Transcript

[00:06.3 – 00:07.1] Thank you, Rufus. [00:07.1 – 00:09.6] Good morning, everyone. [00:09.6 – 00:11.3] Good morning. [00:11.3 – 00:16.5] If I seem more than somewhat confused this morning, it's only because I am. [00:16.5 – 00:20.4] This guy Coogan kept me up till quarter to two this morning. [00:20.4 – 00:30.4] And for an old guy like me, staying up till quarter to two isn't, uh, inducive or conducive to leading a meeting or speaking at a meeting the next [00:30.4 – 00:32.1] morning, believe me. [00:32.1 – 00:36.4] I finally dragged myself under– out of bed this morning under protest. [00:36.4 – 00:46.6] I left a call when I came in, uh, for eight o'clock this morning, and it seemed like I'd been asleep for about one hour, and the operator rang, and I said, "No, not so [00:46.6 – 00:51.3] soon." She said, "This is it, bud." And, so here I am. [00:51.3 – 00:54.3] It's a real, it's a real privilege to be here. [00:54.3 – 01:04.4] I feel honored in being asked to share in this convention with you, and I've had a splendid time while I've been [01:04.4 – 01:04.9] here. [01:04.9 – 01:14.9] It has been my good fortune, or I might start off by saying, of course, that my name is Warren Chisholm and, uh, [01:14.9 – 01:16.8] that I'm an alcoholic. [01:16.8 – 01:19.7] I– This is the usual procedure. [01:19.7 – 01:30.0] And, uh, however, I'm always so reluctant to say, "And I'm an alcoholic," because of the fact that when they started, first started calling me an alcoholic, [01:30.0 – 01:39.6] I thought they were polishing the apple somewhat, uh, because nobody had ever called me by such a polite name for as many years back as I can ever remember. [01:39.6 – 01:42.6] Uh, I knew what I was all right. [01:42.6 – 01:47.9] A lot of people had told me in very frank and open language exactly what I was. [01:47.9 – 01:51.4] I knew myself as a drunk that I was. [01:51.4 – 01:58.1] But I, I felt real honored and real flattered when people started calling me an alcoholic. [01:58.1 – 01:59.4] It sounded so nice. [01:59.4 – 02:03.4] It didn't have the connotation, of course, that the word drunk had. [02:03.4 – 02:13.6] Um, it's been my good fortune to have been associated with this great program of AA for a period of [02:13.6 – 02:16.5] a few days better than thirty years. [02:16.5 – 02:24.2] I took what I hope is my last drink on July the third, nineteen hundred and thirty-nine. [02:24.2 – 02:33.0] I just this past week on Thursday, uh, celebrated, spoke at a meeting celebrating my thirtieth anniversary in the program. [02:33.0 – 02:34.4] Now, this is great. [02:34.4 – 02:42.1] People look on you with awe, you know, here's one of the patriarchs and so forth and so on, and they think this is tremendous. [02:42.1 – 02:45.6] So many people have told me, and it is in one respect. [02:45.6 – 02:54.4] But I always hasten to add when I'm being congratulated about these thirty years of sobriety that just remember this one thing. [02:54.4 – 03:01.1] There's one thing bad about the whole deal, and that's this, that I get thirty years older in the process. [03:01.1 – 03:11.1] And, you know, I'd like to start all over again, of course, knowing all the things that I know now and being able to put into effect the [03:11.1 – 03:18.6] things that I've learned as a result of my association with this great program through the years and kind of start all over again. [03:18.6 – 03:21.6] Because those thirty years, I don't know whatever happened to them. [03:21.6 – 03:26.7] They went so fast that it seems it was just yesterday in my mind. [03:26.7 – 03:35.2] And of course, some of the things that I have done through, in my drinking years are as close to me as yesterday. [03:35.2 – 03:39.0] And, uh, uh, it just doesn't seem possible. [03:39.0 – 03:49.1] I figuratively have to pinch myself every single day that I live to make sure that this is for real, that all these fine [03:49.1 – 03:59.5] things have happened to a drunk like me who found himself one day in the year nineteen thirty-seven bereft of every single thing in life that was worthwhile, [03:59.5 – 04:08.0] spiritually, physically, mentally, morally, and financially as bankrupt as anyone could ever possibly hope to be. [04:08.0 – 04:14.7] Without a friend in the world, out of industry, out of society, nobody wanted any part of me. [04:14.7 – 04:23.3] Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn, hemmed in on all sides by an almost insurmountable wall. [04:23.3 – 04:33.6] It's hard to believe that I'm here this morning or that I'm privileged to be at any meeting because, as I said, some of these experiences are as close [04:33.6 – 04:36.4] to me in my mind as yesterday. [04:36.4 – 04:39.9] But here I am, and I'm so grateful for it. [04:39.9 – 04:42.9] This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. [04:42.9 – 04:48.8] And I, this date of July third, of course, is the most memorable date in my life. [04:48.8 – 04:58.9] And you know, the amazing part of this thing is that I'm the kind of a guy that can't remember what happened fifteen minutes ago, but I can remember so well the [04:58.9 – 05:01.7] date of July third, nineteen thirty-nine. [05:01.7 – 05:03.8] This is the strangest thing in the world. [05:03.8 – 05:06.2] I get introduced to people all the time. [05:06.2 – 05:11.0] I've been active ever since I've been in the program, and I know a lot of people. [05:11.0 – 05:12.7] A lot of people know me. [05:12.7 – 05:15.5] I've spoken many places and so forth. [05:15.5 – 05:18.8] And I know fa– invariably, I know faces. [05:18.8 – 05:27.2] But to call people by name is one of the hard things for me to do, and I'm embarrassed most of the time. [05:27.2 – 05:37.2] A gentleman here introduced himself to me this morning and said, "I've met you before." And I said, "Yeah, that's possible." I said, "You could have met me [05:37.2 – 05:47.3] fifteen minutes ago, and I would have forgotten it by now." And of course, there's an old saying around our family when we're discussing things, when we all get [05:47.3 – 05:51.5] together, if it happened more than ten minutes ago, count the old man out. [05:51.5 – 05:60.0] And, uh, as I said, it's been my good fortune to have been associated with this program for many years. [05:60.0 – 06:10.0] It was my privilege to come into the program in its infancy in the city of Cleveland at, uh, when [06:10.0 – 06:11.6] we were about ten strong. [06:11.6 – 06:15.8] I've had one advantage as a result of this, of course. [06:15.8 – 06:20.7] When I came in, the Big Book was not yet published, at least in Cleveland. [06:20.7 – 06:29.8] We have– I have a mimeographed copy of the original manuscript or one of the original manuscripts of The Big Book, which I have since had bound. [06:29.8 – 06:36.0] And, uh, we were still, uh, associated to some extent with the Oxford program. [06:36.0 – 06:38.6] We weren't completely divorced from that yet. [06:38.6 – 06:43.3] We had no experience of time of sobriety in the program. [06:43.3 – 06:52.1] Nobody that you can point to like you can today and see that gal over there, she's sober ten years, that fella over here, fifteen, twenty. [06:52.1 – 06:53.5] There was none of this. [06:53.5 – 07:00.5] The man with the longest period of sobriety happened to be my sponsor, who happens to be Clarence Snyder. [07:00.5 – 07:02.5] A great many of you people know him. [07:02.5 – 07:09.1] Uh, and I'm sure you do because he's one of the more controversial characters in the program. [07:09.1 – 07:13.2] And, uh, I just gotta throw that one in. [07:13.2 – 07:17.5] I know, uh, I know that, uh, you felt that way about it. [07:17.5 – 07:24.0] And, uh, Clarence isn't a bit bashful, uh, about what he says and to whom he says it. [07:24.0 – 07:27.0] He, he just lets you have it right like it is. [07:27.0 – 07:31.3] And to me, of course, he's one of the real great guys in this world. [07:31.3 – 07:41.3] And, uh, well, I might think that way because he took me out of a, of living and literally put me back on my feet again [07:41.3 – 07:47.0] and enabled me to take my rightful place back in society, in industry, in family life. [07:47.0 – 07:50.6] And no wonder I have such a terrific regard for him. [07:50.6 – 08:00.6] I was fortunate probably to get a sponsor such as he, one who rode herd on you, who, if you didn't do the job, would probably kill you. [08:00.6 – 08:09.5] And, uh, I was in no condition to fight back in those days because when I came into the program, I'd been on somewhat of a protracted drunk. [08:09.5 – 08:16.6] Uh, I'd been drinking for about eighteen years, the last two of which were continuous. [08:16.6 – 08:22.1] I weighed a hundred and fifty-five pounds, and I had no resistance whatsoever. [08:22.1 – 08:28.1] I had to go the way that he said to go, and I'm so grateful that I