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Source: DICOBE-00469 – Peggy M – TWELVE TRADITIONS – 1984-02-19.mp3 File: dicobe-00469-peggy-m-twelve-traditions-1984-02-19.mp3 Duration: 00:50:02
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I'm Peggy M. and I'm an alcoholic, through the grace of God and your fellowship and sponsorship I've been sober since February the 4th, 1964. An old timer. McMullen called me up, I think it was, let's see, my party was Saturday, my anniversary was Saturday night and that was a February the 4th and I think it was the first call we received on Sunday morning from Tom inviting me to participate in old timers day, it's a dubious distinction.
Well anyway, to get on with this because the traditions are something that I am particularly fond of. I like talking about them because they are the step beyond the steps, you know, it's, when I first came to AA and for a number of years I didn't realize the importance of getting along with other people. You know, I mean, I was recovered very nicely, thank you, but for God's sake don't bother me, you know, don't get in my way, for heaven's sake don't ask me to converse with you or to get out of any sticky situation or have a discussion, Phil, you know, don't do that, just let me be recovered all by myself, thank you.
And the traditions are basically very simple, you know, and if we complicate them we're going to screw them up, you know, they are a set of simple customs. You know, a tradition in this country is like we have, it's traditional to have turkey on Thanksgiving. It's traditional, at least in our family, to have ham on Easter. Those are customs, they are things that we customarily do and we do them out of habit and we do them because as it so happens, you know, turkeys mature at that time of year, of course now they mature all year long, but at that time of year they did.
And then in the spring you have ham because they've cured the pork and all that sort of thing, so, you know, they really are basically customs. They grew, they were written as customs, as traditions, out of experiences that the early members and the early groups had in Alcoholics Anonymous. And let me tell you something, they were not good experiences, they were bad experiences. You know, have you ever, I thought about this today, you know, we talk about people who are attraction, you know, the attractive side of us and you don't want to get in with the losers and stuff like that, this thing is bothering me, is there something that can, it's kind of loomy or something, and I sound enough like Minnie Mouse that it is without, anyway they grew out of experiences and they grew out of our early fears, you know, we are a bunch of neurotics, I don't know if you know that or not.
But when we first come to the program for Alcoholics Anonymous, we are particularly neurotic and paranoid, you know, and we are really quite unlovely, you know, and I was very unlovely when I got to the program, physically and psychically, you know, because I was a real boob, you know, and I didn't want to get along with anybody. And these were experiences that they had that, you know, I like to think of them this way, you know, they'd have a situation in the old days and they'd run headlong with it and they'd crash into a wall, you know, and they'd, oh God, you know, that hurts, and then they'd pick themselves up and they'd back off again, you know, and they'd get back here, you know, and then they'd run at the wall again, bam, you know, and they'd, ow, and then somebody comes along and says, maybe we better write a tradition about it.
So we won't do it again, you know, so that's the way they happened, they happened out of fear. And another important thing to remember, and something that I didn't discover for years, which just shows you how brilliant I am, is that the traditions are not just for the groups. Wow, boy, a big light bulb, they're for me, personally. Because if I'm to be a member of a group, it means I have to get along with a whole bunch of neurotics, being a neurotic myself, you know, and there is nothing like AA.
You know why it's so exciting? Because we never, I don't know what I'm going to do from one moment to the next, and when I'm in a room full of people who don't know what they're going to do from one moment to the next, it's hard to get along. I mean, you might be, well, Phillip's in a horrible mood today, we'll announce it right now. He's having one of his bad days. Well, suppose, suppose I'm having a good day, and I go up and I say, oh, Phillip, you know, he'll go, oh, my God, get away from me, you know, we've got to learn these principles of how to get along.
[00:05:05]
There are a set of principles, a set of sound principles as to how to get along with each other. And you know what the basic purpose for the traditions is? This is terrible for a bunch of egocentric people, as we are. It is to suppress the individual ego to the common good. Boo! You know, boo! And you know, when you first come face to face with the traditions, you think, oh, no, I don't want to do that.
