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[00:00:00.460 – 00:00:01.560] Thank you very much, Colleen.

[00:00:01.560 – 00:00:02.300] That was beautiful.

[00:00:02.300 – 00:00:03.220] It really was.

[00:00:03.220 – 00:00:09.720] It’s a great pleasure for me tonight to introduce to you our speaker.

[00:00:09.720 – 00:00:13.220] He’s a doctor from Seaside, Oregon.

[00:00:13.220 – 00:00:19.820] His name is Doc John, and they tell me he used to drink, but we’ll know more about that after he speaks.

[00:00:19.820 – 00:00:21.440] Doc, would you come on up, please?

[00:00:21.440 – 00:00:29.710] I’m Dr.

[00:00:29.710 – 00:00:31.380] John, and I’m an alcoholic.

[00:00:31.380 – 00:00:32.910] Hi, Doc.

[00:00:32.910 – 00:00:33.860] Does my voice carry?

[00:00:33.860 – 00:00:34.830] Yes.

[00:00:34.830 – 00:00:35.000] Yeah.

[00:00:35.000 – 00:00:38.300] I– It’s very nice to be here tonight.

[00:00:38.300 – 00:00:41.680] I want to thank Pete for the invitation.

[00:00:41.680 – 00:00:50.680] A while back, uh, Pete told me to come here and tell about my past life.

[00:00:50.680 – 00:00:58.240] Tonight, he emphasized that fact and said that I had to tell everything.

[00:00:58.240 – 00:01:02.620] Now, there are many things my wife does not know about my past life.

[00:01:02.620 – 00:01:05.239] So he gave me an out.

[00:01:05.239 – 00:01:07.880] He says I could summarize in certain areas.

[00:01:07.880 – 00:01:17.920] Uh, being a doctor, my

[00:01:17.920 – 00:01:25.780] life has been embroiled not only in alcohol, but in drugs, uh, right practically from the beginning.

[00:01:25.780 – 00:01:33.640] My drinking days spanned a period over fifty years.

[00:01:33.640 – 00:01:43.900] I was first introduced to Madam Barleycorn, and I call her Madam

[00:01:43.900 – 00:01:47.980] because she was seductive and gave me a lot of pleasure.

[00:01:47.980 – 00:01:57.220] Uh, that introduction occurred, I believe, when I was in high school growing up here in Portland, Oregon.

[00:01:57.220 – 00:02:05.179] That was in the days of prohibition, and I’m sure a few of you, of you remember that.

[00:02:05.179 – 00:02:12.000] Those were the days where the in thing to do was to take your date to a speakeasy.

[00:02:12.000 – 00:02:16.780] A little door would slide open, and you were inspected.

[00:02:16.780 – 00:02:19.760] You came into a room, and you were frisked.

[00:02:19.760 – 00:02:23.760] All of this made you pretty gung-ho to the gal you were with.

[00:02:23.760 – 00:02:28.340] And then you were finally let into the drinking chamber.

[00:02:28.340 – 00:02:38.380] Uh, one thing I, I never forget is on the southwest side of Portland, there

[00:02:38.380 – 00:02:41.580] was a place called Italian Mary’s.

[00:02:41.580 – 00:02:46.060] And there you got the best drinks in town.

[00:02:46.060 – 00:02:53.220] For one dollar, you could get three quarts of beer, all laced with ether.

[00:02:53.220 – 00:02:57.380] I don’t think they dispense that these days.

[00:02:57.380 – 00:03:07.920] Uh, in my second

[00:03:07.920 – 00:03:13.680] year of college, uh, I used to study at nighttime with a very good friend.

[00:03:13.680 – 00:03:14.560] He is now dead.

[00:03:14.560 – 00:03:22.000] And he was making, manufacturing the best apricot brandy anyone would want to taste.

[00:03:22.000 – 00:03:32.120] We would bottle it in setups, label and everything, and he had quite

[00:03:32.120 – 00:03:33.800] a clientele here in Portland.

[00:03:33.800 – 00:03:39.859] The following year, my third year of college, I went down to Eugene.

[00:03:39.859 – 00:03:43.840] I had very little money.

[00:03:43.840 – 00:03:54.359] I had to spend– I had to work practically for everything I had, and this was an ideal opportunity to make money,

[00:03:54.360 – 00:03:55.820] so I went into bootlegging.

[00:03:55.820 – 00:04:06.260] I had sororities, and I had fraternities signed up, and even some members of the faculty, including

[00:04:06.260 – 00:04:07.620] the Dean of Men.

[00:04:07.620 – 00:04:18.540] Uh, this went along for about two and a half months, and I was called into the Dean of Men’s office, and

[00:04:18.540 – 00:04:27.180] he informed me that he hated to leave, to leave such a good source of supply.

[00:04:27.180 – 00:04:32.720] He thanked me for everything that he’d had, but he said I better quit.

[00:04:32.720 – 00:04:37.960] And he was generous enough not to affix any penalty.

[00:04:37.960 – 00:04:48.220] Uh, that two and a half months paid for the rest of my third year of college, and I was fortunate enough to get into medical school on three years.

[00:04:48.220 – 00:04:57.520] Uh, in medical school, you worked hard, but on the weekends, you usually went out, and booze was a thing.

[00:04:57.520 – 00:05:07.580] Uh, toward the end of my medical school, uh, I had

[00:05:07.580 – 00:05:13.120] some upper nasal difficulties, and cocaine was sprayed in my nose.

[00:05:13.120 – 00:05:16.120] That gave me quite a lift.

[00:05:16.120 – 00:05:19.320] It was an excellent, vibrant sensation, believe me.

[00:05:19.320 – 00:05:22.260] And I did not forget about it.

[00:05:22.260 – 00:05:32.960] So I used to- I used to go– when I interned at the Multnomah County Hospital at that time, I

[00:05:32.960 – 00:05:42.300] used to go over to the outpatient clinic over weekends when nobody was there and do a little nasal spraying on myself.

[00:05:42.300 – 00:05:47.880] I, I confessed that to no one prior to now.

[00:05:47.880 – 00:05:57.980] Uh, after my internship, I was fortunate enough to get a fellowship in surgery back in the Mayo

[00:05:57.980 – 00:05:58.260] Clinic.

[00:05:58.260 – 00:06:07.860] In my second year of fellowship, I was on a service where cocaine was very readily accessible.

[00:06:07.860 – 00:06:17.910] Memory is a damn vicious thing, and I– you remember the good things in life, and that cocaine was good for

[00:06:17.910 – 00:06:20.870] me, so I began using it again.

[00:06:20.870 – 00:06:31.150] Uh, I was at the clinic, uh, in surgery for five years, uh,

[00:06:31.150 – 00:06:34.710] and immediately after that, went right into the service overseas.

[00:06:34.710 – 00:06:42.990] Uh, but during the last three years, I did use cocaine.

