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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 907 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: frank-recovery-requires-consistency-na-2005-archive-907.mp3 Duration: 00:23:24
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Hi, my name's Frank, I'm an addict. I went skydiving about two weeks ago, and it was scary, and it was a rush, and this is worse. The Twelve Step of Narcotics Anonymous says, Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message. And I'd like to thank the convention committee and the fellowship of AA, because this weekend I've been having a spiritual experience, and we've all been having a spiritual experience, and it's in the unity of this fellowship that I'm able to survive, because AA saved my life.
I came into the rooms, when I came into the rooms, the picture of the addict standing before you today is very different to how I look today. I came in, I was missing teeth in the front, I had this long skanky hair down to my butt. I was pale, translucent. I was an osmotic depressant since the age of like 16. I was diagnosed socially phobic. I couldn't string two words together. I'd absolutely be petrified.
And I'm still petrified. It's a different person. It's a different person today. And that's as a result of working Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous with people like you, being there to support me and guide me along the way. When I came to our first meeting, obviously I shuffled straight to the back, and I was lucky because I heard this story, known as a war story. And the guy that told the story was really sick.
And he was way sicker than I was. And he told about all these depraved things that he had done while he was using, and I was like, right on. You know, I can respect that. If I had heard a story about somebody talking about the joys of recovery and how good their lives were today, and that kind of thing, I wouldn't have been able to relate. But this guy told me about the horrors. The horrors of addiction.
And he told me about how low he had gotten as a result of this disease, and that's what I needed to hear. At the end of that meeting, this beautiful young lady came up to me, and she looked at me and said, keep coming back and gave me this hug. I said, right on. And obviously the next week I came back to that same meeting, and I looked for her, I couldn't find her. But instead at the end of the meeting, this guy came up to me, hi Dion, he came up to me, and he looked at me and he said, keep coming back and gave me this hug.
And I just freaked, man. And I tell you, that beautiful young lady kept me coming back. I wanted what she had. At the time I was staying, my first few months of recovery, I stayed in this halfway house type place. Interesting environment. People around me were dropping like flies to the disease addiction. And when I came in, I was blessed with the gift of desperation. And I was scared, I was scared.
I didn't want to go back to using. And one day I spoke about this in a meeting, because this is where I share my stuff. And this woman by the name of Janice, who is no longer here today, due to the disease addiction, she saved my life that day. Because she said, first thing is keep coming back, don't pick up. And then relapse is not a prerequisite for recovery. So in June this year, I celebrated 8 years clean and serene, and I have not yet relapsed.
[00:05:01]
And for that I thank you, and I thank Janice. I paid the price to be in this fellowship. I had flatlined one too many times, and I did not want to die. I was a wreck of a human being when I came in. I was highly unemployable. I was barely human. Things like brushing my teeth, I had to be taught that in these rooms. Just looking after myself. I couldn't do any of it. The thing that I knew was that I was too old to use, and I was too young to die.
And as I kept coming back, I found out that the price that we paid to stay in this fellowship is maybe just a little bit harder than the price to get into the fellowship. If it was the other way around, there would be more of us. But it required hard work just to get here and stay here. When I got here, one of the first things I was told was to get a sponsor, who, as we heard in the preamble, is a more experienced member of the fellowship who can guide us in our recovery through working the 12 steps.
So that's what I did. I went out to get a sponsor, and the first guy I saw, he was a really cool guy. He was a couple of years older than me. He was a hit with the ladies. I wanted what he had. And after about a month, this guy hadn't phoned me. So obviously he was a crap sponsor. And so I got myself a new one. I didn't even speak to him. I just got myself a new one. And the second guy I got was this guy in recovery is a Buddhist monk.
That was his sort of religion-type belief, whatever you call it. And I figured he'd be really good for when I got to step 11, he'd be able to help me out with the meditation, that kind of stuff. And he didn't call me back either for a month, because I gave him some time. And the next sponsor I got was this trucker. Okay? And this one, he was a hardcore mother trucker. And he had scars on his face and tattoos.
And he looked like he had really gone through the horrors of addiction. And he looked bad. And I figured, well, if this guy can get clean, he'll be able to help me stay clean. And he didn't call me back either. So after about six months of staying in that halfway house, it was time for me to move back to my parents. And I was scared, because for the first time in my recovery, I wasn't going to be surrounded by recovering addicts trying to stay clean, you know, 24-7.
I wasn't going to have that. And I realized that I had no kind of fixed, stable support in my life. So I spoke to people and I gave a few suggestions. The first suggestion I got was, if you want to sponsor, the first thing you've got to do is ask God if you understand it. And that's what I did. The second suggestion was, go to meetings. Go look and check them out. See what they have to say. And that's what I did.
