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Source: Rich B – Came 2 Believe (2023) – Steps Eight and Nine – Date Unknown.mp3 File: rich-b-came-2-believe-2023-steps-eight-and-nine-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:11:06
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Hey gang, my name is Rich, I'm an alcoholic and I guess the universe was done with my antics on August the 30th of 04 and I say that because on August the 29th of that year I was as drunk as I've ever been and on August the 30th I didn't have to take a drink or anything else all day for the first time in a long, long time and I've been listening intently all weekend to everybody. I'm kind of a student of the big book and I've yet to find a sentence, a paragraph, or a step that addresses how that happened.
That's the great miracle that occurred in my life and what these twelve steps and your program helps me do is to accept that miracle, to protect that miracle, and to respect that miracle, right? And we protect it and respect it through the twelve steps and the twelve traditions that we've heard spoken about all weekend and what a weekend I've had getting to listen to my buddies from all over the world remind me why I love Alcoholics Anonymous so much.
I don't know about any of you, in particular for me today, Scott's talk on 6 and 7 made me so uncomfortable I could have gone out and vomited and that's because you just know when you're sitting in front of like a tractor trailer of truth and it's talking about my worst fear and what I was thinking about and my worst fear, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous is powerful, powerful magic and we're kind of tampering with powerful, powerful magic and it's scary, right?
Because it's almost always the very things that the magic of Alcoholics Anonymous gives us and puts in our life that take us out of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's almost the magic of step eleven, more than, you know, I see the gifts of Alcoholics Anonymous take a lot of my friends out of Alcoholics Anonymous and I see the seeking of step eleven, right? A lot of our older members have eleventh stepped themselves right out of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Those are like over twenty years sober, those are the two things that I see, right? My friends that leave, they got too spiritual, right? I don't really relate to the people in AA. It's more the people in the church are more like me, they wear ties and you know, whatever, right? We hear the stories and you know, it's more like where I am now and all that kind of stuff and they just sort of eleventh stepped themselves out of AA or that and what I was thinking was, and I like telling their stories because it helps me remember the people that helped me and touched me that have passed on but Scott Redman would tell a story, anybody stood in the giant redwood forest in like Sequoia?
You guys remember that story he would tell? You never ever ever see a giant redwood growing alone and the reason that you don't ever see a giant redwood growing alone is because they grow so wide and so tall and so majestic that they topple under the weight of their own majesty but when they grow in those redwood forests, their roots lock together and form a base under that ground and when those roots lock and they hold each other, they grow strong and tall and support each other just like we do in Alcoholics Anonymous and I don't ever want to get, part of why I feel that fear is I don't ever want to get too big for my britches as my father would have said, right?
The higher the monkey climbs the pole, the more it shows its ass. These are the lessons my dad taught me at like 12, this isn't AA stuff, right? That's the neat thing about AA, it's nothing new, we've just repackaged lessons and I don't ever want to get too big but anyways, thank you, that was amazing. Steps 8 and 9, we had a list, we made it when we took inventory what I want to say about that, Ocean City, Maryland is a beach town, I told you that for the, I don't know anybody here now that wasn't here last night?
Alright, I'll give you a brief recap, it's a beach town, little island off the coast of Maryland and my sponsor, when you're a meeting maker, right? You're not really, you know, haven't been introduced to the program yet we're not in that yet, but you go to a lot of meetings, you hear stuff
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and you report back to your sponsor, at least that's what I was doing and it turned out that that was a good habit to get into because sponsors can kind of help you decipher what's AA and what's not AA. He wanted me to do, I had my 4th step and we're ready to do my 5th step and he said, okay great, I want you over here at 10 o'clock on Saturday morning at my dining room table and I said, well no, haven't you heard, I mean I go to all these meetings like hundreds of meetings, we're supposed to do this at the beach and I read it to you at the beach and after I do my 5th step we're going to light it on fire and you throw it into the ocean, I mean people have been sharing about this, it sounds beautiful the way that they do it, it's like a Viking funeral, right?
And your whole past, it just goes out into the ocean magically and like goes away and he's like, what in the world meetings are you going to? He's like, would you please stop going to those BB meetings? And I'm like, what's a BB meeting? And he's like, I don't know, but it's not AA. And then he showed me this paragraph, that I have my 8th step list, it is my 4th step. We had a list, we made it when we took inventory and if I set it on fire or do some of these grandiose majestic things, I'm in trouble when I get to step 8 and 9, I did have some additions to my 4th step which were simply people that were, in my case, between me and the next drink.
And it talks about that, I have no resentment in connection with them, for me these were things I'm from the generation where you used to be able to cash a check at a grocery store, you guys remember, right? I mean that's a good place to cash a check that's not going to go to the bank at 10 o'clock at night when you need another drink, right? And you know what that does? It throws off that lady's drawer it throws off the grocery store, her cash out I'm not thinking about any of that, I'm thinking about I need another drink and it's 10 o'clock and this is who I can get over on, right? So it's one more person or place or institution, I used to do this thing with ATMs they fixed it, I used my sponsors, I said don't share about that, some newcomer's going to do it but you can't anymore I used to go to a bank on Friday afternoon I'd do it after they closed on Friday, and you'd put in your ATM card and it'd say would you like to make a deposit, and I'd say yes I would, and it would say how much and $800, and then I'd go ahead and insert the envelope and I would put in the empty envelope, right? And then it says you may withdraw up to half of the amount of your deposit I didn't have any fundamental problem with Wells Fargo Bank, they just were dumb enough to put an ATM machine out there that worked, so there were some additions and for those of you that weren't here last night, I'm from Ocean City, Maryland, I have really good parents, a little sister that never drank my parents just love me and they're like a normal family except for me I went to college at the University of San Diego because it was 3,000 miles away and I wanted to get away from that normal family and their rules and morality I love surfing, I surf like every day University of San Diego had great waves, beautiful women those were my criteria, apparently it turned out to be a Jesuit college I didn't even know what Jesuits were, I should have looked into that it's like ready, fire, aim we just figure out later what we were even shooting at I do all kinds of things that get me in trouble at that college, but I always had good grades because God gave me a good memory, I've actually never gotten a B, I don't say that to brag I say that really 6th and 7th step because it's confusing, Bill talks about I was seemingly winning at the game of life, when people are advancing you and giving you awards and clapping as you go across stages and give speeches and are valedictorian and inside you're dying and you're not learning how to make friends, you're not learning how to study, you're not learning how to participate in study groups and form meaningful relationships with our fellow man, all the things I think you're supposed to learn in college, as I look back at it, I didn't learn any of it in Southern California, it appeared to me I'm not saying it's true, but I've also been there a lot sober and I'm not sure I'm that far off in Southern California people cared quite a bit about what you had as much as they did as who you were, and that was very different than where I grew up and if I wanted to get any of you hot chicks I was going to need some stuff so I got into the cocaine business, I ended up in the federal penitentiary, it's called the Metropolitan Correction Center
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halfway through my senior year with like a 3.9 GPA average I get kicked out of the University of San Diego, I bounce around after I get out of the federal penitentiary, long time, didn't like that I start bouncing around, I go to Sun Valley, Idaho, I work there until I drink enough when I drink I get warrants, I call myself a warrant drinker and then I run away because tough guys kind of face the music I want you to think I'm a tough guy, but I really run and then I went from there to, where did I go next?
