December 1944

THE NEW YORK PRESS REPORTS A.A. DINNER From the N. Y. World Telegram: Digest and radio commentator. He likened Fifteen hundred people, most of them A.A. to “the mighty allied army which at former drunks, assembled last night at this moment is ending the binge upon the Hotel Commodore to celebrate the which Nazi Germany had set out”…. 10th anniversary of the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it was as From the N. Y. Herald Tribune: humbling and as wholesome as a walk in ….The report which the founder delivered the open fields at twilight… on Alcoholics Anonymous’s ten-year ….One of the members speakers was an history was impressive. In its first year, extraordinarily attractive young woman he said, only fifteen alcoholics “were who spoke with the frankness of sunlight released” from the drinking habit. After and whose wit and philosophy could only three years there were forty have been derived from a terrible mental “conversions.” At the end of four years experience. the total was only 100. But after ten ….She told of her addiction to alcohol years there are more than 12,000 when she was 17 – “because I was shy members in more than 370 groups and unsure of myself” – and one felt at throughout the United States and first as she began her story like a violator Canada, and a new unit is functioning of the confessional until realization came successfully in Hawaii… that here was the courage of truth, and the acceptance of realities, which is the From the N. Y Sun: first lesson of an alcoholic on the road to ….Perhaps the thing which impressed the reform…. non-alcoholics among the diners most was the happiness of every last one of From the N. Y Daily News: the women and men who had achieved ….Chief address of the evening was by release from their liquid obsession. Fulton Oursler, senior editor of Reader’s

June 1945

10th BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS To commemorate the 10th anniversary of the meeting out of which A.A. was born, the Cleveland groups have arranged a two-day program carrying through the afternoon of June 10 while the Akron groups will be host at a dinner on the evening of the same day. Dr. Bob and Bill W. are scheduled as the speakers in both cities. Their meeting 10 years ago, when they fused their ideas into what are now the principles of A.A., is the occasion which the programs celebrate. The Cleveland program will open Saturday, June 9, with a tea for A.A. women at 3 p.m. Other features will be a dinner, a dance and open house, with nationwide representation of A.A. groups anticipated. Headquarters for the affair will be the Carter Hotel. The climax of the Cleveland program will be the anniversary meeting Saturday at 2:30 p.m. in The Music Hall in downtown Cleveland, with Dr. Bob and Bill W. as the speakers. An organ recital will precede the meeting. In Akron, the Founder’s Day Dinner is scheduled for 6:30 p.m., June 10.

July 1945

Epic Gathering Marks Tenth Anniversary

Symbolizing the unity of A.A., over Dr. Bob, in turn, expressed his friend appeared with the news he was 2,500 members of the fellowship and gratitude for the divine source of strength suffering from an illness not only of the their friends from 36 states, two on which we all may call and receive…for mind, emotions, and body, but of the Canadian provinces, and Mexico the meeting with Bill In Akron “made soul…how he had discovered from his gathered in Cleveland’s Music Hall on under divine guidance”….for the selected friend he had been living his life on a June 10 to commemorate and pay tribute human agency that caused that demand basis…how he would have to to Bill W. and Dr. Bob on the 10th meeting….for all of the people who in the lose his life in order to find it. anniversary of the founding of the early days of and before A.A., “were a movement. source of help and inspiration in my Honesty First Held under the sponsorship of trouble”…for his pastor and the ladies of Greater Cleveland’s 44 groups, the near A.A., and Anne, hie wife who shared with This friend, Bill explained, showed him capacity Music Hall audience heard Bill him a common interest, and without he would have to become honest with and Dr. Bob characterize the gathering whose cooperative spirit “I would not himself…he would have to make peace as an unprecedented outpouring of the have maintained my sobriety”….for those with his fellow man…he would have to grace of God; heard them strike a A.A.s of Cleveland who took the time and envision and live a new kind of giving keynote of gratitude, humility, unity, and trouble to come to Akron while the the kind which demands no return. simplicity “born on that wave of destiny fellowship was still young…for the Shortly after, Bill continued, he that comes out of Heaven itself.” members of The Alcoholic Foundation found himself in the hospital again, Entertained Saturday (June 9) who have met once a month “for roughly where, in a deep depression he finally afternoon and evening by five Cleveland eight years without compensation”…for called on the God against Whom he had open house group meetings, parties, and having acquired a wealth of returned and always rebelled, to show Himself. a tea, a thousand from the historic Music new-foundfriends…for those at the Music “Release came. And with it a new sense Hall meeting (Sunday afternoon) later Hall whose presence “gives us an added of freedom filled my being,” Bill quietly dined at the Carter Hotel to conclude the incentive to be more cooperative and said. “It was as simple as that.” first g!o!iol_rs decade of A.A..,.sober, helpful to each other.” Following this spiritual experience, grateful. happy, united. Bill voiced a final tribute to Dr Bob Bill told how subtle conceits soon entered Inspired in his address to the in the same vein of joyous thankfulness his life. Laughingly he recounted how “I largest crowd of A.A.’s ever assembled in when he said, “Although we have had set out to sober up all the drunks in the one place, Bill, who preceded Dr. Bob on many differences, we have never had ar! world. I was determined every drunk the program, traced the development of angry word.” should have his hot flash.” A.A. He voiced the hope that A.A. would Concluding with the thought that Without a single convert six always remain simple….that while we there never was a real beginning of months later, Bill found himself in Akron were quite settled on the fundamentals of A.A ….”This could not have been but for on business where, following a bitter the movement, the process for seeking others,” Bill opened his Music Hall talk disappointment, he was faced with a an answer to the question, “What kind of with a brief re-telling of how he had been wave of self-pity. society is this?” was still evolving…that condemned by an eminent New York “For the first time I realized,” Bill “the problems of A.A. are the psychiatrist to die unless he stopped explained, “i needed to talk to a drunk touchstones of our proaress.” drinking….how a few months later an old just as much as the drunk needed to talk to me.” Whereupon the “strange chain of

circumstances” unfolded which responsibility, he also deplored the sobriety. And, he stated, “I most certainly Culminated in Bill and Doc’s frequent neglect of the new man and the don’t care to get tight any more.” meeting…the random selection of the failure in some instances to give him his “Blindly groping for the truth,” Dr. minister’s name….the long list of people shot at A.A. In this regard, he referred to Bob continued, “the early development of who fai!ed to respond….the final spark in the excellent sponsorship system in the activity in Akron was not easy. It was Henrietta S….the eventual meeting with Cleveland, urging closer inspection for mostly by the trial and error method. We Dr. Bob after a mother’s Day bender. those interested in well-conceived 12th had no precedent whatsoever, gleaning “Something passed between us,” step work. a fact here and there as time went on. Bill stated. And a “beginning greater than Currently, Bill concluded, there’s Eventually a generalized procedure was either one of us was made.” the problem of leadership despite claims discovered with a reasonable hope of there are no leaders nor elected acceptance.” A Word for Anonymity officers….the problems of remuneration The religious group to whom he for A.A. secretaries, janitors, and all had gone for help to solve his alcohoiic Back-tracking from the present, those falling in this area of special problem, Dr. Bob went on, told him, “to Bill talked briefly on how the book was functions. On this latter matter, Bill bury the past and not visit the grave too written four years after his meeting with voiced the feeling that spiritual activity often.” Wryly, he commented….I want a Dr. Bob…how he considers himself not was never paid for, although functional faint recollection of the past – but not too its author but the umpire for all of the activity, just as everywhere, was. faint.” contributors to it…how from literally While on leadership, Bill said, he Proceeding along a spiritual line, scores of suggestions it was titled regarcfed a ieader as one who has Dr. Bob told how we have all been taught “Alcoholics Anonymous” instead of “The learned to love the best in men; One who to avoid religious discussion or argument. Way Out” (there were 13 books that had has worked at the program; one who has But he said that he has averaged at ieast been published, called ‘The Way Out’ stayed sober; one who has come to the ari ilour’s reading each day for the pasi and that was not only too many, but realization that “A.A. is much bigger than 10 years or1 some spiritmi subject. unlucky,” Bill smiled)…how there have any of us,” and, as a result of that However, he hastened to say, he has always been in A.A. differences of realization, has stepped aside for others always returned to the simpie teachings opinion over our anonymity, and how to share the limelight. As for himself, Biii of The Sermon on the Mount; the Book most of the “older folk hope that it is humorously finished, he and Dr. Bob look of James and the 13th Chapter of kept unless there is some “very grave or upon themselves as purely “a couple of Corinthians in Tine Bible for his good reason to the contrary,” adding that old, cracked antiques who have had a fundamentals. “to be truly adult in this is to be little more experience than others.” modest”…how there is a fortunate Man’s Triumvirate absence of a “professional class” in A.A. Dr. Bob’s Reasons Nor is A.A. without its “sins,” Bill Stating that the A.A. program is not an pointed out. Not the least of which, he Dr. Bob, in a different vein, intellectual program, Dr. Bob talked of explained, were those A.A.s, often indicated we need to follow the steps in the three divisions of man – the physical including himself, who “viewed with alarm our program as long as we live, man, the mental man and the spiritual the A.A. movement and the problems particularly himself. For he realizes, he man. And he uttered the hope that he within it.” Citing a personal experience said, he has the best reason except Bill was developing into a weil-integrated wherein he was derelict in his for not taking a drink….his 10 years of individual.

“Because the spiritual search is a long search and requires unrelenting effort,” Dr. Bob said, he has attempted to acquire a satisfactory understanding of the teachings of The Bible. On the Twelve Steps, he stated they’ve been alive for seven years. And that there’s been no suggestion of a change in them. Furthermore, he hopes there will not be a change, unless they can be bettered. Some of them, he pointed out, interfere with our personal schedules. “And we sometimes feel we don’t need all of them – although there has never been a protracted success with a modified program.” “So we’s better accept it in its entirety,” Dr. Bob advised. “For John Barleycorn’s a tireless and relentless instructor. Today, thousands of people are sober because they’ve followed the program.” Winding up his remarks, Doc indicated that “our program must be followed by each individual. And each individual is the only one who can do it for himseif. Let none of us ever forget iuve arid service keep us dry…love for our Faiher arid our neiyhboun…iove, through service, in never refusing Our aid to anyone.”

John J. Cievelariti, Ohio

December 1945

Have We Got Elephantitis? From New York, N.Y. After reading the news items about some of the groups throughout the country, I get the feeling that this is one great big circus, and getting bigger. We have bigger and bigger meetings, bigger and bigger banquets, bigger and bigger club-houses, more and more publicity, louder and louder radio programs, more and more organization, stuffier and stuffier committees, and less and less anonymity. If it’s numbers and bigness we want, why not hire a barker, give him a big megaphone and set him out front, with a hula dancer on the platform with him? What’s become of the old idea of sitting down with an alcoholic and talking over his problem quietly, intimately and confidentially? That’s how A.A. began. That’s how the real A.A. still works. Or have we got elephantitis? – D.T.

July 1945

Where the A.A. Beacon Was Lit

Akron, “the hill where the A.A. Attendance at the dinner reached beacon was lit,” was a mecca for approximately 80 percent of the approximately 400 other A.A.s on the membership of Akron’s eight sizable and same evening (June 10) that the highly active groups. anniversary meeting in Cleveland was Drawing on the fact that the name drawing to a close. “Akron” is derived from a Greek word The occasion was the Founder’s meaning “summit,” Bill said at one point Day Dinner, held at the Hotel Mayflower, in his talk: and the group of speakers included those “It was here that the miracle really who helped to light the beacon. Bill W. happened. This is the hill where the A.A. and Dr. Bob, hurrying over from the beacon was lit 10 years ago. From here Cleveland meeting, spoke, as did Bill D., the light spread outward to guide others of Akron, who was a part of that A.A. and is now casting its glow over a nucleus. Other speakers were Jake H., widening area.” one of the organizers ot the Pittsburg Both Bill and Dr. Bob recalled group; and Earl T., of Chicago. Joe P., of briefiy the beginnings of A.A. and with Akron, was toastmaster and Wally G., obvious gratitude and pleasure referred also of Akron, was chairman of the again to their first meeting in Akron. “No dinner committee. wonder,” said Bill, “that we have a particular feeling for Akron.”

October 1945

FIRST SOUTHERN REGIONAL MEET SET FOR 0CT.8 Birmingham, Ala., A.A.s will act as hosts and hostesses at the first regional meeting to be held by southern groups Oct. 8. The Tutwiler Hotel in Birmingham will be the scene of the meeting, which will open with a breakfast at 9 A.M., featuring three talks by A.A.s from out of the state. Five other out-of-state speakers will be heard at the meeting to be called at 2 P.M. Chauncey Sparks, governor of Alabama, and members of the newly created Alabama Commission on Education with Respect to Alcoholism, will be among the most interested guests at the banquet to be held in the Terrace ballroom of the Tutwiler that evening. Dr. W.D. Partlow, chairman of the commission, will speak briefly and Marty M. will give the principal talk at the banquet. She will remain in Birmingham to meet the following day with the commission.

December 1945

WE’RE NOT PERFECT YET, BILL CAUTIONS AT BANQUET

beiief that I alone could solve my “T’ney had no anonymity,” he pointed A gentle but earnest reminder that problem; had to give up some false out, “and competition for personai “we still have plenty of faults” and that pride; had to make amends, and had to leadership became common. They A.A. will continue to succeed only by put someone’s interests ahead of my engaged in politics. Their newspaper adhering to the simple “principles of Own. Most of all, I had to give up my idea editors began to quarrel with each other honesty, tolerance and humility” were the of my Own omnipotence, to gain a basis and the outside world. In short, the keynotes of Bill’s talk at the 11th annual for faith in my fellowmen and faith in Him Washingtonians went out to settle the banquet in New York on November 7. who presides over all.” world’s affairs before they had learned to Approximately 1,500 persons manage themselves. They had no including hundreds of A.A.s from New Turning to a “stock-taking of A.A.’s success it is difficult to appraise. We are capacity for minding their own York and out-of-town and their relatives business…The negatives within them and friends filled the Grand Ballroom of apt to forget the thin line between success and failure. The same principles overthrew the positives.” the Hotel Commodore for the affair which that apply to individuals should apply to That won’t happen here,” Bill urged in was sponsored this year by the New the group and to our relations to the closing, “if we remember, publicly and York Cosmopolitan Club. The non-A.A. outside world. As individuals, we have privately, our own simple principles of guest speaker was the Rev. Father negatives, as well as positives, active or honesty, tolerance and humility, and that James P. Timmins of Manchester, Conn., latent. We’re pretty intolerant sometimes we live only by the Grace of God.” who delivered a particularly dramatic and and frequently we’re exhibitionists. We Father Timmins began the most inspiring account of his personal still have plenty of faults and I think stirring part of his talk with an account of observation of A.A. and its workers. Besides Bill, other A.A. speakers perhaps our public reputation as a group a “bedraggled, excited drunk Fred is better than we are.” who nearly three years ago introduced were Connie M., and Bill F., with Greg Bill stressed anonymity as one thing me to one of the greatest social M., serving as toastmaster following an that has helped A.A. tremendously. movements of modern times, a introduction by Ed W., representing the Another he called “sideline leadership,” movement whose implications have not Cosmopolitan Club. Bill’s talk coupled words of which he explained as the development even begun to be realized by the world of an A.A. who becomes a leader in the at large.” He recalled the evening that appreciation for the record to date with a group, stays dry, helps others and then the man “came into my rectory – and plea that A.A. collectiveiy and steps aside. “By renouncing human poured into my ears such a tale of individually, hold steadfast to a authority he can become a spiritual bewilderment, confusion and utter singleness of purpose and not be influence” in the group. despair as I have never before heard and diverted into the by-paths of extraneous Bill recalled the fate of the to which I hope never to listen again. matters and issues. “iet us remember the seeming Washingtonians of 1840 who, after That night I looked into the mind of a paradox that the more we give, the more mushrooming to a claimed membership man in hell…” we shall have,” he said. “Of cogrse, with of 100,000, disintegrated as an From there, Father Timmins traced us it is not only a question of giving but organization when they became the experience to an interview with Fred’s also of giving up. I had to give up the embroiled in controversies resulting from family and then to a psychiatrist who a departure from their origirlai objectives. steered them to A.A.

“Fred went…to A.A ….he had to fortify “Who,” he said at one point, “can himself with a couple of drinks before depict that soul-searing loneliness of the venturing into this strange, unknown alcoholic? He lives in the bosom of the territory of an A.A. meeting. And here family…but he is as remote from them as comes the marvel, the joyous the inhabitant of another planet. They do unbelievable marvel….those were the last not understand him nor he them. They two drinks that Fred, The hopeless, look upon him as a heedless and irreclaimable drunk, has had from that irresponsible destroyer of their peace, a day to this. I was confronted with the shirker of duty and a wilful devotee of the miracle of A.A.. .” dreadful vice of drunkenness…To them, “Fred followed the correct road of the it seems a simple matter of using his A.A., a road which other addicts must common sense and will power. But the follow sooner or later, if in A.A. they are alcoholic knows it is not. He knows that to arrest the ravages of their obsession. he is driven by some incomprehensive He had acquired what I consider the compulsion. So his sensitive soul shrinks basic virtue necessary for any man who into its self. He lies and evades and wants to work the A.A. program cheats to protect it from the painful successfully, the virtue of humility. wounds inflicted on it not only by his “It is neither an abject nor a crawling family, but by his friends and associates virtue. As the word itself, from the Latin in the business and social world. Even in humus (the earth) signifies, it is a down- the midst of those who love him, he lives to-earth, realistic view of one’s self, not alone, with no remedy against the stark as the center of the universe and the lord terror of isolation save the old enemy, of the world, but as a very small and the anaesthetic, alcohol.” insignificant unit in the vast sea of In referring to the “religious element” humanity. When one looks at the matter in A.A., Father Timmins observed, objectively and not through the veils of “Seven of the 12 Steps in the A.A. way self-deceit with which the alcoholic addict of life refer to God….All that I can say is, beclouds reality, humility is an active, that the Higher Power in those seven common sense admission of a hard fact Steps…g rows upon an alcoholic, even if that nobody can shape the world to his he has little or no religion at all….In A.A., liking, nor even walk the ways of this if the addict does his work well and world successfully i n lonely sincerely, something happens. The selfindependence. But the alcoholic, isolated god is toppled from its pedestal and in its by his terrible pride, must needs try it.” The speaker frequently surprised the place a new image begins to take form. audience with the penetration and I t i s t h e s h a p e of a understanding of his analysis of the Power…which…becomes an everalcoholic. increasing reality in his life….”

October 1946

12th Annual Banquet To Be Held At Commodore Hotel

The Grand Ballroom of the Commodore Hotel will again be the scene of the annual dinner of Alcoholics Anonymous on Nov. 7th, when the 12th anniversary will be observed. Last year nearly 1,500 attended the dinner, and it is reported that most of the tickets for this year’s event have already been sold. The day’s program will include a reception at 4p.m., the banquet at 6, and the program at 3p.m. A number of ,

representatives from out-of-town are expected to attend.

December 1946

1,700 A.A.s and Friends Attend Annual Dinner

More than 1,700 members of Alcoholics Anonymous and their friends – representing A.A. Groups from all sections of the United States – attended the organization’s 11th annual dinner on November 7, at the Hotel Commodore, New York. The dinner was sponsored by the New York Intergroup Association of A.A. Bill W., one of the two co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, delivered the principal A.A. address at the dinner. He reviewed A.A.s tremendous growth in the past few years and predicted its future. “If we remember that our first duty is face-to-face help for the alcoholic who still suffers from his illness, we need not worry about our future,” he said. Drawing a contrast between A.A. of today and a similar organization, The Washingtonians, of 100 years ago, he pointed out how important it is to adhere to simple principles if A.A. is to survive. He compared the principles of the Franciscan order of 700 years ago to the principles of A.A. today, and concluded with a restatement of the Twelve Points of Tradition that have evolved through experience in A.A. Dr. John J. Millet, well known psychiatrist, was the principle non-alcoholic speaker. Dr. Millet proposed more active cooperation between physicians and members of A.A. on the problem of alcoholism. Other speakers were a woman of A.A. and two men members. All told their stories of recovery from alcoholism through A.A. Rev. James P. Timmons of The Catholic Transcript Hartford, Conn., delivered the invocation and the benediction.

March 1947

Roundup In Texas Set for June 16-18

The Top o’ Texas National Round-up and Barbecue will be held at Amarillo on June 16- 18, it has been announced through the Weekly Bulletin of that group. Preliminary estimates of the attendance indicate 5,000 alcoholics and their wives as a possible attendance as the dates were arranged to fall in vacation season and on Monday through Wednesday when hotels and tourist courts, which have promised full cooperation, will be best able to handle visitors. The idea of a National Round-up of Alcoholics Anonymous was first brought up by Horace Fort, assistant director of the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism, in a meeting at Carlsbad, N.M. The plan was adopted enthusiastically at a meeting of the Amarillo Group and was first announced outside at the state convention in Austin, Tex., in October. Texas groups immediately endorsed the idea and pledged full support. The Weekly Bullei7h is now going to all groups in Colorado, Kansas, Missouri and Arkansas in addition to the regular circulation to all Texas, New Mexico and Oklahoma groups, and is being extended to cover the entire United States by April 1. Full information on plans and program will be carried. Nationally known speakers, a three-day rodeo, barbecues, dinners, luncheons and other entertainment are planned.

May 1947

National Roundup In Texas Cancelled

Postponement of the national A.A. roundup and barbecue planned by Top-0′- Texas Group of Amarillo has been announced through The Weekly Bulletin of that group. Originally announced in The Bulletin for June 16-18, later discussions brought out that delayed opening of the clubhouse, lunchrooms and other activities, together with crowded conditions in hotels, made it advisable to defer plans.

June 1947

SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE WILL BE HELD IN MEMPHIS

The Southeastern Regional Conference of A.A. has been scheduled for Memphis, Tenn., September 19 and 20 with several thousand men and women from 10 states expected to attend. Registration will begin Thursday afternoon, Sept. 18, with an informal gathering of members that evening. The program proper will require two full days. In addition to a number of inspirationaland educational talks by A.A.s, plans are being made for special conferences on special topics in which there is keen interest, such as problems of group secretaries, A.A. club room management, sponsorship, hospital and public relations and others. Families, wives, husbands or best friends may attend. Activities are being planned for them while the A.A. sessions are being conducted. More specific information on the program and rates for accommodations will be sent out by the Memphis Group in a series of bulletins. All hotels in Memphis are cooperating and reservations are already being made. Address of the Memphis Group is P.O. Box 1364.

August 1947

Cleveland Is Host To 400 Visitors

More than 400 visitors came to uninterrupted success. Cleveland June 14 and 15 to participate J. Paul S., gave the wives of the in the observance of the 12th anniversary early members much credit for their faith of A.A. There were four from Vermont, and early encouragement, and stated wo from Florida and one from Texas. All that this was still vital today. of the intervening states were well J. Richard S., brother of Paul, represented, the largest contingents completed the program and gave coming from Michigan, New York, North interesting information relative to the Carolina and Ohio. Alcoholic Foundation (of which he is a The 83 groups in Cleveland trustee) and added factual information on entertained on Saturday with three open conditions 12 years ago. In 1935 there houses. were but four members; at the end of Sunday evening 900 persons 1936, there were 10; and in 1937 there attended a banquet in the large dining were 40. Now, he estimated, there are room of Masonic Auditorium and the two- 1500 groups with an excess of 50,000 on hour affair included group singing and their rosters. short talks by 20 “stalwarts” who included Another interesting fact disclosed two women who had contributed much to by Dick was that the 69th person of the the movement in Cleveland. A meeting 75 whom Bill tried to dry up followed in the Masonic Auditorium, unsuccessfully before A.A., had just attended by 1500 persons. come in a year ago – 11 years later. An operation made it impossible In the course of leave taking we for co-founder Dr. Bob of Akron, met a man from Pulaski, N.Y., who originally scheduled to be chairman of stated that he had been the 70th man the meeting, to attend. whom Bill contacted. It took him more The chairman explained that the than nine years to see the light and he gathering was called on a theme of has enjoyed two and one-half years of thankfulness as he introduced the first sobriety today. speaker of the all-Akron cast, Bill D. who The meeting closed with the was referred to as the “guinea pig” for recognition of visitors from other states, Doc and Bill. He told how he was “dried who rose to acknowledge the applause up” after waking up in City Hospital as heir states were called. (Akron) 12 years ago; and how Doc and Cleveland enjoyed being host; Bill had asked him the questions which many ideas were exchanged with the now are fundamental; how important visitors. working with others was in achieving -H. M D., Cleveland

August 1947

AUSTIN ENTERTAINS AT STATE MEETING

A.A.s travelled far to attend the wo-day Texas State Conference held at St. Edward’s Gymnasium, Austin, last month. The principal speaker was Ha P. of New York City, and members of various Texas groups took part in he program, which included also a showing of the March of Dimes film, “Problem Drinkers,” and recordedtalks by Marty M. and Bill. The lighter side of life was enjoyed at a turkey barbecue, a Sunday brunch, Sunday night supper, and swimming party. Several of the visitors enjoyed the hospitality of the clubhouse at 405 West 18th Street.

September 1947

Clinics to Highlight Convention in Memphis

Two thousand members of Thursday afternoon, September 18, with Alcoholics Anonymous are expected to an informal gathering of early registrants gather in Memphis, Tenn., this month for scheduled for that evening. the third annual Southeastern Regional Vern W., chairman of the Convention, September 19-20, at which reservation and registration committee, Bill W. will be the principal speaker. says that the registration fee of $5, A unique feature of the convention payable on arrival, includes a ticket for will be a series of clinics to be held each the steamboat ride and he barbecue; morning on a variety of group and extra rickets may be purchased for individual problems such as: Club Room friends foe $1 each. Hotel reservations Management; Meetings; Methods of 12th may be made through P.O. Box 1364, Step Work. Memphis, Tenn. Data for the clinics was obtained In one of a number of bulletins in questionnaires sent out to sent out to members by the convention southeastern groups and has been committee, the chairman said: “We are in correlated for presentation by discussion no sense endeavouring to promote a leaders. Eight clinics have been national convention or set Memphis up scheduled. as headquarters for such a meeting. Other activities include a However, we feel that A.A.s from regions steamboat ride on the Mississippi, a other than the Southeastern will be barbecue in the park, both open and interested and that much can be gained closed meetings, and an informal, special by an exchange of ideas by A.A. from pow-wow. A.A. members are invited to widely different sections of the country.” bring wives, husbands, families and friends, for whom the schedule provides plenty of activities. The meeting will be held in the Memphis Auditorium. According to Maryan H., chairman of the convention committee, registration will begin

September 1947

ANNUAL N.Y. DINNER TO BE HELD NOV. 6

Announcement has just been made that the annual dinner of Alcoholics Anonymous will be held in the Grand Ballroom of the Commodore Hotel in New York City at 7 p.m. Thursday evening, November 6th, under the auspices of the lntergroup Association of New York. Tickets may be obtained from the lntergroup Office at 194 East 75th Street, New York 21, and are priced at $5.50 each.

December 1947

Dr. PEALE ADDRESSES 13th ANNUAL BANQUET

“Alcoholics Anonymous is not an realized that there was a way out. organization. It is a movement. Moreover, The third speaker, Lucy P., urged it is one of the greatest movements for women alcoholics to come into A.A. She good of our generation,” said Dr. Norman said that women undoubtedly have a Vincent Peale, pastor of the Marble harder time “admitting that hey have an Collegiate Reformed Church of New alcoholic problem” but assured the York, and guest speaker at the 13th audience that A.A. welcomed members anniversary banquet of A.A., held in the of her sex at all times. Hotel Commodore, New York, on Bill W., who introduced the guest November 6. speaker, spoke briefly on the need for The banquet was sponsored by unity in A.A. He cautioned that “success the New York Intergroup Association of is a heady wine” and that the time had A.A. and executed by the association’s come for all members to stick together banquet committee acting under the “to preserve our unity.” To emphasize his supervision of Hank G., of the Mt. Klsco, point, he read and commented on the 12 N.Y. Group. Traditions of the fellowship. In addition to Dr. Peale, three Throughout the evening, members of A.A. spoke. They were: messages from other sections of the Norman B. of the Forrest Hills, N.Y. country and abroad arrived at the Group, who acted as toastmaster; Joe speakers’ table. One cablegram from the C., of the Brooklyn, N.Y. and Forrest Dublin, Ireland Group, read: “Best wishes Hills, N.Y. Groups; and Lucy P., of the for a happy birthday from your Irish Bronxville, N.Y. Group. brothers.” The first speaker, Norman B., told Large delegations from almost all the story of his recovery from alcoholism states in the nation began to arrive in through the A.A. Program. He pointed New York early in the week for the out that “once an alcoholic, always an annual event. On-November 5, one alcoholic.” To prove his pint, he told a delegation arrived by chartered airplane. personal experience. One hundred and eighty-two out- The second speaker, Joe C., of-town members of A.A. were described the progress of his alcoholism entertained at the traditional A.A. to the point where he was drinking when luncheon on the day of the banquet. he didn’t want to. He said that although he promised after every binge that he would stop he knew in his heart that he couldn’t keep his promises. After seeking help through A.A., he continued, he

December 1947

Hold Vermont All-State Dinner

More than 350 Vermont A.A.s, guests and friends attended the first annual statewide A.A. dinner at Montpelier, Vt., on October 18. The dinner was also the occasion of the third anniversary of the Montpelier, Vt. Group. Principal A.A. speaker was Bill W., co-founder of A.A. who emphasized the need for attention to the principles of A.A. and declared that these principles would go far to assure its perpetual unity. Principal non-A.A. speaker was Father James Timmons, editor of The Sign The large crowd caught the Vermont A.A. Intergroup Committee, sponsor of the meeting, unaware and hastily erected seats had to be prepared to handle it. The committee reports, however, that everyone was comfortably seated and that the dinner was a huge success.

January 1948

WESTERN NEW YORK GROUPS PLAN TWO-DAY SEMINAR

Discussion seminars will feature a twoday regional conference of Western New York groups to be held January 24 and 25 at Rochester, N.Y., winding up with a dinner at which Bill W. will be the principal speaker. The program announced by the Rochester Group will open Saturday morning, January 24, with registration at the Hotel Powers. The seminars will get underway at 10 a.m. of the first day and run concurrently through both open and closed meetings, with findings of the groups to be reported at a closed meeting Sunday, January 25, at 3 p.m. Data compiled will be he basis for the official report of the conference, copies of which will be sent to groups and the A.A. Foundation. A wide variety of questions of great interest to all A.A.s is slated for discussion. The announcement of the conference stressed he point that “this is a participational rather than invitational” type of meeting with all groups having a part in conducting the sessions. For example, the Sunday night open meeting will be arranged and conducted by non- Rochesterians. Hotel reservations should be made direct with the Hotel Powers. Inquiries and dinner reservations should be addressed to the secretary at 79 Brooks Avenue, Rochester 11, N.Y.

April 1948

OVER 300 AT ANNIVERSARY

More than 300 persons attended the first anniversary meeting of the St. Nicholas Group, New York City, held February 29 at St. Philip’s Episcopal Church, West 133rd Street. Chairman of the meeting was Jimmy S. of Washington, D.C., and the program included three non-alcoholic speakers, Congressman Adams Clayton Powell, the Rev. John Johnson, and the Rev. Sheldon Bishop. The St. Nicholas Group, which first held its meetings at Judson

May 1948

Convention Dates Set

The third annual Texas Conference and Southwest Convention of A.A. will be held in Austin, Texas, on June 18, 19 and 20. The second annual Virginia State Assembly of A.A. will be held in Norfolk, Va., on May 28, 29 and 30, with the Tidewater Group acting as host. Headquarters will be at the Monticello Hotel where registration will begin May 28. Highlighting the Assembly will be a banquet in Saturday evening when outstanding speakers are scheduled to appear. All members of A.A. are invited. The Southeastern Regional Convention will be held in Jacksonville, Fla., on September 3 and 4. Convention headquarters will be at the George Washington Hotel, where registration will begin September 2. All communications may be addressed to Southeastern Regional Convention of A.A., P.O.Box 621, Jacksonville, Fla.

July 1948

Akron, Ohio Marks A.A. 13th Anniversary With Large Turnout

From Akron, Ohio The Akron 13th Anniversary of the founding of A.A. was a history-establishing meeting. It was attended by 4,000 members living in this area, who showed their appreciation and gave thanks to Dr. Bob and Bill W., the cofounders, and the non-A.A.s who were instrumental in making their meeting possible and most helpful during our formative period, also Bill D., the first firm believer in Dr. Bob and Bill W.s idea. The meeting was opened with a prayer by Rev. Walter F. Tunks, Rector of St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. He first speaker was Honourable Judge Bernard J. Roetzel, who outlined the rehabilitation that has been done in this community, through the works of A.A. The second speaker was our Dr. Bob who introduced the non A.A.s who were helpful and instrumental at the beginning of our formative period, gave a description of the early history and the basic teachings of A.A. The third speaker was Bill W. who talked on A.A. Traditions and yearly Conference Plans.

Dr. Bob and I have been asked by the Cleveland-Akron Groups and by the Trustees of The Alcoholic Foundation of New York to announce: THE FIRST INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. This gathering of our fellowships will be held at Cleveland, Ohio, July 28-30, 1950, in celebration of the 15th anniversary of the founding of AA. Such an extraordinary meeting i s proposed at this time for excellent reasons: First: Alcoholics Anonymous i s moving from infancy into maturity, so this will be our “coming of ageWparty.Second: by the vote of a large number of AAs, we hope at Cleveland t o see our “Twelve Points of Traditiong*s o confirmed that none will ever again doubt where we stand upon these Principles, Third: we would like t o make possible a series of discussions which could give us sound opinions an current problems a s they affect our lives together and our relations with the world. Fourth: naturally everyone will wish to see everyone else, and will be eager to attend the largest AA meeting ever held under a single roof! Yes, Co-Founder Dr. Rob, our goad friends, theTrustees, the Cropeviners and the General Office Secretaries will be there. So will Lois and I, full of joy at seeing you, too. This idea sprang from the AAs of Cleveland and Akron. Though AA was born at Akron, the town couldn’t hold us now. So the hospitable Clevelanders (Pioneer Group No. 3) will hold our party in their city and, assisted by the Akronites, will take on the role of playing host. Every AA group in the world will soon receive an invite from their Conference Committee–Dick s., get in your reservations early. Be seeing you at Cleveland!

May 1950

self useful by reporting what Dick isn’t big enough for a Conferenceand his cohorts are doing and sup- wide meeting, we’ll try for Cleveplying answers to a lot of questions land Stadium which seats a mere before they are asked. 110,000 people ! First of all, there will be plenty Since many AA’s will come to CLEVELAND, of room in Cleveland. It’s a city well geared to handling conven- Cleveland with their families, they want to know what else is doing. tions. The Committee already has What can their wives (or husbands)

HERE WE COME ! upwards of 5,000 rooms set aside, with more to come. Hotel rates range from $2.50 to $7.00 a day do other than attend the AA sessions? Is there anything for the children? The one-word answer to single, and from $5.00 to $10.00 all such questions is, “Plenty!” double. There are plenty of Tourist There are boat trips on Lake “1’11 be there if I have to crawl!’ Homes in and near Cleveland with Erie. Bathing too, of course. A- **Practicdly everybody in the groups in this area is coming. Re have rates from $1.50 a night up. There musement parks in the city and dready started negotiations for a s p e c i d car, maybe a whole train!” are several Motels whose rates further out along the Lake. Cleve- “We’ve switched our vacation plans so the whole family will be in scale from $4 to $6. There are trai- land’s Euclid Beach park i s con- Cleveland for the Big Doin’s!” ler camps on the outskirts of the sidered one of the finest amuse- *’Ourgroup’s new slogan, ‘Cleveland in 1uly, or know the reason why!”‘ citywith bus service into the heart ment parks in the country. Cedar . of town. If you’re wondering about Point and historical Put-in-Bay food costs,Cleveland offers a wide are a few hours’ sail westward on These are just a few excerpts only waiting far somebody to variety of good choices, from mod- the lake. And Geneva, another from the spontaneous reactions fol- give the word! estly priced cafeterias to deluxe beach-front amusement center is lowing Bill’s announcement of AA’s Dick S. and his committee are dining. One of the city’s special- 50 miles to the east. I first International Conference in up to their eyeballs inrequests for I ties i s German cooking and many Far major league baseball fans, Cleveland, July 2&.30. Apparently information, accomodations, res- family-type Bavarian restaurants the schedule makers have been Northern Ohio i s in for the largest ervations, weather forecasts and are to be found in the downtown especially kind, The weekend of dose of group therapy ever contem- an odd miscellany of questions area. The important thing, however, the Conference will see the Indians plated by man. From Maine to Cal- from the 48 states. They are an- i s that you can eat on a s much or taking on the Boston Red Sox in ifornia and from Florida to Oregon, swering them all, But, in the mean- four games–night game, the 28th. a s little as you wish-and eat wellf it looks a s though everybody was time, the Grapevine can make it- The Conference itself will, of Sunday the 30thI The far-sighted course, be the main attraction. Committee has tickets available Headquarters will be maintained in now. If the Missus wants to go the Cleveland Hotel in the heart of ashopping, Cleveland has some of the city. Conference meetings, the finest stores and shops in the large and small, will be held in the entire country. Huge, modern dehuge Cleveland Auditorium (scene partment stores are the equal of of Presidential Nominating Con- any to be found in New York or anyventions) and there will be secon- where else. Erclusive specialty dary “headquartersg* there too. And shops help make Cleveland a s h o p if it turns out that the Auditorium ping paradise, among these latter

being branches of famous New ‘the most beautiful street in the York retailers. world.’ that day has passed and There’s plenty of golf for the many of the great baronial castles old man. And really fine golf. of early ~ l e v & n d families are now Cleveland courses are excellent. converted into clubs, schools or Municipal layouts are real cham- boarding houses. Rut despite the pionship tests and not overly crow- changes, “The Avenue’, clings to ded. Fee courses include some of much of itsold fashioned charm. In the best in the city with the atmos- the newer sections, the homes are phere of private clubs. The Com- modern, large, and handsome. mittee is also seeing what it can Many AA’S want to make a pildo to secure guest privileges at grimage to Akron, birthplace of AA. several of Cleveland’s outstand- ~ k o is n only 34 miles away and, ing private courses. aside from its historical signifi- If your family happens to be an- cance to Ah, i s worth any visitors tique hounds, you’ll find Cleveland time. We doubt if Dr. Bob will like and surrounding environs a gold us referring to his house and St. mine of good hunting. This area Thomas hospital, where he has was settled in the late 18th cen- “12th Stepped” some 5,000 AA’s, tury when Moses Cleveland and his a s *shrines!’ Nevertheless, we pioneers were the first tomove into imagine many AA’s will want to see the Western Reserve. They brought them, just the same! their household goods with them However, with all Cleveland and and in towns like Chardon and and Akron’s good points, chief in- Burton, just south of Cleveland, terest will center on AA itself. All many of these priceless heirlooms the Cleveland groups plan special are still to be found., participation in the form of ‘open This piece by no means exhausts house’ at their clubrooms. There the attractions and divertissments will by many planned activities of Cleveland. The city itself is one within AA but not on the Conference of the most interesting in the coun- schedule itself. try. An inland port of major impor- Above everything else, however, tance, it i s one of the nations’ throwing out all other reasons for most diversified cities industrially, coming to Cleveland, one letter put with huge factories and mills com- the whole thing in a nutshell. It peting with large buildings, miles said, *’Iwouldn’t miss it for a milof green parks, museums, theaters lion dollars. Just to see that many giving the city individual character. drunks in one place–and to have Cleveland i s also noted for its Bill and Dr. Rob standing up in magnificent homes. Euclid Avenue, front of us–there’s a moment in its day, was considered to be I shdl remember dl my life!”

June 1950

thisresponse but the quality of the ers, but for very worthwfiile pur- FIRST INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE interest shown is a further indica- poses. Personnel directors and top tion that AA has indeed ‘come of executives of large employer firms age’, A A s from everywhere have want to see the application of the been very specific about what they AA Program to their businesses. A REPORT want to discuss and hear discussed. This information is invaluable to They’re interested in the humanitarian angle, of course. But they FOR, DR. BOB the committee in programming the Conference. Already they know they also want to understand the purely economic aspect of ‘reclaiming’ can schedule sessions for such valuable (but alcoholic)employees, purely AA subjects as ‘Sponsor- reducing their labor turnover, etc. Since all the fireworks in Cleveland come July 28-30 will be in celebra- ship’, 12th Step Work’, ‘Inter Group Doctors and hospital directors tion o/ Dr. Rob’s 15th anniversary-and the birth of AA itself- andsince Operations’, ‘Anonymity’ and many want to learn how AA has worked Dr.Bob, at the time this i s being written, i s recovering in St. Thomas Hos- others. There’ll be meetings de- with these institutions to get maxs p i t d in Akron-we’re addressing this Conference report to him personally! voted to the special problems of imum results. They’re interested It will, we’re sure, make excellent reading {or a speedy convdescence. AA women and to those of younger in how you work it there at St. people now coming into AA in lar- Thomas, Dr. Bob. And at Knickerger and larger numbers. And, after bocker and St. Johns in New York, being neglected pretty much since They want to know about rest Well, Dr.Bob, the Crapevine went Many of those who are planning the early days, the non-alcoholic homes and farms. out to Cleveland so a s to make a to come, can’t know for sure, for AA wives and husbands are being Penal authorities want to.know first hand report. Dick S. introduced one good reason or another, wheth- heard from. They have a program of how AA has worked out in places us to his committee. And it seems er they’ll be able to make it. So theirown and will play a largepart like San Quentin, Sing Sing, Walkto us that the entire city of Cleve- in the Conference’s success. hill and other places of detention the unavoidable 11th how rush will The greatest common interest, where there is enough experience land is on that Committee and ev- be teqific. Thus, on behalf of Dick erybody working hard for the suc- however, is shown in the AA Tra- to serve a s a pattern for others. and his Committee, we beg, imditions. A s we grow individually City magistrates also want to know cess of A A s First International plore and plead with Secretaries and collectively, we all realized how it all works at the municipal Conference and to make your 15th to get all reservations and registhat we need to pool ow experi- level. anniversary one of the most mem- trations in now! ence; to benefit by past mistakes; Thus there will be major sesorable events in all AA history! With almost two months still to and to be governed, not by hard sions on “AA in Industry”, “Hos- Cleveland i s all set to handle go, the response thus far has been and fast rules, but by Divine gui- pitalization and the Treatment of anywhere from 5,000 to 50,000 and little short of phenomenal. Of dance in our stewardship of a re- the Prospective AA,” “AA in whatever the final number is, there course, we’re used to phenomenons demptive movement which we only Penal Institutions, Federal, State will be accomodations for all! in AA but when you hear of people hold in trust for those who still coming from the 48 states, from and Municipal.” Naturally, everybody can’t have a need what we have been fortunate corner room in the Headquarters Canada, Europe, South Africa, the The ‘Main Events’, of course, enough to possess. Yes, our Tra- will be (1) The Banquet, with A A s hotel. But if each group Secretary Middle East and the South Pacific, ditions will be at the very core will poll his members, get their it makes you marvel once again at from all over the world heard from of the Conference. via traveling mike. No formal registrations (S1.50per person) and what a tremendous force went into I their bids for room reservations in operation that day you met Bill! Outsiders will be in our midst speeches. And (2) the main ‘Main I as early a s possible. Not only the size and scope of in Cleveland, not a s curiosity seek- Event’-the ‘Big Meeting’with you,

Dr. Bob, and Bill as the only ordinary train seat. At some point, speakers. That tremendous roar they’ll be switched into an ‘all you’re going to hear will merely be AA car’ and at still another point thousands of drunks from all over of convergence, these cars will be the world trying to tell you how hooked up into an all-AA train. So much we love you and how grate- some of the boys and girls will arful we are for what you have given rive in Cleveland in real style. us and ow families! There will be caravans of auto- That’s about as much a s your mobiles, A A s from the same areas, Committee can tell you at the mo- north, south, east, and west, travment, Dr. Rob. Rut there will be eling together. There will be spelots more. Every Cleveland group cial busses and, perhaps, a charwill hold ‘Open House’ throughout tered plane or two bringing in some the Conference. There’ll be base- of the more ‘flush’ bretheren. ball parties-the Red Sox will be At any rate, Dr. Bob, it’s going in town that week-end. There’ll be to be the go1 darnest birthday pardances. There’ll be teas-with real ty you or anybody else ever had. tea served too. It’s something that no AA wants to miss for we won’t be having any- It will be a joyful gathering, Dr. thing like this except maybe once Bob. Many of the faraway A A s every five ar perhaps 10 years. (whose registrations are in early So get good and well, Doc! enough) will start their trip in an It’s your party!

June 1950

There Wasn’t Time For a Stitch in Nine

Editor’s Note: See Arena on Page 39

w E are told that a certain amount of apprehension exists because the large International Nor was there any possibility of , shifting the Cleveland date, for midsummer was the only possible Conference at Cleveland in July time when there would be enough may seriously affect attendance at hotel space to hold the great other regional gatherings near that crowd expected. date; also that the Cleveland Con- Personally, I’m regretful this ference has been sponsored heav- has happened, and I hope no one ily by the Foundation, Grapevine, will pass up his regional meeting Dr. Bob and myself thus placing because seized with the fever to be the Cleveland project in a pre- at Cleveland. I guess it’s just one ferred position. . of those things–but one which That there i s some truth in these needn’t happen again. assertions is self evident; enough, I think, to warrant an explanatory In T k A.A. rapev vine, Dr. Bob statement. and I recently set forth several Like most new ideas in A A that very special reasons for holding our catch on, this one went from the first AA ttInternational” in this size of a man’s hand to cloudburst good year, 1950. But we did not dimensions in a few weeks. It was wish to set any precedent for such realized after the International Con- an International gathering yearly; ference idea had swept the Middle once in every five or ten summers west–and all too late–that such may prove enough. a gathering might draw AAs away So naturally, when 1955 or 1960 from other regional meetings, not- rolls around, we shall certainly ably the fine Southeastern Conven- give everybody one year’s notice, tion to be held at Miami in June. at least!

June 1950

Friday evening “Traditions in they will continue with renewed Terms of You,” with Georgia and mounting inspiration to give speakers. those in attendance a lift, and Dear Editor: something to take home to their Are you trying to mess up the Saturday morning, “Public Rein this area. It opens Wednesday individual groups. serenity of A A s in 15 southeastern lations and LegislationM by the evening, June 21, with a regular N.Y. office. states with all this hullabaloo AA meeting and an all star cast, We realize that The A.A. Crapeabout Cleveland? Evidently you Saturday afternoon clinic, “Pracwith speakers from Virginia, Mary- tice These Principles in all Our vine is international in scope, and don’t work on the first things first land, and Washington, D.C. prone to plug international affairs. premise. Affairs,” with speakers from Ken- Thursday and Friday mornings tucky and Tennessee. Please don’t forget however that We’d like to point out to youthat have been left open for whatever the Southeastern Conference emwe have a Southeastern Regional Saturday evening marks the cliyou would like to do? max with an a1 fresco buffet supper braces almost a thud of the United Convention coming up June 2 1-22- Thursday dternoonprograms the States, which includes 15 states, on the patio-terrace of the head- 23-24 on Miami Beach which we first clinic “The First 90 Days in and while we may be a minority quarters hotel, a water ballet in the defy myone to match. Where were AA,” with speakers from North and against the national ~icture,we are pool, and dancing under the stars you at the Richmond Convention South Carolina. a minority that takes AA to its on the cabana deck. when it was planned? Thursday evening brings the open heart and will be heard. We’d like to remind you Mr. Edi- Reservations have been pouring meeting with an AA’from Chicago Tell Cleveland that a lot of us in for two months now and every- tor, that AA functions and stems and Allen Sheahen, personnel di- from the individual. Its strength crackers will be there too. Ute, from thing is set for a thoroughly in- rector of The Thompson Products Miami, will bring some palm trees, spiring and glamorous “Long Week- lies there and with the group. A t Company, Cleveland, Ohio on “AA this local level lies also loyalty. a small blue ocean, a couple of hiend” on famous, fabulous Miami in Industry.” biscus, and partially full moon to Beach. This may explain why ow regional Friday afternoon, the second conferences have been so success- give them an idea of what went on The program has been arranged clinic, “Temporary vs Permanent down here.-D. R.,generd chdnnan ful for the past six years. We hope withonly the best in mind, and with Sobriety” with speakers from Alatalent that hasn’t appeared before bama and Mississippi.

July 1950

F I R S T INTERN ATION CONFE *

MAY HUMILITY BE THE KEYNOTE ! B ILL has already labelled our First International Conference this month a s AA’s ‘Coming-of-Age’ has been most generous because we’ve made good human interest ‘copy’ in the best American gut- ,

party! When umpteen thousand ex- ter-to-glory tradition. drunks assemble in Cleveland un- AA will never outgrow the basic der the imposing tag of ‘Interna- appeal of the personal recovery, tional Conference’ we will have the oft repeated phenomonon of the our chance to prove that we have ‘hopeless’ man or woman miracureached a state of maturity not lously restored to a useful and only among ourselves but also to purposeful Me. At the same time the public! For make no mistake we are growing up to movementabout it! The news spotlight will wide responsibility. The society , be upon us in Cleveland and the in which we live, which has SO glare could be a bit blinding! By generously cheered us on, has virtue of the presence of both co- taken note of our growth and is founders and by force of sheer now saying, “Come sit with US numbers alone, our Conference will and, from your experience, help be a big story. Thousands of words us with the still unsolved probwill go out over the news wires lems of alcoholism.” about us. Heretofore the press Therein we face both a great

opportunity–and a potential dan- therefore a good moral risk if-his speak of useful lives, of mended looking not for glory but only for ger to the A A movement! The qual- alcoholism is taken care of. Isut homes and families, of resurrected ow rightful place in a complicated ity of our maturity will be the mea- wardens may have other more bit- careers. We can report on our ex- civilization and the opportunity sure of acceptance by a world con- ter but also more practical ideas. periences with hnspitnls,good and be useful as Cod sees fit to make cerned but not entire1y preoccupied Only an unthinking A A would have bad. We can tell how we’ve helped us useful–then we can know we with alcoholism. Individually, and the temerity to debate the disease with those employers who have al- are no longer “immature” people.. among ourselves, we get along fine. angle of alcoholism with a man who ready found a successful (and But, as a movement, we may still has devoted his life to medicine. profitable) way to deal with the Yes, when we undertake anyhave to learn–and accept–our And it would take a brash drunk problem drinkers on their payrolls. thing as ambitious a s an Intertrue relationship to the workaday indeed to tell the men of the cloth We can, in all modesty, lay a national Conference, we enthusiworld. that they’ve been on the wrong I wealth of practical knowledge be- astic A A s probably have need of At Cleveland ow maturity may track all these years and that rue fore all who are interested. Beyond some extra humility. For this purget a more severe testing than most have the only answer! that we cannot and should not uy pose it might be well to run togethof us realize. Meeting with us We will meet in open forum with to go. er parts of three of our Traditions, there will be the representatives of all these good people in Cleveland. It is in these areas where AA’s the Second, Tenth and Eleventh. It various segments of society which From now until July 28th will be 15-year-old maturity will be tested. might then read, “For our group are touched to varying degrees by an excellent time for all of us to We may be sure that the press will purpose there i s hut one ultimate the problems of alcoholism. There check up on our personal and col- look beyond the customary personal authority–a loving Cod a s he may will be personnel directors of recovery aspect of AA and, when express himsell in our group conlarge industrial tirms, hospital oflective humility. We are not experts. We are a band of once des- they’ve disposed of the spectacle of s o many drunks gathered in one . s c i e n c e . . ( t h d ) Alcoholics Atwnficials, law enforcement agents, perate people who have inexplica- y m u s has no opinion on outside I members of the medical profession, bly been given another chance, our place without a drink, they’ll seek the bigger and more significant . i s s u e s . .(and)ourpublic relations and the clergy. They are coming lives handed back to us to live all policy i s based on attraction rather I with specific questions, looking over again, decently and construc- story–the effect the AA movement than promotion.” for specific answers. tively. The sum total of our thril- is having and will have on the We could easily succumb to the ling experience has had an enor- whole of society. These will be If we can follow ow own pretemptation to pose as ‘experts’. mous impact on many segments of the main stories that will go out cepts we can meet this test, a test We could, by our collective atti- society but it does not make us from Cleveland–the ones depic- of our own making. If we; a s a tude, convey a completely erron- authorities in these various cate- ting AA’s influence outside AA it- body, can reflect the same humility eous impression of our motives. gories of life. It seems clear that self. If they are written tinged each of us feels when he contem- It takes only a moment’s sober re- when we meet with these ‘outsi- with even a hint that Alcoholics plates the miracle of himself, flection to realize that we have ders’ in Cleveland our attitude Anonymous, in convention assem- then Cleveland will mark yet anneither the knowledge nor the ex- should be one of humble coopera- bled, now considers itself a final other milestone in AA history. We . perience to tell an employer how tion–anxious to share our total authority on alcoholic problems, will uuly have ‘come of age,” to handle his employees; or to set experience. But neither to teach then you may be sure that we are None of us knows what greater and ourselves up a s authorities on the nor to preach. We can lay bare the not a s mature a s we think we are. and broader works AA may. yet be operation of anything a s complex intricate nature of the alcoholic. If, on the other hand, the repor- called upon to do. But we can as a hospital. In our simple and We can point out the things which ters see us as simply a fortunate know that only in our faith in a trusting hearts we may believe seem to us to have changed our and deeply grateful people anxious Higher Power can we find the that any convict with an alcoholic outlooks, our characters, the very only to serve ow fellow humans– strength and wisdom to do it well! record is not really a criminal and essence of our beings. We can

July 1950

Firet International Conference this issue goes to press, these are to us. It wasn’t that I had forgotten

* the only ones actually heard from. This reporter, a male of questionable vision, had heard about my own wife’s strength and love at the time I came into AA. I was now recalling her confusion, the these goings-on and, like many a baffling, frustrating years I had smug AA, assumed these groups put her through–and wondering . were mere knitting circles which where she found the courage to do met of a Thursday afternoon to ex- a better job on herself than I have change a few tidbits of the choicer done on me. Now these other wives

THE NON-ALCOHOLICS– morsels of gossip. Heavens! I have a wife of my own. I kiss her twice a day, give her a few bucks each were showing me! Ridding me, forever I hope, of the notion that if the alcoholic sobers up, then every-

GOD BLESS ‘EM ! week, and I’m not drinking! What problems has she got? Well sir, I was lured into one thing is hunky-dory with the rest of the family. These non-alcoholics, however, of their meetings recently. And if weren’t content with leftovers. The Long Suffering Wives and Husbands of AA I came to sneer, I remained to pray. They have worked out their own A panel of wives from Toronto program, do their own Twelfth Come Into Their Own At Cleveland! conducted the proceedings. Their Step work, admit and correct their agenda was not unlike regular A A own defects of character. Husbands meetings and before the second of alcoholic wives are right in spot on the Conference lip service to their loyalty and in A calendar i s being reserved for the so-called AA Auxiliaries–or open meetings–amid a sudden rush of magniminity to the head-speaker was finished I began to realize that this was no sewing there with the vice versas. For make no mistake, this is no sissy bee but a spiritual force at work. prcposition. It’s a vital thing of Non-Alcoholics Anonymous. What we might even lay an occasional A s these wives’ stories unfolded itself, not dependent on AA. Some these unsung heroines and heroes flowery tribute at theu feet, admitof AA have been doing among them- ting publicly that they had ‘helped’ I guess I was expecting to hear a of its members are married to alus attain sobriety. long list of complaints about how coholic mates who are not in AA selves, i s going to be an eye-opener to many! Actually they were left to shift they were put upon due to the old and show no inclination either to for themselves insofar as their man’s boozing. There was none of come in or sober up. But it works In the early days the wives and problems were concerned. And in that. These ladies were examining because it’s as fundamentally and husbands were an integral part the past five years they’ve been themselves–not us! They didn’t right as the AA Program itself. of our struggling young groups. doing some mighty fine self-shifting talk or act like martyrs. They were These auxiliary groups are Then, with more and more besotted too. According to the Foundation seeking self-improvement in char- spreading fast and no wonder! We recruits crawling out of the woodwork, we got so preoccupied with records the first non-alcoholic acter, in the art of living, and in a believe that a good many AA minds group started in Long Beach, Cal- closer contact with the same loving are going to be reopened in Clevethe primaiy drunks that we sort of ifornia, on March l, 1945. Since God who had brought sobriety in- land. We believe also that it may forgot these nerve shattered byto their homes. be our own wives and husbands who products of any alcoholic home. then groups have sprung up in We didn’t exactly banish them. Texas, Virginia, Michigan, upper Yes, I had forgotten how alco- show us how to carry this wonder- New York State, and in Canada. holism can twist the minds and ful way of life outside the con- But little by little they were rele- There are probably others but, a s souls of those nearest and dearest fines of alcoholism itself. gated into the background. We paid

September 1950

WE COME OF AGE

– –. -.,– – i Cleveland July 28030,1950 1 2 1 I

N AAs 15th Anniversary every- A s never before, we dedicated ourbody knew that we had grown s e l v e s t o the single purpose of There couldn’t b e any doubt carrying good news of AA to those about it. Members, families and millionswho still don’t know. And, friends -seven thousand of them – a s we affirmed the Tradition of spent three inspiring, almost awe- Alcoholics Anonymous, we asked some d a y s with our good h o s t s a t that we might remain in perfect Cleveland. unity under t h e Grace of God for T h e theme song of our Confer- s o long a s he may need us. e n c e wasgratitude; i t s keynote w a s Just what did we do? Well, we t h e sure realization that we a r e had meetings, l o t s of them. T h e now welded a s one, t h e world over. medical meeting, for instance. Our

first and great friend Dr. Silkworth on salt water instead of gin? Then brought us a little dismay. How ently we folks on the outside know couldn’t get there. Rut his associ- the warld alcohol problem might be could we fallible .4As ever mea- nothing of prison sales resistance. ate at Knickerbocker Hospital, solved overnight.” But that was sure up to hlr. Seltzer’s high hope The skepticism of San Quentin pris- New York, Dr. Meyer Texon, most our idea, not Dr. Texon’s. To him, for our future? We began to wonder oners and keepers alike had been ably filled thegap, telling how best many thanks! if the A A reputation wasn’t getting tremendous. They thought A A must the general hospital could relate About the industrial meeting: far better than its actual character. be a racket. Or maybe a crackpot itselfto us. He clinched his points Jake H., U.S. Steel, and Dave M., Next came that wonderful ses- religion. Then, objected the prison by a careful description how, during duPont, both A A s , led it. Mr. Louis sion on prisons. Our great friend, Board, why tempt Providence by the past four years at Knicker- Seltzer, Editor of the Cleveland Warden Duffy, told the startling freely mixing prisoners with outbocker, 5000 drunks had been spon- Press, rounded out the session story of our original group at San siders, alcoholic women especially? sored, processed and turned loose and brought down the house. Jake, Quentin. His account of AA’s five- Bedlam would be unloosed. Rut our in AA; and this to the great satis- a s an officer of Steel, told what year history there had a moving friend the Warden, somehow deeply faction of everybody concerned, in- the company really thought about prelude. We heard a recording, soon convinced, insisted on AA. To this cluding the hospital, whose Board AA – and it was all good. Jake for radio release, that thrillingly day, he said, not a single prison was delighted with the results and noted A A s ‘ huge collective earning dramatized an actual incident of rule has ever been broken at an specially liked the fact that its power somewhere between % and A A life within the walls. An alco- A A meeting though hundreds of modest charges were invariably billions of dollars annually. In- holic prisoner reacts bitterly to gatherings have been attended by paid, money on the line. Who had stead of being a nerve-wracking his confinement and develops amaz- hundreds of prisoners with almost ever heard of 5000 drunks who drag on society’s collective pocket ing ingenuity in finding and drink- no watching at all. Hardly needed really paid their bills? Then Dr. book, we were now, for the most ing alcohol. Soon he becomes too is that solitary, sympathetic guard Texon brought u s up to the minute part, top grade employables who ‘ ingenious. In the prison paint shop who sits in the back row. on the malady of alcoholism a s could contribute a yearly average he discovers a promising fluid The Warden added that most prithey see it at Knickerbocker; he of $4,000 apiece to our country’s which he shares with his fellow son authorities throughout the Unisaid it was a definite personality well being. Dave M., personnel alcoholics. It was deadly poison. ted States and Canada today share disorder hooked to a physical cra- man at duPont, who has a special Harrowing hours followed, during his views of Alcoholics Anonymous. ving. That certainly made sense to eye to the company’s alcohol prob- which several of them died. The Hitherto 80% of paroled alcoholic most of us. Dr. Texon threw a lem, related what the “new look” whole prison was tense a s the fa- prisoners had to be scooped up heavy scare into prospective “slip- on serious drinking had meant to talities continued to mount. Noth- and taken back to jail. hiany inpees.” It was that little matter of duPont and its workers of all ing but quick blood transfusions stitutions now report that this perone’s liver. This patient organ, he grades. According to Dave, his com- could save those still living. The centage has dropped to one-half, said, would surely develop hob- pany believes mightily in AA. Ry San Quentin A A Group volunteered even one-third of what it used to nails or maybe galloping cirrhosis, all odds the most stirring testimony instantly and spent the rest of that be, Warden Dulfy had traveled 2000 if more guzzling went on. He had a at the industrial seminar was given long night giving of themselves a s miles to be with us at Cleveland. brand new one too, about salt water, by Editor Louis .Seltzer.Mr.Seltzer they had never given before. AA We soon saw why. He came because claiming that every alcoholic on spoke to us from the viewpoint of hadn’t been any too popular, but he i s a great human being. Once the loose had a big salt deficien- an employer, citizen and veteran now prison morale hit an all time again, we A A s sat and wondered cy. Hence the craving for more newspaper man. It was about the high and stayed there. hlany of the how far our reputation had got drinks. Fill the victim with salt most moving expression of utter survivors joined up. The first ahead of our character. water, he said, and you’d quiet confidence in Alcoholics Anony- Prison Group had made its mark; Naturally we men folk couldn’t him right down. Of course we mous we had ever heard. It was al- AA had come to San Quentin to stay. go to the meeting of the alcoholic thought, “Why not put all drunks most too good; its implications Warden D u e then spoke. Appar- ladies. But we make no doubt they

devised ways to combat the crush- prodigious shuffle.Lots of the new- sent ones. We were f i r s t reminded led to the writing of our Tradition. ing stigma that still rests on those er localities held closed meetlings of the absent by that A A from the Then I was asked to sum up, which poor gals who hit the bottle. Per- only, it looked like A A was going hlarshall Islands who, though all I did, sayiny: haps, too, ow ladies had debated exclusive. But of late this trend alone out there, still claimed his “That, touching all matters afhow to keep the occasional big has whipped about. hfore and more group had three members, to wit: fecting A A unity, our common welbad wolf at a respectful distance. our partners have been taking the “God, the book ‘Alcoholics Anony- fare should come first; that AA has But no, the AA sister transcribing Twelve Steps into their own lives. mous’ and me.” The first leg of no human authority only God a s this piececrisply assures me noth- As proof, witness the 12th Step his7000 mile journey to Cleveland he may speak in ow Group Conof the sort was discussed. A won- work they are doing with the wives had finished at Iiawaii whence science; that our leaders are but derfully constructive meeting, she and husbands of newcomers, and with great care and refrigeration trusted servants, they do not govsays it was. And about 500 girls note well those wives’ meetings he had brought in a cluster of floral ern; that any alcoholic may become attended, Just think of it, Ah was now springing up everywhere. At tributes, those leis for which the an A A member if he says s o we exclude no one; that every AA – . four years old before we could so- their Cleveland gathering they in- Islands are famous. One of these ber up even one. Life for the al- vited us alcoholics to listen. Many was sent by the A A lepers at Molo- Group may manage its own affairs coholic woman i s no sinecure. an AA skeptic left that session kai those isolated A A s who will as it likes, provided surrounding Nor were other special sufirers convinced that our “forgotten ones” always be of us, yet never with us. groups are not harmed thereby; overlooked, such a s paid inter- really had something. As one al- We swalloweJ hard, too, when we that we AAs have but a single aim, group secretaries, plain everyday kieput it “The deep understand- thought of Dr. Bob, alone at home, the carrying of our message to the secretaries, our newspaper editors ing and spirituality I felt in that gravely ill. One toast of the even- alcoholic who still suffers; that in and the wives and husbands of al- wives’ meeting was something out ing was to another AA who, more consequence we cannot finance, coholics, sometimes known a s our of this world.” than anything, wanted to be at endorse or otherwise lend the name “forgotten people.” I’m sure the Far from it, the Cleveland Con- Cleveland when we came of age. ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ to any secretaries concluded that though ference wasn’t all meetings. Take Unhappily he never got to the Tra- other enterprise, however worthy; somet imes unappreciated, they st ill that banquet, for example. Or dition meeting, he had been car- that AA, a s such, ought to remain loved every moment of their work. should I say banquets? The origi- ried off by a heart attack the poor, lest problems of property, What the editors decided, I haven’t nal blueprint called for enough night before the Tradition meet- management and money divert us learned. ludging from their telling diners to fill the Rainbow Room of ing and the birthday banquet fromour sole aim; that we ought to efforts over the years, it i s alto- Hotel Carter. But the diners did took place. But at length gaiety be self-suppbting, gladly paying gether probable they came up with much better. The banqueteers took over; we danced till mid- our small expenses ourselves; that many an ingenious idea. quickly overflowed the Ballroom. night. We knew the absent ones A A should remain forever non-pro- Everybody agreed that the wives Finally the Carter Coffee Shop and would want it that way. fessional, ordinary 12th Step work (and husbands)meeting aas an eye- Petit Cafe had to be cleared for never to be paid for; that, a s a opener. Some recalled how Anne S. the surging celebrants. Two or- Several thousand of us crowded Fellowship, we should never be in the Akm early days, had been chestras were drafted and our fine into the Cleveland Music Hall for organized but may nevertheless boon companion and adviser to dis- entertainers found they had to play the Tradition meeting, which was create responsible Service Boards traught wives. She clearly saw al- their acts twice, both upstairs and thought by most A A s to be the or Committees to insure us better coholism a s a family problem. Mean- down. Though nobody turned up high point of our Conference. Six propagation and sponsorship and while we AAs went all out on the tight, you should have heard those old-time stalwarts, coming from that these agencies may engage work of sobering up incoming al- AAs sing. Slap-happy, they were. places far flung a s Boston and San fulltime workers for special tasks; kies by the thousands. Our good and why not? Yet a serious under- Diego, beautifully reviewed the that our public relations ought to wives seemed entirely lost in that tone crept in a s we toasted the ab- years of AA experience which had proceed upon the principle of at-

f . k traction rather than promotion, it filled’ an hour before hand. -Hun- That afternoon we filed into the A s evidence I shared a vision . being better to let our friends rec- dreds who couldn’t get near the Cleveland Auditorium. The big of AA a s Lois and I saw it unfold ommnd us; that personal anony- meeting packed its corridors and event was the appearance of Dr. on a distant beachhead in far Normity at the level of press, radio main lobby. People who have fear Bob. Earlier we thought he’d never way. The vision began with one and pictures ought to be strictly that A A is losing interest in things make it, his illness had continued AA who listened to a voice in his , maintained a s our best protection of the spirit should have been there. so severe. Seeing him once again conscience,and then sold all he had. , against the temptations of power A hush fell upon the crowd a s was an experience we seven thou- George, a Norwegian-American, or personal ambition; and finally, we paused for a moment of silence. sand shall always treasure. lie came to us at Greenwich, Connectithat anonymity before the general Then came the speakers, earnest spoke in a strong, sure voice for cut, five years ago. His parents public i s the spiritual key to all and carefully prepared, all of them. ten minutes, and he left us a great back home hadn’t heard from him our traditions, ever reminding us I cannot recall an AA gathering heritage, a heritage by which we in twenty. He began to send letters we are always to place principles where the attention was more com- A A s can surely grow. It was the telling them of his new freedom. before personalities, that we are plete, or the devotion deeper. Yet legacy of one who had been sober Rack came very disquieting news. actually to practice a genuine some thought that those truly ex- since June 10, 1935, who saw ow Thefamily repmted his only brothhumility. This to the end that our cellent speakers, had, in their en- first Group to success, and one who, er in desperate condition, about to great blessings may never spoil thusiasm, unintentionally created in the 15 years since, had given lose all through alcohol. What us; that we shall forever live in a bit of a problem. It was felt the both medical help and vital AA to could be done? The AA from Greenthankful contemplationof Him who meeting had goneoverfar in the di- 4000 of our afflicted ones at good wich had a long talk with his wife. presides over us all.” rection of religious comparison, St. Thomas Hospital in Akron, the Together they took a decision to So summing up, I then inquired philosophy and interpretation, when birthplace of Alcoholics Anony- sell their little restaurant, all they if thosepresent had anyobjections by firm long-standing tradition we mous. Simplicity, devotion, stead- had. They would go to Norway to to the Twelve Traditions of Alco- A A s had always left such questions fastness and loyalty; these, we help the brother. A few weekslater holics Anonymous a s they stood. strictly to the chosenfaith of each remembered, were the hallmarks of an airliner landed them at Oslo. Hearing none, I offered the A A Tra- individual. One member rose with that character which Dr. Bob had They hastened from field to town ditions for adoption. Impressively a word of caution. A s I heard him, well implanted in s o many of us. and thence 25 miles down the fjord unanimous, the crowd stood up. I thought, “What a fortunate occur- I, too, could gratefully recall that where the ailing brother lived. He So ended that fine hour in which ence. How well we shall always in all the years of out association was in a bad state all right. Unwe of Alcoholics Anonymous took remember that AA is never to be there had never been an angry word fortunately, though, everybody saw our Destiny by the hand. thought of as a religion. How firm- between us. Such were our thoughts it but him. He’d have no AA, no On Sunday morning we listened ly we shall insist that AA mem- a s we looked at Dr. Bob. American nonsense. He an a h to a panel of four A A s who por- bership cannot depend upon any Then for an hour I tried to sum holic? Why certainly not! Of course trayed the spiritual side of Alco- particular belief whatever; that up. Yet how could one add much the man from Greenwich had heard holics Anonymous as they under o w Twelve Steps contain no arti- to what we had all seen, heard and such objections before. But now stood it. What with church-goers cle of religious faith except faith felt in those three wonderful days? this familiar argument was hard and late-rising banqueteers, the in God as each of us understands With relief and certainty we had to take. Maybe he had sold all he Conference Committee had never him. How carefully we shall thence- seen that A A could never become had for no profit to anybody. George guessed this would be a heavy duty forth avoid any situation which exhibitionistic or big business; persisted every bit he dared, but session. But church-goers had al- could possibly lead us to debate that its early humility and simpli- finally surmised it was no use. ready returned from their devotions matters of personal religious be- city i s very much with us, that we Determined to start an AA Group and hardly a soul stayed abed. lief.” It was, we felt, a great are still mindful our beloved Fel- in Norway anyhow, he began a Hotel Cleveland’s ballroom was Sunday morning. lowship i s God’s success, nor ours. round of Oslo’s clergy and physi-

cians. Nothing happened, not one to place t i n y ads in the Oslo n_ersof them o ~ f ~ r ehim d a single pros- papers. fle explained he was a pect. Greatly cast down, he and recovered alcoholic who wished to his wife tho~ghtit high time they help others. At last a prospect got back to Connecticut. appeared. When the newcomer was nut Providence took a hand. The told the story and shown the White rebellious Norwegian obligingly Plains pamphlet, he, too, sobered instantly. The founders to-be then tore off on one of his fantastic periodics. In the final anguish of placed more ads.. .. his hangover he cried out to the Three years after, Lois and I man from Greenwich, “Tell me alighted upon that same airfield. again of the ‘Anonymous Alco- We then learned that Norway has holics.’ What, oh my brother, shall hundreds of AAs. And good ones. I do?” With perfect simplicity The men of Oslo had already car- George retold the A A story. When ried the life giving news to other he had done, he wrote out in his Norwegian cities and these beaall but forgotten Norwegian, a long- cons burned brightly. It had all hand translation of a little pamyh- been just as simple, but just a s let published by the White Plains, mysterious a s that. Louis B. Seltzer Clinton C. Dufly N.Y. Group. It contained, of course, In the final moments of our hisour Twelve Steps of recovery. The toric Conference it seemed fitting To the three non-alcoholics who rational highlight of the Confer- . family from Connecticut then flew to read from chapter eleven of away home. The Norwegian brother, ,4lcoholics Anonymous. These were participated in our International ence. Dr. Meyer Texon of New himself a typesetter, commenced the words we took home with us: Conference A A owes a great debt York’s Knickerbocker tlospital Abandon yourself to Cod as you understand Cod. Admit your faults to of Gratitude. Warden Clinton C. made. a personal, sacrifice as a llim and y w r (ellolus. Clear away tire wreckage of yourpast. Give freely of ~ t r h you~ find, and join us. IVe shall he with you, in the Fellowship UutTy of San Quentin (where the last minute substitute for our o f t h e .?pirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the t o a d first prison group was formed) beloved Dr. Silkworth. Dr. Texon’s of H a p p y Destiny. May God bless you and keep you — until then. traveled 2,000 miles to be with depth of understanding made us us. What he told us was worth realize once again our great obgoing 2,000 miles to hear. Louis ligation to the men of medicine. R. Seltzer, Editor,of the Clevelund To these three, as symbols of Press, has many times proved the many non-alcoholic friends his devotion to the A A ‘way of in many fields who have helped life,’ His address at the ‘AA In us, may we of AA say our heart- Industry’ session was the inspi- felt ‘Thanks!’

September 1950

T HE First International Conference of Alcoholics Anonyprosperous.” I adjusted my halo and thanked him for saying such mutual friends, too. . Early-birds began to arrive by mous was no different from any nice things. Tuesday night and because of the other convention or conference, in When I had got into the cab I had preceding convention there was that it had its brighter side. A lot been thinking how normal the ho- some difficulty obtaining rooms, of genuine hilarity went on which left Cleveland’s non-alcoholic . tel seemed.. normal for a place Ed, of Plainfield, N. J. arrived in entertaining a conference, that is. Cleveland sometime after 10 P.M. native sons with the impression On the floors above the ball rooms Thursday. He was settled in his that it was a real pleasure to play there was open house. Folks were room at The Cleveland Hotel withhost to thousands of ex-drunks. gabbingand holdingforth in almost out trouble. He then became fired On Saturday night after the ban- every room.. .bars were set up, with the ambition to register for quet I rode home with a cabby who complete with glasses, ice and the Conference. He ambled out into JOE summed it up pretty well. Since I hopped into his cab in front of the . .. set-ups .minus the kick. The the night and first tried the Hollaughter and good fellowship was lenden. There he was mistaken for Carter Hotel, dressed to the teeth and with a relatively clean face, . real.. it wasn’t brought on by a a Baptist, invited to join parties stiff jolt. I was chuckling too over given by a group of engineers, then it was obvious that I had been at- an incident which happened just directed to the American Accounttending the festivities, so the cab- before the convention opened. Dick ants (AA), then finally established by was ready and willing to talk. S. had been telling it to me a s I that the Alcoholics Anonymous “You know,” he said, “this con- left the hotel. registration desk was closed both vention has been a real pleasure. The week before The First In- at the Hollenden and at the Carter. ‘ THE CONFERENCE Y’see we guys get the brunt of a deal like this. When most conventernational Conference arrived in Cleveland, the city had been host Returning to his downy cot at the Cleveland, he got the brilliant tions are in town we handle the to the Baptists. One night, the idea that there might be a registradrunks, stop the fights … some- committee was working late in the tion desk there. Lifting the phone times call the cops and generally headquarters office. There came a he called information and the folplay wet-nurse to a bunch of folks timid tap on the door and in an- lowing conversation. took place: offon a binge on an expense account swer to a not too polite, “Come Ed: “Is there an AA registra- “We drivers get together you in!” two men slipped in the door tion desk in the hotel?’.’ know, and we’ve been talking this and furtively looked around. “Is Operator: “A what?” thing over. We’ve never seen any- this AAA?” one of them asked. Ed: “An Alcoholics Anonymous thing like it.. .no fights, every- Imagine his confusion when told registration desk?” body’s nice to us and they’re gen- that the office was not the Auto- Operator: “Oh! Their Conference erous with their tips, mobile Club but Alcoholics Anon- doesn’t start until tomorrow. A lot “We’re taking it up at the next ymous. of them are coming in, but tonight meeting of ow union. We are going “Oh,” said the man, “there must they are checking in under heir to suggest that the union send a be some mistake, I’m a Baptist own names.” letter of thanks to the committee minister, I want the Automobile By the time we Grapeviners got and to the Alcoholics Foundation.” Club.” It all turned out happily there Wednesday afternoon, it be- Then he added, “Say, are they and the ministers sat down to talk gan to look a s if something were . all bank presidents? They look SO awhile.. .found they had some happening in Cleveland. It was

then that the unsung heroes got to really all about and the real rea- the table. I’ve wondered since, Tulked-to-the-Ilost-People goes to .. work. the unsung heroes were son for the. celebration. ‘ * Just as the crowds were beginhow many gallons of coffee were served during the three days. J.H. who traveled 7000 miles from the Marshall Islands to attend the the boys with the wire-recorders. Tht recordings began with the ning to push around the registration An amusing incident concerning Conference. He wore .an Hawaiian first visitors and when last heard desk, in staggered a very drunk a pot of coffee happened to the sport shirt all during the meeting from the boys were shut in a room . drunk.. in fact he almost crawled non-alcoholic wife of an AA. After s o you couldn’t miss him. He has .. at the Carter Hotel. air-condi- in on his hands and knees. Somewhere in his alcoholic fog the a long hot day she had gone to her room to rest and dress for dinner. a lot of memories to take back to . his three-man group.. “God, the tioning off, stripped to the waist, shoeless and smokeless. In the knowledge had seeped tluough that “What I need,” she thought, “is a Big Book and me.” steaming heat of Sunday night, thousands of AAs were in Cleve- long cool drink!” She called room And it was just as one of the they played back their tapes to each other and recorded as they . land. He wanted help.. he needed help and he came to where he was service and ordered her long cool drink. In due time it arrived and on news reporters said, “Two people meet a i d they begin to joke and listened to the play-back. Some- sure to find it. U’hen I saw him, he thetray with it was a potof coffee. kid around. Then suddenly they’re body estimated that it would take 11 hours to play back the official was leaning against the wall of the hotel, trying desperately to Assuming that the waiter had made a mistake and knowing that her . talking serious AA.. I never saw anything like it.” transcription of the meetings, so stay on his feet until a car was ‘ husband would want the coffee Then there was the cab-driver since they intended to swap recordings, they may still be locked .. brought around. The First International Conference was really a when he got upstairs, she said nothing about it. The waiter left who observed that AA was a fine thing but wasn’t it odd that there in that hotel room. I wonder if any- . very small thing after all.. just the room, only to return almost be- was no group in Cleveland. But it was up to Chick F. of one has thought to look? one man helping another. fore he got out the door. Taking Speaking of the official tran- Among other things that I found the coffeeand cup, he said, “Sorry, Winnipeg, Canada to come up with . scription.. the committee is still out while looking and listening at mistake.” He started for the door, the crack of the Conference. It happened just after the fine talk in the throesof editing, eliminating, the Conference is that the book turned and came back into the discussing.. .because there was Alcoholics Anonymous, in Braille, room. A s he put the coffee pot back by Louis Seltzer. Chick was standenough wordage to write an An- is available through The Cleveland on the tray he looked slyly at the ing quite close to Mr. Seltzer in thony Adverse! But have patience, Public Library. It can be rented. non-alcoholic wife and said, “NO, the after meeting crush. An autosomething good will come of it. And also speaking of the wire- Now that the Conference is over little bits of information are be- . 1’11 leave it.. maybe you’ll be wanting it, yes?”Yes, the waiters graph hunter thrust a program under Chick’s nose, “No you don’t want recordings, I’ve been wondering if ginning to trickle back. The other had been well briefed. me,” said Chick pointing, “I’m any of the boys caught the two Texans who stood before the regday the manager of the Carter Hotel told Dick S. that the Saturday Certainly the award of Who- . alkie.. that’s Seltzer.”

istration table in the Carter Hotel night banquet was the largest ever singing, “The Eyes of Texas Are served by the Pick Hotel chain. Upon You! The more conservative I can believe it because folks were Easterner9 and Clevelanders look- hanging from the chandeliers … ed slightly abashed! well almost! About the time the boys from The hotel management had cer- Texas were singing, an incident tainly briefed the waiters and happened which gave everyone waitresses, too. Whenever a guest present cause to pause and to re- sat down to order food, a pot of alize what this Conference was coffee was immediately placed on

December 1954 and Hotel Reservation applications twin beds and two-room suites. Thox I were mailed to all groups from Gcn- planning to attend the meeting are ‘ I eral Service Headquarters in Novem- requested to indicate their first, second ber. and third choices among hotels. Space I Rcquests for hotel accommodations is also provided for indicating the i, Convention News (accompanied by the Convention Registration form) must be made direct to approximate rate desired. The Convention registration fee is the Hotels Convention Reservation five dollars for each person who at- From the Convention Secretary Bureau for AA, 911 Locust Street, St. tends one or more sessions of thc Louis 1, Missouri. Convention-goers Convention. Admission to Convention AKE way for a new AA slogan! gates, representing all AA areas in the M 1,’s only a temporary one, to United States and Canada, authorized be sure, but chances are it will be the convcntion by unanimous decision. will nor be able to secure hotel accommodations by writing direct to a hotel sessions will be limited to those who have registered. Inquiries about the in St. Louis. Nor can reservations be Convention, except those d a t i n g to heard with increasing frequency in The Conftrcncc named a group of its made through General Service Head- hotel accommodations (which must be AA circles during the remainder of own mcmbcrs to scrve with rcpresen- quarters. ’54 and the first six months of ’55. tativcs of thc Board of Trustees of the directed to the Hotels Convention In addition to containing the proper Reservation Bureau in St. Louis), can “kYou in St. Louis” is the new Alcoholic Foundation and of Gcn- forms for Convention Registrations candidate for admission to the hit eral Service Headquartcrs to select be addresscd to Convention Secretary, and Hotel Reservations, the announccparade of AA catch phrases. It refers, a site for the mecting and plan the ment folder contains a list of 24 St. General Service Headquarters of AA, of course, to the Twentieth Anniversary agcnda. Louis hotels, together with the rate P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Annex. Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous, Ncarly a dozen cities wcre consid- charged by each hotel for singlc rooms, New York 17, N. Y. which gets undcr way for a three-day ered. St. Louis was hnally sclectcJ rooms with double beds, rooms with See you in St. Louis! run in Kiel Auditorium, St. Louis, on because of its central loc~tion,plenti- July first of next year. ful hotel accommodations and the out- Certain to be an historic rnilcstone standing convention facilities of Kiel A man will find that as he alters his thoughts towards things and ‘other in the life of the fellowsliip, the con- Auditorium, one of thc few fully air- people, things and other people will alter towards him. Let a man radically vention is expected to bring togcthcr conditioned convention arenas of its alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it more sober alcoholics than havc evcr size in the country. will effect in the matcrial conditions of his life. Mcn do not attract that which assembled under the banner of tlic The fact that Kiel Auditorium is they want, but that which they are. The divinity that shapes our ends is our- Twelve Steps and the Twclvc Tradi- air-conditionctl was onc of the decisive selves. All that man achieves is the direct result of his own thoughts. A man tions. The fifteenth anniversary mcct- clcmcnts in selecting St. Louis for the can only arise and achieve by lifting up his thoughts. He can only remain ing in Cleveland in 1950 attractcd an convention. Also influencing the com- weak and abject and miserable by refusing to lift up his thoughts. estimated 7,500 members and relatives. mittee’s decision was the availability “Pen Pages,” N e w We~fminsler, B.C. Registration for the St. Louis sessions of a number of small rnceting rooms is expected to top that figure by a within the Auditorium, permitting the 1 comfortable margin. schctluling of sirnultancous pancl dis- The alcoholic who doesn’t have time for AA attendance is like an automobile 1 Plans for the Twentieth Anniver- c~tssionsand “work shops” on spccific which doesn’t havc time to stop for gasoline. sary Convention got undcr way last pllascs of tllc AA program. C.E., Pompano Beach, Florida April, immediately following the Gen- Spccial announccmcnt foldcrs, con- * * * eral Service Conference whose Delc- taining Converition Registration forms A sorrowing man who puts asidc his grief to console others will filtd a positive anodyne for heartache. St. Fratrris of Asshi

January 1 9 5 5

Special convention announcements. If three members of the same family containing the proper forms for both register for the Convention, the cost convention registrations and hotel res- of registration is fifteen dollars for the i ervations, have been mailed to a11 three days. groups. These forms should be used In a number of AA groups plans are in communicating with the Reserva- already under way for several memtion Bureau in St. Louis, and may be bers to pool automobile travel costs to Convention News secured from your General Service Representative or by writing Post St. Louis. Other groups plan to make “block bookings” on trains or planes, FROM THE CONVENTION SECRETARY Office Box 459, Grand Central Annex, enabling neighboring AAs to.travel to New York 17, N. Y. the Convention together. S ince much Registration fee for the meeting is of this travel will coincide with the Twentieth Anniversary Con- By plane, of course St. Louis is less five dollars for each person attending usual Fourth of July holiday “rush,” AA’svention in St. Louis in July than a day’s travel from the home* stamping-g.ounds of more than 95 Convention sessions. : Admission to these sessions will be limited to those trwel experts recorkend thot r w r . vations be made as far in advana as is going to be a family &air in more ways than one, if the current trend of per cent of the world’s AA families. who have registered. Thus the total possible. “early bird” reservations holds up. In the old days St. Louis in July registration cost, for example, for a . So, register early . . Although the big meeting is still might hardly have qualified as the member and one relative is ten dollars. See you in St. Louis! half a year away, registrations have ideal site for a convention–or a va- , been coming in daily from members cation. St. Louis heat used to be and their families in all sections of legendary. For convention-bound AAs, the United States and Canada. A high however, the story will be different. Easy-Do-It to St. Louis proportion of these first registrations Every session of the three-day meeting indicate that AA families plan to will be held in Kiel Auditorium, one N July 1st. 2nd and 3rd, 1955, the Twentieth Anniversary Convention of make the three-day St. Louis conven- of the few fully air-conditioned convention sites of its size in the country. 0 AA will be held in St. Louis. Missouri. Some of us are a long way awaytion a high point of vacation plans in from being financially able to attend. \ I

I which youngsters as well as adults Hotels, restaurants, stores and theatres May I suggest that we find a tin can around the house, cut a hole in the I will share. in St. Louis are also air-conditioned top and label the can, “St. Louis.” Then every time we get a,fifty cent piece The date of the Convention, July 1 today. The AA convention-goer is it1 change, drop it in the can before going to bed. When we have fifteen or through July 3, was selected deliber- likely to be cooler than his stay-at- twenty dollars, put it in a separate saving account. ately in order to permit school-age home neighbors. I believe by July we will have enough to go to the Convention without offspring to take part in vacation In its monthly bulletins to all AA stretching the budget too far. travels focussing on the Missouri city. groups, General Service Headquarters Procrastination will make the amount smaller, so let’s start, this twenty-four , Virtually a11 schools in the States and is reminding all members that hotel hours, to prepare for the future. in the Provinces close for the Summer reservations can be made only through I went to Cleveland in 1950 and never will I forget it. Being part of a holidays not later than June 25th. As /be Hotels Cortven~ion Reservation meeting of that kind really helps in our everyday life. one of the most centrally-located cities Bureau for AA, 91 1 Locust Street, St. Sorry I cannot tell you all first what attending AA’s first international meeton the North American continent, St. Louis I , Missortri. Reservations cmnot ing in Cleveland has meant to me, but I’m sure there is a fellow or gal in , Louis is easily accessible, even by car, be made by writing direct to a hotel, your group or a nearby group who was there. Ask them to tell you! in less than a week from virtually any or by writing to General Service So, save those fifty cent pieces and let’s all who want to “meet in St, Louis.” ” AA territory in the U.S. and Canada. Headquarters. E. A., Montclair, New Iersey

February 1955

Busch Stdium, home of the St. Louis Information Bureau, 607 Chiunbcr of C~rdinalsand “Stan the Man” Musial, Commerce Building, 5 11 L o w t one of baseball’s all-time greats; Street, St. Louis I, hfo. The “hL1.T. of the Midwest,” Don’t forget to write too for that 1W~sbitrgto;zUniversity, is 102 years reservation and registration! Let’s hope old and is the only educational insti- it is high on your list of New Year tution which owns an atom-splitting Resolutions. The Convention Bureau Convention News cyclotron dedicated to medical research ; has thus far received them from Glifornia. Ontario, Brazil, Hawaii, Maine And for the nature-lovers St. Louis and Florida, as well as many other offers the 1)-fissotrriBotanical Garden, ‘ states. These are pin-pointed just to 8 v which has the largest collection of show that in AA distance apparently HEN the Twentieth Anniversary was one of the few events of its kind plant life in the Western hemisphere, is of no consequence. Which reminds I W Convention of AA gets under that made money for its backers. And way in St. Louis next July first, an it was here that the ice cream cone ranking second only to the famous Kcw Gardens of England. us of the sentence in Chapter Five in I the book Alcoholics Anonymous, historic event will be taking place in was invented ! Grapevine readers may need no re- where it says: “If you. have decided one of America’s most historic cities. Today St. Louis has many attrac- minder, but St. Louis enjoys another you want what we have. and are willa modern metropolis with many at- tions for visitors bent on business, prime distinction as the home of the ing to go to any length to get ittractions for convention-goers and pleasure or both: the /cferson Xe- largest Brewery in the world (An- then you are ready to take certain their families during their “spare morjal, with many nationally famous heuser-Busch) . steps.” . ,,. time.” Jefferson manuscripts, original docu- There are many other attractions And for some of us-obviously Did you know that the original ments from the Hamilton-Burr con- in and around St. Louis. If you wish -the “steps” will be toward St. Louis, Village of St. Louis, named for King troversy, and 5,000 Lindbergh trophies additional information you may write July, lst, 2nd and 3rd next! – .._ Louis I X of France, consisted of five contributed by forty-seven nations; for literature to the “Visit St. Louis” See you then! ‘ streets on the watcr front? And that Forest Park, a 1,400-acres preserve, . it was laid out, according to legend, second largest park of its kind in the by workmen under the command of country, featuring the famous bar-less a thirteen-year old boy, Auguste (not the kind of bar you are thinking Chouteau ? of) Zoological Gardens, and St. Louis’ It is difficult to realize that St. summer municipal opera theatre; . Louis in 1803 had a population of The S. S. Admiral, largest inland . about 1,000 . . today it numbers passenger steamer ever built in , nearly 1,000,000. In 1808 the first America. This ship is completely newspaper west of the Mississippi, the streamlined, air-conditioned, insulated Missouri Gazette, was founded. and sound-proofed, and makes daily Do any of you old-timers remem- and nightly trips to the Mississippi. ber the marvels of the St. Louis Fair (Not having a 1955 calendar availof 1904, inspiration for the famous able at the moment, we can’t guar- . ballad, “Meet Me in St. Louis” ? This antee a full-moon for a moonlight Fair (which was officially known as sail, but “could be”!) ; t l ~ c Louisiana Purchase Exposition) For you baseball fans, there is

March 1 9 5 5

” a distinguished professional person, JS Jn integral part of the structure of not a member of AA, who is com- the fellowship. pletely familiar with the fellowship The AI-Anon Fmily Groups will program. .dso maintain headquarters in St. Louis Two outstanding meetings are scheduled for Sunday, July 3rd, the conclud- during the convention and arrangeing day of the convention. A special ments are being made to hold several Spiritual Meeting will be held at Family Group meetings. Convention News 9:00 A.M. Although the Convention is still The concluding session, at 2:00 four months away, advance reservao’clock, will actually be a “meeting tions have already been received from within a meeting.” It will consist of virtually every section of – the United first time in the history of group operations, Loners and Inter- the final 1955 gathering of Dele- States and Canada. As noted below F AAthethousands OR of members and nationalists, Clubs, Women in AA, ‘ , gates to the General. Service Conference, with talks by Bernard Smith (see box), application forms for hotel rooms and for convention registrations their friends will have an opportunity and the work of Group Secretaries and to hear the intimate, personal story of General Service Representatives. and Bill W. The full Convention will should be sent only to Hotels Conven- Bill W., AA’s only surviving co- At these smaller sessions, every op- be asked to approve recommendations tion Reservation Bureau, 911 Locust founder, during the society’s Twentieth portunity will be provided for all proposed by the Conference. In prin- Street, St. Louis 1, Mo.. (Application Anniversary Convention in St. Louis members of the audience to participate i ciple, this follows the procedure at forms have already been sent to each next July 1-3. in question-and-answer periods reflect- the Fifteenth Anniversary Convention group. If you or your group needs He will discuss the people and ing the experience of AA groups in Cleveland in 1950 when the full additional forms. they may be obtained events that influenced his early life throughout the United States and Convention was asked to approve the by writing to P.O.Box 159, Grand and his years “in the darkness” when Canada. Twelve Traditions for group survival Central Annex, New York 17, N. Y.) uncontrolled drinking nearly cost him An unusual feature of the first two life itself. days of the Convention will be a The b r o d outlines of this story “continuous regular open meeting” for IMPORTANT NOTICE ‘. have been sug2ested in Bill’s chapter members and friends who may have no direct interest in a particular gen- ‘ ‘. . in the Big Book but only a few small The rush for hotel rooms for the St. Louis convention;’~ul~1-3, is groups of AAs, until now, have been eral session of the convention. These already on. To be certain of getting the accommodations you desire, able to prevail upon the co-founder group meetings, which will be con- please note that all hotel room reservations in St. Louis for the convention to tell the full story. It is expected ducted along the lines of typical local period are made through the Hotels Convention Reservation Bureau, to be one of the highlights of the AA meetings, will be held Friday 911 Locust Street, St. Louis 1. Do not write direct to a particular hotel, Anni~rsaryConvention. Bill will also morning and afternoon md Saturday since all its available rooms have been “sold out” to the Reservation speak at two other general meetings. morning and afternoon. They will Bureau. Plans for the three-day program are give convention-goers an opportunity T o assure completely fair treatment to all convention-goers. General shaping up rapidly and will be an- to hear a variety of speakers from Service Headquarters has assigned full responsibility for hotel rexrvanounced some time during April. many AA areas. tions to the Reservation Bureau in St. Louis. Applications for rooms In addition to the general meeting General sessions will cover such should be made on the special Convention application forms sent to d l sessions, a number of smaller “work- topics as “AA and Industry,” “AA groups in November. Additional application forms may be obtained by shops” have been planned on such and Institutions” and “AA and Medi- writing to P. 0. Box 459, Grand Central Annex, New York 17, N. Y. subjects as Central Ofhce and Inter- cine.” Each session will be chaired by

L * t nt L C ~ ~ Co Q / St. J a ~ d to its near-miraculous and incredible past; that our Fellowship has now come of age; that we now propose to take full possessior\ and full responsibiliv for’ our inheritance coming from the early years of A ~ – – t hvital ~ legacies of Recovery, Unity and Service. No longer will the u h i v aad functioning of our society depend upon its parents, elders or its founders. Th& will be the unique significance of St. Louis. This means that all of us-AA as a wholc–ace now entirely m d y to take over full guardianship of the AA Traditions that e r m t c e our unity in time to come, and also to take complete charge of tho% World Servica which are the means by which we function as an entire Fellowship, m d from which radiate cur principal life-lines to those millions all over the globe who still need AA. Maybe this sounds vague, abstract or visionary. Rut it m l l y isn’t. The basic idea is simple and practical. There comes a time in the life of every fimily when the parents must say to sons and daughters alike, “You arc,grown up, here is your inheritance. Do with it as you will. w e will watch, we will help, next summer, and it will be twenty years since I first set eyes on Dr. . C BoLtwenty OME years since the spark that was to be Alcoholics Anonymous but we must no longer decide for you, act for yoh or protect you.’ You are henceforth responsible for your own lives and well-being. So now take your . was struck and AA’s Akron Group No. I took form and substance. destiny by the hand. And may God love you.” Everybody knows that a good This July, we are having our 1955 Anniversary at St. Louis-all of us who parent must do this. All parents, at some point, simply have to “let go and can get there, maybe ten thousand, maybe twenty. And all who can’t be there let God.” That’s exactly what we old timers will propose to you at St. Louis. will surely be present in spirit and will be bound to share those meaningful At least that’s what I plan to do as 1 believe such a decision will & healthy, l

I and stirring hours with us as they read the reports. timely and right. St. Louis isn’t going to be just another anniversary for the very potent reason On the g m t stage of the St. LO& ~uditoriumyou that there can nwer be, in all our history to come, another such occasion as we your elect& representatives, the General Service Conference of AlcohoIics Anonymous. In this. the midst of them you will see AA’s Trustees and your’World Service Staff. As at all anniversaries of the past, we shall thank God for our deliverance When the final hour of our Convention comes, I Shall, on behalf of the old out of bondage; we shall pay grateful tribute to those near and dear who sat timers . . . . through the dark night of the soul with us; we shall gratefully recall those But shucks, here I am, spoili~gthe show. friends in the world outside whose ideas, eood will, and labor without stint Here’s hoping that Lois and will be seeing you at St. Louis! have done so much to make AA what it is today. We shall cry out our greetings A –

to each other with a warmth seldom known anywhere. We shall exchange experi- hqortrrnt Norice ences, confess that our society has its faults, and ask God to show us how to remove them. W e shall ponder the meaning of our short but exciting history All hotel room resef~atiofisin St. Louis for & Convention next July and, in confident faith, we shall accept whatever destiny Providence has in 1-2.3 must be made through: The Hotels Convention Reservation Bureau. store for us. All these things we shall do at St. Louis. 911 Locust Street, St. Louis \, Missouri, on Convention application forms But we are also going to do some things that can never be done again: we sent to all groups in November. If you need more forms are going to affirm that the infancy and adolescence of our society now belongs write to Box 459, Grand b n t r a l Annex, New york 17, Nm Yo&. 4

ci~yor ~ $ 1 , lnd \vherc jm.dl gaher- All wlio attend the Coavcnrionings are meeting ior luncl~eon get- f.n~r1ic.r.li r v ~ I 1;I /Iils-must register togetllcrs. in advance. If you are coming with .I Of course everp:e at the Convcn- your A h member, Ix sure hc or she tion-AAs and relatives a l i k c w i l l has registered for you. , ;! .dl want to attend the big open AA If you arc coming unxcompanied meetings on Friday and Satur&y eve- by an AA, be sure that you.yourself ‘ :. nings and on Sunday morning. register. Send in your $5.00 .registn- -, Convention News It is hoped that Bill’s mother will tion fee and make your .hotel reservn- . be well enough to attend the Con- , tions well in advance ,,direct to: I I vention. One of the outstanding events Hotels Convention Reservation Bu- , will be a reception for her, if she b reau for AA, 911 Locust St, St. FAMILIES OF ALCOHOLICS AT THE able to be there. Louis 1, Missouri. , Y* Sight-seeing trips and a program If you have any suggest&& for . AA CONVENTION I N ST. LOUIS i have also been arranged for the wives subjects you would like, discussed at \ 1 . : \,of Conference Delegates who will the Al-Anon meetings, write them to: – MAW families from all over the planned an extensive program to in- accompany their husbands to St. Louis I Irma Flynn, Progrm C h d r ~ .; .. ,country are making plans for terest and inspire these relatives, for the Fifth Annual General Service Box 1475, Grand Centml Annex going to the big A k Convention in St. whether or not they belong to Conference of AA, the week of June I New York 17, N. Y. , , t ‘,I . Louis, .starting July 1, to celebrate Al-Anon. .. 36th, immediately preceding the This Twentieth Anniversary. should , t AA3.Twentiet.h Anniversary. It will During the daytime on Friday and Twentieth Anniversary Convention. be an erperiencc which will ,never be – be an outstanding event, not only for Irma, our Progrm Chairman, and I forgotten by anyone who ,attends.

&iw Saturday, while AA is holding ses- ! AAs but for their close relatives, too. sions primarily for alcoholics, Al-Anon will be on hand all week to do what See you in St. Louis! ,- .%; t ir:

$ The Al-Anon Fiunily Groups, to will hold similar meetings. There will we can to make the preConvention ?,

iu which many of these wives, husbands, be open and panel discussions on sucll stay of the wives of delegates both 1: parents; and children belong, have subjects as: interesting and profitablc. , ,,+*!.:”b .* $4, -..$q”$.* I 4 ! .s, c,-%ed.

i.’ , : . ‘. -‘.: What to do about the children of alcoholics ,: .l’ I”””:V” 7 IMPORTANT NOTICE i

‘ . – How to apply the Twelve Steps to ourselves The adjustments necessary behveen husbands and wives, after A A How the Family Groups c m hclp you and [he tlcoholic alike ‘ To be certain of getting the accommodations you desire, plcax bite ;,,j,

that df hotel room reservations in St. Louis for the convention period Esplanation of what the Al-Anoil Heictqu,trtcrs is, and what it does are made through the Hotels Convention Resendon Bureau, 911. L h s t Rtports from Al-Anon groups 311 over thc country Street, St. Louis I. Do not write direct to 3 particular hotel. ‘siricC:all ! its available rooms have been “sold out” to the Reservation ~ureau? : Four members from AI-Anon Head- husband to the Convention, I w been To assure ~ompktclyfair treatment to all convention-goer~;~ ~en’&l ; q u a m n will h on hand to help you uM to lead r meeting. . Senice Headquarters has assigned full responsibility for hotel:kicrvain m y way.they can. Panels will be A Reception Committee 4 1 1 try to tions to the Reservation Bureau in St. Louis ,Appli~ationsfoi’h~m;’,; selected, from Al-Anon members of make sure that everyone becomes well- should be made on the special Convention application forms xnt”to4’aIl groups.ail over this country and Cana- acquainted, will know where and when groups in November. Additional ‘application forms may bctobtained’by: , Ja. And one member from Sydney, the meetings tdie place, where coffee writing to P. 0.Bos 459,Grand Central Annes. N e w York 17,’N?Y, . .1 . Austnlia, who is xcompmying her can be obtained at any time of the

June 1955 – – – – – – – – the third type of meeting. These Convention registrants “Guest Speaker” sessions will cover have a choice of four % “AA in Industry,” “AA and Medi- attend since the Al-Anon .a cine,” and “AA and Institutions.” Groups have also scheduled a Each session will include a panel of program of meeting. specialists in the field involved. The evening and Bill will be the principal speaker meetings, together with%a; Spirituaiy Convention News at the three Convention General Ses; sions to be held Friday and Saturday Meetinn scheduled ~un&vtmoiniae.: FROM THE CONVENTION SECRETARY evenings and Sunday afternoon. The Sunday afternoon gathering, which , . . All meetings will concludes the Convention, will also ‘ ST, LOUIS PROGRAM A N N O U N C E D . include the final meeting of the Fifth &%.’I

q’ General Service Conference Delegates with multiple meeting and an address by’ Mr. Bernard B. arrivals m3y complete *:*”Howthe Wmajor gl e Have Learned” will be The program for the St. Louis meettheme of the three- ing is reproduced on pages 21-25. Smith, non-alcoholic Chairman ofi the General Service Board of AA (fortion ‘all day Th&y, Louis, one of Amcr day Twentieth Anniversary Conven- It shows that four basic types of tion celebrating AA’s coming of age gatherings have been scheduled on merly The Alcoholic Foundation): cities, has a number and beginning July 1st in St. Louis, both inspirational and “exchange of The AA open meetings, the Work- and entertainment attracti ” Missouri. This theme, suggesting the experience1’ topics. , shops and the Guest Speaker sessions will be held simultaneously during !.basic humility of the AA program Four typical AA open meetings r i l l*< morning and afternoon gatherings of ‘ :-as well as its growth during the past two decades, will be expressed in give convention registrants an opportunity to hear members from many , the Convention. During these periods . .F three key General Sessions to be ad- . ‘, *dressed by Bill. At these meetings, sections of the United States and Canada present their personal stories Lust Call.! \

the surviving co-founder of the fellow- and their interpretations of the re- You may register at any time up to and in’cluding July 1-2-3 for :’ship will discuss “HOWW e Learned covery program. \. Convention, brrt . ..and this is a large BUT: unless ‘your %:o Recover,” “How W e Learned to In the second category will be for hotel accommodations is in St. Louis by June 14th, you , . Stay Together,” and “How W e eleven “Workshop-Panel Discussion” receive a confirmation of your reservation. After that date, >’ -Learned to Save.” sessions covering AA group esperience know until your arrival where you will stay. So, the Conv “” Advance registrations for the Con- in handling many situations encoun- mittee urges prompt action . . . while at the same time suggesting * p t i o n have already been received tered throughout the movement. A11 procrastinators “come on along even at the last minute-therc’ll.~’*:. z: ‘ ‘from nearly every State and Province .*in the United States and Canada and “workshops” will be handled by a , room!” Send your Convention Registration Form (available thmugfi” ? panel representing a variety of A,4 groups or Box 459, Grand Central Annex, New York 17, N, Y ) j Y :..from a number of overseas areas. At- viewpoints. Participation from the direct to: Hotels Convention Reservation Bureau, 911 Locust Street; , ‘

tendance is open to all AA members. floor will be encouraged. St. Louis 1, Missouri. Do not write to o botel, as all rooms5hme ‘: Qektives and friends who register for s the historic meeting, the first interna- Distinguished friends of AA who have contributed to the growth and been assigned to the Bureau. fashion note: informal clothes 3m the NI-o banquet ,L+:W? q *4 !* tiond gathering of its kind since the public understanding of the movement Leave your heat worries 3t home, too . . . air-conditioned Kiel ,h ,i’, d i,’.$ p I

‘ Cle\*elmd meeting in 1950. -. siece its inception will be featured in I torium can feed you from b m l i h t through supper. ‘ ‘ .$,-:$ -,,-++ r – 3

I* June 1955

Thursday, June 30th Saturdq July 2nd 9:W A.M. Auditorium Registration open for early arrivals 10:W A.M. Convention Hall “AA and the Medical Profession” – Dr. Local “fun activities” planned for the day Harry M. Tiebout, Vice-chairman, Connect~cutCommission on Alcoholism; Dr. W. W. Bauer, Director, Bureau of Health Education, A.M.A.; AA Member Opera House AA Open Meeting 10:W A.M. Convention Hall “Meet the Staff Members from General Ser- Assembly Halls Workshop – Panel Discussions vice Headquarters and the AA Grapevine Hall #3 “The Alcoholic Employee” Hall #1 “Central and Intergroup Offices” opera House AA Open Meeting Hall #4 “How the Lone Member Stays Sober” Assembly Halls Workshop – Panel Discussions Hall #2 Family Group–“Using the Twelve Steps” Hall # 1 “Special Problems of A h Working in HOSpitals, Rest Homes, and Sanatoria” 2:00 P.M. Convention Hall “AA and Institutions” -Austin MacCormick, Prof. Criminology, Univ. of Cali- Hall #3 “Helping the Young Alcoholic” fornia; Kenyon J. Sadder, President, Amer. Hall #2 Family Group Meeting – “Meet the Staff Correctional Assoc.; MMember Members from Al-Anon Family Group Opera House Open AA Meeting Headquarters” – Assembly Halls Workshop Panel Discussions Hall #1 “Money and Its Place in AA” 2:W P.M. Convention Hall “AA and Industry”-Leonard V. Harrison, Hall #3 “How T o Organize An AA Group” Vice-chairman, General Service Board of Hall #4 “Using the Grapevine” AA; Dr. John Norris, Eastman Kodak Co.; Hall #2 Family Group–“Husband and Wife” Henry A. Mielcarek, Allis-Chalmers, Mil- 8:W P.M. Convention Hall Talk by Bill: “How We Learned T o Stay waukee, Wis. Together” AA Member Opera House M Open Meeting Assembly Halls Workshop – Panel Discussions Hall #1 “Linking the Group to General Service Headquarters” Hall #3 Hall #4 “Problems of M Clubhouses” “Reaching the Alcoholic in Institutions” 10:W A.M. Convention Hall “God As We Understand Him” Rev. – .Edward Dowling, S.J., St. Louis, Mo.; Rev. Hall #2 Family Group Meeting – “The Children of Samuel Shoemaker, Pittsburgh, Pa; Bill Alcoholics” 2:W P.M. Convention Ha11 Last Session of General Service Conference 8:00 P.M. Convention Hall Talk by Bill: “How We Learned to Rc- Talk by Bernard B. Smith, Chairman, General Service Board of AA Bill: “How We Learned To Serve” ( A A speakers a! all workshop sessions) (AN meetings in air-conditioned Kiel Auditorium)

July 1955

tcrtmlng Iic had had to do. He’d : CONVENTIONS pu~ntedion~~nlttces. sclcctcd new d i ccrs, listened to more speakecs and hx that hotcl bill; have them prepare ? 1 q wound up with a banquet in thc longsuffering ~ u d o rRoom. m affair which another, shcnving only cost of room. Pay those Room Service items cash– < . ‘ I HAVE MISSED w ~ saddressed by the T h ~ r dAssistaut my gosh ! what am I saying? Have I ; 7

Sub-secretary of Agriculture who gave any cash? * “A .. NDi now declare this ump- through the minutes of the last meetteenth Convention of the Na- ing, burped through the treasurer’s several columns of statistics on mongoose product~onoverseas. Thus thc Mongoose Convention. That of the Committee to Defend tional Association of Mongoose Fan- report (all this had been preceded by Then the mongoose fanc’!ers went America by Aiding Itinerant Termites .’ ciers duly convened !” Bang ! -such a lovely idea!-a “Mongoose home. was of the same pattern. So was the – The assunbled fanciers moved to the Breakfast” in the Tudor Room) and But not our hero up in Room 1302. assembly devoted to researching the I .

edge of their chairs, alert, bright-eyed, tensely chewed their nails as the Presi- Slowly coming out of last night’s Irish origins of Homo Neanderhlen- cq

expectant. dent told of hopes md hazards for blackout, he suddenly realizcd that he ris. And so on and on-for some U p in Room 1302, however, there mongoose fanciers. had left entirely undone what he had twenty ycars. on the edge of his chair, but Up in Room 1302 the mourning been sent out here to do. He hadn’t Not once did our hero find himself all over it-a man who had wore on until it was unbearable. The h c d a specch. He never met a mon- jobless bcc.tusc of all this. Having been sent by his fin to report on the trip hammers pounded merrily on the goose man. And he had to make a re- discovered that he could write a better of the mongoose market. H e poor guy’s brain. His mouth, dry as port on the Convcntion to his homc report from the post-convention floornot alert. Assuredly he was not Death Valley, tasted of crow sautC in office. sweeping than he ever could by wearr~ght-eyed,and if he was expectant, rancid yak butter. His eyes, what one Struggling into his clothes, he went ing out thc seat of his pants and the ‘ it was only in the dim realization that, could see of them, resembled excised downstairs. He lieadcd for the Tudor ctl~csof his patience listening to omon his ,return, there would be this chicken gizzards. In desperation he Room. Not a mongoose fancier in niscient orators and the reports of tne business @ut “suppose we just let phoned Room Service to send him a sight. He picked up a battered pro- Ladies’ Fellowship Committee, Little u resign.\ That way, you may stand double rye . . . make it two double gram, a soup-spattered list of mon- Boy Blue continued to miss convence of getting another job.” ryes. . . . . goose members, a mimeographed tions. True, he was there, mostly up .morning wore on. The happy, And so it went. The mongoose copy of the President’s specch, some in Room 1302 (or its quiva1ent)mongoode fancien twittered fanciers listened for another day, ap- of thc statistics reeled off by the gov- but so far as the Convention went ernment official. . . . well, he lasted long enough to Back to 1302; out with the port- register and to get a big badge with a able. A report to the home officc. blue or masenta ribbon on it. Original and three copies. How he You think a11 this is fancy? Look? had met two Vice Presidents and the I’m the guy who missed those conven- Breeding Committee Chairman. His tions. I nearly missed my own qilong talk with the Agriculture man, mental reunion rignt there in St. Louis dropping in statistics like dimes in a for having rolled up my pants as o Salvation Army kettle. He did a re- pillow and settled myself to sleep on write job on parts of the President’s the street car tracks, back in.1926. I : talk and madc it look like his own was sampling the “Golden Glows” in”.& keen observation. ‘ the Jefferson bar when the national Then he madc out his expense ac- anthem was being. sung by 111 wem- coi~nt-he&~, because of all the en- bled at the “Put-a-Kick-in4 Mule \ /

— n!.Council”, upstairs. , , might prove. grmy ,own breed of a h – You can never d o r d to be rude to I h a v e ,only one message. ,a rubblsh can. Ask the boys on the meyour company sends you to : Bowery., What was the old Latin ‘ cqpvention, . soon as you ‘get your, ~+proverb”~eforethou fordest the is~ion~ done,, ~ and ri your badge ‘ f river, 0 Brother, revile not unduly the L mned:on, h d out, where and when crocodile’s mother.” P p ,a_+~g~illi~~l thel & , trash left by the And to all of you Conventioneers in ~depqrted,delegatet.*t y ,< – St.Louis–prosit! fleverrkn~w how w f u l it Anonymous, Manbasset, N. Y. M.Qj ,?I >.J” 2.P-A

,theory,. of rorrrse; does not apply to the Twmtietb ~ n n i v e r s i r ~ Gonuenkobolks anonym or.^ meeting ]uly 1-24 in St. Louis . . . every scrap erat#re,iws’N wager, will go safely home with each AA lucky enough ;to be passed along ro the folks at home.-Ed. ! , -8

August 1 9 5 5

convention they had ever serviced. One who came 7700 in THEIR car? Jack enthusiastic hackman pricked our ears H. from the hlarshall Islands in the with the statement that “if one of you far Pacific. a loner who gave as solid fellows asked to be taken to a gin mill, an AA talk as we’ve heard in that we just wouldn’t do it . . . that’s all!” spine-tingling workshop for the AA’s We thought for a while that it was who have to walk alone? Or the fel-

The Biggest Meeting this same solicitude for our welfare low from Michigan? Or the Texas that caused the night man in one of group who came by chartered plane? the hotels to lock in one solid AA du:- (How else for Heaven’s sake?) ing the night watches. Found out it The young AA’s, the AA’s with of All was no such thing: the night watch- their babies along, the wise old-timers, man was new . . . couldn’t believe s the cut-ups gently amusing, the gals of convention delegate could go to bed so the Al-Anon legacy, hard-working and CONVENTION HIGHLIGHTS* early. earnest. And did they do business et Yes, some did get to bed early . . . their booth? The answer is a big yes: but they seemed to be the exceptions. sold a mort of the new Family Group Mostly there was never an end to the hand books (ED. reviewed in this is- AA talk and the AA listen that f o i sue) .. . and got requests for inforlowed and preceded the regular ses- mation from fifty different localities on Dear Ed. Note- sions. What state is St. Louis in, Mr. the formation of new Family Groups. This was the first convention your themselves, which they threw into the Bones? It’s in the state of Euphoria, Highlights? The President’s teleproceedings. Among the bartenders rri Mr. In-Between! gram calling AA’s services an “inspirareporter ever attended sober. I went It was heady stuff for this Firster. to St. Louis with a built-in snit . . . town the gathering became known as tion” to those who move forward to built in over years ol not liking con- the “Buttermilk Convention.” One But the balance wheels turned the solution of many serious personal ventions at all bccausc of the disaster caterer called on to prepare a mid- smoothly too. W e walked with B111 and public health problems? The great they usually ended in when the cork night feast for a group from Canada, thru AA’s history growing in respect Sunday meeting when we of all . was out. But under the healing guid- showed no scorn when the host failed for the two . . . Dr. Bob and Bill . . faiths heard two great friends discuss ance of AA’s from everywhere the to order a case of liquor (as he had who followed the Light when lesser God. as we understand him? The snit took to its heels. Got rid of that used to do in that same hotel in the . men would have given up . . and Rev. Sam Shoemaker, of the Episcopal I defect right away. So I was left free bad old d ~ y s ) .Instead, said caterer gotten drunk. No AA, we reflectec~ Church, who saw AA’s beginnings. l . and open-minded to take it all in . . put himself out to do his best with time and agnin, cnn forget that un. .tnd Father Ed Dowling, the Jesuit waverins stewardship. In fact there priest who has heId up our hands. sometimes two or three sessions at a great cheer. He explained: “My wife time. Tough on the sole but good for . has been in for a couple of years . . would be no AA . . . to forget. No these many years came to affirm the the soul. you get the works!” . wonder we stood on our feet whcn ancient therapy . . ‘”Thy will, not My head was spinning but not The cabbies, who shuttled us thru Bill made his appearances. No wonder mine . . . ” turned, for this was a modest conven- the July heat of St. Louis from air- we cheered when Dr. Bob’s name an3 Or was it that moment for which tion. I mean the people were modest. cooled Kiel Auditorium to our air- spirit were evoked. all other AA moments have prepared They did not throw anything. Except cooled hotels, said we were the nicest Highlights? Where do you start? . . . the moment when Bill asked us to The youth from the Canadian airforce take up responsibility for our very *AA1s Twentieth Anmiuersary celebration held in St. Louis Id? 1-2-3. For crrr . who *drove 1100 miles alone to be life . . and we said Aye. This underurcorrnt of hr mos! solemrr momen!, see page 32-Ed. Note. there? The couple from Vancouver lined for all our To-days the principles

of rotation and humility already unan- that among the most popular p r o g h l s ~ienificantl~called My Habit that won repeat with quiet rmembrance, his imously reaffirmed by the delegates to besides the big ones were the AA open a race at St. Louis9 Fairmount Park. father’s unforgettable admonition t o the Conference that the performance meetings. Imagine coming all that wag AA’s wherever they may bu . . . and o f special services for AA, be it in our just to go to an AA meeting! Habit, And please insert under whenever: Keep it simple, remember home groups or in the World group. 1 guess. “highlights” your reporter’s own big it started around a kithen shall never create a special class of moment when he heard Dr. Bob’s son AE A lot of things didn’t happen of AA servants. course. Like meeting the guy you said Prom inside AA and from outside. you would where you said you would. the “suggestions” flowed from the vast I caught myself up in somebody’s experience represented. Dr. Harry room drinking gingerale and talking Tiebout, eminent psychiatrist, a student of the movement from early times, when I was supposed to be up in somebody else’s room drinking coffee and AND LOWLIGHTS.. . showed us the anatomy of the “pink talking . . . and completely forgetting A helpful taxi-driver suggested that the chap presiding over the deserted bar cloud,” warned us against “halotosis,” I should have been in the Coffee of the Hotel Jefferson hang out a sign reading: “Customers wanted . . m- . . and redefined the word “discipline” Shop drinking lemonade and talkins perience unnecessary.” (alcoholic anathema!) as part of our with another guy. * * * continued growth. Austin MacCor- And what did we do at checking out mick, professor of criminology, Uni- time? Stand in a queue impatiently Confused about the fact that two things went on in St. Louis-a Conference versity of California, called AA prison like civilians d o ? No. W e stood in 3 . and a Convention? Better read up on ’em . . they made YOU, the individual work not only a “heart-warming queue impatiently talking AA. It AA, responsible for the future well-being of Alcoholics Anonymous. humanitarian service” but also “z was a series of meetings all down the highly practical form of crime preven. line. A conference delepie, discussing a proposal to increase the number of nontion and the only effort of widespread There were a lot of autograph alcoholic trustees, observed: “1 hear the average mental age of the average Amerisignificance that has been able to help hunters there. Everybody bought a can citizen is thirteen. Darned if I r n n t A A to be in the hands of thirteen these unfortunates.” Dr. 0.Arnold new Big Book and everybody wanted year-olds !” Kilpatrick, director of Hudson River everybody else to sign it. Haven’t * * * State Hospital, Pou~hkcepsie. N. Y. signed a book since the high school said that the AA movcrnent is a proud annual came out. Must of signed a Definition of “one who still suffers:” an old-timer who has heard the stories record of helping the other fellow but thousand. And who am I ? Well, as of all the members of his local group at least ten times . . . Cowention Bulkthat the program “is only one member the lady said when she asked me t c tin. of the team that deals with human put my signature in her tome; “Not (Ed. Note: Read the Grapevine for that feeling!) ills.” Dr. John Norris, health director . that you’re anybody . . ” (Another Ed. Note: You too Mr. (or Mrs. or Miss) Secretary!) of Eastman Kodak, a pioneer in the Great Convention ! W A S ? What am referral to AA of alcoholics who run I saying! It’s a big IS in my life. And Ralph B., indcfatipblc (and that means he worked from morning until afoul in industry, warned us not to in yours too . . . whether you went professionalize AA in industry any morning) press contnct etc., noted that the big sign in front of the Kiel or not. ISN’T I right? more than in any other field lest it Auditorium reg& “Alcoholic Anonymous.” Commented Ralph: Always knew lose its effectiveness. Your reporter. wc were singular people. Where to stop? If I start telling you Altered Ego * * * about the great AA talks I heard you’d P.S. One of the highlights tc, sev- Titlc of one of the Convention workshops: “Money and A.4.” \Xrhadda you have to print extra pages. 1 noticed eral was the fact that there was a horse expect, egg in your beer?

