Montreal 1985: Multi Speakers – A NEWCOMER ASKS A New Comer Asks | RS 06348

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Source: 1985 Montreal International Convention – Multi Speakers – A NEWCOMER ASKS A New Comer Asks – RS 06348.mp3 File: 1985-montreal-international-convention-multi-speakers-a-newcomer-asks-a-new-comer-asks-rs-06348.mp3 Duration: 01:32:07

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Good afternoon, friends. My name is Eleanor Boyle, and I am an alcoholic. Hi. It's real good to be here this afternoon. It's siesta time, I think. I think we've just finished lunch, and everyone's about to go to sleep, so I'm going to speak loud. Wake up. Welcome to the meeting of the Newcomer Asked to. The little format here we'll start off with is a procedure. I'll ask for a moment of silence and gratitude for the AA recoveries of the past 50 years, if you would please. Now we'll all join in the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I am to explain the anonymity tradition. There may be some who are not familiar with it. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and film. Thus, we respectfully ask that no AA speaker or indeed any AA member be identified by full name or photograph in published or broadcast reports of our meetings.

The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us, and our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities. Are there any announcements that we should know of? Does anyone have any announcements at this moment? I don't seem to have any. We'll get on with the meeting, and tapes of this meeting will be available at the tape sales booth in the convention center. Our meeting today is like a newcomer's meeting, a beginner's meeting, and I have not had a drink since February of 1960, so these kind of meetings are good for me. It helps me to look back and remember when I came in, and it does. It really does. It's just like when you lead on the first step at a closed meeting. It helps you to refresh your mind, to think and look back, because actually I went to the depth of despair. I went as far as I could possibly go in my drinking. I gave it everything I had, believe me, and I had to surrender. I had to give in, and those first few days, those first few weeks in Alcoholics Anonymous was not an easy one, and I wasn't about to ask a whole lot of questions either, like some new people are today. I mean, you don't want to know too much, really, but you do want to stop hurting, and I certainly did, and that's why I was there, because I had tried everything else. Well, I have three speakers today, and they're going to tell you their experience, and how they were able to stop, and some of the questions that they asked, and some of the answers that they got.

My first speaker today is Marjorie, and I've just met Marjorie. This is so wonderful to meet people from all over the world at this convention. It is a marvelous thing. Marjorie is from Wisconsin, so I'm going to introduce Marjorie. Marjorie, please. Hello, my name is Marjorie, and I'm an alcoholic. I have been waiting such a long time to hear that here. Thank you very much. I was thinking about 1975, when I went to the International Conference at Denver, and I felt like Methuselah on the program. I felt as though I was so old in sobriety, and there probably would be hardly anybody anywhere near as old as I was at that time. And I was walking onto the plaza in Denver, and two fellows from Canada came up to me and said, hi. We started talking, and they said, how long have you been sober, Marjorie? And I said, five years. And they said, oh, you're just getting to the place now where you don't have to grab your ass in the morning to figure out who the heck you are. And I really understand now what the heck they were talking about, and it kind of put me back in my place and helped me to understand that I'm just like all the other alcoholics here, staying sober just one day at a time. I haven't found it necessary to use alcohol since February 9th, 1970, and that is something that I'm very, very grateful for, and a miracle that goes on for me one day at a time. I had come to a couple of AA meetings earlier in my sobriety and decided that it wasn't for me because I wasn't like those people at all, and so I didn't go back for about another year and

[00:05:03]

a half. And then I realized that indeed I was powerless over alcohol and sought out AA again because I knew that was where the hope was going to be for me and the help was going to be. Eleanor was talking about the fact that, you know, in the beginning she didn't ask a whole lot of questions, and I didn't either. I was just so grateful to be there the second time around. I really identified with the people. I loved them, and I wanted to be there with them, and I soaked up absolutely everything it was that they had to say. But some strange things did happen on my way to the Montreal Convention here since 1970. I was at a meeting one time, and I was talking to a fellow. They had taken a break during the meeting. We were getting some coffee, and he was talking about blackouts, and I said, gee, I don't remember having had any blackouts. And he said, well, then you're not an alcoholic. And I was absolutely crestfallen. I said, well, I had six convulsions in six hours. Does that count? And he said, yes. And he said, that's okay then. And I really breathed a sigh of relief that I was back in the fellowship. I thought, you know, that I was going to be out. In time to come, as I heard more stories and I cleared more in my mind, I began to hear more and more what people had to say about blackouts, and I began to recognize that, indeed, I had had some, and I didn't know that that was what they were, but did not have that many. And so for those of you that have not had the experiences that some people talk about, indeed, if you are here and say you're an alcoholic, you are an alcoholic, and that's it. You're here because you want to be, and that's the only thing that's important, because you desire not to drink one day at a time.

The second meeting that I went to in the area where I did find my sobriety, they talked about sponsorship. And in that very first meeting, they mentioned that they felt that a woman should have a woman sponsor and a man should have a man sponsor. And I turned to the woman next to me, because she was the only woman there, and I asked her if she'd be my sponsor. So I was willing to do what was asked of me. She said, we'll talk about it after the meeting. And I had this big fear that she was going to say no, and then what was I going to do? But indeed, she was my sponsor then, she is my sponsor today. And her name is Mary, and she's been like a mother to me. She's had to raise me. Some time back, I introduced her to my mother, and I said, Mother, this is Mary, and she raised me too.

You know, it's important to understand how. When I came to this program and started going to the meetings, I felt like a baby. I felt as though I had to be burped, I had to be darned your diapered, I had to be spoon-fed the program little by little. And that was the way it worked for me. And I heard at my very first meeting and subsequent meetings, in our area, what they said was that you had to be willing to do whatever your sponsor asked you to do regarding your sobriety, that we just plain did not say no. And so I believe that to this day, I've not said no to anything that my sponsor has ever asked me to do regarding my sobriety, and I'm still sober. And so it seemed to me that that is something that has worked for me. I have gone to meetings when I didn't want to go to meetings, when she thought it was important that I go to meetings. I have gone on 12-step calls. I have enjoyed that very, very much. My self-esteem was so very low when I came to this program. On the other hand, it was countered by a very high regard for myself and total selfishness at times, and so it was hard for me to find a happy medium as to where I was in my sobriety and in my life regarding my family.

There was a time when it became apparent in our area that it was necessary to get the message out more, and now since the age of fifth grade, going into my life into high school, following into my married life, I refuse to ever get up and speak in front of people. Now, I had a desire to be an actress, and I had a desire to be a dancer in front of people. You know, many of us would like to be doing things in front of people but were terrified and so self-conscious. And here this darn specter in my life had reared its ugly head again, and people were saying that I was going to be asked to go out and speak in front of people, and I didn't want to do it. And so I resorted to the thing that always worked just fine for me. They said, we're going to pull the group and ask everybody one by one who would be willing to go out and talk at the schools. And so I said that I listened to what everybody had to say, and as it got closer to me, I began to cry. It always worked before. And when the guy that was at the meeting said, oh, look at Marge, you know, she's having a hard time with this and she's scared. And I said, I just can't talk. I've never been able to do that. And he said, well, that's all right. He said, we won't make you talk, Marge. And I heard a voice that was reminiscent of everything

[00:10:03]

that had been going on in my life since I was a little kid, and I said, goddammit, don't baby me. It's time that I start to grow up and start to do these things. And so I became willing to do this, just not too soon. My sponsor took me out, and, you know, if you ask is it important that I talk at AA meetings, and I'm not just talking about closed ones, I'm talking about open ones now, I believe yes. I believe it's extremely important because it's where you really begin to hear your own story and hear what it is that you, what went into your life that brought you to the place where you are in your life where you need your sobriety and you need to begin to grow up, and what in the heck was it that happened.

