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Source: DICOBE-00607 – Wayne R – OLD TOWN SPKR MTG – 1987-03-15.mp3 File: dicobe-00607-wayne-r-old-town-spkr-mtg-1987-03-15.mp3 Duration: 01:31:30
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Welcome to the Old Town Speaker Meeting of San Diego, California, on March the 15th, 1987, and welcome Wayne R. from Laguna Beach. ♪ Thank you. And now I'd like to introduce our main speaker, Wayne R. from Laguna Beach. Hi, my name's Wayne and I am an alcoholic. And I'm pleased to be here. I'm pleased to be sober. I'm just pleased to be anywhere. I don't know what it was like for you when you got here, but it was getting a little grim for me.
My life's not like that anymore. I've never seen, I've gone to a lot of AA meetings and I've never seen one so well organized, with all these guys coming up and giving speeches and no one went over ten minutes. I'm really impressed because I've kind of observed that where two or more alcoholics are gathered, there's a disagreement. Somebody's doing a good job here. I have one kind of political thing to say that's only my own opinion.
I'll say it right at the beginning of the meeting. And then everything else I say, I stick pretty close to the book. I notice there's a lot of newcomers and a few of them mentioned drugs, quite a few of them. And I work with a lot of newcomers and a lot of them mention drugs. And sometimes I see newcomers go out because they don't feel part of AA, because they're more into drugs than into alcohol. What I've been doing with my newcomers and what seems to work well, I make them understand that I'm purely an alcoholic, although on a daily basis I walked around pilled to the gills.
But that I just concentrate on the alcohol. My conclusion is it's like all that other stuff, whether it's powder or you inject it or whatever you do, it's kind of like all freeze-dried alcohol. If you keep that in mind, the program makes sense and really works for you. As a kid and as an adult and into sobriety, I was the kind of kid that whenever I started something new, I really got involved in it.
I took off like a shooting star and I'd get about halfway through it and I'd be like a plummeting meteorite coming back. I'd give up on it. I'd get bored with it. I only kind of did everything half-baked. That was true all through my life. All of a sudden I got this program and I got it. One day it occurred to me that the reason I probably got this fellowship and got sober and got comfortable in this thing is that you only have to read half a book.
I like that. It fit my personality. I don't know. I'm a secretary of a speaker meeting, too, up near Laguna in Dana Point. We had Johnny Harris Friday night. He's such a polished speaker. When I was hearing him speak, I said, I'm going to go home and practice all weekend so I can give you a polished speech. I went home all weekend and watched basketball. I just can't do it. When I get up here, I don't know what I'm going to say.
It's interesting. Sometimes it comes out fairly well and sometimes it's awful. Good luck. I came from a real strict family. My dad was like rags to riches. My mother was a society woman but came from a broken home. Her mom was a raging alcoholic. Granny was just a drunk. There's no other word for it. Actually, I was raised by the two women because it was World War II and my father was a pilot. Later on, he was a pilot for the airlines and he was gone a lot.
So I was raised by kind of like Granny, the wanton woman. Mom, who was terrified that she'd end up like Granny, so she went into perfectionism. She went into looking good. She went into denial. I was the kind of kid that wanted to please. I wanted you to like me.
[00:04:59]
I wanted to do whatever was necessary that I would gain acceptance,
[00:05:03]
I would gain attention, I would gain love. But I was a confused kid and I'd see my parents and other relatives looking down at me with these expectant faces. I knew I was supposed to do something but I never had the slightest idea what it was I was supposed to do. By the time I was six, I kind of pretty well realized that lack of power was my dilemma. I just continued on like that. I continued on wanting to please but never having the slightest idea how to please.
I had my first drink when I was 13 and I needed it. In fact, I was pretty mad at myself at 13 and why I had waited so long. It made me feel… I don't know if it made me just not care whether I pleased people anymore or it made me feel like I was pleasing them. It did something special for me and I liked it. From 13 to 18 was probably the slowest, most agonizing years of my life. I could just hardly wait to leave home.
It took forever to turn 18. My folks had raised me in a very socially prominent family. I'd gone to a lot of debutante balls. All my dates were set up by my mother who was very socially prominent and I had to go out with all these ugly daughters of their friends. I hated it. When it came time to go to college, they wanted to structure where I went to college. They wanted me to either go to Stanford or to someplace back east.
I can't think of it right now. Princeton. It was Princeton. I said, no, I want to play football and I want to be with the people. I want to go where my friends are. I want to go to Berkeley. It was 1961. I came off of a ranch. I was born and raised in Southern California, but my folks had moved to a ranch outside of Carson City. I was a very naive, very overprotected, very immature kid for almost two weeks at Berkeley.
Then I discovered freedom. I discovered kind of like wine, woman, and song all at once. I discovered San Francisco and Barbary Coast days and fraternity parties and staying up all night. I just loved it. I had a lot of fun. I really believed that all those terrible feelings that I had inside of me were a result of my upbringing. I thought that once I was free and that once I was in college and once I knew a little bit about sex and all that, that I was going to be fixed.
I did okay at school. I played a lot of ball. I was in a good fraternity. I did a lot of things right. I don't know. For some reason, it just didn't quite fix me. I'm not saying I didn't have fun because I had a lot of fun, but it was like there was a little piece of the puzzle missing. Towards the end of school, I think I was 20 years old, and something wasn't quite right. I went to San Francisco with a girlfriend of my girlfriend just to drink, just platonic and everything.
We got real drunk, and we jumped on a Greyhound bus, went to Reno, and got married. It just kind of seemed like the thing to do. Now, that wasn't exactly a marriage made in heaven, but if you're new and my story sometimes in some areas is a little extreme and you don't identify, perhaps you'll identify with the fact that I was looking to fill that hole in my gut. I was looking to feel like a human being, to feel comfortable in my own skin.
No matter whatever actions I took, that was just my desperate attempt to get comfortable. If you keep that in mind, maybe you can identify. After college, I decided that my problem was that I had a little independence, but I didn't have any money. I hadn't made my mark on society. I hadn't made my mark on anything. If I moved to Southern California, and if I had my own company, and if my girlfriend was a movie star, and I had a big mansion, and new cars, and places in the mountains, that that would fix me, that I'd be whole.
I had that all by the time I was 25. It didn't fix me, so the best I could come up with is I just got drunk and got married.
[00:10:03]
Time was starting to go by. Before the end of my 20s, I had lost that movie star, and that mansion, and that company. It dawned on me that my problem probably was that I was living in the fast lane of Los Angeles. Things were going fast, I was drinking fast, there was fast women, and what I needed to do was move to a little more serene, tranquil place, and I'd be okay. So I moved to Reno, Nevada. And that didn't really fix me too well, so I got drunk and got married.
But Reno did show me something. When I was living in Southern California, people would ask me stupid questions. I had been a daily drinker since I was 18. In Southern California, people would ask you questions like, Why did you do it? Why did you get so drunk last night? Why did you do the things you did? Or you'd hear people make comments like, If he just didn't drink so much, he'd be a great guy.
They don't mention things like that in Reno. I just found a whole group of people just like me. They drank, and they didn't ask any questions, and they didn't want to be asked any questions. All of a sudden, 10 years of my life had gone by. I was 29 years old, or 28 and a half, or something like that. It dawned on me I was drinking too much, so I decided to quit. It's amazing, but the chains that bind us are never felt until it's too late to break them.
