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Source: DICOBE-00686 – John C – HAWAII CONF – 1986-11-15.mp3 File: dicobe-00686-john-c-hawaii-conf-1986-11-15.mp3 Duration: 01:05:22
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Thank you very much, Al. My name is John C., and I'm an alcoholic, and by my interpretation of the teachings and the philosophy of the AA program, assistance from a power greater than myself and that I prefer to call God, as I understand them, much help from men and women exactly like you, some of you sitting here tonight, and some effort upon my part at times. I have been continuously without a drink of alcohol or any of these pocket rockets or any mood-changing women long enough to be in good standing in our fellowship this morning. I'm not going to give you any sobriety date, as I do back where I come from, but you'll probably know before I get done. I thank the committee for granting me the privilege to participate in this magnificent gathering. I thank Char and John for being such gracious hosts. They've been just splendid. And your presence here during this convention or conference is a true indication of your loyalty to our fellowship, and for that I certainly commend you for it. Yesterday I was talking with some young person out here in the front. She said, John, would you tell me truthfully, do you ever get nervous when you talk to large groups? Now, I assure you that I'm not a bit nervous this morning, because I know pretty well what I'm going to say. While you folks out there haven't any idea what you are going to hear, and if there's any reason for anybody to be nervous, it's you, not me. I would like to make a couple of observations, however, before I attempt to say anything at all, relative to the only illness known on the face of this earth where the patient is blamed when the treatment fails. But the first observation that I would like to make is that whatever I may say here this morning is my own opinion.
I don't speak for Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole, but no one else does. I'm not presenting myself to you this morning as any authoritative source, whatever. I've heard a lot of them get up behind here in various places, and you'd think they'd written a book. But that's not the purpose. I could stand here and take the time that's allotted to me and talk to you as a former professional athlete, or as a trial lawyer of 21 years, or I could tell you of some of my experiences back in 1943 when I visited Honolulu for the first time as a member of the Marine Corps. That was in World War II, not the Spanish-American.
But that's not why I'm here at all. I just hope that I may say, as I kneeled before I came in this morning from my room and asked for God's help for me to say something that might help some person here. Just one is good enough. And I'm not given to vulgarity from behind this podium or any other one. Don't misunderstand me. I know all the words. I've used some of them and invented some. So I'm not being
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any bird up here who's all of a sudden got wings sprouting. But I was told when I come in here to clean up my act, and the first thing was suggested to me was to clean up my language, and I've tried it. Now, the other thing is that I'm not going to talk about sex this morning either at my age. But I remember of it, it was all right, and I'll still vote for it. And I have no ambitions to become some stand-up suedo comedian either. I'm just a plain drunk out of the state of Maine, now living in Texas, to the people which I owe my sobriety to. And that's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now, there are some people here that I have noticed has been taken for granted much of the many times that I have attended meetings. I have noticed that it is not prevalent here, however. I'm tickled to death to see it. I don't believe you have that sort of feeling out here. But this group of people, I never go anywhere unless I pay my personal respects to them. Because for nine years I wondered, and I wasn't interested in them. All right for them to bring the sandwiches and the cake, bring us something to eat, then get over there in the car and sit down and keep quiet. That was a group of people called Al-Anons. And the best way that I know to pay my respects to you is in the words of our co-founder, Bill, who said to you when you first were getting underway in conjunction with your Canadian brothers and sisters, your meeting in New York, and this is what Bill said to you, Al-Anon is the biggest thing that has happened since AA was started in my opinion. The reason for your phenomenal growth is due to your determination to fill that vast vacuum of family relationship.
And as we all know, that's the most important because it is the most deformed. Those were the words of Bill Wilson to you folks. And I always like to add these words of my own. I always say, blessed be the alcoholic who has a good Al-Anon mate to come home to. Some of us are not that lucky. Voltaire once said, I believe that I'll defend you. I may not agree with the word that you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. Henry Greenleaf once said, of all sad words, of tongue and pen, the saddest of them all, it might have been.
Now anything that is good is subject to criticism. And criticism is the lot of AA and has been done for many years. Our churches are criticized. Leaders of great nations are criticized. They even, they nearly put, put his name to death for his views of the stars, Galileo. They said that the Wright brothers never would fly, that the air was reserved for the birds and some people said that Christopher Columbus was crazy.