And I found this guy. And there was nothing I could relate to with this guy. Absolutely nothing. He was old, I was young. He was Irish, I was South African. He was like ex-military and I was like… Oh, I know, I was just a drug addict. And he was ugly and I was… Thank you. But the one thing that he said was… I met up with him to discuss the whole situation with him. I interviewed him. And the one thing he said was, the primary responsibility of the sponsor is to help the sponsor work the 12 steps, full stop.
And he said to me, he didn't want to be my friend. We weren't going to be going out to movies together. We weren't going to go down to the bowls club.
[00:10:04]
His only role in my life was to help me work the 12 steps. And that was a condition of our relationship. We meet once a week for the purposes of working the 12 steps. And he was quite a hardcore dude, being ex-military and all. And I needed that. I had no self-discipline. I needed somebody to say, do this, do that. Don't even question it. That's what I needed. And he was my sponsor for many years. And through working the 12 steps with my sponsor, I started to change.
We've heard quite a few shares this weekend about that. But ultimately, the thing I had to change was my defects of character. And that was hard, as Heikki was talking about. Because those were things that protected me from this world, from all the hurt and pain that I experienced growing up in my not so very dysfunctional family, but which was hectic for me. And I started to change. I started to embrace this thing called Narcotics Anonymous.
And I started to embrace this program more and more. I started doing service. I started out as the T-person position. I've got time. I started out as the T-person position, and it was great. The first thing I did was I phoned my mommy. And I phoned her up, and I was like, Mommy, Mommy, I got the T-person position at the Newcomer's Meeting on Wednesday. And she was like, wow, that's great, my son. And I'm like, yeah.
And you see, she was in the other fellowship. I can use their names, Naradon, for family members and loved ones of addicts. You know, they're the not-codependent ones. And, you know, so she was excited by this. And I was like, yeah, so anyway, so it's next Wednesday. I'll be needing coffee and sugar and milk and cups. She's like, okay, I'll bring it. And that was great, you know. My first service position, my mother did it all.
Thanks, Mom. I can't believe I just missed my mother. I'm in so much trouble now, I tell you. Because she's not that codependent anymore. Oh, no. Moving on. Yeah, and then, you know, I moved up what I thought were the ranks of NA. You know, it was first T, then it was literature, then it was secretary, then it was chair, and then at six months clean, because now, you know, I'm becoming sort of what I thought was maybe an all-timer in the fellowship, was I became a GSR.
You know, and I went to the ASE. You know, and I had graduated. You know, I was really cool then, because then I could tell all of you how to do it. I could tell all of you about how service in Narcotics Anonymous works, because I was the man. And you all knew it, too. And… Anyway, service got the better of me, it seems. I loved it way too much. You know, my ego thrived in this. After a few months, I realized it's no graduation.
This stuff sucks, man. You've got to do some work. My mummy wasn't going to do the work for me. And… The important thing was that a friend of mine in the States says I had to step up and take responsibility for this fellowship, you know, and for the service work that we do. You know, somebody has to do it. You know, and the more of us that do it, it makes it easier. And the more of us that do it means that we can get the message further to the addict who still suffers.
You know, and that's what it's all about. It was about three and a half years ago we started discussing… In fact, it was six years ago we started discussing the formulation of a region in South Africa. Three and a half years ago, just before the last Cape Town Convention, a bunch of us got together and formed an ad-hoc committee to work on this thing. And… Sometimes the wheels of NA move slowly, but they move, you know, because today we're a region, and today we have this unity that was lacking in all of our lives for so many years during active addiction. We Died, So Many Years During Active Addiction, You Know This Is It Right Here, This Is What I Was Looking For, I Was Looking For Fellowship, I Was Looking For Love, I Wanted To Be Joyous, Happy and Free, And Just For Today, Thanks To You, Our Goddess, Thank You.
[00:15:12]
But Wait, That's Not All, Another Suggestion I Got Was To Use The Literature, And There Were Many Times When I Wasn't Able To Get Hold Of Either You Guys Or My Sponsor Or That Kind Of Thing Where All I Had Was Literature, And It Was Able To Satisfy Every Question That I Had About Any Problem In My Life That I Ever Had Through Using The Literature, Through Using The 12 Steps, This Is How We Get A New Life, As Simple As That.
My Friends Can't Keep Me Clean, You Guys Can't Even Keep Me Clean, But Through Your Guidance Of Working The 12 Steps, I Can Change My Life, And I Can Get To Stay Clean Just For Today. All I Got To Do Is Do That, And Then The Benefits Will Start Coming, And Sometimes It Doesn't Feel Like It, That's Why They Say Don't Give Up 5 Minutes Before The Miracle, Inevitably It's Always A Very Very Long 5 Minutes, But The Miracles Come, And The Benefits Of Working This Program, Today They Are Manifesting Right Here In This Hall, In All Of Us.
