gift to be able to come to AA.
And I think this whole conference is just fabulous. Probably really saying a lot to a lot of people that are practicing drinking. I hope it does. And before I close, I'll just tell you about something very special that's in my life as well, that's in me, and that's my new life in Christ. It gives me the strength that I need to follow and to change, as well as the program and all of my friends. So I thank you very much for this time, and I wish you all a wonderful weekend.
Thank you, Marlene. You know, she mentioned that maybe we could help somebody here, and while we were wandering around trying to get our bearings the other day, we had that lost look, and some fellow came up to us, and he said, could I help you? And so we told him where we were trying to go, and he told us, and he didn't have a badge on or anything. Of course, I don't think we had one on yet. But anyway, he knew we were here for the AA convention, and he said, I'm one of you, but I'm having a little trouble now.
And, you know, he still had his hand out, and that's kind of the name of the game. His hand of AA would always be there. And, you know, I was thinking when Marlene was talking about the beauty, I wasn't sober too awful long, and I made a trip up through Yellowstone and into Idaho. And the fellow I was with, he didn't drink. He ran the hotel where I stayed, and I was just off to go up while he put together a business deal.
And we was coming down through the Star Valley, which, if any of you have ever been there, is a really pretty place. And it finally dawned on me that, doggone, I wasn't wondering when we was going to make the next stop for a beer, you know, and the next stop at a liquor store. I was enjoying the scenery and just living, you know. I'd made that trip several times before, but I had never seen any of the beauty that was there now.
AA has just been a real eye-opener. You know, it's done things for me that it's never, ever possible, in my opinion. And another thing it did for me was it got me here today, and I have several friends that are critiquing this situation. You know, they're checking me out to see that I do everything just exactly right. So we'll see how this little bit goes today. Patience and action, you know, that's something that my wife says I don't have enough of on the action side.
I got plenty of patience, but not enough action. Then I had a sponsor that he kind of had it back the other way. You know, he said, you got a lot of action, but no patience. And so, you know, it just kind of runs around the highs and the lows, and you take what you can and use what you can at the time. You know, it's great to be here and have a nice room full of people. I wish we had a bigger room, one of them big ones at the other side, so that we could all really share what these people are going to have to say and enjoy exactly why we came here, to share our strength, experience, and hope with each other, that we can have a happy road down the path of destiny.
We got the next fellow, you know, and these little things they tell us about who's going to be the speakers and the rest of it, they're a little bit deceiving because it says Lionel L. from Rhode Island, and he said, don't call me Lionel, I'm JP, so we'll have JP next. Thank you.
[00:20:02]
Hi, I'm JP, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm JP. My name is Lionel, but I've been JP so long that, and to show you, when I first come in a program, how sick I was, and I said, jeez, now I'm in a program, and if I die, nobody's going to know who I am. You know, you know, by being called JP, that's pride and ego, I think. That's in the next room. That's in the next room. I'm an alcoholic. I'm recovering one day at a time in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'll tell you, the butterflies are not in formation.
Action and patience. I drank enough to get Alcoholics Anonymous and to qualify to be here, and when I say I'm an alcoholic, that qualifies me to be here. Action. I had plenty of action before I got to the program, and it was all drinking. When I got to AA, I got here through a treatment center, and I'm grateful for that treatment center. They introduced me to AA, and when I left there, I was scared.
I find it very hard to come outside myself and talk to people, and I didn't go to my first meeting in Woonsocket until two weeks after, and the only reason I went was my wife said she was going to go, and would I go with her. And to show you how wrapped up I was, I says, I'll go and I'll tell everybody she's the drunk. And I meant that. I meant that, you know. But when we walked in that meeting hall, we met my aunt who was in the program, and she knew who the drunk was.
So she put me in the middle of six guys that night, and one day at a time, those people are still around. And they gave me their telephone numbers, and I listened to them, and they were talking about camping. They were talking about square dancing. They were doing things sober, you know. And I had done all these things, but drunk, you know. And I says to myself, maybe, maybe, you know. And I didn't know that that night that that was hope.
Somebody had to tell me that. I joined the group. I belonged to the Happy Wanderers out of Woonsocket, Rhode Island, and I got a sponsor, you know. And those are the two most important actions I ever took in my life. This man I've grown to love, he's one hell of a friend. And my group is second to none. But it wasn't easy, you know. They made me feel like I belonged, but I really didn't have that feeling inside.
They made me coffee maker. My sponsor told me, get active. Action, that's the magic word. Nobody's going to give you sobriety on a silver platter. You want it, you've got to chase it. And I took his suggestions, you know. I was the type of a guy, if I asked you something and you told me, well, this is the way, you know, I'd do it. I'd do it. I couldn't see asking and then not following through. And today I look at it as a gift from the God of my understanding.