Now the only thing I know about Columbus is what I studied as a young student in school. And I don't know whether or not he was an alcoholic or not, but by gary he had all the traits of one. He didn't know where he was going when he left home. He didn't know where he was when he got there. And when he got back, he didn't know where the hell he'd been the woman, paid for the whole trip. But progress is being made in all facets today. We've put
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men on the moon, brought them back, of course. Our technological advances have been beyond really comprehension sometimes. Progress is made in all facets. Even some of us Irishmen can eat meat on Friday, can eat meat on Friday now if we want to. Maybe in the not too distant future our Jewish neighbors will be enjoying some ham and pork before too long. And who knows, maybe the Baptists will start taking a drink in front of one another. I don't know.
The damnable part of this illness called alcoholism is because I became a thief, a thief of the worst kind. Now, I'm not talking about you. Use your own judgment about yourself. But the damnable part of this illness, as far as I was concerned, I became a thief because I stole from those that I loved the most their right to happiness. I was a fellow that always complained that roses had thorns instead of being grateful that thorns had roses. I wanted no part of Alcoholics Anonymous or any part of anybody in it either. I remember starting to read the story of Jack Alexander in the Saturday Evening Post as I sat in my office in Augusta, Maine. In March of 1941, and I remember it as vividly as it happened, though it happened a half an hour ago. But Jack Alexander was not talking about the senior member of a law firm with three other men, three other young fellows. No. He wasn't talking about an attorney who had held many positions of trust, including being a special assistant to the United States Attorney General in the Criminal Division of the Department of Justice in Washington. And neither was he talking about the personal political representative of one of our vice presidents the last two years that he served there on the Potomac.
Jack Alexander was talking about the fellows down on the row, the boys in the Mission and Salvation Army spots, the boys who were riding the freights and sleeping on the docks. So I just took that Saturday Evening Post and tossed it one side. He wasn't talking about me at all, though I wasn't interested. You know, in nine short years, I walked out of my state, and I sought succor and maintenance from exactly the same spots that Jack Alexander wrote about in March of 1941, that I was too well accepted socially, and I was one of those intellectual guerrillas, you know, that knew more than anyone else. And I was one of those guys that when I got ready to quit drinking, I was going to quit on my own.
Have you ever seen these dignified bums, you know? The more they drink, the farther back they bend. Well, that was me. I'd drink, you know, and I'd give you all the answers. Oh, yeah. Take another shot, and I'm back a little farther. And then the time came when I'd take one too many and keep right on going. You don't know the kind of bums I'm talking about. There's a little three-letter word that I dripped with. I don't know about you. The three-letter word, E-G-O, and I dripped with it. And I lived with this. This is who I was.
This is this. This is this. Never took a drink in my life until I was 26 years of age. I was 26 years of age. Never used tobacco in any form. I trained all my life because
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it was necessary for me to earn my education at Vanderbilt University, at Boston University, and at the Harvard Graduate School as a professional fighter. And there was only two of us in America at that time, a boy on the coast by the name of Armand Emanuel and myself, that were legitimate college men. And I'm going to tell you it's a tough way to earn an education or a living. Some of my friends, I guess, think I stayed in there a little too long. But anyway, I never dreamed, I never dreamed that alcohol would ever affect me because I wasn't interested in it. And the first drink that I ever took was a drink of champagne. And I lived at 711 Riverside Drive back in the days when it really was inviting there. And I lived at Bayside, Long Island. I mention New York because I heard a couple of these guys say something about New York. I lived there well on both sides. But you know, that word ego, and I think it plays a great part, and it's just my opinion, and my opinion does not amount to a hell of a lot sometimes, and I'll grant you that now. But I'm just expressing my opinion because that's a prerogative that I have so long as I remain within the decency of the perimeter of the program. And it's your prerogative to accept or deny or refute. It don't make a bit of difference to me. We can disagree without being disagreeable. And if I should say anything this morning at any time that steps on any of your toes, I want you to understand that I don't say it maliciously, not that I particularly give a damn because we're getting out of here. But I don't do it maliciously. But I've got to level with you. I'm not going to stand up here and give you a lot of superfluous verbiage and try to impress you with who I was. Not at all. I just hope to God that I can say something that'll make sense enough to some fella or gal to say, well, if that bum could do it, I think maybe I got a chance.
