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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 911 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: robin-d-nasac-national-convention-johannesburg-2006.mp3 Duration: 00:04:55
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Hi, my name's Robin and I'm an addict. I'm very nervous, so please bear with me if I kind of lose my train of thought. The first time I heard about NA, or was exposed to NA in any way, it was in, I remember I had a girlfriend years ago, and she went to Naranon and came home and gave me an ultimatum. Either I go to NA or she leaves me. At first I thought it was really funny, but then I got really angry and I couldn't understand why she wanted me to be part of a group of weak people that just fed off each other's misery.
Anyway, we broke up, and years down the line, years down the line, things got out of control, and I went to a treatment centre in Cape Town. Well, I didn't go there, I went for an assessment, and I didn't have enough money to get into the treatment centre, so the guy running the place just said to me the only thing he could suggest was 30 meetings in 30 days. So I went off to the 30 meetings, went for drinks with friends after the meetings, did the 30 meetings, thought it was like an antibiotic, did the 30 meetings, and I'd be cured.
I didn't think, there was no rational thought pattern that I would have to put anything into this equation. I got back to Johannesburg, got off the plane, and went straight to [unclear place] to score, and I couldn't understand it. I mean, it just didn't make sense to me, so I never went back, and years later things got really bad again. My partner went to treatment, I once again couldn't afford to go to treatment, and I had a friend who was just used to pop up at the worst possible times, and she had just come out of treatment in Cape Town, and was taking me to NA, but she was still using, and I thought this was OK because she wasn't using as much.
And when we went to meetings, we'd score before we went to meetings, we'd use at the meetings, and then instead of putting something into the little bag, we'd take something out. And that's what NA, the meetings, meant to me. It means to an end. But I think something must have settled during that time, or something, a seed must have been planted at that time. Because I went back to Joburg, everything fell apart again, and I ended up going to treatment.
And I remember I got off the plane in George, and I used, as I got off the plane, and I was nodding off for the time I got into treatment, but they had a meeting there at 7 o'clock every Sunday evening. And I remember walking in, and I was terrified. And basically, as I walked in, I put my bags down, and I went to the meeting. And there was just such a lot of familiarity about it. I heard the preambles, and I thought, it's going to be OK, I'm safe.
It's going to be OK. For 16 months, I carried on going to that meeting, that treatment centre, and for about the first six months, I resisted. I challenged everything. To me, NA was not something that I felt I could trust. There had to be a catch to it. In my life, I had never had anything I could trust, or anybody I could trust. So what made this different? What made the Twelve Step Programme different?
And I knew there had to be something. And I tried and I tried and I tried for about six months, until I couldn't find it. I couldn't find the catch, and I couldn't find the catch. So I finally gave in, and I started seeing the Twelve Step Programme for what it is, and it's God-given. And it's given me the means to have a safe haven. It's given me the means to, that for 31 years of my life, I used drugs, and I had no direction.
And the programme gives me the ABC on how to run my life. And I know that if I stick to the ABCs, I'll be OK. I came out of treatment, and I remember I got back to Johannesburg, and I knew nobody that wasn't using. And I came to Halfway House in Rosebank, and I was terrified. And that night again, we went to a meeting. And I realised that I'm part of this amazing fellowship, where I will always belong.
I'm part of a fellowship where I'm safe, and I've been given the programme to live my life by. And it's God-given, as I said. And for me, it's something that has never let me down. The programme is something I can trust, and will never hurt me, if I carry on doing what I need to do. Thank you. Thank you.