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Source: Unidentified Historical Recording – Fellowship Review Recording 935 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: etta-s-welcome-to-na-rocky-gap-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 00:14:26
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Hi, family. My name is Etta, and I'm an addict. And it's so good to be here in Rocky Gap. What a beautiful place to be this morning welcoming Narcotics Anonymous into the house. Welcome. If this is your first meeting, please keep coming back. If this is your hundredth or thousandth meeting, keep coming back. This is a program that works. It's a proven program of recovery, and I'm so glad to be a part of it this morning.
Could I have a moment of silence just for me to reflect before I start so I can get me out of the way and share the message of recovery? Thank you. Welcome to Narcotics Anonymous. I remember when I went to my first meeting, and I remember feeling so very, very nervous, and I remember looking around and asking myself, do I really belong here? I remember looking around and seeing a lot of people, and they were laughing and joking, and I was thinking, how could they be so happy if they weren't using drugs?
Because that's all I knew. All I knew was the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. But I knew I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I wanted to do something else. And I tried, as our literature talks about medicine, religion, and psychiatry, and I've had no successes in those. I could stop, but I could never stay stopped. And I wanted something different, because I knew from watching the people who had been in recovery for a while that there was something better.
I thought you guys were lying. I really thought that maybe on the weekends you all got together secretly in a room somewhere and used something. Or maybe there was that marijuana maintenance program or the alcohol maintenance program. But then when I sat in that meeting, I heard things like alcohol is a drug, and that in order for recovery to begin, abstinence had to be achieved. See, but when I first got here, I wanted to identify out. I was very, very young. I was 19 years old when I first came around here.
And, you know, I didn't stay that first time. Relapse doesn't have to be a part of your program or a part of your recovery. I have met many, many people who came here, heard the message, stuck and stayed, and have been here continuously for long amounts of time. Now, for the last 13 years, I found it unnecessary to use, because finally my eyes and my ears opened up to what you all were saying. You said to me that the message was hope, the promise was freedom, freedom from active addiction, and that I never had to use again.
And that really excited me, because I thought, wow, is it really possible that I never have to feel the urge to use again, that that obsession and that compulsion would go away, and that I would at some point in time be able to be free, really truly free from the bondage of active addiction? And you all said, keep coming back. And you gave me hugs, and that was really weird too, by the way, because, you know, when I was out there in the streets, I didn't get any hugs.
Nobody wanted me around. I would hear them say, uh-oh, here comes Etta, hide the whatever. You know, I was not wanted anywhere before I came in here. And when I came in here, I came in here pretty beat up, so why would you want to hug me when I had, like, ripped up arms that were swollen and oozing from what I was doing? I was not a pretty sight when I got here, but you hugged me anyway. And you gave me some love, and that was the first thing that I hooked on to in here, was the love of Narcotics Anonymous.
What I found is that this proven program of recovery, they say the first time in man's history, this works. I heard about other things out there. There's a lot of other advertisements and things that come down the pike on a regular basis, but I didn't see anybody with any long-term success with it. But I met people in here that had one year clean, five years clean, 20 years clean, and I just thought, maybe, maybe it's possible that I could get the same thing that they had because they were laughing and they were joking, like we were earlier today when I got here.
We were cracking up over here, cutting up. It was just so fun because I have such a large family. This is a support system, and it has the 12 steps of recovery because they told me that when I got here, I had to change everything. Change I must or die I will. And I didn't know how to do any of that. But what I found was you all told me some things that would work for me. First of all, come on in. Sit down.
Listen. And people sat beside me, and they nodded at me, and they smiled at me, and I felt very, very welcome. And it was funny because no matter where I went to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, not just in my hometown, but I got that same response everywhere I went. What a welcoming place to be. Narcotics Anonymous, a friendly, loving environment in which I could finally surrender in that first step
[00:05:00]
and actually begin to listen on what would eventually change me to be the woman that I had become. Welcoming a person to Narcotics Anonymous is really a very easy thing because I can only keep what I have by giving it away. And that's what we do in here. If this is your first time here and maybe you've just come out of treatment and you're not sure that you belong here, please keep coming back. What I found for myself is as I sat and I listened, I started to identify in.
No longer was I looking for reasons why this wouldn't work for me. I began to listen to reasons why this would work for me because I saw more and more people beginning to grow and become better people, to become responsible and productive members of this society. And that recovery wasn't all about sitting in a meeting. That it was all about doing some step work so that I could change my behaviors, that I could have more of a grip on what was going on with my emotions that used to cripple me, that allowed me to be productive on the outside as well as the inside, that now from being a part of Narcotics Anonymous, I could actually function out there with people who were non-addicts.
This gave me a chance to be able to grow up, something that I could never do because when I got here, emotionally I was nowhere near what my age was. So to become a member of Narcotics Anonymous, they told me that all I needed was a desire. I didn't have to already come in here clean. And I really thought that when I got here, you all were expecting me to come through the door and that I had to be clean and I had to be honest and I wasn't any of those things when I got through the door.
And what happened was, as a result of sitting here on a daily basis, making my 90 meetings in 90 days, which was suggested of me, that the fear started to go away, that I became a part of and that I became willing to start to listen and get a sponsor that I could talk to on a regular basis and to develop a network. And if you all don't know what a network is, that is creating a support system of people that have been here for a while, that are actually in the recovery process and that are doing the step work and showing up at meetings and also using a sponsor.