I tried quitting drinking, and I couldn't. I never knew that up to that point. I always thought I drank because of choice. It was my choice to drink. All of a sudden, when I tried to quit, I found that I could not quit. I got a little desperate. I went to a doctor, and he gave me Valium. I tried that, and I ended up in the hospital OD'd on booze and Valium. I saw that I couldn't even detox myself with tranquilizers, although I picked up a new habit that I was to keep for a while.
I decided that I'm going to have to get some help. In Reno in 1970, there weren't all these fancy programs, so I had to call AA. I have to tell you that I had been exposed to AA since the middle 50s because of Granny the Drunk. When I was 15 years old, my folks became wealthy later on. They weren't wealthy when I was young, but they became wealthy, and they traveled a lot. Granny was supposed to come over to the house when we were teenagers and just cook for us and keep an eye and make sure we didn't burn the place down.
Well, as my folks left the door, Granny would start drinking and pass out on the couch before my folks were out of the driveway. I don't know how she did it, but she was always passed out on that couch as soon as my folks left. She was real bad one time, so my brother and I went around. We got her purse, all her money out of it. We got every bottle. We locked everything up, and still Granny was passed out on that couch.
Every once in a while, she'd get up and pick some flowers. Then all of a sudden, she'd be back, and she'd be passed out on that couch. We watched her for four or five days. Her teeth were turning nice and brown, and we were starting to get a little worried about her. We just couldn't figure out how in the heck she kept getting so drunk. It wasn't until later years I found out that she had filled all the flower vases in the whole house with booze, and she was changing them on a daily basis.
I take after my Granny, by the way. But I called AA on Granny that time, and I called him up, and I said, You know, about my Granny, she's been drinking now for five or six days, and she really hasn't moved much. We don't know what to do with her. They told us at the time, and I distinctly remember the conversation, because it made a big impression on me. They said, Well, there's nothing we can do until she doesn't drink for three days, and then we'll send someone out to help.
I thanked them, and I hung up, and I turned to my brother, and I said, You know, if she could stay sober for three days, she wouldn't need AA. It was that kind of thinking I was to carry for a lot of years. So when it came time for me to get sober, I looked in the phone book under alcoholism or whatever I looked under, and there was only one listing. It was AA. So I had no choice. I called up AA, and I said, I can't quit drinking, and I need to quit drinking.
I didn't say anything about forever. I just wanted to quit for a few days. They said, You have two choices. You can go to the Cracker Factory, or you can come and join us at AA. I said, Well, there's no choices at all. I'll go to the Cracker Factory. I had my current wife. Well, yeah, my current wife drive me over to the Cracker Factory. It was a 90-day volunteer program, but I was willing to do it.
They took one look at me, and they put me in the lockdown ward, and I resented that. I resented that. I said, I decided I want to un-volunteer and I want to go home now.
[00:15:03]
And they said, no, you're right where you belong. And I said, no, this is a voluntary program, I want to go home. And I lost that little argument and they strapped me to a table for over three days with no medication. And that was my first detox. And I got another little resentment towards doctors and nurses and detox. And it's to play a big part in my story later on. I did so well in the ashtray department that I got out of the lockdown ward in record time.
They put me into alcohol recovery, which was a separate building still in the nut house. But you felt a little bit better at this other building. And I started my 90 day program and I did real well in it. And I did. In fact, I graduated in 60 days, which was unheard of. And I went back to my job. I had managed to work my way down from chemical engineer to bartender at a casino in Reno. And of course, I went out of the nut house. Now, I had been exposed again to AA at the nut house.
Now, I don't know what you thought of AA when you got here, before you got here, but my mind was Skid Row. That's what my mind said. Well, when they had an AA meeting at the nut house, two guys showed up. Neither one of them owned socks, but they owned a lot of other clothes and they were wearing them all. One guy had no teeth and the other guy had three teeth and he was very proud of them. I didn't get the message, you know. I just, I understand it's a program of attraction and it wasn't for me.
So, I went back to tending bar in a casino and I was to stay sober seven months. The first five months, I think it was because for the first time since I was 18 years old or 17 years old, I was clean and physically I felt so good just to be clean that I stayed sober on that. But the last two months, I started going insane and I didn't know what to do, so I got drunk and got married. There's an act up in Reno. It was Pat Collins, hypnotist, but she also had a private practice and it dawned on me.
This is a very keen mind that if I went to a hypnotist, I could quit this drinking, skip that detox thing that I'm scared to death of and she could kind of program me to where I could get everything under control and it was a brilliant idea. The only problem is, I don't know about you, but I drink a lot and every time she'd get me on the threshold of deep hypnosis, I'd just pass out on her. It would take her hours to get me awake.
So, that didn't work either, so I just got drunk and got married again. I didn't know what else to do. And then I tried, this one I kind of tried several different times, but basically I decided to try religion. I had gone with Granny, the drunk, to some of these different churches. She would go in and out of AA and when she was out of AA, she was over with the Holy Rollers. And I don't mean a nice organized religion, I mean Holy Rollers.
I was sprayed and sprinkled and dipped and dunked and bewildered by religion. One of the last ones I found myself at was the First Samoan Assembly of God. I just didn't feel part of. It didn't work for me. I had all these wedding rings, so I just got drunk and got married. I just… It was about this time I was in… My drinking was, kind of like 95% of the time I was couch potato, and then 5% of the time I would drink and I would go absolutely insane.
God knows what I'd do. And I was going through one of my couch potato phases, and that necessitates a lot of television. And there were tons of ads starting to come on the TV about Upchuck Hills and some of these other places. And when I used to see them at first, I'd get real nervous and I'd make noise or sing or crinkle paper, anything not to hear them, because I had a little guilt about it. But all of a sudden I was looking at it and they guaranteed a miracle cure.
And it was two weeks with four two-day follow-ups or something, I don't know. And the closest one was in San Francisco, and I said, well, that's for me. I mean, two weeks and I'm cured. Upchuck Hills taught me one thing. I used to go there seven times before it dawned on me that not only am I a slow learner, but I'd been throwing up for years and it just had no effect on me whatsoever.
[00:20:05]
And Upchuck Hills didn't work for me, so I just got drunk and got married. What's a guy to do? It was about that time that I had a little problem. I was a morning drinker. I drank when I was awake. So, I mean, it's kind of ludicrous to say a morning drinker whenever I happened to be. Sometimes my mornings were at night because I got things a little screwed up. But I was having a little trouble keeping jobs and wives.
I had a few friends because most of the time I was fun to be around. Not always, but most of the time. And they cared about me. And they said, Wayne, you know, all you're doing is drinking and chasing women. You can't even hold a decent job. You're going to end up in Skid Row. Well, I mean, I resented that. I didn't say anything. But inside, I mean, I said, that's not the way my life is supposed to be.
There's got to be something for me. If I think, I can think of it. Now, I like to drink and chase women. What can I do and be a success? And it dawned on me one more time. I got a job as a graveyard bartender in a whorehouse. And I was to keep that job for a year and a half until I ran away with some of the help. And it was starting to trickle through up here that my life was becoming a tad bit unmanageable.