And so there I was, and I was terrified. My sponsor tricked me. A good sponsor will oftentimes trick you. She told me I could come along with her and I would not have to speak. And then she said, why don't you take a few notes, Marge, and in case I forget something, you can hand me the notes and then I'll, you know, that'll help me give a better talk. And I said, alright. So I was taking notes like crazy. And I was three months sober. I didn't know very much. And she was three years sober, and I thought that's, you know, I'll be a big help to her. And she ran out of things to say and she said, Marge, why don't you come up here and say something? I thought I was going to die. I got up and I spoke for two and a half minutes, two and a half whole minutes. And I got down and we walked out and I was floating and she said, Marge, someday you're going to be a conference speaker. And I thought, wow, I must have been wonderful. Absolutely. She was so excited when I called her to tell her that my name had been pulled out of the hat to speak for this session today.

And I said, do you remember the first time I talked and what you did to me? And she said, yeah, and you haven't stopped talking yet. Another reason why I believe that speaking is so important, because you don't know where it's going to lead you in your life. And I just want to share with you a little bit of some of the things that have happened in sobriety. If you're willing to do the things that your sponsor asks you to do, and just take it step by step by step by step. It seems somehow or another to fit in your life as your life begins to unfold. As I said, I'd always wanted to be an actress. I always wanted to be on stage, but these were fantasy things. This was a dream. Somehow I believed I was going to be discovered and I was going to be a movie star actress. All they were ever going to have to do was shorten my legs a little bit and give me a face job, teach me how to sing and how to act. I was a pretty fair dancer, fix up my boobs so that things were just a little bigger in some places. And then I was going to be an absolute natural. Now the reality of the situation and what has come when I came into sobriety was the fact that I was not very talented, but I was good enough to do local children's theater, local community theater things. And so through having to speak in AA meetings, I found that I was able to accept a part when one was suggested for me. I have spent 10 years doing theater things.

I've done choreography. I have really had some of the dreams come true in my life that I had hoped would come true, that I had dreamed about. And they came into reality because of sobriety and the things that I was asked to do. Now since then it's necessary in the job that I subsequently got for me to lecture at times and to be able to talk in front of people. And here this is something that I was 33 years old and terrified and here was something I could now do with relative ease, not as much as I would like to have. But I'm grateful again for that too. When I came to the program I was terrified of the idea of a higher power. I had in my mind a picture of a higher power with one big eye in the middle of his forehead. And when you read the steps and you notice where you have to begin to turn your will and your life over to the care of this higher power, the way I understood that higher power, I was terrified of that higher power and I wasn't willing to do this. And so it took a while for me to begin to find a friendly and a very, very loving higher power. I found that within the fellowship of AA, I found the kind of love and the support and the caring that I really needed in order to begin to live. I found what I was looking for actually in the drinking, which was some comfort, some peace. I found love. I found respect. I found so much through all of the people that have been an important part of my life. And what I didn't realize was what a pain in the ass I was so much of the time. I thought that everything that I was saying or doing was of such great value to everybody around me. And indeed, the people were loving with me.

And, indeed, um, the people were loving with me, no matter what it was I said, and what it was I did, and just kind of smiled at me.

[00:15:04]

My sponsor, again, was terrific. She would tell me, Marge, we always serve as an example, sometimes a good example, and sometimes a poor example, and you know which one you are. And I always did know which one I was. One of the questions that I asked a woman that I sponsor, I said, what is one of the questions that you asked early on? I said, I frankly don't remember. And she said, when does the rage go away? When does the anger go away? When does the pain go away? When does the desire to drink go away?

You know, and I was thinking about those things, and it seems that the answers that we have to give are so simple. But still, ask for help in the morning and say thank you at night is the way to begin to get the help and the spiritual awakening that's necessary. To ask for the gift of sobriety each day, one day at a time, is what we have to do. And in time to come, as we become more involved with others and become less self-centered and more others-centered, some of the pain begins to go away.

And as we begin to make amends to people and begin to work the program in our lives and all the steps, a little bit by little bit, again, the pain begins to leave and the rage begins to leave. And so I'm thinking that the only answer we can give is work the program one day at a time to the best of your ability. I had to ask my sponsor daily. I had to have contact with her daily. That was very, very important for me because I found that when I wanted to ask for help in the morning, I would forget about it.

When I would say thank you at night, I would realize that I had not indeed asked for help. I would sometimes call her in the morning and my day was going in a bad way, and the tears would be rolling down my face. And she'd say, well, did you turn it over? I'd say, I forgot. We'll do it. And so I'd do it, and my day would go better, and I'd say, well, how did that work? I don't understand. How does it work?

It just works. That's the beauty of it. It just works. I didn't go through treatment, and so I didn't quite understand or didn't want to do a fourth and fifth step. As time went on, though, the program was starting to pinch me in ways where you realize that you've grown as far as you can grow and it's time to go on to something else. And so it was important that I begin to take a look at these steps.

And I would go to meetings, and I'd listen to people, and some people would say I didn't do a fourth and fifth step until I was over five years, and I'd think, well, good, I'll be like that person. And somebody would say, well, I did one three months after I came to the program, and I'd think, oh, shoot, you know, I don't. So I was trying to figure out what it was, and they said to me, Marge, don't worry about it. You'll know when it's time to do it.

So I know a lot of people go through treatment now, and it's perhaps expected of you to complete that, but for those of you that don't, you'll know when it's time to do your own fourth and fifth step, and again, having close contact with your sponsor for guidance. And I had a strange experience regarding my fourth and fifth step. I had decided inside myself, I used to play little games with myself, and I said to myself that I would like to do my fourth and fifth step, and I knew who I wanted to do it with, but the man who was accepting these fifth steps was a man who worked in an office, and he had a secretary, and he was also a counselor, and I thought, well, I don't want to call up his office and say I want to do a fifth step, because the secretary probably wouldn't know what the heck it was I was talking about.

And then she might say, though, if she did know what I was talking about, that I should come the next day and I don't have my fifth step ready, and besides that, what if they have to charge me for it and you're not supposed to pay for anything that's in AA? And these were the last blocks that were in my mind that were stopping me from doing my fifth step, my fourth and my fifth step. And so I have what I call my neon sign prayer.

Any of you that would like to try it, you're welcome to, but you darn well better want what it is that you're asking for. My neon sign prayer is, God, you know how blind I am and you know how deaf I am, and I want this answer, would you please show me like a neon sign so I don't miss it, miss your answer. And I said that little prayer, and that night I got a phone call from a fellow named Phil Kay, who is in our area.

He's a fellow that had never called me before, and he said, Marge, he says, I just had to call you tonight to tell you something. He said, I took my fifth step with so-and-so, and by gosh, it was the man that I wanted to take my fifth step with. He says, you know what I did? He said, I called up his office, I talked to his secretary, I told her that I wanted to take my fifth step. She gave me a date 30 days from the day that I called, so I'd have time enough to do my fourth step, and you know what, it didn't cost anything.