Day by day, you know, my life has changed an awful lot. Patience, I have to practice that. I had to practice action and patience last night trying to get to the dance. You know, we didn't make it. We didn't make it, but hey, that's all right. That's all right, you know. But today, you know, being over here, you know, when I first come into AA, you know, AA was my home group, you know. And then I got active in service and, you know, it became to be like Woonsocket, you know, and that was pretty decent, you know.
[00:25:03]
But it was bigger than myself, you know, and there was nothing bigger than me before, you know. And there's always something to do, you know. I haven't had one boring day since I'm in a fellowship, you know. And I attribute that to my sponsor and my group, you know, because, you know, working the steps of the program is changing me. It's changing me. I'm still self-centered, you know, but not to the extreme that I was when I first come here, you know.
And day by day, I'm changing and I belong. I get a feeling of belonging. When I first got up here, I was scared. I was scared, you know, and I asked for a lot of help. I tried to turn my life and my will over. Like the previous speaker, you know, what's coming out of my mouth, it's coming from the God of my understanding because by myself, I can't do nothing. And I know that. I know that. And my sponsor always told me, speak from the heart, Jay, you know.
What comes from the heart reaches the heart. And that's what got me. That's what got me involved in service, you know. For myself, I can't be the type of person, don't drink and go to meetings. I have to be involved. I don't know why. I don't know why. I remember walking into a service meeting in Rhode Island and I'm telling the man I'm walking in, I only got six months to go and then they can take this job and shove it, you know.
And I'm walking out of that meeting and I'm telling the same man, I don't know what happened, but I have to stay in service, you know. And I'm doing the best I can one day at a time, you know. I still find it hard coming outside myself, talking to people, but I'm doing a hell of a lot better than I was. And like I say, I owe it all to the program. Practicing patients, you know, things always don't move as fast as I want them, you know.
And today that's all right. Today that's all right, you know. Ask for a lot of help and back off. And don't take myself so serious, you know, when things don't go my way. And I always have to remember, you know, it's not always what's best for me, it's what's best for the fellowship as a whole. And I have to look at it that way, you know, because I'm not that important. I'd like to think I am, but I'm not, you know.
And a lot of times I have to ask for help in that area. And for me that's practicing patients. My wife has been in Al-Anon for, well, hopefully one day at a time. In August it will be nine years, you know, and that's the grace of God. I've got the willingness. I pray for the willingness every day. I don't want to be a drunk, you know. I know how to be a drunk. Being a sober person, you know, it's a lot of work.
But I reap the benefits, you know. When I overcome one of my defects, you know, when I say I overcome them, I don't mean overcome. In this program you have a lot of opportunities to grow. And, you know, once in a while I see a little speck where I did gain a little bit, you know. And I go on one of these annual house cleaning retreats or workshops or whatever, you know, just to see where I'm at, you know, have I grown, you know.
I'm striving to be a better person one day at a time, you know. And that's the only way I can do it. How I stay sober, I do it the same way today as I did when I first come in. I get on my knees in the morning. I ask the God of my understanding to keep me an alcoholic, away from a drink, keep the desire away and the mental obsession. I don't want to think about it, you know. And then I turn my life and my will over and then I do the best I can with what I've got.