did, of course. [08:28.1 – 08:33.7] As I said, we had no periods of time of sobriety that we could go to. [08:33.7 – 08:43.4] One had to accept this program with a deep faith, wanting above everything else in the world to get sober and to stay sober. [08:43.4 – 08:49.9] And when I approached this program or when it was presented to me, I knew what I was. [08:49.9 – 08:55.4] Now, I never had to come to AA for, for anyone to tell me that I was an alcoholic. [08:55.4 – 08:59.9] I knew long before I ever heard of AA what my problem was. [08:59.9 – 09:04.5] I had dissipated many splendid opportunities in life. [09:04.5 – 09:14.7] I'd given up, as I said, every single thing in life that was worthwhile to the point of where I found myself a bum on the streets in the year nineteen thirty-seven with [09:14.7 – 09:17.3] everything apparently behind me. [09:17.3 – 09:20.3] So that I knew what my drinking was. [09:20.3 – 09:23.8] I knew what the cause of my problem was. [09:23.8 – 09:34.0] And there I found myself in this year after a period of some eighteen years of, of drinking and beating myself into the ground, an alcoholic from the very [09:34.0 – 09:36.1] first drink that I ever took. [09:36.1 – 09:41.9] An alcoholic from the very first drink that I ever took, as I understand alcoholism. [09:41.9 – 09:45.4] Now, I don't know too much about alcoholics. [09:45.4 – 09:56.2] I think probably, I mean, from the standpoint of what is an alcoholic and so forth, I think the greatest definition I've ever heard of an alcoholic, and I'd like to share it with you, [09:56.2 – 10:06.4] is that an alcoholic is an individual, male or female, who has his or her feet very firmly implanted in midair. [10:06.4 – 10:14.5] And, uh, I think that probably this is the most appropriate description that I, that I've ever heard in my life. [10:14.5 – 10:23.1] And while I'm at it and while the butterflies are becoming dissolved to some extent, I'd like to share with you an alcoholic story that I know. [10:23.1 – 10:25.7] I know I don't tell stories very well. [10:25.7 – 10:33.9] I envy fellas like Dave who, uh, who can really tell stories and who can humorously put across a story. [10:33.9 – 10:43.9] There's nothing humorous about my story, of course, because I've known, as a result of my drinking, nothing but grief and tragedy, heartache, shame, mental [10:43.9 – 10:46.6] torture, and lost opportunities. [10:46.6 – 10:51.7] This is the only thing that I remember in the course of my drinking. [10:51.7 – 10:57.9] This fella walked into the bar this day, and, uh, he'd been– you could see that he'd been on somewhat of a bender. [10:57.9 – 11:08.0] And he walked up to the bartender, and he said, "Give me a double scotch and soda, bartender." And he said, uh, "While you're at it," he said, "take care of these people down here." And he said, "Take care [11:08.0 – 11:18.3] of these people over here also." And he said, "By the way, bartender," he said, "cut yourself in for whatever you want, too." This went on for about three [11:18.3 – 11:28.4] or four rounds, and finally, the drunk wiped his mouth and said, "Well, I guess I'll be going." And the bartender said, "That'll be sixty-nine dollars and sixty cents." [11:28.4 – 11:38.7] And he said, "But bartender," he said, "I don't have any money." He said, "You what?" He said, "I don't have any money." And with that, the big bartender came from behind [11:38.7 – 11:44.0] the stick and worked him over very thoroughly and finally threw him out in the gutter. [11:44.0 – 11:54.2] A couple of weeks or three weeks elapsed, and this same fella walked back in, only today he's all dressed up, got a clean shirt, necktie, and suit. [11:54.2 – 11:57.5] Looks like eight million dollars in ready cash. [11:57.5 – 12:08.0] He walks up to the bar, and the bartender said, "This guy looks familiar to me." And he looked at him, and he, he said, "Aren't you the fella who was in here three weeks ago?" And he said, "Yeah." [12:08.0 – 12:18.1] He said, "What do you want?" He said- I want a drink." And he said, "Let's see the color you do," he said, "before we start dispensing this morning." So with that, this fella pulled [12:18.1 – 12:28.1] out a roll of bills that would choke seven horses, and he said, "There it is, bartender." And he said, "Give me a double scotch and soda." And he said, "Take care of these people down here, [12:28.1 – 12:47.2] too." He said, "Give these people over here anything that they want." He said, "But today, bartender," he said, "leave yourself out because whiskey makes you crazy." When [12:47.2 – 12:52.6] I first approached AA, as I said, I knew what my problem was. [12:52.6 – 13:03.2] And when I found myself in the year 1937, after beating myself, as I said, into the ground unmercifully, [13:03.2 – 13:13.3] the kind of an arrogant, egotistical individual who paid attention to nobody, who were in his own way in life, who did every single thing he wanted to do, when [13:13.3 – 13:18.6] and how he wanted to do it, without fear of anything or anybody. [13:18.6 – 13:28.7] And of course, the things that happened to me had to happen to me to bring me down to my rightful place, and I'm so grateful probably because of the fact that it did happen this way [13:28.7 – 13:30.0] now that it's all over. [13:30.0 – 13:34.9] But I found myself, as I said, fresh out of everything. [13:34.9 – 13:45.1] And in the year 1937, when I had finally lost out after years of drinking and trouble from the very first [13:45.1 – 13:47.8] drink that I ever took, I was in trouble. [13:47.8 – 13:51.1] It did something for me that I wanted it to do. [13:51.1 – 14:00.6] It gave me the courage and, and ability to do things that I probably wouldn't dare to do if I wasn't about half in the bag. [14:00.6 – 14:09.7] And by the time I was twenty-four or twenty-five years of age, I was as confirmed an alcoholic as I was at any time in my life. [14:09.7 – 14:15.2] When I came into the program, I had no more need for it, as I look back now. [14:15.2 – 14:20.1] I had no more need for it when I came in than I did when I was twenty-five years of age. [14:20.1 – 14:27.7] By this time, I had fallen into a very splendid business opportunity with unlimited possibilities ahead of me. [14:27.7 – 14:34.7] Everything to live for, everything to strive for, the chance of a lifetime. [14:34.7 – 14:44.7] And being the kind of individual that I was, as I said, arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, knowing the answers to every– I knew the answers [14:44.7 – 14:45.3] to everything. [14:45.3 – 14:51.8] As a matter of fact, I was so smart, I knew the answers before you could even ask the question. [14:51.8 – 14:54.0] That's how brilliant I thought I was. [14:54.0 – 15:04.0] And I went along in this job for a few years, being warned, of course, about my habits, but not paying any attention because of the fact that [15:04.0 – 15:05.7] I knew that I was brilliant. [15:05.7 – 15:09.1] I knew that I had unlimited abilities. [15:09.1 – 15:17.2] I knew that nobody could never get anybody to replace me and do the kind of a job that I was capable of doing. [15:17.2 – 15:27.3] And this continued over a period of few, few years, being constantly warned, but not paying attention to anybody, till finally one day they called me into the [15:27.3 – 15:30.8] office and told me that they'd have to demote me. [15:30.8 – 15:33.2] And this was a blow. [15:33.2 – 15:43.4] This was a blow to my pride, to my ego, because now what was I going to tell these friends of mine about that great job that I had and all the money [15:43.4 – 15:44.8] that I made and so forth? [15:44.8 – 15:47.7] What was going to be my topic of conversation now? [15:47.7 – 15:51.6] And, uh, but I had to take it, of course. [15:51.6 – 15:56.7] Being the alcoholic that I was, I always spent money twice as fast as I ever earned it. [15:56.7 – 16:05.4] And, uh, of course, I was never in a position of where I could tell somebody where they could go when they wanted to demote me. [16:05.4 – 16:15.4] And, uh, eventually I get back in this job again, and eventually it came along, things struggled [16:15.4 – 16:17.8] and got– I never learned anything from that. [16:17.8 – 16:23.7] Things went from bad to worse, and they finally called me in one day and told me they'd try to struggle along without me. [16:23.7 – 16:29.2] Now, this didn't bother me very much because of the fact that I had a great opinion of myself. [16:29.2 – 16:30.8] And, uh- [16:31.2 – 16:41.3] I knew, I knew definitely, no question in my mind with this great ability that I had, I knew that as soon as people found out that I was at liberty, they'd be outbidding [16:41.3 – 16:43.0] each other for my services. [16:43.0 – 16:53.1] But as I look back now some 30 years later, I, I find that communications