And it just blew my mind, and I thought, oh my gosh, it looks like I'm going to have to go ahead and do it after all,

[00:20:04]

and I did proceed to do my first fifth step, which was a great relief. I had done a partial fifth step with my sponsor, which was very, very important, that I do that earlier, because I felt as though the steam was going to get me inside myself, and that I was possibly going to get drunk, and it was important that I talk with her, and some very intimate things that were important to me. I find with people that I work with, I suggest that they ask for help in the morning and say thank you at night.

It's kind of a way of priming the pump in getting the spiritual attitude in life, and in time to come you develop your own rhythm about it. I was just astounded. I had been asking, as I said, for help, and I had been saying thank you, and nothing much was happening. I was still kind of operating on the steam of just being sober and the support and the love of the people on the program. And then came the time when I was pushed into a corner in my life, in my early sobriety.

I had been asked to go along to a meeting, which was at a mental health center some 40 or so miles away from where I lived, and I didn't drive. I didn't learn how to drive until I was 40, and I was sober for quite a number of years before I learned how to drive. But I felt very, very responsible to be involved, and the fellow that was going to be doing the driving and pick up a whole bunch of us AAs said that he called up, and he said that he had been called out of town. He was a truck driver, and he couldn't be there.

And I thought, oh my gosh, he said, so can you figure out a way how to get there? I said, I'll do my best, and he hung up, and the phone started ringing, and all the people that were going to be going to that meeting with me started to call up and say that they couldn't make it, that they were not going to be going to the meeting. And I asked my husband if he would be willing to take me, and he said no, that he couldn't, and I said, oh my God, what are we going to do?

And I think that was the first time that I ever said, what are we going to do? It wasn't, oh my God, what am I going to do? And the phone rang instantly, and it was the voice of a fellow named Bob, who was a guy in our area, and he said, Marge Frank called and said that you might need a ride tonight to go to the meeting. And his voice, I thought, my goodness, if God had a voice, this was it. It was such a beautiful voice.

And I said, yes, I said, we need a ride, and he said, I said, it's only going to be you or me. He said, no, we're picking up somebody in another city nearby. And so we hung up, and the phone call started, and all the people that had called up and said they couldn't make it were calling up again to say that they could make it. And I was just astounded. It was just amazing. The whole trip was kind of a miracle. Everything followed one right after another, and that was the first evidence that I had personally inside myself very deeply that indeed that there was a higher power that had power.

I had never thought of it that way. So I was very grateful for that beginning in my life. A joy started inside of me that has never quit, that has never stopped. At times in my life, I felt a little farther away from a higher power, but I'm the one that's moved in those times, and that's something else that I have to understand and remember. I found also that self-pity was one of the things that ruled my life, and so I had my first experience with really beginning to change that when I was sober about a year and a half.

And I woke up in the morning with tears running down my face, as I so often did, because like Bill, I was a depressive. I loved reading that in the book as Bill sees it, that Bill would like to describe himself as a depressive and talk to others, because it was helpful for me to know that I wasn't alone. And so I recognized one day that indeed self-pity had ruled my life and that I was powerless over that, too, and that I had to ask God for some help, and so I did ask for help in recognizing that.

I woke up, tears running down my face. I got up, went downstairs, snapped at my husband, snapped at my children, and it hit me all of a sudden that Marge, your whole day is going to be like this. You're having an influence on other people's lives, and it's time that you stop the selfish behavior, and you can change it if you want to right now. And you know how it is when you begin to make amends to people and you begin to say you're sorry, and it felt like there was a corncob stuck in my throat, and I turned around to my husband and I said, I'm really sorry for the way I acted this morning, and the way I acted has nothing to do with you or anything about you, and I want you to have a good day, and I gave him a big hug and a big kiss and sent him off to work.

And then I turned to the children, and I did the same with them and gave them hugs and got them off to school, and they went leaping off the back porch, and I'll never forget that,

[00:25:01]

because I had seen them too many times walking all cowed over and very, very unhappy, and the influence that I had had on these very important people's lives in my life was something that I did not like to see. I much prefer to see them being happy and going off in a much happier direction, and so that was the beginning of a change. And I began to recognize that self-pity has many, many faces in my life, and so I had to stay alert all the time and ask God for the help in this area, because it's something that I tend to fall into and it's something that I have to watch out for.

I'm very, very grateful to some of the people that are in my life that have shared their sobriety with me, and I would like to just mention, I've mentioned my sponsor Mary, and I'd like to mention a gal named Evie, who is someone that I have sponsored for a number of years, and it was through her and the way my higher power used her in my life to help me begin to really begin to love at a time when I was willing to let go of someone that I cared for very much, because I felt that because of their association with me, perhaps some harm could come. It's kind of hard to explain to you right now all that went into that decision, but it was the first time that I was willing to let go of something and someone that meant very, very much to me, and oftentimes as my higher power often works in my life, it did not become necessary. All I had to do was be willing.

So the willingness that is asked of us day by day, we don't have to know how it works, we just have to know that it does. And then into my life came a woman named Flo, and I just want to mention her today because today is her birthday, she's 68 years old, and she's also exactly 12 and a half years sober today, and so I'm very, very happy for her on this day. She was so excited and wanted to be with you and was not able to be with you on this day, but she is with us in spirit. So many beautiful people. I have been so moved to be here with all of you, and I want to thank you very, very much.

Thank you so much, Marjorie. I certainly could identify, and I'm sure all the women here could today also. I remember that one of the very first questions that I had was, how in the world will I ever be able to make amends, especially to my children? At that time I had four children, and I was not a very nice mother. I was a drunken mother, a fallen-down mother, an irresponsible sort of mother, and finally the day did come that I was relaxed and at ease with myself, and we were sitting around the dinner table, and I looked at the little kids, and I was trying to explain to them that Mommy really was a sick person, and that I was talking about alcoholism, and I was going to great depths with them, and the youngest one, who was about four years old at that time, said, Mommy, you said you were a sick person. You were not. You were drunk. So that took care of that. Well, Mama became sober, through the grace of God and through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I do have two more other speakers, and if we do have time left, there will be some questions and answers, period of time. All right, our next speaker is Dennis, and it says on here, from Ontario, and I'll let you explain why he says he has on his badge, New York. Thank you. Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Dennis Doyle. I'm an alcoholic. I'm so nervous, I almost forgot what I was. I'm a member of the Mohawk Council Group in Holdensburg, New York, and that's the best group in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know if you've been following your program and reading it, it says it has me listed as an Ontario speaker, and that's not a mistake, and I'd like to just take a minute to explain that, because I think it's very important. It was very important for me at one time in my sobriety. There is a part of New York State, Upper New York, that is allied with the Eastern Ontario area, and I happen to be in that part.

I say this was very important to me, because I guess when I first came in this program, I didn't believe a thing anybody told me, and I heard somebody say that AA recognizes no boundaries international or state, provincial, county, or whatever, and I heard a lot of other things, and my immediate reaction to that was that that was a lot of bull, that it couldn't be as good as they said it was, and as I progressed, I found out that it is.

It's great being here this afternoon. It's an honor and a privilege for me. The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous has certainly done a lot for me. Alcoholics Anonymous has certainly done a lot for me. It saved my life for one, and that, I guess, was the main thing.