Steamboat, Colorado, and then Jackson, Wyoming, I always like to give a shout out to Jackson, Wyoming because it had one of the coolest bars I've ever drank at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar in Jackson, Wyoming, anybody been there? That a girl. Like Scott said, it's good to have somebody that lets you know you're not nuts and your memory's not wrong and you guys could go talk to her and go, was the bald guy from Ocean City lying? And she could go, no, and then you got a witness, which is good So at the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar so at this point, the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar they took real saddles and they welded them to these poles and that's the barstools, and you get in that place, I mean when you get in that saddle and you get that money up on the bar, I mean you just know you're in for a good night's drinking, right?
If you don't know what Silkworth is talking about when he says just feeling of ease and comfort will come at once, I mean you get in that saddle, get your money up on there and you will know what I'm talking about if you're an alcoholic, right? And then what do you girls sit down next to me at that bar and I got the money up on the bar so you know who you're dealing with because that's how I lead, that's how I lead You go, what's your story, cowboy?
And I buy you a drink, you go, what's your story, cowboy? And I look at you and I go, I'm traveling, babe, just traveling Like I'm a romantic sojourner across our great nation, right? I got warrants in California, I got warrants in Colorado, I am like running I'm one step ahead of the next town, but I'm delusional And apparently there's some type of hopeless romantic deep inside A lot of us misunderstood lovers Not sure that that's what makes us alcoholic, but I've listened to a lot of you Misunderstood lovers Anyways, when you live like that You create a lot of wreckage, a lot of places And we got this list at Step 8 and my sponsor says that His name is Roger McMahon, he lives about a half hour away in Bethany Beach, Delaware I tell you that he's 84, he's gone through some health stuff He lives anywhere near Delaware, he's the only one in the phone book And we're not anonymous from each other, if you didn't know that And he loves when you look him up and you go, hey, I heard that little bald guy you sponsor Where are you, I'd like to go to a meeting, I'd like to come say hi You will absolutely make his day, that will be the bright spot of his day Would be a visit or a phone call from you, so if anybody's in Delaware, look up my little old sponsor You'd make his day, anyways, he says that Steps 1 through 8 Are largely theoretical in alcohol, necessary, but largely theoretical You know, you've done Steps 1 through 3, you've made some peace with the God of your understanding Good for you, good for you, nobody out there in the world cares Oh, you've written an inventory and shared it with your sponsor at lunch Good for you, nobody cares Oh, you're familiar with your defects and your shortcomings, you've identified them Good for you, nobody cares And the rest of what you're gonna make right, you've been gonna make right your whole life Good for you, nobody cares But Step 9, he looked at me and said, kid, this is your chance to rub the record clean This is where we can get even with the world That maybe, just maybe, I get to die with both sides of the ledger even He looked at me and said, how free do you want to be?
It's been a Wii game up to this point How free do you want to be? And something about that resonated, right? Because I'm an alcoholic, I didn't go into a bar to have, like, half the drinks If anybody's getting sober around this joint, it's gonna be me I mean, you ever had somebody in your home group that you don't like that's getting sober faster and happier than you and you're, like, pissed? That's me, like, if anybody's gonna be getting the benefits A wrestling coach, I'll throw another I steal all my Latin from, like, coaches and teachers But a wrestling coach used to talk about, a wrestling match is three two-minute periods for you non-wrestlers And six minutes is a long time to be in the ring And he would say, I want you to go in there and give it everything you've got
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Totus Porcus, right? And totus porcus is whole hog, right? You go whole hog for six minutes, right? And when I went into a bar room, I don't know about you, I went totus porcus, right? And now that I'm in AA, man, I want this thing, whole hog, man. I don't, you know, and we got all kinds of sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The book tells us that, you know, you settle for middle of the road solution if you want.
Totally your call, right? But it tells us we've got all kinds, you know, we've got everything in here from ground beef to filet mignon. What do you want? And I'm a pig, I want the filet, right? So when he said that to me, how free do you want to be, and it resonated. And just so you know what I was dealing with by the time I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and then to my ninth step, I had a lot of college debt with no college degree, right?
I was kicked out with one semester to go. My mother, I'm her oldest and only son, had not been able to look me in the eyes for a little bit over a decade. My little sister who's three years younger, my only sibling, hadn't spoken to me in six and a half years. I had a warrant in San Diego. I had a warrant in Colorado, and I had a warrant in Maryland. I did not have a valid driver's license or registration or insurance that were in my real name.
I was unemployable because I was on this thing called check systems from bouncing and doing the things I did. Check system is spelled with an X, and there's people in here that know what that is. They won't raise their hand for this one. That means you're such a loser with your banking behavior. You're not allowed to open a simple checking account at a bank, right? Which means you got to make up stories when you get to AA.
Like, oh, I'm kind of a cash guy, you know, I do cash. And sponsors know what all that means. They're like, oh, your credit's screwed up, right? Well, your sponsor looks at you and goes, why don't you put the hotel room for the conference on your credit card? And then you got to say something, right? I'm like, I don't do credit cards. They're corporate Americans from the Bank of America. Credit's a bad deal made worse.
That's for people that can't afford it. My father said, if you can't pay cash, you don't need it. Credit cards are 18.9% interest. That's for suckers, and I'm no sucker. He's like, okay, well, go ahead and try to reserve that hotel room over the phone with cash. Right? And they get you. They corner you, right? Into where you have to go, okay, I don't have any credit cards. Why do you go to that, you know, the loser check cashing place?
You guys also know about that. There's people here still using the loser check cashing. Well, you won't admit it, right? Can anybody here really tell me that you like giving up 20% of your paycheck for the people cashing it? There's only one reason you go. It's because you don't have a bank account. But I went to the loser check cashing place, right? And he's like, why do you go there? I'm like, I like getting my money fast.