Well over and then I do the best I can with what I got and some days I'm just grateful that I didn't pick up a drink you know and my life has changed
[00:30:05]
patience at home with my wife and kids you know like I say she's been in a fellowship and you know I don't always like it when she she calls it constructive criticism but you know I don't always see it that way and and then I tell her oh you work your program you know and leave me alone and you know that tenth step in a program really you know when I first heard it you know that spiritual axiom when I'm upset when somebody else does something there's something wrong with me I didn't like that at all at all at all because you know just leave me alone I'll be all right you know but it's not the way it works you know I have to look at myself you know and you know a good example of that in Rhode Island we're heavily involved in institution work you know and I love it I love it I've never been a tenant or an inmate or whatever you know but I I really enjoy going there because I know that I belong there you know and you know we've got projects going on down in Woonsocket not Woonsocket excuse me in Rhode Island and it's just great you know it's just great to be a part of it you know and for me that that's growth you know I was always let somebody else do it you know I'll sit down and relax and you know drink white beer you know and then when I got sober you know I really don't need this now you know but now I'm getting involved and it really feels good it really feels good and like I say I don't understand it because it's not me it's not me you know there's something inside of me that's telling me you know go go you know and a lot of times I'm scared you know because basically I'm a people pleaser you know and I have to work on that I have to work on that you know and well like I say you know when sometimes when when I say something and somebody gets offended you know I don't apologize up and down like I used to you know I can accept myself as I am and who I am you know and I'm really lost for words Alcoholics Anonymous is bigger than JP there's no doubt about it just standing outside last night and seeing all the people shaking hands with a guy from Columbia Jesus you know I mean Christ this is unbelievable really seeing all these people you know being able to live sober one day at a time you know it's enabled me to to be a father you know to be a husband and to be a son you know I'm one of my drunks you know I punched my father in a mouth and my father was bedridden you know and that hurt that hurt you know but through the fellowship one day at a time I was able to make amends to this man and give him a hug and a kiss you know and mean it from the bottom of my heart you know and we both were crying you know and I was able to do that before he passed away you know and to see him you know with the tears coming down tears of joy you know that's fantastic that's fantastic you know able to do things because of sobriety with my kids you know Monday Tuesday and Wednesday I was up in Vermont with my younger boy on a motorcycle you know Jesus you know it's unbelievable it's unbelievable you know and you know it's true to program and following the suggestions you know a sponsor you know I wanted 10 years sobriety in 10 months you know and he says easy does it Jay one day at a time you know patience live and let live holy smokes he drilled that into me for two years you know but he was there every
[00:35:04]
time I asked him a question read the fifth chapter in a big book you know I'm a slow reader you know and a group I belong to goes on a lot of commitments and the first year in the program our group had 218 commitments and I made 200 of them and the second year you know we had I don't know say 200 and I made about 175 you know and I needed it at that time I didn't know but I was running I was running I didn't get into the steps until I was sober 13 months I don't advise it for anybody you know but that's the way it was with me you know and then when once I got into the steps you know and I didn't like what I saw because you know I had read them at home by myself but I wasn't getting any input from anybody else you know how they do it how they work their steps you know and that's how for myself I started taking pieces from Tom Dick and Harry you know and Mary Jane and ways that worked better for me you know and I owe that there to the God of my understanding you know to how what a program you know in the past six months you know I've been doing a lot of praying and what to do what I should be doing in service you know and I don't know I'm still confused but that's okay I know that I'm open to whatever comes down the pike you know and that's a gift because I had a closed mind I had a closed mind for a long time you know but through the steps one day at a time and the how of the program has been coming to me the past six months you know honesty open-mindedness and willingness in all my affairs you know boy that's tough that's tough you know it doesn't always work that way you know I wish it did but I have to remember that I'm a human being and I'm gonna make mistakes and as long as I don't keep repeating the same mistakes over and over you know and that's where I have to keep turning to the God of my understanding you know to help me along to give me the strength I need you know and he's doing it he's doing it you know and like I say I'd like to take the credit but I can't I can't because it's not me uh-uh that's day by day I'm becoming the person I want to be you know not as fast as I would like to get there but it's all right that's where the patience comes in with me you know not taking myself so serious and enjoying what I have you know not keep running for something well this is gonna do it for me you know it's gonna make me happy you know enjoying what I have you know and I never did that I never did that if I had a 19-inch color TV this week well next week I wanted a 25-inch color that's a lot better for the eyes and all this bullshit you know and you know I tell you I was kind of glad when I looked at that I didn't know what the schedule was I'm glad I was speaking this morning and not Saturday night or Sunday to screw up my whole convention because I'd have been thinking about this that tells you where my patience is at you know I have to be honest you know I have to be honest I don't like speaking I never did my sponsor told me I had to I gotta give what I what I got you know and that's how this program works one drunk talking to another drunk you know and I think about that an awful lot you know this whole fellowship starting with two drunks you know and I have to remember that I'm a drunk you know because I don't want to be that that drunken bum you know and today I don't have to be I don't have to be I don't ever have to sober up again you know one day at a time by following suggestions you know and getting active and you know I feel fantastic I joined a group a step group on a Wednesday night and geez I made coffee this week
