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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 901 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: ron-welcoming-the-newcomer-nasac-johannesburg-2004.mp3 Duration: 00:17:07
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Hi, my name's Ron, I'm an addict. And your apology is completely accepted. I'm also, I'm not from the USA either, I'm from Australia. Even though, even though sometimes it's like we're part of the USA. But I've been called much worse things than Donald before. I, yeah, this is an interesting topic because I always think when people talk about the most important person in the room, I go, oh yeah, the most important person in the room is a newcomer, we only keep what we have by giving it away, blah, blah, blah.
And I thought, well how am I going to share about somebody else? And of course my first reaction is who's the most important person? Well it's fucking me, you know. And that's for a few reasons. One of them is because I'm really self-obsessed. Another reason is because, well, really, I don't come here to make you guys clean. There's another fellowship for that sort of stuff. I come here for me. And as a by-product of me coming, maybe you get something as well. And you come here for you, and because you come here, maybe I get something from that.
So I guess all I can talk about is my experience at, you know, when I first came here. And I was one of those people who, it was sort of weird how I came to my first meeting. I just, I was sitting at home, home was this sort of hovel, that there was another person living in the house, but she lived upstairs and we never saw each other. And we were like down to one lightbulb, so that when you wanted to go to another room or go to the toilet, you unscrewed the lightbulb and took it with you, you know. And there was dog shit all through the house. And I was living separately to my wife and kids, and they only lived up the street, but I was living down there because I couldn't live there.
And I knew about N.A. and I even had a meetings list because I'd stuck my head in a meeting once before for about ten minutes and I just went, that's great for them. And I'm glad to see you guys are doing it. And I went straight to the pub. And about six months later, I was down there, it was a Saturday night and I was working out what I was going to do and I suddenly realised there was nowhere I could go because I owed everybody money, you know, I was barred from a couple of places and I don't know, I just remember thinking, ah, I'll go to the N.A. meeting up the road. And it was only up the road and I just went and it was, I don't even know how that thought came into my head, you know.
And so I went and I sort of, I went and I sat at the back and I really admire the bravery of people when they first come here, when they sort of say, is there anybody here at their first meeting and people sort of identify as being at their first meeting because I was absolutely petrified and there's no way that I would have put my hand up, you know. And I sat at the back but the thing that really attracted me at that first meeting was there was this guy sharing and he was telling a story about how he'd tried to rort somebody and how he'd been brought undone and he was laughing at himself. And I thought, I like this, I like this for these people, you know, I like this sort of sense of humour, you know, people who can actually laugh at themselves.
And the thing was at that meeting I realised at the end I was sort of like eyeing off this beautiful blonde woman down the other end and I suddenly realised I knew her, you know. And she was about a year clean but I didn't recognise her and she looked so fantastic because the last time I'd seen her she was working in this pub. In Australia there's lots of pubs, you know, there's a pub on every corner and some of them you can actually live in them. In the old days, like in the 30s and 40s, like a lot of sort of homeless men lived in pubs. I carried on that tradition.
And, you know, so there was a few pubs and the area that I lived in was sort of like the inner city of Sydney and it was the pubs where the bands played and that sort of stuff and I was playing in bands at the time so it sort of suited me, like there was such a short distance to go to work, you know. And so I ended up living in this pub and this woman worked there and she used to work behind the bar so she used to always give me free drinks and we used to sort of score for each other. I don't think we ever used together but we sort of, we used to get dope for each other every now and then and I guess I was one of those people if you ever sort of, if you ever used to go to a bar and you were really desperate and there was some guy in the bar who knew somebody who knew somebody who could get some dope off and by the time you got it there wouldn't be much left.
[00:05:05]
I was that person, you know, and so I'd go and score for people every now and then and take half of it and then I'd get there and sort of say, here it is, are you going to give me some, you know, after I'd already taken some. So there she was and she just went, we're waiting for you to turn up and she introduced me to a few other people and there was this young girl there who was about ten years old and she was the daughter of one of the people she introduced me to and really coincidentally about two or three months later my daughter ended up sitting in the class at school next to this girl as well.
And a few years ago they had their 21st birthday together and they're both, they both live together, they're really, really good friends, you know, and they've been friends all this time. The thing that happened at that meeting for me was, like, there I was, like, really new, really scared and people came up to me and said, you know, welcome, here's my phone number and I collected a whole lot of phone numbers and I didn't ring any of them, you know, because really I still wasn't ready.