But I didn't know what to do about it. My only solution, besides drinking, is when it got too tough for me out there, I wanted to go to Mexico. Because I just felt free in Mexico. I could drink all I wanted. I got arrested on a regular basis, but I was always able to pay. I felt comfortable drinking in Mexico. They weren't out to get me as much as they were here. But I usually decided to go to Mexico about two in the morning.
I don't decide when normal people will go. I don't know if normal people decide to go to Mexico because it's too tough. But I had reduced myself now from being a bartender in a casino. I had gone through that, and then a bartender in a cowboy joint, and then a bartender in a skid row joint, and then unemployable. But I was able to get a job as a cab driver. It was interesting, drinking and driving a cab.
I did it for a lot of years, and it was interesting. But I decided about three in the morning that I wanted to go to Mexico. I had a job. I had money in the bank. I even had a checking account. I probably had a wife. I don't know. I usually had a wife. I had had a nippy-poo, but I was walking, and I decided to go to the casino and cash a check. I went in, and I wrote out a check, and it was good for once.
I gave it to her, and she was most ungracious. She said, not only is your check illegible, but you're drunk. Just get out of here. One of those 5% times happened. I walked about 10 feet away, and I got enveloped in rage. I just came unglued. I went totally insane. I said to myself, self, I'm just going to take the money, because I've got to get out of here. I'm going crazy. I've got to get out of here.
I decided to write a robbery note and rob them. It made sense to me. I looked high and low for a piece of paper to write a robbery note on. I hadn't come prepared. I wrote one on a keynote ticket, but you couldn't read the damn thing. There were numbers all over it. I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed the money, and I knew I needed to get out of town. I thought and thought, and finally it dawned on me.
I wrote the robbery note on the back of my personal check. Finally, I had found a solution for my drinking. I was to get nearly over three years of sobriety, and then they let me out. It was a serious charge. Of course it was. But it was fairly obvious that it wasn't a well-planned deal. Unfortunately, my best friend was my attorney. That's not unfortunate, except you know that if he is my best friend, besides being an attorney, he's a drunk.
We decided to meet at 6 a.m. every morning before trial at the telephone booth saloon and plan our defense.
[00:25:06]
By the time 10 o'clock came and it was courtroom time, we sat there like little robots holding onto the table, looking straight ahead, afraid I was going to fall off the chair. We never did present a defense. When it came to sentencing, the judge said in my 30 years on the bench, I have never in my life ever seen a person so unconcerned with a trial as I have just now. He was to say that we're charging you with armed robbery.
He said this is one of the briefer trials we've ever had, but I want you to know it's serious. I want you to do two years in prison. Since I had put on the note another brilliant brainstorm that I was armed, which I wasn't, I got another two years for that. So I had four years to do, which really equates to doing two years in prison. I'm going out of the courtroom. How many times have I been married up to then?
Seven? We've got some ways to go. My attorney yelled out, Wayne, don't even change your clothes. I'll have you out this afternoon. 60 or 70 days later, the other prisoners were hoping I'd change my clothes soon. I did get out though quickly. I got out on an appeal bond within four or five months out of a maximum security prison in Nevada. I was starting to get the hint that maybe my life was unmanageable.
Not bad, but it was getting a little rough around the edges. I decided to clean up, straighten up. I didn't decide to go to AA. I think that's a little radical. But I decided to stop drinking, get a straight job, and live the good life. I heard about a job as a brakeman on the railroad. There were 600 guys applying for it, and there were seven positions. I worked my butt off getting that job. I did get it, and I worked one day.
Some x-rays came back, and I had an old football injury to my back, and they had to fire me. I went into depression. I had really tried to straighten up, and I hadn't drank. I'd done everything you're supposed to do, and I'd become a good family man. I did PTA and Little League, and I was just scared. I was doing whatever I thought was necessary to get a break in life. Being of no particular moral fiber and being depressed, I just went back with my new friends that I had met in prison.
We were out now, and we went off in the sunset. I decided to run away. I decided to jump bail and just make a run for it. But being my friends, they were all alcoholics one more time. Of course, we drank our way all the way to Las Vegas. That's as far as we ever got, and we ran out of money, which is easy to do in Nevada. I was involved in a real armed robbery there, and a terrible police chase and all kinds of things.
I wasn't exactly the ringleader in this deal, but I knew what was going on, and I was just as guilty even if I didn't perform all the acts. All of a sudden, I was in a Clark County jail. I worked a four-year sentence and no prior criminal record of any kind into 34 years. I'd managed to do that in 18 months. I went from no record to five felonies. I was resigned. I kind of had a deep gut feeling that I needed to be off the street because I was going to hurt somebody or hurt myself.
But I just knew I was out of control, and I kind of went to just go do the time. I didn't moan and groan about it too much. I just kind of resigned, and it was kind of like the solution was given to me. At least I know where I'm supposed to go and what I'm supposed to do, and I don't have to even think anymore. An amazing thing happened. When I went back to prison, Nevada State Prison, I prefer to call it God's intervention, but you can call it coincidence.
You can call it blind luck, whatever. They started me on my wrong sentence. They started me on my last sentence first, and by state statues that wiped out 24 years of my sentence the first day I was there. So I ended up having to do one 10-year sentence. At that time, you had to do one fourth time, so I had to do at least two and a half years. I was to do a little over three. I got out of prison, and I wanted good for myself.
I was amazed that a guy with my upbringing and with my education and knowing right from wrong could have gotten into that kind of trouble. I decided that I had had enough in Nevada, and Nevada kind of agreed, and that's one of the reasons they let me out. They promised I'd come back here to Weirdoville in L.A., and I promptly agreed with them. L.A. and I promptly agreed with him and I took a bus from Carson City down to L.A.
[00:30:00]
and it was December 12th, 1980. I didn't want to drink but I was lonely and I was scared and I, the person I was supposed to meet for a job never showed up and there was no real excuses. What really went on the back of my mind is I haven't had a drink or if I have a couple of beers but basically I haven't drank for three years. I've been eating good. I've been working out. I've been basically really healthier than I've ever been in my life. I can drink. From December 12th it took, well December 27th, I was flat on my back worse than I'd ever been in my life at LAUSC Charity Hospital. Sicker than I had ever been in my life. I had forgotten, I didn't forget. I was afraid to show up for parole because I was drinking. I was in a lot of trouble. I had seven more years or a little less than seven years to do on my sentence. I didn't know what in the heck to do. The parole board had a good idea what I should do and that's show up. They got word to me somehow and I showed up for parole about a month and a half late and I had these clauses when I got out of prison. They said I had a no drinking clause and if I was caught drinking I automatically went back to prison. I also had an alcohol rehabilitation clause, whatever that is, and it meant that I had to go to some kind of program. Well, I finally show up for parole and another miracle in my life. I mean, who do I get as a parole officer? I get a guy with 17 years on the program of AA. He shows me this list, 20 different, you know, programs I can go for alcohol rehabilitation. I'm looking at it, looking at it, and he said kind of casually, you know, if you really want to please your parole officer you'll go to AA. I just kind of said well show me the way, you know, and he said there just happens to be a meeting on Atlantic Boulevard in Alhambra tonight, a speaker meeting. It was a Thursday night and I really went to, as far as I'm concerned, my first AA meeting. Even though I'd been to AA meetings before, I'd never even bothered to listen. I mean, I went with some idea of helping myself. I didn't know what AA was. I don't pretend that I did, but I just, there was some hope there, and I was scared of it. I was afraid of it, and also I still had the vision of the winos. I went to this meeting, and it's not as big as this, but it's a pretty big meeting. It's an old time Southern California meeting, and I was sitting in the back row looking real cool, and I want you to understand I'm less than two months out of prison, and before the meetings even started, this little redhead comes bouncing up. She says, I got a year on the program, and I can show you an easier, softer way, and one more time I said, let's go, and unfortunately she was a blackout drinker, and she got drunk about every three weeks, and she didn't remember it. She thought she had a year, and my first exposure to AA didn't work real well, but something did happen there. I stayed sober probably four or five months. I'm not real sure in there. That was a real rough period of my life, and I worked, and I did a lot of things, and I went to a few meetings. I had a couple of problems. One is I was prone to hit you. Another one is I didn't talk, and the other one is I didn't smell good. Even when I didn't drink, I just, I don't know, I just sweat all the time, and I wasn't one of the ones. I was unhuggable.