August 1955 DON FEELBADABOUTIT! NOPE! PEOPLE ARE COLORADO ALCOHOLICS thCemsensuaw OR SEXTUPLETS! INONEOFME COULDCATCH AQUICKNAP ABOUT AM ASSEMBLY OPERA HALI HOUSE HAEL LATESESSIONIN ROOM717-ITWAS W,I AN’OPEN’MEETING INTOXICATED WITH SOBRIETY mticed Am could STRAIGHT! Bartiuln-axtdseX ST.LO4IS 55

February 1958

YOUNGAAs PLAN INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE. Preliminary plans are under way for the first International AA Young People’s Conference to be held in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada, during May of this year. The pro-tem conference committee includes representatives from Buffalo, Rochester and Elrnira, in New York State, and from the Province of Ontario. GSH is cooperating with the committee and will forward any request for information from young AAs or Young People’s Groups to the committee.

September 1958

I Love Conventions!

E Grapevine, month when I receive the feel a nice warm glow of belonging ACH I immediately turn -a still-new and ever-wonderful to “For Your AA Calendar” to see feeling for me. I t is a time of reif there is a convention within driv- newing acquaintances, greeting old ing distance of my home. friends and making new ones. As an active alcoholic I loved There is also the more serious parties and excitement, and perhaps side: the marvelously inspiring I haven’t changed much basically, talks, the feeling of a Divine Presbecause I consider conventions the ence that is so evident when a “dessert” of AA. large group of alcoholics is assem- We hear a lot about the old timer bled, the exchange of ideas, the losing interest, and I think it is new thought that I always take natural that after a few years’ so- from each speaker and make a part briety and much activity in the of my program, ever linking my life local group, our enthusiasm begins with that of another aIcoholic. to wane, and the meetings become One thing I lose: any semblance humdrum. I t is at this point that of serenity I might have had before we feel the need of a shot in the the convention is lost in the mountarm and an interest above group ing excitement as I consume gallons level. For me, conventions have of coffee, stay up half the night and been the “Open Sesame” to broader start for home dead-tired, circle- AA horizons. eyed and emotionally drained; but I t seems most significant that the it seem? that all growth involves majority of members attending con- upheaval, and my serenity returns ventions are still very active and fortified and strengthened by fresh have had long periods of unbroken enthusiasm and a new zest for livhappy sobriety. They are mostly ing, and soon I am looking forward extroverts, and a genial air of good to the next convention and other fellowship prevails. From the mo- adventures in human relations. ment I walk into the coffee room, I Anon., Lexington, Ky.

May 1959

lOOK WHO’S GONVENTIONAL ! and whooped it up, too, of course; evitable flood of literature, ubiquibut only in the acceptable, conven- tous at our gatherings: a daily contional way. I was an unwelcome, vention newspaper, the Third Legradically unconventional conven- acy Manual, and lots of other mation attender. I derided people who terial. I took at least two of everysaid they liked conventions-~alled thing when I went to eat lunch them conventional, bourgeois ex- (alone) and tried to cram, as if for troverts, asinine, juvenile-minded an important examination. boobs. But the words got blurred because But lo the difference! Thanks of during lunch I saw some people I course to AA. Now I know what I knew from back home, and began was missing. My first AA conven- to relax and enjoy the fellowship tion was the 1955 one in St. Louis. all around me. I went alone, on my own, and did That first big night session in not stay at the hotel with most of Kiel Auditorium was a stunner for the crowd. I didn’t want to be part me. I’d never experienced anything of that happy, sappy mob, either. like that thrill of being in a crowd I went with a cynical, “show-me” of so many fellow AA members attitude about AA conventions in from such farflung places-strangers general, and about the program of but close aquaintances, poles apart this one in particular. I’d read in in many ways but stoutly knitted The Grapevine stuff about a Third together in friendship by past suf- Legacy, and I knew that somehow ferings and present blessings. this was to be discussed on the St. I t was a frighteningly vast as- Louis program-which also had sembly, but every time I looked at something to do with the General the people, instead of the vastness, Service Conference, whatever that the awesome numbers melted into was. individual friendly smiles and nods, I was furtively curious to find just the way they do a t any AA out, but hated to display my ignor- meeting. There was something ance by asking. I decided to try to special in the air, too, I had to adkeep an open mind on the whole mit. We were all dressed up (even subject of AA conventions, and let for that hot night) and there was a

0 NE book on alcoholism says that many of us are “afraid of the herd instinct.” I’ll buy that, if it means that I resist being a I was sure if they really knew me, I’d be out. I made fun of the ones who were in. I was specially good at resisting this one happen without my immediate criticism or good advice. I could always go back to the home spirit of ‘this is a big occasion” behind everybody’s happiness. The minute of silence we opened joiner. During the drinking years, the crowd’s blandishments at con- group and tell them what was wrong the session with was thundering for when I did have to join a business ventions. I always turned them into with the convention, and get lots of me. I shivered and wanted to cry or social organization, I never felt a horror-for me and for whatever laughs when I had proved I was when it hit me that all thousands that I belonged. It szemerl a bar! friends tried to help-by my wild right. of us there gathered were unjoke that I was a listed member, and drinking episodea. Others got drunk At registration, there was the in- doubtedly thinking of each other

and being grateful for the same corny as it sounds, I fell in love thing right at the same moment. I’d with conventions–our brand. never before felt the mammoth force Last year I went to my second of so many simultaneous, sincere one. Smaller-only 1,000 or so good wishes for me. I’d never befor2 folks, mostly from my General Serfell able to send out such big waves vice Conference district. But the of love for so many others. thing happened again. I remember It’s something I hope never to for- little of what was said, but I treasget . . . the impact of that conven- ure the spiritual nourishment my tion, and how it crashed my fear- heart received from the sheer imtully tight heart wide open and let pact of communication with such a such wonderful feelings come i n . . . big, happy crowd-my crowd. after which I could learn so many My experience now tells me: GO wonderful things. lo any AA convention you can get I do not remember many of the to. It’s a memorable milestone in words said (cxc~ptthe ones I have your AA life, whether it’s local, since rend in AA Comes of Age). state, or national. I have a new ob- But from that first night on, my session: conventions. And a new mind opened for me and I could compulsion: to go to Long Beach, study and understand those pam- and all other such affairs I can phlets. The big message of the make meanwhile. Third Legacy fell into a comfortable Look who’s conventional now! place in my AA thinking, and, Anon., Greenwich Village, N . Y .

February 1960

CALIFORNIA CALENDAR A FEW notes gleaned from the “Exchange Bulletin” on the big in California next summer. . . DATES–July1 , 2 and 3,1960. PLACE-hng Beach, California. EVENT-A Convention to celebrate AA’s 25th Anniver9ary. ACCOMMODATION^–The first registration and accommodation forms were mailed out from GSO on January 1st. TRANSPORTATION-AAs from all over are chartering planes and buses. Details on how to arrange for group air travel may be obtained Frank Sherman of the United States Overseas Airlines, chrfsler New York City. BACKGROUND INFORMATION on the Convention is available in Pamphlets distributed through Conference Delegates alld local Intergroup Offices. These pamphlets were prepared especially for tJsein loca1 meetings planned around the theme of AA’s Silver Anniversarj’. ALCOTHON-Whatis it? Come to California and find dut*says GSo-

April 1 9 6 0

C A L I F O R N I A CALENDAR A FEW notes gleaned from the “Exchange Bulletin” on the big doings in California next summer. . . DATES-JU~~ 1 , 2 and 3, 1960. PLACE-Long Beach, California. EVENT-A Convention to celebrate AA’s 25th Anniversary. ~ c c o ~ ~ o ~ ~ n o ~ sfirst –The registration and accommodation forms were mailed out from GSO on January 1st. TRANSPORTATION-AAs from all over are chartering planes and buses. Details on how to arrange for group air travel may be obtained from Frank Sherman of the United States Overseas Airlines, Chrysler Building, New York City. BACKGROUND INFORMATION on the Convention is available in small pamphlet$ distributed through Conference Delegates and local Intergroup Offices. These pamphlets were prepared especially for use in local meetings planned around the theme of AA’s Silver Anniversary. ALCOTHON-Whatis it? Come to California and find out, says GSO. . Plus . . according to usually reliable sources, a dance on the fiight before the Convention opens-and an evening of top-flight entertainment on the night it closes. For more info, write GSO.

May 1960

Twenty-Fifth ‘Anniversary Convention News D ATES-July I , 2 and 3, 1960. Place-Long Beach, California. “Most exciting day of my life,” writes Min from Australia. “lust mailed my Registration and Housing Form to Long Beach! Six months ago I said ‘maybe’ and made a deposit on my fare. Today it is a reality-arriving June 24th.” And from Belfast: “We are planning to charter a plane for New York City. How do we go to Long Beach from there? There will be Irish, Scotch, Welsh and English.” Have you mailed your registration form? A note to General Service Office will bring your registration and housing forms pronto. Or check with your GSR or Delegate or Central Office. Registration forms are plentiful. And may we suggest you check all forms of transportation. Many delightful routes and reasonable fares are available. It’s a perfect opportunity to make that life dream of a trip to California come true! Bus tours with stopovers, modern coach window domed trains, stopovers arranged, airlines with excursion fares, attractive tours. Those interested in your travel business are too numerous to list. But, check local offices or your travel agent. We believe you’ll find you can go too! Your California Host Committee is going all out! For example: 1. Kick Ofl-Get Acquainted Dance-Thursday night, June 30th. 2. Big Anniversary Show the night of July 3rd in Memorial Stadium. 3. Transportation Committee – arranging easy transportation for all guests for all meetings-Disneyland-Marineland-AA high spotsand on and on. 4. Nursery Committee-Will take care of all children, all ages, during the three days of the Convention. God love them! More later on plans of your Host Committee. As for the Program, invitations have been mailed to some interested and wonderful non-AA friends. Dr. D’Alonzo of DuPont, author of a recent best seller on Alcoholism in Industry has just accepted. This meeting will be chaired by Dr. John Norris, a non-AA Trustee and Medical Director at Eastman Kodak Company. There will be continuous AA meetings. Yesan Alkathon! The Al-Anon Family Groups have big plans for their members too. More news next month. Incidentally, all but fifteen States and Provinces have AAs registered. So do plan to join us! Reprinted from The AA Exchange Bulletin

PROGRAM of the 2 5 t h Anniversary Convention LONG BEACH, California. JULY 1-3, 1960 M O N D A Y , JUNE 2 7 T H S A T U R D A Y , JULY 2 N D 10:OO A.M. Auditorium Registration opens 8:30 A.M. Workshops-Panel Discussions 10:30 A.M. Concert Hall “Service in AA,” Charlie B., AA Trustee, Vancou- THURSDAY, JUNE 30TH ver, Canada, Chairman; twelve speakers Evening Exhibit Hall Get Acquainted Dance-Host Committee Convention Hall “AA in Prisons,” Clinton Duffy, Cal. Adult Authority, Sacramento, Cal.; Warden Alfred F. Dowd, Ind. State Prison, Michigan City, Ind., Kenyon J. F R I D A Y , JULY 1ST Scudder, Field Services Director, The Osborne ASSOciation, Inc., Balboa Island, Cal. 8:30 A.M. Workshops-Panel Discussions Lafayette Ballroom “What We Should Know About Community Facili- 10:30 A.M. Convention Hall “Get Acquainted With the Board, GSO and ties,” Allen B., AA Trustee, Chairman; Pat C., AA Grapevine” Trustee; Ernest A. Shepherd, Administrator, Fla. Alcoholic Rehabilitation Program, Avon Park, Fla.; Concert Hall “Recovery in AA,” Icky S., Dallas, Tex., former AA Dr. John R. Philp, Chief, Dep’t. of Alcoholic Re- Trustee, Chairman; 12 speakers on 12 Steps habilitation, Dep’t. of Health, Berkeley, Cal. Lafayette Ballroom “As the Community Sees Us,” Prof. Harrison 1CI. 2:30 P.M. Concert Hall “AA Around the World,’. L. Ivan Underwood, non- Trice, non-AA Trustee, Cornell University, Ithaca, AA Trustee, Chairman, Rye, N. Y.; AA speakers N. Y., Chairman; Dr. Milton A. Maxwell, Prof., from overseas Dept. of Sociology, Washington State College, Pullman, Wash.; Wessely Hicks, columnist, “The Tele- Convention Hall “AA and Medicine,” Archibald B. Roosevelt, nongram,” Toronto, Canada; John $1. Murtagh, Chief AA Trustee, Chairnian; Dr. Harry Tiebout, non-AA Justice, Court of Special Sessions, N. Y. C. Trustee, Greenwich. Conn.; Dr. Hal W. S., AA doctor, Tex.; Dr. W. W. Bauer, A.M.A., Chicago, Ill. 2:30 P.M. Concert Hall “Unity in AA,” Cliff W., Whittier, Cal., former AA Trustee, Chairman; 12 speakers on 12 Traditions Lafayette Ballroom “AA and Industry.” Dr. John L. Norris, Rochester, N. Y. Medical Director, Eastman Kodak Company, Convention Hall ‘The Clergy and AA,” Sum C., AA Trustee, Chair- non-AA Trustee, Chairman; Dr. C. A. D’AlonzO, man; Rev. Tom Shipp, Lovers Lane Methodist Asst. Medical Director, DuPont. Wilmington, Del.; Church, Dallas, Tex.; AA clergyman, Rev. George Wnl. .I. Smith, Asst. Regional Director, AFL-CIO, F. P., Canada; Rt. Rev. Msgr. John J. Dougherty, Phoenix, Ariz. Pres., Seton Hall Univ., South Orange, N. J. 8:00 P.M. Memorial Stadium “AA Today and Tomorrow,” A1 S., AA Trustee, Lafayette Ballroom “AA and Hospitals,” John P. L., AA Trustee, Chair- Chairman; Bernard D. Smith, non-AA Trustee and man: Dr. I. Jav Briehtman. Exec. Director. N. Y. former Chairman of the Board; Bill and Lois state Health ~;sour<es~ o a i d ,Albany, N. Y:; Sister M. Ignatia, St. Vincent Charity Hospital, Cleveland, S U N D A Y , JULY 3 R D Ohio; Dr. Nelson J. Bradley, Lutheran Hospital, Chicago, Ill.; Col. Edw. B. Towns, Towns Hospital, 11:00 A.M. Memorial Stadium Bill, Chairman; Rt. Rev. Msgr. John J. Dougherty, N. Y. C. Pres., Seton Hall University, South Orange, N. 1.; Rev. Samuel M. Shoemaker, Calvary Episcopal 8:00 P.M. Memorial Stadium “One Man’s Story,” Mort J., Los Angeles, Cal., Church, Pittsburgh Pa. Chairman: Leonard V. Harrison, Chairman of the Board of Trustees; Bill and Lois Evening Memorial Stadium Big Show-Anniconshow

Al-Anon meetings scheduled in Wilton Hotel 0 Alkathon AA meetings will be held in Exhibit Hall July 1-2 at 8 and 10 A.M., Noon, 2 and 4 P.M., Midnight and 2 A M –

September 1960-

parts of the AA world listened in grateful silence as the twelve AA lowship of AA. After a sobering AA inventory he gave us the choice of ; members representing Australia, “settling for self-satisfaction and me- England, Norway, Belgium, Scot- diocrity or of growing into greatness land, W. Germany, South Africa, the of spirit and of action.” Twenty-f ifth Anniversary Canal Zone, Puerto Rico and El Sal: vador accepted copies of this “re- On Sunday morning under a vivid blue California sky, the spiritual nadedication” from AA’s co-founder to ture of our program and our obliga-

Celebration take back to their home areas. The long speaker’s platform was frhmed by a backdrop of golden tions and gratitude to God and our fellow man ‘were beautifully expressed by the Right Reverend Mondrapes on either side of the huge AA signor John J. Dougherty and the banner, a blue triangle on white with Reverend Sam Shoemaker before a An Eyewitness Report the words Recovery, Unity, and Serv- meeting led by Bill W. Every AA ice bordering each side. Directly in present joined in love and deepened front of the backdrop the flags of unity as this last serious gathering participating nations rippled in the closed with the Lord’s Prayer. breeze. The night was brilliantly clear Sunday night was the night of the

B Y God’s grace we are here assembled in grateful remembrance of twenty-fifth anniversary of the founding of our fellowship. At this meaningful quarter-century mark, we are deeply aware that we the and on one side of the platform off in the distance a small illuminated cross a-top an unseen church hung, Big Show planned and produced by the entertainment committee. It was a gay and lively two hours of sheer stand upon the threshold of a great door which opens wide into our future. seemingly, suspended in the air. On fun. Each member of the cast-with Ours can be a destiny of ever-increasing promise and fulfillment. Our faith the other side high and aloof the new the possible exception of a disgrunin this vision has never faltered. moon floated. Symbolic blessings on tled chimpanzee who forgot his lines But the future would still lack its full use and meaning did it not bring us our gathering together! It was a scene -was a professional entertainer of fresh problems and even acute perils-problems and perils through which we of extraordinary loveliness as well as world-wide fame. The anonymity of can grow into true greatness of action and spirit. strength and grace. the AA players as well as the non- T o these ends we have pledged our lives and fortunes; we here rededicate The Friday night before in this AAs must be guarded here as it was ourselves to an ever-deepening love of each other . . . love for the wondrous same impressive setting Bill had paid by the press, so it is impossible to creation in which we live and serve . . . and love for its supreme author, God tribute to AA’s dedicated and loving detail the contribution each made to Himself. non-alcoholic friends and families this wonderful performance. We are This is the sense of our meeting- and to the faithful, long-serving non- sure, however, it is not an exaggera- W e now entrust you twelve from A A ‘s furthest reaches-you who symbol- AA Trustees seated with him on the tion to say that never in the history ‘ ize the unique and loving communication that is ours in this universal fellow- stage. He had then told his personal of show business have great personship-with this message to members everywhere; and most especially to all story, and of his search for freedom alities given so freely of their talerits those others who still know not, and who, God willing, may soon issue out under God. On this Saturday night, and affections to a more appreciative of their darkness into light. before giving the message of rededi- audience. At the close of the evening 1 cation printed above, he spoke of the the entire audience joined the cast With these words Bill W. closed Stadium in Long Beach, California. meaning of AA’s Twelve Traditions in softly singing the moving words the great meeting on Saturday night Nearly 10,000 AA members with as they related to this same search for “Now is the hour when we must say July 2 at the Veterans’ Memorial their friends and families from all freedom under God by the total fel- good-by”-then at the count of three

by our MC the bright spots on the cially came to its ending. stage went dark and ten thousand H. W.,Stafl Member matches glowed against the evening (Ed. note-In the November issue the sky. And so in deep peace and love, Grapevine will print some of the joy and confidence, the twenty-fifth major papers as well as more Conanniversary celebration of the found- vention highlights and condensed ing of Alcoholics Anonymous offi- versions of Bill’s talks.)

November 1960 –

h&e nothing at all. Paradoxically, though, We can achieve no liberation from the alcohol obsession until we become willing to deal with those character defects which have landed us in that helpless condition. Even to gain sobfiety only, we must attain some freedom from fear, anger and pride; from dxllion and self-righteous- .,,; from laziness and irresponsibility; from foolish rationalization and outright dishonesty; from wrong de- – .. pendencies and destructive p O w e ~ really choose. dr~vlng. Similarly, our whole society, and In this freedom quest, ways given three choices.

settle for destruction? Shall we try sibility, trust and love, in our rela- always have to deal with the fearful times love our society more than only for the temporary comforts of tions with each other and with the forces which are released when the ourselves. a complacent mediocrity? Or shall world around us. Out of these prac- human ego runs amuck – the same Tradition Two – “For our group we consistently face the disciplines, tices flows the spiritual energy that forces that are shattering the world purpose there is but one ultimate aumake the sacrifices and endure the moves us along the road to full of our time. Deliver its \rum tempra- thority . . . a loving God as He may discomforts that will qualify us to liberation. tion must therefore continue to be a express Himself in our group conwalk the path that invariably leads As we ponder protection, we prime ingredient of our every atti- science. Our leaders are but trusted toward true greatness of spirit and see that our Traditions warn against tude, practice and prayer. When servants , . . they do not govern.” action? the perils of public fame and power, things go well, we must never fall This is a study in mutual trust in God, These reflections are meant to be against the perils of great wealth, into the error of believing that no in ourselves, and in our service leadbackground for the theme of this ar- against the making of compromising great ill can possibly befall us. Nor ership. This has been one of our ticle-the Twelve Traditions of Alco- alliances, against professionalism. should we accuse ourselves of “nega- finest experiments and it has sucholics Anonymous. We are reminded that we may deny tive thinking” when we insist on fac- ceeded far beyond our expectations. AA’s Traditions are the yardsticks no alcoholic member his member- ! ing the destructive forces in and Tradition Three defines the perby which our fellowship can accu- ship, that we must never create an around us, both realistically and sonal liberty of the AA member. It rately measure its progress-or the authoritative government of men. effectively. Vigilance will always be says, in effect, that any alcoholic can lack of it. In our Traditions we see We are cautioned that we should the price of survival. be an AA member the moment he such wisdom as we have been able never force AA’s message upon the This is the protective aspect of our says so. Neither can any of us deto muster in a quarter of a century world by aggressive promotional Traditions. But AA’s Twelve Tradi- prive him of that membership, no of living and working together. That schemes, and that we should shun tions should provide us with far more matter what his behavior. Perhaps these principles stake out the path public controversy as the devil him- than protection against mediocrity no other society has ever staked out we ought to follow, there can be self. and dissolution-and they do. such a broad expanse of liberty for little doubt. Such are typical examples of Let’s now think about the positive, the individual as this. Every AA As we contemplate the Traditions the protective prudence which our the progressive side of AA’s Tradi- ncwcomer feels at once that he is we see that they have two main char- Twelve Traditions directly express, tions; the disciplined sacrifices and wanted and trusted and loved. How acteristics, and that each of these or clearly imply. Some claim that responsibilities that we shall need to well we understand his needs; ceraspects reinforces the other. these warnings are nothing but the undertake; the degree of mutual trust tainly we have had them ourselves. The first aspect of the Twelve sum of our collective fears. Once and love that we shall need to achieve Seldom has any alcoholic taken un- Traditions is protection; the second upon a time this was very true. In if we are to find the greater freedom fair advantage of that unlimited charaspect is progress. We are first re- our first years, every violation of we seek. The length of this article ter for freedom. We took this deciminded what our fellowship’s tempta- these precepts seemed to threaten will not admit a full examination of sion for individual freedom years tions really are and by what means our actual existence. We then doubt- all Twelve Traditions in this respect, ago. We are glad that we did; there we may best deal with them. This is ed if our rebellious membership but a few examples can serve to illus- has never been any cause for regret. our basis for a continuous moral in- could ever resist its great tempta- trate just what we mean. Tradition Four is yet another conventory of our collective behavior- tions. But we have resisted, and so Take Tradition One. It says that fident declaration of mutual trust and the first step to actively casting aside we have survived. Therefore the stark AA’s common welfare comes first. love as it flows from each AA group our road blocks. In the affirmative fears of yesterday have since given This really means that our personal to the other. We give each group or positive aspect of the Traditions way to a vigilant prudence-some- ambitions will have to be set aside full autonomy, the undisturbed right we learn, both directly and impliedly, thing quite different from unreason- every time they conflict with the to manage its own affairs. T o make how we may best apply the high ing panic. safety or the effectiveness of our fel- this condition doubly permanent and ideals of sacrifice and willing respon- Of course, we know that we shall I lowship. It means that we must some- secure, we have guaranteed to all

AA groups that they will never be bers would doubtless conceive count- lessly abandon the principle of persubjected to any centralized govern- less schemes for doing good. In us. No doubt mankind has wrung many a freedom out of violent con- sonal anonymity at the top public ‘mentor authority. In turn each group those few past instances where we level. This possibility arises from the troversy and bitter war. Yet we AAs agrees that it will never take any have taken outside money, distrac- fact that many of us AAs have been, have had to learn that the kinds of action that could injure us all. Rarely tion and contention within has been and sometimes still are, possessed by freedom that we must possess cannot indeed has any AA group ever for- the almost uniform result. Therefore enormous power drives. These are possibly be obtained by violence. As gotten that precious trust. we are well aware that the respon- frequently fueled by an almost irrea fellowship, we cannot fight any- Tradition Seven proclaims AA’s sibility for full self-support brings us body, anywhere or at any time. This sistible craving for money, approval, principle of self-support. In it, we great spiritual and practical bless- has been proved. When we had and public acclaim. My own past undertake to pay every cent of our ings. This is sacrificial prudence at directly attacked John Barleycorn, history is outstanding in this respect. own service expenses, meanwhile its best-a chief bulwark to our cher- we had lost. Booze fighting had never I can well understand the constant . declining outside contributions. ished freedoms. worked. When we quarrel too much temptation to turn one’s self into a The fact that we don’t take money Another example: Tradition Ten with each other, we get drunk. public figure. Therefore I have urged, from the outside world builds ‘con- is an emphatic warning against pub- Hence genuine peace will always in season and out, that we AAs fidence in every alcoholic who thinks lic controversy. This was perhaps the be a chief ingredient of AA’s free- maintain our personal anonymity at of approaching us. This we know. first AA Tradition ever to take shape. Public good will has also been in- Of course we did reserve that somedom. But let none suppose that we shrink from major conflict only bethe top level, no matter what the personal sacrifices may be. , creased because people like the idea times enjoyable right of quarreling cause we are afraid. Nowadays we Our chief hope for the future is that the once irresponsible alcoholics among ourselves about lesser mat- believe we keep the peace because that these appalling urges of ours have now become responsible. There ters! But when it came to the awful we love each other. will be held in restraint by selfis no doubt, either, that this salutary issues that rock society about us, Let’s now examine that vital Tra- discipline, by love of AA, and by firm practice takes us in the direction of such as politics, religion, reform and dition Eleven. It deals with our pub- group and public opinion. These increased freedom for ourselves. By the like-well, the early AAs knew lic relations. Here is our greatest powerful constructive forces, all resolutely declining outside funds, these terrible conflicts were surely channel of communication to the working together, have thus far been whether offered by individual donors not for them. alcoholic who still suffers. Tradition enough. We pray that they may or by g&ernments, we are making Later on, a new aspect of this same Eleven reads: “Our public relations always prevail. dead sure that we shall always pre- peril came into view. All sorts of peo- policy is based on attraction rather Let’s look once more at how serve our own liberty of action. ple and organizations begged us to than promotion; we need always immense this temptation really is. Hence the old adage, “Who pays the “take stands,” “deliver opinions,” maintain personal anonymity at the A vast communications net now piper calls the tune” will never be and “fight evils,” all up and down level of press, radio and films.” Since covers the earth, even to its remotest descriptive of us. the line. Again we instantly saw that this great Tradition describes the reaches. Granting all its huge public There is little question that large if we ever embarked upon such a most important application of AA’s benefits, this limitless world forum sums could be raised today for AA- course, it would certainly be our fin- principle of anonymity, and because is nevertheless a hunting ground for that is, if we ever gave the word. ish. Drunks by the thousands would it sets the pitch and tone of our en- all those who would seek money, Perhaps no greater calamity could be kept away from AA through tire public relations policy, nothing acclaim and power at the expense befall our fellowship than such a de- sheer prejudice. The same old peril can be more critically important. If of society in general. Here the forces velopment. We would be at once ab- would again menace us. This time it personal ambitions ever invade our of good and evil are locked in strugsolved from the beneficial respon- would crash in from the outside. public relations we shall be badly gle. All that is shoddy and destrucsibility of raising our own funds. This was when we AAs knew for crippled, perhaps lost altogether. tive contests all that is best. With lots of other people’s money sure that we had to be at peace- The danger, of course, is the pos- Therefore nothing can matter available, our idea-a-minute mem- internally, and with the world around more to the future welfare of AA sibility that we may one day reck-

than the manner in which we use present at AA’s Twenty-fifth Annithis colossus of communication. versary in Long Beach rededicated Used unselfishly and well, the results themselves to the service of AA. They can surpass our present imagination. kncw that the choice was theirs, and Should we handle this great instru- they made it. These were their telling ment badly, we shall be shattered by words : the ego demands of our own people- “By God’s grace we are here asoften with the best of intention on sembled in grateful remembrance of their part. Against all this, the sacri- the Twenty-fifth Anniversary of the ficial spirit of AA’s anonymity at the founding of our fellowship. top public level is literally our shield “At this meaningful quarter-century and our buckler. Here again we must mark we are deeply aware that we be confident that love of AA, and stand upon the threshold of a great of God, will always carry the day. door which opens wide into our fu- Lastly, in Tradition Twelve, we ture. Ours can be a destiny of eversee “Anonymity as the spiritual increasing promise and fulfillment. foundation of all our Traditions, Our faith in this vision has never ever reminding us to place principles faltered. before personalities.” “But the future would still lack its This principle, and its enormous full use and meaning did it not bring implications, touches every aspect of us fresh problems and even acute our lives. Anonymity is humility at perils-problems and perils through work. To maintain the humility of which we can grow into true greatour society we shall constantly take ness of action and spirit. stock of our temptations and of our “To these ends we have pledged defects. The spirit of anonymity calls our lives and fortunes. We here reupon each of us for personal sacrifice dedicate ourselves to an ever deepin every level of our fellowship’s un- ening love of each other-love for dertakings. Only through such will- the wondrous creation in which we ing sacrifices can we AAs meet our live and serve, and love for its responsibilities to ourselves, to the supreme Author, God Himself. victims of alcoholism everywhere, “We now entrust you of AA’s disand to society as a whole. Here we tant reaches-you who so well symclearly see that only sacrifice can bolize the unique and loving comfulfill responsibility; that only high munication that is ours in this uniresponsibility can lead to mutual versal fellowship-to carry this mestrust; and that only mutual trust can sage to fellow members everywhere; be the foundation for great love- and most especially to all those each of us for the other, and all of others who still know not, and who us for God. God willing, may soon issue out of In just this spirit, all of those their darkness into light.”

November 1960

so the founding fathers avoided them of an avowedly spiritual nature, or of in the working practice of AA. These the scientific work of psychiatrists twenty-five years have been glorious and doctors, we believe God is presones, with literally millions of peo- ent and at work. Whence otherwise ple’s lives entirely different because comes hope or faith to desperate of AA. Together with you all, I thank people or indeed any desire to be God for what has happened. better, rather than to crawl away and die like an animal? The program of recovery turns, as we all know, on the faith in a Power I have never for one instant seen greater than ourselves. Will power, clearly within myself; how then and the appeal to it as sufficient to would you have me judge the get any of us out of his troubles, are deeds oj others? a snare and a delusion. This is not Maeterlinck only true of alcoholics, I think it is true of nearly everybody else. When you think you are able to manage your own affairs without the help of We all know that principles may God, you add pride to whatever other guide our aims, but principles alone sins you may have. And pride is not never saved anybody from real defeat only the first named of the seven and trouble. The principles must be deadly sins, but I think pride ought found at work in people, so that they to have a category all its own. It is become incarnate, visible and avail- vastly more subtle and vastly more able to those in need. They must be dangerous than any other sin whatclothed with life, with caring, with ever, for it is always striving to sit in intelligent emotion. Behind those the seat of God. Many people’s probwho have found an answer are yet lems begin to be solved the very others who have found an answer, moment they know they cannot solve and so on back through a long kind them themselves. This puts pride of apostolic succession of real spiri- right out of the driver’s seat. God tual discovery, which must have been would be psychologically necessary set in motion originally by God. But even if He were not theologically He did not give these principles a necessary. Nobody but He is big primeval push and set them to work enough to tell the human ego to by themselves: He was in the prin- move over. ciples. He was also in the people who But how was this to be suggested rate those truths into its principies. lived them out, and in whatever in a program that was to reach, not Also, we had made some mistakes spiritual methods they used and only Catholics and Protestants and that did not need to be made twice, found helpful in winning their battle, Jews, but skeptics, agnostics, atheists, In all human transformation, whether total non-believers in any kind of

God? Some people have had very If we are satisfied with the beliefs ” unhappy experiences with churches our bWn church asks us to hold, then absurd modern names for God, like what they called sin and drink, whose and reiigious people, and many think we shall go along with them and grow the Man upstairs, are crude attempts name was Fred but who was called they have had. How avoid the re- as that church encourages us to do. to use an easily grasped picture to The Spider. He greeted The Spider calling of these experiences, with But if we come to AA with little or suggest God, rather than to use by saying, “I thought you wuz dead.” possibly disastrous emotional conse- no faith, our initiation does not begin theological language to dogmatize Fred replied, “I am. The fellow you quences? A word or phrase that by our being asked to swallow a lot about Him. Beginners need all kinds used to know is dead. This is a new brought back unfortunate associa- of doctrine which we are not pre- of practical self-starters and en- one.” Larry was puzzled and intions would not be the right one to pared to swallow. AA says, begin couragements to experiment; for trigued. He asked how this happened. use in these early stages. with as much faith as you have-there nobody ever found faith sitting in a “See that sign across the street?” It was one of the true inspirations is Something, some Higher Power chair reading a book and wishing he asked Fred. “You come down there of the Twelve Steps that phrases like that is helping these people. What we had faith. We must often begin by tonight at eight o’clock and you’ll a Power greater than ourselves and have to deal with is the God that acting as if faith were true, in order find out where the new Fred came G o d as we understood Him were really is, not with our human con- to find out whether it is true. This is from.” That very night, without any used. They meant that if anyone cepts of Him. It is much better for precisely what the scientist does when vestige of faith of any kind, never came to AA with already-formed anyone to pray to the God that is, he thinks a hypothesis might be true: having heard God nor Christ as anyloyalties that concerned, say, any one He with no name, we with no words, he treats it as if it were true long thing but words to swear with, Larry body of Christians, these loyalties than to pray to your own creation of enough to verify or to disprove itself made a start. He had been brought would not be interfered with, but God, with words prettier than a by results. It is the same with faith. up by an atheist who had been kind to strengthened, by their AA associa- poem, but fictitious. The first prayer I have always thought the first steps him, and he wound up in the undertion. They meant that nobody was gets through-it is seeking to be in towards it must be made severely world with no knowledge of religion going to tamper with your religion. spirit and in truth, and we are told experimental, and put within reach of whatever. To what then did he begin They meant that one could begin with that “the Father seeketh such to wor- the greatest skeptic, provided he has to surrender his life that night? To a very modest faith, for really what ship Him.” The second will not get an open and honest mind. the God he saw at work in Fred, the one was dealing with was Whatever- I cannot get away from the feeling God that had changed Fred and Power – is – helping – these – other – that AA is fundamentally a spiritual might change him. people. We didn’t know much about experience. What gives the lift is the AA has never had any of the usual that mysterious Power yet; we only When you see a good man, try Power greater than ourselves. I re- connotation of a rescue mission, but . knew these people used to be de- this combination of exposure and to emulate him. When you see a feated and now they were victorious bad man, search yourself for his experiment, of seeing the Higher in one very important area of life. faults. People seldom improve, when Power at work in someone else, and I This never did mean nor can mean Conf ucius they have no other model but seeking the same experience in one’s , that we remain satisfied with this themselves to copy. own life, goes on in the lives of all often truncated idea of God with AAs who have no faith whatever to which we began. The God that is, is start with. It is the experimental apa great deal more than we can ever member in the very early years of the proach to faith, and I think it is a understand of Him; and we learn through, because it is said out of old Calvary Mission, in the Gas good one. There will come a time more of Him by experience than ever conformity to someone else’s faith, House District on Twenty-third when you cannot leave it at just an we do by argument, o r the often and not out of the heart. Sometimes Street in New York, a character experiment: you must go on to think futile discussions as to whether our for beginners, suggestion is better came in one night, named Larry. He out what has happened. You will own church is better than some other. than explication. Some of the often came because he had met on the probably be a good deal stronger if street an old pal of his in the days of you link up with some kind of outfit

that exists to help people definitely they ought to be doing, and at their And we must say something else. known the ghastly loneliness and with their religious faith; for we need best are doing, is to show them While we must always allow for some terror of desperation of most alcoto grow in the spiritual dimension, samples instead. people in AA who continue to say holics. Before there is anything and we certainly do not want to make That’s what AA is doing all that they do not believe in God in suggested about a change and a cure, a church out of AA. But as a pre- around the world. We don’t hold our any conventional way, and recognize the first impression must be of what cursor to the Church, as what St. Paul people up as saints and paragons, any that they have found sobriety as well Masefield called “The Everlasting called the Law, a tutor to get us more than the church holds up its as those who do so believe, we must Mercy.” ready for the church, I think AA people as saints and paragons. We speak of how much AA has done to Now God’s expectations of us are stands second to none. But it has don’t say, “Look how good these change what we meant when first we part of that Everlasting Mercy; but been wisdom to keep ordinary re- people are!” We say, “Look what may have said, “God as we under- when we disappointed those expectaligion and AA separate, as it has they used to be and how much prog- stood Him.” For all too many of us, tions, (as all of us have done) and been wisdom in America to keep ress is being made, and come and God has been for too long a concept when we know ourselves to be Church and State separate. It does join us in a fellowship of need and of only, a figure with a long beard and beyond the reach of any merely not mean they do not work together: honesty.” If this ever got to be a a book’ in which is being kept the human help, the first Face of God we it means neither tries to usurp the league of dry and righteous people- . (usually unfavorable) record. He has need to see is the Face of Love. ‘ . function of the other. well, there is no use to finish that been a figure to frighten us or call us Jesus didn’t always show that face to This is one thing that the churches sentence, because they’d most of to task, while He sat there in celestial the professional religious of His time; ‘ and all agencies that deal with the them be drunk by sundown. I’ve judgment upon the sons of men. This but He consistently showed it to the need for a change in the human na- known a good many saints and real picture of God goes out of the win- needy and the disreputable, the out- I ture itself would do well to heed. We spiritual leaders in my time, and I dow when you discover Him as a siders and the outcasts, the helpless I need our scholars who can give us don’t know a single one of them that power and a force, Someone to and the desperate. And eventually reasonable approaches to these great did not have clay feet. I don’t mean Whom, when you turn in your need, even the unlovely Pharisee recogrealities of spiritual faith and life. But they were insincere, or hypocrites, I you get the response of understand- nized that he needed the challenge I think it is very seldom that mere just mean they were all human ing and the offer of the help of what represented by Christ when He spoke good reasons or arguments get people beings, and human beings sin and is called grace. We may say that it in scorn and judgment; for it was the above their trials and temptations fail just as long as they continue to be represents the difference between a only thing that would puncture his and illnesses of body and spirit: it human beings. This is not a cynical dogmatic, and a dynamic, God; hard skin and get through’ to his is evidence which does this-the sight between a God Who asks of us the heart. There is a perfect picture of the of someone healed and changed. impossible, and a God Who helps Prodigal and the Pharisee in the Arguments often confuse, irritate, The only true happiness we may bring His will for us within our nearer famous story of the Prodigal Son. drive wedges. The evidence of exper- look for comes from squandering reach. The whole world, non-Chrisience makes clear, draws and unites. ~urselvesfor a purpose. The bad boy went off and raised Cain tian as well as Christian, owes an in the far country. The good boy There is a verse in the Acts which unspeakable debt to Jesus Christ stayed home and behaved himself. says, “Seeing the man that had been for revealing to us a God who But with what seething resentment healed standing beside them, they statement, just an honest one. All is like Himself, loving, patient, toward his Father! When the wastrel had nothing to say in opposition.” Do claims to perfection are for the birds. forgiving, eager to help, while came home, and the father had a it, and people are glad it happened. ~ u tsobriety and humility and yet expecting us to live accord- big welcome party for him, the good Begin arguing about it with them, mended lives and new relationships ing to His laws. But AA has provided son was furious and would not join and you’ll knock all the bloom off it. are within the grasp of us all, pro- an important footnote to this. None in; he only said, “You never even In many places the churches are busy vided we seek and accept the help of need to know the reality of this kind gave me a kid to have a party for my giving people good arguments. What God as we understand Him. of God more than those who have friends.” We had a great wit in the

Episcopal Church, Bishop Johnson asked me if I would talk with a young of Colorado. One day he was preach- woman alcoholic, a friend of her ing about the parable, and he said granddaughter’s, about her drinking. concerning this Pharisee brother that This woman had belonged to the “for any friends that fellow had, a Church since long before I was born. veal cutlet would have done him.” I said to her, “You are a Christian. But I have always had a kind of Why don’t you talk with her?” The hope that, after the Prodigal stayed lady replied, “Well, you see, I have home awhile, the two brothers may never had the problem of alcohol,” have gotten to know each other in a and I quickly answered her, “Neither new way. Maybe the Prodigal learned have I.” But I went on to say that I something about discipline from his knew enough about getting tight on brother; and maybe his brother impatience and self-will and some learned something about forgiveness other things, so that it was not hard from the Prodigal. The truth is that for me to make the transition to getthe good brother’s heart was just as ting tight on gin and whiskey. You far from his Father, living in the same see, she had many times told God house, as the Prodigal’s was when he she was a miserable offender, for she was way out in the far country. Good was an Episcopalian, and we tell Him people often need to learn a lot about that every Sunday morning. But she mercy. There is just one thing that didn’t really feel like she was a sinner, out-and-out sinners can thank God else it would not have been hard for for, and that is for a problem too her to talk to anybody about any sin serious to hide. It is a good thing to on earth. There is but one answer to have learned, even the hard way, that any of them, and it lies in the forgiveall of us need continuous repentance, ness of God for the past, and the and that we have no power of our- grace of God for the future. This I selves to help ourselves. take to be the spiritual angle for AA, I cherish a great hope for AA. It for I think it to be the spiritual angle is an indirect hope, not connected for all mankind. with its primary function. It is that I close with a prayer that is s u p AA may yet help to call the righteous posed to have been written long years to repentance. Its primary function is ago by a slave: with alcoholics: granted. But it will be a blessing if it can help all the rest 0 Lord, I ain’t what I ought of the world to feel like sinners, as the to be, Christian part of it says already that And I ain’t what I want to be, it does. Not only the naughty are And I ain’t what I’m going to be, God’s problem. Even –more of a But 0 Lord, I thank you problem, I think, are the good. Years That I ain’t what I used to be. ago an older woman in my parish

November 1960,’ –

As to the surprise that alcoholism attested by the thousands and thouis treated as a disease, I submit to you sands of members of Alcoholics again that there should be no surprise Anonymous who are living proof of at all. Let us quote the definition of the above statement. Thus, the dis- I disease from the dictionary: “In gen- ease is preventable. era& any departure from a State of The alcoholic has been variously health; an illness or a sickness. More described as infantile, recessive, neuspecifically, a definite morbid Process rotic, selfish, irresponsible, and even having a characteristic train of symp- homosexual. He has been accused of toms. It may affect the whole body or being a derelict and of lacking in any of its parts, and its etiology, moral substance. He has been linked pathology, and prognosis may be to various and sundry psychiatric disknown or unknown.” orders and patterns. It has been our experience that the alcoholic, when Certainly, the idea that alcoholism sober, is just like the sober nonis a disease is quite compatible with alcoholic. He is the person working this definition. However, unlike some living next to When he is other diseases, the disease alcoholism sober, and not drinking at all, he is is under the control of the will in that generally undistinguishable by per- One does not have t’ drink if he does sonality, appearance, mannerism, or not want to. But this does not alter character from the other people the fact that the great drive to drink about the or home, He is not, I is Present. And, be it P ~ Y in our ~ opinion, ~ a type, ~ a ~character, ~ or ~ ~ psychiatric, Or ‘Ome a particular build, but just a person. other kind of drive, it is abnormal When he is drinking,however, he is and certainly it is there. Truly, alto- apprehensive, anxious, jittery, perholism fits the definition more ade- spiring, suspicious, easily swayed, quately than some diseases and weak. The end degree.of this is cepted as such without question, but well known to you. based on less fulfillment of the definition. We have had a plan to combat the problem for sixteen years, its having Our concept of alcoholism as a been inaugurated by Dr. G. H. Gehrdisease is that, contrary to many mann in 1944. It is a simple plan, and other diseases, alcoholism is self- it is fundamentally a plan to teach all induced. We must assume the con- employees to recognize alcoholism cept that one who cannot drink does and, when it is discovered, to bring it not have to, or at least he should not. into the open rather than to sweep it The cause of the disease, alcoholism, under the carpet. It is dealt with honis known. That one has the power to estly and the employee is given the I refrain from drinking whenever he solid and clear offer to have it treated i develops the will to do so is firmly both openly and honorably. One

would not conceivably want to con- advisor on alcoholism, himself a by the doctor as to our concepts of best results. We have also learned ceal a fellow employee who had member of AA and a dynamic indi- the problem as a disease, and after a from experience that, when our psysyphilis or diabetes. Why then would vidual, one or two people will remain discussion with our advisor on alco- chiatrists work closely with this he want to conceal a fellow employee after the talk and say to him, “I may holism, or some member of Alcohol- program, the results are further enwho had the disease alcoholism? The have a drinking problem myself and ics Anonymous, usually another hanced. This program is effective and ravages and sequelae of alcoholism I want to talk to you about it.” employee of the same sex and very we know of no other program to are no less than the others. As for Supervision most often is aware of often in the same department. The equal it. talking to a man about his drinking, the situation and will call and talk to amount of time given the employee to We have a full-time employee, this is not the job for the inexperi- the Medical Division about it. straighten out, and whether or not himself a recovered alcoholic and a enced-it is one of the hardest jobs in Friends or coworkers will frequently a leave is given, will vary with the member of Alcoholics Anonymous, the world. Many cannot do it. And it call and discuss the case with us, or age, years of service, previous oppor- who works under the guidance of our is rare that a man comes to the con- an examining physician will see all tunities given, nearness to retirement psychiatrists, who gives talks to plant clusion all by himself that he has a the evidences during periodic exami- agc, complications of the disease, groups, and who assists in the handrinking problem. When it is ade- nations. whether these complications are per- dling of these cases. quately explained to him, the victim manent or temporary, the employee’s The literature pretty well estab- . ‘ is often relieved to be shown the way attitude toward his problem and his lishes proof that the alcoholic loses out of his dilemma. sincerity of effort. In the absence of about twenty-two working days a Our plan is simply that the alco- medical complications, it is rare that year more than the average emholic is given every opportunity to more than two weeks away from ployee; he loses two more days for lick his problem, and he is fired only work are necessary, and then only other illnesses than the other em- I

. if he is unwilling to overcome it after for institutional treatment, and more ployees; he has twice as many accidue consideration of time and effort. often no lost time from work at all is dents as other employees; and his life This applies to any disease producing desirable. Experience has taught us expectancy is twelve years less than disability, curable or amenable to that alcoholics do better with surveil- that of the non-alcoholic. How then therapy, to the extent that perform- Of interest, I believe, to you, and lance on the job. can an employer, friend or fellow ance is affected to the point where the certainly reassuring to those of us in We have found that close coopera- employee, or we in the Medical Diviindividual cannot do his job properly the Medical Division, is the increas- tion with the program of Alcoholics sion t u r n o u r backs. o n such or safely. Further, one who chooses ing number of unsolicited calls we Anonymous has given us by far our a problem? not to overcome any progressive dis- receive from wives or husbands of order is a liability, not only to him- employees calling our attention to a self but to his fellow employees-and potential problem and asking our we have a responsibility to all em- advice and help. Sometimes there is ployees. exaggeration, sometimes the problem Many have asked us what is our is minimized. and sometimes there is Source of information as concerns no problem. Our approach is always those with a drinking problem. direct and sincere but firm, and we Ideally, of course, but too infre- always try to be fair. quently, the employee will talk to the Our plan is to ferret out the cases physician and say, “I think I have a and to bring them to the fore. They drinking problem.” Invariably after a are all given a satisfactory time to stirring talk to plant groups by our rectify the situation after orientation I

That our doctors are trained and We physicians too need to repenturged to bring this problem into the repent for shunning and avoiding, open is just part and parcel of the from the medical viewpoint, the alcopractice of good medicine. No good holic for so long a time, and for perdoctor, be he a general practitioner mitting him to shift and flit about or an industrial physician, can fail to from pillar to post. I believe this situappreciate not only these facts, but ation has now changed. The success the so-called hidden aspects of drink- of the various methods of handling ing, a staggering problem not yet the alcoholic problem has given to us doctors the shot in the arm we needed to develop a medical interest in the problem of alcoholism and to put the treatment back where it belongs, in medicine. There will be few here today, I believe, who will doubt this. Note the another 23 per cent; and the remaintrcrnendous amount of medical, psy- ployees, we have uncovered 950 alcoholics up to the present time. This ing 11 per cent are either unchanged chiatric, and biochemical research or their present status is uncertain. now being done and the increasing is a prevalence rate of 1.09 per cent. number of doctors who now accept We are confident that an undetermined number has not yet been The controlled alcoholic is a good adequately explored. Although I do and treat the alcoholic. As proof and reached or uncovered. And we, like enlployee, and he is good for other not have the statistics, I can assure support of this renewed medical in- others, have not yet solved the many employees. He is, in brief, worth you that the hidden aspects of alco- terest, I would call your attention to facets of the hidden problem of alco- savipg. Our program is effective. holism far outweigh the obvious the fact that, during the preceding holism. Our job in this respect is There is nothing complicated about aspects. The unhappy marriages, the ten-year period, the problem of alco- certainly not done, nor can I foresee it. NO large outlay of funds is neceshigh divorce rate, the suicides, the holism was the subject of no less than the time when it will be. However, sary for it. We would certainly recconcomitant psychiatric or social sixteen editorials in such a sound and among the known 950 alcoholics, we om~end such a program to any other problems, the toll of liver disease and scientific medical journal as the New have found that we have rehabilitated organization which employs people cirrhosis, the flare-up of peptic England Journal o f Medicine, a med- 66 per cent; we have helped and im- and which wishes to face a problem ulcers, the obscure convulsions, the ical journal which I consider to be proved, but not totally recovered, which is almost certainly there. nutritional deficiencies, and the re- second to none. current breakdowns of such chronic In consideration of all of these, diseases as tuberculosis, respiratory how then can any physician say that diseases, arthritis and others, are so he is not interested in the problem of closely wrapped with and allied to alcoholism? The problem of alcothe problem of alcoholism in so many holism is the problem of people, and instances that if these could be calcu- the problems of people are the provlated and appraised, for the alcoholic ince of the doctor. as well as industry and his family, the In a survey of our company, we resulting figures would certainly be ascertained that, out of an average staggering. company population of 87,131 em-

November 19-60

have had a most interesting, encour- rectional system. aging and inspiring experience in the Through the years I have seen many years that I have worked thousands of these men enter the closely with our group at the Indiana front gate as the direct and indirect State Prison, and it is the knowledge victims of alcohol. I have sat in on that I have gained in these years that hundreds of parole board hearings I wish briefly to relate to you. and heard a large portion of these Only a short time ago we laid the men admit that alcohol was their cornerstone for the new administra- downfall. I have watched these same tion building at the prison. As the men go out on parole and return ceremonies were being held, one again as the result of the same basic thought predominated, of the many cause. Yet there seemed nothing that that throbbed through my head: to could be done for them. No one what should we dedicate this beau- seemed to know definitely what tiful and magnificent building? To caused men to drink. No one knew the broken hearts . . . the broken definitely how to cure them. dreams . . . the broken and wrecked lives of the men who would, in the Prison, I feel that I could come be- years to come, pass through its shinfore you with something of interest, ing steel doors to the world behind as a representative not only of the the walls? By Alfred E. Dowd, Warden, mcmbcrs of our AA fellowship in Then, too, in my mind and heart lndiana State Prison, our institution, but as a representa- I kept asking myself: “Why is it Michigan City, lndiana tive of all the prison administrators necessary to keep building our priswho have seen the wisdom of the ons larger? And more of them? Why AA program. . . . do men continue to need being . D URING my many years in prison work I have spoken for conventions, service clubs and many Today, I bring you greetings from thousands of men in the Indiana State Prison and other correctional locked up?” Years in penal work, watching the never-ending stream of men pass in and out of prisons, other organizations, but to be invited institutions over the nation who take should be cause enough for asking to address the Fellowship of Alco- part in your program from behind this question-for it was more than holics Anonymous on the occasion the walls. Like alcoholics every- forty years ago that I began my penal of its twenty-fifth anniversary at this where, they are working in AA with career as guard at the old Jetferson- Of the more than 2400 men now international convention is-to me- the genuine desire for finding new ville Reformatory; and my service in committed to our care . . . let us look my finest hour. I have been asked hope and guidance for the todays the various penal institutions in In- at the record. Alcoholism contributes to address you on the subject of AA and for the tomorrows that await diana has been practically continuous the major portion of the population I and prisons. It was with humility them beyond prison bars. I speak to since that time, with the exception load carried by prisons today, and is I that I accepted this invitation, and you not as an authority on alcohol- of two years I served as Prison Ad- -more than any other one factoryet, as I look back over the sixteen ism or AA, but as a prison warden ministrator in Japan during the occu- directly and indirectly responsible for years during which we have had an and sponsor of an AA group of alco- pation and the more than three years crimes resulting in prison sentences AA program in the Indiana State holic prisoners. I might say that I that I served in the Maryland Cor- of all types. It is factual that more

than sixty per cent of all men enter- oldest prison groups, was inaugu- been able to do for him: we see him ing prison admit to an excessive use rated sixteen years ago, about the learning of guilts the law never knows ‘of alcohol. A judge of the Criminal time that Warden Clinton Duffy of of, for deeds he has never done; and Court of Marion County once stated San Quentin, California, and War- so we understand why he has been that at least seventy per cent of the den Joe E. Ragen, of Illinois State unable to fit into the community life. crimes committed in his county (and Prison, offered AA to the inmates of We see inmate AAs-by their very this includes Indianapolis) stemmed their respective institutions. The examples of living the AA way of from alcohol and saloon contacts. story of our group is filled with tears life-contributing much to the gen- . . . Small wonder that at times and laughter, heartbreaks and hap- eral welfare and morale of the entire a prison warden has a heartbreaking piness. . . . If you will double and inmate body. We see the actual proof job. Society charges him to rehabili- triple the obstacles faced under free in the inmate himself as he goes tate and punish at the same time- world conditions, you will realize about his daily life and work in the a rather paradoxical situation. But what we were up against. Prison en- shop and assignment. Rarely does an we tried in years past to help the vironments, as well as some prison inmate AA appear before the prison drunk, as we knew him then, and officials, do not readily accept the disciplinary board, and then it is genthis he can understand, this “one day in our efforts to study him we called development of new reforms or erally of small consequence and he is business.” Too often he reckons his upon all the available sciences and ideas. When I first talked of intro- penal servitude in terms of the days dismissed with a mild reprimand. arts. Our institutional files were vir- ducing AA inside the prison many of dogged, daily prison routine Yes, we have learned much from tual gold-mines of valuable informa- skeptics argued that it was a useless ahead, instead of projecting his the inmate AA. If you could see the . tion on how not to help the alcoholic fad. But today my original convic- thoughts and plans to the years in- effort it is for these men to bring into to recovery. We learned from look- tion of the value of AA in prisons is volved in his prison sentence. He the open those things necessary to ing over these records of trial and revealed as correct. For we find that lives these days, one at a time, in taking inventory, you would $so error that there was at least one the man who takes a sincere part in realize that they are beginning to somewhat of a mental blackout, not truth: that punishment alone cer- our Bar-Less Fellowship Group is understand themselves. And by unwanting to think of his tomorrows; tainly was not the answer. Something more than two times as likely to make because of this feeling some prisoners derstanding themselves they gain infinitely more powerful was needed. a successful parole as the man who insight, and insight flowers into tend to feel that they are without It was in 1944 that a twentieth has disregarded the program. hope or promise for the future. The judgment. It is at this point that their century miracle came to the Indiana . . . There is no question but what AA principle of members helping attitude and outlook gradually begins State Prison – Alcoholics Anony- the AA program is a source of each other tends to dispel this dread, to change. To behold the birth of mous. Our group, one of the three strength and courage to the prisoner for the outside AAs in their attendhaving a drinking problem and want- ance at our meetings offer the inmate ing to do something about it. member a human understanding, a He finds that the program em- companionship and acceptance by phasizes today as the only day that free society that he had long formatters . . . that any man can live gotten. decently and honestly, in prison or These visits instill hope, faith, palace, in Christian charity, and do confidence, snd a definite promise the things for one day that would in the inmate for his future wellappall him if he thought he had to being and happiness upon release. It keep them up for the rest of his life. is then that we see the inmate AA This makes sense to the inmate and doing for himself what we have not

understanding in a man’s mind is to where in the prison record was there express the appreciation and the important to the inmate. It is heartwitness a hallowed, spiritual experi- one for sheer drunkenness to com- thanks of many prison administrators warming indeed-for those of us who . ence . . you watch it as it udfolds pare to mine. The record was so bad throughout the country for the fine have watched the prison AA program in the daily lives of these men and that the Deputy Warden called me services which you have so unself- unfold-to see men leave the prison you feel the nearness of a Divine in his office on the way out to tell ishly rendered so that inmates in AA to face the world alone and find un- Presence. me I wouldn’t make it. He was right and through AA may see a new day. expected friendship and understand- A question frequently asked of me -I couldn’t have made it alone. So You men know all the pitfalls of ing waiting for them almost at the is, “Does the individual improvement I guess when all is said and done I alcoholism and all the answers; you very prison gate. made by the inmate while he is be- don’t need to be a golden-voiced make our prison groups savor of auhind the walls stick when he returns orator, for with a past like mine, thenticity. And I can truthfully tell to free world society?” I can best my walking around free and sober you now that had it not been for the answer by letting you be the judge should be proof enough that AA regular help and understanding given as I read a letter selected from a does work in hopeless cases. by our AA friends outside, the Inpersonal file, written by a former in- “It is a good feeling for me to go diana State Prison AA groups would .mate AA now living in the free home now and know that the police most assuredly have failed; and by world. are not going to lean on the place at the same token, if it had not been Meet Fred. He had an imposing any moment. I know what I did last for the persistence of our group of record in the F.B.I. files covering night because I was sober. Seven and alcoholic inmates, who realized their many pages when he came to the a half years ago, before finding AA, serious problem and their need for Indiana State Prison. In a single year I couldn’t have been so sure.” help, we could never have continued. he had served five sentences in a . . . Fred now has a lovely wife and But theye men knew they had Detroit Workhouse, three nine-day two wonderful children and a fine reached the end of the road . . . they The book of life crowds many sentences and two sixty-day sen- job. He writes frequently of the great knew they could not help themselves events into the pages between life and tences, and his record also listed for happiness in living which he found and that they needed the help of death. Among these, we who are conthe same year several suspended sen- through AA, and, what is more im- others and a Power greater than nected with penology believe that for tences, one probation, and numerous “Golden Rule” releases. His arrest portant, he has not been arrested once since his release in 1950. Does themselves. They grasped AA as a drowning man would clutch a straw, sheer emotional drama the story of a man leaving prison ranks high. To , record looked like a railroad time- it stick? and they hung on tight. Many of you the prisoner walking out of the gate table. However, he was released on . . . Yes, the alumni of Indiana AAs say solemnly that the program into the free world, happiness stems parole, only to be returned in a short State Prison Bar-Less AA Fellowship of carrying hope and help through not only froni the exhilarating sense time for parole violation because of are becoming an illustrious and im- barred windows comes of an old AA’ of freedom, but also from the opporalcohol. The second time he came posing group, with a wonderful rec- recipe for successful accomplish- tunity to share that freedom with his back he arrived about the time AA ord of individual accomplishment ment: man hours of persistence. And loved ones, those from whom he has did. He was paroled again, and here and achievement and an enviable they say that each meeting with our been separated for so long. When the are a few excerpts from a letter that record of reclamation of wrecked inmate AA reminds them of an old gates shut behind him and he can ‘ we received from him: human life. , . . familiar motto. You can see it around again take those loved ones into his “When you stop to think about it, I would like to take this oppor- any AA meeting room-it reads: arms, freedom becomes a tangible Warden, the fact that I am still out tunity to express my gratitude to you, “. . . But for the grace of God.” reality. But the man who walks out and on the bricks today, no matter and to all the AAs in the free world You men who come from the out- into the world again, without the by what means, is a miracle. I’m who have helped in our work with side provide another service that is welcome of family or friends or loved not a garden variety of drunk-no- the AA prison groups. I am sure I again part of the AA program and ones, has no one thing to prove his

liberty to him. There is nothing to the fact that they were in prison. which he can hold and say, “This is They dreamed of the day when the freedom.” And perhaps in the be- gates would open and they could get ‘wildered, lost hours that follow, even or catch up. A fair description while he searches for the tangibility, of those days written by an inmate he may again wander off on the philosopher went something like this: wrong road. “Within these walls the days unwind It is true that most men who fail and roll one into another, like drab on parole do so within the first few ribbon . . . each one as colorless as months, an indication that here is a the day before and the day to come. link which must be strengthened. There are no yesterdays worth re- The ties with the outside AAs are membering, no todays worth living, constructive and can do much to no tomorrows worth anticipating.” strengthen this link and that is the I wish the man who wrote those one reason why I look upon AA as a lines could visit-not only the Indiana valuable ally. To that end we are now State Prison-but all prisons today. doing our utmost to create a fellow- Among the many thousands of inship of understanding on the part of mates he would see hundreds of faces all outside AA groups. of inmate members of AA which In closing, I would like to com- mirror hope and confidence for the ment on the fact that not so long ago future. a prison was known as a rough, tough For myself, I too have benefited hell-hole and many inmates did their from the Alcoholics Anonymous protime the hard way. When the prison gram and I am grateful for the opgates shut behind them as they en- portunity to have contributed a very tered, the world stopped and stood small portion to its wonderful and still while they lived in a past of inspiring work in helping alcoholic bitter yesterdays. prisoners to recovery. As long as I have seen them congregate in I am warden, and just so long as the yard and argue their cases, com- one alcoholic prisoner is benefiting plaining of the bad breaks and mis- through the program, we will have an fortunes which befell them. They Alcoholics Anonymous group in the blamed everybody but themselves for Indiana State Prison.

November 1960

On the Lighter Side THESE are a few of the great personalities who, with their AA counterparts, gave freely of their time and talents to make the “Big Show” on the last night such a stunning success.

Buster Keaton Dennis Day

November 1960

D.?”The same Jo Ann I sponsored my limited ability. I became secrethirteen years before and had not tary of our group, and used my home seen for ten. phone for contact work. I acquired . . . The closed meeting on the a typewriter, because I could type, bus to the airport (Arizona, Texas, and with my wife’s help in reading, Washington, Oregon, Massachusetts, got interested in our local newsletter. Vancouver, B. C., all represented); My sight has improved so much, I the meetings at the coffee bars in the can again read fairly well with my Los Angeles International Airport; bifocals. and then au revow from a guy in With this activity, my progress has his twentieth grateful year of so- been tremendous and now, after seebriety – free even of urges – twenty ing and hearing Bill W., and the miraculous years. confidence Helen W. and the staff of the Grapevine had in me to give me the opportunity to play a small roll From L. F., Long Beach, Calif.. . . on the Grapevine Committee at the Convention, well, the wonders I received from the Twenty-fifth Anni- 0 U R Twenty-fifth Anniversary Convention in Long Beach, California, was such a wonderful versary Convention can only be felt and spoken from the heart. Action experience for everyone of us who is the word for it. was fortunate to attend. But to me, a disabled construction worker injured over three years ago from a From A . S., Long Beach, Calif. . .. fall off a scaffold, the Convention Comment from the Convention was terrific. I was sober two years and eight IT is Friday, July 1, I am up early to be renewed in spirit at the months when the accident occurred. Convention. Into the Third Street From E. D., Watertown, Mass. . . . tic Sunday morning spiritual meeting Being in the hospital one year with Club for a friendly breakfast with was worth the trip all by itself . . . a head injury caused me to be un- some of my out-of-state friends. When Sam topped one strong point A ND now it is over and I feel again that sorrow I have felt so often when I have taken leave of old . with another . . And when Rigor turned to me and said, “It looks like able to read for two years-a para- Down to the Auditorium, for the lyzed left leg, damaged right knee opening session, to hear my good with osteomalacia in knee . . . friend Art talk on AA publications. friends. Flying away from Long he’s going to pitch a no-hitter!” These With God and my AA friends I Then to the discussion of the Twelve Beach, I experienced that euphoria are moments I do not want to forget. was taken to meetings in a wheel Steps where twelve of my friends that is peculiar to AA conventions . . . When Al S. looked at the sea chair after release from the hospital. assure me the AA principles are the and the nostalgia for the ones who of faces at a meeting and said, “I’ve Doctors later told me they expected same everywhere. Then, to the sesdid not make it. Truly we are lucky spoken to large groups at meetings, me to be confined for life to a wheel sion on the Twelve Traditions and guys and dolls. but this is ridiculous!” chair, but now I have advanced t o . twelve of my friends assure me again These meetings were truly in- . . . The gal on the stand, J o Ann, crutches. the program is safe. spirational, and of course the climac- who hollered up, “Aren’t you Ed My group gave me activity with It’s Saturday and I’m back again

to hear about Service and I know us just at the moment. For Frank is all is well, and I thank God that I the man who conducted the first find, Nina C., Anchorage, Alaska, surveyed the gleaming mahogany of found AA. Out to the Stadium to American California-style AA meet- and I remember we spoke briefly. the practically empty premises with hear Bill talk about today and to- ing in South Africa, back in 1952 After her name, I find in quotation a gloomy eye. “What do you think morrow. I am real mad, cold and . . . Then on Thursday night, the marks, “bless her heart,” but what that referred to, I cannot remember of the AA Convention?” someone freezing, physically and mentally be- band began to beat it out for the asked. “They come down here with cause I believe I hear Bill throwing dance which was the real kickoff of at all . . . And a note about Bill their Twelve Commandments and the Traditions out the window. Co- the Twenty-fifth Anniversary Con- McD. from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, the their twenty-dollar bills,” said the operation with medicine, psychiatry, vention. There under the dim lights only man I ever saw eat a whole bag barkeep, “and so far as I know they the church and talk of drugs, but I I saw O.K.P. of San Francisco-my of popcorn while he smoked a big ain’t broke none yet.” . . . Wes L. look up and the lighted cross is still sponsor, no less-a fellow-newspaper- cigar . . . Most memorable was the of Arcadia, Florida, had a storythere on the church in the distance, man I hadn’t seen in years, and an meeting of a redhaired member he was on a two-month journey, a and I remember the AA meeting of Old Blue of the same Skid Road from named Mary with Sister Ignatia. vacation from his florist business, and the night before and I am at peace. where I matriculated into the Fel- When Mary tried to tell the Sister during his trip he celebrated his own Back Sunday morning to hear our lowship. We didn’t have time for how grateful all of us are for her great fifth AA birthday, his sixtieth comfriends of the cloth. The cross isn’t much talk at the Convention, but work on our behalf, this was the mon, or natural, birthday and his lighted this morning, it doesn’t need we didn’t need many words. . . .Then reply: “But I am so insignificant in thirty-third wedding anniversary. He to be. The sun is shining and it is came a greeting from Renee of the face of this movement, which wouldn’t have been around for any a beautiful day, my way is clear. I Beatty, Nevada, who was wearing a surely had divine guidance from the of these happy events, probably, if have been spiritually renewed to bet- ginger lei brought by a friend from start.” . . . On the lighter side, there someone hadn’t carried the message ter carry the message. It’s Sunday the Waikiki Group . . . And there was the Long Beach bartender who . . . another miracle . . . Long Beach. afternoon, I am home in my room was Luis A. of Santa Barbara who saying a prayer for the Host Com- calls himself “Louie the Mexican.” mittee and all those who made it Take a good look at his smile, possible. lighted as it is from within. When he first read the Big Book, he had From T . B., Napa. California . . . so little English that he had to use an English-Spanish dictionary. But he got the message a dozen or so T HERE was hardly time for me to lose my first registration badge Thursday afternoon before I talked years ago, and now he’s a graduate of a Santa Barbara high school . . . with a man whose correct apparel and him a grandfather, yet . . . contrasted with the gaudy color worn Sigurd 0. of Anchorage, Alaska, by the Californians. He was Martin whom I met within minutes after . K. of Johannesburg, Union of South talking to Grettir J. of Winnipeg, Africa. Martin traveled a fair piece said the Convention was his most reby jet, via London and Manhattan, warding trip “outside” . . . and there to be with us. “The greatest thrill across a bustling lobby was Sigrid of my life,” said Martin. Here’s the of San Francisco. She came “outside” kicker: equally thrilled was Frank years ago from Fairbanks, Alaska, F. of North Hollywood, who joined and stayed . . . Also in my notes I

September 1961 *’

A Report on monplace among these AAs. There tinuous sobriety is four years and nine months. When they first came to were enough skid row alumni to form YOUTH GROUPS AA, two of these forty AAs were in their teens; twenty-two were in their twenties and fourteen in their thirties. a group of their own. Another could have been made up among the former reformatory students. Warden John Speaker after speaker told of C. Burke of Wisconsin State Prison, One of a proposed series of articles on dozens of arrests in their teen years. Waupun, greeted a number of his . One girl had an eight-year prison former charges at the conference, inspecial interest groups in AA record behind her when she sobered cluding the chairman of the host up eight years ago, aged thirty-four. planning committee, who introduced When one thirty-one-year-old, sober the Warden, with a straight face, as eight years, said from the platform, “my former landlord.” The prison “I had my seventeenth conviction on official told one of the sessions that my seventeenth birthday,” no one in probably eighty per cent of the young the audience seemed particularly im- convicts in his institution have a pressed. drinking problem. Many had started drinking at Several speakers told of lying twelve, thirteen and fourteen. One about their ages, to get into armed said, “I was an alcoholic at thirteen, services: “because in uniform I on skid row at fifteen.” Another de- would have n o t r o u b l e buying clared, “I know I was an alky at six- drinks.” There were frequent stories teen.” One girl said, “I was on the of broken youthful marriages: “I streets at seventeen, and knew then thought it would settle me down.” I was an alcoholic.” So it wasn’t surprising to hear Commitment to mental hospitals speakers say-in private conversain their early twenties seemed com- tions-they felt puzzled upon first

Are “special interest groups” a good thing for AA as a whole, or a danger to our Fellowship? Why have they arisen? What’s the I ATTENDED the Fourth International Conference of Young People in AA in Milwaukee this year, British Columbia, and San Francisco, California; from as far East as New York. Three Australian members, in outlook for their effect on AA’s future? Seeking light on-if not answers to–these questions, the and interviewed everybody present I their thirties, sent their greetings and Grapevine has gathered facts and opinions on some of these could pin down. About 250 AAs, Al- special groups. talks on tape. Anon members and guests attended How young are these AAs, really? One hundred and thirteen groups for women are listed in tht the threeday meeting in Milwaukee. Among forty AAs who participated 1961 World Directory; forty-three groups described by name as AAs and Al-Anons of all ages AA groups for the whole family or for couples; fifty-eight groups as speakers or on the host planning for men; forty-seven miscellaneous groups. from the Milwaukee-Chicago area committee the average age is thirtymingled at the meetings with young four-ranging from twenty-two to Information about any one of them, it is hoped, will increase AAs from as far West as Vancouver, understanding of each of the others. fifty-two. The average length of con-

coming to AA to hear older members hol has done to your life that makes say, “You’re too young to be an alco- you eligible for AA.” holic.” Several reported being ad- Often these young speakers told vised to “go out and do some more of being tolerated within groups of drinking. You’re not old enough for older members, but never being given AA.” any AA jobs to do. “Even now,” said As one speaker put it: “I was leav- a fellow in his early thirties, sober ‘ ing one of my first meetings when I over three years, “when I’m sitting in overheard an older member remark, the clubhouse and a Twelfth Step call ‘I’ve spilled more booze on my vest comes in, they say I’m too young to than that young punk has drunk.’ go on it.” Probably he had,” continued the This lack of acceptance has also thirty-one-year-old good-humoredly, taken other forms. When a young “but it was the alcohol I had drunk, people’s group was formed in one not the liquor he had spilled, which city, an AA clubhouse used by sevmade my life unmanageable.” eral other groups refused to let the A twenty-eight-year-old, in AA young people meet in one of its three years now, demonstrated the rooms, ,one young “founder” reseriousness of his alcoholism this ported. “But then,” added the memway: “My drunken escapades made ber with a youthful grin, “the clubthe papers so often that my first wife house found it needed money badly, began to speak of it as my ‘column.’ so they let us rent space after all. And Then they began not printing it, be- lots of them come to our meetings cause my booze troubles just weren’t now.” In fact, one fifty-five-year-old news in our town any more.” slipper attributes his re-grasp of so- He laughed when he recalled the briety to this “infant” group. “deep freeze” older members gave Such stories were told in private him his first year. He recalled one conversation, not in talks from the older man who had said, “Never had platform. And only in one of the the DTS?Sonny, go drink another ten forty people I talked to did I find anyyears. You’re no alky.” thing like anger about such treat- The youngster said seriously: ment. In that one case, the stinging “Once the older fellows started memory seems a goad that spurs this laughing when I told them about a young fellow into ferocious energy marriage problem I had. So, since for twelfth-stepping other young they assured me I couldn’t be an alco- guys. holic at my age, I decided I must by These experiences and reactions a psycho. I kept seeing a psychiatrist, are by no means universal among and drinking, for a whole year. Later younger A A members in all locali- I learned it isn’t how long you have ties, but they had a direct effect on a drunk, or how much, but what alco- number of those I talked to in Mil-

waukee. Younger members began twelfth-step lots of other younger ones can face them together and help If any quality besides enthusiasm banding together in their own groups. people, and when any of us goes to one another. That’s in addition to and love seemed a hallmark of the In some places, naturally enough, speak at another group, six or eight helping each other stay sober, which brand of AA at the Milwaukee getyoung AA groups were started with carloads of us go along.” must come first always, of course.” together, it was seriousness. Healthy, high hopes and flood-tide energy, but “Older people always did scare (In many ways, this was truly honest self-criticism, frank and open little stable or wise leadership. me,” one girl admitted. “I guess we more a “family” convention than self-inventory and wide varieties of Groups turned into social clubs, or just rebel more at our age, even in other regional AA conventionsI have opinion, were evident constantly. other Traditions were broken, and AA groups. In the younger groups, attended. Many pretty, young, non- A thirty-seven-year-old, ‘sober six groups died. Thus, members of large, though, there is no temptation to alcoholic wives, active in local family years, summed up the value of healthy young people’s groups point compare my drinking with that of the Al-Anon groups, helped at every young people’s groups this way: out that in some areas the youngsters fellows who reminisce about bathtub stage in the planning, sewed as host- “We show younger alcoholics that may miss the encouragement and in- gin or speakeasies.” esses and guides, and talked at both they are not different just because terest of older, wiser members, and Others took a different tack. “My AA and their own meetings. One they are young. We show others that most attend other AA meetings, young group helps me with current family present had four Alateen you can be young, and alcoholic, yet where they find “immediate identifi- problems,” one fellow said. “As a members along. Its fifteen-year-old still be sober and happy in AA. Booze cation with other young alcoholics,” young guy I have lots of domestic, had painted the enormous, handsome doesn’t respect youth any more than as one man put it. professional and other personal blue-and-white “Fourth International it does age.” “We find activity,” said a thirty- problems. Choosing a career and get- Conference, Young People in AA” The -Milwaukee conference helped —eight-year-old who has been sober ting started in it, or starting a family, banner which decorated the main AA prove those facts in a big way and a nine years. “We are made members are not problems most older mem- meeting hall for the Milwaukee ses- must have carried the message to. ; of the group steering committees, we bers are now facing. So we younger sions.) many other young alcoholics, or their

One twenty-three-year-old mother at first. I didn’t see any room in this friends. Both of Milwaukee’s big prablems with other young people of daily newspapers ran many stories of two came to AA when she was outfit for a young man to ‘get ahead’ their own age.” eighteen. “I used to window-shop the -that is, get to be group secretary!” about “Young People in AA.” Some young members, as we have fancy stores on Fifth Avenue, in New He laughs at that now. At the age of Local ministers and hotel officials seen, claim that such groups made York, dead drunk, dressed in sloppy thirty he was chosen by the name-inalso helped, as did many older AA it possible for them to receive and members of the Chicago-Milwaukee blue jeans and a filthy sweat shirt the-hat method prescribed in “The maintain a sobriety they found im- with university letters on it, so people Third Legacy Manual” as one of his area. A Milwaukee clubhouse co- possible in other groups. Most of operated and so did the secretary of would think I was a college kid! AA state’s two delegates to the Eleventh them insist, though, that it is neces- is not for kids; it forces us to mature General Service Conference in New the Milwaukee Central Office. Both sary for any young AA to attend Illinois delegates to the Eleventh and I didn’t want to grow up. So I York. other meetings in addition to those slipped around for two years before Do the Young People in AA con- General Service Conference sup- for young people. I really got sober. It happened in a ferences divert energy that could be ported the youth conference with Other speakers in Milwaukee de- regular group.”, better utilized in contributionsto AA their presence. nied any intention to encourage the Of the thirty-nine AA speakers on Her husband was in trouble be- as a whole? Maybe so. formation of special groups. “We just cause of drinking at fifteen, swore off None of the young members on . the program, only three talked spe- want to encourage the acceptance of cifically about young people’s groups, at eighteen because of “a car-theft the program in Milwaukee spoke of young people in any AA groups. We charge.” Shaking his head wonder- service to AA as General Service or the Young People’s Conference do not favor any kind of AA segregaidea. Others told their own stories, ingly, he says, “I thought I was too Representatives, local Committeetion, by age or anything else. We do young t o be an alcoholic! ” He men, or’G. S. Conference Delegates. as AAs do everywhere, or addressed not seek to divide AA, or set up any themselves to the three theme words sobered up in a group full of older (However, the Milwaukee Central separate organization. We just want members. Office Seqretary says local youngsters of the Conference: Gratitude, Obedi- to add an extra bond of fellowship ence and Devotion. His buddy’s first drinks were are avid GSO supporters.) There to the cement of AA.” morning ones. “I reached under the were no Grapevine Representatives But do the supporters of these Three young members in a New Canadian-American conferences of bed for the jug before I got up, in a or contributors among them. Little England state-who were not at the summer work camp,” he said. “I was said of institutional work and young people in AA really advocate Milwaukee Convention-say they was fifteen years old.” Ten years later nothing about correspondence with the formation of more groups desig- have found no need for special young nated especially for young people? he came to AA and “slipped around loners; lack of information about AA people’s groups. as a whole and its Third Legacy As might be expected among any seemed on a par with what I’ve found collection of good AAs, opinions in almost any other AA gathering not differ, and each seems to have a valid specifically devoted to those larger, foundation in its holder’s own indi- more demanding aspects of worldvidual experience. wide AA service. A pamphlet distributed at the Mil- There was at the Milwaukee gathwaukee sessions is entitled “Facts, ering, though, an unusually intense Aims, Purposes of Young People’s awareness of AA Traditions and the Groups in AA in the United States . and Canada.” It declares: “. . there need for Public Information activities by AA members. Newspaper reportis a great need for at least one young ers were especially well treated. Nonpeople’s group in every city so the alcoholic guests included the execuyoung coming into AA can get to- ‘nether once a week and discuss their tive director of the Chicago Alcoholic

Treatment Center, a prison warden, some of those pasent in Milwaukee, everything we can to encourage them, it or divide it. They taught me a lot, and a high school principal. A re- a permanent “Advisory Council” to help them communicate with alco- and I’ll be sentimentally grateful for habilitation counsellor of Chicago’s was formed there to help perpetuate holics they can reach and we can’t. a long time. police department was also present the youth conference idea and ac- They don’t need our censure. We One thing is certain: young people, by invitation. cumulate a body of guiding experi- owe them our love.” thank God, are coming to AA in in- . On the value of special young ence. I felt quite at home among these creasing numbers. They hold the people’s groups, here is what one Two officers from each of the first younger members. I was impressed promise and the power of our future central office secretary from a large four conferences make up the Ad- by the quality of their sobriety, their leadership, and the older members city said: “These young people’s visory Council. They hope to estab- dedication to AA principles and must help them to utilize their youth, groups are the lifesavers of AA in our lish a permanent fund to insure the work, their determination generally vitality and great potential. area. They are actually open to mem- financial solvency of future confer- to add to AA, never to detract from B. L.,New York City bers of all ages but the service jobs ences (incidentally, all who went to in them are held by those under Milwaukee, even the speakers, paid thirty-five. It’s from these young their own way); set up their own people that we get most of the best newsletter and public information workers who keep our Central Office activities, and set up a permanent functioning. They’re the ones we can address for the exchange of informacount on most to take on Twelfth tion about young people in AA. Step jobs, institutional work and “We’re not a movement, or a breakpublic information tasks.” ing away from AA,” one conference One of the older “advisors” of the leader kept insisting. “Our primary Milwaukee Conference said: “We purpose is to help carry the message noticed in my regular group that to younger people.” young people didn’t stick with us, and Perhaps these young people have we had a meeting to discuss it one a genuine, valid need for a new AA night. We wondered if maybe it service arm, in line with our Ninth wasn’t our own fault. That’s why we Tradition: “. . . we may create servhelped establish a young people’s ice boards or committees directly regroup and now do all we can to help sponsible to those they serve.” Perthese conferences. You see, it’s great haps not. for us!” The member I know who has been The Milwaukee Conference had sober longest seems quite unperthree such advisors (“We spoke only turbed by such new developments as when spoken to,” grinned one of the young people’s conferences. He them), a practice established at the says, “Don’t forget, we have a selfsecond youth conference, in Chicago corrective factor in AA. These spein 1959, when the youthful sponsors cial groups either function in the of the get-together found themselves framework of AA, or they fold up. with some pretty tough problems to I don’t know what we have to be lick. afraid of, as long as we put ourselves Over objections and warnings by truly in God’s hands. We ought to do

October 1964

St. Louis, 1955 – Long Beach, 1960 – Toronto, 1965 Old-timers remember St. Louis. Medium-old-timers remember Long Beach. If you’re an old-timer who missed out on the last two AA conventions, or a not-so-old-timer who would like to witness AA’s biggest gathering, attend the 1965 CONVENTION in Toronto, Canada, July 2-4, 1965. Plan now – register early in 1965

December 1964

Ring Out The Old Year by registering for the 1965 AA Convention (once-in-five-years gala gathering of all AA) to be held at Toronto, Canada, July 2-4, 1965. Registrations will be accepted starting February 1, 1965. Registration and housing forms will be available the middle of January. They will be mailed to all groups. If you wish to be included write: Convention Secretary, P. 0.Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N. Y. 10017.

January 1965

For several months we’ve been mentioning in the Grapevine the Convention to be held this coming July. Now is the time to act. All AA groups will receive registration forms for the Thirtieth Anniversary Convention from GSO early in January. Rooms in Toronto will be reserved on a first-come-first-served basis. Check with your group’s officers so that you can get your reservations in early. Or write: Reservations, GSO, P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, York, N.Y. 10017. All daytime Convention events are scheduled in the Royal York Hotel in Toronto. Al-Anon headquarters will be in the King Edward Sheraton Hotel, Rooms will be reserved in these hotels first, and then in others nearby. The main events of the evenings and Sunday, July 4th, will be held in a large hall, Maple Leaf Gardens,which seats l7,OOO. There’s to be a dance in the evening, July lst, so come in time for that ! The theme of the Convention is Responsibility – the responsibility we all share for carrying the message. , This is the fourth quinquennial all-AA and all-Al-Anon gathering and the first to be held outside the United States. Canadian AAs have been hard at work on details for months. The Canadian Government and Toronto officials are cooperating.

February 1965

INT~NA~ONA~ CONVENTION JULY 2-4.1965 TORONTO P

Two talks by Bill W., co-founder of the Society of Alcoholics Anonymous, will be features of the Thirtieth Anniversary International Convention of AA in Toronto, Canada, next July 2-4. One will be Bill*s own AA story– and his second talk will be keyed to the Convention theme vResponsibility.g The Convention is expected to attract one of the largest gatherings of recovered alcoholics since AA was founded in Akron, Ohio, in 1935 and even exceed the 10,000 registration at Long Beach, California, in 1960. Previous international anniversary conventions have been held in Cleveland, Ohio (1960) and St. Louis, Missouri (1955) in addition to the Long Beach meeting. The Cleveland meeting marked the acceptance, in behalf of the AA Fellowship, of the Twelve Traditions for group survival, as summarized in written fo m by Bill and other early members. At St. Louis five years later, the Fellowship approved the Charter of the General Service Conference, through which AA services in New York are linked to the groups throughout the world. The Long Beach gathering, commemorating the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Society’s founding, was the occasion for a rededication to AA*s principles of service to alcoholics. The ‘popular ‘Alkathon* meetings, introduced at Long Beach, will be programmed again at Toronto. These typical AA group meetings will be scheduled, virtually without interruption, from morning until midnight. In addition to the Alkathon sessions, there will be panels, workshops and special presentations featuring prominent non-AAs who are familiar with the recovery program. Daytime sessions will be held in the Royal York Hotel, with famed Maple Leaf Gardens reserved for the larger meetings in the evening and on Sunday morning. The Al-Anon Family Groups will be well represented in Toronto also. Their international convention will be held simultaneously with AA’s, at the King Edward Hotel, and is expected to attract several thousand relatives of alcoholics.

March 1964

THE 1965 AA CONVENTION

T HE 1965 International AA Convention, marking the fellowship’s 30th Anniversary, will be versary Convention when they will play host to the worldwide fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. held at Toronto, Canada, July 2-4, Thousands of AAs and their fam- 1965. ilies will come flooding into Canada, With three inspiring days of not only from the United States, meetings and entertainment, the but from the rest oflthe world. 1965 Convention promises to be an In addition to contributing time outstanding AA event. Members and effort, Canadian AAs are also will see and hear Bill and Lois. being asked to lend financial s u p They will take part in discussions port in the form of Advance Regisand hear from long-time supporters tration. The money will be used to of AA in the fields of religion, med- provide the working capital essenicine and law, among others. They tial to a well run, well attended Conwill meet many ‘old friends and find vention. It is being asked of, and new ones from distant parts. accepted from, Canadians only. This unique AA event marks the No priorities for hotel rooms or first Convention to be held outside advantages of any kind go with adthe United States. It is also the first vance registration, except that warm to be planned without any one spe- feeling that goes with cooperation. cial purpose other than as an op- Advance registration for Canadians portunity for the fellowship as a starts March 1, 1964. It is $5 per whole to take its inventory, to re- person for all AA sessions or $8 view past accomplishments, and to per person for AA sessions plus see what still remains to be done. two big entertainment features -a Canadian AAs are already work- dance and all-star show. Registraing and planning (one day at a tion will be open to other than Cantime, of course) for the 30th Anni- adians early in 1965.

March 1965

The every-five-years AA convention to be held in Toronto, July 2-4, is not exactly around the corner, neither is it very far off. Those months will fly away, a day at a time. Anyway, NOW is the time to register and reserve rooms. Forms forthis went out to all AAgroups in January. Check with your group’s officers. Or, write for forms to Reservations, GSO, P.O. Box 459, rand Central Station, – New York, N. Y. 10017. Registration fee is $5.00 per person for all the AA sessions, July 2-4. There is a dance in the evening, July 1, and an ‘All-star Show of Professional Talent’ in the evening, July 4, and if you are pretty sure to want to attend these, a special registration package of $8.00 per person will cover the AA sessions and the entertainment evenings. A map of Toronto is enclosed with the housing applica- -tion forms to help you make a selection of first, second, andthird choice of rooms, a n d i t ‘ s i m p o r t a n t t o ~ t h o s e choices. Your housing request will go on to the Convention Bureau in Toronto, rooms will be assigned firstcome-first-served, and you will receive confirmations directly from the motels or hotels. (Trailer information available if you write for it.) United States citizens won’t need a passport, but should be sure to carry some kind of proof of address and citizenship. Here are just a couple of the many details the Toronto AA Host Committee is working on: baby sitters for those who bring younger children, and translators for those who do not speak English or French. All the big meetings will be simultaneously translated into French for those desiring it. Who may come to the Convention? AAs everywhere are invited, with their families. There is word already that groups from California, Kansas and Scotland have char- tered planes. (Look into this; it’s cheaper than you think.) And members from New Brunswick and Alberta have chartered trains. On to Toronto!

April 1965

INT~NAT~ONAL P CONVENTION JULY 2-4.1965 TORONTO

Plans for the Convention program include nine meetings … at which non-U speakers will be featured. These day- . . . time sessions will cover AA and the Clergy … … . . . AA and Industry holism …… Helpful Allies in The Field of Alco- AA and the Medical Profession AA and

… Public Information Prisons … AA and the Courts AA and Education AA in Hospitals .. . AA in We’re proud to announce the names of some of the dis- … tinguished (non-U) speakers who will take part in these sessions Nigel Kensit, Superintendant of Indus- … trial Relations for Algoma Steel Corp. in Sault Ste. Marie, Canada Dr. Luther Cloud, Vice-president of the Equitable Life Assurance Society of the U. S., who … is Chairman of the Industrial Medical Association’s Committee on Alcoholism Dr. A. S. Macpherson, Medical … Specialist, Psychiatry, Queen Mary Veterans Hospital, Montreal Dr. Marvin Block, Chairman of the Com- … mittee on Alcoholism of the American Medical Association. And Dr. Howard J. Clinebell, Jr., clergyman and .. author of lfsuggestions for Clergymen Counseling The alcoholic^^. Judge Emmet Daly of the San Francisco Municipal Court, who originated a pilot plan for a re- … habilitation center for alcoholics in that city which has been widely copied Judge John Murtagh, Admin- … istrative Judge of the Criminal Court of New York City and a Class A Trustee of Alcoholics Anonymous Sister … Mary Andrew Hartman, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Ottawa Dr. Robert Wagner, Superintendant of the Central Islip State Hospital (Long … Island), which has a remarkable rehabilitation facility nor being studied by other state hospitals Bernice Morris, prominent San Diego Attorney, who was selected

. ….. last year as “Woman of The Yearm for her work in alcoholic rehabilitation The Reverend Gene Robinson of BilllingsMontana The Reverend Rolland Boyle who has done much for AA in Quebec. If you need room reservation forms for the Convention, write Reservations, GSO, P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N. Y. 10017.

May 1965

JUNE IS BUSTIN’ OUT ALL OVER Thirty years ago next month Bill W. met Dr. Bob and AA began, The June Grapevine will start off with a review of that story, which turned out to have such a startling impact on all of us. June 28-July 4 has been designated AA Week; the Week closes with the big Convention in Toronto, July 2-4. (See the page at left.) The June issue of the Grapevine will carry an advance listing of the three-day program of the Convention. Well, here we AAs are, with a ‘Week,’ and a Convention. Amazing. Extraordinary things happen if you stay sober. It is estimated that about 15,000 of us will be present to hear Bill talk in Toronto, and to hear dozens of AA speakers and non-AA friends talk about what AA has meant in the world over the past thirty years. We hope you can make it to Toronto. Think of it! The world’s largest Sober Bash. A Dance! Entertainment! (And incidently a lot of interesting information about AA’s progress.) But seriously, what an extraordinary thing it all is. Thirty years of AA! From two men to nearly 400,000 men and women. From a single kitchen to over ninety countries. From nightmare to sobriety for each of us individually. And the return of hope for the hopeless. We participate in a miracle; let us celebrate and give thanks. The Editors

– May 1965

INT~RNA~ONALCONVENTION JULY 2-4.1965 TORONTO

If you are the fellow in the drawing at the bottom of the page who is finding enough money in his piggy bank … to go to the Thirtieth Anniversary Convention of AA in Toronto on July 2-4 this year Or, if you don’t have an overstuffed piggy bank but … have decided anyway to go to this once-in-five-years giant gathering of World AA And you haven’t yet put in your registration and reservations for rooms – Write: Reservations, GSO, P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N. Y. 10017. (Note: There are plenty of hotel and motel rooms still available !) Here is a partial outline of the program for the threeday Convention : BIG meetings Friday evening, July 2, Saturday evening, ~uF3, and Sunday morning, July 4. (Bill will speak at both evening meetings. Simultaneous French translations provided at all three of these meetings.) A dance on Thursday evening, July 1, and an All Star Show Sunday evening. Alkathon meetings every two hours from 8 A.M. to 6 P.M. and from midnight to 2 A.M. both Friday and Saturday. (Al-Anon meeting during both days, too.) Panels and discussion workshops from 9 to 10 A.M. Thursday and Friday covering GSO Services, GSO Confer- … ence, Grapevine, Groups, Young People and AA, Loners, Overseas AA, and other topics Twelve large daytime meetings, nine involving distinguished non-U speakers and three with AA speakers only.

REMEMBER THIS FELLOW? He started saving a quarter a day a day at a time on June 1, 1963 and the time has almost come to bust the bank! If you haven’t been saving, dig up the money anyway, so we can all meet at the 30th ANNIVERSARY INTERNATIONAL AA CONVENTION Toronto, Canada, July 2-34 – MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS N O W 1 .-

June 1965

This is our last appearance in the Grapevine with news of the up-coming Convention in Toronto: here’s hoping you’ll be able to be there and take part in the program outlined on the preceding two pages. If you have already registered by mail, and have your room reservations, just turn up in Toronto and join in the fun. If you haven’t registered yet and have just now decided to go, or if you decide any day right up to the start of the Convention, here’s what to do: UNTIL MAY 15th: You may write for registration and room reservations to GSO, P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N. Y. 10017. Send $8.00 if you want to attend all sessions AND the dance and the All Star Show on Sunday. Send$5.00 if youwant to register forthe AA sessions only, not for the dance and Show. Remember, because of local regulations, tickets will not be available for the dance and Show separately, so the only way to be in on these is to sign up for them as part of your registration. AFTER MAY 15th: Simply come directly to Toronto and check in at the Registration Desk for the Convention on the Convention Mezzanine of the Royal York Hotel, Convention Headquarters. You will be helped to find rooms. The Registration and Information Desks on the Convention Mezzanine of the Royal York Hotel will open beginning June 28th from 10 A.M. to 7 P.M. Monday and Tuesday, 10 A.M. to 10 P.M. Wednesday and Thursday. You will want to keep in mind that the three main buildings for the Convention are the Royal York Hotel, where all the daytime AA meetings will be held, the King Edward Hotel, where the Al-Anon Headquarters and meetings will be and the Maple Leaf Gardens, Toronto’s biggest public hall, for the evening and Sunday meetings. A few odds and ends: trailer-park space is available for mobile AAs. Baby-sitting services are being lined up for parents coming with younger children. The City of Toronto welcomes all ; the city and adjoining area have many attractions for a vacation there when the Convention is over and the 30th Anniversary Big Doings are history. And don’t forget Bill and will be with us.

June 1 9 6 5

An outline o f the program for the 30th Anniversary lnternational Convention o f Alcoholics Anonymous TORONTO, CANADA – JULY 24, 1965 HEADQUARTERS : ‘ AA Royal York Hotel AL-ANON King Edward Hotel

THURSDAY -JULY 1 SATURDAY – JULY 3

I Registration on the Convention Mezzanine from 10 A.M. 9 A.M. Six different workshop or panel discussions for AAs. Topics will I The Convention Opener is a dance at the Royal York, beginning at 9 be six of the twelve listed above under “9 A.M. Friday.” P.M. There will be four bands in different ballrooms so that you can pick 10:30 A.M. Three Panel Meetings: 1 ) A A and Education, with non-AA your tempo: square dancing, various kinds of ballroom dancing, and for speakers Robert Robinson, Siste? Mary Andrew, and Selden Bacon. 2) the hardy, rock and roll. Helpful Allies in the Field o f Alcoholism, with non-AA speakers Ralph Daniel, Mary S. (Al-Anon), and Philip M. Morgan. 3 ) A panel on FRIDAY – JULY 2 A A in Hospitals and Rehabilitation Facilities with n o n – U speakers 9 A.M. Six different workshops or panel discussions. Topics will be six Robert Wagner, M.D., Bernice Morris, and Phyllis K. Snyder. of these twelve: I ) International A A . 2 ) Public Information. 3 ) Special 2:30 P.M. TWOPanel Meetings: 1 ) A A and the Medical Profession, Purpose Groups within A A . 4 ) AA’s General Service Conference. 5 ) Young with non-AA speakers A. S. MacPherson, M.D., Marvin A. Block, M.D., People in A A . 6 ) Communications within A A . 7 ) AA’s Cooperation with and a doctor in AA. 2) A A in Prisons, with non-AA speakers F. P. Others. 8) A A Groups in Prisons and Hospitals. 9 ) The A A Grapevine. Miller, Myrl E. Alexander, and an AA speaker. 10) Central Ofices and Intergroups. 11) Group Experience. 12) Inter- 2:30 P.M. An AA Meeting on A A ‘Round the World. nationalists, Loners and Traveling AAs. 10:30 A.M. TWOPanel Meetings: 1) A A and Industry, with non-AA 8 P.M. Second General Convention Session in the Maple Leaf Gardens. speakers Nigel M. Kinset and Luther Cloud, M.D., plus an AA speaker. Bill W. will speak on the Convention theme: Responsibility. There will be 2) A A and The Courts, with non-AA speakers Judge John M. Murtagh other speakers. and Judge Emmet Daly, plus an AA speaker. I

10:30 A.M. A Panel AA Meeting. SUNDAY -JULY 4 2:30 P.M. TWOPanel Meetings: 1 ) A A and the Clergy, with non-AA speakers the Rev. Earl S. Lautenschlager and the Rev. Dr. Howard Cline- 1 1 A.M. Sunday Morning Meeting on God as We Understand ~ i m , with bell, Jr., plus an AA speaker. 2) A A and Public Information, with non-AA speakers the Rev. Rolland Boyle S.J., and the Rev. Gene Robinnon-AA speakers Herbert Carlborg, J P Miller, and George M. Collins. son, plus Bill W. and another AA speaker. 2:30 P.M. First General Session of the Convention at the Maple Leaf 8 P.M. All-star Show at the Maple Leaf Gardens. Entertainment by a Gardens. Bill W. plans to tell his story at this meeting; and there will be big cast of professionals. You won’t want to miss this last session of AA’s other speakers. biggest get-together ever!

ALKATHONS PROGRAMS In addition to the sessions listed, there will be Alkatkons – continuous Printcd, detailed Programs giving times and the rooms assigned for the talks by AAs-on Friday and Saturday at 8 A . M . , I0 A.M., 12 noon, 2 wriorts sessions o f the Convention will be available when you arrive in P.M., 4 P.M.. and again at midnight. Check your final program for the Toronto. We hope tltut this otrtline will ltelp you to start deciding which rooms assigned for each Alkatlton. sessiorts yo11 n~ostwarlt to attend – The Editors.

AASs fourth Quinquennial Convention Our first International Convention outside the U.S.

October 1 9 6 5

the Convention attendees heard over and over Bill and Lois in Toronto again a plea to find ways Unquestionably the best known, to all of us, of to get the story to ever AA’s anonymous thousands is Bill, the surviving colarger number-and get founder. And unquestionably the best known of Alit to them before the Anon’s thousands is his wife, Lois. In Toronto, Bill bitter end in loss and and Lois spoke to over 10,000 people at the two big how. When we remember degradation. evening meetings, visited numerous other meetings hat in the 30 years of and panels at the hotels, held receptions, and presided Speakers plead: Don’t let 4A’s existence we have Compliments to the over an early breakfast on Sunday for over 2,000 ,cached less than ten per Conventioneers! success make AA conlplacent :ent of those who might Toronto AA Hosts The special gratitude and love AAs and AI-Anons At the close of the feel toward Bill and Lois were only partially expressed Two major thoughts stood out in the remarks of lave been willing to a p Convention in Toronto. ,roach us, we begin to by the hand-clap thunder during standing ovations for the many speakers, alcoholic and nonalcoholic, at AA’s General Service them at the big meetings; beneath the applause was a AA’s July Toronto Convention. The first was admira- p t an idea of the im- Board voted formal and nensity of our task and deep, shared emotion which made their appearances tion and gratitude for AA’s startling success in sober- congratulatory thanks for the most memorable experiences of the entire ing up hundreds of thousands of lost-cause drunks. ~f the responsibilities the Fellowship to the with which we will al- Convention. The other was concern that the success which has Host Committee made up come to AA over the thirty years since its start in ways be confronted.” of Toronto AAs, who laid Akron, Ohio in 1935 would not lead us to any com- The Convention heard But the AA talk is great. walked on the Garden the, groundwork for the placency about the size of the job still to be done. kom two dozen interna- massive invasion of AAs Ideas from speakers. stage. . .The stirring way The theme of the Convention was: Responsibility. .ionally-known nonalco- and families for the July from AAs met by chance, Canadians sang all the . “I am responsible. . .when anyone, anywhere, reaches holic authorities on alco- 4th weekend Convention, make it all worthwhile. words of their national out for help. I want the hand of AA always to be holism, many of whom and labored throughout Must tell them at home.” anthem . . . The marvelthere. And for that: I am responsible.” urged AA as a whole, Another AA wrote im- ous yoks Walter O’K. it to see that things went pressions for the GSO AA’s w-founder, Bill, in his talk to over 10,000 and AA members indi- smoothly. Praise for the and the others of that attending the major sessions of the Convention, vidually, to do more in AA Exchange Bulletin, star-spangled Variety excellence of all arrange- August-September, 1965, I stressed the need for cooperation with all who work the future than in the ments and the hospitality Show gave us, from the on the problem of alcoholism, the more than 100 past to help alert com- issue, which went out to “Drinking Song” overof Toronto AA and inture o n . . . Nonalcoholic i agencies in the United States and Canada alone now munities to the cost of all group Secretaries deed of all of Toronto’s early in August: engaged – in research, alcohol education and rehabilita- alcoholism in lives, labor hotels, restaurants and Trustee Trice’s story of –

tion. and happiness, as well as other services was uni- “. . .Those patient cof- asking for a beer in the ‘Toooften, we have deprecated and even derided to the possibility of treat- fee shop hostesses at the Royal York bar and beversal among the depart- Royal York . . .The overthese projects of our friends just because we do not ment and recovery. J. P. ing Conventioneers. ing sternly told by the always see eye to eye with them.” Bill said. “We Miller, author of the ex- whelming thrill of the bartender, “No slips in gigantic crowds in the should very seriously ask ourselves how many alcoholics have gone on drinking simply because we have tremely successful TV drama and film, “Days of Wine and Roses,” said it Melody lingers on.. Everyone of the over . Garden. . . The whoops you gave o l d f r i e n d s here, brother!” The who and where failed to cooperate in good spirit with these many agencies. No alcoholic should go mad or die merely succinctly: “Do you AAs 10,000 in Toronto for from other conventions of AA after 30 years because he did not come straight to AA in the have to be so aggressive- the AA Convention must or from your own home AA’s General Service beginning.” ly ‘ non-aggressive? How have taken away unique group first time you saw Board released figures on “The first concern of AA members should be with long are big drinkers go- memories, just as we say them . . . Archie Roose- the current size and geproblem drinkers the because they are not hurt ing to have to keep de- that our “stories are our velt’s introducing the ography of A h at the movement is still unable enough, others because pending on luck to learn own.” One man’s com- priest in Latin, yet. . . Toronto Convention: to reach,” Bill said. He they are hurt too much,” about alcoholism?” ment: “Can’t keep up The big autographing There are 1 1,752 regestimated that there are he declared. “Many suf- Lauded for their share with it. Exhausted. No tangles when you found istered A A groups in the 20 million alcoholics in ferers have mental and in the AA story of be- sleep. Too much coffee. you’d signed your own world ( a 6.7 per cent inthe world today, five mil- emotional complications tween 350,000 and 400,- Must be terrible place for copy of A A 30 again . . . crease over 1964). Eslion in the U.S. alone. that seem to foreclose 000 alcoholics at present a newcomer. Don’t get The choke in your throat timated total membership “Some cannot be reached their chances. Yet it restored to normal life. overtired, we tell him! when Bill and Lois is “more than” 350,000

Convention was the future. He previewed the these are women. Abqut fourth in a series plan for a change in the 80 per cent of the mem- The July, 1965 Con- ratio of alcoholic to nonbership is in the 1J.S. and vention of AAs and fam- alcoholic members of the Canada but there are ilies was the fourth such General Service Board now more than 1,850 international gathering which was presented to groups in 90 other coun- since AA began thirty the 1965 General Service tries. (Canadian member- years ago. The first Con- Conference by Dr. John ship is almost 16,000.) vention was held in 1950 L. Norris, Chairman of Growth is especially in Cleveland, Ohio. At the Board, and which rapid in some countries, this Convention the will be acted on by the for example: in Latin Twelve Traditions were 1966 Conference. Texts America, estimated mem- accepted. by Dr. Norris and by bership in El Salvador This year, in Toronto, Bill on this move to put has risen from 780 to the emphasis of the Con- alcoholics in the majority 4,300 since 1960, in Co- vention was on AA’s re- on the Board will appear lombia from 125 to sponsibility for the work in the Grapevine in is- 2,650 in the same period. of “carrying the mes- sues early in 1966. In 1964 alone, more sage.” In addition, Conthan 1,500,000 copies of vention attendees heard Toronto seseions AA books, pamphlets, or Bill stress the need for on tape for $150 tapes went out to groups, responsible and enlight- If your Group would institutions or individuals. ened leadership for AA’s like to hear the Convention speakers, both AAs and nonalcoholic experts, New AA, Al-Anon, publications the panels, alkathons and big formal meetings, you introduced at the Convention may order tapes from New publications by tion, New York, N. Y. BFC, Inc.. 900 Tri-State AA World Services, the 10017 Bldg., Cincinnati, Ohio AA Grapevine, and Al- Al-Anon Faces Alco- 45202. Best way to go Anon were first presented holism, a 285 page hard about it is to first send to Convention attendees, cover book summarizing for the complete order are now available by mail Al-Anon experience to blank, which lists the covorder. date: $4.50 from Al- erage. Included are the A A 30, hard cover, Anon Family G r o u p two long addresses made many pictures, stories of Headquarters, 125 East by Bill at the evening AA, cartoons, pages for 23rd St., New York, N. meetings in Maple Leaf autographs: $2.00 from Y. 10010 Gardens. AA World Services, Inc., You may order just P. 0. Box 459, Grand “Best of Bill,” five articles from the Grapevine certain taped sessions you Central Station, New are interested in, at $7.00 York, N. Y. 10017 by Bill, AA’s co-founder, each, or buy all of the New, hard cover, pock- in a pocket packet: 1-25, twenty-seven English-lanet size edition (4 by 6’/4 50 cents each; 24-100, 40 wage tapes of AA sesinches) of Twelve S t e p cents each from AA sions, for your Group to and Twelve Traditions: Grapevine, Inc., P. 0. listen to over an ex- $2.75 from AA World Box 1980, Grand Central tended period of time, Services, Inc., P. 0. Box Station, New York, N. Y. for $150 (postage extra 459, Grand Central Sta- 10017 outside U.S.).

October 1 9 6 5

I urn ~ e s p o m i b l e .When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.

Over 10,000 A A nternbers trntl ftrmilies, from thirty co~rntries,gtrtheretl together in the vast Mtrple Leo! Gcrrtlens, Toronto. Ctrntrrltr. Jirlv 3 . 1965

October 1965

Skotrhed fm life at the AA Cmventj,,Totrmto. 1965

– “~’mon, F d ! Youlra missing things!”

Toronto sure is a friendly town,Tom.” CONVENTION COMMITTEE *It’s all over. Everybody’s GONE!”

September 1968

–

AA Celebrates Bill’s 34th 2 Saturday afternoon, the workshop will have seats for 800; Bill will be there to October 5 in New York City speak; questions and answers will fly The place for all swinging AAs to be on thick and fast. Saturday night, October 5. this year is Come early, stay late; make the day the main ballroom of the New York a red-letter one. Bill’s Big 34th Birthday. Hilton Hotel. 53rd Street and Avenue October 5, 1968. Write for tickets today! of the Americas. at 7 P M for the thirty- L . T. fourth AA anniversary of co-founder Bill W. Every year New York Intergroup sponsors the dinner-dance celebration of Bill’s AA birthday. Proceeds go to support Intergroup’s work of carrying the message in the giant city and its suburbs. Tickets are $12.50 per person: seats at the best tables go to those who order earliest. Intergroup suggests that you join with AA friends and book whole tables (ten seats to a table). so that your party can be together at the dinner. Write: Dinner Committee, AA Intergroup, 337 East 33rd Street, New York, N.Y. 10016. After dinner, there is to be a typical AA meeting. As is the tradition, Bill will be the final speaker of the evening. Ask your friends who have heard him talk; it will be an unforgettable experience. Following the AA meeting, tables are cleared. the band strikes up, and those with enough go-go dance until 1 AM to the music of a band that plays recognizable music. If dancing is not your thing, an AA “workshop” may be. This is an innovation. Don’t miss it. Also at the Hilton. at

November 1969

On the Grapevine

Why Conventions?

