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Source: George O – Youngstown AA – St. Patrick's Day Banquet – 2007 – Date Unknown.mp3 File: george-o-youngstown-aa-st-patricks-day-banquet-2007-date-unknown.mp3 Duration: 01:02:32
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Thank you, Jack. Thank you very much. Thank you, Jack. Can everybody hear me? I don't want you to miss mutton. I might say something good and then you can remind me what it was. I want to thank Moon for asking me, calling me this morning and asking me if I would substitute. I'm a substitute, as Jack told you. But I ain't a substitute for a prostitute and institute. I'm a substitute for a speaker here. Guy said, you're a speaker, huh? I said, no, I make an AA lead. I don't know nothing about speaking. I don't have good grammar. Somebody say you've got a raspy voice. We know that anywhere. Yeah, that's from hauling so many years in a dirty foundry and drinking too much booze, I guess. I'm honored to be here. And I told Moon when he asked me, I said, it's an honor, Moon. And he told me thanks. And I said, no, man, I got to thank you. Because it is an honor to be asked to do anything for Alcoholics Anonymous. And if you don't feel that way, take a look at your program that you're working.
Because I know it's an honor. Because like Jack said, this was an expensive day for me, and we were talking about that. I said, yeah, you had to start about a week before to get ready for the day, you know. So what a benefit, huh? And that Billy Peaks said, hey, you're getting to eat first. I said, my sponsor told me if I keep coming back, keep coming back, good things will happen. So it happened, Bill. I'm glad to see so many sober people on St.
Patrick's Day. Boy. And I want to wish you all a happy St. Patrick's Day. My friend Jack here told me, he said, don't talk too long. We got to dance. I said, okay. So if you get tired, you get done listening before I get done talking, go ahead and dance. It's okay. It's all right. I want to thank Millie for that nice invocation. It was nice, see. And it's nice to be able to understand things. See, when I go home tonight and I wake up in the morning, I'll be able to remember what happened to me tonight and where I was at, you know. Moon told me about that gift. I said, Moon, this is gift enough. I said, this is gift enough. He wouldn't even let me pay for the tickets. I told him, I'll pay, Moon.
No, he said, no, no. And then he gave me a flower. Boy, that's great, ain't it? Lots of benefits. Keep on rolling in, you know. Now that book, Alcoholics Anonymous, tells me how to make a lead. It says we disclose in a general way what it used to be like, what happened, and what it's like now. And in so doing, I hope to share a message, my experience, strength, and hope with you. I don't take my fifth step from the podium because if you're an alcoholic, nothing I say is going to amaze you or make you go, oh, or fascinate you or nothing. I'm just a drunk that's sober by the grace of God, that's all. And the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had my last drink on April 26th of 1970. And I'm a member of the Harvard Wednesday Night AA group. Moon said they keep me on the book. He said, you could be an honorary member. But in Toledo, I have a home group. It's a Friday night White House group. Because I figured I got to get a home group there. Because these things are important. I grew up on the east side of Youngstown, had a great time growing up. Went to Catholic school for nine years. I was 17 years old. I love sports. I was 17 years old. I was going to go in the Golden Gloves. And I worked hard. In three minutes, a guy down at the YMCA changed my lifestyle. He taught me I was no fighter. My dad was a barbershop quartet singer. He was about this tall. He had a whole lot of white hair, you know. And he had a grin from ear to ear. And he was a barbershop quartet singer. And people would come to our house and they would sing and laugh and dance. And I thought, if I ever drink, I'm going to have fun just like they do. Well, I walked in the drive this day and he looked at me and he said, what got a hold of you? Because I had a broken nose and two black eyes. And I told him, he said, George, that guy used to be a professional fighter. I said, boy, Dad, I hit him good once. He said, thank God you didn't hit him twice. And that's how I lived my life. Thank God that didn't happen. Oh, thank God this didn't happen. A lot of things haven't happened to me yet. I haven't had a DWI yet. I haven't been in jail yet. I haven't been in prison yet. Haven't lost a home yet. Haven't lost a family yet. Haven't abused my wife yet or my children. But see, all these things are in that bottle and they're waiting on me. And I'm the only one that can take them out and put them on me. Nobody, nobody can make me take a drink. And nobody can cause me to take a drink. Oh, I could
[00:05:03]
find a million excuses to drink, but no good reason. My sponsor told me. His name was Fred Miller. He said, if you ever find a good enough reason to drink, he said, I'll buy it for you and have one with you. And I haven't found one yet. I'm one of them CIAs, Catholic Irish alcoholic. I would wake up serving mass, just holier than thou. Boy, I'd wake up, sweat would be pouring off me, and I'd be scared to death because I wouldn't know what part of the mass was going on. I didn't know if I had to ring the bell or pass the communion.
You know, I didn't know. And I thought, man, George, you're a hypocrite. You got to quit doing this. I enjoyed life. I like to laugh. I like to laugh because that's the kind of home I grew up in. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. And I have three older sisters and two younger brothers. And my sisters love me to death. One's 86, one's 82, and one's 76. And they just, they thought I was the cream of the crop when I was born because there was three of them and they finally had a little brother, you know. And I'm staying at my sister's house now in Canfield. When we come in, we usually stay with her because we like to see her. And it's a benefit, see. It's a benefit that I'm welcome there because at one time I didn't feel welcome anywhere, let alone to stay with my sister, you know. But anyway, that's that. But anyway, I got out of school and I could have went to a small college, played ball, and I got working in the foundry. And I haven't lost a job yet. Just didn't happen. And so I forgot all about going to college. But I realize now what you have in your head nobody can take, see. And that's why I encourage my grandchildren and everything to get their education. But anyway, I got work at the foundry and hovered there. And I didn't drink. I didn't have a drink until I was almost 22 years old. And by the time I was 23, I had accepted the fact that I was going to die drunk because I didn't know there was any way. And I missed funerals and weddings and first communions and baptisms. I missed all those things in my drinking life. And I seemed like I gravitated to people who drank like me. We left Eastside and we moved to Struthers and there I took a hostage and her name was Carol. And she was a beautiful young lady. She was 5'11 and she looked me right in the eye when we talked. And she was Irish, Scotch, and Italian. And that's a culmination.
