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Source: Norman Y – Early AA Speaker Talk – Date Unknown.mp3 File: norman-y-early-aa-speaker-talk-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:10:55
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6-8 months here, he's been a lot of help to me, and a lot of help to a lot of people, but no more from me, I'll let him tell his story, we'll give you Norman Young, alright? Thank you, Doc. All of that information we've had given to us, some of you gentlemen have to go to work tomorrow, I think I might as well start now. I have a hard time getting myself to come down to earth in an Alcoholics Anonymous because of what some people have said is progress, and I was taught in the beginning a lot about the Anonymous.
Well, they don't have anything like Anonymous anymore, and let's open this meeting with the use of the Serenity Prayer, that is commonly called a NA prayer, but that's also false, it was used by Greeks even before the Bible, so you had ought to know it, and you had ought to apply it. Shall we now repeat the Serenity Prayer all together? God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Amen. Well, I thank the Chairman and your group for inviting me here to visit with you about my understanding of the Alcoholics Anonymous program. And part of it you don't like, well, throw out your window and don't take it. Any part you do like, all right, keep. I don't argue about it, that's wonderful, but boy, there's nothing like a bunch of drunks arguing. Boy, oh boy, they love it, you know. I go to these Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and I stand before the biggest bunch of liars in the world.
They give me alcoholics, boys, and they laugh. You know, I'd admit that you do, you know, you go home and get hardly set on the chair and your wife says, you've been drinking? Well, I've had two beers. What about the 4,000 you had in between, you know? And then they get up and they tell you some alcoholic story. Jesus, God, I've heard some awful ones. Oh, God. Some guy drank gasoline and buttermilk.
Now, you know that's a damn lie. Makes you sick, but it wouldn't make you drunk. Some guy drank four quarts one morning. That's another lie. After four doubles, you don't know what you're doing. Oh, God, we lie. And that's what we learn in Alcoholics Anonymous. We learn to shut that off and learn to be honest. I've had the privilege of doing some things that you folks never will be able to do because of time.
I knew in person Dr. Bob and Bill, been in their homes. Henrietta Stiebeling and Lois Wilson and so on, drank coffee with them. All I've got out of the Alcoholics Anonymous way of life came from the foundation that they gave me. I've never read a word in any program that I've done without drinking. And that shows that you can do it. But I don't think you had ought to. There's a lot of good things for you to read.
But I remember Dr. Bob, when the first time I ever heard him lead a meeting, he made use of sentences out of a good book. A lot of us are a little fearful about something that we think is religion, but that's not true. This is not a religious program at all. He said, Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, and keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. What did that do to me?
I'll tell you. I have a thinking problem. Mind, heart. I have a thinking problem. And that was it. There's some more things that I've taken from them. They had a few people get together, talk about stop drinking. And they had a few steps handed in, several of them. And then they had some arguments about different things. Some came from the Oxford Movement. Oxford Movement is a group out of England.
Oxford University, Oxford Street, and so on. They would have one form of public confession. They'd gather around the room and they'd say, Well, I stole ten dollars last week. Well, we'll pay for you and forgive you.
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Now don't do it again. I got drunk last week. Well, we'll pay for you and forgive you. Don't do it again. Now the Oxford Movement is built on four cardinal principles. They call them absolutes. They are unselfishness, honesty, purity, and love. Henry Eddis Laverley brought them over to this little group as they studied in the home of T. Henry Williamson, his lovely wife who just passed away a couple months ago, age of 92.
Then they kind of separated. They got some steps. And they had what they call four absolute cardinal principles. And some people said it was just impossible to be absolutely honest. But they are the cornerstones of Alcoholics Anonymous, whether it's impossible or not. So let's keep them. Let's use them. They've done more good for me than all the rest of the righties in the world. Poor little world.
Well, and they had some things written and so on. And they had a remarkable man, brilliant, newspaper man out of England, former Oxford man, Australian and so on. His name was Jim Scott. He run a second-hand bookstore and he was in This New Way of Life. And he edited these steps. And then they argued somewhat about a name. And they come up with Alcoholics Anonymous. He gave a good definition of it.
Naturally, we didn't want to put everybody's name out. And we still had not ought to do that. I had no right to go down the street and say, hey, I didn't know that Joe Bill was such a drunk until I saw him in an AA meeting. I don't have the right to do that. I don't have the right to go to an AA meeting and stand up here and say, you know, there are doctors in the group, there are scientists in the group, there are…
No, I don't have the right to do that. All I have to do is take care of me. So Jim Scott, he said, the real, true meaning, as far as we alcoholics are concerned, of the word anonymous is Christ or God or good is unknown to you until you admit a defeat. And in our case, it's alcohol. Study that out and see. Well, there are a few people and they got together and they had what they call meetings. Well, now they have, I call it the Bill Affairs.
They read off their meetings for a month ahead or something. I don't know. Used to be they'd sit there, they'd be 25 or 50, say, hey, get up here and talk. And somebody said, well, I didn't prepare. You're never prepared to get drunk. They'd give you a message, get up here and talk. So that's the way it was. That's the way it was. And it was awful interesting to me. And that's where I've learned. So what they do, they stand up here and tell them a little bit about their drinking career.
Now, this is interesting to some people. I do it because I know that the alcoholics are gossipers. Boy, do they love to gossip. Now, tomorrow, down at the shop or at the grocery store or someplace, you'll hear some, you know that band that slip under the bridge or two, they'll talk about me and they'll let you alone. So give them something to talk about. Full of gossip. You know, that's good for you.
But we study the individual and that's what I want you to do a little while, study me. And then I'll turn around and I'll try to study the whole, make up the whole thing. There are people, say, they drink for many, many reasons. And these are always interesting to me. Drink because I was Irish. I know a lot of Irish people drink and they're not alcoholics. Drink because I was German. I know a lot of Germans that drink beer and they're not alcoholics.