0 NE OF the extraordinary experiences in a sober alcoholic’s life and memory is the overwhelming, larger-than-life impact of an AA International Convention. From the moment a member registers to attend, something begins to happen which can be described poorly and explained not at all. It is as though dividends are set aside in his personal account to be paid -with interest – at the convention and long after. The conventioneer returns to Toledo, Toronto, or Tasmania with autographs, photographs, quotes and anecdotes, signatures and souvenirs; but these are not all. There is within him a spiritual bolstering, a memory that is not of the mind but of the heart and soul. This is the interest paid on presence at the worldwide gathering, and it belies the old saying that you get out of AA no more than you put into it. Somehow, inexplicably, everyone receives more than he gives. There is a mysterious compounding which makes the total greater than the sum of its individual parts. It’s your convention. July 3 to 5, 1970, at Miami Beach, Fla. It can be forever a part of your personal AA heritage.

November 1969

Young People in AA States and provinces represented in- Do Their Thing cluded California, Iowa, Texas, New Invigorated by an abundance of young York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, people attending from throughout the Massachusetts, Connecticut, Georgia, U.S. and Canada, AAs of various ages Virginia, Montana, Illinois, Kansas, Mistook part in a something-for-everybody souri, Colorado, Ohio, Hawaii, Ontario, three-day International Conference of and Quebec. Young People in AA, held during the Meeting concurrently with the Phillast weekend of July in Philadelphia, Pa. adelphia conferees, the International Ad- About 550 persons purchased tickets for visory Council of Young People in AA the climactic banquet; a total of 770 announced that the site for the 13th registered at the conference. International Conference of Young Peo- The Philadelphia conference was her- ple in AA would be Fort Worth, Tex., alded and accompanied by many articles, during the weekend of August 14, 1970. announcements, or presentations by the -G . M.,Philadelphia, Pa. press, radio, and TV channels. Both the unusual public attention and the massive intra-Fellowship drive to attract participation generated much direct and indirect Twelfth Step activity, certain to have a reverberating effect through the years. Worksho~swere held under such titles as “Age Is – ~ o tMy Problem,” “Multiple Addictions,” and “Is Sobriety Your Thing?” Both Al-Anon and Alateen held sessions during the conference. Alateen put on a laugh-evoking fashion show and luncheon, and experts in the field of alcoholism took part in the Al-Anon discussions. Entertainment highlights included dancing to a live orchestra in the main ballroom of the Benjamin Franklin Hotel and a guitar-playing, folk-singing fete held in the hotel’s Independence Room.

January 1970

On the Grapevine

A Date to Remember JULY 2, 1970

HAT IS AN INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION LIKE?.^^ you were able to be W in Toronto in 1965, you know. Or in California in 1960. An International Convention is unlike anything else in AA. And yet it is made up principally of the things that we know and love about the Fellowship. We hear Bill W. talk. We hear many, many AAs tell their stories. We take part in workshops that deal with AA problems. We hear outside speakers tell us what is good – and not so good – about our movement. We spend time with friends -we make new friends. We do everything that AAs enjoy doing -and we go on doing it for several days. Truly, an International Convention is a feast of the many things we love about AA. And this is one time when we can indulge ourselves without harm.

WHERE IS THE CONVENTION? In Miami Beach with headquarters at the Fontainebleau Hotel. Many other hotels are cooperating with special summer room rates. Big meetings will be at the 18,000-seat Convention Hall. Plan to come early -at least in time for the dance on Thursday night, July 2.

HOW MUCH WILL IT COST ME? Just $6.00 to register, and another $4.00 covers the dance and the big show. (You don’t have to go for the entertainment, but ‘most everybody does; it’s the biggest $4.00 worth of fun you’ll ever have!)

HOW DO I ARRANGE TO GO? Your group has already received registration and housing-application forms. You must register before you can be assigned rooms. If your group is out of forms, write to: CONVENTION, General Service Office, Box 459, Grand Central PO, New York, N.Y. 10017.

February 1970

On the Grapevine

The Thirty-Fifth Anniversary Convention An important addition to A A history

WHAT KIND OF PROGRAM CAN I EXPECT? The program will be built around the theme of AA Unity. It will probably add importantly to AA history; these International Conventions have a habit of doing that. The first, in 1950, adopted the Twelve Traditions. The last, in 1965, took responsibility for its theme, and out of it came our I Am Responsible declaration. Everyone who attended recalls with emotion the meeting at which 10,000 AAs and spouses, relatives, and friends made the mass declaration. Since the theme of this 35th Anniversary Convention is to be Unity, Bill W. will talk on that subject at one of the big evening meetings at Convention Hall. There will be workshops dealing with it. There will be many other workshops, too -one to meet almost every kind of service need. At other daytime meetings, non-AAs will have something to tell us about the work being done in the fields of alcoholism and rehabilitation. Then there will be a whole series of alkathons -continuous AA talks during the days and running well into Friday and Saturday nights. All daytime meetings are at the Fontainebleau. Each evening and Sunday morning, the huge Convention Hall will have a meeting for everybody. At one, Bill W. will tell his drinking story. Sunday’s meeting will stress the spiritual aspects of our program. Then, Sunday night, the hall will be used again, for a giant variety show with topflight professional entertainers. (Al-Anon, headquartered in the Eden Roc Hotel, has its own daytime program, then attends the big meetings evenings and Sunday morning at Convention Hall.)

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT ATTENDING? Make your plans now to get there in time for the Thursday-night dance. Your group may still have registration and hotel forms. If not, write to: Convention, General Service Office, Box 459, Grand Central PO, New York, N.Y. 10017. All rooms are on a special summer rate on a first-come, first-served basis.

March 1970

O n the Grapevine

‘s 35th Anniversary AA , Convention 1 WHEN SHOULD I REGISTER FOR AA’S 3STH? The answer is: NOW. July may i seem like a long way off, but today is not a bit too soon to send in your registration and housing forms. Remember, it is first-come, first-served. Your group has the forms you need. If no forms are left, write: Convention, General Service Office, Box 459, Grand Central PO, New York, N.Y. 10017.

W H A T ABOUT MIAMI BEACH WEATHER I N JULY? It’s hot, ‘but sunny and pleasant, and July is a very popular time for tourists. You will be comfortable. Everything is air-conditioned. You can take an early-morning dip in the ocean. then spend the rest of the day indoors at delightfully cool .. temperatures. And, because it is July, you get luxury accommodations at deep-cut summer prices. .. WHAT DAYS SHOULD WE PLAN TO BE THERE? YOUwill want to get there at least by Thursday. July 2 – in time for the Thursday-night dance. You will want to stay through Sunday, because the big, famous-entertainers variety show is staged Sunday night at Convention Hall. In between, you’ll be busy as only AAs doing their favorite thing can be. There will be AA meetings that you will long remember. There will be two opportunities to hear co-founder Bill W. There will be non-AA speakers with something new to tell us about drunks. There will be workshops to tie in with our local activities back home. There will be three days of the kind of spiritual refreshment that makes AA conventions very, very special.

IS THIS CONVENTION FOR FAMILIES? It certainly is – for spouses and for children, as well as for AAs. In fact, Al-Anon is headquartered in the adjoining Eden Roc Hotel and has its own daytime programs. Al-Anons then join in the big meetings evenings and Sunday morning at Convention Hall. And, of course, in the extraordinary Sunday-night live entertainment. Once again, today’s the day to register!

April 1970

Will W e See You a t the Convention? AA’s 35th Anniversary International Convention July 3-5 Miami Beach

HOW D O I GET THERE? It’s not at all difficult. Talk to your local airline about a charter plane for all the AAs in the area who plan to go. Or take a regularly Scheduled flight – at family-plan rates. Or round up another couple or two and drive to Miami Beach. Several thousand AAs and their spouses will find ways to get there – and you’ll be glad you joined them. New faces, new friends – an unforgettable AA meeting experience. HOW LATE CAN I REGISTER? Regular registration closes next month. But please don’t let another day go by! Hotel rooms are on a first-come, firstserved basis. The earlier you sign up, the better the hotel or motel reservation. (All are on special convention summer rates.) Registration is simple. Your group has received forms for registration and housing (they go together). If the supply is gone, write or wire today: i Convention, General Service Office, BOX459, New York, N.Y. 10017- WHAT KIND O F PROGRAM WILL I FIND? A program the like of which you’ve never seen – unless you were in Toronto in 1965 – or Long Beach in 1960. To top the speaker list will be Bill and Lois. Then there will be AA speakers whom you’ve heard about, but possibly never heard face to face. And “outside” speakers with interesting, useful slants on AA’s whole position in the field of alcoholism. And all kinds of workshops – at least one on your favorite kind of AA service – prison and court groups, AA in industry, AA overseas, to note just a few. Start this off with a hig-name-band dance on Thursday night (July 2). Close it off Sunday night (July 5) with a top-talent variety show – AA’s own A R E FAMILIES WELCOME? A big yes – there are not only AA sessions, but special show. Add to it hours of conversation with old and newly made Al-Anon sessions and Alateen activities, too, with everybody getting together friends, and you have yourself an International Convention. Only once in for the big meetings in Convention Hall – and for the Thursh’-night dance , every five years, but well worth waiting for. and variety-show finale.

May 1970

This Is the Year! I Your 35th Anniversary International AA Convention July 3-5 Miaml

WHEN SHOULD I GET THERE? The Convention starts with a name-band dance on Thursday night, July 2. There’s a full AA program each day and evening, ending with the variety show on Sunday night, July 5. So get to Miami Beach on Thursday if at all possible, or at least by Friday morning. w 1 STILL HAVE TIME? Yes, up until May 15 you still can make a regular registration for the Convention and for your hotel or motel. Your group WHAT WILL I TAKE AWAY FROM THE CONVENTION? That is hard to say-but should have the form you need. If not, write or wire: Convention, General it will be a lot. Topping the speaker list will be Bill W. and Lois. Then there Service Office, Box 459, New York, N.Y. 10017. Or phone: 212-686-1 100. will be AA speakers that you’ve probably heard about, from all parts of the Even if you slip up on the May 15 deadline, you still can plan to go. U.S. and Canada, and non-AA speakers with slants on alcoholism and ‘. The Miami Beach Convention Bureau will get you housing on the spot. therapy that may be both startling and useful. All kinds of AA workshops, And you can register at Hotel Fontainebieau. No one will be turned away. too, where your favorite type of AA service will be discussed (prison, in- Come by air or train or car. There may be room in a chartered plane dustry, etc.). Plus hours and hours of conversational exchange with AAs from your nearest big city. The Central Service or Intergroup office there and their families from all over the continent -all over the world! ‘ may know.

IS THIS CONVENTION FOR ALL THE FAMILY? Most certainly. There will be Al-Anon and Alateen sessions running concurrently with AA meetings. The big night meetings and the Sunday meeting are for everybody. So are ihe Thursday-night dance and the Sunday-night variety show.

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June 1970

AA’s 35th Anniversary Convention July 3-5

AM I TOO LATE FOR THE 1970 CONVENTION? Well, you’re not early.. . but you can still take part in all the sessions and entertainment, and you can still sleep in comfort at a Miami Beach hotel or motel. How? First, get to Miami Beach by plane or car or train. The Convention Bureau will give you on-the-spot room assignment. You’ll be able to get your Convention registration at headquarters: Hotel Fontainebleau (or the Eden Roc for Al-Anons) . And there you are – all set for the latest of the memorable AA Conventions. They come only once every five years, so don’t let a late start discourage you. Come as you are, and come prepared to enjoy the time of your sober life.

WHAT IS THE CONVENTION PROGRAM LIKE?A regular AA meeting? Several AA meetings rolled into one? Imagine one long AA meeting with Bill W. and Lois as speakers, along with dozens of other AA speakers you’ve heard about, but never met up with. Imagine another group of non-AA, thoughtprovoking speakers who know their way around in the field of alcoholism. Imagine a choice of workshops on your favorite AA activities. Then start the proceedings with a name-band dance on Thursday night (July 2), and finish them off with a topentertainment variety show on Sunday night (July 5). That is what the Convention program is like. And oh yes – add a score of new friendships, with AAs and their families from all over the U.S. and Canada and the world. There is nothing like an AA Anniversary International Convention anywhere. So don’t let a slow beginning prevent your going. You will be well housed, well fed, well entertained, and well s u p plied with conversation material for the year ahead -even though you are just now making up your mind to go.

October 1970

How It Seemed to One Biased Alcoholic Observer

unison by thousands of us just two activity of the rest of the Conven- T H E M A N in t h e wheelchair reached up, gripped the lectern with both hands, and in one smooth nearly fifty separate AA meetings, workshop sessions, and panel discussions, plus multiple screenings of nights before, in this very hall. We had been told that illness prevented tion, underlying the mirth and fellowship was a note of concern. But motion hauled himself to his full the film Bill Discusses the Twelve Bill’s scheduled participation in the now, at the Sunday-morning Spiritsix-foot-three-inch height. To many Traditions and many Al-Anon and Big Meeting that Friday night. ual Meeting, that glorious orange of the thousands gathered in the Alateen sessions. There was no guarantee that he blazer had scattered those dark huge Convention Hall in Miami Thousands in that hall, and hun- would be well enough to appear at forebodings, and Bill’s voice, strong Beach that Sunday morning, he dreds of thousands more all over the any session of this International and steady, gave further proof that seemed to rise like a sunburst, in world, owed their sobriety, their Convention, to which recovered al- our unanimous prayer had been his brave orange blazer, from be- sanity, their happiness, and their coholics and their families had answered. hind the speaker’s stand. And in very lives to the recovery program traveled from places as remote as A few moments later, we heard another smooth motion the throng of which the tall man had been the Thailand, Australia, and South one of AA’s first friends among the of 11,000 -AAs and their families first practitioner and the first chron- Africa. clergy, the Rev. John C. Ford, S.J., and friends -was on its feet in a icler. For thirty-five years, his own I Bill’s personal physician had wind up the Convention with an standing ovation to Bill W., the life had been a continuous example asked us to join in sixty seconds of inspiring message that included the surviving co-founder of Alcoholics of the AA program’s effectiveness. silent prayer, “. . . to close our eyes, reminder “I can’t, but God can, and Anonymous. But this moment on a bright picture Bill’s face, and ask God to God will!” Probably this instant intensely Florida morning meant much more shower His grace upon Bill and When the editors of the Grapeaffected more of the conventioneers than that. Many of us had reason to heal him, to make him well and vine asked me to write my impresthan any other event in the crowded regard Bill’s appearance as an an- whole.” sions of the Convention, they were three-day program that included swer to a prayer voiced in silent Throughout the excitement and well aware that no one person could

<A . cover more than a small fraction of the many simultaneous meetings ‘. ..some idea of what beady events our AA gatherings can b e . .. 99

over the three days. In the minds of the 11,000 who attended, there are Workshop, I checked in at the Con- they made quick and efficient de- excitement linger for days or weeks exactly 1 1,000 valid sets of impres- vention Committee headquarters, cisions. Anyone who has organized afterward. Still, there are side-effects sions, all differing in emotional where over the weekend I glimpsed a backyard cookout for three cou- that must be expected until experi- . variety and intensity. portions of a continuing marvel. ples can appreciate what it must be ence is acquired. Looking at the If you were there, this record of There, our AA girls of the GSO like to juggle the affairs of a gather- program for almost any hour, one my reactions is intended only to staff handled the ever-changing de- ing of 1 1,000 people, coordinating sees four or five simultaneous AA stimulate your own precious per- tails of that complex three-day the activities of hundreds of partici- meetings or panels, and often sevsonal memories of what the oc- event. Phones rang. Scheduled pants in nearly fifty separate meet- eral Al-Anon events. Like children casion was “really” like, to you. speakers -AA and nonalcoholic ings. in a candy store, we have a few If you were not there, and have -checked in and were greeted Watching the girls remain serene, pennies of time to spend and are never attended an AA convention, warmly. AAs from Canada, Nor- gracious, and tactful, an observer surrounded by a bewildering array this report may strike you as a way, Central America, and various found it hard to believe they had of tempting goodies. patchwork of confusion, hysteria, parts of the United States strolled been at this exhausting task during Which to choose? The decision is euphoria, maudlin sentiment, rap- in to say hello to the GSO staff, with the many months of planning, back made more difficult when we atture, and exaggeration, exultation, whom they had corresponded over in New York. It was even harder to tempt to compromise with the varifrenzy, fatigue, and more confusion. the years. realize that they, too, were alco- ous desires and interests of our You’re correct; now you’ve got Panic-type messages were de- holics, a class of people notorious companions. Veteran conventionsome idea of what heady events our livered by phone and by live, agi- for a low tolerance for frustration. goers eventually learn to use the AA AA gatherings can be, from small tated members. A speaker had to The GSO staff, of course, did not program at AA conventions, selectregional conferences to our Inter- cancel out; the girls calmly arranged do it alone. The Host Committee of ing sessions on a plan of Easy Does national Conventions, held every for a replacement. A prominent AAs in Miami and other Florida It, Live and Let Live, “Let go and five years. New York doctor, invited to address communities had things so well- let God.” Or, in emergencies, Think. Within a few minutes after enter- the Convention, might not get air- organized that the crowds of regis- Until this serenity (relative) is ing the Hotel Fontainebleau, I saw borne out of Kennedy Airport in tered visitors flowed smoothly to the attained, the conventioneer envies so many familiar faces that I could time to give his talk. He did make it, various sessions in response to their the medieval torture victims who well have been back in my home and the girls made arrangements to own whims, or the tuggings of their were pulled asunder by only two area of Los Angeles, 2,400 miles whisk him back to the Miami air- companions. An army of Host horses. away. Others from all parts of the port so he could keep another en- Committee members, totaling over Add to this the late-night alkacountry were having the same ex- gagement. a thousand, had arranged transpor- thons, followed by visits to hospitalperience, greeting friends and ac- Members strolled in, or phoned tation and housing details, set up ity suites and the hotel rooms of quaintances in the vast lobby, the in, trying to locate other members, and manned information and regis- friends from Texas, North Carolina, coffee shop, the meeting rooms, the and lingered to talk with the girls. tration booths and first-aid stations, and Manitoba. There ensues a dehospitality rooms, on the streets, An AA from Central America re- and provided clear direction signs tailed analysis of all the AA talks aboard the plentiful buses shuttling quested an interpreter to assist the for our guidance within Convention heard so far at the Convention. along Collins Avenue. Delight, ex- Spanish-speaking party of 300 AAs headquarters at the Fontainebleau. Sleep? What’s that? citement, friendship, and anticipa- from Colombia, El Salvador, and Most AAs find that the inspira- It’s now days after the Convention were everywhere. Honduras. The GSO girls took it tional effect of a Convention is tion, and I can’t recall in many As a participant in the Grapevine all in stride, chatting amiably as long-lasting and that the glow and cases who said what. But the es-

sence of all those talks, broken down by the metabolism of memory,. provides stores of spiritual nourishment and knowledge to be drawn upon years hence. A few impressions: Lois, “First Lady of Al-Anon” and wife of AA’s Bill W., telling us that no link (or person) in AA is more important than any other. . . commenting that the young people of today seek proof that good can overcome evil, and citing AA as an example that such victory is possible. The meeting of World Hello, the value of service in AA. With im- of the Convention was the oppor- Another nonalcoholic trustee, Dr. made up of AAs who, because of pressive directness, he told of his tunity to see and hear the nonalco- Travis E. Dancey, in opening the geography, occupation, physical in- first Twelfth Step call on a white holics in many professions and panel on “AA and Medicine,” also capacity, or confinement in institu- drunk in a “lily-white” neighbor- occupations who are concerned and referred to miracles: “I do not betions, are Loners, sharing strength hood, of his reluctance to make the informed about the problem of al- lieve in them, yet I see them.” and hope with each other across call, out of fear of personal danger, coholism. Often we AAs are in- Among the nonalcoholic speakers thousands of miles through corre- and of his eventual realization that clined to adopt the insular feeling was Dr. Stanley Gitlow, internist spondence and exchange of taped he could not deny another drunk a that we are all alone in the battle and associate clinical professor of conversations. In the World Hello chance at sobriety. Citing the Third against alcoholism and, further, Medicine at Mount Sinai School of meeting, we heard alcoholics of Tradition, which defines the only that we are misunderstood. Medicine, New York City. Using such diverse backgrounds as: an requirement for membership as a At Miami Beach, more than 10,- blackboard diagrams, he clarified Army sergeant, who recently volun- desire to stop drinking, Louis ex- 000 of us had a chance to meet how use of alcohol and pills for teered to return to Vietnam; an plained how the Traditions are as several of our nonalcoholic trustees their relaxing effect leads step by ex-con, sober now after thirty years important as the Twelve Steps, and to realize that many of these step to physiological and psychoin and out of prisons; a woman equally useful as tools in helping us men -doctor or jurist or leader logical addiction. Then he explained confined to a wheelchair; an inmate to change our ways and to get rid of industry -were serving AA un- how the AA program helps alcoon special leave from a Florida of our old ideas that retard our selfishly and sometimes at personal holics to change their habits and prisan; an eloquent and highly edu- spiritual progress. sacrifice while most of us were still way of life by developing new atcated Brahman from India; and a Some of us heard riotously funny drinking. titudes. sailor who, with blemished grammar stories by medical doctors who There was “Dr. Jack” (John L. Those attending the panel on but impeccable sincerity, told us, found their sobriety in AA; woven Norris, MD) , retired associated “AA and the Communications “I want to thank yez for all you’ve into the laughter were tragic ac- medical director of Eastman Kodak, Media” were impressed by the deep did for me.” counts of losses of family and pro- and chairman of AA’s General understanding of AA principles and At an alkathon, we heard Louis, fession and gratifying accounts of Service Board. He called himself the nature of the disease of alcothe first black Delegate to AA’s recovery in AA. “privileged as a physician to be a holism shown by Karl K. K ~ e g e r , General Service Conference, stress To me, one of the major benefits part of this miracle.” editor of The Rotarian, which last

– I year devoted almost an entire issue their home groups full of new in- cities throughout the United States souls? We are the former outcasts, to alcoholism and AA. It’s encour- formation, and we share our ex- and nearly a hundred foreign coun- the hopeless, the lonely, the friendaging to know that AA has such perience. tries. less, the despised, the avoided. . . informed friends. Likely, over the months and I have heard laughter in a dozen and the avoiding. We are alcoholics Between meetings, I heard ex- years, the precise words will fade accents, and seen tears in the eyes who, thanks to God’s grace, could cited AAs tell of enlightening talks and blur and blend, but the spirit of men and women whose skins stand up, sober, to express in a p by other non-AAs, such as priests of the Convention will remain, as range from pale pink to the deepest plause our love and gratitude to a and prison wardens and judges and does my memory of the 25th An- browns and blacks. Higher Power and to His instruspecialists in various fields of alco- niversary Convention in Long I bring home the memory of men ment, the first AA member, the tall holism. While no one of us could Beach, Calif., in 1960. In Miami and women of all social and finan- slim man in the orange jacket, who attend all the sessions, we will bene- Beach in July, I was one of 11,000 cial backgrounds, embracing each had urged us to keep our Fellowship fit from them all as those who at- who saw AA in action. I have seen other, talking and laughing together. united for the sake of our own lives tended the Convention return to proof that it works in towns and And who are we, these privileged and the lives of those to come. L. H., North Hollywood, Calif.

From an address on Unity at the Delegates’ Luncheon, Hotel Doral, Saturday, July 4:

u NITY seems to me to express very well that quality which sets our Fellowship apart. For society at large has so many problems which either spring from or are aggravated by lack of unity. Yet 1 think that this Unity concept is frequently misunderstood, both in In eleven differentlanguages, eleven thousand members of Alcoholics Anonymous made this pledge and out of AA. One thing I’m sure it doesn’t mean is that you must agree with me! I be- of unity at the 35th Anniversary lieve that we all have a moral obligation to speak our minds and stand up Convention: for our convictions. Any so-called unity which attempts to stifle dissent is no unity at all, in my opinion. I think we must not only listen to other views, we must actively solicit and encourage them. Only so, I believe, can an informed group conscience speak. This we owe to M’s future: Once it has spoken, then all of us must go along on truly basic issues. Consider, for example, our Traditions of anonymity and self-support. Few To place our common welfare first; subjects in AA have been discussed so thoroughly over the years. Many To keep our Fellowship united. members have questioned or disagreed with these concepts -and have For on AA Unity depend our lives, voiced their views vigorously. And the lives of those to come. Yet when the overwhelming majority of us supported these Traditions, almost all of the dissenters went along. This is the meaning of Unity, as I understand it. May it always be so! Bob H .

October1970 at AA’s 35th Anniversary ketohed from life Convention at Miami Beach Andwhat qroupdo you AA HOSPITALITY ROOM Realsouthernhospitalityprovidedbythe Floridahostcomimittee “I don’t everremember standing inline togetadrink, TheMissUniversecontest inokop was thefollowingweekbutthegirls werethereforOuRconvention. Hello,MissWorld… Imean,Miss,I’m World Hello!” andthenIwokeuptwoday onthebeachand C’mon,Fred, let’sseethe Generation Gap! TheGrapevineboothwhereweintroduced Ahwannapahtner!” Ournewbook”BestCartoonsfromtheGrapevine.” 118

October 1970

administrative director, Rehabilita- Around the World (Eden Roc tion Center, Lutheran General Hotel). Hospital, Park Ridge, 111. “The ap- 1 2 Noon: Miami Intergroup propriate community placement and luncheon. Chm.: MARYD. Among Scheduled Events after-hospital followup . . . in large those present on the dais was New measure . . . have been solved by our York Intergroup’s Doris H., and the close relationship with A A groups meeting was made especially heart- A summary of the happenings and members.” “If the local hospital warming by the presence of a smila t A A ‘ s 3 5 t h Anniversary Convention does not have the stafl and facilities ing, grateful Nick. Nick was an for treatment, there is an immedi- arrogant Spanish drunk who could ately available resource in members not be impressed, and he became of Alcoholics Anonymous.” the pet of the New York Intergroup ( 3 ) AA Unity. Chm.: DON F. A office. He panhandled up and down

T HE MOMENTUM of the Miami Beach Convention began to build with the arrival of the first in the French Room. Friday, July 3 8:30 – 10:OO AM: Six AA workpanel with AA speakers chosen from the Board of Trustees. “Unity” was the theme of the Convention. the avenues and in front of Intergroup, often throwing the coins back at the donor when he felt the amount early registrants on Wednesday and shops – (1) A A A r o u n d the (4) AA and Government Agen- was too small. Again and again, he Thursday and reached a crescendo World, (2) Central and Intergroup cies. Chm.: STEVE 0. Speakers: was found passed out in the vestiin the flow of thousands of sober Offices, (3) Hospitals and Re- KENNETH L. EATON,acting assistant bule at the start of Intergroup’s alcoholics greeting each other in lov- habilitation Centers, (4) Public chief, National Center for Preven- business day. When the office moved ing fellowship. The AA talk flowed Information, (5) Sponsorship, (6) tion and Control of Alcoholism, from 39th Street, Nick rode with on and on, too, rich with the inner Grapevine. Chevy Chase, Md.; MELVIN P. and passed out in the moving van. knowledge we all share. Hospitality 8:30 – 10:OO AM : Five A I-Anon SIKES,Ph.D., professor, Department Eventually, he took the geographsuites were swinging day and night, workshops (Eden Roc Hotel). and there were AA alkathon meet- 10:30 A M – 12:30 PM: Four speings every night and during many daytime hours. The film “Bill Discial panels. (1 ) Fellowships Similar to AA. A little old lady under a sun umbrella asked us what was going on, and when we told her, she said, “Good! I hope you can help some of the lushes around here.” cusses the Twelve Traditions” was Chm.: JOHNR. Speakers: MAJOR on view a good part of every day. MARYC. DAVIS,Salvation Army, of Educational Psychology, Univer- ical cure and moved to Florida. But there was also a full schedule speaking on Narcotics Anonymous; sity of Texas, Austin, Tex. “We Collect calls from Florida began to of planned events. Here is a synop- ARBUTUSO’N., Al-Anon member; must set our goal as the establish- come through for Doris, and they sis of that schedule, with some im- BILL G., chairman, Board of Trus- ment of a national program in- kept coming, until, finally, Doris said pressions and highlights: tees of Gamblers Anonymous. volving Federal, state, and local to the operator, “Ask him if he has (All events at the Hotel Fontaine- “Closed meetings [in Gamblers governments, both public and pri- any money.” . bleau, except where otherwise Anonymous] can only be attended vate sectors, voluntary as well as Nick’s voice came loud and clear. noted) by ‘clean’ members.” oflicial agencies, AA and other self- “Jeez, if I had any money, do you Thursday, July 2 ( 2 ) AA and Hospitals. Chm.: DR. help groups, universities, industry. think I’d be calling Dorie?Doris 9:00 P M – l : 0 0 AM: Two get- VINCENTDOLE. Speakers: FRANCIS In fact, every institution in our SO- gave the operator the Intergroup acquainted dances – Lenny Daw- J. O’NEILL, MD, director, Cen- ciety has a job to do in the battle number in Miami, and Nick promptson’s orchestra in the Grand Ball- tral Islip State Hospital, Central against alcoholism.” ly became the pet drunk of the room, rock with the Generation Gap Islip, N.Y.; REV. JOHNE. KELLER, 10:30 AM -.12:30 PM: Al-Anon Miami office. One day, the tender,

loving care of the Hialeah Group Washington, D.C.; DR. FORREST L. Cooperation with Outside Agencies; highly successful TV documentary). impressed him at last. “Why, they RICHESON, senior pastor, First Chris- ( 5 ) Industry -Carrying the Mes- Reading from the A A General Serveven shined my shoes!” And the lit- tian Church, Minneapolis, Minn. sage to Management, Labor, and the ice Board Public Information Comtle Spanish guy who had been jailed “Around each alcoholic is a circle Employee; (6) Loners, Internation- mittee’s survey of the public image more than a hundred times began of people caught up in the frustra- alists, Armed Forces. of A A meetings and A A members: to sober up. Said Nick at the lunch, tion and misfortune evolving from 8:30 – 10:OO AM: Five Al-Anon, “. . . A A meetings are inspiring . . . “I so happy. I born again.” the alcoholic’s drinking. Into this workshops (Eden Roc Hotel). philosophical. . . A A members are 2:30 – 4:30 PM: Four special circle, the clergyman has opportu- 10:30 AM-12:30 PM: Four spe- …weak.. .unhappy.. .neurotic.. .” panels. nity after opportunity to enter.” cial panels. (4) AA and Alcoholism Agencies. ( 1) AA and Rehabilitation Facili- ( 4 ) AA and Personnel Counsel- ( 1) AA and Courts and Law-En- Chrn.: RUTH W. Speakers: MAXties. Chrn.: ROBERTP. Speakers: ors. Chrn.: ARTHURMILES.Sveak- forcement Agenciee: Chrn.: AL S. WELL N. WEISMAN,MD, director, Speakers: EUGENE K. MANGUM,Division of Alcoholism Control, ‘

M y husband was riding in a cab to the Fontaincbleau, and the cabdriver chief magistrate, City Court, Phoenix, State of Maryland Department of asked whether they didn’t have something for gamblers. He was always Ariz.; THOMASW. O’MEARA,chief Mental Hygiene, Baltimore, Md.; broke because of that compulsion, he said. My husband referred him to probation officer in Adult Probation WILLIAMW. MOOREJR., executive Gamblers Anonymous. Department for the State of Connec- director, National Council on Alcoticut. “The concerned judge has a holism; ARCHERTONGUE, executive CHARLES H. AHARAN, Ph.D., region- ers: CHARLES L. MASSIE,minister, great opportunity to bk o f help to director, International Council on al director. Alcoholism and Drug Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ suflering alcoholics who come be- Alcohol and Addictions, Lausanne, of Latter Day Saints, Independence, fore him. Learn the great worth and Switzerland. “Alcohol is still the Lake Erie Region, London, Ont.; Mo.; ANN ST. LOUIS, personnel work of A A , and utilize its services.” major drug in use today. Alcohol is SISTERM. BLANDINE, Fond du Lac counselor, Staff Relations Division, ( 2 ) AA Around the World. Chm. : the number one drug abused on County Alcoholism Services, Inc., Department of National Revenue, DR.WALTHER LECHLER, nonalcohol- campus, with marijuana a distant Fond du Lac, Wis. ” I f you want an Ottawa, Ont. There is an “unfor- ic trustee, German General Service second.” A A helper, I think you would be tunate tendency” on the part of su- Board. Speakers: AAs from all 1O:3O AM – 12330 PM : Al-Anon very wise to contact a man who has pervisors to cover up for alcoholic had some experience -say five employees and thus do them a “teryears. . . . One of the things you will rible injustice and perhaps irrepar- T h e most moving incident involved our ~rooklyn-born (I could tell by encounter is the A A evangelist.” able harm.” the accent) cabdriver, who told us, “AA people are the best people in the ( 2 ) AA in Southeastern U.S. 2:30 -4:30 PM: Al-Anon meeting world -it’s all over the Beach – 7,500 cabdrivers are spreading the Chrn.: WALTERT. Florida was the – Working Together to’ Recover word. I just never met people like that before!” setting of the Convention, and the (Eden Roc Hotel). around the world. Though the many meeting -I Came to Believe (Eden Southeastern Regional Convention 8:OO-10:OO PM: The Big Meet- accents were diflerent, the A A ex- Roc Hotel). Committee selected AA speakers ing. In buses to Convention Hall. periences were very much alike. – 2:30 4:30 PM: Four special from this section of the U.S. Most impressive – 11,000 sober al- (3) AA and the Communications panels. (3) AA and the Clergy. Chrn.: coholics under one roof. Media. Chrn.: BAYARD P. Speakers: ( 1) AA and Industry. Chrn.: MAURICE R. Speakers: REV.THOM- Saturday, July 4 KARLK. KRUEGER, editor, The Ro- ANDYA. Speakers: C. ANTHONY AS E. PRICE, Ph.D., director, De- 8:30 – 10:OO AM: Six AA work- tarian; Lou H., representing TV D’ALONZO, MD, F.A.C.P., coxppartment of Alcohol Problems and shops – ( 1) Service – the Heart producerdirector JOSEPHP. LANDIS rate medical director, E. I. du Pont Drug Abuse, United Methodist of AA; (2) Group Activity -the (both were involved in the produc- de Nemours Company, Wilmington, Board of Christian Social Concerns, Lifeline of AA; (3) Prisons; (4) tion of “If You NEED a Drink,” Del.; HARRYH. HOLLOWAY, vice-

president personnel, Pacific North- lahassee, Fla.; JOHN NORFIELD, Al-Anons and AAs. Moral Theology, Weston College, 10:30 AM – 12:30 PM: Spiritual Weston, Mass. Two inspiring adwest Bell System, Seattle, Wash. warden, Saskatchewan Penitentiary, “. . . We seek to slow the disease Prince Albert, Sask. Statistics were . Meeting (Convention Hall ) dresses and the memorable appearand then to assist the individual to cited to show a 47 nercent rehabili- Speakers: RT. REV. EVERETTH. ance of Bill W . with his brief but reconstruct his behavior in order to tation rate for those who attend A A JONES,D.D., retired bishop of the strong message. reestablish his job efficiencyand self- meetings in prison and after they are – Episcopal Diocese of West Texas, 8:00 10:30 PM:The Big Show pride. We can, in his best interests, discharged, as opposed to a 25 per- San Antonio, Tex.; REV. JOHNC. ( Convention Hall ) , arranged by use the whip of dismissal to goad cent rate for those who do not FORD, S.J., professor emeritus of the Convention Host Committee. him into seeking help.” attend. ( 2 ) AA and the Medical Profes- (4) AA and Educators. Chm.: sion. Chm.: TRAVISE. DANCEY, ROLLIED. Speakers: HARRISON M. MD. Speakers: STANLEY E. GITLOW, TRICE,Ph.D., professor, Department

I sat at a lunch counter next to Fred, an AA from Cleveland. He told me a little old man had come up to him and said, with tears in his eyes, “I wish I could have what you’ve got, but it’s too late for me.” “No, it isn’t,” said Fred. “Why don’t you try?” Fred then told me of a Cleveland man of sixty-five who had developed cancer by the time he decided to try AA. He got sober, bought himself a car, and devoted himself to taking people to meetings and taking welfare clients shopping. He had five years before the cancer finally got him -but they were the five best years of his life. MD, internist and associate clinical of Labor Relations, Cornell Univerprofessor of medicine, the Mount Si- sity, Ithaca, N.Y.; LAURA E. ROOT, nai School of Medicine, New York, research associate, Social Science N.Y.; DR. MICHAELH. BEAUBRUN,Institute, and adjunct assistant proprofessor and chairman, Department fessor, George Warren Brown School of Psychiatry, University of the of Social Work, St. Louis, Mo. ” A A West Indies, Kingston, Jamaica. should share with and educate oth- “Few psychiatrists today would re- ers to a greater extent.” ject A A outright, but many assign 2:30 -4:30 PM : Al-Anon meeting it too limited a role, accepting it – the Twelve Steps Come Alive with reservations and tending to re- (Eden Roc Hotel). fer to it only the most difficult of 5:00 – 6:30 PM: Al-Anon receptheir patients. . . . The fault is not tion for Lois (Eden Roc Hotel). only with the psychiatrists.” 8:00 – 10:00 PM: Big meet- ( 3 ) AA and Prisons. Chm.: AUS- ing ( Convention Hall ). TIN H. MACCORMICK. Speakers: Sunday, July 5 11,000 sober alcoholics come together ‘LOUIE L. WAINWRIGHT, director, 8:00 – 9:30 AM: Breakfast for Bill Florida Division of Corrections, Tal- and Lois, arranged by Al-Anon for for an A A meeting in Convention Hall

September 1973

Is this show biz? Thcsc thoughts havc conic to mind From Seattle, Wash.: because of recent expericnccs at AA Years ago, two men sat down to- conventions: largc halls niobbcd with gether to help each other to stay audicnces eager to bc cntcrtaincd; sober. From that simple beginning, spcakcrs chosc’n because of tlicir en- AA has grown to its present mem- tcrtainment valuc, thcir coniic or bership of over 650,000. As I imag- story-telling abilitics, tlicir “fanic” ine it, AA was meant to be humble, and “fans” in AA, thcir ability to quiet, modest, and self-effacing. It rcducc the audience to tcars or laughwas not thought of or imagined as ter, their drawing-card qua I’l ‘t ~ s all in order to makc thc convcntion largc hcrds of sclf-congratulating a financial success. cgos, or a showcase for undiscov- Standing ovations, a widcsprcad ered theatrical or stand-up-comic custom and a developnicnt of tliis talent. It was not nicant to cntcrtain, trend, are so far froni thc wholc but to sharc expcricncc at the dccp- spirit of AA that it is beginning to cst Ievcl possible, a sharing of peers, frightcn mc. How can we congratuin which the shyest and most with- late ourselves on outstanding spcakdrawn pcrsonality was as rccognizcd ing abilities? We arc not an oratorical and valuable as the most -voluble society nor a group of aftcr-dinner extrovert. speakers, comic artists, or actors. Glad as we must bc to grow in We should not evcn bc congratulatnunibcrs, we don’t havc to lose that ing each other on our sobricty. Wc early person-to-pcrson sharing of cx- should instead be willing to listcn LO pericncc, the quality that nukes AA a fellow alcoholic no matter what uniquc. his spcaking abilities or lack of them niay be. If we have to use showbusiness tactics to gct people to AA gathering, pcrhaps we should drop thesc gatherings and conserve our encrgies for person-to-personTwelfth Stcp work at the group level. A. T.

January 1974

‘Show biz’ discussion they are new. geons, receive a standing ovation? to be an attempt to elevate the There have been many responses to So I hope AA will turn its atten- The main things which charmed speaker to the deity class and perthe letter headed “Is This Show tion toward starting new groups and me about AA were the kindness, of haps could be omitted, but natural Biz?” (September issue). It was from getting a little more interest in the its members, their unselfishness in applause is a healthy showing of joy A . T . of Seattle, Wash., but unfor- Fifth Tradition. If we would send to going to help an alcoholic in distress and appreciation. tunately, he or she did not give us a the AA General Service Office just a -and their jollity and good fellow- I have s ~ o k e nat a few meetings name and address. I f we hear from small fraction of what a convention ship. around the country and loved every him/her, we will forward responses costs us, I feel we would be doing AA is the best thing that has ever minute of it. The proof of the pudaddressed to him/her. ourselves, as well as thousands of come into my life. AA has every- ding is not how many pats on the From Craig, Colo.: sick, sick alcoholics, a great big thing: frankness, humility, forgive- back you get or how loud the ap- I have read and reread “Is This favor. ness, and humor. What’s better for plause is, but rather how many new- Show Biz?”. T., I am with you! I believe I will cut down on so the body and soul than a good laugh comers and troubled AAs did benefit I think we are becoming more and much fun travel and devote a little or two sprinkled in with the serious- from your talk. F. W. more a social organization. Our Fifth more time to the Steps and Tradi- ness? Tradition says our primary purpose tions – thanks to A. T. in Seattle ,AA is the Mysterious Excellence. From Temple City, Calif.: as a group is to carry the message to and to you wonderful people at the No one can explain it. C. J. D. Congratulations on a great Septhe sick ones. I have gone to many Grapevine. 0. L. u. tember issue. Sure enough, I am conventions .in the last eleven years. From Freeport, N.Y. : stirred to write again. They are a lot of fun, and I like to From Bradenton, Fla. : A few words in defense of “big” God bless A. T.! Here is some of see people I’ve seen each year, but I must confess I like a joke at AA meetings and AA “name” or “spe- the most relevant commentary that I that is not our primary purpose. meetings now and then, a big laugh cial” speakers: hsve seen for a long time – a satis- These ,big get-togethers have gone -as the laughs are never on the Rather than destroying the early factory and healthy airing of our on a long time, and I suppose they other fellow, but about one’s own person-to-person sharing of experi- current situation. will continue, but they are getting days of folly. ence that makes AA unique, special I, too, have observed this phedarn expensive-I can’t afford them. If all “entertainment” and laughs meetings, conventions, conferences, nomenon. In some of our local It seems we can’t have a convention or “comics” were to be eliminated, etc. tend to increase it, I believe. groups, as well as at our large Southunless it is held in the most elaborate AA might become a very dull busi- Most AAs are extremely gregarious, ern California C o n v e n t i ~ n , the and expensive place in the country. and the annual area convention, “social affair” aspect has gained as- Again, this is not our pr4imarypur- conference, roundup, or get-together, cendancy over our precious primary pose. I still believe in the attraction big or small, is an event dear to purpose. Although our convention, of the AA program on an individual their hearts. It has become a social I have been told, was started by basis. I’ve seen dozens and dozens of outlet where they meet their old AA service people to carry the message new people at these conventions, friends, make new ones, bring guests, of AA functions in our various ser- . and all the sober old boys and gals and sometimes bring the entire family. viccs, we find that very excellent cenhardly know that these people are Yes, the AA “name” or “special” tral service, general service, and even in the building, much less that speaker is pleased to be invited to institutional meetings are sparsely ness. Self-effacement is admirable, participate in a conference. Granted, attended. Most members are round but can become boresome. Why we are not an oratorical society. But and about socializing and (perhaps) shouldn’t the fellow who has “made” if an AA has this special gift -why trying to impress each other. (Re- AA and been sober for some years not use it to carry our message? member, it takes one to know one!) and probably brought in many pi- The standing ovation does seem D. B.

November 1974

AA’S 4 0 ~ ~ ANNIVERSARY INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION DENVER, COLORADO, J U L Y 4-6, 1975 Whether you’re going by plane, train, or car, now is the time to start planning for AA’s 40th Anniversary International Convention, Denver, Colorado, July 4-6, 1975. It will be AA’s greatest get-together, with AAs from all over the world in attendance. There will be alkathons, workshops, and other meetings where you will have a chance to meet old friends and make new ones. Registration cost for all events – including the Thursday Opening Night, Get-Acquainted Dance, Big Friday Night Meeting, and Saturday Night Show – is only $15. Ask your group secretary or write GSO – Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10017 – for registration and housing forms.

January 1 9 7 5

This is the year! metician from Pasadena, a librarian from Boston, and a mortician from Omaha? At the next Convention, AA’s 40th Anniversary they will pick up right where they left off, and include some new lifelong fr-iends they have just met – International Convention possibly you! Members overseas have already engaged charter flights to Denver Denver, Colorado July 4-6,1975 from such far-flung vlaces as Switzerland, Ireland, ~iniand,Germany, Australia, and Central and South America. Almost a year ago, AAs in the province of Alberta organized a caravan of fifty campers. They Y OUR M FRIENDS d l Over the state of Colorado are getting ready to welcome you to the 40th man has to register through GSO. It cuts down confusion and disappointment and assures fair and equal I

‘ 1 Cecil of Saskatchewan, Joe and Louise front Midland, Dave C. from Kalcigh, Paul and Bonnie from Louwrote to the Denver Host Committee asking where they could park Anniversary International Conven- treatment of every AA member, isville, Eno from Finland, Helga their vehicles on arrival. A new tion of Alcoholics Anonymous in whether he lives in Denver or Dub- froni West Germany, Carlos from Denverite, more familiar with John Denver the weekend of July 4-6, lin, Boston or Brisbane. 13 Salvador, and on and on. Wayne movies than with local geog- 1975. Denver’s modern Convention What is there about an AA Con- ticre arc people in your home raphy, suggested they form their Complex can hospitably contain the vention that causes many thousands group exchanging loving and hilari- campers in a circle outside Chey- I ous memories of mutual friends in a enne. Our Canadian friends have 15,000 sober alcoholics and their of sober alcoholics to plan their prcfamilies expected to gather from all cious vacation time around it, to pay r1o~c.nstates and provinces, even in been assured there will be ample over the world. travel fares across the country and countries overseas. How can such sites for campers and trailers close Starting in mid-November, thou- even halfway around the globe? For rapport, such friendship, develop so to the Convention Complex. sands of AAs began mailing their a quick answer, just eavesdrop on quickly and last so long? These My enthusiasm for Conventions reservations and housing forms to fellow AAs when they talk to each fricnclships stretch across all cco- did not bloonl instantaneously with the General Service Office, address- other about the lust Convention, at noniic, social, and vocational lines. my AA sobriety. I came to AA in ing them to: Convention, Box 459, Miami Beach in 1970. You’ll hear Where else but in AA will you find 1957 in the Los Angeles area. When Grand Central Station, New York, them buzz delightedly about Bob a Baptist truck driver recalling an the 1960 International was about to N.Y. 10017. All registrations are and Marcy from Lake Whitney, uproarious Convention dinner with a be held, in Long Beach, Calif., I had handled there. Yes, even the wife Ruth and Bish from Newport News, Catholic priest from Portland, a Jew- not the slightest interest in attendof the Denver Host Committee chair- Chuck and Elsa from Laguna Beach, ish dentist from Dallas, a pretty cos- ing, not even any curiosity. Still, on

the first night of the Convention, I hometown. Upon moving here from was there. What had changed my California early in 1972, 1 found mind? Colorado AAs already making plans. As it happened, a non-AA neigh- In only ninety days, they raised the bor brought over to my apartment required $6,500 fund to provide his insurance agent, who was an AA working capital needed to insure a member I had never met before. successful Convention. They not The AA had in his car a very tired only set a record, but oversubmember who had just driven from scribed by several hundred dollars. Texas to talk at the Convention. The (Matching funds come from GSO.) speaker, a medical doctor, had a 1 don’t mention this to brag about brief nap at my place, then departed Colorado members, but to assurc with the insurance man. It occurred you that you’re wanted and will bc to me that I had a sort of invest- well cared for. Also, the enthusiasm ment in this doctor. He had been of Colorado AAs is a tribute to the too exhausted to say more to me hosts at previous AA Conventions, than “Hi. Where’s the bedroom?” who have given us such excellent But he had rested under my roof. examples to follow and such high The next day, he was to speak at standards to aim at. an AA Convention. Maybe I’d bet- Whether you came into AA some ter drive down to Long Beach and time aftcr the Miami went. or are see what kind of talk he’d give! an old-timer who has been living in I did – and AA opened up be- one tiny corner of the big AA world. fore me. After thirty-one months of maybe you’ll be lucky cnough to be sobriety through my group and at- shanghaied off to Denver by a spontending regular meetings, I at last sor or AA friends. Here. you’ll disbegan to realize the vastness, the cover why AA Conventions are so power, of Alcoholics Anonymous. popular and what useful purposes Because of work, I missed the To- they serve. First, they help establish ronto Convention of 1965, but I unity in an organization that has no eagerly listened to California AAs enforceable rules, no leaders with who returned with fascinating stories disciplinary authority. Second, they of what they saw and heard. They provide an intense concentration of were still talking about it in 1970 fellowship, friendship, and fun. If on the way to Miami! There, some you’re new, you may not bc con- 1 1,000 of us looked for the last time cerned with the value of unityon the face of Bill W., AA’s co- but never mind that for now. Plan founder, who left us in January to join us in Denver this coming 1971. July. You’ll enjoy the fellowship, the And now the 40th Anniversary laughter, and the love. Convention is coming to my new L. H.,Denver, Colo.

April 1975

We Hope to See You in Denver!

REGISTRATION (only $15 for all events) and housing registration forms were mailed to all groups in November and again in January. See your group’s G.S.R. or secretary. All housing requests must go first to G.S.O., and rooms will be WITH THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF FELLOW AAs, Al-Anons, allocated strictly on a first-come, first-seived basis by the Denver and Alateens from all over the world, you can have a massive AA Convention Bureau. Dozens of hotels, motels, and other housing at awakening you’ll remember forever at the Fellowship’s 40th Anni- economy rates are a ten-minute walk from the Convention Center. versary International Convention, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, July 4-6, 1975, in Denver, Colorado. “LET IT BEGIN WITH ME” IS THE THEME. Events, including alkathons, panels, workshops, discussions, and other sessions in many tongues on every aspect of AA you can think of – plus talks by a few famous experts friendly to AA – are planned practically around the clock. At “Hello Dances” Thursday evening, you can meet and live it up with old AA friends from all over. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime Denver, in the heart of the spectacular Rocky Mountains, is chance to make brand-new AA friends from farthest corners of the called “the mile-high city.” You probably won’t be able to tear ‘world. Charter flights will be winging in from Africa, Australia, yourself away from the AA activities at the Convention, but if you Europe, Latin America, the U.S., and Canada. can add a couple of days, the opportunities for sight-seeing are A king-size open AA-Al-Anon-Alateen meeting Friday evening, boundless. the all-star variety show Saturday night, and the spiritual gathering For forms, or more information, write Convention, Box 459, Sunday morning are all included in your registration fee. Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10017, U.S.A.

May 1975

Did you ever see 14,000 sober drunks all together in one place? It’s a thrill that brings tears to your eyes and a lump to your throat. And a tremendous feeling of gratitude, along with (may we be forgiven?) a little feeling of pride to be one among them. This magically moving experience will be yours at AA’s 40th Anniversary International Convention in Denver, Colorado, July 4-6, 1975. All AA meetings and the Big Saturday Night Show, with professional entertainment, will be held in the huge Denver Convention Complex. With many meeting rooms, arena, theater, and giant Convention Hall, the Denver complex is ideal for the wide range of simultaneous meetings which have been scheduled to suit virtually every AA taste. Arrive on Thursday, July 3, and you’ll be there for the two big g t acquainted dances that night. From then on, it’s round-the-clock AAalkathons, workshops, panel discussions, speakers, speakers, speakers, and the joy of meeting old friends and making new ones. The registration fee of $15 covers the cost of all events. All registrations and housing requests will be handled through the AA General Service Office, PO Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10017, and they must be in by May 15. Your group GSR or secretary should have a form for you. Or write to the General Service Ottice.

October 1975

AA’s 40th Anniversary That Fabulous Convention! Denver, Colorado 8 July 44,1915

spiritual meeting that closed the ers near the audience. The get- T HE RECORDS say that AA’s 40th Anniversary International Convention was ,held in Denver, Colo., down on the throng from photographs flanking a monster replica (28′ x 14′ x 3′) of the Big Book, Convention Sunday morning, we heard Bill’s words repeated in the acquainted dances on Thursday evening also were held in two places July 4-6, 1975. But for me it was which gave its name, Alcoholics gentle voice of his widow, Lois. simultaneously. But there was no the summer of ’58 come back again, Anonymous, to the Fellowship The crowd at both meetings had way to accommodate the crowds and the location was that almost- founded forty years ago. Make that to be divided between Currigan Hall that flocked to the workshops and forgotten pink cloud. Whatever our total 19,302, for Bill W. and Dr. and the neighboring Arena, where panel meetings in the daytime on AA “ages” (the range went upward Bob were with us all the way; at the closed-circuit TV brought speak- Friday and Saturday. Whether the of thirty years), the Convention restored to all of us the newcomer’s sense of wonder. When we joined our beloved home groups, it was exciting to hear that we had somehow stumbled into a worldwide fellowship. But how much more exciting it was to see – to be actually surrounded aby AAs from twenty-nine nations, to exchange smiles with a passing New Zealander, to share coffee conversation with a lady from London. The coffee flowed in gallons from spigots fed by huge vats in Currigan Hall. And the deluge was needed, for the AAs arriving in Denver before and during the Convention built up to numbers far beyond expectations. The final total of registrations was 19,300, outranking all other conventions ever held in Denver. Before that announcement, wild rumors had pushed the figure up to 100,000, but the explanation was: “It only seemed that way.” At the big meeting on the night of the Fourth, the first two AAs looked

v

subject under discussion was the Grapevine or intergoups, Loners or AA cooperation with our friends, the large conference rooms of the Arena building all offered standing room only -and rarely enough of that. (Al-Anon and Alateen gatherings, held at various hotels, also were jammed.) Nobody voiced resentments, because the good AA principle of rotation came to the rescue. Every so often, many of those seated rose and went off to sample another interesting session, whereupon the standees gratefully sat down, leaving their posts against the wall to the AAs who had been eagerly waiting outside. ceedings. Almost 20,000 strong, Between events, we really took maybe we were tempted to strut in over the town. From the plaza in the sun -but something on the hofront of Currigan Hall, where count- rizon was waiting to cut us down less small “AA meetings” went on to size. Beyond the dark foothills under the trees, Convention-goers were the snowy heights that the first tribute to the Higher Power that the to bridge gaps -until we made up , spread all through central Denver. Americans named the Never-Sum- leader chose to call the Great Spirit, one unbroken circle, stepping stead- 1 Wherever we strolled in the dry heat mer Range. Even to this vaguely and AAs in the regalia of many ily around to the accelerating heart- , of Colorado summertime, it was one agnostic AA, the Rockies kept re- tribes went onto the Arena floor beat of the drum. “Hi!” after another; every passerby calling the psalmist’s words: “I will to dance – but not alone. They It was like the feeling that came i seemed to be sporting the Conven- lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from reached out their hands, and soon over me when a workshop opened ‘I tion badge. For a non-AA resident, whence cometh my strength.” white AAs and black AAs were on with a hundred-voiced Serenity I cleared up a mystery. He had been The spirituality of this Conven- the floor with them. Prayer, when the Convention closed puzzled by the sudden blossoming of tion was not confined to Sunday From the balcony, it was a breath- with thousands of voices saying the Easy Does It bumper stickers every- morning; it was present every mini taking sight, and I was astonished to Lord’s Prayer -and when I first where, not realizing that each trans- Ute. And on at least one occasion, find myself doing more than watch heard some twenty voices saying that lated as a silent “Hi!” it was expressed in an unfamiliar, it. Between the balcony and the mez- prayer at the end of an AA meeting. “It was our city!” one happy visi- wonderfully stirring way. Among the zanine, there was a walk that made But the Convention feeling was far tor wrote to the AA General Service alkathons that went on and on each a full circuit of the vast Arena. Led happier, because the early doubt and Ottice, which had teamed with Den- noontime and midnight, there was a by one enterprising couple, people bewilderment were gone. Here was ver committees in the months of “drum and dance meeting*’ pre- began joining hands on the walk, the proof, in every face: Yes, it hard work behind the deceptive sented by Indian AA groups. Be- reaching out to pull bashful onlook- works; yes, this is the good life. smoothness of the Convention pro- tween talks, the huge drum spoke in ers from their seats, stretching arms 1. G., Manhattan, N.Y. ,

October 1975 Does AA work? dlahulies (my)

October 1975

ever witnessed. ceived a standing ovation at the The following day, we checked Sunday-morning spiritual meeting.. . out. Robbie found a ride to Wash- The sparkle in the “civilians’ ” eyes ington; my ride to Connecticut fell -from taxi drivers to hotel owners through, so I boarded the bus to to waitresses – telling us that we New York. On the way, I lost my were the nicest group they had ever luggage, but it was retrieved in New met. And they meant it! , York, and on the bus to Newport, On leaving the great Convention family, but we told him we would I’m writing this letter, sharing my Complex Sunday noon, I saw an AA not go on separate buses. Another I from Mexico smiling profusely as he driver appeared with an extra bus, experiences with you. G. C. . handed out a peso and his card with gathered all our tickets, and put us From Millbrae, Calif.: the Serenity Prayer in Spanish to Convention vignettes . r all together on one bus to Kansas City. I’m so full of gratitude, I want to new friends that he hadn’t met beshare some of my Denver highlights fore. From Newport, R.I.: At our destination, the first people with you. I was “walking four feet They told me that I would have to We left Newport July 1, Robbie we met in Denver were from our off the floor all weekend,” as one of take off my glasses during the Lord’s and I, on our trip to the Convention hometown. We stayed at Denver the speakers said Sunday morning. Prayer when almost 20,000 of us in Denver, with a positive attitude that God would watch over us. Our University and, after settling in, attended the young people’s record They told me that 1 had to give it joined hands. They were right! . away in order to keep it. So here I celebrated my fourth birthday in faith never ceased for a moment. hop. Later that night, we thanked goes. . . . Denver. I just looked at my Mexican To begin with, the only other pas- our Higher Power for all His kind- Mick M. from Ireland saying, peso. The date on it is 1971-my senger on the bus from Newport to ness to us. “God bless America for Alcoholics AA birth year. Thank you, Gilberto New York was an AA member from The following day, we attended Anonymous!” . . . John M., a priest G. H. R. Maryland who needed a friend! All meetings, and at night, we wit- from New Zealand, meeting Dorothy of us got what we needed during our nessed the Big Meeting – people -who brought AA to New Zea- From Denver, Colo. : four-hour AA meeting on the bus. from all over the world with their land twenty-five years ago! . . . Get- Just had a phone call from Lou H. Then, on the bus to St. Louis, native flags, speaking the Conventing out of a crowded elevator full of He told me that the fire department Mo., we went through many states, tion theme, “Let It Begin With Me,” AAs and having them shout, ” ‘Bye. was called out three times to Cursleeping and eating at different in their own languages, sharing, lov- Kcep comin’ back!” . . . Virginia H. rigan Hall when smoke-monitoring places, always on the go, but happy. ing, and caring. Never in my life (what a beautiful person!), who devices registered a dangerous level In Ohio, Robbie and I changed seats have I felt the spirit of God so close spent fourteen years in prison and of density. You don’t suppose that and visited with different people, as I did then. has twenty-three years of sobriety, those tears in people’s eyes were not sharing our experiences and our The next morning, we ran into suggesting to an audience during a all love, do you? “little red book.” On the bus, also, some friends who had hitchhiked prison panel, “When you visit an in- I also heard there were some seriwas a group of people from Israel, from home. Later that day, Robbie stitution, just be natural and some- ous inquiries on where the AA nudwho sang in English and Hebrew and I took a tour of Central City. I couldn’t believe the scenic moun- one might like you!”. . . Chuck C., ists’ workshops were. Honest! If it’s and played guitars. And there were when told that he only had thirty true, I’d like to submit a group two AA women from London, Eng- tains and the old mining town. The Big Show that night was superb, and minutes to talk to us, saying, “It name: the Naked Truth Group. I land, a young woman, and an older would take that long to tell ’em how was told taking the Fifth Step r e woman who worked at a mental- we went to a young people’s meeting much I love ’em!”. . .The tears of quired us to reveal all, but this is retardation center. One bus driver at midnight; it was the most dignigratitude flowing when Lois W. re- going too far! M. U. tried to break up our big happy fied gathering of young people I’ve

December 1975

Remembering the Convention.. . minded, her makeup uneven and her gray hair showing a notquite-successful attempt to comb it. But she Two warm was there nonetheless -AA Convention badge and all! She had paid reflections $15 for her first Twelfth Step call! I sat Josephine down at a table in on happenings the Bridge Lounge area, grabbed at Denver Wondrous a GSO staff member, Midge M., to talk to her, and went off to get us Beginning A s A RESULT of the AA program, I was privileged to travel to Denver for the 40th Anniversary coffee. By the time I returned, the Higher Power had taken over. A female Convention. The windows of my ho- elevator was greeted with something HE TREMENDOUS 40th Annivertel overlooked the streets immediately surrounding the Convention less than enthusiasm. As I tried to continue my habits of the last several T sary Convention not only helpcd us stay sober, but also “helped member of the Denver Host Committee had spotted “Aurora” on Josephine’s badge. That was where she Complex. I sat and watched the days, I found that without the badge, other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.” lived, too. She had introduced herthrongs passing, greeting one another they just didn’t go. And I thought: Arriving in Denver several days self and, upon learning that this was ‘

with great warmth. Each of those How sad, how truly sad. The friend- before the festivities started, I lunch- the newcomer’s “first meeting,” she registered for the Convention had a liest person around was a nonalco- ed with my nonalcoholic cousin and had rounded up other AAs from her badge indicating whether he or she holic who demonstrated the essence his wife, who live in t j e suburb of neighborhood. Within ten minutes, was an AA, Al-Anon, or Alateen. of the Twelfth Step wherever he Aurora. After timidly discussing my four or five conventioneers had gath- In the restaurants, coffee shops, went -namely, Dr. Leonard Strong, own recovery, they told me of their ered in a circle around Josephine. hotel lobbies, convention halls, are- who was a trustee back in AA’s concern about a neighbor, Josephine The Convention program temponas, theaters – wherever – there early days. S. (not her real name), a shades- rarily forgotten and their own desires was instant camaraderie. I had 1’11 always cherish the spirit of the drawn, closet-type, housewife drink- postponed, they were fervently sharbreakfast with South Africa, lunch badges, and I am putting it into ac- er at the end of her rope. Could I ing with the still-suffering alcoholic, with Finland and Georgia, an infor- tion, remembering something about help her? I said I would love to talk getting her name and phone number, mal discussion in a meeting room practicing these principles in all our to her if she called me. giving her theirs, and making plans with Alaska, Michigan, Colorado, affairs. Now, in the streets and ele- Two evenings later, on Thursday, to get her to local meetings. Texas, Arizona, street conversations vators of my home city, I imagine I on our return to our hotel room I have a feeling Josephine will with a multitude of new friends. On see an AA badge on everybody, and from the Convention opening dance, make it. She certainly had two unuand on it grew – this spirit of the I greet them, and the most marvel- thcre was a phone message that Jo- sual things going for her. The Friday badges. ous things happen. And as they do, sephine S. had called. I rang her she showed up was July 4, Inde- I stayed over in Denver for a day my memories of a great spiritual back and exacted a promise that she pendence Day – a symbolic day to after the Convention ended, and I time are charged with energy, and I would screw up her courage and begin a new, sober life. And her first wondered where the spirit of the love just so much more. If we all come to the Convention Center next “meeting,” at Denver’s mammoth badges had gone. Without the could practice the spirit of the badges day. Convention Center, just happened to badges, we were now strangers again, each day toward all, world peace Sure enough, on Friday morning, be the largest AA meeting in all hisand that old reserve was back in could become a reality, as AA has. my cousin showed up with the poor tory. place. My “good morning” on the D. R., Detroit, Mich. gal in tow – weak, teetering, fuzzy- Bob P., Riverside, Conn.

September 1976

Convention afterglow From Denver, Colo.: It has been a year since the final, poignant, emotion-packed moments of International ’75. I receive an average of two letters a week from Europe and could tell you much about AA goings-on there. Just this last week, I had a nostalgia-stirring experience when I received several postcards from Basel, Switzerland, where a three-country conference of AA was held. Here are some of the names signed to one of the cards: Heinz, from Wupperthal; Dagmar – Berlin; Christel, Basel; Hildegard, Frankfurt; Eva, Oberstdorf; Lina and RenC, Biel (he was the flag bearer from Switzerland); Amy, Zurich; Christian, Augsburg; Louis, Amsterdam. I met most of these people personally last summer, and I shall be forever grateful. One thinks a bit deeply when one hears familiar words in a foreign language: ruckfall for “slip” (literally means “fall backward”); grosse angst (“great fear”); “Moge Es bei Mir Selbst Beginnen” (“Let It Begin With Me”). R. T.

January 1978

Why don’t we go back to the less Are we getting too fancy? expensive, but fully adequate, facil- From Craig, Colo.: ities we used before-schools, civic Why are we holding our regional centers, and auditoriums? I f we did, and state conventions in such plush state committees wouldn’t have to hotels and convention centers? Is go to their groups for so much money this helping alcoholics to achieve or to finance the conventions. With less maintain sobriety? For the individ- expense involved in state affairs, ual, maybe these things are fine. But we’d have more money to contribute for the Fellowship of AA, isn’t this to the AA General Service Office, status-seeking, false pride, and lack and groups could handle their own of humility? expenses better. Some of you may reply that other Let’s examine our motives. Is all places are not large enough, or that this flair for us? Is it really imthere aren’t many choices. We dis- portant to be cozy and comfortable? agree. One of the best regionals our Let’s remember the newly recovergroup attended was in Grand Junc- ing alcoholic who, among other tion, held at the race track. Fantas- things, is usually in a financial bind tic! At the 1975 Convention in Denver, when he gets to AA. the show from our group was not This subject has been thoroughly good. Many of us just could not discussed in our group for several afford the prices. months, and this letter is the sum of our group’s feelings. We hope some of you other AAs will have thoughts or ideas on the matter. c,w.. L. G .

November 1979

AA’s 45th Anniversary International Convention in New Orleans, Louisiana July 3-6, 1980

Fourth of July weekend will be here before you know it! Make plans now to join some 20,000 AAs, Al-Anons, and friends at our Fellowship’s 45th Anniversary International Convention in New Orleans. Registration forms were mailed ro all groups and are also available on request from the AA General Service Office, Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10017. A regis~rationfee of $15 per person covers all events: big meetings at the fanlous Superdome, area alkathons, panels, workshops, opening-night dances, variety show. Shuttle bus service between hotels and sites of Convention sessions is also covered by the fee. At an ample choice of rates, space in hotels, motels, or dormitories will be assigned in the same order that registration forms are received. So today isn’t too soon to plot your course toward this unique AA event. Come celebrate sobriety!

April 1980

AA’s 45th Anniversary International Convention July 3-6, 1980, in New Orleans, Louisiana

. Fourth of July weekend will be here before you know it! Make plans now to join some 20,000 AAs, Al-Anons, and friends at our Fellowship’s 45th Anniversary International Convention in New Orleans. Registration forms were mailed to all groups and are also available on request from the AA General Service Office, Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10017. A registration fee of $15 per person covers all events: big meetings at the famous Superdome, area alkathons, panels, workshops, opening-night dances, variety show. Shuttle bus service between hotels and sites of Convention sessions is also covered by the fee. At an ample choice of rates, space in hotels, motels, or dormitories will be assigned in the same order that registration forms are received. So today isn’t too soon to plot your course toward this unique AA event. Come celebrate sobriety!

July 1980

play, in church or school or on the separate meeting for family memstreet. But since AA’s once-in-five- bers, with Lois W. speaking, just as years Convention is held on a July she is scheduled to do in New Or- Fourth weekend, the regular resi- leans. There were gatherings devoted dents of the Convention city are to AA in correctional institutions almost all away. And AA and Al- and to young people in AA. A Satur- Anon take over in enormous num- day-night banquet was followed by bers. Suddenly, everyone is “one of entertainment and dancing. The us”! The only “civilians” left are Convention closed with a Big AA the bus and taxi drivers, the wait- Meeting, with only two speakers: resses and the bellhops – and after Bill W. and Dr. Bob – who made their initial shock, they, too, join in what was to be his farewell talk. the celebration. The pulse quickens; My eyes mist up as I look at the the voices rise; the eyes dance with 1950 program. But then tears anticipation. The effect is inde- tears of gratitude and of love -have scribably exciting and thrilling. been a part of every succeeding We could also tell our inquiring International Convention down friend that what will take place in

A FTER THE International Convention in Denver in 1975, my nonalcoholic (Al-Anon) wife was “What goes on at the meetings?” And we have to reply, in all honesty, that no business takes place, and New Orleans in July is amazingly like what went on at the very first International Convention of AA, held “There our Fellowship declared itself come trying to explain to a civilian friend what goes on at the meetings is most- in Cleveland in 1950. This year, the to the age of full why she had had such a marvelous ly the same thing that goes on at our committee working on the upcoming and exhilarating time. home group: one recovered alcohol- big event took considerable pride in responsibility.. .” “First of all,” she explained, ic sharing his or her experience, planning two really innovative ses- “you have to picture 20,000 people strength, and hope with another. It’s sions: a workshop for editors of through the decades, along with all of whom would be dead if it the same thing, really, that goes on local AA publications, and a special laughter and exuberance and joy. weren’t for each other! Then,” she at all the other state and regional meeting for women members. Well, “The first three days of July 1955, continued, “you’ve got 20,000 peo- conferences and get-togethers of guess what! Exactly thirty years ago Alcoholics Anonymous held a Conple from all over the country and all AAs (over 200 of them annually in in Cleveland, there was a workshop vention in St. Louis,” Bill W. writes over the world hugging and kissing the U.S. and Canada). But some- for editors of local AA publications, in AA Comes of Age. “There our each other the whole time. It’s the how, the size and diversity of this and there was a special meeting for Fellowship declared itself come to damnedest thing you ever saw!” crowd, with people from every cor- women members. Also, that Con- the age of full responsibility, and Now, it’s nearly five years later, ner of the globe, heighten the emo- vention included discussions of such there it received from its founders and we are planning to attend the tional impact of the experience. red-hot present-day issues as “coop- and old-timers permanent keeping 45th Anniversary International Con- You see, for the four days of an eration between AAs and organized of its three great Legacies . . . I will vention of AA, in New Orleans July International Convention, the mem- medicine” (i.e., doctors and hospital always remember those three days as 3-6 (and the Al-Anon Convention ber’s world is turned upside down. programs) and “cooperation be- among the greatest experiences of held simultaneously). Our civilian Normally, in our home communi- tween AAs and programs in indus- my life.” friend is still puzzled. “What ties, we are anonymous and incon- try.” Although Al-Anon was not yet The 1960 International in Long business do you do there?” she asks. spicuous as we go about our work or organized in 1950, there was a Beach, Calif., was memorable for

the presence of many friends impor- gathered once again, this time in Mardi Gras parade of floats and biography of our co-founder, Dr. tant in the founding or the growth of Denver, Colo. We stood, clapping merrymakers within the Rivergate Bob and the Good Old-Timers, will AA: Sister Ignatia, Father Ed Dowl- and cheering, with tears coursing Convention Center, followed by a be offered for sale, with a souvenir . ing, the Reverend Sam Shoemaker, down our faces, as fellow AA mem- huge opening ball. At the same time, bookplate of the Convention. The Dr. Harry Tiebout, Bernard Smith, bers from nineteen countries around thousands of young people will be Grapevine will offer reprints of its Dr. Jack Norris, and many, many the world carried their national flags cutting loose at their own dance, the memorial issues on the co-founders. others – in addition, of course, to down the aisles of Currigan Hall and Crawfish Crawl, at the nearby Mar- Saturday night’s Big Meeting will Bill and Lois. repeated, in their native tongues, the riott Hotel. feature entertainment; and Sunday Convention theme, “Let It Begin Immediately following the two morning’s, more talks, with em- ‘:. .the joining in unison With Me.” The crowds overflowed every auditorium and meeting room dances, a Marathon Meeting begins phasis on the spiritual life. of thousands of voices and will go continuously, day and But, as at every International and gathered by thousands in the night, concurrently with all other Convention, the abiding rewards for repeating the ‘I Am sun-bathed plaza to meet and chat events, until the Spiritual Meeting most people will come from the perand share, share, share. Because all commences Sunday morning, fifty- sonal sharing with other AA and Al- Responsible’ Declaration” of us “would be dead if it weren’t six hours later. Anon members from other places for each other.” The program gets down to old friendships renewed and new Veteran Convention-goers recall And for as long as we are sober in business Friday morning at 9:00 AM friendships made – the “hugging the Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto, AA, we will be regaling newer with the first of no less than 132 and kissing” that so impressed my Ont., in 1965, as the site of one of members (who really aren’t that in- simultaneous workshops, panel wife. In the street, in restaurants and the best – for warmth and spirit and terested!) with our own special meetings, and alkathons that will go buses, listening to Dixieland jazz or tremendous fellowship. A highlight reminiscences and stories of “when I on all day, and Saturday as well. The over endless cups of coffee -the joy was the joining in unison of thou- was in Denver . . .” Or Toronto. Or meetings will involve a total of 509 of living will be felt and expressed. sands of voices repeating the “I Am Long Beach. Or now, “when I was speakers. (And this is for the AA “The Joy of Living”! How dare a Responsible” Declaration. in New Orleans.” For still another Convention only; Al-Anon will be bunch of drunks adopt such a theme Those of us who were at the International Convention is about to having its own program with its own for their Convention? Miami Beach, Fla., Convention in explode upon us, marking another speakers, at the same time.) It is taken directly from the 1970 will always remember, with a milestone in our collective sobriety. The first Big Meeting – where all “Twelve and Twelve”: “The. joy of lump in our throats, the spectacle of It will be the biggest ever. Twenty- 25,000 to 30,000 of us will gather in living is the theme of AA’s Twelfth gravely ill Bill W. appearing briefly five thousand sober alcoholics and the Superdome – will be Friday Step.” And the Big Book enlarges before that huge assemblage on Sun- their families – perhaps even more evening. It will begin with a flag on this idea: “If newcomers could day morning. Wheeled onstage in a – are expected to converge on “The ceremony, of course – but with see no joy or fun in our existence, wheelchair, wearing an ill-fitting, City That Care Forgot.” Early birds more than thirty countries repre- they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely bright orange Host Committee blazer, he lurched to his feet at the will begin trickling in by July 1. By July 3, charter-plane load after sented this time. . insist on enjoying life. . . We are At other points in the program, sure God wants us to be happy, podium to bid his beloved Fellow- charter-plane load will touch down the emphasis will be on the historical joyous, and free.” And nowhere, we ship goodbye. Six months later, he at Moissant Airport from every cor- heritage of our Fellowship. AA pio- think, will this thought be was dead. Miami was also Bern ner of the U.S. and Canada, and neers will recall how it began in their demonstrated so exuberantly and so Smith’s last Convention and was the from as far away as Europe, Africa, respective parts of the V.S. and unceasingly by so many people at occasion for one of his most elo- and even New Zealand. That night, Canada. A new filmstrip of AA one place and time as in the city of quen t addresses. the Convention theme, “The Joy of history, “Markings on the New Orleans from July 3 to 6, 1980. Five years ago, 19,300 of us Living,” will come to life with a Journey,” will be shown. The new Anonymous, Riverside, Conn.

October 1980

, L A <,/=’ ,I. , Forty-Fifth Anniversary AA International Convention ,,” /

OR THIS alcoholic, the first AA whelming – surprise that I enjoyed International Convention was on first walking into my home group. Going to New Orleans for the foreboding. I’m not a joiner, I told Forty-Fi fth Anniversary AA Intermyself; I’ll feel out of place in that national Convention, July 3-6, 1980, crowd. (According to what I’ve was like returning to my home group heard at meetings, about ninety per- after a long absence. The curiosity cent of the other people who join AA remained; I knew I’d find familiar aren’t joiners, either.) At the 1975 faces outnumbered by unfamiliar, as Convention, in Denver, I encoun- I do in my growing group. But the foreboding was replaced. by anticipation. Flying over the green, waterscribbled delta, looking down on the buildings clustered along the milkchocolate curves of the Mississippi River, I knew that New Orleans would not be a city of strangers. Sure enough, I got off the bus from the . airport saying goodbye to a California AA I had never seen before and ,

promising to deliver his message to a ‘ I New York friend: “Tell her hello 4

I

from Square Foot.” The Califor- forty nationalities looking back to a tell me I get more out of writing for nian was a CB enthusiast, too subtly date that promised another sort of the Grapevine than they d o from named. “Nobody gets it. Square independence for the alcoholics of writing syndicated stuff.” And a Foot – Twelve by Twelve!” the world: June 10, 1935, when Dr. third AA reported, “My involve- For all the miles between Denver Bob had his last drink and came to ment as area Grapevine chairman and New Orleans, I was back in our believe that he and his sponsor, Bill was the best tool I had in my pertown as soon as I set foot on the W., could keep their gift of freedom sonal sobriety .” streets. Practically all the passersby by sharing it. Still another panelist recalled, seemed to be wearing the sunny Now, forty-five years later, “Three years before I stopped drinkyellow badges that were headed thousands of alcoholics streamed ing, I stole a ragged, coffee-stained “The Joy of Living,” the Conven- toward the Louisiana Superdome to copy of the Bill W. memorial issue tion theme, and decorated with a line celebrate their sobriety. On first see- from a facility – and here it is at the of prancing jazzmen, symbol of New ing the Superdome, you might think Convention!” (Packets containing Orleans. that the mother ship from Close En- reprints of that Grapevine and the In key with the location, a July 3 counters of the Third Kind was park- Dr. Bob memorial issue were on sale reprise of the Mardi Gras parade ed in New Orleans. Its walls enclose at the Superdome.) greeted Convention-goers inside the the largest indoor sports arena in the Another Grapevine, once placed Rivergate Convention Center Thurs- world. The meeting rooms where in the hands of a Zulu in South day evening. A welcoming dance our workshop sessions were held Africa, symbolized AA hope for followed, while young AAs stepped spread around its circumference. him. So he told us Friday night at the to their own rhythms at the Crawfish And around and around . . . The Big Meeting, in a setting that dram- Crawl, held at a nearby hotel. And curving corridor held an endless atized the worldwide extent of our immediately after that began the AA parade of AAs and their families and Fellowship. Across the center of the meetings that went on all over town friends, shouting “Hi,” pausing for vast Superdome arena stretched a all during the Convention: state, impromptu meetings, sitting down stylized map of our planet, with provincial, and special-interest alka- t o rest tired feet, grabbing coffee or winking white lights to mark all the thons; midnight meetings; a mara- cola, asking, “Is ‘Loners and Inter- countries and remote areas where thon meeting that kept going for nationalists’ in this room?” or AA can now be found, from Greenfifty-six hours, with thirty-eight ‘Where’s ‘Public Information’?” land t o Antarctica. Hung bannerlike speakers. “Do I have to go to all Whatever your AA service inter- at each side of the map were huge those meetings?” No one person est, you would have found it being covers of Big Books in many could have, but it seems we can’t get explored somewhere along the way. languages. And the meeting opened enough of them; after the whole Two workshops focused on “The with a grand march of spotlighted Convention was over, somebody at Grapevine – How It Works.” flag-bearers down the aisle. the motel where I stayed posted a slip “What the editor thinks doesn’t The total of registrants, about of paper beside the elevators, with matter,” said one panelist. “If the 22,500, was not quite as large as the the penciled announcement: “AA Grapevine reflected only one mem- rapid growth of AA had led us to exmeeting tonight at 6:00 beside the ber’s opinion, that would be the end pect; this summer, economic condiswimming pool.” of it.” Another, a regular GV con- tions caused a reduction in the scope July 4, Independence Day for the tributor (unpaid, of course), said, of most conventions in the U.S. But U.S.A., found Convention-goers of “Writers who have won Pulitzers the three stories that held us enthrall-

ed Friday evening were the real message of our Convention: The AA program can work for you, whether you’re in Africa or North America, black or white, woman or man. Back to the Superdome circuit on Saturday, to sample another bewildering array of workshops. And the alkathons went on. And the marathon went on. An International Convention is a great place for learning – as all of life should be. But it isn’t a working occasion (like the General Service Conference, for example); its chief purpose is simple enjoyment of the sober life, giving AAs and their families and friends the sheer pleasure of one another’s company on a big scale. Saturday evening, the Big Show at the Superdome provided a lively range of family entertainment. New Orleans is a wonderful place t o savor “The Joy of Living.” It’s an “Easy Does It” town, though it in any era before the year 1935. the first Big Book in his language to members to ask, “What’s that usually isn’t full of people wearing Splendid coffee is a New Orleans Lois W., widow of one co-founder; badge?” On being told, he blurted, T-shirts that say so. We crowded the specialty, but it isn’t the only Robert S., son of the other, greeted “I don’t know how ‘to stop evening pedestrian mall of Bourbon beverage to be found in this good- us; AAs from England, Canada, and drinking!” Young Pete from Mon- Street from one end (neatly pictur- time town. Yes, we saw a fair the U.S. told how a power greater tana was quickly introduced to some esque) t o the other (gaudily honky- number of prime prospects for our than themselves had led them to New Orleans AAs, and on Sunday tonk). We heard the beat of undying Fellowship. Wonder what they recovery. morning, he came to the podium to classical jazz on its native ground. thought of all those badge-wearing But the most heart-catching mo- blow out the candle. We strolled toward the river, nuts who were actually enjoying life ment was entirely unscheduled. At Each of our International Conthrough the lovelier old streets of the without drinking. the start of that fifty-six-hour mara- ventions celebrates a beginning, the French Quarter, with lampposts On Sunday morning, we found thon meeting, a candle had been same kind that we see many times in lighting the lacework of the bal- out what one of them thought. The lighted. Still burning inside its tall our home groups. Looking at this conies and calling up the serenity Convention, as always, closed with a glass cylinder, it was brought from beginning (through a slight mist), I that our imagination attributes t o Spiritual Meeting, to remind us that the hotel to the podium. Then came knew that for each of us, the true the past. Come to think of it, that AA offers much more than coffee the moment. home group is the whole AA Fellowsupposedly idyllic past would have and camaraderie. In front of the One evening outside the hotel, a ship. been a terrible time to be a drunk – world map, an Italian AA presented passerby had stopped one of our J. G., Manhattan, N.Y.

October1980 Largest AA Meeting Ever

I – September 1 9 8 2

L AST YEAR, on October 3 1, New York Intergroup gave its annual dinner honoring Bill W.3 AA birth- The New York Hilton Hotel understands how to handle big crowds. The Intergroup Dinner Committee was I for one, couldn’t stay on the wagon more than a week. Believe me, you younger ones: If we could do it, you day in advance. If he had been alive, heroic, having sweated for ten can do it, too. December 11 would have seen the months over the preparations. All the The VIP Room is where banquet start of his fortyeighth sober year! Intergroup people were on hand to speakers and special guests are assem- Intergroup was celebrating the com- welcome us. They wore name badges bled, so that they can be sorted out pletion of its own thirty-fifth year. and steered us through the happy and marched onto the stage in the A banquet honoring And on top of all that, Intergroup mob waiting outside the dining hall. right order. There was a long row of old-timers . was kind enough to honor the real We old folks were adroitly zigzagged hard chairs marked with our names. old-timers in the area, those moss- through over two thousand hellos, There was also a gigantic coffeepot, spurred memories covered monuments like me who hugs, and how-are-yous, hearing joy- so of course we all milled around of old times have been sober thirty years and ful laughter and shrieks of reunion. that. We drank coffee like mad, and more. We were taken clear back to what we all met old friends we hadn’t seen There were, in all, 2,500 people at the Hilton, alas, calls the VIP Room. in years. the dinner. And thirty of us old- We old old-timers are not VIPs. We By and by, Lois W., Bill’s widow, timers were in good enough shape to are just like anybody else in AA. arrived in a wheelchair -not because come and sit on the dais, in a long We’ve stayed sober on the program she couldn’t walk, but she is ninetyrow in front of the speakers’ table. twenty-four hours at a time, while I, one and tiny. When I started toward

Lois, she saw me coming. She waved younger, and a whole lot of them are attention business, when you half But lying in bed, waiting for sleep, I and said, “Why, hello, F-. How two generations younger. They are hear spoken words and your mind is had to smile. “After all,” I told mygreat to see you!” She hadn’t seen me perfectly wonderful to me. They help on something else. self, “you weren’t very important up in quite a number of years. She goes me up and down steps, which is un- I thought, “Maybe this man is hav- there. It’s conceivable that nobody to conventions all over this country necessary, but so sweet of them. They ing a heart attack. I’ll have to do noticed you at all.” and abroad. She has been greeted by also bring me coffee, and someone something right away.” I turned to And then, I remembered another tens of thousands of people. And always gets up to give me the one the man on my left and whispered, banquet in another ballroom low, here she knows me right away! I have comfortable chair. I love it. But “Aren’t you a friend of his? Didn’t long ago. That time, I was conspicunever had a memory like that! often, when I’m alone at home, 1 you come here together? Change ous. I was very, very drunk and com- At a given moment, Intergroup think about the old faces, to say noth- places with me. He’s sick. He needs pletely out of hand. people went around and said to us all, ing of my old friends. Most of them help.” The occasion was a newspaper kindly but firmly: “Please go and sit are gone, and oh Lord, how I miss Under the circumstances, it wasn’t editors’ dinner, also in New York. in the chair with your name on it.” them. They’ve left a hole as big as the surprising that this nice fellow was Wendell Willkie was to be the main They wanted to be sure we would moon. slow on the uptake. I couldn’t get him speaker. At dinner, the wine flowed walk out and take our seats in the The man sitting on my right at the to move. So I stood up and said, freely. There had been cocktails right order. And we obediently did. dinner was great fun to talk to. But he “Please! Change places with me right Now, I am not used to doing any- was small and silver-haired and rather now! Please! I tell you, he’s sick.” thing at all with 2,500 pairs of eyes frail. “Does my smoking bother He moved, and I breathed a sigh of fastened upon me. I thought of my you?” I asked him. relief. I was able to hear the last of beloved friend and sponsor, Marty “Not at all.” The place was well H.3 talk and enjoy his reminiscences, M. Countless times, that dear old air-conditioned. “But I did have a which I had shared as one of the war-horse spoke in front of thou- lung operation,” he added. 1 extin- founders of the St. Nicholas Group. sands of people without turning a guished my cigarette. My old gentleman and his friend hair. As I walked onstage, I thought, When the talks began, my new kept their seats, so I knew things “Oh Marty, if you were only here to friend dropped his head, closed his weren’t too bad. I was able to concenhelp me!” 1tried to walk as if I had a eyes, and rested his forehead on his trate on the third speaker’s talk. He heavy jar of water on my head. How I hands. I noticed that his breathing I said, among other things, that we before that. I drank everything I wished that I could put my thumb had become labored. “Are you all weren’t VIPs just because we were up could get my hands on. . under my sagging chin and hold it up. right?” I whispered. on the dais – that the most impor- I sat next to a beautiful and famous Then, at least from a distance, I “Compared to what?” he asked tant person in the whole room was the woman, who was done up in an exwould look reasonably well-pre- me. He was obviously in distress. I man or woman who was the most pensive evening dress and wearing a served. was alarmed. recently sober – sober for a day – lot of fabulous jewelry. I said to her, We were seated, and hundreds of Nell Wing spoke first; she isn’t an sober for an hour. “What’s the most exciting thing in . waiters put coffeepots on every table. alcoholic, but she has served AA for That night, after I got home, I sud- your life?” I was cheered by the fact that the thirty-five years, as Bill W.’s secre- denly thought, “Why, you darned Her face lit up, and she said, “My three speakers were all my friends. I tary and currently as AA archivist. old fool, you stood up and gesticulat- race horses. 1 love them. I love to began having a wonderful time. The Then came H. U.; I remember him as ed in the middle of a talk. You made a watch them work. I love it when they men on either side of me were in my one of the first members of an inter- mini-scene in front of twenty-five run.” age group. It’s a treat to see people racial group in Harlem a long time hundred observers! You could have I cut her short. “Come clean, my age in AA. Up here where I live, ago. I’m going to have to listen to explained the situation quietly to that doll,” I told her. “What about jaur almost everybody is a generation tapes of both talks -it’s that divided man while simply keeping your seat.” sex life?” .. .. .*’d

Without a word, she moved her She said it must have taken a lot of chair around, so that her back was to courage to write that apology. She me, and began talking to the person never knew that it wasn’t courage, on her other side. but rather a desperate need to make That did not dampen my spirits at amends. all. “Get her,” I told the world in I am humbly grateful that I am in a general, in a carrying voice. “She’s wonderful, sui generis organization stuck-up, that’s what she is. Just that has saved my life, restored me to because she invented a face cream.” sanity, and given me a chance to stay My poor editor-relative, alerted by sober, to grow in spirit, to stretch my this maxi-scene, got a woman pho- mind, and to give of myself to others. tographer on her paper to lead me out (I heard that expression “sui generis” of the room. I went swaying past all and thought I’d use it to impress you the tables, hardly able to walk. This kids. It means one of a kind – nothgal had me firmly by the elbow. In the ing else like it.) ladies’ room, she said to me, “Come Lucky was the day that my psychion. I’m taking you home.” I don’t atrist, who had tried for several years remember what I said – but I went to sober me up, heard Bill W. address back to my seat. Some man was mak- a group of doctors. She finally pering a speech. suaded me to go down to the Alco- The next day, my unhappy relative holic Foundation on Vesey Street in called me in mid-morning, when I the Wall Street section, and have a was enjoying one gorgeous hangover. talk with Bill. (The foundation was “Who was that man up there talk- the forerunner of the AA General ing?” I asked her. Service Board.) I went there fright- “Wendell Willkie. He’s running ened and ashamed, and came out for president, remember?” with hope in my heart. “Oh, that’s right,” I said. Bill and I became good friends. But “Remember anything else?” in all the years I knew him, I never “Vaguely.” saw him go on an ego trip. He was But my heart seemed to tighten up. just plain Bill to us all. He said that I began remembering, only too well. I finding Dr. Bob and working with had stolen the show. Fear and shame him was simply an act of desperation. and remorse flooded me. He had to carry the message to stay Today, I feel very grateful and sober. Though 1 have far less cause humble. Years later, I was able to for conceit than Bill, I do try, a day at write the beautician lady an apology a time, to emulate his humility. and tell her that I was now in AA. I They say that gratitude and humilwas rather surprised to get a letter in ity are two parts of the same thing. reply, a beautiful letter in which she And I believe this with all my heart. said that she understood perfectly. F. M., New Canaan, Conn.

March 1983

At her first young people’s convention, she met brothers and sisters from all over the world –

N EW YORK CITY is where 1live, but Alcoholics Anonymous is my home. In 1982, this city waschosen to drink and so not get drunk, and AA i, now teaching me how to live a sober life. ber of us. That evening, after a welcoming boat ride around Manhattan, 1 attended the first session of the questions answered. (My Higher Power is listening even when I don’t think so.) I still have a lot to learn, a host the Twenty-Fifth International The theme of the conference was marathon meeting that would con- lot of growing and changing to do. Conference of Young People in AA. “Happy, Joyous, and Free.” I had tinue throughout the conference. As The conference strengthened my I had been looking forward to it for a not been feeling any of those but the we closed the meeting with the Lord’s faith in our program and in our while, as it was to be my first AA last. I had been somewhat in limbo. Prayer, I felt a warmth that I shall Fellowship, and my understanding conference and my first young After three and a half years of never forget as long as I am sober. that my primary purpose is to stay people’s conference. When it began, I sobriety, I was just beginning to I had heard honest sharing-shar- sober, continue learning to live sober, was amazed to see how big my family accept and understand what living in ing filled with pain, fear, acceptance, and help other alcoholics to achieve had grown, with all my new sober the new light of being sober could caring, hope, strength, and love. We sobriety. brothers and sisters from around the mean. I had reached a plateau, or weren’t drinking or drugging; we Once you’ve left home, they say, world. maybe the work on myself and the were free. Yes, we had living prob- you can never go back. Well, I have a Before coming into AA, I was in changes were more subtle than in the Icms, but we had choices and a home where I’m always welcome. Beprison for ten years. The walls were past. 1 was asking my Higher Power, chance to change. I walked into the fore we left, my friend and I picked made of alcohol and drugs. 1 had “Well, what now?” There had been a streets of New York feeling proud up registration forms for next year’s never grown up, had no idea who or revolution in my life, but now what? and strong. ICY PAA, to to be hosted by Cincinwhat I was. All I knew was how to I started the conference helping at 1 was sad to see my new family nati. God bless us all, and see you in drink to survive. AA taught me, a day the registration desk, and began to leaving what seemed to be too soon, Ohio. at a time, how not to pick up the first feel overwhelmed by the sheer nurn- but I left my first ICYPAA with my P. M., Brooklyn, N.Y.

March 1983

— – -.. – a – — __ _- This wasnly seFond time around in Convention-floers speak up along. This time, someone made mea AA, and I had completely sur- From Portsmouth, Va.: small loan. I paid it back, but could rendered. The last day of the con- The letter “Attention, Convention- never make up for the benefit I vention, I woke to a most o~arvelous Goers!” in the December issue received at that convention. surprise: My friends had remembered prompted me to take up my pen. I By 1960, things were better, and I I was nine months sober that Sunday came to AA in December 1957. In paid my own way to the International morning, and had a party for mc – May 1958, my sponsor told me to get Convention in Long Beach, Calif., nightgowns, curlers, and all. my bag packed; we were going to a where I met Bill W. I don’t know how Today, loamfourteen nlontllr old, convention. 1 told him I had no many conventions I’ve attended since sitting at my desk before work, money. His reply was: “1 didn’t ask if then. My wife and I generally attend – reading my brape~in~~-l-have been to two conferences each year. I t keeps / another convention since that first the contacts fresh and up-to-date, one. Thank God for AA. C. K . and keeps us aware of the growth of AA. I.K. 1:ronl Rochester, N.Y .: I just attended m y first Rochester From El Seyundo, Calif.: AA convention – three days of love, May I share my experience at my friendship, knowledge, fun, sharing, first AA convention last June? I was and caring with over 1,000 new you had any money. 1 told you go get asked to go with a few of the girl\ to friends. My husband and I lost so your bag packed.” the Palm Springs Roundup. I was ~nuch in a material sense through That was twenty-four years ago, afraid to go; I was afraid to go drinking, but we have gained what and the impressions are still clear. 1 anywhere then. And I was short of money cannot buy – a new life. I remember being impressed with the money. know this program works; all over recovery story of a man three years Never in my life have I felt \o the world, God and the AA people sober; with a lady who was attending loved. The opening night meeting was are breathing new life into so many her first meeting; with a man who a very enlotional experience. There I once-lo\t \oulC. knew of my newness and financial was, sober, sitting at a lovely dinner The Grapevine is our strongest link distress, and invited me to lunch and among four or five thouwnd people in communication. I have enclosed a picked up the check. jusr like me! I could not imagine poem I wrote this morning, for I The next month, my sponsor told myself in so beautiful a place with couldn’t sleep and wanted to share me we were going to another con- such beautiful people. my thoughts with \omeone. J. R. vention, and I should bring my wife Ili~urJ. H.: The Grupevine doesn’t prblr.~li pocrrv, bur we love rhe grurrrude rhul shinc~s throrrgh your 1c.r wr. Tlrurtk r Ji)r horh! – The Editors

April 1983

AA’s small world From Decatur, Ill.: Conferences, conventions, and The camaraderie of this wonderful roundups are.beautiful, and I have Fellowship is very easy to feel, see, had some experiences that were very and enjoy at home, but when one has helpful in my continued sobriety. We traveled many miles, and is staying in in AA are members of a minority, but an unfamiliar hotel room, the feeling these large get-togethers are a way for is much more intense. us to realize just how small Mother I had the pleasure of attending the Earth is. 1980 International Convention in For example, while standing in line New Orleans. When the Superdome last August at the New York City Statler Hotel, I noticed a lady guarding luggage across the way. I knew her, and 1 was sure she knew me. I waved, and she smiled and waved back. Shortly, we were in the same line, and we discovered we had met in … . . . . Texas. “You were in my home about started filling up with people who five months ago, and that night you share our common problem, I was and my husband went to a meeting,” overwhelmed. One of the most she said. They were there for the same rewarding compliments I ever heard reason I was: the International Con- came from a cab driver. He said, “1 ference of Young People in AA. have never seen such a nice group of people, and I hate to see y’all go.” v. P.

June 1983

Sobriety Countdown

I T WAS mid-August 1982, in New York City, when 1,200 sober alcoholics gathered for the Twenty-Fifth was three weeks, two weeks, one week of sobriety – the shivers were getting us all. Six days, five days, and International Conference of Young ultimately the most, important and People in AA (ICYPAA). One of the memorable for all of us in AA: one highlights of the weekend of sharing day of sobriety! The place went nuts was Saturday night’s sobriety count- when one lone young man named down. There we were in the enor- Michael stood up. We all started mous ballroom, representing numer- cheering so loudly, I thought the hotel ous states and several countries, and people must be wondering whethwe were asked to stand when our year er we hadn’t all decided to break out or month or week (!) of sobriety was at once. Michael was the most imporcalled. tant person in that room of 1,200 At forty-seven years (then the age sober alcoholics – and we let him of our dear Fellowship), there were know it. none who could stand. Remember, The chairperson of the entire we were mostly of the under-forty ICYPAA weekend practically leaped generation. At twenty-seven, one did over tables wit@ the Big Book stand, and he received enthusiastic clutched to his chest. As a couple of applause. As the count went down to Michael’s new friends raised him to the single-digit years, many more their shoulders, the chairperson gave stood up. 1 was one of the group with him the Big Book, hugged him three years of sobriety, and it seemed warmly, and wished him one more that there were over a hundred of us. day of sobriety. That’s what it’s all I loved it! about – one moment of caring for But the best part was yet to come. one other alcoholic. I am glad and After the call for one year of sobriety, grateful to be a part of AA. Today, 1 the count was by months: eleven, ten know the joy of living. (a sizable number stood). Then, it H.P., Boston, M a s .

December 1984

Golden Days – Joum d’0r – D h s do Om Is getting there really half the fun? Sometimes. But for the more than 30,000 AAs expected to attend the 50th Anniversary International Convention in Montreal, Que., being there could be the experience of a lifetime. Throughout that golden weekend of July 4-7, 1985, members from 30 countries will celebrate “50 Years with Gratitude” at the opening dances, big meetings, a spiritual meeting, and a tempting selection of workshops, panels, special meaings, and alkathons. In addition to events in English and French, there will be more Spanishspcalring workshops than ever before, and two will be signed for the hearingimpaired. (Volunteers who know sign language are needed.) There will be special meetings for old-timers, young people, gays, women, doctors, lawyers, and others. Workshops and panels will give opportunities for sharing on the Steps, ‘haditions, prisons, public information, treatment centers, and many other artas of AA interest. Registration and housing forms in English, French, and Spanish were mailed from the General ServiceOffice in September. In order to obtain lower Convention rates, all housing requests must be processed through GSO -and since rooms are assigned on a first-come, first-served basis, it’s a good idea to mail your registration forms early. For further information, write: International Convention Coordinator, Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163.

March 1985

Needed: Tapers, Signers, and Linguists If you know sign language, speak Spanish or Finnish or any other foreign language, or have taping expertise, you have an opportunity for volunteer service at AA’s 50th Anniversary International Convention in Montreal, Quebec, July 4-7, 1985. ~ a ~ e r ands signers should get in touch with: Convention Coordinator, Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163. If your talents are linguistic and you’d like to help greet overseas visitors, assist them with registration, and generally extend a welcoming hand, write: International Convention Host Committee Chairperson, 190 RuedeCastelnau Est, Montreal, P.Q., H2R 1P4.