must have been real bad back in those days b- because nobody ever, [16:53.1 – 16:59.6] nobody ever heard of, of my being at liberty, but at least nobody sought out my services. [16:59.6 – 17:09.6] And the reason for that was, of course, is that they recognized in me way back then something that I didn't recognize in myself for some few years [17:09.6 – 17:10.6] later. [17:10.6 – 17:20.0] I went into another line of business, and, uh, uh, through the good graces of people that I knew in this line of business, I stayed lucky for a while. [17:20.0 – 17:22.8] However, I started getting into trouble here. [17:22.8 – 17:27.3] My, my life is a, is just one series of troubles after another. [17:27.3 – 17:30.8] I couldn't begin to tell you all of them, so I just have to lump them. [17:30.8 – 17:35.9] Uh, smashed up automobiles, in trouble with the law. [17:35.9 – 17:41.6] Every single way that a man could get into trouble, I was in trouble. [17:41.6 – 17:51.7] And things went then from bad to worse in this new line of business, and while I had a great opportunity here, uh, it ju- nothing seemed to work [17:51.7 – 17:52.1] out. [17:52.1 – 17:56.7] I began to realize about this time that there was something wrong. [17:56.7 – 17:58.8] I was an ambitious individual. [17:58.8 – 18:00.4] I wanted to be somebody. [18:00.4 – 18:02.3] I wanted to go places. [18:02.3 – 18:04.0] I wanted to be a success. [18:04.0 – 18:05.6] I wanted to be a good husband. [18:05.6 – 18:07.8] I wanted to be a good father. [18:07.8 – 18:12.2] I wanted to do what was right, and I wanted to accomplish things. [18:12.2 – 18:22.4] But just about the time that I'd get things built up to the point of where everything was going lovely, I'd decide to take a drink, and down would come [18:22.4 – 18:26.6] tumbling my whole house of cards, and I'd have to start all over again. [18:26.6 – 18:33.3] I've started all over again probably more times than anybody who ever came into this great program of AA. [18:33.3 – 18:43.5] And then I get thinking about this problem of mine about drinking, and I tried way back then in my 20s to do, late 20s, to do something [18:43.5 – 18:45.0] about this problem. [18:45.0 – 18:51.9] I tried to stay away from it, and I was successful for, as Dave says, for three weeks one time. [18:51.9 – 18:54.0] I, uh, stayed sober. [18:54.0 – 18:56.3] I really tried hard. [18:56.3 – 18:58.1] I thought about it constantly. [18:58.1 – 19:05.8] I knew by this time that I was living in fear, that I was living in shame, that everything was bothering me. [19:05.8 – 19:12.8] I had by this time developed an inferiority complex, and, uh, I had no confidence in myself. [19:12.8 – 19:20.7] The only time I felt free or equal to any occasion was when I was about half in a bag, and then I could really take charge. [19:20.7 – 19:22.9] One of those real take charge people. [19:22.9 – 19:29.1] Humble and meek and mild while he was sober, but give him a few drinks and something began to happen. [19:29.1 – 19:35.2] As a man said yesterday, that's where the action was when you gave me two or three drinks. [19:35.2 – 19:42.9] And, uh, I began to realize this, and I tried hard to do something about it without success. [19:42.9 – 19:49.0] And about this time, the opportunity was presented to me to take a geographic cure. [19:49.0 – 19:58.7] And, uh, to mo- I w- I'm a Bostonian by birth and upbringing, one of the improper ones I just hasten to add. [19:58.7 – 20:07.6] And, uh, uh, the opportunity was presented to me to go to Cleveland in the same line of business, and a great opportunity it was. [20:07.6 – 20:11.4] And I readily accepted this without thinking about it at all. [20:11.4 – 20:21.4] I readily accepted this because of the fact that here was the alcoholic's opportunity to run away, to leave every single thing behind him, to [20:21.4 – 20:31.4] leave all his problems, trials, and troubles, and everything being the shame and so forth behind him and start life all over again 750 miles away. [20:31.4 – 20:34.7] I had this figured out to the nth degree. [20:34.7 – 20:38.8] I knew it was going to work like nothing else ever worked in my life. [20:38.8 – 20:41.6] Here was my opportunity to start all over again. [20:41.6 – 20:45.9] But in figuring out this move, I forgot just one important thing. [20:45.9 – 20:52.0] I forgot that I had to take a drunk named Chisholm that was 750 miles with me. [20:52.0 – 20:54.8] And of course, nothing changed but the geography. [20:54.8 – 20:56.8] Nothing changed but the scenery. [20:56.8 – 21:02.8] I was in a new city and so forth and so on where they still sell liquor, of course. [21:02.8 – 21:08.1] However, things went well for a while, for some period of time. [21:08.1 – 21:09.9] I applied myself. [21:09.9 – 21:11.4] I did well. [21:11.4 – 21:13.0] My figures were great. [21:13.0 – 21:16.7] The company was congratulating me, telling me how great I was. [21:16.7 – 21:22.6] And of course, one thing you never want to do is tell a drunk how great he is because he already knows it. [21:22.6 – 21:26.6] What's the, what's the use of telling him something that he already knows? [21:26.6 – 21:33.1] And if there's anybody that knew how great he was in spite of all the trouble he ever had in his life, that guy was me. [21:33.1 – 21:34.4] I knew it. [21:34.4 – 21:36.3] Nobody ever had to tell me. [21:36.3 – 21:38.0] Things went splendidly. [21:38.0 – 21:43.8] Uh, everything was flowing along lovely, not a trouble in the world. [21:43.8 – 21:52.4] I got an advancement and in charge of a number of people, number of outlets, and, oh, I was just riding on cloud nine. [21:52.4 – 22:02.5] I'd shown them that all I had to do was get away from those Pilgrims and Puritans who were holding me down, down, you know, looking down their nose at people that took a drink [22:02.5 – 22:05.2] once in a while, and everything would be all right. [22:05.2 – 22:05.9] I proved it. [22:05.9 – 22:09.7] And things kept going along for quite a period of time. [22:09.7 – 22:11.9] I held myself under real control. [22:11.9 – 22:22.1] As a matter of fact, there were times I didn't do any drinking at all, longer periods of time than I had been able to do it at any time in my life previously because I [22:22.1 – 22:26.3] thought I could see something at the end of that rainbow, and this was what I wanted. [22:26.3 – 22:36.3] And then all at once, I got believing what they told me about myself, how great I was, and I began reaching around and patting myself on the back like we, we [22:36.3 – 22:46.4] do and telling myself how great I was and certainly, uh, that suh, I sh- I was entitled to celebrate just a little bit making those [22:46.4 – 22:53.2] kind of, making that kind of progress And of course, I started to take a drink again, and there I was. [22:53.2 – 22:59.2] It wasn't long before I was on that old toboggan slide downhill at a very rapid rate. [22:59.2 – 23:06.6] This company was now warning me, telling me that they couldn't tolerate this thing, that it couldn't go on any longer. [23:06.6 – 23:09.9] But again, I hadn't learned anything through the years. [23:09.9 – 23:14.1] I was paying no attention to them because how could they ever replace me? [23:14.1 – 23:16.3] They had told me how great I was. [23:16.3 – 23:19.8] They had told me what a tremendous job I was doing. [23:19.8 – 23:22.1] So I didn't pay any, any attention. [23:22.1 – 23:32.1] And being the tolerant, kindly, understanding people that they were, and this is all I've ever been associated with all my life, is kindly people who tried [23:32.1 – 23:32.7] to help me. [23:32.7 – 23:42.5] And I've walked through and over, uh, right through everybody and broken faith with everybody with whom I ever came in contact, whoever tried to help me. [23:42.5 – 23:50.8] And there I was, doing the same thing over again, and they're being tolerant, trying to turn their head the other way. [23:50.8 – 23:53.6] And then I start getting into trouble. [23:53.6 – 24:03.6] Re– for example, running a company automobile up the side of a tractor trailer with somebody in it during working hours that shouldn't have been in it, and they [24:03.6 – 24:05.5] took a real dim view of that one. [24:05.5 – 24:10.7] They, uh, they didn't like that at all because it got some front page publicity. [24:10.7 – 24:15.4] And, uh, they warned me again, but of course, I paid no attention. [24:15.4 – 24:15.8] I was… [24:15.8 – 24:18.4] I, I couldn't pay any attention anymore. [24:18.4 – 24:22.2] I was past the stage where I could quit. [24:22.2 – 24:23.8] I wanted to cut it off. [24:23.8 – 24:25.4] I knew I was running into trouble. [24:25.4 – 24:28.8] I knew this time it was going to be really disastrous. [24:28.8 – 24:30.8] There wasn't a question in my mind. [24:30.8 – 24:36.5] I knew the roof was