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AffllGted? Support Groups Are the Answer for 15 Million Americans

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Gonquer America’s crazy for support groups. Or maybe support groups keep America from going crazy. II of a sudden, people are pouring the number of these self-help organizations back into churches and syna- has quadrupled, and the topics they cover gogues with a fervor that hasn’t have been expanded to include everything been seen since the ’50s. It appears from abused wives of doctors to zooiogists that a great religious revival is who love too much. Aicoholics Anonymous, sweeping the land-until you examine the once heavily male and middle class, has situation a little more ciosely. Then you’Il experienced a huge influx of female and notice thebiggest crowds today often arrive Iow-income members. Men, meanwhile, in midweek. And instead of filing into the are streaming into the self-help movement pews, these people head for the basement, at what is-considering the usual male rewheretheyimmediatelysitdownandbegin luctance to discuss intimate feelings-an talking about their deepest secrets, darkest absolutely astonishing rate. fears and strangest cravings. Why is this happening? Because people Alcoholics? Third door to the right. have discovered that talking and iistening Sex addicts? They meet on Tuesday. to their fellow sufferers has a soothing ef- Overweight men who have a problem fect on the psyche, sometimes more so than with compulsive shopping? Pull up a fold- doing the same thing in the presence of a ing chair, buddy. You’re in the right place. therapist. Support groups-a rather high- Where you are, speciflcaily, is at a sup- falutin name for what’s usually nothing Iives of people suffering from cancer and port-group meeting-one of about 500,000 more than ioosely structured gab ses- other physical affiictions. that will be attended by some 15 million sions-salve psychological wounds, help And how do they do ail this? Wel1, Iet us Americans this week. In the Iast 10 years, destroy addictions and even extend the first acknowledge that there are some doctors, psychiatrists and others who say that support groups do nothing of the sort-that they in fact represent a dangerous do-ityourself approach to problems of the mind, body and spirit. Yet most professionals and, of course, support-group members themselves, see the meetings as an amazingly effective antidote to alonenesssomethingthat, apartfrombeingaproblem in its own right, compounds every known condition brought on by late 20th-century living, from compulsive hand-washing to JAMES D, WILSON*NEWSWEEK AIDS. Though no academicians or re- O v e R E AT E R S searchers have yet studied the self-help ANoNYMOUS movement, there seems to be something at once common-sensical and utterly mysteri- OA members once used food ous about how the meetings work. “Just the sight ofyour fellow sufferers,” says one selfin a self-destructive manner. help group organizer, “tends to make your Using the 12 steps, they learn pain a littie more bearable.” to treat their bodies with the And so there is a group for every searespect they deserve. son. Got the midwinter blues? (Cali Depressives Anonymous.) Are you obese? frw (Overeaters Anonymous or the National