I was just unhuggable, you know, and I'd watch this gal go out, and I'd keep going to meetings holier than thou, and then I decided that I'll show her, and I'd get drunk at her, and oh, it was a mess, and finally I got rid of her, and I went to Raleigh Hills, Upchuck Hills, for my seventh time, and I met a psychologist there, and that psychologist said, Wayne, this is your 22nd detox, your 22nd program, and you're going to die. She said, it might cost me my job, but, and she was the head psychologist for 11 or 12 hospitals. She says, but I'm a 10-year member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and you don't belong in this expensive hospital program. You belong in AA. I said, I can't go to AA. One of my biggest problems is they use this word, God, and every time I hear it, I want to scream out the back door, and she, in her best professional voice, said, Wayne, you're full of horse pucky. That's not the word she used, but it was something like that, and for some reason, it impresses me when people talk to me like that. They don't mince words.
They say, Wayne, you're full of shit, and I listened, and I said, okay, I'll try it again, and they detoxed me, and I went back, and I stayed sober 11 months, and I
[00:35:03]
moved down to the beach, and I went to a lot of meetings, and I enjoyed the meetings. I had a lot of fun, and I did the first three steps, and I had a roommate that was in AA, but I still had that problem. I couldn't let you know where I was coming from. I couldn't let you know how badly I hurt. I couldn't let you see that kind of anger that I was feeling inside of me, and by the last, after 10 months of it, I was starting to take everybody else's inventory. I was starting to see what was wrong with AA. I was starting to go insane. It's what I was starting to do, and at 11 months, or a little less than 11 months, I made a conscious decision to go out and get drunk and find her because she could fix me, and I went into a blackout kind of drinking, and I didn't black out very often, but I went into a blackout drinking, and I woke up about two weeks later next to one of the biggest white objects I had ever seen in my life, and even worse than that is she had a brand new wedding ring on her hand, and so did I. An insult to injury, there was a policewoman's uniform hanging on the bedroom door, and she slept with her gun. I called the psychologist immediately, and I told her that my life was unmanageable, but there was no more insurance, there was no more money, there was no more Mr. Big Shot, there was no more hope in my life. She said, Wayne, I cannot get you in another hospital program. I cannot get you a medical detox. The only thing I can do for you is get you into a social detox, a county program, and the one I know about that I can get you in is called Casa del Cerro in Dana Point, California, and I hemmed and hawed and thanked her and hung up because as much as I wanted to quit drinking, my fear of detoxing was so great without the pills and the frills that I didn't know if I was willing to do it, and I went back to that marriage made in heaven for one more week and watched her strap her gun on every morning, and I realized I had had enough. I just, and I called her back and I said I'll do it, just set it up, and I knew where the place was because when I'd been in AA before there, I'd been a speaker there, you know, so I certainly knew where the place was, and I was living in Newport at the time, and I had a car of sorts. I had a little problem with possessions. I lost them a lot, but I did have a car, but I was afraid to drive, so I took the bus down PCH and got off at Del Obispo, and if you turn left, you go a little ways and up this hill, and you're at Casa del Cerro. I turned right and you go right into a liquor store, and that's what I did because I was afraid to go up there. I had too much fear. I couldn't handle it, and I bought a six-pack of beer, and I walked out. There's a state park there called Doheny, and I took that six-pack out there, and I sat at a picnic table, and I drank three of them real fast, trying to get up enough nerve to go turn myself in one more time. I didn't feel any differently. In fact, I felt like it was almost like a waste of time, but I was so sick that I had to, you know, do something to stop, but I didn't see me stopping forever. I just had gone on and on and on, and I'd given up hope, and something unusual happened there. As I was finishing up the third beer, it occurred to me that when I was a kid, like 12 years old or however old you are when you're a Boy Scout, I had been a Boy Scout right there at that park, right there in that area. I mean, that very area.
I camped out for four days, and I'd been a kid that loved nature, and I'd been a kid full of hope, and I'd been a kid, you know, that thought he had a shot in life, and I realized I was sitting there right now as a derelict, just absolutely worthless, and I couldn't figure out how I got from that kid to that derelict, because it wasn't my intention to do those things. My intentions were to come out and be a normal person, make my, you know, have a happy life. I didn't know how I did it, but something happened. I was too hard-headed to say I surrender. I was too hard-headed to even figure it out, too dumb or whatever I was, but I feel like I was rendered surrendered right there. I just gave up. I didn't drink the other three beers. I said, it's time. I give up. I've had it. It is enough, and I don't care what happens to me. As long as it's different from what's happening to me now, I'll go with it, and I walked up that hill, and I'm not saying I wasn't full of fear, and I'm not saying I wasn't full of anger, because I was. I had a glare in my eyes. I mean, I just looked like I wanted to hurt you, and I did, and I walked up, and thank God there was enough love in that room that they stuck their hand out to me, and they hugged me, and they said I was welcome. Well, people had not lately been saying that to me, and I was welcome. I knew it. I knew
[00:40:02]
something was different. I knew that, you know, when you talk to a psychiatrist, I don't know if you've ever had that problem, but I've talked to psychiatrists and psychologists, and to, and I don't mean to knock anybody, but I've talked to religious people, and I once in a while tried to get honest and tell them where I was coming from. Not often, but once in a while, and I'd tell them what was happening, what, how I was feeling, and I'd look in their eyes, and I could tell they didn't understand what I was saying, but at AA, when I once in a while would get honest and say how I felt, I could see in their eyes they knew where I was coming from, and that was the whole difference at the Casa. I could tell they knew I was hurting, and they could, I could tell that they didn't think anything was wrong with that, and I could tell they understood why I was hurting, and that's about as far as my intellect went, and I stayed up there seven days. I probably should have stayed for recovery, because I was very, very sick, but I'm an independent son-of-a-gun, and I knew that all I wanted to get back, and I wanted to get to work. I wanted to get that job again. I wanted to get that car. I wanted to get that apartment. I wanted to get my life in order, and seven days was enough, and, but luckily, the people in Laguna Beach had gotten to know me, and, and they grabbed a hold of me, and one guy said they had known that in Sunset Beach, I tried to do a four-step, and every time I came close to looking at my past, I got drunk, or I went insane. I went nuts. I could not look at, I couldn't bear to uncover that, all that garbage I had done. I couldn't, I couldn't bear to look at those feelings, and, and every time I approached it, I just, I backed off, and I disappeared, and this guy, I had, I don't think I had 30 days sober, and I've heard a lot of controversy about this, but it doesn't matter, because this worked for me. He