gonna fall in one day, and I was helpless to do anything about it. [24:36.5 – 24:38.9] I recognized what my problem was. [24:38.9 – 24:43.1] And, uh, finally, it did fall in one day. [24:43.1 – 24:46.5] And I remem– Oh, there were a lot of gory details. [24:46.5 – 24:52.8] And like I like to say, I can't tell you the whole complete story because you'd excommunicate me from the program. [24:52.8 – 24:58.1] And, uh, but there were a lot of gory details in there that don't bear repeating. [24:58.1 – 25:02.7] And, uh, there I was, up to my last drunk. [25:02.7 – 25:08.4] And this happened in late June, I believe, July in the year nineteen hundred and thirty-seven. [25:08.4 – 25:10.3] These dates I remember, too. [25:10.3 – 25:14.9] And when I finally sobered up again, I just took off whenever I drank. [25:14.9 – 25:19.5] I mean, I was the kind of a drunk that, uh, if you're gonna do something, do it well. [25:19.5 – 25:23.8] And, uh, this is what I did as far as my drinking was concerned. [25:23.8 – 25:26.3] When I worked, I, I did it well, too. [25:26.3 – 25:32.6] But, uh, I took off and was missing for a period of probably ten days and so forth. [25:32.6 – 25:43.1] And then I had to go through the usual process of kicking it out in bed for three or four days and watching those little things down the foot of the bed jumping around [25:43.1 – 25:44.5] and so forth and so on. [25:44.5 – 25:49.7] People talking to me that weren't there, and me, what's worse, me answering them back. [25:49.7 – 25:54.2] And, uh, just, uh, just horrible. [25:54.2 – 25:55.4] And there I was. [25:55.4 – 26:03.2] And I'm lying there in bed, and when I finally come to and I'm able to think a little bit, the first concern of mine, of course, is this job. [26:03.2 – 26:09.9] I needed this real badly because I had a family, and, uh, not only that, I had no money. [26:09.9 – 26:14.0] I, I lived from payday to payday for me and the bartender. [26:14.0 – 26:20.3] And, uh, so I got thinking about this job, wondering how it was and so forth. [26:20.3 – 26:25.2] And, uh, finally, I had to get out of bed one day and go to the office and find out. [26:25.2 – 26:28.9] I was still shaky, nervous, jittery, and, and what have you. [26:28.9 – 26:36.9] And, uh, I went in and met the boss, the vice president, and he's very kind. [26:36.9 – 26:44.1] A great big six foot six or seven Texan, as broad as he was long and with a heart as big as his whole carcass. [26:44.1 – 26:45.4] I'll never forget this man. [26:45.4 – 26:53.7] I became a, I became a good friend of his in later years after I sobered up, and he became one of the strongest boosters of AA. [26:53.7 – 26:55.5] He had seen it in action. [26:55.5 – 26:57.9] He knew AA worked. [26:57.9 – 27:02.8] He had seen it work in the person of me, and he became one of its greatest boosters. [27:02.8 – 27:06.9] And as a matter of fact, uh, he put a lot of business in my way. [27:06.9 – 27:17.1] I did a lot of business with his company after I got out of there, uh, as a result of this man's thinking that the job I was trying [27:17.1 – 27:19.8] to do certainly deserved some credit. [27:19.8 – 27:23.5] And, uh, I went in, and there he was. [27:23.5 – 27:25.3] And of course, I'd been there before. [27:25.3 – 27:28.7] I mean, this place, this office was no strange place to me. [27:28.7 – 27:36.0] I knew every mark on the outside of that desk there, and I knew everything he was gonna say, and he said it all this day. [27:36.0 – 27:37.5] He didn't miss anything. [27:37.5 – 27:45.1] And, uh, he went on to tell me that, uh, "Warren, this can't go on." Now, he told me this a number of times before. [27:45.1 – 27:55.1] He said, uh, this time he told me, he said, "You know, it's reached a point now, Warren, in the company where people are beginning to wonder what you have on me." And, uh, he said, [27:55.1 – 27:57.7] "Of course," and of course, this isn't good, you know? [27:57.7 – 28:07.7] And we talked there for a while, and he said, "I want you in the company." And he said, "We all want you in the company because we think we're, you're capable of doing a job when you're sober." [28:07.7 – 28:17.7] But he said, "We can't go on like this." But he said, "I think what's wrong with you," he said, uh, he said, "I think you're in the wrong territory." He said, "I think this Cleveland [28:17.7 – 28:27.7] territory where you know everybody is bad for you." He said, "I think if we take you away from your friends and acquaintances here and put you in another territory, everything will be all right." And [28:27.7 – 28:32.0] boy, this was sweet music to my ears because this is what I wanted, a job. [28:32.0 – 28:34.5] I wanted to be sure it was okay. [28:34.5 – 28:44.7] And, uh, uh, I said, what he really was saying was, of course, that he wanted to take me away from these people that were holding me down every night, [28:44.7 – 28:48.4] pouring this stuff down my throat and getting, getting me drunk. [28:48.4 – 28:50.2] You know, you've had the experience. [28:50.2 – 29:00.3] Every single one of us, I think, has had the experience of Of going to a ball game or a football game or something, and meeting a friend of ours there who's roaming around drunk, doesn't even know [29:00.3 – 29:04.6] where he is or where he's going or anything else, and we're perfectly sober. [29:04.6 – 29:06.1] We're not drinking that day. [29:06.1 – 29:16.2] And to kind of protect this fella, we take him and go, and we put him in, put him in our car after the game, and we take him home to his wife, and we take him out [29:16.2 – 29:22.0] and put him out the back door, and she comes to the door and blasts the heck out of you for getting her husband drunk. [29:22.0 – 29:26.6] And this was what, of course, the boss was doing, blaming somebody else for getting me drunk. [29:26.6 – 29:32.1] Told me he was going to transfer me into the Youngstown territory, and this was fine. [29:32.1 – 29:34.2] He gave me my salary check. [29:34.2 – 29:36.0] He gave me my expense check. [29:36.0 – 29:38.8] Two mistakes, one right after the other. [29:38.8 – 29:45.1] And, uh, because first, I needed money, and number two, I wasn't over this drunk yet. [29:45.1 – 29:47.4] I needed a drink to kind of straighten out. [29:47.4 – 29:50.5] And, uh, one of those deals. [29:50.5 – 29:55.9] I remember many mornings when I'd need a drink to straighten out on my way on the territory, you know. [29:55.9 – 30:01.9] I'd go into a bar to get one, just one, and no more than two to straighten out. [30:01.9 – 30:06.3] The next time I'd look up at the clock, it'd be 5:00 in the afternoon. [30:06.3 – 30:11.1] And, uh, so anyway, I needed this. [30:11.1 – 30:15.8] He said, "I want you to go into this territory, do the kind of a job you're capable of doing. [30:15.8 – 30:17.1] We wipe out the past. [30:17.1 – 30:20.2] Everything will be lovely," and so forth. [30:20.2 – 30:21.3] And I said, "Great. [30:21.3 – 30:24.9] Thank you very much." I was so grateful, so happy. [30:24.9 – 30:29.0] I couldn't have been happier if he'd handed me a million dollars. [30:29.0 – 30:32.1] And of course, when a drunk gets happy, you know, you have to … [30:32.1 – 30:34.1] This is cause for celebration. [30:34.1 – 30:42.7] And of course, you know, the only way that a drunk celebrates, as I was going out the door, he said, just said one thing that he had never said previously, and that was this. [30:42.7 – 30:51.9] He said, "Warren, here's your chance." He said, "But if you don't make it this time, please don't come back anymore." And I've never been back. [30:51.9 – 31:00.6] Uh, I got into, I got into Youngstown all right, but that's about all that happened to me. [31:00.6 – 31:05.3] And here it was early July of 1937. [31:05.3 – 31:14.5] Here I am out of a job in the midst of a depression, nowhere to go, nowhere to turn, as I said, without a friend in the world. [31:14.5 – 31:16.4] Nobody wanted any part of me. [31:16.4 – 31:20.2] I changed acquaintances almost every night of the week. [31:20.2 – 31:21.7] I didn't have a friend in the world. [31:21.7 – 31:25.1] One time around with me was all you needed. [31:25.1 – 31:34.9] You'd had your belly full right about then because I was the kind of a guy that could get you into more trouble more quickly than anybody that I ever knew. [31:34.9 – 31:40.7] If you really wanted to get in a jam, all you had to do was hang around with me for about 15 minutes. [31:40.7 – 31:48.5] And as a result of this, of course, nobody wanted too much part of me, and I changed acquaintances quite frequently, as I said. [31:48.5 – 31:50.4] And there I was. [31:50.4 – 32:00.6] There I found myself with my whole house of cards tumbled in, my whole life in complete [32:00.6 – 32:01.5] chaos. [32:01.5 – 32:11.5] And in getting around in the industry that I thought