There's a lag time, corporate America. Like, we got a story for everything, right? And it's like, I'm not allowed to cash a check. I'm such a loser, right? The IRS is looking for me because I hadn't paid taxes in a little over eight years. I'm on probation. I'm backing up five years. I violated that probation. They've been looking for me in California. I can't stop drinking. I'm 29 years old, and I feel like that I'm 100.
And if I, you know, if I live to be 100, I'll never be as old as I was when I walked through the doors of AA. And that there's no coming back from where I am. But other than that, things were kicking ass, right? Like, that was my little pile of ninth step magic, right? And my first job in Alcoholics Anonymous, because I'm unemployable, I've been arrested 36 times. Nothing impressive except for the one I went to federal prison for.
They ran an article in the San Diego Union Tribune and Los Angeles Times that said, Jesuit student, 27 kilos of cocaine. And I know that because my mom is a retired kindergarten first grade teacher. Do we have any elementary school teachers, anybody? Okay. Do not lay down any pieces of paper near these people because elementary school teachers laminate anything that's laying around. They have a laminating problem, right?
My mom just laminates everything, right? So she would, you know, back home, she's a little retired school teacher with a modest pension, a woman of dignity and grace and integrity. And here's this stuff, you know, her son's done it one more time and she cuts these things out and laminates it to save in her, like, book of pride to give to her son one day.
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And I'm applying for jobs. In my area, sponsors say in your first year, they're like, you're not trying to take over the world. Your sobriety is your first. Just get a job job. That's what we call them, a job job. And that means, like, just do something crappy. So you got a lot of time for AA, a little bit of money in your pocket and you're putting sobriety first. And we say things like when you put your sobriety first, everything you put second will be first class.
And that's been my experience. And I couldn't work anywhere. I applied at McDonald's. They wouldn't hire me. Background check. I applied at the Home Depot to be the nighttime janitor to change. You know those blue hockey pucks in the urinals that you guys pee on? I'm not qualified to change those. They said no. And so that's how it's going, right? Things are really looking up in AA. But a sober member of AA hired me to sweep the floor in their picture frame shop.
This guy hand-carved wooden picture frames. And I'd sweep the floor and listen to all those tapes out there of these guys that are dead that came before me. And some weren't dead. I just hadn't met them yet. They were from all over the world. And I'm sweeping. And one day I caught myself sweeping and smiling, listening to Cliff Roach, who was this derelict surfer like me, and talked about passing out on the beach with his mouth open and getting sunburned inside his mouth.
And I'm like, I love this guy, right? And he had this little surf shop. And he had a resentment for like three years, a three-year resentment to win this debate coach deal. Because the guy didn't know where he was from, right? And then the other coach that beat him three years, like he made this, I'm going to beat this guy. It took him three years to do it. And he walks up in the guy's face. And he's like, do you know where Oceanside is now?
And that was like his moment. He'd been waiting three years for, right? And the guy's like, what are you talking about? I just moved to California three years ago. He legitimately didn't know where Oceanside was, right? And that was like the story of my life, right? And they say once you're nodding and laughing, right? Once you find yourself in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, you'll never be lost again, right?
We got you at that point. You're all in. And you guys had me. I'm sweeping. I'm making $6.25 an hour. Working 40 hours a week, do the math. Somehow I always had $1 for your basket. And my First Amendment was to take my mom on a date. He said, if your mom will go anywhere with you, take that lady on a date. And I'm sweeping in the day and all week long. And I always have $1 for the basket. And I'm taking my mom on a date on Friday nights.
And I'm dating her, and I'm dating her, and I'm dating her. And time's going by. And she starts inviting me. And she had a restraining order at the beginning of our relationship, towards the end of my drinking. My mother had a restraining order. I wasn't supposed to be 100 yards from her or the house. At about 3 o'clock in the morning, I broke in my mom's house to do a residential burglary. I'm not going to rob you.
You might hurt me, right? I mean, tough guys rob mom. I sponsor some guys that rob grandma. We've got some grandma jewelry thieves here, I guarantee it. And that's when you're a real badass. So it's 3 in the morning. I'm doing a commando crawl on my stomach, like the scumbag I am, across my mother's bedroom floor. I'm reaching under her bed, where she sleeps with her door deadbolted, a restraining order, and her little purse underneath her bed.
Pathetic, right? That tells you everything you need to know about our previous relationship. And as I'm reaching underneath the bed, her eyes, she woke up. And she looked down on the floor and frowned my face. And she said, take it, Rich. Would you just take it? And I'd love to tell you I didn't. But you know I did. And so that was where we left things, mom and I. And after dating mom and dating mom and dating mom, she starts inviting me over to take out her trash.
She's saying things like, you know, as I approach 70, it's hard for me to carry this out to the dumpster. Could you help me? And I could be to my mom's house within 5 or 10 minutes of when she called me. And I hate talking about this, because it's one of the most crappy things I did. My mom has this little kitchenette that she cooks in. And it's got a little two-person table with two chairs and one light in the middle.
And she would call and say, I can't stand on a chair anymore to reach up and change the light bulb. I can't see to cook. And I can't see to eat. Can you please come change a light bulb for me? Sometimes that would take me two to three weeks to sober up enough to be able to do that. And I'd leave my little mom in the dark. And now that I was sober, man, I could show up in five minutes to change my mom's light so that she could see.
And I'm dating mom. And I'm taking out trash. And something's starting to happen at the meeting. And I'm saying, I get to change my mom's life. Like, the things that are coming out of my mouth, right? It wasn't like, I had to go to my mom's house. Somehow it felt like I got to take out my mom's trash, right? And the book talks about that the people in our group
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see and hear things before we do, right? They see us become inwardly rearranged. They see the change in us before we can, right? And this one night after lots of dating mom and lots of trash, and I don't remember. I know we were at Carrabba's. It's an Italian place. You guys have that up here? OK. And just a pasta place. And she twirls her pasta on a spoon before she eats it. I don't know why she does that.
But anyway, she's twirling it. And she looks up from her plate of food. And she's looking at me eyeball to eyeball for the first time in over a decade. And that was a big deal to me. That was a big deal to me. Because it turns out that you could beat me up. You can lock me up. I got lots of scars. There's people here that have been swimming with me places. I've been beat up in prison. I've been stabbed in Panama in a cocaine deal that went bad.