50 NpwswpEK: FEBRUARY 5, 1990

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-LL 7-

ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT NEUBECKER

Association to Aid Fat Americans.) A gay l numerous bereavement groups-two basic responsibility for getting better is in each Episcopalian? (Integrity.) Consider your- conditions have endured. The flrst is that member’shands.” self asexual? (Finding Our Own Way.) Feei participation in a true self-help meeting is The second common trait among support certain that aliens are trying to transform limited to peers. That means there is no groups is that they engender a near-reliyou into George Jessel? (National Organi- professional moderator to make Wise Pro- gious fervor. Listen to a member of Schizozation of Rare Disorders.) Wishthat aliens nouncements based on a purely academic phrenics Anonymous in Southfleid, Mich.: would transform you into George Jessel? understanding ofthe subject matter, to sell “If I don’t come to a meeting and I’m by (True Potentiai Toastmasters.) books or to collect fees. While some groups myself for three or four days, I’11 start get- Cultural upheayal: You could call this a designate a leader who might be charged tingweirderthan Iam now. Ihavetorealize trend, of course. But when there is a group with making announcements or recogniz- that I can’t do it alone.” Many members of for women whose daughters won’t talk to ing members who want to “share” an expe- Alcoholics Anonymous-the oidest and by themmeetingweeklyinWestchesterCoun- rience or observation, no true self-help or- far the largest support group, with an estity, N.Y.-andwhentheNewYorkCitySelf- ganization can have a hierarchy, especiaily mated membership of 1.73 miliion world- Help Clearinghouse has had several callers one headed by someone who doesn’t share wide-strongly suggest that newcomers atask if there were meetings for people who, the members’ problems. To include such a tend90meetingsinasmanydaysinorderto to quote a spokesperson, “drink a little too person transforms the support-group meet- break their bonds with the past. much but not way too much Coca-Cola”- ing into group therapy, a standard psychi- Swirling blizzard: But many support-group then what you have, really, is a sea change, atric technique which tends, the self-help members don’t need encouragement to atthe kind of cultural upheaval that makes people say, to take the burden of recovery tend. “Ifpeople are feeling needy or going the fax machine look like mood rings, offthe group member. “As soon as you have through a crisis,” says a New York woman break-dancing or some other fleeting fad. a therapist or someone like that running from Al-Anon, a group for relatives and Through it all, though-as the national the meeting,” says Marilyn Ng-A-Qui, di- friends of alcoholics, “they’il build their registry of support groups has grown to rector of the New York City Seif-Help whoie lives around the meeting schedule. include Compulsive Shoppers, Pedestrians Clearinghouse, “the group members tend They’llgo 15times aweek.” FranDory, now First, the Trichotillomania Support Net- to dump their problems on the so-called executive director of the California Selfwork (for people who pull their hair out, expert. Their attitude becomes ‘Here I Help Center, recalls that when she was strandbystrand), HotFlashes (“supportfor am-6x me.’ In a support group, though, organizing groups in New York, a bunch of women with menopausal problems”) and the members know they can’t be 1azy. The senior citizens trudged through a swirling

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p:o n.[‘iiTt.’** or Srx OFFENDERS When someone has an uncontrolled obsession, everyone around him suffers. Groups like PSO help family members “detach with love.”

blizzard and then, when an elevator failed love too much. The settings vary-the fold- from everything from drug addiction to to function, climbed 14 flights rather than ing chairs might be chintz-covered at a spouse abuse.” miss theirweekly meeting. meeting of a short-iived group called Rich In big cities especially, many people now There’s nothing irrational, or spookily Kids Anonymous. But a quick flip through treat AA and organizations iike the Manic New Age, about this kind of devotion, which the Self-Help Sourcebook-Older Women and Depressive Support Group as an exten- is usually born ofsweet relieffrom years of In Relationships with Younger Men . . . The sion ofthe singles scene. “There are women suffering and isolation. Support groupies International Intractabie Hiccups Organi- at my meetings who don’t really have a sav their meetings tend to serve as much zation . . . Prostitutes Anonymous . . . only problem with aicohol,” says Belinda L., a sironger mind medicine than an equai proves that human problems know no geo- New Yorker in AA. “They’re looking to number of hours with the most expensive graphic boundaries. And that Donahue, latch onto some guy who got divorced, or shrink. Regular attendance, they claim, al- Oprah and Geraldo will probably never run nevergot married in the first place, because Iows ihem to sieep more soundly, eat hearti outoftopics. ofhisdrinking.” er and, in the case ofrecovering sexaholics, Fashionable recovery: Indeed, steely-eyed What’s equally remarkable, perhaps, is finaily have the time to read the coilected guest hunters from some of those shows that the self-he1p movement has managed, works of Will and Ariel Durant and mow sometimes haunt the hallways thelawn. outside support-group meet- Lately there has even been some scientif- ings, aware that the transsexuic data to support the continual stream of als must be out by 9 because the anecdotal evidence-put forth by members bulimics have the roombooked. of such diverse groups as Cocaine Anony- “There’s so much happening so mous, stroke victims and Incest Survi- quickly in this movement,” says vors-that the meetings don’t just improve Frank Riessman, executive di- Iifebutprolongitaswell. A 10-yearstudyby rector of the National Self-Help researchers at Stanford University showed Clearinghouse in New York that terminally i1l cancer patients who par- (page 54), “that sometimes you ticipated in weekly support-group meet- just have to sitback and smile at ings in addition to receiving tredtment it ai1.” Ofcourse, intense suffer- PHOIOS BY PETER YATES-PICTURE GROUP