That's all I want to do. You know, a man is only as big as the smallest thing that irritates him. And he's only as tall as when he stoops to help someone. And if he'll go a mile farther, stay a little longer, and inconvenience himself a little more, and continue to give of himself to the service of others, expecting nothing in return. Here for a while, I thought I was in the middle of a political campaign. I never saw so many delegates and many, you know, you've got a hell of a good political organization. This is a good one.
And I love Al's Kiss and Bump Club there. They throw that layover, you kiss, you know. You guys and gals are going to get a good racket going out of this. All right, I'd like to live out here. But if there ever was a man who came to scoff but remained a prey, you're looking at him. I wanted no part of God, and I wanted no part of anyone in it either connected with AA, none at all. If there was a God, he wouldn't have allowed the things to happen to me that did, so I thought. So I just came in here under very adverse circumstances. I told you I had been gone for a year and a half. I walked away from a beautiful wife, a magnificent person and mother, from a little boy, from a very, very prominent Maine family. Al's heard of them. And I, like any bad penny, I finally returned four days before I was to be divorced. Polly should have left me years before she did. I've heard a lot of these clowns get up and say, well, if my wife had only acted differently, if my girlfriend had only done this. No, she did everything that she could for me. She didn't know what to do. And I stood in the very same courtroom on the thirteenth
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day of October in 1951, after I had inquired of a very close associate at one time if he would feel the court out about me having custody of my Johnny 30 days out of the year. I don't know what I would have done with it if it had been granted to me. I'm standing there in that same courtroom where not many years before I stood with respect and with dignity. I'm standing there with a pair of shoes I could step on a chew or gum and tell you what flavor it was. Open neck, needing a shave, and I'm shaking, not from fear. I want to put my best foot forward that morning. I was shaking because I hadn't had any sneaky piece of sweet Lucia Bay horse's smoke. Long relegated from the bourbon set, no longer acceptable at the country club where I was a member of the house committee for three years. No longer accepted anywhere. And in that very same courtroom, I heard the court say no. He is neither mentally nor physically capable of having custody of his son 30 minutes to say anything of 30 days. So I walked again. Vowing when I left that courtroom in Augusta, Maine that morning that I never would step my foot back into a courtroom unless I was brought in. And I maintained that vow, kept it for 19 years. And finally, I did walk back into the courtroom because a friend of mine asked me if I would assist him in helping a member of AA who needed help. That's the only time that I've ever stepped inside of a courtroom since 1951. You know, emotional stability plays a great part, in my opinion, in the life of an alcoholic. Because when that alcohol diverts us from our normal way of living and obstructs our objective, we are in trouble. I don't care whether you drink this week or don't drink the week after next or whether you drink every day. It's not where, when, who, with, how much or where. What does it do after you drink it? And if it diverts you from your normal way of living and obstructs your objective, you're in trouble. And that's exactly what happened to me. One of the most common questions is, John, how can you tell an alcoholic? It's very, very simple. You can always tell an alcoholic, but you can't tell him much. And you know, I used to think, oh, well, that living don't depend upon what life brings to us. Living depends upon how our mind reacts to what has happened. And because of our inability to handle alcohol, our mind reacts sometimes in the extreme negative.
You know, when I'd be working with someone, and you'll excuse me when I use the word I, because, although I got drunk, we've stayed sober. But that's a tendency we have, too. You know, that egotism pops up every so often, you know. It's the best anesthetic to help lessen the pain of stupidity anyway. But I didn't come in this deal to get saved. There are men that are qualified, far more qualified to do the saving than I am. And when I come through the door of your group, large or small, and I'm sober, and I leave sober, where I go and what I do and who I do it with, as long as I remain within the perimeter, as I say, of the decency of this program, is none of your business. And by the same token,
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where you go and what you do and who you do it with, as long as you don't hurt Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole, is none of John Cowlton's business. And he's not going to stick his nose in it, either. I'd always get upset because I'd be working with somebody, and next thing I know, you know, I'd say, my God, he's going to make it. He's going to be all right. Next thing, you know, he'd come down the street, you know, stiff. And I'd get all upset, and some of the older guys would say, oh, John, he's not ready yet. Take it easy. You know, he's be all right. He's not ready.