I got a big stab. You could do all that kind of stuff to me. Beat me up. You could lock me up. But don't you give up on me, mom. There's something very special about a mom's deal, right? And it was starting to be repaired. And as the years went by, our dates got better and better. And we fell in love. And she was able to look me in the eye and become a part of my life. To this day, well, I'm trying to think.
I don't know if anybody here's been to my home. If you've been to my home group, you've met my mom. My group meets at 8 o'clock. And my mom gets there at about 7, 15. Each week, she likes to make you guys brownies or cookies and come and deliver them. And they call her like the cookie mom. And you know what she really wants is to be a part of her son's life and to see the people that gave her her son back.
And it's her way of saying thank you. And she's done that for nearly 18 years, man. And she won't miss. And when the meeting starts, she leaves. She just likes bringing the cookies and saying hi and giving you a hug. If she was here tonight, she would tell you that at nine years sober when I got married and instead of moving away to San Diego and pursuing some of the stuff that I would like my wife and I, we chose to build a house about a mile away from my mom.
And she's got her own room. She's got a little bathroom. So that when she gets tired, I have two daughters now that are eight and five. And she loves her as a retired first grader. It's not that she likes more than reading stories to them when they go to bed and bringing over ice cream while I'm trying to get them to eat broccoli. And it's grandma revenge, right? And you're like, were you ever a parent?
Like, why would you? She's like, would anyone like ice cream? I'm like, of course they would. They're eating broccoli, right? Like, what kind of question is that, right? It's a grandma question. And she sits in front of my house. We're lucky enough to live right on the beach that we surf in front of almost every day. And she's got this Tommy Bahama fold-up beach chair that she sits in that we call her throne.
And she gets to sit in that chair and watch her son sane and sober and surfing and teaching her grandbabies how to surf and building sandcastles and her daughter-in-law. And she's just got a big smile on her face because you guys made everything OK. And my sister, we hadn't spoken. She hadn't spoken to me in six and a half years because of some of my behavior towards her friends, mostly. And we share in a general way.
I had a set of Baltimore Ravens season tickets when I got sober. I was living in a homeless shelter, right? I don't have a suitcase. I don't have clothes. I don't have a house. I don't have a driver's license. I got nothing, right? I got warrants. But I got Baltimore Ravens season tickets. And I don't know where I got them. I think it was like one last drug deal before I got sober or something. But my sponsor pointed out, he's like, you don't even like the NFL now that you're sober.
He's like, what you liked about the football game was being a big shot in the parking lot, slicing a prime rib, having the best tailgate, the big bar, making the drinks. He's like, you were so drunk by the time the game started, you never even knew who won. And that was the truth of me and professional football. I like to party. And now that I'm sober, I have a hard time sitting still for four hours, right?
But he says, send those tickets to your sister. She lives near the stadium. You're three hours away near the beach. And I said, these are expensive. She hadn't talked to me in six and a half years. He said, I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. And I mailed the tickets, and nothing happened. And he said, mail the next set. I'm thinking, are you not listening, right? Nothing happened, right? I mail the next set of tickets, and the phone rings.
And on the other end of that phone line is a little girl's voice that I hadn't heard in over six and a half years. Richie, Richie, did you see that? The Ravens just caught the ball in the end zone. The Ravens are winning. I don't even know who the Ravens were playing, but I was talking to that little girl, man, for the first time in six and a half years. house down near Raven Stadium in a kind of a, I'm sure there's, I wish I knew where you
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guys live better. It was a crappy part of Baltimore City that they like have refurbished, right, where they're like hipping it up and the yuppies are moving in, right, but they're like crappy row houses and we had to like repaint everything and put down a hardwood floor. So now I'm sweeping the floor all week. I'm making $6.25. I'm dating my mom. On Friday night, Saturday morning, I drive three hours and 15 minutes with gas money I don't have. You have to go over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. It's an $8 toll. I don't have money for that to spend time helping my sister paint her new house and put down the floor and be a big brother. If our ninth step, if it required me to have extra time or the right amount of money or for it to be convenient, you'd have to get somebody else to give this talk today because my Alcoholics Anonymous that you guys handed me is a program of divine inconvenience. That's how it works, right? If AA is convenient and fits nicely into your life, I would suggest you're doing it wrong, right? But I'm not here to judge anyone's program. I'm here to report about mine, right? And I know that doing that, we started building this relationship and building this relationship and when you're painting, there's like nothing to do but talk, right? And I'm starting to get to know this little girl that was growing into a woman that I missed out on in a lot of those years because of my behavior. And as the years went by, we became really good friends and she was dating this guy and I knew she was in love and one day I got the phone call and he said, hey Rich, this is Justin. I know your father's no longer with you guys and over the years, you've become the number one man in your little sister's life. She looks up to you for everything.
And I'm calling to ask you if I could have her hand in marriage. And I tried to not cry on the other end of the phone because deep down inside, I could look at the man in the glass but I know what a piece of crap big brother I was. And there is nobody less qualified to give away the hand to that beautiful girl than the drunk that stands in front of you. And I got my phone. I'll show you some pictures of that beautiful little sister. She's like a supermodel, man. And she called the next day and said, will you do me the honor of walking me down the aisle? And I got to do that sober, you know, head up, shoulders back.
And it turns out that taking out the trash and walking down the aisle and dressing the right way at the right time and showing up on time and changing light bulbs, we've heard it talked about. There's no secret. I was always looking for the express route to integrity, the express route to being a man, the express route to like having some self-esteem. And it turns out, as we've heard talked about, there's only one way to grow in self-esteem.
It's by taking esteemable actions on a regular basis. And that's what Alcoholics Anonymous is all about. We've also heard it talked about, my home group members could absolutely care less that I'm here this weekend. In fact, they make fun of me all the time. They're like, oh, where are you going this weekend, Mr. Speaker? Duh, duh, duh, going to Connecticut? Where are you going? Duh, duh, duh, right? I also happen to be the coffee maker for the next three months. They really care if the coffee is not ready an hour before the meeting on Tuesday, right? That's what they care about is what my feet are doing, not what my mouth is doing. We've heard it very clear. We all carry the AA message. When absolutely necessary, we use our mouth. It's the least potent form of Alcoholics Anonymous is our mouth, right?
You guys say things to me like your feet speak so loud I can't hear your mouth. And that's a great thing that you guys show. You know, for cynical, skeptical alcoholics, I don't care what you're telling me, right? But I sure know what you showed me. And I think the last thing I want to say about my mom before I move on, if there's any, you know, tough guys, I wanted respect. I wanted to, you know, a man, I wanted respect and just that whole thing, right, that's out on the street there. And it turns out that for me, it was impossible to become a man without learning how to become a son. And it turns out that my sister and my now wife are the absolute beneficiary of that amend. And as time went on, as time went on and the years go by, these aren't one and done things in my world, right? And in fact, I've written and shared so many inventories that they're practically useless. But my whole family is off between Christmas and New Year every year.