Boy, that's a culmination. Especially when you got an Irishman that's drinking up against that culmination. Oh, boy. We was working. I got drafted in the service and I put my time in and I just did the things I had to do to get along. And I drank with people who drank like me. And we lied and cheated and covered up for each other. And I made it through. And Carol came up to stay with me the last six months I was in the service and she said, George, you're drinking an awful lot. And I said, when I get home and get back to work, it'll be different because the job that I had when I went into the service, the superintendent told me when you get out of the service, you got your job back, which was okay. So I went back to work and I come home and I talked Carol into quitting her job. She had a good, good paying job. She had a nice job that she liked. I told her, you don't have to work. I make enough money to take care of both of us. And I did. And the only reason I didn't want her to work is I didn't want to have to go pick her up after work. And I'd have to worry about her getting home. This way she was home and I, I knew she was home and so I didn't have to worry about getting home. And it seemed like that was my habit. I didn't come home. I hadn't become an everyday drinker yet when I came to you find people in AA. Except the last two months before I got here, I was drinking two bottles of Nyquil and mixing it with a pint of Thunderbird wine. Now that'll make you take back stuff you didn't steal. You know, when you work in a place that's hot and you get thirsty, you just go down, you take a big drink of water and let you float around on an air cloud just like them birds in the sky, you know, because you don't know what's going on. You don't care. I was a wine head supervisor of the wine head crew. Misfit supervisor, six misfit guys, two run overhead crane. Three guys worked on a floor with me. And them guys were just like me, drunks. We were all drunks. When somebody would go in that shop and haul their wine head, two cranes would start going, one drunken supervisor and three guys on the floor, we'd all go see what they wanted. There's mans here tonight that I used to work with. And I was happy to see him when he come in. And I don't know if he remembers me when I was drinking or not out there, but it was kind of crazy, I'll tell you. But anyway, I got out of the service and I told Carol, we're living in Hubbard, why don't we go see
[00:10:05]
about finding an apartment in Hubbard? We found an apartment with a man named Fred Miller. Freddy drank when we moved into his apartment. And boy, I mean, he drank. He drank like I like to drink. Just drink, you know, just drink. No excuses, no reasons, just drink. Because it's time to drink. You know, you're done working, it's time to drink. And sometimes it's time to drink when you're not done working, you know. So you got to know what to do to protect yourself. So you drink with people at work that drink like you drink, you know, and everything's okay. So we're living in this apartment and we adopted a little boy because we were married five years, a lot of work and no product, you know. So I said, well, we better go see about adopting a baby. Carol said, we'll go see about adopting a baby. And see, I was one of them sneaky drunks. I'd bring my paycheck home and I'd throw it on a table. And I didn't care what she did with it. I didn't care what she did with it. I'd let her make all the decisions. And sometime my wife, Jo now, she says to me, why don't you just say, that's all right with me, or that sounds like a good idea when I say that. I said, well, I ain't a drunk no more. And I'm in, I'm in my right thinking. And she laughs, you know, she laughs. She said, you'll never be in right thinking. I said, I got to agree with you there. But anyway, as things went on, me and another guy started a construction business. L&L, late and loop. We got on a job late, got looped and quit early. So I'm working at the foundry and we're working this L&L job, you know. And this one night, he helps me up the step because I was too drunk to walk up. And by God, the next morning, when I got home, all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. Because usually I had bad burns from working in that foundry around that hot metal. And I was tired. I didn't want to fight. I don't want to argue. Just let me lay down. Just let me lay my head down someplace and sleep. Well, I had real long curly hair at the time. That's when long curly hair was in style. And the next morning, I woke up and I'm worshiping at that porcelain throne. And by this time, Fred is sober. And he hears me downstairs. And I reached up and I touched my hair and my whole body got electrocuted. And I thought Carol had hot-wired the toilet. And I look at that toilet, I don't see no hot wire in there.
And I reach up and I touch this hair again. I got electrocuted again. I said, holy mackerel, you puked up one of your electrolytes. I didn't even know what electrolyte looked like. But I'm looking in that mess that's in the toilet. And I'm afraid to flush the toilet for fear I'd flush it down a drain. But I didn't know what it looked like, so I didn't know if I'd see it or not. Anyway, I go to work and I put in a tough day. Now, here comes the funny part. I go to take a shower. Well, there's all metal handrails around that shower and you got metal on the shower spigot, you know. I'm standing on a concrete wet floor. Now, can you picture this? I'm standing on one foot. We had thick wooden shower shoes. I'm standing on one foot because I don't want to put my foot down. I don't want to touch that metal spigot with my bare hand. So I'm standing there tapping with the shower shoe. I'm tapping on the valve to turn the water on. And I'm afraid when it hits me, I got to hurry up and get that shower shoe back on so I ain't grinding when that water hits me on the head so I don't get electrocuted. You talk about a lot of work to drink. Holy God. And guys were looking at me, you know, and I didn't say nothing to them. But anyway, I got the dirt cleaned off me. I went home. Carol was quiet, didn't say nothing. I went to bed. 4.30 in the afternoon, I go to bed. Wake up the next morning, touch my hair. My God, I knew I'm getting electrocuted again. Jeez, I don't know what to do. I go to work. I put in a tough day. And I perspire real easy. And I think I got something broke because if the weather gets cold, something in me starts making my body warm. So if the heat comes on, then I start sweating. So anyway, I go to work and my God, I put in a terrible day.
And about that time, I took my hard hat off. And I got it under my arm and sweats pouring off me. And number one wine head rolls by. And he said, what's the matter, George? I said, man, I don't know. But for the last two days, every time I touch my head, I'm getting electrocuted. No kidding, he said. But he didn't say no kidding. But this is a program of change. And I don't appreciate no profanity from this podium. Because this is a spiritual God-given program. And I got to change.
Just about that time, number two wine head rolls by. What's the matter with George? Number one wine head said, man, every time he touches his hair, he's getting electrocuted. No kidding, he said. But he didn't say no kidding. He said, don't you know what that is? He said, don't you know what that is? Now, this tells you how gullible this alcoholic is standing before you.
[00:15:03]
My ears got about that big because I want to find out what it was. He said, man, that's a first sign of kidney trouble. Holy mackerel. Now, I'm finding out about something as technical as my kidneys in a dirty old foundry where sometime it was so dirty you couldn't see that far in front of you, you know? But I believed him. I had an answer. Now, I knew why I was getting electrocuted. Kidneys are going, that's okay.
I'm going to get in that shower. Now, I'm going to turn that water on. I'm going to let it beat on me because I know I ain't going to get electrocuted. I get home that day and Carol said, how are you? I said, oh, okay. I got a couple bad burns. She had a nice dinner and the little boys all cleaned up, you know, and everything's okay. She said, had a nice dinner. I'm drinking my coffee. I said, Carol, you got to call me a doctor tomorrow.