Well, it reminds me of a story of a very capable salesman in Dallas. He had a good thing going for him. He'd get that Dallas Morning News, and he'd get the names of the new homes. And he had this vacuum cleaner, and that thing would do everything, you know, take everything, go, do a great job. And he appeared at this house this morning, and this very gracious lady met him at the door. And he started his pitch, and she said, I'm not ready. For that, he's got his foot in the door, and he's inside the hallway, and he's still going, and she's still saying, I'm not ready. By this time, they're out into this magnificent living room, wall-to-wall carpeting, you know, the, oh, ankles thick, beautiful place. He's trying and trying to sell that vacuum cleaner, but he sees that he's losing the battle. But by golly, he's not going to lose the war. So he thought, here she is, I am not ready. With that, he reached in his pocket, and he took out a handful of dry horse manure, and he threw it right in the middle of that beautiful carpet. Well, that poor lady liked to have a conniption fit. He said, don't you worry, madam. If that machine don't pick up every bit of that, I'll eat it. With that, she started for the kitchen. He said, just a minute, where are you going? She says, to get the salt and pepper, because this house hasn't been wired for electricity yet. I was talking about not to get saved, you know. And he said, no. When I came in to Alcoholics Anonymous, I want to mention this quickly, with what intention was in my mind and how that I got here. After that, I went to a place called Jolton, the courthouse, when I was denied the custody of Johnny. I continued drinking down on the docks with the boys in Bath, Maine. And it was the 28th day of October. And don't tell me that God don't act in many mysterious ways. And I got a ride into Portland on a truck. Of course, had my two degrees, you know. Sometimes those degrees, that Ph.D., you know, piled high and deep. My L.L.B., you know, lousy lying bum. And then we got that one, you know, Bachelor of Science. So sometimes, you know, it don't weigh too much.
I'm walking along the street in Portland, Maine, about five o'clock in the afternoon. And it's a cold rain, really cold up there. The 28th day of October. And where this fellow came from, I don't know. And he walked right up to me, and he extended his hand to me. And he said, Hello, Johnny. How are you? Where are you going? Now, I figured he was the fuzz. Excuse me, the police. Because I'd been picked up many, many times during those six and a half years. And I answered him honestly. I said, I don't know where I'm going.
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He said, come on with me. There's a bunch of guys that know you and they'd love to see you. And now I knew I was headed for the queue because who wanted to see me, a drunken bum? And I mean a drunken bum. Who wanted to see me but somebody down in the jail? If anybody. So I said, I just walked with him. He was in street clothes, of course. I thought he was a plain clothes man. Got on an elevator and I said to him, where are we going?
He said, in the Baxter building. When I asked him where we were going, he said, up to the AA club, Johnny. The guys know you up there. They'd love to see you. I didn't believe him, of course. And here's how I came to you. First, I thought I was pinched. That's the first step. Then when I found out I wasn't and where I was going, what do you think this marvelous legal mind reacted to? Great. I'll grab one of those suckers for enough for a bottle of sneaky Peter Sweet Lucy.
That's how I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. AA could have stood for Acro and Acrobats as far as I was concerned. It didn't make any difference to me. Let's not kid ourselves. But I stand before you this morning in Honolulu, Hawaii, and I beg of you that when that guy or that gal comes through the door of your group, large or small, and they tell you that they want some help with their alcoholic problem, I beg of you, for God's sakes, to extend that same hand of kindness and consideration that was extended to me 35 years and 12 days ago today.
Now, I know that some of you aren't going to hear this, and I don't expect you to. It's all right. But as we sit here in this God-given canopy of AA this morning, I always better like to refer to it as the cathedral of the spirit. You know, there are dangers that hang over our magnificent fellowship. Now, I'm not one of these circuit riders. I call them reciprocity boys. You know, you ask me to your place, and I'll get you back to mine.
If I asked you back to mine, you'd be up to about 15 or 20 sitting down to meet. Wouldn't do you too much good to invite me over here in that strength. I've traveled quite extensively throughout the United States and Canada, and I just got back from Canada a short time ago. And I had the privilege of visiting in Scotland and England. But there are two dangers that hover over our program. Whether you want to hear it or not, it's all right with me.
One is placing personalities ahead of AA principles, and the other is this complacency. Talking about placing personalities ahead of AA principles, I was up in Joplin, Missouri. I believe it was Joplin. And this lady came up to me, a very, very sweet lady, before the function started. And she said, John, I hope you will say something tonight about placing personalities ahead of AA principles. Now, I had learned at an early stage of my legal training, God bless you gals, that when you get a lady as a witness, it's a pretty good idea to get her on and off that witness stand as gracefully and as quickly as possible, because you never know what in the devil you're going to say, regardless of rehearsals.