And part of my tenth step or fourth and fifth step practice, whatever numbers you like to put on things, I could care less, is I sit down with my little sister during that holiday period, just her and I, and I go, hey, Whit, her name is Whitney, what kind of big brother
[00:35:02]
have I been this year? What do you need from me? Where am I coming up short? How have I been? How can I be a better big brother? And I sit there and listen, right? It's almost like handed them a pen and paper and saying, you take my infant. I mean, at the end of the day, does it really matter what kind of brother I think I am if she's looking for something different, right? And I sit down with my mom and I go, hey, what kind of son have I been this year, mom? Am I doing okay? How can I love you better? What are you looking for? Is there anything I do that bugs you? Is there anything I don't, right? And have a conversation. And I call it my core group, right? I do that with my aunt and uncle. Their three daughters are my goddaughters that I just wasn't present for a lot of their life.
And I do it with my wife and I do it with my daughters. I started doing it with my daughters. At four years old, my daughters were able to articulate to me things they wanted their dad to be doing better and not better. And valuing their opinion. What kind of daddy am I being? Is there anything you want daddy to do that I'm not? Does daddy do anything that hurts you or scares you? And here, right? So those have been some real benefits to me.
And I had a best friend. His name was Ethan growing up. We've known each other since that big. He asked me to be the best man in his wedding. When I was out living in La Jolla, you know, taking over the world one cocaine deal at a time. And his father sent me a plane ticket and had a tuxedo made for me, fitted. I got fitted. Went to see a tailor in Sandy. Paid for everything. And I was really excited and honored to be the best man in my best friend's wedding. And I was so excited for his wedding to get on that plane that I started drinking the night before, right? To get ready for the wedding. And get ready to fly back there. And I don't need to tell you how that ends. And when I do something like that, you go on a very secret list that I keep deep in my guts where I can never take your phone call again. Because I know why you're calling. He was calling to tell me you didn't show up for my wedding. You're such a drunken piece of crap that you couldn't even get on the plane. You couldn't even call me. And then I heard that his wife was lovely. And as the years went by, my guts got sicker. And I heard they had their first child and another child and that they were lovely. And every time he called, I couldn't take it. And if you're wondering, I always wanted to know from my sponsor. I like feedback. How am I doing here in AA? I want like a grade or something when I first get here. I think Bill Wilson would be very impressed with cell phones. It's like a ninth step checker. It's why we have caller ID. If you need to look at who's calling, and there are people that call me in this room that will tell you, I answer the phone, hello, Rich Bruckner. And I couldn't do that for a couple of years in Alcoholics Anonymous, right, for a lot of reasons. People were looking, money owed, scared, ruined relationships, you name it, right? Caller ID is a ninth step checker, right? So if you need to look at that, right, you're not done. That's all.
It doesn't mean you're good or bad, just not done, right? And that's a cool thing that we now have. Bill Wilson would have probably put it in the book, right? If you got a caller ID issue, not done. And I couldn't take Ethan's call for, you know. And my sponsor said that he's next on the list. And I called Ethan and I said, hey, buddy, I know you hate me. Don't hang up. Don't hang up. I need two minutes. I'd like to make an appointment to come meet with you whenever you tell me to. I know I screwed up your wedding. I know I'm a piece of crap. It turns out that I'm an alcoholic. I'm in this thing called AA. I got to try to straighten out all the damage that I've caused. This is a life or death deal, dude.
I know you hate me. Can you please give me five minutes? Maybe your dad could be there. He says, yeah, you could be here eight o'clock on Saturday if you can make it. And this was like nine years later. So I think he had one of those resentments that you guys talk about. And I show up and I had a pocket full of money making $6.25 an hour. I was prepared to make this amend. And I knocked on the door and Ethan opened the door and his wife was standing by a kitchen island with a little girl next to her. And his mother and father were in the back. And I don't know where this little guy came from, man, but from some room in the back, this little boy came running at me like a freight train. And he grabbed the hold of my leg and he hugged me so tight and he looked up at me. And he said, you're my Uncle Rich? Daddy said one day I'd get to meet you. And he was so happy. And I'm looking down at this little kid and those blinders that build, those scales of pride and prejudice fell. You didn't convince me of anything. I took your step. And in the middle of that, I had this inward knowing, a knowing. And that's a spiritual word. What
[00:40:03]
do you mean? How do you know? I don't know. And with that kid looking up to me and saying, Daddy, I somehow inwardly knew that my stupid ego, my pride, my inability to look at you and say, man, have I screwed up? How can I fix this? Has cost me relationship after relationship after relationship. And more importantly, it separated me from this little guy holding on to my leg for nearly five years. I missed the first five years of his life due to my pride and inability to face the music. And I got to sit with Nathan and make my amends and I got to go in the other room with his father and I sat down with his father and I made my amends and I said, you know, I know I owe you for the plane. He said, you're right, you do, $1,372. And I didn't really see that coming, but I was kind of ready. And I got out my money and I actually had it, which is a miracle. And he said, no, if you're really a part of this thing called Alcoholics Anonymous that you're telling me you are, what you're going to do is no more than $10 at a time, you're going to take some doughnuts to your group and save the receipt. You're going to take some special coffee every now and then, take them a little Starbucks. Put gas in a new person's car. Don't ever give them the cash. You put the gas in the car so they could get to the next meeting and save the receipt.
None of them can be for more than $10. When you have $1,372 in receipts, you're going to drive three hours back to Baltimore, you're going to give them to me, and on that day, on that day, your amends to me will be complete. And by the way, Rich, I'm 28 years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been praying for you and Ethan since you've been that big, right? That's what he read. In nine cases out of ten, the unexpected happens, right?
And what I started doing was a couple of things. I started showing up for each of those kids' birthdays. Every time it snowed, I would drive three hours to take them sleigh riding. On Christmas Eve, we'd see my family, and then we'd go over there and take gifts to his kids. And you know what they would say? You know what little kids say? They go, Uncle Rich, you show up on all the good days. Like it's an accident, right? Like it's an accident.
