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Source: John C – Norman OK – Reel 0805-906 (1988) – 1988-09-03.mp3 File: john-c-norman-ok-reel-0805-906-1988-1988-09-03.mp3 Duration: 01:07:37
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Even this morning, I had to introduce him and things, and he didn't give me much of a way to go, except the way I'm supposed to introduce him, and he's another drunk who's learned to stay sober. Thank God for John C.. Thank you, Kenny. My name is John C., and I'm an alcoholic. And by following the teachings and the philosophy, as I interpret, of this magnificent program, I have been continuously without a drink of alcohol, or any pocket rockets, or any mood change in women, since October 28, 1951.
Now, the reason that I mention that date is not to show you what a great guy that I am, all that business. It is simply for the benefit of the NOAA members who are sitting here this afternoon, that I am another example of what this program will do, if you want it. You'll hear a couple of fellows tonight, one tonight and one tomorrow morning. I've enjoyed the speakers, or I call them talkers, up to the present time. I've enjoyed being here.
And I feel goody-likey. When I was in professional athletics, I had heard of the main ballers, double wind-ups, and the semi-finals. I was a professional fighter for five and a half years. I earned my education that way. It's a pretty rough way to get an education. But I've boxed many a semi-final, and that's what I'm doing here at your conference right today. I'm the semi-final to your double wind-up.
And when you hear Johnny tonight and Jim tomorrow morning, you will understand. Say that. There are a couple of observations that I'd like to make before I attempt to say anything at all about the only illness known by the patient is blamed when the treatment fails. The first observation is that I'm not given to the use of any profanity from behind this podium or any other AA podium, and neither am I given to a lot of these risqué jokes, thinking that I might impress you.
And you're not going to hear me talk about sex this afternoon, either, at my age. But what I remember of it, it was all right, and I'll still vote it. By now you can readily see that I'm a realist and not a theorist. So much of this theory going on today about the alcoholic. I'm surprised that more people aren't suffering from paralysis from analysis. But anything that I say here this afternoon is my own opinion. I don't speak for alcoholics anonymous as a whole. No one is qualified to do that.
[00:04:59]
I've heard a lot of them get up here and you'd think they'd written a book, but none of us are qualified to do that. And I'm not here to preach any sermon of appeasement or to tell you what to do, and I'm not here to carry on Jimmy Swaggart.
[00:05:19]
God, he hasn't done too well lately. But I am simply here to tell you what happened, what it's like, and what it was like. Well, because of my inability to handle alcohol, the hell with the symptoms. You can get the symptoms and all that. I never took a drink in my life till I was 26 years old, and never drank tea or coffee, never smoked. But that's your business. I don't know anything about the alcoholic adult children of alcoholics and that, and that's all right. I never saw a drink of booze in my home. My father and mother never touched it.
So I don't know anything about that. But I think before I finish, and it's going to take me just about a minute and a half to tell you my whole story, and I'm not going into any morbid details of it either, because I don't think that you're interested in the morbidity of my drinking anymore than I'm interested in the morbidity of yours. I'm interested in just one thing as I stand here this afternoon, hoping and saying a prayer before I came in here that I might say something that will help some other guy or gal in finding a new lifestyle, and that's it.
What it was like, because, as I say, my inability to handle alcohol, I was forced to stand on the curbstone of life and watch the throng pass me by during some of the most lucrative and productive years of my entire career. And the last six and a half years I traveled under an assumed name. No one knew who I was or where I was from. I don't know how they could miss this action of mine, but no one knew who I was or where I was from.
There was a little word, three words, that played a great deal in my downfall, and those last six and a half years, as far as I was concerned, it was hell on earth. Because I refused to finish reading the story of Jack Alexander in the Saturday Evening Post in 1941 as I sat behind my desk as the senior member of my own law firm. And later on I held many positions of trust. A couple of them, I was a special assistant to the United States Attorney General in the criminal division of the Department of Justice, and I had the honor of being the personal political representative of that great Texan, John Nance Garner, the last two years that he was the vice president.
But in 1941, when I was reading the story or started to read the story of Jack Alexander, he wasn't talking about me. He was talking about the guys down on the docks, down on the walk, guys on the road, the mumbling, stumbling bum. He wasn't talking about the great John Elliott. No, no. So I just tossed it one side. Why? A little word called ego, and I dripped with it. I wanted everyone to know who I was, who I've been, and all this.