I was so brilliant in and knew so well, I found out that while I was being treated courteously and kindly and [32:11.5 – 32:17.4] politely, that nobody had anything for a man of my great ability, and I couldn't understand this. [32:17.4 – 32:21.0] I do today. [32:21.0 – 32:23.4] I've had a lot of drunks work for me since then. [32:23.4 – 32:33.4] And if you really want trouble, all you have to do is just hire a few drunks, and you, you can understand why your boss took such a dim view of your drinking [32:33.4 – 32:34.8] in the years gone by. [32:34.8 – 32:39.8] And there I was with everything gone. [32:39.8 – 32:44.3] This discouraged me, the fact that I couldn't catch on when I needed to so badly. [32:44.3 – 32:51.0] And being the cowardly individual that I was, I threw everything to the wind and became a bum. [32:51.0 – 32:53.5] It was easier this way. [32:53.5 – 33:01.8] And it was during this two-year period, between that early July of 1937 and July 3rd of 1939 [33:02.0 – 33:05.5] nine when I said I took my last drink. [33:05.5 – 33:12.6] It was during this two-year period that for the first time in my life, I took a good look at me. [33:12.6 – 33:22.6] As I'd see the people in the family units walk the street, it then dawned on me what I had done to myself, my family, and everybody connected with me. [33:22.6 – 33:32.8] I realized then for the first time in my life what it was to be a part of things that were decent and good and fine [33:32.8 – 33:34.6] and right and nice and like. [33:34.6 – 33:42.1] I began to realize then the opportunities that I had dissipated, the chance I had to be somebody. [33:42.1 – 33:52.2] I began to realize then how hopeless my condition was, and I stayed drunk for almost these two solid years, drinking anything I could [33:52.2 – 33:57.9] lay my hands on, doing anything that any bum on Skid Row in this country has ever done. [33:57.9 – 34:03.5] Living in misery and grief and remorse and mental torture and fear. [34:03.5 – 34:05.7] Living in shame. [34:05.7 – 34:15.7] Having to stay drunk most of the time to even begin to live with yourself, to drink yourself into oblivion, so you wouldn't have to live with those [34:15.7 – 34:20.2] thoughts that went through your mind for what you had done through the years. [34:20.2 – 34:22.5] The most horrible existence that you … [34:22.5 – 34:27.2] It's indescribable, the most horrible existence that one could ever live. [34:27.2 – 34:30.3] Sleeping in doorways, freight trains, jails. [34:30.3 – 34:35.6] As a matter of fact, the police departments were always alerted when I was out on the street. [34:35.6 – 34:41.8] They, it, it just seemed that when they put me in, they had made their quota for the day. [34:41.8 – 34:50.7] And, uh, the amazing part of it is, and I can't understand it quite fully yet, is in the last 30 years, they haven't laid their hands on me. [34:50.7 – 34:53.4] They haven't even noticed me as I walk by. [34:53.4 – 34:54.4] I can't understand. [34:54.4 – 34:56.7] Must be a new breed or something. [34:56.7 – 35:05.6] But there I was, and then as I said, for the first time in my life, I began to realize what a shambles I'd made of things. [35:05.6 – 35:15.2] And then I began to realize how important it was, as I said, to be a part of society and to be a part of things that were right. [35:15.2 – 35:17.5] And I developed a thought. [35:17.5 – 35:21.9] In spite of the fact that I was drinking constantly, I developed a thought. [35:21.9 – 35:24.7] I knew what was wrong with me, as I said. [35:24.7 – 35:28.9] It was no secret when they called me an alcoholic when I came here. [35:28.9 – 35:30.6] I knew what was wrong with me. [35:30.6 – 35:38.0] I developed a thought that if I could only find the solution to my drinking problem, everything would work itself out. [35:38.0 – 35:41.3] What a fantastic thought in the beginning. [35:41.3 – 35:45.3] Where would I ever get such a thought? [35:45.3 – 35:47.4] Not a chance in the world. [35:47.4 – 35:50.6] As I said then, I was hemmed in on all sides. [35:50.6 – 35:52.6] Nobody wanted any part of me. [35:52.6 – 35:59.1] And I thought about this thing constantly in every waking moment that I had, drunk or not drunk. [35:59.1 – 36:06.1] I thought if I could only get sober, and I cried about it in my loneliness. [36:06.1 – 36:10.0] I begged God, "Please, God, just one more chance. [36:10.0 – 36:11.4] I'll make it this time. [36:11.4 – 36:13.0] Just one more chance. [36:13.0 – 36:20.5] Please, God, just one." And I'd only done this hundreds of times in my life. [36:20.5 – 36:21.7] I knew how to pray. [36:21.7 – 36:23.5] I had believed in God. [36:23.5 – 36:24.9] I knew how to pray. [36:24.9 – 36:31.0] I prayed many times in my life because I was in many jams in my life. [36:31.0 – 36:41.2] But the minute that that situation about which I was praying to get out of had resolved itself, I took full charge again, and I didn't need the help of God and man [36:41.2 – 36:43.3] until I get in the next spot. [36:43.3 – 36:48.6] But inasmuch as I was in trouble frequently, I knew all the words. [36:48.6 – 36:50.8] I knew the pious affectations. [36:50.8 – 36:58.6] I could talk most sincerely to God about my needs and wants at that particular moment. [36:58.6 – 37:07.2] And this is what I did in this two-year period, constantly mentally tortured to the point of where it was almost unbearable. [37:07.2 – 37:12.3] Please, crying out in my agony, "Please, God, just one more chance. [37:12.3 – 37:17.8] I'll make it this time." And, you know, somehow or other, He must have felt I was sincere. [37:17.8 – 37:22.7] For once in my whole life, He must have felt I was sincere because here I am. [37:22.7 – 37:32.8] I like to feel that I'm the one person who was privileged to become a part of this great program without ever having done the first thing in his whole life [37:32.8 – 37:41.8] to justify a break of this kind, without having done the first thing, number one, for anyone else but myself. [37:41.8 – 37:52.1] Selfishly living life as I wanted to live it, doing nothing for anyone else, doing everything, as I said, I wanted to do when [37:52.1 – 37:54.3] and how I wanted to do it. [37:54.3 – 37:59.9] And there I was, begging for help and pleading for help. [37:59.9 – 38:06.8] And it came to me, as I said, one day in, in, in an undreamed of way. [38:06.8 – 38:10.5] I'd been away from home for some time, and I went back. [38:10.5 – 38:19.0] I was sick, down to a hundred and fifty-five pounds, sick mentally, sick physically, sick every way. [38:19.0 – 38:22.5] And I went home, and my wife was there. [38:22.5 – 38:30.3] And I got up on the front porch, and she came to the door, and she said, "What do you want?" I wasn't very welcome, you can imagine. [38:30.3 – 38:35.6] And, uh, I said, "Oh, I've gotta get sober. [38:35.6 – 38:45.8] I need help worse than I need anything in the world." And she looked at me and smiled, and she said, "Where have I ever heard that before?" You know. [38:45.8 – 38:49.5] And finally, I prevailed on her. [38:49.5 – 38:56.2] I said, "Really, I wanna quit drinking worse than I want to do anything else in the world." And she finally let me in. [38:56.2 – 39:06.2] And as I sat down, I still protested that I wanted to quit drinking, and she said You know, somehow or other, I believe you this time for [39:06.2 – 39:07.7] the first time in my life. [39:07.7 – 39:17.7] And she said, "You know, this is a strange coincidence because yesterday there was a man here, and when he told me his story, I [39:17.7 – 39:27.9] thought he'd been following you around all your life." And she said, "This man said that if you really want help with your drinking problem, [39:27.9 – 39:38.6] that he'll be available after the Fourth of July." And the Fourth of July in that year came on a long weekend, such as this one here. [39:38.6 – 39:40.4] And he left his telephone number. [39:40.4 – 39:50.6] And I said, "I want to quit drinking worse than I want to do anything else in the world." We [39:50.6 – 39:57.4] got ahold of Clarence, and Clarence, incidentally, the reason he was there was not to, not to do any 12-step work. [39:57.4 – 40:07.4] He worked for a finance company, and previously to looking at, to losing out on this job that I had, I had floated a very sizable loan, uh, [40:07.4 – 40:12.6] on which I had made no payments whatsoever, and he was there to collect on that loan. [40:12.6 – 40:20.8] And, uh, I suppose he saw how hopeless that situation was and thought he might as well do a little 12-step work instead. [40:20.8 – 40:26.9] At least he'd get, he'd, he'd, he'd get a little satisfaction out of the visit, you know? [40:26.9 – 40:30.5] And, uh, lucky for me, I had that kind of a sponsor. [40:30.5 – 40:36.1] Lucky for me, I had the kind of a man who had that