Iived nearly twice as long as those receiving ing is what brought every support group into existence-and Cnossonlymedicalcare. Even ifsupport groups didn’t work, they every member, quaking, to his DnessERs would provide a very with-it way to stay or her flrst meeting. In one miserable. It’s hard to open a local newspa- sense, nothing about this move- Crossroads has a different per without seeing, on the once bland com- ment is funny. Yet, if you look agenda from most groups. munity-activities calendar, notices for at it anotherway, why zol laugh These men in high heels and child molesters, former convicts or gam- a little? We the People haue embraced this notion with a bit dresses want to stay just the bling junkies. Likewise, every suburban supermarket bulletin board seems to of a vengeance, no? Today, way they are. All they need is have-push-pinned among the pleas for ba- in fact, “the sociai climate understanding-and an bysitters and promises ofcheap firewood- is such,” says Riessman, “that occasional makeup tip. announcements pertaining to cocaine ad- it has actually become fashdicts, teenage insomniacs and women who ionable to be ‘in recovery’

52 NswswpEK: FEBRUARY 5,1990

h a n g e Vi h a n g e Vi XC ew XC ew F- F- PD ! er PD ! er OW OW N N y y bu bu to to k k w C lic despite its phenomenal growth, to avoid m tangible results (though other countries stories. But in another sense they also rep- w C lic m w w .d o o c u – t r becoming a big business, or really any kind ack . c are now getting involved as well, most nota- resent a holdover from the Me Decade,w . d o c u – t r a c k . c w o