[00:06:42.990 – 00:06:52.990] Uh, you would get such a high on it that you had to come

[00:06:52.990 – 00:06:58.250] down one way or the other, and I usually came down on Fox Head Ale.

[00:06:58.250 – 00:07:06.270] Uh, that was a very– probably a better drink than any cocktail would be.

[00:07:06.270 – 00:07:14.949] Also, on barbiturates, and that was my introduction to the sedated– sedative effect of barbiturates.

[00:07:14.949 – 00:07:24.170] Uh, my first six months in the Army was back at San– down in Santa Barbara.

[00:07:24.170 – 00:07:34.390] Uh, as probably many of you know, those days were drinking days and a lot of wild, crazy behavior

[00:07:34.390 – 00:07:35.570] I can remember.

[00:07:35.570 – 00:07:46.410] Uh, one thing in point I remember at a restaurant, there was an, uh, figurehead

[00:07:46.410 – 00:07:48.870] of an Indian with a big cigar in his mouth.

[00:07:48.870 – 00:07:51.020] That had been there for twenty-five years.

[00:07:51.020 – 00:07:55.010] And I was pretty well smashed, and I smoked that cigar.

[00:07:55.010 – 00:08:05.610] Uh, after I joined my outfit, uh, the 107th

[00:08:05.610 – 00:08:15.610] Evac Hospital in Tyson, Tennessee, uh, there, the first thing to do is to go out and try to find

[00:08:15.610 – 00:08:16.150] some liquor.

[00:08:16.150 – 00:08:23.070] But you bought it in vinegar bottles, but you bought it at fifteen dollars a pint.

[00:08:23.070 – 00:08:33.670] Uh, very shortly after that, we were en route overseas, and we landed in, uh, uh, Belfast,

[00:08:33.670 – 00:08:34.290] Ireland.

[00:08:34.290 – 00:08:40.730] Uh, there, we were introduced to black and tans.

[00:08:40.730 – 00:08:44.770] There were– It’s a, a warm drink.

[00:08:44.770 – 00:08:51.150] Black and tans are a dark, heavy brew, uh, with a lighter tan brew, probably.

[00:08:51.150 – 00:08:52.730] N-some of you know about it.

[00:08:52.730 – 00:08:56.590] Uh, a great deal of drinking was done there.

[00:08:56.590 – 00:09:06.990] We moved over to Wales, and I got orders put turning me into the Navy under attached service to go in on the Normandy invasion.

[00:09:06.990 – 00:09:17.490] A hundred doctors were picked out of the ETO who were capable of operating, uh, from the top of the head down to the toe

[00:09:17.490 – 00:09:18.550] in any emergency.

[00:09:18.550 – 00:09:22.310] Uh, out of those a hundred men, ten were killed.

[00:09:22.310 – 00:09:24.490] I was lucky.

[00:09:24.490 – 00:09:30.310] I went in on an Easy Red Omaha Beach evacuate on, on D, D-Day.

[00:09:30.310 – 00:09:37.399] Actually, we pulled off the beach at, uh, H minus two, which was two hours before the actual landing.

[00:09:37.399 – 00:09:48.210] Uh, we evacuated wounded, uh, and returned

[00:09:48.210 – 00:09:53.430] to the Plymouth, Weymouth ar-area in, uh, England.

[00:09:53.430 – 00:09:56.890] Uh, one of our screws was shot away.

[00:09:56.890 – 00:10:05.330] We’re on a LST, which was converted into a hospital ship on the way back with two operations going all the time.

[00:10:05.330 – 00:10:12.970] Uh, and we were told that we had to pull in for repairs for that screw that was shot away.

[00:10:12.970 – 00:10:22.470] But instead, there was a line of trucks loaded with high demolition stuff, and they boarded us as the ambulances took away the wounded.

[00:10:22.470 – 00:10:32.810] Uh, we were told by the skipper that we would, uh, uh, we could all get drunk when we hit England because he had cases of bourbon

[00:10:32.810 – 00:10:34.910] down below in the hold of the ship.

[00:10:34.910 – 00:10:39.810] We would be over for three days before we’d cross again, but we crossed immediately.

[00:10:39.810 – 00:10:50.510] And quarter to three in the morning on D plus three, uh, five of us were crossing the channel back to France, and,

[00:10:50.510 – 00:11:00.770] uh, we had a destroyer escort of two British vessels who caught some German U-boats in their radar

[00:11:00.770 – 00:11:07.390] screen, and they scooted away, and two of our ships were torpedoed.

[00:11:07.390 – 00:11:13.250] Out of nine hundred and some odd men, a hundred and twenty-seven of us got out alive on the two ships.

[00:11:13.250 – 00:11:23.810] Uh, we were in the water clinging to a raft for a little over two hours, and a British destroyer

[00:11:23.810 – 00:11:33.150] sighted us in the dawn and picked us up and radioed back to England, and, uh, they were told to reverse their course and return home.

[00:11:33.150 – 00:11:43.750] Uh, we landed in Portsmouth, and we were–

[00:11:43.750 – 00:11:52.150] our first area we went to was a very elite, uh, British naval officers club.

[00:11:52.150 – 00:12:02.190] Incidentally, uh, I went ashore naked from the waist up with a greasy old pair of

[00:12:02.190 – 00:12:08.569] dungarees, British dungarees on, uh, barefoot and with a rope around my waist.

[00:12:08.569 – 00:12:18.594] My jaw had been fractured and, um, quite a few ribs They poured us a lot of good scotch, uh, as a welcome

[00:12:18.594 – 00:12:18.914] back.

[00:12:18.914 – 00:12:29.354] Uh, however, we were almost afraid to drink too much because we were pretty well bunged up and, and, and fatigued from that cold

[00:12:29.354 – 00:12:30.194] water.

[00:12:30.194 – 00:12:34.694] And believe me, that English Channel is cold, and the seas were high.

[00:12:34.694 – 00:12:45.334] Uh, that evening, we went across to, to Portsmouth, uh,

[00:12:45.334 – 00:12:47.154] Wemb- Weymouth area.

[00:12:47.154 – 00:12:57.494] And my being an army officer, uh, the following morning, I was sent up to Tavistock to a army,

[00:12:57.494 – 00:12:59.754] uh, station hospital.

[00:12:59.754 – 00:13:11.894] Uh, meanwhile, I took aboard from my evac hospital, uh, two, uh, technical

[00:13:11.894 – 00:13:15.754] sergeants skilled in helping you operate and all of that.

[00:13:15.754 – 00:13:18.314] Uh, both of them were killed.

[00:13:18.314 – 00:13:23.874] Um, I was in Tavistock healing up.

[00:13:23.874 – 00:13:31.174] And there again, because of my injuries, I was given shots of m- morphine and Dilaudid.

[00:13:31.174 – 00:13:37.994] And the monkey again came back on my back and really put his claws in hard.

[00:13:37.994 – 00:13:48.034] So by the time, a month later, I was reported dead back to my outfit, uh, that were in Southampton at

[00:13:48.034 – 00:13:48.754] that time.