No. And I had to come among you folks that I wanted nothing to do with because of those three universities behind me and two degrees. What could you folks tell me? How to live. Why, the idea. So I didn't have any interest in that story.
[00:10:00]
And I'm not proud to stand here this afternoon and tell you folks that before I came to you, I was brought to you. I thought I'd been grabbed by the fuzz. I thought I'd been arrested. I had been many times. I had never been doing any of those long jaunts, but I had been in those lesser cans for some time, different times. But it was you who said to me, if you want this, we can't do it for you. And if you have got sense enough left to realize that your life is made up of but four things, thoughts, acts, habits, and character, if you want to continue to think like a drunk, you're going to act like one. Your habits will follow your acts. Your character follows your habits. And once you can go on living the life of a drunk, if you want to, we're not going to bother you.
We're not beating any drums. You go to whatever church you want to go to. I'll go to mine. We'll all walk along together. This idea of denominational affairs coming into the program of AA. Now, why, we're not interested in denominational matters at all. If you're a Catholic, fine. If you're a Baptist, that's all right. I don't know. Good. You go to your church. I'll go to mine. Because to me, whatever church you go to, and I question it, that's like me asking you, well, which is better, exhale or inhale?
But criticism, criticism is a lot of Alcoholics Anonymous, the same as it is anything that is good. Our churches are criticized. Great leaders are criticized. And Alcoholics Anonymous is criticized, too. Don't you think it isn't? Well, so is Galileo. Galileo was nearly put to death for his views. They said the Wrights brothers never would fly, that the air was reserved for the birds. And many of them said that Columbus, hundreds of them, that Columbus was crazy.
I don't know anything about Columbus except what I studied as a youngster. And I don't know whether he was an alcoholic or not, but by golly, he had all the traits of one, I'll tell you that. He didn't know where he was going when he left home. He didn't know where he was when he got there. When he got back, he didn't know where the hell he'd been. The woman paid for the whole trip. I noticed that, and I know, and I've inquired, there are a lot of Al-Anons here. And I wanted no part of Al-Anon for the first nine years that I was in and around the program. Quite a difference being dry and being sober in my book.
That's just my opinion. Sometimes it don't amount to much, but that's my opinion. I'm entitled to my opinion. And I'm not so naive to stand here this afternoon and expect everybody here to agree with me. No. But as long as I remain within the perimeter of the decency of this magnificent program that saved my life, it is my prerogative to express my opinion, and it is your prerogative to accept or reject whatever that I may say.
Now, you know, when you get to the point that no one can tell you anything, you are in trouble. And that was my great failing, if you might call it that. I refused to listen to people that wanted to help me. And at the height of my career, fellows would say to me, John, you're drunk. Others would say to me, John, you're drinking too much, why don't you cut down a little?
[00:15:05]
And I'd thank them for their interest, and they wouldn't be from here to the door before I'd be saying to myself, why don't he mind his own business? I don't need him to tell me what to do. I refused to listen, and because of my refusal to listen, I became a thief, and so did you, and most of you, if you're a real alcoholic. I became a thief because I stole from those that I loved the most their right to happiness.
I was a guy that always complained that roses had thorns instead of being grateful. The thorns had roses. Vanderbilt University was graduated from the Boston University School of Law, and spent two years in the Harvard Graduate School while I was coaching there for two years. And I'm going to tell you something about these intellectual gorillas, so-called. They're not all, they're going to tell you everything now, you know.
I mentioned that I only have two degrees, but over here in any of your hospitals, you've got little things called thermometers, and they've got more degrees on those than we'll ever have, and you know why they stick those thermometers sometimes, and that's just what you can do with these intellectual gorillas that's going to expound all of this theory on you, as far as I'm concerned. Herbert Spencer once said that there was a certain principle which was a bar to all information and proof against any argument that may leave a man in everlasting ignorance, and that principle is contempt before investigation.
And that's exactly me. I didn't want to know anything about my drinking, and I didn't want to know anything about a deal called Alcoholics Anonymous either. My God, that AA could have stood for Acronacrobats, as far as I was concerned. Now, I don't want you to think that I have any desire to stand here as any stand-up comedian, not at all, not at all. But I recall reading what Voltaire once said, I may not agree with a word that you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.