[00:30:02]

I'd like to tell you a little bit about how I got here. And I was one of those people that were very sick, and I had to come here twice to get it once. And the first time I came, I decided to come to Alcoholics Anonymous because I'd been on a five-day drunk, and my wife didn't know where I was. And see, there was something worse than that. Really, I didn't know where I'd been. And I called a friend who was in the program, and he said, great. He said, well, go to a meeting.

So I went to exactly one meeting a week for three months, and I really didn't understand what they were talking about. I looked at those people, and I knew a few of them. I drank with a few of them, and none of them drank anywhere near as much as I did. And I decided that they were just a little social club, and their whole purpose on earth was to get me sober, to get me to quit drinking. And after three months, at the end of a meeting one night, I went back out and I drank.

And I did stay sober, by the way, for that three months. But I went back out and I drank, and I thought, there, that's the end of that. And during the next few years of my life, people used to say things to me like, you know that alcohol is killing you. And I'd say, yes. And they'd say, well, why don't you go to Alcoholics Anonymous? And I would say, well, I've been there, and it doesn't work. It doesn't work for me. I must be different.

And, you know, that would usually end the topic. Fortunately for me, unfortunately for you people, somebody felt a little different. And my boss decided that I was going to come back to Alcoholics Anonymous. And he called me on the phone one day and said he wanted to talk to me, and he was coming up that night. And I finally got him to admit what he wanted to talk to me about, and it was my drinking.

And he was coming up to take me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. And I wasn't too happy, but he had me in kind of a bind. I couldn't say no to him. So I agreed to meet him, and during the course of our conversation, before we went to this meeting, he mentioned a couple of things to me, and one of them was that he really didn't care if I quit drinking or not, but if my drinking kept affecting his operation, then I was going to quit working.

And this was kind of a tough situation. It's a catch-22 thing as far as I'm concerned, because if I quit working, I couldn't afford to drink. So I agreed to go to the meeting with him, and we went over to a Wednesday night meeting in Potsdam, New York. And you know, I really, today, I think this was very good of my boss. In fact, after I'd been in the program about six months, I called him up and thanked him for saving my life.

I felt that grateful. And my boss is the type of person who is definitely not an alcoholic. A social drinker, maybe, and I'll just give you an idea of what he drinks like, because I had, on different occasions, had the opportunity to drink when he was around. He's the type of guy who would mix himself one of those real fancy drinks in a frosted glass, put a slice of orange in it, and a cherry, and a piece of celery, and all the good stuff, and he'd make himself one of those for Christmas.

And he'd drink about half of it, and he'd put the rest in the refrigerator and save it till next Christmas. And I don't say that to make fun of the guy. He's one of the smartest people I knew, and he knew more about Alcoholics Anonymous when he came up to take me to that first meeting than I knew after having gone some years before for three months, because he studied it. He wanted to know what was going on.

So I have a lot of gratitude for him today. We did go to that first meeting, and I was very sick and not feeling too well and didn't really understand what was going on. I was sitting beside my boss, and there was a discussion meeting, and he had the opportunity to ask a few questions. Far away through the meeting, I started laughing. And he whispered to me, he said, what are you laughing at? And I said, well, just look over and across the table there, over there.

And he looked, and he said, yeah. I said, I don't see anything funny. I said, look at that sign. And he said, yeah, it says think, think, think. And I said, that's the one. I said, you know, this is my first night here, and those people want me to do three things at once already? And he said, shut up and listen, stupid. One of the first few that said that to me. I was the type of person who, I would have to say to describe my drinking, I couldn't stand sobriety.

I hated myself when I was sober, or as near to being sober as I ever got. I used to at one time think that I got sober periodically, but after coming in this program, I realized that I was probably never sober for years and years.

[00:35:02]

But I hated myself when I was sober. I hated my wife. I hated the house I lived in. I hated my car. I hated my job. I had a lot of trouble with the state troopers, the sheriffs, and a few judges. And I hated those guys. And I just hated everything. And once I had a few drinks, this hate would leave me. And I liked my wife. I could talk to her. I enjoyed her company and everything. I liked where I was living.

It was a nice place. I got along pretty good on my job. I avoided the state troopers and the sheriffs and the judges as much as I could. But things smoothed right out. And I just couldn't stand to be sober. And I didn't want to be sober. I had a plan when I came to AA after that first meeting. And my plan was that I would go to meetings through the week, as many as I had to. It didn't matter. But on the weekends, I was going to disappear and go someplace where nobody could find me.

And I was going to drink the way I wanted. That way, I figured that I could keep my boss happy and I could live. Because I honestly thought that if I quit drinking, I was going to die. After going to a few meetings that first week, I started to see something in AA that I wanted. The people around the tables were showing me that they had the ability to live happy. They had the ability to live happy without alcohol.

And I was scared I'd die if I quit drinking. I didn't think I could live without it. But I wanted some of that happiness. I was a very unhappy person. Very sick and very unhappy. And the only way I could see to get it was to start doing what they said. In other words, start going to the meetings and not taking that first drink and the whole bit. And I tried that. And it worked. And I started to get a little bit of that happiness.

And I can honestly say today that I am happy with my wife. I'm happy with where I live. I'm happy with my car, my job. The troopers don't bother me anymore. The judges leave me alone. The sheriffs. I don't have problems with those people. And life's pretty good for me today. When I heard of this topic that we're speaking on today, I listed a few questions. Because I was one of those question askers.

I asked questions until I'm sure people said, Jesus, I hope he's not going to be at that meeting because I know he's going to ask. And I probably won't have time to cover all of these. But I'd just like to read my list to you. And it might show you some ways how my mind works or how it worked at that time. Some of these I ask and some of them I heard other people ask. And some I've asked and other people have asked.

But they're questions that I hear asked quite often in AA. And some of them I just felt like asking but was really scared to. And question number one I have listed. Do I have to tell you my name? And the next one, do I have to quit drinking? And the third one, which was very important to me and at one time scared the life out of me, was will I have to go to these meetings for the rest of my life? And the fourth one I hear everybody ask and I can remember asking it.

And I'm sure everybody that comes in the program will ask it. What do I do with all my spare time? Somebody must ask that because I get a chuckle out of it. How do you join a group? How many meetings should I go to? And another biggie, where does all that money go? Who runs this thing? How much do the GSRs and the DCMs get paid? And another one I hear quite often is something Dr. Bob said, and I'll hear people throw this up and they'll mention that Dr. Bob said keep it simple.

And we don't really need all this general service stuff, do we? I'd like to take a shot at just answering a few of those questions. Do I have to tell you my name? And it didn't matter to me when I first went to my first meeting. My boss was with me. He knew my name, and he'd been talking to other AAs. I was sure because he seemed to know what they were talking about, and I was sure they knew my name, and it didn't bother me.

But I thought in our area, because everybody would only use their first name at a discussion meeting, that this was a hard, fast rule of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you used your last name, they were going to pick you up and throw you out. And it took me a long time to understand that that wasn't the case, that the way I see it today, at least, it is all right at an AA meeting to use my last name, if I so desire, because it is my name and it's my anonymity.

Some place it says, or Bill said, I believe, that each one of us is entitled to as much or as little personal anonymity as we wish to use,

[00:40:02]

and it is the responsibility of the rest of us to maintain that person's anonymity at that level. And I interpret that to mean just exactly what it says, that I can use a made-up name if I wish. I can use my first name or my first name and my last name, but I better be very careful at the level of press, radio, and film, because at the level of press, radio, and film, anonymity is no longer my protection.

