Rotarian, Sept. 1946

l’m an Alcoholic Who Quit Drinking A Rotarian wins the battle of liquor aided by an ally named ‘A.A.’and a weapon called psychology.

By A.A. Anonymous

I am an alcoholic, but I haven’t had a on the road to regeneration through Alcoholics drink in more than four years. Anonymous – “A.A.,” as members of the Contradictory, not at all. With ffie, organization refer to it. alcoholism is a disease – like diabetes, for Having been born in a home where example. Once a man contracts diabetes, he temperance was actively preached and and his affliction are as inseparable as Siamese practiced, I grew up with the conviction that I

twins, but he can arrest his disease by taking would never touch liquor. I couldn’t foresee high insulin. school, however, where I was catcher on the Its the same with alcoholism. Once you baseball team and left end on the football squad. have it, you carry it to the grave. There’s no such My buddies were gay and carefree and thing as an ex-alcoholic, but an alcoholic can considered “a couple of rounds” after a game stop drinking. Just as diabetics get their help quite manly. At first it was only a few beers; later from insulin, so nondrinking alcoholics find theirs we began mixing in a slug of whisky. in lending a helping hand to their drinking By the time I finished high school and brothers. That’s why I’m telling my story. went to work as a department store clerk I was a Believe me, I’m qualified. For 40 years I steady drinker. Before I ever reached 30, I

was a drinking fool. ln the beginning it was became a travelling salesman, drinking with my simply a mischievous drink as a smart high customers and feeling that it made us chummy school kid; at the end I was draining two quarts that orders came easier. I drank at meals, at of whisky a day. clubs, at banquets, in trains, in private homes – It is estimated that about 5 percent of everywhere, in fact, except at home, where my the people who drink are alcoholics, and for wife would not permit liquor. them there’s no moderation. Once they take a By a stroke of good fortune I was able to drink, they crave more and more. With them it’s open my own department store in a mediuma case of either total abstinence or uncontrolled sized city. lt prospered in spite of the fact that I drunkenness. Among the other 95 per cent are was drifting from bad to worse. I cached the cocktail drinkers -and those who at times supplies of whisky all over the store so I could get ingloriously drunk. But at no point in this get a “hooker” without running back to my office. drinking scale does liquor become the obsession I hid some in the advertising department, some it is to the alcoholic 5 percent. in the receiving room, and more behind stocks Whet an alcoholic’s appetite and he can on different floors. I was drinking as often as no more resist liquor than a steel filing can most people smoke cigarettes. lf I didn’t have a retreat from the field of a powerful “snort” every hour or so, I’d get nervous and electromagnet. The switch that turns on the irritable. irresistible power is that first drink. At home our social life disintegrated. Not Avoiding the first fatal swallow may being able to depend on me, my wife stopped sound like a simple trick, but it’s almost too high planning functions at home and gracefully a hurdle to clear without a boost. There is a rejected all invitations elsewhere. That made me serious science devoted to the study and feel I wasn’t appreciated, that I was grossly treatment of alcoholism, and it is manifested in misunderstood – a frustration that plunged me such institutions as the School of Alcoholic further and furlher into drink. Studies at Yale University and in numerous When the economic depression of the high- grade sanatoria and hospitals offering ’30s descended, it seemed that all the forces in what the layman calls “the cure.” But a growing the world were conspiring against me. As number of pathological drunks get a flying start business slumped, I worried, and the more I

worried, the more I relied on drink. Every failure based on the false premise that my case was to stimulate sales had to be erased from my different, that no one else ever suffered the mind by alcohol. torments and disturbing influences that drove me to drink. But that group of seven A.A.’s made My daily intake mounted to two quarts me feel as feeble as the winner of a booby prize and more. I was hitting the bottle continuously, at the Liars Club. They could match – and but I thought I was clever enough to conceal this surpass – every drinking bout I ever had. Every fact from my employees, friends, and fellow reason I had advanced for drinking, they, too, Rotarians. Apparently I wasn’t, though, because had experienced. Then they offered others I one day, February 8,1942 – I’ll never forget it – a never thought of. prominent attorney and fellow Rotarian came to As they talked I felt my defense see me. crumbling. I began to recognize the sham of my “Come over to the soda fountain and previous rationalization. MY skepticism faded have a cup of coffee with me,” he invited. I into acceptance; my disbelief turned to masked the shiver of revulsion that raced credence; my defiance melted into admiration. I through me at the suggestion, but to be sociable thought: “lf they could swear off, so can 1.” ljoined him. ” So when they told me that the only “l want you to come over to mY house prerequisite for joining Alcoholics Anonymous tonight and meet some friends of mine,” he said. was a sincere admission that alcohol had me “l think we can help you.” whipped so completely my life had become I stiffened. “Now look here,” I snapped. unmanageable, I readily made that admission. “l don’t need anybody’s help, and I’ll thank you The very articulation of this truth to keep your nose out of my business.” seemed to sweep a great network of cobwebs He smiled indulgently. “You know, that’s out of my brain. Merely stating this fact, about exactly what I said when I was invited to meeting which I had long tried to delude myself, was like a group of Alcoholics Anonymous.” opening a window in my mind and letting in a You mean you’re an A.A.?” I asked. refreshing gust of clean, invigorating air. For the “Sure, the whole bunch at the house first time in years I sensed a gratifying relaxation tonight will be. We’ve all had experiences like course through my body. yours – and we’ve all, at some point, decided to Almost involuntarily I accepted an quit making life so miserable for ourselves and invitation to join A.A. I was made a member on everybody else. Why not come over and meet the spot, and my new friends told me more the boys and let them tell you about it? lt can’t about the way the organization works. I vowed, do any harm and you’re under no obligation to as I had vowed before, to quit drinking. But this us. What do you say?” time the circumstances differed. I had already I was staring into my coffee. My mind achieved a state of intellectual humility and I