kind of interest in his fellow man. [40:36.1 – 40:41.8] And for this, I shall be always deeply grateful, I hope, for as long as I live. [40:41.8 – 40:48.1] We got ahold of Clarence, and he came out to see me, and he told me what we knew. [40:48.1 – 40:50.7] And as I said, the book had not been published yet. [40:50.7 – 40:53.7] We had no experiences to go on. [40:53.7 – 41:03.7] And, uh, all this thing could, all the only way you could accept this thing was on a blind faith, wanting above everything else in the world [41:03.7 – 41:07.8] to get sober badly enough to do anything that they told you to do. [41:07.8 – 41:10.1] And this was one of the qualifications. [41:10.1 – 41:18.4] This was one of the qualifying questions: Are you willing to do anything we ask you to do to overcome your problem? [41:18.4 – 41:26.6] And you'd better say yes to that, or he'd tell you to take a walk until you get ready to want to do something about your problem. [41:26.6 – 41:31.3] And I never shall forget, Clarence came over and took me… [41:31.3 – 41:39.4] One of the qualifying questions: Are you willing to do anything we ask you to do to overcome your problem? [41:39.4 – 41:47.7] And you'd better say yes to that, or he'd tell you to take a walk until you get ready to want to do something about your problem. [41:47.7 – 41:57.7] And I never shall forget, Clarence came over and took me to a home on the east side of Cleveland for a period of three nights, where they indoctrinated me in [41:57.7 – 41:59.7] the philosophy of this great program. [41:59.7 – 42:10.2] And on the way over, he stopped, and he, for something, some errand he had to do, and he said, "Boy," he said, "you're nervous." He said, "You better have a drink." And I, [42:10.2 – 42:12.1] this was the understatement of the year. [42:12.1 – 42:13.6] I was nervous and shaky. [42:13.6 – 42:16.2] I'd been, as I said, on a two-year drunk. [42:16.2 – 42:18.2] You get a little shaky about that time. [42:18.2 – 42:26.7] And, uh, I said, "No, no." "Oh," he said, "you better have one." And I said, "No, not for me." I said, "I'm off. [42:26.7 – 42:31.7] I'm, I'm quit." And you know the reason why I didn't take that drink? [42:31.7 – 42:35.5] It wasn't because I would not like to have had one to straighten out. [42:35.5 – 42:39.7] And I, it wasn't because I didn't need one real badly. [42:39.7 – 42:42.7] I was afraid that he was testing me. [42:42.7 – 42:52.7] I was afraid that he was trying to frame me so that he could tell me, "You can't come into this program." And I wasn't g- I wasn't [42:52.7 – 43:03.1] about to let him do that because I felt inside me that I had found what I had cried out in my despair for, [43:03.1 – 43:06.4] the help of God, for one more opportunity in life. [43:06.4 – 43:16.9] And as I walked into this home over in Cleveland Heights, and there we were about 10 strong, with anywhere from two days of sobriety up to Clarence's, [43:16.9 – 43:18.9] who was a year and a half at that time. [43:18.9 – 43:22.6] He'll be sober 32 years next February. [43:22.6 – 43:29.8] Everybody had a period of sobriety from one day up to six months to Clarence Snyder, who was sober a year and a half. [43:29.8 – 43:39.8] And as I walked in and I saw these friendly faces and these people wanting to shake hands with me, a down-and-out, hopeless drunk [43:39.8 – 43:43.6] without a friend in the world, I was so deeply impressed. [43:43.6 – 43:45.9] I shall never forget that impression. [43:45.9 – 43:56.0] And I knew then, when I walked into the kitchen of that home and met these people, I instinctively knew right now that [43:56.0 – 43:57.5] I was home safe. [43:57.5 – 44:07.5] I instinctively knew that this was the thing that I had prayed for, that I had cried for, and I knew that this was the thing [44:07.5 – 44:12.1] that was going to help me overcome my drinking problem. [44:12.1 – 44:15.4] I knew it without fear of contradiction. [44:15.4 – 44:20.5] Don't ask me when, why, or how, because I'll never be able to tell you. [44:20.5 – 44:26.7] And I feel more strongly today as a result of what they told me in that three-night period. [44:26.7 – 44:32.0] I don't remember two things, but I, the impressions they left with me are indelible. [44:32.0 – 44:41.7] And I, one fella said to me, and this is the only thing I really remember through the years, and it's been part of my creed and part of my philosophy in the program. [44:41.7 – 44:51.7] This fella said to me that provided you follow the principles and practices of this program, not only will you find the solution to your drinking problem, but to [44:51.7 – 44:54.0] every single problem that you have in life. [44:54.0 – 45:04.6] And if you don't think that that sounded somewhat exaggerated and far-fetched in the condition in which I was, you don't know my [45:04.6 – 45:05.2] condition. [45:05.2 – 45:14.1] But I decided for the first time in my life to keep my big mouth shut and to listen and to do what I was told. [45:14.1 – 45:15.9] And this was a big job for me. [45:15.9 – 45:22.5] And still by the same token, it shouldn't have been, shouldn't have been in the position in which I found myself. [45:22.5 – 45:31.9] And I am more thoroughly convinced today, some thirty years later, of the complete truth of what they told me that, in that three-night period. [45:31.9 – 45:42.0] I am more thoroughly convinced today than I have been at any time in my life that this is the complete answer to every single [45:42.0 – 45:44.0] problem that the alcoholic has. [45:44.0 – 45:54.0] And I, too, am more thoroughly convinced today, after all these years of close association with the program, of my complete need for [45:54.0 – 45:56.4] and dependence upon this great program. [45:56.4 – 46:03.3] And to some of you people who are newer, this may sound like somewhat of an exaggerated statement. [46:03.3 – 46:11.9] Here's a man that stands up and tells you he's been sober for thirty years, and he still needs the program today worse than he did in the beginning. [46:11.9 – 46:16.4] But like everything else in this program of AA, this makes sense to me. [46:16.4 – 46:17.9] Why? [46:17.9 – 46:27.6] Because as long as I feel my need for this program every day that I live, I'll stay active in the program. [46:27.6 – 46:28.6] I'll believe in it. [46:28.6 – 46:31.0] I'll do the things it recommends. [46:31.0 – 46:35.9] And as a man, I'll retain my enthusiasm for it. [46:35.9 – 46:46.0] And as long as I do this thing, these things, I have a very definite and absolute guarantee that no matter what comes along in [46:46.0 – 46:56.1] my life at any given time, I will never need, find it necessary to go back to where I was before I made my contact with [46:56.1 – 46:56.5] AA. [46:56.5 – 46:58.4] It's as simple as that. [46:58.4 – 47:07.4] Because there is absolutely no element of failure whatsoever in connection with this great program of AA. [47:07.4 – 47:17.5] For the individual, male or female, young or old, Black or white, Catholic, Protestant, or Jew, who comes into this [47:17.5 – 47:27.9] program wanting above everything else in the world to get sober, to stay sober today, tomorrow when it becomes today, and every single today [47:27.9 – 47:34.7] that he or she lives, badly enough to do the things that this program recommends. [47:34.7 – 47:40.4] Again, I repeat, there is not the slightest chance of failure. [47:40.4 – 47:44.2] But staying sober is a big job. [47:44.2 – 47:45.8] It's a full-time job. [47:45.8 – 47:52.0] It's a challenge to every single thing that's worthwhile within each and every single one of us. [47:52.0 – 48:00.8] This isn't a job for sissies or fanny waists, and I like to throw out a challenge by saying that this is a job for pros. [48:00.8 – 48:05.3] Only the strong survive in any line of endeavor in life. [48:05.3 – 48:13.4] And here is the most important job that we have to do every single day that we live, the job of staying sober. [48:13.4 – 48:22.7] And you say, "It comes before my wife and the kids." And don't these drunks always get so concerned about the wife and kids that they've neglected for years? [48:22.7 – 48:25.0] It comes before this, that, or the other. [48:25.0 – 48:27.5] And I don't know what it comes before. [48:27.5 – 48:37.6] All I say is that s– that staying sober is the biggest and most important job that the alcoholic has to do every single day that he or [48:37.6 – 48:40.6] she puts his or her feet out on the floor in the morning. [48:40.6 – 48:41.4] Why? [48:41.4 – 48:48.0] Again, as simple as ABC, like everything else in this great program. [48:48.0 – 48:58.2] Because if you can stay sober successfully today, tomorrow when it becomes today, and all of the days that you live, then you can put every [48:58.2 – 49:02.1] single responsibility that you have in life in its