And they're Italians and so I drank a lot of wine. A lot of, friends of mine are Italians and they drink wine but they're not alcoholics. Well, they figure out another reason why they drink. And I think each one of us have a reason why we drink. Now to see why maybe I can shatter some people's belief. I came from a family of good church people. There's a big difference I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous between church people and so-called Christians.
My mother and father would have family worship. They'd bless the food and read the Bible and go to church and sing and teach a class and pray and so on. Yet my mother would
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stick her head out of a window and condemn the neighbors for things my mother didn't think were just right. And my dad would attend that service. Go to church, teach a class, the superintendent of a Sunday school. Yet he would cheat in his business in order to make an extra dollar. They were dry people. They never tasted alcohol in all their lives. They were dry. But they were not sober. And that's the beautiful part about my understanding of the Alcoholics Anonymous program.
I am not learning how to quit drinking. Now that's no trick at all. You can't quit any other way cut your damn throat. You'll quit. It's no trick to quit drinking. I quit drinking 52,361 times because I spoke. But sobriety is the way we think. There's only one little sentence in all of the Alcoholics Anonymous writings all the books and all the pamphlets only one little sentence that has anything to do with alcohol.
The first step we admit we're power sober. That's it. The rest has something to do with sobriety. And that's what we study. Now I haven't been sober since I've been in this room. It's impossible for me to be sober more than a minute at a time. I have a hard time controlling this mind of mine. And the reason I wasn't sober somebody stepped on my foot back there and I said I'm going to cut your damn throat you bastard.
I wasn't sober but I'm not drinking. And so people when they start to talk they'll say I am a recovered alcoholic. Some silly statement that I don't have any use for but that's what they are you know. 1908 is when I took my first drink and when I got drunk. 1939 is when I had my last drink and I had been drunk for about 11 months previous. I have not had a drink of alcohol taken intentionally in my system since January 28th 1939.
And I'll repeat I have not been sober all that time. And I never will be sober all the time. Yes I get the desire to drink and I learned that from Dr. Bob. My desire to drink is to be sober all the time. And I've never been sober all the time. My body always wants to drink but my mind says no. I have to study a family I have two brothers and two sisters they never tasted alcohol in all their lives.
I am the alcoholic in my family. I have a sister a couple years younger she's a trained registered nurse but she is diabetic. Now we had the same parents we ate the same food and we had the same we ate the same food we went to the same church went to the same day school played the same games and had the same friends. Why am I an alcoholic and she isn't? Why is she a diabetic and I'm not? I don't know and I don't care.
I am never going to waste any of my time trying to go back and find out why I'm an alcoholic. I don't know why I don't care. I don't care whether they got me on the floor or that door or no. I don't care. I know I am and from here on is what I've got to do do something about it. Of course we have those lovely people who are various kinds of titles psychologists and so on and so on. Well you were a poor family born in the ghetto you was not blessed with enough money to get an education you couldn't dance you couldn't play football you have complexes.
That's a damn lie too. I know a girl and I've told this to a lot of people. As a youngster nobody else would play with her because she was bowlegged. They wouldn't jump rope with her, play jacks or anything. Nah she's bowlegged. They may have insulted her you know. She went on up to high school and there was a room such as this you know. Poor bowlegged girl standing up against the wall and there was a fellow there probably something like me and he had a bottle with
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him. Goes over to this poor wallflower now she's bowlegged having a bottle with her and she's standing up against the wall and there them to answer the question, where did her complex go? Huh? Where did it go? Well, that's true of all kinds of complexes. If you think you got one, throw it out the window. Now, we got a disease known as alcoholism. Well, I drank all through my early life. It may not be all right for me to illustrate to the benefit of what we had in the beginning, and that was a doctor, Dr. Bob, a physician. And he had an awful lot to do with the development of the AA program. See, he was a physician. So he compared this disease to diabetes.
Now, people think this is a little silly, but it's a very good thing for you to think about. A person who has diabetes will go to a doctor, and he will test your blood and say, well, it is too bad, but you're diabetic. Now, why? They don't know. They don't know why. Something to do with your pancreas, or it gets mixed up with apple pie. But anyhow, you're diabetic. Now, you can have no more fats, and no more sugars, and no more this, and no more that, and you must take your insulin not to be cured, no, but to keep well. They will never be cured.
So our Dr. Bob said the same thing is true with the alcoholic, except nobody in the world can tell you you're an alcoholic except yourself. You have to decide that. Now, then you decide you're an alcoholic, and he also told us that in order to keep well, you must do like a diabetic, and that is take medicine. Their disease is physical. Ours is mental and spiritual, and ours is composed of three doses.
First thing in the morning is to get your mind clear, and make a contract with your understanding of a higher power. This is commonly called prayer, or quiet time, whatever. You can read something if you want to, but make a contract with your understanding of a higher power. Like Dr. Bob said, God, you and I together could do without a drink today. And the second dose of medicine is because you've done that in the morning, you will be given the opportunity during the day when you need it the most. You will be tempted to lose your temper, to take a drink, to lie, cheat, steal. You'll be tempted. That is the time for you to forget yourself, and go and help your fellow man. Not always sponsorship. Maybe you can help somebody down at the shop, drop these rings. Maybe you can help them pick it up. Oh, you're going to lose some production. Production, what do you want? Production, or do you want somebody?
Help your kids with their lessons. It's hard to tell. And then the third dose of medicine is the attendance to the Alcoholics Anonymous feedings, and the attendance to them regular. And you don't go here to hear somebody tell a weird old drinking story, because they can make them up. There's a guy down at your higher penitentiary, and he'll write you the best thing you ever heard. You ever took a drink in all his life, and you didn't attend, because he killed a couple people. Yeah. No, you go to Alcoholics Anonymous feedings to partake of the power of the spirit that's at work. Everybody that's in that meeting.