I'll lose all my individuality. That's the point. That is the point. Because if you're going to get along with a whole bunch of people, you better, you know, or else you're just going to be run up against that wall and bloody in your head all the time. So we have to think about the common good. You know, when we first, when you first look at the traditions, whether you're going to apply them to the groups as a whole or whether you're going to apply them to yourself, you look at them and you say, well, all these people in here tell me that I must do these things.
You know, I have to do these things. Because they tell me that. I don't want to do them. And somebody will come along and say, you don't have to want to do them. You just have to do them. You know, and we don't like smart asses like that. But we listen to them because they've been sober longer than we have and they've been getting along better. I was having a conversation with this girl the other day.
And I said, take a look at the record. And she knows who she is because she's sitting in the audience. I said, take a look at the record. Take a look at my life and take a look at your life. Now, which one do you think maybe is better? Oh. It's like Carol, so I will remain anonymous. Two girls had a fight the other night. And one of them said, we always seem to have a personality clash. And the other one said, yeah, that would be so if you had a personality.
Oh. Anyway. First we do them together. Anyway. First we do them because we must. You know, because we must do them. They tell us you must do. These are things you must do, you know, to get along. Then we do them because here we go. We get into our phase of altruism. You know, where we are. Honey, we are so good. We are wonderful. And don't you ever let anybody tell you that you aren't wonderful because you might have a fit.
If they come along and say, you are not wonderful. You know how mad you get when you are wonderful. And you are right. And you know the truth. Well, you get to that stage. So you do them then. This is it. You do them because they are the right thing to do. Doesn't that give you a feeling of loftiness? I am doing it because it is the right thing to do. Down inside you are saying, I don't want to do this.
I don't want to do this. And outside you are saying, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. And outside you are saying, but it is the right thing to do. You know, it is like when I say, take care of your side of the street. And they all go, mmm. Because that is a lofty thing to do. But you do them because they are the right thing to do. Finally, it dawns on you one day. After you have been doing the right thing for a while.
The great mystery is that the right thing feels good. Now that is a heck of a thing to say to an alcoholic. Does it feel good? Does it feel good? Does it feel good? Does it feel good? Does it feel good? Because we are hedonists. We want to feel good. Didn't you want to feel good? When I drank, I wanted to feel good. I always wanted to feel good. Whether it be any situation. And if I didn't feel good, then I tried to make it so I did feel good.
Well, we suddenly discover. In all our brilliance. In all my brilliance. I discovered that doing the right thing felt good. What a discovery. It is kind of appalling really. Because I kind of like doing the wrong thing. Because it just was exciting. It was always exciting. It was never boring doing the wrong thing. But I always had to pay the consequences. So doing the right thing. We do them finally.
Because it does make us feel good. And we get along better and everything. So I am just going to go through real quickly. I think real quickly. Because I like to keep them very simple. Because I think if you complicate them too much. They get dry and boring. And they are not. They are living principles. That is why we use them to get along with each other. And I will read each one. And I want to give you my sort of short.
Down and dirty type of interpretation. And anything I say is my own opinion. If you don't like it. That is fine. You can disagree. But just don't come and disagree with me. That is not true. You can disagree with me. I just reserve the right to hate your guts. Now you know me better than that I think.
[00:10:01]
Boy you are mopey today. Look at him sitting there. He is moping in the corner. Okay here we go. Tradition one. Grandmother no. Okay here we go. Tradition one. Our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity. Well first of all. What I say is that we stick together. We hang separately. Now there was a time in my life. That I would prefer to have hung separately. It was individualist.
It was leave me alone. I want to be happy. I will live by the sword. And die by the sword. I will live by the bottle and die by the bottle. In short and succinct terms. I was a terrible loner. All by myself. Not wanting anybody in. Okay. Our common welfare should come first. Now what principle does that. You know what it says. It means that I have to subjugate my will. To your will. Whether I am a member of a group.
Of Alcoholics Anonymous. Or whether I am a member of the family. I can't go. Oh I had a discussion this morning. See I have a chance to practice these traditions all the time. In my life. And in the people that I sponsor. You know we can't be the boss. In our families. And oh wouldn't we like to be. Wouldn't we like to be. Wouldn't we like to just boss everybody around. And just sit on our duffs. And have them do everything for us.