It's the protection of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. And people who are breaking their anonymity at that level are leading this fellowship down a garden path, a path of destruction. But that tradition was put in for the protection of all of us and the protection of this fellowship, and it's very, very important. I guess the big one, do I have to quit drinking, the next question I have listed.

And this was not my intention when I came to this program. And I remember that first meeting, after the first meeting, talking to a fellow that I used to drink with, and my boss was over someplace else, and he was asking me, and he said, how are you going to handle this? I said, what do you mean? He said, are you going to quit cold turkey or are you going to taper off? And I knew myself well enough that I could laugh at that question even then.

And I laughed a little bit. And he said, what are you laughing at? And I said, I can't taper off. It won't work. I know it won't work right now. I said, the only way if I quit is to quit cold turkey. And he said, I would agree. I wanted to ask and see what your thoughts were. And I know that there are people who have tapered off. I know that if I had tried it, I'd still be drunk, because after I had one drink, two drinks, I was away.

And I just never would have made it. So for me, I had to quit drinking, and I had to quit then and there, or I just never would have made this program, because one drink would have taken me. And I knew that. I didn't have to have people in Alcoholics Anonymous tell me that. I knew that for a fact, because when I went to a bar at night after work, and that was the first place I usually went, and I sat on a bar stool, and I had one drink, I could feel it.

I could feel it relax part of my body, usually up to about my ankles. And the second drink would get up somewhere around my knees, and I could feel it until after about ten drinks it was right up here, and then I started to feel normal, and I could drink like a normal person for a whole half hour. And then I started to go the other way. But there was no such thing as taper off to me. The one I have for number three, well, I have to go to these meetings for the rest of my life, and I don't think I ever asked that question out loud, but I can remember thinking it.

And at that time, very concerned about it. And I went to what we have in our district, what we call an intergroup, and it's a little different than intergroups. Some of you people from the cities will understand. An intergroup over there is just a meeting. Usually we have a speaker, and before that a cover dish supper and so on. But I was at this intergroup, and I saw a fellow that, in fact, he sat right across the table, and I hadn't seen him.

And I don't know how long I'd been in the program, maybe five or six months, but I'd never seen this guy. So I asked the fellow sitting next to me, who's that? And he said, oh, that's my brother. And he told me his name, and I said, oh, is he a member? He said, oh, yeah. I'd never seen him at a meeting. He said he doesn't go to meetings. I said, well, how long has he been sober? And he told me, 10 years.

I said, 10 years, and he doesn't go to meetings? He said, no, he might go to a special meeting, an anniversary or an intergroup, but he just doesn't go to meetings. He doesn't like them. And that fellow, to me at that time, was an inspiration. He was because I could then feel that, Dennis, you don't have to go to these meetings for the rest of your life. Someday you'll get a little bit better, and maybe you can slack off a bit.

I finally reached a point in my life where I went to meetings not because I had to, but because I wanted to, like a lot of other people. And the whole question is kind of a moot point for me anymore. I go to meetings today because basically I want to go to them. I like going to them, not because I feel that I have to go to them. And I still go to three or four meetings a week, so it's a point that I guess now doesn't make any difference to me.

But at that point in my start in AA, that was a very, very important thought in my mind, and that fellow answered it for me to my total satisfaction right at that particular time. No, you don't have to go to the meetings for the rest of your life. And it was wonderful. Now I go to them because I want to and I enjoy them, and I guess that's the important thing. I often have this next one asked of me, and I can remember asking it myself.

[00:45:51]

A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you drink so damn much, that you've got to wonder if you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were… A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you drink so damn much, that you've got to wonder if you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were…

A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you drink so damn much, that you've got to wonder if you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were… A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you drink so damn much, that you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were…

A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you drink so damn much, that you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were… A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you drink so damn much, that you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were…

A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were… A Visio Ask of me, and I can remember asking it myself, if you stop to think about it for a minute, is something else, and if you quit drinking, what you're going to do with all that spare time that quit drinking is going to create, you were…

[00:50:17]

Thank you so well, Dennis, thank you. It is so important, such an important part of our recovery, unity, recovery, and service. Our next speaker I've met before is Jerry from Rhode Island, and let's hear from Jerry, thank you. Well, my name is Jerry, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, everybody. It's a nervous pleasure, I guess, that I'm happy to be here today. I'm from a little town in Rhode Island, and I'm very proud of Rhode Island here today. We have a good turnout, and it's a pleasure to be a part of this convention that's international.

Marge and I, we come from the same year, 1970. I come into our fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous in April of 1970. At the age of 29 years old, I didn't know what I was doing in Alcoholics Anonymous. I was having trouble with my family, my wife, my job, and all people around me.

[00:55:09]

And I just knew it wasn't booze, a little bit booze, but there was people, places, and things. It wasn't the booze, because without booze, I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk, I couldn't act, I hated to go to work, I hated to do everything, but you give me a little touch of beer, primarily a beer drinker, and geez, the whole world would light up, and I was able to work hard, I was able to do things.

And I just, I don't know what I was coming to Alcoholics Anonymous for, but if it was going to save a marriage or save a job, well, I would do it. I have tried other areas, and they were expensive. I was a father, a husband, a father of six children, and I had to go to work. I had a deep affection towards my family. I thought it was love at the time, but since coming to AA, I found out that it wasn't really love like I found in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. And this is how I brought myself to the first meeting. I didn't come in here to stop drinking, not at all. I come from a drinking environment. At the age of 17 years old, after high school, I was lost, I didn't know what to do.

The guys I knew were going into college or in the Army. I wasted a year of my life trying to figure out what to do, and during that year, I became a boozer, a weekly boozer. I just worked for booze, and at the end of that year, I said, I have to do something with my life, whatever it was. So I went in the Army, I put three years in the U.S. Army, hated every day of it, but with the help of booze, I was able to make it.

That was rough. I wouldn't even want to go back in the Army today. I don't think I could take it. But anyway, during the Army, I was up in Greenland. Of course, I put in for overseas duty, and typically alcoholic, I put in for Japan, Europe, all these nice places, and I got shipped out to Greenland up on the ice cap. A lot of booze out there. There's a mention in the big book about if you want to quit drinking, go to England, go to Greenland, but there is plenty, plenty of booze up there. My problem up in Greenland wasn't booze, it was women, because there weren't any women in Greenland.

And on one of our hour and hours, I come back and I got married to my childhood sweetheart, and geez, I was in love, and I wanted to become a good wife and a good father. I got out of the Army, and I was going to school as an apprentice electrician, got a job as an apprentice electrician, and got a job working nights. In the morning, I would go to the junkyard and cut cars up just to make a few dollars to help the family out.

And for the first few years, it was beautiful. Gave birth to lovely children, and I can remember Saturday nights, having a little baby in my arm, and I was always a two-beer man, so I would go down and buy two Imperial Quarts of beer, and have my beer, and hold a child in one arm, and see my wife looking at me with her big brown eyes, and just feeling a lot of love and security, and just feeling good.

But the progression of alcoholism and booze just went down, and from the age of 25 to 29, just crazy, just crazy. Booze took me to places where I didn't want to be, and like I say, I became a ruthless husband, a ruthless father, and I didn't want to become these things. At the time, now, we had five beautiful children. They were all brown hair and brown eyes. I remember that. They looked like the wife, and being the person I was, I could say at the supper table, geez, you know why I drink? That question always came up quite a few times.