You don't get it anyplace else in this world. You don't get it in a union meeting, in a lodge, church, fraternity. No. And if you want to prove it sometime when you're at a meeting, and seems like there's a lot in it all, and take a look at the person alongside you, across from you. Look at the happiness, and the peace, and the contentment on that face. That's why we go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. We don't got to learn to see who's sober, who got a divorce, who got a job, who got a raise. No. It's not our business. We're learning how to contact and live with our understanding of a higher power, and that's in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now, your doctor will tell you, the diabetic, if you don't take your medicine, you're going to maybe go into a diabetic coma. We will tell you the same thing. We will give you a foolproof
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guarantee that if you take your medicine that was prescribed by your sponsor, you will remain dry. But if you don't, you're going to have difficulty. And that is the beautiful part about it. God, I'm glad I'm not like my sister. You know, I can eat anything I want to. I don't have to run around and shoot myself with a very big needle. Hurts my head. No. My medicine is beautiful to take. Well, in order to get here, you would generally have to have somewhat of a drinking experience, career, and so on. I drank. Like in high school, we had a teacher that gave us some alcohol in our chemistry class to perform experiments with. Well, I drank mine. The heck with any experiments. Well, I wanted to read the law, and so I enrolled in night school, law school, for a couple of years. Then I wanted to travel. I didn't have money, so I took a job as a salesman. I traveled all over the country. I worked for the Hershey Chocolate Company and sold candy all over. And now I've been in AA. I learned a lot about me.
Yeah, I learned that I was going through what they call blackouts. And God, that was wonderful. Well, and I worked the northern part of New York State for a whole week, and I didn't know until I got paid. It was wonderful. I didn't know whether I had a cold or my feet hurt. I didn't know a thing. And it was a funny thing about it. I sold more merchandise and collected more money that week than I ever did before. Now, a portion of my mind was working. Yeah, I remember. They put me in a car down in the Southern Hotel in Columbus, sat me back on a wheel, and I drove all the way to Cleveland. Don't ever remember leaving Columbus. A portion of my mind is working, but you can't depend on it. That's why we see these drunks going up the road, weaving around.
A part of their mind is working. They know that there's a wheel in that car, and they know there's a pedal and a brake, but that's about all that they go. Yeah, there's a part of their mind is working. Yeah, crazy bunch of idiots. I quit the road and took a job in an office. Now, I'm under 25 years of age, and I've already been arrested and been in jail, once for being drunk and once for embezzlement and so on. I had a little bit of trouble with drinking. Well, it didn't bother me. What the heck? Other people go to jail, too. But I've heard people say something about pity. What do they call it?
Self-pity. First time I went to jail, I woke up somewhere in the neighborhood at two or three o'clock in the morning. I was laying on the floor, cold, old cement floor, and I woke up and wonder where I am. And I found out, hey, look at the bars. I'm in jail. That's where I am. Yeah, I'm in jail. So here I started, then, with this stuff called pity. Here I am. I went to high school. I was president of the YHAWY class, and then I was the best quarter miler on the track team. Everybody looked up to me. It was wonderful. All those sweaters, I won. Oh, look at me. Here I am in jail. I'm a jailbird. That girl in the bunk, that fellow in the bunk above me. What the hell's the matter with you? I was the best regarded young man in this whole town, I was. Did you know who my old man was? I said, no. Well, he said, he's Mr. A.E.
Adams, and he owns the American Chickle Company, and he's worth $70 million, and I'm in jail because I'm drunk. Now, go to bed, you son of a bitch. Well, I got out of jail. I was so ashamed that I wouldn't walk up the main street. I walked up the alley fast. Oh, I was ashamed. I was, you know, I had self-pity. I was full of remorse. Oh, you know, it's wonderful. Six months, you know, I was so old, I wouldn't go near town, near that jail. Oh, no, no, no.
Well, something happened, but I got drunk and I landed in jail again. Well, I did the same thing. I was ashamed. I walk up the alley and so on, but this time it only lasted six, seven months after I was arrested. The first time I got arrested three times in one day and didn't mind it a bit. Now, he didn't bother me. Well, I quit traveling the road and I took a job in an office and I was promoted very rapidly. Somebody also has said that this higher power, he blesses the alcoholics, they stagger across the street and they never
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get hit. If they do get hit, they bounce back up and wouldn't get another drink, anyhow. Very lucky, you know. Well, anyhow, I got an awful good job and I was promoted very rapidly. I was in the financial side of a great big company. So, I got married and I bought a house and I paid for it. Bought my wife a car and I had a car. Went to the city club and the country club and looked at myself as a youngster and I said, maybe this won't last forever, so I bought a great big handful of insurance so I could retire at the age of 45 and a couple hundred hours a month and so on and so forth.
I'm powerless over economic conditions, too, because when I was 45, I couldn't buy a short beer. Well, I got balled out once in a while for the boss. Now, I didn't drink on the job, but I did after. That's what he didn't like. Your mouth gets awful slippery. Get around these places and the happy food drinks and you start telling them how many chicks we've got floating in Pittsburgh and Cleveland and so on. Now, I have to cut it out.
Why? I'm doing a good job. Same thing was true at home, you know. And the county treasurer and his wife come out to our house one night and go to play a game. It was kind of popular then. It was known as 500. And, of course, when you have what they call social drinking, the alcoholic, he always makes us a drink. The first one is a little cracked ice, a little ginger ale, a mouthful of whiskey, and you take it into the card table and serve it.
Now, the alcoholic starts to go through an awful jolt. They'll sit down, they'll sip and they'll say, Jesus Christ, drink that down. Well, you'll stand it a little while and then you'll drink yours down. You don't care what it is. Then you go out to where you got it, usually in the kitchen, and you get one of yours. Mine was a quart. Now, when I had a quart of me, I go into the card table. I'm ready to play. They're sitting there sipping on a little old ounce of whiskey.
That's it. I show you exactly what an alcoholic is. And if you don't know, he's a drinker with his feet firmly established in midair, and he does everything backwards. And that's exactly what I did. I threw him out from my wife out and kept his wife. Now, that's the way the alcoholic works. It sounds humorous, but that's awful. We had this little boy of ours born where everything lovely. We have one of our steps is something about making amends. Did you ever study that out a little bit and see how deep it is, how big of a responsibility it is to make amends?