And I believe it was John Greenleaf Whittier who said of all sad words, of tongue and pen, the saddest of them all, it might have been. How many of us, oh, here's a great guy, she's a great girl, if, oh, if that, of this, it might have been, yeah. It's very easy. And I don't want any one of you to think for one second, because I have been away from Booth the length of time that I've mentioned, that I'm standing up here feeling that I am qualified to be the judge, jury, and executioner of a single one of you, because I'm not.
And I don't care if they've been in here 45 years. We are not one bit different than the newest member who sits here this afternoon in this respect. I am nearly 37 years with continuous sobriety, but I'm exactly like you. I'm one drink away from a drunk. You know, nobody cares to admit to personal powerlessness. I don't care who it is, but by golly, personal powerlessness, when we once make that admission, we find that that is the bedrock, as it tells us.
I read the big book just as much now. My old sponsors ever heard me say, I read the big book, they belted me in the mouth. I studied the big book, and it tells us that admittance of personal powerlessness is the
[00:20:01]
bedrock to a purposeful and a happy life. It's necessary that we undergo the pains of alcoholism before we get sober. And it is necessary that we experience emotional turmoil before serenity. Oh, I could accept that intellectually, of course, sounded well. But emotionally, do you think I would accept it? Of course not, of course not. After I was in a while, and I started to be a sponsor, so-called, one or two of the guys, and I'd get all hepped up, you know, now everybody isn't ready for this deal, let's not kid ourselves.
And I'd get all hepped up over some guy that I was working with, and by golly, he's going to make it. And the next thing, somebody said, did you see Tommy? And I'd, no, look, and here he'd come, down the street. Tommy wasn't ready, and that's a good deal, the case with a lot of us that have tried this. Made it, gone out, come on back. You betcha, as long as you keep coming back, you got a chance. It reminds me of the guy down here in Dallas that was the expert vacuum cleaner salesman, that's not being ready.
And he had a racket going, and he'd read that Dallas morning news, and he'd pick out a house that was being opened, and up he'd go. And he was a very fine appearing fellow, and he selected this house, and this particular day, and this lady met him at the door, she was very gracious, brand new place. And he started his pitch, and she said, I'm not ready. And he kept talking about things relative to his new machine.
And she kept saying, I'm not ready, but by this time he's in the hallway, and he's still going, and she's still saying, I am not ready. But by this time, they're in this gorgeous living room. Oh, it was a beautiful thing, copper wall-to-wall carpeting, it was beautiful. Now he sees that he's losing the battle, but he's determined he's not going to lose the wall. So he reaches in his pocket, and he takes out a handful of dry husk manure, and he threw it right in the middle of that beautiful wall-to-wall carpeting.
And that poor woman liked to have the conniption fit. And with that, he says, Madam, don't you worry a bit. If my machine don't pick up every bit of that, I will eat it. And with that, she started for the kitchen. He said, just a minute, where are you going? She says, to get the salt and pepper, because this house hasn't been wired for electricity yet. As I told you, the last six and a half years of my drinking, of some probably 17, 18 years, the last six and a half years, God acts in many mysterious ways.
And when you hear these guys say, I never cry, well, I'm going to tell you, I've cried. I've cried many a time when I was walking and sleeping in the alley or down on the docks and riding the freight, eating in the jungle. And when I'd be by myself, I'd cry. You don't have to be a baby to cry. When that going got tough in the Marine Corps in World War II, yeah, not the Spanish-American, World War II, sure, I cried, this tough, ex-professional fighter.
[00:25:14]
So you don't have to be a baby to cry. I cried because I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my wife again and that little boy that I walked away from. But I couldn't. I couldn't. And finally, I, to this day, I don't know what possessed me. I went home. And I got there four days before Polly was divorcing me. She should have left me years before she did. God rest her soul. Beautiful gal. Magnificent mother.
And I said to an acquaintance of mine, what possessed me to go to that courthouse, I don't know. But I, to no contest, of course, standing in a pair of shoes, I could step on a chew of gum and tell you what flavor it was. Strictly battered out, mentally, physically, every way, every conceivable way. And something prompted me to say to an old acquaintance of mine, Edward, you ask, feel the court out.