And I said, well, geez, you know, I work hard. I always made a point of telling everybody how hard I worked, and these things and that, and I said, well, geez, you know, these children I hear. I can remember saying at the supper table, and I said, you know, I don't even know if these children are mine. The kids would hear all these things and do all that thing. So, anyway, around the age of 29, my wife brought home a nice brown hair, yeah, blonde hair, blue-eyed little girl, and I can remember visiting her in the hospital. I could see her. She said, are you going to quit drinking now? I said, oh, yeah, I'm going to quit drinking now. All right, now, this poor day that she was in the hospital, the kids were outside, so I was on vacation. I was going on a bender.

But, anyway, in that six months, a year, believe me, I tried all ways to quit drinking, and I couldn't. I really couldn't. And it was, again, like I said, the beginning was people, places, and things. So I come into AA, like I said, at 29 years old to maybe save a job, to save a marriage, but not to stop drinking. To save a marriage, but not to stop drinking, and I came to my first AA meeting, it lasted an hour and a half, there were three or four speakers that got up and told their stories, and I don't know what they said today, I don't, I can remember the people in the room, and at ten o'clock they said the Lord's Prayer, and I shook my head, and I said, Jesus, I don't know if I remember this, so I might have mumbled a few words, this guy that I met at my first meeting told me, after they passed that basket, somebody mentioned money, Dennis mentioned money,

[01:00:19]

he says, put a quarter in the basket, and I did, he put a dollar in, and I put a quarter in, and he said, get your quarters worth, and at the table they had, geez, coffee, they had ham sandwiches, dill pickles, brownies, and I must have got a dollar and a half worth, you know, it was, I says, hey, I made out on this deal, this wasn't a bad night, and now I'm trying to get out the door, and I said, I'll see you guys next Wednesday night, this is a pretty good deal, this ain't bad, and I couldn't get out the door, and these six guys come around, and without booze, believe me, I would blush, my face would turn red, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do anything, and Joy is laughing over there, she still makes me blush today, this little guy come up to me, and he asked me if I could stay away from one drink for one day, and right away I could feel the blood boiling inside, and I said, yeah, I can stay away from one drink for one day, generally on Monday, I'm broke, I don't have any Monday, I can stay away, and I says, I gotta get back at this guy, so I says, what am I gonna do the rest of the summer, because this is a beautiful April day and night, and he looked up at me square in the eye, and he says, how do you know you're gonna be here tomorrow morning, and I said, I don't have an answer for him, I felt all uptight, and I said, I don't know, and I said, well, I'll see you guys next Wednesday night, and I left, and I went home, and I lost a night's sleep, I couldn't think about what this guy said, how do you know you're gonna be here tomorrow morning, and what you people were saying about you don't take a drink for one day, I know that, you know, if you don't take the first drink, you can't get drunk, I said, I know that, but Jesus, there's something more, there's something else, and I kept, the next night, this fellow called me to another meeting, and I found out right off the bat, I couldn't say no to AA, because I told you people I'd be here next Wednesday night, but I said, all right, I'll meet you at another AA meeting, now, I'm a working electrician, and maybe I had one dress shirt, and one pair of slacks, and maybe one suit coat or something, and the rest of my clothes were all work clothes, that was it, now, here I go to another AA meeting, and I was the type of individual drunk at that time that would take a shower on a Saturday night, whether I needed it or not, and if I was drinking that Saturday, you can bet I'd take the beer and the shower with me, because I didn't want to lose what I had, so here I is, taking another shower, and getting dressed up to another AA meeting, and I go to another AA meeting, and I'm looking at the slogans, you know, easy does it, and it says, any newcomers here, believe me, I'm sitting there, I said, Jesus, I used this in a bar room, easy does it, you know, I said, Jesus, I gotta take it easy, Jerry, because I would get wiped out of the picture quick, and take it easy, you know, you don't want to go on a blackout too early, I didn't know what a blackout was, but I would like to remember some parts of what I was doing then, and first things first, you know, I didn't come in a bar room, I came in there to drink, you know, and let's keep it to drinking, and let's not get in any trouble, first things first, and easy does it, the slogans I used in the bar room, and I'm looking at these slogans, and the 12 steps, and I can remember the curtain in back of the stage, I figured that's where the booze was, you know, for somebody who had done the 12 steps, they would go over there, and I didn't know, so I just kept coming, and this guy watched me, I worked with this fellow, he would watch me, and he would always give me a pat on the back, and make me feel good, Jerry, geez, that's terrific, he went to another meeting last night, and he's always pumping me up, and making me feel good, he was a terrific person in that way, and he was such a sponsor that for me it was awful tough to ask somebody to be my sponsor, it took me three months before I asked this person to be my sponsor, and I was just delighted, you know, that he would be my sponsor, and at the same time I asked him if I could join his group, and I joined the Friday night group mainly because I've been drunk every night on a Friday night for the past 17 years, if I joined that group maybe it would keep me away from getting drunk on a weekend on a Friday night, but he said, Jerry, if you join the Friday night group, just don't be, put your name in the book, be an active member of the group, make sure you're going to be there every Friday night without fail, because, you know, this is AA, and the drunks come down here, we go out and we help drunks, and he was the type of person that always had his hand out to help another drunk, so I says, okay, I'll join your group on a Friday night, and they went on these commitments, it was an open group where someone on a Friday night would come down and put out a meeting, and vice versa, we would go down to their group and put out meetings, so I was happy just driving a car, driving people to meetings, I had a car, but I wouldn't speak, and speaking was out for me because I was too bashful and too shy, and I felt good, so one night at a meeting they tricked me to get up here and speak, they said, Jerry's going to speak, and I looked, I was sitting where you are over there, and my face got flushed, and I seen black spots, I thought I was going to faint, and I get up here and I told you people I was an alcoholic and that my name was Jerry,

[01:05:24]

and I sat down and I was shaking, I was dying, and that night was another night I couldn't sleep, I was three months sober, and I went and told you people I was an alcoholic, and if you would have asked me what an alcoholic was, I couldn't tell you because I really didn't know, I didn't have a definition of an alcoholic, an alcoholic is just a person that drank too much, so that bothered me a great deal, and I started to read the literature to find out what an alcoholic was.

And it took me many, many meetings to find out what an alcoholic was, in fact almost two years before I felt it deep down in my heart that I was an alcoholic, and that alcoholism was a three-fold illness, physical, mental, and spiritual, I thought alcohol was strictly a physical thing. But I joined a group, and if there's any newcomers here today, having a sponsor is very important, but for me joining a group was very important because these guys would ask the questions for me, I didn't have any brains in my head, and whatever brains I had I was too, I had that feeling I'd make a jerk of myself if I asked a stupid question, so these guys would ask the questions in the car when we went on a commitment and I would get my answers.

And this helped me a great deal to find out some of the things that I wanted to know, you know, like jealousy, hate, whatever it was at the time, and how do we live sober. And thank God, thank God for these people and for my group today, I'm still a member of the same group, we moved out of Providence to Warwick, Rhode Island, and the group has helped me to maintain my sobriety. The group egged me along to sell tickets, being shy and bashful, you know, they would say, Jerry, you're the door greeter tonight. So I would stand in front of the door with another fellow, and as the people came into the meetings, I would say, hi, my name is Jerry, welcome to the Sorendi group.

