June 1980

recognizing an area of impotence grow or shrink. If they do not grow would be too great a blow to their in personality, they often begin to fragile self-esteem. Not until they deteriorate. There are undoubtedly achieve a positive sense of self- many schemes, within religion or esteem can they afford to relinquish other systems, that can foster perthis desperate defense of the omnip- sonality growth, but the AA prootent fantasy that had served, so gram is one of the finest and is of pathologically, to provide a spurious proved efficacy. The Quality of Surrender sense of self-worth. This is whv I contended in an Continued active participation in AA should bring about progressive by Abraham J. Twerski, M D earlier article (“what’s Wrong With strengthening of character, clearer Elaine?” in the December 1978 self-awareness, and an improved Grapevine) that during the early self-concept. Since this growth is A nonalcoholic considers phase of recovery, the First Step is progressive, and since the ability to our First Step generally taken out of compliance. accept powerlessness is directly pro- When recovery has continued suffi- portional to the degree of positive ciently for people to begin to feel self-concept, it follows that the

I HAVE COME to the conc~usion grow and feel bigger, and accepting that the essence of sobriety – help is no longer perceived as a the essence of the AA program – is threatening revelation of their smallgood about themselves as individuals, they can then begin to surrender. quality of surrender at the end of two years’ sobriety should be more thorough and meaningful than that the First Step: accepting one’s ness, they are more likely t o accept It follows that since the ability to at the end of the first year. The powerlessness over alcohol. It is and even ask for help. accept personal powerlessness is perception of powerlessness at the important, however, that we under- In many instances, even though contingent on achieving a sense of end of the fifteenth year should beof stand what acceptance of powerless- people are full-grown both physical- self-esteem, the quality of surrender greater depth than that in the fourness means. ly and intellectually, they may never- will change as self-esteem increases. teenth year. When this does not oc- We are all familiar with drinking theless feel “little.” This phenom- The latter can occur when alcoholics cur, then there is reason to suspect alcoholics’ inability to accept their enon of harboring unwarranted feel- work the AA program. Taking in- that, although such people are attotal powerlessness over alcohol, ings of inadequacy leads to feelings ventories and revealing themselves tending AA physically, they are not even in the face of overwhelming of insecurity, to low self-esteem, and to other persons, making amends working the program. They may be evidence to the contrary. Why? to an absence of self-confidence. and carrying the message – these abstinent, but they are not growing If you have observed little Under such circumstances, these and the other Steps are the means in sobriety. children, who feel so tiny in a world people may feel overwhelmed even whereby recovering alcoholics come Although it is generally accepted of giant adults, you will recall that by the routine challenges of every- to build and strengthen their that one cannot take the subsequent they often do things to try to assert day life, and may escape from what characters and grow in personal Steps until one has taken the First, I their independence and self-suffi- they perceive as a formidable ordeal stature. The better and more secure submit that the converse is also true: ciency. They will refuse help with into the anesthesia of alcohol. they feel about themselves, the more that one cannot take a true First Step putting on their clothes; they will But it is precisely the people who profound and sincere can be their ac- without the growth provided by the stand on a chair and point out how feel insecure and inadequate who are ceptance of powerlessness. , other eleven. And so working the big they are; they will even take risks most threatened by an admission of Human beings rarely remain sta- program turns out to be a circular aft o demonstrate their prowess powerlessness. They hang on to the tionary in character strength for any fair, never ending – except, that is, (“Look, Ma, no hands!”). As they delusion of omnipotence, because extended period of time; they either in greater happiness.