I might have custody of Johnny 30 days out of the year. I don't know what I would have done with it if it had been granted. And ladies and gentlemen, in the very same courtroom where I had stood for nearly 21 years, where I had tried many and many a major case, where I had stood with respect and with dignity, I heard the court say no. He's neither mentally nor physically capable of having custody of his son 30 minutes to say nothing of 30 days.
And I walked again. And I'm walking along the street in Portland, Maine on the 28th day of October, and I'm not going to get into long detail into this thing. But I'm walking along the street the 28th day of October, didn't have a drink that day, no sir. And where this fellow came from, I have no idea, I think he must have come from a doorway. And he braced me. And he extended his hand to me and he said, hello, Johnny, how are you?
Where are you going? And I figured that he was the fuzz, the cop, you know, one of the cops, a plainclothes cop. Hell, I've been picked up so many times during those six years with every conceivable thing, you know, drunkenness and disturbing the peace and those lesser delights. And when he asked me where I was going, I answered him honestly. I said, I don't know, and I don't care a damn where I'm going.
What do you think he said? Come on with me, there's a bunch of guys know you and they'd love to see you. We're the only fellows that think me would be down in the queue, down in the jail. I knew where that jail was. But we didn't go that way. We get in an elevator. And I asked him, I said, where are we going, Johnny? And he, where are we going out? His name was, he told me his first name was that. Where are we going?
He said, up to the Alcoholics Anonymous Club. The guys like to see you. Here's how I came to you. Now we all come in differently. I didn't come in here that I wanted to get sober and I didn't intend to stay sober and I didn't want to stay sober either. I came in first because I thought I was pinched. And when I found out that I wasn't, as I, I can see that elevator now as I get off the elevator and walking into this room, great, I'll grab one of those suckers for enough for a bottle of Sneaky Peter, sweet Lucy, you bayhush.
Long relegated from the bourbon set now, oh yes. Long relegated as a member of the board of the house committee of my country club, oh yes. And you know what? I couldn't find one of those friends. I never saw any of those so-called friends. No one wanted anything to do with me but a bunch of guys up there in Portland, Maine. And they gathered around me and they're talking and giving me conversation and I'm not interested.
[00:30:03]
And I saw this thing that looked like a bar, and I come in up in the corner. As I come in, I braced that a little, you know. So help my God, I did not see that coffee pot, and the thing was as big as that door, that coffee pot, and I'm sitting on there. Now I'm getting nowhere with my conversation, because they were just ahead of me all the time. They'd been where I was. And finally, in desperation, they give me all that, you know, Johnny.
And one of the fellows said, Johnny, would you like a drink? Oh, ho. They waltzed me up to this, what I thought was the bar. And so help me, I've never drunk so much coffee before or since. Next morning, I left for Texas. Guy was coming down to Texas, his name was Johnny McIntosh. Wanted somebody to ride with him. I don't have a demo. I don't have a dime. He said, I don't ask you. I want somebody to ride with me.
But I thought I was going to ride in a comfortable car anyway, you know. And he'd been going to Baffin Land. It'd been all right. I'd gone. I didn't care where he was going. So I got the first taste of AA honesty. He invited me to go home with him that night. And he said, we leave early in the morning. And I said, no, I don't want to go home with him. Wife's there. Oh, no. No, he says. No, she's gone to Boston.
She and my daughter went to Boston this afternoon. So that was good. Sure, go home. Nice slaps. Why not? Going to leave early in the morning. We go up there. And he starts fiddling with that key in the door. And the door opens. No one was standing there but his wife. And he gives her this. Now, I've been getting this shot of, got to be honest, John. Jesus, telling a criminal lawyer, 21 years, got to be honest.
I'd take your eye out and tell you you'd look better without it. But I'm getting that honesty bit during that time. And I went to one meeting that night. And here the door opens. And his wife's standing there. And he says, oh, honey, I thought you'd gone to Boston. He liked to poke his neck. Well, may sound funny now, but he wasn't then. So anyway, we don't come in a touring car. I ride 2,645 miles from Portland, Maine to Dallas, Texas, in a panel truck, sitting on an orange crate for a seat.