Wouldn't we like to be spoiled brats. Weren't we. Weren't we spoiled brats. In spite. You know I heard Zahn talk last night. And he did just a super job. And you know he was. He was really basically a street kid. And yet. He was the boss boy. I mean he was the boss. When he wanted to. You know he just was in charge of everything. I was not. I was a boudoir alcoholic. And I still was the boss. But we can.
Oh that was so hard for me to swallow. So what I. I don't care what my opinion is. If my opinion is going to affect the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm cutting my own throat. See if I violate these traditions. I am cutting my own throat. You know because I'm going to get drunk. There's two influences. In this world for alcoholics. There is whiskey. And there's God. You know one's malevolent. And the other one's benevolent.
And if I choose to go with the malevolent influence. Then I'm going to screw up all hell. If I choose to go with the benevolent influence. I'm going to do what's right whether I want to or not. And I'm going to be okay. That's why when we're in these groups. I try to avoid. I can't always because I'm rotten to the core. But I try to avoid. Saying Omaha. Or clubs. Or all of this kind of thing. In a general audience.
I try or to say Bellevue. Because we get called names all the time too. And so does District 17 and you know it. But I try not to voice those things. In front of a whole bunch of people. Because that to me. All that does is disunify. All that does is put that seed. In somebody else's mind. And we're here. For that one primary person. To help the guy who is still sick. The new guy. You know the new guy.
And to try to keep those people. Who are here interested enough to stay. You know. So we've got to keep that in mind. That that unity is important. Because if we don't observe it. And these groups fall apart. Where are we going to be? I'm going to lose. I'm the one that's going to lose. Okay. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority. A loving God. As he may express himself. In our group conscience.
Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. Okay. How is God in charge? You know. Have you ever asked yourself that question? You know you can approach these traditions in all sorts of different ways. How is God in charge? Well what were you when you drank? What were you when you drank? Well I was God. Weren't we? I mean weren't we all our little sort of gods. You know going around. Ordering everybody around.
Well I sobered up. I wasn't any different. I sobered up and I was just the same. I wanted to order everybody around. Because I thought that I was inspired. Divinely so.
[00:15:00]
See I had done this good thing. I had done this good thing. I had done this good thing. I should have been doing it all my life, but I wasn't, you know, and I wanted to pat on the back for just doing what I should have been doing all the time. So I was really in charge, you know, and I see people today. There isn't one of us in this room who, given the proper circumstances, wouldn't be a total and absolute anarchist.
You know, we love to stir up trouble, and we love to be right. When I was drinking, you know, even if I knew I was wrong, I was right. I could take a cause, and I could just, I mean, I could be absolutely convinced that this was the right thing, knowing that it was wrong. It was no wonder I was so screwed up. You know, I could sit and argue. You know, we got into this argument one time about bowling, bowling averages. I had been bowling four times in my whole life, and I told a major general and his wife that I had a 290 bowling average.
And my father's there, and he says, no, you don't. I said, how do you know? This is my father, you know. Scared the, you know, the Jesus out of me, but when I drank, I was God. And so we come in here, and we, all of a sudden, somebody else is in charge, and it doesn't matter whether you think it's God or these fans, which are in charge of dispersing the smoke, or the light, which is in charge of lighting the room.
It doesn't make any difference what you think it is, just as long as you think that somebody else is in charge. And doesn't that remind you of some step? Because these things are an extension of the steps. They are the way we apply the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in our relationships with other people. And, you know, I want to tell you something. You can get along with damn near anybody if you'll just use these things. Even the biggest jerk, you can get along with them if you use these traditions.
And then, you know, we get these pricks, you know, I don't want to. I don't want to do it. You know, and I always say, well, fine, go ahead. You know, get in fist fights, who cares? But there's another thing in this tradition that's important to talk about, because I thought about it a little bit this morning when I was thinking about this. I have been a bleeding deacon. This is the bleeding deacon elder statesman tradition, if you want to call it something for short.