[00:40:03]
you know and I hadn't made coffee in eight years you know and I was talking to Kim a couple weeks ago when I was washing the pots you know geez how good I felt being in there oh you know that's fantastic it's fantastic to belong to belong you know I'm not by myself you know and I never have to be by myself again as long as I follow the suggestions and the teachings of the program one day at a time you know and the twelve and twelve you know the twelve traditions you know and day by day they're becoming more important to me you know for a guy that always cared about himself you know and today caring about other people you know it's a turnaround you know and I owe that Alcoholics Anonymous and the God of my understanding and thanks for being here Patience looks like it might be getting little of it I agree I'm glad that we're the first batch to run through this thing I you know it's not the idea of being nervous or anything like that it's this damn coat and tie I it's coming off very shortly it's being one of these boys from Colorado you know why we like those open spaces and open shirts and all that jazz and so I'm gonna be glad when this is all over with and go back to being comfortable you know JP mentioned his relations with his family in and Marlene did too you know I had a great dad and he went along with just about everything he kept getting me out of jail whenever my mother let him he always seemed to find the money to get me out of jail but every once in a while I should get him where he couldn't and so I'd have to stay for a little bit longer until he'd hustle up some extra money but you know I recall I had left Cheyenne and went up to Casper I came into the program in Casper Wyoming and immediately got in trouble up there wound up with 30 days in jail the only reason I got out then because the jailer took care of me and let me go to ballgames with him I got double time for Saturdays and Sundays and that sort of stuff he keep me out an extra hour and I would get a day knocked off and so I really don't know how many days I was supposed to do but I got out and around 30 days but one reason I couldn't get out of jail that time was it my mother had taken my dad's name off the checking account so soon as she found I was in jail she shot the bank and that that ruined that he he didn't stand a chance of getting me out because it was pretty fair fine but after I have been sober about eight or nine months it came Thanksgiving and my sponsor said Don I think you better go home I hadn't gone home yet and it was only about 180 miles said I think you better go home and and see your folks and you know I really didn't want to do that because I have been pretty bad boy you know when you're 31 and still living at home every once in a while why and getting in all sorts of trouble why you you know and you found out that there is a different way to live my sponsor told me there's a better way of life and it was working out all right but anyway I went home and when I stepped off the plane I know my father had all sorts of trepidations about what I was gonna look like how I was gonna duck to myself and arrest that jazz because I don't believe it he was convinced that I was through drinking I know my mother wasn't because I called her and told well I joined AA found out she shouldn't do that right off the bat but then told her I joined AA and she said well I hope the hell it works nothing else has so you know and that was the way it was kind of going but my father was business manager for a union and I happen to belong to the same union and so after he found out a year or two had gone by that I was doing pretty good and we had the missile sites going up in Cheyenne and he'd run across these guys why he forgot all about anonymity you know he didn't mean a damn thing to him and if one of the pie fitters is having a little drinking problem he said go see my boy I think he can help you out and so we had people from all over the United States and so all over the United States people knew me and I've had occasion for many of them come and come up and say I remember you through your dad you know and he But as we go along and think about this patience thing, you know, I've got several friends in the room tonight.
[00:45:09]
And, you know, it's great to see the change that comes about in each and every one of us, you know. I don't know if the one fellow's got out yet or not, but I asked him to speak at his first time he spoke at a meeting and that bastard hasn't shut up since, you know. He's still running off. I think he snuck out, but then that's alright. He's still running off the mouth and he turned out to be a delegate and all that neat stuff, you know, and enjoyed all the fruits that this program gives to us.
And I had the pleasure of being a delegate for my state. And, you know, as I look back over what my sponsor told me, he said, Don, it's going to be an entirely new way of life and you can be happy and comfortable. And on my first birthday, he tapped me on the shoulder and he said, you know, he said, you should be everlastingly grateful that you were able to recognize a tap on the shoulder at the age that you did.
Because you've got many years of happy, comfortable living ahead of you that I won't have. Now, he was older when he came to the program and, you know, he said, if you do these certain things, practice these steps to the best of your ability, this life can be yours. And he was right. I have enjoyed these many years of sobriety. You know, they mentioned, JP was talking about service, and the first service meeting I ever went to was up in Sheridan, Wyoming.
And, you know, I always knew those Indians had a hell of a time with their booze, but I didn't think they was doing anything about it. And so I went to a Wyoming state convention, and it was held in a nightclub up there, and the old boy that owned the nightclub, he would lock it up one weekend out of a year and they would hold their AA state convention in Sheridan. And I'm sitting there and here come these Indians.
And they had the long pigtails, you know, the fellas did, and by damn, they was coming in from the reservation. They had a program going out there, and it was working for those Indians. I've had occasion to visit other reservations, and it's great to see they don't make any difference, no matter race or creed, or whatever. If we got it, we got it, and we can do something about it. And it's just great to see all of that.
There's so many things that have happened to me that, you know, that I can be so grateful for and make me realize that the good Lord has been with me all the way through. I think he got me here when I should have gotten here, and not a day sooner and not a day later, he got me here when I should get here, and I'm grateful that he did. And especially at the age that I was, you know. I didn't have a hell of a lot more hair than I got right now, but then I was younger when I got here, and I'm grateful for that.