0ctober1985 ELEBRATIOO AA’s 50th Anniversary International Convention, Montreal, Quebec, July 4-7, 1985 This is thestoryofAA’s5Othbirthdayparty.It mustbetoldin many voices,for noindividual’s words or perceptions could capturetherealityoftheexperience.Thepagesthat followcontainthereflectionsofnumerousAA memberswhoattendedtheConvention. .TheGrapevineeditorshavesimplygiven shapetoamosaic,fashioningthegenerous contributionsofmanyintoanimpressionisticaccountofanindescribable event.

rained?” spare key to their room. Actions HE THEME WAS “Fifty Years trailer, by boat (on special pre-Con- “Pine trees give the best shelter. I with Gratitude,” and gratitude vention cruises without booze), by speak louder than words, don’t just got under one.” they?” (A member from Massachuwalked the streets of Montreal, burst any conveyance whatever that would For travelers who wanted more setts wrote of a different lesson in the seams of hotels all over the city get them there. They shared bumper- than a pine tree, accommodations humility, when she met the creator of and outlying areas, roamed the corri- sticker stories from different high- were often the first order of business. Victor E. at a Grapevine workshop. dors and bounced off the walls of the ways. Some drove back and forth All the hotel space set aside for the “Funny – I used to be a place-and- Convention Center, and filled the from Vermont or upstate New York Convention had been filled for name-dropper because I traveled a Olympic Stadium with wave after each day, while others were housed as months, and the overflow crowds lot. Now, being able to say that I wave of cheering AAs and Al-Anons, much as sixty miles out from the city had reserved other rooms or booked talked with the man who draws Vicflinging their arms wide in the sheer and commuted cheerfully. A favorite into university dormitories or tor means more than any of them.”) joy of sobriety. memory for many will be the sight of planned to camp out in trailers. There were touches of humor. One It was AA’s largest International the Fifth Chapter Motorcycle Club Others arrived with no reservations, woman had innocently checked into a (registration was over 44,000, from gathered in front of the Convention just a profound faith that their higher power would step in. A planeload of forty-one AAs from Northern Ireland “took a flyer” and came with no reservations, and eleven AAs and Al- , Anons who flew in from Mexico told others, without worry, that they had no hotels. Last-minute cancellations took care of some; the Convention housing crew of others; and others brought sleeping bags and crowded by the dozen into hotel rooms or suites; some even slept in lobbies, or on the floor of the Regency Ballroom at the LeGrand, where the marathon motel only to find out at checkout , fifty-four countries), and by far the Center plaza, the gang of ex-toughs meeting was held. time the next morning t h h she had most exuberant. One member called adding a picturesque note to a genit “a weekend in a perfect world, a erally more conventional crowd. One member reported: “I think been charged by the hour – she had There was the AA from Scot- God wanted my judgrnentalism to be happened into one of those. A couple foretaste of what the world could be punctured a bit. I have sometimes felt reported that shortly after arriving at if everyone cared enough.” Others land who flew from Glasgow to Bos- smug and superior to the ‘quiet’ AA described it as “wall-to-wall drunks, ton with his bike, then cycled the rest a Montreal hotel, and being warmly folks. My upbringing in sobriety has greeted as AA visitors, a room service ail vertical,” and “one big love-in.” of the way. And a rather dusty girl been in a rather extroverted town, A newspaper account began: “Forty- from Maine said she had no money so waiter arrived at the room with a gift, AA-wise. But there I was in Mon- compliments of the house. It was a four thousand alcoholics converged she walked, three days’ worth. To on Montreal this weekend looking for “Where’s your gear?” she replied, I treal, a victim of an overbooked large chocolate bar, filled with whis- “You’re looking at it – except for a hotel, and I told the sad tale to some key. (The “candy” went down the a good time, and nobody had a hangover.” sleeping bag that I stashed in a new I \ quiet AA folks I’d just met on the charter bus ride to the Convention. drain, but the wrapper remains as the souvenir of a thought that counted.) Members chatted about how they friend’s car just now.” arrived by plane, train, bus, car, or “What did you d o when it Without a word, they handed me the And of course, there were the “co-

incidences” – the k i d that AAs ame~ds,and was late in joining the meeting because he had spent so first AA group was started in 1981). It was the first time a Polish contingent speak of with emphasis on the quotation marks. A New Mexico member much time with these friends. They had attended a Convention, and out shared in a triple-duty coincidence had welcomed him warmly and of- of the fourteen who wanted to come, Tuesday night before the Conven- fered him a place in their home -the only four could afford the journey. tion: same home he had been evicted from Rooms had been reserved for them at “There were about twenty of us sit- many years earlier. His only remain- a local university, but when the men ting around the lobby of our hotel, ing difficulty: to explain to his hotel arrived, they didn’t know where to and we decided to have a meeting. It that he had somewhere else to stay go; they found (and paid for) other was one of those meetings where you and wanted his money back. The rooms. When two of them turned up literally feel the spirit. One woman woman in need of a room solved that at the registration windows at the came into the lobby distraught: she problem. Convention Center to get the situhad come to Montreal with no place “But that wasn’t all. A new wom- ation straightened out, the first memto stay, sure only that God wanted an had come to the meeting with me, ber of the Host Committee they and returning the greetings. her to be there. A little later, a man someone who had been having trou- turned to for help turned out to be a Citizens and “aliens” alike were from Ireland spoke up, and told us ble finding a God of her understand- native French-Canadian and second- good-humored in the Metro (subthat he had been in Montreal several ing. As we left, she squeezed my hand generation Pole. He was not only way), which was jammed to the doors years before and had harmed some and confided with joy that now she able to speak to them in Polish but before and after events at Olympic close friends. Now, sober, he felt it had felt the presence of her higher also brought along his nonalcoholic Stadium. All joined in the spontanepower.” parish priest to help. ous bursts of singing and laughter, in 1 As more and more AAs arrived, the conversations that sprang up bethe city’s newspapers, TV, and radio tween friends-just-met, and in the pitched in to help, and when it be- cheering as overcrowded subway came known that some visitors were trains came into overcrowded sta- : sleeping in their cars, thousands of tions – and in a generousgesture, the residents offered housing. “I’m ap- city allowed the crowds to ride free palled,” said one Montrealer encoun- coming back from the stadium after tered at the Picasso exhibition, “that the big meetings. A New York State they didn’t ask us to open our homes AA was moved after the Saturday as we did for Expo.” night entertainment when, a “coun- Montreal opened not only its try girl” frightened by the subway, homes but its heart. A local radio re- she joined in with a crowd that sang porter compared the city during the through the turnstiles, onto the plat- Convention to the scene in a recent form, and into the train. After runscience fiction movie. He said that ning through most of the usual group Montreal had been invaded by tens of songs, there was a moment of silence thousands of benevolent aliens. as they tried to think of what to sing Wearing blue badges, they were wan- next. Then someone started to sing dering throughout the city, happy, “Amazing Grace,” very softly, and smiling, and greeting passersby. The as the song was picked up by the rest citizens of the city, he went on, had of the crowd, tears came to her eyes

b “h at the special meaning of the words, Convention special issue or Al- From Delaware comes this remem- wonderful straw hatters.” The smil- , “I once was lost, but now am Anon’s new spiritual booklet, or just brance: “One of the familiar sights at ing faces under the white straw hats found.” to mill around and get into the action. any AA event greeted us when we with blue and red trim greeted every- Other stories abounded. “They Several days before the Thursday reached the Convention Center: AA one at the door with a hearty “Welwouldn’t bring the wine I ordered for night welcome dances, the Conven- people exchanging autographs and come to Montreal.” One description my Al-Anon wife,” said an AA from tion Center floor was crowded with sobriety dates. A woman member is typical: “They were everywhere. Massachusetts. He felt good about eager ex-drunks. It was reunion time, asked an AA man to sign her copy of They knew everything. A woman that: “They meant to protect me.” and meeting-new-friends time, and the blue souvenir booklet, Fifry Years from Verdun, a member of the Host . .. At the five o’clock Saturday people-watching time par excellence. with Gratitude. When he did so, he Committee, even plonked down on Mass at Mary Queen of the World An Oklahoma member commented: was startled to see her eyes fill with the floor to try and straighten a bent Cathedral, the priest added the Seren- “Someone asked me what I tears. They shared the same sobriety spoke on my wheelchair. They stood ity Prayer to the liturgy, and assured planned to do over the Fourth of date: September 20,1954.” and worked all day, while we were Conventioneers that they would al- July. ‘Oh,’ I answered airily. ‘I’m goways be welcome. . . . In a pre-Con- ing to Montreal to spend the weekend vention show of hospitality, the male with 40,000 close friends.’ purser on an Air Canada flight liked “And that’s how it was. Most of the AAs who traveled with him so the men and women I smiled at, much that he rented a van and took talked to, shook hands with, I’d about a dozen of them sightseeing – never seen before and won’t see on his day off. . . . And a tour guide again, but we were friends, close was startled when he announced to a friends, hecause of our common busload of AAs, “My name is Mario, p r ~ b l e m , ~ a n d the solution to it we and I’m your guide for this after- were sharing. noon,” and was greeted by a shouted “Each of us, probably, brought “HI, MARIO!” home vivid memories of individuals Only the bars and liquor stores who stood out from the crowd for an Another familiar sight is that of en- free to enjoy the rich program of were left out, along with a few hotel indelible moment. The young man I thusiasts handing out souvenirs of meetings on the agenda. I don’t think bartenders who complained gently remember best wasn’t near enough their own.’ These generous souls we could possibly thank them that they had been pressed into ser- for me to read his name card, so I prompted someone to write: “At the enough. ” vice as waiters, and the tips weren’t as don’t know his name or home, but I 1990 Convention, I want to be one of Scheduled events began Thursday good. The House of Seagrams took feel sure many besides me carried those giving everyone a card, or a night, with two overflowing welcomthe invasion both philosophically and away a misty-eyed memory of that button, or a ribbon, or a slogan. Like ing dances, one with the “big band humorously: its Montreal headquart- unforgettable face. He was thin, one Al-Anon lady from Mexico, who sound” and the other with a disco ers building flew three flags at half- dressed in blue jeans and a cotton was handing out a tiny green turtle beat. Then, all day Friday and Saturmast during the entire weekend. shirt, immaculately clean but so worn with a yellow head and flower on his day and through both nights, the Once settled in, most Convention- as to be almost ragged. He made his back -Easy Does It, perhaps?” fourth floor of the Convention Ceneers headed for the Convention Cen- way through the throngs at the Con- That first trip to the Convention ter and the meeting rooms of several ter – to register, to pick up badges vention Center on crutches, for he Center was everyone’s introduction hotels were filled with workshops, (blue for AA, red for Al-Anon), to had only one leg. Of all the happy to some of the most important people panels, marathon meetings, red ball buy copies of the souvenir booklet or faces I saw in Montreal during those there, the volunteer Host Committee meetings, newcomers meetings -the Best of the Grapevine or La Vigne’s three days, his was the most radiant.” of 3,000 Montreal AAs – “those only problem was deciding where to

drove to the airport to meet his He has been sober ten years now, and former-inmate sponsee, now active in is active in AA.” AA on the outside for nearly a year, The story of AA’s fiftieth birthday they knew each other immediately. party, like the story of AA itself, is (See the July 1984 Grapevine for the made up of thousands of personal exstory of their friendship through the periences along the collective road to mail .) recovery. For four magical days, the Another former inmate found a road to recovery was the streets of surprise: A New York AA reported Montreal and “the many one-to-one that “out of a sea of faces, one mini-meetings held at strange tables jumped out of the crowd. His badge and in new corridors, the smiles that said ‘Don from Syracuse,’ and he came from deep inside.” For one asked, ‘Do you remember me?’ After Conventioneer, it was at first “a a moment, I did. Don had twelfth- sense of being alone in a crowd. I stepped me in 1961, but slipped after wanted to find everyone I knew from that. He also developed the bad habit back home. Through the grace of of robbing banks – and getting God and love 1 t ,, caught. He told me he may be the only person who has been chairman of AA groups at both Sing Sing and Attica. But the story has a happy end- . , ing; we were both sober

be, when, with a wide choice of tation. . . . It was the old-timers, events at any hour of the day or “golden oldies in AA,” with their renight. minders of the roots of the Fellow- It was forty thousand people (give ship and the reality that the more or take a thousand or so) speaking the things change, the more they remain language of the heart, from plat- the same. forms, in the corridors, on lines wait- It was proof piled on proof that the ing for lunch at the restaurants and program works. It works in prisons: refreshment stations. . . . It was the At the Friday afternoon workshop on impromptu speakers at the Around- AA and Prisons, two speakers told the-World Call4.Jp meeting, where how they had “met” through particithere was no language barrier be- pating in the Institutions Correstween M s from many countries. .. . pondence Service (sponsored by the It was the deaf member who told her General Service Office), and met in story entirely in sign language, with person for the first time two days,bevirtually no need for a voice interpre- fore. When the “outside” sponsor

The “little things” stand out: The and spent the entire Convention to- AA who sat down in the stadium Fri- gether. day night, introduced himself to his Some of the “coincidences” were neighbor, and discovered that he was Twelfth Step opportunities: Alex sitting next to his niece’s counselor at from Canada (via Scotland) talked in a rehab. . . . The member who cele- a small meeting at one of the hotels brated his first year of sobriety, after about falling casually into conversatwenty-five years in and out of AA, tion with a fellow from Australia. with a trip to the Convention. . . The The Aussie was able to tell Alex how young AAs from Massachusetts who to get in touch with his still-active turned up in beautiful red T-shirts brother, lost to him for nineteen labeled on the front, in white letter- years. . . . Another member noticed a ing, “Bill W.3 friend, Dick” (or Har- blue badge with the name Ed S. and ry, or whatever). . . . The two old asked its wearer if he happened to drinking buddies, one now a priest, know another Ed S., from a certain who met for the first time in many town. “That’s my dad,” was the I soon realized that I was with thou- alcohol. But they were the excep- years, made their mutual amends, reply. Both he and another son are in sands of people who could and would tions. Most of us were just interested help me, if I would only let them.” in everything that was going on, and From California, a member wrote: pleased to be part of it.” “Trudging through the throngs on And a lot was going on, between Montreal’s downtown streets, creep- friends old and new. Many AAs ing uneasily into the underground found old friends in unexpected world of the Metro, plodding along ways. A speaker at one of the meetcorridors in the Convention Center ings told the story of five drinking and the hotels where we talked to one buddies from boarding school: she another incessantly at nonstop meet- and one other who were sober in AA, ings, I found that my predominant one now dead, one still drinking, and impression was that this was the most a fifth whom she hadn’t heard from good-natured mass of people I had in many years. At the end of the ever encountered. More than good- meeting, the fifth friend, now a sober natured; they were good-humored, member, came up and reintroduced for the most part quietly well-man- herself. . . . Then there was the New nered, moving with simple dignity Yorker whose drinking story of washand self-assurance, and all of them, ing her hair Iroquois-style, along with even if seemingly aloof or timid, ex- an Indian friend, in the St. Lawrence traordinarily approachable. Seaway had been met with skepti- “There were a few loud and rau- cism in her home group – until a cousones, of course, apparently bent Montreal friend who had been her on demonstrating how noisily they companion in that venture told the ‘could have fun without resorting to same story at a local meeting.. ..

the program and have tried, unsuc- merits, bringing order to the dizzying meeting at Olympic Stadium.” One the making of history, and of “down cessfully, to talk to their father. Per- round of “happenings,” large and AA wrote that “the panorama of AA home” AA brought by members of haps an old business friend will be small. A member who commented history unfolded and became alive the family we all share. .more successful – the door is now that “the first hour of the Friday again as it was recounted before us by Saturday, it was meetings, meetopen. . . . An AA from Nebraska was night opening ceremony was worth those living’witnesses of its birth.” ings, meetings during the day, and hunting for a cup of coffee late at the whole trip” probably expressed The present and the past were repre- out to the stadium again for the Big. night, “and the only place open was the thoughts of several thousand oth- sented on the dais: Sarah P., GSO Show. There were more human waves the hotel bar. I made some comment ers. A Florida AA described Friday staff member and Convention coor- (rapidly becoming a Convention about drinking coffee at a bar, and night’s Big Meeting this way: “While dinator; the current trustees of the “must”), and overwhelming enthusi- , the bartender replied that she drinks a the Stadium filled up with spectators, General Service Board: old-timers, asm for the Inkspots and the Mum- , lot of it, too. I asked her if she was a we reveled in human wave after alcoholic and nonalcoholic, including mers and the can-can dancers. There , friend of Bill W., and she replied, ‘off human wave as people stood and Bob Smith Jr., the only living person was also the reality of the rain that and on.’ We got to talking a bit about cheered in the stands at Olympic Sta- who was present when Bill W. and had threatened all day, and broke af- AA, and after looking through the dium. I danced in the aisle with Dr. Bob met for the first time in Ak- ter the show. A member from Oklaho- Convention program, found a meet- countless others, young and old, to ron. Ruth Hock, Bill W.’s first secre- ma shared this memory: “Saturday ing topic that caught her fancy, the beat of Michael Jackson tunes on tary at the original Alcoholic Founda- night at 1l:3O, and I was riding around scheduled for late at night after. the the loudspeaker system. We cried tion office, who typed the manuscript with a busload of wet drunks! The bar closed. We don’t know what h a p during the Flag Ceremony. Witness- of the Big Book, was presented with love of this beautiful Fellowship was pened, and probably never will – but ing and being a part of history, past the five-millionth copy by Gordon shining everywhere in Montreal, but I and wresent. created a Patrick, nonalcoholic chairperson of especially noticed it Saturday night, feeling of melancholy, the General Service Board. And “the when we were all rain-soaked and runa sense of sadness highlight,” as one Nebraska member ning to catch our bus. No one grumwithin our joy, be- wrote, “was when Lois W. came into bled about hair, clothes, or cameras cause we knew this the stadium and everyone stood up. It -a far cry from the drinking days!” would never happen was a sign of appreciation that only Sunday opened with a 7:00 AM again.” members of AA and Al-Anon would “Fun Run,” from the LeGrand After the impromp- understand. When she reached the Hotel through Old Montreal, along tu dancing and cheer- podium, I developed the largest tears the St. Lawrence River, and back to ing came the official I have shed since entering the Fellow- the LeGrand. Then it was off with the opening ceremonies. ship. So much of this program to me jogging suits and back out to the sta- First the Flag Cere- is a miracle; it was good to be remind- dium for the wind-up and official mony, with flag-bear- ed by Lois that our co-founders were closing of the Convention, the Spirers from fifty-four just human beings, not gods as I itual Meeting. It was moments of incountries marching in sometimes picture them to be.” spiration from chairperson Betty L. formation and step- The three speakers – Guy from of the GSO staff and speakers Walter ping forward as their Quebec, Sybil from California, and from Guatemala, Liz from New Zeacountry’s name was Dave from North Carolina – evoked land, and Joe from Arkansas. It was we believe there was an unseen guest called. The meeting itself started off a sense of history and a spirit of pres- blowing out the candle lighted at midat the bar that night, who will finish with a roar of laughter when Bob P., ent gratitude that sent the crowds off night on Thursday by the person with the story.” Convention chairperson, welcomed to the Metro with mixed feelings: of the most sobriety at the first mara- The main events were peak mo- everyone to “the regular Friday night awe because they had been present at thon meeting. According to custom,

five hours in North Bay. Twelve of us wrote the Grapevine, a member from f ACKNOWLEDGMENTS We gratefully acknowledge the following members, who in reality AAs, some from as far away as Australia, left the train and headed for some ice cream at a nearby restaur- California, summed it up this way: “Once in my youth, I was told that the whole is greater than the sum of are the writers of this article: J. H., Port Hueneme, CA; R. H., ant. Then we went to a local meeting. its parts. Never was this more true Citrus Heights, CA; B. M., Saratoga, CA; F. F., Wilmington, DE; It turned into an international meet- than at the International Convention C. C., Miami Beach, FL;T. K., Honolulu, HI; P. L., Crofton, ing, and the chairperson gave us all in Montreal. By their very presence, M D ; A. C., Brighton, MA; M. P., Dedham, MA; R. G., Salem, five minutes to speak. Gratitude be- AAs streaming in from all corners of MA; R. W., Springfield, MA; T. S., Templeton, MA; R. P., < came the theme, and it was expressed the world brought to me the clear and :Bellewe, NE; D. A., Snyder, NE; T. B., Delran, NJ; V. V., by people from the U.S., Germany, comforting message, ‘I can’t, but we /Freehold, NJ; N. ‘A., Wenonah, NJ; C. P., Albuquerque, NM; Spain, Sweden, and Canada, to name can!’ The open fellowship in the J.M.,Madrid,NY;D.O.,Martville,NY;S.G., J.Y., J.S.,D.D., only a few.”. . . Undoubtedly, there streets, in the meetings, and in the were many such mini-Conventions in Convention Center and Stadium E.B., and J. M., New York, NY;R. S., Edmond, OK; E. E., Tulsa, those first weeks of July, held by AAs proved to me once again that in our ;OK;R;K., Portland, OR; T. B., Kenora, ON: E. R., Austin, TX – who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let the ex- diversity lies our strength.” and numerous others whose recollections could be included only if e Grapevine,was a magazine-without-end. The Editors 1 perience end. One of the many gratefulAAs who -r –

the person with least sobriety at the ing through the city.. . . On Monday last marathon meeting blows out the night, one of the local meetings was candle, and this time it was Lamont so mobbed that it had to move from C. from Texas, with three and one the basement into the church itself. half days. (A member from Massa- The experience continued as Conchusetts reflected, “I wonder what ventioneers went home. This recollecit’s like to have 40,000 sponsors.”) tion comes from an enthusiastic And finally, it was more than 40,000 Massachusetts member: “For me, voices joining in the closing Lord’s Montreal was like getting drunk on Prayer, and 40,000 faces wet with friendliness, a natural high on handtears of gratitude. shakes and hugs. Like a greedy alky, I For some conventions, extinguish- wanted MORE, MORE, MORE. So I kept ing the candle and saying the closing my badge on for four days in Quebec prayer might have been the end, but City, and I got MORE – from Texas what alcoholic ever stopped anything and Washington and Oklahoma and willingly? A Sunday afternoon tour Ontario and New Jersey. Tuesday on the St. Lawrence River turned into night, a group in Quebec City happily an AA outing. . . . An Oregon mem- accommodated the overflow from ber planned to meet some Scottish Montreal; they went from an average friends at the Convention Center of about twenty members to eightyplaza; they were joined by others, two!”. . . “Returning by train from and a group of ten or twelve AAs Montreal,” wrote an AA from Onjoined other groups of AAs meander- tario, “we were held up for four or

– tale of the Texas Ranger. “Maybe I’m too young for all this,” he said. “You mean I have to Many years ago, he said, at one of stay away from the first drink, come the “old-time” AA meetings he went to these meetings, and never have any to, there was a Texas Ranger who sat more fun?” by himself in the back of the room be- From the back of the room the hind a pair of dark sunglasses, with Texas Ranger’s spurs clanked to the his silver spurs propped up on the floor like a gunshot. He got up from table in front of him, and his hun- his seat and a path cleared in front of dred-dollar cowboy hat tipped back him as he sidled up to the newcomer. . onto his sunburned forehead. The Ranger bent down, lifted up his . : Well, one day a young fellow sunglasses, and looked straight into showed up at the meeting in pretty the newcomer’s bloodshot eyes. bad shape. He was cut and bleeding, “Son,” he asked, “just how much and what clothes he had left reeked of damned fun can you stand?’ alcohol. Some of the older members The next stop on the sobriety countof the group quickly got to their feet down was thirty-one years, followed and ushered the ragged newcomer to by twenty-nine, twenty-seven, twenthe front of the room where they be- ty-six, twenty-five, twenty-three, and gan to tell him what AA was all every year thereafter, all the way about. After a pretty good earful, the down to the brave newcomer who newcomer took a skeptical look stood up to announce one day of soaround him. briety. The chant broke out, “Keep

f r Coming Back! Keep Coming Back!” rado put it this way: “So many peowhile people all over the banquet hall ple have asked, ‘What is it like?’ “I am a Big Book thumper and I ing, and transportation all became scrambled to fmd him a Big Book. It %ll, it is commonly referred to as believe what it says at the end of the further opportunities for the Higher was clear that one day of sobriety was ‘conferencejunkie fever.’ Appendix on spiritual experiences, Power to remain anonymous, as the greatest blessing in the room that “For me, the trip to Miami had something about contempt prior to “coincidence” after “coincidence” night. As Debbie S. of Des Plaines, many purposes. First, I’d been sober investigation. So, I went to investi- began piling up. Sandy R. from Vero Illinois noted, “We had a man who only three weeks when ICYPAA gate. But the theme ‘Sunlight of the Beach, Florida, sober less than two celebrated forty-five years of sobri- came to my state last year. I saw the Spirit’ bothered me a lot. I felt it was months, just happened to have a ety and a person with one day. The spirit then, and I wanted what they close to blasphemy. brother-in-law from New York who . neat thing is that God loves them had. In Miami, I got it for myself and “About three weeks prior to my ar- had an extra bed in his room. both the same.” just want to keep passing it on. The rival at the conference, I was involved Another member who had a problem “Sunlight of the Spirit” was the second reason for coming was to cele- in a personal inventory, reflecting on getting time off from her job was able theme for this year’s conference in brate my one-year anniversary in a it and doing a review of it with pages to work out a combination of per- Miami, Florida, and when the regis- special way, with a double treat – an 64 through 70 of the Big Book. As I sonal days, vacation days, and a tration desk in the lower lobby of the ICYPAA and a dream come true. was reading on page 66, I stopped “flex” day with her supervisor. Hyatt Regency opened on Thursday For ten years I had sat on bar stools cold. Realization struck as I read Car after car pulled into the Hyait morning there was an excited, vibrant bragging about going to the Epcot these words, ‘. . .we shut ourselves Regency. Baggage was unloaded, cab crowd in waiting. For many it was Center in Orlando someday. Now off from the sunlight of the Spirit.’ I bies were paid, and anxious, squinttheir first ICYPAA, while for others I’m grateful to say that Disney World was immediately comforted but also ing faces came out of the bright Florit was an event they wouldn’t dream and the Epcot Center have become a ashamed I had had those thoughts ida sunshine into the cool, darkened I of missing, year after year. reality – thanks to God, AA, and about the theme of the conference. A lobby of the hotel only to adjust from Laura R. of Breckenridge, Colo- Florida young people.” spark within me ignited.” the glare, recognize a face in the mill- While good old American folk wis- A woman from Illinois had this to ing crowd, and greet an old friend. dom has it that “Curiosity killed the say: “As I write this letter, I am Armed with T-shirts, coffee mugs, cat,” Rita R. from Kearney, N e 31,000 feet in the air reflecting on my day-care facilities, and 400 pounds of braska, saw it quite another way. second ICYPAA. I attended my first coffee, the Florida planning commitin Chicago and was reassured that tee was ready for the surge. Registrayoung people’s conferences did not tion proceeded (representing46 states, necessarily mean just young in age, three provinces of Canada, Puerto but rather anyone who was still will- Rico, the Virgin Islands, the Bahaing to grow. I have been sober a little mas, Venezuela, Ireland, and Saudi over six years and an important part Arabia), and unless one was either exof my recovery has been retreats, tremely quick or extremely shy, a hug conventions, and conferences. In my from the ICYPAA hospitality hugopinion, I have not attended any gers was inescapable. There were greater conferences where there was sign-up tables, too, for snorkeling so much love, warmth, and people trips and boat tours, if one could find just having fun enjoying sobriety time amid the ample program of than at the International Conferences meetings, anchored in the Steps and of Young People in AA.” Traditions, which was offered around In such a spiritually charged at- the clock. mosphere, problems of money, hous- “Walking into the hotel that day in

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*- May, there were people, lots of peo- There were others, more timid per- steady flow of hungry travelers, and ple, sober people, all over the place. haps, who stayed on the fringes, un- the employees of that shop got a good able to break the ice. Many said, “I look into the clear eyes of AA’s future. Feeling very overwhelmed and scared, I said, ‘I need a meeting.’ can’t take it anymore. I haven’t shared Being a large hotel, the Hyatt had There was one going on not ten feet at a meeting yet and I’m miserable. I lots of other events going on in the away. I went in and sat down. A man know this is the only thing that will days just past, and the last large had the microphone. He was ner- help, but I have so much fear.” group of faces these employees had vous, recently out of a treatment pro- “Fear, lots of fear,” said a woman seen were those gathered for the Miss from Nebraska. “It was the same fear USA contest. In one twenty-fourgram, and had never been to an I had when I asked someone to be my ICYPAA before. His mother had hour period during the Miss USA written to him while he was in treat- sponsor; the same fear I had when I competition, the pizza shop had gone ment and his sponsor had suggested did my first Fifth Step; the same fear through twenty-one cases of beer. he share her letter with us. He did, I had when I sincerely prayed the ICYPAA changed all that. and I was amazed, for she had written “My boyfriend and I arrived at t i e Seventh Step prayer. By some bizarre twist of fate, what was true about me, too – how Hyatt. We registered and took a look “In my hometown groups I can sometimes deceive them about what’s though, the hotel’s scheduling called for one of the meeting rooms in the – , my own friends had felt about my at the program to see which topics we behavior and active drinking years. would sit in on first. Since I had been going on with me. I can comer a sym- lower lobby, directly across from one Those were the hard truths and involved in an incestuous relationship pathetic ear – but not with my peers. of the larger AA meeting rooms, to realizations I was learning to face as a child, we decided to go to the sex- For them to be sober seven years at be the location for the Scotch about myself in my sobriety. Wow! ual abuse discussion. After some con- age twenty-five, they have walked in Whiskey Information Center’s recep Lurking in my thoughts I knew I fusing room changes, I finally found my shoes. Yet nobody said it. Instead tion and tasting session on Thursday must share the truth too, but would I myself sitting in a room with three you could see it and feel it! And in night, the opening night of the conbe able to?” other people, wondering why 1 had equal proportion you could feel the ference. Participants on both sides of One woman remarked, “I was decided to come to this meeting at all. love, the giving and giving and giving this unusual pairing of events mindefinitely ready for a weekend of “As more people wandered in, a – freely, with no strings.” gled in the hallways, casting skeptical making new friends, partying, atten- woman from New York started the As the bikers started pulling in, one looks back and forth. The odd mixding super marathon meetings, and meeting. Then people began sharing by one and in groups, from as far ture of tasters and ex-tipplers did, taking risks to grow and change. their stories associated with sexual away as Boston and Montreal, the however, afford an opportunity to Everywhere I turned, people were abuse, both incest and spouse abuse. conference picked up steam and the carry a powerful message of love to at hugging, and in the air was an They all spoke so honestly, finally I coffeepots flowed freely. A twenty- least one drinker. overwhelming attitude of gratitude got up enough courage to raise my four-hour pizza shop on theconcourse As the evening darkened and the for being sober, alive, and free.” hand and share my own story of the Hyatt served to sustain the cooler night air settled over the patio Others had similar feelings, even as honestly as I could. This part of my though they arrived late. “I arrived life had been hidden for some fifteen for the Friday evening activities, years, and after I finished I started to stayed overnight, and attended sev- cry. I knew why I needed that meeting eral meetings. There was wonderful -maybe not at first, but I knew after fellowship just moving from coffee I had spoken that I was not alone. urn to coffee urn in the lobby area.” Other people had gone through what For some, such as a woman from I had gone through, and I could final- Margate, Florida, the rich program ly talk about it.”

out along Miami’s streets, avenues, present did not intend to be passive and highways to shop, to sample recipients of the AA message, but Miami’s Cuban cuisine, or simply to rather were hellbent on taking an acwander. Snorkeling trips came and tive role. went, and ad hoc groups piled onto In the reading of “How It Works,” buses or into cars and headed for the for example, following the words beach. Meanwhile, back at the Hyatt, “Here are the steps we took. . .” the the poolside fellowship that was to audience “helps” the reader by continue throughout the conference shouting out the numbers of the Steps was shifting into high gear, as one of in unison. the fringe benefits of this year’s site “ONE!” selection – unlimited tanning – “We admitted we were powerless came to fruition. “My wife will think over alcohol – that our lives had b e something’s funny if I don’t come come unmanageable.” back with a tan,” one New Yorker “TWO!” outside the lower lobby, a number of was heard to say. “Came to believe. . .” AAs had gathered outside to talk and ‘&%& But, by the time eight o’clock rolled “THREE!” and so on all the way share. Suddenly, a man with a drink around, and the sun-ripened bodies through the Steps, until the audience in his hand ameared at the top of the were scrubbed clean of tanning oil overreaches itself and shouts out patio steps. ~e stumbled i d fell ‘ and perspiration, a crowd began to “THIRTEEN!” headlong onto the patio bricks. With- gather at the banquet hall for an open This impulsive addition, however, in seconds, he was surrounded by a vine (the “Rock and Roll Sobriety” speaker’s meeting. For most, it was is met with a resounding and collecgroup of AAs who had seen the fall. issue) and stuck it into his pocket with the first unveiling of the giant con- tive “BOO!” -putting to rest one of By “coincidence” two registered the hope that the Twelve Steps print- ference banner – a banner tradition- the common misconceptions about nurses (Lori K. from Detroit, Michi- ed on the inside of that cover might ally passed on from one host city to young people’s groups. gan and Kathie M. from Joliet, Il- someday be of help. the next. Spanning the width of the Then, finally, in the phrase follow: linois) were in the crowd. As the meetings continued into the podium platform, the banner served ing the words, “Many of us ex- Though the fellow never did fully night, there was “an energy, a force as a stirring backdrop as speakers claimed. ..” the audience again regain consciousness, the two sober – very powerful, very dynamic. Yes, from Boston, Maryland, and Minne- chimes in, right on cue: “‘What an nurses stayed by his side until the it was the spirit! Those people (me) sota shared their stories. order! I can’t go through with it,'” I Miami paramedics finally arrived. were possessed with a sense of power Again, as in the smaller meetings, adding, however, an emotional ad- I Judging from the fall, it was hard to and direction. Sharing it and giving it the mood of participation and honesty dendum not written into the original determine whether the fellow had away. Just as the sun emits its rays, was strong. The meeting opened with text in response to this blatant form simply staggered from the drinking or the Spirit of the Universe, Creative the Preamble, “How It Works,” and of denial. Can’t go through with it, had actually had a seizure of some Intelligence, the Great Reality – a reading of the Twelve Traditions. you say? sort. In either case, someone thought all those things the Big Book talks Familiar as these passages are to “BULL—-! a little reminder wouldn’t hurt when, about – were alive in each and every many AAs, one of the more appeal- On Saturday morning, the longand if, the fellow regained conscious- one of us.” ing, and revealing, customs of the big awaited bidding session for next ness. Since a Big Book wouldn’t do On Friday, with temperatures meetings at ICYPAA breathed a new year’s conference took place in the under the circumstances, someone creeping up into the low 90s, young vitality into these important readings. Hyatt’s auditorium. While excite ripped off the cover of a May Grape AAs, Al-Anons, and Alateens spread It was clear that the majority of those ment was high and regional enthusi-

asm at a peak, the point at which service meetings. In an hour-long inmoney and spirituality must mix had f~rmationalmeeting, the first of its finally arrived. With ten cities or re- kind at an ICYPAA, the art director gions presenting formal bids to the and associate editor of the Grapevine I C Y P M Advisory Council (made led an informal session designed to up of fifteen elected members – open the doors of communication, three from each host city of the past answer questions, and highlight some five conferences), matters of prac- of the history and hopes of the ticality and reason began to prevail. Grapevine. One member who had some serious When the question “How many of doubts about what he was doing at you have ever thoufit about writing the conference was reassured by the an article for the Grapevine?” was powerful energy generated at the bid- asked, nearly every hand in the room ding session. “All of a sudden it felt went up. And yet, when the corres- lights from the April proceedings. affixing responsibility for the future like AA, and I finally knew why I had ponding question “How many have The third speaker at the workshop of AA just where it ought to be: “If come.” Another member noted, “I actually done it?” was asked, no was the past Pacific regional trustee, AA goes to hell, it’ll be your fault, wish political conventions would take hands went up. It was suggested that who, with the trustee from Arkansas, not mine,” he said. note of the bidding session. It was this was precisely the purpose of had been at the ICYPAA in Denver As the hour moved closer and clos- ‘ organized and impressive, but with the Grapevine’s participation at last year. Most impressed with the er to the traditional Saturday night the spirit of joy.” ICYPAA – to try and bridge that enthusiasm shown at ICYPAA, she banquet and dance – and announce- With serious considerations of a gap, and to offer young people an likened the spirit of the conference to ment of the 1987 conference site selecpractical nature before it, the Ad- opportunity to voice their experience, the spirit of “old-time” AA. There tion – the tension and excitement visory Council listened carefully to all strength, and hope to the Fellowship. was, she said, “a sense of newness,” began to mount. Poolside bathers rethe bids. A considerable investment After the Grapevine meeting was a a freshness so welcome on the AA turned to their rooms only to emerge of time, energy, research, and hard General Service Trustees workshop, landscape, a landscape where AA is moments later in elegant dresses, work had gone into each of the bids, held for the second year in a row. so well known and so readily avail- jackets, and ties. m e crowd milled and some sites were bidding for the Leading the workshop was the re- able that many often take it for grant- around the banquet hall in anxious second or third time. While banners, gional trustee from Arkansas, who ed. “ICYPAA is unique,” she said, anticipation, as state by state the bumper stickers, buttons, and slo- provided some background informa- and later noted that any AA event doors were opened. Waiters in black gans had been passed around from tion on the duties of a trustee, and that could negotiate free coffee pants and ruffled shirts scurried to day one of the conference, and re- shared some personal experiences as a around the clock was most certainly and fro, setting up tables and taking gional chants had spontaneously trustee and as president (since rotat- to be commended. care of last-minute details. Faces, broken out at the most unusual times, ed) of the AA World Services board While most of those present were once bent and twisted in pain, like the finally it was facts, figures, intuition, – one of the two publishing arms of service-oriented, it was hoped that face of the young newcomer in the and need which guided the workings AA’s General Service Board (the those members would carry back to tale of the Texas Ranger, were now of the Advisory Council’s group con- other being the AAGV). Also at the their home groups the enthusiasm radiant and bright. The hard work of science. One member of the Advisory workshop was Mary R. from Boston, and commitment of ICYPAA, and the Florida planning committee was Council put it this way: “We prayed a Massachusetts, a delegate to the 1986 through their example might influ- now bearing its fruit. lot, and then prayed some more.” General Service Conference and ence other young people to partici- Ernilio M., from Florida, was the Following the bidding session, Sat- delegate chairperson of that Confer- pate in the service structure of AA as banquet speaker, and finally with the urday afternoon brought two special ence, who provided a digest of high- a whole. The workshop closed on a tables cleared and the after-dinner powerful and sobering note with a coffee poured, the program moved to-

,? ‘ “What did 1 find? An impressive these young people is in harmony with ward its peak as Larry Y., chairman too – on the initials making up the demonstration of AA’s language of the attitudes of Dr. Bob and Bill W.” (since rotated) of the Advisory Coun- acronym “ICYPAA.” It came out the heart at its very best – more than Once again at the microphone, cil took the microphone. In a classic, “Ippy-Kaa.” With understanding, 2,400 exuberant, joy-filled young Larry Y. reached into his coat pocket almost slapstick snafu, Larry was in- yet firm guidance, the audience lov- people sharing in an extremely attrac- to extract yet another envelope, sigterrupted on the podium while a birth- ingly corrected the chairman. tive way how they carried the message naling that the 1987 site selection was . day cake was presented to him and “ICKY-PAA! ICKY-PAA! to other young alcoholics. They about to be announced. The banquet the audience sang a rousing “Happy ICKY-PAA!” they chanted. worked hard and played hard, but hall exploded into a cacophony of Birthday.” Somewhat baffled but Gordon caught the wave of proper always in the forefront was AA’s chants. unruffled, Larry graciously thanked pronunciation and joined in the primary purpose and careful adher- “SOBAH! SOBAH! SOBAH!” I everyone for their support, while chant, beating time to the rhythm. “I ence to the Traditions. The confer- “California!” I quietly noting that his birthday was in think I’ve got it,” he said with a ence was a masterpiece of planning “Tennessee! Tennessee! Tenfact in November, not May. With that smile. and organization.” nessee! ” expression of the group’s right to be “I came, I saw, I was conquered,” While the contribution of the pro- “TULSA! ” wrong neatly out of the way, Larry he later wrote. “When I first heard ceeds from this ICYPAA was not a “ICYPAA! ICYPAA! ICYPAA!” called the two regional trustees to the the acronym ICYPAA in reference to “one-shot deal” (ICYPAA contrib- When the envelope was opened podium along with Gordon Patrick, young people in AA, 1 thought it was utes to GSO each year), Gordon and the final selection named, nearly the nonalcoholic chairman of the a new obscenity, dreamed up by those placed emphasis on this contribution a quarter of the audience rose to its General Service Board. crazy kids who drank too much and when it was seen in the context of AA feet as one in wild, unbounded cele- Offering tangible evidence that used drugs. I also heard old-timers in as a whole. Noting the shortfall of bration. ICYPAA is in fact part of AA, in AA imply that ICYPAA was a threat group contributions to GSO over the “SOBAH! SOBAH!” the slogan accordance with the Seventh Tradi- to AA unity from yet another special last few years, Gordon expressed his of the Boston bid committee rang tion Larry presented Gordon with a interest group. concern not so much over the dollars out, making clear once and for all check made out to the General Ser- “Fortunately the enthusiasm of and cents of the situation, but rather just what a regional accent will do. vice Office for $7,300.00. regional trustees Natalie S. and over the disturbing implication that Quite sober, “SOBAH” will be the Visibly moved, in accepting this Wayne P. persuaded me to attend individual AA members seemed to be theme of the 30th ICYPAA. donation on behalf of the trustees of and to see for myself what the young taking the traditional principles Sunday morning, Joyce M. from . Alcoholics Anonymous, Gordon of self-support for granted. The Florida capped off the conference tripped himself up – as many before ICYPAA check, then, was exciting with a moving qualification, in which him have, and many after him will evidence of the active and vital role she related the characteristic stateyoung people were willing to take in ment she made to members of her helping GSO to carry the message of home group, early in sobriety, when Alcoholics Anonymous worldwide. it was suggested that she get involved With a final thought, Gordon con- in service, perhaps even making the cluded his reflections on the 29th coffee: “Who do I look like? Mrs. ICYPAA: “Our higher power has Olsen?” Needless to say she became done it again! Those beautiful young the group’s coffeemaker. people, most of whom have used When the final meeting of the condrugs, have no problem keeping the ference came to a close, in a swaying focus on recovery from alcoholism at chain of linked arms, the conference all times. As I see it, the attitude of joined together in a rendition of

“Right now I am still 31,000 feet in the air on my way back to Chicago,” And finally, talking about- some wrote Debbie S. “But there is no backfired plans that landed his greater natural high than to hear sev- brother at the conference, Fred W. of eral thousand young people say the Cincinnati, Ohio captured what may Lord’s Prayer together followed by be the essence of ICYPAA. the singing of ‘Amazing Grace.’ I feel “I met my brother in Key West to as if I’ve experienced another spiri- go diving on Saturday. We couldn’t tual awakening, and for that I am make the dive, so I brought him up to truly grateful.” the conference. He’s not in AA and And yet, even the long trip home doesn’t qualify for the Fellowship, so afforded some the opportunity to this was a totally new and unique continue carrying the message, as Jo experience for him. It blew him away. Ann B. of Columbia, Tennessee Whenever I introduced him to somenoted. one they first of all asked him if this “Our plane was unable to take off was his first conference and then they on schedule, due to bad weather in gave him a big AA hug. At first he Atlanta, and when we fmally did was embarrassed, but as time went on arrive there were no more connecting he could see and feel the closeness of flights to Nashville. But my friend the fellowship and I know he underand I met two other young people stands. When I dropped him off at who were also stranded for the night. the airport on Sunday, we hugged for One of them asked us where we had the first time in our lives. Two men, been. After a slight hesitation, we and brothers to boot.” told them about ICYPAA. About two in the morning one of them pulled me off to the side and asked Note: The editors sincerely thank the me a lot of questions about AA. So Florida planning committeefor their we had an all-night meeting in the help.

November 1986

with the help of the indomitable Sis- raging, though, for the most part, it ter Ignatia, was working with intense came from the major centers and repdedication at St. Thomas Hospital in resented the glamor of a successful Akron. This was the medical heart of experiment. Elsewhere in the country AA and from all over the country the story was a different one. Growdrunks came to Akron to find the ing pains were acute. They had to be healing hands and spirit of Dr. Bob faced and solved or the movement, and Sister Ignatia. This dinner was with all of its fine support, might held in tribute to the extraordinary wither from lack of properly defined labors of these two and was reported principles and structural objectives. with warm good humor and appre- Bill journeyed south in July, making ciation from Detroit on all of the wire scheduled stops in all of the principal services throughout the country. centers of AA activity – Florida, On June 17th the First Annual North Carolina, Alabama, and Geor- Dinner of AA was held in New York gia. This was only the beginnning. At at the Penthouse (26th floor), 2 Park each place AAs gathered to discuss Avenue. Dinner $1.00! P ttendance their local problems and project plans was reported at 425. The principal for the future. Out of these meetings V speakers among the non-AAs were and from the combined experiences T ast month we referred to 1941 as with the blind leading the blind. In Dr. Silkworth, Dr. I. R. Sillman of the Traditions were born. h a year of great AA growth, pri- July of 1942 Bill started south on the the psychiatric division of the Colum- Again the press clippings reveal a ‘marily resulting from Jack Alexan- beginning of a journey which ulti- bia Presbyterian Hospital, the Rever- continued interest in our doings. We der’s Saturday Evening Post article mately led in 1946 to the formulation end Vincent Donovan, O.P., and W. didn’t have a chance to “die abornpublished in March. The development of the ‘helve Traditions. Before this, S. Richardson. Once again we took ing” – if for no other reason than of AA in that year was a tremendous- however, two major events occurred up an amazing amount of space in the that every little development and ly stimulating and vital experience, which revealed again how alive our news columns and once again the every new group was instantly reportbut it brought with it many new and young movement remained in the reporting was respectful and friendly. ed. Even when we were misinterunanticipated problems. Not only awareness of the nation’s press. Some of the headlines were pretty preted the results were generally more were established groups confronted On April 14th, as one paper re- funny. The New York Herald 7ki- humorous than harmful.. later in with an influx of new members but all ported, “Detroit yesterday had a con- bune, for example, announced “Ex- Pittsburgh Bill was speaking to the over the country groups were spring- vention that made history. It was a Alcoholics Hold Dinner, Give Credit local Chamber of Commerce and, in ing up spontaneously. In most cases convention of drunks, four hundred to Self-Discipline,” and the New the course of his speech, commented these were guided into life solely by of the best and most accomplished York Daily News heralded, “424 Ex- that the Nordic races seemed more the Big Book, letters from the central drunks that Detroit, Cleveland, Slaves Toast Defeat of Barleycorn.” susceptible to the disease of alcoholoffice or an occasional visitor from a Akron, Flint, Toledo, Windsor (Ca- All of them expressed their delight ism than the Latin races. This innomore seasoned center. The need for a nada) could muster.” This “conven- and astonishment at the “regular bar cent observation was interpreted as, workable structural formula was tion” was a testimonial dinner at with real liquor” maintained at the “Blondes are more inclined to urgent. Webster Hall in Detroit for Dr. Bob. dinner for the press and other non- become victims of drink than bru- At that time there were no Tradi- During the preceding years when Bill AA tosspots. nets. . .there is some mysterious relations, no services. Group autonomy was coping with the many growing All of this public attention and tionship between color and alcoholic in most cases meant group anarchy- pains of the movement, Dr. Bob, growing acceptance was vastly encou- allergy – says founder of AA.”

December 1989

AA Around the World AA’s fifty-fifth anniversary is less than a year away now, and with it the International Convention which will be held in Seattle, Washington, July 5th through the 8th, 1990. In order to celebrate this milestone event, and to celebrate the worldwide growth of AA, the July 1990 Grapevine will be devoted to the topic “AA Around the World.” So far, we’ve heard from AAs in the following countries: Great Britain, Finland, Japan, India, The Philippines, Bolivia, South Africa, West Germany, Tanzania, Zimbabwe, New Zealand, and Australia. But please, let’s not stop there! Any additional manuscripts should be received at the Grapevine office by January 31st, 1990. There is no guarantee that your manuscript will be published, but certainly you will never know unless you give it a try. Please send material directly to: The Grapevine, Editorial Department, PO Box 1980, Grand Central Station, NY, NY 10163-1980.

DEcember 1989

old-time stalwarts, coming from which took over the founding memplaces as far flung as Boston and San bers’ responsibility for the guidance Diego, beautifully reviewed the years and continuance of AA’s world serof AA experience which had led to vices. A Grapevine writer using the the writing of our Traditions.” Then wonymous sobriquet “Altered Ego” Bill summed up, and “Inquired if wrote in the August issue that year: those present had any objections to “Highlights? The moment when Bill the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics asked us to take up responsibility for Anonymous as they stood. Hearing our very life, and we said Aye. This none, I offered the AA Traditions for underlined for all our todays the prinadoption. Impressively unanimous, ciples of rotation and humility al- Fragments of AA History the crowd stood up. So ended that ready unanimously reaffirmed by the fine hour in which we of AA took our delegates to the Conference, that the destiny by the hand.” performance of special services for he AA Fellowship is approaching ‘ Cleveland. About 3,000 AAs (out of Bill writes of toasting “the absent AA shall never create a special class its 55th Anniversary, and looking a total membership of 97,000) gath- ones,” and movingly describes some of AA workers.” forward to an International Conven- ered that year for more than a birth- 01 the AAs who traveled great distion in July 1990 to celebrate. Inter- day party, for it was there that AA With the Twelve Traditions firmly tances to be there: the AA “from the in place, and the General Service national Conventions – birthday “came of age” and accepted the Marshall Islands who, though all ,

parties for AA – have been held Twelve Traditions. Conference well launched as guaralone out there, still claimed his dian of AA’s world services, succesevery five years since 1950, and since Bill W. described those three his- group had three members, to wit: most alcoholics like to operate on a toric days in a September 1950Grape- sive internationals have reaffirmed ‘God, the book Alcoholics Anony- and celebrated AA principles. In grand scale, it’s not surprising that vine article: “On AA’s 15th Anni- mous, and me.’ ” This man had travwhen AA has a party, it makes a bit versary everybody knew that we had Long Beach, Calif., in 1960, where eled 7,000 miles and brought, from a the theme was “Recovery, Unity, Serof a splash. . . grown up. There couldn’t be any stopover in Hawaii, “with great care vice,” Bill closed the Saturday night Montreal, July 4th weekend, 1985: doubt about it. Members, families, and refrigeration,” a cluster of leis, Almost 50,000 sober alcoholics from and friends spent three inspiring, al- meeting with a message of rededicaincluding one sent by the AA lepers tion “to an ever-deepening. love of 54 countries celebrated AA’s golden most awesome days with .our good at Molokai, “those isolated AAs anniversary, saturating that pictur- hosts at Cleveland. . . .Just what did each other, love for the wondrous who will always be of us, yet never creation in which we live and serve, esque city with the joy of sobriety. we do? Well, we had meetings, lots of with us.” New Orleans, July 1980: Not even them.” He goes on to describe the and love for its supreme author, God It was Dr. Bob’s last public appear- Himself.” Nearly 10,000 listened as a 100 degreeplus heat wave melted banquet, at which they had expected ance: “Earlier we thought he’d never the enthusiasm of more than 22,000 enough people to fill the Hotel Car- twelve AA members representing make it, his illness had continued so Australia, England, Norway, Bel- AA celebrants from all over the ter’s ballroom and where enough severe.. . . He spoke in a strong sure “surging celebrants” turned up to fill gium, Scotland, West Germany, world. voice for ten minutes, and he left us a South Africa, the Canal Zone, Puer- Denver, July 1975: Nearly 20,000 two extra rooms. great heritage. . . by which we AAs gathered and reminded themselves, And then: “Several thousand of us to Rico, and El Salvador accepted crowded into the Cleveland Music can surely grow.” copies of this rededication from AA’s “Let It Begin With Me.” The Fellowship claimed that heri- The sheer numbers were not so im- Hall for the Traditions meeting, co-founder to take back to their tage five years later, at St. Louis, home areas. pressive when Conventions began, at which was thought by most AAs to be where delegates approved the charter the first International in 1950, held in the high point of our Conference. Six The Toronto Convention in 1%5 of the General Service Conference, saw the birth of the familiat Rtspon~

sibility Declaration: “I am responsi- smooth motion the throng of 11,000 ble. When anyone, anywhere, reaches was on its feet in a standing ovation out for help, I want the hand of AA to Bill W., the surviving co-founder always to be there. And for that: I am of Alcoholics Anonymous.” responsible.” Two major themes ran The full realization of our cothrough the many Convention talks: founder’s mortality may have been the first was gratitude: the other was one reason why, in eleven different a concern over the possibility that languages, the participants in that success might lead AA to compla- Convention looked to the future in a cency about the size of the job still to pledge of unity: be done. To that end, Bill W.stressed “This we owe to AA’s future: in his talk the need to cooperate with To place our common welfare first; all who work on the problem of alco- To keep our Fellowship united. holism. “We should very seriously For on AA Unity depend our lives, ask ourselves how many alcoholics And the lives of those to come.” have gone on drinking simply because Over the succeeding nineteen we have failed to cooperate in good years, Conventions in Denver, New spirit with these many agencies. No Orleans, and Montreal continued to alcoholic should go mad or die simply celebrate sobriety and give thousands because he did not come straight to of AAs the opportunity to rededicate AA in the beginning.” themselves to the Fellowship’s spiri- Our 35th Anniversary in Miami tual principles. Each year, more and Beach was the last where Bill was able more AAs have “gone to the meetto appear, and the moment was de- ing,” and attendance at our 55th Anscribed in the October 1970 Grape- niversary celebration in Seattle in vine: “The man in the wheelchair July 1990 is expected to be around reached up, gripped the lectern with 45,000. But whether there are 3,000 both hands, and in one smooth motion of us or 50,000, the spiritual decibel hauled himself to his full six-foot- level will probably be about the same. three-inch height. And in another Very high – on sobriety.

January 1990

1990 International Convention World’s Fair, to the historic Pioneer Square Celebrates “55 Years – One Day area and the Pike Place Market. Superb resat a Time” taurants abound, offering fresh salmon and a It happens every five years, a super-celebra- variety of other delicacies, and tours of the tion of sobriety, where AA members from all city and surrounding areas are available. To over the world get together and go to a meet- top it off, the weather in July typically brings ing – and another meeting, and another. In temperatures in the 705, and cooler nights in the 60s. 1990 it will happen in Seattle, on the weekend of July 5-8, when more than 45,000 sober Registration forms were mailed to all alcoholics are expected to attend AA’s 55th groups and intergroups/central offices in Anniversary International Convention. September, and at this point rooms in most The excitement began as far back as August downtown hotels are fully booked. But there 1986, when the General Service Board selected is still space at AA discount rates in outlying Seattle as the celebration site for AA’s birth- areas of Seattle, and even as far south as day. The momentum has been building, and a Tacoma, and free transportation has been host committee of Seattle AAs has been work- arranged to and from the Convention sites. ing with the Internstional Convention Coor- Al-Anon and Alateen are having their own dinator at the General Service Office to put separate Convention in Seattle at the same together an unforgettable AA weekend. time, so that families can enjoy the celebra- Registration begins Monday. July 2, at the tions together. Seattle Center, and the Convention events will For further information, or to obtain a regbe kicked off Thursday night with five simul- istration form directly (instead of through taneous get acquainted dances, from Big your home group), write: International Con- Band style to Country Western. The Friday vention Coordinator, Box 459, Grand Central night Big Meeting and Flag Ceremony, the Big Station, New York, NY 10163. Show on Saturday night, and the Sunday morning Spiritual Meeting will all be held in the Kingdome Stadium, the only structure large enough to hold the anticipated crowds. These main events are the highlights of a weekend that will be a real test of any AA member’s sober ability to make choices. Throughout the day on Friday and Saturday, Convention-goers will be able to choose among an almost staggering selection of topic meetings, workshops, panel discussions, and special interest meetings. Add to these a marathon meeting and a Big Book marathon, and for those with energy t o spare, a Fun Run at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. And in spare moments, of course, there is an exciting city to explore, from the Space Needle and the Seattle Center, site of the 1962

October 1990

and sprawling on the lawns at Seattle Center, filling the Kingdome with applause and laughter and the silence of total identification, traveling back and forth by foot and monorail and shuttle bus, going to the top of the Space Needle and Mount Rainier, strolling on the waterfront and in Pike Place Market. In hotels and motels and dormitories all over the city and its outlying areas, somewhere between 47,000 and 48,000 sober drunks and their families and guests gathered for a long weekend: happy, joyous, and free. Drunks and their families and friends streamed into Seattle in carloads, busloads, trainloads, planeloads, and boatloads. Bob and Betty from San Jose, Costa Rica, “filed a claim for having driven farthest from our home district to this convention – over 5,000 miles. Central America, Mexico, and the heat of the southern part of the United States were great, because we were where we should be.” There were AAs and Al- Anons from far continents and from just around the corner. Kathy T., from Kent, Washington, volunteered to work on the registration at her first International Convention. “Just driving to Seattle yesterday from about 25 miles south, I wept as I saw cars from other states with AA stickers ands heading into town. And then issuing could imagine. – u s , ~ i – ~ n o n Alateens from 75 countries virtually badges to people f ~ o mall over the took over the city, to celebrate the U.S. and the world! I can’t even keep Fell~wship’s55th birthday. And cele- a dry eye writing this.” brate they did, from July 5 to 8,1990 Ed B. flew from New York, wear- – crowding into the meeting rooms ing an “I am a Friend of Bill W.” pin

on his lapel, and the flight attendant up in the enthusiasm that enveloped on his plane stopped him for a mo- the city of Seattle, because on July 4, ment and quietly said, “I’m a friend when new citizens were scheduled to of Bill W., too.” Bill, from Arizona, be sworn in at the Flag Pavilion at reflected on the “happy scene as near- Seattle Center, one of the citizens-toly 48,000 recovering alcoholics, Al- be, a man from China, turned up in Anons, and Alateens came to the city the Convention registration line by built on seven hills, literally start- mistake. He duly paid his $55, but ing at Alki Point(!), to celebrate looked thoroughly bewildered when freedom.” And Don from Illinois asked whether he needed an AA or an summed up the spirit of most par- Al-Anon badge. His money was reticipants: “My flight was cancelled, funded, of course, and two host commy luggage was lost, but it couldn’t mittee volunteers walked him over to take away from the emotion I expe- the Flag Pavilion to become a U.S. rienced.” citizen. Whether Convention-goersplanned The Convention opened officially for months in advance or simply on Thursday night, with dances in turned up, it all seemed to work out. several places around the city – but More than 12,000 registered on site even before that, we needed our meetinstead of the anticipated 6,000, and ings. On Wednesday, when the dele- Lee from Arizona saw it this way: the hall was so crowded that several gates reunion at the Sheraton ended, and AA history, and of course the times during the weekend, eager reg- some of the host committee greeters “I am here in Seattle enjoying the Big traditional marathon meeting that istrants had to be kept outside the at the hotel decided to see how much Meeting – the one taking place on began at midnight Thursday and doors and admitted in batches to it would cost to rent the vacant rooms sidewalks, in restaurants, on bus ended at 8:45 a.m. on Sunday. There conform with the fire laws. Mike and supply coffee for an impromptu seats, in hotel rooms, and just about were events for women, minorities, from Florida writes that, “As I wait- AA meeting. The hotel let them use everywhere. This is a miracle.” Many young people, gays, doctors, lawyers, ed in line, with hundreds of others, the rooms free of cost, while coffee gathered at what came to be known pilots and airline attendants, and as the “meeting tree” on the lawn at nonalcoholic guests shared their perfor on site registration, I noticed that was supplied at the Convention rates. Seattle Center, where there was virthe preregistration lines had only Signs were posted, greeters told the spectives. Many workshdps were three to iour people in them. I struck visiting AAs, and at 7:30 p.m. on tually a continuous meeting all week- packed to the doors, but Conventionup a conversation with a gentleman, Wednesday the meeting rooms opened end long. goers who couldn’t get into one could who mentioned that this was his and ran continuously until midnight The scheduled program began on always find another just as appealing fourth International Convention, Thursday, when the scheduled mara- Friday, and from morning till evening and informative. on Friday and Saturday, workshops In keeping with the international and asked him why after three previ- thon meetings began. Even though and panels provided a tantalizing ous Conventions he didn’t preregis- the first batch of coffee had to be flavor, some of the best attended ter. With a twinkle in his eye, the old- charged to an individual AA mem- array of AA fare. While most were in meetings were those that shared expe- English, some meetings were held in rience of AA in countries where the timer said, ‘At my age I wasn’t so ber’s room, the Seventh Tradition Spanish, French, Italian, German, sure if I would be here or not, and I prevailed. Contributions paid for the Fellowship is just getting started. The could imagine how long it might take coffee, provided a gratuity for the and Japanese, and there was some- “Around the World Call-up” meetmy wife to get a refund.’ ” hotel staff, and left enough for a $200 thing for every need and every inter- ings were especially crowded, and It must have been easy to get caught donation to GSO. est: Steps, Traditions, Big Book, all panelists from the U.S.S.R., Hunaspects of service, program principles gary, Romania, Czechoslovakia, and

the Ukraine in the “AA in Eastern ety, God willing, by the time of the GSO archivist. And of special signif- aspects, but it sounds good to me: ” Europe” meeting brought tears to the Convention. The last year has been icance to many, Bob S. and Sue Win- from two to two million in a scarce eyes of all who attended. The voices difficult. We just recently had to deal dows, Dr. Bob’s children, were pres- 55 years.” of alcoholics once doubly chained – with our 16-year-old daughter’s ad- ent on the dais. Saturday night, the Kingdome saw to alcohol and oppression – now diction to drugs and alcohol. She is Wini from Texas imagined herself a different kind of meeting, the Big freed from these bonds, were a testa- now in a youth treatment center, and looking out through the eye’s of Dr. Show, with a vocalist, a singing . ment to the strength and universality may be out in time to accompany us Bob’s son and daughter “at the spec- group, and the ensemble group Up of AA’s message of hope. to Seattle. So at a time when I was tacle of massed humanity, close to With People – in and out of the It seemed as if every time you turned down and feeling overwhelmed this 50,000 strong, recovered and recov- aisles, all around the Kingdome, ering AAs, Al-Anons, and assorted bringing the audience on stage to par- , around, you spotted a blue badge wonderful news came and I have refrom another country – as Tom newed faith that my higher power is associates. Smitty and Sue Windows ticipate in the fun. , had seen AA before it had a name or And Sunday morning’s Spiritual from California phrased it, “the listening to my prayers.” a book or a program, and its total international textures of AA.” Can- Fran from New Orleans was moved: Meeting was, for many, the high membership was two. And now – point of an indescribable weekend. dan from Turkey remarked, after “During the traditional flag cere- wow! A buddy of mine sitting beside being asked to sign someone’s Big mony, all countries were applauded Moderator Wayne P., after words of me said quietly, ‘We have changed appreciation for the work of the host Book for the umpteenth time, that as their banners were presented. But the world.’ As I watched AAs from with all this popularity, she really the fervor seemed to intensify, and committee greeters, introduced Eric all over the world, many in colorful B. (host committee chairperson for should head for Hollywood after the applause grew louder with the native costume, plant their national Seattle. naming of each country suffering the Convention), who chaired the flags in front of the platform, I meeting. “How It Works” and the On Friday night everyone flocked repression or inner strife, or having thought in awe, ‘And we’re still doing into the Kingdome, arriving early to recently won independence. It was as Traditions were read by Dr. Carl A. it.’ Making a head count of an anony- and Lonnie W. from Washington. line up for hot dogs, hang out, greet though those present, having gone mous Fellowship has its humorous friends old and new, and listen to pre- through their own personal forms of Jaime H. from Colombia, Eve M. meeting music and entertainment. hell, identified and were supportive.” Then the lights went down and the In addition to three inspiring talks flag ceremony began, with AAs from by Raymond M. from Scotland, June 75 countries, some in their national G. from California, and Jack F. from costumes, marching down proudly British Columbia, the Big Meeting one by one to plant their flags in front provided an occasion for recognizing of the dais. For the flag bearers, the contributions of several nonalcochosen at random from AAs who had holic~instrumental in the developregistered for the Convention, it was ment of the Fellowship. Michael a charged moment. Alexander, nonalcoholic chairman of . Marian M. from Canada wrote AA’s General Service Board, and when she was asked to carry her coun- Ruth J., who chaired the meeting, try’s flag: “I received your letter paid tribute to past trustees Dr. Jack asking if I would carry the flag for Norris and Dr. Milton Maxwell, both . Canada. .The answer is YES! YES! represented by their widows, and the YES! I’m so excited to have the op- ten millionth copy of the Big Book portunity to participate. I will have was presented to Nell Wing, for many almost three and a half years of sobri- years Bill W.’s secretary and later

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from Florida, and Don P. from Colo- and cry at the appropriate times. I’ve holic. I felt like a wind-up toy; I felt more than 40,000 friends who underrado evoked in their stories that basic never felt more ‘with it’ in the nine- exhilarated and afraid. Those stand and accept me.” reality: what we used to be like, what teen years I have attended meetings. crowds! The noise. Stop, don’t go. And when has there been an AA happened, and what we are like now. Thanks! But I stopped and asked my higher gathering without a multitude of “co- And as Bill from Arizona wrote: “It “I also attended the special meet- power to give me an intuitive thought, incidences”? Judy from Oregon had all evolved toward an incredible spiri- ing for deaf and hard-of-hearing al- and the slogans of AA kicked in: a recurring coincidence: “The Contual awareness during the solo gift of coholics, and sat in wonder at how Easy Does It, Rule #62, Don’t Take vention started off with a bang as I ‘Amazing Grace.’ One hundred thou- accurately and rapidly the message Yourself Too Seriously, Just Do It. was trying to parallel park in front of sand tear-filled eyes expressed deep can be translated by signing.” And I suited up and joined my fel- our hotel, and ran into the car in gratitude as hands reached out for the While the Big Meetings were the lows in attending the 55th Anniver- front of me. A fellow got out of that closing Lord’s Prayer. There is no high points, like all the Conventions sary Convention. ” car, saw my One Day at a Time liother ‘high’ that even comes close to that have gone before, this one will be Morghan from Kansas: “I came cense plate holder, and said, ‘It’s a this, inside or outside the Fellowship remembered for the little things: Like alone, but have met and talked with good thing I’m in the program.’ I of Alcoholics Anonymous. ” Pam from Colville, Washington, who people from all parts of the world. I looked at him and realized he was the Both the Big Meetings at the King- said, “I was given and gave hugs to have never felt alone during my stay.” same man from Molokai I had met in dome were signed for the hearing people from 23 nations and 49 states. David from Ottawa shared the same my shop in Portland two days earlier, impaired and simultaneously trans- What a gift to come home with!” feeling: “How to describe the Con- when we had exchanged addresses lated into Spanish, French, Cierman, And the two AAs from Texas who vention – WOW! I am 26 years old and he invited me to Molokai anyand Italian. Don from San Francisco, were on the monorail when it broke and I am spending the weekend with time. Then, after the Convention, I who has a “significant hearing loss,” down during the rainstorm: “Instead was particularly grateful for those of panic, it became a 20-minute interservices: “I always wear a hearing lude in which they learned they were aid, but have to sit close to the speaker sitting near some friends they had so I can augment what I hear with lip known in another city.” The Fun Run reading. I still avoid meetings where it on Sunday morning, with about 750 is too difficult for me to hear. completing the hilly three-mile course “I was very pleased to find a spe- – singing marching songs and a p ‘cial area reserved for deaf signing at plauding the Seattle police who were the Big Meeting on Friday night, and looking after them. The tee-shirt venwas about to sit down when I saw the dors doing a brisk business in “unofequipment for simultaneous transla- ficial souvenirs” at the gas station tion on the other side of the King- across the street from the Exliibidome. I asked if one of the channels tion Hall. carried English – there was one! – The feelings – from anticipation so I got a headset and sat down in the to fear. Lincoln C. from California section for non-English speaking par- had some apprehension at first: “I ticipants. Using the headset was an want to share with you the joy I had exciting experience because I heard so in attending the Convention in Seatmuch more of the speaker’s remarks tle, and the fear, because for me, as than I usually do. It was like listening the Big Book says, fear is like a fiber to a tape – this time I could laugh in a garment, and part of the alco-

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‘was chatting with a girl I sponsor, sobered up with him and wondered I truly believe that if I had not made how I could sink so low.” Keith from who said she was sorry she couldn’t whatever became of him.’ With so the amends, I would not have en- Pennsylvania writes of “walking in make it to the Convention, but she’d many present, it was a special miracle joyed and appreciated all the Con- the Pike Place Market and saying ‘hi’ been lucky enough to sell her two to run into the one person who knew vention had to offer; I would have to complete strangers as if 1 had registrations to Steve from Molokai and rememberd my late husband.” been terribly lonely in a crowd of known them all my life, stopping and – yes, the same fellow.” Probably everyone who went to 48,000 alcoholics.” Wally, from an unknown location, talking as if we were old friends. I can remember when I was drinking and I Diane from California came to Seattle reflected on their drinking Seattle hoping “to meet some of the days, and came away changed some- put it this way: ” ‘I made it to the top would meet so-called friends on the people that my late husband David, how. Kate from Putnam Valley, New in Seattle in 1990.’ So reads a souvenir road, and they would just turn and who died in 1986, had met in Mon- York, seized the opportunity to make from the Space Needle. I’m 69 going walk away.” Raymond from Scottreal five years before. I was in the amends to her long-estranged brother, on 17. Mentally, spiritually I feel 17, land, who spoke (wearing a kilt) at Florida hospitality room, and h a p and through that action lost her fear and I’m growing. But physically the the Big Meeting, took a humorous pened to mention that I had sobered of strangers. “In the Big Book it says steep streets tell me I’m 69. Every eve- view: “Twenty-one years ago, I would up in central New York in 1975, and a that if we are painstaking about our ning as I return, pausing at each post, I never have dreamed that 1could stand man at a nearby table overheard me, amends then the promises will come recall younger days on the flat streets up in front of 40,000 people without and asked where. When I told him, true. That fear of people did leave, of Chicago, pausing at each lamp- my trousers on. ” he asked, ‘Did you know Dave O.? I and I did feel the other promises, too. post, in a drunken stupor, wondering Pat from Ireland was attending his

,: .. jy . o one who was in Seattle will ever forget those wonderful host committee greetersin green vests and white cowboy hats. Stationed at I ning orgariiing green vests, greeter packets, and all the resourck material’ we could find. Opening time for the information table was18:00 a.m. Monday, but the greeters started appearing and answering questions the airport, on street corners, in hotels and dormitories, at the Seattle Center and the Kingdome – they were ubiquitous, apparently tireless, around 7:30. With four-hour shifts already assigned, many greeters and always ready to answer questions and offer help. helped out on almost a 24-hour basis, and many left their vests on even Stuart from Sedro Wooley, Washington, was among them: “My story after their shifts so they could continue to shake hands and give diiec- ‘ , started late in 1989when my sponsor ‘suggested’ that I attend the kickoff tions as they went about their own ventures. The stations were manned organization meeting for the host committee. I thought of what I would until midnight, but were never completely closed down most nights until ‘have done in the past, and then did the opposite – ‘Of course,’ I said. about 1:00 a.m. After a few hours sleep, it was up and at ’em again. “Most of the greeters were sorry when Saturday afternoon came along, and with it the end of the scheduled shifts. Some of them just this volunteering business wouldn’t be so couldn’t stop greeting, so they continued their job right through Sunday i:: ; t$4fFor some months, nothing happened. morning! And it was contagious – some of the visitors had donned green vests and white cowboy hats and were shaking hands, giving hugs, ‘ ‘ receiving love, and answering questions. I know that many of our vests and hats have ventured to other countries, carrying their sharing and caring around the world.

from Erik of California: “I am 17 during my stay, was seeing me into years old, and I feel very privileged to the taxi when I left. He had my chair have attended the 1990 Convention. loaded, and me installed in the front It really changed my outlook on a lot seat, but looked a little puzzled, as if of things, and the greatest message it there was one more thing he ought to carried was: I am responsible.” do. Then he put his head through the Perhaps the most important effect window and kissed me. of the Convention was its powerful “Where, except at an AA Convendemonstration of how AA works -a tion, could a gray-haired lady be sped message that came home to AA mem- on her way with a farewell kiss from a bers and the general public alike. Eliz- hotel bellman, and both perceive it as abeth from Oklahoma was attending a natural and proper action?” “my fifth AA International Con- In restaurants, hotels, taxis throughvention, but my first in an electri- out the city, Seattleites responded to cally powered wheelchair, and I soon their friendly visitors. Jamie from . learned that AA loving kindness is Pumpkin Hook, New York, went out even deeper and richer than I knew. for dinner with a friend on Saturday My roommate had misgivings about night and, when the waitress noticed my plan to take the monorail unac- their blue badges, she brought them a companied. ‘Are you sure you’ll be special “drinks” menu that listed all right going alone?’ she asked. seltzers, fruit juices, coffees and teas l1 ‘I won’t be alone. There are more – nothing alcoholic. And then there than 40,000 AAs and Al-Anons out was the waitress at a restaurant on the first Convention, and wrote: “I never For Rick from Alberta, there was a there, eager to help me if I need it.’ waterfront who couldn’t remember thought I would be in America, let sense of renewal: “Just before com- “What I enjoyed most was talking the name of one of the desserts, and alone the World Convention of AA. ing to this Convention, I had had my with my fellow AA members – the happily accepted the suggestion of I’ve made so many new friends and fill of AA. The politics of personali- woman from California who walked “Easy Does It Cake.” And the monopicked up so many new suggestions ties, mine, was coming to the surface me to the monorail; the charming rail conductor who stood up on a on how to better apply the program.” again. Being here reaffirmed my be- young German woman who shared a crowded car and announced, “My And for Sue from Texas “it was not lief, strength, and hope in the world- table with me at lunch; and then there name is -, and I am an alcoholic,” only Bill W.’s family reunion, it was wide Fellowship of AA. In short, this was the burly, laughing, leather-clad to a chorus of cheers and clapping. my family’s reunion. My two aunts meeting of fellow alkies has brought crew of motorcyclists who offered to Possibly the only people who with fourteen years in AA and eleven my life back once again. Thank you, 4 g n me up. I accepted. weren’t thoroughly enjoying themin Al-Anon, together with my cousin AA!” And for Rod from Australia, it “And marvelous Seattle, with selves were the active drunks. One who, like me, is three years sober, was much the same: “Six years sober. wheelchair ramps everywhere and AA met on the street “a transient in celebrated our recovery. Ironically, After a year of being unsettled, I green-vested volunteers exuding help an alcoholic fog, who stopped my son the day I arrived in Seattle I was noti- think and feel motivated again. At fulness. Either Seattle people are and me and said, ‘I know Bill W.. . . fied that an uncle had died of this hor- the end of the Lord’s Prayer last night among the world’s nicest, or AA the Steps. I live in the alley, but don’t rible disease. That brought me to my at the Big Meeting, I cried in the arms friendliness rubs off. One of the bell- worry, 1’11 be back. I got one more knees in gratitude – thank God he of a big man – me! of all people! He men at my hotel, who seemed to man to get – see this scar? That’s got me to this program when he did.” said to me, ‘Thank you.,’ ” And this make my comfort his responsibility where he knifed me.”‘

/* -.L There was a far happier ending for earlier stepped up to me. There was the drunk who got into conversation something familiar about him – his with one of the host committee vol- eyes darting away, a few razor nicks I ACKNOWLEDGMENTS unteers at a downtown hotel. Stuart from shaving that morning, and then We gratefully acknowledgethe following members, who in reality are the writers of this Y. tells the story: “George H. and I I stepped a little closer and part of my article: Rick C., Medley, Aha.; Bill K., Lee U., lhcson, AZ; Rod W., Fishing Point, were standing on the steps of the ho- mind said, ‘Ah! Scots whiskey; hello, Australia; Henry L., Victoria, B.C.; Lincoln C., El Toro, CA; Judy C., Carolyn F., tel, and a man I remembered seeing old friend.’ ‘Hello,’ I said, ‘my name Huntington Beach, CA; Tom W., Oakland, CA; Don M., San Francisco, CA; Diane O., Willows, CA; Erik R., Yorba Linda, CA; Bob and Betty, San Jose, Costa Rica; MikeC.. is Stuart, and I’m an alcoholic.’ We Delray Beach. FL; Trish C., Jupiter, FL; Don S.. Oregon, IL; Pat. Moneghan, Ireland; stood there and talked, and he blurt- Morghan C., Wichita, KS; Fran D., New Orleans. LA; Virginia T., Ramsey. NJ; Ed B., ed out: ‘I was on my way to the bar Sara G.. Stan S., New York, NY; Jamie C., Pumpkin Hook, NY; Kate C., Putnam Valdown the block, but I wanted to talk ley, NY; Elizabeth E., Tulsa, OK; David H., Ottawa, Ont.; Judy W., Portland, OR; Keith T., Lititz, PA; Marian M., Saskatoon, Sask.; Raymond M., Glasgow. Scotland; to you.’ Obviously distressed, he was Sue J., Dallas, TX; Orlan J., Wini J., Kerwille, TX; Candan 0 . . Istanbul. Turkey; Pam trying to blink away his tears. He M., Colvilje, WA; Kathy T.. Kent. WA; JackieC., Lynnwood, WA; LindaH., Stuart Y., talked, and I just listened and smiled, Sedro Woolley, WA – and numerous others whose recollectionscould be included only and eventually I suggested we might if the Grapevine was a magazine-without-end. The Editors go upstairs and have a coffee. I said \ there were meetings going on right green vest, cowboy hat, and host but- whole lot of twelfth-steppin’ goin’ now, if he’d like to come and see what ton, then sent him off with one of the on. Stan and Marge from New York AA was like. After all, the bar would other greeters. He stuck to his task City took a cab to Seattle Center one still be open for some time. for the remainder of the Convention, day, and began chatting with the ” ‘Are you sure they won’t mind?’ usually working sixteen hours a day, woman driver, who commented on he asked. and when the rest of us went to the how nice the people were. The two ” ‘No problem.’ Kingdome on Friday night he worked AAs responded, “Do you know “Toward the end of the meeting, the hotel and Convention Center di- why? Because we’re all sober.” It Bud leaned a little closer and whis- recting late arrivals. There was a vis- turned out that the driver’s daughter pered, ‘Should I tell them that I too ible change in him; he had purpose was into drinking and drugs, and at am an alcoholic?’ and a new hope. ” the end of that mobile twelfth step “‘I don’t know. Do you honestly Perhaps Bud will be in San Diego call, she had new hope for the future think they will believe you?’ in 1995. Like Lamar J. from Hous- and a source of help – Al-Anon – “He thought a moment, and as the ton, whose first day sober was in for herself. next person finished speaking, Bud Montreal, where he blew out the Carolyn from California was struck raised his hand, stood up, and said, marathon candle. He and his whole most deeply during the Convention by ‘My name is Bud, and I am an alco- fimily cape to Seattle to celebrate his “our unity and bonding with each holic. This is my first meeting.’ Smil- five-year anniversary. And Henry L., other – coming together as one and ing faces everywhere, and shouts of from Victoria, B.C., who “sobered sharing with each other as well as welcome. He decided to stay for the up on Canada Day, when AA’s 50th whenever asked. We had people stop next meeting. Anniversary was held in Montreal. us on the street to tell us of relatives “The next morning, there he was, This weekend, in joy, humility and and loved ones who just couldn’t stay promptly at eight. In my head I could sobriety I am here in Seattle, sharing sober. And the high point of one afterhear my sponsor talk of the healing AA’s 55th birthday and my fifth.” noon was twelfthstepping the maid in power service, we gave him a As a matter of fact, there was a our hotel. She wanted what we had!”

Another Californian, Judy, tells no fights, no arguments, no need for the story of shopping one day and force – no need for them to be there, seeing two people with blue badges really. I believe our presence touched meet, hug each other, and go on their the police community’s mind and way. The saleslady said, “I can’t be- heart. They can now see that there is lieve it; you have people here from all hope for those they deal with, and over the world -how is it that you all perhaps they will hand our still sufknow each other?” The woman re- fering members a schedule of meetplied, “We don’t, but we all sure love ings instead of a shove.” each other.” And the cabbie who For Sara from New York City, drove Virginia from New Jersey back there was a sense of the whole: “After from one of the dances: “This is a the Big Meeting, some of us hardier craaazy town tonight! Who are all souls were walking back from the these people?” When she told him, Kingdome, and about midway be- . he asked, “They drink?” She ex- tween Skid Row and the center of the plained that they did, but now don’t, city, we passed a bar and grill. A couand he came back with, “Well, maybe ple was coming out, and we heard the they don’t drink, but they sure know woman ask her companion, ‘Where how to party! ” did all these people come from?’ One of the shuttle bus drivers made ” ‘How much time do you have to Orlan, from Texas, “realize how dif- hear the answer to that?’ I asked ferent we are.” On a trip from the and though there was no response, I motel back to town, “the lady driver had the mental image of all of us AAs got”friend1y and talky. ‘You people there on the street gathering around have something special. You make the couple and telling them our stories. me feel good. I’m usually dragged Because that was what made the greatout by these summer conventions, est impact on me: not the events thembut this time I’m looking forward to selves (AA is AA, after all, no matter each run. Even when one of you gets what the scale or locale), but that cranky, the others talk him out of it. sense of where each of the thousands I’ve never seen anything like it. I wish of us had all ‘come from’ repeatedly I could send my kids.”‘ filled me with feelings of joy, awe, Jackie, who lives in the Seattle and gratitude, and spilled over into area, believes that the Convention tears. Where, indeed?” carried the message in a significant And now it’s over till the next time. way: “The police who were assigned One Convention-goer stopped at a to the Kingdome were not ‘on guard’ coffee bar as he was heading for his as they normally are for large plane on Sunday afternoon, and overgatherings; they were assigned in heard one of the countermen saying, pairs, and were chatting with each with a baffled look around, “Where other as people milled in. There were did everybody go?”

March 1994

The Vine Line Q. The 60th Anniversary International AA Convention is coming up in July of 1995 in San Diego, California, but what were the locations, attendance, and themes of previous conferences?

A. The First International AA Conference (in celebration of AA’s 15th anniversary) was held in 1950 in Cleveland, Ohio, with an attendance of 3,000; there was no specified theme. Every five years since, a convention has been held, as follows: 1955: St. Louis, Mo. ;no specific theme; attendance: 3,500. 1960: Long Beach, Calif. ;”Recovery, Unity, Service”; 8,900. 1965: Toronto, Ont. ; “Responsibility”; 10,400. 1970: Miami Beach, Fla.; “Unity”; 10,700. 1975: Denver, Colo.; “Let It Begin With Me”; 19,500. 1980: New Orleans, La.; “The Joy of Living”; 22,500. 1985: Montreal, Que. ;”Fifty Years with Gratitude”; 45,600. 1990: Seattle, Wash. ;”55 Years – One Day at a Time”; 48,000. If you have questions for the Vine Line, write to: Editorial Dept., Box 1980, Grand Central Station, NY, NY 10163

January 1995

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INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS e June 29-July 2, 1995 San Uiego, Calilornia e For information on registration and housing, see your GSR, call your local intergroup or central office, or get in touch with the General Service Offke

d* ‘ February 1995 2

abandoned blood bank. With a big sign my career, and active in sponsorship that read “Denver – Easy Does It,” I and service. hitchhiked to the International Con- In 1990, my wife, our three-monthvention in Colorado. Friendly AAs old son, and I celebrated “55 Years gave me several rides along the way. One Day at a T h e ” with 48,000 AAs The 19,500 in attendance over- in Seattle. We marveled at how interwhelmed me, and my view of AA ex- national AA had become, as we shared panded as I met and talked with AA with AAs from Africa, Asia, Eastern members from all over the world. On Europe, Russia, and many other loca- ‘ Sunday morning tears streamed down tions. I was sober sixteen years, still acmy face as I listened to Lois W. address tive in AA, and delirious with joy over the closing meeting. I got a ride back the adoption of our son. to California with AA members. The international flavor of AA I missed the 1980 International promises to be most striking in San Convention in New Orleans to attend Diego in 1995. Overseas AA growth my tenth high school reunion. I had continues to skyrocket, helped by the

T he Sixtieth Anniversary International Convention will be held from June 29 to July 2, 1995. On that date, tens of thousands erations of alcoholics. In 1960, 8,900 AAs met at our International Conbeen voted “Most Stubborn” in my translation of our literature into more class. At the reunion, sober six years, and more languages. Most of the married, and with a master’s degree, I world’s two million AAs now live outwas given the award for being the side North America. San Diego seems of AAs from scores of countries will vention in Long Beach, and 1 was eight “Most Changed.” Many of my school especially well situated to attract our converge on San Diego to celebrate years old, frightened because my par- friends didn’t then know 1 was in AA, AA friends from Australia, Asia, Mexthe founding of our Fellowship. I hope ents had just separated. In 1965, I en- but they recognized growth when they ico, and Central and South America. as many people as possible come to tered my teen years as 10,400 AAs saw it. I was deeply touched and some- We’re looking forward to hosting the San Diego that weekend to experi- attended the International Conven- what amused. biggest and most international AA parence our Southern California hospi- tion in Toronto. In 1970, Bill W. made The 1985 International Convention ty ever held. tality. A quick look at past his final address to 14,000 people in in Montreal conflicted with long- Who knows what life has in store for International Conventions always gets Miami. By that year, my alcoholism standing plans for a family reunion. I me in 1995?I continue to be active in me in touch with AA’s growth -and had progressed to blackouts, school told my disappointed mother that I in- sponsorship and service. My plan is to with the progress of my own life. conflicts, drug abuse, two alcohol-re- tended to go to Montreal. Unbe- attend both the International Con- When 3,000 AAs gathered in lated arrests and probation -all prior knownst to me she called our relatives vention and the family reunion this Cleveland at our first International to my high school graduation. and they all agreed to change the date year. It’s unlikely that there will be a Convention, they adopted our Twelve In 1970, I went to some AA meet- of the reunion so my wife and I could scheduling conflict because some of my Traditions and bid farewell to a termi- ings during a three-month stint in jail. enjoy both events. In Montreal, we family is in AA now. And I do hope to nally ill Dr. Bob. It was 1950 and 1 Upon my release I took a geographic stayed in a college dormitory and the see all of you Grapevine readers at the hadn’t yet been born. In 1955, I was cure to San Diego. By 1975, I was a Canadians overwhelmed us with their Convention – even if you have to three years old when 3,500 AAs in St. twenty-three-year-old college student, hospitality We cried and cheered dur- hitchhike with a big sign that reads Louis accepted from the old-timers the sober a year and a half in AA and liv- ing the opening flag ceremony. 1 was “San Diego -Easy Does It.” charge to maintain AA for future gen- ing in a skid row hotel room above an sober eleven years, well established in Anonymous, Sun Diego, C d f .

October 1995

W herever I looked, there the same language, but the eyes and we were,” wrote smiles said the same thing: ‘Welcome, ” Richard from Colorado. I’m glad you made it.’ I bet at night and Geff from Ohio marveled: “So there was a glow in San Diego just from many once-broken people all patched our eyes.” And Martha from Kentucky up by AA, and having a good time to- “liked the feeling of connection with gether.” Those reflections were typi- people I’d never met. I was constantly cal among the throngs of sober reminded of the line in the Big Book alcoholics who attended AA’s birth- about our being a group of people who day bash in San Diego, California, the normally would not mix.” weekend of June 29 to July 3,1995. It Many participants arrived early to Alcoholics Anonymous Cekbrates 60 Years a t Our was the largest AA Anniversary Con- see the sights and enjoy the nearly pervention ever held (more than 56,000 fect weather. “Like ants on a marsh- Largest-Ever Anniversary Convention people registered), and the largest mallow, AAs converged on the convention of any kind that San downtown area, strolling the harbor Diego had ever hosted. walk and plazas, going from hotel to The theme, “AA Everywhere – hotel, meeting to meeting,” wrote John Anywhere,” came to life even before from Pennsylvania. “And everywhere the Convention opened. Butch from people were doing the ‘San Diego San Diego met some early arrivals at Salute’ -you meet a fellow AA, hesihis regular downtown meeting: “We tate for a second, then like a giraffe, had a slew of out-of-town and interna- you crane your neck forward to read tional visitors – two from Ireland, a the nametag.” half dozen or more from Finland, one Marilyn from Oregon arrived early from Germany, one from Switzerland, on Thursday and had a chance to help a couple from France, one from Wales, set up chairs on the infield at Jack Murone from New Zealand, and one from phy Stadium. “None of the stadium out of state, Tennessee. employees could figure out why we “It was possibly the most exciting were so excited about setting up those meeting I’ve been to in twelve years in chairs, even after we explained about AA. The leader called on many in- AA service. It took us two hours, and ternational guests, and we got to hear eventually the employees began to talk the message in several foreign lan- with us, sharing about a friend who guages, with their companions inter- drank too much, or a brother. We carpreting for us. I truly experienced the ried the message even in the mess of all language of the heart!” those crooked chairs. Afterward, at the “I was able to meet new friends from Big Meetings, we were able to see all all over the world,” said Sandy from 11,000 chairs from above, and 1 was California. “We may not have talked proud of us drunks. To be one among

many is all I’ve truly wanted, and at There were conferences with the on Thursday night, with a “block par- down. What a celebration! Happy, joytwelve years of sobriety, setting up hoteliers, letting them know that AAs ty” in the city’s harbor area, along with ous and free!” chairs still gives it to me.” have some habits different from most dances at the Convention Center and All day Friday and Saturday, panels conventioneers. Warned that at a past at the Hyatt Regency Hotel. “Thursday and workshops on every conceivable How an AA Convention Works Convention some hotels had run out night was out of this world,” wrote Ar- AA topic challenged Convention-go- Once it began, the Convention flowed of coffee, the hotels came through lene from New York City. “My husband ers’ decision-making abilities. David smoothly and looked easy -but “easy” beautifully. The ice cream lasted, too and I went to the big dance at the from Arizona reported: “Fits of indecigenerally has a story behind it. For San – but planners for the year 2000 will Convention Center. The energy was sion. Sessions checked Thursday night Diego, the stpg began fully nine years need to give warning that San Diego’s absolutely explosive! The sight of so and scratched out in favor of other sesago, when the 1986 General Service automatic teller machines ran out of many happy, sober people dancing un- sions were suddenly reconsidered. Too Conference heard bids from several cash! . der one roof was exhilarating. The floor many choices! Off to . . whatever. cities and selected three potential sites. was shaking (what a relief it’s not me “In the afternoon I attended a ses- The final site was selected by the Board And Then It Begins who shakes anymore!) and the beams sion on ‘Electronic Meetings,’ where of Twtees after visits to all three cities. For many, the Convention experience over the stage were moving up and people sharing from the floor present- As Eileen G., GSO staff member who begins even before the opening day. ed two instances where alcoholics’ lives sewed as Convention coordinator, ex- Marianne from Germany made a stop were saved as a consequence of having plained: “Essentially, we’re renting a at the General Service Office in New city, and all its major facilities. We York on her way to San Diego. She have to know that the stadium will be said, “Justtwo days before the opening, free when we need it, that hotels will and my heart was already filled with be able to accommodate many thou- love and overflowing joy to be a memsands of people, that adequate trans- ber of AA.” Alberto, a Convention portation will be available.” volunteer from Chula Vista, talked After the site was decided upon, about the two people in his group who Convention planners could relax for a registered but weren’t able to attend. while, and about two years ahead of the So the group officers met and decided event, the action heated up on several to hold a raffle to donate the registrafronts. In San Diego, a host committee tions to group members who couldn’t chairperson was selected by local AAs, afford to come. and Bobbie C., along with co-chairs Ken and Jackie from Louisiana wrote Gary U. and Gail N., formed a core that “during our connecting flight. to committee that took on the job of re- San Diego, the flight attendant asked cruiting, organizing, and training 6,000 over the PA system whether there were volunteers to serve as the city’s wel- any friends of Bill W. on the flight. We coming face for the crowds of visitors. were sitting at the front, and as we Planners met with all city agencies raised our hands we turned around to -harbor and airport, police force, fire see that at least three-quarters of the department -to arrange permits (“for passengers had their hands up, too.” everything,” according to Eileen G.). The Convention opened officially

um, complete with thick black magic pre-registration area to pick up our markers. The truck was signed all over, badges. We got our badges and moved even on the bumpers and headlights, through registration quickly – amazwith names, sobriety dates, slogans, ingly quickly for a group that never messages, phone numbers, and draw- wanted to be organized.” ings. It was a traveling Convention That speed was the result of meticusouvenir book.” lous planning and hard work on the Hospitality suites were set up at the part of personnel from the General Ser- Marriott and Hyatt for a variety of vice Office and the Grapevine. GSO groups, from young people to old- controller Don Meurer, a nonalcoholic timers to Birds of a Feather (airline per- who has worked for AA for fifteen sonnel). A first was the Living Cyber years, outlined a few of the hundreds of hospitality suite, where AAs who had details that had to be arranged: setting been corresponding on the Internet up Convention bank accounts, xhedhad a chance to meet face-to-face. uling Convention Center bonded Geff from Ohio had been e-mailing cashiers, ordering on-site registration the daily challenges how much we appreciate you people. to Butch in San Diego: “One of my forms and signage, arranging for arof working t h e program in the real I’ve worked in this building for seven best moments came when I looked for mored car pick-ups of cash taken in, world. Many meetings were so crowd- years, and have never met such a cour- Butch to say hello. And 1 see this designing the floor layout of the Coned that people had to be turned away teous and cooperative group.” bearded guy, with the nametag Butch, vention Center to make sure traffic I at the door, and experienced Conven- The third floor of the Convention and I go up and thank him for every- would flow, and shipping souvenir I tion-goers knew to come early or they Center, an open-air space under sails thing. And he’s all modest and friend- books and other materials to (and back might not get in. that form a roof, featured food conces- ly, says he was just trying to be useful. from) San Diego. , At the “Practicing These Principles” sions, a large area with tables and After about five minutes, I think we Many GSO and Grapevine employpanel, says Pat R., who served as its chairs for relaxing, eating, or just chat- both realized it was a different Butch. ees, most of them nonalcoholics, moderator, people were sitting on the ting, a huge message board, sales But I made another friend, and we worked twelve-to-sixteen-hourdays all floor, in the aisles and along the walls, booths for the souvenir book and laughed, and I stumbled on to new ad- week to serve the needs of Convenon the steps to the dais. Pat saw a Grapevine materials, and a Grapevine ventures.” tion-goers -and they often went the woman with a walkie-talkie come in, information booth where a pilot issue second mile. On Thursday, an elderly look around, and motion to her: “I’m of the proposed Spanish edition was And They Say couple stopped their car outside the the fire warden,” the woman said qui- available. We’re Not Organized . .. Convention Center to ask where to go etly as the speaker continued, “and I’m Signing souvenir books was the or- Registration began at noon on Monday for registration, and John Kirwin, going to have to ask everyone to leave der of the day, and overseas visitors in and continued through Saturday after- GSO’s assistant controller, delivered who doesn’t have a chair.” The warden particular were seriously at risk of noon, with peak days on Thursday and their badges to curbside, saving them waited for the speaker to finish, then writer’s cramp. Doug from California Friday. Many had preregistered, but the trouble of standing in line. made her announcement: “Me explained that someone went home more than 12,000 people registered on- Grapevine controller Bob Scherer couldn’t get all of you out of here if with a differentkind of memento: “On site. The lines moved smoothly. ]ohn was in charge of the souvenir book and there was an earthquake.” And she Sunday, someone parked an old white from Pennsylvania was impressed: “Fri- Grapevine sales booth, and remarked added, “Before you go, I want to say pickup truck by the exit to the stadi- day morning at nine, we were in the that it really is an honest program. On

Conventlor ’95

Saturday afternoon the sales booths “But of course, we made it to the sta- sacred place. Where else on earth twenty years.” stayed open late to accommodate AAs dium and were in our seats with time could there be gathered this many Saturday morning began early with who still wanted souvenir books or the to spare. At eight o’clock came an an- souls, all trying to help each other!” a Fun Run/Walk, starting at the Con. Grapevine’s new Spanish translation of nouncement that we were almost ready Flag bearers, some in national cos- vention Center and going along the The Language of the Heart – but not to start, but one bus was still in transit, tumes, marched into the stadium and waterfront and back. Joan from Nevalate enough. Returning Sunday mom- and they were going to wait for it. lined up in front of the dais. From An- da, who started walking for exercise ing to pack boxes to ship home, Bob There we were, in a full stadium, while tigua to Chile, Ireland and Poland, soon after she got sober, says: “I stayed realized that a large number of books 60,000 alcoholics waited for one bw- through South Africa and Western at the back of the group so as not to be had disappeared overnight. Dismayed load. It was one of many heart-swelling Samoa, every country was cheered loud in the way of serious runners, but I at first, he then spied a box of cash – moments.” and long. soon found myself passing people, and $826, to be exact- on one of the Kit from Alaska rode a bus that got Flag bearers were chosen at random was able to do the whole thing without counters. AA members had bought caught in a “monumental traffic jam. from members who registered from slowing down. It was one of my most their books on the honor system. After about an hour, people began to each country, and they regard their ser- grateful moments in sobriety to particgrumble and complain. Then behind vice as a great honor. In the case of the ipate as a sixty-one-year-old grand- Flags, Flags, Flags me a woman rose to her feet and an- Fiji Islands, the name that came out of mother.” The Flag Ceremony and Big Meeting nounced that she was going to read the hat was a man who lived in the Is- Brent from California said: “When I on Friday night is always the high point from the Big Book. When she got to lands but was not a native. However, signed up for the Fun Run, I thought it of a Convention, and this was no ex- chapter five, ‘How It Works,’ people late in the day on Friday, a native of would just’be a pleasant experience, ception -even though the trip to Jack joined in to say with her the words we the Islands arrived at check-in, and the and a good opportunity to get out for Murphy Stadium wasn’t easy. Ken and had all heard so many times. And as we original flag bearer withdrew in his fa- my morning exercise. But I don’t think Jackie from Louisiana said they were said the final phrase -‘God could and vor. AA’s spirit of sacrifice was alive anyone anticipated what awaited us at “very impressed with the transportation would if He were sought’ -the traffic and well. the finish line. A crowd of one hunsystem -except, of course, during the jam unsnarled and a passageway Hamid, who was born in Iran, vol- dred or more formed a human funnel. infamous Friday wait at the Conven- cleared for our bus to move through. unteered to carry the Iranian flag if the The closer we got, the louder and more tion Center curb. Buses only hold so We arrived ten minutes before the person who came out of the hat did not excited became the cheers and encourmany passengers, and it was obvious meeting began.” show up. It was down to the wire. agement. Across the line there was anthat some of us were going to have to Nowhere was the Convention Hamid participated in the rehearsal, other double line of fifty or more. I wait a while. Add to that the discon- theme, “AA Everywhere – Any- but the designated flag bearer did ar- have been in these before, but nothing certing rumor that ‘the stadium was al- where,” more evident than in the rive. “I was resentful for about thirty ever felt like that. It was an outpouring ready starting to fill up’ (at four in the opening flag ceremony. John from seconds. Then I gave him a hug and of love, encouragement, and recogniafternoon, no less). As buses rolled by, Pennsylvania wrote: “Flags from watched the rest of the rehearsal.” tion of accomplishment like no other I they were hailed with good-natured eighty-seven countries were paraded Bradley from Chappaqua, N.Y., was have ever seen.” ‘boos’ (imagine people boo-ing and out, Olympics-style, and two huge impressed by the sobriety countdown laughing at the same time). At the screens, on the left and right, broadcast , early in the meeting: “1 had always ‘More Than 5,000 Years of Sobriety’ stand next to ours, I heard a group say- the speakers. Lights from the cars on ‘ looked at a person with twenty years The first-ever Convention Old-Timers ing something in unison, and a few sec- the surrounding freeways kept us in- of sobriety as an old-timer. I was Meeting on Saturday night featured onds later laughter rippled through the formed that we were still on earth, but amazed to see that the median and av- 129 members with forty or more years crowd: they were offering up the Seren. as the house lights were brought up, I erage length of sobriety of all partic- of sobriety, fifteen of whom told their ity Prayer. had the sense that I was in almost a ipants probably ranged from ten to stories. “I couldn’t keep from crying

Y “

when I heard those stories,” said Geff happened, and what it’s like now’ in from Ohio. “One guy forgot where he five minutes. But my name didn’t come was but everybody stood and cheered. up, so I removed my necktie and re- He was family and had kept this thing laxed, knowing that my forty-one years alive and had passed it down to my was a small part of the more than 5,000 generation, so that even cynics and years of sobriety among the 129 names skeptics like me, if they were beaten in the hat. The phrase ‘the whole is ofenough by alcohol, could get sober, ten greater than the sum of its parts’ too.” And Barbara from California seemed to reverberate in the stadium wrote: “The old-timers on Saturday that night. Had the gathering been for night set a wonderful example of hu- a ball game, the rooting fans would mility for all of us when they stopped have had divided loyalties. But no one immediately at the gong without ex- could possibly doubt the solidarity pecting special privileges because of among those electrified sober drunks.” their length of sobriety.” At all three Big Meetings -and in- Marie from California, forty-five deed, throughout the city -AAs caryears sober, reflected: “My heart is so ried a message of courtesy and mature full of the wonder of it all. Saturday sobriety. “During and after each meetnight, there was a ramp for people like ing, there were our Fellowship memme, who move about in wheelchairs. bers picking up and cleaning up,” wrote As we reached the end of the ramp, my Conrad from Tennessee. “Many of the dium, this time for the nurse and I were greeted by a man from stadium workers said they never saw the host committee. He asked if 1 had the place so clean, or so orderly, during Closing Big Meeting. When hundreds to my local jail to v more than forty years of sobriety, and or after an event. As we left the stadi- of balloons soared into the sky at the tell &hers-about the hope and then helped us make our way to the um, the city police were outside direct- end of the meeting, it was a time for laughter and endless smiles.” Mary enclosure where other early members ing traffic, and we asked them how it goodbyes (till the next time), and for from New Jersey resolved to .take a were gathered. Our names were put in had gone. They replied, ‘Rather boring, reflection on the meaning of the week- more active part in her home group: a hat, and fifeen names were drawn – but we never witnessed anything like end as a whole. “Too often, I have sat back out of inermy name did not come out of the hat, it before – not one bad incident.’ I “One thing I heard Sunday morning tia, wanting to be ‘nice,’ and not speakbut I was there and a part of it. heard early in sobriety that each one of really impressed me. One of the speak- ing out when newer members ignored “The program was fifteen years old us may be the only copy of the Big ers referred to ‘this room.’ A voice be- the Traditions. At San Diego, I learned when I joined, and now it is sixty. I re- Book a nonalcoholic sees. In San hind me questioned, ‘Room?’ and that without the Traditions, AA might membered the days and nights we had Diego, that took on a whole new another voice responded, ‘We’re still not have survived for us to be there in I carried the message of AA to people meaning for me.” just a roomful of drunks.”‘ Jack Murphy Stadium.” who did not know of the program. As I Ross J. was deeply affected: “I was so And Richard from Colorado felt looked about me, I could see what we And the Balloons Went Up happy there, so excited, awed, emo- much the same way: “For thirteen years had helped to do.” Another old t’~mer, Sunday morning came, and for the last Allen from Los Angeles, “wondered time Convention-goers climbed onto tional, childlike, yet infinitely a part of the power of the flowing of God’s love. I have steadfastly refused to go to conventions and conferences – my only I how I could say ‘what it was like, what buses for the trip to Jack Murphy Sta- Now I want to return and use that en- reason for attending the International ergy to redouble my service efforts. Out was that it could be coordinated with

Conv~nt1on’95

a visit to my parents. But there, I experienced a deeper calling of the spirit of meeting – of being at a great big home group meeting: boisterous, seri- The View from Under a Yellow Visor our Fellowship than I had ever known. ous, surrounded by intimates, old and ver 6,000 volunteers from San Diego County, from other California locales, and at I learned that AA is more than I could imagine, and I am as much a part of it as I choose to be. I know that I no longer have to be like the person I brand-new, moved to tears and laughter by the reality and honesty of the speakers. And afterward? The host committee cleaned up. Our people 0 least two from as far away as Ireland donned purple and blue vests, large yellow Host pins, yellow visors, and big smiles to meet and greet the thousands of celebrants at AA’s biggest birthday bash. Some of the volunteer coordinators started preparing for our guests’ arrival two years in have been. Thank you, God, for this gathered trash and folded chairs (all advance. Most of the rest of us began attending organizational meetings, an orientation at experience. Please show me how to use that was missing was the grimy cof- the Convention Center, and other on-site tninino rps~innr* it to help the new person coming to feepot). Politely asked to vacate the We could hardly wait for the fun tab& the meeting tonight.” premises, we went -where?-to the registration day that started a~2qf.f Sara from Cold Spring, New York, nearest diner, where my sponsor, a fel- fact, so many of us s saw the Convention experience as part low member, and I did a ‘meeting after formed a line that re .@?”main entrance of Exhibit Hall B o of a whole: “The thing that touched the meeting’ with twenty-five plus new entry corridor and h ighboring hotel! me most at San Diego was the sense – and old friends. Just like home. No – Then we fanny& hout the city to Lindburgh F~eld,th especially at the Sunday morning it was home.” n n r r h rn ~ r s r i ~ bmnactal Amtrak/Coaster train route, k d p d to San Diego. We were – , – – S T ?i~~hrou&.\he.~j$~~\~ the Embrc~deru,and G k c k ~ i l t $ y ‘ f r a d ~ u mwhere the rhree m;ljar e v m I) We aluiered question&q~e&f &ectmqs;pl mformation, s r n i l ~ $ a b e d ,and tried to personally welcome as mrlhy ~ f ” ~ u r ‘ ~ ~.-P ~ ~,= ~ s _ j & ~ \ ~ ~ ~ lone ~@l d:.’~ local ~ newspaper said. “There are no AA blice, ” but m e o i us felt lib &at’s what we were as we tried to ~ – —– ~ ~-

rhz;moking in public places” law, the AA meetings or at AA gathering places, and w ahead in lines, or stand on chairs to see

These requests allowed us to hear every version of “But .. .I’m different” that we could come up with: “But I’m only taking pictures of my friends”; “But I’ve lost my -” (fill in the blank: wife, sponsor, etc.); “But I’m a volunteer who is late for a commitment” (yes, we were guilty, too). Far too soon to suit most of us, the Sunday closing ceremony at the stadium came to an end. As the crowds filed out we waved goodbye, hugged old friends and new, made plans to meet again, and began folding down the 11,000 chairs that had been set up on the stadium field. You Conventioneers shook hands with us, hugged us back, and tried to thank us for a job well done. We wanted to explain, but words were inadequate to express what was in our hearts. We wanted to tell you that it was an honor to be of service; the lumps in our throats were too big to permit us to say much of anything.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope N O n page one of the Los Angeles Times, there were these observations in a story

with us. Thank you for affording us the privilege of volunteering at AA’s 60th Anniversary headline: “AA Quietly Marks 60 Years of Deep Impact on Society.” The article says: “AA International Convention. members and guests are in the midst of celebrating a movement that has changed the atti- God willing, we will see you all again at the 65th in Minneapolis in the year 2000. tude of Americans toward alcoholism and radically altered the way the culture approaches L o u i s h D., Oceanside, Caiif. myriad ills and afflictions. . . . It is hard to exaggerate the impact of AA and its founders. . . . AA is also unique in its structure and its relentlessly modest public persona. In a modem

culture obsessed with celebrity, AA is hopelessly retrograde.” An Associate Press story said: “Downtown bars are serving up fruit drinks. Airport traffic is as heavy as a Christmas weekend. Coffee flows at the rate of 200 gallons a minute.” N And from Time magazine: “Though many who feel they have been saved by AA

cannot explain exactly how or why it works, they do believe they stay sober by helping others to stay sober too. . . .” The media generally were in some awe of our “organizational” structure, or lack of one. “Alcoholics Anonymous is a kind of talking pyramid scheme in which drunks who’ve

…As Others See Us sobered up help the next one to stare down the liquid demon. Then he helps the next one and so on. . . . A cornerstone of AA is that no one is responsible for the destruction in an alcoholic’s life except the alcoholic himself,” wrote the Union Tribune. In a major editorial, the San Diego paper named AA as “a program that successfully treats “Mother of All AA Meetings” the root causes of many of our nation’s worst social problems.” It goes on: “And how much “AA Success Is a Cause for Celebration” does this program cost the taxpayers?Not one dime. . . . The underpinnings of the organization are people helping each other, thereby helping themselves. There are no contributions

T hese are but two of the high-note headlines in San Diego’s Union Tribune, from a from outside AA. What’s more, it is free to all who need and want it. And it has no leaders series of articles about Alcoholics Anonymous and the Convention that ran for four – most AA members don’t even know each other’s last names – so there are no power days starting June 19, 1995. They sparked my interest in how the media were report- plays or major personality conflicts.” ing our event, and their attitude toward AA. So I studied the newspaper and TV reports for Likewise, the television reports I saw were circumspect and respected our anonymity. The that period, not to learn what AAs said when interviewed, but what the media were saying AAs who were interviewed were off-camera with the lens pointed at their feet or their about us. badges, and in the case of longer shots, the lenses were slightly out of focus so anonymity Here are a few examples from several writers who contributed to the series in the Union prevailed. Tribune. Oh, there were minor errors or misplaced emphasis, such as referring to our “taking a N “AA is a unique made-in-USA creation that has been able to take root and thrive in pledge” or “signing up for AA” -nothing of lasting significance to outsiders, as I see it. The other countries and cultures. The San Diego Convention comes at a time when the AA series of articles did include discussions of other treatment mtdes, the limitations of AA, Fellowship is seeing a burst of international growth of its power to change the course of and a little outright criticism. Most of the criticism came from the world of academe, one human lives.” savant reported as saying, “There’s little scientific proof that AA’s program leads to sobri- “Earlier the parking lot of the Stadium (where three big meetings were held) looked

r – ~ ety.” I read no further, turned to look into a mirror, saw an AA miracle and smiled. a lot like most other gathering except there wasn’t a beer can or a bottle of wine in sight.” All in all, I would say that for a Fellowship with no organization and a public relations “AA has held together and flourished for sixty years with an organization that looks policy based only on attraction, Alcoholics Anonymous “attracted” unbelievable amounts of from the outside like a recipe for anarchy. . . . One researcher concluded that the lack of a publicity and respect. The media don’t have to like us, true, but it’s kind of nice that they conventional power structure in AA gives it the tone of the ‘classical anarchy’ that social do, and that they recognize, as we’ve always known, that it works. It really does. philosophers only dream about.” Anonymous, Calif&

inn

August 1946

Chicago Assures Yearlings A Part On The Platform

One of the initial acts of the newly for the older members who continued to formed Policy Committee of the Chicago appear on subsequent anniversaries, Group was to recommend a new pattern they would displace the onsyear people for the large, joint meeting which is held and, at the rate of the Chicago Group’s there each Tuesday night for all of the growth, the multiple anniversaries would Groups in the Chicago area. exceed the first appearances. The new policy, adopted by the Under the new policy, the Program Set-Up Committee which remains the Committee has divided the Chicago area final authority in Chicago Group affairs, into subdivisions with one committee provides that each Tuesday night member having responsibility for a . program will have four first year number of adjoining groups. Each area members as speakers with a fourth, fifth will provide speakers for a night, set well or sixth year member as chairman. The enough in advance to assure proper policy was evolved out of the thought preparation. that if the speakers’ lists were reserved

January 1947

— – – — -. , Travel Expenses From Pldadelpltia sioaitl scrvit.cs it~volvinp;l o w or five hospital visits to thc patient’s hcd. May I call tlrc nttcntion of groups tbrou$out Ccrtninly A.A. does not ldicve, I an1 surc, the country to a practice which may seriously 111ak we sl~ouldIbc favorccl I,y the a~eclicnlprodampen e~~thusins~n for A.A. among nrembers of fcssiou \ V I I ~ I IIVC of nll the paticats tllcy hnvc ever the medical profe.sion? ;rci~tcvl~ I V C~ C C I I the tnost ~lificult,the n~ost A.A. groups are constantly calling upon phy- costly of tiwc and cllort and the least cooperative. ‘ sicians to speak at their meetings or attend con- ILludnece of people to pny for healtli is not ferences for one purpose or another. Too fre- :onfi~~cclto IIIC nlcol~olic.Every hospital ndtnincl~~cntly no clTort is n d c to rci~nbursct l ~ cphy- .strator kuows Ilow Itnrcl it is to collect bills after sician for his traveling expenses, a custom wl~ich ~ I I Cp t i c v ~ tIIIIS rec~c~vc~rctl. I h t wc who pride oereven medical societies follow wl~er~ invitir~gvisit- rclvcs 011 a s s u ~ ~ ~ i n ga~ornland finn~~cinl reapoiling men to address hem. tibilitics upor our recovery nus st lean over back- This is, I fenr, i~~dicative of an apparent fallacy pnrds to avoid Ibeing iclcnMied iu the minds ol ~ I Ithe t h i ~ ~ k i ~ oft grnany of our meo~bcrs.They !he mcclical ~wvrewiot~ as “dead Iwats.” seem to believe that the doctors are lucky fellows Qrite nsiclc fro~nthe prollen~of the physiciaos to be ipvited to come to A.A. and that they have is h n t of A.A: 111cn and won~enwl~oare invited unlimited funds for the expeuditure of train f ~ r e from ti111cto ~ i m cto sl~eitkbcforc A.A. groups in or gasoline and oil. They seem to expect to liiwe otllcr porliotis of the country. They arc always doctors place at their disposal unlimited time and I~nppyto givc of thcir t h e and energy but for effort “for free,” a situation which is most em- some of t l ~ c ~t ln~ cfinancial outlay involved in the bnrr~ssing to thc intelligent aud conscientious travel prescnts n serious probleni. They, too, have men who are now helping us. old del~tsto retire. They, too, have fandies to Another phase of this same type of wrong support. None wants to tun^ down a bid to talk thinking is h e attitude of too many alcoholics lncnuse of finances I)ut some may hnve to unless regarding medicnl bills. They sceni to think t h y every group inviting on out-of-town speaker should be treated frcc atid bccausc tllc tficrupy offers to pay trnveling nnd other i~~cidentnl exthe physician supplies is so often only advice, pesses. counsel, and discussion they believe it should Some groujls now do so. But many do not. cost nothing. Men who have poured tl~ousandsof It is, I think, an ove’isight but it should be cordollars down their throats will complain loudly rcctccl i~nn~cdintcly.-1. and ohea profanely against a bill for profcs-

— – –

April 1947

C l u l ~Wunt A.A. Speakere. -Civic orgnnixations, ~AtciltallyKiwanis and Rotary III ‘I’anllm, Fla., and ~t~rror~nclitig cities, have rect:tttly Iwcn rcrjtics~ingspcakers from the Tanrpa (;rottp lo explni~l tltc A.A. prngra~n to nremlwr..i, i~ltlicati~tg a rwognitiotr ill that secliotl. I.i~kclu~~tl Kiwlrtliatls rt;ntlc the first requcst mid 111c lalk of one of the older T a m p me~nbcrs \\.;IS I~igltlycomplinicntcd, dre program direc~or hilitig it as. the best since his tenure of oflice. The l)rcsitlcl~tof QIC club, who is editor of the 1.1lkela11tl pnpcr, was so favoral)ly iml~resscil that he Iwi~~tcd a two-column arlicle. Sinlitor ltiivc follorvetl. At1 appreciative letter I ~ I I W I S was settt to ~ l l cA.A. secretary Iby the Lakcla~~d cldt 11rogratn secretary.

October 1947

Speulccrs E x c h u n g c d – ~ n the itrtarcs~of RCIti116varied views and opinions tla Aus~in,Tex., Group has innugurated an exchange uf sl~eakcrs among neiglrl~oringgroups. Austin has sent at lenst two speakers to talk at Waco, Ilo~~s~orr, Lmpnsns ant1 Son Morcos. Tlrc Wncn Clro~qr reccr~tlysent two members to the Tucsduy o p ~ session at Anstin and the idea is proving so mutually beneficial tlmt other groups are exl~cctecl l o join tho “speakers’ circuit” soo~r.

March 1948

Applause — At h i s s a m e – m e e t i n g , otherGeakers ,, I 11ccllnir~~~nu of the I’arktlnlc Croup, Torollto, were applauded at the end of their talks. Should O~~~nrir) raised , all i~~lcresliug c~~lcslio~t(luring a they have been? Why? A.A. is no show. talk 1)efore tlte group there. Ile spoke as follows: Neither is it e cllurch. Yet, it is so niuch a part ‘ of the Lord’s work, that the meeting was taking 61 111s11etlwith sitcccsa, I llclcl lily violit1 at my 11

side and bowed 10 the roaring applause. Again plitce in a church. nl~dagain, I played short encores, yet thc ap- Our unsung chgirman that night observed plause coatinued. I was wot~derh~l and I knew that when a speaker at an A.A. meeting is talk: it. I joined them in roast after toast to my vir- , ing for the applause’and laughter he expects lo tuosity. Then I departed, shoved myself behind get, he is quite likely to exaggerate. And, when the wheel of my car and awakened to find my- that occurs every real A.A. knows it. That self in a steel barred cage.” speaker is kndwn an. a “phoney” in A.A: circles, “Yes, the applause had done it again. I got until he proves himself honest. off with a reckless driving charge, thanks to There is a great temptation to “color up” friends. I also took stock. I can’t take applause aud otherwise adorn an A.A. story wlie~r dre without a drink. I quit the concert stage. I speaker speaks too often. Take it easy. Don’t took a subordinate position in a stock broker’s i be a zealot. The root of all evil is spee&-too

oflice. Now, as I speak to’tlie Parkdale Group much of it, that is. If you’re inclined to be a of Alcoholics Anonylnous I ask that when I am .Ul)rofemional~’ A d . spenkcr, stop and tale stock. lit~islied there he no applause, no flattering re- Remember yhat applausel did..to :on;, ma< i t . marks. I can swallow those only with a drink.” stopped isucoa*ful & & k ~ ~ ~ r career. b , ‘ ‘ As the sl;eaker finished an inspiring talk $1:;. .i,I 11 62 abou1$ing il$;@pt A.A. mceliny? there was no applause. None of the 75 A.A.s and visitors told him he was ‘goodjwhen the Silent. humility i.8 much better, o i r Bible tells ” ,+,u8.j ,yhat. pp ‘you think?-~.c!o. &* ‘, :,it coffee and doughnuts were served. He had found 0 out the tlZltl~about himself, and his fellow A.A.s respected his utler Itonesty. And only by such honesty attd candor with oneself and one’s fel- ‘

Gasy does i t low men, can an A.A. get in tune with his Cod and keep his feet firmly on the good earth.

April 1 9 4 8

Exp*enses of Speakers Pose Problem THE problem of expe~lsesl o r out-of-tow A.A. speakers is being discussed by groups t l ~ r o ~ ~ gt l ~ co ~ ~ following letter-quoted colwtry, t ncconlit~gto l e t l u ~ rreceived 1)y T1re.A.A. Crapevi~re. The ill its entirety-wtts received on Mnrv:l~4.: we see tlrat he has suficient money for meals, etc., that we don’t take care of. “If anyone41as a criticism of our plaq or can From New York, N . Y . offer any ideas on this increasingly importar~t h i s manner, and that no speaker who did would “I wonder how oll~erA.A.s and groups feel subject, we would like to see them in The A.A. be nsked again. Crccpevine.” about payment for out-of-town speakers? ‘I’his “Generally, the need for out-of-town speakers problem 11nscome up in our group and altlio~~gl~ is more acute in smaller groups with little Another writer, from a group in the South, we solved it, we would like to\ get otller opinion fenrs that some A.A. speakers are “making heir money. It is often a burden on the group to living” by speaking at A.A. meetings-for a on tlie way we hanclled it. pay large sums for speakers. More often it is “Our group is a relatively s~rrallone for a price. This group believes that such “profesn burden on isdividual members who find drat sionals” are more concerned with money than New York group. We tl~ercforecall on IIICIII- they are stuck for the bills. , , bers of other groups to speak at our open Inect- with being helpful. This group pays traveling “Our group also feels that it slrould not en- and hotel expenses of its guest A.A. speakers but ings. Most often we ask out-of-town n~eml)ersto cooroge a certain type of A.A. speaker who is visit us and speak. ?’he problctr~came 111) ns to does not encourage repeat performances. trying “to make a good thing out of A.A.” There Most of the letters received agree that A.A. how we shoulcl take care of the expenses of s11c11 is too mucl~evidence, wc feel, to ignore the fact guest A.A. spenkers. speakers may lose their effectivenep if they make that some speakers nre making a good living by too many speeches. They develop a pi~fessional “There was some cliffercnce of opinion about speaking at A.A. meetings. payment for speukers. Some. of our nreml)ers air, n platform manner and often a<ten~ptto “Our decision on the matter finally came down “put on a good show” rather than tell a story felt that we el~oulcln’t pay a 4 st speaker any- I tl~ing. Otlrers felt that we s l ~ulcln’t pny guest speakers but thnt we sl~ot~lcl excl~a~~ge spcukcrs to an agreen~entfor hotel expenses, ~nealsand traveling costs but no fee. To avoid any eml~onesdyand sincerely. As one letter puts it: “Some of these ‘professional’ boys sho111d re- Imrrnss~ncnto the guest speaker or to tlre group, member tlrat they are alcoholics,, too. If they with o t l w local groups and out-of-town grorlps. we mail the speaker his round trip, lirst, class would do a good job they must be Irumble, hon- “Members who clidn’t want to pay guest spcnkruilroad ticket or plune ticket. We mpke and pay est nud helpful. If they don’t they’ll get drunk ers anytl~ingtook the position tlwt gl~cstspeukers for hotel accommodutions before tlre speaker’s , themselvee.” were doing 12Q1Step work ard 111ntt h y sl~ouldurrival. Whcn tlre speaker arrives, we quietly In other words, the effect on the ‘speaker n’t expect payment for it. They felt tl~ato pay slip an envelope into his hands. Tl~isenvelope lrimself may be demoralizing. Unless he watches A.A. speakers would be to co~nrncrcinli~e A.A. contuies cash for incide~~tal expenses, inclucling Others argued that gucst speakers s l ~ o ~ ~ l cbe l~~’t it, his popularity as a speaker may swell Iris ego. ~nci~ls. We entertain the speaker, of course, but One member, in a letter appearing in the March pit1 for services I)ut tl~ntlhey sllo~~ltl 1,1: ~micl CX~CIIS(:S for heir I~otd,foot1 n ~ ~ t l ~r;~vc:l. issue of The A.A. Gropevine, even questioned h e “III tltc c a ~ ~ r sofc tllc clisc~~ssicm scvcrr~lI I I C I I I – elrcct of applause. So fur as 11e wns cunc:err~ctl, I~crspokc of 111cclungc:r of gc:tli~~g it1111 tllc 11d1il he wrote that he cliclr~’t wont any npplu~~sc w h of citllcr nccc:l,li~~g or olrc:rir~gc:xl~c:~lsc:I I I I I I I C Y . Ilc rnntlc a talk. Ile docsn’t tl~inkit’s co11sistt:111 ‘ 011c1ne11111cr to111 of ;I group 111ut got S I I I I : ~for with h n ~ i l i t ~or, wih the spiritid cot~ccptio~~ n n out-of-townspcakcr’s I~otclI~ill,III~:;I~S, travel- Ileld i n A.A. After all, npplausc is not l~eurcl ing cxpcnscs, n fcc for t l ~ c”s~~cccl~” n ~ d nll of cl~urcl~, ~ I I is it? the speaker’s wife’s cxpcllses, idutling expe~~sivc In any event, h e q~~cstion of speakers untl gifts to the wife. I t was pointed out, hwever, speaking seems to ]lave created some prollenrs that this case was extreme, thnt no sincere wl~iclr might well be discussed in The A.A. speaker would take advantoge of a group in Grapevine. What are your thoughts? .

A p r i l 1948

Pros 0.d C o n . on Applause for Speakers F r m New York, N. Y. more gush nl~outI~owwontlerful he is. lnlk not only his own experience hut that of a The article cntitlccl “Al~plnuse,” rvl~icl~was Wc nlso are seeing too rn11c11 of the profes- Ii~rgcpart of his nutlienee. The ouclience feels printed in the March issue of 7’hc Grcrpevitle, sional speaker who runs around addressing tuillr I I ~ I I In d , w l ~ c lhe ~ concludes, it is only nntpoiuted the finger at tlm p o s s i l h I d eflccts of 111ncl1co11cluLs, 1)usiness groups and virtually ural t l ~ a tllrey sl~oultlgive vent to their emotions what should be 110 more than a f r i e ~ ~ t l l ~ cestom. any organization thnt will ask him. IIe presents wi~lr a p p l n ~ ~ s e .Ilantlculliing an A.A. n~~clience We’ll probably always have applause at meet- l ~ i n ~ s c l fas h e sltir~irtg example, and devotes ~ n n ykill tile c r ~ ~ l r ~ ~ swi ln~s irc~l ~ diffcrcntin~csour ings, and I don’t sce why we sl~onldn’t. After mw11 more v e r l h g e to his personal triumph ~ ~ t c c t i i ~f g~s o ~ n tl~oseof o t l ~ e r ~ o r g a ~ ~ i z a ~Ifi o t ~ s . all, applause is a practice to wl~ichwe have lung t l ~ a nto the priuciplcs of A.A. wo tlo I ~ Iit , ~ n n ynot he long 1)efore we I)ecomc r . bee11 accustoinetl at inany kii~tlsof gn~Iit:li~~gs, I l ~ c nll~crc’sthe braying typo who tells evcry- jusl n11o111crscct o r cnlt ill wl~iclrthere is a wide events, the tl~ealer,clc., ant1 in ilsdf is no Inore one Ire encounlcrs h a t he 1)clongs to A.A., ,tot gulf s c p r n t i ~ ~the g prcncl~crfrom h e “preacl~etl than an expression of gootl will. l)cca~~st! Ire r e d l y wnnts to spreacl h e story of at.” The danger in A.A., of cotlrse, is ll~ut a A.A. where it will d o some gootl but becnuse It is true, as F.C.O. points out, 111nt now and speaker, and p a r t i c ~ r l a ~ l one~ w l ~ ois spcnking he wanls lo get nl~enlionfor I~irnself. ngait~ nu 12.12. speaker ~ n i s i ~ ~ t c r p r & npplausc frequently, may get to listening for the applause Ccrtninly 111is kind of I)clravior and any of antl gets egotisticnlly “puffed up” but, after all, and become more concerned with that than with these forms of personal tribute tent1 to itrflate h n t does not I~appenvery often and, when it saying something to help some o t l ~ e rdrunk s o l ~ e r 111e ego. Even applunse is too much for some to does, tlic “self-execu~ing” remedy in onr disease up. When, this happens, the speoker starts s l ~ n p – stand. is vcry likely to tluickly correct the speaker’s mising I~is’talkfor n p p l a ~ ~ s c , and the applnnse I)c- Since it~flutctlego’ wns our common tliseasb, I ~lnclcrs~anclir~g. In o ~ l ~ e r words, lie is very likely think we’d be wise to nvoid anytl~ingthat plays shor~lylo find I~i~nsclf clrunk. comes food for the vanity. my In opii~ion, more tlnrrgcrot~s t l ~ n n np- to it.-2l.D. Turning now 11) h e cnrlicr p o r ~ i o nof F.C.O.’s Ict~cr,I ~liinki t iu 6cr~ernllyngreccl tl~ntwr. grow plauee are o t l ~ e rforms of p e r a o ~ ~ tnrl i l m ~ cwl~ich ‘1100 Drastic in 111e program atlj~~sting o~rrselvcsto condi- I are Lecoming quite commoil in A.A. IGlr exunl- Front New York, N. Y. tions as we finti them, rather than by trying to ple, I have a~tcncled sever111 nreclings of lute It st:elrls to nlc t l ~ n t your mnke-up ctlitor, chnnge the contlitiolls. Tl~crefore,silm upl)lausc wl~ich were given over nl~nost cntilely to llic who plncetl the A.A. slognn “Easy Does It” im- , l ~ n sbcert a n accel~lcd part of A.A. for more celebration of aome intlivicl~~al’snnt~ivcrsary, metlintcly after 1)ctroiter F.c.0.’~ article in your t l m ten years, the Parkdale Group member’s with vcry little h n c lcft for n di~cussionof the March iss~legave (l)robal)ly by pure accident) . tlilernma might better lrave been solved by his principles and practices of A.A. Ilcre t l ~ cindi- !he sl~ortanswer to F.c.0.’~ closing query “IIow recognizing and accepting the fact tl~ntthe allvidual is elevated al)ove h e g i o ~ ~ pand , person. ahout ending applnuse at A.A. meetings?” Such plause waa not, for his eelf.gratificatio11 but ality takes prececlence over p;inciple. I’ersol~al slogun, nncl inclectl the whole of our A.A. experi- rnther as indicating the group’s pariicipation in t r i h l e gushes forth, in n wny IIIUI codtl cnsily ence, w o ~ ~ l t l i~iclicntethat we sl~ould”make l m t e tile sentitnents 11e expressed. This course apleacl 111e mwnry i ~ d i v i d t ~ n l iuto tl~ii~king, ~III:C slowly” I d o r e c ~ n l ~ u l k i n g on rrrdical expcri- pears to me considerably less egotistical t11a11 ageill, that he’s clone it nll I~i~nself rnll~cr111an rnenls. And, it1 my opinion, the elimination of for n speaker to ask, during a talk, h a t when 11e h e I’ower greater t l ~ a nI h s c l f . applause rnigl~twell cl~angethe essential nature conclndes there sl~ould I)e no a p p l a ~ ~ s e .After T l ~ e nthere’s the personnl story nppcl~ringin of arr A.A. neel ling, I)ecn~tsci ~ rour meetings tire all, mayhe the audience might already have :lcthe local newspaper, ~ o ~ n c t i n r ~ : s even nccomnt~tIienct:is far ~ n o i ei ~ n l ~ o r t n n~ th r nt l ~ espeaker, citled h a t tlrey would not appland!–J.A.D. panietl by a l ~ l ~ o t o g r a lof~ l ~ tile irdivitlunl, nrd ~ l l ois just another alcoholic who reflects in his i

I’refers No Applansc: Tlrinrke Appluasc IIelpful From New York, N. Y. From Detroit, Mich. The article “Applause” in the March Cmpc- I just finislied reading the letter from the vine is one of the bcst things you’ve ever printed. member who would do away with applause at I have done quite a Lit of speaking in A.A. meetings. I don’t agree, because I t l h k ap- In the beginning,. I was terribly nervous atid plause is helpful to the speakers, especially tl~osc clidn’t like it, but did it because it was supposed who may be appearing on public platform for to be one way of I~elpingother alcol~olics. the first time. It’s a way of telling h e m we’re But after I got over my nervoueness I fot~nd with them.-D.11. I didn’t mind it. Then I Ixgan to kind of eujoy it, ancl when I louncl I was getting to like the nl)plnusc and the peoplc corning around alterwards to say, “Wonclerful talk,” I decided I’cl bctter cut it out. As active alcoliolics, we always were playing lor applause in one form or anotl~er,or at least playing for an audience. I think applause is still prclty lleatly etuB.–I1.W.

