MASQUERADE My heart goes out to the family members and friends of the deceased. Like them, I mourn the loss of yet another member of our fellowship; one to whom many of us had reached out to in the past several months. He will be missed and his passing will somehow diminish our collective experience. Like so many that I’ve seen die over the years, my friend was not killed either by alcohol or the disease of alcoholism. My friend died of a drug overdose.

Ironically, although I knew him from the AA meetings, I never knew him to spend much time in meetings of other fellowships. He believed, as so many do, that “a drug is a drug is a drug” and that the Twelve Steps will work to relieve every obsession of the mind. I believe in the Power behind the Twelve Steps, but I do not underestimate the power of the diseased mind and its ability to separate the sufferer from the very help that he so desperately needs.

Looking back over the past twelve years of my own recovery, I am hard pressed to recall a single member of AA who has died from the disease of alcoholism. Conversely, I can easily list the many names of those I’ve known who have died from drug addiction. I’ve never been a member of any other fellowship and I knew all of these friends from AA meetings that I have attended.

The only conclusion that I can draw from all of this is that these people have suffered from an incomplete or misdiagnosis of their problems and, as a result, their treatment and recovery has been incomplete. Those who suffer from multiple addictions must treat each addiction or risk relapse from the untreated problem. There are vast differences between addictions and one cannot safely assume that treatment in one area will result in recovery in other areas. One does not recover from a back injury by having a tooth pulled.

Chapter 3, “MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM,” from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous begins with the words, “Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No

person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.” The next paragraph states that, “The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.”

That was certainly true in my case. I stubbornly refused to admit that I was different, probably because I instinctively knew that to BE different might cause me to have to DO differently. I feared observation or that my behavior should be examined lest these differences become apparent to everyone. I feared any judgment that might cause me to have to change. I feared change because, in years past, alcohol had been the only thing that had worked for me to numb my feelings and enable me to cope with life. I could not imagine living a life without alcohol.

Unable to be honest with myself, for fear of having to change, I could not be honest with others; even well meaning people who were trying to help me. I lied to them, and to myself, about the nature of my problem. I blamed circumstances and the people around me for my drinking. I minimized the effects of my drinking as being “not that bad,” I justified my behavior by saying that “you would drink too, if you had my problems,” never acknowledging for a moment that all of my problems were alcohol related, and I rationalized that “well, at least I’m not hurting anyone but (maybe) myself.” As a result, it was impossible for me to ask for help or, perhaps more importantly, to take any corrective measures.

Similarly, I think that it is the delusional thinking of the drug addict (and in many cases the misguided efforts of treatment centers) that brings him into Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, the idea that “a drug is a drug is a drug” was probably started by a treatment center with only one van. The clients of these centers are taught that abstinence equals recovery and that if they can stay chemically free from all substances they can recover through a single therapy. Nonsense. Remember the guy with the back injury?

I have seen many people come to AA because of their problems with alcohol and yet never recover from the “seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” because of their problems with other substances. The so-called “marijuana maintenance” plan doesn’t work. And, as a result of increased referrals from the court system, usually by way of treatment centers and probation officers, we see many people (particularly younger people) being introduced to AA who simply are not yet ready to seek help for their most serious problems. Many of these people are willing to try to forego the use of one substance as long as they can maintain their primary addiction. These people, and many others who are less dramatically affected with other “issues,” seem content to just come to AA to recuperate somewhat and “hide out” until the current “heat” is off.

In a bizarre twist, I once listened to a young man, who identified himself simply as an addict, share in an AA meeting about his troubles with alcohol and he became visibly upset when I suggested that he might be, after all, in the right place. It later occurred to me why. He had entered treatment for his drug addiction and had hoped to continue his use of alcohol when released from treatment. The idea that maybe he shouldn’t drink either was unacceptable to him.

It saddens me to consider that we have all become unwitting accomplices to the masquerade. The treatment centers, who send people diagnosed with multiple disorders to AA in the fanciful hope that recovery from alcoholism will result in abstinence from all substances; the addict, who does not truly want to be completely honest about his condition; and the open-hearted members of Alcoholics Anonymous, who sincerely desire to be there when “anyone, anywhere reaches out for help,” have all unwittingly colluded to enable the addict to die from his untreated addiction.

And, for those who insist on identifying themselves in AA meetings as alcoholic/addicts, I remind you that what you are really saying is that you are “different” than a garden variety drunk; your problems are more complex and therefore more difficult to resolve. The chances of you achieving long term continuous sobriety are slim because you still suffer from “terminal uniqueness.” I suggest you try to identify in instead of insisting on comparing yourself out.

There is probably no simple solution to these issues, but ​I think that we owe it to the suffering addict or alcoholic/addict to send him to the fellowship that most specifically deals with his problem​. I believe very strongly in our Singleness of Purpose, for the preservation of Alcoholics Anonymous and the compassionate referral of those with problems other than alcohol to the fellowships that can help them. We need to stop loving these people to death. We have no power to compel the treatment centers either to more completely diagnose their clients’ problems or to refer those patients to the fellowships that most specifically deal with their addictions. We also lack the ability to force anyone to honestly face his problems. What we can do is stop participating in the charade. We can kindly urge the addict to seek help in Narcotics Anonymous.

Recently, a friend that I believe is not an alcoholic but a heroin addict, asked me for help. I gave him the phone number of a man known to me to be a strong member of Narcotics Anonymous. My friend never called the number and he is still using (but not drinking). After many years of trying to help this man, I don’t believe that he really wants to stop using completely; I think he was simply looking for a place to recuperate just long enough to go back out and do it all over again. Unfortunately, we will probably also bury this man in the not too distant future. But, after many failed attempts at recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, I truly believe that my friend’s only hope is to get honest about his addiction and seek help in Narcotics Anonymous.

In the AA pamphlet, “Problems Other Than Alcohol,” one of our co-founders, Bill W., states, “Experience says loudly that we can admit no exceptions, even though drug users and alcoholics happen to be first cousins of a sort. If we persist in trying this, I’m afraid it will be hard on the drug user himself, as well as on AA.” I think that over the years we have been hard on my friend. In attempting to be kind, we have made it possible for him to be insincere and, as the Big Book warns us on page 97, we have been aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery.

I have sometimes asked an addict or alcoholic/addict why they don’t go to NA and the answer has invariably been the same: “AA is stronger; more members with long term

recovery.” Even assuming that this is true, how will NA ever ​get any stronger if the addicts keep flocking to (and dying in) Alcoholics Anonymous? I think the addict’s preference for Alcoholics Anonymous is misguided, self-centered, and shortsighted. Many of them “win the battle” of abstinence and “lose the war” of recovery.

Today I received a call from a friend who invited me to help him with a “Twelve Step Call” on another friend of ours who has been “slipping” in recent months on various painkillers. Now that our mutual friend has been admitted to the hospital, I wonder if he will repeat the same mistake of hiding out in Alcoholics Anonymous when he is released or if he will take his pill problem to NA. And I wonder if I can support him if he chooses the former rather than the latter.

If I was qualified for the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, I would get actively involved with it to try to make it more effective. However, I am not. The best I can do is to refer the addict to NA and to urge him to get actively involved with their fellowship and tools of recovery. At the very least, I can stop participating in the masquerade. In this then, perhaps, my friend will not have died in vain.

~ Anonymous