September 1 9 59, 60 cents

*tr

r,ARIS t , irtt ’11

j i i by I

John Maleolm Elrinnin

TFIE COMPULSIVE DRII{KE,R Anonvmous

.{icirlruii..*tri. i.s ri.,li.sease idti,:it, qJJe,:ts iliiferent peitplc dj.fl’eretitit IUirctlu:r -lttieri.cq.rr,.* ilt irttl!’,. suscepliitie to it tlnrt, lluropeon”‘ i’; rr quesli,’in,. but there t:ctt be rr,’t ilottlil. thq,t ,lhttiwli’:s .)n,ortyrn.ou.s. i.t:itose hea.dquarlers is in. Nei.u 7′,irk(ii,t:v tru7i1f lL,hichtlti,s u-‘r’iter i.s arttenther. hnn^ i.n.sliirerl. a, clu,e rcnrarkably eflii:aciorl-s.for those in. tlk lirt,el atr.ti r:ornltulsii:e -*tagt:,

ft \Jr:n f”;-iir.,, ‘..vho i,tr’t i6 i’164ver;, Hailorvcti thv ‘be his bag tr: tr.rke (‘rri iile ,5r.rnr1.ry r-iigirc irarri ic ii rtailIe . .” Ai thc encl ,rf rrr,v first Alcohillics iJistani .:ity. aboirr lei;rning to lcave a gr:oc.i .rluq .{nor1vil-iorl; r:rreeting rlre ‘uvr:r.’ds of the nlcl praver’ in the l:ottle lor. ar1 e\e opener’ )ll,tnclay morning. -llhen ,:arne srrdclr-=niv alive. Biack despair meli:ed intr: a ):e began tr–r rttir-s \{onda.v appointntent.. tlimp-<.— cif ir,:alth and ;. good lite, oi’ relief lrorn district salesrnen liever ia\v hirl until the rniddle ,:i: -,iffering, i.rrriorse , anguish -‘-iust .: i:av of. irope- ihe w’eek. Fin,ill.,v’ he lost farrrill’. jr:b. a;rd liczilth. i-;rrt enr-ir-lgh rc enabie me i(-) Sel.li:i.iie lnv shoukjers But ali r:he iirne John said. “This is nry probler::. :* ,r..rv deterrrrination- These fine pcople haci I’ll handle it.” Talks rvith a psyc:hratrist helped. given rne some-thing I badlv rrced-ed at t,hai- mo- brrt short stretclres ot’ .sobricty alrva,vs ga!’e \{a-v Ittetri. T lfef hatj. Shr.rr,vfr rn’: ;i ‘r’JiL\ t-tttr fll i.ile a nvi” io rvor-qe trr:uble. f)or”‘u aud out. a,hntl-ct llroke. ot: alcoirolisrri. iiving on liquor ancl far iiorn honic. he lina.llv Earlier in the i:neei.ing the: chainrran. harj ,,:a.lied a-skecl hirrrself. “\tl:at can I doi” rrn a r,r:ell-groo::fleci citizcn tr-, speak. He looked I sat therr’: thunderstrr.rck. Tl’ris inar: Johrr lra; h,:aith-v, viqorous. and prosper:orls. IIe begari telling my sto,.’)r. lle rvas talking abouu rrie. FIt :s :uith: “NI-v name isJohn. and I aln arr alcoholic-” a. brrsiness exccrrtive and I am a. prof’es-sional nau. ‘Ihen he weni.rn ro i.ell how as a -cale-. i:nana.gcr.’ ot a but or,tr stories ar-e the s;lrxe. John’s l-ear: ruere ;rarion'”vitle harclivare fir’;r; hr-: liad discr:r’crci tha: ;nv i’ea.r’-c, tco. l\.ty r,vill poiver is strong, but I ,:ocktails befor:e business iuricheons s,tftt-‘ncrl tip ,-.imply r:orrld iiot do r”-hat my fiends coul-i ti’.: ..:-ristomer’;. itockiaiis before sale.s staff r{irrners sip a c,liple of dlinks, eat a good nteal, and qet up ,iiade hirn ri;t.re popr-ria:-, relaxed him. t:ncorrraged in the morning restecl and readl’ lor anrlther da,”. iire brieht irieas. He tolci abour packing a. botlie ir; I alr,vays missecl l)itr: rrain afier a.notltel’ a.nd encieri .4.!j:ttzi.;t:! i4′ Marie -i:tti:i. ii.;:;.r!.t:’: 2i !i:,: P:’i::: D;b.1:;iilc:1t- B0!ii::l P:tlir I-,i!’t at,.