[00:13:48.754 – 00:13:59.044] And the exec officer of, uh, my evac hospital happened to be sitting in a bar next to another, uh, army officer,

[00:13:59.044 – 00:14:00.534] and he said, “Well, Dr.

[00:14:00.534 – 00:14:02.654] McCalla, we lost one man.

[00:14:02.654 – 00:14:12.954] Captain McCalla was killed.” And the guy pricked up his ears, and he said, “What name?” He says, “Captain McCalla.” He said, “Hell, he’s back in our hospital in Tavistock.”

[00:14:12.954 – 00:14:15.934] Here in a bar, I was rescued again.

[00:14:15.934 – 00:14:21.234] My life seems always wound around a bit of alcohol.

[00:14:21.234 – 00:14:32.033] Uh, so, uh, they phoned back, and the CO of the hospital woke me up about 11:30 that night,

[00:14:32.034 – 00:14:35.714] asked me if I’d like to join the outfit and gave me an ambulance and a driver.

[00:14:35.714 – 00:14:46.034] And we drove across the, uh, blackout English coast, uh, to Southampton and arrived there just about a half an hour before

[00:14:46.034 – 00:14:49.354] my outfit pulled out for France again.

[00:14:49.354 – 00:14:54.414] And we went into northern France at the same spot I had gone in originally.

[00:14:54.414 – 00:14:58.594] From then on, booze was very plentiful.

[00:14:58.594 – 00:15:07.054] Uh, in Northern Ireland there in the hedgerow country, Calvados made out of apples was a prevalent drink.

[00:15:07.054 – 00:15:17.274] However, all German pillboxes there were well-stacked with Spanish cognac and Portuguese

[00:15:17.274 – 00:15:18.054] anchovies.

[00:15:18.054 – 00:15:23.014] Uh, I don’t know the two go together, but we enjoyed them.

[00:15:23.014 – 00:15:31.754] Uh, we had plenty to drink from there on in, always.

[00:15:31.754 – 00:15:42.554] Uh, we liberated a great number of, uh, German, uh, when

[00:15:42.554 – 00:15:44.774] we were in northern France.

[00:15:44.774 – 00:15:55.734] And all the time as they passed through our hospital, their, uh, musette bags were always filled with, uh, Spanish

[00:15:55.734 – 00:15:56.374] cognac.

[00:15:56.374 – 00:16:02.134] So we, of course, confiscated it as a matter of principle.

[00:16:02.134 – 00:16:12.354] Uh, we went across, uh, France.

[00:16:12.354 – 00:16:17.414] Uh, I was with the Third Army under Patton.

[00:16:17.414 – 00:16:25.514] We went up through Paris pretty rapidly, uh, and into Belgium and Luxembourg.

[00:16:25.514 – 00:16:35.714] In Luxembourg, we stayed probably longer than we had stayed anywhere else, uh, about two,

[00:16:35.714 – 00:16:36.554] two, three weeks.

[00:16:36.554 – 00:16:39.034] Usually, we were on the move all the time.

[00:16:39.034 – 00:16:49.614] Uh, I always remember the city of Luxembourg because I and a young lady were seated in the hotel,

[00:16:49.614 – 00:16:59.654] uh, bar, and again, and, uh, a gentleman dropped by

[00:16:59.654 – 00:17:02.214] and asked if we were enjoying ourselves.

[00:17:02.214 – 00:17:05.614] Of course, we, uh, replied in the affirmative.

[00:17:05.614 – 00:17:15.714] And, uh, I made the statement, “But I wish we could have some good old-fashioned German beer.” At that time, all you’d get

[00:17:15.714 – 00:17:24.434] was 1% beer because Hitler used all the grain for food rather than making alcohol or beer.

[00:17:25.599 – 00:17:35.339] And, uh, so he said– He winked at me and he said, “You’re coming along.” It turned out he was the manager of the hotel, the Hotel Privet.

[00:17:35.339 – 00:17:42.819] And we went up the elevator to the third floor, and there was a private dining room and bar up there.

[00:17:42.819 – 00:17:52.899] And he manipulated a button and the whole section of the wall slid back, and there was every type of

[00:17:52.899 – 00:17:56.469] American drink you could possibly think of, bottles and bottles of it.

[00:17:56.469 – 00:17:57.539] My eyes bugged out.

[00:17:57.539 – 00:18:00.959] Uh, and I was thirsty.

[00:18:00.959 – 00:18:06.379] But since I had asked for a ten percent beer, that’s what I got, and it was delicious.

[00:18:06.379 – 00:18:11.179] It was the only good German beer I’d ever tasted then and in the future.

[00:18:11.179 – 00:18:13.279] Uh.

[00:18:13.279 – 00:18:23.319] Before we left Belgium, uh,

[00:18:23.319 – 00:18:31.519] an ambulance driver, uh, reported that there was, uh, several cars on a siding and they were all filled with wine.

[00:18:31.519 – 00:18:37.359] So our CO sent some trucks down there and we liberated them, the wine.

[00:18:37.359 – 00:18:47.739] And with every meal, everyone in our outfit had a bottle of, of, uh, Rhine wine, uh, in addition

[00:18:47.739 – 00:18:52.299] to, uh, the various liquors we had on the side.

[00:18:52.299 – 00:19:02.459] Incidentally, uh, our CO was very good about sending a truck back to the zone of the interior for our monthly

[00:19:02.459 – 00:19:03.919] supply of liquor.

[00:19:03.919 – 00:19:09.799] Every officer, uh, got a quart of English gin and a quart of scotch.

[00:19:09.799 – 00:19:19.819] Uh, I always gave my scotch to, uh, the surgical team that worked with me because the

[00:19:19.819 – 00:19:21.519] enlisted men did not get liquor.

[00:19:21.519 – 00:19:26.039] Uh, but I certainly clung close to that gin.

[00:19:26.039 – 00:19:26.999] It was delicious.

[00:19:26.999 – 00:19:37.188] Uh, the way a– an evacuation hospital operates is that we, uh,

[00:19:37.188 – 00:19:42.399] operate probably two– We set up in a hurry under canvas.

[00:19:42.399 – 00:19:52.679] We operate for, uh, approximately two months and discharge all, all the people we work on within as short a

[00:19:52.679 – 00:19:53.519] span as time.

[00:19:53.519 – 00:19:55.379] We usually fly them out.

[00:19:55.379 – 00:20:05.359] Uh, and then just before we’re gonna move and packing up, uh, the liquor is dispensed to us.

[00:20:05.359 – 00:20:12.579] Meanwhile, we’ve had a lot to ourselves, too, that we would, would get, uh, over the countryside.

[00:20:12.579 – 00:20:22.639] Uh, needless to say, we had no patience, so the day before we move, uh, everyone got

[00:20:22.639 – 00:20:24.338] tight, really smashed.