was whirring. lt was true that I had vaguely had, in these A.A.’s, living proof that abstinence realized my health couldn’t forever withstand the was possible. Moreover, I was too proud to let abuse I was heaping on it, and many times myself fail where they had succeeded – and I

when I thought of how unfair I was toward my knew I could lean on them for help if I

wife, I caught myself feeling remorseful. And my weakened. business – it was skidding, almost out of control. As I fought to release myself from the I forced a laugh as I turned to the grip of the obsession that enslaved me, I formed attorney and with a feigned indifference said: a clear picture of what was happening and what “Yeah, sure, l’ll come, if you insist. What can I had happened to me during those 40 years of lose?” drinking. I was like a small boy passing a That night an amazing chain of events cemetery at night. Leaves rustle. His eyes pop began. I went to that meeting breathing and his hair stands on end. The wind shrieks skepticism, disbelief, defiance. Like most eerily through the shrubs and he breaks into a alcoholics I nourished an inner feeling of run. The moving shadow of a swaying bush exclusiveness, a kind of self-pitying smugness behind a tomb looks like a sinister zombie. The

boy’s feet sprout wings and he races frantically themselves, of course. This is one of the on. An owl hoots and he grows panicky trying to strongest pillars in the A.A. structure. Whenever coax a few extra miles an hour out of his flying a man feels himself slipping, he calls another feet. member for help. My rustling leaves, shrieking wind, Part lV. This is the crux of the whole moving shadows, and hooting owls had been program. The first three parts set the stage; in business and social problems, feeling of Part lV the act begins. “Act” is the word, for the inferiority, frustrations, worries over personal as principle upon which A.A. works is that the well as business matters. To escape each new alcoholic must do more than want to quit fear-inducing stimulus I gulped stronger and drinking. He must do something – right now!l am ever stronger draughts of liquor. told that this is the practical application of the Now, I could see, I was imPosing a James -Lange psychological theory, which sound, sensible procedure over this states that in the formation of habit, one first subconscious fear motivation. I had analyzed articulates a desire and then immediately this 4O-year flight from fear and knew the translates that mental intention into physical reasons for it. Bolstered by this knowledge, I action. By constantly reinforcing the mental could say convincingly to myself: “l am afraid no impulse with physical activity, the individual longer. I will stop running and take a deliberate establishes new behavior patterns. step fonruard, then another and another. I will All right, but what does one do? Well, it quiet this fluttering heart, stop perspiring, and doesn’t matter very much. lt might take the form walk out of this alcoholic cemetery with dignity.” of going for a walk, of taking a drink – of water – That’s the way it was. Looking back over or even reducing the number of drinks taken my shoulder today and analyzing my salvage, I each day. As a follow-up of the Part ll moral find that what happened after I joined Alcoholics inventory, action can be taken to make amends Anonymous became a story of four parts. Here to injured people whenever possible. lf you’ve is the way it developed: mistreated your wife, you might bring her some Paft l: I admitted to myself my bondage flowers or candy; if, when drinking, you’ve to liquor and my inability to manage my life. This habitually growled at the neighbors, you might psychological broom swept the dust of deceit stop and say a kind word; if you’ve gone into and delusion from my mind, preparing it for a debt, you might pay off these obligations – and readjustment. ln a religious sense this was the so on. act of repentance. Paft ll:According to A.A. formula, I made And then, after you’ve won your victory, a moral inventory of myself and acknowledged you have the never- ending opportunity of my shortcomings and faults to at least one other helping new members, which enables you person. The pious will recognize this as an continuously to reinforce your desire to stop application of the principle of public confession. drinking by doing something for another To the psychologist it amounts to bringing social alcoholic. Only one who has himself been influence to bear. Thus, having unfurled his through the same experience can administer the faults publicly, the candidate’s conduct will reap proper mixture of sympathy and discipline to pull either social approval or censure. And being a a patient through trying hours. vain creature, man strains mightily for Phenomenal though its record is, A.A. approbation. does not guarantee to cure an alcoholic’s Pari lll: A.A. built a foundation of predilectlon for liquor. About half recover confidence and hope under me by showing me immediately and another 25 percent make it that the liquor habit could be conquered, for after a relapse or two. Since 1934, when it was every member of this organization was founded by a New York broker and an Akron, persistent proof that others had won out. That Ohio, physician, about 25,000 alcoholics have victory was forged by a combination of my own become members of A.A. They are banded will and outside help, both human and divine. together in nearly 900 groups in the United Help was always forthcoming from other A.A.’s States, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

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Just to clear uP a few Points often completely. My wife and I have reestablished misunderstood, I’d like to emphasize that we are our social contacts and again I am a respected not prohibitionists. Our sole object is to remove member of a growing circle of friends. My the temptation of that first drink from those who business has improved 662/3 percent, employee cannot take just one or two and stop there. moral is higher than ever, and we enjoy a credit Many of us actually serve liquor in our homes; rating the business never before attained. And yet when we ourselves raise our glasses in the opportunity of serving my fellow alcoholics toast, ours are filled with soft instead of hard by helping them over the rough spots as I was drinks. Another thing: we are not reformers; we helped has given me a new purpose in life. undertake to help only those alcoholics who apply for assistance. The hundreds of case examples citing Headquarters of Alcoholics Anonymous are how A.A. has helped alcoholics are doubtless in New York. Readers desiring information about this familiar to Rotarians, some of whom may have organization should write to The Alcoholic gone through the same experiences, so I shall Foundation, P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Annex, not add others I have witnessed. But I can New York 17, New York, U.S.A. truthfully report that my own life has changed Source: The Rotarian, September 1946.

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