From the May 1948 Grapevine

ttPlatformMannerw A voice from the past with a familiar ring today

T H E E V O L U T I O N of t h e A A speaker is an interesting phenomenon to watch, and perhaps it These are the speakers who begin to appear more frequently on the platform, at this meeting and that, here offers a warning that has to do with and there, several times a month. one of the most dangerous bogs en- Soon they’re on the circuit. countered along the road to recovery. Usually, these people are good Most alcoholics have an aversion speakers, do a good job, and conseto platform speaking – that is, quently are in demand. No doubt, when sober – though they may do they help many with their talks plenty of talking at the bar, with or for a time. But for how long? And without introduction, whtn drinking. what does it do to them? By the time they’re wady for AA, The danger, of course, is that any they have little confidence, they’re human being is likely to become skittish and nervous, and they prefer spellbound by the sound of his own the background to the spotlight. So voice, and to begin to rate himself, it probably is true that in the begin- subconsciously at least, as something ning most AAs dislike giving talks at of an oracle. Up sprouts the big “I” meetings and do so only because again, inwardly, even though outthey know it may help a newcomer wardly the individual may appear to get started or another member keep be oh, so modest. What goes on ingoing. side is more important to him, and Aversion to giving talks remains it may not be good. with some members, probably for- If anyone finds himself developing ever. But not so with others. Some a platform manner, stretching his gradually recover from their fright story to make a point, and waiting and actually get so they enjoy stand- for the applause, he’d better get off ing up in front and telling others the stage fast, both for his own good how it’s done. These are the ones and for the good of his listeners, who become perennial speakers. who soon will detect the inevitable Theirs is the evolution that is fas- affectations. cinating, but disturbing, to watch. N . M . , New Orleans, La.

June 1948

A. A. s Voice Opinions On Speaker E 9 e ~ e o/ The article, “Ezpenses Speakers Pose This state of being free does not stop er must ride train or bus, I douljt if , I’robleni,” wlrich appeared irr the April there. I have seen men actually shocked there has ever been mention made of exissue of TIIE A. A. GRAPEVINEbrouglrt . into sobriety at learning that the fellows pense. (During the war it was considered lortlr ntarry letters lronr readers. Follow- who are trying to help him expect abso- cricket to ofTer gasolir~eco~~pons.) ing are some o/ the opinions expressed: lutely nothing in payment. Speaking from an Akron viewpoint, One of the founders made a profound ‘ when we are asked to go to I’ittsburgl~, I am sligl~tly scorcl~ed after reading impression on me many years ago when Toledo, Columbus, Grand 1hq)ids or some your Page One article in April-“Ex- I heard him say: “You don’t owe me a other point over a l~ur~dretl miles away and penses of Speakers Pose Problems.” Not thing, but you owe the man who comes virtually requiring that the trip take overscorched at you, understand, nor the writer after you everything!” night, it seems only fair tlral the host of the articles, nor the good folks in the group sl~or~ld pay hotel room and train The person who charges to give a talk expenses. Food? What tlm hell, we’ve got group who f i d themselves confronted will1 is ~ndermining one of the very founda- .to eat, anyhow. a problem. – But completely burned up by ally tions’of A.A. Those who aid and abet 11im are ab quilty as he is. It is my own observation tlmt h e r e is ,mugg who will accept a fee other than no speaker in the world ao important that expenses for speaking at an A.A. meeting. Consider the early 11istor~of A.A. How we cannot do witl~outhim-and that goes A’ctuslly, my thought on the subject can did the first dozen o r so pioneers manage quadruple if he thinks of his services in be boiled down to two brief sentences: to keep sober? Did they import a speaker terms of dollars and cents. from New York or Chicago to talk to And at any rate, thanks for listening.- NO A.A., SPEAKER IS WORTH A FEE. them here in Akron? You know they EN., Akrorr, Ohio. NO SPEAKER WIIO ACCEPTS A FEE didn’t because the first couple dozen mem- IS WORTH A.A. bers came from Akron and vicinity. Yet Should Restrict But the thing has a number of ramifi- they managed to keep sober ant1 build up I was interested in the article “l<xpcnscs cations. a tradition that is keeping tl~ousandssoljer of Speakers Pose I’roblcm,” wl~icl~ ap- Almost all of us are proud of the fact today. peared in the April issue of Tlre A.4. that A.A. has been added to that pitifully Today, with few exceptioas, there is an Crapcvirie. Personally, I think h i s n scrismall list of free things on this earth. A.A. group witbin easy driving distance ous problem. I feel tl~ntsome rcstrictio~~s Older members will give hundreds and from any ncw gro~lp-l art1 talking al)out should be laid down so that tl~esehighly thousands of dollars of their valuable time witl~inthe United States. Out of the h n – paid orators could not s p a k as r e p in guiding some unfortunate soul to so- dreds of A.A!s of my ncq~~nintnnces,I scnting the Program. briety. And it does n o t cost the lad on. don’t believe tl~creis one who tloesn’t con- During the past 16 months I liavc travthe receiving end one thin dime. If he is sidcr it the price of 10 gallons of gasolit~e eled over 20,000 miles visiting A.A. jobleas he is not asked to contribute at well sl)int to go to a neigI~I)oringtown to groups, “loners,” and have given many meetings. If he cannot afford reading talk. talks before service clubs. 1 l~avenever matter, someone will lend o r give him Our groups in Akron are forcvcr l~aving collectcd a penny, even for traveling exliterature. If he can’t afford bus lare to a speakkrs from Cauton, 22 ~uiles; Clevcmeeting, some one will pick him up; Even penses. I realize that lew men could do land, .35 miles; Youngstown, 45 miles; this as it costs money. I do it because of the coffee and doughnuts are free to those Mansfield, 60 miles. And unless h e speak- the help I received from the A.A. philwho are broke.

osophy and I want to do what I can for W l ~ c ra~ long trip is involved, it seems An invitation to lend a meeting is nn h e fellow who needs help. To the general ouly riglit tlmt the group should prolTer opportuhiily to do 12111 Stcp work. If wc public, I remain anonymous and there is cxl)cnscs. It may I)c suggested that we pay are .staying sober, altcl fincling hnppiaess never any publicity. our own way nnd rnnkc drat a contribution in the A.A. program we kuow tlmt wc I know of one man who makes a Imsi- to A.A. This, too, is unfair. We want to are receiving as m~tcllat least, l)rol)al)ly ness of talking at A.A. banquets and largo cot~tribetcto A.A. a d tukc our part i ~ rits more than we are givir~g the program. p111)lic g a t l ~ c r i ~ i ~ s Ilc. ~ i s ~ ~ e l l takes y his support. Since the cl~atrcesarc tlrat wc nrc getting wifc nlor)g on 11i.s trips. ‘I’l~c kroup w l ~ i c l ~ My seggcstion for a solution to the prob- more than, we are giving wc shoultl conhas l l i i i t for n sj~cnkcr~ ) o tonly pays his lem: (1) offcr cx~~cnscs to all, nos-A.A. sider the invitation to lead n privilege for cxl)c~~sc.s 1,111 ulso his wilc’s cxl~cnscs,plus spcukcrs; (2) olTcr to pay expcnscs for us, rather than for our proposccl audicncc. a fcc. To tnc h i s is not A.A. Wlrcr~folks all out-of-town speakcrs invited. If the –C.L.II. Defiance, Olrio. I q i n to fi~id O I I I al)olrt his racket it is group is too small to assunlc such exgoiug to 111irt 111c A.A. I’rogrom. Some pcnscs, exl)l+n h i s to t l ~ cspenkcr invited clanlngc l m nlrcntly I ~ I Itlonc. a d nssurc him h t if IIC fccls IIC cannot Some g r o u p ligurc that tllcy must lmvc aiTorcl to come, t l ~ cgroup will ur~dcrstand. n “11ig nc~tnc” i~~stcatl of culling o t ~tlrc -J.P.l,. l)liil~~dclpliia, P(i. folks from nearl)y. 1 hnvc never, iu my A.A. cxl)cric~~cc Ilcc~rcln spcukcr, who col- JVcrc Surprised Icctccl a fce, wllo~tl I felt wos rcally sincere. I I)clicvc thut I ~ ~ ~ n l i l i l y sincerity. a110 I t seems unlikcly that the group which C O I I I I ~tllc most. voiced tl~c,’prol)lem of “Expenses for My l~cnrtis ill t l ~ cA.A. pl~iiosopl~y and Speakers” is any more isolated than ours. I,iltcr ngainst anyone who tries to use it Except for lnls fare for one leader and a for ~)crsoenlgni11s.-C.A.S., Aiinncapolis, hotel room for anotl~crwe have not had AIin11. thc problem since t l ~ cgroup was formed. I bclicve tlmt ~ndstA.A.s in this part of h e country werc equally snrprised..

I 1)clicve tliut wl~cncvcron A.A. group I?ccnuse n cross-sectio~~ of lifc is Iwevn-v i~tvitcsa non-alcoholic to spcnk, that group lent in our meml)crsl~ip,clilTercnt types of sl~oulclolTer to pny cxpc~~scs.In most in- leaders are imporiant to our rncctings. 1:or stances the ofTcr will I)c clcclitted but il apccial occasions we likc a colorf~tl ant1 shoulcl I)c nradc. itrtcrcsting leader. If h c person clroscn I am rutllcr cloul)tful if many persons I)y the hosts is one who clcvotes all of arc atuking a living out of speaking at his time’to A.A., c c r t a i ~ ~ l y Ile is cntitlctl A.A. meetings. If tlwy arc, s r ~ c l ~persons to a fee as well ns Iris exlrcascs. Noewill be quickly clctcctccl and the warning A.A.s sltor~ld receive trnvcli~~gexpenscs will go out tl~rol~gll t l ~ cusaal channcls and and either, t l d r hotel cxpcnses or the invitotiot~swill gradually cease. . hospitality bf one of t l ~ ctneml)crs.

June 1948

A. A. RECORDINGS A l5-11iin111e gc~ierltltalk on A.A. I)y Ilill I ~ u s I~een~rauscril,ed~ I aI set of two regular 12-iricl~ plioriogriipli rec:ortls. ‘She records call I)c ployecl oil any stoi~dartl-l~lionogrcl~. Tliese records, wliicl~ore of interest to A.A. ~iie~iil)t:rs, g r o ~ ~ p s u f~r i~etdl s of A.A., are avoilublc a1 111c price of $3.30 per set, p q ) u i d iiir express, New York; $ 4 4 0 , Canacla. The records niily I I ~ol)tui~ietlI h y writing Works I’uLlislii~~g CIJ., IIIC., P.0. Jlox 4.59,(;ru~itl (:cii~i.uI Annex; New Yurk 17. Ilecause the set is sold at near-cost price, it is req~rcs~etlthat pcrsons o r t l c r i ~ ~ it g enclose check o r Iiioliey o r d y wid1 letter. Cost of tlie set to persolis in foreign coun~ries~iiuyl ~ eohtained on request.

December 1948

YOU Sound From Boston, Mass. bernatea in A.A., is the most likely to become stereotyped. He will soon be HOWmaking long can any A.A. continue talks at meetings without giving the same talk over and over. Worst of all, he will learn which beginning to sound stereotyped and phrases draw the most laughs and even “professional,” with harm to make the biggest hit, and he will behimself and diminishing benefit to gin playing for audience approval. others? That’s almost inevitable because his We debated that question the other growth has stopped. night and because it’s important to But the individual who continues the many who get caught up in the to mature in sobriety is always learn- “speaker’s bureau I would like to ing something new and therefore has pass on one line of thought which something new to say in his talks. He developed. is more interested in saying it and in Length of time in A.A., or the num- passing along his new experience and ber of speeches made, is not the de- knowledge to others than he is in getting applauee. termining factor. Whether the indi- So long as an individual continues vidual is really growing in A.A. is to grow he can continue speaking at the real question. meetings with benefit to others and The member who though he stays no harm to himself. At leart that sober, develops no further after seemed to be what we decided in our reaching this point, and merely hi- discussion.-R.E.

December 1948

Never too New From New York, N. Y. thetic. The looks on their faces expressed interest. An occasional smile IonlyAM a new member of Alcoholics Anonymous and have been dry for three months. I was very sure with a chuckle now and then gave me more confidence with each passing minute. Anyhow, here was the A.A. prised the other day when someone Program in actual practice. One asked me to make my first speech. I drunk helping himself to climb up was quite reluctant to do so and triedone more step of the ladder that leads to beg off. What could a 90-day baby to sobriety and peace of mind. say that could possibly help onyone When 1 got home after the meeting else? Well, strange as it may seem, that night I decided that I would put I was told that sometimes a neophyte down on paper my own reactions to can discuss his own drinking problem my first A.A. speech, while they wen so clearly and so vividly that fre- still fresh in my mind. quently they seem to coincide with the And so if The A.A. Grapevine pubdrinking problems of some person lishes this I hope that somebody will who is attending his first or second read it-somebody who has been in meeting. And so with considerable A.A. for three months or more but doubts and misgivings I agreed to who has not yet made his or her first speech. If that somebody is you, speak at a Sunday night meeting in I sincerely urge you to sign up soon the suburbs. and make your firat A.A. speech. My nervousness was naturally un- A.A. needs your help in order to derstandahle at first hut as I startedkeep the meetings new and fraeh just to unfold mv drinking story I hegan as much as you need A.A!s help.to feel that the audience was sympa- C.M.

January 1949

The Eighth Wonder – –

they, heir sponsors awl the grollp norr~~al er~:otio~is, sucl~as anger and take their sobriety i n a matter of fact fear, we must find other outlets or way. The red caroet is no longer safety valves. And since sucl~enlos~retci~ed uut for h e prodigal SOII. tions are recurrelit. we ~ieedconstant The family heaves a sigh of relicf, repair and replacc~aentof our safely and stops tip-tocing and catering. l h t valves. A.A. o f i r s us all the tools. where is our alcoholic? He is in But A.A. has never claimed to be a From Clentriew, Ill. Applied to any other disease, being- the throes of the great awakening, panacea. It offers the equipment to happy to have it so you can get over that sobriety does not make the world fight a specific condition. We must

A RE we of A1coholics Anony it. proves to be appallingly bad lo*. nou us enshrining ourselves just I were crippled and needed a bit? During the Past Year9 crutches to walk, I would get a bed of roses. For the first time, in guard against buildiug u wall of exa sense, he alone must wear the man- aggeration and wishful tl~inking tle of his responsibilities. around ourselves. which hinders our 1 have heard a growing number of crutches. But I doubt that I could His day by day living hae taken on capacity for honest analysis and speakers decry non-alcoholics. With convince myself that the inactivity a pattern, almost a monotonous rou- evaluation. gleeful accents, our syeak- lameness forced on me, tine, and the early exuberance and There is no argument with A.A!s e n are glad they are alco- thus focusing my attention delight in just being sober has waned. being infinitely superior to alcoholic holics, they wouldn’t want toward self-improvement, He begins to wonder if A.A. i s all drinking. But there is no pity in my to be social drinkers, if it was superor to being free it was promised to be. And there’s heart for the poor, downtrodden mawere possible, and in some to try self-improvement, the rub. Were sponsors to take a jority who do not suffer from alcoinstances, they feel down- and walk too. My attitude more realistic approach-that A.A. holism. Our new lives cannot be right sorry for non-alco- toward alcoholism is the would teach us to lead non-drinking compared with our drinking lives, holies. same. Any way we dress it lives in a drinking world, that we but I, for one, would as soon not be Sometimes it amazes me that non- up, alcoholism is still alcoholism. would still be one step removed from crippled, thus not need crutches at alcoholics can stand us at all. When And it is still an all-encompassing the herd, but a small step compared all. A.A. is a wonderful, wonderful we’re drinking, we tell them they disease of body, mind and spirit. to alcoholic living, that the prohleme life. But I don’t believe we alcodon’t know what they’re missing by There being no cure, the limitation we had drunk might very well face holics have any corner on the hapbeing such prosaic prudes. When we of alcoholism is ever present, with us sober, but we’d he better able to piness market, and this self-canonizasober up, we imply that.it’s a shame all of its violent and far-reaching handle them-I don’t believe so tion could be dangerous. We should all and sundry don’t over-iudulge in repercussions. many A.A.s would go through this be ever mindful that all benefits we alcohol for the monopolistic pleas- period of deflation. derive from A.A. are directly based ure we receive from eve~rtualabstiu- IT is my belief that this Shangri- uuon a limitation. For should we ence. This attitude apparently is La attitude, a uuiversal hallmark doing no harm to the non-alcoholics, of sponsors, is a contributing factor To maintain permanent sobriety, forget the limitation, inevitably we we must heed our boundaries. would lose the benefits. So let us not Itnt I wonder if we aren’t hurting our- to the slips of people around the year S i n a we cannot allow ourselves the compete with Pollyanna for honors selves. mark of sobriety. At this point, luxury of indulgence in some of the in our brave new world.–C. F. McD.

March 1949

just something to appeal to newcom- literature featuring names of Inem. THE A . A . I ers or did it represent a basic prin- Ims. (3) I’ersonal pr~l)licityin connection with A.A. memlmship is con- GRAPEVINE ciple, justifying its use in the name A.A.? trary to the basic trnclitio~isof Alcoholics Anonymous.

A NDY kept an “open mind” on the subject until the end of his first whcn Andy volunteers to meeti~rg. The group secretary thcn Iwgan passing out yellow Iranc1l)ills I~nilton one word. It’s anonymity. that looked like an atlver~iscrncntfor Andy knows that saniconc will irlwiiys AND: Lrst n~eetisg(at a pulllic a d o n . One gli~r~ce con- 11e wanting to proniotc A.A. like ;in a nergl~boringtown for firrnt.tl Andy’s worst fears. Ill(; old tirnc: mt:tlicit~cslrow. S o ~ n cintlisecrecy’s sake, of course) DOIN’S NISX’r I I A Y ! JOE vitluol will alw;iys pop 1111 with t l ~ c was a peculiar revelation. IAINGWIND’S SECOND ANNIVIX- idea drat solwiety can I)c “soltl” like Although it was announced SARY MIXTINC. DON’T MISS ii program for civic I~t.t~c.rrnc~~t, cotnas an “open” o r public JOE’S Gl{OI.JP OF TI.:l{RlFI(: ~bletc will1 “nalnc” sl~i~rkcrs, magic meeting, each speaker chose SPEAKEItS. 1jEAR U11L FUN- larrter~~slicles ant1 soi~ntl-rccorcling to identify himself by Iris NYBONE, ANNIE JAYTALKER, al)priiti~s. Like t l ~ ccalm voice of full name. During t h e M I K E I,OWI~O’ITOM. PASS TI l E sanity came Andy’s wortls: “1,et’s talks, names of several WOHD AROUND FOR A IIIG g11ari1 our anonymity-4~’s h d / o/ ANONYMITY? A.A. members not present received spontaneous men- TUI~NOU’I’. Andy shuddered and stuITed the A. A.” Ilere’s an expression of his viewtion: “So-and-so of the Neartown notice into his pocket. Ilc had a point : Group” or, “My friend Bill Some- qnick vision of his ow11 nnnle blow- For cvery prospect attracted hy a I~odyand his wife Betty who are both ing arountl town on colorctl 11andl)ills 1wrson ~ n h l i c l yarrnount:ing Iris allilila1)cled “alcoholic.” At that instant ntion, a hundred alcoholics in need “I GUESS that anonymous part of Alcoholics Anonymous doesn’t mean anything any more!’ The speaker wasn’t a new member. IIe members celebrated their first anniversary in A.A. last week.” Andy whispered a question to his a mental reservation was Lorn that of Ilelp may be repellctl. wo111tlcost the newcomer his job, his Just as modcsty and humility are wife, and months of agony. “I’ll just needed hy every A.A. for his own responsor and received a reassuring was just an alcoholic who should answer; “Most of us don’t n~ilrdusing lick this ~woblcrn niysclf,” deciclctl covery, so mnst they IIC essential to have become a member–except that names-just among ourselves. It Andy. “Tl~utwny at least 1 can try Alcoliolics Anonymous as a whole. somebody scared him off. helps show that we’re no longer to be really anonymous.” Andy came to his first A.A. meet- afraid to be known as alcoholics.” UIILIC glorification, fxtionnlism ing with the usual hazy ideas of what months lntcr when Andy came crring personaI L L I c a d d ~ i p ‘ l That sounded reasonable enough, the Program was all about. However, S 1 k k for his scrontl try at sul)riety l~elped to wrcck the only prcvious but an uneasy doubt was beginning one principle had been firmly planted he cliscoverecl scveral important large scale soln-icty program ever atto stir in Andy’s mind. IIe recalled in his mind-anonymity. Fellows a series of newspaper stories about a things allout the second half of the tempted. (Sce articles on die “Washwho made the 12th Step call assured person in public life being identified name A.A.: ( 1 ) Memhers usually ingtoninlis,” A.A. Grapevine, Decemthe newcomer that his name would be by name with Alcoholics Anonymous. make a sincere effort to respect the ber, 19.1.11,and January, 194.9,issues.) respected by older members equally There were two o r three recent in- anonymity of others. ( 2 ) Most Here is the way Andy sums up his with their own. stances. Was the “anonymous” idea groups avoid printed promotional talk:

“l’o me the very name ‘Alcol~olics p i n ; seeking no pu1)lic acclaim or Anonynio~tu’ is precious and import- limeligh; olrering our work as well ant. as our will to a I’owcr greater than ” ‘Alcollolics’ tells what we arc- self. ~tcople who cannot drink alcoholic “Yes, the word ‘a~~oaynious’ spells Lcvcrngcs at any time in any form. half of our nnmc ‘Al~oholicsAnony- ” ‘AIIOII~~OU tells S * what wc are mous’; 1 think il’s the better half. now like-memlwrs of a fellowsl~ip dedicated to service without pcrsonal Let’s kecp it shining bright.”-Id.

March 1949

our 12th Step cases to hospitals, to make it understood that you speak as doctors, and to clergymen and still an individual. make it Iucidly clear that A.A., OK- For, as a whole, A.A. has no right Editorial: cially or otherwise has no connection with any institution, medical proceand no qualifications to encroach on the medical profession or the clergy. dure, or spiritual teaching. It can be And most definitely we have no place done without tempering one iota the in politics. If we were to assume enthusiasm of our 12th Step work. r e Should Be Carefil such omnipotence and follow it through to its logical conclusions, ERTAINLY your personal opin- we’d soon be in “the doctor busi- C ions are your own. YOU lmve every right to say anything you think ness” as lay therapists; we’d be setting ourselves up as savers of souls; CHECK on correspondencecom- Each of us knows that A.A. A ing into the General Service Headquarters turns up a surprising number of complaints. Of neither recommends nor endorses anyding! Yet we con easily see how somebody could get the idea about a hospital, a doctor, a religious creed, about A.A. itself, and about alcoholism. But you and I and we’d begin to fancy ourselves as a pressure group in politics. We can think of no faster or surer way of destroying A.A. completely. also have the obligation to A.A. to course, the fact that A.A. is not that we do. An unfortunate experi- 100% successful and that we, as in- ence in a hospital or the mere fact dividuals, are something less than that somebody’s “dear one” failed perfect will come as a surprise to to straighten up and fly right can be practically nobody. enough to release a stream of mis- What did surprise us, however, directed abuse against A.A. was the nature of ‘many of these complaints. ‘ After setting aside the woman said, “You recomlegitimate criticisms and making due ON:ended the hospital and the allowance for crackpots and sore- doctor. You practically guaranteed heads, there still remained quite a that my husband would sober up and few which would seem to indicate stay sober!” Of course, we didn’t that we have been a bit lax in how make such claims. Yet this woman we “represent” A.A. to others. may be more or less justified in believing we did. Probably the A.A.

IA.A.Tmany, seema that many people, too have the mistaken idea that recommendr and endorses this, members who “12th Stepped” her husband were only trying to reassure her and spoke with such conviction that, or the other thing. Mostly, it’s that, to her, it sounded like a gilthospitals and rest homes. In other edge-double-your-moneyback guaranas& doctors, psychiatrists, and even tee, bearing the official stamp of apclergymen. And in one instance, a proval of A.A. Maybe she wanted recent political candidate claims to believe it so much that-she did! that the local A.As “came out” So what can we do about it? Just against him. be careful, that’s all. We can send

September 1949

meeting, using ideas from many Some groups read the Steps ver- On Leading -one rnun’s members. Originally written for personal use, it is printed here i n batim. Others, less formi~ll~, plain them i n the leader’s own ex-

opinion– The A.A. Crapevine to stimulate words. In either event, it’s impordiscussion: tant. For it i n d i c ~ t e sthat while

A “Good” One: I:& the benefit of newcomers and visitors the leader we have no organization, no constitution, no by-laws, etc., we do have a central core of belief, a with leeling, recalling a recent should open the meeting with a definite Program of recovery and prospect who Iind slipped after two Meeting ni~ctings. Neither meeting contril~utrtl m~ich to the newcomer’s clear, concise statement of what A A is–and what it i s not! That rehabilitation.

A A is not affiliated with any group, Three: It i s the leader’s responknowledge except “drunk stories.” political opinion, n~oral issue, sibility to choose h i s speakers Other newcomers in any audience reliRious organization;that it t ~ k e s with an eye to “balance.” Using T liE moat attentive listener at any A A meeting is a sponsor with a fledfilinRmember undcr his nwy be wives; parents or relatives of someone else who h i t s an alcoholic problem. They seek informano sides in public questions; that its sole object is to help those alcoholics who want help; that we a s our example the three-speaker type of progam s o popular in most sections of the country, the three wing. Ile weighs every word Ily tion. [lost of these visitors will have no dues, no pledges, no ini- selected should never beall of the tfie standard oi how clearly the not return again. They expect, tiation fees, no axes to grind. I1 showyw type. They may make basic idea of A A is presented- rightly or wrongly, to learn the your meeting sound “profesin tkrms h i s prospect can grasp. basic principles of A.4 in one sional.” AA is not founded on ora- This first meeting is often the meeting. It’s the leader’s respon- NOTE: Many groups use the tory, but on humble, ‘ sometimes “clincher” for ull the 13th Strp sibility to see they are not ~ e n t first two paragraphs of the stumbling, efforts. work that has gone before. away half-empty handed. These statement always to be found Nor should all three speakers No matter how many holrrs the folks are trying to do 12th Step inside the front cover of every be strongly spiritual in AA. Such prospect may have been coached work, too! issue of The A.A. Grapevine. a concentration can make A A sound by h i s sponsor a s to what A A is, Here is a list of suggestions like a church organization, perhundreds of unanswered quest ions toward the leading of a “good” haps even a mission, to the neware buzzing in the newcomer’s This opening procedure not only identifies the purpose of the meet- comer. And no matter how deeply head. (We haven’t forgotten our we may feel about AA*s spiritualown first meeting, huve we?) Fre- ing but provides a “backdrop” for the speakers who follow. Thus, ity, we are duty bound to remember quently the new prospect knows that the newcomer is apt to be literally “nothinRw almut AA. their individual remarks and opinions are, from the very outset, God-shy at first. llis first meeting should begin I)y putting the new man on the right related to the larger purpose of For similar reasons, all the track. Subsequent meetings cun Ah a s a whole. speakers should not be “comecontinue the good work. dians” either. A good belly laugh ‘l.et speakers Tom, Joe and Two: Either tacked onto this here and there i s a priceless in7 Jane relate their own drinking ex- opening statement or very early in gredient. But a meeting of unreperience–the leader’s job is tcll- the meeting, the leader should also lieved hilarity merely makes AA ing the AA story,” one n~ember explain that the AA Program is look silly and inconsequential. recently expressed it. Ile spoke based on our 12 Suggested Steps. Last but not least, the speakers

should never be all of the same has been a typical n~eeting,it is type, neither all from “Skid Iiow” far from being a complete concepnor “Silk Stockinn.” It is our job tion of the A A Program. Only conto make each meeting, a s far a s is tinued attendence and a variety of practicable, a true cross section meetings can convey the full meanof people (which A A is) and a ing of the AA way of life. cross section of opinion (which AA has) s o a s to give the new- Six: A l l A A meetings conclude comer the widest possible oppor- with the universal custom–retunity to identify himself or her- citation of “The Lord’s Prayer” self with us. in which the leader invites all to join him. Some groups also open F o u r Spcakers should be intro- their meetings with a prayer. duced briefly, without excessive Perhaps the above list offers fanfare. The leader should comment too rigid apattern for AA meetings between speakers but not by amp- to follow. Each group, out of its lifying what the previous speaker own collective experience, must just said in any way that sounds determine the answer. We should like “what Joe meant to say always bear in mind that the AA was-” All that can accomplish idea is something utterly new in is to make “Joe” look like a moron. human experience. There i s nothing else in the world quite like it. Five: If the third and final Hence, the real need that exists is speaker has not already done so, for explanation. We have to tell the leader, before closing, should newcomers what we are and what II sum up” the entire meeting- we do–in order that they may berelating what has been said to the lieve what we say. ~ i m sand purpose s e t forth in the A meeting can ~roperly be reopening statement–sort of tying garded a s an extention of 12th Step the whole thing into one neat pack- work, carried on by group effort. age for the newcomer to take away Let’s be sure we do a good job with him. Then the leader should of delivering the AA message. invite newcomers and visitors to Someone in every audience neede come back to subsequent meetl to hear it–desperately I-I,.D., ings, pointing out that while this West Hedding, Connecticut

October 1949

T every meeting that I have t h e movement, forgetting that length A attended and the five hundred mark h a s long s i n c e past, I have of sobriety i s not a measure of sobriety alone, and u n l e s s it h a s ,

heard several times during t h e depth and breadth a s well, it i s of course of e a c h evening t h i s ex- little value. Let u s respect the pression used: “For t h e benefit of wishes of those who are on t h e newcomers. ..” or “For t h e new threshold by letting them take their man. ..” I have used it myself, own time moving into the activities always with a little misgiving, be- of the movement. c a u s e it seemed t o be the accepted Let those who have just wet way. T h a t I w a s not alone in my their feet in the stream of A A wade misgivings w a s driven home t o me out into i t s deeper waters when by a man who had just recently ad- they feel that they are strong mitted that he w a s powerless over enough. For many a man h a s alcohol. drowned because he w a s thrown It was just after a closed meet- beyond h i s depth before he had ing and he w a s quite perturbed. learned t o swim. He felt that everyone w a s firing s a l v o s a t him, that everyone w a s E T u s who speak try for an trying to pin him in a spotlight, approach that will not offend. that h e in h i s condition wanted n o Let u s choose our words with care, part of it. I sympathized with him a s t h i s will tend t o make u s think and promised t o observe a t future a little deeper and longer. We will meetings whether it w a s s o or not. gain, for our t a l k s will b e more He w a s right! Most of u s pushed interesting and educational t o with misdirected zeal toward thc everyone, including those who have neophyte, making him doubly con- just kindled a feeble flame of sos c i o u s of h i s youth and our a g e in briety.-C.D., Bellerose, N. Y.

October 1949

A AVING been some years dry and only attending occasionally, I am greeted thus: “Where it. Anyway, I felt free to try because I believe Bill meant what he said in “Medicine Looks at Ad”: *a have you been?” instead of “How Most strongly we point out that have you been?” adherence to these principles is A little bit nettled, I hear talks directed to the new member saying, “You will find thus and s o to be … not a condition of AA membership based upon our experience the whole Program is a suggestion the case” instead of, “I found thus only.” and SO to be the case.” AA grows apace and increasing I hear the spiritual phase praised thousands are making the grade-to the skies and materia! progress but I was lucky–1 came in at a cited to prove its worth. time when AA was a means to an I hear AA praised to the skies end and not an end in itself. And a s the most wonderful thing on I get a little bitter at times. It is earth in such a manner that the written, “What man i s there of you, speaker’s being a pan of AA i s whom if his son asks bread, will also wonderful by inference. he give him a stone?” A lot of I hear the non-alcoholic unfavor- meetings put out that which I canably compated with the alcoholic. I hear the expression, “This Program has worked for 80,000 people –it i s not on trial–you are on trial.” “We” should be substituted for *’you.” I hear and read that you can’t v not use, whether it be a stone or not.

ES, I jumped from Step 1 to Step 12. Did I leave out the spiritual? What is more spiritual than an admitted alcoholic doing his best for another alcoholic? take Step l and then take a running Does he need also to go around broad jump to Step 12, and I won- mumbling, “Allah, Allah, all praise der because that was the way I did to Allah?”–I.O., Seattle, R’ash.

November 1949

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

STATEMENT that carried a lot of weight with me the first time I A ..” own. heard it at an AA meeting was “The opinions expressed are my This line of thinking I could go for. All my life prior to finding Alcoholics Anonymous I had been motivated by the opinions of others–for better or for worse. My super-sensitive skin was scarred with vocal thrusts and my innards quivered at the glance of an eye. However I soon learned that because I was permitted to go all out behind the authorized protection of *’The opinions are my own,” I could never claim to being an authority on Alcoholics Anonymous, for the elementary reason that there is no such thing in AA except the Rig Rook itself. Go ahead and talk, but puritanically speaking, “Speak for yourself, John!” My AA privilege of free speech only entitles me to act as an authority on my own interpretations of the 12 Steps of Recovery, how I utilize them and what they’ve done for me. Beyond that, my authority sinks into silence alongside my anonymity. My brief reign as an authority from the speaker’s platform only acts a s example, an example that may fa some poor shaking soul in the audience who until I gave forth had never believed anyone had ever paralleled his career. The first speaker drank four quarts a day–no human could do that! The second one only drank wine–sissy! But me, somehow my ribald pattern blended with his. I was his boy. We were kindred souls. For his dough, I was an authority. For my safety, I am not an authority. –except on mysel £.–Mac, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

December 1949

The Arena tion. It should vehemently criticize long-winded A A orators who A I IT one of the first A A meetings that attended with my hus- The Arena have nothing to say in the first band was touched by the way a place. It should make some effort lady member to whom we were into minimize the glory seekers who troduced suddenly left her chair clutter up A A in s o many ways. beside me and went to sit on the The battle of the orators And, above all, it should put the In this corner, the ladies other side of my husband. I thought –too long and too little self-appointed leaders in their that she wanted to give him moral hairyulling barred! place. support, since he was a newcomer I go to a great many meetings in to the group. But since then she many sections of the country. My has avoided me as carefully as if enjoyment from these meetings I had leprosy, and I am forced to does not come from what the I HAVE been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for 8% and have subscribed to The A.A. speaker shoots at me off the platform. The first half hour before the conclude that she simply doesn’t want to have anything to do with obvious lack of response convinces me that I would need to a mere wife. wear an electric blanket to get Grapevine since its inception. meeting and the hour afterwards to The fact that I am not an alco- within three feet of her. And I There are several things which me are real enjoyment, real pleas- holic myself seems to be an un- realize again that this one has I want to bring to your attention. I ure, real friendship–and real AA,. forgivable fault in the eyes of the also heard–that I am only a wife! do this respectfully, without rancor. I have come now to the point other lady members, a s well. Does she think that I have no= First, I will call your attention where I am not a member of any Sometimes I try to break down t h i s thing to offer her but contempt? to the drivel. and non- important one group, but I still find a s much barrier. Disengaging myself from Do the others feel the same way? things which are’ published from pleasure in any group I get into as my spouse at the coffee hour, I When we wives know that some of month t o month in the Crapevine. I ever did. find some female on the edge of the nicest people in the world are It seems to me that a publication Recently I attended an AA con- the crowd who looks lonesome. We in the same shoes–for instance, of this sort, representing s o many ference. The toastmaster was a get to talking. She tells me bits the men we married. people should be a mediumof edu- man who expressed himself quite of her history to which I listen Perhaps these cold-shoulderers cation. The Grapevine should help well, yet he seemed to think that with breathless interest. Then we don’t realize what a welcome rebolster up the interest of the mem- in order to make a success of the may discover that we have tastes lief they woula’be a s luncheon bers, which i s s o important in AA. thing, he had to talk an hour and in common, or even children near guests who wouldn’t feel cheated About the only constructive thing I have read s o far, up to the point a quarter. From my point of view, which was shared by those with the same ages. And I think. .. we if you didn’t serve cocktails. Some

where I got sick of reading it, was in a recent issue which had to do me, he tired me out s o that when he got through, I didn’t want to . .. wust invite her over to the house maybe when I know her better we can go to a matinee together of the mere wives would relish friendships that could be cultivated without the tasta and smell with how to conduct a meeting. The rest has seemed to be all listen to any more. I have listened to all the AA . .. she’s had a tough time. .. * of alcohol, because of the more

she must need friends. or less unpleasant associations “hashs’ about how each member speakers from Bill W. down and 1 We part with the utmost cordial- that go with it. fell down stairs, how many times don’t think any of them could talk ity. I congratulate myself that at The friendliness of the qmup he got pinched, and how many more than 10 minutes without last I have broken the ice! is s o heartening–why should times he took a swipe at a cop. repeating himself or without losing But inevitably, when I see this you ladies leave us out in the The Grapevine should, by this the interest of the audience. new friend at the next meeting and cold? Do please Jefrostl–C. T., time, be on its feet a s a publica- –A.C.K., flart ford, Conn. give her my warmest smile, her Greenwich, Connecticut

thing about AA, he’s the man t o s e e or l i s t e n to. What d o e s t h i s genus d i s c u s s ? Profound truth, of course; e a c h gem – to him – as . fresh and sparkling a s i t w a s when you first discovered it, ‘way back there when.’ Enjoy the “Philosopher” while you may, for tomorrow he’ll b e l e s s vocal, but wiser.

We, like you, have known a lot of AA speakers: high bottoms, low T h e Nostalgic Oldtimer (or Group bottoms, “old hands” and new. A s Elder) “There were only a few of we’ve l i s t e n e d t o them over t h e u s then, you know” i s t h e Nostalyears, definite patterns have emerged – we recognize certain t y p e s . of AA s p e a k e r s . . g i c Oldtimer’s favorite opening. “Now when I came in” i s another of h i s pet phrases. T h e N.O. us- Here a r e some – ually points out how much tougher things were in those days; ever s o casually, he’s apt t o mention t h e year he came In (but not necessar- T h e Finger Pointer (or Exposiily how long he’s b e e n dry.) itor Supreme) T h e “Big Book” s a y s there a r e n o “musts” in our Program of Recovery,but if the Finger Pointer ever heard of this, he’s forgotten it long ago. T h i s is the . T h e “Compleat Autobiographer” fellow who t e l l s you how t o do it. . (or Blow-By-Blow Narrator) From Not how you could, or even should, pre-natal influences h e works h i s but how you damn well better! T h e T h e Preacher f o r Giver-of-the- way through infancy and early Finger Pointer usually sounds ei- Word)The Preacher’s moral tone i s childhood, and then progresses by ther angry or indignant, and h i s high. He s a y s you, too, c a n b e l e a s y ? ) s t a g e s through adolescence talk abounds with “got to’s” and righteous. H e i s primarily concern- and youth into what p a s s e s , with “can’ts.” When he fixes you with e d with your ethical, moral or t h e alcoholic, for adult life. En- h i s piercing e y e and begins t o spiritual welfare, and with patience h e s t r i v e s t o s h o w you “the way.” T h e “Ninety-Day Philosopher” thralled by h i s own story h e can s h a k e that finger- make n o mis- (or Discoverer of Truth) “The Phi- talk of nothing else. You know a take, brother, you’re in for it! So busy instructing h i s flock, h e h a s n o time for h i s AA story. losopher” is usually a 3-6 month lot about h i s drinking – nothing (Cheer up, pal; there’ll soon be man, and if you want t o know any- about h i s sobriety. another speaker.)

The Purple P a s s a g e Orator (or Hum) Latent in most A A speakers, the ham really shows when the P.P.O. speaks! T h i s master of the T h e Eighty-Minute Wonder (or high-flown phrase makes Durante Eleven-Thirty Kid) T h e Eighty sound like a banker. P o e s y rolls Minute Wonder usually c l o s e s up off the fellow’s tongue before you the Meeting – sometimes nearly for good! When you hear the words can s a y “Easy Does It” (but why must it always b e Edgar Guest or tt and in closing, I just want co s a y Robert W. Service?) What’s hap- . . .” – relax, kiddies, he’s just hit h i s stride. 1915, 1916 twenty pened t o the P.P.O. shouldn’t happen t o a dog; if you think you’ve minutes later he’s only up t o 1930! had troubles, friend, wait ’till There’s no stopping him, though, you’ve heard this character speak. for t h i s speaker i s a “Man-with-a- (What’s that you s a y ? You don’t – Message,”(Oh, Well you’ll prob- like him? Quit your beefin’, Buster, ably get home by midnight. If not, we s a w you put that dime in t h e tomorrow’s another day!) hat !)

August 1951

the narrator paints a s vivid a pic- medical authorities and prove that ture a s he c a n of h i s drinking y e a r s straight s h o t drinkers are only

IT MADE A CHARTER don’t d o u s any good, I’m afraid. There’s Pete, we’ll c a l l him, who w a s a jungle stiff and proud punishing themselves and destroyingthe mucous liningof their stomachs – and unnecessarily. “Why MEMBER SW0014 of it. He knows a l l t h e methods of straining Sterno; h e knows a1 1 about not consume the same amount of alcohol, but make it palatable?” T h e d r y saloon boys whoop it up. how wine i s fortified, how it’s made, what i t t a s t e s like. He de- I often wonder what the grocer buys s c r i b e s t h e difference in t a s t e be- one half s o precious a s t h e wine h e tween Tokay and Angelica, and s e l Is! explains why both are superior t o T h e membership of t h i s dry s a – Muscadoodle. T h e r e s t of u s s i t loon club i s about 20, I said. It’s a and drool. Actually! Tongues p a s s fluctuating membership, though. A over lips, hands c a r e s s f a c e s in slip-shod membership, you might nervous gestures. Spoons rattle in say. T h e s l i p s in my city occur coffee c u p s while minds aren’t on among the members of t h i s bibulous on coffee a t all. Baedeker club who take weekly Rob s i t s there waiting t o jump armchair c r u i s e s from Newark t o in t o s a y that he didn’t drink s w e e t E l P a s o v i a Chehalis and S a n J o s e , wines a t all.”Zinfandel,” says he enjoying their liquor on freight positively, “that’s t h e only wine.” train, bus and auto. Now we’re off on a dissertation on “One time I w a s on t h e Greyt h e merits of dry wines v e r s u s hound, between D a l l a s and Fort

A BUNCH of t h e boys were whooping it u p in t h e AA dry a * meeting.” And t h e t a l e s they tell! S i n c e s w e e t wines. C a r l fidgets waiting for a break Worth .. . ” There may b e a point t o t h i s when an AA member doing saloon; and t h e words of wine most of us did our drinking in other t o get t h i s conversation away from 12th Step work t e l l s it t o a n alcowhich came from their mouths made parts of t h e State, or o u t s i d e t h e wine and down t o some real drink- holic whom he’s trying t o help. a charter member swoon. State, we are allowed t o exaggerate, ing stuff. Knowing that some of t h e Rut for AA members t o regale It happens every Saturday night in out club. Not in t h e AA meeting, lie t o our hearts’ content. T h e only requirement i s t h a t once having reboys never could drink rye, h e s p i n s h i s rye t a l e s , wryly. (That’s . .. e a c h other with t h e s e s t o r i e s It may b e that t h e relapse incimind you, but i n our s o c i a l club. lated a particulardrinking bout, we a pun, kiddo.) Carl will be disput- dence i s high in t h i s c l u b because While t h e women and some men must remember t o relate t h e s a m e ed, of course, by Jerry who i n s i s t s t h e l e a s t s t a b l e AAs find it romanplay bingo, and t h e men and some bout in t h e s a m e way every time. that rye is too hot for anyone,even t i c t o spin t h e s e gory, sometimes women play poker, t e n or a d o z e n Alcoholics, you know, a r e shrewd. an alcoholic. Which brings u s down gruesome tales; I wouldn’t know. of u s s e t t l e down in armchairs in They’ll pounce o n you, or a t t h e t o bourbon and the argument a s t o a n ante-room for a bull s e s s i o n very l e a s t they’ll exchange g l a n c e s whether it should be drunk straight, Statistically, however, it’s a fact over our coffee and Cokes. T h e with e a c h other if the story v a r i e s o r with water, with 7-Up, Coke, or that if you want t o s l i p in my city, membershipof t h i s a n t e l o o m group in a n y d e t a i l from t h e story you with soda. the place t o condition yourself i s i s about a score, and about half told three Saturdays ago. Now that’s my idea of a way t o in t h e Saturday night bull s e s s i o n will be present a t each Saturday’s T h e s e dry saloon t a l e s in which drink. 7-Up highs. I quote from a t the social club. Colilornia AA.

May 1952 right then and there I’m beqinning men are creating a small croup of t o build a ‘reputation.’ So when the ‘professional AAs’ in our midst. proqram chairman over in the next I’d hate t o think 1 rated s u c h a las t a t e s t a r t s planning h i s party he bel. Rut in t h e e y e s of some AAs looks around for a ‘name’ in a move- whose paths I’ve crossed many ment notorious for hauinR no ‘names! times maybe I do. S o what d o e s he d o ? l l e c a l l s me There’s another s i d e t o t h i s thing simply because I’m a known quanti- too. My side. Some thinqs that t y more or l o s s acceptable t o t h e wouldn’t occur t o you unless you’re AAs he’s trying t o please. involved. There’s t h e matter of L e s t I make myself sound com- ‘expenses’ for instance. I’ve alpletely insufferable I’d better ex- ways had a horror of,mixing money plain right here that ‘I,’ in t h i s in- with AA and a deep-seated respect stance, i s actually three people for Tradition Six. Usually t h i s isn’t who have been on the circuit. And a problem for most big AA shindigs t h i s mild expose i s a composite of a r e self liquidating. But several our experiences and personal re- times I found that my travelling exactions. Rut p l e a s e don’t misun- p e n s e s were more than t h e ‘take.’ derstand … I’ve enjoyed a l l this. And once I w a s reimbursed out of t h e personal pockets of a couple I like t o travel around CONFESSIONS t h e country meeting lots of A A s and s e e i n g how AA works in difof well-heeled AAs. I don’t think that’s g o d for me … or for AA. ferent sections. But we’ll get t o Then there’s the two-way pobmy side of it later. J u s t now, I’m lem of the old ego. You get treated more concerned with what you pretty royally in AA. I’ve been put ;ire thinking of u s AA carpetbaggers. up in some of the finest hotels in Along about t h e third time you t h e country and in the best s u i t e s

AA Circuit-Rider hear me introduced a s a ‘ ~ r o m i n e n t ‘ AA you may begin t o wonder. I’ve began t o wonder myself. Nowhere in t h e Rig Rook or in the Traditions too. King for a Day stuff. f’ve been welcomed a s a n honored guest into lovely homes and been treated with a kind of graciousness 1 s h a l l never d o you find anything about anybody forget. s e e n me around. Me or I’m a Guest Speakcr. T h e old Spotbecoming ‘prominent’ … except I would have t o Iw a much bigger

y:YE counterpart. I’m t h e A A you’re likely t o hear a s Guest Iieht Ritf. I’m imported, usually from New maybe for Rill and, before he died, Dr. Rob. person than I know myself t o be not t o be affected by such consideration. There’s a potential danger in a l l Sometimes it i s hard t o remember Speaker a t your annual banquet. York or some other big AA center. t h i s somewhere although I don’t that I’m just another drunk and that T h e n maybe a month or s o later T h e out-of-town or right-from-head- think I c a n define it very conclu- my mission, whatever t h e surroundwhen you g o t o your s t a t e conven- c l ~ ~ a r t e tr as g is part of my value. It I sively. Rut it may be that in their ings, i s essentially the same a s a tion or your regional assembly you a l l comesnbout quite e a s i l y and in- talk before my own little group I very natural d e s i r e t o put on a good may run into me again. Once more nocently. I speak a t a banquet and ‘show,’ banquet and program chair- hack home.

Ar~otlwrphase of t h r e g o probelm he so. Some other Ah with a flair is the d . a n ~ e rof I>ecoming a n ‘orn- for public speaking may be so overtor.’ When you’ve faced banquet come by a l l the attention and the h . ~ l l s.~nrl;~u,litoriunlsfull of eager glamor of the spotlight and neglect A A s f x e s enouqh times there is a the n ~ o s t primary forms of First very human temptation t o string to- Things First. T h a t could be d i s qether a lot of c l i c h e s , high sound- a s t r o u s t o him and t o h i s family. ing philosophy, the gags you re- And, I think, t o AA. member always get a laugh and per- S o there it is. Some frank talk, haps a few bits of borrowed thunder mostly ramblings. No c r i s i s i s infrom somebody else. volved or e v e n implied. 13ut it’s If you pet far enough away from something t o think about both from home particularly in a n area where t h e standpoint of A A and of t h e rel- A A i s pretty isolated things c a n atively few AA members who find really get out of hand. There you themselves on the list of a sort of a r e looked upon a s a ‘celebrity.’ unofficial Speakers Bureau. It could On one occasion in s u c h a setting mean a few personal disasters. Rut I w a s even a s k e d for my autograph. even more important there may he Sounds silly, I know for one drunk a trend here that will someday be t o he asking another for a n auto- damaging t o AA. Starting t o think graph .. . again except for Dill’s or Dr. Rob’s, Rut wait t i l l it hapabout it now may s a v e some heada c h e s later on. Meanwhile, there’s pens t o you. Think about it a mo- no harm in sort of turning it over ment. You can’t refuse without a in our collective minds. long song and dance. SO you sign, It’s a heady wine, t h i s invitationjust a s I did. I might add that I felt t o t h e rostrum. One t a s t e of t h e pretty self-conscious about it and flowery introduction, t h e applause I certainly wouldn’t have wanted and t h e p a t s on t h e back and a n any of my own group cronies catch- ex-drunk, whose usually a frustrating me a t it. Rut there it w a s autograph-giving celebrities yet! … e d Big Shot a t heart anyway, finds it a hard habit t o break. It s o happens that I have been in the fortunate position of being a b l e Hey, Ma! P a c k my bag. I’m t o take t h e time t o d o the banquet speaking in Punxatawney Saturday circuit without i t s interfering with night. my career. But it may not always — Tom, Dick and /tarry

December 1952

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO LEARN open meeting and just listened to find PEAKERS in open meetings are of Sthe allwaytypesfromandbadkinds,to good, ranging all from that listening wasn’t such a bad thing after all. The habit grew until one day I was able to listen while an short to too long, from the stumbling unhappy friend of mine just unloaded and perhaps somcwhat incoherent chap all his troubles onto my shoulders and who is humbly trying in his own way into my apparently listening ears. Thc to tell his story, to the individual with man went away a bit relieved and I the silver tongue using two-bit words forgot what he said, only feeling that flow without any apparent effort, better that I was in some way able to all trying to say something to help help a bit. With the maturing of the either themselves or their listeners. listening habit, came sympathy, then Sometime ago, one of those stumbling, understanding and that warm feeling stuttering chaps made the usual remark of happiness that comes when one gets that his thoughts were his own and that feeling that he can help, if not if he could help someone he would the other man, at least himself, bebe happy; but on the other hand if cause he has learned how to listen. there was nothing worth remembering in his talk, the audience would do I don’t remember who that speaker well to listen for they could, at least was or where the thought came from, Icarn something about tolerance; there- but I have reached the conclusion that in h a n g the tale. Most of the any person in AA can teach me someaudience forgot about the man, his thing. All I have to do is keep my talc and everything else that went with ears open and just listen. him. H.S.O., Oak Park, 111. Sometime later I went to another

August 1953

I lcft John tlien, and drove b ~ i kto lecnlh Stcp of, “Not taking y&sclf my home. I h t I kept thinking of Loo d u n scriot~sly,and not forgetti john and w h ~ the had said. There was your sense of humor.” g’ ! some basis of fact to his remarks. It Tliey would I w c you believe that continued to sccp in. by following tllc A A program every- First, by profcssional A A speakers, thing will be all right, but we find we I know what he mcmt. There is a still have our troubles, only we are able type of A A member, usually an older to face thcm with knowledge and OF M O U N T A I N S A N D M O L E H I L L S member with years of A A behind him powcr. who, while he doesn’t admit it or Tliey have formed a clique, a sort possibly recognize it, considers himself of mutual admiration society, and refer an “indispc~isablc” on any speaking to each other as my pal, Bill, the last program. I-Ic docsn’t get paid in speaker, or my pal, George, the next money, but in self-esteem. It inflates speaker. ECENTLY I attended an A A con- AA will fail with alcoholics the same his ego to get up and talk and while To the A A pro speaker: you are R vention. All in a11 it was mighty worthwhile. as religion previously failed with them,” he said. “1 know you arc Ilc professes to bc humblc by not i~skingto talk, still he sees to it that basically a fine A A carrying the message, but you are speaking subjectively After the convention, I went over going to tell me that A A does not if hc doesn’t get on any particular and not objectively. Step aside, insist to the local clubhouse in that town and profess to teach religion, but when program, at lcast one of his disciples on it, and bc sincere in doing it. You ran into John-. 1 had met John these pro spe.~kcrs talk, they preach tlocs, so thc great indispensable talks are the shepherd or one of them of several times and had heard him talk spiritualism as a must, just like tlle vicariously. your group. Let the newer members i t meetings. He has some eight years church prcaclics the gospel, and in my He citcs llaving had one or several talk. You will be surprised how many of AA sobriety behind him. I knew book they arc both in the sarnc boat.” spiritual expcrienccs. I believe he of them can and have a message to him to be most humble, a willing I answered liinl in this way. “Jolln, means spiritu;~lawakenings. What has deliver if you will only encourage worker with complete serenity, and a I am afraid you have lost tile point of happened is that God has given us the them, to do so. The longer you are good sense of humor. His story had these convcntions. The spirit and not powcr to live q a i n a d the power to away from your last drink, the less revealed. him as a “low bottom” thc spceches are the main consid- carry the message. It is unnecessary able you are to reach the new inember. drinker. eration. The spirit of a crowd of alkics and unbecoming for us to become It is my belief that a spiritual When I asked him why I hadn’t getting together, enjoying each other’s evangelists. awakening cannot be taught or learned. Ken him at the convention, his face company and having a good time, These select A A spcakers speak in It is something that comes from within. sober. Rcsitlcs, a convention affords platitudes and gcneralities, never both- from the heart or soul, like love. I: too on a wry look and, speaking d o ly in deep thought, h i s was his answer. “I don’t go to conventions small ~ ~ O I Itlic~ S opportunity of hearing new spcdicrs and learning how ering to go much into detail. Thcy speak “sweet music” in a serious vein, Old John sct me to thinking and this is what I came up with. I pass because I don’t believe in them. I feel othcr groups condt~cttheir meetings.” never seeming lo rcmember our Thir- it on to you for what it is worth. I that they eventually will be tllc ruina- John replied, “I’ll grant you all that T . N.,Satrfa Fe, N.qex. I

tion of AA.” is good, but how about my main argu- ‘ “Why?” asked. ment, thcsc profcssion.d AA spcakers “Because organization in A A coupled with their spiritualistic, bombastic with these professional A A spcakers speeches ?” is trying to compete with organized I said, “I am afraid you are making religion and when A A tries to do that, a mountain out of ,I mole hill.”

J a n u a r y 1954

H O W L O N G , DEAR L O R D ?

I ti.rve been attending meetings P. S. I would like to hear some comaround the metropolitan area for a ments on limiting the time on thc numbcr of years and it seems that most spc.ikers. speakers arc too long winded. M.A.N., h y o m e , N.1. I think that an AA meeting should * * * be limi~ctlto about an hour and fifteen niitiutcs, ns you gel more group therapy arounil the coffce table. I see quite a few new men come to their first meetiog and, boy, how they can s ~ tstill for a two-hour meeting is beyond me! When 1 came to my hrst meeting they told me if you speak for fifteen minutes you speak for God, but beyond that you speak for the devil. People who go to one meeting a week don’t mind an hour and a half meeting, but I go to three or four a week.

February 1 954

Must we always talk like drunks?

ago I at- she thought of the meeting and went A tended overmy fivefirstyears LITTLE AA meeting. to her office to find out. She said, Since that day I have attended 1000 “I was amazed.” or more meetings. There were four speakers. They I have heard hundreds speak, took the Lord’s name in vain twenty never paying much attention to the times or more, used such expressions language that they use. as son of a b. and b – – – – – – several Recently a middle aged lady who is times. employed in the ofice of the company It made me feel somewhat ashamed I work for spoke to me about her for I have been guilty of the same young brother who is having a lot of kind of talk that amazed her. trouble with booze and asked my If we must use God’s name why not advice. tell the people that are listening that I told her of a meeting that was they will find His name mentioned held wcekly in a church hall near once in the third, fifth, sixth and her homc. This pleased her very seventh steps; twice in the eleventh much because the church happened step. That He is referred to once in to be of licr faith; she asked if shc the second and twelfth steps and that could attend. we are sober and happy because one The following night she grabbed day God saw fit to shed his grace Junior and cartcd him off to the meet- upon us. ing. I was curious to find out what A.I.W., Somerville, Mass.

September 1 9 5 4

simple manner, their choice of subjects damn and hell. (The hell this, and hell. and their mode of presenting same. So that and hell the other thing, we all that over four years ago I returned to hear, as it seems, generally, to be the my home converted, enchanted: an fashion to talk that way; and it merely eager, and I might almost say, avid, shows a limited vocabulary and inf AA. T o these speakers I owe my new ability to express oneself.) Or per- i mode of life, my new life. I mention haps it is just “he-man,” the titan, this for a reason I will put forth the giant thinker with complete disrefurther along. gard and indifference to the sensibili- Some six months later I heard a ties of others. A veteran meeting-goer expresses speaker use a considerable amount of Therefore, I bethought myself, supprofanity and I took upon my officious pose at my very first meeting I had a point of view on heard this man? Would I ever have reself to mention to the secretary that he should be reproved. I was told, turned? Or would I not have thought wisely I am sure (from some angles) that people who spoke thus of this that to do so might in all probability God of their understanding certainly scare him away, offend him, lead him did not have very much respect for to think AA had dominating personali- Him? Would it be tolerated if one ties within its groups, etc. In other flung about in an unseemly way the AA Profaners words, he might return to his old ways and habits. name of George Washington, for instance? Or would he get the equiva- T o all this I agreed. Certainly I lent of the bum’s rush? Would you would not want it on my conscience stand for it if someone got up and that a man had gone back to drinking so used the name of your own earthly because I objected to his profanity. So father? from then on, I closed my eyes if not So it seems to me that one newoften heard it said that re- tolerance, waiting for the “idea” my ears, to profanity, remembering it comer is as important as, another. It I regardless HAVE of how long one might which would feed my soul. was none of my business. And on the whole, such speakers are rare. seems to me that had I taken with me a prospective AA I would have been be a member of AA, one might still And, as I said, it frequently comes. derive at least one thing from each However, I think now I have not only deeply embarrassed but in all meeting, one stimulating theory or At a recent AA meeting, however, changed my viewpoint on this subject. probability would have lost my “hope- I did indeed bring home a thought Perhaps it i~ some of my business as ful,” had he or she shared my resuggestion or inspiration. which I feel incumbent upon me to AA is everyone’s business when it in- action. On the whole, this has struck me as being very true. I have usually car- impart to all those who may lend me volves its general good. For there’s one thing we seem to ried home with me something to think an ear. So I returned from this recent AA overlook: that whereas many AAs tell about. In the last years, my early en- But first, let me turn back four meeting where a man for almost thirty- m how they left their church, became thusiasm somewhat calmed down, I pages of history and speak of my own five minutes in practically every sen- agnostics, and so forth, there are also have sat through long chronicles of the first meeting. It was a large meeting, tence called upon the Deity (this God countless who did not lose their rerise from the gutter to the heights, de- in a fair-sized city, and the leader and of our understanding) and on Christ, ligion, many who never failed to keep 1 tailed to a fine point, dates included, three speakers were men of high spiri- in a thoroughly disrespectful manner, up religious observances, to say their stifling yawns, inwardly praying for tual quality. This was evident by their often attached with such words as prayers; many who admit having con-

sulted their pastors about their failing, Don’t you think this is worth some or disease, who prayed constantly for thoup%, regardless of your personal help, who had faith it would some day creed or lack of it, not only as a matter come, and who attribute their en- of taste, but for the sake of some newtrance into AA to their belief in God comers who might not enjoy hearing and prayer. what they regard as profanity? Could It is not only alcoholics who lose not some older member “suggest” to their belief in their God; manv who our tender-feeling profaner that he never touch liquor are agnostic. Like- could, perhaps, do some honest-towise just as many alcoholics have clung goodness, down-to-earth Twelfth Step to their faith, whatever it may be. work by having some regard for the So, then, why are not these new newcomer’s possible reverence and reprospective members entitled to the ligious upbringing? same consideration as the AA speaker If he says, “Then, hell, 1’11 get my who gets up and uses the name of –self out of here,” I don’t God and Christ in an irreverent way? think the loss would be unbearable, If his feelings may be hurt because his do you? talking that way is objected to, how Anon-A!-Large about the sensibilities of those who have reverence for the Supreme Being? How about the newcomer who enters (Ed. note: published without an identifying the hall for the first time and goes group location, to avoid hard feelings! Any replies directed to the author will be foraway with such an impression? warded, ar we have the name and addres.c.)

October 1 9 5 4

ciclc~ks;lntl expcricnccs from tile pist. of’ cvery S.IW oI)scrwtiw~11c 111.iLcs. I try to get three or four nuin points, In sllort, what do we tlo the tl.ay write t h n down on 3 x 5 cards in aftcr our closctl ~ncctil~g? 110 wc look big script so 1 can read thcm without back and t r y to think ot the differcnt my glasses. I put tile cards in my views cxprcsscd, or solnctlling conp k e t but never look at them. Oil, crctc that c;ul be p u t inlo practice I know they are tllere and they arc a lodry? Our closctl ~ncctings will do big help to me but I don’t need to us more good, tone up our qurlity of ADDING SOMETHING NEW look at them. In fact I may make an sobriety, if we use the topic disc~lssetl entirely different and better speecli as a source of meditation throughout than the one summarized on the cards h e week. That may be a large order, tt ou know, Joe, I’ve been out on qualify myself and then I start using but I do so confidently, if not com- but maybe we can start out by trying Ythe circuit a couple of years a lot of the stuff we have been work- petently, because I have prepared. I to meditate a little about the closecl now and I’m getting sort of tired of ing over in closed meetings; honesty, have something in reserve.” meeting three or four times during the telling the same old story all the time. humility, helpfulness, what a sponsor’s Perhaps Harry could not put the next 24 hours. Or at least once tlic Certainly the audiences which include responsibility is, practicing these prin- speech-writing advice into practice next morning. the same gang much of the time must ciples, inventory and so on. It’s sur- quite as easily as Joe suggested but he “Now what 1ua.r tint thing they I know my story backward and forward. prising how much you can say about did start to think about the great were ranting about last night . . . oh, How come you seem to have a differ- any of those subjects if you’ll just sit wealth of material that was worked yes, but what a cockcycd idc:a I’ctc . . . ent pitch every time you get up to down and think for about fifteen min- over in the closed meetings. Some of wl1oal1-11-l1what killti of tolcrancc is speak ?” utes before taking off on the speaking that wisdom, advice, expcriencc, tol- that before breakfast? Supposed to “Thanks, Harry, but I’m not so sure assignment. erance, understanding, could be used practice tolerance tod;ly. 1,islcn with I give them a new message every time.’ “You know how it is in our closed not only in AA speeches, but in a srnilc to everybody’s silly iclcas . . . I think it’s the same old message in meetings. A subject comes up and speeches to any other group, in heart- there I go again . . . not supposed to modern dress.” nineteen people spout on with thirty to-heart talks with confused employ- think tlley’re silly. . . . I’m not going “That’s what I mean! How do you ideas. The same method will work ees, in letters to folks back home. Of to like this much, but 1’11 try it anydo it?” with you if you meditate or just think course the AA label might have to be how. Maybe I’ll like it better later “Well, I guess I just talk a minute by yourself for a little while. One idea removed – – but common sense is corn- . . . maybe I’ll like it a little after or two about my past in order to leads to another and they bring up in- m’on sense and no one cites the source breakfast. . . .”

November 1 954

MORE ABOUT PROFANITY

ITH great interest I “lent an ear” all the way. She writes: “Could not of hcrc,” the loss certainly would not W t o the piece entitled “AA Pro- some older member suggest . .” . I)c unbearable. Even il it lcft Anonfaners” by Anon-at-Large in the Sep- Why single out one person for reproof ;I[-Large and her hypothetical “hopetember issue of the Grapevine. 1 too (viz., “our tender-feeling profaner”). ful” lone in the hall it’s certainly Iruc have sat through boring meetings, “in- “As a matter of taste, but for the sake h a t two persons can havc n wry good wardly praying for tolerance,” but 1 of some newcomers,” Anon-at-Large AA ~ncctingbetween tl~cmsclves. also go on to pray lor humility, charity, should herself stand up in meeting K.II.1… h”ur I:r~r/riicio,C d i l o r r t i ~ and a saving sense of humor. and suggest to the entire group that it I certainly agree with Anon-at-Large “could, perhaps, do some honest-tothat the habit of profanity is not be- goodness, down-to-earth Twelfth Step coming to anyone. But why stop there? work by having some regard for the The big book plainly states, “half newcomer’s possible reverence and remeasures availed us nothing.” This is ligious upbringing.” just as true after AA as before. If many of the members say, ”Then, I cannot agree with Anon-at-Large hell, we’ll get out — selves out

February 1955

express himself is as important as condemning tilougllts m d heips you PROFANITY AGAIN another’s. remember that according to our AA It is my personal opinion that n o principles each person is endowed I once attended meetings at a group aIcoholic h v led such a she1te:ed with inalienable rights to work the where everyone was concerned about existence as to be shocked by a bit of program in his own way which should a certain member and his bad influ- profanity. T o me profanity in itself always bc- respected. The fact that a ence on potential members. It seems is unimportant; it just isn’t socially member is sober is evidence of his this member was a deacon of his par- accepted, but when as alconolics have faith and if ~t is acceptable to God ticular church. The other members we ever conformed closely to those then it should be to me, regardless were afraid he would drive new mem- laws laid down by society? of the member’s mode of expression. bers away as a result of his (according Who knows but that it may take Anonymous, Prescolt, Arizona some a little longer to get used to to them) too pious talks and his new ideas, or perhaps there may be a * * * reference to God as God rather than the higher power, as was the popular fear on the part of some that they expression of that particular group at might turn into a holier-than-thou-dothe time. Most of them had fancied gooder. I am not just guessing: 1 themselves either atheists or agnostics know that a bit of profanity now and before coming into AA. These mem- then helps kccp a lot of the members bers had an agreement always to let on an even kcel. A too church-like the deacon speak first so that they atmosphere makes some uncomfortmight undo any harm he might in- able ! advertently have done to a new mem- Personally I don’t like profanity ber. either, and I think one could express Funny thing, in spite of all the himself as well, if not better. without worry and the rebuttals the group it. Our manner of espression and our grew and has continued to grow . . . reaction to certain things depend upor. which proves to me that God is run- our particular conditioning. I belieye ning this show and I for one am glad an over-prudish attitude can be very of it. All I have to worry about is unhealthy too. Before I would remy own sobriety. move the mote from my brother’s eye When we enter AA as a last resort, I want to be sure there is no beam willing at least to listen with an open in my own. In other words, let’s pracmlnd, we are told to accept .what we tice our tolerance. like and to work the program in our T o mv mind it boils h v n to th~s: own way. There are many different if you are concerned about the nny speakers’ opinions to draw from. W e someone in your group is workare told that the way a person works ing the program or about the n a y the program, and his idcas and mode some conduct themselves, the grc.ltest of esprcssing them, are strictly his hclp you can give them is to pray for own; that one person’s sobriety ant1 thcm and then leave it to GoJ. This his right to work the program and to frees your mind from an!. critical,

July 1 9 5 5

his head in the noose by sounding You see, I’ve been trying to prove From the July 1955 Grapevine off with some dumb question about something. I know the mill-run of humility, at our closed meetings. alcoholics can’t touch that first drink “How long you been around AA?” -the hoi polloi, so to speak -but I ask. That flattens them. They don’t I’m different. realize that, after so many years of I’l admit I’m trying to taper off alcoholic thinking, you don’t get real a bender right now. I admit I have quality humility right off the bat. a drinking problem. I don’t know all I’ve Got However, I always believe in hold- there is to know about the Twelve ing out some hope to the newcomer. Steps and all that other malarkey. “Just act like me, bub,” I tell him, But don’t you see? That’s the “and it won’t take you long to catch very basis of my humility -I admit Humility- on.” these things! I may not have as I’ve been around AA a couple of much continuous sobriety as some years now, and I’ve seen ’em come of the stuffed shirts I know. But I’ve got more damn humility and How! and go. Slips? Well, sure, I’ve had a few, mostly in recent months. . . than the whole pack of them put but you could hardly call them slips. together! Anonymous, Nonviolent Ward

I T TOOK ME quite a while to figure out this humility deal . . . but, brother, I’ve sure got it now! When always tell them. Then I explain how humility is just the art of acting like you don’t know it all, and not the chips are down, I can be a Cas- being an egotistical s.0.b. like some per Milquetoast and Uriah Heep of the other members I could name. rolled into one. My humility is so (Yes, I have named them, too. I thick, you can cut it with a butter believe in calling a spade a spade, kniie. which is the honesty part of the It’s a well-known fact that I’ve program. ) got more humility than any other Some of the older members of member of our group – and, what’s our group have started calling me more important, they realize it. “Mr. Humility,” which just goes to ‘ Whenever this subject comes up in show how they recognize my supe- ‘ a closed meeting, everybody looks riority in this respect. Naturally, a to me to explain what humility is couple of them are a little jealous -and how to get that way. The because I have so much more hurest of them sit like dumb clucks mility than they have, and I explain and don’t have anything to say. it so much better. “If I can do it, you can do it,” I Now and then, a newcomer sticks

i -k July 1955

three months before speaking?” Jane the audience’s interest is maintained. asked. The listener thinks along with the “As with many other things in AA, speaker and he constantly receives there is no hard and fast rule. I be- new food for thought.” Iieve that most groups will want the “Right, and all very helpful,” said slipper to show by a period of sobriety the leader. “Now there is some that he is qualified to talk about stay- ground we have not covered and I’ll ing sober. try to run over it very quickly. “We often hear about ‘qualifyins In answer to the question IVho, we ourselves as alcoholics.’ But we are have of course been talking about not really discussing alcoholism but sober A A members. Occasionally, nonsobriety. Hence we ought to qualify alcoholic physicians, clergymen and ourselves to discuss sobriety and we others may be invited to give us the can do that only by staying sober for benefit of their views. But A A meet- T our last session,” said the frequent opportunities to speak and I some time. If a member is slipping mSs should be predominantly per- ”A leader of the Closed Meeting, think they should all try to do so.” “we talked about speeches. Someone periodically, perhaps he should not sonal, not scientific or professional. speak until he has rather a long period “Non-alcoholic wives and hus- 1 “Very good,” said the leader, “but I suggested as a formula for making a of course speaking is not a must. If of sobriety-six months if he previ- bands? Occasionally, perhaps, but good speech, ‘Be interesting. Be brief. a member cannot speak for reasons of ously had been slipping every three they should not ride the circuit or be- Be seated.’ anonymity, stage fright or something months, for example. come regular members of AA speaking “At that meeting we talked pretty else, he should try to make up for it “Now we have talked about the teams. Sobriety can be passed on only much about How to make an accept- by other activity, more kitchen work, How, Who, and When of speeches. by those who have acquired it through able speech but we left other ques- more chauffeuring around, more hos- Nothing has been said about Why. struggle. tions untouched. Who should speak pital work, and so on.” Why should we speak? Anyone for “AA speeches Where? We have in AA? Anyone got an idea on that? “Why are three months of sobriety Why?’ been talking mostly about open meet- “In my opinion,” said George, necessary?” asked Jane. “It is one method of carrying the ings. I believe the practice is quitc “everybody who can, and who has a “Well, in open meetings we tell A A message,” said Jane. general to let anyone present at a reasonable period of sobriety, should our story. Tell how we got sober. W e “It is a sort of spiritual catharsis closed meeting speak. Even the leader speak. Many groups set three months are also telling others how they can for the speaker,” said Fred. need have but a brief period of sobriety. as a required period of sobriety. I get sober. W e can’t give what we “It is a framework around which The closed meeting is usually a disthink that’s a good idea. haven’t got. Surely there must be some groups are built. It would be difficult cussion group and no one member is “By speaking, I mean speaking at period of test. A day is obviously not to conduct open meetings regularly standing up before the world to disopen meetings at which non-nlcoholics enough, nor a week. You have to without some kind of speeches,” said cuss sobriety. are present or welcome. In some areas draw at least a suggested line some Terry. “What about AA speeches before there are not many open metings held, place, so threc months seems to have “It is a wonderful method for keep- Rotary Clubs, the Lions, Elks, over the so there are limited opportunities to appealed to most groups,” the leader ing AA wer fresh and new,” said radio, on television? Usually OK if speak. In other sections of the coun- added. Lil. “The basic AA principles are adcquate precautions are taken to pretry there are lots of groups and one “Suppose a member is dry for threc illustrated by constantly varying stor- serve the anonymity of the speaker. or more open meetings every night. months or a year, and then has a slip. ies. They are analyzed and rephrased The Traditions are quite clear on this Members of such groups get fairly Will he have to start over and wait in the light of a thousand different matter but that’s another story for backgrounds and experiences. Hence, another Closed Meeting.”

January 1 9 5 6

Ed. note-Everybody was in an “aasweriitg” mood this morzth, so we t l w r the balrtmre of “Grass Roots” over to a few letters 012 three recent tcp:cs. shoulders had become less weighty. mitted and describes the remorse in his . As we progress with the program, soul. no matter how slowly, we come to rea- The AA slogan “Easy Does It” ap- SOME ANSWERS TO “M.M.’s” lize more and more the importance of plies both in our progress with the GRIPE ABOUT BAR-BY-BAR AA TALKS Steps Three and Five; for unless we program and in the progress we make suggestions offered. However, re- accept the conditions in Step Five we as speakers. From humble beginnings, Dear M.M., , can never expect a Higher Power to and with the patient, understanding Just have to comment on your letter viewing some of my own efforts at speaking after almost a year’s sobriety, t fulfill the conditions we seek and need attention of our friends in AA, many in the October Grapevine. and remembering something from as prescribed in StPps Six and Seven. of our fellow associates have pro- Can’t “chew you out,” though, for being human. I too had a critical most of the talks I have listened to, Prior to the time I had reached the gressed in their knowledge and underit begins to appear as though one stage of making my first talk to an- standing to be amongst our worthphase such as yours until about a year ago. After listening to a particularly would be treading on dangerous other group I had, like M.M., listened while speakers; their delivery and . – dull, dry talk, I leaned over and whis- ground either by criticizing, or by try- I to several talks dealing exclusively their every action on the platform ing to prescribe a formula for the with drinking orgies, so that I decided bears the kallmark of humility, honpered to the man next to me, “That was the worst AA talk I’ve ever average AA speaker. to change my talk and make it of a esty and sincerity. These good taks heard.” His reply was, “Andy, you In my own case, it was a pretty more uplifting character. I gave three are the result of experience with alco-, talks to three different groups in rela- hol, with the program, and with each should remember that it did him a lot of good.” humble fellow who made his first talk before a little local group of AA tively quick succession, each time trying to stress the uplifting aspects of new discovery in the AA way of life. But, let ‘us never forget that these .. Around here quite a bit of gold is friends. At that stage I had admitted mined and they have to wash tons of to being powerless over alcohol; I the AA program. good speakers have been, and still are, gravel to get a few ounces of gold. had come to believe in a Power Reviewing my efforts today I am good listeners, gleaning grains of I think AA talks are like that. W e greater than myself who could help convinced I made a mistake on two truth from even the humblest talk. have to learn to discard the gravel to me; I had decided to turn my will counts: I was trying to talk down to In every talk we listen to, let us get at the nuggets of truth, tolerance and my life over to Him; I was trying the groups, and I was relating more always consider two things as paraand wisdom, which not only keep us to pursue the requirements of Step of what I hope for and less of what mount: the needs of the speaker, and sober, but give us life itself. Four, perhaps slowly-but that first I had experienced. Such an approach our own need of continuing humility As for rebelling against attendance talk provided the first real oppor- is in itself a form of egotism and it is and understanding. In giving our -well-I doubt if the dull, monoto- tunity. not surprising to me now that I did sympathetic attention there will always nous speakers would notice your ab- On that occasion I could not have not receive the same comfort I had be some benefit which we ourselves sence in a probably well-crowded experienced after my first simple, will derive, even if it is only a resaid much about AA or given room, but brother, you would! either an intelligent or elevating talk honest talk. minder of the miseries we ourselves A.H.B., Kuskokwim, Alaska because I was not too sure, either of When M.M.reflects carefully I am incurred and dispensed during our P.S. As a loner with only two meet- myself or of anything else. All I certain that the realization will come sojourn in the squirrel-cage of alcoings in the last eight months I will knew then, and have realized since, is that intelligence and the power of holism. welcome any reply to this letter. that it did me good to relate to others good delivery, while being worth- D.H.P., St. Lumpert, Quebec . * * * both the pattern of my alcoholic be- while talents in themselves, have very The writer of the letter (M.M., haviour and the results of my drink- little to do with the reward that Palisades Park, N. J.) is both critical ing. When I had finished I felt I had comes to the fellow who stands before First of all, M.M. is not alone -in of the generally accepted form of AA shared a burden with friends and that his audience in a spirit of humility, the problem and attitude assumed for talks and also helpful in the various as a result the burden on my own and honestly pours out from his heart I and countless others have also gone the rtory of the wrongs he has com- through the same “growing pains.” I

think the first step for M.M. to under- “How do you do it?” They’ll tell you. of criticizing M.M. ; my ideas are in Yes, the talk that I couldn’t endure take would be a change of attitude ‘Then too, if there is another group criticism of my own thinking which, helped someone else a great deal, and towards the supposition that “personal in your city which you prefer for altogether too often, is far from the isn’t that one of the primary purposes stories do not help the newcomer.” meetings, then leave your present best. . of an AA meeting? I’ve heard that Indeed they do! For they give the group and join them. N o one will get Whenever I feel that a speaker’s the wise chairman, at the type of prospective alcoholic an opportunity to mad. I used to do that in my drinking words are “irrelevant, unrelated, un- meeting where there are, say, three parallel his own quirks of nature to days when I got tired of the same old important ‘stuff’ which cannot possibly speakers, will choose as one of these that of the speaker; thus he is able to bar. Remember? help anyonem-as M.M. puts it-I be- a member who went all the way and decide that he really is an alcoholic. Lastly, and this one really takes lieve I am guilty of a potentially dan-, who may well stick closely to drinking This process takes time. Thus we guts: start a Study-Group or Discus- serous error in thinking: 1 am saying experiences to the total exclusion, perhave repetition. You may think it is sion Group of your own. Use to myself, in effect, that my brand of haps, of any AA philosophy. And so too much repetition but look at the “Twelve Steps and Twelve Tradi- A A is better than the speaker’s, that what? I’ve also heard: “If you didn’t number who have had slips even after tions” as a guide to your discussions I am the better member. But in whose get anything out of this meeting go t o years of meetings. So, such meetings or any other AA literature you desire. opinion am I “better”? Solely my another’ tomorrow night.” Can’t we i as you abhor are really helpful to the This sort of group is easily started if own; for what assurance have I, if paraphrase that? “If you didn’t get newcomer. For “old-timers” or per- you are able to find other members later I am asked to speak, that anyone anything out of that speaker listen sons in your particular stage, such of your present group who feel that will like what I have to say or profit carefully to the next one.” meetings are the best source for the they need more instructive group therefrom ? I beiieve that the type of speakef development of open-mindedness, pa- therapy. Such twisted thinking has more than to whoh M.M. refers can help m e tience and tolerance towards others. It only takes two to start a group! once brought me rather sharply to my greatly, if only I can remember that Perhaps there are other members of senses. I return to my seat amid mild word “tolerance.”. When I was drink- After all, if we are not exposed to your present group who are in sym- I the conditions that demand open- 1 handclapping after a few well chosen ing I had a great tolerance for alcopathy with your cause, but merely lack words of wisdom and undoubted value hol; I have left the drinking behind mindedness, patience and tolerance, the initiative. I think you have it, how can we expect to achieve these ~ n dassistance, suddenly annoyed at me, to date. but I realize all too otherwise you wouldn’t have written myself for having forgotten to ex- seldom that I also seem to have shed virtues? By practice, of course. And to the Grapevine as you did. My very what is a more ideal setting than to pound on some particularly important myself, to a serious degree, of nearly best wishes to you. point; oddly enough, no one seems every form of tolerance. Let the tolerate a windbag week after week Bob G., Bangor, W d i n g t o n until we gain tolerance enough to greatly impressed. Then a “blow-by- drinking stay behind me; but may I love him, in due time? blow” individual is called on, and I resurrect and increase and improve my squirm and fidget and suffer through tolerance, in the proper and best sense If you are unable to follow the M.M. writes of the type of AA his or her seemingly interminable of the word, for my fellow-man. above recommendations, I have a few speaker who offers a blow-by-blow re- drinking exploits. Anonyrnorrs (1o;ation not known) other ideas which perhaps will appeal cital of drinking years and experi- Finally the story ends, 1 turn to my to you. D o you have a sponsor? If so, ask him or her how he or she is ences, with little or no reference to our program of recovery. W e have neighbor- someone I don’t know prepared to explode with great feeling: working the program. If you do not men and women members like that “Thank heaven that’s over!” but (and have a sponsor, perhaps you need one down here, too – naturally – and .1 moment later I truly thank heaven) for guidance and inspiration. On the though I am inclined to agree with my neighbor speaks first: “That’s the other hand, if you notice certain attri- M.M.’s sentiments I believe there are most wonderful talk I’ve ever heard!” butes in another individual which ap- several other aspects and points of (Thank You, God, for keeping my peal to you, step right up and ask: view to consider. I have no intention mouth shut.) 1

February 1 9 5 6

program in this simple, trusting way. In time I made my first talk and I believe it is the easiest, quickest and after that I thought I understood. I t most rewarding path to recovery. seemed to me that everyone must suf- Naturally like all drunks I overdid fer from the same reaction I did d t e r everything. “They” said “eat sweets speaking-that curious coming-backwhen you feel like a drink.” I felt it from-a-long-way-off feeling. I still feel often enough to gain eighteen pounds this and still need a reorienting period in three months. I drank coffee until before I am quite together with the I was too hopped up to sleep well. I others.

,Y?&n9Of de Coat phoned people just for the sheer joy of having someone to phone, even when I really didn’t need help, and I overwhelmed the speakers with the fervor of my appreciation. I am sure everyone who speaks knows what I mean. I never had a blackout during my drinking days but now every time I address a meeting I experience an almost total eclipse of After a few months I leveled off and memory and with it the angry frustraw EN I first came into our fellowship, I was so completely without any mental, moral or spiritual pursued my sobriety with a somewhat healthier moderation. I came off the pink cloud and took a more rational tion of knowing I have again failed fully to reveal all I feel and wish to convey. sustenance that I was both willing and approach to the program. Whenever anyone, expresses grati-ready for AA to fill this emotional One aspect of my AA relationships, fication for some utterance of mine, I vacuum. I accepted without reserva- however, continued to trouble and con- am convinced that they are confusing tion or’ analysis-and with absolute fuse me. I became increasingly aware me with one of the other speakers and faith–everything I heard. of what seemed to me a puzzling dis- I am certain if they do not know me, In faith too, I did everything I was crepancy between the platform and that they must think me a “cold, rude’ told to do, in order to get well and to private personality of many of the fish.” feel as an active functioning unit in speakers. Often when I congratulated It wasn’t until very recently that I my new home. I went to meetings someone for a fine talk, I felt that I grasped what I now believe to be the every night, I poured coffee, I emptied had failed to make any contact with true explanation of this peiuliar schiz- I ashtrays, I spoke to strangers, I kept the person. Their replies seemed oid fragment that pops out in most of 1 ‘ a notebook full of telephone numbers, politely embarrassed or absent-minded, us when we speak. The other night I ate sweets, and I aways thanked the or they turned to friends with an some eighteen past chairmen of our individual speakers with special atten- abrupt relief that frequently left me in group spoke for five minutes each. I tion to the points that had been mean- the middle of a sentence. knew all of these members-some well, ingful to me. I felt at times that I had been too some only slightly. They represented I was much too confused to know . . rules . “mine not to reason why.” intimate with a stranger and I was every cross-section of AA attitude, but .why I was doing these things and cer- These were orders for sobriety from hurt and ashamed of my too open ap- one thing they had in common: a tainly at a conscious level I was able “them” and more than anything else I proach, and so of course, I went to the burning sincerity. . .to.absorb only a little of what I was wanted some day to be like “them.” other extreme and kept my very real Many years of sobriety were repre- , hearing those first few months; but I Looking back now. on a year of in- gratitude to myself or spoke of it only sented there and as many different outsomehow knew that wisdom and ex- creasing sobriety, I realize how lucky to another “listening” member of the looks as there were speakers. Some.1 perience had dictated these simple I was to be sick enough to accept the group. had heard only in closed meetings ‘or ‘

casual luncheon conversations. I had “Walk cheerfully over the face of the disagreed on almost every attitude, with Earth and speak to that of God in several; and others I had respected but every man.” feared. That night, though . . . well, I know now, I believe, what really our chairman summed up the feeling happens when we stand up and speak in that hall, when he said, “Tonight at an AA meeting. We simply take off for the first time I understand the our work-a-day coats and become, for meaning of humility.” that brief time, the very best that we . I thought of the definition of humil- are capable of being. We are talking ity that another member had given me: to “that of God in every man,” and “Humility means Man in relation to it is the God in us who speaks. Small his Creator.” That thought led me to wonder that we each experience at an understanding of the true inward- these times a shift in personality! ness of the words of William Fox: H.W., New York City

February 1956

ligent listening played an important right out of the bottle and won’t conrole, even aside from meetings. It has tinue to exist if our friend manages been my theory that in attempting to to attain sobriety. carry the message of AA to another However, let’s assume, for good alcoholic, whether a prospect, a new measure, that three real problems do member or an older member who has exist. In order to help dispel the exhad a relapse, there are three princi- cuses and the other problems and give ples I should try to remember: (1) to any sound advice, which incidentally N EARLY 811 of the many alcoholics ticular meeting can their ownbear I have known, whether drunk silence no longer. Though I have freor sober, and this definitely includes use, common sense; (2) to be available may be entirely ignored, it seems I when wanted, provided the other alco- had best be interested in listening to quently been as guilty as the next in myself, are garrulous people. Learn- this respect, I deplore this unintentional holic isn’t drinking (I’ve given up the entire story as if it were all brand ing to be a good listener isn’t always an discourtesy to the secretary which must “baby-sitting”) ; and (3) to be a good new to me. Surely, others listened easy task but the effort frequently pays be disconcerting, especially when one listener. patiently to me! off. It appears, however, that constant is new at the job. One of my 1956 Any alcoholic who has been drink- .In our drinking days I am certain practice is required and a self-discipline New Year’s resolutions was to give ing recently has, as a general premise, we bored almost everyone: relatives, a little distasteful to most alcoholics. all secretaries the same break I en- a dozen excuses and about a hundred friends, office associates (if we had We in AA are exhorting beginners deavor to accord the speakers. problems and resentments. He or she any) and, certainly, bar-keepers with in the program “to attend as many Of course, there are the active alco- wants to tell someone all about them our endless chatter and dreadful repetimeetings as possible and to listen with holics who drift into mietings and, in and if I am in on the case, I had better tion. It would seem fair, therefore, m open mind,” but I wonder some- their confusion, attempt to heckle some decide that nine times out of ten I am and consistent with the last part of our . times how well the rest of us follow speaker. It is debatable whether they going to hear the whole story. If I am Twelfth Step “‘and to practice these this sound advice. It is undoubtedly receive any help from an AA meeting to stand any chance of being helpful principles in all our affairs,” for us to true that a speaker at an AA meeting but seldom are they good listeners. I this is, in my opinion, part of the deal. try to be good listeners also where the does not have to be a gifted orator to had an amusing experience with one Possibly I know that no alcoholic, in- rest of the people with whom we come receive more courteous and interested of these brethren some years ago. He clud,ingmyself, ever had a good reason, in daily contact are concerned. This &ntion from the audience than in any didn’t heckle but his comment after especially if he knew the score, for is a difficult assignment but I’m workother gathering. the meeting ended was enlightening: taking that “first drink.” Probably I ing on it. It might have some bearing Paradoxically, I have noticed often “I came to a meeting two years ago am also quite aware that at least ninety- on making amends. that when a break in the meeting comes seven of the hundred problems come A.T., New York City drunk and you were speaking, I return for the announcements of the group two years later and you are still speaksccretq, a general low hum of conver- ing and I am still drunk.” I haven’t sation breaks out and little attention is seen him since but obviously the mesucorded to what should be of interest sage had not registered. His blunt to the members as to future meetings, comment was good for my humility, the need for volunteers, etc. A p though I hasten to add I had not been parently, having sat quietly through, on a two-year filibuster. say, a whole hour of listening, the As regards the Twelfth Step of the mcmkts not participating in this par- AA program, I have always felt intel-

April 1956

AA DICTIONARY NEEDED! The other evening at a closed meet- Among words and phrases I’d noming someone brought up the question inate would be Pink Cloud, Twelfth of AA special words, how some AA Stepping, Slip, Stinking Thinking, terms, tossed about glibly by speakers, Pigeog, Baby, Sponsor, Rubadub, had confused him at his first meetings, Sneaky Pete, Periodic (and it might how he had heard of other newcomers be explained that this is not periodbeing a little bewildered, sometimes ical), social drinking, dry (versus perhaps even slowed in their accept- sober), quality of sobriety-an endance of the program, by k i n g quite less list of others. Some terms which literally unable to understand what seem self-explanatory once you’ve been the speakers at a given meeting were in AA a few months are still contalking about. fusing to the citizen fresh off a drunk. Now it would be excellent if A. H., New Milford, Conn. speakers could be persuaded to steer Ed. Note: We’ve had an article on clear of AA’s professional vocabulary this subject up our editorial sleeve for when they speak, especially to new- a while. So come on, anyone! comers, but this is manifestly impossible. Hard enough to get people to speak as it is! The other possibility I thought of was for the Grapevine to run some kind of Lush’s Lexicon, Drunkards’ Dictionay or Guzzlers’ Glossary, , perhaps with reprints available, to explain to the newcomer just what some of our terms mean. Grapevine readers could contribute terms they feel need defining; Grapevine editors could assemble. This needn’t be up to the standards of the French Academy or the OED to be a useful aid to beginners.

formal, first-person story, sive problem in our lives, but some believe it at h e time. By that I mean not a technical paper. stories seem pretty close to boasting. not so much quantity as quality. If When you get up there, It seems to me that “qualifying” you feel deeply on the spiritual aspect, get set. Take note of the should be more the introductory back- then have the courage and generosity Dear Tom: time – a deep breath – ground than the message itself, and to tell them. Don’t cheat your audi- So you’re going to speak at the open count to ten-then start. as such should leave ample time to ence; don’t hold back any of the spirmeeting . .. Pay the chairman and your audience the courtesy of discuss the recovery through AA. Remember? port hoc, ergo propter hoc itual tools that helped you to contented sobriety. Congratulations. It will be a greatly rewarding Twelfth Step experience. addressing them. -after this, therefore because of If your convictions rest elsewhere, I agree with you . . . carrying the Two items I recom- this. say so, too. You’ll offend or frighten message, especially at an open meet- mend that you prepare Look at your audience while you’re no one; these are your personal, sining, surely implies an obligation to carefully and commit to speaking-not at the table or ceiling cere beliefs. deliver it advantageously. memory: the first words -to maintain that personal contact Better plan your ending, too. That’s I think you know how I feel about you’ll speak, and the last. that means so much. the only hard part. Too many of us speaking in public-when you ask an Strive for an opening sen- Speak up, speak clearly, and make miss too many good places to stop, so audience to be quiet, simply to listen tence that grabs attention. sure they can all hear you. If there’s know exactly how you’ll close–before to you, you incur an obligation to say The first ten words that any doubt, pause a second and ask. you start to speak. Try tb tie it up something of value, and to present it you will speak are more Humor is a wonderful asset, if you neatly, with a little anecdote or a in a palatable form. It is an insult to important than the next can use it naturally, and if it actually punch line. Like, perhaps: “These any audience to rise before them with- ten minutes. If you don’t contributes something to a point you’re things I believe, as did Samuel Pepys out a clear and planned knowledge of reach your audience first making. But don’t strive for it for its when he wrote in his Journal on Januwhat you will say; to do so is to ac- off, it’s pretty hard to own sake; you don’t h u e to be enter- ary 26th, 1662, ‘Thanks be to God, cept their time and attention under catch them later, taining. since my leaving drinking of wine, I false pretences. I believe that this is Not “I’m glad to be However, you’ll find a personal or do find myself much better, and do no less true of an AA meeting, al- with you tonight.” Of purloined anecdote, or a couple of mind my business better, and do spend though it is neither a speech nor a course you are. Jump right lines of poetry, a wonderful way to less money, and less time lost in idle sermon. in, like: First the man took provide a refreshing break in a serious company.’ God made it so, God keep ‘ Your request for advice is flattering. a drink, then the drink took talk. Plan it-it gives both you and it so, for you and me and all of us.” I can’t tell you what to &ay, Tom, but a drink, then the drink took your audience a chance to smile and See what I mean, Tom? Just a little since you’ve been kind enough to sug- the man. That’s my story. rest. something to take away and help your gest that an alcoholic public speaker I’m an alcoholic.” But what should you actually say? audience carry in mind what you’ve might sort of put two and two to- In laying out your story, Tom, only you know that. It’s your said. gether, I’ll try to sketch some of the I suggest you plan a story-no one else can tell it, and ba- And lastly, how long? I think the principles. chronological sequence, re- sically you can tell only that one story. best answer is that all good talks, even First off, if it will ease your quite membering that few will Your ideas will change as you pro- those in AA, are measured by their natural nervousness, and help main- care why you drank, and gress in this way of life, but tell them depth-not by their length. tain sequence and continuity, then by how is largely of impor- the whole story, as you have come to Sincerely, Hugh, Toronto, Ontario dl means use notes. But remember that tance only to qualify. I notes are two-inch by four-inch cards think it is important to with thought headings-not a script. trace the development of Remember that you’re giving an in- alcoholism as a progres-

November 1 9 5 6

w e’re coming out of the blackout. And this time I don’t mean the individual blackout from booze, a danger which can be put down as a calculated risk, but we had better be sure we are in on and constantly easily, but how can he be sure that the breach will not indirectly, through association, affect the anonymity of but the blackout of public misunder- aware of the calculations. another member? standing and indifference that has too Not that we would want to do any- I have personally known of cases long cloaked the problems of the al- thing to hinder the present wave of where staunch AA members have so coholic. interest in alcoholism – even if we disregarded the anonymity of fellow Motion pictures, radio, television, could. It is good and eventually will group members that names were evenmagazines and newspapers are all tell- help in finding further solutions to tually tossed about by children in high ing the story of the alcoholic. They and acceptance of our problems. school relationships. I know of are almost invariably climaxing their But let’s not forget that we as al- another case where a man and his stories with a recognition of the true coholics are prima donnas. We love wife attended an AA meeting in a . worth of AA. that spotlight. Our egos feed on atten- large Western city while on a business But in that very process of an tion. Just because alcoholism is be- trip. The next morning they found awakened public interest, there lurks coming “fashionable” doesn’t change their names listed in the daily paper a danger to AA as an organization our situation or our position one bit. as participants in the meeting. I

and to AAs as individuals. There is We still need the same kind of AA These things should not be. From Bill’s Last Message. .. We know in AA

Too Much “Anonymity has two attributes essential to our individual and collective survival; the spiritual and the of which we are capable; on the practical level, anonym- that we can’t medity has brought protection for the newcomer, respecr and dle with another support of the world outside, and security from those member’s concepof us who would use AAfor sick and selfishpurposes. tion of “the Higher “AA must and will continue to change with the passing Power.” We know

Spotlight practical. “On the spiritual level, anonymity demands the greatest discipline years. We cannot, nor should we, turn back the clock. that we don’t dare However, I deeply believe that the principle of anonymity try to take somemust remain our primary and enduring safeguard. …” one else’s inventow. We must learn we always have and always will. to pay equal attention to the. other And let’s not forget that there are fellow’s anonymity. Surely the two words in our name – Alcoholics greatest burden ihat an AA could have Anonymous. Our anonymity is a vital gn his soul would be the knowledge part of our program. It builds our that he forced or helped to force somehumility and strengthens the bonds one else out of the program. that hold us together. I say turn all the spotlight we can To many of us our anonymity is on the problems of alcoholism. Focus essential to success in normal happy all the attention we can on the value living. To others anonymity is not so of AA in helping overcome those important. One of the greatest respon- problems. But let AA members as sibilities any AA member can assume individuals dwell under the protective is a breach of anonymity. He can cloak of anonymity. make the decision for himself fairly Anonymous, Spokane, Wash.

J U N E 1957 PROFANITY ISN’T BECOMING I HAVE JUST RETURNED HOME from stories, but I feel in my heart that an AA meeting and feel rather- there is a time and place for them shall I say, hurt and somewhat and it certainly isn’t at my AA, taken aback – at the adjectives, meeting. jokes, and illustrations used by As active drunks our inhibitions some of the speakers to make a went overboard and we acted and point. Profanity and smutty stories, talked much the way we felt. Howto my way of thinking, are not ever, now that we are in AA and only in bad taste but also entirely with the clear thinking that our unnecessary in a decent program sobriety has brought us, don’t you such as ours with an excekdingly think we should be able to control – strong spiritual backbone. Oh, I this one distasteful habit without have my own stock of corny shady too much of a struggle? Arthur A., Quincy, Mass.

April 1958

PROFANITY ISN’T BECOMING I HAVE JUST RETURNED HOME from stories, but I feel in my heart that an AA meeting and feel rather- there is a time and place for them shall I say, hurt and somewhat and it certainly isn’t at my AA taken aback -a t the adjectives, meeting. jokes, and illustrations used by As active drunks our inhibitions some of the speakers to make a went overboard and we acted and .. point. Profanity and smutty stories, talked much the way we felt. Howto my way of thinking, are not ever, now that we ,are in AA and only in bad taste but also entirely with the clear thinking that our unnecessary in a decent program sobriety has brought us, don’t you such as ours with an exceedingly think we should be able to control strong spiritual backbone. Oh, I this one distasteful habit without have my own stock of corny shady too much of a struggle? Arthur A., Quincy, Mass.

May 1 9 5 8

“It keeps the meetings to an hour and wakes the sleepers for the Lord’s Prayer.”

“Before c l o s i n ~I’d like to read you a brief newspaper item I recently clipped . . . “I know we’re supposed to be emotionally immature but do we have to meet in the school kindergarten?”

July 1958

IS P R O F A N I T Y NECESSARY?

THOUGH I MAY BE the only one holding this opinion I can’t resist the temptation to express myself on it. It has concerned me for some time, I wonder if it has anyone else? Am I my brother’s keeper? Step Twelve of The AA program gives me the answer to this question: it is surely yes. I consider AA a spiritual outlook and, regardless of whrther or not one likes to admit it, when we acknowledge Steps Two and Three we thereby acknowledge the spiritual aspect of the AA program. Now to get to the reason for writing this: At various meetings both large and small during the three years 1 have attended AA, I’ve heard quite a number of excellrnt talks-except for the fact that the use of profanity detracted greatly from them. A story told without profane language is interesting to everyone but when a speaker resorts to profanity to express his viewpoint, then 1’11 guarantee there’ll be some there who resent having to hear such language. So I wonder- would we not all do well to leave the profanity out completely? Some of the best talks I’ve ever listened to in AA-and I’ve attended quite a few area, state and regional conventions -had not one word amiss. To me, a public platform is certainly not the place to express our profane u s a g e i n fact, why do it a t all? Tyne D., Conway, S. C .

May 1959

The Listening Circle

has its therapeutic unruly in defying constituted au- L ISTENING value-especially for those of thority-begin to show interest that us who are still wondering could never’have been stirred up what it is all about. Listening is otherwise. good for us as it is good for the Although we adults perhaps gain child a t bedtime. As the child more therapeutic value in listening listens, he slowly relaxes and drops to good music, we also like to the cares of the day, one by one,’ listen to a good funny story. We until he is a t peace in his own ma- relax, or even almost pleasantly col- . gic slumber. lapse emotionally when we hear At our first few meetings we often poetry, drama or good conversation. hear “stimulus stories” related by It helps us to relax and set aside speakers. Sometimes they are amus- personal worries and cares. . ing . . at other times somewhat Listening is not a magic pink fictional or downright unbelievable. pill to cure all our deep-seated After we listen, we may discuss psychological disturbances. There the story or tell someone near by are no secret formulas for taking about our own experiences which advantage of the pleasures of good are so strangely like that we have listening. just heard. But it is good to listen-it is the This just plain ole “keeping our springboard from which you will trap shut and our ears open” dive into the real therapy of exdefinitely produces outstanding re- pressing yourself. Then as you talk sults in us. I t stimulates our own not only will those who listen to verbal expression; it releases our you be helped, but you also will tensions, it changes our attitudes be helped so much by just putting and modes of thinking. Many of . it on the line . . getting it off us who are normally unresponsive your chest. or stubbornly rebellious – even Thanks for listening! I t has those of us who have admitted to helped me. .ourselves that we are obstinate and Paul, Manchester, Conn.

It’s easier to describe by reporting stand what has happened; I thought it as the experience of one man. AA was his life.”

the one that Only to that degree is this a fish story-we’ll call him Joe Fish. Joe came to AA about nine years ago. Like the rest of us, he stepped The wife? Well, Joe’s wife is completely m y s t i f i d She said, “I

offa trail of family trouble, money trouble, cop trouble, boss trouble. I n short, he came because he was in trouble. H e was sick and tired I of being sick and tired. H e was scared. Rut he was even more scared that he might not be able to grasp AA. He was so scared he was willing to try anything, even the “God stuff.” Joc!’s original sponsor is still nround. Ho says, “Yes, Joe sure say Alcoholics Anonymous doesn’t was sincere. He’d do anything we ‘cure’ people; only arrests the disaskrd. H e went to meetings, made ease. Rut it had been NINE YEARS. cofl’chr, swcyt floors, set up c.hilirs, I guess I was taking too much for spoke a t meetings . . . ” granted . . “. Joe’s boss says, “I’ll say I re- What about Joe himself? What member when Joe joined AA. He does he say? Poor Joe. First he didn’t talk much about i t for a long sort of gets a glow in his eyes. He time but he changed into a din’cwnt s t a r k by tdling you about the man. He’s worth two of anybody “old days” . . . those first few years else in the oficc. I just can’t under- in Alcoholics Anonymous. Those years meant a lot to Joe. It’s obvious when he talks about those first real friends he met. Those VER hear an AA speaker with troublts. W h m you talk, as the first anniversarite; they wcro big a story so much like yours it writer has, to a hundred or so slip- milestones. Sure, we stay sober a sounded like he’d been reading pers (in the alcoholic ward of a day a t a time, but after all, another your mail? Most of us have. There’s large metropolitan hospital) the year does mean something special a n amazing sameness to alcoholic pattern of slipping trouble stands to a person who has never stayed troubles. T h e degree may be dif- out just as plainly a s the pattern sober more than a few weeks. ferent. Names, places and dates may of drinking trouble. You can tell Joe remembers a be different. But alcoholic-type T h e following is a composite of lot that’s good about those first troubles are all pretty alike. what many who spoke to me have months and years. H e tells how the This is also true of “slipping” said about why they had trouble. gang accepted him. No lectures. No

breath-sniffing. No prying or check- ing an empty cigarette pack away ing up. They accepted him. on the street instead of in a trash He mentions the companionship. container. The fun. He laughs over the screwy A little impatience here. A little things that happened–like the guy intolerance there. A little conniving who called AA for advice on build- and dishonesty someplace else. ing a still. And he laughs about “Little, hell!” Joe says. “Those the first AA party he attended. He were big things, in f a c t t h a t was couldn’t believe a group of adults my slip! I slipped when I quit trycould have fun without a bottle, not ing to live the AA program to the even a beer. Yet Joe and his wife best of my ability. I slipped hunhad the best time of all. dreds of ways, ‘little ways,’ before Then Joe’s face falls, the glow I took the drink. I paved a road disappears. For Joe remembers some out of ‘little’ things and it led me other kings pretty clearly, too. He directly away from AA. I’m the remembers how he started to take Fish who got away-the poor fish his wonderful new life for granted. because I knew better. His AA activity tapered down. Very gradually, true, but as Joe himself puts it, “I guess I thought I had it made. I didn’t consciously think it out that way, but that’s what it was. “I gradually got away. Got away . from meetings. Got the younger fellows to make the Twelth S k p calls. Told myself it was good activity for them. I forgot this is a continuing program. We should continue to carry the message, continue to take inventory, continue to rid our lives of things that aren’t right, continue to make amends, continue to progress spiritually. . .” “I thankCod for this lesson. I’m Oh, it’s clear, all right. Joe can coming back, God willing, and I’m remember those first corners he cut. going to go to work hard on the A little chiseling on the income ‘little’ things. I have an idea the tax. A little cheating on the ex- big things then will take care of pense account. Skinning through a themselves.” traffic light as it turned red. Throw- R. L., Berea, Ohio

SEPTEMBER 1959

notion about AA talks-and abo~it think we all wish more of them effect of a meeting on a newcomer- AA itself.” would-and the first thing he hears but I think it graphically points out is a cheap gutter gag. Is this in- that all of us can give AA even “You may be right, Harry. Yes, fluential guy then going to feel more stature and a wider acceptance Hazel?” free to suggest AA to, say, a genteel if we bear .in mind we want to at- “I’m glad Harry brought this up dame who needs help but who isn’t tract people, not repel them.” I first, Dave, because you might con- partial to profanity or smutty bof- “I agree, Jim. You have your sider me puritanical if I had. fola~?It’s my opinion we should hand up, Steve.” But this is the way I feel about it. always consider the impres-‘ ,ion we Since I’ve been around AA I’ve ‘I don’t think we have to argue make on newcomers who aren’t ac- about profanity, blasphemy and heard plenty of rugged stories and customed to the free-wheeling, reala lot of gin-mill language, but dirty stories, Dave. They don’t adistic atmosphere of an open meet- vance the ball any. But humor is I’m an adult and I’m getting used ing.” a peculiar thing. What might offend to straight talk. The character I’m “Thanks, Hazel. Jim, you look concerned about is the one who somebody seems perfectly O.K. to as though you had something on somebody else, so it’s often dificult comes to a meeting for the first your mind.” time; scared, timid, very sensitive to draw the line between good taste to the strange surroundings and “I have, Dave. Hazel’s reference and bad. Anyway, I have a rule new people, however friendly they to her minister reminds me of a about jokes. If I’m in doubt, I leave may be. What is this suffering dinner party I attended the other it out. As far as the other is con- ELL, we have a few min- drunk’s reaction to a speaker who night. One of the guests was a cerned, I don’t believe in Godutes left. Before we close, tells a lulu that embarrasses half priest who had been a prison chap- yet-but I try to respect the feel- . lain and whose only knowledge of ings of those who do. We want does anybody have a the audience, or who can’t grind AA had been gained by attending a people to be comfortable in AA. special problem to bring up? Yes, out two sentences without swearing few prison meetings where he heard This is home for a drunk.” Harry?’ like a-well, you name it? Harry mostly low-bottom stories, complete “Thanks, Steve. As we all know, “Dave, I’ve been thinking about mentioned bringing his gal to the with trimmings. He admitted our we have no right to tell any speaker some of the stories I’ve been hear- last meeting. You know something? program was effective for a lot of what to say or how to say it, and ing in AA talks. I don’t mean the I had arranged to have the minister inmates but he gave all the civilian case histories themselves; I mean of my church attend that meeting, we certaintly don’t want to start a and uninformed members of that crusade against free speech. We’d, the jokes some speakers occasional- but at the last minute he called to dinner party the distinct impression all go nuts if we had to rush around ly use to make a point, or maybe say he had to make a sick call and that AA was a pretty strange outfit. not to make a point; maybe they couldn’t go with me. I am sure at meetings and say, ‘Take it easy, I was so anxious to set him right boys, my kid sister’s in the back just want to get a laugh. You all glad he wasn’t there.” that I took him aside and broke remember the wheeze that guy told “I don’t think that would have row tonight.’ I don’t think we should my anonymity. The priest looked make a Federal case out of this, at last Monday’s meeting-the one soured him on AA, Hazel. These at me as though I had lost all my about the honeymooners at Lake men-” either, because it doesn’t happen “I don’t think it would have marbles for joining AA, but after too often. As I see it, this deal is Placid. Well, for several months I we had talked for some time, ha had been trying to persuade my gal bothered him too much, Dave. But something we can watch in our own was convinced he had had a dis- group, and hope that others will to come to an AA meeting, and she suppose this. Suppose any repretorted view of the program. Now, give it a thought. Any other cotnwas there that night. She didn’t say sentative of any organized religion anything to me about it, but that attends an AA meeting to learn that’s a rather extreme example of ments? No? Then will you all join I what we’ve been discussing-the me-?” (End) . gag must have given her a curious something of the program-and I 9A

December 1959

A P R O B L E M OF LISTENING

Why, why, why does everyone But the real damage and the nxsage it isn’t necessary to carry I WAS going to title this piece “Why I Quit AA,” but that wouldn’t be true, because I haven’t quit-yet! However, I may, who talks in AA think he has to finish up with the Twelve Steps? Anyone can find enough substance most serious is that in some sections flourishing groups have dwindled and closed through long-winded it all in one night at one meeting. On behalf of older rnembem, and especially on behalf of new memif I go to any more meetings that in any one of the Steps to give a s p e a k e r s and late starting. bers and on behalf of the survival last over an hour. Yes, I’m sick, talk, never mind trying to do jus- Churches, lodges, and other organi- of AA groups as a whole, please- I’m critical and I’m completely fed tice to twelve! Do these members zations open and close a t a certain let’s keep our meetings to an hour. up with long-winded speakers. Mind who go on and on and on ever re- time. This is the normal procedure It will be the very best Twelfth you, I don’t blame the speakers as member their first meeting when- and our aim is to return in all our Step work anyone can possibly do. much as the chairmen who are too sick, dizzy, half-stupefied-they ways to normal living. Let’s have a Anonymous, Toronto, Ontario polite to tell the speaker (before wondered if they could hang on new slogan “Keep Your Meetings the meeting) that “We like to keep till it closed? Did they sit (or To An Hour” and let chairmen tell our meetings to an hour, as nearly could they have sat) for one hour their speakers that is what they as possible.” and a half or more a t that time? expect. If an AA member cannot No one will ever know how many I know personally several pros- get his message across in an hour fine members have stopped attend- he had better just forget the whole pective members who got such an thing. In the end he’ll do more ing meetings because someone had overdose at their first meeting they to tell his story and explain the good. never came back. Apparently the You bet I’m sick, sick of long workings of A A in detail-this takprospect of insanity or death was drawn-out meetings. After ten years ing most of an hour-and then, for preferable to sitting on a hard chair of sobriety I haven’t waked out of some unfathomable reason, give a two or three nights a week and a meeting yet-but there can albrief rundown on the Twelve Steps listening to some sober egotist tell ways be a first time. While it is that takes another half hour. (or bran) about how he drank a wonderful thing to carry the canada,~ngland,Africa and part . of Europe dry.