41

T he Aiiar,{ic Xlor,tli,iY

:he eve-ing”ifstumbling, dreaciing the ne-xt day’ I the bottle the nighi beiore. Tirat frrst ‘-ir:lk lvas like puliing dolr’n a shade. shutting out hel rernorse -,voncleie,–l John ever had blackouts, Iosses of rnemorv sucir as ‘”r’ere hitting me lettely’ I ‘”von- ar.l shr..,{ blotting out the hangover’ She plaved ii’ he ever got I’lp in the morning lvith no records and danceci around the living roorn in her’ =crecl r’,’here he haci Iett the car, not knov;ing iciea oi negligec ztnd cxchanged neighborhooci gossip cve-r =,vhom he hacl beerr ‘*vith c:’ rvhat he had said’ the” phone !,/ith triencis. Instead of eatirig lunch wirhout a dollar leit ir; his rvallet’ I could tell she drank it. By the time the ctrildren canrt home ninr abo,-rt rnecting an impor:ant ciient ibr lunch she ”vas in beci: “Nlother has a headache; makc anri not being suie lvhether I coulci get a iork voursclves a chocolate milk and some sandwichcs to rirv i-nouth. I coulcl tell rhese people about tlre for supper.” This’girl is no orator, I thought, but there shc uttcr, soul-shattering ciegraclation ol trembling “looking goocl. rclaxed, almost smiling’ hands that spilleci coffee on my shirt or caused the stancls, matcll to miss lighting mv lvifle’s cigarctte’ talking straighi from her heart and from h’:r orvn I coqlcl trll ihem – but rvould I? I shrank .*p”.il”.r.. with touglt problems that I knorv so ri’om the prospect oi getring up before this parish rucll. .Again I thor-rght: Will I ever be -abie to do house fulf oi ex-drunks and peeling mvself open ihat? lVouldn’t it bc great if I coulcl sit down ior their inspection. Holv co”rlcl people so eztrnestiy privately r,vith a m:rn rvho knerv exactly rvhat I :ieveal rr’hai seemecl to me a shameful “veakness? was going thror-rgh and had licked it. who talked Coulci I ever admit to bt:ing one of themi rrr;- li,ng.,age ancl wanted to help me? The closest The cirairmarr kepi ihings going i- fiierrii,v I had ever ccme ro it rtas a session I lierci had rvith iashior:. He eaid that :his AA m:eting ivor-rici Dr. RicLrarcl Proctor’ at the Bou’man-Gra-v Medit:rr]-rpie:e iii: -ro-th ot p;:esiciing-‘r1-::r ifi’ ioc3-i cai Schooi, ir: Wiusrcri-Saien:, Ncrrh C:rrclina’ group’s affair-r a:rd that he ‘*oulci appoint an- “Face vour situation as it is arrci rrot as you wish ith*i t”.*ber i’: c3-:-rv rlri cexi raontir’ Fle rt- ir rnigi-r: be. When ‘,’o-.t uriderstanll. \vhet vou!: tlre croir’ci iirat iher-e er’ i:o ciEr:crs ir prot,il:n is arr,f whY Yo’-r hare it – rhe ;:eal rea- =rincieci sons. not -vour alibis arrd excuses yott carr enjoY -\A. r:o fan+i- -ar.:lo:-;ai headquarter-c — crii’,”‘sirnpie a norn:ral life again,” hc lolci me’- “Most people ,-.r,i.-,, thai io’iii heip :arru the :–essagt ic cther -:ileohoiir:r. “Thel’e ‘er?