said, come on down the house, and have a cup of coffee, Sunday morning, ten o'clock. I said, okay, I was like, not used to being invited anywhere. If you asked me anywhere, I would have gone, because this felt good, and so I show up in, in Laguna Niguel, ten o'clock on a Sunday morning, and I walk in the door, and they say, Wayne, sit down, stupid. Okay, I sat down, and they said, here's a bunch of papers, divided up in three columns, you're doing your fourth step right now, and your fifth step, and I said, okay. I didn't have time to lie, and I didn't have time to run. I just let it go. Now, I, that won't work for everybody, and I know it won't, but for me, at that time, it just flowed out. I mean, it all went, and I had a feeling so cold inside me, that I thought I'd freeze to death. I was shivering. I felt so cold inside, but it all went. I knew it went. It was gone, and that gave me the gift of another two years of sobriety, where I still had a lot of other problems. The one is, I still didn't talk, and the other one is, I wanted to hit you. Other things happened to me. At 30 days sober, I was asked to, to speak at a woman's recovery home up in Santa Ana, called the Villa. They said, come on up, and a gal I'd gotten sober with said, come on up and share your stupid story, and that morning, I'd been kicked out of the apartment I was living with. This might come as a shock, but I was living with a woman, and she couldn't stand me sober, and then my car, you know, I had my car still. I was supposed to pick up a guy with 18 years in the program. He didn't show up. I had no money, no job, no place to go, and about three blocks from where I was supposed to go to this meeting, I was in a head-on collision. My car was destroyed, and my head, but that's the least damageable part, so it didn't matter about that, and I'd get out. I got out of that accident. I was bloody, but not, not exaggerating, not bad. You know, a big bump on my head, and I walked right to the Villa and shared. Now, I look back at that at 30 days. Why I didn't walk the other direction, downtown Santa Ana, and get drunk, as I've done every time in my life, when you have that kind of a day, I don't know, but I know it wasn't my conscious decision, and that's what happened, and then at 90 days, I was almost capable of working, so they recommended that I get a job, this big shot, that required the IQ of a fern, and I did it. Okay, I'll get a job that requires the IQ of a fern. Not only that, we want you to keep it for one year. I said, okay, so I got a job as a cab driver. I knew how to do that, and all my friends were there out in the street, you know, the people that still work the streets, and for six months, it was great, because driving a cab, you can go to the meetings you want to, you can get in and out, you can do anything you want, and so I went to tons of meetings, and I was driving everywhere, but after six months, I was getting well, and I knew that with this keen and cunning mind, I should be doing something else, and I started bitch about this job to my sponsor, who had an extremely deaf ear. And I couldn't understand
[00:45:07]
why I was doing it. I couldn't see the reason. I'm well now. And you still, I got to go work 12 hours a day driving this cab, barely subsisting. Why? And I drove and I drove. And for a year and three months, I drove that cab and went to meetings. And that's all I did. And one day in Newport Beach, I picked up this guy from Texas. He said, take me to the airport. Well, we got an airport in Orange County there. It's about seven miles from where I picked this guy up. And I said, which one, LAX? He said, no, the one right up the road. Well, by the time we were halfway there, I talked him into going to LAX because there's better connections. It was a $7 fare against a $70 fare. And by the time we were halfway to LAX, he says, you know, I like your style. You didn't lie to me, but you sold me on the idea of going to LAX. I'm from Texas. I don't know anybody in Califor. He says, you know, I like your style. You didn't lie to me, but you sold me on the idea of going to LAX. I'm from Texas. I don't know anybody in California. It was a $7 fare against the $70 fare. And by the time we were halfway to LAX, he says, you know, I like your style. He didn't lie to me, but you sold me on the idea of going to LAX. I'm from Texas. I don't know anybody in California. You want a job? I couldn't believe it. I said, I have to check with my folks. My folks. I'm 39 years old, right? I got to check with my folks. So I went to my sponsor and I said, you know, I've done what you said. And I had a secret thought that he wasn't real bright, but I kept it to myself. And I said, I've been offered a job driving a cab. Can I have it? He said, well, what's the salary? I said, oh, there's no salary. It's commission only. And he said, you know, you can have it. You know why? Because you were doing what you were supposed to be doing and that job came to you. You didn't go scratching around making that job. So it's probably going to work out for you. And I started this, I met this guy that, I started this company and I had no employees and no contracts, nothing. It was a brand new company. And I started and I started doing okay. And the guy I was partners with was in Texas. Well, three months into this company, he was indicted for bank fraud with 12 banks. And all of a sudden I'm running this company and he's out of the picture. And the investors come to me, they fly me out to Texas. I fly in, I've just been a cab driver. I fly out on this jet. They come by and pick me up right next to the jet in the helicopter and fly me to their corporate headquarters. So we don't know anybody in California either. We want you to run this company. We want this company to be yours. I don't know. I still own that company today and it's very successful.
And it's completely due to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't understand it. I don't get it. But it works. I started out with a job, IQ of a fern and ended up really doing very close to what I'd been trained to do but had long since left behind. And I did it without, the only effort was showing up. That was it. No manipulation whatsoever. That guy trusts me. And I've pretty much told him the truth about me. I have kind of backed off on the armed robbery part so far. But I don't know if he'd mind it because we're in the vending machine business. If you're in that business, your name is supposed to be Rocco anyway so what the heck. And all of a sudden I own this company and we're brand new. We're seven, eight months old. We're going great and all of a sudden we start getting robbed. I mean on a daily basis. I run the company out of my house. I'm trying to save money. I'm trying to build a company. On a daily basis, some police department is calling me and saying one of your machines has been robbed in this town. The next morning, 5 AM or 6 AM, a machine's been robbed in this town. And it went on for nine or ten months. Three, four, five phone calls a day. Morning, noon, night. Police departments are calling me and I'm going insane. I'm 40 years old. I finally have a chance to make it in life. I'm doing, I'm going to meetings. I'm doing everything I can think of to do things right and it's all getting taken away from me. I go to police departments and because they're individual thefts in different jurisdictions, they're just petty thefts. But all of a sudden $100,000 had been stolen. And they didn't look petty to me. And I was going nuts again. I was going nuts.
I was watching my dreams go away. And one night in front of a meeting, I said to my sponsor, I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know if I can take this pressure. And he looked at me and he said, Wayne, you just might have to give it up. And I said, oh my God, he's lost his last wing nut. You know, I couldn't believe he said it. I mean, doesn't the idiot know that this is it? I won't get another chance.