ofbusiness at aII. “There’s this explosion of bly in Europe and the Mideast, where since virtually no one comes to a meeting interest,” says Riessman, with a sly cackle, groups for victims ofterrorist attacks have for purely altruistic reasons. “The per- “and no one has figured outawayto make a recently sprung up). “This supports Ameri- son who’s sharing gets as much out of the dime offthe whole deal.” ca’s values ofmarshaling resources, taking experience as the listener, frequently The best news, though, is that grouP charge and solving the problem,” she says. more,” says Riessman. Or as one AI-Anon members usually make measurable prog- “There’s no doubt that these groups help member says, “This is a very selfish proress-a seemingly unknown concept in people make real changes in their lives.” gram. But what we’ve found is that the many forms of psychotherapy-if they stick Yes, power to the people, so the people best way to feel better about ourselves is to with the meetings. Cambodian refugees may help themselves. The support-group help each other.” who attend a group in San Francisco often movement may be the only advance in the These days nothing is too personal, it say during meetings that they have night- area of social services that was possible in seems, to share with a group of strangers. mares about the atrocities they themselves the era of Reaganomics. “At a time when The sexually dysfunctional gather at Impoendured at the hands ofPol Pot. But when we are faced with drastic government cut- tents Anonymous. Those who subsist unthey arrive, neatly dressed and with chil- backs,” says Ng-A-Qui, of the York City happily among stacks of old Vogues and dren in tow, at the Tenderloin Self-Help Self-Help Clearinghouse, “a Iot ofpoor peo- Ladies’ Home Journals can caII Messies Center each week, the group members are ple and people ofcolor have had to fall back Anonymous-or maybe Crossroads, a often engaged in animated conversation, on their tradition of banding together to group for male transvestites. As for women playing with their children and otherwise help each other.” Most people in poor who continually fall in love with priests: showing signs of recovery. As with other neighborhoods, she says, prefer the rela- Good Tidings. It doesn’t matter if you’re a support-group members, relief, for the tively unstructured groups, which usualiy member ofBereaved (a group for parents of Cambodians, has come with awiilingness to don’t bother with such formalities as guest children who died during autoerotic asexpress intimate thoughts and experiences speakers and would never think of limiting phyxiation) or if you suffer from AIDS or to one’s f’ellow sufferers. “When I eat,” said the conversation to any one topic. Instead, from such strange-sounding affiictions as an older woman at a recent meeting, “I says Ng-A-Qui, “people just get together prune-belly syndrome, male breast cancer think ofstarving relatives and I cry.” Hear- and share experiences or exchange practi and maple-syrup urine disease. “The only ingthat, anotherwoman triedto commiser- ca1 information.” thing you won’t find’in this whole moveate. “I know what you’re thinking. Most of Formal presentation: At the other end ofthe ment,” says Riessman, “is someone waiting my family was executed and it is still too spectrum there are the 12-step “anony- to judge you.” Why, there’s even a Kleptooverwhelming for me. Yesterday I lost my mous” groups. These stop short of employ- maniacs Anonymous. They meet… well, way home. I forgot I was in San Francisco.” ing parliamentary procedure, but they do the list ruos around here a minute ago. A 39-year-old male refugee then spoke up, usually begin with a formal opening statesaying, “I feel happy in this group because I ment defining the group and its goals and Anyone who explores the self-heip moveknow the faces. It’s been very helpful to then proceed to announcements about ment eventually winds up on a road headrealize I am not the only one who has trouble schedule changes, new chapters and up- ing toward Akron, Ohio. It was there, in ir mynewlife.” coming events such as lectures, films or 1935, that Dr. Robert Smith and a New I{arcia Colone, the director of social picnics. After that, the leader often turns York stockbroker named Bill Wilsonservices at the University of Chicago’s Hos- over the meeting to a group member who both heavy drinkers-held a historic dispitais, sees something uniquely American has prepared a 10- to 2O-minute talk, either cussion that led to the founding of AA. in the self-help movement’s emphasis on on one of the steps or a personally chosen Wilson and Smith made nr- breakthrough topic. These groups usual- on the causes and cure o{‘;:coholism; the Iy round out their hourlong world awaits that news. What they did dismeeting by allowing any of the cover that evening was that there was other members to share a something about the presence of a fellow thought, feeling or experience sufferer that was more powerful, as an aid that in some way relates to the to recovery, than any of the spouse-inflictspeaker’s presentation. ed punishment, public hurniiiation or soli- In both the more and less tary pain they had previously endured. structured groups, cross talk Never mind what that “something” and the giving of well-meaning was-the way to stop drinking was to get but potentially dangerous ad- together and then, tomorrow, get together vice such as “get a divorce,” again. Wilscn eventually took the notion of “tell that boss of yours to go to camaraderie and refined it into a program hell” and “send firetrucks and based on his now famous 12 steps. These pizzas to her house” is usually emphasize such concepts as acceptance of discouraged. Members who do one’s addiction andthe acknowledgment of get too controlling are usually a “power” in the universe greater than reminded by the group leader oneself. AA grew rapidly in the 1930s, ’40s that it is the principles of the and’50s, though nowhere near as fast as it organization, and not one per- would gtow in the’80s, when it doubled in son’s opinion of what another size as women and minorities started joinshould do in a speciflc situation, ing,in large numbers. The one thing it that really matter. didn’t do for a long time was inspire many Support groups are obviously offshoots or imitators. With the exception based on the ancient concept of of AI-Anon, a program begun by Wilson’s community, as strangers gath- wife, Lois, in 1951, AA for all practical er to help one anotherby telling purposes ruas the support-group movement