SEPTEMBER 1960

Remember-he’s getting well

w HEN I was new in AA I felt deeply and I would express myself too warmly sometimes. There was exaggeration in my method of exthe next lady I am introduced to. I’m getting well. A lot of people know what it is to have drunkenness in their homes. pression. Listeners are often preju- Some have stood by in ignorance and diced against a Testifier by the ex- watched a home desolated. Some travagant, enthusiastic and fanatical have seen a home disintegrate. Perlanguage employed. Fastidious ears haps you have never felt what it’s are often burned. To the man who like to be too enthusiastic. Do you says off-color.things I take no offense think that an ex-drunkard who has but rather I try to understand the sit- been through all that and who beuation and his condition-to look at lieves that he can, by earnestly pleadhim in all earnestness and see if I ing, prevent it in the case of others can’t take him by the hand and say, -do you believe such a man can “My brother alcoholic, you can’t measure his words? You do not know offend me. I know that what you are an alcoholic if you think so. saying would get you thrown out of a Remember, he’s getting well In cheap saloon, but God help you to do my case, they left me alone. They good, as you are doing.” Remember, didn’t push me and in God’s good he’s getting well. time I began gradually to report the * * * I onset of a transforming experience. I was in AA a year before I found I am thankful for the tolerance shown out the Lord’s Prayer has neither an my shortcoming. “I” nor a “me” in it. Today, sober in I recollect what I read in my Bible: AA a long time, I never say one word “Is your heart right with my heart? from an AA platform that might not If it be so, then give me thy hand.” with common decency be repeated to H. T . B., Irving, Texas

June 1 9 6 1 — – –

all be covered in a single meeting, but about the gentlest of jokes at their . FORMULA FOR AN AA MEETING many seasoned leaders try to work in own expense–even in AA. as many as they can. Here are the Make sure that alcoholism is dein the EAST suggestions: If you are leader, don’t go into fined as a disease and not a moral problcm-that it’s no disgrace to be your own story unless your speakers an alcoholic. The speakers will prob- First in a series reporting are brief and you find that the pro- ably cover this but take note and bc gram is running short. sure to include it in your closing resome regional differences that marks if they havc not mentioned it. produce the same result-sobriety This is one of the most important points for the newcomcr who knows nothing about AA and is the most N meetings along the eastern sea- There are never more than three I board, a standard procedure is followed, with variations for some speakers at a typical meeting. Most meetings last one hour but may someheartening news that AA brings to most of us. Incredible as it may sccrn, somegroups and localities. The group pro- times run fifteen or twenty minutes times nonc of the spcakcrs will make gram chairman opens the meeting, longer. the point, “You don’t have to stay giving the name of the group and Before the last speaker is presented away from all the booze in the world mentioning that it meets every week. the leader customarily calls for the for the rest of your life. In AA we He then reads the preamble: “Alco- secretary of the group, who first an- just stay away from onc drink-the holics Anonymous is a fellowship of nounces the collectior to pay ex- Before you present the first speaker first one-today.” men and women. . . .” He then states, penses for the hall and the refresh- it is a good idea to say a few words At the collection it is t;~ctful to “Tonight we have as guests some ments, then reads the announcements aimed at new people who arc athcists say, “lf you arc hcre for thc first tinlc mcmbcrs of t h e G r o u p and I of other group meetings for the com- or agnostics, lest they feel that AA is plcasc don’t put anything in thc colshall now turn the meeting over to ing week. When there are too many “too religious” for them or get the lection.” This is for thc drunk who their leader, Sam.” of these, he reads only the ones where idea that it works only on people with comes in without a dime in his jeans Sam thereupon takes the floor and anniversaries will be celebrated. He the gospel-tent type of Faith. Some- and is ashamcd of not bcing able to announces, “My name is Sam Jones then turns the fl9c r back to the visit- one, leader or speaker, should see to contribute. and I’m an alcoholic.” At this point ing group’s leader. After the last it that it is explained for the benefit If the group secretary, aftcr readhe has considerable leeway. If there speaker the leader invites “all those of newcomers that the Higher Power ing the announcements, forgets to are two speakers, he may, before id- who care to” to join him in the Lord’s can be interpreted in terms of team mention that the litcraturc on the traducing his first speaker, “qualify” Prayer. spirit or group solidarity of purposc. table is frcc, thc lcitdcr can bring this himself as an alcoholic who knows There are members who will lead Don’t “spook” the ncwcomer with in at thc closc. Likewise it is good to what he is talking about. in some meetings but do not like to speak too much picty. tcll ncwcomcrs (and always count on groups it is considered slightly better themselves. Others will speak but do Don’t tell any of a speaker’s story thcrc bcing at lcast onc) that thcre fonn if the leader mentions only the not want to lead. yourself-let him tcll it, even though are othcr n~cctings-in the New York first name of the speakers, leaving There are a number of suggestions there is something in it which strikes metropolitan area, for example, there them to identify themselves by their for a member planning to lead such 1 arc mectings cvcry night in the wcek you as a real AA gem. Similarly, if full names if they so desire. This is a an eastern-style meeting. Like al- you kid the speakers, bc sure they within easy access to anyonc. reminder to all to respect the an- most everything else in AA these are , won’t be ruffled or hurt by your If you havc any time to fill at thc onymity of the members. only suggestions and probably cannot humor. Some people are peculiar close of the mccting, you can men-

tion the AA “gimmicks” so valuable is considerate to write your name and to the new man or gal such as getting the name of your group on a slip of plenty of Vitamin B Complex, keep- paper and hand it to him upon aring liquids in the system with coffee rival. o r soft drinks at first, carrying candy If the meeting you are to lead is a for a quick “lift” (in mid-afternoon special one-a group anniversary fcr especially), the use of “telephone instance, with prominent non-AA therapy” and the importance of a speakers, a clergyman, a warden or little book of AA telephone numbers. a judge–don’t make your introduc- character shows up and nobody in carry a watch and leave it on the Other good advice to a new member tion of the V.I.P. long-winded. Say the group makes a move to usher him reading desk or table if there is no or prospect is not to get too tired- who he is, that he is a good friend of out, you, as leader, should stop the wall clock. This is a hint to longor too anything-if he can possibly our Fellowship, welcome him and proceedings long enough to call on winded speakers to watch their time. avoid it, not to make avoidable vital then let him do the talking. If he is a the local boys for their help in han- When leading a meeting at a prison decisions until he has been dry at politician he will probably speak too dling the matter. Don’t try to carry or hospital, take along a selection of least three months and has given his long, so make allowances for this. on bravely in spite of the interference. basic AA pamphlets. Institution thinking evcry chance to clear up, If your group has a sincere and If one of your speakers, making groups seldom have any budget for and not to be discouraged if he colorful speaker who cannot tell his his maiden speech, “blows up” and literature and these will be much apdoesn’t sober up instantly. He should story in less than forty minutes, don’t has to sit down out of stage-fright, preciated. keep coming back and “let it rub off put him on with two other speakers. give him a comforting pat on the back Always remember that in AA, on him.” Let him have “star billing” for the and ask the audience to give him a whether leading or speaking-an At the close of the meeting the evening and fill in fifteen minutes good hand for effort (they probably ounce of sincerity is worth a ton of leader should (if the group secretary yourself first. will anyway). eloquence. has not already done so) invite new A conscientious leader should Anonytnoirs people and their friends to stay for coffee and cake. If, after giving out with all these bits of AA wisdom, you still have an Heard at Open Meetings extra tcn minutes to go-tell one incident of your own story which has THE SPIRIT a point. Such incidents are not hard If thc group where you are to lead does not usually set out an ashtray The program is worked for ourselves but not by ourselves. to find: the first time you really got into troublc from drinking, how you end a glass of water for the speakers, Humility is willingness to be taught. first heard about AA, how yqu came ask the chairman if these can be I

finally to realize that your life had be- supplied. More than half of prayer is listening. come unmanageable. When you have Once in a great while a noisy drunk told this incident and have reached shows up at an open meeting and the The bottle was bigger than ‘you, right? Okay-thcn you necd stopping time, close with the Lord’s local lads usually gather around and something biggr than you to fight it with. Prayer and the job is done. tactfully ask him to step outside All my alcoholic life I was looking for someone who wouldn’t If you arc to lead a meeting at a where they can talk to him (actually deceive me or let me down. This is where I found Him. group where you are not known per- let him talk to his heart’s content, but sonally to the program chairman, it away from the meeting). If such a

J u l y 1961

AA Grapevine, July 1961 ing the city and suburbs, was divided Speakers, usually three, and a master FORMULA FOR AN AA MEETING into ten areas, each with its own Thursday group. Since then, through of ceremonies are provided by member groups in turn. The program growth in membership and subdivi- committee chairman opens the meetin CHICAGO sion of the original ten districts, the number of neighborhood groups has ing by reading the widely used statement on the AA Fellowship, makes increased to about 280. whatever announcements there may There may be some features of Thursday groups (some meet Fri- be, welcomes newcomers and out-ofday nights) have become the basic town visitors and then turns the Chicago AA meetings that would benefit unit of membership, although all of microphone over to the M.C. your own group them contribute to support of the Usually, the speakers represent Chicago Central AA office and all three AA ages-a new man with six are serviced by that agency. Thurs- months to a year on the program and vene before the main meeting and day meetings are still primarily to as- G ROUP meetings in Chicago are the open and closed type. In addition, there are ten Sunday-morndiscuss such matters as a place to meet next week, how to get a radio sist new people. Discussions are informal. The topic may be one of the still radiant from his landing in AA; one who has been in several years; and the group member with the longing breakfasts which offer questions program going, hospital arrange- Twelve Steps or any pertinent subject est whiskers. Women appear as and answers as well as bacon and ments for newcomers and even, on selected by the meeting leader. speakers in about the ratio of woman eggs and so are, in fact, AA gather- one occasion, how much whiskey to In the meantime, while the Thurs- membership in the group. At times ings. A bit of history will explain the allow a man with the shakes. Han- day groups were expanding, the there have been all-women programs. Chicago meeting pattern. dling secular affairs in a separate ses- Tuesday-night meetings also grew. Members of the inter-racial groups Six persons who had gone origi- sion left the main meeting free to For several years there was only one also speak frequently at Tuesday nally to Akron to get AA, attended discuss pure AA. central meeting, attended by all mem- meetings. the first Chicago meeting, held on a Within a month after the first Chi- bers within fifty or so miles of Chi- All meetings, like those in the be- Tuesday night in September, 1939. cago meeting, AA had its first nation- cago. As a matter of convenience to ginning, are opened with a quiet time Since then, there has been a group wide publicity, in the old Liberty the long-distance members, outlying and are closed with the Lord’sPrayer. meeting every Tuesday night open to Magazine, and, as a result, the pio- meetings were set up and there are After the Tuesday-night talks, and husbands and wives of members but neers soon were outnumbered by now six of these. Each is supported also after the Thursday-night discusnot to the general public. new people loaded with problems. and attended by some forty nearby sions, it has become customary for Early meetings were more of a Tuesday meeting attendance in- neighborhood groups. all to stay around for conversation huddle for mutual encouragement creased, which, while gratifying, Tuesday meeting programs have and coffee. than programmed affairs. A leader, made it difficult to give attention to become pretty well standardized. L. H., Chicago, Illinois chosen a week in advance, was free individuals. At this point, two older to conduct the meeting as he wished. members had an idea. They arranged Usually, he read a passage of scrip- an informal session with a number of ture and told his own story. Meetings new members. It was held on a were opened with a brief “quiet time” Thursday night and worked out so (it may be that this practice origi- well as a way of dealing directly with nated in Chicago) and were closed newcomers that the idea was adopted with the Lord’s Prayer. community-wide on an organized The first departure was the forma- basis. , tion of a “setup” committee to con- The Chicago AA territory, includ-

July 1961

Let’s keep it clean From Washington, D. C.: Too many non-alcoholic visitors The adverse opinion of AA, in this at open AA meetings-ministers, case, was formed some years ago church members and others seeking when one of the officers, eager to information about AA to pass on in use any facet of alcoholic rehabilitation, invited some AA speakers to their churches-go away with a bad talk to a group of alcoholics in this taste in their mouths and a poor building. Both speakers resorted opinion of AA. profusely to profanity and obscene Far too many speakers resort to stories-then proceeded to try to profanity to express their thoughts convince the officer that AA was and obscene stories to get a laugh. In basically a spiritual program. the latter case, the old ego asserts it- As I heard it, the officer queried: self to focus attention when the “How can you utter profanity and speaker feels his story does not have obscenity out of one side of your the impact to hold the audience. mouth and support a spiritual pro- Profanity and obscenity cannot gram out of the other?” possibly implant the AA story or the We have solved our profanity need for AA in the minds of visitors, problem very simply. On the rosalcoholic or non-alcoholic. It does the speaker no good nor does it im- trum, from which a bold AA sign press the listener. hangs, is a neatly typed notice to speakers : I cite our own group as an ex- “This building is dedicated to the ample of what damage these types of God of our understanding-please speakers can unwittingly effect. I t avoid profanity.” B. MCD. took nine years to obtain permission from the institution whose facilities we use for meetings. There was a definite need for an AA group in this institution (about 500 alcoholics pass through each year) but the leaders were convinced that AA should not be in their building.

August 1961

FORMULA FOR AN AA MEETING in the CLEVELAND Area

From the birthplace of AA come customs that stand the test of time

has resulted in some very interesting many opportunities for on-the-spot meetings are attended by go for an hour and get pretty hot. discussion periods and a considerable Twelfth Step work. 0 OUR members, their wives, husbands and widows. The only closed meet- If the chairman keeps things in hand fairly well, our meetings usually increase in attendance. The Independence Group is the only group that I know of doing it this way. So We have found that the bottom in . AA has been raised considerably ixr ings are for women only or men only. wind up in about ninety minutes. An- the last three years and the majority We have two of each in the Cleve- nouncements are read by the secre- far we haven’t had any rocks thrown of new members want to know the land area and one each in Akron. tary before the group has coffee and a t us. right answers now. In order to be a I Occasionally a preacher, a personnel pastry. Some groups have sand- Because we have St. Thomas Hos- good sponsor today it seems to me I director or a judge will attend one of wiches, occasionally, instead of pital in Akron, Rosary Hall at St. that a person should be exceptionally our meetings as a guest of an indi- pastry all of the time. Others have Vincent Charity Hospital in Cleve- well informed. A lot better informed vidual AA member. Three times potluck suppers that prove to be land and several good alcoholic nurs- than ever before. yearly our Central Committee in quite popular. We call our new mem- ing homes in the area, we do have H. B., West Richfield, Ohio Cleveland sponsors a Consolidated bers “babies.” Meeting made up of members from In all of my travels throughout the Cuyahoga County groups and their U. S. and Canada I truly believe that interested friends. This is usually our members are less concerned called an open meeting for interested about their anonymity among thempeople, not prospects. selves than any other part of these We usually have one speaker. He two countries. At the public level I opens with his personal prayer, the don’t believe we have had a break in Serenity Prayer or a silent prayer. anonymity since around 1946. Then he speaks (we call it leads) Since September of 1959 my group from thirty to fifty minutes. He then has been having assigned subject asks the group to join with him in the meetings. By having our speakers Lord’s Prayer and then the meeting talk on particular aspects of the prois opened for comments, questions or gram we have been listening to prediscussion. This can go for fifteen or pared talks and not too much blowtwenty minutes and I have seen some by-blow drinking experiences. This

August 1961

Speaking in Spokane From Spokane, Washington: We have had many requests for speakers at schools, church groups and clubs this past few months, and our radio stations and TV are doing a fine job for us. We have a Wednesday evening class now where people who would like to go on these speaking assignments may learn more about what is expected of them. We try to send a new person along with a more experienced member so he will become more sure of himself. This is working out very well, and many volunteer for this Twelfth Step work. J. M.

FORMULA FOR AN AA MEETING in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

in his luggage for a non-existent applause and the “Hi!” will start him Some warm and friendly A A customs bottle one night, he found the book on his way to becoming an AA ham. and desperately began reading it to A typical Los Angeles meeting have spread from the Golden State pass the time until dawn would break lasts an hour and a half. Most start and the liquor stores would open. at 8:30 in the evening and end at 10 He never did buy any more booze. o’clock. There are usually two speak- Instead, realizing that in order to ers, a man and a woman, but there I N their attitude toward meetings, Southern California AAs tend to display a certain foot-loose, fancysometimes violently. Alcoholics here (like all Southern Californians) are freeway-trained rovers. Hence, keep his tender new sobriety he had to give it away, he went to Los may be several, or there may be only one if a special speaker from the free disposition characteristic of this groups draw their membership from Angeles, assembled an assortment of “circuit” is booked. part of the country. Here an AA far and wide. Whether they want to lushes and started a meeting. He had There is usually a five- or tenmember may “belong” to a dozen or not, groups inevitably contend to never attended one, but he had the minute coffee break in the middle of groups (in the sense of being on the a certain extent for the same people. book. He began by reading Chapter the meeting, following the first membership rolls), or to none. He Supermarkets here have the same Five, and since then every Southern speaker. The second part usually bemay officially belong to a group he problem. California meeting-all descendents gins with the reading of the Twelve seldom attends, and attend groups he But open or closed, discussion or of that first one-has opened the Traditions-another opportunity to doesn’t belong to. Shopping around “speaker” meeting, every group in same way. break in timid newcomers with apis common. Certain speakers are Southern California observes two in- From the very start, the typical plause and “Hi’s!” If they get hung drawing cards. When word gets violable customs. Southern California meeting has a up on the pronunciation of “autonoaround that one of these is going to One custom is that of opening the certain distinctive flavor which might mous” or “anonymity,” as they often speak, the usual attendance of a meeting with the reading of the first be called the “Hi!” flavor. do, the applause afterwards is extra score may jump to a hundred or few pages of “Alcoholics Anony- When the chairman opens the loud. The impression, especially in more. mous.” It dates back to the first AA meeting with “I’m So-and-so, and the larger meetings, is one of infec- All this is hard on secretaries. A meeting held in Los Angeles on De- I’m an alcoholic,” he is greeted with tious joviality. secretary seldom knows who really cember 19, 1939, and it began by a “Hi, So-and-so!” Another Southern California cusis a member of the group. In a year, chance. A Denver alcoholic had gone Whoever is chosen to read the ex- tom is that of celebrating anniverhalf the membership of a group is to the Mayo Clinic to learn that his cerpt from Chapter Five is also saries with birthday cakes. At the end likely to have moved away or started alcoholism was hopeless; but a doc- greeted with the “Hi!” when he (or of the meeting, just before the Lord’s frequenting other meetings, without tor at the clinic gave him a copy of she) gives his name, applause as he Prayer, the chairman may say, “We telling the secretary. And the busiest the book, which had just been pub- walks to the podium and applause have a custom in AA of calling newbee in the group may turn out not lished, telling him it might contain when he concludes. comers ‘babies.’ We do this because to be a member at all, or at least not some useful ideas. The book stayed The Chapter Five reader is likely we believe alcoholics finding AA soenrolled. in the alcoholic’s luggage on a drink- to be fairly new to the program but briety for the first time have been in . As one might expect, group mem- ing jaunt to Mexico which ended in a no matter how timid he is at first, the a certain sense reborn. And as babies bership fluctuates in volume greatly, Palm Springs hotel. Here, searching

grow older, they have birthdays. ble ambulatory forest fires impresses Tonight we are celebrating such a even the most hardened skeptic. birthday. For 365 consecutive days Some groups give cakes decorated of total sobriety-Jerry W.!” with the recipient’s name, and he is At this point, to the usual ap- allowed to take his cake home. In plause, Jerry, dressed in his best be- some groups, the cake is sliced and cause he knew full well what was served after the meeting. Emergenabout to happen, makes his way to cies have been known to occur in the podium while someone, such as which the same cake had to be used his wife or sponsor, emerges from more than once in the same meeting the back room with a cake bearing a -hastily taken back, recandled and lighted candle. relit, and so on. After all, we are not The raggedly sung strains of saints. We claim only spiritual prog- “Happy Birthday, Dear Jerry” peal ress. out somewhat discordantly (or once The thundered “Hi’s!” as each in a while with grade AA barber- speaker gives his name, the applause shop harmony), and the beaming for everything, the universal scurry- Jerry accepts the cake. The singing ing like wheeled rabbits to everyconcludes with a mournfully drawn where from everywhere; together, out “Keep coming ba-a-ack!” and they give an impression of cordiality, Jerry blows out the candle, a feat joviality and open-handedncss that is which evokes tremendous applause. rather startling but usually pleasing Jerry expresses his thanks in a few to people who encounter it for the words, or sometimes enough to give first time. everybody the fidgets, and returns to Of course, some think it forced, his seat amid more applause. even phony glad-handing greeterism. The newcomer’s expressed atti- A few are genuinely shocked by the tude toward this may be one of fact that most speakers and leaders supercilious condescension, and he give their last as well as their first may refer to it as rampant, blatant, names. It seems anything but anonysloppy sentimentalism-but he will mous. And this light-heartedness be impressed nonethless, and is likely (some might say light-headedness) to nourish a secret inner feeling of is not found in all groups. It is most envious hope. noticeable in the larger ones-and There may be two or more birth- maybe that is why they are large. days celebrated at a meeting. Some But for the secretaries, the steergroups have an annual birthday night ing committees, the sober-sides-for for old-timers who are given cakes all those who like things tidy, orderly with as many as fifteen or twenty and predictable-it’s a hard AA life candles. The sight of ten or twelve here in Southern California. old-timers receiving cakes that resem- C . A ., Los Angeles, Calif.

September 1961

The matter of profanity is no message. We are talking to fel- From Washington, D. C. : low drunks-they know the road and I read with interest two pieces in we know it because we have been the July issue of the Grapevine-a there. We are not trying for a prize letter regarding “keeping it clean” at as public speakers or to become Mes- AA meeting when we are privileged siahs. We are trying to put across, to to be speakers, and the article about the man o r woman, what we heard the Chicago meetings. Both of these others tell us, on a simple basis, and have much to offer in the way of con- it can be expressed in the wordstructive thinking on the part of AA Hope. M. J. members. “Keeping it clean” has been kicked around for a good many years by members and I think it is always pertinent. In my own opinion the use of profanity in our talks at AA meeting should be dispensed with or we are certainly not living up to our Third Step. Some of us do use bad language through habit o r perhaps because we are embarrassed. But those who do it on purpose are the people we are trying to reach. If we cannot include the spiritual level in an AA talk and must resort to bad language and corny and offcolor jokes to put across the message, then in my own humble opinion there

November 1961

in my stomach was stronger than . SPLENDID OBSESSION of AA is on public display and, if any of my old phoniness is still around, it will be spotted immediately. My years of sobriety have not my self-respect. I had reached the point where I contributed nothing to society except pain and I knew that lessened this tension; it increases. As I had lost my excuse for living. I approach the so-called older mem- This mental self-portrait has reber status, there is an ever stronger mained etched in my mind throughdesire to sit back and listen, to with- out my AA affiliation. The prepara- , draw gradually from the group and tion of a talk, the prospect of exhibithope that I will be overlooked in ing my AA to others, brings it back future speaking assignments. The old into focus, cleans the dust out of the ability to rationalize reminds me that face and body lines, and lights up I have served the cause well and truly the dark places again better than any these many years, that it is time the sobriety exercise 1 know. So you can New Guard assumed complete con- eliminate the idea that I speak for trol and that after this last talk I will Twelfth Step work, that I feel somecease to agitate and shake and will thing I say may help someone in the “Let George do it.” This becomes a audience. I’m here to help me, Wally, firm resolve until I am asked to speak and I know me well enough to know again-and accept. It’s like going on I need all the help I can get. the wagon in the old days; I don’t The fear of a mis-step and a com- This “new” old-timer -mean a word of it. plete fall from Grace is, unlike most never sits in the back row The reason I suffer over and over fear, positive rather than negative. I t is that I’m too frightened not to- is the only fear I don’t fight contoo scared to say “No” and mean it. sciously and the picture of old me in I’m afraid that if I refuse to do my Drunksville is not a static one, like ACH time I speak at an AA meetpart, however obscure, this outright Whistler’s Mother. I can move it E ing I am again reminded of how we are manipulated by a Higher apprehension and leave it with a promise to myself that this will be my last appearance. It has never gift of sobriety I have enjoyed so long will be suddenly withdrawn and 1’11 find myself back in the pit with the a r o u n d f r o m Missouri to. California, to Massachusetts, to the deep south, to England, to France, to Ger- Power. I have never understood why done any good at all to realize that a brief talk before an AA group I’m only exposed for a few minutes snakes and spiders of Drunksville. many and back to Missouri. A should produce such alarming jitters in a long line of AA speakers and Since this disease of .ours is progres- variety of poses, of costumes and sive, I reel in horror at what the mir- backgrounds, with one fearful thing beforehand and such a letdown after- that, if I’m lousy, it will soon be forwards. It’s one of the areas of my gotten. I certainly am not egotistical ror would reflect should I go off the in common: The central figure in life which my over-all philosophy of enough to think I could harm AA in deep end. all the pictures is ossified. The facial putting forth the effort and not By the time I came into this “Re- expression is self-satisfied but on an any respect by an inferior talk. So it Assembly Plant,” I had reached the imbecilic level. It is the picture of a worrying about the results will not has to be personal, with me alone. point where any setback or any crisis physically mature body and brain cover. And I think the agitation stems from produced an immediate escape reac- with the emotional equipment of a I cannot be casual about an AA the realization that for a period, how- tion, alcohol. I had reached the point ten-year-old child. This is the picture talk. I approach the platform with ever brief, my own personal brand where the flutter of a single butterfly of a man with an obsession.

It could be called my first real obsession and it ruled supreme for a long time. I didn’t know I had it until I came to AA. I was told that I suffered from an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. I passed over the allergy. It’s an ef- drunkenness, And I found it! A state fect, not a cause. As an alcoholic I’m of mind, a middle ground in drinking interested in causes, particularly of -somewhere between the third and drinking. And it made sense. In look- fourth drink, at first. Later, it took a ing back, I think I’ve always had an few more. But it was an exhilarating obsessive mind. As a youth I remem- state of mind. My thoughts became ber making a special effort to obtain crystal-clear and brilliant-at least to a certain novel called “The Mag- myself. Everywhere there was harnificent Obsession” because I was mony. I was supremely competent in told I would read it in one sitting. I a world built to complement me. I did. I couldn’t put it down. It fasci- cultivated the art of prolonging this a member of AA. I was offered di- through his friends and associates as nated me and I read it as I was later state of being by exercising control. rection and a chance to change ob- he completes that first proud year to drink, compulsively. But it was There would be times when I sessions. I was offered a chance to in AA. not my magnificent obsession. At this would venture over the line into partake of many spiritual experiences So this cold world I used to hate time only the cornerstone of my memory blackout, but these were -if I earned them-in the real is vulnerable to good, and returns obsession had been laid. The build- usually intentional, planned affairs. world. I was to find that AA could what it is given. It has become a classing, if you can call a prison a build- Gradually, control lessened and not change the world. It was still cold room where I learn to live without ing, had not been built. finally disappeared. I would vault and hard as concrete. But AA could fear, a day at a time. For I am a man Already the world did not suit me. over it entirely. So what began as change me by changing my thinking with a divine program for living and There was no give to it, no pliability, an alcoholically-induced spiritual ex- about it and my consequent reaction a living God working through me. I no softness. It was like concrete. perience-for this is what it was- to it. Through this Fellowship, I have face nothing alone any more, so I And I was just beginning to sense sank to a form of obsessional in- found soft spots in the concrete. I can face anything; and my obsessive that it was likely to be cold outside. sanity. This was my obsession, this have felt the warmth surrounding the mind has found itself truly a splendid So, gradually, I began to take medi- compulsion to blot myself out in person who has lived contentedly alcohol-hardly a magnificent one. obsession: To stay sober, to grow cine to soften the coldness-lethal through a full week without alcohol, medicine, booze. At first in small Somewhere down the darkening spiritually and to try to be a good after years of slavery. I have seen the AA until I die! quantities, always seeking a sort of alleyways to skid row and oblivion, world smile back at many a man, A . J . W.,Kansas City, Mo. twilight zone between sobriety and I made a weird turning and became I

November 1 9 6 1

On speaking From Toledo, Ohio: I particularly enjoyed “Don’t Lose Everything,” by M. A. E., Wyckoff, N. J. [August]. True, some of us hestitate to speak at meetings because we don’s have much of a case history. I don’t have one of those knock down, drag out stories, I was never in jail or a sanitorium, never lost my job, and I still had a car and my wife when I camc into AA. I was just a beer drinker, but I haven’t lead a meeting where someone doesn’t come up and say they never knew a beer drinker could be an alcoholic, or “I’m glad I heard your story, I was thinking of switching to beer7′-or something. When we speak at a meeting I think that we take Step Four, and when we take that inventory of ourselves there is no question in our minds that we are alcoholics. I agree that perhaps our cases are more important than we think. C. H.

January 1962

To: “Disgusted Memh,erW From Lindsay, Ont.: Mushroon~s grow where other From Pasadena, Calif.: Cheers to a disgusted member n~ushroomsgrow, and you can’t be When I first came into AA I was who sent in “Now” and “Then.” He il rose if you’re a mushroom. still at the stage where I hadn’t idqn- put some action behind his thoughts Let every member say what he tified myself as an alcoholic. It was instead of just griping the way many wants, because he is to himself as I hearing the stories of the drinking of us from around here have. With am to me, the most important memcareers, the progression of symp- the blackouts we alcoholics have ber in the group. P. R. toms and so on, that actually helped how do so many remember the me identify myself as an alcoholic names of cities, bars, in fact almost From Bellefonte, Penna.: and enabled me to take that First the stool numbers, where they Reading through the wonderful Step. drank? I heard a speaker say, “I issue of the November Grapevine, I 1 think the speaking plan to cover have only one story.” By working at came upon the comments of “A Dis- “What 1 was like” and “What I am Step Eleven my story is changing as gusted Member.” Contained within my Higher Power opens up new his article was the question, “who like now” is a valuable one, espeavenues for me. cares?” and the comment, “the past cially if it is handled with good taste. Yet what appeals to one person does In small areas where one hears is past; today is our concern.” the same speaker many times, if only Here at this institution we have not to another. 1 think that to meet the drinking story is told, it isn’t an AA organization and we hold the needs of all and especially help the new members to take the First very inspiring. regular weekly meetings. We are Step, the drinking careers should 1 ~qpreciatethe fact that the new greatly blessed, as each week differstay. A G R A T E F U L AA person has to learn of our drinking ent outside groups of AA members experiences to help him see himself come in to talk to us. A friend inbut especially in small groups he vited me to attend, and I did and was learns them over coffee cups. Does wonderfully astonished to hear others that help him learn how to use the give witness to deeds I thought only tools we have for sobriety? I had done. The many suggestions of ways of I kept attending, and the more of working the program, interpretations these drinking career capers I heard of the Steps and gimmicks I have the more I was brought to the realiheard at meetings have helped me zation of my real trouble, and the most to stay sober a day at a time. more I found wisdom and strength D. B. to conquer my fears. I quit condemning myself and for the first time From Baltimore, Md.: in my life started to live and think Even though the sometimes dis- as a normal human being. It was turbing monologues of a drink-by- those members, God bless them, and drink story may seem repetitious, that stress on their past drinking try to think that this mav be the careers which gave me the light. alky’s only way of expressing him- C . M. self. I didn’t basically come into AA to achieve any etherial heights, but as a common drunk looking for a way to stop drinking.

March 1962

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I 0 comer: “There at our Intergroup Office, volunteer to new- VERHEARD is a good meeting tonight at the B- Group. Xenophon Shrdlu is speaking-you know, the TV comedian.” Telephone call from a program chairman: “Would you speak at our anniversary meeting? I’m supposed to get a celebrity as the main speaker.” degree of kind helpfulness, either the in the audience were so curious and unknown newcomer, or the recogniz- enthralled by seeing the celebrity in able celebrity, or the recognized no- the flesh that very little of the “alcotorious unfortunate. holism is a sickness” message got So You Want a “Celebrity” Speaker? “We don’t care about your past,” through. I suspect that when they he said, “or who you are outside of talked about it later, they said, AA. Within the gates of AA you are “Guess who I heard speak, and did a harrassed program chairman urges simply another anonymous sufferer you know that he is an alcoholic?” solid AA speakers, not “name” from our illness, and we want to instead of “Guess what I learned help.” about alcoholism and Alcoholics My husband and I feel that way, Anonymous the other night?” KNOW that some people in AA are I’ve even seen newspaper stories I impressed and even helped by the fact that even “names” are afflicted about AA conventions or banquets with such statements as “The main too. (Incidentally, an awfully nice AA Once my husband was asked to gal gave a wonderful talk just before speak at a special open meeting my husband went on. I wonder how with our disease, but statements like speaker will be a famous star of planned to attract townspeople inter- she felt when, at the end of her talk, the two reported above make me stage, TV and movies.” ested in community health. Just be- the chairman introduced the next shudder. Oh, that follows the letter of our fore the meeting began, the program speaker as the “star” of the evening, I’m not an unbiased observer. My Traditions all right. But what about chairman said, “We surely did want the one everyone was just waiting to husband’s name is quite well known, the spirit? Within AA, can’t a a celebrity for this meeting, and I was hear?) inside and outside AA. He and I “name” member not be a celebrity, kind of stumped at first. The last two There are other perils, too. A have both been active, sober AAs for but just another alcoholic who needs celebrities we had have been drink- celebrity can get carried away with years. He’s willing to do any AA task our love and understanding in ex- ing ever since. So I’m sure glad you hamminess in AA, so that he is perthat needs doing. But when I’m asked actly the same principles-first, anony- could come.” forming rather than carrying the to get him to speak, and the asker mous way it is given to the rest of us? My husband went white, and bit message. If his anonymity becomes says something about getting a Once I heard a fellow say that to his lip. He was crushed to think that too widely shattered by newcomers “celebrity,” I’m sorely tempted to him anonymity means we are all his commercial fame was valued or visitors, this may cause him to say, “if you want him as an alcoholic, nameless, faceless victims of the more highly by his fellow AAs than stay away from the one place that it’s for free, naturally. However, if same illness, no one of any more im- his sobriety and his membership in promises sobriety. Or a newcomer you want him as a celebrity, his fee portance than the other. And, he AA. He went through with that one, may himself be frightened by the loss is $2500 for doing his act. And he said, one greatness of AA is its ability all right, but I doubt if he ever will of anonymity, and not come again. doesn’t mention AA in the act!” to treat, with exactly the same fair again. It’s my guess, too, that people Surely he is puzzled at having anony-

mity suggested then casually ignored words a minute, if you will. What are by those who recommend it! we here for, anyhow? I’m sure this could also be rough I go to an AA meeting, sit on hard on well-known writers, or alcoholic chairs in a smoky room to attain and doctors and other professional men maintain sobriety. I must honestly .known within the community. say that I have heard more good solid Wouldn’t it be more within the AA from people whose names I’ll AA spirit for each of us, when secur- never know than from any celebrity, ing speakers, to ask them as commu- as such. If I want to see a celebrity I nicators of the AA message-not be- can go to a theater or lecture or concause of who they are? Shouldn’t cert hall, or turn on TV. I know that those of us who serve on convention my disease is shared by all kinds of or banquet committees try to resist people, regardless of occupation or pressures from those who say, “Let’s environment, and I want AA to be get a ‘name’ speaker; we’ll draw more anonymous-inside, as well as out. people, and our affair will be a big Let’s let the alcoholic “names” success!”? come inside, too, and share the joys Examine those last three little of our spiritual – anonymity. M. B., Manhattan, N. Y.

April 1962

More good speakers needed From San Mateo, California: We need to develop speakers with The growing concern of industrial- a satisfactory background of sobriety ists regarding the disease of alcohol- and experience in AA service, and a ism among their employees, the practical knowledge of how AA mounting number of published ar- works; men and women who are conticles on alcoholism and the increas- scious of the responsibility of coming number of invitations from social, municating accurately and are adept civic and religious groups for A A in the use of plain words which canspeakers to acquaint their members not be misunderstood or misinterwith the purpose of AA, seem to in- preted. Above all, we’ll need sincere, dicate that a great wave of concern unaffected speakers who concentratc for the welfare of the American on impressing their audiences with people as a whole, is beginning to the facts of AA rather than on the impression they make as oratorssurge through the minds of people speakers who are conscious of the throughout the country. fact that the estimated time required When individuals learn for them- to deliver the Sermon on the Mount selves that no other group dedicated is something less than fifteen minto helping the alcoholic has ever ap- utes. D. S. proached the success attained by Alcoholics Anonymous in arresting the disease of alcoholism, the time will come when the public will lean heavily on AA for answers to the problem. AA will be faced with the responsibility of developing more speakers who are competent to communicate the principles and purpose of AA to men and women from all walks of life.

April 1963

Third-man theme From Cleveland, Ohio: It seems as though the longer I am I now know I have been given a around this Fellowship the more I am program of love and service. Surely convinced that everything that is be- it is a wonderful thing to be given a ing said today has been said before. gift from God, but the greatest privilege ever bestowed upon a human is the privilege of passing this gift on to another. God in his kindness never thought any of us important enough to give us this Fellowship to keep to ourselves. I now wish to thank each and every one of you folks who are the contributing factors to my so- Take for instance three short state- briety, may God bless and keep you ments made by three different men, in this wonderful Fellowship, one if we but could learn to master those day at a time. and incorporate them into our lives ANON. we certainly could live and enjoy a very useful life. These three sayings, and the men who made them are: first, Aristotle who said “know thyself,” Socrates who said “be thyself,” and then, most important of all, Christ said “give of thyself.” Once we have acquired these basic truths, we will I am sure learn the meaning of the Serenity Prayer. I have come to believe that the beginning of wisdom is recogniziig the defects of character that caused our maladjusted lives. Knowledge of these we must have before God in his kindness will bestow the courage we need to do something about them.

July 1963

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VAUDEVILLE-STY LE

AA . . . i r k s even t h e performers, at times For much too long a time my Thanks to God and kind and harshly needle was stuck in this glib groove, honest AA friends, I got over that and my AA growth was virtually first flush of success and the slip. halted. The reality of today had little I have since had to learn that N my “never-raise-your-boy-to-be- Around my home city there are chance to creep into my set AA sometimes when, in my own vain I an-oracle” mood I deplore the emergence of a class of “AA celebria number of highly gegarded AA speakers referred to as “legends” or speeches or my tight AA thinking. I was too busy trying to live up to my view, I give a “bad” AA talk (that is, when I feel embarrassed by my incoties.” They aren’t famous outside “oraclesw-sometimes respectfully, billing–or the reputation I thought herence, my rambling, my low level AA, but in our Fellowship they are sometimes caustically. It’s darned I had as an AA “success” and fount of spiritual understanding, my dullvery well known indeed, highly hard on them. I know, because I was of wisdom. It became an awful ness, my naked lack of progress, my sought after on the anniversary, ban- one once. burden. immodesty), the results are often far quet and convention circuits. It was hell, and I got drunk. It took up so much time there was better for some other suffering alco- I wonder if this is in keeping with It began with my first AA talk. It none for self-inventory, or for watch- holic listener than a polished, poputhe spirit of anonymity. Isn’t it put- “went over well,” I thought. People ing out for danger signs. I honestly lar and entertaining performance. ting personalities before principles? were complimentary afterward, and thought people wanted to hear that Being more honest, they’re better for On the other hand, when I take a I got lots of invitations to speak. same old tune of mine, so I played me, too. hard look at my own feelings about That’s heady wine, if you’ll pardon it mechanically over and over. I’ve Nowadays when I see a newcomer certain AA speakers, I wonder again. the expression, for an egoistic alky wondered since then how many good get stuck on that high treadmil1,of They always give me such a clear like me. I guess I began to believe friends got bored stiff, and heard the speaker popularity, I get a little chill and helpful message that I like hear- that this popularity was a measure of scratchy handwriting on the walls at the base of my heart. Fortunately, ing or reading an announcement that my AA status and wisdom. of my little understanding. I suspect of course, most of them get through “So-and-so will speak at our anni- I never changed the talk, except to they did not want to hear my act half it sober and go on growing. versary supper.” I and many others make it a more dramatic perform- so much as I wanted to hear over and But the danger of over-valuing make it a point to be there and try ance. I remembered just where to get over the sweet music of applause. such popularity is there, as I have to to be sure our newcomer friends are the laughs, and how I could draw the So, getting drunk was a big sur- remind myself when I’m tempted to too. tears. I heard about “practicing these prise-to me. The road back was ask, over and over, to fill a program Let me try to explain this schizo- principles,” but I just rehearsed my painful, with many humiliating les- for me, the same speaker who made phrenic point of view. speech. sons t o be learned on the way. a big hit once. I seem to like the .

cencls, with none of the way AA The local A A newspaper carries Sometimes those program chairaffects their lives today being ex- such notices as “At the Downtown men 1 mentioned even announce at posed. You’d think from the rosy and Group anniversary, So-and-so Z., one week’s open meeting the full funny story one woman paints on well-known author and popular names of the speakers at next week’s banquet daises that life is now a ball member of the Uptown Group, will meeting, or send out bulletins with for her. It isn’t; she’s dead broke and give another of his famous, witty forthcoming speakers’ full names.* can’t get a job, and her family life and inspiring talks,” I’m not personally scared that tois a mess. But she can’t get any AA What a dreadful task to shove on- night my anonymity may be broken support in her discouragement be- to the shoulders of a fellow drunk we in front of my boss, or other visitors, cause she never lets it show. She profess to love! What if So-and-so is by a platform announcement or a keeps up the front as an AA celeb- low that night and needs to talk public notice on a bulletin board at rity, an AA success. about it? What if he needs counsel- a meeting I’m not even attending. It’s too easy to say that’s her prob- ing, not applause? What concerns me here is the vaudecredit of furnishing “top” AA speak- lem. Don’t all of us share some of the Oh, I know his name will help ville, or movie-trailer aspect of this. ers, whether it’s good for them or responsibility for this cruelty? Don’t guarantee a big crowd, who will drop Is there here an implication that not. we further her difficulties by making a big collection in the hats and re- these announced-in-advance, highly Some of my best friends are “AA more and more demands that she furbish the sagging group treasury, touted AA talkers are “special” AA celebrities.” Most of them say “Yes” play that same old role again and but even so. . . . members, of more than common imto speech requests just as they will- again? ingly accept other AA service jobs, I can get pretty charged up, too, no matter how menial and obscure. when I think of the fine AA wisdom :’:”Anonymity” at Open Meetings They do not take their A A fame, or wc must all be deprived of because Personal anonymity-breaking at the public, open-meeting level, even with the speakthemselves, seriously, and are gen- some of our less entertaining mem- ers’ permission, can have some very interesting results. About a year ago newspapers in one town received news releases about “the formation of a new kind of AA- .erally embarrassed by the excessively bers are asked to talk less frequently especially for doctors, lawyers, other professional men and women of prominence, and laudatory introductions given to than their more articulate and showy top-level corporation executives.” them by AA m.c.s. brethren. The would-be founder of this “business and professional group” pointed out that since full names were announced from platforms a t all “ordinary” A A meetings, natu- One or two feel they should never Then I wonder about the program rally professional o r famous people could not approach such groups without risk of say “No,” and go through trips and chairmen who decline to go to our public identification. S o the new group, he said, would be “secret’-that is, only first convention talks in spite of extreme local “Program Exchange,” where names would be used and no one would know anyone else’s full name. ( H e did not know that A A began, and is still practiced in many places, just this way.) Applicants physical suffering with stage fright. groups exchange speaking bookings would be “screened” for membership. As one shaking, white-faced woman quarterly. Their reason is,”you never It’s easy to be patronizing toward this fellow. Obviously he had only a limited knowlknow who you’ll get as a speaker!” edge of AA. BU, also obviously, he was sincerely trying to help certain alcoholics who whispered to me just before she went have not responded to Alcoholics Anonymous as it is practiced-and presented t o the . on once, “Constant speaker con- None of this anonymity stuff for public-in those groups where full names are freely announced. Who are we to critistantly fwows up!” them, apparently. Instead, these fel- cize him? lows “screen” speakers, hand-invite Maybe instead we could profit by what this well-meaning fellow has found “wrong” Others I know accept only this with other A A groups. Maybe we d o play carelessly, thoughtlessly too loose with other kind of up-front, noticeable AA task; only certain talkers to appear on members’ identities-an easy thing to d o among some of us who, staying sober longer they decline to do other jobs in AA their platforms. and longer, no longer feel stigmatized by our illness, and have forgotten those first-day Sure enough, this gives their fears. such as dish washing, clerical jobs, I doubt if it is reassuring to that shaky, frightened newcomer sitting in the back row committee drudgery, or sitting by a groups quite a reputation for putting (who sneaked In full of shame and guilt t o look us over) t o hear someone a t a large drunk’s bed. Their talks are purely on “terrific” (?!) meetings, and for open meeting announce that “next week we’ll have as speakers Joe Doakes, G. I. Kilroy, and Sandy Hlghbottom’-using full, real names. Our Fellowship’s last name is a and simply entertaining reminis- snobbishness. promise we need to remember-and keep.

portance to AA because they are message is especially meaningful and good enough as speakers (not neces- helpful to us. sarily as sober, growing members) It is from these beloved, inspiring to be asked to appear? members-including some so-called But wait a minute. “AA celebrities”-that I learn much Let’s look at the other side of this of my AA. Most of my own “oracles” matter-an interesting switch, for seem to me to embody so beautifully me, sinde I got sober! I recommend, humility and other spiritual values of as an interesting new diet, swallow- anonymity. Their lives, behavior ing our own words sometimes. Here and AA talks constantly remind me goes a try. Am I not glad I heard to place principles before personalisome such announcements, so that I ties (but not to replace friendly perwas able to hear talks which are sonalities with cold principles!). It’s highlights of my AA life? I do not from these wonderful personalities I believe anonymity is a good thing learn principles much of the time. when it is warped into secrecy, car- I hope I can keep it up. In so many ried so far that it hinders the full hu- instances these are the members who man communication so helpful, if fill so well our need for leadership. not necessary, in our recovery. I’ve Surely I do not want AA de-personbeen on those committees seeking to alized altogether! arrange “good” programs, to get a Most of the time, however, I guess large crowd who could share what I most of us go to meetings with no felt was a wonderful AA message. idea of who will speak. I know I I like to know from looking at a often hear from the heart of an un- Grapevine cover if there is a piecc renowned, untouted, uninvited, uninside by Bill. I’ll go pretty far to announced, anonymous stumblebum hear certain AA speakers. Surely for the clearest message yet-just exall of us it is healthy, and human, to actly the one I need that day. Who admire certain members more than am I to decide that I will or will not others, to have dear close friends as hear the word of “God’s will for me” well as wide acquaintanceship. Surely when it comes wrapped in a certain each of us needs to find those par- package, dressed in a certain personticular members whose particular ality, famous or infamous! Anonymous

August 1963

Why “talk” failure? From Manhattan, N. Y.: I went to my home meeting last periment”-and then come back, if evening (ninety-nine per cent at- we are able? tendance in ten years) and out of I wish, for my enlightenment that the three speakers, one had been someone please tell me what posaround twenty-three years, one sible good it can do anyone to stand twelve years. Each had a “few” u p there and tell of twenty-three months of sobriety. One of the years of failure with the program, or speakers, practically gave an out- twelve years of “bouncing” in and right invitation to the newcomers to out of a program, which is synony- “slip-awhilev-but come back to mous with the word life to so many AA, as the door is always open. formerly written-off, hopeless, help- I would like to write this off as less people, such as I was upon aran isolated meeting, but it has been rival. happening too often. The heart-weary newcomer, and Five newcomers last evening comparatively new slippee, hungers listened to this. What can I expect for a word of hope, out of a dark but that my new pigeon feels “ex- world; a belief that perhaps AA perimentation” is a part of AA life, might work for them, and release and that, eventually, you settle them from the grip of despair. down to being sober. ANON. Whatever can you bring home, to mull about and chew upon, from this recital of failure, and negativeness? If there is a doubt that you are an alcoholic (which many of us bring to our first meeting) do we need someone to nurture this doubt, or someone to dispel it? Must we be encouraged to go out and “ex-

October 1963

sult is then a spiritless hour of stag- new-found state of sobriety, they nation which leaves nobody wiser or are certain that he speaks from the stronger. heart. It is the way he feels, and Boredom often results because a the way he expresses his feelings person represses the way he really that puts boredom to rout. feels about the program, and does Having arrived at the conclusion not allow his true feelings to shine that boring meetings and groups through. He is afraid to reveal him- were caused by boring members, I self for the fine, loving, sensitive began to look for some means of OPEN-MEETING creature that he really is or the an- identifying just who these members gry, indignant, sensitive creature he really were. Surprisingly, they were sometime’s is. Instead, he allows the the same fellows I have seen in my BORES group to see a faceless robot who own bathroom shaving mirror from mutters dull platitudes about “how time to time. nice it is to be sober” and “how First there is Drink-by-Drink much peace of mind” he has found Dave! And I don’t care how new in .and “how grateful” he is to be here AA you are, you have met him! at the meeting. He may be saying Dave is a well-meaning soul, and I what he mistakenly thinks the group love him like a brother, as do all the wants to hear, not what he really other folks at the meeting. But there feels. This robs his story of the feel are some of us who would rather of truth and honesty. face the electric chair than hear W a n t to k n o w how t o handle Drink-by-Drink Dave, Fortunately, the battle against once more about all the drinking Mumbling Myron, S o u r Sam or Pollyanna Pete? boredom is not won by eloquence that Dave did in Panama or in First, look in a n y mirror or verbal sophistication. Were that Albuquerque, or in Los Angeles, or the case, few of us would have a when he was drafted into the Army. chance. Actually, eloquence and so- Dave seems to feel that he has to I SUSPECT that many people drift away from AA because they become too bored with meetings. I many meetings from coast to coast. The remedy lies with AA’s members who have allowed this condiphistication have little to do with it. prove how severe his alcoholic Often a member who may never problem was, and that this proof have had experience in speaking de- can be established by demonstrating suspect also that many others are tion to develop and are the direct velops a very interesting message, not only the continuity of drinking tempted to try another group, but cause of it. Though most AAs are and has lots of important things to but the quantity as well. It is not stick it out of convenience, or sheer lively, lovable and really interesting say around a table. It may be that unlike Dave to pause in the middle determination and the fear of what persons in normal life, something his voice is poor, his grammar atro- of a talk to ponder whether he was might happen if they slow up their happens to many of them at the cious and some of his logic quite drinking whiskey or wine the morn- AA activities. And I suspect finally moment the chairman opens the immature. But people listen, intent- ing he woke up in Denver without that AA is in no danger at all from meeting. Abruptly they become ter- ly. When he speaks of gratitude, any shoes. “Let’s see, I think I was the usual moochers, deadbeats, gos- rible bores, reciting AA phrases al- they know that he means it. When drinking whiskey that time! No, sips, phonies, Lotharios and loafers, most by rote and acting as if they he speaks of happiness, they know wait a minute, I think it was wine! but it is greatly imperiled by the are enduring some sort of penance that he has found some of it. And Yeah, by gosh, it was wine!” great blanket of boredom that stifles until the meeting adjourns. The re- when he states that he loves his Let us move on to Mumbling

Myron. He is an old group standby whose loyalty and sincerity are unquestioned. He has peace of mind, and he is grateful. But for reasons that are probably too painful to explore, he simply isn’t able to tell convincingly just what AA has done for him. Moreover, he meanders monotonously through much detail, somewhat in the same manner of Drink-by-Drink Dave. A blearyeyed and shaken newcomer cannot help experiencing, with fleeting guilt, the dark thought that AA hasn’t a sort of recalcitrant grimace, as if bright side of everything. If you’ve addressing a group, “Ain’t it great really done too much for Myron. he’s conferring a favor. just had a car wreck, Pete points to be sober.” Greeted with a blast Older members know that he has a Sour Sam is a bearer of gloom. out that you’ll now be able to col- like this, even the most dedicated fine message, when he’s able to When he talks at meetings, he tells lect on your insurance. He’s al- listener can’t suppress the heretical deliver it with fire and feeling. But of his many troubles and the way ways joking, always smiling, always thought that for the next hour he they usually tune out when he be- Sam does it just seems to make pumping somebody’s hand. Every- might prefer to be drunk. gins to speak. No, this is not un- everybody feel worse. Now why body imagines he likes Pete, but There they are, four well-meanfair! Were Myron an incurable bore, should that be? Perhaps it’s be- few people actually do. Most of ing souls who, though they do not we would discreetly make no men- cause everybody secretly recognizes them think they like Pete because actually exist as portrayed here, do tion of it at all. There are rare mo- that Sam likes to indulge in a lot of the rules of the game say that a seem to exist, in part, almost everyments when his convictions come self-pity and rarely takes the blame person who jokes and smiles and where. It would be pointless to sweeping up out of his heart to put for anything that goes wrong in his shakes hands is a likable guy. But identify these character types if the aside his dullness and his shyness, life. Usually the fault is with his when Pete talks you always find conditions described could not be and it is at that time that the real wife or the #*%!#@# he has to that people are jittery and irked and remedied. But they can be, quite message comes pouring out. Myron do business with or something else. galled, because he gushes through easily. The answer is not in speakhas vast resources to give AA, but Rather belatedly, and almost as an a lot of experiences without real ing courses, inspirational books, or he alone holds the key, and usually afterthought, he admits that his old feeling or purpose. In other words, psychiatric counseling. It is in the he prefers to keep the door shut “alcoholic resentment” or his “stub- Pollyanna Pete has an automated simple telling of our stories, of how , tightly. born alcoholic ego” causes him voice-box that churns out cheery we found AA, and finally what it I Now take this third character, some trouble. prattle any time, any day, in any has come to mean to us. Sour Sam. He sounds sour, looks Despite his years, Sam has yet to amount. Pete often exclaims, when M. D . B., Jackson, Mich. sour and feels sour. It always shows. learn that AA is not just a sound- His face became wreathed in ing board for his grievances against turned-down creases a long time the world. After being with him a ago, and he carries a perpetual few minutes, almost anybody else sneer, which irks some people, be- seems cheerful. Even Pollyanna cause they think Sam doesn’t like Pete. them. If he smiles, it comes out as Pollyanna Pete tries to see the

November 1963

in all aspects of our lives be un- tape recorder, would stand up and tangled immediately, if not sooner. bring tears to us all with his per- Yet, there is no way to do this. ception of the deep truths of our Within, yes, there have been re- program and the profound effect markable cases of seemingly mirac- upon his life. The type of lead often ulous inner changes brought about acclaimed as the “best lead I’ve ever You Can’t Record Them Al in a day, in an instant. But even in heard.” Naturally, I then wished I these examples, the outer effects of had had the foresight to tape the such a change took much longer. talk. I wanted an envious collection of taped talks, Most of us have been assigned to a All this proved quite frustrating. to be admired by other members longer and more arduous course of How was I to acquire an envious recovery, a day at a time. There is collection of taped talks, to be adno elixir, no pill, no magic wand, mired by other members who would book or secret that can provide compliment my diligence in cap- W E have found through our wise these attitudes within its own beauone-day-at-a-time program tiful laws; we see people wonderthat we cannot practice this day of fully changed not only in a physical “canned” AA, guaranteed to cure turing such historic speeches? The all ills now and forever, in the man- answer was that I would not; I sobriety last year or next year. It manner but by an inner metamor- ner of the traveling medicine man’s stopped at four or five AA leads must be lived today. How many phosis that is hard to define in marvelous remedy. and began instead to tape music times we have exclaimed and heard purely human terms. They gradu- Some time ago, I acquired a tape from public library records. others repeat, “I should have got- ally shed the shell of self-centered- recorder and zealously began to One night, as I was listening to ten sober ten years ago!” ness and become outgoing, purpose- tape all the “good” AA leads. Of a friend deliver a beautiful, sincere But we soon learn that this pro- ful persons, fully aware of defects course, I soon discovered that they lead (without benefit of my elecgram cannot be grasped all at one they have yet to correct, but willing were all “good,” each in its own tronic meddling), the thought octime; we cannot stuff it into the to smile and try. way. But when it came to “canning” curred to me: “In all these years same bottle just recently drained of We world-conquering drunks a talk, the genuine sincerity and of AA there must have been, in all our brand of poison and carry it could not achieve our aims despite humility of a speaker heard “live” our thousands of groups, countless with us in a neat little package. years of frantic drinking and self- might be lost after a year or so on a talks of exceptional character. So For too long, many of us tried to effort; instead, we let the world con- tape in a dusty desk. There are ex- suppose somebody taped them all? play the game of life by our own quer us and ended in the scrap-heap ceptions, of course. It is worthwhile So what? Is AA for posterity or to selfish rules. If we could not win all of a category once despised by to preserve talks made at special help the new member who just the prizes, we would scornfully fol- society. anniversaries by visiting speakers. walked shakily through the door?” low our own path; if the world, on I think that we sometimes bring Occasionally, though, I found I decided that the best place for a string, was not available now, these impatient attitudes into AA. that leads expected to be outstand- recording these talks is within the then we would make our own world We demand that all our problems ing and inspiring were sometimes hearts and souls of the listening -a world of alcoholic fantasy, of be corrected at once; we ask imma- less; this would be due to no lack of members-where the spiritual mesself-glorification and delusions of turely that we recover physically sincerity on the part of the speaker, sage may be retained indefinitely. grandeur. We were well-practiced and mentally right now; that all but could be attributed to many fac- And if we have a “good” talk toin the ugly attitudes of impatience, those we have harmed forgive us tors. Maybe he just had a bad day! night, then we’ll have a “good” talk resentment, self-pity and egotism. right now; that the many undesira- Then, some “new” member, in the future-with no need for a The nature of AA is to absorb ble manifestations we had wrought whom I had perhaps adjudged not summer replacement, released from important enough to rate my prized a magnetic surface! One real, live

AA member, speaking today in has been aptly described as a “way words humble and sincere, even of life.” As such, it is a moving, crude, is better than yesterday’s old living, vital and dynamic force. No assemblage of eloquent phrases. one can live ten years of sobriety Please don’t think I’m ruthlessly at one time, in’one day. Nor can condemning all collectors of canned we pass on the spiritual torch of AA; there are definite uses for taped our message today with the phrases talks in carrying the message. In in- spoken yesterday. New members stitutions and other places, such as need to express their own growth in the bedside of a sick member, or in the program. small isolated groups too far away So, while it is true that many fine to exchange speakers, a recorded talks are heard only once, perhaps meeting can be of great benefit. But it is best. We are just people trying their use, I believe, should be to help other people get sober. strictly of an auxiliary nature. AA M. E., Dayton, Ohio

March 1964

Prime beef From Abilene, Texas: Now that we are sober, WHY do we allow speakers to use language in our open meetings that would have gotten a bottle busted over their heads in our drinking days. WHY don’t we have guts enough to tell speakers we don’t allow obscenity, filth and sex stories in front of women? D. O’N.

July 1964

“end all hvoocrisies” had some- If we have been. as we sav. to thing to d d with it. Is it a good the bottom, and looked at deGh – THOSE VULGAR WORDS thing? IS it a bad? AA takes no stand on outside issues; this writer death of the soul if not of the body -and have been given the grace thankfully hoists the banner of Tra- to come back to the AA way of dition Ten and retires from any life, it seems we will revere life, Comments from a cross section of AA on general discussion of the subject. and respect all those other billions But evidently the use of obscene of human beings who are trying to the speaker with a flair for ripe language words and stories in our meetings live it to some purpose. Each of us does concern us, and if you wait will inevitably slip at times from ou go round to your group’s the consensus of those groups who proper reverence, will fail to hold Y What do most A A S think about regular open meeting, or drop “the use of profanity, “obscenity, in on one of another group, and vulgarity and dirty jokes at AA responded to the Bulletin’s question, it’s this: They feel that the life as the sacred charge it is, but one of the very things we do, as hear an AA talk containing the fol- meetings?” The GSO Exchange sub rosa words and the dubious alcoholics, to call us back to a lowing ingredients: a dirty, or at Bulletin for February 1964 asked stories are unacceptable at meet- happy attitude of thankfulness and least a suggestive, joke; a fine curse that question, and answers flooded ings. reverence is attend AA meetings. or two calling the Deity to attend to into the General Service Office. It’s pretty plain that the reason If we get to a meeting only to be the destruction of the speaker’s We’ll not keep you in suspense. is not Nice-Nellyism. We’re kept jarred by a speaker’s talk, perhaps enemies; a liberal salting of hells Most AAs don’t think much of it from that, evidently, by memories it isn’t bad for us. We find out of days when we weren’t so hot; where we stand. The other fellow’s and damns; a peppering of the at all; they’re agin it. Not a single there’s no point now in pretending blooper may remind us of our own, choicer four-letter words, and a one of the hundreds of letters from to be better than we are. No, the and the need to clean up our atquantity of more or less unclassifi- AAs all over the world approved reason for the objection to ob- titude toward things. So said a able bumptiousness that for the of “the use of profanity, obscenity, scenity seems to stem from the same number of answers to the Bulletin’s purposes of this article we’ll call or vulgarity.” There was no voice feeling that opposes profanity: its question. “vulgarity.” What do you think? raised in defense of the hairy- No doubt you’ll think you are in chested or two-fisted approach to use displays lack of reverence. As for our attitude toward the the wrong place. language. In fact, not a few people If we stop to think about it a other fellow: The members who As far as this writer is concerned pointed out that the last thing the moment, most of the profanity – wrote said it a hundred different it has never happened. Yet, in use of bad language proves is the technical blasphemy -we hear or ways, but most of them. said it. theory, we have to admit it could strength of character of the user. use is careless rather than inten- “Take it easy on him (or her). happen that a single speaker might Obscenity is currently hot stuff tional. What about careless pro- He’s got a road to travel. Speak to break all the rules of good taste and on the literary market. Certain fanity in AA talks? Profane meant, him, yes, but let his sponsor or respect for himself and audience, words that are as old as our lan- originally, “outside the temple.” someone close do it. Remember and somehow succeed in working guage and as well known as any in Not outside any temple, in particu- your own failings. Remember that in all the aforementioned ingredi- it have until lately lived below the lar, outside all temples or, in the if you don’t use tasteless talk now, ents. It seems a more likely case surface. These same words are now opinion of the AAs who wrote to you may have once, and that you that an occasional speaker will de- surfacing everywhere in print and, GSO about profanity at meetings, grew out of it in AA as you grew part from the usual to the extent of in more and more levels of society, just plain out. If we drag the name into another way of seeing life, and a bit of off-color, or a word or two in talk. The war had something to of the Deity idly through our talk, into reverence for all the gifts of he might have gotten along without. do with this. The modem thrust to we do God no harm; it’s ourselves life.” we are likely to defame. Anonymous

July 1964

I Hated ‘Drunkalogs’ Do gruesome stories about our drinking experiences control the amount he’ll take. tional society, for a time, at least. Drunkalogs help nail down these At meetings, we hear this openly really help anyone? facts for many of us. discussed, but in such a way that . When we’re new, we also need to our vcry diffcrencc from civilians feel a part of somcthing biggcr than makcs us fccl morc a part of the our isolatcd selves. Laughter draws AA tribe. This belonging to AA

H ow do we bind newcomers into our fellowship? There are many ways, I’m sure, but sevus into the family circle. Laughter at ourselves, at the ego-centered way in which, as practicing alcoholics, was for me the beginning of selfrespect. Here’s one saying I no longer beeral things that helped to hook me we had “handled” most of our hu- lieve to be true, but it gave me a may be worth repeating. They are man relationships. Laughter is a feeling of purpose, even of destiny, things that I once supposed I had meaningful communication we share when I first heard it: “Only an aloutgrown. I even tried, after some with one another. coholic can help an alcoholic.” It sobriety, to abolish them in my own but it spoke to enlighten me. Remember how wonderful was was deeply satisfying to me to think group. 1 have a different thought “Speaking in AA is not a per- the first realization that we were that I could turn the liabilities of now. formance, it’s part of our own re- understood, that others had felt the drunkenness into assets in order to Take, for instance, this business covery. If it helps someone else, same guilt and remorse and could help another. I don’t now begrudge of the drunkalog, a talk that gives that’s a dividend.” joke about fractured family rela- a newcomer the grace period when a blow-by-blow description of the “True,” I answered, “but how tionships and lost opportunities? AA and alcoholism seem that horrors of drinking and ends with about the newcomer?” The over- Remember how it felt to find that simple. a brief “then I came into AA and whelming consensus was that the AA members weren’t solemn-faced Slowly, I have come to .underam grateful that I don’t drink any talks in the beginning that had crepe-hangers, but gay people not stand that the permissive attitude more.” Speakers with long recita- helped most of us to identify our averse to jokes? Irreverant jokes, too of an AA group is a healthy factor tions of lost jobs, broken homes, alcoholism weren’t necessarily the -not always appreciated by non- in our recovery. It makes it posbar-to-bar progression, eventually type that satisfied us later on. Our alcoholic~,or members intent upon sible for us to offer brotherhood to bored me; so at a closed meeting I frame of reference at first isn’t remodeling the group’s behavior in- every alcoholic without any resertried to persuade the group con- much larger than our drinking ex- to a more conventional mold, but vation. It also makes it possible for science that we should have only perience. It takes time .to sort out jokes that help create an emotional me to continue to grow, to find new speakers who, along with brief the significant facts in our own case, atmosphere of relaxed self-accept- attitudes and to outgrow old ones, identification as an alcoholic, ex- to understand such AA basics as the ance as alcoholics. so that I may learn more about the ‘plained how they worked the pro- fact that alcoholism is a disease, a Our alcoholic behavior has, I art of loving and the art of healing. gram. “Good AA,” I called it. compulsion, and that after the first believe, set us apart from conven- L. S.,Manhattan, N. Y. Well, the group conscience spoke, drink an alcoholic can no longer

August 1964

In defense of the vulgar the right place, that these were my From Manhattan, N. Y.: people. My reaction to so-called dirty I was suspicious (I confess I still jokes and profanity in AA must be am) of people who on Sunday put different from any of those pre- on a pious language’ that they forsented in the July Grapevine. got in the tavern of a Saturday, or When I first came to AA the when they stubbed a toe on Monearthy language I heard was one of day or had a rough day in the o5ce the strongest appeals AA had for on Wednesday. Those people were me. It comforted me and helped always finding me offensive and me feel bound in to AA. berating me about “using my will It assured me AAs were my kind power” and “making a man out of of people, not sanctimonious, over- myself’ and “cutting out this pious reformers. I had had enough drinking.” I like to think AA memof those, and would not have stayed bers aren’t like that. . in AA if that’s what AA members I wonder what business any of us sounded like. But the AA people has trying to reform the other guy’s talked the same way they did on the language? Now maybe ‘attraction’ job, in the Army, or at home, or will work on my language. Set me wherever “good fellows get to- an attractive example of good langether” -yes, even in barrooms. I guage and I may want to change. could feel at home here, right at Hell, I’m just a plain alky trying to first. stay sober today. Let those who The occasional “Hell” and damn, talk elegantly, eloquently, beautithe ribald acknowledgement that fully, reverently, do so; let others two sexes do exist and obviously talk their own way, whether I apget together, assured me I was in prove or not. B. L.

September 1964

More on vulgarity From Coutts, Alberta: and if some require a speaking It is quite true that vulgarity used course they need only ask and in its lowest form is not nice to someone will offer them help. listen to, and as the years go by in In the time I have spent in AA AA our minds clear and we seem (over two years) I have never heard to grow to a higher level in the a joke that I would be ashamed to English language as we are forever take home and tell to my mother. trying to improve ourselves. After some closed meetings they But we must remember the other can get pretty rough but one does person’s point of view. The new- not have to listen if one doesn’t comer has been (in most cases) want to. living in a world where vulgarity Remember this in AA. We canwas used quite commonly and when not improve or change another perhe first comes in, this is probably son, only ourselves, and if someone the only way he knows to express comes in drunken and dirtyhimself, and we know the best medi- mouthed, we can only help to make cine is to get a man expressing his him a sober dirty-mouthed person. opinion whether we agree with him We only have to listen to and or not. grasp what we think will help our- Let an alky G.D. this and G.D. selves at any meeting. If there is that for a time and if he is going to too much vulgarity at one meeting grasp the program and let it work there is another meeting across the for him his language will change street or down the block that one with the time he spends in AA. can go to. There are no musts in the program Our prime purpose is to stay sober and any obstacle in our way we have to remove somehow so as not to break our serenity. C . M.

December 1964

breaths between to keep her courage to get his composure. Rosemary had UP- said all there was to say at that “Some people came to our island Rally. to talk AA. There were five of us Not long after the Rally I had the there that night and we formed a good fortune to attend the fourth group. They told us we could set the meeting of this new group on the example, and tell our people. The island. Fathers Mackey and MCfollowing week, these people re- Namara of the Roman Catholic mis- Rosemary Spoke turned. We had nine of us at the sion provided the transport in their meeting, all registered as group boat, the Saint Louis, and their members. truck. Father Mackey told me that “The next week, they came again, it was he who got in touch with the and twenty-three of our people at- Duncan, B. C. AA Group. Memtended, and all these new ones bers of the Duncan Group and the joined our group. We are glad AA Cowichan Indian Group pitched in has come to our island because God to help; they were the people Rosealone knows how we need it. Eight mary mentioned. There were thirtyof us have come to this Rally today, six in attendance at this fourth rneetkeyholes. Let me try to tell you how and we are happy to be here.” ing. Father Mackey’s comment one door was opened. Pete, from Seattle, was to follow afterward was that for seven ‘years Last June I was invited to attend Rosemary. He’s an old hand at AA he’d prayed for something to h a p an AA RaIIy, as we call it, at Parks- talks -he spoke at the Long Beach pen, and then God sent AA. ville, Vancouver Island. I always Convention in ’60- but he never I could only answer him that God look forward to AA Rallies, Con- really got started; he was too moved works in strange ways. \ ‘ \ ferences, or Round-ups, or what- Jimmy W., Victoria,B. C. ever you want to call them, but 1

H ERE in British Columbia, the once-proud Indians who are the natives of our land, shamefully didn’t realize that this time I would have an experience like no other in my time in AA. pushed down and shoved aside for Earl, the Chairman, called his years by us white men, have- all first speaker: Rosemary W. Up too many of them-given in to walked a nineteen-year-old Indian despondency and despair. Poverty lass in a lovely robin’s-egg blue on the reservations, lack of proper coat and hat. Had she never spoken educational opportunity, alcoholism, at all, her beautiful face radiated all these have contributed to deg- love and joy enough. But, scared? radation and tragedy. This girl had never before spoken to Oh, how many of us wish we three people at once, let alone to an could blot out the mistakes of the audience of three hundred. As best past! At last we have a key, we I can recall it, here is her story as think, in AA. Now we must find the she told it two words at a time, deep

January 1965

AA a status symbol? Somehow, this is important to me. From Carmichael, Calif.: And yet, I am afraid that too much Sometimes, I wonder if we have of our presentation of AA, by publicl been guilty of trying to make the information or the spoken talk, is program of AA so darned attractive, more along the lines of “you are not blameless and socially acceptable, to blame, and there is nothing to be that it is becoming a ‘status’ symbol ashamed of just because you have to be an alcoholic and an AA mem- caused the trouble that you have.” ber. It just seems to me that we be- This might tend to bring more new come so interested in getting the big- members into AA, but’1 am afraid gest conferences, the top-notch period of years, and since I have had that it is not conducive to keeping ‘names’ as speakers, that we don’t the chance to get around the country them on the right track. Maybe behave the time to talk to the new- more and talk to many different ing an alcoholic is ‘blameless,’ and comer who might be asking individ- people, I find many of them have the maybe it should be a ‘socially acually for help. Somehow, I wish that same idea. Could it be that we are ceptable’ disease with no stigma inwe would forget about the problem endeavoring to present a picture of volved, but I still think it is a ‘crumof alcoholism and get back more to “Being an alcoholic,” and “What my’ disease, and always will be, and taking care of the alcoholic. And this AA is,” that will bring in more the sooner we face facts a little more does not mean only the brand-new membership in lieu of taking care of realistically, the sooner we will really alcoholic, but the one who has been those who are already here? be accepted for what we are. J. M. around in AA for a while. In general, when we deprive the I have noticed that in articles and alcoholic of the privilege and right talks by individual members, the to accept full and complete responstress is put on “Look what we have sibility for the mess that he or she done,” rather than “What we are has made of his or her life, then we doing now.” take away the last chance that he or I am just rambling, but a lot of she has to return to the status of a these thoughts have increased over a human being.

January 1 9 6 5

Leading a meeting From Bronx, N. Y.: Many times I have he:rd a speaker bring out a thought or two which might have stayed with me, had not the leader gotten back up and said, “When I left off, I had just flunked out of college.. .” and continue on in HIS story, then introduce his other speaker, and when he resumed, go right back to his story again. By the time he “got out of the service” I had lost the thoughts of his speakers! Let’s be aware of the distinction between leading and speaking, and take on the responsibilities of a leader, which, I might add, can be a pleasant and relaxing activity. Let’s lead, sit back and listen, and leave the stories to the speakers. They always have something to say that’s worth repeating. G. O’C.

February 1965

Resentments unloaded From Los Angeles, Calif.: When somebody rushes noisily across the AA room to get coffee

right in the middle of a pitch, I figure this character is just plain igno* ant -and inconsiderate, too. Unless it’s me. When an AA borrows a brand new book that’s in much demand, promises to return it in three days and then forgets it for three weeks, I feel this conduct is disgraceful. Unless it’s me. When somebody stands up and brags that he’s now leading a real useful, honest life, that he’s healthier and happier and busier than he ever dreamed was possible, I think, “You great big puffed-up braggart!” Unless it’s me. D. C.

April 1965

This is the last o f four articles on aspects o f ‘ A A Closed Meetings. The f i s t appeared in the May, 1964 issue, page 16; the second in December, 1964, page 21; and then in Janrtary o i this year, page 12. bers who wrote had to say about touched on in each meeting, and kinds of Closed Meetings and their over a course of weeks everyone reactions to them. gets a chance to comment on every We were struck by the fact that no Step. one argued that meetings should ab- We thought about these meetings, solutely go according to Hoyle. where the emphasis seemed to be on There appears to be no Hoyle for brevity and on having all get a turn, AA. Some meetings open with si- and then we thought again of the lence, some with the Serenity Prayer, several comments knocking drunkasome with nothing in particular. logs, and we drew two conclusions Some use the Steps (more Closed which we offer to readers for what- Meetings are on Steps than anything ever they may find them worth. else, apparently) but many use The first is that an over-long, every conceivable kind of topic re- overly circumstantial account of PLAIN TALKING lated to alcoholism. We got this comment rather freone’s drinking and the flashier escapades in it (“So I told the cop he quently: “I prefer Closed Meetings, could. . . .”) may possibly not be where everyone talks a bit, to the quite the ticket if your audience has Open ones, with drunkalogs.” Or, heard you often before. HE old saying is that the truth willing, when his turn is over, to “I like a change from too many Second, there is a very great thirst T hurts; there perhaps ought to yield the floor and become audience be an AA saying that the truth heals. for the other fellow’s effort. drunkalogs.” We had a letter describing a busi- (we use the word cautiously) felt by AAs for talk about the Steps -not The truth we tell about ourselves Or so, at least, we feel as a result nessmen’s Closed Meeting in Chi- learned clergyman-doctor-psychiaand drinking goes a long way toward of a little investigation which the cago that starts at five in the after- trist talk, but the old one-AA-to-anhealing over the scars of that drink- Grapevine conducted of the various noon and closes at six. A leader other exchange of experience. ing; the truth that we hear others kinds of Closed Meetings in use in selects a Step or other topic, talks This kind of talk, about alcoholtell about their disasters with the AA: it proved that you can’t easily for five minutes, and then goes ism, about AA, about trying to work booze, and their subsequent return characterize AA meetings by form, around the table. All wait their turn, AA’s Steps in our lives, seems to be to life in AA, goes a long way or by ceremonial, or ritual words. all talk briefly, all evidently enjoy our bedrock. We exchange how we toward keeping us sober – although We reported last December that the meeting since attendance holds see things, how we feel about them, just why this is so we would be hard we had had fourteen letters to last steady. and we somehow gain strength. put to it to say. May’s query about Closed Meetings. Another meeting goes this way: What we can offer in a meeting is It’s the ‘live man -or woman – Since then the number of letters has the leader opens on Step One; he ourselves, alive and sober, and our talking’ that seems truly to charac- risen past our ability to do justice to then asks others, one at a time, “to thoughts, as best we can express terize AA meetings. The live man them all in detail in this space. So come up and speak,” each on a suc- them. This appears to be, under telling the truth about himself as an we looked for points in common, for ceeding Step. Thus all Steps are God, strong medicine. alcoholic to a group of his fellows, ways to summarize what the mem- – The Editors

September 1 9 6 5

getting the hope, a recharge. They savored. My humility is now the were getting thessame hope I re- confidence that the AA way of life ceive every day of my AA life. has given me to meet everyone on Recently, it has come upon me an equal footing, to stop recoiling, that I am literally a product of AA. to stop withdrawing into my old Go Forth Without Fear AA has given me self-respect and loneliness. dignity 1 never had; it’s given me A couple of weeks ago I spoke direction and a concreteness of pur- before a group of 4 10 inmates of a A n a r g u m e n t agairzst t h e pose I never thought possible; it has state rehabilitation facility. They opened vistas of a future I never had been marched in by the depu- “give-’em-hell” approach dreamed of. My life is no longer ties, seated, and watched over. When morose and terrible – a matter of I arose I identified myself and for a sickness and death. It has now an moment my heart quailed, my

H OWEVER it is sliced, thick or thin, one thing is paramount in my life: there has been some sort of inadequacy, inferiority, of being a nogoodnik, “different.” Last week I was asked to speak increasing ease of conscience, an awareness that God gave me a good mind to use with greater and greater thoughts began to scatter. I looked out over sullen faces that resented what was happening to them. I said progress. And something has just before a group. A friend of mine on clarity. a little quick prayer. Immediately, been added. hearing of the event remarked, My humility now is measured in the word picture flashed into my Shortly after being reborn in AA “Give ’em hell!” This set me to pon- “go forth without fear,” doing what mind, “Go forth without fear.” At I began to be called upon to relate dering. All my life I’d caught hell, I think is God’s will for me, to the once I felt easy, at home. I was my lurid life at the bottom of a bot- expected it, and wasn’t too disap- bcst of my ability; carrying the mes- talking to my friends who were in tle. In relating my escapades, the pointed when it came. I shall not sage of hope, not only in AA meet- trouble – 1 was talking to me. I stops were pulled out: 1 stomped, “Give ’em hell”-I shall do my best ings, but in my daily life and con- was talking from the confidence and waved my arms, ranted, quoted the to “give ’em hope” as they gave me tact with others. It is remaining hope AA has given me, and I shared Bible, held aloft the Big Book of hope when I shuffled out of the old aware of the pitfalls of ego, resent- it. As the saying goes, I tried to give AA, pounded the podium. All the drunken world and became a mem- ment and self-pity, over which 1 it away and, by doing so, I could while I stayed “humbly” away from ber of Alcoholics Anonymous. might momentarily stumble. It is keep it. the subject of reviving self-respect Until recently, it scared me to continuing to question; to discuss It might not have done any one and returning dignity, such as they even think about guys and gals with with others how they adjust to liv- of the 4 10 any good, but the 41 1th were at the time. fifteen, twenty years on the program ing with unsolved problems. got something from it: I gained Or, if I did dwell on self-respect being present when I spoke! Hor- Whereas before my contact with more AA strength. and dignity, I did it with a servile rors, what can I ever say that they all human beings was tenuous and My confidence, dignity and selfaspect, terribly direct, low-key. 1 was haven’t heard before, and better? strictly on my terms, it has now respect rest in the hearts and minds commended for my sincerity. Not It was succinctly pointed out by taken on the character of something of members of AA, who are its soul. 1 that I didn’t mean everything I said; my sponsor that the best way to get warm, living, real; something to be Dick W . , Van Nuys, Calif. I I did, but the thought hounded me through to “them” was to get that unless I convinced people of through to myself. It never occurred my humility they might misinterpret to me that unless those so-called me, and ascribe to me vaulting ego, old-timers were getting something bigshotitis. Actually, I was holding out of a meeting, they wouldn’t be on to my former life-long feelings of there in the first place. They were

December 1965

lessons, and both are heartening to an alcoholic cynic who used to sit over empty martini glasses lamenting the decline and fall of American culture. (“Make this one a little drier can you bartender?”) I have been delighted by the unbelievable facility SPEAKING FROM THE HEART that the average, relatively untrained, AA speaker (whose speaking experience is confined almost entirely to AA) has in using our A fairly tlew A A , who is an beautiful English language to communicate the most difficult of all “old pro” lecturer, asks: Why things man can communicate, that are A A speakers all so good? is: how he feels. Despite shattered syntax, mispronunciations, ad-lib vocabularies and the like, I have been moved many times literally to tears by the competent and clear expressions of joy, love, anger, solici- I HAVE heard dozens of AA members start a meeting with the following disclaimer: “Now, the was well over the twenty-five-hundredth time I had stood before a group of people to talk to them. year ago August, but this is not the time or place to reflect on what I hope will be my only slip. I took a tude, rcmorsc and especially humor that so many AA speakers express people you’re going to hear tonight On that occasion I was shaking six-month rest from AA talks there- at meeting after meeting. are just average members of AA. like a hula skirt, and you would I after. I am, of course, a prejudiced None of us is a professional speaker; have thought that I had never spo- With this background in mind, I’d auditor, but my prejudices are not we’re just alcoholics telling our own ken to unybody but my blood rela- like to discuss the speakers I havc great enough to turn weeds into stories in our own words.” tives. All 1 remember about it now is heard in AA, my own experiences flowers, and I know a flower when I wince. that I said my name was something as a pro among amateurs talking at I see one. In addition, I have also You see, I definitely qualify as an or other and that I was an alcoholic, AA meetings, and what I think I’ve been immensely impressed with the average AA member, but I get and that I was happy to be making learncd from them. ability of so many of our speakers, nervous when I hear that second a speech sober. I do not think 1 First, AA speakers. They gave many of whom have not had a single sentence, especially if I happen to looked particularly happy. me my greatest shock! The lion’s course in public spcaking (for better be one of the speakers the leader is Since then I have made quite a share I have heard have wrung my or worse), to hold forth both simply talking about. number of AA speeches and, of professional withers leaving me and eloquently on a subject when Why? course, continued professionally with a greener case of envy than I they know what rltey are tulking Because I’m a fraud. talking for a living to college stu- I have cared to admit even to the uho~ct.AA stories are all fragments My problem is that I am a professional speaker. I make my living dents, women’s clubs, conventions, and the like.. Let me add that all of / speakers themselves. 1 have had no choice but to humble myself freof our autobiographies, and AA speakers indeed know what they are delivering lectures. When I made my first AA talk nearly two years these speeches have been made sober. I did have a little trouble one / I quently in the face of my superiors, professional or not. talking about: themselves. For this reason, I do not believe I have heard ago, I calculated roughly that this evening with a bottle of Vodka a I Our speakers have taught me two one AA talk in more than two years

of chronic meeting-going (in New York, Canada and Bermuda) from which I have not received some spark of insight which I was able to reflect back into the dark chambers “The tiredness disappears, my voice turns clear and my enthusiasm freshens.. . of my own consciousness. In no way can I excuse incompe- up of sober people. This is a fact of what matters is the sincerity and in- ence, no matter how tired I am, no tence. But even the most nervous, public life, and I am sure other pros tensity behind the words. I can think matter how hoarse, no matter how weak-voiced, even near-inarticulate in AA (including some of our of no audience more acute at spot- worn out from the endless piles of person I have heard at an AA meet- clergymen) will bear me out. ting the fakes and phonies than one lecture notes that have jumped ing, under conditions where the Because there are days when I made up of AA “regulars”; nor can around under my eyes for hours, public address system has broken talk myself hoarse, working for I think of one as warm in its recep- without a change coming over me. down, the acoustics were vile and a hours on end, because, frequently, I tion of the real thing! The tiredness disappears, my voice pile driver was hammering across find myself having to lecture as long Diminished ego was, therefore, turns clear and my enthusiasm the street, has given me some mea- as six or more consecutive hours, one experience I had to contend freshens on the spot. What happens sure of inspiration and propulsion because speaking comes fairly easy with as an AA speaker, but my ego is exactly whut used to happen to through that particular sober twenty- to me, because I am fairly well has been so pushed around in these me when I would have my wellfour hours. Some speakers have trained in its arts and skills, I can past years that I hardly noticed it. earned ( I thought) double shot of moved me more than others, but look upon an AA talk in only one I had one other serious problem, whiskey after a tough speech in my never do I remember having been way. It is not “another talk,” it is and that centered on learning how drunken days. One look at that AA left cold. not a “speaking date,” it is not to listen. For nearly two decades I audience, and I feel as if I have had Now what about my own pecu- either a pleasure or (think of those had been giving out to others who an hour’s rest, a meal at Maxim’s liar problem? How does an individ- calloused vocal cords of mine!) a knew (or thought they knew) less and a dip in a heated pool. ual who lectures for a living (and duty. It is merely a privilege. than I did about a specific subject. When 1 was on the sauce and I’d considers speaking a professional Comparisons are odious, and with Now the tables were turned. As far take that first drink, the lights would skill) feel about talking at AA meet- all respect to my lack of modesty, I as my own alcoholism was con- glow and a sentence (kind of a ings? must admit that I am not a bad AA cerned I knew almost nothing. I had personal credo) would run through Before I get to this question, let speaker. But the same honesty com- to learn now by listening to others, my mind. These days I hear it when me assure you that, in the course of pels me to admit that neither am I by taking in rather than giving out, I speak my name at an AA meeting my career, I have delivered a num- very much better than the amateurs or, as some of our brethren put it, and say the words “I am an alcober of lectures so drunk that the who surround me when I .am talk- by removing the cotton from my holic.” The sentence is: “God’s in microphone choked from my breath ing for AA. In fact, there are plenty ears and putting it in my mouth. His heaven, and all’s right with the and just quit. Lest I lie in print, let of times when I know that I am This wasn’t difficult for me, of world.” me also add that some of my best – hopelessly outclassed. course – it was just nearly impos- The difference is that these days and certainly most emotional and I can account for this only in one sible for almost a year! But I can the feeling stays with rile and is not free-wheeling-talks were delivered way. Rhetorical skill is not what happily report considerable progress replaced by hangovers, sweats and in a well-liquored euphoria. These matters in an AA talk. As Jimmy up to the present time in this busi- shakes. If I have done well – that talks were not heavy on logic or Durante put it, “Da song’s gotta ness of putting cotton in the right is, satisfied myself that I have tried lucid thinking, but not all audiences come from da heart.” Just as in the place at the right time. my best – I feel also favored, fullook to their speakers for sense, nor case of the “Schnozolla,” it matters Another strange matter. I have filled and fortunate. are all audiences themselves made not how sweetly an AA can sing; yet to appear before any AA audi- G . N . G., Munhattan, N . Y .

May 1966

Whatever happened to common courtesy? From – ,N. Y.: We have a married couple in our group (both alcoholics) who disrupt every meeting they attend by whispering, giggling and passing notes to each other. They annoy everyone at the meeting and are very discourteous to the speaker. She goes to the kitchen before the Lord’s Prayer is said and cuts the

cake, slamming cupboard doors and rattling dishes and silverware. The worst part of this whole situation is that these people are not young “kids” nor are they newcomers to the program. There must be some tactful way to deal with people like this but the rest of us in the group don’t seem to know just how. Suggestions, anyone? ANON.

July 1966

girls I grew up with possible. Two years of practice S EVERAL used to brag that they had the gift of gab. Not me. I used to whishelped some. My talks still sounded to me like pathetic attempts. But I per to myself the doubtful conso- went on, grew a little. lation, “I have the gift of silence.” Recently my favorite speaker I did have some boyfriends- stopped by and asked me to give a but not the football captains, the short pitch before his one-hour talk cheer leaders or even the slowest at a large AA hall. Some other gal member of the track team. Never. had promised, but now couldn’t They flocked around the fast-talk- make it. How could I refuse? ing dolls. I dashed off without even comb- “No wonder,” I alibied to my- ing my hair. No instructions. Nothself, “I went so compulsively for ing. alcohol.” Here was my release, my When the leader said, “This is fake self-confidence, and my mouth- a two-speaker meeting. The lady opener. While drinking I talked a will speak first,” you could have lot without saying anything for knocked me over with a swizzle twenty-five years. stick. Eventually I got sick; hit bottom I spoke. I was released. I enin every department; found AA; joyed it. I told my story in twelve accepted from God the gift of so- minutes. Not long enough. I was briety -but not the gift of sober reprimanded a bit for not taking verbal expression. twenty minutes as instructed. It Now came the obstacle. I had to wasn’t earth-shaking. Just another get up and give five-minute AA alcoholic’s return to sanity. Nobody pitches-without alcohol. Cold so- seemed impressed with my story. ber, mind you. Do you suppose this Nobody except me. I thought it was was an easy, soft way of life for all a miracle. me? It was torture -but not im- D. C., Los Angeles, Calif.

July 1966

No ostrich From Cold Lake, Alberta: Here in our neck of the woods, 200 miles from nowhere, it is difficult to ask people to come and speak when a requirement exists for a speaker. So two weeks ago the principal of the town of Cold Lake Separate High School asked me to speak to the ninth and tenth grade students on what I knew about alcoholism. for over an hour (I am long-winded) This I did, first assuring them and afterwards the principal allowed that I was not representing anyone: a fifteen minute question period any society or fellowship, the medi- which they used to advantage and cal profession or the clergy. I told I was amazed at the intelligent them I was speaking of my own ex- questions they asked. periences with the bottle and what The Mother Superior now wants happened and what I am trying to me to return and talk to the eleventh do now to maintain a sober and and twelfth grades. I feel that it is happy life. a worthwhile thing and I certainly If I said I did well, there would do not mind doing it. However, we go the little bit of humility I have. have an element in our group who All the kids were very attentive feel that AA’s generally should crawl into a hole and pull their anonymity in after them. s. P.

March 1967

“It seems remarkable to me that . . . nothing much ‘has been written on this all-important subject I o f how one goes about making an A A talk.”

AA TALKS. . How Do You Make Them? s we drove away from the AA this was for him. However by the heard what I was saying. woman) who is making a first talk A meeting I asked Art – Art is time we had reached Art’s house I a new member of our group who knew that I wanted to speak to him, I had made it sound so simple. “You just tell them. . . .” at an AA meeting is, quite naturally, so concerned, so involved in his own has been sober about three months in some way to find the words that Then I began to wonder if nine story that only gradually does he – if he wanted to stop off for a late might help him relax. years ago, before I was to make my realize that he is not -in any usual cup of coffee. “In the first place, it isn’t a “first AA speech,” if someone had sense – speaking to an audience. “1 can’t,” he said. “I have to get speech,” I said. “It’s a talk. That’s said .these words to me, would I Only as he goes on does he begin home to work on my speech.” all. You just stand up there and tell have understood? I tried to remem- to understand that most of his “Your what?” them what sort of drunk you were ber if, in fact, anyone had spoken listeners already know what he is “I’m making my first AA speech and what happened. Believe me, it’s I to me then and, if so, exactly what saying. on Wednesday.” nothing to worry about.” had been said? Often for the first time in our lives I turned to him, but I didn’t say “That’s all?” he said. Then he The only person I could recall many of us are no longer trying to anything then. I don’t think I even laughed, thanked me for the ride from that night was an old man tell anyone anything. We are -and smiled, because I could see what a and I drove on. But as I did I who’d been sitting in an aisle seat. I know of no other words for this serious and overwhelming situation couldn’t help wondering if he’d even As I made my way -trembling I’m -we are trying to share our exsure – up to the platform, this old perience, and this is a very different R. T., the author of this article notes that very little has been written boy had reached out and placed his thing from telling people. And perin AA books and pamphlets about making talks at AA meetings. hand on my arm. haps as we go on we may begin to The Grapevine, on the other hand, gets a fair quantity of articles “Now start at the beginning,” he sense that from this new desire to and letters that mention aspects of AA speaking. We’ve published said, “then come forward. You share may come our new strength articles knocking drunk-a-logs, and defending them, and articles crying young fellows always start in the alarm at some tendency the author sees developing at AA meetings. and, yes, our new hopes, too. One such article was well received when we first published it, and middle and then go back to your Not long ago I heard a man say is published again: “Do you want a Celebrity Speaker?’Page 6. childhoods and I get all mixed up that he had learned that his own Also in this issue is a parody (or allegory?) citing one of the trying to follow you.” pain was trivial, except as he used dangers implicit in our AA emphasis on speaking. Page 8. I had to admit that had been a it to make a connection with an- And as a fourth and final article under the general heading of “AA Speaking” there is a summary of the results of two questionnaires good piece of advice-and probably other. Then, he said, the miracle similar to R. T.’s we tried on some patient fellow AAs. Page 10. I as sound as anything we can say at often happened: he felt better and – The Editors such a time. For a man (or a often the other man felt better, too. I

These were a few of the thoughts Since most of us are agreed that even serve as a subject for a dis- But I am also sure that each of us ‘ that were going through my mind as talking at meetings represents one of cussion at Closed Meetings, grows at a different tempo and at I I drove away from Art, but I was the real foundation stones of re- I have also found a partial answer varying depths. We know that we still disturbed by my inability to get covery (and certainly it is a subject to my question of why through the were not identical drunks -what through to him, or help him relax that is discussed endlessly in large years the whole subject of how one the psychologists call our behavior before his talk. groups and in private, smaller ses- talks has been left up to the in- patterns may have had certain It seemed remarkable to me then sions) why then had so little been dividual. I’d like to pass this along, similarities and because of this we – and it still does – that in all of printed about it? Why has no ad- too. are able to recognize parts of ourthe AA literature, in the books and vice been passed along? Exactly how much or how little selves in another man’s story but pamphlets, in the innumerable As a result of my brief exchange a man wishes to share is, I believe, as drunks we ran the full gamut articles about us, nothing much has with Art and my thoughts driving a deeply personal and individual from high-bottom periodic, to lowbeen written on this all-important along, I made out a list of questions. matter. bottom daily drinker. Surely, it is subject of just how one goes about And these questions I now discover Some may say that our willing- no wonder that in getting well our making an AA talk. Except for a apply not only to newcomers faced ness to talk and “give of ourselves” patterns differ. few lines in Chapter Five of the with speaking for the first time, is an indication of how much we As I grow older I know that I Big Book, 1 could think of nothing some of them touch on the talks have grown, a sign of how deeply have no means of measuring anthat even touched on this. In Chap- given by old-timers and what are we have accepted the principles of other man’s pain. And in the same ter Five, you remember, we are called our “star performers” – our program. I am sure this is true. way I have no method of judging told that “our stories disclose in a problems that may be fairly comgeneral way what we used to be mon to many groups. like, what happened and what we I have gone over my questions are like now.” with members of our group and with That – as Art would say – is other AAs I have been with in the all! past few weeks and I am attaching It seemed to me not only remark- a copy here* in the hope that they able, but I became convinced there may be of interest to the Grapevine must be an answer to my question. -or perhaps if passed along may

* Discussion Questions Do you feel there has been any change in the general tone of talks given in your area? For example, do you feel we are talking less now about our lives as drunks and are putting more emphasis on what has happened to us since joining AA? If you feel there has been a change, do you feel that this is an improvement? Do you think anything should be done about it? Do you feel that more newcomers should be urged to talk at open meetings? If so do you believe it is the responsibility of the group as a whole, or is it up to an individual sponsor to do the urging? Can you remember the most meaningful AA talk you ever heard? 9s. If you can remember it, could you explain in a few words why this particular talk was so meaningful to you? “- in nineteen ought nine -“

the real degree of his recovery. On Perhaps in the end I have come the asker says something about Once my husband was asked to the surface a man may seem to me to believe the group’s conscience getting a “celebrity,” I’m sorely speak at a special open meeting to be in the best of health. to be and a new man’s opportunity to see tempted to say, “If you want him as planned to attract townspeople inmoving along on solid ground, but this in action, will prove his best an alcoholic, it’s for free, naturally. terested in community health. Just how am I to know what scars he advisor. Often we know a new mem- However, if you want him as a before the meeting began, the promay still feel he must protect? ber will latch on to an older mem- celebrity, his fee is $2500 for doing gram chairman said, ”We surely did And since I believe this to be ber, to someone whose “kind of his act. And he doesn’t mention want a celebrity for this meeting, such a personal matter, I know now sobriety” he admires, and from AA in the act!” and I was kind of stumped at first. that we are indeed fortunate that watching him and using him as an I’ve even seen newspaper stories The last two celebrities we had have no rules have been laid out for us, example he will learn more than about AA conventions or banquets been drinking ever since. So I’m no advice has been given about how from any direct advice. As he grows with such statements as: “The main sure glad you could come.” we should talk, or how much we he too will know when the time has speaker will be a famous star of My husband went white, and bit must reveal. Only the most general come for him to talk and how much stage, TV and movies.” his lip. He was crushed to think suggestions have been made about of his experience he is ready to Oh, that follows the letter of our that his commercial fame was valued . when a newcomer might be able share. Traditions all right. But what about more highly by his fellow AAs than and ready to talk. R. T., Manhattan, N . Y . the spirit? Within AA, can’t a his sobriety and his membership in “name” member not be a celebrity, AA. He went through with that one, but just another alcoholic who needs all right, but I doubt if he ever will our love and understanding in again. It’s my guess, too, that people exactly the same principles-first, in the audience were so curious and Vintage Grapevine anonymous way it is given to the rest enthralled by seeing the celebrity in from the March, 1962 issue of us? the flesh that very little of the “alco- Once I heard a fellow say that to holism is a sickness” message got him anonymity means we are all through. I suspect that when they nameless, faceless victims of the talked about it later, they said, Do You Want a Celebrity Speaker? same illness, no one of any more “Guess who I heard speak, and did importance than the other. And, he you know that he is an alcoholic?” I f so, the author of this article says, said, one greatness of AA is its instead of “Guess what I ‘learned ability to treat, with exactly the about alcoholism and Alcoholics you had better be a little careful . . . same fair degree of kind helpfulness, Anonymous the other night?” either the unknown newcomer, or (Incidentally, an awfully nice AA the recognizable celebrity, or the gal gave a wonderful talk just before . T E L E P H O N E call from a program chairman: “Would you speak at our anniversary meeting? I’m supments like the one reported above make me shudder. I’m not an unbiased observer. My recognized notorious unfortunate. “We don’t care about your past,” he said, “or who you are outside of my husband went on. I wonder how she felt when, at the end of her talk, the chairman introduced the next posed to get a celebrity as the main husband’s name is quite well known, AA. Within the gates of AA you speaker as the “star” of the evening, speaker.” inside and outside AA. He and 1 are simply another anonymous suf- the one everyone was just .waiting to I know that some people in AA have both been active, sober AAs ferer from our illness, and we want hear?) are impressed and also helped by for years. He’s willing to do any to help.” There are other perils, too. A the fact that even “names” are af- AA task that needs doing. But when My husband and I feel that way, celebrity can get carried away with flicted with our disease, but state- I’m asked to get him to speak, and too. hamminess in AA, so that he is per-

forming rather than carrying the speaker; we’ll draw more people, message. If his anonymity becomes and our affair will be a big suctoo widely shattered by newcomers cess!”? or visitors, this may cause him to Examine those last three little stay away from the one place that words a minute, if you will. What promises sobriety. Or a newcomer are we here for, anyhow? may himself be frightened by the I go to an AA meeting, sit on a loss of anonymity, and not come hard chair in a smoky room to atagain. Surely he is puzzled at having tain and maintain sobriety. I must anonymity suggested then casually honestly say that I have heard more and great indeed was the woe and and this simple speech was as balm ignored by those who recommend it! good solid AA from people whose misery of those who must hear him. to their aching ears. His Fame I’m sure this could also be rough names I’ll never know than from spread throughout all the land and on well-known writers, or alcoholic any celebrity, as such. If I want to UNTO this group one night came a other tribes soon called upon him doctors and other professional men see a celebrity I can go to a theater man known as Joe, son of Axelrod to speak to them and, having known within the community. or lecture or concert hall, or turn on the Silent. Sick, and of a mind to listened, sang great hosannas of Wouldn’t it be more within the TV. I know that my disease is take his own life after many years praise in his name. And they made AA spirit for each of us, when shared by all kinds of people, re- of drinking from the Cup of Strong him their Great Delegate and sent securing speakers, to ask them as gardless of occupation or environ- Waters, Joe sat and listened, and him off to a Great City to attend a communicators of the AA message ment, and I want AA to be upon him a great peace descended. Great Convention of the tribes of -not because of who they are? anonymous – inside, as well as out. And he became sober. So quiet and all the World. And whilst he was Shouldn’t those of us who serve on Let’s let the alcoholic “names” unassuming was he that he became away, a grateful multitude caused convention or banquet committees come inside, too, and share the joys known in his own right as Joe the to be built in his likeness a beautitry to resist pressures from those of our spiritual anonymity. Silent. He was never asked to speak. ful shrine for all to see. who say, “Let’s get a ‘name’ M . B., Manhattan, N . Y . AND IT CAME TO PASS that unto BUT,ALAS – Joe fell victim to the Longwind one night there came a plague of the Galloping Tongue. Stranger and he was courteously Rising to his feet in the Great City, asked to be their chairman. Know- he talked until the cock crowed. THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTRA ing no one in the Temple, the When they learned of this back in Stranger called upon Joe to speak, the villages, there was much mortifiwith apologies to Friedrich N . and Joe, rising to his feet, spoke as cation and wrath, and when he refollows: “Mine name is Joe; I am an turned home they rushed him to the alcoholic; I have become sober – beautiful shrine – which they had NCE UPON A TIME, in a tiny vil- 0 lage called Longwind, there lived a tribe of people who, having sober, and Lo! their fame spread throughout the land and there was much rejoicing. But in time, alas, and unto you and AA, I am beholden. Thank you.” Whereupon he sat down. And at first the people meanwhile converted into a gallows -and they forthwith hung him by the neck until his soul departed suffered much from long abuse of another great curse descended upon from his body. sat as though turned to stone. But Strong Drink, had banded together them: the Plague of the Galloping Thus spake Zarathustra. then there was a rising, thunderous into a fellowship called Alcoholics Tongue. Whensoever one of them tumult of applause, because it has Anonymous. They studied much would be called upon to speak, he MORAL: Keep it simple. been written that nowhere on this from the Big Book, and became would talk until the cock crowed F. L., Bangor, Me. earth can one bore abide another,

March

newcomers. “More spiritual refer- don’t seem to know how to describe ence and less profanity or profane to any great degree what’s happened On speaking.. . jokes then before.” South Dakota: one or two speakto them after their drinking ended.” California: One speaker in an ers in an hour. No emphasis on hour. Emphasis on both “celebs” “celebs” except at conferences. and “good” speakers at meetings Newcomers get to speak soon and and conferences. Newcomers are often. “Less of the drunk-by-drunk urged to get in there and talk. “Now Two Questionnaires episodes of earlier years, more ap- there is a tendency to describe how preciation of the program and vari- the program works rather than tell a ‘

ous aspects of AA in today’s talks.” drunk-a-log. Newcomers are very Ohio and Northern Kentucky: important to us.” The editors sample opinion one speaker in an hour. No em- Having had what seemed to us around the country and in the city phasis on “celebs” but some on interesting if small-scale results “good” speakers, both at meetings from this questionnaire, we tried and conferences. Say newcomers are another one the other night on our being shunted to one side, insuffi- Grapevine Editorial Board -sevciently encouraged. And this com- enteen strong.

w E sent out a short seven-item but are unaware of the “celebrity” questionnaire to about a doz- issue (“What is a celebrity speaker?” en AAs we know all over the U.S. asked our correspondent!) Newcomand Canada. Seven replies came ers are encouraged to speak. ment on change: “A number of We took an average of their speakers seem to be getting more length-of-sobriety background and and more away from telling their were awed by the results: the drinking stories. Unfortunately, they Board’s average, is somewhat over back. The questionnaire was de- Texas said meetings have three or signed to see if in a general way more speakers in an hour. There is there is too much emphasis on emphasis on celebrity or “good” celebrity speakers, or whether “hot” speakers, but newcomers are also AA speakers are pushed at the ex- encouraged to speak. Our Texas pense of newcomers. And we asked man believes there is more emphasis if they thought there had been any today on the Big Book, Twelve change in recent years in the tone or Steps, and the “spiritual,” than content of AA talks. formerly. Their replies prove AA is hard to Idaho said “all present” talk at pin down, hard to make fit a mold. meetings if possible. Meetings last Rather than combine our seven one and a half- to two hours. No answers, we present each here sum- special emphasis on “good” or celmarized. ebrity speakers. Newcomers are en- Newfoundland said most meet- couraged to speak. “New members ings are in discussion format be- are most important.” cause of isolated group locations. Arkansas: three speakers; an They last one and a half hours. hour; emphasis on “good” or celeb- Groups do try to get good speakers rity speakers, without neglect of “I give an excellent talk, because I put across my sincerity and humility!”

ten years. More than one hundred toward it.” “Slightly less religious and seventy years of AA sobriety in slant.” “More humor, less dog- message. Run the group more democratically and have more talk about speakers ought to emphasize the Steps.” “Keep meetings to an hour!” , that room that night! matism.” The results of our questionnaire: Are newcomers overlooked, and how to work the program, less lec- “Still resistance to talks about the Any change in general tone o f if so, why? Ten felt newcomers are turing, moralizing and telling of principles of AA as opposed to talks over five years or so? NO – being adequately encouraged. Seven ‘war stories.’ ” “Older members too drunk blow-by-blows. Will there twelve; YES – five. thought not. One answer noted interested in each other and speak ever be room for the problems of I f you said yes, what change? “meeting-grabbers” keep newcom- in jargon incomprehensible to new- continuing sobriety?” “More on what AA has done.” ers off center stage. Another comers.” “Give everybody a chance to “Less blow-by-blow, more on real thought groups should consciously What about celebrity speakers? talk on one topic at discussion purpose.” “More emphasis on the plan for newcomers to speak. “Useful and risky,” said one. Most meetings.” “Our group does a great idea you don’t have to go down the saw nothing wrong with some use job of applying the Steps to all life- One said: “There are fewer acroad so far to qualify.” “Talks are tive .sponsors, a closer newcomer- of celebrity speakers, thought they problems in discussion meetings. ‘better,’ because AA is attracting sponsorship relation is needed.” served often to encourage newcom- Really sharing sober experiences, people sooner. No need to become a ers. “Enjoy good speaker any- moving away from type of question “Groups are often run by cliques of stumblebum.” “More awareness of old-timers who are becoming less where.” “OK if it’s not vaudeville.” that led to much talk about drinking psychiatry, more kindly attitude Do you prefer speaker-type or but little about sobriety.” and less conscious of carrying the discussion meetings or some o f “Main weakness is tendency to each? One preferred speaker meet- become routine about meetings. We ings only. Five preferred discussion. need new faces, new ideas, new ap- Ten like a mix of the two kinds, ‘ proach – and a sense of humor.” about two discussion meetings to “Let’s have more spur-of-the-moone speaker meeting. Adherents of ment invitations to talk – no time discussion meetings wrote earnestly to get nervous.” * of their real need for this kind of One respondent answered none exchanging in AA. of the questions, saying they “ap- What changes are needed in the plied to a country community,” matter o f A A talks or meetings? which reminded us that no AA “Ought to be more round-tables.” group is “AA as a whole.” “Talks often too long.” “One of – The Editors

April 1967

with general conclusions and moral speaking I too was inclined to share judgments which the rest of us had great thoughts, about Life and Love More on AA talks better profit by if we knew what was and Humility and Responsibility good for us, the better was the effect and -you name it. In short, I had they had on me. a tendency to Talk Big. It was the simplest little things I also began to notice that I people told, which lightened and constantly used the word “you” cleared the air inside me. For in- not meaning a definite other person stance, a fellow named John hap- as when one asks, “Are you ready It’s What Happened to Me pened to remark one evening in his to go?” but as one would say talk that he had been upset about (meaning “any of us”), “You have the previous day’s events and hadn’t to quit drinking if you want to live.” What makes an AA talk been able to get to sleep that night. I was always saying things like, “You feel just terrible when you lively and inspiring? realize how you behaved when you were drunk,” instead of, “I felt terrible. I was drunk.” I talked about myself enough, God knows; I dodged the “I,” hid-

THE “Think” is often seen on the walls of our AA meeting places. are revived or new ones acquired. Often a note of preaching, of advicegiving creeps into the talk of those ing among “we” or this catch-all CCy~~.99 Lifelong social conditioning ac- Although I seldom hear speak- so affected. counts for some of this. In social ers hold forth specifically on the I first became aware of this phe- gatherings it is not considered good importance of thinking as-an aid to nomenon when I found myself in- form to talk exclusively about onerecovery, I have noticed that during explicably impatient with certain He said, “In the old days I’d have self. The worst bores are people the first stage of sobriety there speakers. Slowly I began to detect been drinking and stamping around who never get off the personal and likely to be a period lasting for what it was that produced a dead- the house all night, telling my trou- onto general concepts and objective some months (or, with some people, ening effect, and what, on the con- bles to my wife.” consideration of facts or ideas. forever) when the neophyte is burst- trary, held my attention and lifted This made me smile with an in- It took me a while to realize that ing with thoughts upon which he my spirits. The speakers who left ward glow that comes even now AA is different. This is not a teawill talk endlessly – ideas, theories, me feeling stronger and calmer were in remembering. I used to stamp party nor an intellectual discussion speculations – about the nature and those who simply and earnestly told too; and my husband’s chief com- group (which functions are excel- . causes of alcoholism, about the rea- their own personal experiences, plaint about my drinking was that lent and enjoyable and have their sons why and the ways in which the either of drinking, or of how they it interfered with his sleep. John is place, one which, in my opinion, program of Alcoholics Anonymous happened to come to AA; or of the a big man, and I had a humorous ought to be cultivated). An AA works, about Life and Society and problems they had since encountered envy at the thought that, although meeting is something else again. I the Meaning-of-It-All. in daily living. The more the speaker I stamped as hard as I could, he Egotistical as it seems, and dis- ! In a veritable explosion of thought seemed simply to be reporting the must have been able to do so much tasteful as such conduct would be set off by re~og~ition of previous facts about himself as best he could more resoundingly. at a dinner party, when I speak in stupidity, old philosophical concepts see them, without embellishing them Slowly it dawned on me that in AA I must learn to tell what I did,

what I was like as far as I can see times,” or, “I spent six months in a it, what happened to me, and what mental hospital.” I think I am like now, without even Contradictory as it seems, and unconsciously implying, “You’d just whether I fully understand it or not, better learn something from my ex- I escape my own egocentricity by perience and do likewise.” I must the inevitable identification with try to forget about “we” and “you” someone else which takes place and “them,” not even being con- when he talks about himself. So cerned about whether what I say is when I get up and talk about myself, going to help “you.” If I speak of others are finding release from their what I think, of my opinions, of my own self-centeredness in observing philosophical views, I should do so mine, with the result that each of us as one reporting events of a particu- will go out feeling better, and therelar nature that pertain only to me, fore perhaps with less need to drink not to you, just as some people will in order to escape the intolerable report, “I was in jail thirty-six tyranny of his own ego. AnonymolZs, Calif.

June 1967

More on AA Talks in this area in order to protect my I’m sure – it’s all to protect the “image,” but what an opportunity to image. blurt out an unkind truth under the On those occasions when I can guise of confession. What an op- feel I have the group with me and portunity to influence the undecided they are listening very attentively, under the guise of my experience. I what a compulsion to carry on have pondered long and hard and and give them all I have and spoil it finally recognize the part of my all by wearing them out. To my own character that would enjoy taking undoing I find I have talked too long . full advantage of the privilege of and destroyed the beautiful image 1 speaking to use it for selfish pur- worked so hard to build. I am learnposes. When my feelings are hurt, ing the value of the show-business how much more satisfying to make theory that it is better to leave while my clever and stinging retorts to a the people still want more than to room full of people than to examine feel the whisper of relief that the my conscience with my Higher performer is at long last through. Power in private. (Upon further thought I believe I can show off a new outfit, a new “finished” is the word.) I have been hair-do or even a new accent if I guilty of not being capable of telling A member talks a b o u t the compulsion choose. I can appear humble, ap- my story unless I could accurately pealing, sincere, witty, clever or recall the details of my lunch on a to use meetings for self-projection contrite, but the difficult thing is to particular day. 1 felt it played a part be just me. It is an effort to swallow in the point 1 was trying to make. and how she has hurt, by-pass the chance to get It made no difference whether or I can forget the story of what I used even, forget retaliation. I can talk to not anyone got the point as long as dealt with it to be like and give vent to some a newcomer alone for hours about I told it well by my standards. current personal debate, thereby the program of Alcoholics Anony- 1 have been guilty of holding on giving the whole world a very vivid mous and what it has done for me, to my moment of glory’ right T is a constant temptation for me picture of what I am really like I to use the AA podium to enhance my own image. What a marvelous now. The pitiful part is to realize I fool only myself. It is impossible to describing the miserable lost soul I used to be and how I found this remarkable way of life. Why do I through “break time,” past time for the reading of the Traditions and well into the time alloted to the opportunity to tell my side of an hoodwink a roomful of AA mem- want to change in front of a group second speaker. I have used the exissue: What a thrill to throw in a bers! and “perform” for thirty or forty cuse that the second speakcr was few choice barbs and cite a few If I had recently heard a speaker minutes? Perhaps because I want to my very own husband and he didn’t examples while I have a captive I did not agree with I would experi- be loved or maybe I am so afraid of care – but I am, in truth, a time- ‘audience. I seem to think I can ence a compulsion to tear .down his not being accepted I go on the de- thief. I have stolen a great deal of stand before a group and say any- views, to contradict his beliefs, to fensive and initiate the shock treat- time that rightfully belonged to thing I please and be forgiven by – in effect -show him up. Giving ment into my talk. I have always someone else and even if great those who truly practice the pro- in to this compulsion has the retrib- secretly longed to be known as a pearls of wisdom dropped from my gram, assuming they cannot afford utional effect of showing me up, so character. Perhaps I’d just rather be lips it could not excuse the theft of to resent me. With very little effort I am able to exercise some control something than nothing. One thing anything as precious as time. When

. I am talking and I lose track of time examining my motives and the then I am once more all wrapped up worth of what I give against the imin myself and my own gratification, pression I might make. I am asking and 1 have lost contact with God my Higher Power that I only say and my fellow man. things which are helpful and, above I am grateful these things have all, that I learn to forget that old been revealed to me in time to do image of what I would like to be in something about them. I am taking the eyes of others. My endeavor is an inventory of the value of the to respect the privilege of speaking statements I make when I have the and to cultivate a deep gratitude for floor. I’m trying to weed out those that privilege. things said for selfish reasons. I am P. M . E., Glendale, Calif.

October 1967

Seeing is believing From Bristol, England: Way back in the beginning when I first came to meetings with a desire to stay sober, I listened little but I looked a lot. I didn’t want to hear how the other man had got sober, I wanted to see that he was sober, and then I wanted to go back

the next week to see if he was still sober – and he was! If my fellow member had told me at this stage (and he probably did) that he had something good and I ought to get some of it for myself, I wouldn’t have known what he was talking about. But I could see that this man had something which I wanted, and the only way to get it was to keep coming back each week to see if I could find out by just looking at what it was he had. As I looked and looked and looked, just for a change I listened once in a while. And thus it was I came to believe. ANON.