- r;= clues o:’ iecs i:r AA”‘ lvho cirink are noi aicoholics ani’i probabll :revcr ;’;a ;r,ri,i, “biit t’.’e .i+ pat; r3i;t tc -s-s thi: ‘ corn rvili b.:. But tor ive million rnen arrrj t.vofiren gy35.,’ ,’.,3-3i.;. ‘”,”= i.-tuY cjfree e-j r=ti-tsh=’:;:ts, ao’:i iri::ki-g is rr sickc::;, airC You’:’e one oi ihese’ :-ighi ao’,: [‘ii :rs]- Joe :+ ttti;’ I’lE’ :h<: u:ual rtilec- Tner* i-:- -:usi +ne guy i”‘hc c:t, cul-. YoLl’ ard thnt ;-c -1,ou.” br, P;’cctor ri:c+rril:nciec: thaii I tr”‘AA’ :iir,.” : notic;ai iha-l: i’.’he:: ii:: basiiei ca:-e aicng :n.v i’c-r”,, lt'”u.’as genelousl.r’ fllied, a::cl i-+’hisper’:’i Katt ended her ial[: -‘vith a phrase ihai sruck ‘t+ .,-rire +i i^rrv r;ei”r ii’ieilis t+ i*ci”ii:’e AA ::; :nr,’ -ri;id. Sht saici’ “Bttt ior ihe grace of God “i’ileii:e;= de- a=d AA I woulrrn’t be irere tonight”” Then canre rtrei..’es Eifti. H= sa’ici th=; iire orga-ization .:ii-es ouisiCe crnrib’.lricns- rhai ever”‘ AA iirou-lj’ .he Lord’s Pra’,’er: ” ‘ And leaci t:-t not into ;3, -<s!;;5:rppcr:ti;;g, ln:i tha.t plr:r-blet t :i fiiol-;e)j: teir:piation, L,r.ri ‘-ieli-t’er :rs ii-orn c”‘il ” and broke u1, lor coffee’ I knt”‘r tha: it haci .’-r+p:rty, e;a pie-‘tig; :l-^rgn: :i:- ::r A-{ iror-i i:-‘ tne :lrcltirrg’year3 take;-; cre t-c ge; rnyseli inic a- ai:cholic :-rlinia ;’7 Pr-ti’Pcs^. +i it overnight: “I ei:oulci iii:: tr. e-‘lpia.-,:.t i’f a-;’ reivt+.’ii’i’s,” ici: ani that I ccr:lci ;:+t puil oui ihr cha.ir’l:ra= addei. “i*:.rt AA is ”r:icri” ttnenv- bu: t- itf: sober-eci- tirciightiui’ jete;’r:rineci i’.l ‘jr-r :rr.,, ‘j:rrios; :.-; fi1ake i+: flash l’i hope cr::l: ti:-t’-r :::+:t:. ‘Ihis. is ti:t spii’itr-ial il-‘i’;nd:rtro:: i:i.a-ii. or-i; r:’liiticas, ‘:i’tr= r’:r:ii*cli;lg us 😮 pi:tct -”ri:f ipi(j”l pe::Sil;l?.lities. trVt: n:lrsi a-i'”va’;s ;:taintain =e|rre p:rsonnl anocv-lirl’ at ihe ie”el of prcs-=’ radio’ E -!-‘or- ri:e ne;<: ihl’:; ;no-li:s i a::e-‘ieci i”v’ ‘:)’ anii siras This i’-r a:: opcn r:;=:ti;lg ivhei”c ‘;isitcrs 1:.e l!’eii-i:-ile. A::-vore inr:;-=:ltci i:: ir:ar-i;:3 a-boiil thr=+ AA =e=ti-gs z'”:-aE’ N’:t +llg 1-:l3i ;-1i’1 ”’:;-‘i'”‘ ,{A. aist rn.:mbers ri th+ir ia-lilies aiict f:’ier:ds- questio;s o. gt … a-ii-{ icctr-uesl ali oi therrt i::trr -‘iair; r’-13 at iiiia- ;ime’ Tl:e clooL o: AA s”‘;ings werc glaci t.-, see me’ a-nd I ma-ci-t neii’ii’ierlds at ‘,.,’r–ts, Y+u c:”- :tir.e in; You can go :l’-rt’ ever’y’Leeting I ielt ::or:nai a-nri healthy I;isteacl ‘Yc-,i =ot:h ,,::ti; ali’*a-;”s cc:’::e ba’ci: 11-crli be h=re'” oi going irom-:he office tc: the club, ihr:r’r making a Tire :i-rairn:aai taic – ;:: caiier-=t a- aiira’ctiv+ fe”i ;tJpi, tti ila:s) I ‘,’;ent ciirecill’, eaplerl’; home’ M.,, vriie i,:as sn:iii::rg. ancl her. -“-r-‘rice ‘,vas hnpPt” i:.f.lnE ‘,!l’a;r,all lvirG sl:-ppeci i:i i.’ Sptai:ei”s piati-rl’;;; ic sn:ak. ” \{l na;ne is K:tt=’ t”:’i i am alr: On: :ncn;ing ni’; Caugirter salci. “Dadd-v’ -:r’er-;”‘