I just wanted somewhere to go, I just needed somewhere to go that Saturday night, you know. So what I did was I just kept coming to meetings and we all went to a coffee shop afterwards and I still kept coming to meetings and most of the time I came to the meetings I was still stoned and by that stage of my using, I mean, my sort of like real rock bottom had happened years before that, you know, like I'd done all my sort of serious overdosing and the serious trouble stuff.
And, you know, I was just using pathetic amounts but I couldn't stop, you know, like there was this thing there I just could not surrender, I could not let go and so I was coming to meetings a bit stoned every now and then and eventually they sort of got me aside and they said, listen, you know, you've got to start taking this a bit more seriously, you know, how about going to detox and I just totally balked at the idea of that.
But anyway, this guy sat me down in this cafe for about three hours and he wouldn't, he sort of cornered me in this, where I couldn't get out and he just kept on and on and on and on at me, you know, and I mean like even today I sort of think that sort of prescriptive sort of behaviour is not good, it's not sort of cool to sort of like just badger somebody and badger them until they finally give in but this is what this guy did to me and I think he knew that he had to do it to me, it was the only thing that was going to work.
And he said, every time I come up with a reason why I couldn't go, they'd come up with a solution, I said, what about, I can't go, nobody's going to look after me, we'll look after your dog, you know, how am I going to get there, we'll drive you there, you know, and they did, you know, so the next day they booked me in, they drove me there the next day, they looked after my dog, there was a couple of other things they had to attend to while I was there, they came and visited me while I was in the detox.
And I think about the fourth night I was in there, there was actually an N.A. meeting and all these people turned up to the N.A. meeting and I remember just sort of feeling almost in tears, it's sort of like, God, they're all here, you know, and I thought, you know, these are my friends, you know, and that was where I met my first sponsor, this guy came up to me and he said, he just said straight out, he said, have you got a sponsor yet? And I said, no, and he just looked at me and I looked at him and I said, are you offering to be my sponsor?
He said, yeah, you need one, you know, so and he was a fantastic sponsor, we'd meet every Monday night and we'd go, then after I got out of that detox, we went to that Monday night meeting for about three years, every Monday night and we'd sort of meet up down Chinatown and have a laksa and stuff and just talk shit, you know, and so I guess, I guess for me, you know, I just ended up in this incredible position of extreme gratitude for, you know, for these people who sort of like just, just sort of cocooned me in a way when I come into the fellowship because I, you know, I was, I was a pretty sort of frightened, full of sort of all the other stuff, the guilt and the remorse and the shame and, you know, that my life was completely stuffed and I just thought, as soon as these people realise what an arsehole I am, you know, I'll burn my bridges with these people as well and they'll just sort of say, oh, fuck off, you know, we don't want you here, you know.
And they didn't and, you know, so I sort of think about, well, you know, how does all this work, you know, for me now as a person in recovery, you know, like a lot of the time, you know, my life just sort of catches up with me and I go to meetings and sometimes I'm aware that there are new people there but as soon as the meetings finish, you know, we just immediately start talking to our mates and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
And it's so easy to sort of, to lose that, you know, I think, gee, when have I been that sort of generous to these people who, like people were generous to me, you know, so I really try to involve, if I see people come to meetings, you know, and they identify as being new, you know, always make a point of going up to them and saying, you know, just sort of saying, how are you, do you want me phone number, whatever, you know.
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At our local home group, we've got a thing where we do like a temporary sponsorship thing where at a certain point in the meeting, people put up their hands who are willing to be temporary sponsors for one month. It doesn't mean we're going to be real sponsors but it means that people can ring us up if they really want someone to ring up, you know. And there's a whole lot of other stuff, like when I first came into NA, after I got out of that detox, I did all the stuff, you know, like I sort of write, I'll do the 90 meetings in 90 days, I'll join a group, I'll see my sponsor once a week, I'll pray, whatever it takes, I'll do it, you know, and if they said you've got to stand on your head in a corner for three hours, I would have done that as well.