There's a blanket in the back of the car. And I'm cold turkeying that stuff I told you. Sneaky Pete and Sweet Lucy, Bayhart smoking. Now, you talk about being sick. And you fellas want me to come and call on you. I hope to God, and I mean this, if I ever refuse to go on a 12-step call, I hope I get drunk. And I hope if any of you ever refuse, if you're real alcoholics, ever refuse to go on a 12-step call, that you'll get drunk too.
But I'm beginning to see things in the clouds, and there's hairs coming out the ends of my fingers, and there's a stream of blood. I thought it was blood. Johnny was a longshoreman. And what in the world did he ever came to Dallas, Texas for, to work building an airplane plant? I'll never know. He was a longshoreman, been all his life. And somebody hit him with a shot in the nose with a baleen pin.
And it was all over his face. He had a worse-looking kisser than mine. And it left him with a little impediment. Now, I'm not casting any aspersions or impediments, but Johnny Henwin. Now, as a father, we come on and come on and come on in that panel truck and bouncing. And I can't drink anything. I can't drink water. I can't drink nothing, nothing. I never drank nothing. Never ate anything. And we're coming over those mountains in Tennessee, and this was before they were blacktopped.
[00:35:02]
And finally, by God, I thought I was going to die. I really did. And some more of the sweetness and light of AA that I got when I come in here. That old pump's going, you know, boom, boom, boom. It would stop. It would almost stop. You know, boom, boom, boom, boom. And finally, this tough ex-fighter and this tough ex-Marine and this brilliant lawyer. No, he wasn't smart any longer, and he wasn't tough any longer either.
And I said to Johnny, Johnny, I've got to have a drink. I'm going to die. God, I can see it now. Now, what do you think that sweet AA said to me? He said, you're going to die, huh? I'm serious about this. I'm not trying to be funny. I'll just tell you this. He said, you're going to die, huh? I said, yeah, Johnny. If I don't get a drink, I'm going to die. He said, well, go ahead and die. I said, what the hell good are you?
You're no good to yourself or anybody else. I don't see anybody laying along the side of the road here. If you croak, I'll drop you off at the next town. Shut up. Honesty and so great guys in it, yeah. Well, he stopped at a grocery store, one of those old mountain grocery stores beside the road. And out he comes with a quart of ice cold milk. My God, I'll never forget it. Now, I hadn't had anything in my stomach.
I couldn't, except little strings of blood, you know. Jesus, I grabbed that quart of milk and down. I knew I never took it away. That's how it down she went. Oh, didn't that feel good. But when that hit. And come up, you could a sharp pull with it, a bump. Boom, boom, boom. Yes. But the length of time that it takes to change the direction of a man or a woman's life is the same length of time that it takes to change an idea.
Some, it takes a little longer. It took me quite a while. Others, it's very quickly. Reminds me of a fellow that was walking up on town. This is an old story, but if you haven't heard it, it's not old. This guy is expecting his wife to have a baby any time over in the sister's hospital. He's over there in the waiting room. He's walking back and forth, and Mother Superior sees him, and she says, just take it easy now, young man.
All of you fathers act the same when your wives are having the first baby. He says, well, sister, this isn't the first one. She says, this is the 10th one. Oh, she says, glory be to God. He says, well, sister, I noticed I'm not a Catholic. I'm a Protestant. Oh, and with that, she turned on her heel and started down the ward and met this little nun that had just come on that afternoon, and she called her over to show you how quickly a person can change their mind.
Called her over. And Mother Superior said to her, sister, keep your eye on that tall man up there. He's a sex maniac. She changed her mind. I was a great guy to get even. I was always going to get even with everybody. I'll get even with them. I remember who hurt me back there in New England. You bet. I'll get even with them. My old sponsor, God rest his soul, Dick Breen and Ford Porter. I had two of them.
I guess they thought they'd take two of them. I may have.
[00:40:02]
And old Dick got tired of me using that expression. I'll get even. All I want is to get this think pad straightened out. I remember him. And Breen said to me, I'm sick and tired of listening to you. Going to get even with people? Did you ever stop to think in that brilliant mind of yours? Oh, I couldn't say anything to him. I just sat down. He says, did it ever occur to you, if you want to get even, get even with somebody who has been good to you?
That's why I'm here this afternoon. I'm trying to get even to the members of Alcoholics Anonymous who saved my life. I don't care. I'm not, as I say. You people can have their own opinions of things. I became an alcoholic because I drank too much booze too often. That's number one. And I don't give a damn how many symptoms I had. I could have had all the symptoms and all respect to our big book. The symptoms.