NEWSWEEK: FEBRUARY 5, 1990 53

h a n g e Vi h a n g e Vi XC ew XC ew F- F- PD ! er PD ! er OW OW N N y y bu bu to to k k w C lic m for many years. Which meant that if you for the self-help revolution of today, by w C lic m w w w .d o c u -tr a c k o .c didn’t happen to be male, white, middle giving people a chance to come out and see.d o w c u -tr a c k .c o

class and a drinker, there were no meetings others who–despite having some very recat which you could feel comfortable. ognizable flaws and problems-were sur- That wasn’t a big problem. In those days, viving, thriving and even smiling. many people had something that took the Support groups in the past few years place of meetings: intact, functioning, ex- seem to have sorted themselves into four tended families. You wanted some brother- basic categories: those that address probly advice? You cailed-egad, how positively Iems of addictive behavior (Compulsive “Nick at Nite”-ish!-an actualbrother. For Shoppers, Workaholics and others that ofa maternal perspective on things . . . right ten follow a slight variation on AA’s 12 there in the kitchen, she’s all yours. And so steps); those for physical and mental illness Discussing common conoerns (Parkinson’s Support Group, Recovery, on, down to street-wise Aunt Sophie and just-plain-wise Uncle John. Women who Inc.); those for dealing with a transition or had problems too delicate to discuss with some other crisis (Widowed Persons Servany of the faces around the dinner table ice, Recently Divorced Catholics), and could always turn to their coffee klatsches those for friends and relatives of people or, as Leslie Borck Jameson, the executive with a problem (Adult Children of Alcohol- No matter what your problem, director of the Westchester Self-Help ics, Parents of Agoraphobi.c Teenagers). there’s almost certainly a support Clearinghouse, says, with a sweeping ges- Though it sounds sacrilegious, Borck group for you. But how to flnd out if ture toward her window, to “all those other Jameson and others think that a support there’s a chapter in your area, and mothers you always saw pushing baby group can be a better place to seek help when and where the group meets? strollers through the park.” than the traditional family. A dysfunction- The best way is to phone your local Kiddie books: But of course that world a1 family, after all, is often what brings self-help clearinghouse. Volun- now seems as distant as Freud’s Vienna- people to support groups in the first place. teers at these numbers will put you or Donna Reed’s Hillsdale. The traditional Among strangers, people can be brutally in touch with the right support family started to come apart at the seams honest. At one recent meeting ofBatterers groups, and the service is free. in the mid-’60s, as boomers began graduat- Anonymous (sometimes called Forte) in ing from college and moving far away Los Angeles, a member posed the rhetorifrom home to flndjobs. Divorce, drugs and cal question, “Man, what am I supposed to Nationa! Self-Help the doomed Yuppie quest for perfection do when my oId lady tried to block my way ClearinghoUse have sped aiong a process of deterioration out of the door? There’s nothing left to do 33 West42nd Street that had been going on since the late 19th but remove her with my fist.” Moments New York, N.Y. 10036 century. By the early ’80s, there was a later, another member explained that be- 12121il2-2944 flourishing cottage industry of kiddie ing arrested for beating his wife only fueled books and records that dealt in the “OK- his anger. “The last time we had a fight, I California Self-Help Center ness” of having no dad, two moms, a step- puJ.ied a shotgun on her and it jammed,” he 405 Hilgard Avenue this, a half that, a mysterious “uncle” and said. “That’s the only reason I’m here to- Los Angeles, Calif. 90024 a grandma who’s not talking to any of you day. If it hadn’t jammed, I’d be doing time.” (213) 825-1799 lowlifes at the moment. But in fact there The only reason a lot ofguys are at Crosswere problems, even more than before, roads, the male cross-dressers group, is beand, for many people, only two places to lllinois Self-Help Center bring them-the therapist’s office and/or 1600 Dodge Avenue, Suite 5-122 a self-help meeting. Evanston, Ill. 60201 Traditional “couch” therapy has cer- (312) 328-0470 tainly heiped a lot ofpeople, offering as it does the advantage of a professional caregiver and a greater focus on the individual Massac h usetts CIea r i n gpatient. But even those who can afford the house of Mutual Help Groups high cost of psychotherapy have sometimes 113 Skinner Hall, U. of Mass. grown dissatisfied with the open-ended na- Amherst, Mass.01003 (413) 545-2313 ture ofthe process, and suspicious ofadvice that comes from someone who has never sparred with their particular demons. For Minnesota Mutual Help those people, the only viable option is fre- Resource Center quent support-group sessions. 919 Lafond Avenue It was the women’s consciousness-rais- St. Paul, Minn.55i04 ing movement that first extended the self- (612) 642-4060 help concept beyond alcoholism. For the most part, these oh-so-’60s “organizations” engaged in unstructured discussions that. Self-Help Clearinghouse were as likely to concern drinking or drugs of Greater Washington as they were sexual harassment, the mili 100 N. Washington Street tary-industrial complex, lower-back pain, Falls Church, Ya.22046 Vietnam or anl,thing else that wasn’t (703) 536-4100 grootT/. What the get-togethers were most- Iy about, though, was getting together. The consciousness-raising groups set the tone