You know, doesn't he know that I've poured my life into it? How can I give it up? But everything my sponsors asked me to do, I made an agreement with myself
[00:50:02]
that I would do anything my sponsor asked until it stops working. And unfortunately, well, fortunately, really, he's never been wrong. So I've never stopped doing anything he's asked. I went home and on a nightly basis for 10 nights, I prayed for the willingness to give up that company. And I got that willingness. And of course, the magic of the program worked. Once I was willing to give up the company, I was able to endure the thefts. And so I didn't have to give up the company. It took the power out of those thefts. And the energy I put into worrying about the thefts, I turned into hiring private detectives and catching the guys, which we did, you know. And one more time, my thinking is to buy a gun and get the guys because we knew who was doing it. We just couldn't prove it. But the program and me following the program out of just like blind little robot, yes, sir, it worked, you know. And it's just so amazing. And I have to talk a little bit about religion because it was the hardest thing that I had to, it was the hardest part for me to face, that G-O-D word. And my sponsor, one more time, talked to me. I said, you know, I just, I can't buy this God concept. I just can't. My dad was an atheist. I'm just, I can't buy it. I don't know what to, what you people are talking about, you know. I don't see how he could be a God. I just, not with the life I led, not with the way I felt. And my sponsor said, Wayne, God's existence does not depend upon your acceptance of it. That's when I try to look real pensive and like, I'm listening to my sponsor. I think he's nuts, but it really, and then he said, in fact, God is just testy enough to go ahead and be anything he wants to be, no matter what you think. I said, oh boy. And other phrases like that started coming through.
And I learned that, you know, like spirituality wasn't a mental exercise. It's something you lived. And I started learning. I started understanding. And also I started realizing, it was pointed out to me that my folks and doctors and psychiatrists and friends had poured so much effort into trying to sober me up. How many hospital programs, how much effort to sober me up, absolutely to no avail. I wander into the halls of AA and I'm struck sober. You know, what else could it be? Because my best efforts didn't make it.
And it started to dawn on me there had to be a higher power. And I started thinking about how did all those years on that prison sentence go away? And how did I get that 17-year member of AA as my parole officer? Most of them aren't in AA. Most of them need AA. And I know there's a guy there from the probation department. And, you know, I came to believe. And at first, my concept had to be Mother Nature. That's all I could. I understood that. I knew I couldn't turn back the tide. I knew I couldn't change the wind. I knew it was more powerful than me.
And as time has gone by and as I become more active in AA, I think my concept's a lot like a lot of people I know in AA. And I'm grateful for it. God, it's given me so much relief. I still had one more problem. I couldn't talk. I was the kid that in grammar school, if it was day for book report, I didn't show up for school. I could not talk in front of a group of people. And the last time I did was in the second grade and I wet my pants and I never did it again. I mean, forget it. It made me too nervous. And two years had gone by and I had done my fourth step.
I'd done a lot of the steps, but I didn't share in meetings. I didn't talk. I still was kind of in that mode that as a cab driver, my first year, if somebody touched me or gave me a hard time, we were in a fight. That's the way I handled, that worked my program, worked my anger. And I wasn't a whole bunch better the second year, although I'd stopped getting physical. I'd just glare at you, or if you were really bad, I wouldn't talk to you anymore.
I was starting to get in a lot of pain at two years sober. I was starting to get in a lot of pain. I did not want to drink. And I don't know if I would have, because I don't really didn't want to drink. But I also didn't want this pain I was getting into, because the good feelings I'd had as far as I'd gone were wearing thin. I had to take more action. I had to get more involved. And I decided that if I don't start sharing, and I knew what you were supposed to do in AA, if I didn't start sharing my experience, strength, and hope, and I don't mean from a podium, I mean just in a regular participation meeting, if I didn't start being a secretary or a treasurer or cleaning ashtrays or just getting active and volunteering, that I was going to have a miserable
[00:55:02]
life. I knew that. So I decided that I was going to make a total all-out effort. But with my personality, I didn't want anybody locally in Laguna Beach to know that I was going to try. So I found out about a convention in Colorado. And I made reservations, and I went up there, and I volunteered for everything. I mean, they have green shirts up there that show you where to go and tell you what time the meetings are and have to talk to everybody. And I did that, and I volunteered to be a leader and to clean up and to fold tables. And I mean, I just, for four days straight, I did nothing but volunteer my help. And I came back to Laguna Beach, and I didn't feel too much different, you know? But something happened, because the people that, everybody was always nice to me in AA. I never had a problem with that. But all of a sudden, I started getting asked to do things. Something had changed that they could see, that I was ready, it was time for me. And I was asked to be secretary, and I was asked to do this and that, and I was asked to take a meeting to a detox center. And I was, it just went on and on, the things I was asked to do. And also, I was asked to speak at a convention.
Bear in mind, I had never spoken. And this guy said, do you, you know, will you be the opening 10-minute speaker at the Orange County Convention? And it was five months away or four months away or something, so I said yes. I always say yes when it's a long ways away, because I never think it's going to get there. And the very first time I talked in AA, like from a podium, it was in front of 3,500 people. And I was scared. I was terrified, you know? But this is a guy that couldn't go to grammar school to make a book report. And one more time, the program worked for me. One more time, what really happened is, yeah, the program worked for me, but one of my best friends, I was sitting next to the mayor of Anaheim, you know, and he was making me nervous too.
And everybody was making me nervous. And one of my best friends walked by in front of all these 3,500 people, and they couldn't see him because he turned his back, but he gave me the finger just before I was supposed to speak. I don't know, it just loosened me up or something. I just went ahead and did it. And that's nothing to be proud of as far as giving a talk. What the miracle is, is the ability to stay up there and not run. You know, to actually, to hang in there and do it. It didn't matter if it was in front of 15 people or 3,500 people.
I don't think that really matters, but AA gave me the strength, and it was purely AA, gave me the strength to go ahead and do something that terrified me. I mean, it terrified me just to my toes. Speaking still is hard, and I'm doing a little more of it, but it was something, one of my greatest fears. It's greater than my fear of height. I mean, it was a terrifying thing. And I started, then I was told, work with newcomers. And my feeling was that I'm not worthwhile working with newcomers. You know, I'm still sick as a dog. I'm still going around with feelings like hurting people. I'm still, I can't talk in meetings. You know, when the heck am I going to share with a newcomer? And one more time, my sponsor says, do you know how to stay sober one day? And I said, yeah. He said, then you can share with a newcomer. Go find one that's having trouble staying sober one day. And I started doing that, and I found the true relief in this program. I had done almost everything else, and finally I started working with newcomers. And my head said, I don't have enough time to work with newcomers. How in the heck can you work with newcomers? I got this company going. I was so happy I was sober, I got married after two months of sobriety. So I had a family. I was a busy guy. Where am I going to get this time? I go to a meeting every day, at least one, probably about 10 a week. I don't see where I can fit anybody in. And that's another fallacy I found in AA, that the more time that I put into AA, the more effort I put into AA, the more time I seem to have. My life becomes more organized, but my time becomes, there's more quality to my time. I used to spend a lot of time, I'm kind of like a mass of obsessions and kind of hurtling directionless through life. And all of a sudden I have some direction to my life. And I had more time to do things. And I started working with these newcomers. And some of them liked me, and I started working with more and more of them.