Oh, There Was Another Suggestion, I Almost Forgot, I Was Told Not To Have Sex For My First Year, And I Didn't, I Didn't, I Was Blessed, As I Said Earlier, I Was Blessed With That Gift Of Desperation, And I Was Fortunate To Be Able To Watch Other People Who Didn't Follow The Suggestions. It's Crazy, Man. Damn. The Amount Of Pain That They Caused For Themselves, And Trust Me, If You Are A Newcomer, You Are Going To Get Into A Relationship, And You Are Deciding You Are Going To Abstain For This First Year, The Amount Of Pain When You Are Over A Year Is Just As Great, Trust Me. The Only Difference Is That You Can Cope With It A Bit Better. Relationships Are Hard Work, And So I Would Watch Lots Of People Not Follow Suggestions And Use, And I Didn't Want What They Had. My Sponsor Used To Say, Rather Wank Yourself Into A Coma Than Shag Yourself Into a Relapse. So Like My Good Friend Kirk, That's What I Did. When I Got My One Year Clean, I Was Given Another Suggestion By The Scholarship, And That Was Don't 13 Step. And It's A Serious Suggestion Because After One Year Clean, Maybe You Know Better, Maybe You Don't. But People's Lives Are At Stake. I Just Wanted To Say That.
I Want People To Know, This Dangerous Stuff, As It Said In The Preamble, Cross Gender Sponsorship Does Not Work. Some Sleazy Old Guy Or Sleazy Old Woman Comes Up To You And Is Like, Yeah Maybe I'll Show You The Steps. We're All Playing With Our Lives. See The Thing Is With These Suggestions, They're Not Just The Suggestions From Frank. This Is The Accumulated Experience Of The Fellowship Of Narcotics Anonymous. Over A Million And A Half, Two Million Addicts Who Are Able To Stay Clean Are Giving This Suggestion. They're Saying Don't Do It. When I Was A Newcomer, I Thought To Myself, Now How Arrogant Would I Really Be If I Decided To Go Against Those Suggestions From So Many People Who Are Able To Stay Clean. So I Did What You Guys Told Me To Do And I Did It To The Best Of My Ability. My Topic By The Way Is Recovery Requires Consistency. Lots Of Syllables. I Can Thank My Sponsors. The First
[00:20:12]
Sponsor That Stayed With Me The Longest, My New Sponsor, Just For Showing Me The Way. I Can Thank All Of You For Giving Me Support. It Was Only Through That That I Was Able To Be Consistent. I Had Never Completed Anything In My Life. I Dropped Out Of College. I Couldn't Hold Down Jobs. I Was A Failure At Using Drugs. I Was A Failure At Living Life. A Few Days Before I Came Into The Rooms, I Intentionally O.D. Just To Quit It All. Just To End. I Couldn't Handle The Pain Of Using Anymore. I Was Not Free. I Was Completely Caught In The Pain, Isolation Of This Disease. This Is The First Thing I Ever Stuck To. And Through It, I Got A Life.
Don't Be Impatient. Don't Worry About Getting That Job Right Now. If Somebody Is Supporting You, Well Great. Just Say Thank You. Go See Your Sponsor. Work The Steps. Through This Program I Have Gotten Everything. And Today I Am Joyous, Happy And Free. So All I Can Say Is Keep Coming Back. And Don't Pick Up. Go To Meetings. Get A Sponsor At The Meeting. Work The Steps. Get A Sponsor. Don't Have Sex With Your First Year. And Through All Of That, You Will Get What The People Who Came Before Us Have Got. One Thing I Heard Just Interestingly Quickly, I've Got About A Minute. I Heard A Few Really Cool Things At This Convention. NLP Saved My Life. Skinning Pigeons And Throwing Them Off Roofs. N.A.
Is A Cult. I'm Just Waiting For… Ok, That Was A Bad Accent. I Was A British Guy Actually. N.A. Is A Cult. I'm Just Waiting For Them To Bring Out The Goat. I've Heard Some Great Things At This Convention. And You Know What? It's Not A Cult. It's What We've Been Looking For. It's Freedom. As Somebody Said, N.A. Is Not For People Who Need It. It's For Those Who Want It. So My Wish For All Of You Is That Just For Today, You Want This Thing.
And That You Are Willing To Do The Work To Get It, Because It Requires Hard Work To Save This Program. Thank You Very Much.