+i,;rhr.llic. ‘ Ka-t= :ol’i th+ i-tr:na-9e -qtori ‘”i zh= -igirt I tha-k Gcri. a-pil I iust'”3=i:! ic” ihani: yo’t :rrar i’rii.l: +i h.er= h+in’:. :\s soo- as tht ihiicire- iri’ b.r,tg ‘,vcll aga,i-.” Di’:’is’ ilras e happ,v girft ,+,’ere off :i,, ichoo’i a;d her hust’aal i:ai ieft f:’i ioc. a.=d I-*.e;.:liarts’:i’.’;::’-::’-==v =:]rjig’:r tb::t IT ii -..t=rk. sh: ?;irC tr-, r:l-re:E3er ;-t-here sht hl’j iri’jclea ria1″s r’,-rrrl’i.

4?

THE CO}IPL;LSII’E DRIf IiEIT

My otd hobbies, like fishing, which I had neg- without it- I rvas my own man again, but I had Iected for years, began io look good again. The neglected Mark Twain’s remark that quitting season would open before long, and I suggested to smoking was easy he had done it hundreds of Marge that rve go over to Bill’s to make plans for times. – N{ay rveekends. The thought of wading in fast It was a good sign that my family was beginning water at the head of a long pool fanning out to a to trust me. My lvife, beaming with new confiquiet stretch where I could drop a dry fly ready dence, told me that she planned to take the chilfor a trout to strike was tremendously exciting to dren the following rveekend on a family visit. me. Plans must be made, gear overhauled. I Out of habit I rvelcomed the chance to be alone, could hardly wait. puttering around, varnishing my old trout rod, I hadn’t seen Bill for a year, not since my gang rvatching TV-and drinking. “But rny God!” earried me into the house and left me on the divan I thought. “I’m not drinking, and I don’t want to when we were making ready for the last fishing start. What kind of crazy thinking is this?” season. But on this Saturday night we were As the week wore on, I tried with less and less talking as we used to in the old days, eagerly success to get the idea of having a few drinks out planning to Ieavs betbre daylight on opening of my mind. They drove away Saturday morning morning. The girls u’ould join us for the weekend. early, and I kept busy in and out of the housc, Then Bill went out to the kitchen and came back catching up on postponed chores. That evening with a tray of ice water and glasses, also rvith a I walked a mile to the liquor store and paused at llushed look on his face as though he had just had the door io wonder. Then I went in and bought a good stiff drink. “I thought it w’ould be nice,” two bottles. A taxi rushed me home, and I tore he said, “if u,e all had something to drink.” off the cap and poured half a glass. Only the lt was almost too much for me. Why the hell first cirink tasted as I had hoped. During the rest eouldn’t Bill offer everybody a highball and be of that bottle and half of the second I sat cursing natural about it? He and the girls wanted a drink. myself for being insane. Words for ths causes and Couldn’t I have the privilege of declining or symptoms of my sickness haunted me. “Oh, aee€pting if I wanted to? I burned rvith anger. God, cau I ever stop again?” My sullen mood spoiled what little was left of Sunday night I :had to call a doctor to get a the party. Marge could sense my distress, and we shot in the arm before the family got home. It made excuses to Ieave early’ I kept my childish was a bad night, but I kept a’way from aaything to fury peni up and roamed a-round downstairs des- drink, and next night I went back to AA, shaky, perately tempted to drink anything I could find, ovenvhelmed with remorse and shame, I ought b::t brew’ed black eoffee instead and grorvled at to admit my slip. I could not make the aisle to ts{arge, u.ho rvas entreating me to get some sleep. go up front as others did, so I just stood where I I w’as groggy at daylight, but the idea occurred was and muttered, “This past ‘lveekend I tried to me that I was entirely at fault. I phoned and liquor. I couldn’t handle it. I am sorry I had a said, “Bill, I’m sorry to disturb )rou so early, but I slip, and thanks to you for keeping the door of AA want to apologize about last night. The plain open. I have the proof now that I don’t want to fact is that I can’t handle liquor and you knov-, it. go out that door again. I knolt’ that there is ao AII I ask is that you treat me like any other friend. way out of the abyss, except giving up liquor.” l&’henever you w-ant a drink, dorr’t let me inter- I felt much better for coming out in the open. fsre. Also please don’t put ice water or a Coke in f was encouraged and managed a t’eeble grin. “f ray hand. Just ask me’what I v;ould like io have, guess I forgot Mark Twain’s lesson about giving and I’ll name it. I am trying like the devil to be up smoking,” I said. -:vorthy of ‘your trust.” During.the next fe’w months’ I actually enjoyed I heard a sleepy, “Thanks ior calling, Bob. being scber not fighting that first drink, “.vhich That makes me feel a lot beiter about the ‘*vhole is the one that- does the damage. I settled down to thing. We can have some great times together, regular attendance at an AA group where I felt and f u,rant you to know that I am proud of y.-ou. most congenial. Perhaps I was still an impostor, Don’t forget r,vetve got a date.for cpening day i” playing a masquerade. I rvas not yet being com’ ptetety honest with these decent people and with myself. For somewhere in this good period the temible thought returned that someday I might T c.+,vs do what no aleoholic on earth has ever been able I up AA rrreetings. They vrere all right for ernebody in baci shape, but I did aot need them to do: drink normally again. arly rnore. This period -went on for a iew weeks Then one night before closing a meeting, the icnger. I ieit notmal and healthy. I iound that chairman dumiounded me by announcing: “For anything I did with liquor I could do better the next month I should like to name Robert, our