But by God, I never got drunk till I took a drink. And I became an alcoholic because I drank too much booze. And that's good enough. And I'm entitled to that opinion. Intelligence and humility make great partners, provided that you keep humility first. So what about it? We hear this expression often. And I go for it. That we in AA love everybody. We love everybody, provided that we do not wish anybody any ill will.
So I wish no one any ill will in here, so I love all of you. And that's the way that I look at the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I'll tell you, there's a hell of a lot of them in AA that I don't like. And I know a lot of them don't like me either. And that's OK. But as long as I don't wish them any ill will, I love them. I've heard these guys get up here and say, well, you know, before I come into AA, I never liked cogs.
But after I've been in AA, I have learned to love them. Well, I've got news for any of you boys of the constabulary if you're here. If you are a member of this fellowship, you bet I'm in your corner. But if you're not, then you're here to learn or find out something or be inquisitive or see if you're invested. See if you're investigating somebody. I've got to be in AA a hell of a lot longer than these 36 years.
Nearly 37 now. Will be next month. I've got to be in there a hell of a lot longer than that before I learn to love you. I'll tell you that. And the reason is, is because I represented some of you guys. And I'm not divulging any confidence. And I know how you work, too. Because I work with you. So, anyway, if you're a member, fine. And if you're not, good. I won't bother you. You won't bother me. And that's fine.
But I don't love you, and you might as well know it. You know, we say, oh, drinking. Yes, it's a problem of drinking. Yes, drinking. As we sit here this afternoon, every single one of us alcoholics, we do not have a drinking problem. I don't care damn who you are. We do have a problem, how do we handle our sobriety? And if we handle it in accordance with the suggestions of the 164 pages of that big book.
[00:45:00]
That's all I know about Alcoholics Anonymous, other than knowing and being with you folks, and others like you. The big book, the Twelve and Twelve, As Bill Sees It, and AA becomes of age. And I heard somebody say, oh yes, I've worked these Twelve Steps, yes, yes, you did like hell of work any Twelve Steps. And you're not expected to either, by the guard of my understanding, and it tells us so in the big book.
We're not expected to be successful, we are with them, we are expected, however, to try. If there's any doubt in your mind, I'll show it to you after me. Because if you go a little further, and you will try, and you will see, and the Six Steps, the explanation of the Twelve and Twelve, where it says, we work to perfection but one step, and that is when we make the 100% admission that we are powerless over alcohol.
Don't say anything about life unmanageable, over alcohol. The other 11 Steps, it says, are perfect ideals toward which we look and which we use as an indicator to indicate our progress. We work every one of these Steps. If you want to take another look at it, you'll see where it says the first two steps are reflections. That's what the first two steps are, they're reflections. And the third step is the first one where action is indicated.
I don't know where they are. There are dangers that hang over our program today and has for many, many years. Now, I'm not one of the boys on the, well, they call them circuit riders, but I do travel a lot. And I was throughout Canada and over in Scotland and England. But there are dangers that hang over AA. You folks sitting here today is a real indication of your loyalty to this fellowship. And as I stand up behind here, this is not a meeting when, if we want to be honest with ourselves, and any one of the boys or gals that's speaking, we are simply monopolizing your time.
Let me get over. Well, we get our AA, we get them in the small groups. That's where AA comes from. And that's where it started. Seventeen years, I declined to go anywhere outside of the state of Texas because I felt I was inadequate. And I looked at the guys and gals up behind here as being examples of what this program is, particularly for the new guy or gal. I'll go to hell and back again with you, and my track record will show it.
I'll go to hell and back again with you if you want to quit drinking. And if you don't want to quit drinking, you can go to hell alone. It's none of my business. I'm not going to bother you. I could go on up here for a long time, but I'm not going to, because I hope every one of you will come back and hear Johnny, and hear Jim tomorrow morning. But I've become a great believer in prayer today, because I've had too many prayers answered for me.
And I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day. And I'd rather that you walk with me than merely tell away, because the eye is quicker and it's more willing than the ear, and it's your example that makes it mighty clear. Now, the best of preachers are the men who live their creeds, for seeing good put in action is what everybody needs. Now, I can do it if you'll show me how it's done, for I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast might run.