The next fellow we've got is Alex from Wisconsin, and so he says he can take up all the time we need. So, Alex. Thank you very much, Don. Good morning, everyone, and my name is Alex. I am an alcoholic. Hi, and I'm from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Very nice to be here in Montreal. It's really a privilege for me to be up here to be able to participate in this 50th anniversary of the great program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
When we think of all that we have gained and all that there is to gain with this program, sometimes we might feel undeserving. It so happened that last week I had to take my wife to a chiropractor because something happened which might have prevented us from taking the trip. And she had never been to a chiropractor, but I, through the recommendation of someone, took her to one. And he checked her over and gave her what they call an adjustment, and she was able at least to walk.
And we told him about the trip, and he says, you really don't deserve to feel as good as you do right now. What he was trying to tell her, I guess, is you should have come here some time ago. And that's the way I feel sometimes. Do we really deserve all this wonderful things that we get here in the program? And I think that we do, providing we do something with it. And I think that that's where this action comes into the picture, with all of us that have been blessed to have become involved with this great program.
Because there are so many people all over the world that have many, many problems, don't know where to turn to. And when they find out where to turn to, they don't know what to do with it. And when they find out what to do with it, they discover that it's difficult to do what they're supposed to do with it.
[00:50:04]
And this is where we're blessed, because we get all these ingredients with this program. AA meets all the basic needs in relationship not only to the drinking problem, but to life itself. Where else can you find a program like that? I got into the program some time back, and I didn't come into AA because I wanted to. I was sort of forced into the program not by the law, not by someone with a gun, but because of circumstances within my own life.
I had tried everything to try to do something about the problems I was having, which I recognized to some degree was caused by drinking. But I thought that if I took care of the drinking and started to use some good judgment with it, I wouldn't have all those difficulties. I don't have to tell you what happened. I drank too much, too often, too long. And I finally got into a place where I was introduced to the program.
I'm still a member of that group. It's the St. Michael's Hospital Wednesday night group in Milwaukee. I go there. I still consider that my home group. I also go to group 7 and many other groups. I believe that meetings are psychological and spiritual vitamins that we need to continue on with life. Everybody needs guidance. Everybody needs strength from outside of themselves. You don't have to be an alcoholic to need that. Maybe we need it more than most people.
But we're fortunate in that we have that source if we tap into it. The book tells us that alcoholism is an illness that cannot be cured. Consequently, it's going to be with me as long as I live and maybe even after. I don't know. But at least that long. Consequently, I'm going to need treatment on an ongoing basis. Perpetual treatment, they tell us. And it's going to need more than just abstinence from alcohol or whatever other chemical might be our problem.
It requires more than just abstinence. Abstinence alone cannot always bring immunity from rejection, jealousy, guilt, rage, and all these other goodies that we sometimes enjoy or think we enjoy and wallow in. It takes action. It takes doing something with ourselves, doing something for others, doing something for our higher power. And there is no one else. All we have is ourselves, other people, and God, our higher power. I choose to call him God.
And this is where the action gets into the picture. Hell, I recognized quite often before I got to the program that I was having a lot of problems that I didn't need or want. I didn't want to get picked up for drunken driving, but I did. I didn't want to say things to my boss that got me in trouble, and I didn't recognize that until the next morning. Then I thought, Jesus shouldn't have done that. Good intentions, commitments, pledges, by the ton.
I was taking some action, but I didn't go far enough and it wasn't in the right direction. We need action in the right direction in order to do something with our lives and to help us gain some of the serenity that they talk about. Webster tells us that action is an act or deed, movement or a series of movement. It can also be behavior or conduct. We take the first three steps in this program and we make commitments, we make pledges, we come to some decision, we admit, we even accept.
We even develop the willingness to do something about our alcoholism. But then we've got to start some action. I made a lot of good decisions long before I came to this program. If good decisions and good intentions would have done the job, I never would have been here at OAA because I had tons of them. But I never followed through. The action that was necessary to convert these ideas and these commitments into practical everyday use never happened.
[00:55:08]
Why? I really don't know, except that I found a way here. So I have to feel that what's helping me do it today is the guidance, the direction that I get from this program, and the strength that I tap into, somehow or other, and quite often unknowingly, from this higher power. J.P. mentioned that he can't do it by himself. None of us can. God, if we could have done it by ourselves, we'd have done it long before we got here.
New Year's resolutions, I've had enough of this stuff. How many times did we say that in the morning? And we meant it. I was sincere about the apologies I made, about the good road I was going to start traveling in. But it never happened. Never happened. What is the mystique about this program? What is it that gives us the right direction and the strength to travel on it, at least to some degree? It's this unification.
It's this looking into ourselves. It's doing the things that we were not able to do by ourselves, and found that if we tap into this higher power, we're now able to do it. I've discovered that this program is a procedure of staying away from alcohol, taking a good look at myself, deciding on what needs to be changed, pray for strength, and then try to make those changes. Try to make those changes. Strong desire to change must be in all of us, and I think that it develops by going to meetings, by reading the literature, by using the slogans that we have.