You're thinking, I just did a six-hour round trip, kid. But Alcoholics Anonymous lets us show up for all the good days, right? And it's also the day that my home group became an eating meeting based upon that amend. I don't know if anybody here has cooked a Stouffer's lasagna. They're $9.95. So they come in just under the $10 requirement. And my home group is at 8. I would rush home from work at 5 o'clock because I don't know the last time you cooked a Stouffer's lasagna. But you got to preheat the oven to 375 degrees. You put it in for an hour and 45 minutes. The last 15 minutes, you take the tinfoil off the top.
You crank the oven to 425 because it browns off that cheese. You know what I'm talking about, the way you guys like it, right? Just the way you like it, right? And then I got to get together those paper plates and the spatula to serve you. And I got to get it in the back of my car and I got to drive kind of slow to the meeting so that thing doesn't spill and I get it on that back table. And you know what I learned about that is that Alcoholics Anonymous starts two hours before I get to the meeting. He was teaching me to think about you and care about you before I was even with you. I'm not sure who benefited from that amend. I used to hesitate to say it. Now I just say it. I had $43,000 in IRS debt. And I hesitate because there's somebody sitting here that goes, why didn't you just write a check, right? And then there's another newcomer sitting here going, man, if I had that much, I'd never pay it, right? You know the definition of a big debt? It's yours, right? Because that's what a big debt is, right? Because otherwise you'd have paid it.
So whatever the number is, it's a big deal to you. And that was a big deal to me. And especially when you make $6.25 and you're unemployable at the Home Depot changing hockey pucks, right? So the future wasn't looking bright either. And I had gone with my sponsor to surrender myself. The IRS office is in Baltimore, again a three-hour drive from Ocean City, Maryland. I was fairly certain I was going to prison. He said, they're not going to lock you up, you idiot. Nobody likes to lock up the goose that lays the golden egg.
They want their money, right? And I've gotten to do that with, I don't know, I haven't counted. I'm going to guess somewhere between 15 and 20 men and none of them have gone to jail. They want their money, is my experience. And I went in and I said, you know, I'm an alcoholic, haven't filed, haven't paid, don't know what to do. I don't ever want to have to take a drink again. And we got this thing called the ninth step where I got to do my best to straighten out the rest.
Can you please help me? And our book talks about when the approach is made in this fashion.
[00:45:00]
I call them my angels. You know, these people that just show up and all of a sudden they want to help you. I found one at the MVA, the Motor Vehicle Administration. Those people try to get rid of you as fast as can. I said that to this lady, you would have thought I was her grandson. We're going to get you straightened out, sweetie. We start this and that and a while later we get a little license. They got me on this little payment plan with the IRS.
I had an idea how it was going to go. I wasn't opposed to paying the IRS back their 43 grand. My plan was when I have an extra 43 grand, I'm going to give it to them. And it turns out there wasn't really a day that I had an extra 43 grand that I felt like giving to the IRS. So, anybody owe the IRS any money? It's about three quarters of the room. They're not afraid to spend postage, are they? I mean, I was getting like weekly letters, you know.
And in my rationalizing brain, I'm thinking if you all wouldn't send me so much mail, spending all this money, you would need to collect the money from me, you know. You're spending more in stamps, you know. And the phone calls and the letters. And you want to know when I got free from that resentment? When I sent the first $100 payment, not the last one. The phone calls stopped, the letters stopped, the garnishment stopped.
Oh, that was another story. You guys know the story behind that, right? When you're garnished, what do you have to do? Can't take a real job or you get a paycheck, right? Then you got to come up with a story to your sponsor, right? Hey, you almost have a college degree, dude. Why are you washing dishes in Scotts? Well, I'm kind of a cash guy, you know. You know it. Because the truth is, if I get a real job on the books, they'll take it.
Can't be having that. All of that stopped with the first payment, not the last. The last payment took nearly six years later. I will tell you, as I stand here today, I don't have a warrant in a single state. I don't owe a person on the face of this entire planet a penny. It took a long time and it is an amazing feeling. I mean, it is a freedom that is difficult to describe. But anyways, that last payment, my sponsor, Little Roger, he's got a pacemaker, he's got a defibrillator.
At the time I paid it off, he was probably 77, 78 years old. He's 84 now. He says, meet me at the post office in the middle of town. I want to see this, right? And it turns out that sponsors need hope too, right? Because they deal with so many of us knuckleheads that follow through, that get drunk, that they like to celebrate the good moments with us as well as the bad. We don't always need to just call our sponsors to poop on them, right?
It's okay to share a joy with your sponsor. And so I ask him, I'm like, could you ever call me and just tell me you're having a good day? And he wanted to be a part of a good day. And it turns out that, you know what, that lady at the MVA, the lady at the IRS, people like being a part of a miracle. Give them that opportunity. Give them that. It's something we could put into the world. Everybody needs a little miracle, right?
And we're at that post office and it's crowded and the thing's in the middle and I got that check. And he said, put it in and say it out loud. And I put that check in and I said, and the man jumped up over that, you know, the thing and he gives me this high five, right? A high five at a 77-year-old. And about a year later I got this envelope from the IRS and it had a pretty substantial check in it and I'm upset because I know I screwed something up but I'd never seen anything like it.
And I drove 30 minutes to my sponsor's house at Bethany Beach and I'm all upset and I go, look at this. He goes, that's a tax refund check, you idiot. Normal people get those every year, right? And I've been getting them. Turns out you pay them, they give some back. It's not that bad, really. I got to the point where I'm about two years sober at this point and I had that last warrant. Everything was cleared up, man.
And the last one was that warrant in California where I ran away, I violated probation,
[00:50:01]
I was backing up five years in prison and he said this is a good time to go do that five years in prison. Because sponsors see things different. It's good to have a sponsor. I didn't see it that way. I did not think this was a good time to go do five years in prison. In fact, I was armed with the facts. We don't do these acts of heroics. I'd be no good to anybody. I got the men's big book study in my living room on Wednesdays.
These guys would be screwed if I was in prison. My mom needs me. The light bulbs and the trash. And at that point, I'd also… You know the complimentary AA boyfriend or girlfriend that AA throws in around 18 months, two years? It never works. It ends badly every time. But we all say it. We all call our sponsor and go, she's God's will for me. We met at the meeting. And your sponsor's just going, oh dear God, here we go.
So I'm living with Allison. I got the house. Why don't you talk to those guys you sponsor and see what they think you should do? They're like, Spons, you'd tell us to do it. And you're like… Go talk to your mother. See what she would have you do. Hey mom, you know what my mom wanted me to do. She wanted me to be the man that she raised to do the right thing. She said, I know it will make me sad, but you need to do it.