I've got a little boy of ours laying in a crib, say, four or five, six, seven months old, laying there. And you go in and look over that crib, and you know, boom! That little thing looks up and sees something more hideous than he'll ever see in any zoo in this world. And he'll smell something he will never smell again, except in all the toilets in the world, see. I shattered his nerves. He's 45 years old, and he's still nervous because of me, what I did when he was a baby. How can I make amends? I can't make amends to him. The only way I can do it is to be kind to other people. Those are just one, that's one of the things, but I got lost in lots of them.
I have an awful lot to do to make amends. That is a beautiful home, and I have heard people say they drank for many reasons, complex and simple. I drank for one reason, and only one reason. I lacked humility. I did not want to admit defeat. John Barleycorn could never lick me. I'd go in in the morning, you bastard. You got me drunk yesterday, but I'll show you today. I won't let you lick me today. That afternoon I was back again, fighting him again. Takes an awful lot of humility to admit defeat. Try it sometime. And this little kid trying to have a little fight around the neighborhood. Today you got licked in there. You know, you go after that kid again in the morning, you get another licking. So it took a little bit of humility on your part to stay away, so you got a little bigger, a little stronger, whatever. Yeah, takes humility.
My home, which was actually beautiful, and not because it's a nursery presentation, but because of a picture that's indelibly impressed upon me, shows where I'm from. Gallantly Impressed Upon Me, Shows Where I Was At the Peak of My Pedestal of Ego, The Great I Am, I Am The Best, I Had Been Drinking This Night And I Came Downstairs In Our Living
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Room, I Was Gonna Get Some Cold Water, There In This Living Room Was About Colored Walls And The French Windows And The Grace, And The Rose Colored Soap Off Against That About Colored Wall With One Soft Light Burning, There Was A Lady Dressed In White Steaming By That Soap, What In The World Are You Doing Down Here At This Hour Of The Morning, She Said I Am Praying, Praying For What, You Got A House, You Got A Car, You Got A Healthy Baby Boy, You Got Society, Go To Europe When You Want To, What Do You Want, I Want You To Stop Drinking, I Want You To Be Sober, Don't Bother About Me Lady, I'll Quit When I Get Ready, Now That's True With Everybody, The Sponsors Can Talk To You, You Can Go In And Out Of St. Thomas Hospital, Your Loved Ones Can Plead With You, Doctors Can Frighten You If You Don't Quit You'll Get Cirrhosis Of The Liver, A Cop Can Take You Into Jail And Say If You Don't Quit I'll Throw The Key Away, You'll Quit When You Get Ready And Not Until, That's Me, My Wife Studied Me After A Little More Drinking, A Little More Trouble, In 1925 She Said You Are An Alcoholic, Lady Where In The World Did You Get That, She Said I Don't Know Except I've Been Studying You, Every Time You Take One Drink You Want More And More And More And More And You Keep On Going And Going, The Other Night We Had Guests Out Here, I Took A Drink, They Took A Drink And That Was All, You Took A Drink And You Messed Up Everything, No More Friends, Drink Out Of Furniture, We Went On Our Vacation, She Said I Took A Drink And That Was All, You Took A Drink And I Didn't See You For Three Weeks, You Are An Alcoholic, You Are A Sick Person, I Said That's Fine Lady, Now When I Get Drunk You'll Have To Help Me, That Is In 1925 I Had Admitted To Myself And To Another Person I Am An Alcoholic, That's Ten Years Before Anybody Ever Heard Of Alcoholics Anonymous, That's Not What It Says An Alcoholics Anonymous At All, There Are Alcoholics In This Room And In Every Meeting In The World And They Have Admitted To Themselves And To Others They Are Alcoholics, But They Are Going To Get Drunk Again And Again And Again Until They Become Honest And Sincere With Themselves And Admit They Are Powerless Over Alcohol, And That's The Difference, That's The Difference, By 1929 I Had Found A New Bootlegger And I Bought Him A Canadian Club From Him And It Was Made Of Good Alcohol And I Was Stricken With A Total Minus, And Most People Who Said Jesus God If I Go Blind Surely He Quits, Not Me, I Said Thank God If You Punish Me For Drinking I'll Show You How To Drink, And I Did, Yeah I Started To Drink, I Lost The Job, I Lost The Home, I Lost The Wife, I Lost The Boy, But That Didn't Matter I Could Still Drink And Get Drunk, There Are People Say I Hear Them Right Off, Better Quit Or You're Going To Lose Your Home, Your Divorce, Your Wife Or Divorce, You're Kind Of Lost Well Without A Home, No Taxes To Pay, No Rent To Pay, No Clothes To Buy, Better Quit Or You're Going To Lose Your Job, I Got Lost Well Without A Job, Made More Money I Was Making Less Working, You Don't Have To Quit Because Of The Job, Doctor In The Hospital Said If You Don't Quit You're Going To Die, You're Going To Die With Liver Or Cancer, So What, I Said The Guy In The Bed Next To Me He Died Last Night With TB, So What, Didn't Fight Me, No, Nevertheless You Want To, You Can Make Up A Reason For Your Quitting And That Might Be Helpful, Now I Have Watched People Die, Didn't Fight Me In The Least, 1932 There Was 13 Of Us Stole A 5 Gallon Can Of D-Dix With Alcohol From The Gas Station, We Took It Under A Bridge And We Drank It, Next Morning 11 Of Them Dead, You Stumble Over A Lot Of Dead Bodies, You Think John, You Ought To Quit, Not We Two, I Was Sick And Nervous, He Was Sick And Nervous, I Had To Have A Drink, He Got Us A Drink, It Was Alright, So What, Well There Are People With Worse Stories Than Mine, But As Far As I'm Concerned I Have The Worst Story In The World Because It's The One That Got Me To Stop Drinking, Your Story Didn't Praise Me In The Least, Now My Story Got Me To Stop, If Your Story Had Ought To Get You To Stop, So About 1932 I Learned To Think A Little Bit, I Am Now In A Condition, In A
