I did, I could never get sober. I never could get sober. Couldn’t imagine anything, getting sober. But you know, it’s a funny thing. I came home the last time, knocked on my own door, which proves I was guilty, right? There I stand. Oh, God, you know, I’m about half dead, 116, 17 pounds. And my little wife opened the door, my first wife. She opened the door, 4’9″, she looked like she was 10 foot tall. She’s Scandinavian. Those Scandinavians are big even when they’re little. And she looked at me, you know. She didn’t ask me where I’d been ’cause she knew by then I didn’t know either. And she let me in. But you know, she found out what the problem was, and I didn’t know. Do you know that everybody knew but me? She found out that her husband had the disease of alcoholism, that he was not an immoral leper, that he was not an irresponsible turd. He was an alcoholic. And when he drinks, that’s the best he can do. So he wets his drawers.

He would not wet his drawers if he knew he was doing it, unless he enjoyed it. Which I’ve done, you know what I mean? Now, what they told her was, “Don’t tell him.” And one of the great things about our fellowship is that we let you, newcomer, find out for yourself. We’re not gonna tell you. You .. And I say to people, “You know, if it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, and it waddles like a duck, I, I, I think it’s a duck,” you know what I mean? But I don’t tell anybody, “You’re an alcoholic.” I might say something to them facetious like, “Well, you certainly have a lot of the symptoms. Oh, is that right? You got your nine .. ” We call them 502s down Riley. That’s driving your car with your head on the dashboard. You know what I mean? I remember the last time I got stopped. I gotta tell you about that last time I got stopped. I’m driving in Burbank.

Now, for some reason, I don’t know whether this is true or not, but, but there are people who understand the mind a lot better than I do. They tell me that a part of our genes, I think the thing they call memeism, is part of your race gene. Now, part of me’s English, you know. Part of me’s English. And when I got loaded that last time, would you believe I was driving on the left side of the street? I really was. And the officer finally got me .. I didn’t, I missed the boulevard stop or the signal, whatever it was. I’m stoned. I got my head on the dashboard, driving like this, you know. And the, and the officer says, “Pull over.” So I pulled to the center of the street. And he said, he said, “Open the door,” and I couldn’t. I tried. I grabbed the handle, and I kept trying to open the door. I was so drunk I couldn’t open the door. He opened the door with my hand on the handle. And I fell out on my head, on the pavement.