She said, what? I said, man, I found out today my kidneys are going bad. I'm 28 years old. My kidneys are going bad, you know? She said, what? I said, I found out today at work my kidneys are going bad. She said, why? I said, every time I touch my hair, my body's getting electrocuted. Carol said, oh, Neil. And when she said, oh, Neil, I knew I was in trouble. Same way Joan says, oh, Neil, I know I'm in trouble.
She stood up. I figured I got to see what's coming. I stood up. She looked at me right in the eye. She said, you know, the other night you came home from work. She said, you laid down in the hallway. I said, oh, yeah. She said, yeah. She said, and I wasn't going to let you lay in the hallway because if the baby woke up, I'd have to step over you. Now, the bedroom door was about from here to Bill, but this was all carpeted.
She said, I saw that curly head laying on that bucket. She said, and I reached down and tangled my fingers up. And she said, I gave a jerk because I was going to slide you in the bedroom. She said, you didn't slide. She said, I banged your head on that bucket when it quit bouncing. She said, I jerked again. Now, this lady is getting fired up just telling me about this. She said, and I was jerking and banging and jerking and banging.
And she said, I don't remember quitting. I was doing a moonwalk before it was popular. I'm backing up. I don't know what's going to happen. And in all my alcoholic arrogance, I looked at her and I said, you mean I don't have no kidney trouble? She said, no. I said, I got to go get a haircut. And I went and I got one short as JR. And I come back home and she looked at me and her eyes got that big. And I said, see what you made me do?
I had to blame somebody for everything I ever did. I never took the blame for anything. I'd always weasel or lie my way out of everything. I lied so much, I didn't know when the truth fit. We're living in this apartment. Carol says, I'm not raising a baby in an apartment. I said, I don't blame you. She said, we're going to build a house. I said, that sounds like a good idea to me, Carol. I'm going to build a house.
I couldn't pound two nails in a row straight. I didn't know where the electric came from, the heat, the water, all that. I thought it just came with the package. But when you build a house, there is no package. Carol said, get a contractor to build a house. Contractor built us a good house. But a contractor can't build a home because it takes people in that house to put the love in there to make it a home.
And we didn't have that. It's hard to have love in a home when you've got an active drunk and you've got a nutty spouse and a goofy little boy running around. That little boy didn't know which end was up. And I thank God to this day that I never raised my hand to him in anger. I was afraid of myself, and I never raised my hand to him. We're living in this house, and things are going from bad to worse.
And I didn't want to be the way I was. I hated me, and I hated everybody else. I was full of fear. Here's a barroom drinker and a gutter brawler, and I'm afraid to go down the cellar in that house that I watched being built. I'm afraid to go outside to take the garbage out when the sun went down. I was afraid of the dark, and I was afraid to go outside. It seemed like we lived in a pattern via an airport when it was very active.
And I'd lay in bed, and I'd hear them planes going over. And I was scared to death that one of them was going to crash in the house. How am I going to get these kids out of this house? I'm a supervisor at work, and I'm having a lot of problems because I'm making bad decisions, because I'm making them quick and I'm half drunk all the time. I drank with guys that worked to drink like I did, and we drank with each other.
Things were going from bad to worse. And I come home from work one day, and Carol said, I'm not raising one child by itself. We've got to go see about adopting another little baby. I said, that sounds like a good idea to me, Carol. And that lasted for about 10 seconds, because I thought, now I won't be in second place. I'll be in third place. And I had what you fine people told me was a resentment.
[00:20:00]
See, I got names for all these feelings when I came to you fine people and Alcoholics Anonymous. You told me what they were. I just had a crummy feeling all the time, and I didn't know what it was. And the only time it would go away is when I would drink. And I didn't want to get drunk, and I didn't want to be a drunk. And I wouldn't drink wine for a long time, because I didn't want to be no wine head.
Now, Carol being Italian, she said, why don't you drink a little wine sometime? I said, OK. I went up to the neighbor's house. He was Italian. He pulled out two quarts. Me and him got drunk. I come home. I said, boy, that wine ain't bad, Carol. She said, oh my god. And that's all she said. We were fighting and angry with each other. And I used to just, I used to have, I had road rage in me before I was even on the road, you know?
Just that hatred and that anger all the time, and I didn't know what to do about it. Anyway, things are going along, and I'm having problems at work. I'm having problems at home. And Carol said, I think we ought to go see about adopting a little girl. I said, that sounds like a good idea to me, Carol. And I was happy for about 10 seconds again, you know? And I thought, my god, I'm going to be in fourth place now.
And I thought, we better don't get too many more kids who only got six chairs in that kitchen set. And if somebody got to go, I know it'll be me, because I don't fit there anyway, you know? So anyway, things are going along. And you know, I had a glib tongue, I got to admit, you know? Yeah, I was a liar. Anyway, Carol said, when are you going to paint this house? I said, Carol, the plaster got to dry.
She said, it's been drying for five years, George. I said, well, you don't want no moisture to be in that plaster, because if you have plaster in the moisture, I said, it'll come back into the rooms and peel the paint off. So she goes to the store, and she buys five gallons of water-based paint. And she's working on the walls one time when I got home from work. And I was wanting them to go to work, Junks, you know?
And I bring my money home. L&L bring my money home. I started stealing, because I had to put these two kids to college now. I bring that money home, and she said, where'd you get all that money? I said, I don't know. She said, where were you last night? I don't know. Who was you with? I don't know. She said, how can you be out? Bring all this money home. You don't know where you were, who you were with, what?
I was in a blackout. I told her, I didn't know. I didn't know, and I really didn't know. I didn't want things to be the way they were. I wanted them to be otherwise. And I realize now that I was telling Carol how I wanted things to be, not how they were. And I couldn't live up to that. And I put too much pressure on myself, because I wanted everything to be. I just wanted it. That's why I came to AA.
I just wanted everything to be better, and by God, it is better. Man, it's great. It's tremendous, you know? And it's great. But anyway, we got a little girl. And the little boy puked all the time, so me and him got along fine. I was a puker drunk, but I didn't like nothing to come out in a diaper. And that didn't bother Carol. So we made that deal. She'd take care of the back, and I'd take care of the front.
That's how we got along. Anyway, things are going along, going along, going along, going along. I come home from work one day, and she said, we're going to St. Patrick's Day dance. OK, OK, go to Idor Park, St. Patrick's Day dance. Well, see, I wanted to watch how I was drinking, because I didn't want to get in no fights, and I didn't want to cause no trouble. And my brother told me, he said, I'm not drinking with you no more, because you get too mean when you drink.