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State Of Mind That Dr. Bob Labeled Some People Just Want To Want To Quit, Try To Understand What That Means For Yourself, I Know For Me, Just Want To Want To Quit, Now I Wanted To Quit, I Wanted To Want To Quit, Did I, Yeah, So I Went To Church, There Before A Congregation Of 800 People, Pastors And Priests Were There, Dear Lord Please Forgive This Man His Sin, Well I Had Done A Lot Of Things That Wasn't Just Right, God, I Had Written An Awful Lot Of Fantasies, Charged To All Kinds Of Things To Other People In The Town, Just An Awful Lot Of Things, Then He Said Dear Lord, Here He Comes Now This Drunkard, Dear Lord Please Take This Appetite Away, Well I Went Across The Street To The Beer Guard, Said The Good Lord Took The Appetite Away, And He Didn't, I Got Drunk, Yeah, I Don't Know, Some People Have Said, And I Hope They're Honest About It, I Never Get The Desire To Drink Anymore, The Good Lord Took Them Away From Me, Not Me, Oh No, Not Me, Well I'm Glad He Didn't, Yeah I'm Glad I Still Get The Desire To Drink, Maybe That's Terrible, Or Some Of You Could Not Be, I'm Glad, Because It's A Reason, Reason I'm Glad, It's A Reason I Get The Desire, Take More Of The Medicine That Was Prescribed By Your Father, Pray A Little Harder In The Morning, Help A Few More People During The Day, Attend More Meetings, If I Didn't Get The Desire To Drink, I Wouldn't Have To Take My Medicine, I Could Go Down And Do Something Else, Maybe I'd Be Back Drinking Before Too Long, I Don't Know, I Went To The Other Churches, Made No Meetings In The Catholic Church And So On, But I Was Getting Worse And Worse, Down To Where I Was Taking Cures, I Took A Cure At 83rd Street In Cleveland, Got Drunk At 79th Street, So I Used To Go, Oh And I Was Dropped To A Bed In St. Francis Hospital In Pennsylvania For 14 Days, They Fed Me Intervenously, Good Old Priest Down There, He Liked Me Alright, He Bought Me A Ticket Back To Youngstown On The Train, $2.39, Very Nice Fella, Now He Says, Well You Have To Have A Drink, Take A Glass Of Beer And Go Home, You Dumb Monkey, I First Place I Don't Have A Home, And I Don't Like Beer, But I Can Tell Him, So I Got Down To The Depot And I Got Rid Of His Chauffeur And I Sold The Ticket For $1.25 A Month, 2 Bottles Of Rubbing Alcohol, And I Drunk All Over Again, Now I Met In Front Of A Judge In Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Now I Don't Know How I Got There, Whether I Rode A Bicycle Or A Stone Bowl, I Don't Know, So What, Well The County Where I Lived, They Used To Give Me $45 Every 3 Months As A Blind Patient, I Spent A Night On Food, So They Knew I Used To Pay More In Taxes Than They Were Giving Me, So They Engaged A Psychiatrist For Me And I Went To Him To Apply A So-Called Treatment, Beautiful Office, Diplomas All Over The Wall, Brilliant Man, Yeah, I Sat Across The Desk From Him, Beautiful Desk, Carpet On The Floor, Wonderful, There I Was, Blue Shirt, Pair Of Trousers, And Tennis Shoes, And A Wheel, So He Had His Great Big Pad And His Pencil And He Started, Now When You Was A Little Boy, Did You Jump Up With The Girls Or Play Marbles With The Boys, I Didn't Tell Him, But I Said, You Dumb Cluck, I Played With The Girls Every Chance I Got, He Asked A Whole Lot Of Silly Questions, You Know It's So Beautiful To Be An Alcoholics Anonymous And Go Into Another Person's Life, We Don't Want To Know Where You Went To School, We Don't Want To Know Where You Worked, We Don't Want To Know How Many Times You Been In Jail, We Don't Want To Know What You Did With The Kids, We Don't Want To Know, Do You Have A Problem With Alcohol, Do You? And Do You Honestly Want To Do Something About It, That's It, We Don't Want All This Bunk Written Down On Paper Like This, Anyhow, He Went Through Page After Page Of Stuff, And The Fifth One He Said, Well You Are A Hypochondriac, You Are A Cryptomaniac, My Alcoholic Mind Says, You Are An Important Son Of A B, If You Are Those Things, You Just Got To Get Drunk, Anyhow, Here Is What He Told Me I Had Ought To Do, I Had Ought To Get Something To Do And Work At It Real Hard For About An Hour, And That Would Make Me Tired, And Then Rest, And Then Get A Harvest, This Alcoholic Mind Of Mine, It's A Shrewd Thing,
[00:40:23]
Didn't Tell Him But, If You Have Ever Gone Up The Main Step Of The Town, You Are Going Up South Main Street In Akron, See A Man Or Woman Come, You Step Between Them, Hey Mister, Give Me A Dollar, Give Me Half A Dollar, Give Me A Quarter, Give Me A Dime, Give Me A Nickel, Give Me A Cigarette, Give Me Something, The Last Ten People, Eight Of Them Will Spit On You, One Of Them Will Slap You, And One Of Them Will Throw You A Dime, That's Damn Hard Work, Don't Think It Isn't, He Said Work At Something, It Will Make You Tired, Then Rest, When You Get Arrested And You Stand In The Front Of The Judge, And He Said Well You Are Back Again Are You, Well It Looks Like It, Well He Will Give You Ninety Days Off, Then You Get A Long Time To Rest, This Is My Psychiatrist Telling Me How To Quit Drinking, Work Hard, Get Tired, Then Rest, Then Get A Hobby, I Had A Hobby, Anytime I Saw A Guy Drinking I Enjoyed Him, I Liked Him, Well I Thank Him For All Of These Instructions, I Said I Got A Little Change Here I'd Like To Have A Glass Of Beer, You Are An Awful Good Fellow, The County Is Paying This Bill, How About Joining Me In A Glass Of Beer, Well He Said It Is A Quick Time, Sure I Will Join You In A Glass Of Beer, He Goes Up To His Office, Got In The Elevator, Downstairs Across The Street, Got Up On A Couple Of Stools, Two Hours He Was Drunk, And I Was Drunk, And I Said Your God Damn Program Don't Work, And It Don't Work, I Look Back, I Look Back Thirty Years Ago We Had A Fall In Youngstown, Go To A A Meeting Every Sunday Night, Every Sunday Night Went To A A Meeting, Yes Sir I Got It This Time, Oh He Is A Smart Salesman, God He Made Money Handle With This, God He Made Money, Smart, Yes Sir I Know Hard, Yes I Got A Hold Of Myself, If You Are Drunk Go To Psychiatry On Tuesday, Spend A Hundred Dollars With Him, By Friday He Will Be Alright, Go To A A Meeting On Sunday, He Did That For A Couple Of Years, What Good Did It Do Him To Go To Psychiatry, What Good Did It Do Him To Go To A A, That Is What He Has To Answer, His Answer Was A A A, But He Didn't Want To Accept It, January 28, 1939 I Was Living In The Basement Of Our Apartment Building, Youngstown, There Was A Gentleman I Used To Know When I Was In The Office And He Used To Be A Stock Salesman Out Of Cleveland, I Used To See Him Coming In Our Office Going Up Front To Talk To The Officials, I Got Acquainted