They were mentioned by the previous two speakers. One day at a time, first things first. All these things that give us guidelines and help us to start on this quest for a little patience. Patience is something we all admire, especially in other people. I read somewhere that we love patience in the individual that's driving behind us, and we scorn the patience in the individual that's driving in front of us, and how true that is.
Sometimes I go along, and coming here to Montreal, I drove here, I discovered that. I felt I was the only one that was going 100 km, I think that means kilometer, per hour. Everybody else was passing me up, and I was beginning to feel like a fool. But then I might get involved like Curly did one time. Curly's a friend of mine from Milwaukee who got a ticket on his way to one of the meetings. And I kept remembering that.
So it pays to have friends who get in trouble so that you can learn from them. But that's the way we learn, and that's the way we learn in AA. Character defects. Action, you bet it takes action. It takes action, it takes a lot of hard work. It takes continuing perseverance. The big word, perseverance. Stick to it, in spite of the little progress that we recognize. Patience is a great virtue. Webster tells us that patience is being capable of suffering or bearing pain, hardships, insults, with calmness.
Or waiting with calmness. Or bearing delay and waiting for the right moment. Timing. All these things that I have difficulty with. It always seems that everything I have to work with is fine. I know what to do, but sometimes I have difficulty to take care of it. So I have to use this joint venture. So I have to use this joint venture that we find in this program, particularly when we start working with a six-step, which is, I think, the everyday nitty gritty, the working part of the program, and does require continuing action.
Because perseverance is the only thing you can do. Continuing Action, Because Perseverance is the only thing that we have to be able to carry on. Sometimes it's difficult to make progress. I've been in this program for some time, thank God, but I find times when I'm just as impatient and more so than many years
[01:00:07]
back. I wish I could tell you that I was completely honest in everything I do, under all circumstances, in all situations, every moment of my life. I'm not. But there is progress. And maybe it's good that it doesn't happen that way. Because it helps us to persevere, it helps us to develop this patience that we need so much, because patience is what makes any good plan of action work more effectively and makes it continuing. Continuing the process is what's so important. And we do need God's help to do this. But God isn't going to do it for me in its entirety. I've discovered that. I wished it were that way. I'd love it. I'd love to be able to put down every day and then let it happen. Because we have to do the footwork. It reminds me of a story that I read in The Grapevine some time back, which so much exemplifies how this six-step works for us. I told a story of a farmer that bought some land in some remote area that hadn't been developed very well. And he worked on developing it. And he leveled it. And he plowed it. And he irrigated it. And he put fertilizer, whatever else was required. And eventually, he had some beautiful crops, and flowers, and trees, and fruit, and vegetables, and everything looked great. And one night he was sitting on the porch with his wife, relaxing, smoking his pipe. And it was customary for the minister to take a ride out in the country with his wife on their horse and buggy.
And they happened to go in that direction that evening. And they came by this place that looked so beautiful. And, gee, they just stopped the horse and buggy. He says, look, he said to his wife, isn't this beautiful? Look at all the trees and the flowers. He says, the good Lord, what He does so much for us. And he looked at the farmer. And he said, Mr. Jones, he said, the good Lord has sure blessed you. He said, you've got so many beautiful plants here, flowers, trees, vegetables, everything so much in order. And the farmer looked at him. And he said, Reverend, he says, you're right. He said, the good Lord sure has blessed me a lot. He says, but you should have seen this place when he was working it all by himself. And I'll tell you something. I never forgot that story. I wished it were that easy. I love to do things the easy way. And I suppose most of us want to do things that way.
We all like progress if it makes it easier for us. But there's some things we have to do. Action. Action is the magic word in this program. I can't just, you know, don't drink and go to meetings. It's fine. Providing we put our lives in order the best that we can. Sure there's no perfection. Surely we're going to need patience. Who doesn't? Don't have to be an alcoholic. My wife's not an alcoholic. Sometimes she's patient.
And I can say this, not here this morning. Sometimes she's not so patient. Carol won't say anything. Character defects are a human illness for every human being. I'm sure that in our case, and particularly in mine, with the drinking, they sure develop. It's so easy to have those things come to the forefront. That's the action I had a lot of before I got to this program. A lot of action, but it was all in the wrong direction. Very destructive.
