December 1975

To Be Always by Abraham J. Twerski, M D

Denial is no less A s AN OUTSIDER, but one who has been privileged to enjoy the fruits of the AA Fellowship, I would sult in either allowing a remediable condition to progress unchecked, or beating my head against a brick wall people in the program becoming smug with their sobriety after a while, feeling they no longer have like to offer some observations. in futile waste of time and energy. the great need for AA that they prefoolish In my psychiatric practice, I have One must look for the wisdom to viously did. This is a disastrous misoccasion to see patients with prob- make this distinction. take, for several reasons. after ten gears lems other than alcohol. I have often It appears quite true that in life First, the denial that underlies alsincerely regretted that some of these one either grows or deteriorates. coholism does not go away when of sobriety did not drink. because thev are los- There is little stagnation; indeed, one stops drinking. It constantly rethan before ing out on the benefits of a; invalua- stagnation soon turns into deteriora- asserts itself, and as far as I am conble recovery Dromam. Much that the tion. I have found the AA method cerned, the person with, say, ten duy one AA prograGfftk could be of value extremely helpful in maintaining years of sobriety who drifts away to nondrinkers, and it is a shame growth. Although human beings can from AA is in much the same posithat they cannot benefit from it. The be very powerful, the wise and con- tion as the one who gives lip service corollary to this is: We should not structive use of our powers cannot to the fact of his alcoholism, but reconclude that the only thing to be occur until we realize that we are at jects AA or any other help because gained from AA is abstinence from the same time quite helpless. Stand- he can “do it alone.” The “Look, alcohol. True, abstinence is a great ing alone, we are completely help- Ma, no hands” bit is a childish reenough accomplishment, and with- less. When we invoke a higher action, rather harmless when one is out it, nothing good can happen; but power, and when we begin to form riding a bike at age eight, and all the advantages of the program are sincere relationships with other hu- that is being risked is a scraped shin far beyond this. man beings, that is when our poten- if the bike hits a rock. When the I have the Serenity Prayer affixed tial can be realized. The need for stakes are life itself -one’s own to the telephone in my office. I have sincerity, for self-awareness, for an life and the lives of many others successfully survived many a day on- inventory, for sharing with another this attitude is foolish. It is no less ly by being repeatedly reminded that person -all these are as important foolish after ten years of sobriety there are indeed things I may be to the nonalcoholic’s personality than before day number one. Driftable to alter, but there are others be- growth as they are to the alcoholic’s. ing away from AA because of a long yond my capability to change. A These comments are addressed to period of sobriety is inviting relapse, mistake in either direction would re- AAs because I have observed some and the person who feels that he is

– safe because he knows he is different due to the shame of having failed, -well, we have all heard that one because I have seen people who graduate school may move signifi- successfully reentered after relapse before. have swallowed their pride. Rather, cantly beyond that acquired by un- following years of good sobriety is In addition to the continued need it appears to be due to the disap- dergraduates, but this advance does comparatively small. for AA for sheer sobriety, however, pointment that occurs when they do not have the dramatic quality that One day in the operating room, a there is the personality growth that not find the same thing in AA on chari~cterizeslearning how to read. surgeon ran into some unexpected one can achieve in the program. To reentry that they found the first The first experience of sobriety is complications, and asked his assisthe AA member convinced that he time around. something that cannot be equaled. tant to check in the surgeons’ lounge no longer has any need for growth, It should be apparent that growth As one stays in the program, a great to see whether anyone there could 1 I suggest starting at the First Step all is not a uniform phenomenon. A deal of growth occurs. If there is a help him out. The assistant returned ‘ over again. Only God has no need newborn infant will have tripled his relapse, one cannot expect to have with the report that the chief of the for growth, and the idea that one no weight by the end of the first year of the first-growth thrill again, simply surgical department, a surgeon of longer needs to grow is reminiscent life. If he were to continue at that because one is no longer a beginner. great excellence, was available. of the pathological feeling of omnip- rate, a child of three years would The expectation on reentry must be “Hell no,” the operating surgeon otence that helped start the whole weigh two hundred pounds! Obvi- of a qualitatively different type of said. “He can’t be of any help. He’s thing in the first place. As for the ously, the weight gain is proportion- experience. never gotten himself into a mess like member who doesn’t think AA can ately very great at the beginning, and Another difficulty on reentry after this.” contribute to his growth, I suggest then proceeds slowly, sometimes relapse following long sobriety in the In other situations, too, the only doing a Fifth Step again, coming in spurts. Similarly, in learn- program is that there are relatively person who can help is someone who Another comment I wish to make ing, a child in the first and second few other people capable of bringing has worked his way out of a mess. is in regard to those people who re- grades acquires access to whole new their personal experience to bear as There are many who can help the lapse after a long period in the AA worlds of knowledge and communi- , a source of help. One of the great newcomer in AA, But when. someprogram. My observation has been cation as he learns to read and write. sources of strength fix the beginner one relapses after ten years of sobrithat successful reentry into the pro- Such dramatic revelations never re- in AA is the wealth of experience ety, a person with twenty unbroken gram is quite difficult. This is not cur. ‘The knowledge acquired in from others who have been there. years of sobriety may not be able to But the number of people who have offer much help; and the people who

have been in that particular mess and to help local members or sponseem so few that it may be difficult sors with the problems of the person to find even one. who is in reentry now. If that observation is correct, I I have heard someone say that the would like to suggest that there be a AA program cannot help these peonational pooling of resources, in or- ple. I strongly disagree, and suggest der to make available for AAs in that we recognize where the difiiculeach community the experiences of ties lie, so that the person can again members in other communities. Per- recover within the program, although haps, in one community, no AA is his needs now may be far different qualified to bring a personal experi- from those he felt on his Erst entry. ence of successful reentry to the aid AA generally does things so well of a fellow alcoholic who has re- that it hardly needs advice from outlapsed after extended sobriety. In siders. But it is precisely my high resuch a case, there should be a way gard for the program that leads me of bringing from other communities to a suggestion for making it of even persons who have made successful greater application to all, veterans as reentry, to lead at several meetings, well as neophytes.