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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 925 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: oren-celebrating-recovery-nasac-durban-2007.mp3 Duration: 00:16:41
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Good evening, my name is Oren and I'm an addict. Thank God for my clean day and I'm grateful to be here. You know, it's the first time I speak into a microphone like that, so excuse my accent. And I actually have a song that I want to sing. I think, you know, like first thought come to me when I saw that microphone tonight. It's like that song from Freddie, Freddie Mercury. We are the champion, you know, like I'm a big soccer fan and I feel like champion tonight.
You know, I feel very grateful, very, very honest, you know, like that I'm here standing here and it's not more than that to be, you know, celebrating my recovery, to stand here. You know, I got clean on the 15th of September, 2000 and it's quite a while ago. And for me, it was very long trip so far and I'm very, very happy. I'm very, very grateful. I'm living life, you know, like simple as it is. I try to follow the principle before my personality, you know.
I got so many people around here that I know and close to me, you know, like really, really deep down in my heart. I've got the best friend in my life today from NA and I'm very grateful for the fellowship and what NA give me. I was, as a youngster, I was very, very, you know, happy guy. And I start my life, you know, like as I recognize myself, like I was very good looking young man. I was the king in the school.
I'm still young, but I was get all the reputation around me, you know, I was the king in my class, king in school, the best soccer player in my town or nearly in my suburb, in my town. And I took so much advantage on that and, you know, like I'm bitching. I took so much advantage on that and I was like in the morning, I was very good guy that practice and go to school. I was try to be always the good guy in school.
I couldn't manage, you know, like I didn't know what's wrong with me, but I was so funny guy, you know, like I always had sense of humor. I was always was the funny guys and had a very, very friendly character that everybody want to be around me and stick to my routine and what I'm doing. And we must prove to society that we are the guys and we are the men, you know, and we can do things that no one else do.
And slowly, slowly, it was start with like alcohol and light drugs and it took us down, you know, to very, very bad road, like each one of us on the group or in my neighborhood. And I got to a stage in my youth, you know, I actually not proud about my youth so much, but that's something that is belong to me, you know, and it's my life story. And that's what brought me to stand here tonight and I'm very proud about my recovery, you know, like the bad things that happened to me in my youth and that I was very, as I said, funny guy and happy and friendly and all that.
And I was sitting, you know, like one night in the bath, try to get clean. And I try so many time and I lost all my sense of humor and my heart was numb and I was broken, you know, like I couldn't laugh anymore. No drugs fit me to make me happy and make me laugh. It just was the mission from the morning to organize the money and to drive and to get and that it was my job. You know, I used to steal a lot when I was young.
I used to steal anything I can steal, you know, it was so funny, like sometimes until today I sit in a situation that something missing in the house or something and I straight away feel so guilty, you know, like. I think that feeling, even if I sometimes think something missing for me, I say, no, but you didn't tell that it must be around somewhere, you know, like. And like I lost all my sense of humor and I had a black screen, you know, like I entered to, I first of all, I'm from Israel and I love South Africa.
I went here in 1990 for first time to visit my brother and I actually fall in love with the country and, you know, it's my home and I'm very grateful that, you know, like you guys also give me the opportunity to be here, you know, and trust me and believe me in my recovery.
[00:05:03]
And I went, I went, when I got clean, I went 1998 in Israel, we're doing the meeting in the basement and I love the fellowship in South Africa, we've got couch and we're sitting comfortable and all that. In Israel it's in the basement and I went into the basement and I look around me, it was in 1998 and I say, you know, sorry, but that was my opinion. I say, like, this Titanic group, it's not for me, you know, there's something wrong with them.
And I went out there and I was for another two years, two and a half years, as I said, and I lost all, all the fun of life and I, I suffered, you know, I actually suffered a lot in my end of my using. But thank God for the million times because that's why I'm standing here and I'm very happy. And the gift, you know, and the gift of my recovery, I come, I saw only a black screen with white dots when I entered to NA again in 2000.
I, I like saw you guys happy, you know, and I wanted, you know, I want to be happy, I want to have something to, to, you know, like to, I knew deep down inside I can fix it, but I didn't know how, you know, I didn't know which road I must go. I try anything, I try. I try to be so clever that, like, nothing works for me. And, and I went to the meeting and, and, you know, someone come to me and hug me and that, and I was so broken, you know, and then someone come and hug me and tell me, I love you.
I say, how can you love me? You don't know me. No, you're here, you must get love, you know, I, I know exactly what you feel. And my disease won't straight away, you know, like to let me go away, but I didn't have nowhere to go, you know, that's basically what's happened to me. And I, and I start getting love and, and, you know, like in the first 90 days, everybody was sharing my life story, you know, I did not need to talk at all, you know, like in the room, everybody had piece of my life story.
So I said to myself, you know, like this is the right place for me, this is the only place I can get better. And I will, you know, like I start doing step work, I start doing prayers in the morning. My, my, my celebration actually in the recovery today that on my own feeling I used to help myself. Today I get, I can be very honest, on my own feeling I can drive in my car during the day or in the evening.
And I look at the sky and I say, thank you, you know, I'm very grateful, I'm very happy, you know, like God with me, you know, like you give me all this happiness, you know. I, I got my sense of humor back, I'm very funny again, you know. I think my voice sounds so, you know, like I try to listen to that and it's not working well for me, you know. I want to sound good, I want to look good, I want all of you to love me, I want to be the best, you know, like that head is 90% is not, 90% is bullshit and 10% not exist, you know, like can drive me crazy.