He said, that woman you're dating, she's got 16 years sober. She's got a God of her own. She was doing much better before you became a part of her life. You guys don't have a house. You live in a trailer and you don't own it. You rent it. And I got on the plane. He started seizing a couple of paychecks to help me save because I wasn't good at that. I got a one-way Southwest ticket to San Diego. I went in front of the judge.
Not gracefully. I had sweat circles and sick all morning in and out of the bathroom. I say that because they're scary, some of these. People would say faith and fear can't be in the same place at the same time. Not my experience. I was scared to death. I had sweat circles. I was vomiting and having diarrhea. I was doing the right thing. I had faith that AA and my God were going to somehow get me through this You have to run 3,000 miles on your own nickel to surrender yourself and do this five years in prison.
I said yes, I did. I'm a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I disclosed that in the letter. We have this thing called the ninth step. I want to be a free man. I don't ever want to have to take another drink or a drug. I need to start this sentence to get it behind me I started asking you guys what I should do and putting it out in my home group. You guys went to work and started getting pastors at the churches we had our meetings.
You guys started writing letters on my behalf. The judge had 48 letters from you guys telling him about my life. I was supposed to go to 10 AA meetings. I was supposed to get some clean urine tests. 10 meetings of AA or 5 years in prison. What an order. I can't go through with it. Only a guy like me could screw that up. 48 of you are telling him these letters and he just starts looking down totally confused.
He probably was reading for maybe 5 or 7 minutes. It seemed like a lifetime to me. I'll tell you this. I've never walked out of a courtroom. I've gone to jail 36 times. I've never walked out. I'm not a guy that got breaks. These people tell me you've been to over 1000 meetings. They tell me you're helping all kinds of people. I got letters from pastors and priests telling me you mop floors and clean churches.
You've greatly exceeded the terms of the probation. You did not do this the way I told you to
[00:55:01]
If I was you, I'd go back to Maryland and do whatever those people in AA tell you to do. He hit that gavel down. I walked out of the first courtroom I've ever walked out of and my God got bigger that day based on experience. I have an experiential God. I need things like that to happen for my God to grow and to feel it inside. I called Roger and said, It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You're not coming home.
You went out there on a one-way ticket. You can't get a ticket to come home until tomorrow. By the way, you're like 10 minutes away from that University of San Diego. You know those Jesuits that kicked you out that you humiliated? Why don't you go make that right while you're there? Did you hear that part? Sponsors don't care about that at Step 9. They're like, action and more action. To be honest, that seemed like small potatoes compared to what I'd been through that day.
I drive over to the University of San Diego. I asked if the dean is in. It's the same dean that kicked me out 9 years ago. I said, I don't know if you remember me. She said, we know who you are. We've only had one student go to federal penitentiary in the history of the university. She remembered. I never used to do this, but again, now I'm going to start because she passed away last year. Her name was Dean Carrie Wilson.
She was another one of God's angels and I said, I know what happened when I went here and I didn't know what Jesuits were. You guys stand for building men and women of integrity. You stand for education. You stand for doing the right thing. I didn't stand for any of that when I went here. I brought a lot of shame to this institution. I brought a lot of shame to the Jesuits. Those articles that were in the paper and she said, if that's true, come with me.
She walked me next door to a building I'd never been in and put a pretty big stack of paper in front of me and she said, this is an application to our law school. You've always had great grades. Your problem was drinking. What you're going to do is fill this out. You're going to attend our law school. Fill this out. I stepped outside and I called Roger and I said, I'm at the University of San Diego.
This Dean's lost her mind. She's given me a thing. They won't hire me to work at the Home Depot to change the blue hockey pucks that the guys pee on. She wants me to go to law school. Even if somehow I pass this test he said, shut up. Did you just tell that lady you would do whatever she said to make it right? I said, yes, sir. He said, then go inside and fill out the paper. Three years later, I graduated second in my class.
Not because I'm smart. I got to go to law school the AA way. I joined a home group called the La Mesa Men's Group. It was sponsored by a man named Barney Morris. While I was there and through those three years. You want to know how you graduate second? In anything you do, you show up a half an hour early. You ask the teacher some questions after class and shake their hand every single day until they learn your name.
Just like we do at those doors. You guys have been doing it for me all weekend. It turns out that Alcoholics Anonymous is a formula or a manner of living that works in all areas of life. It served me well. I got back after the bar and the ethics committee. They're all long stories that I don't have time to tell you other than AA worked. I got the best job that you could get out of law school which is a judicial law clerk for a circuit court judge in the state of Maryland.
Circuit court is our highest trial court. It's where all felonies are tried, your murders, rapes, robbery, all that stuff. A judicial law clerk writes the legal opinions for the judge. you could write your ticket to any law firm in the country. Everybody wants to hire a judicial law clerk. There's no better way to start a law career. And they hired me.
[01:00:01]
And I filled out all the stuff and they sent it to Annapolis to get me on payroll. And he called me back in a week later and he said, we can't give you the job. It came back that you're a fugitive. You have a warrant in the state of Colorado. And I didn't know that. It wasn't on my fourth step. It wasn't on my eighth step. It wasn't on my eighth. I didn't know it existed. But I disclosed everything else.
The reason I'm telling this story is the ninth step is my experience. The ninth step is our opportunity to clean up the wreckage of our past, or it will clean us up. It's going to go down one way or the other. That's just a spiritual truth. Eventually, our past will clean us up or we can clean it up, whichever way you want it. And I had to look at that judge and the secretary sitting there and I said, listen, you've just hired a guy that you know has been arrested 36 times.
Can I please have an opportunity to figure out what this is and clear it up? And he looked at me and said, well, I guess you got a point there. And it turned out that there was a, I worked, I don't know if anybody's experienced this, is why I mention it, I worked for somebody in Colorado that did not fully appreciate what I did for them. Have you ever been underappreciated at work? And I wasn't showing up, I guess, sometimes on Mondays and I was leaving early on Fridays.
And they started to short me in my paycheck, right? They felt like my check should be commensurate with when I was there, I guess. And so really I found, you know, the corporate checkbook and I was just writing myself my paycheck, really. I mean, it wasn't stealing, right? It was just paying what I was worth. They didn't feel that way. They called it felony check fraud, right, when you sign somebody else's name.
And I had to fly out to Colorado. I got to meet and do a ninth step with that ex-employer, paid the money back, told him what was going on in my life, how long I've been sober and alcoholic synonymous and I really apologized for, you know, what I did and my delusional views of getting paid and my grandiosity and what an idiot I was. And the guy just put his head down and he said, did you just say that you've been sober for almost three years and alcoholic synonymous?