I started working in detox houses. And the discomfort I had from speaking, and the discomfort I just generally had melted away. Not overnight, but it melted away. Where with the exception of speaking from podiums and things, I am just genuinely comfortable day in, day out. I have bad days, but I'm still comfortable with Wayne. I'm just having a bad day. It's not all Wayne's fault. Sometimes it is Wayne's fault because his head gets in there. But generally I just feel Fox's head gets in there but generally I just feel okay and also I know what to do when Wayne gets busy and shuts out the program and it was just amazing and I want to share with you talking about speaking again when I first started that
[01:00:02]
company it was necessary to use the telephone now I hadn't used the telephone in years it terrified me and I had to make sales calls and I couldn't see anyone face-to-face because I couldn't talk and that's of course why I wanted to be a salesman and so what I did is I would go to a meeting and get kind of centered in AA meeting and I would run home and get on that telephone and start making sales call and the first time I did it I lasted 15 minutes and I had to go back to an Alano club and the next time and I'd get nice and centered at the Alano club I'd run home and make some phone calls and I lasted maybe 25 minutes and that's the way I started that company in pure pure fear and that fear has left me in this fellowship I can't tell you how incredible it is I can't tell you what it's done for me and I know that feeling I work with a lot of people that slipped when I got here it was 23 detoxes is nine wives it was 22 stepkids my god and I always like prefab families that way it's a lot less effort and you know it was prison and it was just total failure I had lived for years you know with a daily recognition of total failure and I hated it and I know when a guy and I talked to a guy and he says yeah I can see AA working for you but it's not going to work for me and I know those feelings and I love working with those kind of guys because you can make it and I think that all we have to do if we're really hurting is on a daily basis go to a meeting and stick your hand out and say hi my name is Wayne and I'm an alcoholic I think the rest of the the magic of the program will take over from there you don't have to say you're hurting usually we can tell you don't even have to say you're new we can usually tell that too you know and it's that it's an incredible program I've gotten so much out of it and the only reason I get the more I give the more I get and everything that I've heard has been true my sponsor didn't lose his last wing nut I he's an incredible guy and he loves me no matter what I am that day and I've learned unconditional love and I've learned a lot of other things last night I went to a meeting that was just for couples and everybody's talking about how they quit coffee and how they quit they started dieting or they quit this or cigarettes one of them and all sudden it dawned on me that we're spending all this energy quitting our obsessions and that really once more and more time we're getting rid of symptoms you know it's just like getting rid of alcohol we're only getting rid of a symptom the problem is in here and I started realizing that when we work a real good program and I started thinking about my obsessions a lot of them just melded away by having some balance but by starting to love myself you know I started not having to have those obsessions and and it's just amazing with this program's done for me I love it and I love you and I don't have any more to say so I thank you all right thank you Wayne the beginning of the meeting cakes etc follows immediately thank you you ready welcome to the regular Sunday night Old Town Speakers meeting my name is Rob and I am an alcoholic synonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking there are no dues or fees for a membership we are self-supporting through our own contributions AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution does not wish to engage in any controversy neither endorses nor opposes any causes our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety our anonymity like our sobriety is a treasured possession we ask the help of our guests especially those representing the press or broadcast media in protecting the anonymity of all alcoholics present here tonight we hope that you hear something at this meeting which you can take away and use we respectfully request however that you eliminate any mention of names in reference to members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Are there any other alcoholics here tonight?
[01:05:04]
Welcome. Are there any newcomers in their first 30 days of sobriety? If so would you please stand and give us your first name and could you hold your applause until everyone is stood up and can we start in the front on the non-smoking side and walk our way back and then come back over here and go back again. Hi Joe. Hi Dan. Any more on that side? How about over here? Hi Rick. Hi Bill. Hi Al. Hi Becky. Hi Marge.
Any others? Welcome. Are there any visitors from outside the greater San Diego area? If so would you please stand and introduce yourself. Do the same thing. Wayne Alcoholics New Jersey. Hi Wayne. Hi Ed. Hi Kevin. Hi Jim. One more over here. Hi Tom. Hi Suzy. Others? Alright welcome to you too. The format of this meeting is normally a five-minute speaker, a coffee and cake break and a main speaker. The coffee bar will be closed after the break. Tonight we're going to have a steering committee meeting though.
Not meeting, report. That's what it is, yeah. Tonight I've asked Maria to read a portion of chapter 5 from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled How It Works. My name is Maria and I'm an alcoholic. This is how it works. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed a path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.
Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders. But many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. As some of these we blocked, we thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for us, but there is one who has all power, that one is God. May you find him now. Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked his protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery.
One, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five, admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Six, were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
[01:10:02]
Seven, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. Eight, made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Nine, made direct demands to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Ten, continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Eleven, sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
Twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Many of us exclaimed, what an order, I can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.
The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. B, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. And C, that God could and would if he were sent.
Okay, if I understand correctly, that the format of the meeting is going to be changed somewhat in order to facilitate a more efficient coffee break. So, at this time, I would like to introduce the birthday cake chairman, Mr. John C. Cooley. That's right. A more efficient coffee break. So… Ah, at this time, I would like to introduce the birthday cake chairman, Debbie. Yeah! Hi, my name's Debbie. I'm an alcoholic.
Hooray! Everybody. Gene, Wayne, Herb, Susan, and Shirley will come up and sing happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Elkinglingers. Happy birthday to you. Keep coming back without a drink. Thank you. And grab a book. I know it doesn't look like me, but it looks. Okay. I'm Susan. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Susan. I'm just real grateful to be alive and sober.
And I guess I just wanted to share that when I first came to this meeting, I had the winning ticket, you know, the coupon to win the big book. And I couldn't even get out of my chair to get it because I was so terrified. So I just really feel blessed that, I mean, I'm still scared to death to be up here, but it feels good to be able to do it anyway. And God's put so many special people in my life these past two years, and I'd like to name them all, but I can't do that.
But I want to thank my higher power first for carrying me through this past year because I really feel like I was carried through a lot of it. And I'm real grateful to my sponsor for sharing herself with me, and her name's Rachel, just for being who she is. And I want to thank Don H. and his family for being such an important part of my life. I'm real grateful to them. And I want to thank all you guys for being here.
Thanks a lot. Hi, everybody. I'm Shirley, and I'm an alcoholic, too. Hi, Shirley. God, three years. It's a miracle. And if you don't believe me, you're going to believe me. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. It's a miracle.
[01:15:15]
but believe me, I wasted too many years in denial, and being here is just the best thing that's ever happened to me, the best three years of my life, and looking around and seeing so many familiar faces that have become very dear to me, and people that I meet, and even if I don't know you real well, I know why you're here, for the same reason that I am, and each day to me is just each day a new beginning, it's fantastic, so stick around.
Thank you. My name's Gene and I am an alcoholic. My shrink is treating me for anxieties, so I've been taking the cake all week, so I wouldn't be nervous when I got up here, and they did say this program would restore us to sanity, I also dropped a two and a half to three pack a day habit of cigarettes Thursday, and I haven't had a cigarette since yet, and I'm still a little bit nervous about that, if I'm going to sit over here next week, if I'm going to sit over here, but for the newcomers, I guarantee you if you don't take a drink, and you go to these meetings, and you work the steps as they are suggested, you will not get drunk today.
I had to go out and do some more experimentation, I had four and a half years on the program, I got away from it, I divorced the wife that was on the program because she was too much into my program, so consequently I went out and I drank again for another five and a half years, I'm just now taking a two year kick where it should be a twelve. My shrink says that's should, no, you are where you're supposed to be right now, and for the newcomers, I guarantee you, if you don't want what I've got, you're in the right place, because I'm supposed to give away what I've got in order to keep it, so some of you are going to get it.