I have been a bleeding deacon. I have bled all over the floor. And you know what that means is that people have accused me of being wrong, and I am so set in my ways that I don't know the difference, you know. I mean, I have been so used to believing what I believe for so many years that it can't be wrong. I can't be wrong. And they'll get mad at me, and they'll say nasty things about me, like she's a bully, you know, which I am. But they'll say things, and it'll hurt my sensitive feelings.
You know, I can say anything in the world about you, and if you get upset, I say, well, that's your problem. But when they talk about me, you know, I mean, I get sensitive because I think I'm so nice. You know, that's a bleeding deacon. You know what elder statesmen are? Elder statesmen are bleeding deacons that have been beaten into humility. And I speak from personal experience. It's the truth. It's the absolute truth.
I have been beaten. I did not come about humility and say, oh, boy, today I'm going to be humble. I don't like humility. I mean, I like to be arrogant. You know, I like to be ego-centered. I like to be egocentric. You know, I like all those things that, but I know they're not the good things for me. You know, I have learned that in my life. So what really amounts to is if you stick around, and you're a bleeding deacon, and you stick around long enough to be beaten into humility, which a lot of us do, then you become the actual voice.
Now, listen, I want you guys to get out your books and look in the Twelve Traditions and read the paragraph in there. It's on page 140, I think, where it talks about the voice of the group conscience. The elder statesmen become the active voice of the group conscience. You know what that means? It's all of us turkeys go to them, and we say, what should we do? And we go to, you know, two or three of them.
And they tell us, well, in our experience, this is what you do. And we come back with the voice of the group conscience.
[00:20:02]
So we do have servants. We do have leaders. Those people are our leaders, and we go to them, and they effectively give us the voice of the group conscience. Now, you read the paragraph. Tell me if I'm wrong. I'll be interested. Of course, I'll hate your guts, but that's okay. Tradition three, which says, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. It is not a desire to stop smoking funny little cigarettes.
It is not a desire to stop fornicating with your neighbor's wife. It is not a desire to stop lying or stealing or anything else. It is a desire to stop drinking. And you know who's, it's, basically, I call this tradition the no artificial ingredients tradition. Because you can be anything that you want to be. And if you say that you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
You can be the biggest crook in the world. You can rob banks and be sober and say you're a member of AA. Now, you may not be a very good member of AA if you do those things, but you're a member if you say so. And they came to this tradition because they had so many rules, you know, these, with all of the individuals that are in this room. Can you imagine if we presented ourselves at Alcoholics Anonymous and they said, oh, wait a minute.
Before you can join, you must fill out this questionnaire. And on this questionnaire, they have where do you work? How much do you make? What is your address? What is your phone number? You know, what is your, what's your family? All this kind of thing. And in the old days, that's exactly what they did. They tried that. They had membership papers. Well, you know what I tell them? Shove it. You know, shove it.
It's like this guy Buck was talking about the other night. He's a crazy. And Buck ought to really stay away from him because he's nuts. This guy's name is John. Boy, I'm really, you know. And the first time Buck ever met him, he said, John, what's your name? It's none of your, oh, Buck had just loaned and lent him. He gave him $10 or $15, $10 to get him out of the cold because he said he didn't have any place to stay.
So Buck gave him $10. He said, oh, John, he said, what's your last name? He says, none of your God damn business. This is after Buck had just loaned him $10, you know. He can be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous if he wants to be. He doesn't have to be a good member, you know, but that's the only requirement is if he says he is. And that's, you know, that makes it simple. See, if we start trying to really complicate this thing, then we're not, you know, we're going to exclude so many.
What if, for example, we had the bourbon division of Alcoholics Anonymous? Hey, yeah. How about the Everclear division, which is Kim Hackbart's division of Alcoholics Anonymous? What if we had the double olive martini? See, because we would never leave it alone, would we? Would we ever leave it alone? Okay, we'd have the martini meetings. But then we would have to have the dry martini meetings and the whatever, what do you call them when they aren't dry?
Lemon twist martini meetings. We'd get so complicated because we love, we can screw up a free lunch. We love to complicate stuff. It's just, I don't know, born in us, I guess. We just love to. We love to have these twirls, these sick twists to our character, you know, where we can just really, you know, and then everybody can say, oh, boy, she's really sick. Yeah, boy. You know, so we don't want to do that.