I said, yes, sir. And he said, I've been in and out alcoholic synonymous so many times I've been trying to get sober for 20 years. And we spent the next two hours talking about alcoholic synonymous and I wish I had a beautiful end to this story that he was so, I have no idea. All I know is that he walked over to the courthouse with me and withdrew the charges. We got the warrant quashed. We took care of things.
I got to go back to that judge and say that everything's been cleared up. There is no warrant. Can I please, you know, go forward? And in the interim, my phone rang and I can answer my phone. And it was a weird number and I didn't know what it was. And on the other end of the phone was a guy that said he was to state's attorney for the state of Maryland. I know what state's attorneys are. They're the guys that lock me up.
I don't like state's attorneys. And he said, hold on, I need to patch through the governor's office of crime control and prevention. We just received a large federal grant. I want to hire an assistant state's attorney to head up the narcotics prosecution unit. We've been given your phone number that you know something about the importation of narcotics into our country. And my knees about buckled, right?
And you know what I remembered? Those old guys with that big book in their hand and that smile on their face that said, hey, kid, one day your sordid past is going to become your greatest asset. And they never lied to me. And I got to sit with the judge and say, hey, everything is cleaned up. I've been given this job offer and you've given me a tremendous opportunity and you've been patient and kind and given me the greatest job a guy ever.
What do you think I should do, your honor? And he looked at me and said, kid, you'd be a fool not to take that job. And he hugged me and I walked out of his judge's chambers and I got to appear in front of that judge for the next 10 years. I was the senior state's attorney in charge of narcotics for the state of Maryland. I got to serve, I repeat, serve the state of Maryland. I got to put drug courts in every single county in the state of Maryland.
I stole them from California. California led the way. They called it the PC-1000 Felony Offenders Program. And I stole that concept and put it in and after, gosh, I guess it was in my seventh year there, I had this, I got sick of seeing, locking alcoholics up just doesn't go very well for anybody, for the drunk, for society, for the budget. There's lots of reasons it's a bad idea, right? We're coming up with these alternative programs and I think God had the right guy in the right
[01:05:02]
place and then I had this idea about people dying and I grabbed this woman who was a lot smarter than me. I'm kind of an idea guy and I'm a presenter, right, that I know from six and seven what God's given me and what he hasn't. And everything I've ever done in my life, behind me is usually two or three really smart women that know what they're doing. And I said, how do you write a law and propose it, right?
And they looked at me like I was stupid. I don't know if you remember, is anybody old enough to remember Schoolhouse Rock? Right? Remember that? I'm just a bill, only a bill, sitting on Capitol Hill, hoping to become a law, right? So she writes this thing, we get a senator to present it, we get somebody in Congress to present it to the House, then they take testimony and you have to go testify about this law while the senators in Congress in, you know, the committees, you know, fire questions away.
And it turns out that when you go to Washington, D.C. and you stand on that big marble floor with the eagle of the United States of America and it was called the Good Samaritan Law. And what this law says, right, that we came up with, me and the smart girl, was that if you call the police, if your buddy's overdosing and you call the police and they come no matter what's on that table, nobody can be arrested because you're saving a life.
And we testified about that and you know what, when you go to D.C. and you testify in front of the Senate and the House Judiciary Committee, you get to bring a guest. Anybody want to guess who I brought? You better believe it, man, my mom. And I stood there and it passed the Senate and it passed the House and it's actually a federal law, you guys have it here, and I get these really cool letters once a year that talks about how many lives each year, it'll say 22,800 blah, blah, blah thing.
For while she was alive, each year if you remember, she said you need to graduate from the University of San Diego and make us proud. And my mom, who loves laminating stuff, every time something would pass or a new law or I would testify and there'd be an article or I won a big murder trial, she'd cut it out and laminate it and put it in a book and once a year, I'd fly to San Diego and take Dean Carrie Wilson to the Venetian, the Venetian was her favorite Italian restaurant, and I'd take her out to dinner and show her what I did with the law degree that she was kind enough to let me get.
And I would say, I hope I made you proud, because that was the amend. And that went on about 12 years. When I got married, she was at the wedding and when my kids were born, she got to meet my kids while she was alive. She asked me to come speak to the graduating class of the University of San Diego's law school on three separate occasions to talk to them about doing something decent with the law degree other than just pursuing the biggest check you could get and I got to give that commencement address and you'll notice I walk around a lot with USD golf shirts and shirts and all of that is part of my give back to the university of making them proud and being an alumni.
It's part of what being, I didn't know what that meant. To me, my ego, if you can't donate $10 million to have a gymnasium or a library built with your name on it, then I don't participate. Because it's just embarrassing. I mean, why would you write a $50 check to your alma mater? That's just lame. No, it's not. That's being a graduate and a part of. That's Alcoholics Anonymous, right? Anyways, after 10 years, I got to take a early retirement from that job and pursue something I'd always wanted to do.
I'd always wanted to start my own law firm and I didn't ever think that I could but you guys had taught me by this point in sobriety, if we don't take a drink for a day, anything can happen. If we don't drink for just one day, anything can happen. And we hung that little shingle and I talked to my wife and I and I left and we had two little kids and she, at that point when we started, she was actually pregnant with the second and you know, people in AA, you know, it goes both ways.
They're like, so how many clients do you have? You're walking out on a paycheck and health insurance and dental insurance and you got two little kids and how, no, I got zero clients. Well, how are you going to get clients? I don't know. Right? And fast forward five years, I do about 425 DUIs. It turns out that the universe wanted me to be a DUI defense lawyer and I'm pretty sure that the reason for that is that means that about 425 times a year, I get to sit across my desk from you and I get to go, hey, I can't help but notice this is your fourth DUI.
Do you think that this might have something to do with your drinking, right? And all of a sudden, we get to have an amazing conversation, right?
[01:10:00]
I used to sit on bar stools and dream about what I was going to do or lament about what I used to do and when I put my heart and my body and God with you in the same room, it's what I get to do in the day and in the moment and it turns out that that's almost limitless. And my surfing hasn't stopped. We get to go with my wife and my, they're eight and five now. We leave for surf camp in Costa Rica next Saturday for two weeks down there.
So there's a lot of fun about it all. We get to do some serious things, write laws and this and that. We also get to surf and follow our dreams and do everything we want to do instead of talk about, you know, one day I'm going to. What a gift. And thank you guys for sharing it with me this weekend. Thank you.