Now, the lectures you deliver, undoubtedly wise and true, but the lesson that I want to learn is by always watching you,
[00:50:03]
for I might not understand that high advice you give, but there's no misunderstanding the way you act and live. I was going to, at the outset, pay my respects to Al-Anon, and I got shifted off into something else. But I do want to extend my personal regards to you guys and gals of Al-Anon, and I would like to tell you what Bill said to you, Bill Wilson. Your first gathering in New York, in conjunction with your Canadian brothers and sisters.
These are the words of Bill Wilson. He said, Al-Anon is the biggest thing that has happened since AA was started, in my opinion. The reason for your phenomenal growth is due to your determination to fill that vast vacuum of family relationship. And as we all realize, that is the most important. And I always like to add these words of my own, I have for years. I always say, blessed be the alcoholic who has a good Al-Anon mate to come home to.
Some of us guys and gals are not that fortunate. I just happened to flash in my mind that I hadn't mentioned that to you. Yes, I am a great believer in prayer. And I have reason to. I mentioned my wife, Polly. We were divorced in 1951. She never remarried, and neither did I. And after I got straightened around, oh yes, I promised my friend Howard that I'd tell you an incident in the Katie's Street Club in Dallas.
And it is as true as I stand here. We were no halfway to what houses in those days, you know. Come on boys, it's time to eat lunch at noon, you know, 5 o'clock or 6 o'clock. No, we didn't have that. So I'm mopping floors and washing dishes for the privilege of sleeping upstairs there in the Katie's Street Club down by the Market Gracie Room. One or two degrees. And one day, one Saturday, bingo. And I had to set up the tables and get everything ready.
I'd get a couple of the guys to help me. And this Saturday, we had the tables all set up and everybody, you know. And we can't, we're looking around to find the bingo beans. We had them at a certain place. And I'm helping a girl from the Suburban Group. We used to call them the Nylon Group in those days. You know, that was, you know, the girls would talk, you know, backyard, you know, you all. Hello.
Well, I'm helping Karen look for the bingo beans. And we'd been, of course, we'd been using them for a month. And for the life of us, we couldn't find them. Here's a fellow with the things, starting the machine there, the squirrel cage, waiting for the beans. So, finally, we had to go out and get some more. I told Karen, I said, Karen, I'm positive I saw those beans that last Wednesday, right up there on the shelf.
You know, another guy and I cooked those bingo beans and ate them. And they'd been playing with those damn things for a month. And I wish you could have seen the water, you know, trying to, you know, we're rinsing them. It seemed the more water we'd put in, the more cloudy that water would be. Finally, we gave up. We could see the beans in there anyway, so we just cooked them and ate them. It wasn't until five and a half years later when I met Karen
[00:55:00]
did I have the nerves to tell her what happened to those bingo beans. It was all sweetness and light. And I mentioned my wife the last time that I saw her alive. I went home to Maine to visit she and Johnny. And we're walking toward the ocean. The boys that come with me have heard me say this so many times. We're walking toward the ocean, and for the first time in 15 years, Polly put her arm around my back.
And, of course, I put mine around. To be honest with you, I figured the old boy might get home. It had only been 15 years. And, see, I'd go home about every summer. We're about maybe 100 yards from the ocean, and she said, John, I never believed what I heard about you for 12 years. I've been hearing about you. These last three years, I have believed. And would you promise me something? Now I'm expecting her to say, Will you promise that you won't take a drink and come home?
And, of course, when she said this, I couldn't get it out quickly enough. You bet, honey. What is it that you want me to promise you? She said, if anything should happen to me, would you promise me that you would take care of Johnny if he needed help? I said, why, of course, of course. Why should I worry about it? I didn't know that Polly was dying. She never told me. My God, the intestinal fortitude that you women have and go on is tough.
I come back. We're drilling out in Holbrook, Arizona, a short ways away. Never had left a lease in over 20 years. And my partner said, let's go in town this afternoon. This thing might come in. So we went in. We were parked, our trailer was parked between Twin Buttes because of the weather, and we could hardly reach Holbrook on the phone, mobile phone. Ladies and gentlemen, I swear to God, as true as I stand behind this podium, we're not in that trailer more than two minutes.