So I'm giving a yes, ma'am and no, ma'am. I'm being polite, you know, for the charm, kid, you know. And just about that time, oh, some of you gals here remind me of that same person. This gorgeous-looking girl came down. And they walked across, and she got about over here, and she smiled and bowed, and I smiled and bowed. And as she went by, I gave her a casual glance, you know. I'll never forget, she had a beautiful set of wheels on her. I'll never forget it.
And evidently, the lady noticed me. Now, she was all upset about personalities, AA principles. And she said, John, do you know her? And I said, no, I don't, but she's a very attractive lady, isn't she?
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She said, John, her problem is not alcohol. She says, her problem is sex. Well, I said, I wish to hell it was my problem, dear. That took care of that. That ended that. And the other is complacency. You know, you get these guys that's 15, 20, 25 years under their belt, or 10. You don't see them around your groups anymore. I hope that's not out here, but it is in other parts. You don't see them around anymore.
You meet them on the street. This happened to me. I said to this fellow, look, we got a lot of young guys and gals coming in down there now. We need some help, and you haven't been down. We haven't seen you for four or five years. Come on down and give us a hand, will you? And here's the shot I got. Well, John, you know, I'm awfully busy lately. My business has picked up so. And I could remember the bum when he couldn't buy a roll of colored toilet paper.
Well, his business has picked up so. And besides, Helen gave him a recliner on his birthday. And he likes to take it easy after he mows the lawn on meeting night and sit back and watch that smoke pipe. Where the hell does gun smoke come on? And he said, but look, John, I'm grateful. I'm grateful. I want you to understand this for everything AA has done for me. And if you need it, drop a couple in the basket tonight.
But remember, I really mean this. I'm grateful. Now, is that so? If one of these guys' idea of gratefulness and their idea of gratitude, their idea of appreciation for what those two beloved men, Dr. Bob and Bill, and that little fellow that went to Bill Ebby Thatcher on that November night in 1934, if his idea of gratitude and appreciation is turning his back on those kind of people and turning his back on the kind of people that I see sitting out here today, if that's his idea of gratitude and his idea of appreciation, to hell with him.
I don't care if he never comes back. I like a chihuahua dog so long as he acts like one. And when he acts like a bulldog, I don't have to put up with him and I'm not going to. I'll go to Hades and back again with one of you if you want to quit drinking. And if you don't want to quit, you can go to Hades alone. That's none of my business. You know, we say, oh, how long, John, have you been in the deal?
And you tell them, I said this to you. You talk about, you know, old-timers giving young folks advice, you know, making cracks to them. I'm a little leery of that. You know, these young folks have some pretty good answers of their own. This young fellow said to me about three months ago, asked me, you know, he said, John, how long have you been in AA? And I told him, I said 35 years. He said, my God, he said, you've been dry so long you're a fire hazard, aren't you?
I don't want to become a fire hazard in this deal. No, no. You know, they tell about the old-timers sitting there one day and I'm giving a class, old-timers not. I don't want you youngsters to think that we know it all because we damn sure don't. You know, old-timers sitting out there and this young fellow's going and he's all pepped up and he's got all kinds of zip and he's giving them a Howard Cosell blow-by-blow description of his drinking bouts.
And the old-timers begin to fidget, you know, as we will, sit out there and go on this cheek and then over on this one, you know. Finally the kid finishes and up he goes. Walks up to him and he said, listen, son. He said, I've spilled more booze than you ever drank.
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The kid never hesitated. He looked right at him and he says, is that so? Well, if you hadn't spilled so much, you'd have got here sooner, wouldn't you? I don't care how long I've been sober or anybody else in there. I don't care the length of your sobriety. If you're a heel and you were drinking and you come into Alcoholics Anonymous and you put the stopper in the jug and you come to meetings, do it regularly and you're giving them that, well, I don't drink, I'll tell you that.
If their attitude and actions don't change from what it was when they were drinking, all we've got are sober heels, just because they put the stopper in the bottle and go to meetings. There's something to this deal besides that, in my opinion. There are certain principles which we follow in this deal and I can find in the 164 pages of the big book. It don't take any intellectual gorilla, it don't take some jerk like myself from three universities, enjoyed all the success that could possibly come to a person and I even look forward to going back.