With Him, I Introduced Him To Some Of The Bootleggers In Town, He Did Some Drinking, There Are Some Of You People Here Who May Remember Him, His Name Was Jackie, Jackie Came All The Way From Cleveland, Spent His Own Money, Took His Own Time To Come Down And Talk To Me, He Was Surprised When I Told Him I Was An Alcoholics Mister, I Know That, I Have Known That For 18-20 Years, I Have Used It, I Have Gone In The Hospital In The Morning And Told That In Time, Jesus God I Am Nervous And Sick Today, Get Me A Drink, He Would, I Would Go To The Jam, I Would Tell That Guard Where I Happened To Be Last Week And I Got A, Hey Old Boy Get Me A Drink, Jesus God I Am Sick I Am Going To Die, He Would, I Am An Alcoholic, I Used It, Yeah, But That Is Not Quite What We Have In The Alcoholics Anonymous Program, We Admit We Are Powerful But We Swore Us To Sanity, Then He Gave Me Four Cardinal Principles, That Time They Used To Call Them Absolutes, Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity And Love, That Was My Instructions Into The Alcoholics Anonymous Program, He Left Me, I Laid There For A Couple Of Days, The First Two Of Which I Didn't Know For Sure What I Was Doing, Think Or Die Or Live Or What I Didn't Know, Pull My Hair And Pull My Clothes, Sleep Well If I Wake Up, I Had Been Drunk, Sleep well if I wake up, I had been drunk on and off for eleven months, I weighed ninety-three pounds, had no teeth, was totally blind, had a cane and so on, Jesus God, well a couple of days of that and my mind started to function a little bit, well old boy you bought this and you paid cash for it and I'll suffer now, that's true, see them laying over things
[00:45:20]
in Thomas Hospital in there, it's not my fault you're there mister, it's your fault you went and bought it, I didn't, you bought it, you paid cash for it, I'll suffer now, yeah, you think I'm gonna wave a wand over your head and say get up and go back to work, no, you bought it, you're gonna suffer now, yeah, yeah, so as I lay there I got able to think, Jesus, hey, you're all alone, and that's right, I'm all alone, there's not a person or a thing in the world knows where you are, that's right, hmm, well I've been alone before, hotel room, boxcar, jail cell, why, why is this different, because he had given me hope, and that is the thing that we are privileged to carry with us every time we're invited to another person's life.
We carry with us hope, and there's hope for every alcoholic, every narcotic, if he only wants to be honest and sincere with himself, nobody can instill that in you, you have to do it yourself. So, since I had already developed a belief in a power greater than myself, and that drove me up the wall, because, Jesus, alcohol and drugs shoot a couple of people, go to church, put a hundred dollars in their kidney, my dad would pray at the table and then cheat in his business, ah, what the heck, that's right, but I'm drunk, I'm an awful man, and he looked awful good, yeah, he's awful good, he's back working, he's wonderful, huh, yeah, but if you remember Jack Darryl had what we call a most spiritual experience in the telephone booth in Buffalo, New York, that didn't come to me, no, no, so as I laid there and my mind started to function a little bit, I said I didn't have a drinking problem, but I had a thinking problem, I thought myself into every drunk I was ever on, when I used to be working, making money, I used to love to go to Ohio State and see old Chick Hawley play football, 1917, along in there, I used to love to go out to South Bend, Notre Dame, and see the Four Horsemen play football, along about Wednesday, I'd get a couple of quarts, by Thursday, they'd be gone, and by Friday, I'd be drunk, and I'd get out to a football game, and I didn't know whether I was playing tittle and winks or what I was doing, it took me three days to think myself into that drunk, yeah, and I have to think myself sober too, well now I had no home to go to, no job, no income of any kind, nothing but a white king, well they took away my blind patron, I used to sell a magazine now and then to make a bite to eat, when I started out into the world, I became honestly, sincerely grateful for the privilege of being an alcoholic, for the privilege of being invited into an Alcoholics Anonymous program, for the privilege of having a man love me enough to come sixty miles away and stake his time and his money, so my Alcoholics Anonymous program was of gratitude, thankful, so every hour on the hour I stopped in my mind and I said thank you, now I don't know if I'm thanking God or angels or heaven or hell, I don't know, but I just say thank you, I hear a whistle blow, I say thank you, I hear a clock chime, I say thank you, and I went along through life doing that, sold a few magazines, made a bite to eat now and then, I was there about eight weeks and I had a little meeting, that kicks off a heart before women get together in the house, these people had jobs, they had homes, they had income, they had cars, they had good bodies, everything, I went, they talked a little bit about the Oxford movement, a little bit about Dr. Bob and Bill and a few things like that, and then they talked a little bit about drinking, and then they closed with the Lord's Prayer, and then this fellow in whose home this meeting was being held, he come over to me and he said I want to send you something, I said yes, he said you're half blind old bastards, you've got no more intention to keep us sober than the man on the moon,
[00:50:08]