[00:20:24.338 – 00:20:34.399] And the ones who suffered the most the following morning when we were about to move on, uh, we laid out,

[00:20:34.399 – 00:20:42.359] uh, on the ground, uh, ran an intravenous sugar solution into them and put some oxygen on them.

[00:20:42.359 – 00:20:49.319] And we had cylinders of oxygen, and that was the best way to get over a hangover you ever saw in your life.

[00:20:49.319 – 00:20:50.899] It really worked.

[00:20:50.899 – 00:21:00.899] Uh, we were in, in Belgium when the Battle of the Bulge hit, um, our

[00:21:00.899 – 00:21:01.699] outfit was.

[00:21:01.699 – 00:21:12.539] But meanwhile, I had been sent up with a surgical team, uh, to Malmedy to assist the 44th Evac that had a whole load of,

[00:21:12.539 – 00:21:14.319] of, of, uh, surgical cases.

[00:21:14.319 – 00:21:18.519] And I, I was there on my birthday, December the 15th.

[00:21:18.519 – 00:21:22.459] And the following day, Von Rundstedt hit.

[00:21:22.459 – 00:21:32.419] Uh, we saw, uh, American soldiers move down in the street outside of the buildings that we were in.

[00:21:32.419 – 00:21:43.419] Uh, we waited for orders and the CO of that 44th, uh, said

[00:21:43.419 – 00:21:50.359] that ambulances would be used to care– to take away in a hurry just bodies alone.

[00:21:50.359 – 00:21:55.659] The, the, uh, nurses would pile in with the patients in all available ambulances.

[00:21:55.659 – 00:22:01.579] And we were told to get out and head towards Spa on foot and hope to hell we got there.

[00:22:01.579 – 00:22:08.639] It was snowing and the ground was covered with snow and, uh, we all dispersed.

[00:22:08.639 – 00:22:14.409] Along the way, I got, uh, in a clearing in the forest.

[00:22:14.409 – 00:22:16.759] It was really in the Ardennes there.

[00:22:16.759 – 00:22:24.219] Uh, there were German parachutists dropping all around there, and there were a lot of German sympathizers.

[00:22:24.219 – 00:22:31.339] Well, one of them, I don’t know who, who he was, uh, got me in his sights and started shooting.

[00:22:31.339 – 00:22:34.579] I’ve never been more frightened in my life.

[00:22:34.579 – 00:22:37.719] I zigged, I zagged, I threw myself to the ground.

[00:22:37.719 – 00:22:40.179] He did catch me in the heel.

[00:22:40.179 – 00:22:47.679] Fortunately, it was a poor shot, and I made– I cleared the clearing and, and got into the woods and escaped.

[00:22:47.679 – 00:22:57.219] Uh, I never want to, to hunt an animal again because I know how much an animal– how frightened they are because I was scared.

[00:22:57.219 – 00:23:05.819] Uh, I reached Spa and left there at four o’clock in the morning.

[00:23:05.819 – 00:23:13.079] I commanded a, a truck with my team, a couple of nurses and some technical sergeants.

[00:23:13.079 – 00:23:17.939] Uh, we went to a, a beautiful hunting lodge ca– in Neufchâteau.

[00:23:17.939 – 00:23:21.719] Uh, there were wounded all over the floor.

[00:23:21.719 – 00:23:23.499] You had to, uh…

[00:23:23.499 – 00:23:24.539] And we worked.

[00:23:24.539 – 00:23:27.779] We operated for thirty-six hours straight.

[00:23:27.779 – 00:23:34.047] And we got a news that, uh, the Germans were just about on top of us.

[00:23:34.047 – 00:23:35.687] They were only four miles away.

[00:23:35.687 – 00:23:37.807] So everything was dropped.

[00:23:37.807 – 00:23:40.067] Once again, I lost everything I had.

[00:23:40.067 – 00:23:47.707] Uh, and we started out for Sedan, back in French territory.

[00:23:47.707 – 00:23:57.727] Uh, at that time, Patton’s tanks came up from the south and, um, uh, Sedan was–

[00:23:57.727 – 00:24:02.326] came rumbling through the streets of Sedan, and the Germans, that was just about the end of the ball.

[00:24:02.326 – 00:24:04.267] They were, uh, routed.

[00:24:04.267 – 00:24:12.007] Uh, in Sedan, again, there was a lot of, of cognac and wine.

[00:24:12.007 – 00:24:21.327] And, uh, when you finished your 12-hour tour, uh, in surgery, uh, you needed a little fortification.

[00:24:21.327 – 00:24:22.327] You usually got it.

[00:24:22.327 – 00:24:32.327] Uh, we then proceeded into Germany, across the Rhine just south

[00:24:32.327 – 00:24:35.247] of Cologne, and we were in Germany.

[00:24:35.247 – 00:24:38.407] At that time, my drinking days really began.

[00:24:38.407 – 00:24:44.567] Uh, we liberated more liquor than you can possibly imagine.

[00:24:44.567 – 00:24:46.147] You could have all you wanted.

[00:24:46.147 – 00:24:56.147] Uh, I remember in Kassel, uh, there were– the Germans had

[00:24:56.147 – 00:24:58.527] Russian slaves working for them then.

[00:24:58.527 – 00:25:05.007] And when we moved in, the Russians were liberated, and they knew where all the warehouses were.

[00:25:05.007 – 00:25:07.647] And they would lead us to them.

[00:25:07.647 – 00:25:13.907] And, uh, just alcohol flowed all over the place.

[00:25:13.907 – 00:25:24.277] Uh, we proceeded on and ended up on VE Day in Regensburg, where the Regen River goes into the Danube, and

[00:25:24.277 – 00:25:28.927] subsequently moved up to Würzburg, occupied a Vera Mark hospital there.

[00:25:28.927 – 00:25:38.967] Uh, I was there about two weeks, uh, when I got orders sending me home and to

[00:25:38.967 – 00:25:41.567] go in on the Japanese homeland invasion.

[00:25:41.567 – 00:25:46.807] You see, if you go in on one invasion, you’re qualified to get killed.

[00:25:46.807 – 00:25:50.867] So, uh, I guess you’re written off or something.

[00:25:50.867 – 00:25:53.567] Anyway, uh, that– those were my orders.

[00:25:53.567 – 00:26:03.987] Uh, I flew from, uh, Nuremberg to Paris, and from Paris to New York, and from New York to Sacramento.

[00:26:03.987 – 00:26:08.587] Uh, I arrived in Sacramento the day the A-bomb fell.

[00:26:08.587 – 00:26:17.107] And so I had leave to, uh, fly up to Portland where my mother and my wife was.

[00:26:17.107 – 00:26:26.067] And, uh, I knew then I would be free of military service, uh, in the near future, but it took about six months.

[00:26:26.067 – 00:26:34.907] But during those six months, there wasn’t a day went by that we didn’t consume some, uh, liquor.

[00:26:34.907 – 00:26:44.087] Uh, mostly, uh, s- what’s that?

[00:26:44.087 – 00:26:44.847] Comfort.