We want to keep it simple. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. It doesn't even have to be a real good desire. Any old desire will do. Any old desire to stop drinking will do. Okay, tradition four, each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. And for this one, basically, we are, what it says in the book, we are children of chaos.
I love that. Don't you like that? Children of chaos. And you know who created most of that chaos? The children. And you know what would happen, you know how, isn't it wonderful how we get, let's use Foxhall as an example, because that's one of my, I'm familiar with that group. Suppose Foxhall said to some other group, hey, we're going to force you to follow our rules. All of you guys have got to have a peanut gallery on the side over here, you know.
Yeah. And all of you guys have got to have Earl Flora sitting over there giving marks to the speakers, you know, for their performances and stuff. They'd get, you know what would happen, we'd have a full-scale war. Every group is autonomous.
[00:25:01]
We can do within our group whatever it is the hell we want. We can do anything, but we can't make anybody else do anything. And isn't that disgusting? Isn't that just disgusting that we can't do that? Wouldn't you love to do that? And the things we love are the things that get us in the biggest trouble. We'd have a full-scale war. And the early people did that. They did that. And then they ran up against the wall, fell down, ran up against the wall, fell down, decided they didn't want to do that anymore.
And I thought that was a brilliant choice on their part. Tradition five. These are, you know, as I say, these are real quick and dirty, and I hope it will just inspire you to do some more looking into the traditions, really. Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. And I call that, the tradition says, it is better to do one thing well than many things badly.
You know, it's the tradition that says, hey, I know about Irishmen, okay? And I know about Phil's black Irish moods. But that is not my primary purpose. My primary purpose is not to carry that message to you. You all know that. That's not my primary purpose. My primary purpose is to carry the message to you that I can recover. Patty, you aren't responsible for him, honey. I only tease the people I love.
You know, my primary purpose, did you in your family, did you ever in your personal life feel like you had a primary purpose? When I was drinking, my primary purpose was to get as much alcohol into me as I possibly could at any given time. That was my primary purpose in life. Did you ever really truly have the primary purpose of working? Did you ever really truly have the primary purpose of going to school?
The point is that this tradition tells me that if I get my primary purpose out of whack, and this is the priorities tradition, if I get my priorities out of order and I am working, and that's my primary purpose, if I am schooling, and that is my primary purpose, if I am eating, and that is my primary purpose, if I am screwing, and that is my primary purpose, these tapes would never be for general sale.
I'm messing up. I'm not living within the spirit of these traditions. But if my primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic still suffers, I'm doing okay. And so is the group. So is the group. I'm just a member of the group. And if that group's primary purpose is to carry the message to other alcoholics, the greeting committees, the friendliness, the hugs, the making somebody feel wanted, that's all part of carrying that primary message, the message that you can recover to.
And as long as we stick to that, if we focus on that, then everything else falls in place. If we take action in that direction, then the rest of our lives over here are going to be fine. It's going to happen over here. It's going to be an action taken here that will have good results over here. So we've got to carry, we have to keep that crystal clear as our primary purpose, as a group or as an individual.
That's why I don't have problems with Dick, you know, in our marriage. I don't have problems with the idea that he loves me as much as he can. But it is not enough. It is not enough for him. It is not enough that I love him more than any man in this world. It is not enough. He is not enough. I have to love you. It's not enough to love each other to exclusivity. It's sick. It is. And so if you're having troubles that way, you know, and you're trying to control the old spouse or the live-in or whatever, you know, you're forgetting that your primary purpose is to carry the message and get your butt out there and do it.
And if you'll do that, you know what will happen? He'll get nicer. He'll treat you better. Now all that is is a change in attitude, but it's the truth. Now, all that is, is a change in attitude, but it's the truth. Okay. Tradition Six. An AA group ought never endorse finance or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise unless problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our priorities.
[00:30:12]
You know what that really says to me? We can't handle money. We can't handle money, and we can't handle power. Whenever I have a dollar bill, I want two. When somebody gives me a little thing to do, I want two or three things to do. If somebody willed you a million dollars, you know, what my first thought would be, would be, I wonder why the SOB didn't will me two. He had plenty. You know, it's that kind of thing.