And I said, that's because everybody picks on me. He said, that's because you tell people to shut up when you're drinking. He said, and people don't like that. OK, he said, if you say shut up, he said, you're not getting no more to drink. My brother was a big guy, you know? Jimmy, Jimmy knew my brother Tom. My brother Tom was like a big bear. He was a lovable guy. So anyway, we go to this St. Patrick's Day dance, get home.
You know, I blew that. Ended up hitchhiking, ended up downtown Youngstown, 3 o'clock in the morning. Get a taxi cab, go to Hubbard. I didn't know how to get a ride, you know? I hopped out of the car and left them. Anyway, I get home, and Carol got her back to me. I walked in the door, and she said, and I was just getting over a broken leg that I had, which I got when I was drunk at a party, you know?
And I'm limping, and I sit down in the kitchen chair, and I'm sweating, and boy, I'm just mad. And she said, you're a drunken SOB. And it wasn't sweet old boy, or she was using four-letter words, not help, hope, and love, and I didn't know she knew them, you know? And she put drunken SOB on the end of that. I said, now, if you say that once more, I'm going to smack you right in the mouth. She didn't even care.
[00:25:00]
She backed up against the kitchen stove, and she had a knife in her hand that long. She said, if you lay a hand on me, I'll put this knife in you, you drunken SOB. I said, if you say that once more, I'll punch you. She said, if you lay a hand on me, I'll put this knife in you. And God talked to me that night, because in a loud voice, he said, shut up and sit down. And I sat down in that chair. I wanted to reach for a cigarette.
I love them little camel cigarettes, you know? The ones that are packed real loose. I used to smoke them camels, because they were packed loose. And I had a Zippo lighter with a flame on it about that high. Because when you shake, you know, you're quick. If you're zipping around, that lighter going, oh, oh, oh. You're zipping around, trying to hit the end of that cigarette. If you suck real hard, that cigarette will pull that flame on, and then you act real cool.
You put the lighter in your pockets, you know? I was afraid to reach for one of them cigarettes. I was afraid, because I didn't want to look like a Thanksgiving turkey on Friday, you know? She got that knife in her hand. Now, had she been ranting, and raving, and screaming, and shouting, I would have grabbed a hold of her. I would have took the knife, broke the knife, and walked out. That would have gave me a good excuse.
See, I always needed an excuse. I always needed a reason. I'd come home, had been drinking. I'd start a fight. I'd pick a fight. I'd just start picking at something until she got angry, upset. And then I'd get mad, and we'd get in a fight, and I'd leave. You know, that was always a good excuse. I got mad one night, pulled out on a highway, spun around three times, and started heading right back up my street, backed out on the main road, and went to town, got drunk.
You know, I just needed an excuse. Anyway, another time, my brother found me. I was on 80 before they started. He looked at me, and he said, you better get this car back up on the road at the crossing at Bellwick there at 80. I drove the car right up the bank. I wouldn't slide down on a piece of cardboard, you know. I started heading for Hubbard. He grabbed a hold of me in front of the police station.
He said, where are you going? I said, I got to go tell these cops I'm coming out Route 7, and I don't have no lights on my car. He said the magic word. He said, you better get back in that car and go home. He said, they're going to put you in jail. And I didn't want to go to jail. Now, who do you tell these things to? You can't tell nobody these things. So you carry them with you, and you stuff them with you.
And life just seems to get worse and worse. And you drink because you want to ease that pain that's inside of you. I could stand a lot of physical pain, but I couldn't stand that mental pain. And my dad, God rest his soul, he said to me one time, he said, do you know what hell is? I said, yeah. I was at the age where I knew everything, you know? I said, yeah, that is a place where you go. When you die, you burn.
He said, that may be so, George. He said, but I believe it's constant mental anguish. And I know today that it is. It is. It's a constant mental anguish that I was having, because that's what I had before I came to you, fine people. And I didn't know how to stop it. The only thing that would stop it would be a couple of drinks. And then the drink, the man took a drink, the drink took a drink, and the drink took the man.
And that's where I was at when I came to you, fine people. I was taken over by the drink, and I didn't know what to do about it. And I didn't like the way the person that I had become, and I didn't like the things that I was doing, and the places I was waking up from blackouts at, and the people that I was with doing things I had no business doing. But anyway, things were going from bad to worse. And I come home from work one day, and Carol said, I went to the doctor today.
And I said, oh my gosh, what's the matter? She said, we're going to have a baby. And I was happy about five seconds, because I thought I'll be in fifth place now. And we only got six chairs. So I took all the chairs to work, and I took all the cushions off, and I had a guy weld them all up for me so they wouldn't break. Because I knew I'd be on the floor if one broke. Because they ain't going to give their seat up for me.
Because all I was was a meal ticket. That's all I thought I was. I was just a meal ticket. They didn't care about me. Long as I bring the money home, bring the paycheck home, what do they care about me? This is how I felt. See, this is the feelings that I had. Anyway, I had my last drink on April 26. I guess I told you enough to let you know that I belong in this program. I had my last drink on April 26 of 1970.
My son and my niece were making their first communion that day. And that's a very important day in a Catholic child's life. And I didn't make it. I got drinking with another guy, and we hit a tree at a high rate of speed. I took the windshield out of that car with my face. And that engine split that firewall, and I came up and sat right on a seat. By all means. By all rhyme and reason I should be dead because the car was demolished.
[00:30:01]
Now you know when you hit a tree at a high rate of speed and the engine splits the firewall and it's up on the front seat, that's a lot of impact. I was in that car two hours, they finally got two wreckers to pull it apart to get me out. I woke up in this hospital and I knew I was in a hospital because I'd been there before. I looked up and I saw this big bright light and for the first time in my life I said an unconditional prayer for someone else.
Because I shut my eyes when I saw that light and I saw Carol and she was four months pregnant and I saw her with those three children for the first time in my life, I just simply said God please don't let me die because who will take care of them? See I was thinking about someone else. The drunk died that day so that this sober person can stand before you and as long as I keep that drunk dead, this sober person has a chance.
And that's what I base it on, one day at a time, just today. I knew when I woke up this morning that I wasn't going to drink today, I knew that. Because I do the things that I do every day and it didn't include drinking. So I knew that I wasn't going to drink today. Because I got a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition and I know that. And the fine people in these rooms taught me that.