[00:26:44.847 – 00:26:46.247] Southern Comfort.

[00:26:46.247 – 00:26:46.547] Yeah.

[00:26:46.547 – 00:26:49.987] That was all you could get then because it was, it was rationed.

[00:26:49.987 – 00:26:52.267] I don’t, don’t like to remember the name even.

[00:26:52.267 – 00:27:02.347] Uh, but that was all you could get right at that time because your liquor was rationed, and we didn’t have the requisite, uh, tickets for

[00:27:02.347 – 00:27:02.427] it.

[00:27:02.427 – 00:27:09.567] Uh, my wife and I drank continuously.

[00:27:09.567 – 00:27:16.087] Uh, about six months later, uh, I was free from the service.

[00:27:16.087 – 00:27:22.787] I was, uh– had to drive down to San Antonio, Texas, to get my discharge papers.

[00:27:22.787 – 00:27:31.847] And on April 26th, 1946, I went into practice in Portland in the Medical Arts Building.

[00:27:31.847 – 00:27:35.807] There, I practiced for 20 years.

[00:27:35.807 – 00:27:43.587] I received– I got my narcotic license.

[00:27:43.587 – 00:27:47.067] There again, memory is a vicious thing.

[00:27:47.067 – 00:27:54.687] And I had some Dilaudid there, and I said, “Let me try it just one more time.

[00:27:54.687 – 00:27:58.547] Just once.” So I mainlined it.

[00:27:58.547 – 00:28:04.867] The following day, well, once again, gee, that was good.

[00:28:04.867 – 00:28:07.827] Uh, that’s finished.

[00:28:07.827 – 00:28:11.007] From then on, that monkey got on my back again.

[00:28:11.007 – 00:28:21.007] And for 15 months, I enjoyed that feeling of warmth and well-being,

[00:28:21.007 – 00:28:27.707] uh, as this drug flooded my vein with each injection.

[00:28:27.707 – 00:28:31.107] Uh, I became desperate.

[00:28:31.107 – 00:28:32.067] I couldn’t shake it.

[00:28:32.067 – 00:28:39.467] So I voluntarily went into a federal penitentiary down in Fort Worth.

[00:28:39.467 – 00:28:46.667] Uh, it’s devoted entirely to narcotics, narcotic addicts.

[00:28:46.667 – 00:28:49.987] I stayed there for three months.

[00:28:49.987 – 00:28:55.287] It was an experience I’ll never forget.

[00:28:55.287 – 00:28:58.807] I know what to call a gate down is and all that.

[00:28:58.807 – 00:29:09.907] Uh, after a few weeks after withdrawal, which

[00:29:09.907 – 00:29:20.087] was really rugged, chills, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea,

[00:29:20.087 – 00:29:20.827] the shakes.

[00:29:20.827 – 00:29:29.187] You huddled up in a little ball on your cot, wishing to God you were dead, but you knew you were going to live.

[00:29:29.187 – 00:29:34.286] And then I volunteered to work out on the farm there.

[00:29:34.286 – 00:29:44.623] Uh, in the hot Texas sun, and it really, I became physically okay again.

[00:29:44.623 – 00:29:54.743] Uh, however, in the penitentiary, uh, I met quite a number of characters.

[00:29:54.743 – 00:29:59.603] Uh, there I learned what Benny was.

[00:29:59.603 – 00:30:09.763] Uh, I had permission, uh, after a while to go into town and come

[00:30:09.763 – 00:30:10.283] back.

[00:30:10.283 – 00:30:20.643] I got cartons of cigarettes in exchange for those little Benzedrine

[00:30:20.643 – 00:30:24.563] inhalers, not the Benzedrex that you have now, but Benzedrine.

[00:30:24.563 – 00:30:33.323] And you stamped on them, cracked them open, pulled out the contents on a strip of paper, and you chewed that.

[00:30:33.323 – 00:30:36.063] And you really got a high– or a little piece of it.

[00:30:36.063 – 00:30:37.003] You couldn’t chew it all.

[00:30:37.003 – 00:30:39.863] Piece at a time, and you really got a high on it.

[00:30:39.863 – 00:30:42.083] It was saturated with Benzedrine.

[00:30:42.083 – 00:30:47.903] Uh, everyone in the pen was using Bennies.

[00:30:47.903 – 00:30:49.483] It would come in.

[00:30:49.483 – 00:30:55.813] Everyone practically was still taking narcotics.

[00:30:55.813 – 00:31:03.303] They were more readily available than they were on the outside.

[00:31:03.303 – 00:31:08.823] I, I refrained from anything like that because I didn’t want to get well, as some others did.

[00:31:08.823 – 00:31:17.703] There I met a, an anesthetist, a doctor from Louisiana, and we became very good friends.

[00:31:17.703 – 00:31:28.843] And subsequently, when I, uh, left and came home to Portland, uh, he came up to visit me with his wife, and

[00:31:28.843 – 00:31:34.263] he was in the habit of buying, uh, straight alcohol a gallon at a time.

[00:31:34.263 – 00:31:37.863] And once again, my drinking days began.

[00:31:37.863 – 00:31:49.883] Uh, the following twenty years, I

[00:31:49.883 – 00:31:59.963] was using not only Dexedrine and the amphetamines, but liquor and

[00:31:59.963 – 00:32:01.823] barbiturates to come down on.

[00:32:01.823 – 00:32:06.063] Red Devils and Blue Heavens and what have you.

[00:32:06.063 – 00:32:09.963] The Seconals and Tuinals and so forth.

[00:32:09.963 – 00:32:17.703] Uh, but liquor, alcohol, was the underlying mother drug.

[00:32:17.703 – 00:32:28.923] In my own mind, it’s my personal feeling that we who are dependent on chemicals, the

[00:32:28.923 – 00:32:35.023] only difference between alcohol is that it is a drug that you can pour and drink.

[00:32:35.023 – 00:32:41.262] Narcotics, you can take by mouth, or you can shoot.

[00:32:41.262 – 00:32:43.823] Cocaine, you can snuff.

[00:32:43.823 – 00:32:45.803] Marijuana, you can smoke.

[00:32:45.803 – 00:32:49.303] Uh, peyote, you can smoke.

[00:32:49.303 – 00:32:51.043] Hashish, you can smoke.

[00:32:51.043 – 00:32:57.123] All of that is similar to alcohol.

[00:32:57.123 – 00:33:02.403] It gives us a mood change that’s pleasurable.

[00:33:02.403 – 00:33:12.623] And I will always undoubtedly look for a mood change that is pleasurable unless I stick

[00:33:12.683 – 00:33:15.303] strictly to AA.

[00:33:15.303 – 00:33:25.323] With the conviction that I was gonna be a top-notch surgeon, a very successful doctor.

[00:33:25.323 – 00:33:29.463] Well, due to liquor and drugs, I’m not.

[00:33:29.463 – 00:33:34.662] But my attitude toward life has changed.

