September 1958

:hat. That, in fact, is precisely not ask me, ‘Why were you not what’s been ailing us. Moses? They will ask, ‘Why were To underline the point, let me you not Susya? ” start out with a word from my fath- I t is a natural weakness. A touch er when he was small. In those days of it is simply part of being human. his bedtime reading was from a But only an age of Puritanism book about a boy called little Rob- raises it to a virtue. And what Puriert. There was no virtue that little tans we are! We are dedicated to Robert did not possess in full meas- one or another political policy with ure, pressed down and running over, an intensity which puts the once- I WAS MADE TO BE ME and for a time little Thayer was respected word compromise among awed and emulous. the dirtiest in our vocabulary. We But a night came, a stormy night, are haunted by the rallying phrases when, as his parents were giving a of every psychiatric school. Are we dinner party, a small white-gowned mature? Are we integrated with the figure appeared in their midst to group? Or, granted that we’re a make an abrupt and final pro- mess, are we doing our best to save nouncement: “The blinds go slam- our children from similar failure? bang, the water goes guggle in the Obsessively, we weigh ourselves cis’ern, and I’m tired of being little in the balance and find ourselves Robert!” wanting. But how should the scales He never tried to be little Robert swing otherwise? For our counteragain, and it made him delightful weight is little Robert, little Robert company. Yes, even on his death- who somehow manages to be everybed, when he opened his eyes, thing that is admirable in everyone smiled his familiar smile that was from Albert Schweitzer to Elsa all humour, all tolerance and integ- Maxwell. rity, and remarked, “I am well Well, I’m through with it. Get aware that in the great economy one those scales out of here. I am me. I life more or less makes little differ- could be a lot better at being me, ence, but I must say that it makes and I mean to go on trying. I t is not ‘ the hell of a difference to me.” I only the dignity but a large part of think of him now, and marvel at the fun of living that we stretch and by VICTORIA LINCOLN that long constancy. develop. But as ourselves, as our- For we all want to be little Rob- selves. Reprinted from Vogue ert. The virtues, graces, and gifts It’s easy to understand how we a revelation recently, and As simple as that, and a funny that are most alien to us somehow got to be so driven. It’s a frightening I HAD I’m feeling much better, thank time this is when you can’t say it always look the best. We go through age, and it is proper that we should you. So much better that I want to without feeling infantile, irrespon- life incapable of understanding the read our papen with a sense of share it around. sible, and otherwise below Stakhan- wisdom of old Rabbi Susya who individual responsibility. But for I t was this: I was made to be me. ovite standards. But never mind said, “In the coming life they will many, perhaps most of us, that re-