54 NpwswpEK: FEBRUARY 5, 1990

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CnrucER P RT I E N T S Research has shown that cancer patients who attended a support group in addition to having medical treatment Iived nearly twice as long as those who didn’t sit down regularly with their peers. nmE cause they need to know where to get size stories of stutterers whose affiiction led Schizophrenics Anonymous. “They put 14EEEE high-heeled shoes or an extra-long them to suicide. At some meetings, such as Iimits on us, saying we’ll never get better. string of pearls. For one married member, those for women with endometriosis and But sometimes that’s not true.” iounging around in a wig and a dress and other gynecological problems that are of- The relationship between support listening to a guest Iecturer discuss the best ten mishandled by the male medical estab- groups and health-care professionals is imway to apply blusher, is, he says, one way to Iishment, there is almost always a palpable proving. There are, for example, few, ifany, “get away from the tension ofbeing a hus- sense of urgency-if not anger-in the air. alcohol treatment centers in the United band, the breadwinner and dealing with Often, what support-group members are States that do not funnel their outpatients the factory, everyday life. Here I canjustbe maddest about is the way they’ve been into AA. At the same time, says Marion K. Susie.” Almost any problem left untreated treated by their doctors and therapists. Jacobs, adjunct professor of psychoiogy at can become debilitating or even life-threat- “The professionals are discouraging and UCLA and codirector ofthe California Selfening, Ed Madara, the director of the New negative toward recovery,” says Joanne Help Center, “there is still a huge amount Jersey Self-Help Clearinghouse, points Verbanic, 45, an executive at Ford Motor of resistance in medicine to incorporating out, noting that at Speakeasy members tell Credit Co. in Detroit and the founder of self-help as part of health care.” Though there are probably more people involved in self-help than in any other single form of therapy, psychiatrists have “scant” training in support groups, according to Dr. Frederick E. Miller, director of the Adult Inpatient Psychiatry Unit at the Universi ty of Chicago. “It’s a neglected area,” he says. Professionals don’t like the idea of self-help groups for two seemingly unassailable reasons: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and he who treats himself has a fool for a patient. It’s probably time, though, to stop relying on the kind of wisdom that comes from GanaBLERS fortune cookies. It used to be accepted without question, before AA, that the blind ANONYMOUS couldn’t lead the blind. Of course, some people wiil overdo anything. Frank Riess- CA members realize that they man says he’s heard talk recently that have an addiction. Many there’s a group forming for people who go to admit they still can’t imagine a supportgroupstoo much. Oh, well, ietthem come in and sit down. To find oneself in an Iife without betting. But by imperfect situation ishuman. To learn that taking life a day at a time, they you are not alone, divine. know they can stay straight. Cnl.nr,ns LurnnsuN aili SnewN D. Lpwts in Detroit and Los Angeles, Srte:unN Pouppn in New Yorh, LvN N DlvrNp onr in Boston and M.c.ncenpr Npr,son in Minneapolis

NEWSWEEK: FEBRUARY 5, 1990 55