It took a lot for me to reverse my course. Believe me, more than I could have ever been able to do by myself. More than I could have ever imagined. You know, I used to think that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. And boy, I swore by it and I proved it. It was difficult to teach me things. But I got to this program and I discovered that you can teach an old dog teach an old dog new tricks if the old dog wants to take the effort, the patience, the perseverance, and the action on a daily basis to be able to do it. We have used to have a sign up in the club that I frequent in Milwaukee called the 12 Step Club that had a sign up that read, it's amazing what we learn after we know it all. And boy, I looked at that sign one day and I said,
[01:05:07]
gee, these people, you know, they really know something here. And it's really been wonderful because I didn't expect all these things when I came to the program. The only reason I came to AA is because I had to, not because I wanted to. I didn't want to be a member of AA. I didn't want to be an alcoholic. Always wondering why, you know, this why business, why me? And I finally discovered that acceptance is a thing that we learned something about in this program to some degree. It's difficult sometimes. I can turn my life and will over the curve. Now that's easy action. But keeping it there during times of stress and reversal and contradiction and whatever else might come into our lives, sometimes it's not so easy. I forget it. I get so riled up, you know, we're so emotional. And I read somewhere that it's nothing wrong with being emotional. It's good. In fact, providing that we keep them where they belong, when they belong, and how they belong, because otherwise they can be destructive. They can also be enjoyable. I think we're blessed, those of us that maybe have this keener sense of emotion, if we keep it in the right direction.
And this program certainly helps us to learn that, achieve it to some degree, and experience it day in and day out. Because I think this program is a continuing experience. We become involved in this spirituality that we find. And that too is action. Because faith and spirituality must become a movement in our lives in order to become effective. You know, I can get on my knees and thank God. But if I go get up and go across the street and hold up the gas station man, I'm not showing much gratitude. I'm not being very spiritual in spite of my 422 prayers.
Don't mean nothing. I just had the privilege of reading the book, pass it on, that a friend of mine that's sitting here today let me use. And one of the slogans that they use in that book quite often was, faith without good works is dead. And how true that is. And when I read that book, and talking about patience, when Bill W. was putting these steps together with whatever material he had from his previous experience and other fellowships, can you imagine the enormous problem with contradictions, with trying to please other people that were involved, with trying to make a decision on what to do with this and what to do with that, and at the same time trying to sober up himself. Can you imagine that with no big book, with no little book, with no kind of book, with no foundation, with no other people to tap from to speak of, we come here, we have the big book, the little book, the 7,243 other books.
We have tons of groups. We have all kinds of service people to help us and to keep this thing together and to help to communicate, and still we find it difficult to sober up. Talk about perseverance. You know, I thought of that when I was reading that. I said, how can this guy come here, go back to drinking, and then thinking about putting a program together and trying to sober up with nothing to work with to speak of. How fortunate we are. Gratitude, another bit of action, a movement, part of our daily lives.
Anybody can be grateful in words, that's no trick, but I think the true gratitude that we have, not only the responsibility, but the privilege of experiencing day in and day out, is to try to live the best that we can. The guidelines that are given to us through the 12 steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, because that is true gratitude. You know, what can we truly give to our higher power that he hasn't already given us?
[01:10:02]
He's given us a free will, we all have that, fine, but we have a choice as to what to do with it. He's not going to force us to go on 3rd street or 4th street. He's going to let that decision up to us, and I think that with this program we find a way to go we find a way to go in the right direction, but it takes action, it takes patience. We have to be satisfied with the progress that we make a little at a time. I used to think it was the giant leaps that made the big success story, and it isn't. It's the everyday perseverance, it's the everyday bit of patience that we find, and sometimes it's difficult to find it, and if we just try to work a day at a time, as we find in these slogans that we have, we don't have to look elsewhere. We've got all the food for thought and the stimulation that we need to be able to work with so that we can develop this patience, and I'm not trying to tell you that I'm patient at all times. I'm not, and I discovered that a little bit when I started to drive from the hotel out at Côte de l'Iez or something street to downtown.
Believe you me, I had trouble keeping my patience where it belonged. I said, here I got to talk on patience. My wife says, just drive. I had no trouble getting downtown, but getting back to Côte de l'Iez was a little tough, especially when you're in a middle lane and you're supposed to be in the right lane to get off. You have trouble unless you want to get hit. It's up to you. You know, it amazed me. I was downtown yesterday and how fast these, not only the drivers, but pedestrians. Don't make no difference. Actually, they'd save a lot of money if they just didn't put up the red lights and just let people go.
You know, it would be true because they don't really pay attention. Maybe this is the right way to go. Maybe I'm learning something. Maybe I'm too cautious. Sometimes I find that I am, but I'm getting a little more patient. By the time I get home, God willing, maybe some of my maybe some of my patients will come back. But action really is the magic word. It helps us with this program. It helps us in working on the character defects. Without action, it just doesn't happen. In making amends, what do we need? Action in the right direction.