Anyway, I rolled over, spit on the floor, had a mouth full of blood and teeth and just like a pig, you know, I was all cut up and greasy and dirty and oh boy what a mess. I was all puffed up and cut, I had hundreds of cuts all over me from that glass. This nurse was yelling at me that I had to get out of there. Once she found out that I didn't die, you know, she was, she was yelling at me. Before that I guess they were taking good care of me, you know.
I said, she said, you got to call somebody, I said, call my brother, I said, the shock might make my wife have a miscarriage. And my brother came and he was all dressed up and he looked at me that day and I saw the hurt in his eyes. And I saw the pain that he had because that was my little brother and I always took care of him all his life. You know, and I, anything I had he could have, any, my car, any good clothes, anything, I'd give him whatever he wanted because he was a good man.
And he came and he looked at me and he said, I can't help you. I said, Tom, I can't go on living this way, I got to do something. First time I got honest, see, I knew that something was wrong with me because I didn't want to be the way I was. And he looked at me and he said, why don't you go see Fred Miller, he used to drink and he did something about it. And I didn't know this for two years because my brother wouldn't talk about it, it was better than it was, so he wasn't going to rock the boat.
And I didn't know that, I went home that day and I saw the old wreck Carol drove and I couldn't face her so I left and she thought she was going nuts, she said, because she heard the car and she looked out and there was nobody there and she said, I thought I was going nuts. Well, she was nuts because she had been living with a drunk for 12 years, you know, she was nuts. And that's why there's a good thing called Al-Anon for them nutty spouses, male or female, you know, they should go because, and I heard a girl say, how can I expect my husband to get sober living in the same atmosphere, and she's right, I couldn't have got sober living in that atmosphere.
But anyway, I ended up at the club on South Avenue and there was old timers up there and they talked to me and I didn't know. They told me after, when I would see them in meetings, they would tell me, one guy, especially, God love him, Bob Heim, he said, man, you come in, he said, you was a mess, whoo, he said, you was a mess. And they were taking bets that I wouldn't stay sober, you know, they were taking bets, they said, that guy's too far gone, he ain't gonna make it.
But anyway, Carol came to the club and got me, and I looked at her and she looked like an old hag and she was 32 years old and I thought, my God, George, what he had done to her? And she put her arms around me and she said, let's go home, and she took me home. And on that, on that couch in that house is where I reached my bottom, because over and over and over, to the point it was driving me nuts, went the same question, what are you gonna do, what are you gonna do, what are you gonna do, what are you gonna do?
And I came up with the same answer, I didn't know, and that scared me. Because for the first time in my life, I didn't have a smart aleck answer. And I just said, I don't know. I went to the doctor the next day and he looked at me, he said, you could have got killed in that wreck, George. I said, hey, doc, I'd get killed walking down the street. And he did just what you fine people did, he looked at me.
He said, the man upstairs gave you another chance, and he swore at me. And that made me mad. And he said, what are you gonna do about it? And he swore at me again. And I thought, I gotta tell him something rotten. I looked at him, I said, I'm going home and call my friend in AA. He said, that's the smartest thing I ever heard you say. And this doctor took care of me every time I was in a jam, anytime I ended up in a hospital, he was always there and I was always telling him, you know.
And he was always telling me about how much I drank, and what it was doing to me.
[00:35:01]
And I'd always tell him, I'm going home, call my friend in AA. So I told him, I'm going to go home and call my friend in AA. He said, that's the smartest thing I ever heard you say. And I walked out of his office, and I got in my car, and I lit one of those little Camel cigarettes and I said, man, you're an alcoholic. No, you're no alcoholic, you drink too much sometimes. Because Carol told a friend of ours that, when I had a broken leg, which I got when I was drunk, who had an uncle in this program who knew what alcoholics were.
And she told Carol I was an alcoholic. Carol said, no, you just drink too much sometimes. Then I said, well, you're an alcoholic, George. No, you're no alcoholic. You're a wine head. I don't want to be a wine head. I said, don't they call you that at work? Yeah, but I don't want to be no wine head. I said, be a drunk. Then I thought of the kind of drunk Carol called me that night in our kitchen. I don't want to be that kind of drunk.
So in all desperation to be something, I said, I'll be an alcoholic. It sounds nicer than anything I've been called for a long time. Now, that's got to be insanity. Yeah, I'm going to be an alcoholic, because it sounds nicer than drunk and rotten bum, you know, all that. Be an alcoholic. I got home, and Carol was sitting at the table. I said, I got to call Fred. And I feel that my God was doing for me, just like that book Alcoholics Anonymous says, God was doing for me what I could not do for myself, because Carol did not say a word.
And I stuck my finger in some holes. A voice said, hello. I said, Fred, how are you? He said, hello, George, how are you? And I about dropped the phone, because he knew who it was, you know? I said, I got to talk to you. He said, can you come down? I said, yeah, I can come down. He said, I don't have a car today. Eleanor took it to work. I said, I can come down. I went down, I talked to Fred. And he asked me about what happened to me and things that were going on.
And he told me a lot of things that happened to me that I didn't think anybody knew. He told me about the time I had two broken fingers that I taped up with black tape for two weeks. I got them at work. And I taped them up myself, because I was drunk. And how are you going to go up to the dispensary and report an accident when you're drunk? You can't do that, so black tape works good. He said about when I woke up in the car with the puke all over me.
The windshield wipers are going and the heater's going, because I had the shakes and I thought I was cold. He told me about the time I woke up out in the backyard laying in the snow. He told me about the time I woke up sleeping in a gutter. He told me about all those things. And I thought, I wonder how he knows these things. And he told me some things about himself that I didn't know. And he looked at me and he said, when did you have your last drink?
I said, as far as I know, Fred, yesterday morning at 5.30, he said, didn't you drink today? I said, Fred, I'm never going to drink again. And these old timers, they're slick. He looked at me, he said, how many times did that work before? And they don't give you a chance to answer. Just like Bud, that old timer sitting right there. They don't give you a chance to answer, because they know what you're going to say.
He said, it never worked before, you wouldn't be here. And I thought, by God, he's right, he's right. If it had worked before, wouldn't be here. There was a guy in his program that I met and knew, a fellow named Bill Householder. And he won't mind me using his name. He said, you got to be tough. He said, you got to be tough to be an alcoholic. He said, to abuse yourself the way we abuse ourselves and say, it'll be better the next time.
He said, you got to be tough to take all that abuse. And he was right. As I look back now, he was right. Anyway, Fred looked at me, and he told me he played some tapes for me. Different parts, different little parts of tapes. And I said, man, oh, man, oh, man. I said, them guys are pretty tough. He said, yeah. He said, you love them kids, don't you, George? I said, yeah, Fred, I love them. But see, I didn't know how to show them.