And when you mix that with the program of AA or in your own personal life, you got problems. You got problems. You know, there is nothing like a good old financial fight between two people in a family. It's great, boy. You know. Who's the best? You know. Who's the spendthrift? Who's the cheap son of a gun? You know. And it's also, besides, we just can't handle money very well. And if we just accept that, say, I can't handle money, then you turn it over to the person who can in the family.
You know. And if you both can't, then get a lawyer. Whatever. You know. Get some. Look at the Schmitz back there. Oh, yeah. Woo! She's going. And he's going. Oh, dear, Lauren. I don't want to hear the conversation. We don't want to be obliged to anybody. That's another thing this says. You know, we don't want to get involved in endorsement or financial restrictions of any kind, because then they can tell us what to do.
We don't want anybody telling us what to do anyway, do we? No. And certainly not as an organization. You know, we have to go to work and we have to take orders from our boss. That's a responsible thing to do. We have to do those things, whether we want to or not. But as an organization, we don't want any strings with anybody. We want to be a dignified, solid whole. You know, a whole thing. Unobliged to anybody else.
Unlinked, unhooked. You know, so that we can remain autonomous in that same sense. Okay. Tradition seven. And this is one that is really, you know, it's really a stickler, but it's an important one. It says, every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. The important thing in this is that we've got to pull up our own socks. We are responsible for pulling up our own socks.
We are responsible for being financially self-supporting. For being, well, cleaning up after ourselves. When we occupy these churches, you know, sometimes we act like it's our church. It's not. We're a guest. And we need to be sure that we're self-supporting in our own personal lives. What we have to be is self-supporting in our own personal lives, in our own personal finances. We have to do what is necessary to make us feel self-respect.
We have been on the dole, sucking off of people, taking people's charity in one fashion or another all of our drinking lives. And before that. You know, we have been beholden. They have enabled us to go on being lazy. And what we have to do is get up and do what's right so that we can be self-supporting. So that we can be financially self-supporting and emotionally self-supporting. If you have jobs to do at home, for God's sake, do them.
This is where take care of your side of the street comes in. You know, in a family situation, each partner in that family has to be supporting of his own place in that family. If it's your job to wash the dishes, wash the dishes. It doesn't matter who does them. If it's your job to take out the trash, take out the trash. You know, if you decide you're going to do 15 minutes of housework every day and you don't live up to it, that's your problem.
You've got to do that. That's your taking care of your side of the street. You're being self-supporting. And if you're not being self-supporting, then you're going to have problems.
[00:35:02]
Because somebody is going to call you on it. Because if they're over there being self-supporting and you're not, believe me, if they're an alcoholic, they're going to call you on it. So we need to do that so that we can exercise responsibility and obtain self-respect. That's all there is to it. That's all there is to that tradition, really. Tradition eight. Alcoholics anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
I think this ties in with the financial thing. You know, early on in the early days of AA, they relied a lot on volunteerism. Have you ever really tried to rely on volunteerism for somebody to show up every day and run that office downtown? Forget it. The first flake of snow that had hit somebody, they'd stay home. And then the suffering alcoholic who was coming in there maybe for the first time, maybe the first and last call he'll ever make, nobody would be there to answer it.
So it isn't practical. These traditions are supremely practical. They are practical principles. And the practicality of it was that we could not get people to volunteer their time to take care of the nitty-gritty. Honey, we love making 12-step work. You know, we love that kind of stuff because we are at our best, aren't we? When we're out there pitching, aren't we at our best? But tell us to sharpen pencils.
Oh, boy. You know, tell us to pick up ashtrays. I don't like picking up ashtrays. You know, tell us to empty out the cups. You know, tell us to do the book work and stuff. We get tired of it. So those people that we hire, that's their job. It's a job, and we pay them for it. We pay them just like we'd pay somebody who came in. You know, I mean, it's a job, and we must have them so that we can continue to do our 12-step work and so that they can operate that office so that the books, the literature, the telephone, so forth and so on, is organized and available.