[00:33:34.662 – 00:33:43.643] And five years ago, I went back to a treatment center in Minneap- Minneapolis.

[00:33:43.643 – 00:33:47.463] First of all, I sent my wife back.

[00:33:47.463 – 00:33:57.503] You know, incidentally, meanwhile, uh, nine years prior to that time, uh, I lost my license to practice in Oregon.

[00:33:57.503 – 00:34:07.763] Uh, so I went to Pendleton, the Eastern Oregon

[00:34:07.763 – 00:34:10.923] Hospital, and worked there as a doctor.

[00:34:10.923 – 00:34:16.603] That was allowable because you were under a cer- certain amount of supervision.

[00:34:16.603 – 00:34:21.083] Uh, there I met my present wife, Lois.

[00:34:21.083 – 00:34:31.083] Just prior to the f- or just at the time that I went to the Eastern Oregon Hospital, I was there about six months, and my

[00:34:31.083 – 00:34:36.723] first wife, uh, came to stay with me.

[00:34:36.723 – 00:34:44.483] A day before New Year’s, we drove back to Portland to be with our two daughters.

[00:34:44.483 – 00:34:46.563] I had been drinking.

[00:34:46.563 – 00:34:49.683] We were in a crash, and my wife was killed.

[00:34:51.162 – 00:34:56.102] The police said that, uh, I was in no way to blame.

[00:34:56.102 – 00:34:58.821] It was entirely other chap’s fault.

[00:34:58.821 – 00:35:00.902] My car was totaled.

[00:35:00.902 – 00:35:03.522] I was bummed up a bit.

[00:35:03.522 – 00:35:12.462] And that lay as a big burden of guilt on me all the time because I had known that I had drinks before I started out.

[00:35:12.462 – 00:35:15.522] Maybe I could have prevented it.

[00:35:15.522 – 00:35:21.382] Uh, guilt more than regrets.

[00:35:21.382 – 00:35:31.642] But, uh, several years after that, I met Lois, and we joined

[00:35:31.642 – 00:35:33.942] up, married and drinking together.

[00:35:33.942 – 00:35:40.462] She had a long history of, of drinking and the use of drugs as well as I had had.

[00:35:40.462 – 00:35:50.462] Uh, there came a time when Lois was at such

[00:35:50.462 – 00:35:53.682] a point that she needed treatment.

[00:35:53.682 – 00:35:59.702] She needed both medical and alcoholic treatment.

[00:35:59.702 – 00:36:03.402] I had inquired from some friends, and they suggested St.

[00:36:03.402 – 00:36:10.282] Mary’s Hospital back in Minneapolis, uh, which is a nationally known treatment center.

[00:36:10.282 – 00:36:18.622] So I felt very magnanimous, and I put her on a plane and sent her back there after making arrangements for her going in.

[00:36:18.622 – 00:36:22.622] Never thinking about myself, not thinking I could do it.

[00:36:22.622 – 00:36:27.642] I always had been able to do it and, uh, stop for just a time.

[00:36:27.642 – 00:36:38.562] And, uh, she was there for four weeks when I got a phone call from her counselor inviting me back as

[00:36:38.562 – 00:36:39.762] a concerned person.

[00:36:39.762 – 00:36:41.462] So I said yes.

[00:36:41.462 – 00:36:43.742] So I flew back there for her fifth week.

[00:36:43.742 – 00:36:50.862] So 12 hours after I arri– on the plane, of course, I enjoyed many Bloody Marys and that.

[00:36:50.862 – 00:36:58.722] And that night, I suffered a bad coronary heart attack.

[00:36:58.722 – 00:37:07.182] I had been given a room in this treatment building, and that was adjacent to the hospital.

[00:37:07.182 – 00:37:17.442] And I called on the phone and told them I was– it was the second attack I had, and I was rushed through a tunnel system to the hospital

[00:37:17.442 – 00:37:20.242] and put in the acute coronary care unit.

[00:37:20.242 – 00:37:24.602] Well, I was there approximately, uh, four weeks.

[00:37:24.602 – 00:37:26.942] Meanwhile, Lois had stayed with me.

[00:37:26.942 – 00:37:37.702] My doctor told me, a cardiologist, that on Friday, I could make arrangements to fly home.

[00:37:37.702 – 00:37:42.642] So I felt pretty good about it.

[00:37:42.642 – 00:37:47.302] And in my grip, in my room, I had a bottle of Valium.

[00:37:47.302 – 00:37:54.222] So just to feel even better, I got that out and took a few Valium.

[00:37:54.222 – 00:38:03.602] Incidentally, uh, I had been on Valium for quite a long while, and so had my wife, as well as alcohol.

[00:38:03.602 – 00:38:11.762] Singapore Slings were, uh, our– at that time was a preferred drink.

[00:38:11.762 – 00:38:22.402] Uh, my wife finished the treatment, stayed with me,

[00:38:22.402 – 00:38:24.582] and stayed there in Minneapolis.

[00:38:24.582 – 00:38:32.502] And just the day before I was supposed to be discharged, she came in with her counselor, with my doctor.

[00:38:32.502 – 00:38:42.402] And Lois very simply told me I was an alcoholic, and my life had been mismanaged.

[00:38:42.402 – 00:38:49.882] And I then is when I- It’s then I, I, uh, had my spiritual awakening.

[00:38:49.882 – 00:38:53.802] Uh, I, uh– There was no hesitancy on my part.

[00:38:53.802 – 00:38:56.402] For some reason or other, there was no argument or anything.

[00:38:56.402 – 00:39:04.102] I, uh, recognized the fact, and they suggested that Lois fly home and I go into the treatment center.

[00:39:04.102 – 00:39:12.722] Uh, I followed that suggestion, and then I never, uh, welcomed anything anymore.

[00:39:12.722 – 00:39:17.402] It was a complete change in my life pattern.

[00:39:17.402 – 00:39:26.242] Uh, as I said, I had the attitude that I was gonna be a success in life.

[00:39:26.242 – 00:39:35.242] I wasn’t in any way the success I wanted to be, uh, the success that opportunity had given me.

[00:39:35.242 – 00:39:40.302] But I think my higher power gave me a better success.

[00:39:40.302 – 00:39:46.042] It changed my attitude completely from being a success to being happy.

[00:39:46.042 – 00:39:50.642] And for the last five years, I have been a happy man.

[00:39:50.642 – 00:39:52.442] Both of us have been happy.

[00:39:52.442 – 00:39:56.202] And I’m very content.

[00:39:56.202 – 00:40:03.622] I appreciate everything that AA has done for me.

[00:40:03.622 – 00:40:09.902] We went into AA immediately after, uh, five years ago and have been in it ever since.

[00:40:09.902 – 00:40:11.962] We’re active in it in Pendleton.

[00:40:11.962 – 00:40:17.302] We’re active in it down in Seaside, where we lived for about four and a half years.