43

l Tlie Atls+lic l[on th!-t’

!i-r,r’rllel1}ber, as chairrnalt.” He lvas rei’erring to rrrv wil-e or nraybe to learu sofie fiett/’ \1’4,!’ to lii’e me, Everybody clapped, and I worrdered horv in with liquor, I flnally uttered the rvords I had never thc worid I could do it’ I spe:rt everv evening had the courage and humility to sa)’: “My narne rereadirrg r,vhat tve i:i AA call the Big Booi: and is Robert, and I am an alcoholic.” ieafirrg through our rrronthi’r n:ztgazine, Tite Grape’ A great rveight lifted tiom nlv rnind and bod-v. iiine, to bone up for tire job of chairman. I studied Forgetting ail rhe rvorcls I trad read ir: ihe literator the hundredth time our trvelve stePs to sobriety: ture of AA, the thoughts of others that I had ihe admission thett lve ltere helpless agai;rst alco’ memorized for this occasion. I plunged ahead. “I hol but ihat a polver- greater than ourselves could \,vant to thank you folks tbr rnaking me chairman iesrore us to sanitv if u’e lvould turn over our lvills this month,” I began. “I’m not sure I can do a and lives to God as each of us urtderstands Him. very good job or that I am read.v ior it. Perhaps IvIy nelv responsibilities lveighed heavilv oll me. older and u’iser heads around here decidecl that ‘Ihe night oi my firs: meetirrg as chairrnan I stood orre lvay ro keep rne good and sober lbr a month near the entrance of the parish house grecting was to make me chzrirman ! evei’yorre. mv r”.’ife standirig happily at rnv side. ” seriously. though, I have just gone through a Alcohol is no respecter of persons: I rvas smiling t’erv moments of decision that I rvould not slvap ibr a.nd saying hellc to lalvver,s, tr’.rck drivers. doctors, anvthing else that ever happened to me. Ivlost oi houselvives, business lea-clers, mectranics. arrd, us in this roont trave in commorr a serious physicr,l :iccon:paeied mostly by sporrsors irom our groupl and emotional problem. We are trr-ing to do sorne- :: f’evi ncwcorfiei’s lc,ckirig shalv and ri’trite, sick thing about it. I have just lcarnecl in standing up and blear–v-evecl. As is cusronterl’ at ali AA here betbre ,vou thai- I csrn rvithout a shadolv of = gatirc:ings, chaEter. leughte:’- ar’l sr::ic,ke tjileil the ci.;rrbt s’.rc,:eed; I ,:an achier’re recovel’ti: and can iir: l”..ives ir: iire parish-h,–;use kitc:her: brer’ved help ,:rthcrs 3s you are helpirrg me. Without AA c.:ffee encl raacle sandwi,:hes. It lvas tir:re to srerl-. rneetings r,rnrJ, group i’ellorvship, I lvould be lost. i itit retice:rt ar-rd urlil’orih-v’ tu frii the chaii:ill;rlr- I can’l cio ii alor:r:. I thank G,rd I aion’t have to.” shlp- so tLrar the trzrc’litiorral AA praver lvith -‘vLrich As I trad knorvr: ail along. rnv srol’y lvas sirnilar i rp,:rred the rneetirrg ciisiurtreci rne: “Goci grant to their sttries. Bui nor”- it suddenl.v t,eeame no: :-r: ti:e sete:’rirv to nccept tii,: rhirrgs I r:l-nnoi :-ny stor’y. no! ihe il storY, but alLr stoty — foi i :ha;’igrr, the cor-rraqi: to ci;a:rgt ihe tning: I ca::= …,’r: f,.i-,ail-y, r:r-rmpleielv orre oi EheE:I. a=d the l”‘i:’iai.lr:r tt-r kno’,u tire differe-c=.