You know, and that's really all that that amounts to. Tradition 9. AA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. The big secret to this tradition is this. And I want you to keep in mind all of these sorts of things. We are all, as I said, closet anarchists. And when anybody says you must, we go, oh, God, no. No, no, no.
I don't do it. Don't want to do it. I don't want to do anything that's must. Now, in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I don't really know how many musts there are, but there are plenty. There are plenty in there. And there's plenty of things that we must do. We must not drink. Boy, that's a big deal. You know, if you don't put it in your mouth and swallow it, you're not going to get drunk. You must do that in order to maintain sobriety.
Okay? It takes a real brilliant person to figure that out. It took me about two years. But if we don't obey those spiritual principles and that kind of thing, we're not going to get sober and we're not going to be okay. Okay? The deal in this, in this tradition, is to get people to do things thinking that it's their own idea. If you can do that, you will be successful in life. That's the principle behind this.
Give somebody something to do and make them think it was their idea from the very beginning. And they'll work their heart out for you. If you tell them they have to do it, they won't do a damn thing. Or they will and they'll, you know, bitch all the way. But if you can get them in your service work and in your family, if you can get them to do it and think it's their own idea, you're going to be really successful.
And that's one of the secrets of Alcoholics Anonymous and of the secrets of wet birds don't fly at night. Tradition 10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues. Hence, the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. This is what I call the great neutral spirit tradition. We have got to present a machine of sobriety. And if that machine of sobriety is well oiled and functions well, then we're going to be able to carry the message of everything else that we have to carry, primarily that we can get sober and stay sober.
If we get into everything else, if we get into issues that we have no business in, the first thing that would happen would be we would have the pro-alcoholics and the con-alcoholics. We would have the pro-groups and the con-groups. And pretty soon we'd commence fighting against each other. And we'd do just what the Washingtonian society did well over 100 years ago, and that is that we'd break up.
[00:40:02]
You know, we'd break up. That society had a great success. They had literally hundreds of thousands of alcoholics and people who were not alcoholics, really. Sobered up and they were staying sober. And what happened to them was that they got into outside issues and they got into controversy and these people were for them and these people were against them and they started fighting and they started getting personal about it.
You know how we love to get personal. You know, there is no such thing, really, as a fight about principles, you know, until you've been sober about five years or so. We fight on personality basis, you know, and we don't need to do that because that kind of stuff is going to destroy the unity. It's going to destroy the effectiveness. So basically we just don't want to get into anything like that because it just presents us with the opportunity to fight among each other and to fight with them out there.
And we don't need it. Let's keep it simple. Okay, traditional everybody's getting a little restless here. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need to always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. This is kind of interesting because recently, not too long ago, this lady called me from Channel 7 and she wanted to do a series on alcoholism or over the holidays, alcohol and alcoholism.
And she asked me if I would appear on this program. And I said I would appear as long as I would not appear full face. They'd have to light me from behind and all that kind of thing because I, you know, I feel that even if I were to go on there full face and not give my name, I would be breaking the spirit of anonymity. See, I'd love to be a star. Wouldn't you all love to be a star, you know, alcoholic of the year?
Be on Channel 7 and call up all your friends and relatives and neighbors and everybody and say, I'm going to be on TV. Or if you're like me, be real sneaky about it and say, oh yeah, I think I'm going to be on. It's at 2 o'clock on Channel 7 on Sunday afternoon, you know. Because I have that kind of ego, you know, I want to be a star, you know. And that's not good for me to be a star because stars fall.
Stars fall. So, and I know that because I've seen it happen. So I told her that I'd have to do it that way. Well, she never called me back because it was too much trouble. It was too much trouble for me to do that. Personal ambition has no place in AA. It's that simple. You know, what do I want to be known as? Sponsor of the year? God. Wouldn't that be sickening? It would be sickening to me because, you know, that requires of me something I don't have to give.
It requires that I be right all the time. And I'm not. It requires that I be patient and tolerant all the time. And I can't. I want to kill them sometimes. I get so angry sometimes, you know. I cannot be perfect. And I would be placing myself in that position. Personal ambition has no place in AA. You know, we have to give ourselves over to this great neutral spirit of anonymity. Okay, the last tradition.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Anonymity is nothing more than a 75-cent word for self-sacrifice. And, oh, that's hard for us. It is so hard for us to do something nice and not take credit for it. Do something right and not stand up and say, did you hear what I did right, you know. Do something right for the first time in perhaps our whole lives and announce it Tuesday night that we were right, you know.