[00:40:17.302 – 00:40:25.102] And speaking of Seaside, I welcome any one of you who come down to contact us.

[00:40:25.102 – 00:40:32.081] And, uh, we’ll show you around the town and brag about the place we live in.

[00:40:32.081 – 00:40:36.822] But we won’t show you into the multitude of bars that exist on Broadway.

[00:40:36.822 – 00:40:41.262] Incidentally, we haven’t gone into a bar since we’ve been there.

[00:40:41.262 – 00:40:45.322] And, uh, that was unusual or is unusual.

[00:40:45.322 – 00:40:48.182] I thank you for listening to me tonight.

[00:40:48.182 – 00:40:53.882] It’s rather a rambling story, uh, but it’s a true one.

[00:40:53.882 – 00:40:54.802] Thank you.

[00:40:54.802 – 00:41:04.912] I hope all of you realize this could

[00:41:04.912 – 00:41:07.432] really give me a slip in my behavioral matter.

[00:41:07.432 – 00:41:10.752] I’m beginning to feel persecuted.

[00:41:10.752 – 00:41:14.012] Would you give your name over again?

[00:41:14.012 – 00:41:16.112] Would I give my name over again?

[00:41:16.112 – 00:41:19.712] I’m Colleen, a grateful member of Al-Anon.

[00:41:19.712 – 00:41:23.792] Oh, dear.

[00:41:23.792 – 00:41:34.721] I, uh, I want to make this more a testimony, uh, to all of you and, uh, my

[00:41:34.721 – 00:41:41.092] gratitude and my attitude changes, uh, for what all of you have given to me.

[00:41:41.092 – 00:41:51.292] You have, um, helped me accept my behavior,

[00:41:51.292 – 00:41:59.112] uh, my resentments, and my anger during all of my life that was affected by drinking.

[00:41:59.112 – 00:42:09.112] Uh, my father was an alcoholic, and my brother was also an alcoholic.

[00:42:09.112 – 00:42:10.532] They are both dead now.

[00:42:10.532 – 00:42:15.852] Uh, they died a year, two years before I entered this program.

[00:42:15.852 – 00:42:25.952] Uh, that was more or less when things started coming to a crisis for me and that I had to start seeing things differently in my home life.

[00:42:25.952 – 00:42:36.022] And had to come to face the fact that all the things that I had been trying to do and the people that

[00:42:36.022 – 00:42:46.272] I had been trying to manipulate, uh, I had failed, and I had not been able to do the things that I wanted to accomplish by myself,

[00:42:46.272 – 00:42:51.532] uh, or with, I felt, the help of my higher power.

[00:42:51.532 – 00:43:01.612] Uh, I had a great feeling of failure and depression, and, uh, I knew that somewhere, somehow, I had to find

[00:43:01.612 – 00:43:01.942] help.

[00:43:01.942 – 00:43:12.122] I had heard of Al-Anon, but I associated it, rightly so, with Alcoholics Anonymous, but I thought that that’s

[00:43:12.122 – 00:43:16.292] where the wives of alcoholics went after they achieved sobriety.

[00:43:16.292 – 00:43:23.332] And, uh, it was more or less a social thing, uh, not someplace for me.

[00:43:23.332 – 00:43:27.532] Uh, I was pushed into Al-Anon.

[00:43:27.532 – 00:43:34.972] I was told that I really needed help and that I was, uh, going to find the help I needed in these meetings.

[00:43:34.972 – 00:43:44.492] Uh, when I came, I was so grateful to hear that it was for me because I just didn’t feel like I wanted to be very supportive to anybody anymore.

[00:43:44.492 – 00:43:51.752] Uh, I was having a hard enough time taking care of myself, uh, just struggling.

[00:43:51.752 – 00:43:55.872] I was just surviving, and that’s the expression I used, and that’s the way I felt.

[00:43:55.872 – 00:44:03.852] I was living every day, breathing and walking and existing, but somehow I just, you know, wasn’t enjoying the fruits of life.

[00:44:03.852 – 00:44:13.892] Um, I came in and, uh, you gave me the guidelines I needed,

[00:44:13.892 – 00:44:16.012] uh, told me to read lots of literature.

[00:44:16.012 – 00:44:16.692] I did.

[00:44:16.692 – 00:44:21.222] Uh, listen, come to meetings.

[00:44:21.222 – 00:44:29.512] I came to Obie’s once a month and would sit here and listen to all the different speakers come from all over and share so many things with me.

[00:44:29.512 – 00:44:32.812] Uh, I went to, uh, my own Al-Anon meetings.

[00:44:32.812 – 00:44:39.052] I went to open AA meetings, and I thought, “Oh, my God, what beautiful people,” you know.

[00:44:39.052 – 00:44:44.812] And they have, uh, found what I’ve been seeking, and I want what they have.

[00:44:44.812 – 00:44:50.752] And the only way I’m gonna get what they have is to do what they tell me to do.

[00:44:50.752 – 00:44:56.512] And that’s come to meetings, listen, listen, listen, and put the steps into my everyday life.

[00:44:56.512 – 00:45:01.512] And that’s what I really have to do, practice those steps every day of my life.

[00:45:01.512 – 00:45:11.672] And I, have received a real beautiful, uh, spiritual gift, I think, because I always had a faith

[00:45:11.672 – 00:45:19.532] in a higher power whom I choose to call God, but, um, somehow I didn’t seem to be able to communicate with him very well.

[00:45:19.532 – 00:45:24.132] He didn’t seem to be listening to me, and he certainly wasn’t answering my prayers.

[00:45:24.132 – 00:45:34.252] And, you know, when, when I had pretty well made up my mind that he wasn’t going to listen to me anymore and he wasn’t going to answer my prayers, surely he

[00:45:34.252 – 00:45:37.712] would at least answer them if I prayed in the name of my children.

[00:45:37.712 – 00:45:43.152] You know, he certainly couldn’t deny them a sober father.

[00:45:43.152 – 00:45:49.232] Uh, now when I talk to my higher power, I talk to him off and on all day long.

[00:45:49.232 – 00:45:54.462] And, uh, he listens, and, uh, I hear his answers.

[00:45:54.462 – 00:46:03.252] And, uh, I think one of the neatest things that I’ve come to know is the greatest gift that he could give me is my fellow man.

[00:46:03.252 – 00:46:09.712] And when he speaks to me, he doesn’t speak to me verbally, out of the sky.

[00:46:09.712 – 00:46:10.202] Thank goodness.

[00:46:10.202 – 00:46:11.332] I think that would scare me.

[00:46:11.332 – 00:46:15.552] He talks to me through you, you know.

[00:46:15.552 – 00:46:18.552] And all I have to do is be willing to, uh, hear it.

[00:46:18.552 – 00:46:26.692] Uh, I’m a happy person now, a joyful person now, and my family life is happy now.

[00:46:26.692 – 00:46:34.272] I wanna be here to help other people get the same feeling.

[00:46:34.272 – 00:46:36.452] I know that it can be done.