And, you know, they told me if I want what you have, that I had to do what you did. And it was really easy because now I found new friends, people who were not using and who had found a new way of life. The neat thing was that they were still the same addicts that were in the street, but now they were in here in recovery. So they understood me and I didn't have a foreign story to tell. When I told them about the horrors that I had suffered out there, everybody understood.
And for the first time in my life, I had a new family. That's why I always say, hi, family, my name is Etta and I'm an addict, because you truly are my family, because you understand the pain that I went through, the suffering, the degradation, the humiliation that I suffered out there. And now you can help me experience the joy of recovery in here in Narcotics Anonymous. So I can't think of a more welcoming place to be.
And I've got to tell you about the first recovery anniversary that I ever went to. And I saw the balloons and I saw some presents and I saw people hugging each other. And the person was celebrating at that time one year. And I thought, wow, how in the world did they successfully, not 20 years, but one year. Because that was closer to where I was. One day at a time, just for today, I had to focus on what was just in front of me.
And you know, when I went to that person and I asked, how does this thing work, what they said was, show up, listen, do the step work, don't use, get a sponsor, and keep coming back. And I thought, wow, that wasn't so hard. And I said, well, how did it add up to a year? And they said, I took it in little bitty chunks, one day at a time. I never focused on the year. Thirteen years later, if you asked me the same thing, I would tell you, I never dreamed of being here 13 years later.
But I just did what was in front of me and started to hang out with those people who were doing the right things here. You know, a lot of times, you know, early on, I got caught up on the fellowshipping. I loved to do the dances. I loved to do the fashion shows. I loved to do all those wonderful things. And that was a great part of making me want to come because I'm a very active person. Pretty much all of you know me, and you know I'm kind of bouncy.
I love to love and hug and laugh with you all. And I've always really been that way. But when I got here, I was really withdrawn and really antisocial because I was so riddled with fear. I thought you wouldn't like me. But what I found as being a part of those things and fellowshipping, it helped me to learn the social skills that I needed to learn. And that came from you all welcoming me here to Narcotics Anonymous.
This is a great place to be. This is a great place to grow up. And there's so much to learn in here. But I had to keep coming back on a regular basis. They tell me meeting makers make it. And so I go to a lot of meetings. Even today, I try to make as many meetings as possible. I don't have the urge to use today.
[00:10:02]
But I know that the more that I hang around you, the better I get. The more I hear your stories, the more I can relate in. The more that I stay here, I can share my experience and strength and hope because today, I actually have something to share. Today, it's important to me to share the message and not the mess. So it's important for me to be able to work in the step work process so that I can change so that I can share some experience with you, some strength that this does work, and the hope that it continues to work.
And I know that it does because there are predecessors that came before me and in case you don't know what a predecessor is, that that's a person that's been here for a while that has successfully been working this one day at a time and using this process and they're getting better and they've accumulated some clean time here. So when I hang around those people, they show me the way of how to do this.
You know, a long time ago, I heard a speaker talk about it's kind of like the geese that fly overhead and they fly in a V, that you've got that lead goose and all the ones that line up behind it. Well, the predecessors are the ones that come before me and the ones that I walk in line behind, they don't tell me what to do. They give me some suggestions on how to fly in that direction that this process continues for me.
So all I can say is you have to keep coming back in here to find all the gifts that come because there's so much fun in this whole process. And you know, through the blood, sweat, and tears, and you know, life shows up on a daily basis in Narcotics Anonymous, but for the first time, this addict has a roadmap on how to deal with it. Before Narcotics Anonymous, I got crippled at everything that ever happened.
I was always sad. I was always depressed. I never had any answers on what to do. Today I can pick up the phone if the day is not going the best, but I know that there are only challenges in this process that I don't have to worry about taking a drug over it. And by the way, if you noticed, I didn't say drink or drug because alcohol is a drug. And that's something that was really, really made clear to me in the very beginning is that I never had to use any substance again, that I could actually get through the days with the help of you people on a regular basis.
So this is a wonderful place to be. I love Narcotics Anonymous. You know, there's no other program like it in the entire world. And through the 12 steps and the 12 traditions, the steps teach me how to deal with me. The traditions will help me learn how to deal with you. And that way, not only am I learning how to be a better person for myself and learning about myself, but when I interact with you, that I don't have to bite your head off or offend you on a daily basis because I can go back and take a look at myself in step 10 on a daily basis and know that I'm doing the right thing today.
I have morals. I have values as a result of Narcotics Anonymous. I can't say that I had a whole lot of them when I got here. I kind of just did whatever felt good. Today I understand that feelings aren't facts. And just because I feel it doesn't make it real. But you see, you taught it to me. You taught me that maybe if I check that thing against someone else, that's called the therapeutic value of one addict helping another, there is no parallel because you can see me better than I can see me most of the time.
So Narcotics Anonymous does work. And it works one day at a time as long as we keep showing up in here and as long as we do the work and as long as we show up at meeting after meeting and continue to get fed because this is a spiritual disease and it has to be taken care of spiritually. You will hear the word God in here, people, but please don't get offended by that because I didn't have a specific God when I got here.
So don't let anybody scare you with that because that's good orderly direction. In here, if I didn't have a God in the beginning, I used the group. It's a power greater than myself. Caring, loving, kind, and that was the group when I got here. Today I have another concept on who my higher power is. And you know what? Unless you ask me outside, I don't have to share that with you in here. So it's a personal relationship that I've dealt with.
And today, now I have to get out of the way and allow my higher power to keep me going on this journey. So if you come back, you get to learn all this neat stuff in here, get to grow up in here and become a better person in here. And I know that the process works because it's working for me and it works for so many others. So all I can say is keep coming back and thanks for letting me share.