Here's how much I could think and I'll never forget it, of course, as long as I live. One day we're going back and Polly and I, I'd go back every other year or every year, we were walking toward the ocean down at Belfast, that was where our summer home was. There I go again, our, uh-uh, uh-uh, that community property law, you know, he leaves the community and she gets the property up in that country, don't worry about it.
But we were walking toward the ocean, we were walking toward the ocean and for the first time in 15 years as we stopped and looking up, Polly put her arm around my back for the first time in 15 years. Now I've been going back from Texas to visit, as I say, about every year. And the old boy, I reciprocated, I put my arm around her back too because I really thought maybe I could make it back sometime.
She said, John, I, for 12 years I never believed. I'd heard about you but I never believed that you were serious. I've seen you on your good behavior many, many times before, three, four, five days. I didn't believe it. She says, it's been 15 years now, hon, and if you, uh, I believe you. And would you promise me something? And I said, you bet. She said, if anything should ever happen to me, would you promise me that you would take care of Johnny?
And I said, well, of course, but nothing's going to happen to you, honey, you know. I was serious, I thought I was going to get home. You know, I didn't know that Polly was dying. She never said a word to me. She was suffering from a malignancy. And when she asked me if I would take care of Johnny, if anything ever happened to her and she was as calm and as cool as could be, I didn't know that she was dying.
I got back, went back to Texas a couple nights later, got a call from my son, and he said, how are you, Dad? I said, fine, what's the matter? He said, nothing, nothing. Well, I said, why are you calling me? He said, I'm getting ready to go to college. And I said, I know it, I know that. He was an outstanding swimmer. He missed the Olympic team by a scantest of margins. He went to Mexico City to swim.
I said, I know it, where are you going? He said, he had many offers of scholarship for his swimming. And I said, where are you going? And he said, I haven't made up my mind yet, Dad. I'd like to come out near you to the man who hadn't been a father for 15 years. Dad, I'd like to come out near you. Dad, I'd like to come out near you. I went back to Maine the next day, and he and I drove back.
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And I was drilling up in Arizona, again, God acts in many mysterious ways. We parked our trailer between Twin Buttes because of the weather, and could hardly get the town of Holbrook 14 miles away with our mobile phone. Well, this afternoon, my partner was a doctor, and he said, well, let's go in this afternoon in town. I had never in 25 years ever left at least where I was drilling, never would leave it, sometimes stay all night.
I said, sure. Think about God acting in mysterious ways. We went in, parked that automobile, went into the trailer. We're not there more than two minutes at the most, and the horn started to blow because Doc said, well, let's leave the horn on because that thing might come in out there laughing. Remember, it could hardly reach Holbrook. I answered the phone, and it was my son Johnny over 2,700 miles away speaking to me as clearly as I'm speaking to you now.
This is as true as I stand behind this podium, speaking to me as clearly as could be. And he said, Dad, would you please come home? Mother passed away this noon. Mother passed away this noon. And it was you folks and others like you, through your encouragement, through your compassion, your patience and your tolerance and your understanding of me through a deal called AA, enabled me to return to my native city and stand beside my son at the graveside of his mother once more a useful and a decent person.
My God, why shouldn't I come to Honolulu or go anywhere else if I might help someone? You folks have granted to me, you heard me mention that I specialize in criminal law, and over the years, and particularly in the Justice Department, I've heard and taken part and observed people asking for an opportunity to return to some residence or surroundings that they'd like to start over again. I've seen some granted, I've seen some pardoned and some paroled.
And as long as they followed the suggestions of those responsible for it, they could return to that community wherever they wished. And I liken this program, as far as John C. is concerned, this simple. You folks and others like you have granted to me not a pardon, but a parole from a life sentence of alcoholism. That's how simple that it is. They've said, John, I'm going to circle a few minutes or two and come in.
A fellow said to me, John, why do you travel so much? Why do you go? God, you're getting old. Well, I'm going to tell you why and what my philosophy of life is. As a kid asked me not too long ago, he said, John, how does it feel to be 80 years old? And I said, how the hell do I know? When I get to feel 80, I'll let you know. I don't know. But my philosophy of life is, like George Allen, I agree with George Allen, the old football coach, when he said, age is nothing but years.