sponsibility is fulfilled when we can even go out, on impulse, for a and neglect the arts. Sure, we’re in fact, that we’ve been wasting on speak our minds without fear, and walk, or lie down and read a silly one-sided. What’s wrong with that? self-flagellation; and that’s more become, so far as we may, intelli- book without a half-guilty plea that Life is one-sided. The beauty of life than you may think until you try gent voters. And that limit we re- it is good for us. How many of us is in its manifold, never repeated chucking it. With that time and fuse to admit. manage our days so that we ever asymmetries. The fault is not in strength we find ourselves spontane- We’re scared, and it has affected have time to meet our own natural ourselves but in our crippling guilt; ously branching not to a new, miracus oddly. Few of us would confuse happiest, and so, most capable guilt either overt or dressed as self- ulous symmetry, no-but enough to free-floating anxiety with a sensible selves? righteousness. find ourselves doing rather well a concern for our daily lives; but there Our own selves, that’s what we The overt guilt is one that I un- little of those things which we used is a sterile, free-floating earnestness balk at. Every Mary tries to be a derstand from the inside out. Let to force ourselves to do much of, and in the air which we increasingly Martha and every Martha a Mary, me tell you a secret. For years I badly, or blame ourselves for not confuse with an active conscience. forgetful of Saint Theresa’s shrewd have been haunted by the memory doing at all. If this earnestness did the world any observation that it takes both to of a weekend I once spent with .In other words, once we admit good, I’d be all for it; but it doesn’t, offer Christ a perfect hospitality. Dorothy Thompson. Oh, that effi- that we are, and ought to be, oneyou know. I t only makes us hu- What is natural to us we belittle; cient housekeeping, that energy of sided, we become a little less onemorless emotional cripples. what is alien, we admire. Our theme political intelligence. How often the sided; the neurotic limitation gives And I hereby offer you, in all song is, “Anything you can do, I picture of those magnificent gifts place to a natural, pleasing asymseriousness, the reminder of one should do better, I should do every- has come back to reduce me to a metry. more responsibility. People should thing better than you.” humility just this side of tears. Yes, the overt guilt is easy to have fun in their own way, as much I know a woman whose house, And never once until this revela- catch ourselves in; and it is not too as they w n without keeping other whose garden, are joys to the eye tion came on me did I reflect that hard to climb over, into the fun of people from having theirs, too. You and soul; and what’s more, by her she, a minister’s daughter, had being and enjoying ourselves. heard me. I said, have fun. If hap- own work alone she keeps them doubtless learned as a child a score The greater-and blessedly rarer piness is a good, it is also a good lovely with a casual ease that is next of arts that I acquired the hard way -danger is overcompensating smugfor you. door to genius. Is she proud? Be- in my twenties, beginning with the ness: the conviction that our virtues I t is a psychiatric clich6 to say lieve it or not, she tells me with a art of hanging up my own clothes; are the virtues. Nobody who feels straight and rueful face that she has and I ended up a good cook, too. I t that is really happy; but their unthat we can’t love our neighbours without first loving ourselves. And never done anything creatioe. never even occurred to me that she happiness isn’t a circumsbmce to we all, in theory at least, think it I know a woman with a genius can’t write fiction. the hell they can make for the peois good to love our neighbours. But for friendship; her gaiety, her quick Well, from here on in I’m going ple who have to live around them. we find it remarkably hard to swal- understanding give courage and re- to stop being a failure as Dorothy There is, alas, a little lick of their low the notion that it might also be freshment to all she meets and she Thompson and enjoy being Vicky vice in all of us; enough for us to be a good thing to lay off a little on meets many. Her warm, effortless Lincoln. Of course I’ll go on trying on guard against. But I am not judging our neighbours-and our- parties set her guests up like a to be tidier and to learn more about talking to the real addicts; they’re selves. In an era of Puritanism, month in the country. And she be- my political responsibilities. But I out of speaking range, anyway. I “Judge not, that ye be not judged” rates herself for doing nothing con- think that even those things will be only want to say: if you’ve got one is the first holy directive to go up structive. easier, not harder, now. around, don’t let her scare you. the spout. If we read and go to concerts, we For once we accept our own lim- Give her the pity she needs and go It’s amazing how far our un- worry because we aren’t sitting on its and respect our own gifts, we your own way; that’s all. bridled lust for self-judgment has committees; if we sit on committees, suddenly have time and strength Everybody, by his own bias, sees got us down. Few of us, by now, we worry because we’re one-sided left over; all the time and strength, the world instinctively either in

terms of it is or it ought to be. You self; you, too, are of a noble commight say that everybody is pri- pany. Don’t be ashamed into a cripmarily either an artist or a moral- pling self-denial that only achieves ist. Both slants are good, both are moral awareness at the price of necessary to the progress of civiliza- moral accomplishment. tion; and everybody who is not That’s all. Go your own ways morally imbecile or pathologically now. Go with mutual admiration blind to the fact has a measure of and no apologies, and have fun. both. And both must be respected. And don’t wait. Just start taking If you were born to criticize, to half-an-hour now and then to do strive, to think in terms of ought to precisely what you feel like, even if be, accept it. I t is you, it is where it’s nothing more dramatic than goyour worth and your joy alike must ing out in the yard and sitting in lie. Only remember that there are the sun. others, unlike you, who are also im- And tell your conscience that you portant to the world. owe it to life itself; to lovely, one-of- On the other hand, if your first a-kind, irreplaceable, lopsided life. impulse is only to look a t the view (Copyright 1958, The Condc! Nast and wonder at it, don’t blame your- Publications Inc.)