I wanted to show them, but I didn't know how. I was incapable of showing anybody love, because I had no love for myself. And you can't give something away you don't have. And I had no love for myself. And I could tell you that after I'd shave. If you looked at me after I shaved when I was drinking, you'd think I hate myself. Man, I had little polka dot toilet papers all over me from hacks and cuts.
Anyway, he said, you love them kids, don't you, George? I said, yeah, Fred, I do. He said, I'm going to tell you what. If you're an alcoholic, someday you'll walk in one of them joints, and that guy's going to say, no money today, George. I want one of them kids. He said, if you're an alcoholic, you'll put one up on a bar and say, how much can I drink on them? He said, because every time you take a drink, that's what you do.
He said, because some way, somehow, someone got to pay for that drink. He said, and usually it's the children who suffer the most. And I thought, oh. He looked at me. He said, you want to go to a meeting tonight?
[00:40:00]
I thought no, but yes popped right out of my mouth. Now, people that know me know I usually don't say yes. But yes popped right out. He said, good, I'll pick you up at 28. I didn't know what I was getting into. About this time, I'm starting to shake, and I'm starting to sweat. I told Fred, I got to go home. I'm chairman of the minor league baseball league in Harvard. I got to go around, make sure everybody's there, the teams are all lined up, coaches, everything.
He said, OK. He said, I'll pick you up at 28. I went around all the fields, and me and another guy had a team. I said, I can't help you tonight, John. I said, I got to go. I said, I got to do something about my drinking. My friend's going to take me to AA, and I'll see if that'll work. He said, go ahead. Don't worry about the team. He said, don't ever come back. He said, I'll take care of the team.
I said, OK. I knew this kid's dad, and this kid's dad used to sit with me for hours and hours when I'd be drunk. And he'd just sit and talk to me, and he'd listen, a nice fellow. He's dead now, God rest his soul. But anyway, I went home, and I took a shower, and I told Carol, I got to go with Fred to a meeting. OK. That was all she said. OK. I ate supper, took a shower. I changed my shirt two times.
It was soaking wet with sweat. I had one suit, five shirts, and one pair of slacks. Carol kept that suit clean for funerals and weddings. She said, I'm going to bury you in that. I said, OK. Whatever. I went to my first AA meeting. I'm soaking wet with sweat. Freddy picks me up in his brand new car. Air conditioner's going. He takes me to a meeting parked right in front of the place. We walk in, and he blew my head in a minute, the first person he introduced me to.
I didn't know nothing about it. I laugh about it today. He said, this is George O.. He's going to give us a chance. And he took me, and he introduced me to everybody in that room. And he said, this is George O.. He's going to give us a chance. So from that day until today, I'm George O. from Harvard. People say George O. I think, who are they talking about? Because it says at the public level, at the level of press, radio, and films, it don't say in an AA meeting.
But I just laugh about it, because I respect everyone else's anonymity. And if somebody wants to call me George O., that's OK. Call me George O., but my name's George O.. But anyway, Fred got me a half a cup of coffee. I shook it full. I sit down. I listen to a guy lead. And this guy's talking about things that happened to him that haven't happened to me yet. And a thought came in my head. And it said, you're at an AA meeting.
I said, yeah. Freddy said, what did you say? I said, nothing. OK, he said. He turned around. After the meeting's over, he said, let's go tell the guy thanks. OK. I walked up there. I told the guy thanks. The guy said, it's nice to see you. I thought, why is he happy to see me? Then I said, I know why he's happy to see me. They passed a basket. Everybody's throwing them dollars in. He thought I threw a dollar in, because that's what he's going to get paid.
The more dollars that go in that basket, the more money he makes. This is the crazy thinking I had when I came here. Freddy said, let's go get a donut. OK. If he'd have said, let's walk around the world, I would have said, OK. I don't know what else to say. I said, OK, and thanks. That's all I say. He gets me one of them glazed donuts, one of them Twisty Jobs, with all that sugar on it. Well, you know, a drunk in his first meeting, man, he's sweating.
Man, the sweat's pouring off me. I got a death grip on that donut, and the stuff's coming out through my fingers. And the juice is running down my arm, dripping off my elbow. I got a Camel cigarette over here, and I got it flat. And the paper's getting brown from the sweat. And I got this half a cup of coffee that's jumping full. And I sit down, and I don't know whether to smoke the cup, drink the butt, eat the ashtray.
I don't know what to do. And the old timer comes over, and he sits down at the end of the table. And he says, hey, George. I said, what? He said, if you keep coming back, that'll go away, too. It was my God loves me so much. He let me step out of myself and see myself, and I was falling apart. I was sober six months. I was out at the boardroom meeting one night. I said to Freddy, he said, what, George?
I said, man, look at that, Fred. I'm not shaking no more. He said, lots of firsts in this program, George. I walked the floor at night. I'd drink K-Ro Serp right out of the bottle. I'd drink honey right out of the bottle. I'd eat five Hershey candy bars, because I knew that would stop the shakes. Fred told me, if it gets too bad, George, call me. He said, if it gets too bad, call me. He took me home that night, and he said, if you stay sober today, I was going to stay sober, because I was going to go to bed.
And I had to go to work the next morning. He said, if you stay sober today, he said, before you go to bed, kneel down on the floor. Now, he knew we didn't have no carpeting in that house. floors, he said, kneel down on the floor. He didn't say, if you get your slipper, he knew I didn't have no slippers, see.
[00:45:02]
He just said, kneel down on the floor. If he'd have said, stand up on the wall, I'd have stood up on the wall, because I didn't know what else to do. And if this thing didn't work, I knew that I was going to die, because I tried all them other things and none of them worked, because I didn't have nothing to work with. I didn't pay no insurance, I had nothing to call upon. But anyway, I walk in the house, Carol's sitting in the rocking chair crying.
I said, Carol, I found what I'm looking for, she said, whoopee. I said, you don't understand, she said, I don't want to understand. I said, okay, I'm going to bed. I went to bed, slept like a baby. First time in my life I slept like that. Woke up at 7 o'clock, didn't even need alarm. Got up, heard what Fred said, kneel down on the floor if you want to help today. I simply said, whoever keeps Fred Miller sober, keep me sober today.
And I went to work. The guys going on me that day, oh, my goodness. All kind of names. I looked at them, I said, man, I can't drink, I'm an alcoholic. And you'd have thought I told them I had the bubonic plague. They were running from me, they were trying to hide in the sand to get away from me, you know. And that day until the day I retired, nobody asked me if I wanted a drink. And it's okay. But anyway, Fred took me to six meetings in a row on a Sunday morning breakfast.