Recognizing that we did harm. You know, this business that I didn't hurt anybody when I was drinking. I don't believe it. Maybe not directly, but in some channel or other, in some way or other, we hurt. I didn't do my job very well. I didn't get fired when I was drinking, but what I neglected to do had to be done by somebody else or left undone. That wasn't so good. You know, the way I drove my car. I remember one night I got so drunk, I almost sold my company car. Try to explain that to somebody. It's difficult. It's difficult. Try to write a report in the morning as to where you went and what you did when you don't remember how you got home, let alone what you did. Action we find here in making amends and taking our daily inventory.
In step 11, we try to develop some spirituality on a continuing basis to some degree. I'm convinced that any individual in this program that stays away sincerely from alcohol or the other chemicals and sincerely tries to work with the steps, achieves some spiritual strength, got to. It's got to be there because everybody takes some action. Some of us more, some of us less. But some action has to be taken or we don't continue to experience sobriety.
We don't continue to go to meetings. We don't continue to become involved. And then that last step that tells us that we share it. And we have to take some action because we can't give that which we don't have. Because we can't give that which we don't have. We have to start taking from somebody in order to start giving. And if we don't give, they tell us that we lose it. And it's so true. But we really all give whether we intend to or not.
[01:15:02]
Going to a meeting, the example that we set, the change in our way of living, the attitude changes, the sense of values, the reaction to things, the development of our sense of responsibility and obligations. It's nice to get up in the morning and know that you did, to the best of your ability, at least some of the time, what you're supposed to do. True happiness comes as a result of trying to do the right thing.
And trying to do the right thing requires action, requires patience. I think the art of living is something that so many people miss in this world. That we have the opportunity, the responsibility, and the privilege of developing. And you can go anywhere in the world and you'll never find a better way to acquire it than this program. I'd like to read a poem to leave you with a thought before I close that I think so much applies to our program.
It has nothing to do with AA directly, but anything you read in the right direction or hear has to apply to this program. Because all the 12 steps are in harmony with God's will. So anything that we read or talk about or hear has to be parallel to our program or it wouldn't be right and vice versa. I found this poem in a magazine a few years back and I love it. And I think that we all have the privilege to become the example of what those of us that are in the program, whether it be AA or LNR, can certainly carry a beautiful message in all phases of their lives without carrying a badge or an AA patch, which I carried in 1941.
I was an anti-aircraft artillery in the Army and I wore an AA patch long before. I thought I'd eventually really get to it. And this poem is entitled, Sermons We See. I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day. I'd rather one should walk with me than merely show the way. The eye is a better pupil and more willing than the ear. Fine counsel is confusing, but example is always clear. And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds, for to see the good in action is what everybody needs.
I can soon learn how to do it if you let me see it done. I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run. And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true, but I'd rather get my lesson by observing what you do. For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give, but there's no misunderstanding in how you act and how you live. And thank you all very much for sharing this time with me.
Please have a wonderful time here in Montreal. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We're going to roll out of here just about on time, but you know while Wes was running a little inventory on the pedestrians and the motorists around here, he left out a pretty important ingredient, and that's the horses. You know, we took a little ride yesterday in one of those Surreys.
Didn't have any fringe on top, just like me. I think we had one of them horses that needed a little bit of patience because he kept wanting to go ahead of everybody else. So we got, you know, it gets all everybody when it comes to patience and action. Sometimes we got too much or too little. It's been a pleasure to have been here today and to have chaired this meeting and have these three people to share with us and to get us off to a good start for the rest of our stay here in Montreal.
I know that it's certainly going to be an experience that we'll all cherish if it's our first one or if it's our fifth one. It's going to be an experience we cherish because it brings us together to share our strength, experience, and hope with each other. I got a little way I like to close a meeting,
[01:20:03]
and it's not exactly the way that it was written, but there was this auction, and they had gotten down pretty much to the end of the auction and the junk items, the parts the auctioneers don't like, and there was this violin. So the auctioneer picked up the violin and held it up and asked, what am I bid? And it came out $1, $2, $3, and he was about ready to let it go, and it was going once, going twice.
And an elderly fellow stood up in the back of the auction and came forward and asked if he could see the violin, and he got to see it. And he tuned it and played a little tune on it and handed it back to the auctioneer, and he put it up for bid again and asked what he was bid, and it was $1, $2, $3, and he let it go. Someone came up to him at the end of the auction and asked him what changed the value of that old violin, and he said it was a touch of the master.
And I feel that's why we're each and every one here. I know that's why I'm here, because a master touched me. Thank you very much, and would you care to join me in the Lord's Prayer.