-‘ A:ld the:r the final speaiier ernphesized the in:pi-rri:i:iee oi tal:lng gaih i{a’,’ ;is it cGn}esttThis is :i trvh-iie I read a-io:ig th.: t,r-i’-t’si:r:er-e-t r-riprinci- t’Today ‘–.-h:cl; s:a.is er;ei’1′ AA ;::eaiing. ti::rt pra,ver tlr,entr=icur’-hour prrogra*:r.” he saici, is =i:: ‘iega,, r=peatir:g iiseii’ “The cor:rage i’J ckrtrnge the or-iiv da’; tliai ceur:is, Yeste:da;,’ is qr,nc. :rn’: ‘..lrl ti:ings f ean” -_ ar:ii the rrutli flashed in m;” til1:to1-l-c)1t rriav ilei’ei corirc:.’: :ni=.i ivith trliaiing ciarit;: Tt:t ,:i:z .;tiii + ;.tu:-;’i’- Tht hour ita-s neari!’ rrp. atird I lor:cl,:ciec! th.: :lii! hLldi.tzt czit; 1ttt t;?’! rtli’t:t!i,-;’. r;ti.:t:.rrii-“, L’eri! liririiing. “AA is rro; a religious tliganizatiorr,” ,i,. pi-rtabiv iasteC onir’ ;r i.’.v s.:,);:’:js. bu: I .:o’.r]ri I se-i,i= “b,:: niany i;f us i;eliere ti;ai tl-re spiritr-rai s:.: ihr-: lies I har{ tolcl the “jrG’rrJi-i wh. =””‘eie trr”irig part cf the progrrrui is ri:e mosi importan;. Stri'”– :r, h:ip i;::, the oe.;:it r,’f nai;i-g iigl:; ,–i i:1″; prlh- ing tc livt a B’or’rd lif*. tr: be irl iiint ruiti; our i’elior”‘ i.==’, t+ n-y ministtr= la-mii’;. :-.-d assoc:ates. thcs= irlen. i.r iie or:.i- best sel.,-e; at all times is a progran; t-iies-; aiiL,is an<i -x.:,is-; tt::l had s!’1.-‘.1r;s qive:: iha-i r,irii heip a–i’-body. i;rcludinS: Ci’unks’ We’il i:.i- a geta-lt’?,.!’ rou:t fr=,: a baci:slide irrto ci:inking. ali ,”tani at:d cicse the -:eeting in the t:srrai ‘;aY. i hari $e!-e:i buiilt.i ail n-r; b:riciges. r:o: hai I . Gti,e tts ii;’:..,; d,.t1; t:.it dd!; bru.d. And forgi.t;t ;uir= a,:ili:.::,j tnctgh l:,:i-iiit’,’ t+, ;-:ir:l;i, to ,ij:.lir tr;sp:,..:::::: c.: ?t:t foteiz-tt ihcse it,i;c h’espas.t i:t.-=pt. anC ‘4.-‘ arli +:n !r:’;’ ?l.i’i!it= “.vi-ri iei:e;;iitdlv’- cg=irst :r: . . .-” Arid as l,’Iarg= and I that rtigir:: TLe r::xt fe’* -nv+rCs 11;4.,’ Ila,’;= s.-r’-..lndei ::.atural r,valked iiorie i:and ir: ira-nd, -.,r’e sha,red the sereniti- ::; illt aiidierrca. Lr!-1i io r::r-^ t[le:,’ r’cpre.re:lteci tlncori- of accepiing tire thing-< l’;e couir,i rrot r:hangr:- ,i::iar;a-! 5qi1’qniiei. Tht,v r-tarri J r’,’as r;ot just a because sorne po’i!ei’ had gi”‘er:: me the coul’age :isitry ai thes.: r-ieti-g.!: loi,i:l-g over the prograrir at iast t+ cla:-ige ihe tiiirrlqs ti:a; I ccul:i. ani-! ;r’iti; :.- fx:rti’::-i iii..j- ii r-i-Iig -r:..-r-L=:hir:31 =lse :+ please Ilarge an.-i i coaii::r.:.e i.; lina-rt ti:e di{erence.