Thank you. I stood up because I came to this meeting many times, I helped set up, and I was a big, I don't know, a big laugh around here I guess for a while. Anyhow, I'm here tonight, not for myself, but for the alcoholic that's still suffering, for the newcomer, just to let you know, to show you that it does work, I've got a little over three years, three months in the program, and I'm still loony tunes, but I just keep coming back, and I try to put one foot in front of the other, Like I said, I'm here to show you that it works. Thanks.
My name's Ralph, I'm an alcoholic. I don't believe this, but somebody told me you can, and so I do. Anyway, this is my fourth birthday cake at this meeting, and I can see people in here that I went to my first meetings with, and when I first come in the program, not of my choosing, but because I'd hit the bottom, and thanks to them, and all you people in this room, and AA, I love you, and thanks for sticking by me until I got my fourth one. Hope to see you again. Thank you.
My name's Herb, and I'm an alcoholic. How it was, is I look at that board, and I, today, can remember my second, third, and fourth year in sobriety, where eight years ago, I couldn't remember from what happened the previous day, so I have to be full of a lot of gratitude. Gratitude to a higher power. I found spirituality within the program, rather than religion. I have to be grateful for the people that come to these meetings, and are sitting in these rooms, day after day, week after week, for several sponsors, that, through the grace of God, I was able to listen, and become teachable.
[01:20:04]
I have a lot of gratitude for my wife, who happens to be here tonight, and she always knows when I need a meeting, after she's taken my inventory, she throws me out of the house and tells me to go. So, for that, I'm very grateful, and for the newcomers, give it a chance. The program works, if you'll work the program. Thank you. We celebrate different periods of sobriety here at Old Town Speakers, and tonight, Bill's going to hand out tokens.
So, if you have 30 days, but less than 60 days, come on up and get a token. Alright. Hi, I'm Catherine, and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you, Catherine. 60 days, but less than 90? 60 days, but less than 90? Thank you. I'm Kevin, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Kevin. I'm Tina, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Tina. Hi, Richard, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Richard. 90 days, but less than 6 months? My name's Elizabeth, and I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, Leslie. My name's Mark, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Mark. My name's Howard, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Howard. 6 months, but less than 9 months? My name's John, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, John. Hi, Barbara. Hi, Barbara. I'm Danny, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Danny. I'm Tom, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Tom. I'm Sheila, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Sheila. I'm Brian, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Brian. And 9 months, but less than 1 year.
Here they come. I'm Taya, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Taya. Hi, Taya. I'm Wilma, and I'm an alcoholic again. Hi, Wilma. Congratulations, everyone. Tonight, our 5-minute speaker is the Steering Committee, hosted by Don. Okay, let's go, Steering Committee. Hi, everyone. Hi, everyone. My name is Don Sykes. I'm an alcoholic, but worse than that, I'm chairman of your Steering Committee. I try. And my alternate is Jay.
We are making a request from all you smokers, and by the way, I'm a smoker, so that's why I think they asked me to make this. Due to the air condition, and the acoustics, and the visual aids, and all the other, we ask that you hold down your smoking while the meeting is going on. And no, I don't think it is either, but some people bitch about it, and so I go with them. So anyway, we want to try to cut the non-smokers a little slack.
Okay, guys? Fantastic. Give yourselves a hand.
[01:25:00]
Okay, each chairman will introduce themselves, tell you a little bit about what they're doing, and introduce their alternate. Okay? I'm John Alcoholic, your treasurer. My alternate is Pat, and I think she's sitting out there. Hi, there. Hi, there. As I've explained before, a treasurer takes your contributions, pays the bills, and the money that's left over is spread to other organizations within AA where it's needed.
This month, I have not done a split of excess funds. We're holding it for the expenditures of the annual party on the 29th. We'll make a split after the bills have been paid on that party. Thank you. My name's Debbie. I'm an alcoholic. I'm the cake and token chairman and Bill's my assistant. And I'm responsible to make sure that the cakes are here and there's enough tokens for y'all. That's it. I'm an alcoholic.
My name's Ted Berger. I'm the coordinator for this meeting. Your alternate is Tina. I attended the meeting this last Thursday and nothing happened. We requested that a flyer for the potluck be put in the upcoming coordinator which was accepted on the condition that we have volunteers go down the following month to help fold coordinators. So anybody who would like to volunteer to do that, it'll be 6 p.m. April 15th.
That's a Wednesday. If you'll see me after the meeting or if you're sponsoring somebody you feel needs to get involved, drag them up to see me after the meeting. Also, I have plenty of flyers for the potluck over here. If you'll see me after the meeting and grab some to take to your regular meetings to make the announcements and to leave some on the secretary's table, it would be appreciated. My name's Larry and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm your program chairman. I'm responsible for getting your speakers. I'm also the one that goes through the agony when speakers are unable to show up. Luckily, we were able to get a fill-in tonight. We were scheduled to have Ansel C. Unfortunately, his father is critically ill and he had to fly to Oklahoma. Wayne has offered to come down from Laguna Beach and has made the trip down to speak tonight.
Also, at the steering committee tonight we had some discussions and it was passed by the steering committee that the two seats in the front row on each side of smoking and non-smoking are reserved for the speakers because we never know whether the speaker is a smoker or a non-smoker normally until they arrive here. Also, it was discussed at the steering committee and passed that when you save seats, you save one seat for yourself and one additional seat.
It has been noticed that the number of times at 530 at night we'll walk in here and there will be one card on 15 seats and that's a little unfair to the other people so please try to keep that down so we can have ample seats here for the meeting. Also, our speaker scheduled for the anniversary party is Clancy I and I will be talking to him this next week. Also, next week's speaker schedule is I believe Red A from up in the Los Angeles area and we'll have other speakers lined up through the month of June at this time and if you have any speakers you'd like to hear, please see me.
Thank you. I'm an alcoholic. My name is Paul. I'm your setup chairman and Rick is my assistant. I want to thank the people that show up early and help us set up and also for the potluck, we get quite a bit of a turnout for that and we need people to bring chairs for the potluck so be sure to bring your chairs that night. Thank you. My name is Ralph. I'm an alcoholic and I'm your literature chairman and Linda is my co-chairman or our co-chairman.
Give her a hand. Our leader asked me to make an announcement about the potluck. He says the Food. Ha ha ha ha. Everybody bring some food and enough to share with other people, and after the meeting, I'm also the chairman, I guess, of the food committee, and I'd need some volunteers, so if you'll see me either here or over at the literature table after the meeting, I'd appreciate all the help I can get. Thank you.
[01:30:04]
I'm Ken, I'm an alcoholic and an addict. Bobby's the chairman, I'm the co-greeting chairman, and I'd just like to welcome everybody, everything's going good. Thanks. My name's Steve, and I'm an alcoholic addict. I'm your clean-up chairman, and I'm looking for an alternate, so I'm accepting all applications. Need someone to assist me, you know, and someone I can yell at. Thank you. Hi everybody, my name is Gary Cornell, and I'm an alcoholic. I am your GSR for this meeting, and my alternate is John. I went to the Wednesday district meeting, and we have, as you've seen some of the green flyers, and on March 21st we're having district 13, which this district falls into, we are hosting the area assembly.
And it's going to be a full day, and they're having an area assembly meeting from, I believe it's 10 to 5, with a free spaghetti feast, and Hugh D. from Chatsworth is coming down to be the main speaker for the speaker meeting. Then we're going to have a DJ-type dance afterwards, and they're asking for a $3 donation for the dance.