It's so hard for us to do that. And sometimes I'll assign my pigeons to do something nice for somebody every day and not get caught. And, you know, they can tell me, but they can't tell anybody. And that is so hard for them. You know, you'll see them just busting, you know. They just want to go up and just sneak a little thing in, you know, and just say, did you hear what I did, you know, or anything.
And the original idea of anonymity, this has nothing to do with names, and, you know, it really has nothing to do. Those people who go around being so anonymous are actually very afraid. They're afraid probably that they're going to get drunk again. You know, when they make such a big deal. and get drunk again. You know, when they make such a big deal out of names, they're not on very good, good ground. Because the real, the real anonymity has nothing to do
[00:45:00]
with names, it has to do with actions. It has to do with actions. And sometimes I'm glad those people do remain anonymous, because I don't think they're very good members of Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's my personal opinion. But it's the truth, you know, in my observation. And, you know, as arrogant as I am, I'll say that the only people that I know in the room right now that have more experience at observing are Buck Doyle and Dolly, because Dolly's been around as long as Buck. You know, so they have observed and I know that. If you really want to take a look at the change, and the anonymity basically was born out of fear. They were afraid that everybody was going to rush in and put tax their very fragile resources. They were afraid that they were going to have so many drunks to handle that they wouldn't be able to handle them. Well, that didn't happen. You know, they had very grandiose ideas too. And they were afraid of that. And they were also afraid that their business, their standings in the community would be damaged by the fact that they got sober. You know, we're always worried about that. You know, I remember Dick saying that he was afraid of going up the back stairs of a firehouse because everybody knew that there was an AA meeting up there, you know, and that he was afraid that they'd know he'd gotten sober. You know, we don't care when we're rolling around in the gutter in the middle of Washington, D.C., whether we're sober. You know, I don't care whether they observe us or not, but God don't let them know we're sober. So it's basically that.
And if you want to get a real good object lesson in that, read the forewords. Read the forewords of all the edition because they're right in the front of your book. And you will see that they move from total and absolute fear and insecurity and immaturity to where the last foreword is just so brief. You know, you can see the movement that they have made away from this fear that this thing is going to be destroyed. And basically what it says is Alcoholics Anonymous is growing up. We're growing up. And for many, many years I thought that this thing about principles before personalities meant that I could take my lofty principles and apply them in the life over your rotten personality. You know, I thought that's what it meant. I thought that, you see, that gave me this great sense of altruism that I was better than you were because you had such a rotten personality and I had such high principles, you know. But I found out that what it means is that I have to take the principles of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and apply them to my rotten personality. You know, it's not your personality I'm talking about. I'm talking about my personality and my family.
You know, I've got to put principles before personality. My personality. It's like my son said to me the other day, Mother, I hate it when you get like this. You know, I'm not perfect. I still have to apply those principles. You know, the principle of, you know, feeling good enough about myself, you know, that I can want to take these principles that are off trust in the 12th tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous, that I could want to do it for the sake of doing it because it's the right thing to do, but because I want to do it and it feels good. And if I do that, if I practice these principles in my affairs with you, within my group and within the AA community, I'm going to get, I'm going to be fine and I'm going to get along. All my life when I was drinking, I would, I'd never get along. I mean, even if I appeared to get along with you inside, I was going, you son of a bitch.
That kind of thing. I'll get you, you know, my guiding principle. I'll get you someday. I don't have to feel that way anymore. And these things have guided me away from that and into the place where I do it because it's the right thing to do and because I want to do them. And I hope that even though this may have been dry to you, I hope that it inspires you to take a further look at these things and to really, when you are in a bad way, say to yourself, what principle am I violating here? What am I doing wrong? And if you're doing well and you feel good, say, what am I doing right? What am I doing? What tradition am I practicing today that I'm doing so well, that I'm feeling so good? Anyway, I am very grateful and thank you for listening and being so patient. Thanks a lot.