That's the way that I look at it. Age is nothing but years. And as long as I do not lose my enthusiasm or desert my ideals that I have cultivated as a member in good standing of AA, as long as those wires remain intact between you folks and me, regardless, call it God, call it whatever you want, I don't care. As long as those wires between us remain intact, I will not lose my enthusiasm, nor will I lose my ideals.
But if those wires between us should ever come down, God forbid, and my heart becomes covered
[00:50:00]
with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then and only then will I grow old. That is my philosophy of life, which you folks have given to me. You have been so kind to me, and you taught me this. You said, John, remember this, you cannot defy and believe at the same time and enjoy reasonable contentment or reasonable peace of mind. And I couldn't care less where you come from whether you come from the best residential section of Honolulu or you come from down across the, down on the shore.
It don't make a bit of difference. Maybe down from some not too reputable locations. I don't care where you come from. When you and I sit here today, or we converse, and we are members of Alcoholics Anonymous, we are equal in one thing, and that is that we are all victims of a fatal illness, and which on the face of this earth, in spite of all of the minds that they can now accumulate, they get together, and I'm not knocking them one bit, and millions and millions of dollars that are being spent on theory.
I'm a realist. I'm a realist. I couldn't care if you was kicked in the head by an angle worm when you was three years old. What the hell do I care? What can I do to help you stay away from a drink if you got guts enough to come in here where you separate the boys from the men, and it takes a pretty good lot of it too, sometimes. But when we come in, I don't, I don't, I don't know. I don't know whether, whether I am in a position to say, you do this, or you do that.
No, no, I don't think I am. I can suggest to you to do it. Because I told a guy one time, I said, yeah, I'll sponsor you, sure, sure. But I'm going to tell you one thing right off the bat. You get drunk on me, and two of us will go to the hospital. One to fix your rear end, and the other to get my foot out of it. Now, if you want me to… You know, I was in Arizona recently. I was in Arizona recently, and I heard this fellow get up and say, my name is so-and-so, and I've been sober ten years, and I know that I will have an alcoholic problem until the day I die.
Now, I don't subscribe to that at all. If that glass is sitting there full of booze, there isn't an alcoholic in this room that's going to tell me that he don't know what the results are going to be if he drinks it. We've tried it over and over and over again. So if you know what the answer is to a certain proposition, I don't care what it is, whether it's two and two, or seven and five, or whatever it might be, or black and white.
If that glass is full of booze, and we drink it, we know what the result is going to be. There's no problem in my estimation of that. No problem. Just having a… I'll have a problem until I know. Our problem and the problem of every single individual in over a hundred of our foreign countries, this very minute, their problem too is not drinking. Their problem, as my problem is, right as I stand here now, how do we handle our sobriety?
That's our problem. And if something works, why fix it? When we transfer the obsession to drink to the obsession to staying sober, that's when we get up, stand up, and stay up. Let's not kid ourselves. Because your life and mine is made up of four things, thoughts, acts, habits, and character, and that's your life. I don't care what the hell you come from. Thoughts, acts, habits, and character. Now if you want to continue to think like a drunk, you're going to act like one.
You'll have the habits of a drunk. Your character follows your habits, and that's your life, and you can go on living the life of a drunk
[00:55:00]
if you want to. But in this deal called AA, we can show you by living proof, not by theory. Christ, I'm surprised more people don't suffer from analysis, from paralysis, from analysis. This is a plain deal. In here, we can show you by living proof how once more, and again I emphasize, I care less where you come from. I don't care whether this little girl here that talked last night did a gain and a half or four of those mattresses.
That's all right with me. That's all right. But she never has to do those things again, as she said. We never have to take another drink of booze again, unless we want to. And if you want to drink more than you want to stay sober, all the alcoholics from head to head, and back, isn't going to stop you. That's just my opinion. Oh, Jesus, I know what's going through some of your minds. Oh, I didn't think he…
I thought this was a spiritual meeting. I never went to a meeting in my life in AA that wasn't a spiritual meeting. I don't know where the hell this comes from. You know, I've become a great believer in prayer. As I told you when I came in, the conditions in which I came in, if I was going to give you one of those Howard Cosell blow-by-blow descriptions of all of my drinking affairs, we'd be here till next week.
But I have become a great believer in prayer. But I have become a great believer in prayer because prayer, too many of my prayers have been answered. No longer do I scoff. And it's his will be done, not mine. And if there's any of you water walkers here, you know, today, I don't know, we have them over there, I don't think you have them out here. You know, that's some of them, don't you go with him, if you do, you'll get drunk.