rightful place. [49:02.1 – 49:08.5] You can be a good wife, a good mother, a good husband, a good father, a good employer, a good employee. [49:08.5 – 49:17.5] You can be any single thing you want to be in life within the limitations of your personal abilities and ambitions. [49:17.5 – 49:21.9] But you must want it more than anything else in the world. [49:21.9 – 49:32.4] As I said, this is the biggest job that we have to do, and everything else that we do is dependent upon how well we do that job successfully. [49:32.4 – 49:32.6] Because [49:32.8 – 49:37.0] What does a drinking alcoholic care about responsibility? [49:37.0 – 49:42.2] What do they care about the wife or the husband or the kids or the job or anything else? [49:42.2 – 49:48.4] We've blown every single thing that's worthwhile in life, a great many of us, at least. [49:48.4 – 49:58.6] So doesn't it make sense that the thing that we must apply ourselves to, the doing out today more so than anything else we do, is the job [49:58.6 – 49:59.6] of staying sober? [49:59.6 – 50:09.7] And the beautiful part of it is, in this program, is that the tools to do this job are made available in equal quantity [50:09.7 – 50:14.8] to every single one of us, regardless of who we are or where we came from. [50:14.8 – 50:25.4] Regardless of what our background of education might be, regardless of what our position in society, industry, the professions or anything else may be, [50:25.4 – 50:35.8] each and every single one of us has the same opportunity to take out for himself the ideals and values out of this program that make living [50:35.8 – 50:37.4] life so worthwhile. [50:37.4 – 50:40.6] We're not all going to have the same kind of jobs. [50:40.6 – 50:46.9] We're not all going to make the same kind of money and live in the same kind of homes on the same side of the track. [50:46.9 – 50:54.2] We're not all going to have sixty-nine automobiles, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. [50:54.2 – 51:04.8] But one thing we do get out of this program, if we never get anything else, and I'm sure that we'll get every single thing that we need, provided [51:04.8 – 51:09.3] we're right, provided we're doing the things that we're supposed to do. [51:09.3 – 51:20.2] But if we never get anything else out of this program, the ability that we get to rebuild for ourselves our self-respect [51:20.2 – 51:30.4] and dignity and the ability to live with our own conscience gives us every single ideal and value that make li– [51:30.4 – 51:32.9] living life worthwhile. [51:32.9 – 51:35.3] And this is what this program has to offer. [51:35.3 – 51:45.5] A great many people think sometimes because they're being nice boys and girls and doing the world a favor, and I think we've all had these thoughts, that they're entitled [51:45.5 – 51:46.1] to something. [51:46.1 – 51:49.1] Am I not sober six months a year? [51:49.1 – 51:56.4] And when they're tired, the kids shouldn't make any noise and above all, don't burn his toast in the morning and so forth and so on. [51:56.4 – 51:59.2] Get him off to a bad start for the day. [51:59.2 – 52:02.2] Isn't he trying to do a job of staying sober? [52:02.2 – 52:04.5] And we think we're entitled to something. [52:04.5 – 52:12.8] And we think things should be given to us, and we're entitled to a better job than we have and a better automobile and so forth and so on. [52:12.8 – 52:22.8] We resent the fact that people get ahead faster than we do, get promoted around us, get a better automobile when we're still riding around in that fifty [52:22.8 – 52:23.8] jalopy. [52:23.8 – 52:28.0] And we resent these things and wonder it's worth– whether it's worthwhile or not. [52:28.0 – 52:38.0] And I think the thing that we have to remember about them is that this program wasn't designed to give us a better automobile or a better job or [52:38.0 – 52:39.7] a better home or anything else. [52:39.7 – 52:49.7] Rather, as I see it, it was conceived to build us as individuals strong enough in character with faith [52:49.7 – 52:60.0] and perseverance written up that will enable us to be able to meet and to face and to overcome every single thing that life has to offer without [52:60.0 – 53:10.5] flinching, without running away, and above everything else, without using it as an excuse or an alibi to get back into the neck of that bottle. [53:10.5 – 53:21.0] This is why this program was designed, and this is why it's such a big job, a full-time job and a challenge to every single thing that's worthwhile [53:21.0 – 53:23.9] within each and every single one of us. [53:23.9 – 53:29.4] There's no room for smugness or complacency or graduation in this program. [53:29.4 – 53:34.7] This is a job that we'll have to do till the day they carry us out feet first. [53:34.7 – 53:39.0] I understand this is the way the undertaker always carries you out. [53:39.0 – 53:39.7] I don't know. [53:39.7 – 53:43.2] But this is a job that'll be with us always. [53:43.2 – 53:47.8] And this is why that we must work at it constantly. [53:47.8 – 53:52.6] This is why we come back time after time after time to meetings. [53:52.6 – 53:54.9] This is why we do twelve-step work. [53:54.9 – 54:02.0] What we're really trying to do in this program, as I said, is to build ourselves strong. [54:02.0 – 54:08.9] And the way that we build ourselves strong is by doing the things that this program recommends. [54:08.9 – 54:18.9] By becoming humble before God, God as we know Him, as we understand Him, a God of our own choice, our own understanding, that we can [54:18.9 – 54:24.1] go to in our own way with our own words and ask His help in our daily efforts. [54:24.1 – 54:34.3] And it's been my personal experience and my observation of the experience of thousands of other people that all the help that one ever needs [54:34.3 – 54:40.9] is His for the asking, provided, of course, he's willing to do something to merit it. [54:40.9 – 54:42.4] And doesn't this make sense? [54:42.4 – 54:44.6] It doesn't make sense, does it? [54:44.6 – 54:54.9] We can say, "Please, God, help me to keep sober today and have everything go my way," and then go about our business chiseling, cheating, conniving, and lying like we always [54:54.9 – 54:57.0] did and expect things to happen. [54:57.0 – 54:57.7] No. [54:57.7 – 55:01.0] That's why we have the steps of this program. [55:01.0 – 55:11.3] And the way that we merit this help, the most important help that we need, not only with our daily problem of alcoholism, but with every single problem [55:11.3 – 55:14.4] that we have every day that we live, oh, God. [55:14.4 – 55:24.5] The way that we do this is by trying to put into effect as best we know how the twelve steps of this program in our daily lives, trying [55:24.5 – 55:25.7] to live the program. [55:25.7 – 55:35.7] Not becoming perfect, not ever feeling that we're going to reach the point of where we no longer have to [55:35.7 – 55:36.8] make corrections. [55:36.8 – 55:38.6] Within ourselves. [55:38.6 – 55:48.6] But realizing and recognizing that we must be constantly on the alert so that we can keep our thinking right and our way of doing things, [55:48.6 – 55:52.7] keep that channeled, channeled in the proper direction. [55:52.7 – 55:57.6] This is what we have to do, and we have tremendous responsibilities. [55:57.6 – 56:03.2] We who have been given this privilege of staying sober through this great program. [56:03.2 – 56:09.9] This is the greatest opportunity and the greatest privilege that has ever come into the life of the alcoholic. [56:09.9 – 56:13.5] Where else in the world would you ever get this chance? [56:13.5 – 56:23.8] Where else in the world would a guy like me, that's transgressed every law of God and man, ever be able overnight to sweep all those dregs [56:23.8 – 56:34.0] under the rug and start life all over again with ready-made friends, with people wanting to help you, with people trying to push you up [56:34.0 – 56:40.0] as a result of the little effort you're making yourself to do the things that you're supposed to do? [56:40.0 – 56:48.5] What a tremendous privilege, something that we should be grateful for as long as we live. [56:48.5 – 56:55.4] Our gratitude should make us do the things that we're supposed to be doing this program. [56:55.4 – 57:02.4] We have some tremendous obligations, as I said, for this, for this great opportunity and this great privilege. [57:02.4 – 57:09.1] I think the greatest of which is that we must conduct ourselves as a good example in this program. [57:09.1 – 57:09.6] Why? [57:09.6 – 57:17.6] So that we can hold out the hand of hope for those who are new and those who are yet to come. [57:17.6 – 57:20.0] Luann said yesterday that Mr. [57:20.0 – 57:24.3] Godfrey said we have a tremendous responsibility to our public. [57:24.3 – 57:31.1] Never