Audio
Transcript
Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 914 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: lesley-m-nasac-national-convention-johannesburg-2006.mp3 Duration: 00:09:12
============================================================
I'm Lesley, I'm an addict. Hello Cape Town, I was born in [unclear birthplace]. Right, I've been, just to outline something, I spent the next 10 years in Cape Town, then my formative years in Johannesburg and since then have been more or less on the garden route, mostly in [unclear town name]. My years of addiction have been the first 10 years of experimental and great fun, the next 10 years I got steadily into a very severe pattern and the following 10 years I tried desperately to get out of it. Sorry, I'm a bit nervous. When I was ready, somebody, my sister who was very close to me had been giving me one-liners like, if you never had another drink or another drug in your life, what harm could it possibly do you? She'd had experience with Naranon and she eventually, things lined up, I was three days clean and in Johannesburg and she got me to a meeting. I've seen three of those people here from that first meeting, which was very nice. It's very special to be here at this convention.
Relationships. Before I cleaned up I knew that there was a higher power, most definitely. I also had a problem with a male figure pointing his finger at me and sitting in judgement. That was a big problem for me. However, I'd watched a young girl of 12, very close to me, recover after six weeks of being unconscious and almost no hope and I'd watched through the power of prayer and many different religions, many different people all over the country were praying for her and I watched her recover and when she wasn't I phoned one or two of them and said, we're losing her and they all prayed even harder and she came back and she's perfect and it was very good. But I still continued to use and abuse for another year and a half or so. I finally got to a stage where I realised I've managed to stop for a while and think I had control of things and think I just have a little bit or do things in moderation and in the last year before I cleaned up I did that about three times and eventually I realised there was no way. Whatever I was trying wasn't working and I went to the NA meeting. The relationship with my higher power has greatly improved. I've been communicating a lot more in the last two weeks, having to speak here, than I normally do but I am more and more. I feel that being outside is the best church that I have. I would not have got to where I am without NA and without the help of my higher power. It's been amazing. One other very strong experience that I have was that about six months into being clean, I had a son who was following in my footsteps as fast as he could and I was clean and he wasn't and he was out of my track and not looking forward to anything.
Brilliant child, nowhere to go. He'd been to an employment agency and I'd been trying to suggest jobs here and there and everywhere. One day I even went to the employment agency behind his back and made sure that he'd given them the correct CV and that he hadn't missed any appointments or anything. I went home and there was a job pending and then he missed that one as well because the first CV they got they accepted the person and his CV hadn't gone through for some reason. I walked outside, I'd been going to AA meetings for the first couple of months because we didn't have NA in [unclear town name] and then we went by higher power intervention. I got to Plett and we'd been going there and then I was connected with NA and I was on the program. I decided to hand this over to my higher power because there was just nothing I could do. I tried and I tried and I tried. I walked outside and I just said, look, I've done everything I can, forcing my will on the situation and everything and there's nothing I can do. I've really tried. I don't give up but I hand over.
It is now out of my hands. I realise it's out of my hands. I've got the picture. I'm handing it over. Please take it from me. Two days later he got a call and he got offered
[00:05:05]
a program, a course to do, which he accepted, worked extremely hard at, did very well. He's been working for three days at a very good job and that took the last nine months but it's really worked out very well and whenever I try to force something and I can't get it right I eventually realise, hand it over, it's not in your control anyway and it works. So that relationship has grown tremendously. My relationship with myself has changed completely.
I don't, I still am addicted to many things which I never realised I was. I thought it was certain things. It's about everything and I learn to not beat myself up. I have learned not to beat myself up so much. Occasionally, yes. Sometimes I deserve it but it used to be all the time and I've learned to look, instead of how far I still have to go, I've learned to look at how far I've come, which is a completely new way of looking at things for me. My relationships with people around me, with my children, my relationships have improved very much. Instead of reacting to everything they say, I respond. That's a very big difference. I think about it. I wait, take time out, breathe and answer them or discuss with them. We've come a long way. We have discussions now. Occasionally we have arguments but it's really, it used to be like that all the time. We just couldn't see eye to eye and couldn't communicate. I have also a 16-year-old who was pretty much about to head in the same direction as his older brother and his mother and it's all just coming together really nicely because things seem to happen while they happen. We are guided and we just need to be open to that and it's so easy to see how it all works out. As far as friends go, they've been the odd one who has not been supportive, which has made me realise how much in trouble they are. The rest of my friends have actually been influenced in a positive way by me, which was quite a surprise. I've made them think about things and they've been very supportive of my recovery. A lot of them are still using. Some of them never did.
Most of them did anyway. It's improved all round. As far as others go, other people brought me to NA. Other people brought me to NA in Plett, who we are very close to from the [unclear town name] group. They helped us and we started a group in [unclear town name]. I never would have thought when I went to the meeting in Johannesburg just over a year ago, I never would have thought I would have been part of that. I never thought I would stand and talk to so many people.
I never thought I would speak to even five. We've come a long way. I don't really have a lot to say. This is interesting. It's the 13th annual convention. I'm clean for one year and 13 days today, so that's interesting. I don't have a lot to say. Thanks all. I could never have done it without NA. I sure tried. I tried and I tried and I tried. Ten years worth of trying is a lot. I have better relationships with my family as well. I think that's all I had to say. Thanks very much.
Thank you.