And, you know, so I really got involved and I found the thing that really, really helped me was joining that first group. God, my mouth is dry. Can I steal some of your water? Yeah, like, I was completely, I had no social skills whatsoever, you know, so I joined this group and it was a big meeting, it was in a hall about this size, about this size and there was these steel chairs and there was this trolley, you had to put the chairs away at the end, so I took that on as my job.
And I was the guy, because I couldn't talk to people after the meeting, they were all standing around going da-da-da-da-da-da-da and I had no idea how to converse with people, so the extent of my conversation was, excuse me, mind your back, chairs coming through, you know, and I did that for ages. And every now and then somebody else would stack the chairs and I'd go, I'd have to fucking restack them, you know.
But, I mean, as mad as I was, you know, like, I was there and I was part of the group and we'd wash up, you know, and one of the women I used to do the washing up with was the mother of this girl I was talking about, you know. I live in Melbourne now and all this stuff happened in Sydney, but every time I go to Sydney I still see her at meetings and we always give each other a hug. We remember the times when we were both mad as hatters, sort of like doing the washing up together, you know.
But at least we were sort of like together doing it, you know. So I try to sort of like do the same thing now, which is, you know, include people. I never say to people, hey, stack the chairs, I say, hey, will you help me stack the chairs? I never say, hey, pick up the cigarette butts, I say, will you help me pick up the cigarette butts? And at my meeting, my home group, we have to, it's a kindergarten during the day.
And so the last thing that the Anglican minister wants is little three year olds picking up cigarette butts during the day and sort of chewing on them or whatever they do. Or finding syringes, for that matter, you know, which has happened. So, you know, that's what we do, you know, that's my group service at the moment, in my group, you know. I don't have a position, but we just make sure the joint is clean, you know, when it's over.
So we can keep the venue because it's a great place to meet, you know. And so I always, you know, I just wanted something to do when I came here, you know. And it was like, in a way, it's like what my whole life was like. I just wanted something to do. Would somebody just tell me what to do? Would somebody tell me what to say? Would somebody tell me what to think, you know? That was what I was like when I first came here.
I had no idea. I had no idea about my own identity. I thought the only thing I was good at was taking drugs. And I wasn't even good at that because if I was, I wouldn't be here, you know. But that seemed to be the only thing I sort of knew the technical details about, you know. And so my journey through recovery is really, I was talking to somebody about this this morning, it was just totally about sort of finding out who I am and actually being okay about who I am.
And that's the gift of sort of like working the steps. And I guess the other thing I say to people when they first come in, which I think is incredibly important, is that thing about putting your recovery first. When I came here, people said, look, don't worry about anything else. Just put your recovery first. The thing that won me over when this guy was talking me into going to detox, the thing that finally got me, he said, look, there's a fence, right?
On that side of the fence, all your stuff's in hock. Your family doesn't want to know about you. You owe money to everybody. Nobody wants to know about you. You're feeling like shit all the time. On this side of the fence, you've got all new gear. Everybody thinks you're a great guy. Which side of the fence do you want to be on? And I guess it was a bit of a no-brainer, really. And I said, OK, I'll go to detox. But for all those great things, to have people in my life who love me, to have sort of nice possessions, to have all the other sort of stuff, without my recovery, I don't have those things, and I've been around long enough to see people come in here and their job is more important, their girlfriend is more
[00:15:27]
important, their dog is more important, than their recovery. And every time I see people put something before their recovery, not only do they lose that thing, they lose their recovery as well. And I'm not willing to take that chance. I did it for too long, I was crazy for too long. What I've got now is so precious. When I used, it was like, I used to love that line in that Bob Dylan song, when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose. And that suited me fine, because I didn't have nothing, nothing mattered, but now I've got a lot to lose, and everything I have is so important and so precious. The longer I stay clean, the more I realise how every single day that I have is such an incredibly precious thing, and so I'm really, I just want to finish on this, it's just so wonderful being here. I had no idea what to expect, and it's just been such an incredible, sort of exciting surprise, just to see what a great fellowship there is here, and all the people we've met. This shirt I've got on is from New Zealand. On the back, it's got the Serenity Prayer in Maori, and I've been to a few conventions in New Zealand, and they often say, everybody says the Serenity Prayer in Maori at the end, so, when you guys have got a t-shirt that's got the Serenity Prayer in Zulu, I've got my size, and I've got my address, I want one, okay? Thanks a lot.