do anything that will be cause for criticism or words to that effect. [57:31.1 – 57:35.2] And this is the way I feel about the example we must be in this program. [57:35.2 – 57:38.6] People are watching us constantly. [57:38.6 – 57:42.5] The new people who come into the program, they're watching us. [57:42.5 – 57:50.3] People who know us on the outside, watching and hoping and praying that we'll do this job successfully. [57:50.3 – 57:51.1] Why? [57:51.1 – 57:56.5] Because they've got a brother, a father, a husband, or someone else in whom they're interested. [57:56.5 – 58:07.1] And if we do this job right, if we do carry through then that responsibility of being a good example, we may give someone else his rightful opportunity [58:07.1 – 58:07.6] in life. [58:07.6 – 58:18.2] If we flub it, we may deprive someone of his or her rightful chance in life, the opportunity that someone so unselfishly [58:18.2 – 58:21.5] and so generous, generously gave us one day. [58:21.5 – 58:30.5] I had the privilege in my time, and I belonged to a bottle gang when I was in this 1937 and 1939. [58:30.5 – 58:39.2] I'm sure most of you people don't know what a bottle gang is, but at, at least it, uh, three or four of us traveled around together. [58:39.2 – 58:43.0] And, uh, we went everywhere together. [58:43.0 – 58:49.0] We drank together, we bummed together, and so forth, panhandle together, and so forth and so on. [58:49.0 – 58:54.8] And I had the opportu– We were the kind of people that nobody ever wanted to see. [58:54.8 – 59:01.5] I can never forget walking into a bar in Lakewood, Ohio, one morning, the four of us, and I think we had openers that morning. [59:01.5 – 59:04.0] I think we had the price of openers for a change. [59:04.0 – 59:09.5] And, uh, most of the time, we were cadging or conning or something else. [59:09.5 – 59:12.8] But this morning, I think we, somebody had made a haul somewhere. [59:12.8 – 59:18.7] And, uh, we get to the door of this bar, and, uh, the bar's down the end there. [59:18.7 – 59:24.4] And the bartender looks around, and he sees the four of us in all our glory. [59:24.4 – 59:34.9] And he says, he said, "Listen, you guys." He said, "I don't even want your business if you have got money this morning." This [59:34.9 – 59:36.2] is what they thought of us. [59:36.2 – 59:45.7] But as a result of my opportunity to come into AA, I had the privilege of having these three other fellas come to me. [59:45.7 – 59:48.0] I used to go back and see them occasionally. [59:48.0 – 59:54.3] I had the privilege of seeing these three other fellas come to me and become a part of this great program. [59:54.3 – 59:57.3] One has since died last year or the year before. [59:57.3 – 60:00.6] The other two and myself are still sober. [60:00.6 – 60:03.5] And this is what I talk about in responsibility. [60:03.5 – 60:12.8] If I had not gotten sober, and if I had not shown them the opportunities that was theirs, where would they be today like myself? [60:12.8 – 60:17.3] And this is one of the most tremendous responsibilities that we have. [60:17.3 – 60:23.9] And then we have the responsibility of carrying this message, as it says in the 12 step, to others. [60:23.9 – 60:34.2] But you know, when we carry this message, and while it is a responsibility, let's remember that every single time that we do, we're building [60:34.2 – 60:36.5] ourselves just a little stronger. [60:36.5 – 60:46.6] We're building fortification and insurance for ourselves against the day when we may have to draw on every single bit of reserve that we built up to [60:46.6 – 60:49.3] get us by some particularly rough situation. [60:49.3 – 60:59.5] You know, this is what we're trying to do constantly in this program, is to fortify ourselves and build ourselves strong so that we won't [60:59.5 – 61:03.2] have to use anything as an excuse to take a drink again. [61:03.2 – 61:13.6] And every time that we do 12 step work, any time we go out of our way to help someone else, we're building ourselves a little stronger. [61:13.6 – 61:23.3] Every time we go to a meeting and talk to a new person and give them the encouragement and hope that someone gave us one day, we're doing 12 step work. [61:23.3 – 61:28.7] Every time we do anything in this program, we're doing it for ourselves. [61:28.7 – 61:37.6] Because into the life of every single alcoholic someday will come something that'll shake him or her up real bad. [61:37.6 – 61:40.1] It may be the loss of a loved one. [61:40.1 – 61:44.8] It may be the loss of health, job, money, or something else. [61:44.8 – 61:50.9] And when trouble and problems come to the alcoholic, he or she better be strong. [61:50.9 – 62:01.3] And the way to get strong is to work at this program, is to do the things it recommends, and above everything else, to give of ourselves [62:01.3 – 62:07.7] at every single opportunity to give someone the same chance in life that someone gave us one day. [62:07.7 – 62:17.7] I could go on all day about the importance of that because it's so important, not to the people that we're trying to help, but to we the [62:17.7 – 62:22.5] people, we the individuals who need that help so badly. [62:22.5 – 62:32.5] And then we have these meetings that we attend, and I like to feel that here is where we go to find out at every single [62:32.5 – 62:42.6] opportunity just a little bit more about how to do the most important job in our lives just a little bit better every time that we go. [62:42.6 – 62:47.3] And this is all we can hope to do, is to make slow improvement. [62:47.3 – 62:57.4] We keep going back to remind ourselves of what our shortcomings are and the tremendous job that we have to do, and to get the knowledge on how to do this [62:57.4 – 62:58.0] job. [62:58.0 – 63:05.0] And you know, how many times has this experience happened to everybody who's been a part of this program? [63:05.0 – 63:15.2] When you have a day in which you should have stood in bed to begin with, you never in the life I had coming down here, one of those days that you never should have gotten up, [63:15.2 – 63:17.1] but there's nothing happened but trouble. [63:17.1 – 63:27.5] And you get home at the end of the day, and you're resentful, you're full of self-pity, you don't want to talk to anybody, you hate [63:27.5 – 63:29.6] everybody, including yourself. [63:29.6 – 63:39.6] And if you can just get yourself off a chair that night and get yourself to a meeting, as you walk in that door, something mysterious happens. [63:39.6 – 63:46.2] All the problems, trials, troubles, and tribulations of that day fall from your shoulders. [63:46.2 – 63:48.9] You're a new man in a new world. [63:48.9 – 63:51.9] You're amongst friends who want to help you. [63:51.9 – 63:59.6] And when you walk back out that door that night, you have the proper perspective on the new day to come. [63:59.6 – 64:09.7] This is where you learn every time that you come just a little bit more about how to do this most important job in our lives just a [64:09.7 – 64:10.4] little bit better. [64:10.4 – 64:16.9] And never once have I gone to a meeting yet needing to hear something to clear this thick skull of mine up. [64:16.9 – 64:27.0] Never once have I gone to a meeting needing to hear something, but what I have heard the thing I needed to hear that very night. [64:27.0 – 64:32.3] Every single phase and part of this great program is important. [64:32.3 – 64:35.9] One part unbreakably linked with the other. [64:35.9 – 64:43.5] If we do every single day that we live, one above everything else in the world, a peace over. [64:43.5 – 64:50.9] If we're willing to become humble and grateful for this opportunity and ask the help of our God in our daily efforts. [64:50.9 – 64:55.0] If we're willing to be that good example in this program. [64:55.0 – 65:00.7] If we're willing to carry this message to others at every single opportunity that we have. [65:00.7 – 65:10.8] And if we're willing to learn at every single opportunity just a little bit more about how to do this, the most important job in our lives, [65:10.8 – 65:12.4] just a little bit better. [65:12.4 – 65:22.4] Then each and every single one of us has that same ironclad, ironclad guarantee that was given to me 30 years ago in [65:22.4 – 65:28.1] the city of Cleveland that provided you follow the principles and practices of this great program. [65:28.1 – 65:38.5] Not only will you find the solution to your drinking problem, but the means whereby you can meet and face and overcome [65:38.5 – 65:48.5] every single problem that you have in life without finding it necessary to use it as an excuse or an alibi [65:48.5 – 65:55.5] to go back the way you were before you were privileged to become a part of this great program of AA. [65:55.5 – 65:56.0] Thank you. [65:56.0 – 66:00.4] Thank you all.