He said, stay home tonight, get a balance in your life. I said, okay. He said, I'll see you tomorrow night in Girard. And I thought I insulted him, you know. I said, okay. We lived in Hubbard, Girard's not far away from Hubbard. I left at 7 o'clock to find a meeting, I got there at 5 to 8. I'm driving back and forth on 304 looking for that meeting. And I don't know where it was at. Finally I said the serenity prayer and the church appeared out of the ground.
And I used that serenity prayer to death, still today. I walked in that meeting, I saw Fred and Matt standing there, and I said, man, am I glad to see you guys. They said, boy, George, we're glad to see you too. And from that day until today, I go to meetings by myself or with somebody, it doesn't matter. And I realized that I could always find a drink, I could always find an AA meeting. I could always find people in this fellowship to be friends with or walk around with or spend time with.
I don't have to have somebody take me by the hand anymore. Because I feel that that's, it's very serious. And I feel today that that might be lacking a little bit in our fellowship, our sponsorship. Because I see people coming in that are struggling, and they're not getting the benefit of good sponsorship that the old timers gave me. And see, I know that there are some amends I cannot make, because to do so would injure somebody.
So I worked that much harder at that new person, trying to help that new person, try and look out for that new person, trying to help that new person. But anyway, I used to call Fred up, and I'd go see him, you know, and he was a great one for the four absolutes, honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. And he said to me one day, he said, you know why honesty's first? I said, no, I guess that's how the guy wrote them down, Fred.
I was starting to know that I didn't know everything. And it was okay if I said, I don't know, you know. It was okay. He said, honesty's first, George, because it's the hardest. He said, I don't mean cash register honesty. He said, I mean honest with yourself, inside where you live. He said, that's what's hard. I said, oh. And Lord Lovell, God love him, from Newcastle, he said, if you get honest, you'll become unselfish.
You'll become unselfish. He said, you'll have love. He said, and on top of that, he said, you'll get pure, he said, if you get honest. Because you'll realize the things that are inside of you, he said, that you kept covered up for all them years, he said, they will come out when you start getting honest. And he said, now how are you going to get that way? He said, by living these 12 steps. So I tried it.
I tried it. And I took my fourth step, because Freddie said to do it, and I did it just like he said. I got an ashtray, big ashtray, and I got a big notebook tablet, and I made a pot of coffee, and I took my fourth step one night at four o'clock in the morning. And I did just what he said. I put Carol's name at the top, and I said, when you put up with that stuff, no way I'd boot her out. So I kissed her every day and told her thanks that she hung in there with me, even when she wasn't so happy that I was going to AA.
I tore it up and flushed it down the toilet, and I took my fifth step with Father Pete Camel. And he told me, now you're ready to start six and seven, for God to humbly remove your defects of character, and ask him to humbly remove your shortcomings, and I did that.
[00:50:01]
He said, now you're eight and nine, he said, you made that list. He said, you make amends to such people wherever possible. He said, not whenever, he said, wherever, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. And I had to make amends with a guy that I worked with. And I tried to make amends to him one day, and he said, you're a drunken SOB, and you still are, as far as I'm concerned.
I said, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I said, I had to talk to you. Two years later, I'm walking across the yard of work, and he said, hey, O'Neal, I said, what do you want? He said, come here, I want to buy you a cup of coffee. I never turn down a free drink, I don't turn down a cup of coffee. So we get in the little canteen there, he said, you know, he said, about two years ago, he tried to talk to me, he said, I wouldn't hear it.
He said, and I got nasty with you, he said, I didn't act very nice. He said, I'm sorry about that. He said, because I've been watching you. He said, and you're changed. This guy became a union official, and when they would have problems with a guy drinking about to lose his job, they'd call me, and I'd say, give the guys, give them my phone number and tell them to call me at home. They said, well, we want to know if you go, I said, I belong to an anonymous program.
If you want to know, you ask him. He said, don't ask me. I said, ask him. Guys at work that were in the program would come up and talk to me. I said, everybody that I work with knows that I'm in AA. If you want to protect your anonymity, don't come and talk to me. They said, man, everybody knew he was a drunk, just how I felt. They said, they knew I was a drunk. Why should I care if they know I'm sober?
I said, well, just so you know, you know, and I live my life like that. I'm sober 11 months, and I told Fred, I said, Fred, I worked all the steps. He said, good, now all you got to do is live them. He said, you don't want another job, do you? I said, no. He said, just live them. Incorporate them into your life. I work in one day, and I had a little bag. I had a little burglar tools, and cards, and keys, and all that.
And I told the crane man, bring the crane over. And I threw him in a hot ladle. I said, mailed him up, and the leader on the job said, what's that? Something from your past? I said, yeah, something I had to get rid of. He said, yeah, I see you changed. I said, yeah, I'm trying. I said, I ain't perfect, but I'm trying. Anyway, things are going from bad to worse, and Freddy and I's going to meetings, and it was great.
We had a little daughter, and I got an AA baby. She'll be 37 years old this year. She never saw her dad take a drink, and as long as I don't drink, she'll never know what kind of drunk I was. But anyway, I come home from work this day. Carol says, I took Fred to the hospital today. I said, what's the matter? She said, he got terminal cancer. Oh, I started talking to God. I asked him, why are you picking on my sponsor?
Why are you picking on my sponsor? Why don't you pick on someone else's sponsor? Then the name of a guy I sponsor came into my head, and a voice said, well, I'll pick up. Never mind, that's me. Never mind, never mind. So I started to back up. I watched Fred get sicker and sicker, and he passed away. And I knew that God was getting me ready for something else that was to come into my life, because shortly after that, both my parents passed away.
And then the big one came in 1980. Carol said, I want you to report off work tomorrow and take me to the doctor. I said, OK. And she never asked me to report off work. I'd ask her to report me off work, tell him I'm sick. She said, I'll call him and tell him you're drunk, but I'm not telling him you're sick. Never mind, I'll go to work. So I report off this day. We went to the doctor, and he gave her some x-ray.
Had to go get x-rays, went and got x-rays. Came back, gave them to the doctor. He looked at the x-rays. He said, here's the names of three surgeons. Pick one out. He said, they're all eminent men in their field. Picked one out, go see him. 6 o'clock at night, I'm wondering, when are we going to go home and eat? You know, this is getting crazy. We go there, and the doctor looks at him. He says, you've got to be in the hospital Sunday, because I'm going to operate on you on Monday.