And I didn't feel so shy doing that, and I was able to meet people and say hello to them and talk to them. Then the next job they gave me in the group was to sell tickets, and gee, that was another beautiful job for me, I was able to go to you and say, hi, how are you, can I sell you a ticket for the raffle, and that started to get me outside of myself. Further on down the road, I put my name in central office for the 12-step list, and I get active to try to help another drunk, sick and suffering drunk. And I went on a couple 12-step calls, and gee, today I'll never forget those 12-step calls, you know, we don't have many of them anymore.

And it's really too bad, because, you know, here I was, a father with six children, a lovely wife, you know, married 24 years now, but at the time, you know, maybe 14 years or 12 years or whatever. And I would go out with a drunk and we would talk and go to a meeting, and it felt after two hours of being with this drunk, I knew this drunk all my life. And, gee, I didn't even know my children or how my wife felt, you know, and the love and compassion from one drunk to another. And I started to experience this, and I said, gee, I don't even have this at home, and I could remember the feelings inside, I said, gee, what type of person am I, you know, I love drugs more than I love my own family.

And I had a big talk with this fellow one night, and he says, well, why don't you, you know, you're a good AA person, Jerry, but outside of AA, what type of person are you at home, on the job, you know, he says, you know, we practice these principles in all our affairs, not just here in AA. So I says, gee, you're right, I guess at the time I fell in love with AA, and I was at AA seven nights a week, if it was ten nights a week, I would be out there. So I started to try to give myself on the outside a little bit to try to do that. And I can stand here before you today and say that's not easy today, I'm a human being, and it's still tough.

If there are newcomers here today, you know, we do have tools in AA, and I'm very much like a newcomer, you know, I got the tools, maybe I can use them a little bit quicker, I know how to use them, if I want to, you know, I still have tough days today, and if I go to certain people, and I ask them, gee, I'm having a tough day, gosh darn it, you know, nothing's going right, and they would say to me, did you turn it over?

Gee, I know all about turning it over, but I don't want to hear about turning it over, you know, listen to my problems for a minute, you know, the tough love of AA where one drunk would listen to another drink, let the person air out how he feels, you know, I think sometimes myself included, you know, would have the tendency to tell somebody, hey, did you turn it over?

[01:10:02]

Well, you know, let's listen to the alcoholic first, let's listen to the person, see how he feels, and, you know, then I would say, yeah, all right, I'll turn it over after when I'm ready, but the listening and the compassion, I had an awful lot of this growing up in AA that I come into, and I'm very, very grateful for it today. But anyway, as I grew in AA, I became secretary of the group, and I was in charge of making the coffee, and very much of the people, the person that I was, you know, we had a couple old-timers in the group that didn't mind speaking what was on their mind, and they would say, who made this coffee, you know, and I said, oh, Jesus, you know, I'm ready to kill her, you know, kick her out of the group or anything, you know, and the resentment started, but, you know, there was a lot of growth.

And once a month, we have a group business meeting, and I got into this group business meeting, and I never heard arguments in a bar room as bad as this group business meeting, you know. Wow, these people were arguing, and I was getting the resentment, my sponsor, they were picking on my sponsor that night, I guess, because he was the delegate of Rhode Island, or getting into being a delegate of Rhode Island, and I didn't know what it was all about, but they were picking on him, and they were doing a job on him, you know, and anybody that would pick on him, you know, I was ready to take up his defense and fight for this person.

I didn't know nothing else, you know, it was a bar room to me. But after this group business meeting was over, everything was settled, everybody started kissing one another, shaking hands, and saying goodnight. And I'm saying to myself, wow, you know, if I had a fight with my wife, I would have talked to her for two, three weeks or something like that, you know, and this was amazing. They were arguing for five minutes, and the next time they were kissing and hugging one another, you know, I said, wow, this was amazing to me, I just couldn't picture this, you know. And then I kept going, and going to meetings, doing whatever I could. Then one night, you know, I heard a speaker, and I guess you hear what you have to hear at certain nights, and this guy had a beautiful story, and one that touched me a great deal, and he had an awful lot of problems, but he always stuck with Alcoholics Anonymous.

He says, number one, I have a disease, and no matter what happens, I'm an alcoholic, I'll keep AA number one, and if I do that, things will take care of themselves. And that night, I sat down there, and I was having a lot of problems myself, I guess, you know, as we all do, and I said, well, that's it for me, I'm not going to go to marriage counselors, I'm going to stay right with AA, and that's going to be it.

And I made that decision to myself that night, and I'm awfully glad I did today, because AA has took me to a path that's been unbelievable. To the group, I love my group, and like many people here, I hear speakers, the best group in AA. The group elected me as a general service representative, and I got involved with the district as a DCM, and I was proud of the district, my district, District 3 at the time in Providence, the best district in Rhode Island, like it was my best group.

And then they elected me on the assembly, and before you know it, they elected me as an area delegate, panel 32 for Rhode Island, and geez, you know, for an electrician and a person like myself, I was able to serve AA for two years, and develop a love that I really can't describe, I really can't. Last night, in front of the convention center, there was a guy from Brazil, and he come over and put his arms around Charlie and I, we got to talk, and he says, I just want to thank you people, thank you people for starting AA here in America, and sending it down to Brazil.

And he says, that's all I'm going to do here this weekend, and I said, thank each and every one of you, and it sent chills up my spine, you know, I said, geez, thank you, thank you. And the gratitude that I received. Today, the children are all grown up, the daughter's 16, my little AA baby, blonde hair, blue eyes, she's still got six months on me, she's a little more mentally secure than I am, I guess, by six months.

I know the joys of being a grandfather, and I know the impatience of being a grandfather, I can't take it, but I love her. And if there are newcomers, people like everybody, welcome the newcomer, it's not easy, growing up is not easy, there's no easier sort of way, but they told me, if you come along with us, we can do it. Together, we can do it. Alone, it's a tough road. Alone, it's a tough road. Get involved, get involved, and most of the people here are involved. I can see it in your faces looking out there, and that's one of the joys I found to speak in today, to be able to look out and see a lot of love out in the eyes. So, I'm glad to be here, and have a beautiful, beautiful weekend. Thank you very much.

[01:15:05]

Thank you, Jerry. I really enjoyed that. I know with the hustle and bustle of the convention, and the excitement of coming here to Montreal, and I thought to myself, I'm running all around the place, and I want to see everyone, meet up with old friends, and meet new friends, and I said, I just need a plain, ordinary meeting, and I got it. Thank you. Well, we have a few minutes left. If anyone would like to come up to the microphone, and if you have a question, or a comment, or you just want to speak a little, I see some of my friends here from the Washington, D.C. area, a past delegate, Chad L. in the back over there. Chad, how about you? Ernie is a past delegate. Ernie, how many years, 17 years ago, right? Ernie's still in service. You really love this thing, don't you?

Come on up here and say a few words. Anywhere you like. Hi, everybody. My name is Ernie Raskoskis. I'm an alcoholic from Washington, D.C. Just to say what a joy it is to be here. I've been in service work with Eleanor here for the better part of 20 years, and it's been such a wonderful experience this weekend. This morning, seeing people like Dr. Jack, and Bill's secretary, and Nell Wing, the archivist, and all of these people, and to be such a part of the history of AA, and talking about new people, newcomers, the very newest person in this room, in AA, in a historical perspective, is going to be looked upon as one of the founders of this fellowship, I think.