the only reason you're coming up here is to get acquainted with these people so we can beg, now the thing for you to do is stay the hell away, that was my introduction to alcoholics and all of it, and I'm thankful for that, I went back to that mattress I laid there and I said I'm going to get drunk and I'm going to kill that bastard, no I won't, I'm going to kill his wife and I'm going to kill him, no I won't, I'm going to kill all those damn babies, because here I am down at the bottom and they don't want me, society don't want me, so I said no, no the thing for you to do is to go there and go there regular and don't take any help from any of them, and by the grace of God that's what I've done, I stood on the street corner two or three days at a time and they'd go past and they'd say hello, hello, I wouldn't ask one of them for a nickel, I wouldn't ask them for a cup of coffee, I'll die here on this street corner before I do, and never have, well I was dry 18 months before I got a job, I got a job through the help of a judge who used to put me in jail, I worked for the state for about 30 years, I was dry 5 years before I was reunited with my wife and boy, now the simplicity of the Alcoholics Anonymous program that I was taught by Dr. Bob a lot of times and his wife Ann, I loved her, a lot of things about this, Bill Wilson, some of the things that have been so solid in my life, Dr. Bob, he always wanted to drink, Barney, but his mind says no, let's keep this simple, don't mouse it up, grow by attraction and not promotion, we don't have to sober up the world, and we never will, and nobody else ever will, we don't, can't, no, don't run around with a sandwich line, hey will you give me a job, I'm in AA, get out, grow by attraction and not promotion, Bill Wilson had the most spiritual experience in Dr. Stillworth's hospital in New York, where something said to him, you can keep dry, not sober, you can keep dry 24 hours at a time by helping your fellow man, he started out, he said the world can do that by sharing a bottle with him, give a drink to the guy so he can talk to him, he did that for 6 months, and he was not successful, and he was discouraged, he went to his home with his little wife, now living in a little apartment, one day he lived in a well home provided by a millionaire, now down to a little apartment, she was an 18 dollar a week clerk in a dine store, he was discouraged, she said, well, Bill, bring him into the house and let's see what we can do with him, now that don't mean a house made of brick and stone or wood, it means you take him into your heart, when you get the opportunity to go and call on somebody, first the most important thing you have to do if you want to be successful, is to do like Dr. Bob and Bill did, when they contacted Bill Dean, they're laying in the hospital in Akron City Hospital East Market Street, they talked to him, talked to him, he was drunk, talked to him some more and he was drunk, Dr. Bob would give him some tomato juice and sometimes they'd talk to him some more and he was drunk, 2 o'clock in the morning he got so he could think and he could listen and they said, do you honestly want to do something about your alcoholic problem, yes I do, would you do anything in this world to keep away from me and drink, yes I will, 2 great big men, one a physician, a college graduate medical man, another one successful business man, a college graduate in commerce and finance, both had been enclosed with alcohol, 2 great big men said, let's pray about it, there in that hospital bed they prayed with Bill Dean, that's why we have Alcoholics Anonymous, not because of these pictures you see on TV, not because of a magazine article, no because it was built on a firm foundation and don't ever allow anybody to take that away from you,
[00:55:00]
it's possible for anybody to be hurt from within, never from outside, so Bill Nelson who was a promoter type, had a few people, alright so what did the Rockefeller Foundation and he said, we have a way of life now and it is helping people with their drink problem, they had enough people to prove it, Rockefeller Foundation said, well you come back in a little while, 3 months or so and we'll see if we can help you out financially, went back in 3 months, yes that's true, you have a wonderful program, simple enough for people to understand and it is doing good, but there will be no money for you, Bill was spoken on, said, well it would be good for us to give you $100 million and you'll build hospitals all over the country, dry up these drunks, it would be good for us to give you $50 million, buy a lot of books, literature and so on, that would be good, but the good is the enemy of the best, remember that as long as you're in Alcoholics Anonymous, the good is the enemy of the best, but the best is for you to do what you're doing, deprive yourself of some time, some of your personal possessions, above all your own interest in trying to help your fellow man, when Bill Wilson was so discouraged, Lois said, well Bill bring them into the house, that means you take them into your heart, that's why Alcoholics Anonymous is as strong as it is, most powerful thing in this world, we're doing things that nobody else has ever been able to do, churches, hospitals, unions, psychologists, they haven't been able to, here we are, marvelous piece of work, nobody knows, nobody knows how many people have been helped by Alcoholics Anonymous, I know in our vicinity, I could take time and name over 100 people that got their help from Alcoholics Anonymous and they don't get their meetings anymore, well maybe that's alright for them, but it's true, so there are, I suppose there's a million people all over the country that got their help through Alcoholics Anonymous and don't attend the meetings or anything anymore, and that's good, well anyhow, what is it I want in this world, I want to learn to be sober, and I do that by continually practicing the simple principles of the Alcoholics Anonymous, I am first exceedingly grateful, thankful that the hospitals I went to and the so-called medication I have taken didn't work, I am exceedingly thankful that the threats that people gave me, promises I made didn't work, I am thankful that the religion I was introduced to, all faiths, Catholic, Protestant, Christian, Science, Beauty, didn't work, I am thankful, I am thankful that the psychologists and psychiatrists and nurses of the program didn't work, I am so thankful they didn't work, Why? I had to suffer a little more, go through a little more hell, and come over here and meet the grandest people in this world, these are people you learn to love, not only for what they are, but for what you are when you're with them, Can you review back a little bit in your mind and see somebody that you know going down the street and you say, Hi Joe, a little bit later you both got into Alcoholics Anonymous and you're trying to live it, see the same fellow going down the street, Hello Joe, oh hello, how are you?
Oh, hello, how are you? Well, not too awful good, but that's the trouble. Let's go in and get a cup of coffee and talk about it. These are the people you learn to love.