[00:46:36.452 – 00:46:46.642] I– there isn’t anyone out there who could have gone through any more, you know, pitfalls, uh, depressions, failures,

[00:46:46.642 – 00:46:50.992] uh, miseries, self-defacing, ego problems.

[00:46:50.992 – 00:47:00.792] You know, uh, when you grow up in a family where there’s, uh, you know, raging alcoholism, uh, my father was placed in a mental institution when I was seventeen.

[00:47:00.792 – 00:47:01.696] …

[00:47:01.696 – 00:47:03.536] caused from the effects of this disease.

[00:47:03.536 – 00:47:08.396] I watched my brother, uh, die from this disease of convulsions.

[00:47:08.396 – 00:47:12.476] Uh, there was no doubt in my mind that it was an illness, you know?

[00:47:12.476 – 00:47:22.376] Uh, but somewhere I had a problem of finding out where that invisible line was that I knew existed.

[00:47:22.376 – 00:47:25.476] I kept thinking, you know, I knew my husband drank a lot.

[00:47:25.476 – 00:47:29.436] I knew that it was affecting me, and I knew I had to keep an eye on it.

[00:47:29.436 – 00:47:39.496] You know, but someday, you know, if I was real good, he would wake up, and everything would be beautiful, and all our hopes and goals and

[00:47:39.496 – 00:47:48.276] dreams would come true, um, if I just did better, you know, if I just tried harder, and it just didn’t work that way.

[00:47:48.276 – 00:47:57.116] You know, he came to, uh, to sobriety, uh, on his own, uh, not because of anything I said or did.

[00:47:57.116 – 00:47:59.496] I’ve got to share something cute with you, though.

[00:47:59.496 – 00:48:09.516] About five years before we got into this program, um, I decided that I was tired of my husband living in the taverns, and, uh, I just had to

[00:48:09.516 – 00:48:10.616] do something about this.

[00:48:10.616 – 00:48:17.716] And of course, I’d been trying things, you know, all along to solve this problem, and none of them had worked.

[00:48:17.716 – 00:48:27.796] And one day he announced to me that he was no longer going to, uh, indulge in his drinking in public places, and I thought, “Oh, you’ve

[00:48:27.796 – 00:48:29.216] answered my prayers,” you know?

[00:48:29.216 – 00:48:34.456] I knew that he wouldn’t drink as much if he wasn’t in these, you know, dens of iniquity.

[00:48:34.456 – 00:48:39.856] And, uh, he would be sober a lot more, and we’d do all these wonderful things.

[00:48:39.856 – 00:48:48.396] And, uh, gosh darn it, I had to find out what combination of things that I had done, you know, that had made him come to this decision.

[00:48:48.396 – 00:48:58.396] I knew that it couldn’t have just been one thing, but somewhere along the line, I had hit on some right things, and I just simply had to sit down and think about this rationally and put it

[00:48:58.396 – 00:49:05.496] on paper, and I could write a book, and I knew there was a million of you ladies out there that would buy it, and I’d be rich.

[00:49:05.496 – 00:49:07.816] But it didn’t work that way.

[00:49:07.816 – 00:49:14.376] Uh, he continued to drink, and, uh, it seemed like a lot heavier.

[00:49:14.376 – 00:49:25.016] And, uh, I began to have to face the fact that it wasn’t those dens of iniquity and all those terrible friends he associated with that was forcing this stuff

[00:49:25.016 – 00:49:25.616] down him.

[00:49:25.616 – 00:49:27.916] Uh, he was doing it on his own.

[00:49:27.916 – 00:49:38.316] And, uh, when he decided to, uh, try to strive for sobriety, I think he did it, uh, naturally for himself, but

[00:49:38.316 – 00:49:40.916] he was really living with a crazy lady, you know?

[00:49:40.916 – 00:49:50.376] And I, I can remember when we had gone to a marriage counselor, and, uh, a marriage counselor had recommended that I try Al-Anon.

[00:49:50.376 – 00:49:53.276] He didn’t say anything to him about trying AA.

[00:49:53.276 – 00:49:57.396] He just pointed out that I needed Al-Anon, and I was just crushed, you know?

[00:49:57.396 – 00:50:07.756] I knew that he was confirming the fact that I was goofy, and I was the one that needed help, and he didn’t realize that this guy over here was the one that was making me this crazy.

[00:50:07.756 – 00:50:09.976] And I just sobbed my little heart out, you know?

[00:50:09.976 – 00:50:19.976] Well, my husband had never heard the word Al-Anon before, I guess, and so a few nights later, we were having a family dissertation, and I was becoming my

[00:50:19.976 – 00:50:30.096] usual goofy self, and he said, “I think you need to go see that head shrink, Al-Anon.” You know how true those words were.

[00:50:30.096 – 00:50:40.116] Anyway, to get to where I am now, uh, I’m able to get up here in front of all of you and speak and

[00:50:40.116 – 00:50:43.496] share with you some of the things that you’ve shared with me.

[00:50:43.496 – 00:50:53.576] Uh, I got a beautiful Mother’s Day card today from my, uh, daughter who lives in Texas, and, uh, it was a real neat thing for

[00:50:53.576 – 00:50:57.695] me because, uh, for a long time, we were really kind of estranged.

[00:50:57.695 – 00:51:05.356] And, uh, it just felt really nice to have a special card that I knew she picked out for me, and it said a lot of neat things that I needed to hear.

[00:51:05.356 – 00:51:07.936] Uh, I have four children.

[00:51:07.936 – 00:51:10.236] I’m going to be a grandmother in October.

[00:51:10.236 – 00:51:18.736] Uh, this pa– this program has just given me a whole new family life, uh, hope, you know, strength.

[00:51:18.736 – 00:51:29.216] And I used to think that if I could just come to Al-Anon for a year, you know, that I would get better, and then I could leave it, and I’d be strong enough to, uh,

[00:51:29.216 – 00:51:30.956] survive again.

[00:51:30.956 – 00:51:39.756] Uh, I just couldn’t hardly stand the idea of thinking that I had to come to these meetings and be around all of you for fifteen, 20, 25 years.

[00:51:39.756 – 00:51:41.456] Good heavens, you know?

[00:51:41.456 – 00:51:50.056] And, you know, after about a year, I just felt comfortable, and I just didn’t worry too much about how long I was gonna have to keep coming.

[00:51:50.056 – 00:51:56.196] And now after two and a half years, I just think I can’t even imagine life without all of you.

[00:51:56.196 – 00:51:58.736] I do– I can’t imagine my life without my meetings.

[00:51:58.736 – 00:52:04.376] I don’t really think that I would fall apart without them, but I don’t want to, you know?

[00:52:04.376 – 00:52:05.236] It’s neat.

[00:52:05.236 – 00:52:13.916] I have a, a whole bunch of friends out there, and I think I’m gonna shut up now, and I’m gonna wish you all peace and love, and thank you for letting me share with you tonight.

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