Now, you understand, I hadn't left a lease in the daytime that I could ever remember in the oil business. That horn started to blow, and I said to Charlie, I'll get it, Charlie, and I went out. And it was my son, Johnny, talking to me. That distance was about 3,000 miles, not quite, about 2,900 miles, from Belfast, Maine, where some home, ours, there you go, that our business, you know, that community property law.
You leave the community and she gets the property. I don't mean, I don't mean ours. But as clearly, as clearly as I'm talking to you now, it was my son a little over 2,900 miles away. Bear in mind, we could hardly get Holbrook, 14 miles away. God acting in many mysterious ways. And Johnny said, Dad, would you please come home? Mother passed away this noon. And it was you folks that I'm trying to get even with made it possible for me to go back to my native state again and my native city and stand beside my son And Stand Beside My Son at the Graveside of His Mother, Once More a Useful and a Decent Person.
Why in the world shouldn't I come to Norman or go anywhere else if I possibly can?
[01:00:05]
Yeah. I don't say that as any tear-jerking thing. I simply, in a matter of God, acting in many mysterious ways. And as a result of my being in Arizona, I became very well acquainted with a Navajo Indian boy, and we tried to do something out there at Window Rock and AA. We weren't too successful. They are now. They're doing a good job out there. And little Tommy, we were talking, and he said, John, from what you say, you folks are highly spiritual, aren't you?
And I said, yes, yes. We're not denominational. But we are highly spiritual. He said, you might not believe this, Johnny, but many of our braves are highly spiritual. And he said, and I'll show you again, God acting in many mysterious ways. He said, my grandfather, years ago, I don't know where he got this prayer, but he handed it down to our family. And from what you tell me about Alcoholics Anonymous program, this might help you.
Well, it's so apropos to me. I don't know about you, but to me. I asked him if I could have it, and he said, sure, of course you can. He didn't know where his grandfather got it. And I'm in Hawaii three years ago. The incidence is 1956 when he gave me the prayer. I had tried college professors. I had tried high school teachers. I had tried librarians. I had tried every way in the world, and I never could find where this prayer came from.
And I'm in Hawaii three years ago, and I used the prayer as I always do in closing, and I'm going to use it here. And this little girl came up to me from Carmel, California, and she was crying. She says, I was graduated from the Red Cloud Indian School, and Chief Red Cloud was the one who wrote that prayer. So help me. When I returned home, I got a letter from Father Kurth, who was the director of the Red Cloud Indian School in Pine Ridge, South Dakota.
And he said, now he had not contacted, had any time to contact this little girl, because she was spending quite a bit of time over there. He said, I heard your tape where you had asked for where the prayer of the Indian came from. And he gave me exactly what this little girl told me in Hawaii. It only happened about three days I'd come home from Hawaii when this mail came. What I say is so apropos to me, it goes like so.
O Great Spirit, I hear your voice in the winds that breathes life into all the world. Hear me, I'm small and I'm weak. I need your strength and your wisdom that you have hidden under every leaf and stone. Let me always walk with beauty, and my eyes ever behold a red and purple sunset. Make me wise, so I will know what you have told my people. Make my hands always respect the things that you have made, and my ears sharp, so I will always hear your voice.
O Great Spirit, I seek this strength and this wisdom, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy, myself. And when my days are ending as the shadows leave the sunrise, may my spirit stand straight before your eyes without shame. After tomorrow, we'll be wending our ways to our respective homes. I hope that we do so at peace with ourselves, at peace with our fellow man, and at peace with the God of our understanding.
[01:05:04]
And in closing, may I say thank God for the creation of those two beloved men, Dr. Bob and Bill, and that little fellow who went to Bill on that November afternoon in 1934, because none of us, in my opinion, would be here today if it hadn't been for Ebby Thatcher. Thank you. And as God, as Bill, and as Bob look down upon you folks here in this town of Norman, and you folks who have been so instrumental in this beautiful gathering, if we could hear them from their Valhalla, and I know they're there, they'd be saying to you folks, well done, don't get discouraged, keep trying to carry the message to that still-suffering alcoholic.
Thank you, and God bless everyone. Thank you, John. Isn't he great? John, on behalf of the conference, I'd like to present this to you. Thank you very much. Thank you, John. I'm Barbara, and I'm an alcoholic. For those of you who care to, please join me in the Lord's Prayer.