[01:00:01]
We're here because our sponsor loved us, and for no other reason. He didn't do it to build up his admiration, but if he did, all he'd have to do is get drunk and stand up on the public square on his head. Yeah, we're here because your sponsor loves you. These are the people you learn to love, not only for what they are making of themselves, but for what they are helping to make of you. There's a beautiful girl I know in the northern part of Stark County. Her father was a very successful steel man. He used to give her a little spoonful of alcohol when she'd have a cold, as a little pot.
She went on up to high school. Once in a while, some of the girls would have a martini or something. She might taste one, but that's all. She went to Boston and was a good student, and the girls there used to have their eyeballs and their martinis. Once in a while, maybe once a year, she'd take one, and that's all. After her graduation, she got married to a very successful man, also in the steel business. They had two fine children.
Husband used to entertain and have some drinks around. She didn't bother, no, didn't bother. They drank some, you know, it was always there, big bar in the basement and so on. These two little youngsters growing up, they got in school. For some unknown reason, she started to drink, this lady. She had been introduced to alcohol many years ago, and she started drinking. And she drank more, and she drank more, and she drank more, and got bad. Kids would come home from school, and then she'd be laying on the floor drunk.
Caused her husband an awful lot of anguish. He was worried sick. He engaged the doctor, but the doctor couldn't help her. He'd give her a shot or something. He wanted more of it. Went to psychiatrists. Big treatment, big money. Go home and pretty soon get drunk again. Couple years of this, she walked out. She walked out of a home, security, income, lovered family, children. She walked out. Two months had gone by, and this lady, an alcoholic synonymous, found her.
Yes, she was down along the railroad tracks. Same dress on when she left. Her hair hadn't been combed for months. No lipstick, no rouge, and that's why she's still on. This lady said, there is a way, there is a way if you want to be honest with yourself, if you want to be sincere. She did accept the alcoholic synonymous way of life, and she stands before a group such as this. Yes, I am an alcoholic, and I have admitted I am powerless over alcohol, and with your help and the help of my understanding of a higher power, I have regained my self-respect. I have returned with my family.
Above all, I have a way to be happy, peaceful, and contented. Now, when that happens, don't that do something to you? These are the people you learn to love, not only for what they are, but for what you are when you're with them. That's why an alcoholic synonymous is doing things that the other groups can't do. See, if I would have been sobered up by a psychiatrist, I would have quit drinking, and so on. I wouldn't have to be honest anymore. No, I wouldn't have to be honest. I can survive, I can rationalize, and so on.
My boss was a former probate judge in Venezuela. He had gone to school as an observer, a way back in my facility. Now, in this work I was in, we used to have, we used to travel, there's 230 of us in a department. They traveled over and about in the state, and you have to turn in an expense account every two weeks. Bus fare here and there, and meals, and so on, and telephone, postage, whatever. And the clerks down there in Columbus, they'd get these and they'd go over them. And they'd go over them with a fine-tooth comb. Boy, oh boy, if you were trying to…
My boss, probate judge out of Havana, who had gone to some AA over there in Akron King School, he said, you don't have to examine them, he's an AA. Honesty. Honesty.
[01:05:08]
When I went to church, they didn't teach me honesty. No, I learned it now for high salons. I've had the privilege of talking to schools a lot up around, high schools around through here. There was a couple of young ladies, they were juniors in this high school, and they were going to take their midterm examination. And they were about to study in the library. And one girl said, I know where to get a copy of that examination.
We can get it, you know, and you and I can study it. And then we can get a good grade, huh? The other girl says, no. I don't want you to get that examination. My parents are in AA. And they teach us honesty in our family. I don't want you to steal that examination. Those two girls got the highest grade in that test. They didn't steal. And the principal of that school told me about three months later that they had put that story in their paper, school paper.
Well, one third of those kids are practicing honesty in that school all because of alcoholics alone. I know a young man down in our camp area, and he was a salesman for one of the companies, and he wanted to transfer employers. The employer says, yes, sir, we'd love to have you. You've done a good job as a salesman around, and everybody knows it. We'd love to have you, yes. And this fellow said, I will go with your company, but I will not borrow anybody's hand. I will never put any money under the table to get another order.
The boss said, you must be in AA. He said, yes, I am. Honest. Honest. Yes. Unselfishness. I have some of the grandest people in this world as my friends. I can't drive a car, but they're willing to go by if I don't move. They're eager to help themselves or to help me, but I'm grateful. Unselfish. Yes. A wonderful thing about life is to learn to love each other rather than to like each other the way we used to do. I have a pretty good friend. I had something to do with him getting into Alcoholics Anonymous some 25 years ago out in the Midwest.
Very brilliant man, too. Not so well trained, but brilliant. Dried up good. Good AA. Made a wonderful appearance. He got in politics. He won for United States Senator, and he was elected. Some people thought he won for President of Alcoholics Anonymous. That was instilled in him. Honesty. He should have won last November, but he said, no. No, he said, I can't keep sober with that bunch of dishonest people. No more politics for him.
It says, are you willing to do anything in order to gain and retain your sobriety? Are you willing? And that's what he did. He could have won. Got a good job, Senator. 50, 60,000 dollars a year. No. No, I can't keep sober. So he quit his job. That has an awful lot to do with our way of life. My way of looking at myself, the way I've studied myself, I have decided that there is an awful big difference between being in AA and having AA in you. I want to get more AA in me than just going in AA.
And if we go through life, taking the medicine that was prescribed, you'll be able to look at yourself like other people are looking at you. I would rather see a sermon than hear one any day. I would rather one would walk with me than merely travel away. The eyes of better people are more willing than the ears. Fine counsel is confusing, but the example is always clear.
[01:10:18]
The best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds. For to see good, put into action, is what everybody needs. Thank you for the privilege of visiting with me. If you have received any good from anything I may have said or done, don't give me any credit for it. But when you are all alone, that is the line for tomorrow. Give thanks to your understanding of the higher power.