Don't you go with her, if you do, you'll get drunk. You know, you pick up a woman's skirt, you'll usually find a slip. Some of them, I haven't seen a woman's skirt for so long here, they're all in bathing suits. Oh yeah, don't you do this, why don't you come over to my church because you like our preacher much better than the one over to yours. Where did that start? That's got nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous.
Yeah. And if there are any of you Amen Conner individuals here, I just want to remind you that it's only about six inches from a halo to a noose, and don't forget it. You know, if we keep guard at the steering wheel and stop using him for a spare tire, our chances are much better. Or as the old saying goes, if you keep the AA program in one hand and the other hand on the shoulder of a wet drunk, you haven't got anything to reach for a drink with.
Ah. You know, prior is something which is very close to me. I depend on prior. I don't depend on you, that's for sure. And I don't want you to depend on me either. I might coke or get sick or do something and I'd be around when you need me. And I just want to touch on this. I've got about four or five minutes here. I do want to touch on this. I don't want to divert so much, but I can't help it. I want to say so much to you.
I'm starting to sound like Jimmy Swaggart up here. But if it was necessary for Jesus Christ to say by myself I am nothing, my strength comes from my Father in Heaven, who am I to stand here in Honolulu this Sunday morning and attend a church where there is no God and no God and no God and no God of a single one of you people sitting out there, of Kusnod, of Kusnod.
[01:00:03]
I've done a great deal of work among the Indians in the past years, I still do with them. Now one day at Window Rock, at the same time I mentioned the episode of the telephone call, we were having lunch, a little fellow and I, a full-blooded Navajo Indian boy, and we were talking about the AA program because we were trying to do something among the tribe there, and this is in 1956. We didn't get, we weren't too successful, but we tried, and they're doing very well right now.
I think some of the agencies are doing a good job, and we were talking about spirituality, and Tommy said to me, John, from what you tell me, your folks are highly spiritual, and I said that's yes, we're not interested in any denominations or anything, it's belief in a higher power, even that's a framework for the door for the agnostic or the atheist to walk through the higher power, most of us prefer to call it God, I was talking to him about it.
He said, you might not believe this, John, but our braves, some of our braves are highly spiritual. And he said, my grandfather handed us a prayer many years ago down to the family, I don't know how he got it, and it goes like this, and he repeated it to me, and I said, write it down on a napkin there in the Window Rock Lodge, because it was so apropos to me. And next to my large prayer, this prayer that I have used since 1956, I had inquired and inquired all over this country and in Canada, trying to see where that it came from, I never was able to, until about three months ago, I received a card in the mail with the prayer of the Indian on it, and it was given to me by the children of the Red Cloud Indian School out in Pine Ridge, South Dakota.
It was about three months ago, and I'm looking forward to visiting with them in January or February, because I picked a nice time to go. But I call this the prayer of the Indian, because, as I say, it is so apropos to me, I don't know about you, and it goes like so, O Great Spirit, I hear your voice in the winds that breathes life into all the world. Hear me, I'm small and I'm weak. I need your strength and your wisdom that you have hidden under every leaf and stone.
Let me always walk with beauty, and my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset. Make me wise, so I will know what you have told my people. Make my hands always respect the things that you have made, and my ears sharp, so I will always hear your voice. O Great Spirit, I seek this strength and this wisdom, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy, myself. And when my days are ending as the shadows leave the sunrise, may my spirit stand straight before your eyes without shame.
Ladies and gentlemen, you have been magnificent to me this morning, to listen as attentively as you have. I know those chairs get uncomfortable. You have been just grand. I appreciate you being so patient with me. And I know that as Dr. Bob and Bill and Ebby and the rest of the gang looked down upon your Chairman Al and your committees and the rest, all of you that stood that had something to do with this convention, if we could hear them, they'd be saying to you from their Valhalla, and I know they're there, Dr. Bob and Bill and the gang would say, well done.
Don't get discouraged. Keep trying to carry the message to that still-suffering alcoholic. In a little while we'll be wending our ways to our respective homes, and I hope that we do so at peace with ourselves, at peace with our fellow man, and at peace with the God
[01:05:03]
of our understanding. Again, many thanks to the committee. My thanks to John and Cher. And thank you, and God bless every one of you.