Why, oh why? meetings, when I would join my but I sure did when I arrived be- From Detroit, Mich.: professional colleagues at confer- cause he was the Rector of the local Your reprint of “Do You Want ences, I would soon be escorted to a Parish of my denomination. I am A Celebrity Speaker?” gives me the corner by someone and he would sure that the Chairman was trying opportunity to vent something that whisper under his breath “Is it to do me a favor, and certainly has been bothering me a long time. true?’At first, I tried to play dumb didn’t realize that he was breaking The one line in there, “Guess who I but it soon became apparent that my anonymity, but I got a resentheard speak, and did you know that he was asking me if I belonged to ment that I still haven’t gotten over. he is an alcoholic?” hit me right in AA. When I asked how he knew, he Don’t these people know that I the heart. would say that so-and-so, a member am an alcoholic just like they are I certainly don’t consider myself of his parish, had heard me talk at and I do not desire to have all my a “celebrity” speaker and pray that a meeting and come running back colleagues know about it? I need the I am not. However I am a clergy- to tell them all about it. This hap- love and affection and help of all man and this is my story. pened often, not just once. you AAg and I can’t afford to be I was taught early in my recovery Finally I was asked to speak at a considered any different. My recovthat speaking at meetings was part meeting and when the Chairman ery demands that I be treated like of my recovery and I have tried to called very kindly to remind me of everyone else, not as a “clergyman” do this. However when I came to the time and place, he also said, AA. ANON. Detroit I was quickly disappointed. “Your good friend, Bill, will be Shortly after I began speaking at there.” I didn’t know who Bill was

JANUARY 1968

T h e Deacon’s Bench

Don’t Make It Too Rosy It must be confusing to a newcomer Some go as far as to insist, “Once I’ve been around this program awhile, you’re sober, nothing can stop you. N o to hear this constant theme of “everyand I’ve noticed when newcomers come goal is impossible of attainment to one thing coming my way” and “Nothing is through that door they are invariably be- now sober, if he sets his mind to it.” impossible of attainment once we are mused, bewildered, and very ill human This is a lot of malarkey. T o aim high sober.” Lest we forget- life isn’t all beings. There was a time when speakers is fine, but let’s remember we all have roses. Sobriety is its own reward for told, in simple words, how it happened, certain inborn limitations. A quiet intro- being. The extras may or will come as what they used to be like, and how they vert will not suddenly blossom into a God sees fit, and only in varying deare now. This was good. It enabled the dynamic, outspoken extrovert or a crack- grees. new members to identify. erjack salesman. He will remain a quiet, Some of us are further down and Lately, that trend is gradually revers- gentle individual who, by living a sober must climb back from a greater distance I ing itself. Speakers stress how life has life, can reasonably expect a gradual, to return to a normal life. Not every ! changed for them, and this generally steady improvement in his outer circum- wife forgives us and returns to our arms; leads to a buildup of great proportions, stances. not every bodily ailment clears up. Our stressing how well things are shaping up, Sometimes a steady, slow gain will be material gains may be less than many a how everything is coming their way since interwoven with a bad period which has speaker describes. This is only logical becoming sober, etc. A little of this trend no bearing on his sobriety. It can, and and would cause little concern if so of thought is fine. Too much is a burden often will, happen this way. Severe ill- much stress was not placed on material to all of us. ness strikes his family, calling for a re- gains. I have listened to speakers who have vision of their entire plans. The fact that Let’s try and keep this sort of pressure lost sight of their main purpose in being he is a sober, practicing AA member out of AA. Newcomers are bewilderedthere, and sober, in a glowing buildup of will help him through, but no one es- older members take it all with a grain of purely financial gains. They gloatingly capes these blows, just by virtue of salt – but no one needs it. Some speakitemize their numerous material pos- being sober. Sobriety teaches us how to ers show a strange resurgence of ego in sessions, even to listing fur coats and meet our setbacks head on and to rally boasting of their attainments. We all new Cadillacs, as though that proved our forces to surmount painful blows. need, and seek, a truly humble heart in anything in itself. We ride out a storm with as much se- carrying the message. This one quality renity as we can muster, and only hope will do more to draw new members, and we are stronger when the deluge ceases. hold on to older ones, than we realize. Or so it seems to me, and I’ve thought about this a long time before putting it down in words. A . M., Vetlf~rrtr,Calif.

AUGUST 1 9 6 8 always very bad business for me. as my ;Individed mind is barely ‘ca- &ble of carrying me through.- Another obstacle, I call “spotting.” I get up there and start spot- watch-shakers and watch-listeners. ting old friends, new friends, These people are not so unnerving long-time-no-see friends, and I be- if they go into action after twenty Special-Speaker gin wondering where ol’ So-and-so minutes have passed, but if watches is, and I forget what I was going to are flourished in the first five min- Syndrome say. utes I lose my time sense altogether. General paralysis is quite com- Whisperers are my downfall. I 1

mon. In my case, my talk may be figure I’m being criticized. Are they progressing fairly well when sud- objecting to my story? Or have I It feels terrible to be denly my objective disappears com- forgotten some of my clothes? Once pletely into thin air, leaving me and I did go to a faraway meeting with up there with t h e expectation the audience high and dry. I stand shoes that were both for the left you’ll knock ’em dead there mute, but grinning. The audi- foot, so I had to speak in the same ence grins back. I know they mean shabby car slippers I’d worn en to help me, but it merely increases route. the hypnosis. Anybody would think Then, I wonder if the coffee-runwe were sharing some enormous ners during the meeting need the ow I’M in for it! I’ve been everybody, but everybody, laughs. secret. Maybe we are -the experi- coffee to stay awake until I finish. N asked to be a Special Speaker. And I’ve learned never to take a There is no use trying to squirm out tear-streaked face as indication that ence of suddenly drawing a blank. Among the minor obstacles are Of course, being an expert rationalizer, I often tell myself while of it. If I start hedging, I’ll only a listener is being moved to great completely irrelevant thoughts. Why, speaking that some of those pained wind up telling myself, “I may not depths by my story. It could be the in the middle of some profound expressions may be just bad habits, think of myself as a speaker, but smog we are usually socked in by. sentence, do I remind myself not to or signs of a real pain, or souvenirs when I am asked I ought to get up Either that, or it is one of the num- forget to pick up milk on the way of fights with their mates or their and try to share my strength, hope, ber of members who are actually home? Why do I ask myself whether bosses. . . but not evidence of boreand experiences as best I can.” Re- allergic to tobacco smoke. I turned off the radio or TV or dom! (I hope.) luctant I may be, but I can’t talk my Another symptom in my Speaker stove burners before I left home? It I can Pollyanna the smoke situaway out of that reply. Syndrome is “ebbing ego” or “why- requires a lot of finesse and/or tion by noticing how young and ‘Speaking is a risky business, how- me-itis,” caused by seeing all those floundering to get out of this quick- good-looking everyone appears in ever, no matter how I look at it. good speakers sitting out there – sand. the haze. Here are a few obstacles that I have people I’ve heard carrying the mes- But it isn’t just myself I have If a sneeze or a cough causes me run into. Whenever, in order to sage so wonderfully, so amusingly. trouble with. Audiences can also to lose a key impact word, I can calm down, warm up, or get off the What can I say that they have not throw me a curve. The knitters ignore it. Probably no one but me ground, I try to be funny, tell a said more eloquently? This thought make me wonder if they have will miss the word. I, joke -nobody, but nobody, laughs. is guaranteed to reduce me to a brought the yarn and needles along The hazards are not past even On the other hand, often when I am glazed-eyed, squeaky-voiced state. in case I get too unbearable. when I finally shut up and sit down, quite serious about something – Dividing my attention and mind is Watch-lookers are not as bad as for after the meeting some individ-

ual may take exception to some- Finally, when speaking I find it thing I’ve said and want to argue very hard to be myself; yet I do best the point. And what do you do if I do not try to impress anybody, when you can’t even remember to lecture, to criticize, or to be too what you said? clever, too dramatic, or too funny. And will somebody (some old- And actually, dear listeners, I don’t timer, maybe) tell me via the Grape- really care what you do out there in vine how to be poised, nonchalant, the audience, just so long as you are and gracious while a member thanks there. For everybody needs someme for the fine talk I made -when body some time. But I need you all I didn’t open my mouth the whole the time. meeting! M . U.,Brighton, Colo.

August 1968

heap is the Saturday-night kind of reached that position (either willspeaker. He is the prime attraction ingly or unwillingly) because their at any convention. The other speak- AA talks originally did come from ers occupy places lower on the play- the heart. They gave genuinely good Are We Grooming a bill than he. A Friday-night type of talks because they were good, strong SHOW-OFF ELITE speaker is not as good. AAs. Then they were somehow What impact does this grading caught up in the tide and carried a t AA Conventions? have on the speakers themselves? to convention after convention. Perhaps they try to outdo one an- Many an elite speaker, I suspect, other – a practice that can raise has a secret desire to be just an- The emergence of p r o m i n e n t , special, red-hot s p e a k e r s hell with personal honesty. Perhaps other AA member -to get out of they try to entertain their audience, the rat race. is, according t o this m e m b e r , a c o n t r a d i c t i o n thus losing the sense of fellowship, Thus, it is conceivable that conof o u r Twelfth T r a d i t i o n of unity, or of oneness with their ventions can be quite dangerous if fellow alcoholics. Or perhaps they handled in this way, with anonymity try to impress the audience, and continually broken and promotion come up completely phony. running rampant. If we continue to thing? It’s preposterous! Perhaps they write and memo- overstress the importance of these I LOVE AA conventions and conferences and attend every one that I can afford. But something But it is thus that a new elite is being created within AA – an elite rize “canned” speeches, use-tested for influence on audiences – either special events, do we not run the risk of forgetting how the basic, about them bothers me, and I would of convention speakers. This elite is as laugh-getters or as tear-jerkers. primary, and only purpose of AA is like to share this apprehension with being created, of course, by putting Some speakers have been known to best carried out? That is certainly in you. personalities over principles, for it practice their speeches before mir- our groups, on Twelfth Step calls, There is a great deal of promo- is not what the speaker represents rors, getting every smile and every and in a personal and sustained eftion involved in setting up and op- that matters to the promoters – it gesture just right to insure maxi- fort to grow spiritually through the erating conventions, and naturally is precisely who he is that matters. mum effect. Fine thing for an ad- practice of the Twelve Ste.ps. those who do the work want them Often, when talking with other mitted egocentric to be doing! Conventions do play an importo be a success. They have every members at conventions, I feel they Worst of all, however, is the in- tant part in the carrying of the AA right to feel this way. However, the have come to watch a performance, tense pressure that each member of message. I am not concerned about methods used in promotion con- not to share experience, strength, the new elite must feel. When he’s them as long as we realize that they cern me. The chief technique is to and hope. Many are there to be en- convinced that he must live up to are just a part, as long as we reuse, as drawing cards the speakers tertained. Some idolize the speakers. his reputation every time he talks, member that the message, not the who have been invited. If you ques- Yes, I have been guilty of this my- naturally his talk is just mouthed for messenger, is the prime asset of tion this approach, which gives the self. effect. It does not come from the AA. God has placed this message speakers’ names and reputations – So much for the audience. Now heart, as the true AA message in our trust. If it is not kept in first and all too often their professions let’s look at the effect on the “per- should. The old desire to be “some- place, it may be lost. Then there will -the usual answer will be that it formers.” How does their status as body” has been reawakened in him; be no need for messengers at all. is necessary to have “big name” elite convention speakers affect the old alcoholic ego has been Pray for me, and understand my speakers in order to draw a crowd. them personally? First of all, let us stirred into action once more. apprehension, for I have, I suspect. Should a program based on personal understand that some are more elite The sad part of this whole matter lately become a member of the elite. anonymity have “big name” any- than others. At the top of the is that almost all of the new elite Anonymous, Charlotte, N.C.

September 1968

Reason for leaving From Rochester, N.Y.: For four and a half years I have been an A A representative at the local alcoholic treatment center. I have frequently asked former AA members why they did not continue with AA. The answer most gave was a fear of speaking at meetings or participating in discussions. They took the well-meant urgings of other members in the group that they speak or participate in discussions so seriously that fear of having to do so drove them from AA. This fear is no respecter of persons. One who left was a machinery-design engineer earning over $35,000 a year. He assured me that was his only reason for leaving AA. AA has found that speaking and participating in discussion are very good therapy for almost all our members, but 1 believe we should not press everyone too strongly on this point. G. O.

November 1968

Vulgarity and Racism at Meetings rampant in AA groups in this area, as it topic emphasized, will set us to quarrelis in the American population generally. ing and forgetting that we need one .. Today when my copy of the June I hope there were others in the meet- Grapevine arrived in the mail, one of another’s physical presences in order to ing who were as shocked and heartsick stay sober. So I try to be careful not the first things that struck my eye as I as I was. I know there was one, a woman flipped through it was B. B.’s query to express my political, philosophical, or friend of mine; and I have faith enough sociological views at meetings, knowing (page 44): Why aren’t more Negroes in humanity to believe there must have attracted to AA? that others may have opposite ones, and been others-two or three, anyhow. As that there are other places to debate The last meeting I attended, just two my eyes moved about while the secretary days ago, tragically answers the ques- such matters. was telling the story ( I couldn’t look at tion. There were about seventy people him after I caught on), one or two men The whole subject of the black man’s there, and the talks had drifted into dis- happened to meet my eyes with sym- position in the United States has become cussion of the way criticism and gossip pathetically deprecatory smiles. But controversial, however; and I really don’t can destroy an AA group. whether it was in reaction to the crudity think it’s too much to ask that, if I keep I had been silently taking my own of the joke or to its racism, I don’t know. my mouth shut about my strong views inventory and had emerged with re- I didn’t have a chance to ask them against the idea of white supremacy, newed resolve to be more tolerant of afterward; and, after all, we’d just heard other people do not take advantage of the shortcomings of others. And then, about not criticizing one another-I the circumstance of their having capas the basket was passed, the secretary didn’t know if I should. tured the floor to display their conviction (to liven things up, I suppose) told a What really concerned me was that, that black people are inferior. “joke.” I didn’t mind its being irrelevant, if there were any fairly new people Even now, I am in a moral dilemma. dirty, and generally in the worst possi- present who shared my reactions, they This secretary is one who, by his own ble taste. On the positive side of my might decide, “Well, if this is the kind admission, “had trouble with the proinventory, I can claim ability to endure of an outfit AA is, I want no part of gram”-our euphemism for the fact that with equanimity quite large doses of it,” and would then wander out to he got drunk a lot before he finally stupidity and vulgarity in others. blunder along alone, which would be achieved the eight or nine months’ But this so-called funny story reeked dangerous for them. The new ones sobriety he now has. According to my I of blatant, vicious white racism, which sometimes have not yet learned that we lights, he’s still spiritually sick-in this ! shocked and dismayed me. I was thank- have no choice-we have to associate area of human relations, at least. So am ful that there were no Negroes present with each other in order to keep from I wrong in being “critical” of him? Am to hear it. Although, if there had been, drinking. We can’t exclude anybody who I wrong in “gossiping” about him, not perhaps the spiritually retarded alcoholic wants to quit drinking; and as a result just to a few friends in AA, but, via who uttered this filth might have .had we get all kinds. And not everybody is print, to everybody who reads the just enough common sense and con- a living doll! Grapevine? -Anonynio14s, Calif. sideration to hold his tongue. However, So here we learn to get along with the kind of prejudice which exists not people, no matter how they act, and, only in this man but in many others presumably, we learn to live even in the whom I have heard making bigoted re- outside world with all its evils. marks casually around the coffeepot, is Controversy in AA, as our meeting’s

December

times. We vanquish it by believing A ‘tuned-in’ reader speaks we are only a phonograph through From Phoenix, Ariz. : which God speaks. Pity the knit- The August Grapevine really ters -it’s an alternative to sitting tuned me in! on shaky hands. I knit five stoles my Among the letters . . . To J i n ~ first year in AA! R. (“Overwhelming Response”) : So T o Anonymous (“God and glad you got such nice letters to help Love”): If we have to repress our you, and thanks for saying “thanks” smiles, we’d better go back over that to all of us who tried to help. To old inventory! So what’s in a name’? G. 0. (“Reason for Leaving”): Higher Power, God, Allah, Buddha, Personally, 1’11 talk too much at the Love -you have it, believe me. drop of an idea, but I quake with You are “total AA.” Keep climbing those who are pushed out of AA by the mountain – maybe you’ll never being pushed into speaking. I hope see anything but thick clouds, but a lot of people read what you wrote. you’ll make the cloudy summit a To J. C.: We already have your companionable place for a lot of “Tender Trapn-“The only require- others. ment for membership is a desire to Congratulations to Manhattan stop drinking.” Remember? Bowery Project (in “About Alco- T o Anonymous (“Show-Off holism”). I knew the Bowery, sober, Elite”) : I’m right with you. Let’s as a social worker of sorts. Maybc have more AA talks and fewer AA now our hospitals will wake up to orators; let’s use at least some of the realization that they are betrayour sincere local “non-talent” on ing their trust by refusing to admit convention platforms. You may be any sick person. “on the circuit,” but keep thinking Last but not least -congratulathe way you do and you’ll escape tions to the Grapevine for going the “elite.” over 50,000! We can dream, can’t To M. U. (“Special-Speaker Syn- we? I close my eyes and see that wee drome”): It happens to all of us at bit of wisdom and wonder in my mailbox every week. A. B. W.

January 1969 4, –

Convention Speakers I

I ‘Is-AA Grooming a Show-O# Elite?” we asked in the August Grapevine. The response was immediate, geographically widespread, and mixed. Mixed? See the letters in this issue from T . B . o f Charlotte, N.C. and A . P . Q . o f Morrisville, Vt.! Here are three articles (from a much larger number contributed) on conventions, two of which give pointed, reasoned defenses of the “red-hot”speaker. , II I

A Rugged League That’s what B.P. calls today are estab- has to say. But those who can ex- eral Service in AA’s worldwide afthe convention C ONVENTIONS lished events in the AA way of life. As talks are one of the main press their thoughts easily are more likely to be asked to talk when a definite presentation of the whole fairs. The other way is through the speaking circuit features, it is quite logical that the ability to give a good and highly inconvention committee should seek program is being made, as it is at teresting talk. Such speakers start as he lauds conventions. on the convention circuit through as good speakers as it can get, in order to present the program in the There are two ways in which a recommendation. Someone hears its “noble speaker may get on the convention them, is impressed, and tells somebest possible manner to the assemcircuit. The first is by serving in a one else. Soon, they are invited by men and bled members and friends of AA. definite office in AA, such as Gen- Within an AA group, or with some committee to speak at a conwomen” affiliated groups in the same locality, eral Service secretary or Trustee. vention. If they continue to speak it is the sincerity of the individual These speakers are present mostly, well, they will soon find themselves that is important; whether he can or perhaps, through the virtue of their on tour. cannot express himself easily has offices; but all of them are inspiring Thus we have a particular faction little bearing at this point. Because in their dedication to the program of AA members gifted with the abilhe is well known to his fellow mem- and their ability to give us a clear- ity to give us deep insight into the bers, the example of his life on the cut verbal insight into the scope of disease of alcoholism and our proprogram gives weight to what he their offices and the activity of Gen- gram of recovery. Naturally, they

also stand out as living examples of they must constantly try for faith, by personal desires and aspirations on the circuit will be quick to tell our program of recovery, and I feel sincerity, and humility in order to of self-aggrandizement. Before we you that they cannot do it alone. that their speaking is a great service become truly genuine examples of come up with quick criticism and The others (and there always will – f o r o u r movement. Many of them, the program in practice. This is the condemnation, we might do our- be a few of them) will come and go, through their talks, have been in- responsibility that speakers assume, selves some good by realizing that striving mightily to prolong their strumental in laying the foundation for by the very nature of their talks in speaking at conventions they may moments of personal glory. But of recovery for me, and I will be they commit themselves. If they are be laying themselves open to more there is no danger whatsoever of eternally grateful to them. not genuine, then they are deceptive, acute attacks of the ego and fear their taking over in this league of and no one can truly practice the that assail us all from time to time. truth. “It may be hard to subdue the program with deception. Sometimes, The convention-speaker circuit is So I thank God for these noble ego with the host committee.. . this deception may appear obvious, a rugged league to get into. It takes men and women, our convention extending a red-carpet welcome.” and I have heard indignant remarks a lot of faith, dedicated sincerity, speakers. They are the light-bearers that the speaker is doing more harm and deep humility, plus a tremen- of the program, and may God go True, in some cases a speaker’s than good. I think that the real harm dous love of the program and its with them in their enterprise. ego may spill over. It may be hard such a speaker does is to himself, fellowship, to stay in. Most of those B. P., St. John’s, Nfld. to subdue, with the host committee for the listener will probably soon out at the airport extending a red- hear some genuine speakers, who carpet welcome, the hotel suite will offset any wrong thinking the waiting, someone on hand to attend first speaker may have aroused. But Confessions of a ConventPonholic to every need, and finally the sea of only the speaker himself can correct beaming, friendly faces, as observed his deceptiveness. If he does not, he A f t e r all that’s been said about from the platform and head table at will soon find himself at odds with the banquet. It is understandable the program. convention speakers, pro and con, that one could get to love this, and I don’t feel that I am in any posihere’s a convention addict w h o perhaps adopt a few gimmicks to tion to pass judgment on any parkeep it going. ticular speaker. I may or may not doesn’t even mention them But one thing the program is like him, but unless he deliberately expert at is deflating the ego. If the blasts the program, I will, if I want individual does not do this through to, derive some good from the talk. the help of the program (the easy As far as I am concerned, the way), some circumstance will arise speaker is in there pitching, using A N AA convention! Where? When? Oh-oh, wait a minute! I’d better check the bank balance first. . . . through the program that will de- his God-given ability as best he can. Let’s see, I am sober now; I am flate it for him, and this can be His personal motives and impulses grown-up; I don’t throw my money . rough. Sometimes, the ego may are, I feel, a matter strictly between around. Okay, I’ve sold myself on transform the speaker into an actor, him and God. the affirmative. After all, if I wasn’t and unless he transforms back as AA needs our convention speak- sober I wouldn’t even have a bank I quickly as he can, he will have only ers to carry the message, and it account. So -let’s go! I a brief spell of glory strutting across certainly is a fact that we are blessed I’ve had this addiction for some the M stage, and then will fade with an abundance of genuine ones. time now. I love AA conventions, into oblivion. Only envy, I feel, would classify round-ups, get-togethers. I am a Most AA members find that them as “elite” members motivated “conventionholic”! I was probably

fortunate that the first AA conven- AA world was contained within a tion I attended was a very large one. seventy-five-mile radius of our home. ‘These are the most impressive, al- What a surprise it was to start rtrmgh not necessarily the most chatting with a man at the coffee beneficial. Small conventions have bar and find out he lived in Ausmuch to offer, many programs that tralia, then to meet a girl who had would be impossible with a thou- found AA in France. We have also sand people. met hundreds from much nearer At my first convention I was like home. Only time limits the number a small boy at his first circus: full of of new friends one can make at an expectation, thrilled, and excited. AA convention. Also, lest we for- Now that my AA life is shared with get, it is a rewarding experience to my wife, she has joined me in this renew old friendships from past getnew adventure. I knew, of course, togethers. that AA embraced all of North If conventions served no other America and most of the rest of the purpose than furnishing an excuse world. However, this fact struck to get together to share our strength, home only when we began meeting hope, and experience, they still people from thousands of miles would be well worth our while. But away.. Before this experience, my there are many extras. There are the meetings and the panels, as mind as the speakers, but because of many as two or three at the same the growth that most of these speaktime. (This is an awful thing to do ers have experienced. They seem to to me! I can make decisions on ways widen my views and increase my to solve world problems, but asking own desire to grow. Just to share me to decide which panel or meet- the spiritual growth of others is in ing I should attend is almost too itself a kind of spiritual experience much.) that gives me a lift for many days At a bilingual conference, I take to come. in at least one meeting o r panel in a Most AA get-togethers are topped tongue that is different from my off with a banquet and a closing own. Even though I cannot under- mccting. It is probably at that stand the words, I have no trouble moment that I am most impressed receiving the message, for truly the by the overwhelming feeling of language of the heart rings out loud good-fellowship and brotherhood, and clear at an AA convention – and the knowledge that we are all more so, it seems, than at any other gathered for one purpose. By now, time. we have all been swept up in this Most conventions have panels on almost gala mood. Some of us may the spiritual aspect of the program, never meet again; still, we are for “Next week I’m booked for three anniversaries and a convention. and they are of never-ending value this moment bound together, and we Well, that’s show biz!” to me, not because I am of the same shall be stronger for this sharing.

I I

For here we are, from almost every- I’m a little too high (on ego, that We were being invited to speak two you feel you are being used as a ‘ where in the world, from all faiths, is!). And for me, one overwhelming and sometimes three times a week, spectacle. Or will you take the enwith various-colored skins, and from bonus is the truly wonderful friends so didn’t that qualify us? Perhaps gagements, speak, don’t give one -all-walks of life. All the things that that I might never have met, plus we were unwilling to identify our- damn what they think, speak from divide the peoples of the world are the contented feeling that comes selves because there is a leveling the heart to the best of your ability, I present, but they are unimportant to us, for we are bound together by from having been a part of the whole. I am always left with the process that goes on among us, if we are willing to listen and take even though, by doing so, you may not be helping one person in the something greater: our sobriety and knowledge that I, too, belong. I am heed of the tocsin. room but yourself?” the miracle of AA. not alone. So you see, for me, it When I was new in AA, I was I did make up my mind to con- Conventions pick me up when pays to be a “conventionholic.” asked to speak quite frequently. tinue speaking when asked, prin- I’m down, and bring me down when G. J., Rye, N.H. Whether I knew it at the time or cipally because I love to travel. And not, the only reason I was asked I believed I might help myself. At was that I was a show-biz name least, my talks prompted me to (disgraced, albeit), and the assem- begin reading everything I could Whether blage got a kick out of the lurid de- get my hands on regarding AA. tails of how I loused things up on a Today, I know that when I am he’s called first, second, national scale, on the front page, asked to speak out of state (and it’s or ninth, this circuit rider in spades, with gusto. happened twenty-two times) by and It finally dawned on me that I large I am asked because “they” is twelfth-stepping think I might be a draw. There have really didn’t have anything to say all the way when I spoke except to repeat and been many occasions when I’ve repeat “what I was like, what hap- been immediately asked how anonypened.” I’d not been sober long mous I wish to remain. In some in-

Choice E VERY organization (fellowship, group, gathering, clan, sect, denomination, etc.) has its “big enough even to learn the Serenity Prayer and deliver it with any idea stances, they want to publish a story, with picture, in the local blurb sheet. of what I was mouthing. Yet the That happened once, in 1962, and name,” its elite speaker. I agree about three weeks later the General that such attractions have become calls kept coming in from hither and yon for me to appear and speak. Service Office sent me a full page of more and more prevalent in AA of No. recent years, and those are the only My resentment began to crystallize. I felt that I was being used. Finally, why-we-don’ts! Since then, when asked that question, I merely say years of which I can speak: the past eight years, my AA sojourn. I called my sponsor and laid the facts, as I saw thcm, on the kitchen “That usually rlan~pens “Will all the elite speakers in this group please rise and identify them- table. He counseled thus: “It is t ) ~ epublicity ardor.” selves?” With that, my sponsor true, you haven’t much to say in an opened a meeting he was leading the AA way. But you are a ‘name,’ you that I adhere to our Eleventh Tradiother night. No one arose. “If you are sober, and they like to relish tion – and then let them be the won’t rise, then raise your hands, your horrendous and hilarious judge. That usually dampens the those of you who think you are elite plunge. You must make up your publicity ardor. speakers.” Interestingly, no hands own mind whether you will refuse Not long ago, I received a call were raised, although a number of speaking engagements, sit at home, from an AA in another state about us did feel we were elite speakers. and nurse your resentments because speaking at a convention. I was told

right off that I was choice number to sgeak at a conference or conven- areas sometimes have only a few coffee-makers; some, great decoratwo; their number one choice, a real tion. meetings, attended by the same peo- tors. And some are better speakers crowd-pleaser, had conked out. My Then there is the speaker who ple week after month after year. than others. work schedule was such that I had regales the group with patent Each member knows almost exactly If anyone is apprehensive about hokum; there is the one who rolls what every other member will say being chosen as an elite .speaker, “. ..preferably a comedian out joke after joke, keeping the when he speaks. Many times I have then it might be well for him not to who would wow the audience howling. They are not answered the phone in the club- set himself up -in that alley, until convenlion.” really including anything “AA” ex- house and been asked, “Who is he has come to grips with himself cept the evidence that they are sober speaking tonight?” In our area we about accepting the role and doing to decline. Thereupon, he asked me and seemingly ecstatically happy. have at least half a dozen “top” the best he can when called upon. if I could recommend some show- What about the cryer, who breaks speakers, and when word goes out God gives us that particular grace. biz character, preferably a comed- up at recalling the heel he has been? ? that they are on, the meeting is We do not endow ourselves! ian, who would wow the convention, And the rough guy or gal who uses jammed. Whether it is right or There will never be an AA Oscar I gave him a name; he called the profanity and obscenities? No, they wrong, that’s the way it is, and un- for performance. But those who fellow; the fellow spoke at the con- will not become elite speakers, doubtedly always will be. have the gift of public address vention, and I hear that he “tore either. Some members are terrific orga- should be used as group, conference, ’em up.” AA conventions and conferences nizers; some, excellent cooks and , or convention twelfth-steppers. Another time, I was called by a are put on to attract as many AAs Anonymous, Calif. woman who was getting speakers for as possible, and the undertaking has a state conference. I’d been the prin- to have money to foot the bills. To cipal speaker the year before. She be quite candid about it, .the sober asked me to recommend another guy or gal who tells a dull story member, and I did. Then I was dully is not going to be invited to asked if I could secure a tape of the spark the convention or conference fellow’s talk and send it to them, as the principal speaker! so they could see whether he was of Whether it is right or wrong, reconference caliber! gardless of principles or traditions, All right, so that’s going too far. if Intergroup meetings, conferences, But let’s look at the other side of the and conventions are boring enough, elite-speaker situation. Might call they will fall apart, they won’t be this portion “And Why Not?” worth the effort, they will cease to How many meetings have each be. of us walked into during which a And the same may be true of speaker recited in dull, monotonous tones what he was like, what hap- “How can we attract and pened, what he is like now? Some hold new members . . . ? people in the audience go to sleep, literally. Some get up and’go to the simple AA meetings. The question’s coffee bar. Some get up and leave. raised periodically: How can we Thai speaker is helping himself, but attract and hold new members and chances are that he won’t be invited keep the older ones coming? Local

January 1969

“Names” and anonymity From Charlotte, N.C.: In August, I had a wonderful op- which will enable me to stand in portunity to talk at the International front of ten thousand people, give Young People’s Conference in To- my name, and still be anonymous ronto. Some wonderful folks from within myself, because it is no South Carolina financed the trip, longer important to me “who I am,” and for me it was by far the best because the ego has been deflated convention ever. I made many new to such an extent that I no longer friends; came home with an enor- must try to satisfy its insatiable mous list of people to write to. appetite. , I

By the way, there was not a single Do I make’any sense to you? It “name” speaker on the program up is sometimes difficult for me to arthere -yet the attendance was ticulate what I consider spiritual more than a thousand! I am still insight. T. B. convinced that AA can do without “names.” I am beginning to think that my true goal in AA is anonymity, the kind of anonymity

January

Is AA going the wrong way? From Morrisville, Vt. : The articles “Is AA Grooming a I know dozens of AA members Show-off Elite?,” in the August who attend a few meetings regularly Grapevine, and “No Advance Bill- and do take a newcomer from time ing, Please,” in “Around AA” in the to time. They are not seen at these September Grapevine, are excellent! big shindigs or do not participate They tell us in a nice way that AA has been going the wrong way at a in them. Also, there are many AAs steadily increasing rate for years. who are convinced, beyond any I have been solidly sober in AA doubt that AA is only a means to for over fifteen years, after having an end, not an end in itself. a sketchy start for about five years. Often, I attend a meeting (open As time goes on, I feel that AA is or closed) and find much time taken getting “too big for its britches.” It up in promoting area, regional, is more “show-off” than concerned >state,or sectional AA doings. I hear ‘such statements as “What’s $35 or with the still suffering drunk. $50 spent on an AA shindig when Promotion has surpassed attrac- you spent so much more on drinktion in most activities. It seems that ing?” That statement ignores the the AA “message” is now carried fact that the amounts in question via news releases about state meet- were spent before we were restored ings, anniversaries, banquets, round- to sanity. With sanity, we realize ups, area meetings, on and on ad that there are needs of our families nauseam -just anything but per- and just debts to be t a k p care of. sonal contact with the drunk who Hearing such talk, I just want to get still suffers. That seems to be viewed up and leave that meeting. I’m there . as old-hat. to share my hope, strength, and experience with others -not to listen to the promotion of AA doings. I have not attended anything other than local meetings for eighteen years. A. P. Q.

February 1969

‘Agricultural’ AA Have you been to any “agricultural” The speakers were familiar with all AA meetings in your area? kinds of animals, as they also mentioned The other night, a member of long a lot of “sons of female dogs,” though standing was reminiscing about a meet- the father dogs were not mentioned. ing he attended ‘way back when, a t While I was trying to harvest the which the speakers quoted so much meaning of all this talk, I lost track of poetry he thought it was a new kind of what the current speaker was saying; meeting. I was glad he explained his but I think he must have been talking confusion, as it helped me accept mine about “hens” at that time. Being a little about the “agricultural” type of meeting ignorant of farm animals, I’m not really that followed. I concentrated hard, so sure, as I’ve only heard of Cornish hens, I could follow the speakers’ words as o r is it Rock hens? The speaker was talkthey shared their experiences. ing about a pedigree including “prosti- There was a lot of talk about “bulls” tutes,” a word which, he said, also had a and “fertilizer,” though no mention was shorter and more commonly known synmade of cows, so I assume they don’t onym. contribute to the land in this respect. Well, they certainly had a very busy However, the bulls were so productive farm, and their talks were well seeded that the spea!;ers must have had to “agriculturally.” I thought I’d try to eximport extra help to manage this tre- plain this to you, so that if you’re ever at mendous load, so they brought in some a meeting where there is a lot of “bull” kind of donkeys o r mules that were mentioned, you will be able to underreferred to as “asses.” stand the kind of AA you are listening to. I call it “agricultural” AA. – E. R., Fall River, Mass.

April 1969

‘ Those dirty words again From overseas: While things continue to look bright in our area, there is something creeping into our meetings that is disturbing to most of us. We know we must do something about it, but are confused as to what. Hence this letter to you. I am referring to the use of profanity that helping no individual, not even the becomes more noticeable as time ones using them, and they certainly goes on. contribute nothing to the meetings The people using it are good or the group or AA as a whole. AAs, from whom all of us have Taking God’s name in vain and the learned a great deal. We. appreciate use of the expression s.0.b. is bethem and most certainly do not coming, we notice, more and more wish to offend them. We have al- commonplace. Have you any sugways before found solutions to gestions as to how we might cover problems in AA literature. I just this situation? BEN ordered The AA Way of Life; however, profanity is not covered. Most likely it is covered somewhere, but I don’t recall seeing anything on it. I want to make clear that we are not a bunch of goody-goodies. All of us are users of profanity and want to overcome this character defect, and through AA I am sure we will. We don’t get upset over an occasional damn or hell. It’s the dirty four-letter words we feel are

May 1969

When should a newcomer speak? From Milford, Del.: Should a new member be allowed to speak at a meeting during his first month or so of sobriety? I think the newcomer might help himself by speaking if he really wants to. Also, what he says might bring insights to the older members that would help them help others. C. S. ,

JULY 1969

Those ‘Purple’ Words After spending 17 years in the Marine Corps, I don’t suspect anyone would refer to me as an “English purist.” I’ve heard and used some of the saltiest profanities ever uttered – but in their place -i.e., in barracks, in barrooms, on forced marches, and the like. However, these profanities were used in the company of other men, and even marines had enough feeling for the amenities to hold their swearing vocabularies behind their teeth when in mixed company. I feel that the use of four-letter words at an AA meeting cannot be justified by the wildest type of rationalization. If individuals are in such a mental state that they feel compelled to use this type of language, I think they are in dire need of some kind of treatment that AA simply does not have to offer. -Anonymo~rs

July 1969

Those ‘dramatic’ stories From Canandaigua, N.Y.: A man got up at the Academy Group meeting in Rochester, and said he wasn’t sure if he belonged in AA or not. All the stories he had heard were “dramatic”-or

bordered on the dramatic. His story (in his mind) wasn’t dramatic. He had never been in the hospital or in jail. Several other men voiced this same opinion. My immediate thought was, and I still can’t shake it, that it takes but a second or two for an alcoholic (who lives dangerously) to step from the undramatic across the line to the dramatic-and lo and behold, a life is changed. Doesn’t take long to hit someone with a car–or any other of a thousand things. If only we could keep such newcomers from acquiring “dramatic” stories-and the heartaches that go with them! Passing along a few words I read somewhere: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” It would be my luck if I had read it in the Grapevine! B. N. t

October 1969

Fugitive from drunkalogues From Great Barrington, Mass.: “Sober but Bored” (July GV) was interesting to me in its mention of “the missing something” and the distaste for reality. Perhaps it is symptomatic of the limited progress I’ve made in over ten years of sobriety that I, too, still have these feelings. In the city, I seldom attended meetings, but was greatly benefited by club contacts, Twelfth Step work, and personal conversations with stable members. Many of us who have been sober for ten years or more are bored at meetings, accept that fact, and very seldom attend. We are sick of hearing date-by-date stories with only a brief parroted reference to AA, and we are, some of us, disillusioned by the deplorable gap between talk and actions. Many who no longer attend meetings are sober and living examples of AA. For myself, I have a lot more work to do on me, and for the miracle of AA itself and my own sobriety I daily give thanks. W. B.

January 1970

topic. It was like seeing the end of ipation, the two leaders left the a movie first, but, in spite of his room “to get some special equipback-to-front tactics, he got some ment.” They returned, arms laden pretty good discussions going. He with brooms, mops, and buckets, had an AA chum who didn’t believe and invited everyone to get busy in preparing a program, but simply and clean the clubrooms. Lead On, pointed a finger at the person im- First-time chairmen are apt to mediately to his left and said, “Step come up with some surprises. We \ Macduff! One,” and so it went, clockwise had a rookie member who protested that our meetings were dull, and asked to lead one a few weeks hence. We arrived to find a movie projector set up, and when the film began to roll it proved to be highlights of the Green Bay Packers’ Remember, there’s no such thing as a bad AA meeting – although y o u m a y run into an oddball leader now and then around the group. Those whp had regained enough of their marbles to of AA meetings are a now make restitution in AA? The count to twelve had fair warning of L EADERS straightforward lot, usually problem had the group baffled, until frank and earnest, although they one member suggested that the only which Step they would get, unless someone ahead of them went mute have other names, too, such as proper way would be to find an- or had a heart attack. Another of Ralph or Enoch. But here and there other dead man and put the money our leaders once staged an odd football season. Very interesting, among these stalwarts we run into in his pocket. Incidentally, this same meeting by starting with Step but the only alcoholic aspect was leaders with odd quirks. chairman was with us for over a Twelve and working backward to the fact that the film was furnished We once had a chairman who year before admitting maybe he was One. It turned out better than you by a local brewery. was given to asking hypothetical an alcoholic; and then only after might think. Another neophyte leader, just requestions, some of which were confessing to having kept liquor in Maybe old-timers become quix- turned from a treatment center, pretty far out in left field. One night, his basement, kitchen, bathroom, otic, if one may judge by a meeting staggered us with a scientific lecture, on the subject of amends, he posed bedroom, and car trunk. Simul- two of our senior members once complete with charts and abstruse this one: If, during a person’s taneously, that is. put on. Several weeks in advance, chemical terms, showing the progdrinking days, he had come upon One of our old-timers, when they asked to be co-chairmfn on a ress of a martini from the lips to a dead man on a deserted street, leading, always read us the com- particular night and warned every- the grave. But the real prize was the and had stolen $100 from the plete answer from the Big Book one to be present and on time, as it lawyer who was coerced into taking pocket of the corpse, how would he before asking the question on that was to be a special affair. When all the chair only a few weeks after his were assembled in breathless antic- entry into AA, apparently on his

group’s assumption that attorneys gram giving his own drunkalogue, were quick learners and glib leaving five minutes each for the speakers. However, as this chap three scheduled speakers. He’d have told us some years later, he didn’t been talking yet if someone hadn’t know enough AA to talk about it stepped on his tongue. and was too proud to admit it, so But the bravest chairman we ever he gave the group a forty-five- encountered was at a prison AA minute discourse on “How to Make meeting. He was a visitor, like seva Will.” eral others of us there, and his We’ve listened to chairmen who opening remarks to over 100 incould wring a topic drier than the mates were that he didn’t know why most efficient washing machine he was wasting his time there, talkcould – chairmen whose meetings ing to a bunch of no-good misfits went on and on like Tennyson’s like them. We waited for all hell to brook. We’ve seen leaders tongue- break loose, but they just laughed tied with fright, and, conversely, and applauded. we recall one who spent forty-five Who’ll lead the meeting next minutes of a one-hour panel pro- week? J. G. T., Negaunee, Mich.

January 1970

We’re Going to Do Something About Profanity!

I AM AN alcoholic, and cussing has been as much a part of my life as alcohol has been. I know all the is unnecessary and inexcusable. It is offensive to female and male AAs alike. On occasion, teenagers and We will not dictate to them about what they may or may not say. If they persist in using undesirable The blue swear words, and you would have children are present at our meetings. language, we will inform them of to dig deeply to come up with an We must also realize that at our our objections, and also inform off-color joke that I do not know or open meetings we have many non- them that we will not call on them atmosphere have not heard. However, there is alcoholic visitors and sometimes to speak again until the habit is cora time and place for everything, and curiosity-seekers in attendance. This rected. We will request visiting at some meetings I sincerely believe that an AA meet- kind of talk hardly has the power groups to refrain from using proing is neither the time nor the place of example that open meetings fane language in addressing our is turning for either of these abuses. should provide. group, and if they persist anyway, I have been very active in the The secretaries of several groups we will inform them of our objecmany people program and in my group; I speak I have visited displayed signs re- tions, remove their group from our frequently at both open and closed questing no foul or obscene lan- future commitment list, and avoid 00, says meetings; and I have yet to find the guage. They even used the word attending their meetings. When I am moment when I had to resort to foul “please” – but to no avail. The chairman of a meeting, I will ask this writer language to express myself there. I more meetings I attend, the more the speakers, especially unknown or feel that profanity and dirty stories places I go, the more I run into new ones, to refrain from this pracare not part of the message that one such speakers. So I ask myself, “If tice. If the request is disregarded, I alcoholic carries to another. I feel you are concerned over this, what will rise and remind them and if just as strongly that talk of this sort can you do about it?” Knowing that necessary ask them to cease, and I hurts rather than helps. others feel as I do, I ask, “What can will definitely apologize to the This is causing me a great deal of others do about it?” others present for the speakers’ bad concern. I know I am not the only I will start with our own group. taste and manners. one who feels this way, for I have We are in accord on this matter, so I think the most powerful weapon attended several meetings where we at our meetings we will practice we all possess to combat this abuhave been subjected to these abuses, what we preach. We will inform our sive habit is individually to inform and I have found that many others speakers, especially new speakers, a speaker of our objections to his are offended by them. Several times, how we feel on this subject. We will language, and to tell him how conin our followup discussions, we request that they refrain from using structive and helpful his story would have concluded that such language be without it. I have been doing . profanity in their talks. That’s all.

this, and I find that many speakers not have to listen; I can get up and felt they needed to swear to impress leave and return when they are the listeners, to put across or em- finished, for I am also granted phasize a point. Or, they said, they “courage to change the things I used profanity because others had, can.” and they thought that it was ac- Although the Fellowship of Alceptable and that no one would coholics Anonymous is not a reobject. Many of them have thanked ligious program, it does have a me. I also spoke to others who spiritual basis. Seven of the ~ w e i v e didn’t care and had no intention of Steps pertain to this spiritual basis. changing. God grants me “the How can we tolerate blasphemy serenity to accept the things (and and at the same time be spiritual? people) I cannot change,” but if I Confusing, isn’t it? run into the latter sort again, I do D. C., Fitchburg, Mass.

January

Reflections on boredom the warming and sustaining “mes- From Milwaukie, Ore.: sage of the heart” that only AA The combination of “Sober but brings. I cannot share in this com- Bored” (July GV) and “Fugitive munication if I am absent from From Drunkalogues” (letter in Oc- meetings, and while my sharing may tober GV) literally forced me into do nothing for others, it enriches several hours of thoughtful reflec- me. M. E. V. tion. In looking back over the past ten years of this tremendous and exciting “new life,” I wondered: Does that boredom really mean a lack of total commitment to AA, to family, to the society in which we live, to life itself, and to God? How can we become bored if we involve ourselves in the lives and sobriety of others? How is it possible to see each new day dawn, with all its wonders and delights, and remain detached? The small group to which I belong is an ever-changing kaleidoscope of life itself, and each individual member, new or old, needs

May 1970

The Beautiful Words -.

They come to us when we need them most, displacing the vulgar and the profane .r -. that reached down into the uttermost the stars, evei’in the daytimi, when !, partof my being and tore me apart. the people in the light above”can’t 76

And the words of bewilderment see them. From my bottomless well 2

from my son: “Why, Mom, why?” of drunkenness, I looked up and . And those devastating words “You caught a glimpse of stars, the stars ‘ . r.

T HERE is a story of a little boy who had reached the age of seven without ever having spoken a vulgar and profane words, from the podium, in our meetings. Now I have something to say! can’t stop drinking! You can’t stop drinking!,” that repeated themselves over and over in my tortured mind of sobriety. My well of darkness ‘ echoed with the words “If you don’t believe AA will work, try it! And if . . ‘ .I word. One morning, when he came When I took my first drink, vul- and soul. A civil war of words raged you don’t believe God will help p u , .’ down to breakfast and found the garity and profanity were not a part within me: guilt, remorse, confu- ask Him!” I did. AA did. And God- . toast burned, he said, “The toast is of me. But as the drinking pro- sion, doubt, alone, suic’tde, and did! Wonderful, lifesaving words ;’ . :’? . a burned.” gressed, as I became embittered, darkness, darkness, darkness. brought the miracle of Alcoholics f .;-:’ His parents looked at each other helpless, and hopeless, words of ‘ .;<‘ Sometimes we live in darkness, Anonymous into my life. $

. ? r

in amazement and cried, “Son, why profanity and vulgarity became a and we wonder why. Perhaps the With the miracle came what I ‘ ‘ have you never spoken before?” part of my defense mechanism. With secret is in these words: “I will give choose to call my beautiful AA “s” The little boy replied, “Up to these words I could shock others. I you treasures in the darkness.” words seek, surrender,’ sobriety, , . now, everything has been all right. could lash out in hate. (Isaiah 45: 3.) Are there treasures serenity, Steps, spiritual awakening, . -, I just ain’t had nothing to say.” Also, there were the words to be found only in the darkness? and service -displacing the .words Well, up to now, I ain’t had noth- spoken to or about me. Words such For me, there were. of venom, hate, vulgarity,. and . ‘. <‘ ing to say! But during recent months as “She used to be such a nice lady, I read somewhere that in a deep, profanity. , I have been reading about the use of and now she’s just a drunk!” Words dark well you can look up and see E. R. P., Vidor, Tex.

June 1970

One of the most gratifying aspects of putting together any issue of the Grapevine is the high degree of reader participation. You read, react, and write! You reacted to “We’re Going to Do Something About Profanity” in the January 1970 issue. While we are not sure that profanity at meetings is the number one problem in the total picture of recovery, your response was packed with so much good, basic AA, we want to share it in the following section of this issue: The Response The Problem (One of many letiers we receive)

R ECENTLY, I attended a closed meeting in another city and was shocked by the way it was conducted. After the Serenity Prayer, every other word uttered by who seem highly sensitive to colorthe chairman was obscene or taking the Lord’s name in vain. This was a discussion group, and as each person spoke, a few refrained from using bad words. W HEN CHRISTMAS comes around again, I wonder whether Santa ful diction, but stumble badly in Claus will stuff coal in my stocking, comprehending simpler words, such My turn came, and I explained that my sponsors had because of my proclivity for blue, as “tolerance,” “understanding,” suggested very strongly that I learn to clean up my lan- lavender, and occasionally purple and “patience!’ If we took such CNprose. saders, too seriously, we would enguage. I also explained that where I work we are not allowed to swear. While I was talking, the lady next to For several years I have received vision menacing hordes of evildoers me was saying out loud a lot of vulgar, four-letter words. the gift of sobriety, a day at a time, swarming into our sanctuaries, de- Why do they have to ruin an otherwise enjoyable possibly as a result of continued. filing our virgin minds with their reevening? participation in the AA Fellowship lentless filth. and a sincere effort to carry the I can imagine this. because I re- . This group has a steering committee. Couldn’t they take this up, or is it too delicate a matter? Are they message to the best of my primitive. call my own past antics as a white abilities. knight. Oh yes, I once leaped atop afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Perhaps they could print a sign saying, “No vulgar or profane language There is a great deal of discussion my snow-white stallion, gripped my during meetings.” today as to what is or is not obscen- lance of goodness, and galloped off D. M . O., Norton, Kans. I ity. I don’t know. Perhaps, when with my evangelistic robes flowing I some people are offended by infre- in the breeze, to peddle my brand quent profanity, the problem lies in of goodness. Fortunately, some of the mind of the offended. Often, I our older, more stable brethren, am amused by those of our brethren fearful lest I be thrown, unhorsed

blue, or proffers it in demitasse tion, and approved social status are ears and those who have not yet cups. However it is served, I remind the prime concerns and the AA been granted serenity or courage myself that it is the message that is I message is selectively distributed on (oh, for a grant!) might try tolerimportant. I squander no time at a a sterile platter. ance. Or, if that fails, they might meeting dissecting the demeanor of Neither blue, dark blue, lavender, take a box of cotton to the meeting, the speaker. Neither do I ponder on nor purple language seems to bother count to twelve slowly, and pray for a better pattern of behavior for my sobriety. I do try to keep it us scoundrels. others simply because I think it simple! However, those with delicate J . C., Rockland, Mass. would be more attractive. I just enjoy the mixed bag that is the real and defrocked me. We do tend to AA. take ourselves too seriously at times. Occasionally, I’d prefer to hear a My Splrltual Brothers “Viewing with alarm for the gocd of colorful clod stumbling over his the movement,” as Bill W. puts it, tongue (mine is probably soiled I had been raising barriers of resent- from stepping on it so much) and Some “cuss” and some don’t – the ment everywhere I wandered. attempting sincerity and honesty, Slowly, then, I started on a dif- rather than suffer the carefully pre- important thing is to ferent course. According to Bill in pared diction of a newly zealous live and let live The AA Way o f Life, “Gradually moralist attempting to purge the rest we began to accept the other fel- of us by his Victorian example. SUPPOSE that tolerance would bid had been met with “Brother, this is

1 low’s sins as well as his virtues. We coined-the potent and meaningful expression ‘Let us always love the We are not reformers (thanks be to the first hundred), and I believe firmly that openly examining an- I me accept with equanimity the January Grapevine article “We’re a spiritual program. Let us now go into the chapel and pray,” I would ‘ best in others – and never fear other’s faults and publicly trying to Going to Do Something About Pro- have left immediately, never to retheir worst.”‘ Bill further describes correct them is not an effective rem- fanity!” It seems the author has a turn! Instead, I heard cussing as elo- “the individual’s right to think, talk, edy. A private chat, sans pedantic hang-up on cussing and had to get it quent as any 1 had heard before, and act as he wishes.” (The empha- preaching, often suffices. I am off his chest. I’m the first to say he drunk or sober, and I could acsis is mine.) chilled at the idea that someone can oppose cussing (I prefer that cept these people as my spiritual I cannot resist one more quote: might try to edit my extemporane- term to “profanity”) all he wants to. brothers. “Honesty with ourselves and others ous thought and try to rob me of my He can even form his own group of D. C. of Fitchburg, Mass., writer gets us sober, but it is tolerance that hard-won individuality by monitor- Profanity Anonymous, in the man- of the article, also is my brother in keeps us that way.” The men and ing my talk. ner of many other problem groups AA; but with a little more spiritual women of AA have taught me not I have attended meetings in some (drug addicts, smokers, fatsos, to growth, it appears, he will have left to take “the Great I Am” too seri- well-to-do communities where un- name a few). But let’s not turn AA me far behind. This frightens me, ously. AA teaches me to laugh shaven, soggy, dirty drunks are into a language-clean-up detail. because I thought I had found a within and at myself. A sense of hu- effectively snubbed and otherwise Yes, this is a spiritual program, haven where there were no musts. mor is a vital ingredient of my discouraged. To me, this is a more but I am much more frightened of I thought AA was a place where survival. important lapse than blue language. a holier-than-thou approach than I what I had been or had done didn’t At any meeting, my antennae are I would hate to see AA groups turn am of cussing. My own first contact matter; where my past or present tuned to catch the message, whether into Watch and Ward Societies, with AA was made by going alone social status didn’t matter; where the speaker shovels it, bludgeons it where Victorian manners, good dic- to a downtown clubroom. Suppose I how much I drank was only a part

of my story; where I could believe in meetings, where it is likely to ofin a God of my understanding or, fend others. for that matter, not believe in a God We have found that bad grammar at all; where, I also understood, you is offensive to some of our bettercould take what you liked and leave educated members. Let me amend what you didn’t like. In other words, that: Only one member of our group a Live and Let Live situation. could be referred to as “highly” edu- I have some hang-ups of my own. cated. (He finished high school Maybe we can get all the AAs to- some years ago on the GI Bill.) gether (the International Conven- And, of course, some of our very tion at Miami this year would be a new members are violating the spirigood place) and list everybody’s tual principle “Cleanliness is next to hang-ups and write rules to clean up godliness.” This should be stopped! this organization. Clean up or clear out, I say. Personally, I don’t like wide ties, If I’m ever chairman of our and we have several fashion plates group, I will, in keeping with the who wear wide ties. Mini-skirts authority vested in me by being duly would require a whole sermon to chosen for such office, announce at point with horror at the evils they the beginning of every meeting: bring upon our Fellowship. (We just “We wish to warmly welcome all of can’t seem to get our morals com- you – except those who wear wide mittee to do anything about this.) ties or mini-skirts, or who smoke or Smoking has been a real problem smell. For the rest of you: At ease with our group. I think we alco- – cuss if you like.” holics should not smoke, especially G . Y., Lajayette, Tenn.

their language accordingly. The confusion belongs to D. C., not to newcomer to the program who the speaker who may uncork a four- Profanity and Newcomers hasn’t achieved this control seems to letter word (presently acceptable on me to need sympathy and tolerance the silver screen, in books, in magamore than ironclad censorship. zines, and in most social conversa- Those four-letter words may be oflensive, With newcomers, I’ve always tion). Blasphemy may be abhorrent worried most about those who en- to some AA members and a pleasbut censorship could be worse tered the program making condi- ant spice to others, but it has litertions aboutwho could be allowed to ally nothing to do, either for or twelfth-step them, and what types of against, with spirituality. Blasphemy I WAS A little upset by D. C.’s contribution, “We’re Going to Do Something About Profanity,” in the an alcoholic) fervor of an antivice crusader. I am not a devotee of profanity, meetings they would attend. I think I’d feel much the same about any group which tried to tell visiting is specifically a religious offense, and I feel it most important, to oldtimer and newcomer alike, to keep January Grapevine, for reasons that although I may occasionally lapse speakers how to speak. Attaching clear AA’s differentiation between have nothing to do with profanity, into four- and five-letter words. conditions to how one will accept “religious” and “spiritual!’ As for but, 1 sincerely believe, do have a Sometimes I have found such lapses sobriety is seldom a direct road to nonblasphemous profanity, I feel it lot to do with AA. actually helpful in working with success. is a matter of personal taste and, in I have always treasured the AA newcomers who feared AA would But the final reasoning in D. C.’s AA, of a judicious assessment of Preamble, which states, very clearly, be a Sunday school for adults. Gen- article is what confuses me most. He whom one is talking to and how that we do not wish to engage in any erally, I’ve found that most AA says, “How can we tolerate blas- effectively one’s words, whether controversy and that we neither en- members, after a reasonable initial phemy and at the same time be four-letter or six-syllable, sacred or dorse nor oppose any causes. Yet period of sobriety in the program, spiritual? Confusing, isn’t it?” vulgar, -may emphasize the vital D. C. is violating both these basic learn to gauge their audiences (in- Of course it’s confusing, but the argument for sobriety. principles, with the dangerous (to dividuals or groups) and control A . H.,Rome, Italy

December 1970

DON’T SAY THAT!!

I AM very tired of hearing what disturbing the newcomer. should and should not be dis- I feel he should not have objected cussed at a closed meeting. “Don’t to the discussion or tried to shut it discuss the spiritual part of the pro- off. Anything that might lead us to a gram, it may disturb the newcom- drink should be discussed, and diser!” “Let’s talk about booze so that cussed for the whole evening if he can identify -let’s talk about necessary. D.T.s and convulsions and sex and In a city like New York where bars and fights, divorce and destruc- we have hundreds of various types tion and all the other pretty things of meetings every week it has been associated with booze.” suggested that the newcomer attend “Please don’t disturb the new- as many open meetings and begincomer with hidden, mysterious, ners meetings as possible. scary things like the spiritual part He does not necessarily have to of the program or the Twelve Steps attend closed discussion meetings and Twelve Traditions of AA and which are our workshop. This is the above all don’t mention or quote meeting vital to-maintaining my sofrom the Big Book. We don’t want briety, where I air my problems and them to think we are eggheads.” unravel my puzzles. How in the hell is that poor little So please First Things First. I£ innocent newcomer going to learn you are sponsoring a newcomer what AA is all about if we don’t steer him away from the closed talk about it? meeting if you think it is going to At a recent closed meeting we disturb him. were discussing the dangers of argu- Those of us (me) who have been ments in our daily lives and how in AA a while need these discussion they can lead to retaliation and re- meetings for our own sobriety, sentments, and we all know what sometimes desperately. How else are they lead us to -that first drink. we going to learn and grow in this We were shut off in the middle of God-given program? the discussion by a “bleeding heart” So please don’t shut us out or who thought we were making a shut us off. I need closed meetings. “mountain out of a molehill” and J. P. K., Astoria, N . Y .

April 1971

Standing ovations in AA? From Edn~onton,Alta.: An old-timer on this progranl and I were talking about a situation which seems to be arising around AA in this part of the country, and 1 was elected to write to you because I can type! Neither of us write too well, in spite of his many years of sobriety and my couple. The situation that is disturbing us is a precedent being set, perhaps by younger members, and particularly at meetings to which an outside speaker has been invited – the practice of giving a speaker a stand-

ing ovation if those at the meeting like the talk. Somewhere, 1 read an article on this which concurred with our opinion that standing ovations should never be given in AA. In my own personal opinion, the man that dies sober is the successful person on this program, and, if I may be so crude, he is the only person who deserves a standing ovation. (However, I hope you won’t think I am going to start clapping at funerals!) Anyway, I would like to have your thoughts on this matter. J. s.

July 1971

Standing ovations approved From Visalia, Calif.: In my opinion, the act of standing as applause is given may or may not be setting a precedent in AA, as was suggested by J. S. in the April Grapevine. It has been accepted in about every other area of social activity for centuries. The act of standing as a group is simply an accepted way of saying, “We think that you have done an outstanding job,” whether it is giving a speech, flying to the moon, or digging a powerful lot of ditch. G. T. R.

October 1972

On Speakers and Speaking alcoholic, and I’m gonna tell it just thought. What am I doing, telling like it is.” And I proceed to do so. this latest part? We’re supposed to I expected to be a little nervous, but tell how it was, what happened, and M y Ego Was Showing after all, most of the guys and gals what we are like now. And I’m not freely admit it. Maybe some of this doing it, and that’s why I’m getting honesty I’ve been yakkin’ about has all shook up, I think to myself. Self-pity and pride made this speaker misertrhk begun to rub off on me. I come out I So I go back and skip over teen-, with the statement “I’m nervous and age drinking, because I think I’ve will probably ramble a bit, but con- lost some time. I get on with my first sidering that it takes a couple of serious, dedicated drinking, when I years to get our brains out of hock joined the Navy just before WWIII, I ALMOST ASKED to g t up to talk. I had the feeling that 1 needed to say something. 1 hinted around and about three to unscramble them, at the age of twenty. I then illustrate it’s to be expected. I’ve gqt the rest Navy drinking and brawling and exenough and even put on a tie for the of my life to go in this program, and plain how to get assigned to bread meeting, in case I got called. I really I’m supposed to be making progress and water in the brig and how to get didn’t expect to be. all during the time, because not to court-martialed for trying to belt of- But now it turns out that the go ahead means to stop growing, ficers. I even go into a blow-by-blow chairman needs a fill-in, because his and this program is a process of and round-by-round description of growth.” one main event, taking quite a few scheduled speaker had to work late and couldn’t make it. Well, I’ve been So what do I do? I start at the pains to show that the other guy in the program a year and a half end and tell of my latest problem – was mostly on the deck. I leave out (this time) without a drink. I’ve having been asked to resign from my other bouts where the situation was spoken a few times to small groups, job at the post office. I try to be the reverse and I was the one budy and I’ve usually run out of things to funny about it and to let it be known picking myself up from whatevefr say after ten or fifteen minutes, be- that 1 really don’t care. I’m really barroom floor happened to be the cause 1 thought I hadn’t read enough happy about the whole thing. It’s a arena. 1 relief for me to be out of “that mad- I then proceed with the time I, was of the Big Book and the other publications. But now? I not only house,” especially during the Christ- a guest of the local sheriff for a mas season. But am I happy? couple of months over the Christmas 1 shouldn’t have any trouble – I should be able to say something Now my mouth is getting kinda and New Year’s holidays and I bring ” worthwhile and in an easy manner. dry, and my “thung” is getting kinda out the hardships and dangers of be- You wanna bet? “tick.” My heart is beating sixty ing in such a situation and by now I get up there. and I or>enwith the miles an hour, and I’m desperately I’m choking up and having difficulty trying to hang on to my train of speaking at all. I’m on the verge of

A description of humility comes busting out in tears. I wonder what I don’t think that would go over so to my mind: “Humility, after the the hell is the matter with me! well, so I muscle it through and first shock, is a cheerful virtue.” This last episode also took place come to some sort of awkward finish, Some day, when I absorb more of while I was in the Navy, just before which doesn’t bring any standing ovation, only what seems a some- the stuff, I’ll come out with a good the war broke out. Now I finally healthy laugh and take it from there, look at my watch, and I see that what embarrassed round of clapping. I hope. And I know that I won’t twenty-five minutes of my thirty I’m sure the audience is as glad it’s have done it by myself by any means, minutes of time has been taken up, over as I am. A couple of the guys come up but with the help of the Power and shake hands with me and tell which is really the motivating basis for this “spooky” program. me I’ve done well, but I am sure they S. M.,Lake Worth, Flu. are just being polite. I lose no time in getting the hell out of the place and getting on home, where I lie on my bed and glare up at the ceiling A Little Thought and churn and chum inside. I impatiently pick up my copy of the and a Lot of Heart and I haven’t even gotten myself out Twelve and Twelve, and it just h a p of the Navy! It flashes through my pens to open up to Step Four. So I It’s the message that counts mind how often I’ve felt critical of read it. speakers going on and on with their Nobody, but nobody had ever needless. When I walked into th . drunkalogs, and here I am doing the same bloody thing! better give me any argument that this program isn’t inspired by a Power that’s greater than ourselves. In A T A MEETING of a steering committee that I served on several auditorium, it was packed. On? years ago, it was pointed out that member shouted to me, “We got ’em I want to fall through a trapdoor, the attendance at our monthly area hanging from the rafters tonight!” to be swallowed up somehow, out of the Twelve and Twelve, divinely in- However, an old-timer was more meeting was falling off noticeably. sight of all the friends in front of spired words add up to “self-pity” in Most of the committee felt that the realistic. He remarked, “What {the me. ( I remember I’ve made no secret spades for me. They spell out mediocrity of our speakers was the hell is this, a three-ring circus or an of how I feel about such speakers.) “pride” for me. Just who in the hell cause. I was elected as a committee AA meeting?” But I go ahead, trying to pack into do I think I am? Some professional of one to do something abbut it. 1 As I look back now, I realize that the remaining five minutes all of speaker? All the time I was speak- I decided to go all out. It would this particular meeting was staged ‘ what AA means to me. It is hurried, ing, I was unconsciously asking for involve bringing in a well-known strictly in the spirit of promotion, it is disconnected, and it is not what pity for poor little 01’ me, because radio star from New York City. Pay- rather than attraction. The meeting I wanted to say at all, and I have I’d suffered so much. I was ready to ing for his transportation, of course, had been well publicized by flyers all I can do to keep my voice going, cry in my beer if there had been any would entail a greater expense than stating that the speaker was a radio because I want to cry or lose my in front of me. And my pride was temper (an old standby of mine hurt because everybody didn’t crowd . normal. But our meetings were held star. in a large auditorium, so I felt sure For the next area meeting, we dethroughout my thirty-some years of around me and congratulate me on a great speech and tell me they had that, if we packed the house, our cided to have two speakers, both dedicated drinking) or perhaps just collection would be more than am- women. The dress, poise, and voice lie on the floor and kick my feet in gotten so much out of it. Just who in , $ ple. The night of the meeting, I was of the first placed her in the claqs childish frustration. the hell do I think I am to take mya little concerned. But my fear was of a real Southern lady, which she Well, at fifty-three years of age, self so seriously!

was. The other speaker had come counts. When it comes from the up on God) and too long-winded, sized the drunkalog aspect. The next I from across the tracks and had never heart, it is pretty hard to go wrong. 1’11 duck that meeting. If 1 discover night, at another group, darned if

1 I

gotten as far as high school. On the 1 think it is important to plan the lead is by a member noted for we didn’t have the same speaker. night of the meeting, the Southern your talk ahead of time when you his drunkalog, 1’11 take my pigeon. After skipping a couple of nights to lady gave a very beautiful and elo- have the opportunity. As long as I The new man usually enjoys every let my pigeon do some meditating, quently delivered talk that received have been at it, I still like to have word of it, because he can identify I took him to a meeting in a town unusually good applause. The sec- time to prepare my lead. When I ! with the speaker in so many in- about thirty miles away. Who yas ond speaker, who was sitting next to me, whispered, “Oh, I can’t follow that beautiful talk.” make notes, I find, 1 don’t forget some salient point of my talk. If there is anything that can lose my stances. I shall always remember one experience when I took a new man to the speaker? You guessed it! On t e way home that night, I thought t e question my newcomer asked was 6 . I whispered back, “Sure you can. attention quickly, it’s an opening his first meeting. It was led by a quite apropos: “Is he the only speak- Just tell them what is in your heart.” like this: “I am not a speaker. 1 man fairly new in the program. His er you have in AA?” I

She did. Her English may not haven’t prepared anything, and 1 talk was long and definitely empha- G . S. W . , Cleveland, Tenn. have been so polished, but her mes- don’t even know what I am going to f sage was terrific. It brought a stand- talk about. So please forgive me if ing ovation! I ramble on.” This illustrates a pertinent point. When I take a new member to his Bury That Blow-by-Blow Our speakers are not required to be first meeting, I like to check beforeeloquent. No, you don’t have to be hand to see who the speaker is. If Bring it t o light, regret it, and move o n a college graduate or a Dale Car- it’s an old-timer who g t s too spirinegie alumnus. It’s the message that tual (usually, my pigeon has &en The remedy is to start thinking about I s AN AA TALK beneficial either for the confused alcoholic searching for hope or for the recovered alcoa life apart from drinking and stop1 this obsession and preoccupation holic enjoying his sobriety when the with alcohol. A speaker who spends speaker subjects himself and others the bulk of his allotted time in speakto a blow-by-blow, chronological re- ing about “what it used to be like” cital of “what we used to be like”? is still a sick person. . If the speaker is doing or taking The First Step says, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol. . . Steps Four to Nine, it may be beneficial for him. But should the audi- that our lives had become unman- I ence be his sponsor or the instrument ageable.” If it is necessary or useful of his housccleatiing? AA’s power to in telling of your past to elucidate attract lies in its positive approach. this unmanageability, keep it simple. Morbid introspection into the past Bring it to light, regret it, and bury is not therapeutic for anyone and is it. Hurry on to the climax, the turnusually repulsive. It is indicative of ing point in your life. AA is a suca mental illness, a stage in alcohol- cess story. Share with me how yo ism in which we are afflicted with drinking-thinking and thinking about came to believe that a Power greate, than ourselves could and did restore 1 drinking. This is mental obsession. you to sanity. I have shared your

f G

heartaches, but now I want to share Through streets sprinkled with fine the other side of the fire. She poured your happiness as you took those snow, he reached the circular drive- tea into fine china cups. faltering Twelve Steps on the road way in front of Jobelle’s gingerbread “As I was saying, I very well to sobriety. Tell me what you are house. At least, that’s what he al- know they are not entertainers, but, like now, so that I can identify or at A man walked out of an AA hall ways called it. She and her late hus- well, the General Service Office least hope to share in your happi- where a speaker was addressing a band had brought up four children should have accepted my offer. They ness. meeting. Someone in the corridor here. She had always drunk too should have started a school for AA I pray to God to grant me the asked if the speaker had finished his much. After her husband died, she 1 speakers! I am retired, so I happen1 serenity to accept the drunkalogs I speech. “Yes,” was the reply, “but nearly killed herself with alcohol. to have the time to act as over-all cannot change, courage to change he hasn’t stopped talking.” Now she was sober and happy. The chief of such an operation. I could the drunkalogs I can, and wisdom to Bluenose Bulletin, Halifax, N.S. Colonel noticed that she always have given them invaluable advice. I Reprint lrom Ociober 1954 know the difference between selling seemed to find so much to do. He couldn’t do any of the actual wqrk, the program and repelling those who admired her great energy. When he mind you.” . need it. stepped in, he felt the warmth and “Colonel, dear heart, you’re al- Father Terry S., Providence, R.I. cordiality of a home filled with me- ways coming up with the most granmentos and memories, kept tidy with diose schemes. I wish you would love. More than he could say for his talk them out with me before putting place. them in writing.” The Kentucky Colonel “How was the meeting?” Jobelle “Now just a cotton-picking rninasked. Ute, Jobelle! What is so grandiose He was an outstanding adviser “Okay. As usual, none of the about a speaking school? I headed in the Bright ldeas Department speakers really knew how to address one up in the service. God knows, a large group of people. None of AA needs it. And besides, GSO ap-

N OBODY EVER called him anything but the Colonel. Nobody was sure of his last name or where he them had what you could exactly call a command voice. But then, there are so many bad speakers in swered my letter most politely, I must say. I think they really gave It some thought.” had earned his rank, in what army AA.” “They sure did, bless ’em. But or, for that matter, on what side he “I’ve told you before, Colonel – so have I, and I don’t think,AA had fought. One thing was certain we are not entertainers.” needs advisers who don’t want to , (according to the Colonel): He “I know, but. . .” He followed work – Kentucky Colonels who just / would have retired with the rank of Jobelle into the sitting room, where want meaningless titles after their general if his drinking hadn’t blocked she resumed her knitting in a stuffed names.” the way. armchair by a huge open fireplace. “Kentucky Colonel!” he roared. Leaving the hall when the meet- She was thin and elegant, with eyes Jobelle serenely knitted on. “And ing was over, the Colonel got into that beamed love and wisdom. She I wouldn’t want our speakers trained, his ten-year-old Buick. He startcd had the bearing of a grande dame, anyhow. Would you like to know the car. He was pleased with the yet nothing in her manner implied which speaker I enjoyed the most solid hum of the engine. He smiled superiority. Everyone who met Jo- lately?” at himself in the rear-view mirror, belle loved her. The Colonel’s anger vanished. ~ e \ admiring his steel grey hair and sky He kissed her on the forehead, had spoken recently at a meeting blue eyes. then eased into another armchair on Jobelle attended. He had excelled

for her. He had filled the room with love the speaker can actually feel.” sonorous tones. He had dropped his “Humph! Sorry I brought the voice to an attention-demanding whole subject up. Every time 1 come whisper. He had given a smashing up with a bright idea, you knock it performance. “And who might that down.” have been, my dear?” “A lot of people join the Bright “Remember that institutional meet- Ideas Department at one ‘ me or ing at the town hospital?” another. Once 1. did, too. T.. .n you The Colonel sat back in his chair, find out that very few bright ideas looking muddled. “But – but – haven’t been thought of and tried well, for goodness’ sake, Jobelle. A out before.” mere boy spoke. He’d only gotten “Are you saying we should never out of that hospital four months be- think of anything new’?” fore. It was Iris first talk. Why, he “No. But it doesn’t hurt a bit, stared at the floor the whole time. dear heart, to ask around and see He actually mumbled.” what past experience says about an “I know. Wasn’t it grand?” idea.” “Grand? You must be joking. He Thoughtfully, sparring for time, was terrible!” the Colonel filled his pipe and lit it. She spoke carefully. (The Colonel He puffed on the pipe, and the knithad been sober two years. She had ting needles clicked, and the fire been sober and active over twenty crackled. Finally, he got up to leave, years.) “No. 1 am not joking. That and he was smiling. She walked with boy was very brave. It took a lot of hini to the door. She helped him on good old-fashioned guts for him to with his coat. make that talk. It was a display of “Jobelle – are you ever going to inspiring humility. I hung on every marry me?” word. You see, Colonel, I don’t hear “Not today. Thank you ever so AA talks as speeches.” much for asking. A girl likes to “But they are made to an audi- know she can still get herself asked.” ence.” The door closed. Jobelle walked “I still hear them asconversations.” briskly back to her sitting room. Hcr “In conversations, both sides con- eyes were twinkling as she picked up tribute.” the teacups. “I just may marry that “The group contributes waves of old fuddy-duddy some day.” E. S., Brooklyn, N.Y.

March 1973

Closed Meetings Are to Grow On

w E COULD do without one AA saying: “If you don’t like what you hear at this nieeting, leave it here.” With these words, many a other people, and my life situation. Now, instead of being annoyed when someone strikes a vital nerve, I welcome it. 1 have found the nieetclosed nieeting used to go blithely ing at which this happens to be just down the drain for me, until I began that much more profitable. And now to ask niyself this simple question: I am bugged when the speaker tells “Why an1 I bothered by what the nie to leave any troubling words at speaker or the other people have the nieeting hall. said?” I think that speakers at closed The answer came back in short, meetings should make it hard and bald words: “Because they have hit unpleasant for those with some reahome. You have some homework to sonable length of sobriety to get off do.” My smug contentment soon the hook of facing themselves. We evaporated. and 1 began to take a may no longer have an active drinkfresh look at what I shou!d be doing ing problem, but we all certainly during closed meetings. 1 must be have an active thinking problem. working on niyself – on my atti- We should be willing to grow up. tudes and perceptions of God, self, Furherlim F., Queens, N.Y.

APRIL 1973

Story Tellers Anonymous

F OR A LONG time, when called on to speak in AA, I hesitated to repeat anecdotes or jokes I had I f it’s funny heard others tell at meetings, looking upon them as the property of or helpful, the original narrators. To spread someone else’s material around be- share it fore the owners had a chance to do so themselves seemed like stealing. But with time I have realized that the only plagiarism in AA would be spouse often was all too painfully property there and want us to see street, instead of turning right, in to appropriate another person’s aware of the whole scene. it.” the direction of the freeways which drunkalog by relating it as if it had In the interest of anonymity, I “I’ll think about it,” Jane said. would take them to Clear Lake, two happened to me. Once someone has shall call this wife “Jane” and her In a few minutes, Mrs. Friend tele- hundred and fifty miles to the north, delivered a quotable aphorism or Drinking Problem husband “D. P.,” phoned cheerily. “D. P. said you’d Jane turned left, toward the highway offered a meaningful parable at a and designate the other two charac- drive.” which went over the mountains to meeting, it belongs to all of us; no- ters involved “Mr. and Mrs. Friend.” “Oh, did he?” So far, Jane had Santa Cruz, twenty-five miles to the body has a copyright on it. What- The setting is California. not made up her mind; but at that south. ever will lift another member’s One Saturday morning, D. P. point, she did. “All right, I’ll go, and The men, laughing and talking in spirits, clarify his thinking, or give made a call on the Friends, during we’ll take my car. But on one con- the back seat, paid no attention; and him comfort becomes a communal which he and Mr. Friend partook of dition – that there will be no back- Mrs. Friend, cowed by the condition possession. Hard as this may be on the famous “couple of beers.” When seat driving. Whatever I do, I don’t she had accepted, made no comment. individual pride of authorship, it’s D. P. came home, he announced want you or anybody else to say one When they reached the seaside all part of the slogan “You can’t that the two couples were going to word.” city of Santa Cruz, Jane pulled up keep it unless you give it away.” drive to Clear Lake that afternoon, Somewhat taken aback, Mrs. at a motel on the beach, went in, One of the funniest accounts of and that Jane, since she had become Friend agreed. “Why, of course, and registered, and the couples re- “what we used to be like” is a story so unreasonably fussy about riding dear.” tired to their rooms. I heard at an Al-Anon meeting. in cars driven by people who had So the two couples got into the D. P. walked out on the balcony, Often, in describing our own past had “a couple of beers,” could do car, the men in the back seat with gazed across the vast expanse of the behavior, we alcoholics cannot do it the driving. a bottle to see them through the rig- Pacific Ocean, said, “Damn, that’s a justice, because we weren’t really “Why Clear Lake?” ors of the journey, the two women big lake!,” turned around, came in, there; but a clearheaded, sharp-eyed “The Friends have bought some in front. When they pulled onto the and lay down on the bed and slept

the rest of the afternoon. relaxeb manner until, sure enough, “What on earth are you doing?” The information, and a physicist, even As Jane remarked at the Al-Anon I get there eventually. soldier patiently explained the case more. But I am equally sure that meeting, “Why should I drive two The third anecdote I want to give of the unfertilized blossoms. “That’s eventually human knowledge of what hundred and fifty miles? He never away is one I dutifully kept to my- very interesting.” After a thoughtful was going on in the cucumbers would did know we didn’t go to Clear self for over a year, because it was moment, the VIP inquired seriously, have run out, leaving more questions Lake.” so good that I didn’t want to steal “And after you’ve done that, then unanswered. To me, everything that The following story was told by the original teller’s thunder. But ap- what happens?” man hasn’t found out yet and may the schoolteacher who figures in it. parently no one else thought the tale “I don’t know, sir,” the soldier never find out, because of his own A little boy named Joey, who was was worth stealing, for I’ve never said. “From there on, you’ll have to limitations as one of nature’s prodabout ten and inclined to be over- heard it repeated. ask God.” ucts, is what people call God. For weight, was habitually late for school. This one happened on a South I am sure a botanist could have me, this young soldier put it very The teacher had chided him about Pacific island during World War 11. given an answer to the VIP, and a neatly. it; notes had been written to Mamma The American military outfit sta- biochemist could have added further B. M., Sururogu, Calif. and Papa, who had thereupon dis- tioned there planted extensive vegecussed the problem with their son; table gardens to supplement their the principal had had heart-to-heart diet. Everything did well except cutalks with Joey; yet one day the cumbers. The plants flourished and teacher glanced out of the window blossomed, but never bore cucumafter classes had begun and saw Joey bers. Finally, the commanding officer stumbling across the fields, one shoe- wrote the Department of Agriculture lace untied, sweater sleeve dragging, in Washington to ask why the plants books being dropped, shirttail flap- were acting like this. A botanist wrote ping. When, flushed and sweating, back that only one species of insect Joey entered the room, the teacher carried the pollen to fertilize the remarked, “I see you’re late again.” blossoms, and that in the particular “I know, Mr. S -,” Joey re- island our friends were occupying, plied seriously. “I thought about it there were none of those insects. this morning. You may not like it, Hence – no cucumbers. and my mother and father may not So the CO called in a young prilike it, and the principal may not vate, equipped him with some cotton like it; but I’ve decided I’m going to swabs, and sent him forth to do the get here when I can.” insects’ job. As the soldier painstak- More than once, when the routine ingly transferred pollen from one of my life has erupted into so many flower to another, a VIP who had demands, tasks, and obligations pil- flown in to inspect the post passed ing up to a deadline that I feel as if on his rounds with a retinue of of- 1’11 never make it, I have thought of ficers and paused wonderingly to Joey’s “I’m going to get here when watch the private, who -with some I can.” And the smile it brings to embarrassment – continued his asmy lips takes the heat off sufficiently signment. to allow me to plod along in a more Finally, the Big Brass demanded, “How about a viple-layer rum cuke for nostulgiu?”

June 1973

Let’s answer tho question Froni Buffalo, N.Y.: At a recent discussion meeting, a member-in-distress who is having new meniber had several questions problems accepting the guidance of about the moral inventory and sug- a higher power is not asking us for gested it as a topic. The chairman an account of how much more the acccptcd this and gave the nod for a kids respect us since we found the go-round. program. One AA spoke for five minutes Opportunities abound in AA for on his personal serenity and counted us to tell our story, to “unload garthe benefits he had gotten from the bage,” to spread the good news of program. Another spoke briefly, our own new lives. We can always agreeing that the Fourth Step is most volunteer to speak at the next open important. A third told his story, for meeting, if the sweet pressure of niore than ten minutes. Most of the self-containment is too much for us. remaining menibers recounted por- But at discussion meetings – let’s tions of their stories; some briefly stick to the point! touched on the Fourth Step. We are responsible, not for the In AA, we have speaker meetings price of lemonade in Beirut or of and discussion meetings. Both are eggs in China, but for the sobriety valuable. But I do not think a dis- of the fellow member who asks a cussion nieeting should be allowed good- or even a dumb-question. to collapse into a mass speaker meet- J. C. ing. If any member, new or veteran, asks for specific information about the program, I think we are dutybound to answer his question. The

July 1973

dant who had let gasoline overflow Pretty soon, I was saying it to my tank. Suddenly that question people.” reared its ugly head: “What am I The AA group got a good laugh doing?” told the startled young out of this bizarre mental picture of man how sorry I was for blowing my the truck driver hollering his thankstack, and slapped him on the shoul- yous along the highway. Bless his der. The next time I stopped in, I heart, I can hear him now. He has Learning was surprised to find that the boys in the station warmed up and took made me mind my manners more times than I can count. the trouble to remember my name. “Stinking thinking” is an expresto Listen Now it’s a pleasure to go there; 1 sion I first encountered in AA. I wouldn’t trade anywhere else. must have listened to the phrase in As an inspirational message, “What dozens of personal anecdotes until, am I doing?” may seem as flat as one angry day, it finally clicked in this piece of paper it’s printed on. my own mind. After recognizing the But for me it’s packed with useful syndrome, I was able to begin work- Words we’ve heard in meetings significance, because I happened to ing on early diagnosis. In Alcoholics be listening in the right place at the Anonymous, this kind of progress is may come to mind right time. our most important product. just when we need them Another influential fellow who Both in and outside AA, Think is pops out of my memory file quite an almost inescapable dictum, dioften is a truck driver who once de- played on desks and walls every-

N OBODY EVER learned anything And how often, in moments of while he was talking. The self- tension or indecision, I have received evident truth of this old epigram in- a helpful echo from the subconscious scribed how difficult it was to say “Thank you” in the troubled years before he joined AA. He owned up where you go. Listen is a much more valuable tool. Even kinky thinkers can be good listeners. spires me to suggest a motto that – an unexpected payoff from some to this shortcoming when he reached I always look for an opening to should hang on the wall of every AA bit of wisdom that had seemed t o Step Four and started taking his in- quote the late, great Wilson Mizner, meeting room from Akron to Zan- bounce off me at the time I heard it. ventory. “At that time, I was driving who said it this way: “A good liszibar: In a discussion meeting, a hair- my own truck to work. Going down tener is not only popular every- Listen. dresser told us how he came to real- U.S. 1 every morning, I would say where, but after a while he knows For newcomers, this word of sim- ize that the pressures of his job did over and over, as loud as 1 could, something.” ple advice can be even more impor- not mix well with his built-in resent- ‘Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!’ Dan, Miami, Flu. tant than the honorable precepts we ments. He was snapping at bossy know so well: First Things First; women customers; he was hurting Live and Let Live; Easy Does It. feelings – and business. “I learned How many times I have heard an to stop and ask myself, ‘What am 1 elder member encourage a shaky, doing?’ And 1 forced myself to apolquestioning beginner with words ogize on the spot,” he said. something like these: “Keep coming Several weeks after listening t o to meetings. And listen. Just sit there the hairdresser, I found myself in a and listen. It will come to you.” filling station bawling out the atten-

August 1973

‘Listen silently’ From Los Alamitos, Calif. : Courtesy – such a little word, but and ignorant; they, too, have their something so often overlooked or story.” taken for granted. The AA way of I believe my predecessors in AA life has begun to sink in, just a little, when they tell me that I can and will I guess, because I suddenly find learn something from every person myself, not only using words that on the program, providing I take the imply I care about others, but also time to listen and really hear what trying to take actions to show 1 care. each one is saying. I came to AA Courtesy is one of those beautiful believing in no one, hearing nothing, words, and doesn’t being courteous and unwilling to look within myself. show how much you care about an- Today, just a little over a year soother person? ber, 1 know I must listen if I am At an AA meeting, for example, to learn. Above all, I must show how little effort it takes to listen courtesy by observing silence when silently to the words of another alco- another person is called upon to holic and recognize that he has a participate. This simple action will right to be heard – whether or not indeed show that I love and respect my fellow alcoholic. SALLY C.

we relate to the person who is speaking. Obviously, not every person is going to tell our story, and yet ego often demands that we hear only those things which apply to us. In “Desiderata,” Max Ehrmann writes, “Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull

September 1973

k-good word for drunkalogs From East Point, Ga.: I am for the drunkalog. It re- Entertainment, often humorous, minds me that I an1 one of those is a factor in some sensational drunkfortunate high-bottom drunks who alogs. Does anything in AA princifound AA and did something about ples or traditions suggest that we my drinking before experiencing old-timers must be somber stoics? those tragic events. And for this, I As we grow in the program, our am grateful. lives take on hopeful purpose, direc- Some AAs say they have taken tion, and meaning. We become northe First Step sincerely and honestly, mal human beings. We experience but still have reservations concern- the peace of mind, joy of living, and ing it. Often, their reservations dis- happiness which are blessings from appear when they identify with a our Higher Power. We learn to speaker. If the speaker is a “win- laugh again, at ourselves and others, ner,” with long sobriety, this adds and this is good. credibility to his opinions. The high- We are entitled to laugh with many bottom newcomer, still wrestling with AA speakers who tell what they the First Step, may conclude that if “used to be like.” It should bring us this program saved a character who renewed dedication to the AA prowent that low, surely it can do the gram. ! E. M. job for just an ordinary alcoholic like himself, whose life has become only mildly unmanageable – nevertheless, enough so that he needs to do something about it.

– September 1973

Is this show biz? These thoughts have come to mind From Seattle, Wash.: because of recent expcricnccs at AA Years ago, two men sat down to- conventions: largc hhas mobbed with gether to help each other to stay audiences eager to be cntcrtaincd; sober. From that simple beginning, spcakers chosen because of their en- AA has grown to its present mem- tertainment value, their comic or bership of over 650,000. As I imag- story-telling abilities, their “fame” ine it, AA was meant to be humble, and “fans” in AA, their ability to quiet, modest, and self-effacing. It reduce the audience to tears or laughter, their drawing-card qualities was not thought of or imagined as large herds of self-congratulating all in order to make the convention a financial success. egos, or a showcase for undiscov- Standing ovations, a widespread ered theatrical or stand-up-comic custom and a developnlent of this talent. It was not meant to entertain, trend, are so far from the whole but to share experience at the dcep- spirit of AA that it is beginning to est level possible, a sharing of peers, frighten me. How can we congratuin which the shyest and most with- late ourselves on outstanding spcakdrawn personality was as recognized ing abilities? We are not an oratorical and valuable as the most voluble society nor a group of after-dinner extrovert. speakers, comic artists, or actors. Glad as we must be to grow in We should not even be congratulatnumbers, we don’t have to lose that ing each other on our sobriety. Wc early person-to-person sharing of cx- should instead be willing to listen io pericncc, the qu;rlity that nlakes AA a fellow alcoholic no matter what unique. his speaking abilities or lack of them nlay be. If we have to use showbusiness tactics to get people to AA gatherings, perhaps we should drop these gatherings and conserve our energies for person-to-person Twelfth Step work at the group level. A. T.

JANUARY 1974

they are new. geons, receive a standing ovation? to be an attempt to elevate the ‘Show biz’ discussion So I hope AA will turn its atten- The main things which charmed speaker to the deity class and per- There have been many responses to tion toward starting new groups and me about AA were the kindness. of haps could be omitted, but natural the letter headed “Is This Show getting a little more interest in the its members, their unselfishness in applause is a healthy showing of joy Biz?” (September issue). It was from Fifth Tradition. If we would send to going to help an alcoholic in distress and appreciation. A . T . of Seattle, Wash., but unfor- the AA General Service Office just a -and their jollity and good fellow- I have spoken at a few meetings tunately, he or she did not give us a small fraction of what a convention ship. around the country and loved every name and address. I f we hear from costs us, I feel we would be doing AA is the best thing that has ever minute of it. The proof of the pud- .him/her, we will forward responses ourselves, as well as thousands of come into my life. AA has every- ding is not how many pats on the uddressed to him/her. sick, sick alcoholics, a great big thing: frankness, humility, forgive- back you get or how loud the apfavor. ness, and humor. What’s better for plause is, but rather how many new- From Craig, Colo.: I believe I will cut down on so the body and soul than a good laugh comers and troubled AAs did benefit I have read and reread “Is This much fun travel and devote a little or two sprinkled in with the serious- from your talk. F. W. Show Biz?” A. T., I am with you! more time to the Steps and Tradi- ness? I think we are becoming more and tipns – thanks to A. T. in Seattle From Temple City, Calif.: more a social organization. Our Fifth AA is the Mysterious Excellence. and to you wonderful people at the No one can explain it. C. J. D. Congratulations on a great Sep- Tradition says our primary purpose Grapevine. 0. L. u. tember issue. Sure enough, I am as a group is to carry the message to From Freeport, N.Y.: stirred to write again. the sick ones. I have gone to many From Bradenton, Fla.: A few words in defense of “big” God bless A. T.! Here is some of conventions in the last eleven years. I must confess I like a joke at AA meetings and AA “name” or “spe- the most relevant commentary that I They are a lot of fun, and I like to meetings now and then, a big laugh cial” speakers: hsve seen for a long time – a satissee people I’ve seen each year, but -as the laughs are never on the Rather than destroying the early factory and healthy airing of our that is not our primary purpose. other fellow, but about one’s own person-to-person sharing of experi- current situation. These ,big get-togethers have gone days of folly. ence that makes AA unique, special I, too, have observed this pheon a long time, and I suppose they If all “entertainment” and laughs meetings, conventions, conferences, nomenon. In some of our .local will continue, but they are getting or “comics” were to be eliminated, etc. tend to increase it, I believe. groups, as well as at our large Southdarn expensive-I can’t afford them. AA might become a very dull busi- Most AAs are: extremely gregarious, ern California Convention, the It seems we can’t have a convention and the annual area convention, “social affair” aspect has gained asunless it is held in the most elaborate conference, roundup, or get-together, cendancy over our precious primary and expensive place in the country. big or small, is an event dear to purpose. Although our convention, Again, this is not our primary pur- their hearts. It has become a social I have been told, was started by pose. I still believe in the attraction outlet where they meet their old AA service people to carry the message of the AA program on an individual friends, make new ones, bring guests, of AA functions in our various serbasis. I’ve seen dozens and dozens of and sometimes bring the entire family. vices, we find that very excellent cennew people at these conventions, tral service, general service, and Yes, the AA “name” or “special” and all the sober old boys and gals speaker is pleased to be invited to institutional meetings are sparsely hardly know that these people are ness. Self-effacement is admirable, participate in a conference. Granted, attended. Most members are round even in the building, much less that but can become boresome. Why we are not an oratorical society. But and about socializing and (perhaps) shouldn’t the fellow who has “made” if an AA has this special gift -why trying to impress each other. (Re- AA and been sober for some years not use it to carry our message? member, it takes one to know one!) and probably brought in many pi- The standing ovation does seem D. B.

April 1974

The program chairman’ asked me if I would go out speaking in about MY two weeks. As this was the opportunity I was waiting for, of course Speaking I agreed. He then made some silly remark about brevity not being a Suit character defect, and moved on. Now that I had the outfit, I needed a first-class speech to go with it, and so I spent many hours writing an appropriate speech. Finally, I HE FIRST time I spoke at a with me #beforeand after meetings. in front of the local men’s shop: T closed meeting, it was just by So I agreed reluctantly. You probchance. I had been around the group ably know the rest. I talked for “Clearance Sale. Everything Must Go!” They were moving the store was sure that it was at least the equal of the Gettysburg Address. I jyst knew I was on my way! I had for about six months and had re- about forty-five minutes. The words and were selling all the obsolete to meet the other speakers in the fused to speak on a number of oc- just seemed to spill out. Afterwards, merchandise. I had no sooner gone next town. We were to drive into casions. I was extremely shy, and I felt so good! I felt as if I belonged into the store than I saw the suit. New York together. As it was a the members of my group were try- to something for the first time in my It was marked down to only fifteen warm summer day, I opened all the ing to encourage me to be more life. I felt purged of some of the dollars. It was exactly like a suit windows of the car. I was feeling active. I would set up the meeting horrors of my drinking years. When that I had wanted years before. very self-satisfied about my suit, my and sweep up afterwards, but I members came up to me after the Somehow, I had spent the money on speech, and the world in general hardly ever spoke to anyone except meeting and thanked me for my talk, booze instead. It was a gray, chalk- when my higher power stepped in Tony, the coffee maker. I felt ten feet tall. striped flannel with all kinds of pad- and gently wafted my speech out the One meeting night, Tony ap- That night, in the quiet of my ding in the shoulders. In fact, they window into the middle of the Friproached me at precisely two min- furnished room, I thought about the sort of turned up at the ends. It was day-night turnpike traffic. I was utes to nine. “George, you’ve got to nice things the people had said, and double-breasted and pinched in at forced to leave my speech to the do me a favor. I’m supposed to lead I decided that all of AA should ben- the waist. All the rest of the suits sanitation department, to do with the meeting tonight, and I must be efit from my talks. I should volun- were from sixty-five dollars up, and as they might wish. getting the flu or something, because teer to go out speaking with my I could not #believethat this beauty On this night, I learned the true I feel as if I’m going to be sick to group. There was only one thing was so inexpensive. I picked out a meaning of kindness and love as exmy stomach. Will you please lead wrong – I did not have a suit. All broad-brimmed, pearl gray homburg pressed in AA. No one in any way the meeting for me? All you have the speakers I had seen seemed to for five dollars and a broad, psyche- made fun of me in my out-of-style to do is say, ‘My name is George and be wearing a suit and a tie. All I delic-colored tie for five cents to go suit. They listened attentively as I I am an alcoholic! Then, if you had were gray chino working pants with my outfit. I left the store with stumbled through the shambles of want to tell something about your- and shirts. So I resolved to go out the feeling that *I had really out- my first talk at an open AA meeting. self, go ahead. If you’re too nervous, and buy a “speaking suit.” smarted them. My day of great glory was over, and just go around the room and ask for The next night, I tried the depart- On my next meeting night, I was I was the better for its going. I had questions.” ment stores, but the prices were all fairly bursting at the seams. I want- traded fame and prestige for hon- I started to say no, but I owed too high. I had reached the penny- ed to tell everybody what a smart esty and humility. My higher power Tony a lot for his past kindnesses. pinching stage in AA. When I got shopper I was, but somehow I man- works in strange ways. He had spent a great deal of time back to my town, there was a sign aged to keep my big mouth shut. George S., Riverhead, N.Y.

May 1974 Spiritual language? ‘Saloon talk’ From Stuttgart, Ariz.: From Syracuse, N.Y. : It says in the Big Book that this I see no reason for the vulgar is a spiritual program, but, after what talk of the barroom being brought I see and hear at so many meetings, into an AA meeting. Lately, it seems I wonder whether we could prove it. that an unusual amount of cussing A newcomer, after his first meeting, and swearing is mouthed at meetasked me, “What’s cooking? All this ings, not alone by the new member, God and spiritual stuff in one breath, but by those fortunate enough to and cussing like a sailor in the next!” have many sober days in the pro- I had and still have much the gram. Some appear to use this shock same feeling, but never had the cour- technique to impress on other memage to ask. As best I recall, my reply bers the tough drinking careers they was “The Big Book says ‘spiritual had before entering AA. Others progress,’ not perfection. None of us seem to think their exalted stature come close to living up to the Twelve of service gives them this privilege. Steps.” Every member of the program Last year, it sounded like two had a tough drinking problem, or else we wouldn’t be sitting at meetings. Those with long service can thank God they are still around and have gained enough growth through the Fellowship to keep their sobriety and be a power of example to the other members. sailors. But do all sailors cuss? I have not learned any new swear I’m not about to fly, $butGod and words in the program, and I doubt many friends know something h a p if anyone else has. However, we have learned a new way of life in pened for the better early in 1964, thanks to all you wonderful people the Fellowship, and it should show and AA as a whole. G. M. up in our discussions. If the growth is not there, we are not working the program fully. We know it’s there, so let’s use this power of example and keep the saloon talk out of the meetings. R. C.

June 1974

First-Meeting Cautious

w HEN i ARRIVED, they were all sitting there, all ten of them relaxed and cheerful. I hunched my shoulders a little and narrowed my All she did was listen, and the listening gotta love you jokers, even if I don’t like you.” His eyes were warm. If you have to love somebody, I thought, that seemed like a good eyes, just in case there were any way to express it. troublemakers lurking among them. made her feel All they did was tell me about I sat down as quickly as possible. better themselves, and all I did was listen. The fellow next to me offered to get The listening made me feel better me a cup of coffee. I accepted as about myself – the best thing that gracefully as I could without encour- Then they talked about them- doesn’t chase you) had driven me to had happened to me in a long time. aging him too much (or next he’d selves. My favorite part of each talk this unlikely place to listen to these It made me feel in some way conbe following me all over town). was the drinking story. They seemed unlikely people. After escaping from nected to other people; it relieved This was my second meeting, the to like to talk about the things they everything else, I could no longer me of the burden of having nothing first by myself in my own town. Al- did when they were drinking; some feel safe even with my own mind but my own company and my own though I had assured my sponsor were even funny. A couple of peo- when I was drinking. It seemed sen- counsel. It was a relief, too, to learn that I was quite capable of getting ple mentioned God and some kind sible to be afraid of things outside that I didn’t know everything after to a meeting on my own, it was a of “spiritual program.” They seemed myself, but to be afraid of my own all, particularly when it seemed that long half-mile and a long flight of unimpressed with themselves. Their self was unbearable. Yet, strangely all I knew, I didn’t like. stairs. Caution was essential. stories didn’t start out like mine – enough, I kept on drinking. They I’d just have to think about God I had gauged it right; the meeting “Wow! You should hear what I’ve had, too, but they had learned of a later. Love would have to wait, too. started on schedule. There had been got myself into this time!” They way to stop. Very peculiar. In the meantime, I liked these peono time for prying questions. The seemed oddly peaceful about i:. The last person to talk impressed ple, sort of, and felt a lot better when meeting began with that comforting None of them drank any more. Some I me with his stories of fighting in I was with them. Their telling who saying I remembered from the first of them hadn’t for a long time. bars and of how angry he had been they were made me feel that it was meeting: “Grant me the serenity to After a while, my secrets didn’t -fifteen years ago. Until recently, all right to be who I was. accept the things I can’t stand.. .” seem so awful to me. Being an alco- I had been a relatively peaceful That was the love I didn’t under- The rest of it was a complicated holic didn’t seem so awful, either; I woman, yet I knew what he was stand then. In time, I heard that love thing about wisdom. Something was was in sturdy company. I began to talking about. The purposeless rage expressed; I saw and felt it shown read from the AA book, Since I had get the feeling that these people I felt had a power which was becom- in n variety of ways of caring. And a copy of the book, I didn’t listen. might know something I had missed ing harder and harder to suppress. in time, I was able to thank God I used the time to examine the sec- -for example, how to stop drink- A lingering regard for my physical that they, the likeliest of all people, retary, wondering what made her so ing and how to be happy about it. well-being, a distaste for pain, and had loved me first so that now I can special that she got to run every- Minor hallucinations (“minor” – long-practiced thrift had kept me al- love, too. thing. when what you see that isn’t there most nonviolent. Finally, he said, “I Laura L., Sonoma, Calif.

June 1974

‘Earth people’? From Pittsford, Vt.: well! I’m one nonalcoholic who My husband is an alcoholic, a so- can count my blessings and thank ber member of AA for twenty-five my God, because my husband deyears. I am a nonalcoholic who at- tests anyone’s calling us earth peotends open meetings with him at ple. He understands! During the last least once a week and often more. twenty-five years, he has gone to During the past five years, I have every length to make his amends to heard speaker after speaker talk of me. We have a beautiful life tous nonalcoholics as “earth people.” gether. To me, he is the most con- They talk at great length of their siderate man on the face of the earth. sufferings and their battle with alco- We love his AA sobriety. We love hol; they say that alcoholics under- to attend meetings. Every three stand one another. How true that IS. months, we read the Big Book to- But I have news for them. We so- gether. We eat up the Grapevine. called earth people, we nonalcohol- And now, when we hear those charics who cared – we suffered, too, acters say “earth people,” we look and at greater length when it comes at each other and smile. M. W. down to the truth. We worked to meet obligations. We washed, ironed, cleaned the house, paid for the groceries. We put our husbands to bed. We lied for them. We hocked our souls for them. We suffered with agonizing headaches, nervous tension, sleepless nights that were loaded with fear. And yet we hear, “They don’t understand.”

August 1974

From Queens, N.Y.: [No address given] Silent AAs speak up I identify so much with Ed G. I., “Is Speaking a Must?’Certainly From Descanso, Calif. : too, am quiet and do not mingle too not. No place, either in the Big Book I enjoyed reading Ed G.’s short well, but I do make friends and am or in the Twelve Steps, is speaking piece in the April Grapevine (page able to talk to the people near me. called for. 19), “Is Speaking a Must?” I am a member of AA for over a I have seen fine members, deter- Like Ed G., I loved making cof- year. I remember so well going to minedly making the grade toward a fee each week and just being in- closed meetings with my sponsor contented sobriety, discouraged by volved with the group. My group and absolutely dreading it. After was forever after me to speak. I three months, I felt that everyone have never been able to stand up was waiting for me to say something. before a large group and speak. My When it came to my turn, my hands mind goes blank. I have always been perspired, my mind went blank, and like this, in school or anywhere. I all I could say was “I pass.” I did am comfortable in Twelfth Step not celebrate my first anniversary, work or with another AA or two. because I truly felt I couldn’t speak, When AAs keep bugging me to even though I wanted to. It was be- overzealous older AAs’ insisting that speak before a group, it upsets me coming an obsession with me. My they should get up and talk. The for weeks. Even in my drinking sponsor, in her wisdom, told me, older AAs’ reasoning is only that “I days, I was no great speaker in a “Don’t worry about it. Don’t pick did it this way.” And they keep inbar, as most were. up that first drink and keep coming sisting to the point of offensiveness. Please, AA groups, remember we to meetings.” While these individuals mean well, are all individuals, with our own I find now, that in my own home they have no understanding of shyviews. I have sat through the reli- group, I am able to say something ness or reticence, qualities which do gious speaker, the Step speaker, the occasionally. We have a small be- have value and cannot be ignored. book speaker, and the rest. All are ginners meeting, and here is where Let us have tolerance. One wantwelcome, at least when I share meet- I started to open up. At the closed ing the benefits of sobriety will find ings. I would say E d G. is possibly meeting that follows, a lot depends it in our program by study, observavery upset and someone should look on the topic or sometimes just the tion, and following AA principles. in on him and tell him he doesn’t person leading. I don’t fret about Respect his desire to patiently work have to do anything lbut stay sober. this any more. I am giving this prob- the program in the manner of his G. W. lem to God. It was so good to read choice. ANONYMOUS this article, as I know now I am not alone. Isn’t AA great! I hope Ed G. came back to his meetings, because he carries the message just by being there and trying to help in whatever way he can. A. K.

September 1974

looking at your faces, I see that He A woman said it behooves us to already has done that.” truly live the principles of our pro- There was the doctor who de- gram because “Any one of us might scribed his torturous road into AA. well be, at any time, the only copy His diagnostic mind insisted on of our Big Book that some desperate rationalizing and finally on experi- alcoholic would be able to see.” menting. While he lay in a hospital, Those of us who were “King stuck full of needles and tubes, fresh Kong on roller skates” when we out of convulsions and hallucina- used liquor as an aid to achievement tions, a woman AA came to visit. can appreciate one young man’s “How do you work the program?” words: “Alcohol gave me wings to he asked. fly, and then it took away the sky.” Some Words to Grow By Her reply was a single word: “Simply.” One word to live by. For former people-pleasers like us, there was one businessman who Another meeting brought a young ‘ cpnfessed: “I was eternally busy man to the podium to remind us: spending money .I didn’t have to E IN AA talk a great deal about “Every problem drinker eventual- buy things I didn’t need to impress W fringe benefits, those joys over and beyond the delight of sobriety. ly takes his last drink. We in AA have lived to talk about ours.” people I didn’t like.” A drunk’s whole lifetime was un- Among the greatest of these fringe On our proclivity for needless folded when a member reported, There are benefits, of course, is having some projection, the words of two women, “There were three stages to my times when a place to go when the “inner us” speaking at different times, sank in boozing. In the fun days, I lived to needs replenishing- meetings where deeply. One said, “It’s okay to think drink. Then, addicted, I drank to speaker shares about the future, but we don’t have live. Finally, despondent, I drank we can listen and savor the exa thought periences, strengths, hopes, thoughts, to live there.” to die.” and revelations of others who share The other: “I was constantly I heard that self-pity is like a that is truly clearing away the wreckage of my wet diaper. “At ,first, it is warm and our controlled addiction. inspiring It is said that man lives by words. future.” comforting. All too soon, it begins We in AA have our Slogans, the The hope for us in our one-day- to stink.” Serenity Prayer, and our Preamble, at-a-time program came through One reason for open-mindedness, the all-embracive statement of what clearly when I heard, “We know I heard, is this: “When we selfishly we are in this Fellowship. Today, we’ll die alcoholics. Our prayer is close the doors of our minds, we are realizing I had enjoyed twelve meet- that we die sober.” locking out far more than we are ings during the past seven days, I “Action is a part of our serenity,” keeping locked in.” began recalling some of the words one man said. “Think of the majes- A smiling young woman shared that have nourished my mind. tic swan, gliding smoothly over a this thought: “The worst thing about For instance, there was the young lake’s placid waters. A picture of resentments is the perpetual rehearswoman who paused the other eve- serenity. But without two madly als of the acts of retribution.” ning as she came to the end of her churning feet under the surface, the One of the long-time-sober felmessage. “I was about to close by great b i d could not carry his seren- lows told us one night, “We were asking God to bless you all. But ity far.” the ‘almost’ people when we drank.

We almost finished school, almost Keep coming back even after resaved a marriage, almost became lapses into more “research,” fellow boss of the department -and al- AAs tell us. I liked the story of most stayed sober a whole week.” the mother who went to visit her The fruitlessness of efforts to es- hospitalized chid, a polio victim, cape hit home when I heard, “It and was told that the girl wanted to doesn’t make any difference what surprise her. The child started to kind of shoes we wear when we are walk to meet Mother, suddenly fell, running away.” and lay crying. A nurse restrained And this rang so very true: “AI- the mother from rushing to help. coholics Anonymous is a fellowship The child struggled to stand, made where losers gather to talk about it, and completed the walk. their winnings.” Later, the nurse told the mother, The importance of participation “I was not being cruel, you know. was emphasized by the AA who said It’s just that there is no disgrace or he protected his chances for sobriety shame in falling. The tragic thing is by getting into the program rather not trying to get up and make anthan on it. “It’s much harder to fall other effort.” out of something than to fall off it.” Teet C., North Hollywood, Calif.

November 1974

Cut the drunkalogs? minutes.is to me a wasG of t h e . From Excelsior, Minn. First of all, past drinking expe- I have done a good deal of trav- riences are usually made more glameling through eight states. Naturally, orous than they really were. We tend my first phone call at every stop is to exaggerate our past after a period to some member of our wonderful of honest, healthy sobriety. A drunk- Fellowship who is listed in the World alog can give newcomers -if they Directory (which I always carry have not, as yet, honestly taken Step with me). As a result, I have been One – the idea that “Well, I wasn’t fortunate enough to attend many that bad, and maybe I am not an alcoholic.” It can also, perhaps, inmeetings and to listen to many ex- still in their minds new, insane ideas cellent speakers, as well as enter about the “fun” of drinking. into many worthwhile discussions. Many alcoholics, when it comes However, I have heard altogether their turn to talk or speak at a meettoo many dnmkalogs. It is my per- ing, will try to top the previous sonal belief that the drunkalog is drunkalog. All of our patterns were more destructive than it is beneficial. more or less the same, so what is I realize it does help the newcomer the function of elaborating on them? realize that others have done the I think the function of the AA same insane things, but for a speaker speaker at any meeting is, after first to give a drunkalog for forty to fifty qualifying himself (or herself) briefly as an alcoholic, to then tell how the program of the Twelve suggested Steps has worked for him – how he has used it and practiced it, and the results obtained from it. GUY T.

December 1975 –

Not many. We spend hard money to problem by asking them to be up in attend our large AA functions. The front. But there is no way to prevent Circuit Speakers speakers are chosen in the hope that they will provide as interesting a the practice. Most AAs, I believe, do not want it to be discontinued! cross section as possible, and will In my experience, the member generate all obtainable enthusiasm. who censures an obviously ego-rid- A down-to-earth look Considered coldly, the Thursday- den speaker is also the first to deroat some facts of life night (or Friday) kickoff meeting is gate one who mumbles, spits into the a trial balloon; it usually isn’t well mike, lards his talk with profanity attended unless it is the only game in and obscenities fit only for the guttown! Meetings the next morning ter, or gets on his horse and rides off also realize tha.t there will always be can be expected to draw about one- in four different directions at once, I speakers in AA chosen for their real third to one-half of the registrants. leaving the audience to ponder what or imagined expertise, their drawing As the day wears on, the meetings in the world he is talking about and power. show better attendance. The big why he was asked to speak in the One answer to the problem of blast occurs at the Saturday-night first place- even though it is “all overdoing it would be to cease hold- banquet; attendance is at its peak; from the heart,” you understand. ing AA conventions and conferences. this is what most people really come It is time to “put the question”: Another solution would be to have for. The Sunday-morning wrap-up If these critics are so dismayed or the meetings, but absolve the chair- meeting is back down to that one- disgruntled with the speakers invited people of any responsibility for the third or one-half. If you doubt it, to participate in conventions and quality of the speaker, for quantity check with your own local people conferences, why do they continue to or quality of advance planning (or who have taken action by serving on attend these functions? It must be lack of it), and for the debacle the planning and development com- assumed they are masochists, like to which would ensue during the in- mittees for a convention or a confer- hurt, force themselves to pay their ence. money, then subject themselves to tense three days’ activity of most such gatherings. Since I came to our Fellowship, it what they know in advance they I. Fact: So-called stars have arisen has been a continuing source of per- won’t like! I’m sure we’d all be willing at F ROM TIMEto time, there is a spate among speakers in the Fellowship of of hip shots specifically direct- Alcoholics Anonymous. Another fact ed at the convention or conference of human life: Wherever “two or turbation to me that so many people with long-time sobriety have rarely been asked to speak, even at their least to listen if one (or more) of the depreciators could produce logispeaker, the circuit rider, the person more” are gathered, in or out of own neighborhood meetings -let cal reasoning and actual evidence to who is hungering for applause, the AA, there is one who is ascendant, alone being asked to participate from demonstrate that a circuit rider’s talk man or woman who possibly envi- conducts proceedings, is the ramrod, the podium at the Big One. hurts either the speaker or the audisions “Today AA, tomorrow the the front-runner. Is it damaging to the ego to be a ence. Merely to employ the subtle, world.” Let’s take show business as an ex- circuit rider? That depends upon the specious argument that “circuit For the moment, I, too, will “sit in ample. How many of the detractors individual. If it is, then the ego-in- speakers aren’t humble” (compared the scorner’s seat” and “hurl the of the cult of the speaker would flation is the speakers’ own problem, to whom?) isn’t enough to drive the cynic’s banv– at those who contend spend one cent to go see an un- and it can be hoped that they will species or the practice to silence, let the speaker thing is overdone. It is. known act? Or turn on the terrible live through it. In such cases, of alone to extinction. But one need not be clairvoyant to tube just to see “anybody” perform? course, we did help promote the Anonymous, Los Angeles, Calif.

March 1975

Grateful for what? From Texas City, Tex.: From podiums, lectures, and dis- contributions and our services; humcussion I-ables in cities, towns, and bly being an AA member and allowvillages ring the cries “I’m grateful! ing the group conscience to be the I’nl grateful! 1 an1 so humbly grate- instrument of the Higher Power; and ful!” respecting our Twelve Traditions, Sure, we are all grateful for our which keep AA as it is, for all to sobriety, which we now feel will be share. with us forever. But are we really Or are we grateful that, as congrateful for the program of Alcohol- vention speakers, we now are folics ~ n o n ~ n i o u s through ~ which our lowed by large and cheering crowds t-lighcr Power guides us each day which we could never muster in our into a new adventure of sobriety? own businesses and professions? Are If we are humbly grateful for the we grateful that we now, at long last, principles of the Twelve Steps-the can be on the board of directors of program of Alcoholics Anonymous vast and famous service organiza- -we will show our gratitude by: tions in AA? Are we grateful for attending niectings regularly; mak- AA as a vehicle to accomplish selfing Twelfth Step calls any time, ish motives and bring us prestige? anywhere; supporting our General Are we really grateful for AA? Service Office – which provides us B. H. JR. with our vital AA literacure and the treasured Big Book – through our

APRIL 1 9 7 5

X-rated AA meetings? There is no sign outside saying From Santa Cruz, Calif.: “Adults Only,” “X,” “R,” or “G,” It seems time to coin a new phrase and it is getting to where there to go with “bleeding deacons” and should be. ”elder statesmen,” in order to de- Sharing spiritual growth should scribe a new phenomenon in our certainly not require off-color humidst. These are the persons (a mor or profanity. I don’t know if I small percentage) who speak (en- resent the additional garbage these tertain?) at conferences and public persons implant in my not-too-spameetings with the use of four-letter cious memory, or the fact that they words and off-color humor. It has deny me encouragement, inspirareached a point where I feel I have tion, and knowledge by wasting my to make discreet inquiries before time and attention. I cannot quarrel subjecting my wife, family, or out- with those who find it necessary in side friends to AA-sponsored talks. their home groups and closed meetings to express themselves in street language, but in public meetings sponsored by AA, where they speak for my program, please let them stick to AA language and experiences -which in the Big Book seem to avoid filth. If the book’s message should stay, perhaps these people should be stricken from the speaker lists, much the same way as the practicing alcoholic is taken from the Twelfth Step list. Where is the difference? J. G .