I said, hey, that's pretty fast. He said, Mr. O., this is pretty serious. I said, man, you guys ain't letting us make any decisions. He said, I don't think it's your decisions to make. He said, your wife got a tumor in her breast. He said, and it doesn't look good. I said, oh, whatever. So we went. She had two serious operations. And by this time, Carol had been in Al-Anon, because we were going to get a divorce, I told Freddie.
He said, George, take this program home and work it. I said, I am, Freddie. He said, take more of it home and work it harder. And I was told that when things would start going good with Carol and I, that I'd pick a fight to drive us apart.
[00:55:01]
And another old-timer, his wife told Carol that. And Joan used to say, you go on a trip on me every once in a while. And I realize now that that's what it was. It was that old feeling coming back that I wasn't in control of things. Well, I found out today I don't need to control nothing. I don't have to control nothing. Just let it go. Let it happen. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen. Just keep on rolling along, laughing, singing a song.
Thank God I'm sober. That's all I do now. But anyway, Carol got out of the hospital. She was OK for three years. I come home from work one day, and she was sick. Well, in the meantime, Carol was very active in Al-Anon. And I had met my present wife, Joan, at an Al-Anon conference. And I thought, she's a neat lady, you know? And that's all I thought. 15 years later, I saw her. And Carol had passed away.
And I saw her at a conference. I thought, my god, she's a pretty neat lady. She liked to laugh. And I was taping at that time. I was with this lady that led. She was, a lot of people wanted to order a tape. And I didn't take any equipment with me. I thought, I'm just going to go and kind of relax. And I'll make the tapes at home while I'm taking all these orders. And I heard his voice say, would you like some help?
It was sweeter than that, though. I thought, no. Yes popped out of my mouth. And she helped me take orders, you know? So anyway, we had a sit and have ice cream. We talked about 2 o'clock in the morning. Shut the restaurant up, you know, and went home. And the next day, she helped me in the morning take orders. And I sent her a check back because she ordered a tape. I thought, I can't take her money.
And anyway, I called her. And she wasn't home. She called me. We got together. And I was going to Indiana on some business. Stopped at her house. Our first date was in Al-Anon. We went to a dance. My two sons had gone to the Navy and two daughters at home, you know? And I come home from the conference. And they said, hmm, what's wrong with you, Dad? I said, boy, I met this neat lady. Oh, we knew it.
They said we knew it. I was in a second marriage, lasted nine months. And it was over, you know? One nephew said to my sister, do drunks have blackouts when they're sober? My sister said, I don't know, Jim, why? He said, man, Uncle George must have been in a blackout when he married that lady. Another guy told me, he said, you got plucked like a chicken off a fence by a high-speed train, you know? And I just laughed.
But it was a learning experience, you know, something I'll never forget, something I wouldn't want to relive, though. But anyway, I don't know. There was just something there. Joan lived in Maumee, which is on the other side of the state. And I lived over here. And I said, we're getting too old for this driving back and forth, you know? And I was talking to my daughter, and I said, I got to get you on something for Christmas.
My daughter said, get her an engagement ring, get married. That way you don't have to travel so much. I said, OK. So I go for Christmas out to Maumee. And her daughter's there, and her daughter-in-law, and not her daughter, her daughter-in-law. She lost a daughter when her daughter was 18 years old in 1980. 80? 81. 81, 1981. I don't want to tell no lies. But it was 1981. So she knew how it was to lose a loved one.
And I'd lost Carol and my brother Tom within nine months of each other. Same with my parents. In nine months of each other, they passed away. But see, I didn't drink. And I didn't have to drink, because a drink wouldn't change nothing. A drink wouldn't bring them back. And a drink wouldn't make me a better person. And when my dad died, when my mom died, my dad looked at me. He said, you know, I'm awful proud of you.
And I said, only by God's grace, dad, am I what I am. But anyway, Joan and I got, her daughter-in-law said, when are you getting married? I said, March 19. Joan said, what? I said, that sounds like a good day. Well, all her friends, she said, you got to know a guy for three years before you get married. That way you find out how they really are. Well, they started hammering her. What happened to this three-year deal?
What happened to this three-year deal? She said, I knew George a long time, because his wife, Carol, used to talk about him. Now, she must have said something good, because when I asked her, she agreed, you know, so that was good. And she had four sons. Well, she never talked about me or never mentioned me. And her sons are big guys, you know, especially her oldest son, Eddie. Man, he's a big husky guy.
He lifts weights and all that, you know. And I gave him a hug, you know, I gave him a hug. He thought we were going to wrestle. So that's OK, you know, let's get it on, you know. We had a great time, you know. And all her sons were there. We had a kazoo wedding in her house. She played a kazoo. We gave a hundred kazoos out to people in the wedding. They all played Here Comes the Bride. I had face surgery.
I had a tumor behind here, and they cut the man.
[01:00:18]
something as ugly as that, you know, she said, you can't tell how good a book is by looking at the cover, you know, my daughter told her, dad scares me, she said, he scares me, Joe said, that's still your dad, no matter what he looks like on the outside, it's still your dad, we've had a, we have had a great life, sobriety, to me, there's nothing in this world like it, I've had many gifts and many opportunities, but the greatest thing that ever happened to me is when Freddie Miller said to me, do you want to go to a meeting tonight, and I thought no, but yes popped out, we have 15 grandchildren, we got grandkids that ain't even our grandkids, they just call us grandma and grandpa, because they like our grandkids, and I said, that's okay, people say, young kids say, will you be my grandpa, I said, sure, I'll be your grandpa, will you be my grandchild, yeah, we'll be your grandchild, okay, I said, that's okay, that's how we do it, see, we have a lot of fun, we get to travel a little bit, you know, we've had, we both had some serious health problems, but only by the grace of God, and by AA, we're able to do what we're able to do, it's, it's great, don't leave till the miracles happen, see, just like Billy Peak said tonight, how you get to go first in line, I said, hey, just kept coming back, my sponsor told me, he said, if you keep coming back, good things will happen to you, and you know, when I come in the program, not many people hug, guys would hug the girls, and that was all, and my sponsor would look at me, and he'd say, if you keep coming back, someday, them ladies that smell good, and look nice, will hug you too, and if you keep coming back, that'll happen to you, and if you keep coming back, someday, you'll get to eat first, I want to thank you, Moon, for asking me, I want to thank you fine people for listening, I'm not the man I ought to be, and I'm not the man I want to be, but by the grace of God, and you fine people in AA, I'm not the man I used to be, thank you very much.