Because, although we feel we have come of age, this is our 50th anniversary, we're still in the beginnings of one of the greatest movements of all time. If you look at, we'll say, the Christian church, the people that were in the church in the first century are called the fathers of the church. So we're at the very beginning, and as Dennis and the others said here, this is something that we have to keep for those that are yet unborn in the future, and that's why, beyond my own sobriety, it's a gift and a pleasure to be able to be here to help to serve. Thank you.

Thank you, Ernie. Anyone else? Chad, come on. Now, I'm calling on people that I've known for a while, but please, feel free. Thank you, Eleanor. I'm Chad Lysaun, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Chad. Hi, friends. I have so many mixed emotions here, being here this weekend. I feel like I really shouldn't be here, because I'm going to have my turn tomorrow, where Eleanor is today. And it's an honor that I'm really looking forward to.

Ernie mentioned being at the meeting at the archives today, and Dick R., I believe it was, from Oklahoma, was talking. And he just commented in his talk, 20 years ago today, we were in Toronto when the I Am Responsible theme was first, we set it together as a group. And the goose pimples came out on that, and I just can't help but go into my wallet and pull this card that I've carried 20 years to the day.

And it's these things that I Am Responsible, whenever anyone, anywhere wants the hand of AA to be there, for that I Am Responsible. And this sums it up. You all have given me a life I never dreamed possible. And I've got a joy of living that I never dreamed possible. And I'd just like to comment, I'm going through one of those periods of stress in my life now. And the miracles of this program, I had surgery on my throat just this past Tuesday, and here I am up here speaking today.

I had to do a little screaming with the doctor, but only in this program would this happen. And just because I've chosen not to take a drink one day at a time. And Eleanor, I just want to say what a great, great meeting this has been. Jerry, I'm glad to see you again. He and I served together, I was a panel 33 delegate. He was one of those that kind of helped break me in. And this is really a high point in my life, and I think it's time that some of the others of you should get up here and share in this session.

[01:20:04]

This is what it's all about. We share our strength, experience, and hope. In order that we may stay sober. Thank you, Eleanor. Thank you, Chad. Anyone else? Okay. Hi. Hello. My name's Karen. I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. Hi, Karen. I just know one thing. I wouldn't be here today or sober if it wasn't for AA program and people. And when things get tough, I just remember one thing. Things always get better when you're at AA. Thank you.

Thank you, Karen, for sharing that with us. We have a lot of young people coming into AA today, and I am most enthusiastic about this. You know, we have come a long ways. 50 years of gratitude this year, that's so true. But we still have a long ways to go yet. We want the hand of AA to extend to everyone, because alcoholism is a disease and not an age. All right. Warren. I haven't seen Warren. He's from the Washington area.

And an old friend. How about it? Hello, everybody. I'm an alcoholic. My name is Warren Childers. I'm from the Washington area. I sobered up up there. Currently, I'm living in Florida. I got enough put together after I got sobered up so I could move to Florida and have a home down there. Through the grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I haven't had a drink since the 1st of June 1972, which makes me junior with all these heavy hitters we've had here today.

But I would tell you that I am a happy and serene person in my life right now because of Alcoholics Anonymous and because I did what I was told. Whenever I speak or whenever I talk, and I just can't say enough about this, I always try to insert something about service that's been talked about here today, because I just suck on the program in my service, service, service. I do everything I can. And if I don't have a trusted servant job, I go out hunting one or I go out hunting some people to work with or whatever, because this indeed is what keeps me sober.

I don't think I was in quite six months when somebody from the Silver Spring group that Eleanor was in decided that I was just the person they'd been looking for to be a program chairman. And I said, but I don't know anybody in the Silver Spring group. And they said, a fantastic way to get to know them. So after three months after I'd served my term and breathed a sigh of relief, I told them this was Norman that did this to me.

And I said, I'm all through. Today is my three months is up. And he said, forgot to tell you, we had a meeting in the steering committee last night. You've done such a good job. We're going to give you three more months. This is real AA and real service. And I got started early. And except for a short period when I moved to Florida, I have never been out of service working. And I bring this up with the subject that's here today about the newcomers, because I think most of you people here are in service one way or another and realize that it's an important thing, but it's also a fulfilling thing.

And for the last couple of years here, I've been doing an awful lot of taking a newcomer to the intergroup. A newcomer at the present of DCM just one in Florida. And I've been on intergroups and all this stuff. And more and more and more. I'm taking brand newcomers to these meetings. And I've come to believe that the difficulty we have sometime in getting people to do service work can be conquered in part by doing what I'm doing now.

And I urge you all to do it. And my questionable phraseology on this is get them all started and indoctrinated in the service work before they know what they're doing. And it's working out fine, so you may take that home with you and try it there. Thank you very much. Thank you, Warren. Anyone else? I'm Tom King, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Tom. I'm from Nashville, Tennessee, and I just wanted to be able to go back and tell the folks at Nashville that I stood up and said something at the international meeting.

I'm also a member of the Junior Chamber of Commerce in Nashville, and I'd like to invite all of you to come to Nashville. It's a good place to visit, and there's a lot of things to do and see there. Thank you. Thank you, Tom. That sounds great. Anyone else? Hi, my name is Ivan Strom. I'm from British Columbia, and I'm an alcoholic. And that last guy there, he kind of put the bug under my tail here so I'd get up here and say something.

[01:25:02]

Because I was… These fellows here this morning talking, or this afternoon, they kind of brought me back. I was, like your chairman was saying, I was to that world meeting just before this in the convention center and another organizational meeting before, and I just wanted to have an AA meeting, and I got it. And I was thinking, I was sitting out here eating just before I came in here, and I can't help but when I get to a roundup, I get…

Before I get to the roundup or to this convention, I can't help but start feeling about me all the time and about nobody else. There's just a big I. And I was sitting out there having some food, and I was thinking, you know, if I had put a little more pressure on… Not pressure, maybe just connived around a little bit. Some of my members back home, some of the newer comers, and maybe it helped them along a little bit.

Maybe they could have been here and enjoyed this year with me. Because, you know, this does things to me. I believe it rebuilds me in my spiritual life, which hopefully it does. And I guess it works sort of in numbers with me and my spiritual life. I heard one member say one time that… I run around for quite a few years wondering what spirituality was, and she says, you know, each one of us has a little spirit in us.

And the bigger the group we get into, you know, we put them all together and we get a little bigger spiritual growth, a larger spiritual boost. So here today we got quite a few thousand people. So I know that I'm going to go away here after this year weekend with a huge spiritual growth. And it has already started, as I said, I was there eating. And I've got… so that I'm not quite thinking about me so much anymore.

Already in the first day, you know, I just… I'm thinking about the guys back home. The newcomer, the guy that come in last week. We brought one person, my wife and I, we brought one person along. We talked him into it. And I can see in him where he's just really enjoying it. But I wish to hell I'd have put the pressure on about a half a dozen more. Thank you very much. I want to thank all of you.

I've enjoyed it very much. My speakers, Marjorie, Dennis, and Jerry, you were excellent. It was a privilege to be here to bring you this meeting. And we will close with the Lord's Prayer in the usual manner. Amen. Amen. Amen. . . .

[01:30:12]

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