May 1975

‘Junkie’ language From Salinas, Calif.: I recently had a long conversation with a twenty-one-year-old nian who is a newcomer to AA. Wc werc discussing a large area nlecting at which thc spcakcr uscd vile and disgusting words and swore, too. The new young man told mc he had come from a life of violcncc and degradation to find a new way of life in AA, and he was disgusted to hear such talk as we wcrc subjected to that night – iind from a speaker who is well cducatcd and successful in his profession. Thc ncwcomer added that such talk wiis common among his junkie and alcoholic formcr con~panions. M. I.

June 1975

-.-, On obscetlity at meetitzgs

Must We Put the Cotton Back in Our Ears?

I N MY SECTION of the country at least, many of us are revising the old AA injunction “Take the cotton either, thank God! I do not consider it necessary to relate all of my drunken-past pecout of your ears and put it in your cadilloes in four-letter-word terms. mouth.” In order to maintain our And I feel that it is neither civil nor self-respect, we now often have to very helpful to do so. To me, it is a t take the cotton out of our mouths dcvastating and disgusting habit. I and put it in our ears in order to sit have no desire to sink as low in my through some of the meetings. The thinking as I did in my drinking. It situation lays a fearful burden on may possibly be the only manner in one’s tolerance, indeed. which some AAs feel they can coni- The fact that we are drunks does municate, but 1 do not have to listen defilement comes from the mouths outer world he presents his stage not mean we have to publicly use (i.e., I don’t have to become per- of well-known circuit speakers. A character.” Some seem to be unwillall the four-letter words known, to missive). Also, I don’t think it is method for control would be either ing to get off that stage where we all show that we are, after all, “real fel- either effective or sincere. a verbal statement of caution di- strutted in our drinking days. And , lows” or “with it.” Yes, it is true More to the point, however, is rectly to the speaker, before the so the bar talk comes along with the that I use some of them myself, as what it may be doing to AA. Many meeting, or a printed card on the man. Quite obviously, he is using – most of us do. But I’ll be damned if – especially newcomers -are fear- podium, stating the clean-language words and phrases for shock value. I find it necessary to do so before a ful lest this niay be “the AA way.” preference of the host group. Instead of shock, he is creating feelpublic gathering, especially a mixcd Many find their sensibilities (and Chapter Five tells us, “We claim ings of pity and disgust in his captive group. Drunk or sober, I still respect some of us still have them) turned spiritual progress rather than spiri- audience. women, be they drunk or sober. off to such an extent that they may tual perfection.” Spiritual progress? Chapter Eleven advises us, “Clear This may appear to be a stuffy stand, not even want to become involved How can anyone describe a spiritual away the wreckage of your past. . . . but it is mine. And I do not believe in the program. way of life in terms of blasphemy? We shall be with you in the fellowthat 1 stand alone in that regard D~lvrN., Phoenix, A r k . Get into Chapter Six, where the ship of the Spirit. . .” This, we can Big Book reads, “We will not regret equate with our beautiful Fellowship I the past nor wish to shut the door of men and women who share their I on it.” But we are not told to drag experience, strength, and hope. Filth in Our New Living Room I the filth, shame, and degradation of And now, the meeting draws to the past into our new living room – a close. We stand and, in unison, the AA room of life. reverently repeat, “Our Father who

A LONG WITH many others, I do not understand the frequently accepted use of foul and downright obings, and we ask our visitors not to reveal names or stories they hear there. I pray our guests remember Speaking of the alcoholic, Chapter Six also informs us, “To the art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. . . .” Miriam I., Salinas, Calif. scene language in AA meetings. our request. Many times, these are open meet- Too often, this offensive moral

June 1975

sleep last night, and when I woke up week, what with the wife and the this morning, my ulcers were killing bank account gone.”

Sharing Our Strength.. . me. My back went out, too, so I wasn’t able to get to work today.” RUTH: “We have to learn to stand still and hurt.” RUTH: “HOW about letting go and letting God?” BOB: “I know. But it surc is hard.” DICK: “NO one ever told you this BOB: “I know. It wouldn’t be so bad, was an easy program.” At1 in~agitlaryscene -4 but the guy my wife ran away with BOB: “That’s true. Still, it keeps goin which a poor, was my partner, and I’ve been sup- ing round in my head, and I can’t porting that bum for years. Besides, believe it. My wife, my sister, my sulferitlg soul he’s a crook.” kid, my mother, my partner. . . it’s really gets the works! DICK: “We’re not supposed to hold all so complicated.” resentments. Pray for him.” RUTH: “Don’t forget, E m j f h e s If. BOB: “1’11 try, but I haven’t told you ‘Keep it simple.’ “

I 1 f 7 HE CLICHES that we hear at AA and Al-Anon meetings are, we Ic;~rnas wc stay around, nothing less everything. My kid got busted last night with a kilo of pot in the car a stolen car.” HOB: “Of Course, you’re right. What do I do?” DICK: “Get out of your own way.” I than ;~ccun~ulated and distilled wis- RUTH: “You’ve just got to release BOB: “I forgot – on top of cvcrydom. The fact that they are fre- him.” thing else, my sponsor got drunk.” quently repeated does not diminish BOB: “There’s also my mother. She RUTH: “Well, they told us it takes their essential validity. And they can’t get along with my father any what it takes to get here, and it takes serve as valuable twls for all of us more and insists she’s going to come what it takes to stay.” i n times of stress, often helping to and live with me. I feel sorry for BOB: “1 forgot – this afternoon, I preserve our sanity and taking on her, but I can’t stand her.” got a call they’re repossessing my new meaning in such crises. RUTH: “YOU haven’t learned to stay car. And they’rc cutting my phone Yet there arc those who occasion- detached.” off next week if I don’t pay up in ally seem to be using these same BOB: “I’d like to. My sister wrote full. My wife ran up 5300 worth of c1ichi.s. after hearing a member’s last week and said she’s living with long distance calling her sister in jm~blcm, to avoid a thoughtful or a junkie. Things really have never Alaska. She’s a worthless slut.” truly personal response, answering seemed worse.” RUTH: “Don’t takc her inventory. nlcchanically, rather than from the DICK: “Compared to what?” Live in the now. Remember, one heart. Such responses rarely satisfy – to share our experiences,strengths BOB: “I sure wish I had your atti- day at a time.” the party who is hurting. Sometimes, and hopes.” tude. But I lost three customers this BOB: “This surc has heen helpful. they can bc painfully funny. B o a : “My wife left me last night week, and if things don’t pick up But I do wish thcrc wiis something This is ;In imagined conversation without a word. She took every cent soon, there goes the business. 1 don’t cheerful happening.” involving an AA member -call out of our joint bank account, and know what to do. I feel awful.” DICK: “Did you takc a drink today?” him Bob – an Al-Anon member, all my credit cards, All she left me RUTH: “Self-pity will get you drunk.” BOB: “Nope.” Ruth, and her AA husband, Dick. was the Big Book.” DICK: “Have you tried the Serenity RUTH: “Great. You’re in a good BOB: “I think I do have a problem DICK: “That’s something to be grate- Prayer?” place. Thanks for twelfth-stepping tonight.” ful for.” BOB: “Well, yes. It helped. But I us.” RUTH: “Good. That’s what we’re for BOB: “I suppose. I wasn’t able to don’t have money for the rent next Ben I,, North Hollywood, Calij.

June 1975

Ego on the podium From Toronto, Ont.: Tllc piece appcaring in your Fcb- When onc hears such a pcrson for ruary issue entitled “Learning to the first timc. onc is tiansported to Grow in Self-Esteem” was one of licigllts above; it is stinlulating and the finest I have r ~ i din souw tinlc. exciting. But when lie or she is heard The writcr is to be congratulated on the second. third. and fourth tinic, his or her understanding of the AA the i ~ l c h c ~ ~ l y departs forever. When program and the alcoholic syn- 1 hcar the si\me story, the sanic drome. tones and inllcctions, tlic same one- The writcr lightly touches on a a-minute jokes, with the spcakcr point I have been meaning to niake prompting the audiencc with a for sonic timc, with the words “that quaint littlc chucklc, it becomes just ;\ bit much. we should not solicit public ap- There arc still many thousands of plause,” and again with “for the per- A A nicnibcrs tilled to ovcrtlowing son who has bccn hungering and with ego, Learning to be llumble is a tllirsting for applause.” lifctinic job that must be worked 011 Now that confercncc tinic is com- each and cvcry day of our lives. ing up once again in Toronto – our Whcncvcr I open my talk. I ;11ways twenty-fifth – I know for sure that say a silent little four-word prayer, we will h;~vc many speakers ini- “God, keep nlc humble.” 1 can thcn ported from your country who will speak the language of the heart withreally slay them. Of course, we have out thc necd to impress anybody but our own garden variety hcrc, too. I myself. 1 know that if 1 can satisfy spccilically refer to thosc circuit ridthis pcrson, thcn I have given my ers so niucli i n dcmand for confcrcnccs – thosc who just missed best. w.S. Hollywood by a narrow margin and may still drcanl that they will yet make it there.

AUGUST 1976 group of recovered alcoholics in to find other words as his under- AA. I am sure that there is room for standing of the program deepens. all kinds of people in our program, It is up to me, as an individual In Defense of ‘Free’ Speech and for that reason, there should be AA, to be an example to the newroom for all types of expression. comer and to try to be myself in the, D. D., Manhattan, N.Y. process. I think my primary purpose is to carry the message, not to judge others. I believe in “principles be- There’s room in our program fore personalities.” It’s the message Learning to listen is a very imfor all kinds of people portant exercise for all of us in sothat matters briety. It takes practice and total

Y EARS AGO, 1 heard an adult woman use the four-letter street word for sexual intercourse, in cona case can be made, it’s in that arena, since many nonalcoholics attend those meetings. On the other S OME OF the letters and articles printed in the Grapevine about concentration. A man doesn’t listen for his wife’s sake, but to help himself stay sober another day. If a versation in mixed company. I had hand, if a speaker, in the catharsis of “street talk” at meetings have said speaker is lousy and uses four-letter used the expression from time to telling his story, utters a word that that this kind of language upsets the words, he’ll be asked to speak less time -particularly in the Army – rankles some, so what? I’ve always ladies. As a woman, I’d like to ask and less -if he has no message for but I was stunned to hear it used felt that if a person did not know why females still need to be pro- us. Don’t you think this matter will casually and soberly at a dinner what a word meant, he couldn’t be tected from street language more take care of itself through the group party offended, and if he did know, he than males do. This is the most ex- conscience? Since then, the word has received shouldn’t be offended. citing age for women to be achieving Anonymous greater circulation, to the point of In my opinion, no case can be sobriety, and I hope that, through common use in conversation and made for restriction of speech during communication of any kind, the AA publications, and I see nothing wrong a closed discussion. We want to hear message will reach more and more Respect? with that. As a matter of fact, I what the speaker has to say and to women every minute. think it is pretty healthy, though, in actual practice, I seldom use that word or others like it. get to know him. If knowing him proves that he is an unmitigated vulgarian, so much the better. We must I believe in being treated equally, and I believe in freedom of speech. When I was a teacher, I learned how A FTER THE last Grapevine, article on obscenity I read, I must say: How about these men who say they Recently, articles have appeared know each other and learn from ex- important it is for children to com- can’t stand obscenity because they in the Grapevine on the vulgar talk ample – bad as well as good. I am municate in any way possible, as have respect for women? Respect? heard during meetings. My intoler- particularly put off by the argument long as they do express themselves. You ought to see what some AA ance has been piqued by the in- that language must be cleaned up We, as educators, would probably say men do with AA women after meettolerance expressed on this subject. “because ladies are present.” That no language is dirty. But I could ing hours, and you will know how While I know that judgment seats point is so patently sexist that it suggest to a child that he might ex- much respect they have. I wish these have a way of turning into barstools should not even receive considera- press himself differently. The articu- guys would stop “hoodlumizing” the for alcoholics, let me suggest some tion in “a fellowship of men and late person is most eloquent when poor drunk who uses a bad word ground rules. women.” he is natural and believes what he is and knows the meaning of “respect Probably, some restraint might be If there is one group of people in saying. If his customary speech in- for women” better than they do. exercised at open meetings. I don’t the world that should be tolerant of cludes expressions that are offensive With such hypocrisy, who can live? feel very strongly about this, but if the expressions of others, it is the to some, he may (or may not) learn H . B., West Newton, Mass. .

i

December 1975′ NO, nlany. We spend hard money to problem by asking them to be up in attend our large AA functions. The front. But there is no way to prevent Circuit Speakers speakers are chosen in the hope that the practice. Most AAs, I believe, they will provide as interesting a do not want it to be discontinued! cross section as possible, and will In my experience, the member A down-to-earth look generate all obtainable enthusiasm. who censures an obviously ego-rid- Considered coldly, the Thursday- den speaker is also the first to deroat some facts of life night (or Friday) kickoff meeting is gate one who mumbles, spits into the a trial balloon; it usually isn’t well mike, lards his talk with profanity attended unless it is the qnly game in and obscenities fit only for the guttown! Meetings the next morning ter, or gets on his horse and rides off also realize that there will always be can be expected to draw about one- in four different directions at once, speakers in AA chosen for their real third to one-half of the registrants. leaving the audience to ponder what or imagined expertise, their drawing As the day wears on, the meetings in the world he is talking about and power. show better attendance. The big why he was asked to speak in the One answer to the problem of blast occurs at the Saturday-night first place -even though it is “all overdoing it would be to cease hold- banquet; attendance is at its peak; from the heart,” you understand. ing AA conventions and conferences. this is what most people really come It is time to “put the question”: Another solution would be to have for. The Sunday-morning wrap-up If these critics are so dismayed or the meetings, but absolve thc chair- meeting is back down to that one- disgruntled with the speakers invited people of any responsibility for the third or one-half. If you doubt it, to participate in conventions and quality of the speaker, for quantity check with your own local people conferences, why do they continue to or quality of advance planning (or who have taken action by serving on attend these functions? It must be \ i lack of it), and for the debacle the planning and development corn- assumed they are masochists, like to which would ensue during the in- nlittees for a convention or a confer- hurt, force themselves to pay their tense three days’ activity of most ence. money, then subject themselves to such gatherings. since I came to our Fellowship, it what they know in advance they t Fact: So-called stars have arisen has been a continuing source of per- won’t like!

F RoMTIME 10 time, there is a Spate among speakers in the Fellowship of of hip shots specifically direct- Alcoholics Anonymous. Another fact ed at the convention or conference of human life: Wherever LLtro or turbation to me that SO many people I’m sure we’d all be willing at ‘ with long-time sobriety have rarely least to listen if one (or more) of been asked to speak, even at their the depreciators could produce logispeaker, the circuit rider, the person more” are gahered, in or out of own neighborhood meetings -let cal reasoning and actual evidence to who is hungering for applause, the AA, there is one who is ascendant, alone being asked to participate from demonstrate that a circuit rider’s talk man or woman who possibly envi- conducts proceedings, is the ramrod, thc podium at the Big One. hurts either the speaker or the audisions “Today AA, tomorrow the the front-runner. Is it damaging to the ego to be a ence. Merely to employ the subtle, world.” Let’s take show business as an ex- circuit rider? That depends upon the specious argument that “circuit Forthe moment, I, too, will “sit in ample. How many of the detractors , individual. If it is, then the ego-in- speakers aren’t humble” (compared the scorner’s seat” and “hurl the of the cult of the speaker would flation is the speakers’ own problem, to whom?) isn’t enough to drive the cynic’s ban”–at those who contend spend one cent to go see an un- and it can be hoped that they will species or the practice to silence, let the speaker thing is overdone. It is. known act? Or turn on the terrible live through it. In such cases, of alone to extinction. But one need not be clairvoyant to tube just to see “anybodyw perform? course, we did help promote the Anonymous, Los Angeles, Calif.

December 1975

ference, I suppose, was that during stant authority became manifest with my rebellious period of life, I hap- sloshing drink in hand, brooking no pened to be in the Navy, and that argument. It’s a wonder we were inwas before Admiral “Z,” when a vited back as often as we were. Perbread-and-water diet and confine- haps I was on the entertainment ment in the brig were the therapy calendar. I should have learned to administered to rebels. juggle plates or tap-dance instead; Yes, I had a very nasty mouth in either would have caused less wear A Measure of Growth those days, and vestiges remained and tear on the old liver and gray during my first mamage. It took lib- matter. Are we using profanity to fill a vacuum eral doses of alcohol to loosen re- Therefore, you salty dogs who straints during parties, so that my wish to punctuate with profanity, between immaturity and growing up? shadowy Mr. Hyde could come stag- have at it. But don’t look now, begering out and hold forth on any cause your immaturity might be subject at hand. On politics, art, showing, as well as a limited vocabuor good conduct, the complete, in- lary. presume, at their language. Sam M., Saflord, AT&. M Y USE of profanity tells on me. During my drinking days, the further I sank into drunkenness, the All the so-called freedom of expression we’re said to be enjoying nastier became my language. I’ve seems but a license to let it all hang witnessed the same phenomenon in out. I’m sure that living should strike others. It seems to me that the more some sort of balance, a golden mean. blunt my adjectives became, the I realize that I have to know about more I was consumed with hate and the extremes, because there might fear. come a time to use extreme mea- It’s a matter of degree, I’m sure. sures. But to use extreme language A good healthy “God damn it” nev- on everyday occasions, for me, er hurt anyone under some moment would show that I still had hate and of emotional stress. And I may greet carping criticism as part of my peran old friend, especially from my sonality, that I hadn’t come very far waterfront days, with “You old in our program. I might be dry, but s.o.b., how the hell are you?” These I would have a long way to go to terms in their proper context don’t healthy sobriety, to maturity. seem to bother me. But the blunt If I had to use the blunt four-letfour-letter expletives do. D. H. Law- ter words, it would suggest that I still rence opened a Pandora’s box with had a lot of growing up to do, that Lady Chatterley’s Lover. According I might be the college youngster still to one biography about him, when trying to shake up the old folks. I he spent some time aboard ship sometimes wonder where the youngwith a moviemaking crowd, he was sters think we were in our early shocked at their carrying on and, I years -in a vacuum? The main dif-

January 1976

No preaching, please From San Francisco, Calif.: It is rare that I get even a minor resentment from another AA member’s talk. However, there are a few AAs here and there that I find I don’t like to listen .to. It finally dawned on me what all of these people have in common. Most AAs tell of their own experiences and how things relate to themselves. Those few who bother me usually direct their remarks to “the rest of you.” What it boils down to is that I don’t like being preached to or lectured to. After all, we share our experience, strength, and hope . . . If I wanted to hear a sermon, I would go to a church, rather than to an AA meeting. R. T.

July 1976 4,-

– I public. If 1 had only known! One people. To avoid a murder charge, I 1 clever little hint suggested that to learned to shut up and sit down

I calm my fears, 1 should imagine the whole audience without clothes. This when I was supposed to. I learned that a rule for speaking was the

! Lalophobia would help me to realize that they same as a rule for a good diet: Stop were just people like me, the book before you are satisfied. Chairmen – went on. Did it work? No. I merely Sometimes her group is sorry will love you. And last, because of they helped her conquer canlc down with a bad case of the the pull of gravity, it takes less giggles. Then, to my horror, it seem- energy to open the mouth than to [-;7:, P , her fear o f public speakillg ed that I, too, was wearing nothing close it, but with a little effort it can but tennis shoes and a silly grin. be done. PEAKlNG IN public is the thing every time 1 stand up. The second book suggestion: All As soon as 1 reestablished a re- S Americans fear most, according to a study by a market-research as- And worst of all, in those early days in AA, evcn when asked to I had to do was pick out one person in the audience, catch his or her eye, lationship with my Higher Power, I found things went better if I asked sociation. It’s followed by fears of speak in a snlall group, 1 spoke in and talk directly and only to that for a little help when I was going to heights, insects, financial problems, tongues. Nobody understood a word person. The result was that not only speak. Thus I came to believe I flying, dogs, elevators, escalators, I said, and neither did I. My life’s did I heconlc completely paralyzed, would know what to say. No need and cats. 1 guess I would be afraid ambition was to complctc 3 single but so did thc person in the audi- to try to impress anybody, including of flying dogs if I ever saw one. Be- sentence or thought. cncc I had chosen as my victim. No myself. fore joining AA, I had no fear of Understandingolder members told words came. We sin~plystared at And here is the payoff: Some little heights, that is, of getting too high. me not to worry about it. They said each other for what seemed like an thing you say may help somebody In my cups, I had no fear of speak- perhaps the most important thing hour. Thc chairman finally broke out there stay sober, just because ing in public. I could keep a roomful I’d cver say was my name and that the spell by taking my arm and you try to share your own experiof people spellbound (perhaps “par- I was an alcoholic. “And that my thanking me heartily for speaking. I ence. I know. It happened to me. alyzed” would be a better term). life had become unn~anageablc,” I was even more dazed when every- A member who has many, many My biggest fear since joining AA added. body clapped. years of sobriety confessed to me is of taking the first drink. That’s “As that part is pretty obvious,” I just kept trying, and eventually one day that he had planned to go one fear I hope I will always have. they replied, “you ciln omit it. The lily early, cxaggerated fear of speak- on a drunk after the meeting. He, But for those first months sober in thing is to gct up and try, scared or ing bcgan to ease up. It became a too, was new then, and something I AA, and even a year later (some- not. It’s good therapy. If you rcfusc, challcng to test the group’s toler- said when I spoke that day changed times even now), I came down with you might never gct up.” Later, ilncc. I Iearncd, too, that when my his mind. a bad case of “lalophobia,” fear of some of thcm regretted having been mind went blank, I could turn off “What did I say?” asked. speaking before a group or audience. so persuasive. thc sound. One old-timer hinted that “I don’t know,” he said. Waiting for my turn to come, I get I was still foolishly intinlida~cdby the most deadly weapon in the world So I guess only God knows. And breathless and weak in the knees. the seeming coolness and expcrtisc was the jawbone of an ass – that it that’s good enough for me. and I lurch and list a bit on the way of the older members, until it finally could turn off a whole roomful of M. U.,Brighton, Colo. to the podium. The palpitations are dawned on me that no pcrfornlance no help, either. My palms perspire; was required. The real aim was to my hairdo becomes damp and falls be nlyself and to carry the message. down. My first word is usually a But before this wisdom came to squeak or a roar. My mind sits down me, I read a book on speaking in

F e b r u a r y 1977

Doesn’t Anybody Just GET DRUNK Any More? I

I looked at him. This was a new 1 T STARTED like any other meeting. I was kicking around in a city I didn’t know and decided one-somebody who was orally fixated. I held up my hand. “Excuse This time I got through, and she turned to me. “Our counselors here tell us not to say the word ‘alcohol’ at Willy. “You mean he actually drank liquor?” I thought she was going to faint, to take in a meeting at a rehab cen- me. Would you tell me what-” unless we’re comfortable with it; we and she probably would have, but ter. It was supposedly an AA meet- He ignored me. “Tonight, we are can call it anything we want.” Willy had called on the next guy. ing, but it was being held at one of going to do the First Step, the one “Orally fiated?” I couldn’t help “Hi, I’m Don, and I’m a person those posh places where the drunks where we admitted we were power- it; 1 had to know. who gets liquidly released.” have a lot of money to spend-a less over whatever we choose to call “Oh, that’s just Willy’s way of Which made me think of squeezplace they used to call a sanitarium, it and that our lives were un- saying he kept putting things in his ing a sponge, and I had this mental but now call a rehab center. manageable.” mouth,” she answered. image of somebody hooked on Dr. Normally, I stay away from such “About that orally fixated busi- I looked a t Willy. “What Pepper and never taking the bottle places, being pretty hard-line AA-I ness,” 1 said, but he shut me off things? ” out of his mouth because he was mean, it worked for me, and that’s again. “Well, you know, that beverage orally fixated and the only way he all that counts-but the paper said it “You first, Linda,” he said, that makes you act silly .” could get released was by squeezing was AA, so 1 figured what the hell pointing at a small blond woman. “Coffee?” I’m hell on wheels, a sponge-probably doing all this and made the meeting. And like I “Hi,” she said cheerfully. “l’m really silly, if I don’t get my coffee while reading the Rand studysaid, it started like any other meet- Linda, and I’m a beverage depen- in the morning. while this mad counselor followed ing. dent.” “No, that other one.” him around telling him it was really They did the Serenity Prayer. 1 stared at her. Beverage depen- “Booze?” all right, maybe some day he could I Then the person chairing the dent? What the hell kind of bever- She turned white, but bravely work up to calling himself a n a l c e held on and nodded. “Yes . . . that I meeting sat down, leaned back, and age? Root beer? Milk? “Tell me, holic. I was really getting into it said, “Hi, my name is Willy, and just what in hell is a beverage depen- one.” when Willy pointed at me. I’m an orally fixated person.” dent?” “God, no!” I said, looking anew “Hi,” I said, “my name is Gary,

and I’m an alcoholic.” 1nodded. “Every morning.” They all stiffened. “And you don’t any more?” “I drank bourbon, and Scotch, “Nope. Hardly ever scared, and and rye. . .” haven’t puked since my cat dragged Two of them held their hands in a dead gopher and dumped it on over their faces, and I noticed Linda my foot.” trying to crawl under the table. “What did you d o to stop it? The . “. .And beer. 1 drank beer. And puking and fear?” I would get drunk, see, because I’m “Started going to AA meetings,” an alcoholic.” I answered, “where a lot of other WelI, as you might have guessed, people who used to puke and get it was too much. Willy stuck some- scared taught me how to stop doing thing in his mouth. Don ran out to it.” find a sponge and squeeze it. Linda “Yeah?” He looked skeptical. attacked the pop machine so she “Yeah.” 1 nodded. could find a beverage to depend on. “S’pose I could go?” 1 had to leave, of course, but it “Let’s,” I said, looking at the wasn’t wasted. As I was going out, a wrecked room. Everybody was gone man at the end of the table stopped but the two of us. “Let’s go find a me. “Tell me,” he said, “when you meeting.” drank all these things did you puke a And we did. lot and get scared?” G. P., Elbert, Colo.

May 1977

T i on talks From Myrtle Point, Oreg.: share my experience, strength, and I sobered up in a large metropolitan hope about God’s grace in my life, area, where an emphasis is put on one day at a time. R. P. giving an entertaining talk. Recently, I moved to a small logging and From Dumont, N. J.: ranching community. At my first Public speaking is an art, but not meeting, I gave a fairly humble talk a difficult one. We speak to be with a modest blend of irony, wit, heard, or we might as well not speak paradox, and esoteric insights. The at all. An AA audience is one of the reaction, however, was shocking! most attentive audiences in the They didn’t laugh once at my world, but when a speaker mumbles, humorous remarks, nor did they we cannot hear. We have a glorious seem to understand any of my pro- message to deliver, so let’s please found comments. speak up! R. P. Stunned, I changed my timing and added more adjectives to my story in hopes of winning their

smiles and applause. No use. They just sat there stone-faced. In desperation, I finally came to believe they just want me simply to

July 1977

T GETS TO BE a problem. You’re it, and now X has remembered jump in there and tell X he’s said chairing the meeting, and you’ve another thing he wants to say. He enough. I’m chairing, so I’m on an got this one person who launches in- can’t seem to find a finish, a wrap- ego trip. to a speech like it’s an open meeting. up for his monologue. Time for Stage 2: diversionary There are ten. fifteen people in the Time for me to go into Stage 1. I tactics. Members are already letting group, and most haven’t spoken look him straight in the eye, nod out sighs of quiet desperation, shiftyet, and this member keeps droning vigorously in agreement. “Right, X, ing their positions in their chairs, An on and on. right.” This often disconcerts him looking at their watches anxiously. Let’s call him or her X, since I just for a moment, time enough for The trick here is to make use of exercise don’t know anyone by that name. me to leap in there and say, “Good the unrest. At first, I didn’t know Right now, X is into a dissertation point, X. Thank you,” then go right how to do this. 1 learned. Like, I’ll in loving on spring planting and how it relates look over at a member who’s .just to the next person. concern in X’s mind to the Seventh Step. ~f you miss a beat or hesitate, if been checking his watch and ask, HOWcan you shut him up and get you allow a pause long enough for loud enough for everyone to hear, and self- on with the meeting? him to say, “Just one more point I as I point at my wrist, “What time is restraint 1’11 tell you what I do. First off, I wanted to make,” he’s got you. it?” Meanwhile, X is rambling on. remind myself how stupid I am. I f I Whatever you do, I’ve learned, don’t Before I lose my chance again, I’d had gotten to the meeting early and ever comment specifically on any- better say, “Sorry, we’re running spotted X there, I would have done thing that X says. That’ll just re- low on time, X,” then get right on what a couple others did who know mind him of things he hasn’t talked to someone else. X. They sat next to him, and when about yet. Sometimes, X has enough wind, the members counted off and split Son ot’a gun! It didn’t work. X is enough panic going on ininto smaller groups for discussions, still going. The group members will side-I don’t know what-but he they didn’t get stuck in the same be getting nervous very soon, then keeps talking right on, over, under, group with X. possibly ugly. I forget reality at this around, and through everything and But I did. Now I have to deal with point, forget that anyone is free to is still holding the floor.

I’m getting nervous, ’cause there use Stage 4, and I pray nobody ever are only four stages and it’s right in- uses it on me. (Although it would to Stage 3 now. I’ve never used probably make for an exciting Stage 4, and Stage 3 only once or meeting, I’d just as soon be with twice in a number of years. another group that night, thanks.) Stage 3 is getting my courage Come to think of it, the other night together, making a decision, saying, I saw one member staring out the “Okay, X, I’m cutting you off. I’d window, one reading a pamphlet, like to hear from the rest of the one looking at his watch, one getmembers here,” and then moving ting up to go to the bathroom- and right on to the next speaker. I was talking. Ma’ybe I’d better look Ah, it worked. The whole group at myself. . . . is alive again; a new voice is being The meeting ends, and we say the heard. Thank God, I didn’t have to Lord’s Prayer. One member says resort to Stage 4, which is: “Look, enthusiastically, “Good meeting,” X, you say one more word and 1’11 and really means it. come over the table and punch “Yes,” comes a voicc of agreeyou in the mouth.” ment. “Good meeting.” I hate to admit it, but I do feel The second voice belongs to X. like that at times. Fortunately, AA We all go downstairs and drink has taught me how to control some coffec together. of my feelings. I doubt that I could H. P.. Milwaukee, Wis.

September 1977

Let’s get organized! From Washington, D.C.: My remarks are directed toward any member who has anything to d o with introducing a speaker at a meeting. First, gently but firmly inform the proposed speaker of any time limit on the meeting. Second, let him know what his fair share of the time is. Third, indicate that an outline would be a good idea in order that he not get ten miles off the track of his destination (point). Fourth, ask that he make his point and then stop. A fiveminute speech should not drag on for an hour just because an hour has been allowed. Get the point? Thank you. W.H.

September 1977

Concerned environmentalist? From Greenfield, N.H.: With deep concern I pray that, for the continued success of our Fellowship, groups in contaminated areas will devote at least one discussion meeting to dangers inherent in the rapidly proliferating use of bathroom language in AA talks. Such juvenile exhibitionism, AA experience has established, does nor tell it like it is, does not strengthen the sobriety of listeners, and, in fact, is known to turn some members and prospective members away from our program of adult education. J. W.S.

October 1977

‘I need those drunkalogs’ From Monterey, Calif.: ing to my higher power.” Then I like drunkalogs. I’ve had eight someone gets up to tell how she years of sobriety, and my need to puked all over herself at a party, and identify myself as an alcoholic is as again I remember how it was with strong as ever. I find myself silently me. This spiritual creature would saying over and over during a pitch, become a puking baby again after “Yes, I did that, too. I felt just like that first drink. that.” I feel again the guilt and Recently, someone was talking shame of remembering what I did the about the beneficial effects of cream night before. I feel again the pain of a of mushroom soup the morning after. hangover. Then I return to the pres- Smiling and nodding my head, I ent, and I remember who and what I remembered the many mornings am-an ex-drunk grateful to be living when it took a tablespoon or two of one day at a time in AA. cream of mushroonl soup to let me 1 can get so spiritual and so high know I would live. that I forget where 1 came from. It Please give me the life-restoring would be easy to say to myself, “I spiritual pitches. But oh, how I need don’t belong here any more. Surely, those drunkalogs, too! G . M. I belong at the feet of a guru, chant-

January 1978 I didn’t see Calamity for about Concern, not control Mutual sharing four months since we normally don’t From Waynesboro, Va.: A change for the better. .? . From Florissant, Mo.: attend the same meetings. One I came into the AA Fellowship in From Visalia, Calif.: About a year ago I was asked to night, out of the blue, she attended June of 1982. 1 can remember 1 have just walked out of my first share my experience, strength, and my home group. When she talked it cringing upon hearing the famous AA meeting in protest. With sixteen hope with a local young people’s was hard to believe it was the same firetruck four-letter word. My mind and a half years of attendance at AA group. The bulk of its members are young lady. You could see and hear would automatically shut off and meetings, I suppose this isn’t too bad under twenty-one and most are an additional four months growth start thinking thoughts of its own, a record. However, the reason for my dually addicted. Although many of in her. Her language was almost such as: Doesn’t this person know leaving is too bad. them have less than one year in the spotless. a lady (me) is present? This train I am well aware that in AA every- Fellowship, most of them exhibit a Following the meetings, we again of thinking continued until a lady one is free to do, think, or say you good, working, practical approach talked. She thanked me for helping friend and I were discussing what name it. But hold it, please. to our “program of recovery.” her to open her ears to what she’d I considered to be a problem one I wonder how many times Bill W. The language left something to be been saying and how she’d been night. used foul language in an AA meet- desired, though. It was liberally saying it. She made an amends she What she said still holds true for ing? I have made a studious search laced with various four-letter words, felt was necessary, as I made one to me today: “Don’t focus on the prothrough the AA writings and have yet many depicting normal bodily func- her. The smile on her face, the fanity being said. Instead, focus on to find any profanity. Such being the tions. One young lady, fifteen or sparkle in her eyes, and the enthusi- the message of experience, strength, case, why do we have to accept its sixteen years old, spoke near the end asm in her voice proved again to this and hope being carried through right common usage in AA meetings today? of the meeting. She peppered her alcoholic that it is through our in front of your eyes.” It seems to me that being a member comments with words that would mutual sharing of ideas and experi- I cannot close without commenting of AA should not rule out the right to have made a mule-skinner blush. It ences the young learn from the old, on the three solutions provided for use good common sense. We all live took this fifty-five year old more by and, maybe more importantly, the this “problem” in the letter, “On two lives – a public life and a private dismay than shock. She looked like a old learn from the young. G. J. profanity.” When I start trying to life. What I do in my private life is sweet young thing, and sounded like dictate what a person can say. I have strictly my own business, but in my the legendary Calamity Jane. lost sight of and interest in his . public life I must abide by the multi- Following the meeting, I had the recovery, and am only concerned in An up-front reminder tude of rules and regulations with opportunity to talk with our bud- the ego-building ability to control From La Canada, Calif.: him. A.C. ,I which we have wrapped ourselves ding Calamity. I suggested that she When I was called and asked to since leaving our caves a few million had many things going for her in so- speak at a large AA meeting, the ‘Dally effort’ years ago. I’m quite sure you don’t briety and asked why she insisted on chairman told me over the phone that From Ft. Walton Beach, Fla.: pick up the telephone and start your using such foul language. I passed I’d have fifty minutes. He said I on to her a thought given to me more I was raised in Harlem and my conversation with “What the f— do could talk about whatever I wanted, resume of careers includes hobo, you want?” than forty years ago: “Profanity is a and that they would appreciate no product of a lazy mind.” Her re- seaman, soldier, and drunk. None of In our open meetings we usually profanity. these require Oxford language, and have newcomers who are hoping to sponse to this thought was to tell me When the day finally arrived and I changing my talk to fit the Steps improve their lives. What incentive just where to put it (and not so went to the lectern, there Scotch- wasn’t easy. However, my sobriety is are we offering them if, with our gently, I might add). taped to it was a reminder in large tied in with a daily effort to “practice language, we are showing them that block letters: “NO PROFANITY, these principles” in all my affairs. we really haven’t made much of a PLEASE.” Profanity doesn’t fit in. change for the better? G. R. Thus the speaker gets the point and The constructive solution we seek no public issue is made of it. Would has already been uncovered through only that more groups could make publication of the problem. H.B. such a point! E. K. 377

humiliate anyone, but for most of us sisters now frequently attend this ings. And remember: Profanity is recovering alcoholics discipline is meeting. Some of them are “regu- indeed a strong expression. . .of a often a foreign philosophy which had lars.” Because of the strength and very weak mind. A. A. little, if any, place in our lives. What reputation of this meeting, we often ‘A foreign philosophy’ better place to practice it than in an have visitors from other areas. Last Make up your own mlnd From Gary, Ind.: AA meeting? summer we were graced by the pres- From Amherst, N. S.: The “Twelve and Twelve” says, I can’t help but brag on a group ence of a visiting African brother for I could relate to the concern ex- “AA’s lbelve Steps are a group of such as this. When a group of trusted over a month of Saturdays! And part pressed by W. M. on the subject of principles, spiritual in their nature servants met years ago to suggest of the reason he “kept coming back” profanity. Recently the subject w h …” To the Saturday morning Evans implementing this now-cherished b was because the air was clear and his brought up at our district committee Avenue group that means we must try tradition of no smoking, no cussing, ears didn’t burn! meeting. Everyone in attendance exto live according to higher ideals and and no profanity, they expected all We really are a group of people pressed concern, and many expressed principles, and that, therefore, smok- sorts of opposition. After all, this was who are trying to live our lives as God guilt for using profanity ourselves. ing and cussing have no place in the a “black group” on the south side of would have us; and would we ever As the result of the lengthy discussion midst of a group of people trying to Chicago, a black neighborhood. At cuss in his presence? We think not. that took place, the district commitpractice such ideals. that time, they didn’t know there was If anyone or any group is having tee sent forth the following sugges- Regarding cussing: Through group no such thing as a “black” AA group trouble implementing a no-cussing tion to the group: “It is the unaniconscience, the highest level of AA, – or a “white” AA group, for that “law” into their meeting, remember: mous feeling of the district committee we have entrusted to our secretary the matter. Neither did they know that 1) Have the group vote on it. Group that the GSRs suggest to their group authority to “ring the bell” on the Evans Avenue group was com- conscience is the highest level of AA; members that, when speaking, they anyone who slips during their com- prised more of strivers than jivers. To 2) Enforce it. refrain from using language that ments. Many of us are accustomed to their surprise the suggestion was We alcoholics are undisciplined others might find offensive.” cussing or using profane language to heartily embraced and has now been (page 88 – Big Book). Sometimes This approach has had a positive “express” ourselves. In our meeting in effect for years. discipline must be thrust upon us effect. It seems that speaking openly such slips simply are not tolerated. Because times have changed (it is from outside. But we benefit. We owe about our feelings, without pointing We have no desire to embarrass or 1987), several white brothers and it to ourselves to clean up our meet- the finger at anyone or passing judg-

ment on the use of profanity, allows Today, most of the time, I don’t with the overall spirituality of the uniqueness doesn’t seem to jibe with members to make their own decisions even think about using “foul lan- Traditions. the sacrificial spirit of anonymity. with dignity and love. guage,” but there are days when the Tradition ‘Avo fuses the terms “lead- Rather, it would seem to sacrifice On the other hand, saying nothing old anger and fear come back and it ers,” “trusted,” and “servants.” principle to personality. Didn’t Bill of our feelings about the use of pro- all comes out again. Not unimplied is the term “responsi- W. say somewhere that “our unreafanity seems to condone its use. Some AA should not be in the business of ble.” These terms indicate what was sonable individualism was the main members said they used profanity being censors or of making decisions descriptive of our predecessors who reason we failed in life and betook simply because they heard others about morality. This is not our job left us an exemplar of fitting language ourselves to alcohol”? using it. For me, most of what I say inand never was. Our job is to be there in our basic literature. Note therein The spirit of anonymity calls for AA is not original. Quite simply, I’ve with love and concern for the alcohol- the respect for the reader, the decency public relations to be based on heard others say it before me. B. H. ic who still suffers. Please – let’s not of expression, the wholesomeness, attraction. The following (from turn Alcoholics Anonymous into what the clean humor, the spirituality. Yes, “Speaking at Non-AA Meetings,” Ask so many of us were afraid it was they were leaders – trustworthy and published by AA World Services) From Cheyenne, Wyo.: going to be when we first walked in responsible. may be reflective of this: “Even Has our group found a construc- the door. I would have died. L. B. If Tradition Three sets no rules for though.. .he is not speaking for tive solution for the use of profanity a new alcoholic’s membership, cer- AA . . .many. . .will base their good in our meetings? You bet! We use the Talking Tradltlons tainly it implies that our deport- or bad opinion of the Fellowship on same tools that we have all learned From Lakeport, Calif.: ment should not be so gross as to what he says and how he says it. The through our wonderful program. We The pamphlet “The AA Group” drive him away. reaction of the nonalcoholic listener use love and tolerance. We provide a (published by AA World Services) Regarding Tradition Four, Bill W. and his consequent referring or, place where the alcoholic can heal, states that “by ‘group problems’ are wrote in “The Co-Founders of AA”: failure to refer an alcoholic to AA and we love him while he learns to meant such common AA questions “Autonomy. . .means simply that may someday mean the difference belove himself. We do not put ourselves as. . .what can be done about dirty each group can conduct its affairs tween life and death. . .” in a position of making moral judg- jokes and profanity at meetings.” We any way it pleases. The only thing its If bad language is indeed incongruments about others’ behavior (or we do have a problem with bad language members can’t do is to behave in such ous with spirituality, if it erodes the sure try not to!). such as cursing, swearing, profanity, a way as to be harmful to other common welfare, if it scandalizes Thank God my group had no signs obscene stories and jokes, and offen- people.” newcomers, if it abuses autonomy, if on display telling me what words I sive vulgarity. That it is nothing new Tradition Five identifies our basic it muddies AA’s message, .if it risks could use or not use. That is exactly is evidenced by the content of the communication. Verily, isn’t it to be outside criticism, and if it contrawhat I was expecting – a bunch of General Service Conference Ask-It- understood that AA’s spiritual mes- venes the spirit of anonymity, then it do-gooders who wouldn’t under- Basket material (1964-76), which sage should not be muddied by foul is in violation of AA Tradition. stand anything about a girl from the targeted profanity from the podiums; speech? A speaker once confessed The immediate responsibility lies in streets. Thank God they loved me as I obscenity at meetings; people driven that working the program included the consciences of those who speak was – tough, scared, and needing all away by swearing; and vulgarity and his learning how to talk, how to de- and share, A special responsibility those four-letter words to protect me profanity at open, speaker meetings. lete bad language. He credited a fel- rests in those who select speakers, from my pain. They tolerated my lan- In 1972, as many as twelve delegates low AA with saying that “cussing is a chairpersons, monitors, panels, etc. guage and my terrible anger, born of admitted to a bad language problem crutch for a conversational cripple.” A long-term solution might be in the fear. They didn’t expect me to be well in their areas. Tradition Ten protects us from realization of widespread service when I came in the door. They under- If bad language erodes our com- public controversy. A risk of such sponsorship. May our trusted, rostood that I needed their love and ac- mon welfare, it is contrary to the First seems to be run when unique speakers tated servants of the past reemerge in ceptance in order to get well. Tradition. Certainly it is inconsistent give scandal at open meetings. Such this new role. May our current DCMs

– exercise this faculty in regular, the use of profanity. As I progressed and feeling. what suited them, not me. In fact, frequent seminars with their GSRs. in sobriety, I noticed that the people Often, the belligerent misuse of a any effort to standardize Alcoholics F. B. who had what I wanted were not pep- sound old English word for sexual Anonymous meetings bothers me. I pering their language with profanity, intercourse is a sign of deep despair don’t think there should be a formula ‘The only requirement’ and 1 began to follow their example. or unendurable pain or tortured for the conduct of an AA meeting, From Oildale, Calif.: So, as always, the AA way of teach- frustration. When we hear these nor rituals that dig in and outlast “The only requirement for AA ing through time, love, tolerance, and symptoms we should try to comfort their suitability. membership is a desire to stop drink- example have won again. and encourage the speaker, not rob In the same issue of the GV in ing.” Thank God. 1 know of one “sober” club in my him of the only means of expression which the letter about profanity I am just two days away from my area which is using at least two of the he is at present capable of handling. appeared, answers sprang out of firsf AA birthday and it is only by the suggestions mentioned in the Grape- In addition, the social mores of his other pages. On the very next one, grace of God and this one small desire vine letter, while doing nothing or peers has often made a certain style of page 41, M. S. says, “Love and that I’ve made it to where I am today. seeming to look the other way when defiant speech an ingrained habit. tolerance for others is our code.” I’m afraid that if this Tradition read illegal drugs are being bought, sold, And we, of all people, ought to be On pages 6 and 7, R. L. says, “The only requirement for AA mem- and used on theclub premises. In light understanding about the tenacity “Where have I attempted to be an bership is a desire to stop drinking – of this much more frightening – and of habits. authority and to tell others how AA and using foul language,” I would threatening – situation, how impor- It is my own language, however, should be run or how they have to not have qualified and certainly tant is the use of profanity? C. S. that I must monitor, not yours. behave to stay sober?. . .Each of us wouldn’t have opened my mouth! Trying to set up “standards” for AA should be allowed to both walk and I was raised in bars and the only ‘Our better selves’ meetings is an effort to remake the talk in our own way without objeclanguage I knew was foul. I’ve heard From Saratoga, Calif.: environment to suit oneself. I don’t tion or recrimination. That is how we over and over we come to AA to “get The letter in the May Grapevine know about the rest of you, but after learn to be ourselves and to become well, not to get good.” When I came suggesting “solutions” to profane I had been sober for a short time it our better selves, in sobriety, with the to AA I was accepted with open arms talk at meetings caused me to ask my- began to dawn on me that it wasn’t help of those who have gone before. – foul language and all – and for self, “Is not being disturbed by the the world that had to change; damn Dictating behavior does not work, that I’m eternally grateful. C. F.speech of others a matter of worrying it, it was me! I had to sit back and either with alcoholics or those outabout other people’s demons?” watch people run meetings by saying side AA.” B. M. Morrnes Swearing loudly in the basement of From Nokomis, Fla.: a church which has been kind enough In response to the letter, “On to give us long-term rent at a modprofanity,” I cannot help but ask: est rate is, of course, bad manners. How important is it? One of the institution’s members Certainly I do not wish to engage in might be passing through the room a debate on the pros and cons of this on an errand, and be offended. And issue. I simply wish to share my excessive use of short words for experience as short as it may be. smelly bodily functions when talking When I returned to the Fellowship of other matters entirely is an indiof AA in October of 1980, I had long cation of a pitiful unfamiliarity with passed the stage of simple anger and the majestic English language which was downright hostile – my lan- has a perfectly good and precise word guage reflected that fact mainly by for almost every nuance of thought

JANTJARY 1978

Are we getting too fancy? From Craig, Colo.: Why are we holding our regional Let’s examine our motives. Is all and state conventions in such plush this flair for us? Is it really imhotels and convention centers? Is portant to be cozy and comfortable? this helping alcoholics to achieve or Let’s remember the newly recovermaintain sobriety? For the individ- ing alcoholic who, among other ual, maybe these things are fine. But things, is usually in a financial bind for the Fellowship of AA, isn’t this when he gets to AA. status-seeking, false pride, and lack This subject has been thoroughly of humility? discussed in our group for several Some of you may reply that other months, and this letter is the sum of places are not large enough, or that our group’s feelings. We hope some there aren’t many choices. We dis- of you other AAs will have thoughts agree. One of the best regionals our or ideas on the matter. c. w., L. G . group attended was in Grand Junction, held at the race track. Fantastic! At the 1975 Convention in Denver, the show from our group was not good. Many of us just could not afford the prices. Why don’t we go back to the less expensive, but fully adequate, facilities we used before-schools, civic centers, and auditoriums? If we did, state committees wouldn’t have to go to their groups for so much money to finance the conventions. With less expense involved in state affairs, we’d have more money to contribute to the AA General Service Office, and groups could handle their own expenses better.

January 1978

No rules for speakers From Millersport, Ohio: From West Springfield, Mass.: I am writing to answer the letter I’m. inclined to disagree with from W. H. in the September Grape- W. H.’s letter in the September vine. I have been thinking about his issue about organizing speakers. I’m comments since the Grapevine came, kind of new in AA, but I thought and I have to write this. the purpose of a speaker was to He said we should “gently but share experience, strength, and hope. firmly” inform the speaker-to-be of We are sick people, not professional his time limit. We had no limit on speakers, and some are sicker than the time we used to spend drinking, others. so how can we have a time limit I have tried speaking and find it telling about it? I f the speaker has very difficult, and I have a tremento cut it short, people may not get dous respect for anyone who gets up to hear something that would be of to speak. I don’t care what he says, value to them. Also, the speaker how long he takes, or whether he may remember something he has makes a point or not. been forgetting and would also cheat T o those who criticize speakers: himself if he cut it short. Perhaps you’ve never tried it or 1 have only been sober ten and a have forgotten about patience and half months, but without God and tolerance. Our primary purpose is AA, I’m sure I would be dead or to stay sober, not to learn to speak in a nut house somewhere. I have professionally. Everyone has a niesgotten something from a twelve- sage if you really listen. ht. K. minute lead, and I have gotten something from the last minute of a ninety-minute lead. Also, I have gotten more from leads, I think, when they are given without notes. Many times, when speakers get off the subject they were on, I’ve gotten something then also. As for getting to the point, the way W. H. asked, they may as well just say, “I drank too much too often,” and sit down. I.. I.

FEBRUARY 1978

Dump the garbage From Bullhead City, Ariz.: This is the experience of a user of garbage language, in prison, in jails, in asylums, in military combat-and in AA meetings. Luckily, it was explained to me that I needed 100 percent of the help, hope, and concern I could manage to get from all AA members at all AA meetings. How much help could I expect from members who were shocked, bewildered, alienated, or outraged at my language? Not the 100 percent help that I needed. If I share this experience with you after a meeting, I say a prayer-not a prayer that you will clean up your language, simply a prayer that you will not resent my suggestion so strongly that your resentment will get you drunk. My concern for your sobriety?. Yes, you have 100 percent of my concern. But that’s probably not enough. P. H.

March 1978

Those other problems From Laguna Niguel, Calif.: or “a homosexual and an alcoholic.” Thank God, my life was saved by Often, I hear a secretary of a meetalcoholics who shared their alcoholic ing, when presenting a cake for 365 experiences, strength, and hope days of sobriety, place a whole aswith me-the alcoholic who still suf- sortment of conditions other than fered. Had I heard drugalogs instead not drinking on the recipient, such of drunkalogs, I would have been as “also has not smoked any funny dead by now. Sure, I heard AA cigarettes, sniffed, shot-up, taken members talk about related disorders, pills,” and on and on. including pills and other drugs, but As stated by Bill W. in his Febthe primary, number one common ruary 1958 article entitled “Probdenominator was alcoholism. 1 have lems Other Than Alcohol” (now renot had a drink since. printed as an AA pamphlet), “Our Today, it seems all too frequently first duty, as a society, is to insure that I hear individuals say, “I’m our own survival. Therefore, we have Joe, an addict and an alcoholic,” to avoid distractions and multipuror “a pillhead and an alcoholic.” pose activity. An AA group, as such, cannot take on aN the personal problems of its members, let alone the problems of the whole world.” P. M.

May 1978

Those long-winded speakers From Salem, Oreg.: I have wondered why this ploy Casey had a nightclub act using couldn’t be used, in reverse, at AA chimpanzees. The manager of the meetings, to solve the problem of Las Vegas casino where the act was marathon speakers. Why not let him booked told Casey that, because of (or her) speak for a reasonable a sudden change in schedule, he amount of time, then lead him out would have to cut twelve minutes off the twenty-five allotted for his act. “Impossible! ” said Casey. “My chimps are programmed for twentyfive minutes; this change would make it impossible for them to perform.” “Cut twelve minutes, or cut the performance entirely” was the reply. the back door to a place where he Casey, being a resourceful guy, could talk as long as he wanted to? came up with a solution. When it was He could then return to the meeting, time for the chimps to appear, he led which would be over, and join the his troupe out the back door and in- rest of the group for coffee and to the parking lot. At a signal, some doughnuts. car spotlights were turned on, and It probably wouldn’t work, but Casey’s chimps went into their act you have to admit it’s a hell of a for twelve minutes. They were then good idea! 0.C. led to the stage, where they completed the twenty-five minutes and closed to a standing ovation.

J U N E 1978

Californians differ From Napa, Calif.: Nowhere in the Big Book does it state that a requirement of sobriety is to be vulgar and profane. A recent newcomer said to me, “I used to think that I heard bad mouths at the bar. Compared to AA, they are like kindergarteners.” Since that comment, I have made it a point to listen. You know, that guy was right. According to our cofounders, ours is a spiritual program, and the profanity acts as a deterrent to that concept. If we are to continue as a growing society, the responsibility to change this trend is mine and yours. Let’s not be litterbugs. J. P.B.

From San Francisco, Calif.: If any of us start policing one another on language, dress, lifestyle, whatever, then we might as well toss out the Third Tradition. And that just might signal the end of a program that has saved quite a few lives. When are we going to learn to be responsible for our own feelings? Let’s grow up and stop blaming “people, places, and things” for our feelings. D. H.

JANUARY 1979

Putting Up With 4Ridiculousideasv

Those tolerance-testers may be part of the plan to help us grow

R ECENTLY, I read this definition of tolerance: the ability to listen to other people’s views-after titled to his “ridiculous ideas,” that he was obviously telling his story and no one else’s. all, they’re entitled to their ridicu- When I looked around the room, I lous ideas. noticed people who were actually en- It started a train of thought on the joying his talk, listening carefully to subject. A week or ten days and two every word. I remembered hearing, AA meetings later, I reluctantly “There are no bad AA meetingsdecided that I must practice my some are just better than others.” tolerance hardest and most often at, That was a few years ago, but it is as of all places, AA meetings. true now as it was then. The speaker tonight was an AA Whether at a speakers meeting or member that I love but frequently a discussion group, I must always disagree with. When he was intro- fall back on the Serenity Prayer duced as the main speaker, my little when I start to be impatient, critical, bit of tolerance went right up in and intolerant. AA meetings were smoke. For ten or fifteen minutes, I not, are not, and never will be wallowed in self-pity and resent- designed for my mood of the day. By ment. The reasons are immaterial. 1 allowing others to express their “ridid it, and 1 realized my attitude was diculous ideas,” I not only will imwrong. Good thinking started to prove my tolerance but might even return after I said the Serenity find the answer to something that is Prayer two or three times, remem- troubling me. bering that the speaker, too, was en- R. J., Topeka, Kans.

March 1980

the very best – so I paid close atten- I’d cooled out that ego problem. tion to the other speakers I heard, Today, I cherish speaking engagechecking them out for technique of ments. I space them far enough delivery as much as for what they apart that each occasion is a new Stardom said. What I learned was that the best event, a time when I must review the past and look at the present from a on the speakers are those with the least ar- fresh perspective. Only in this way AA Circuit tifice, the least professionalism. I found that when I concentrated on d o I see how I have grown in the program. Only in this way am I contiming my jokes, or on alternating stantly aware that I am speaking as B EFORE ALCOHOLISM wiped me out, I wrote plays. After I got into AA and began going to open pathos with humor in carefully premeasured spates, or when I included information that was extraneous to an alcoholic, not as a superstar who has a captive audience to play with. We are all alcoholics, first of all; (speaker) meetings, I was over- my alcoholism but might raise my that is our identity. And our serenity whelmed by the real theater of the status a notch or so with this or that lies in our accepting this at all times personal stories of recovered alco- g r o u p w h e n I put pleasing the au- – above whatever other persona we holics. Invariably, their stories were dience ahead of personal honesty – think we have – whether it be an ocfilled with an intensity beyond the I lost a great deal. cupational, sexual, ethnic, or sociocapabilities of average professional The very character defects I had economic identification. Making theater, and I believe that intensity been wrestling with ever since my speaking engagements precious, sinderived as much from the no-non- last Fourth Step inventory were un- gular events relieves us of the stereosense honesty of the speaker as from leashed again: pride, hunger for typing of these other, secondary I the incredible details of his or her praise, laziness, dishonesty, venge- identities and, at best, reveals to , story. By comparison, street theater fulness. My troublesome ego, that each of us the spiraling development . and cinema verite’in particular were compost nourishing all my short- of our alcoholic souls. all but spoiled for me from then on. comings, was well on its way to rot- This, for me, is the most valuable Although I had written and pro- ting my being again, just as it had asset of the speaking engagement. In duced plays, I had always been too during the nightmare days of my the hours before and the long, windshy and self-conscious to perform drinking. It would have been a great down hours after, my life as an alcomyself. AA changed all that. In free- threat to my sobriety to have sought holic pours across my internal movie ing me from the guilt and shame stardom on the.AA circuit. I had screen. Memories of incidents, peo- I ‘ ,’ once attached to the admission that I nearly forgotten that my primary ple, feelings still dormant up to now was an alcoholic, AA gave me the purpose in speaking was not to win a emerge and vividly assert themself-respect necessary t o get up in top Nielsen rating, but to help my- selves, filtered through the new confront of other people and talk. Be- self, by remembering and laying sciousness my AA experience has When she put pleasing fore long, I was even able to tell my bare the enormous changes alcohol- brought me. the audience ahead story to large audiences. I loved it. I ism had worked in me and the im- Only with God’s guidance could I became an eager volunteer. I was pact of God and AA in my recovery. ever put this vast panorama into of honesty, she lost willing t o go anywhere for my Deliberately, I stopped speaking focus, and that is what I ask for each a great deal group, in fair weather or foul. I altogether for a while and got back time I get up to speak. wanted to be a good AA speaker – into the kitchen on coffee detail till H. B., Woodstock, N. Y.

marathon speaking engagement, I ments of admirers I had carefully stuck pretty close to my own story. cultivated over the months. But it began to wear on me. It lacked In swift succession, I lost my wife substance and authority. So I armed of over sixteen years and the love myself with books, other literature, and respect of three beautiful and compendiums from every avail- children, took a position far above able source dealing with the problem my capabilities in another city, and of alcoholism. Gradually, I added married again. Knowing as much as . some of the more impressive statis- I did about alcoholism and not being tics tp my talk until, within a few inclined to get involved with AA in months, I had become a self-styled this new city, I decided to rest on my On the inside, expert on the drinking problems of laurels for a little while. the world. I mastered this talk with Only a few short months passed his life such dexterity that in addition to before I treated my new bride to the was a complete shambles speaking before AA groups, I was realities of what she had married. I invited to speak before civic associ- came home from a road trip drunk. ations and business functions. I Not only was I drunk, but I had imcould tell you instantly and un- mediately stepped back into characequivocally how to solve your drink- ter as an uncontrollable alcoholic, ing problem, what caused it, and not wanting to be that way, but what surely would happen if you powerless to stop. My God, how I would get three more offers to continued. I could take your inven- could this have happened? The speak. I don’t know how it started, tory (and I would) at the drop of a authority on alcohol, the one to but by the end of that year, I had hat. I had found an audience upon whom others looked with admiraabandoned everything that did not which to vent my own frustration, tion and envy – drunk. What a cater to the insatiable appetite my and the proof of my success was the crushing experience for an incredible ego had developed. frequency of my speaking engage- ego! I had already had one eight-year ments. I was to spend several yeats going experience in this Fellowship, from But something was happening. through the endless tunnel of drink- 1951 to 1959. After two years of ex- Something I could not see or would ing, trying to get sober, trying to perimenting with my “right to not look at, although a voice was hold on to my new life, and losing drink,” I came back into AA in whispering at me inside. My wife the battle. I tried to justify my drink- 1961. By 1964, I was ready to share and children, who rarely saw me ing by pointing to all the pressures my experience, strength, and hope anymore, began to drift away from around me, and I upheld my right to with other suffering alcoholics. On me. I had no time for them. After drink by deceiving myself with the the outside, my life was in perfect all, I was doing something positive belief that I was different from other I N ONE YEAR, 1965, I spoke at more than 200 AA meetings throughout northeast Ohio. On an order. On the inside, it was a complete shambles. I was very deeply into what I have come to recognize as a about my drinking problem, wasn’t I? There was no time for me to attend meetings to listen and learn; I alcoholics. The tunnel of darkness grew deeper. I went through various detox centers, talked to psychiaverage, I was speaking at four dry drunk. was always too busy preparing my atrists, went to doctors with my meetings a week. Every time I spoke, During the first few weeks of this next talk or basking in the compli- physical ailments, whose real base

was in alcohol, and occasionally relief began to fill my eyes. I still had slipped into a back seat at an AA my life but knew I couldn’t run it. So meeting to see whether there was I asked my higher power to run it for something 1 had missed. There was, me. More than ten years had passed but the torturous route I had to sincemy marathonspeakingengage-

‘: ..Only a miracle could turn me off the road to destruction.” –

travel still lay ahead of me. I had to ment, and now, at last, I was ready learn surrender and humility first. to listen and learn. These lessons did not come easily or Today, I speak rarely. When I do, in time t o save yet another failing it is with great difficulty. Gone are marriage. The tangent of self- the statistical references and the delusion I had taken had led me so dynamic presentation with which I far from the world of reality that had become identified. I keep it simonly a miracle could turn me off the ple. I keep my primary purpose path to destruction. primary and stick to basics. I attend But somehow, that miracle did oc- meetings, contribute what I am able cur. After I had beaten myself into to the work of the program, and moral, physical, and spiritual bank- keep a diligent guard against the pitruptcy, had lost all my material falls of self-indulgence that so often possessions, and had alienated every swallowed me up before. I have little person I had ever loved or cared of life’s material objects today, but a about, it happened. It was my sec- fortune in AA friends and a life of ond day at the last of a succession of genuine happiness that I could never detox centers. I sat at a picnic table have dreamed possible. The very in a grove of oak trees, barely able to thing I sought came to me only after hold a cup of coffee with both I had given up trying to create it for hands, and I surrendered. In the myself. most undramatic way, this hurt and Every day, I remind myself that if broken human being came to believe I start adding to this AA program or , that a power greater than himself leaving out some key ingredient, my could restore him to sanity. I admit- incredible ego will get terribly ted I was powerless over alcohol and drunk, even though I have not that my life had become unmanage- touched a drop of alcohol. able. And I asked for help. Tears of R. M., Orlando, Flu.

July 1981

Freedom-within limits? From Salt Lake City, Utah: Many people in AA must feel as I Among the many attractive fea- do. Still, I have never spoken up in a tures of AA, freedom of expression meeting, and I have yet to hear anywas the one that hit me between the one else speak up, about offensive eyes at my first meeting – honesty, language. Part of my reluctance willingness to share feelings, lack of comes from not wanting to put worry about being put down or re- someone down; the rest, from not jected. wanting to be thought a prude, There d o seem to be limits, hopelessly behind the times. I need though. I don’t believe we have the the wisdom to know whether I right to use language that is apt to should accept this “wave of the drive people away from AA. At a re- future” with serenity, or d o my best cent meeting, for example, I heard a to change it. B. J. sweet young woman refer to a group of people by a term implying aberrant relationships with their mothers. What can I say to her? That I used the term a half century ago behind the barn, and that’s where it still belongs? Times are changing, I know, and my own language lapses in many situations. But many people, old and young, are still offended by this sort of talk. To a newcomer or a visitor, it must seem that the AA program can be discussed only in profane, sexual, and scatological terms. And it is difficult to talk about the spiritual side of the program to a newcomer after a meeting that convinced him God’s last name is Damn.

November 1981

and when the question once came Prudery has nothing to do with it; Opinions on ‘street language’ But profane or pious, an AA meet- up, “Forget it” was the silent, principles do. R. H. From Lompoc, Calif.: ing is a good place to be. unanimous vote. B. J.’s views on profanity in meet- I read recently that one never Change happens, though, to peoings (July Grapevine) were well ex- Surprise ending knows who may be offended by pro- ple who keep coming – through ex- From Walters, Okla.: pressed. I came to AA from skid row fanity; sometimes, those who swear ample, because those who stay learn After a month, a new AA was to at twenty-one. I stayed sober, but the most are offended. But no one is to listen. Crude language, I’ve come my language did not progress get his thirty-day sobriety chip at ever offended by another who uses to believe, stems more from poverty our group meeting, and when he beyond the gutter for a long, long his best words, not his worst. of vocabulary and shyness about ex- went forward to receive it, he asked time. ANONYMOUS posing feelings than from hostility. that he be allowed to say a few One night, a refined-looking lady In the straightforwardness, variety words. brought up the subject at a meeting. From Monrovia, Calif.: of experience, and caring that hap- He said, “This week, I was in I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able A little note relating an experience pen out loud as well as quietly Dallas at my son-in-law’s house. It to share anymore and expressed – I had concerning abusive language. among AAs, everyone gains. Again was early morning, and we were visin my own words – how grateful I . . .It was birthday night at my home and again, I hear beauty and wisdom iting at the breakfast bar, where sat was for the tolerance shown me group, and as I made a few remarks from former toughs and clams. the inevitable fifth of bourbon. I t before she came along. That meeting when receiving my cake, I deter- ANONYMOUS looked so inviting that I got a large could have been a disaster, but it mined to mention the fact of not lik- tumbler, filled it about two-thirds wasn’t – it did us both a service. She From Elizabeth City, N.C.: full of bourbon, put in some cold became aware of my needs, and I mixer and ice, then took a big drink. became aware of hers. Love for the Anyone who wants what we have isn’t likely to be driven awai from Boy, did that taste good! All of a unity of AA made us both try to im- sudden, it dawned on me what I had prove our attitudes. AA just because one person uses some foul language. Maybe they done – ruined a whole month’s Today, after fifteen years, I can sobriety. express myself in appropriate lan- won’t come back to that meeting. Second, in my experience, street “About that time, my little dog guage. It was hard work, and I had ing foul language and feeling it language is heard more from new- signaled that she wished to go outto practice. Thank God for those unnecessary and immature, I fully comers than from those who have side. I got up and went out. Waiting who point out my faults with loving expected many to be angry with me, been around awhile. Third, when on her, 1 realized that 1 was in my tolerance. R. B. but I didn’t care, though I am a own carport, in my own home, and such language is inappropriate or oftimid person. not at my son-in-law’s house at all. From Seattle, Wash.: fensive, it seems to me the chairman When I spoke my piece, I was as- should explain that it is unacceptable With great relief, I knew that I had We are all drunks, and we are also tonished at the applause, and from at that meeting. Or after the meet- just had a nightmare, and I was very all individuals. Some of us would be so many men and young people. glad to be awake and sober.” more comfortable with profanity ing, a member of the group should Then at coffee break, several thanked Every alcoholic present had been than piety, and would be repelled by quietly explain to the person that me. And I felt so much better that street language is inappropriate. The writhing in sympathetic agony for too much pious talk, and others of I’d gotten it off my chest. D. A. the speaker. As he finished, everyus feel just the opposite. Bill W. him- person using it may not be aware that he or she is offending anyone. one in the room rose, applauding self chased a lot of drunks away with From Manhattan, N.Y .: and shouting words of congratulahis preaching. We all know many In some groups, any complaint Those who are offended by abusive or profane language should tion. The chairman quietly retrieved people who are foulmouthed and about language – if it didn’t sink the chip he had already replaced in kindhearted, and others who are unheard – would silence half the not feel they are putting the user down by correcting him or her. the box. M . C. both kind-spoken and kindhearted. members. I belong to such a group,

December 1981

equally, although perhaps different- hear about my dreary experience?). I ly, disastrous. To get to Staten didn’t feel I had enough strength to Island from Greenwich Village, you talk more than five minutes, and the take a subway, a ferryboat, and then only hope I had was to get out of a rinkydink train, which was, I there as quickly as possible. understand, the original inspiration And so, in a voice that sounded to for the cartoon series Toonerville me like a warped record, I began the Trolley. As I had for the meeting I drunkalog: first drink; first drunk; now faced, I had volunteered for first job; beginning of progression Staten Island in one of those e r u p of booze; loss of jobs, friends, famitions of condescending zeal that ly, and self-respect (always rather occasionally overtake me when the shaky); trembling hands; awful program chairman announces that mornings in awful places; efforts to volunteers are needed. You know – sell blood (the blood bank wouldn’t the AA martyr who will carry the take it); convulsions; hospitalizamessage anywhere, anytime. tions. Well, I went to Staten Island, all Finally, I told them how I got to right, leaving home early and full of AA, how I stumbled in and out of righteousness. I missed one ferry, sobriety for the first year or so, how and the Toonerville Trolley was on the last drunk – a toboggan out of strike or broken down or something, control, heading for a cliff – shockand I arrived for an 8:30 meeting at ed me into full realization of what 9 5 0 . The next time they wanted me was happening. I told them of my to sober them up, I growled to my- desperate prayer at the end of my self, they’d have to send a limousine. last binge and my sponsor’s assur- This time, however, I got to the ance that all I had to do was to try meeting at the scheduled hour, 6: 15. again. Thank God, I was ready. A reluctant speaker – I’ve spoken often enough, and I Suddenly, I realized the people at 1 an unexpected reward always tend to be nervous at the the meeting were listening, and had start. Still, I was confirmed in my been listening all along. I looked at I STARTED KICKING myself about a last time I’d been there, a scant ten week before. Why had I ever vol- or twelve people showed up, and I unteered to speak at that meeting? It had to fill in a lot of long silences distaste for the whole proposition by them, and I saw them as people, not the tension that began to tighten up riffraff sent by Central Casting. my spine when I arrived. It was just During the discussion period, I got was too early, starting at 6: 15 PM in- when no one spoke up. And I knew as 1had expected, or worse: a grubby to know them as individuals. There stead of the more usual 8:30. It was perfectly well that if a speaker didn’t basement room, weak instant cof- was a well-dressed, well-spoken across town, meaning I had to show up, the meeting would go on fee, and a collection of people from older man, who had graduated from change subways and walk five without him, one way or another. the riffraff division of Central Cast- the Bowery; a truck driver who’d blocks. I wasn’t working, and that To sum it up, I just didn’t feel like ing. just made his first ninety days; a was depressing, so how could I be ex- going. I think the chairman said some- nurse; a television reporter who’d pected to come up with anything that I remembered my trip to Staten thing about my being “kind” to just gotten fired; a dese-dem-andwasn’t at least as depressing? The Island, and I was sure this would be share my experience (who’d want to dose guy who’d gone a few too many

rounds with the cops; and an active of a pretty young woman. Her tightdrunk who wanted to give a pre- ly controlled face was a mask, hiding mature qualification and was gently pain over a brother who was again prevented from telling his story by trying to kill himself with booze. As the chairman. All around the long the mask dissolved into tears, we table was a group of ladies and knew how she felt, and we tried to gentlemen, doing the thing true give her comfort, though there is litladies and gentlemen do, which is tle for such pain, except the comfort caring, about me and about one that comes from sharing it. another. The meeting was over, and I walk- My experience hadn’t been so ed down the avenue to the subway, dreary and useless after all. My and the city was golden in the earlyweakness had been transformed into evening light. I’m going there again strength and into the hope that never next month. Who knows? I may fails me if I am willing to let it come, even, sometime, let myself be perfrom wherever it comes, into my life. suaded to go to Staten Island again. The meeting ended with the words T. B., Manhattan, N.Y.

September 1982

I

I After her first AA talk she felt

Sudden

M Y FIRSTTIMEspeaking at an open meeting – can anyone really understand and feel what I felt? thing would be all right and He would be standing close by my side. This numbness hit me suddenly. It was as told these people all these things that I had tried so hard during the past years to hide. I wanted to say, “Wait, beautiful Fellowship, closer to their souls and hearts. I got away from the insecurities and fears that used to The ride to the meeting was pleas- if I had been sick and drunk for sev- there’s still so much more!” But I make me drink and sweat in the night ant. I was in good company, but I eral days and suddenly woke up dead stopped talking. and drink and shiver in the day. 1 feel was terrified. When we arrived at the sober. I did not understand at that There has been a change in me that the presence and closeness of my God church, I saw two of the most beauti- time what was happening. I can’t understand, as if I’m in a that I pray to and the distance of the ful faces 1 have ever encountered- The first speaker had finished. totally different world. The things devil that I fight. familiar faces. As the people started Then came the secretary’s report, that I did in the past used to make me I know now that what I sought in arriving, 1 felt more comfortable. I then my introduction by a beautiful, feel disgraced and sorry for myself. drugs and alcohol did not have any heard that “good old AA music,” sober woman whom I love and r e After I spoke, it was as if I had been particular name but encompassed a women and men talking, laughing, spect. I had never been described with filled up with so much sorrow, guilt, warped way of life, cut deep and hurt and sharing. so many “good” adjectives before. self-pity, and pain that there was no immensely, never solved a problem or In the meeting room, I sat impa- After an introduction like that, I room left for any more. answered any of my questions. tiently, twisted inside, feeling many knew I couldn’t go wrong. I decided It was kind of refreshing. I felt As long as I do as my God and this emotions at the same time, wanting to follow my heart and gut. much lighter. With this new freedom, program direct me, I can have a lifeto just hurry up and get it all over As I spoke of my alcoholism, drug I had a sudden sense of peace within time of sobriety and serenity – one with. How much or how little of my abuse, the people I’d met, and the myself. day at a time. life should I share with these people places I’d been (and had eventually I moved closer to the people in this L. J., Washington, D. C. who had helped me so much? I felt run from to avoid facing my alcoholthat old shame and guilt rising. Guilt ism), I noticed a tremendous diffetis a powerful emotion, one of the ence in the way the words made their many that I drank over. way out of my mouth. It was totally I was beginning to feel numb. 1 mechanical. I didn’t feel the old guilt don’t think this was fear of speaking. and suffering. I had confidence. It It was something more, something seemed as though my life unfolded as much deeper. It was as though my I went along. I talked, and I talked, Higher Power was telling me that I and I talked. 1 noticed it was nine could surrender my all, that every- thirty. I couldn’t believe,wd P$i&?% A+,

MAY 1986 of AA. Never did they resort to four- On profanity letter words that today too often From Watchung, N.J.: seem to be common stuff. One would think that after achiev- My two sponsors hammered it into ing forty years of continuous sobri- me that this was the beginning of a ety, you could say, “My cup runneth new way of life, and expressing oneover.” To a degree it has, but for one self in a new way was part of it. Also, alarming aspect: Profanity has be- about sixty-five to seventy-five percome rampant at so many meetings. cent of the groups meet in churches, In January 1945, when I came into where, unless we clean up our act, we AA, I spent a lot of time at the New- may be asked to find other quarters. ark clubhouse, because not very There are some solutions, so may I many AA groups had been estab- suggest just a few? lished yet. One of the most helpful 1. Suggest that each group have a and prominent groups was the meet- sign prominently displayed, perhaps ing in South Orange, the first group with the other AA signs, reading: in New Jersey. Attendance there gave “This group does not condone foul me the chance to hear the AA mes- language by the speakers,” or sage from many of the solid founders “Leave the bar room language back in the bar – this is a meeting for growing.” 2. Request an announcement by the group chairman at the beginning of the meeting stating that the group does not sanction profanity. 3. At all intergroup and general service meetings it can be pointed out that cleaning up the quality of our meetings is everyone’s job. Let us never allow profanity to ruin the beautiful Fellowship that has made living – happy living – possible for hundreds of thousands. w.M.

October

on any topic. This class is quick to recommend the latest in self-help books or therapies which they have

Sharing, heard of or even tried. These folks often disappear from the meeting place for years at a time. There is also the “Help Me” classificiation, which states the problem as clearly as it is possible, then listens intently all the while for anything which might help. This classification has even been noticed taking notes on occasion. These people have been fre- – Off? quently noted to recover. Then there are the “Real People.” These are the people who attend meetings regularly and seem to have

H aving attended countless AA meetings over the past fifteen years, I havektened, ad hauseum, to broadly varied responses to the topics offered, according to the condition they are in at the time. When they are problems spewed out on our discus- having trouble they are quick to acksion tables by people in all stages of nowledge it, and when they are well sobriety and/or intoxication. and happy, to acknowledge that too. There is the “Poor Me – Pity Me” You can tell them generally by the classification that lays out the prob- smile on their face and their involvelem (in muddled detail) and listens to ment in helping others and working the suggestions coming from those the Steps. This group joins the “Help present until someone begins to offer Me” class when they are in trouble. a real solution. At that point the I wish I could say that my familipained party goes to the bathroom, arity with these classifications was starts a private (distracting) con- simply from observation, but I must versation or rushes out of the meeting admit it is from experience that 1 (to take care of something important, speak. Happily I must add that there I am sure). has been a transition (for the most Then there is the “There’s Nothing part) from the negative to the posi- Ever the Matter with Me” classifica- tive. For that 1 can thank a Power tion. This classification offers unso- greater than myself, the Twelve licited advice on everything from Steps, and a loving sponsor who nuclear energy to brain surgery, but patiently walked me through those seldom with a smile. “You should” Steps and into the Fellowship of AA. begins much of what they have to say 0.S., Immokalee, Fla.

June 1988

2e’

with my new friends at these times. Don’t be afraid, there are enough of One thing led to another and a discus- us here to show you how it’s done.” sion came up about carrying the AA Just at that moment the meeting got ( Experience,Strength,and Hope ) message to other alcoholics. I still remember the flash of fear that shot through me when one of the underway and our attention went to the front of the room. When the meeting ended an hour men asked me if 1 had carried the and a half later, my new friend cor- I

I you’ve beenhours. Iftwentv-four sober good news to another alcoholic yet. In a tremulous voice I said, “Gosh, nered me again. “Clyde,” he said, “if you remain the patient too long Ed, 1have only been in AA two weeks you will not stay sober. Become the doctor as soon as you can and find out how good you will feel.” Saying this he abruptly turned and was gone. I was left alone to ponder my future. What was it to be for me? Could I really work with other people and be helpful? I wanted sobriety with a passion and I would have done anything to stay sober. So if my AA friends said I should work with other alcoholics, then, by gosh, I would. I was now committed to the AA way of life. I would like to share this account with all of you. Especially you who may be reluctant to move ahead in your sobriety. This is simply an account of how one member became insober myself. How can I carry the volved in the program of Alcoholics I took my first drink of alcohol when I was sixteen years old and was an instant alcoholic. However, it able with other people (sober) for the first time in years. A strong desire to become a member of this warm Felmessage to anyone? What do I have Anonymous. And I found to my to offer?” With a scowl on his broad amazement that carrying the message face, he said, “Clyde, if you have became exciting once I conquered my was to take me ten long years to find lowship flooded through me. But I been sober two weeks and some guy, fear and got into action. out what was really wrong with me. It was afraid that I could not live up to calling for help, was drunk last night, I became the coffeemaker for my took an introduction to Alcoholics their request: total abstinence from you have two weeks of sobriety to local group when I was three weeks Anonymous for my problem to be alcohol. The strength of my desire to share with him. What’s more, if you sober. Every Tuesday evening for the correctly identified. 1 have not had a be a part of this unorganized organi- I have a different idea about how to next two and one half years I was at drink of alcohol in any form since zation was to be tested sooner than I stay sober than you ever had before, the meeting hall one hour early. The that introduction. expected. then you have a marvelous message donuts were always fresh and the cof- The people I met at my first AA One evening just before the meet- to carry to anyone, anywhere. If you fee was constantly delicious. By the meeting welcomed me just as I was. I ing, six of us were sitting around a want to keep what you have, I strong- way, I am now the coffeemaker for immediately felt as though I belonged. large table drinking coffee and chat- ly suggest that you give it away. another group that I helped to start. And, just as important, I felt comfort- ting. 1 always liked the closeness I felt

Back in 1946when I came into AA, bit less severe. I began to calm down, we had no rehabilitation centers or talk slower, and do a better job of it. 1 halfway houses. If we were working began to like it and I stayed sober. with an alcoholic who had no place to I became involved in starting a new go, we who could took our man home group of Alcoholics Anonymous with us. With a bottle of whiskey for when I was sober just five months. medication to ward off D.T.s if an That group was to be the first of emergency arose, and the good Lord seven I was privileged to help give on our side, we did not get into too birth to and nurture into maturity. I much trouble. I think that I was sober was also involved in starting three about six or eight weeks when I took other groups that failed because of an AA hopeful into my home for the infighting among the members. But first time. During the next few years through it all I stayed sober. there were nine or ten other men who I have held every office in local shared my home for short intervals. groups at different times and expect Only two of these men stayed sober to keep doing my share in this area for any length of time, but that is inci- for some time to come. dental. I stayed sober. Just one more point important I was asked to speak at an AA meet- enough to mention. 1 never used AA ing one evening when I was sober a as a cop-out from my responsibilities. mere five weeks. 1 will never forget I was a husband and did not neglect how terrified I was that night. The my wife. 1 was a father and worked meeting was held in the center of Bos- hard to bring my children up better ton and was one of the largest in the than 1 had been. 1 was an employee area at the time. It was an open meet- and through AA I became a better ing so there was several nonalcoholics one. For, after all, 1 wanted sobriety in the audience of a hundred and fifty in order to become a more responsipeople. Standing as stiff as a board ble person. I was not looking for a with my knees knocking loudly to- noble cause to help me duck my norgether, I went into a rapid fire mal duties. Through AA my responaccount of what I used to be like, sibilities became a joy instead of a what happened, and what I was like burden. With AA I was able to hanthat evening. I thought I had done a dle twice the amount of obligations magnificent job until 1 sat down, and have energy left over. looked at my watch and realized I had How about you? Would you like to spoken only eleven minutes. But I had become sober the AA way? Want to done what was asked of me. To my know how? delight I was asked to speak several Don’t drink, go to meetings, get inmore times in the next few months. volved, work the program, and carry Each time I had to conquer my fears the message. all over again but each time it was a Clyde B., Willow Grove, Pa.

April 1989

workable solutions in my shot glass. to relate in regard to their extreme From my present perspective it now bias. We seem to share many other surprises me very little that having traits, also. given up on any definite, workable In my trials as a BBT, I have found way of life, I found one when I got many recurring themes which it is ensober via the medium I had first tirely possible are not conducive to searched – the printed word. I went AA unity. Yet, I cannot help but harp , back to my pup tent that first night on them to the annoyance, no doubt, ‘ (such were my lodgings at the time) of my fellow members. I am sure this and proceeded to gobble down every tendency goes back to my old need to word of the Big Book. Every line rang be right, but I forget this and assume I as clear and true as the smile on the I am merely “viewing with alarm for chairman’s face that first meeting the good of the movement” – and I night, and not one whit of it was any- have Bill’s own printed Word right thing I had ever seriously considered here to back me up, helped along by before. In my state of mind at the the swift cut and accurate aim of my time, anything that wasn’t my idea interpretation. was probably a good idea. The For instance, I am perfectly c a p phrases were full not just of informa- able of running down a women’s tion but of joy. I was free to be wrong group that has been helping drunks and maybe this God fellow might not for twenty years because the Tradi- ‘ be so bad after all. tion says “the only requirement for I believe that at this time I had an membership,” etc.. . . I will glance open mind, wide open and free of any askance at some drunk advising anprejudice against anything that I other drunk to slow down on some might have heard those first few Step he is working, interrupting their I weeks. It was as if I opened up my seditious little session (uninvited, of mind, cleared the shelves of all previ- course) with some comment like: I ous material, installed a Big Book “The only pause mentioned in the II had a very close friend from Texas, where I got sober, who told me once, “Nobody can stand a walking standing on the less-reactionary side, and partly to explain one alcoholic’s reasons – or, if you prefer, excuses and a “Twelve and Twelve” and then sealed it up tight. Having found an answer that had worked for so many Book is on page 75, third paragraph, for one hour between Steps Five and Six.” 1 am then free to return to my Big Book.” It is true that there are – for my hard-hat attitude on this others, I became unwilling to tamper corner and recover, certain that justhose of us who tend to cling a bit sensitive subject. with it in any way. I had messed up tice has been served. tightly to those precious first 164 In the old days, back before John every gift I had ever received, and I But this Big Book Thumping is not pages and many of us refuse to listen Barleycorn became my constant com- was not willing to do that with this a form of hypocrisy. We BBTs are or even argue when the conversation panion, I was quite the bookworm. I precious thing you had so graciously nothing if not honest Pharisees. We tends to drift into non-conference- read everything from science fiction given me. The Book (the term in- turn our perfectionist eyes ever inapproved ways of looking at life, the to Plato, sure that the answers were cluded both pieces of literature) was ward. For instance, I am unable to universe, and sobriety. I am writing on paper somewhere. I eventually not to be trifled with. Most Big Book watch TV. I will start to turn on the this in part to promote an under- gave up this idea and found at least Thumpers (BBTs) have similar stories tube and. . .pick up the Book. . .check

things. The Book leaves many ques- is the gate” and sobriety is the “eye too, could recover, just as they had. tions open, so I assume that means of the needle.” It may be that you have someone It is not my intention to portray like me in your group. If that is the ccGveme an inch and there are no answers meant for mortal drunks. BBTs as unfeeling automatons, spout- case, there is no need to fear him or ing truisms they have never experi- I’ll trike the inter- A week before t is writing I was in I$ conversation wit an alcoholic with enced, harping at those around them pick up a resentment. If such a person corners you and patiently tries to exst;at;e. And so Igo my some five times my length of sobriety, to do things their way, and running plain how something you said at a ‘ when the man made an obvious error. training camps for bleeding deacons. meeting was wrong, or some opinion I responded with – my favorite line! The truth is that BBTs stay sober. you expressed is sure to get you – “That’s not what the Book says.” They are emphatic about the Book drunk, it is not necessary to choose His response startled me. He said, because it works and has worked for between running and fighting as your them consistently. I see this around only viable options. Just quietly say 1 ddam’t have a pwe “This program is not about the Book. It’s about people. I’m telling me and have for some time. “Thank you, but I don’t have to be nzrmber a ~ h e d. . Y ) you what I have learned.” Well! That’s a fine how-de-do! After all, I I, of course, had role models (having never had an original thought) perfect today.” If he’s like I am, this response is sure to put his tail firmly was only trying to help (forgetting and picked those who had what I in between his legs, forcing him to rethe first 164. . .nope, doesn’t men- that I had called him, asking his help lacked. I was inconsistent, undepend- treat and lick his wounds until he tion TV.Never mind that TV had not on a medical problem that we share able, given to intellectual and musters the gumption to apologize. been invented when the Book was which is only briefly mentioned in the emotional flights of fancy, and to- And remember – he is a valuable written. If Bill and Dr. Bob didn’t do Book). tally without a conception of a God asset to the group, for should anyone it, then I had better steer clear. If I am It is denial, or something like it, who could help me. The people I saw need to know where to find someasked to go water skiing – I’m sorry, that makes me want to gloss over the who seemed to have solved these thing in the Book, he is there, ready, it doesn’t say a thing about water ski- fact that there are certain phrases in problems were those people who be- willing and anxious, with page numing in the Book. I can get away with the Book that I tend to ignore or even gan sentences with the phrase, “The bers on tap, to fulfill his function as a golf (Bill played golf), but I can’t protest against. Ideas such as “Our Book says. . ..” So I talked to them Big Book Thumper. comfortably go to even AA dances book is meant to be suggested only” at length, and they told me that I, Anonymous, Athens, Ala. (doesn’t mention dancing). are obvious balderdash. Same thing This preoccupation with a dog- goes for “More will be revealed,” matic view of the Book seems to be and “Here no specific rules can be based on the belief that the human in- given.” These sentences leave one tellect is of no value at all. Given my with the distinct impression that there record before AA, such a belief is leeway involved in working this makes sense. However, where I make program – and leeway is something I my mistake is in applying this judg- cannot afford. Give me an inch and ment to you. I’ve assumed “you I’ll take the interstate. And so I go my wanted , perfection, just as I did” merry, rigid way, refusing any advice (page449). My tolerance is based, not that doesn’t have a page number on the certainty that you are wrong, attached, closing my ears if I hear but on the fear that you might not be something that sounds “tainted” by – and that would mean that there is pop psychology or spiritual hedonism. “Straight is the way and narrow

January 1990

I

ing hands in a circle when the prayer way home your friend puts it into is said. For some reason he does not words: “1 thought you said that no know that his feeling good about one is treated any better or worse hand-holding is not universal. He than anyone else. It sure looked to me assumes that because he likes it, like that guy who spoke after supper everyone should. But Sam doesn’t. was treated better than all the other Nor do Joe, Blanche, or Doris. Many speakers I’ve heard.” simply back out of the circle while Sunday morning you were late getothers join in although it causes them ting back to the roundup because you some stress. All the time the chair- had such a good time at the dance on person polishes his halo: “Isn’t this Saturday night. This is sooooo good! nice?” No, not if it makes one recov- But what’s this I hear? Music? Music! ering alcoholic uncomfortable. Wait a minute! This is no ordinary Saturday dawns bright with hope music. It sounds like church! Yes, it because a roundup always renews definitely sounds like church music, your enthusiasm. Your friend was so music of a particular sect! Your eyes im~ressedbv the sinceritv of last behold the glory of people, holding ‘ our very dear friend, who h a p is with you all the way on this one, night’s speacer he is g o h i b a c k for hands, swaying back and forth, singpens to be a Buddhist (or a Mus- there’s a roundup going on in your more. He was somewhat surprised by ing gospel songs accompanied by a lim or a Jew) finally has agreed to city. It’s the perfect place to take your the chairperson’s request to join church group brought in for that pur- I attend an AA meeting with you. No- newcomer. Well, how about that – hands. But you convinced him that pose. How can this be? AA is not al- I body but a recovering alcoholic there is a miracle in the making. holding hands is not a requirement lied with any sect? Well, what do you I knows the joy that comes from help- Friday night’s meeting is just about for membership. call this? A river barge? What do you ing another out of the darkness, the perfect. The speaker stumbles and So off you go to hear a “big meet- call this? Try to convince your nonhell of active alcoholism. You love chokes, almost sobbing when she re- ing speaker.” Vhis is sometimes Christian friend that this is not a felyour friend so very much and you calls her first AA meeting and how it called the guest speaker, much to our lowship for Christians. Just you try to have watched him (or her) suffer over changed her life. The emotion is heavy shame. If he’s an alcoholic, he’s one convince him that he belongs here. and over; hangover after hangover and everyone who has ever suffered of us, not a guest.) The speaker is hi- What is going on here? Did not Bill and has finally chipped a little hole in the from alcoholism feels every feeling larious, one of the great entertainers Bob d o everything to insure that we wall of denial, fear, anger, and sus- along with her. The joy of recovery of our time. The applause is thunder- would in no way appear to be a society picion. fills the room to overflowing and ous and everybody jumps to their feet of people of a distinguishable sect? You say, “AA is not a religious or- prayers of thanks saturate the whole – everybody but you and Sam, Joe, “Monkey see, monkey do!” is a ganization.” He is still not sure he environment. This is so good! The Blanche, Doris, and Marg. You be- phrase my mother used when I would can trust you although he knows you applause is soft and gentle; those pres- lieve what you read in the Big Book blindly follow the lead of others withwouldn’t lie. He says, “Surely not ent are awestruck at this miracle sent where it tells us that humility is the out thinking, “Just what am I doing? everybody is treated the same.” to us through Bill W. and Dr. Bob. only prerequisite for recovery in AA What does this mean and what will be You say, “No one tells you what to And then, “Would you please and it would be aninsult to the speaker the consequences?” Surely there is d o and no one is treated any better or form a circle and join hands for the to treat him as if he were different some of this going on in AA today. worse than anyone else.” saying of the Our Father.” from Friday night’s speaker, who Isn’t anybody thinking? The last Just in case you may have any lin- The chairperson of this particular sobbed (and probably did more to roundup I attended almoPt made me gering doubts that your Higher Power meeting feels very good about hold- ignite recovery in your friend). On the think I was in the wrong place, per-

haps Toastmasters International or a ovation to another recovering alcoconcert hall or church. I have been to holic. If we are going to start giving those places and they’re great but I standing ovations to everyone shar- ‘ don’t need them like I need AA. ing experience, strength, and hope – What are you doing to my AA? fine, I’m all for it. But I think it is I am no “casual” AA member. hideous to single out one member as From my first meeting over fourteen being somehow special. years ago, I have been alive, born of We have a responsibility, a sacred AA. My thirteen years of service responsibility handed down to us, to work (mostly public information) keep AA safe. We cannot afford to keeps me from being a “bleedin’ dea- be careless with this. Religion is con,” I trust. I read everything I can something to be reckoned with. Glorget to help me keep on learning and ification of individuals is dangerous. growing but this has me stopped dead Stars or circuit speakers are entertainin my tracks. I have loved AA from ing, but we must let the newcomer the very start and I never dreamed know that the stars aren’t any better that this could happen. I am ashamed than the rest of us. to be in a crowd that gives a standing Ellen B., Hampton, N.B.

d’ b February 1993 what we used to be like. . . or “drinking” were almost never heard. which our founders borrowed many And I have come to regard with pro- wonderful ideas, and I have nothing found suspicion anyone who says, against evangelicals. But that is not “What I want to talk about tonight is what I come to a meeting for. I come my recovery.” to help me stay sober. This has been going on a while The basements are – or used to be and, if nothing else, has reassured me – full of drunks of all denominations that age has not dimmed my power who in the past had sworn on bibles of many translations, often in the w hen I came into the program years ago, most meetings were open meetings with three speakers have kept me from picking up that first drink. In those long-ago days, the talks to fly into a splendid rage. In the last few weeks I have dis- presence of priests and ministers, that covered a new twist in the ongoing they would not drink again. As they determination not to tell war stories. are the first to relate, it didn’t work. and the talks were fairly structured: consisted of stories that were pretty My title for this phenomenon is “How Churches, with the best of inten- The alcoholic described how he picked much what an unappreciative sponsee 1 found God, got rid of my character tions, did not get us sober. Sober in up his first drink, how long and how of mine recently called “catalogues”: defects, and became a perfect per- AA, we are free to attend any church alcoholically he drank, and what fi- “And then I threw up and then I fell son.” Drinking or being drunk – if of our choice, or no church, and to nally brought him to AA. I say, “he” down and then I passed out and then referred to at all – is awarded a pro adhere to any doctrine. But the two because in those days in New York I got fired. . . .” forma mention. There’s a born-again – AA and church – should not, in my City, the ratio of men to women was But then as now, I sat drinking them quality to such talks that makes me deeply-held opinion, get mixed up. about six to one. all in and they made a fine substitute exceedingly nervous. Once or twice Recently, at just such a testimonial- Today I often hear such talks refer- and cure for what I had drunk before I have wondered if by chance or sheer flavored meeting, I, a believer in a red to, apologetically, as “war stories.” for a quarter of a century. stupidity I have strayed into the Higher Power, found myself stamping “I won’t go into my war stories or It’s true that at that time I particu- wrong basement of the wrong church out at the meeting’s end a raving (if give you a drunkalog,” is a statement larly looked forward to hearing women where there is a meeting of, say, the temporary) atheist. I frequently hear now and I always speakers who, in addition to the former Oxford Group or a gathering Please let’s go back to telling war sigh with disappointment. I like war catalogues, described how they felt of testifying evangelicals. We in AA stories. stories. I love drunkalogs. I love them while all this was going on – some- owe much to the Oxford Group from Isabelle H., New York, N. Y. more than anything else – more than thing the men almost never did and Step meetings, analyses of the Steps, which I found enormously helpful. opinions about the Steps, the exquis- How things have changed! ite dissection of the speaker’s feel- In many, if not all, of the meetings ings, the even more exquisite dissec- in my area today there are more tion of the feelings of those who women than men and the focus is very “share” from the floor; I certainly love much on feelings. Once upon a time them more than the fashionable depth there was a saying heard often in psychology currently focussed on the meetings: Feelings are not facts. They dysfunctional family (which produced are now. And they receive all the defthe abuse in early childhood which is erence formerly accorded historic presumed to have caused his or her events, such as the fall of the Roman alcoholism). More than all of the Empire. I have sat through entire above, drunkalogs and war stories meetings in which the words “drank” Some have lower bottoms than others.. .

F e b r u a r y 1994

H ave you ever attended an AA acoustics in the hall. Unless sitting I was yelled at and told off on several meeting and couldn’t hear in’ the first several rows, a person occasions. The hostility and resisanything of the discussion couldn’t hear what was being said tance I often felt at the meeting didn’t following the speaker because of poor during the discussion period. Since make it easy for me to get out and acoustics? Such was the case of one most people couldn’t hear what was “work the mikes.” AA group in New York City. As a going on, members sitting in the rear After many months, the Soho solution, it introduced cordless mic- of the hall fell to talking among them- Group got used to using the microrophones, thus bringing it into the selves and reading newspapers, pay- phones and even began to like them

twenty-first century. But not without ing little attention to the meeting (although I suspect some people never some opposition. going on. Their talking was disrup- will). One woman who threatened to The Monday night beginner’s tive, so frequently they were told to leave the group early on – and even meeting of the Soho Group in New “Quiet down!” Gradually, people did so for awhile – returned and fi- York City is a big one. On most nights began drifting away to other meet- nally used a microphone for the first over two hundred people fill the large ings. The usual comment was, “Why time. I felt exhilarated. We had won hall in the basement of the church on go to the Soho meeting? You can’t a convert! I the comer of Houston and Sullivan hear anything there.” In a city the size of New York – I Streets in Greenwich Village. Then, at a business meeting, the which has hundreds and hundreds of Until recently, Soho was slowly group addressed the acoustics prob- AA groups with many regular and losing members because of poor lem. After much debate, it was decided special interest meetings – it is

noteworthy that only four or five microphones and have to be educated groups use cordless microphones at in how to use them. their meetings. Most meetings have I purchased our microphone units regular stationary mikes for speakers (mike plus receiver) from an elecbut none for their members to pass tronics store where they were relaaround. tively inexpensive (about $150 and I see no reason why other groups $50 for the second mike). We preshould not use cordless microphones ferred the cordless microphones to too. I think that where acoustics are stationary ones (which we once a problem mikes enhance a meeting thought we would place at different rather than detract from it. Isn’t one locations in the audience) because of the purposes of a meeting to share they can be easily passed around. We our experience, hope, and strength so engraved them with “Soho AA” using that others may recover too? How can an electronic pencil engraver to deter we do this if we can’t be heard? In theft. fact, not dealing with poor acoustics If other groups around the country violates this principle. have large meetings, the chances are At the Soho Group, since the meet- that they also have acoustics probing is a large one, we use two cordless lems similar to ours. From what we microphones and have two mike at the Soho Group have learned, I monitors. At times we ask some in urge large groups to try using cordless the audience to participate as microphones. Their use will improve monitors. This approach gets mem- the quality of meetings and bring bers involved in the process and used groups into the twenty-first century. to working with the mikes. There’s no reason why Alcoholics We don’t force anyone to use the Anonymous shouldn’t use these new microphones who doesn’t want to do and wonderful inventions of the elecso, although we encourage their use. tronic age to help spread the message. Some people, we found, are afraid of Hal H . , New York, N.Y.

May 1994

been, and how absolutely wonderful used frequently. to be able to report that rather than I have been sober and recovering excluding me from discussions, the for more than eighteen years. With members of my group edited out the one exception, I have the longest congutter talk and praised me for what- tinuous sobriety in my group. The ever insights about recovery I stum- members of the group know my story, bled across, submerged though they but they know me only as a sober ‘ may have been under the sewage I member of AA who practices what spouted. Over time, the four-letter he preaches. words lost their impact and even em- They have little knowledge of what @* O/o! I; barrassed me and I found that in an earnest effort to carry the message, it had become a habit to refrain from I was really like when I arrived, despite my attempts to inform them, but I have not forgotten. I was a bitter, The King’s English using them. ~fter three or four years of sobriety lonely, angry, resentful, warped, and twisted alcoholic. One of those the and recovery, when I noticed new- “‘helve and ‘helve” suggests whose four-letter words for their shock value comers resort to my old attention-get-

T he language of the heart in AA attitude “can only be described as savisn’t always, as we describe it during the early months, I now ting, rebellious tactic, it offended me. age.” in Canada, the King’s Eng- realize, as my own particular form of I had come to realize how dishonest Through the loving tolerance of the lish! My first contact with AA was attention-getting and continued re- it was for me, a person with two uni- AAs in my first home group, I came in prison, a place where the communi- bellion. versity degrees, to be using that kind to understand the reality of the Third cation skills required to make your The well-dressed men and women of language when most of the mem- Tradition: “We do not care how point were mostly couched in street in my group, laughing and talking bers in my group didn’t deserve to be warped or twisted you may have language, or you risked being labeled freely among themselves, irritated transported to the gutter, just because been, even your crimes. We just want a freak. The latter years of my drink- me. I wanted desperately to belong I had landed there. to be sure that you have the same ing took place on Skid Road, where with them, but until I had learned to I would love to tell you I no longer great chance that we had,” to find my associates were other drunks like hear, rather than just listen, I assumed use those colorful expletives, but that sobriety, recovery, serenity, and me, scrambling to make the price of they were both intellectually and so- too would be dishonest. Occasion- peace. a drink, or a drunk, any way possible. cially superior. When asked to speak ally, when enthusiasm or fervor move During the years of my recovery I Whatever grammar I may have on a topic, my usual reaction was to me, or when I am trying desperately have learned to treasure the members learned in school, or adopted in the revert to street language, complete to make a point for these newly sober of AA. To understand that they do years during which I found it possible with colorful adjectives and heavily people from the street where I lived not deserve to be offended by me simto both drink and pursue a career, was larded with four-letter obscenities. so long, some of these words seem ply because the degradation I brought replaced by the language of the bars, The effect was frequently a most appropriate. upon myself was deeper than theirs. greasy spoon restaurants, back lanes, shocked silence during which The difference, I hope, is that I am I know my group forgives my occaflophouses and gutters where I lived. everyone’s attention was focused on no longer seeking to bolster my ego sional lapses into the vernacular, and My membership in AA was not an me. I achieved my goal. I was the and I am always somewhat amazed for those members who are offended easy transition from one lifestyle to center of attention. My egomania was and ashamed at the shock waves that by street language, if my experience another. It is a matter of record that in full flower. I had proven again what reverberate around the tables. It is means anything, God and the AA I seldom used a five-letter word where a “bad-ass” I really was and had still difficult for me to believe all al- program can and will do a dry-cleana four-letter word would suffice. It is staked out my territory in the group. coholics didn’t use those words, but ing job, given time and opportunity. also a fact that I purposefully used What a tolerance-testa I must have even if they didn’t, I never heard them Don L., Osoyoos, British Columbia

May 1994

like to talk about how to get sober that it is too depressing and he doesn’t and how I’ve stayed that way.” want to “bum everybody out.” I’ve I know that sounds nice and, if I heard the story in private and it is hadn’t heard at least six other speak- depressing, but I can think of at least ers use the same line almost verbatim, one occasion when it stopped me I might have thought it was a novel from reaching for a drink. approach to qualifying. Sadly, how- Another friend won’t tell her story ever, I fear that this is a trend. Nothing because it’s not depressing enough. happened in any of our lives, good No divorces, no lost jobs, no arrests. or bad, until we came through the She thinks it’s a dull and boring story doors of AA and then it was like going – but it’s certainly helped stop me over the rainbow into the Land of Oz from reaching for a drink. where everything was wonderful and This is a plea to anyone out there we all lived happily ever after. who thinks his or her story is too sad For this alcoholic it just doesn’t or too violent or not sad enough or work that way. If I forget (and I’m exciting enough or whatever: Take quite capable of doing just that) for this alcoholic’s word for it – there is even a few minutes the insane be- at least one person out there who can havior of my life before AA, then it identify with your feelings and maybe stands to reason that I would have no that person is like me, sitting out there need of a Higher Power to “restore in the crowd waiting for someone to me to sanity.” remind him of just how weird and I have a friend who will not share twisted and bizarre life used to be and t happened again last night. I was least once a week I need a reality

I attending my favorite speaker’s check and, until recently, I got that meeting in the hopes of picking at speaker meetings. What changed? up a little dose of reality in the form I’m not exactly sure, but lately it seems that more and more people are his whole story at a meeting. He feels doesn’t ever have to be again. Gerry Mc., Palm City,Flu.

of “what it used to be like.” My biggest problem in sobriety is sharing their experience, strength, remembering that I wasn’t just a and hope in a kind of Reader’s Digest drunk, I was an insane drunk. I had condensed version, skipping past the good times and I had bad times – sometimes uncomfortable “what it probably about an equal number of used to be like” section and cutting both – but mostly what I had were immediately to the candy-coated dedemented times. Sane people might lights of “what it’s like now.” lose their car keys but they rarely lost At last night’s meeting, our featheir cars. Sane people might wake tured speaker identified herself and up in a strange bed, unclear as to how then added, “I don’t like to talk about they got there, but how many people what my life was like when I was wake up in a strange country? drinking. You all know how to get So I go to speaker meetings. Oh, drunk and you all know how drunks I go to lots of other meetings, but at act when they get that way, so I’d

April 1995 my disease, and as a separate phenom- physical triggers for my drinking. To me enon in itself. 1 identify with Adult they are all part of my disease, as are Children of Alcoholics. I have been questions related to family of origin, scarred by family dysfunction. 1 might and the various roles played out in cowell have gone to Smokers Anony- dependent families. mous. I should have had coffee- When I do occasionally speak of drinkers anonymous and pop-addicts these matters at an AA meeting, I talk anonymous. But above all I am alco- about them in relation to alcoholism. holic. And I don’t apologize, or dismiss them 1 don’t talk much about all these with, “But that’s an outside issue.” At outside issues at AA meetings. But an AA meeting, I keep my main focus sometimes I mention them, because on alcoholism. 1 find most AA meetthey are part of my disease, and closely ings and most AA members are able to One AA wonders what’s appropriate connected to my abuse of alcohol. see the connection. But the memory of to tdk about in meetings, and what’s not. When I drank, I smoked. When I that other meeting still troubled me. smoked. I wanted to drink. Even todav. ,, 1 agreed with the notion that AA I recognize smoking as being among my was f& alcoholics, but I could not see last pressure release valves, the precur- alcoholism in total isolation from all

A few months ago, a fairly recent newcomer raised his hand at a meeting and said he found it necessary to speak of his dual addiction. He explained that his two been out the door before anyone could stop me. Fortunately, I started out with some very tolerant meetings, and I didn’t think I had any problems other than alcohol. I later realized that I did sor to a slip, my last thin line of defense when the stresses of living push me toward the first drink. Other substances, including caffeine and sugar, provided other problems. Eventually, I turned my dilemma over, and as so often happens, the answer appeared – the answer that sat-

addictions went hand in hand, and indeed have other addictions, obsesthat he had never practiced one with- sions, and problems directly related to out the other. Moments later, in re- my alcoholism. sponse, a crusty old-timer stood up Needless to say, I was disturbed by and said, “This is AA, Alcoholics the incident. I wasn’t resentful; I was Anonymous, and we talk about alco- perplexed. How could a group that holism here. We have to defend the stresses tolerance demonstrate such inpurity of our program.” tolerance? Just one member had spo- I The newcomer was baffled by the ken, but many others at that meeting old-timer’s angry response, and I was obviously supported his attitudes. relieved to see that he was taken aside I sympathize to some extent. I am an at the coffee break by some AAs who alcoholic. Alcohol is the only subexplained what had happened, adding, stance I abused. Narcotics and drugs “It’s just his opinion.” have not been a problem for me. Many If I had been received that way, be- other issues do not apply to me. But I fore I “knew the ropes,” I would have recognize co-dependency as a part of

, isfied me, anyway. At the Big Book to be discussionof matters medical, psystudy I attend regularly, as I read a page chiatric, social, and religious. We are of the Big Book, the words suddenly aware that these matters are, from their took on a new meaning. They leapt out very nature, controversial.” at me and I had my answer. Yep. They sure are. I am often impressed by the foresight I used to be a bit intolerant of duallyof the founders of AA. Even in 1939, addicted speakers at meetings myself. without the highly evolved terminolo- The incident of the old-timer made me gy we have today, they knew what they question my own intolerance. I am the were trying to say. They didn’t have a richer for that experience, and thankful word for co-dependency, and smoking to my Higher Power for providing my was at worst a bad habit, not a deadly answers. addiction. Other emotional dependen- Now I listen for the similarities, incy problems, and such other problems stead of looking for the differences. I as child abuse, incest, and molestation too can gain from the experience, were glossed over. But they did under- strength, and hope shared by dual adstand that emotional and mental prob- dicts and people who are in both AA lems could interfere with an alcoholic’s and other twelve step programs. recovery and admitted that volumes I now believe there is a place for could be written about the alcoholic everyone in AA, and that AA is with a mental illness like manic-de- stronger for the diversity of people pression. sharing in our single purpose -recov- They knew that AAs included all ery from alcoholism. sorts of people with all sorts of differ- If the Big Book must, “of necessity,” . ent needs. And, in a general way, they discuss these “controversial” matters, provided room for vaguely discerned then AA members, within their groups future issues that, in the years to come, and their meetings, may surely speak of would prove to be linked with the dis- them also, for they are all “matters ease of alcoholism. medical, psychiatric, social, and reli- The words on page nineteen of the gious.” Big Book are, 1believe, deliberately gen- Today I would tell that crusty olderal and vague. They leave room for fu- timer, and others who want to protect ture developments, medical, psychiatric, the purity of AA to read the Big Book, and sociological. They leave the door of page 19. AA open for the dually addicted, and It’s only my opinion and my interfor those with other emotional issues, pretation as an AA member, but to me abuse issues, and family issues. They the Big Book says that these are inside, leave the door open for recovery. Those not outside issues. words read: “Of necessity there will have Dave W., New Westminster, B.C.

April 1996

. In Praise of my drinking with- my powerlessness over alcohol. Otherout those other sto- wise the speaker’s discourse seems to be ries? about an effect without a cause. Drunkalogues Early on, besides I’ve spoken a great deal over the the sense of safety years and, because of sobriety time, am I found in AA often asked to speak on the Steps. I . rooms, the greatest make it a point to begin by saying that attraction of meet. I intend to tell some of my story as a ings for me were drunk, because I can’t imagine why the the stories I heard. Steps would be of the least interest to They had drama me if they weren’t the tools by which I and suspense, lurid maintained my daily sobriety. My exdetails, lives at perience as a drunk provides my way of cross purposes, illustrating how the Steps help change happy endings and or moderate a personality that had bepromises of hope, come misshapen with alcohol. To put . and a bit of each it another way, why would I even bothdrunkalogue was er with the Steps if it weren’t to keep my story as well. me from returning to a life that was so I wouldn’t have.. close to unlivable that 1 longed to be

v had a story to tell dead? ery often these days, I hear degradations of drinking. I couldn’t and share if it hadn’t been for the brave Perhaps that’s why, of all the speakpeople sitting in the speaker’s look at some of the horrors, so I didn’t. candor of hundreds of people who ing I’ve done, I’ve found my greatest chair begin by saying, “I’m I dismissed them and I forgot them. spoke with honesty and helped me sense of usefulness and satisfaction bored with my story, so I’m not going At my very first meeting I heard the piece together my story and, bit by bit, when speaking at a beginners meeting. to do a drunkalogue,” and my heart word blackout and it became the first to whittle away at my sense of unique- Also, hardly anyone in a meeting sinks. After twenty-two years, I still piece of my story, the first word that ness, until I could be one among many may identify with my sober experience, believe that the most compelling and linked me to others in the room, Over -no different and no worse than the but I know that if I speak honestly of useful parts of a meeting are the the next several years I heard hundreds run of my fellow alcoholics. Drunka- what brought me to AA, someone is drunkalogues. It’s in these drinking of others share and felt the pangs of logues included me and gave me the going to find a thread of identification stories that I find and recognize my- recognition as the speakers’ stories re- profound relief of being merely one or be reminded of their own experiself, as much today as I first did. minded me of events in my own drink- among many. ences. There may be no one else in the When I began in AA, I didn’t have ing life. As I remember, I was in my More often than not, those who room who would want what sobriety a story, a drunkalogue. I’d spent years seventh year when I had my last twinge choose not to tell their story will dis- has given me, but I do know +t somedenying that my relationships, fi- of “I did that.” It took me years to as- course on their concept of AA and, less one will follow me as I stagger through nances, or ambitions were in the least semble the pieces of my drunkalogue often – but often enough – on the my drinking years, until I arrive at my affected by my drinking. I was even and see how dangerous and degrading rewards of being sober. first AA meeting. I hope they’ll share able to disregard hallucinations, broken my drinking had actually been. How The rewards are certainly many, but my sense of relief at being stopped bones, alcoholic neuritis, and other could I have recalled the full impact of they are outgrowths of keeping in focus at the cliff’s edge and share some of

my gratitude. out knowing I had my very own drunk- AA roots are in our stories. When alogue. the Big Book was written, it included Perhaps most importantly, my story dozens of stories to serve as mirrors in gives me humility. It reminds me that, which alcoholics might see themselves, yes, I was that stupid and out of con. in whole or in part. Story after story is trol. If 1began to think that I could betold, because almost any reader with a come so knowledgeable about the drinking problem could find someone dangers of drink that I could consider to identify with in its pages. I fear that my story dispensable I might again a kind of fashion for “getting beyond” choose to be the master of my own our drunkalogues may deprive us of the fate, rather than leaving my life in the vigor of real stories about real drunks more capable hands of my fellow alcothat inform my life as richly as they did holics and my Higher Power. on that first day I arrived at AA with- Bob R., New York, N.Y.

August 1996

am not cured” had a drink, thanks to AA and God. FTG~ Landenberg, Pa. : The memories of what it used to be like aren’t nearly as fresh as they 1just read “In Praise of Drunkalogs” once were. But the need to be reminded of what will happen, in the April issue. I couldn’t have said it better. To borrow a phrase whether it be the “already dones” or from the Big Book, “Our stories dis- the “not yets,” is as urgent as it was at close in a general way what we used my first AA meetings. I’m not cured. to be like, what happened, and what 1still need to hear where that first we are like now.” drink will take me. (Newcomers give If 1leave out what I used to be the best reminders. I listen closely to like, I leave out alcohol. I don’t want their stories.) to forget where 1 came from. I’m Great magazine -keep up the only thirty-two years old now, and in good work. May it will be eight years since I’ve Ken H.