You know, I wake up in the morning today, I can be very honest, you know, if I like, thanks for the guys who sharing before me and thanks for you to sharing and for everything, for all the premises here. It's actually, I need a time out, I'm working very hard and, you know, like it was a good time for me to come down here and I've been a bit upset about the weather so far, but I hope tomorrow it will be better.
And I was, I'm waking, I wake up in the morning, you know, and I'm happy, you know, from a broken heart and frozen, you know, I was sitting, I never forget, you know, I was sitting in the room frozen, you know, like not happy. And to wake up today in the morning with energy and to be happy and to be looking forward for the day, this is like can't be better for me, you know, in life. I've got very good friends in recovery, I've got my wife from recovery, she's not here right now, she's in the room trying to make the baby sleep, but, you know, like we've got a little family, you know, that I'm very proud of.
And the moment in the morning when I pray my prayers and I read it just for today, you know, this is like, sometimes it's working perfect during the day, sometimes not, but I can choose already if I want to be in recovery or not. One of the things I've done very hard work with myself in recovery is to let my ego and to let all my arrogance and my, you know, my behave to be changed, you know, and I'm working very hard for that day by day until today, you know, like, sorry.
Anyway, I actually very proud and very grateful and I can say honestly to celebrate recovery for me is to believe that you can, sorry, to be willing to change, you know, and this is how I celebrate.
[00:10:11]
I didn't have any hope in the beginning. As I said, it was a black screen with white dots for me, you know, like I didn't have any hope, any belief that it's possible. And if you tell me today a few years back that this is how I'm going to be, you know, it was not existing in my head actually, stuff like that. And if I help one guy, you know, and the message is if I help one guy, if you guys help me when I come into the room, this is the magic of NA and the greatest things that always you told me from beginning to understand the God as I understand him.
And it's a spiritual program, it's not religious, you know, like a lot of people tell me, what, you're still going to those meetings and all that, and I need it. I love you guys, you know, I need you more than you need me. I can't be here, you know, if I not be here, you still carry on. If I go out and suffer that side, you know, I don't have power for that actually. Like my brother, he told me on the phone, he wished me good luck, and I tell him, listen, I'm very scared to go and share in front of people and that, and he tells me, you know, so take a glass of wine and relax, you know.
It's Friday night, you know, we are Jewish, we must have a kiddush and drink a bit of wine and that. I tell him, yeah, you know, it's not work that way, you know, like I'm grateful for the shaking and for my mouth to be dry and for the feeling I feel and all that because I used to use on those feeling and today I don't need to and you guys appreciate that and believe me, believe with me, you know, and it's a gift for me.
I always say, don't tease the disease. I lost my, don't tease the disease. The disease don't have sense of humor, you know, and that disease can take me straight away. You know, I used to work with my disease and live with my disease for days and weeks and all that and today it can take control few minutes and I realize my action and I can back straight away to myself, you know, and my biggest things today is just to be me, you know, like when I finish in Israel, I went to rehab from the government, like when you come out from jail and parole and all that.
And I went to that rehab from the government for seven months and then the social worker wrote for me, you know, like there is no shortcut to a place that you want to go. She knew me so well. I want after seven months to finish the 12th step to building a house on the beach. The woman smiled to me in the park, already fantasized how I walk with the pram and two kids, you know, like I want to be finished, stamped, that's it. Pack my suitcase and that's it. I done my job and there is no shortcut to a place that I want to go, you know, and for everyone.
It's hard work, it's to put a lot of effort and to be happy and to be with patient, to give the time, time, you know, and the other thing is like I always believe, you know, like God carry us, you know, he took us out with tweezers, you know, from the disease and that terrible addiction and I lost my best friend from that disease a year and a half ago. And I lost another friend three years ago, he hang himself also from the disease and I always realized my best friend was a drug user when I was young and today my best friend is recovering addict, you know, so I'm not fight about to find outside there like normal people to live with and all that because in the end of the day, you guys understand me best and that's why I make that choice, you know, like all around me.
It's recovering addict and I feeling great about it, so I must have a joke, you know, like what's the difference between alcohol, maybe you guys heard that before, I said that I think before, but what's the difference between alcoholic and addict? They both steal your wallet and the addict will help you to look for that for half an hour, you know. I actually heard that in a CD from a guy from America, you know.
I walked in Pick n Pay last week and I still, you know, like it's still with me. Yeah, I finish it. Ring the bell, it's fine. I walk in Pick n Pay, you know, and I open a sweet and that, and I eat, and my hand can't throw it back to the trolley. I want to throw it, you know, on the shelf, you know, and I couldn't, you know. And that's the, when I walk out and I tell myself, you know, that's the happiness that I've got today.
[00:15:26]
I used to steal anything, and today I don't need to steal from nobody. I work out for my bread and butter, and I'm grateful for that, and every morning, as I said, you know, like, I'm happy, man, and this is the message for me, you know, as long as I be here, and I wish for myself to enjoy recovery, and it's everything in there, you know, just to live and enjoy recovery. You know, the day that I will stop and enjoy recovery, this is a dangerous day for me, and this is my message, actually. It's so simple, and it's so clear, and really, I'm very grateful to be here tonight. I'm very grateful I've got support from Joburg, you know, like my best friend here, my wife, my baby, you know, I've got a lot of people that I believe love me.
Not all of you, but, you know, like, it's fine, you know, like, I just wish for everybody also to enjoy recovery and to enjoy the convention, and thank you for letting me share.